Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Soft Touch Tank
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m really into the neckline on this shell from Banana Republic Factory. It’s somewhere in between a mock turtleneck and a crewneck, and I could see it layering nicely under a sweater blazer or cardigan.
It's made with BR Factory’s popular scuba fabric, which I’ve had pretty good luck with in the past, and at an under-$50 price point, you can grab up a few colors. Nice!
The top is $27-$35 at Banana Republic Factory — with an extra 50% off at checkout — and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. It also comes in four other colors.
Sales of note for 9/26/25
- Nordstrom – 7400+ new markdowns! Also: 6x points on beauty.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale, plus $20 style steals
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – Sale now up to 50% off PLUS an extra 10% off
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off sale styles, plus up to 50% off layers they love
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 20% off $125+
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 6 panties for $36 — readers love these no-VPL panties (and these PJs)
- Talbots – 40% off one item, plus 30% off everything else
- White House Black Market – 30% off all full-price dresses, and $50 off $200+ purchase
Why is there a new White House portrait gallery outdoors with that extremely childish depiction of Biden? Do Trump supporters see stuff like this and actually think it’s a good use of resources?
Is an old plane from Qatar that needs hundreds of millions in improvements a good use of resources? Have you not heard of “owning the libs”? Pay attention!
Trump supporters have an entirely different cost-benefit calculation than you do. The environment they operate in is not the same environment that you operate in, and their end goals (conservative cultural dominance) aren’t the same as yours are (liberal cultural dominance).
lmao there is no one looking for liberal cultural dominance 😂
Oh no, my goal is a well-educated society where people have jobs that don’t try and hurt or kill them, clean air, water, soil, and food, time with their family to build better communities, freedom of religion, and reasonably priced and accessible healthcare. Is that… liberal cultural dominance?
I don’t think you can assume an anonymous commenter on the internet supports liberal cultural dominance. Liberal culture is really not that popular, even among people who also despise MAGA.
Wanting people to have things like healthcare and education and human rights = liberal cultural dominance? LOL.
Haha yep. I used to be moderate but I want things like kids to not be shot at school, and the middle class to exist, so now I’m a woke radical leftist.
Right? There is no political home for people who want common-sense solutions.
Yeah, me too. Where can I buy a hat?
MAGA are a cult not conservatives. Did you not see the bonkers escalator rant at the UN? Even literal dictators whose second or third language is English give more coherent and dignified speeches.
DJT says his supporters are ‘not smart people’ in a speech in front of them. And they cheer the speech. They are not coherent social or fiscal conservatives. They are cultists.
Is conservative cultural dominance = being petty and childish? What about the Sermon on the Mount, turn the other cheek, reject revenge, etc…
Typical Corporette:
Someone asks a question about why conservatives think/do what they do.
Someone answers.
That someone is condescendingly dogpiled.
It… isn’t a good thing. I often listen to people whose politics aren’t aligned with mine without saying a word.
and what are your politics?
+1 – I also didn’t take the answer to be pro any side, just explanatory without a dissertation.
When people are being snatched off the streets by masked men in unmarked cars for looking Latino, listening to politics without saying anything is not the humblebrag you think it is.
I think illegal immigration is wrong but so is snatching people off the streets while wearing masks in unmarked cars.
I actually just want a government that is focused on governance, not petty games. Is that an option?
They don’t care about resources, as evidenced by so many other decisions. They care about denigrating others and cultivating admiration from loyalists. It’s so depressing and will take decades to recover from. Our international relationships may not recover in my lifetime.
The cruelty is the point.
+1
+2 always has been
I saw a comment somewhere on the internet that said that the base does not want him to do things for them, they want him to do things to other people. Truer words never spoken. These are vile people.
There are people like this, but honestly most of his voters I know are the kind of people who would give you the coat off their back. Do you know a lot of his voters?
Same.
Of the people I know who have admitted to voting for Trump I would not classify a single one as a good or kind person. They are all very selfish ‘got mine’ types.
The problem is, we live in a society. It’s nice that they will give the coat off their backs to the people they think DESERVE the coat, but in a society, we take care of all people, deserving or not.
Like, I would donate money to the LGBT clinic in my town, would they? On the flip side, I’m not donating to church-run charities that treat women and LGBT people like second, or third or fourth, class citizens. A functional “liberal values” government strives to make sure all members of society are helped equally.
Yes I do. They would give the coat off their backs to someone like them, because they are prosperity gospel evangelistic who think if you’re poor it’s because you’ve disappointed God and that’s up to the poor person to fix.
A lot of his voters are themselves poor. I definitely know just as many “I’ve got mine” centrists.
A lot of his voters live in communities and families that are less segregated by race and ethnicity than their liberal neighbors (probably as a side effect of being less segregated by class and education, but it’s still very visible).
I think they’re uninformed and wrong about what they’re voting for. But it very often feels like Democrats simply do not understand what they’re voting against.
I know people who would give someone the shirt off their back but who also enjoy watching Trump hurt people. It doesn’t seem mutually exclusive at all to me.
That’s fair. There are certainly plenty of people who vote for good causes and donate to good causes who enjoy seeing their enemies get hurt, so it’s not really mutually exclusive in general.
I know a LOT of his voters because my husband is a cop and my in laws are super MAGA.
Cops- they support him by and large because of how the George Floyd protests were handled. Not that they don’t think that cop should have been indicted (they agree criminal charges were appropriate) but in how in many places the protests became riots with the support of local govt.
SIL- a nurse who turned radical because she resented being required to be vaccinated against COVID to keep her job. She resented that she was on the front lines of Covid, worked really hard and at personal risk, and was then treated very disposably.
MIL- straight up racist who likes Trump because he’ll let her say the N word (truly)
I know Trump supporters, and they would give *some people* the coat off their back – people they personally know and care for, and maybe a subset of strangers. But they won’t do it for people who fall within one of many designated out-groups. I’m just not that impressed by someone who is, for example, a generous and loving grandmother to her grandchildren, but who has no problem seeing other children hurt.
10:52, you are also only giving to groups that you think deserve it! MAGA is just honest about it, lol.
@12:16, lots of people being vile doesn’t make anybody any less vile.
I know plenty of people who voted for him, mostly relatives. This is my mom, would give the nice lady who cleans her house the coat off her back, but is convinced that her taxes are purchasing Obama phones for noncitizen felons who vote in local elections.
Replying to 12:16 – 10:52, you are also only giving to groups that you think deserve it! MAGA is just honest about it, lol.
No, I am giving to everyone, through my taxes. I have no children and won’t have any – but I’m okay with my taxes going to public schools. I am fortunate not to be disabled or need financial aid, but I am okay with a portion of my taxes going to help ANY people who are disabled, no matter how they got that way, or to help people who are struggling, no matter how they got that way or who they are.
That is my point – in a functioning, liberal society, we all contribute to the good of the many. I live in a blue state and am a fed on top of that, and I would bet a lot of my tax money goes to help people who would like to see me thrown in prison as a member of the Deep State. But that’s how a society should work – we do not get to pick and choose who is “worthy,” the idea is that helping everyone helps us build a functional society.
When school kids, disabled people, and others in need are still in crisis and in need of private charity, then people start to resent taxes more and suspect corruption more. And when people are already propping up their communities through private charity, they do attach more strings so that they can help more people and not end up enabling people who suffer as a result, and yes their criteria may be misguided. It’s a different outlook, but is it really that different from the prejudices and demands of your local predominantly liberal dog rescue?
“It’s a different outlook, but is it really that different from the prejudices and demands of your local predominantly liberal dog rescue?”
Yeah, it’s worlds apart. Is this even a serious question? Only being willing to help marginalized groups if they manage their lives, including extremely personal, intimate issues, in the ways that you approve of is profoundly different from saying someone has to be home full time to adopt a dog.
I know a lot of his voters. In person, the ones I know are lovely. But they cannot or will not make the leap from the personal to the political, which is what helps them maintain the dissonance of being a good, generous person and voting for someone who is explicit in his violence against and about others.
I doubt there’s an answer that will satisfy you but here’s my two cents on what they’d say:
1. What resources? Two minutes of thinking about it?
2. Absolutely do not care about showing respect to people they don’t like. For them, civility is the resource which is wasted by this effort
Maybe $500 on the high end for staging the photo, shooting it, printing it, and framing it.
Total aside, but that’s not what printing and framing costs. I wish it did! Otherwise my diplomas would be much cheaper.
Theres well north of $500 in salary costs just to research the contractors undertaking the work and getting them the appropriate clearances.
See, it is doubling down on silly things like this that makes us liberals miss the forest through the trees.
Eh, I’d say it’s all trees at this point.
Ehh, it’s just one more example of why the administration’s contention that they care about “rooting out fraud, waste, and abuse” and cutting government spending so that “families can keep more of their hard-earned dollars in their pocket” is disingenuous. And the staggering disrespect and pettiness is just entirely inappropriate for the office of the president. We elected an internet tr0ll. It’s awful.
Fall styling question- I bought the Rails Lilith dress (link below) in ivory and love the fit. The fabric has a lovely parachute-silk sheen to it and the vibe in person is romantic and vintage. How would you style for mild fall weather (50s-60s)? The fabric is a little heavy for wearing in hot summer, so I’ll only keep it if I can play around with it for cooler weather. So far my only idea is a leather jacket, which I have in rich burgundy.
https://www.shopbop.com/lilith-dress-rails/vp/v=1/1539597507.htm?os=false&breadcrumb=Internal+Search&searchClick=true&searchResultClicked=Lilith+Dress&colorSin=2097173698&fm=search-page-web&ref_=SB_PLP_PDP_W_NB_1
It is a gorgeous dress. That said, I personally would not keep it; I’ve found that sleeveless dresses that are meant for cooler weather are just a PITA. They really only work if they are meant to be styled with a jacket or cardigan.
If you want to keep it, leather or jean jacket. If your burgundy leather jacket looks amazing with the dress, keep it and consider buying a second jacket for variety; if not, send the dress back.
I’m sorry but it looks like a summer dress. A sleeveless white dress is not a fall item, in general.
+1. I wouldn’t keep the dress if you don’t think you can wear it in the summer.
Thread OP here – it def looks more summery in the pictures than IRL, which might be why it’s still available in most sizes!
In person it looks more like a vintage slip – darker ivory matte silk, visually heavier – which is leading me to think I might be able to get more wear out of it in shoulder seasons. Leather and suede both look really nice with the fabric texture.
I’ll play around with some different layers suggested here and see if they look intentional or like I’m just cold in a summer dress!
to me the answer comes down to the shoes — can you wear the dress with anything other than sandals? if you can then fine. but i feel like leather jackets and sandal weather don’t coincide very much, sadly.
love the dress though, in theory
That is gorgeous. Unfortunately the only fall style for it that I can think of is a pullover sweater, or skinny jeans underneath with brown leather sandals. That changes the whole vibe, like putting long sleeves under it or a vest on over it. Do you live in a warm place? You could try a short-sleeved cardigan style and see if that works for your vibe, maybe with ballet flats. This is definitely a sundress though, not a fall dress
I wouldn’t wear this in fall.
Here in CA I’d keep it for fall. I’d style with a denim jacket or shirt, a cardigan, boots, basically layers.
Gorgeous dress! I’d style it with a chunky cardigan in a warm brown/tan color and pair it with brown knee-high suede or leather boots.
Chunky sweater not worn but draped over your shoulders and minimal flats, like the Everlane Day Glove (do they still make those?).
Denim jacket and cowboy boots.
Can you wear a blazer with this type of neckline?
eh, tricky. A traditional collar fights with the neckline and it’s just a lot of fabric up there. And a totally collarless style would leave you with that mockneck flopping around above it. Maybe something like the Going Out Blazer, where it has a hint of a collar? Enough to frame the slight mock-neck?
You’d have to try them on together and see how the necklines sit with each other. Some blazers might work; others, definitely not.
+1 to playing – I’m often surprised by what works in reality that sounds weird on paper.
I do but then I try to wear a pendant or something to re-emphasize the v-neck of the blazer.
I think a really structured blazer would look weird.
forgot I used a bad word lol so reposting.
eh, tricky. A traditional c—-r fights with the neckline and it’s just a lot of fabric up there. And a totally c—–rless style would leave you with that mockneck flopping around above it. Maybe something like the Going Out Blazer, where it has a hint of a c—-r? Enough to frame the slight mock-neck?
I haven’t tried the top in person but based on the pictures it looks like it would awkwardly bunch up as soon as I put a blazer over this.
I do love this neckline. Gorgeous.
I have a very “first world problems” and niche question. For those of you with property (like a farm or hunting ground) separate from your home, how do you manage your time between the property/kids/working/life etc.. My husband and his dad are thinking about purchasing a piece of land. I have a lot of reservations, the main issue is the amount of time this will eat up. My husband and I both work full time and our schedules are crazy. We do not WFH so the weekends are our time to do a bulk of the chores and prep for the following week. Our kids are toddlers and due to his odd work hours a majority of the child care falls to me during the work week. I feel like him getting this additional piece of property means even more will fall onto me when he starts taking more time to putz around on the weekends. He says he will “take the kids with him” but realistically our kids are little and we have other commitments. I am curious, if having a piece of property has been a positive for your family how do you make it work?
You’re not wrong to be concerned by this. My ILs owned a second property for many years. By the time our kids were little, my FIL was not in good enough shape to do it himself, and DH ended up getting roped in (a lot, imo) to do maintenance and upkeep on the weekends. Even though the property was special, I was so, so relieved when my ILs finally sold it, because I was absolutely over it.
DH and I are still interested in having something like that. Someday. When our kids are out of the house or close to it. Our kids are now teens and tweens and there is no time for taking care of a second place.
OTOH, some friends of ours have property they use for hunting, riding ATVs, etc. That has been more manageable, and their boys have been able to tag along more. For many reasons, that was just not feasible with my ILs’ place, which backed up to a river. Can’t exactly let your littles roam free with that in the backyard!
More thoughts: if this is hunting or farm land, there could be quite a bit of payoff from your kids having access to that type of property and learning how to take care of it. Manual labor never hurt anyone, and there are a lot of good lessons to learn from that. That said, it will be quite a few years before that’s a real possibility, so I completely understand your hesistation.
Access to water is a good consideration here for the assessment of whether it’s realistic for husband to take the kids there.
I don’t think you’re wrong to be concerned, but at the same time, it’s not wrong to want more from the weekend than “chores and prep.”
I know this balance is tricky for so many – I have a baby and the chores feel never ending, but we’ve been making a concerted effort to go have the fun family time first, then fit chores into whatever time has left. We both feel happier for it.
What the husband is proposing here is not fun family time, but more chores. Chores that he cannot safely do while supervising children.
That’s an assumption that may not be accurate.
If you have one baby, you have a ton of time for chores. When you have 2-3 elementary or middle school aged kids with school events or extracurriculars most days and weekends, finding time for chores at a second house is almost impossible. Two houses is double the chores.
Sentence #2 is true even with just one kid.
It would matter a lot what kind of land it was, what it’s meant to be used for, and what kind of ongoing maintenance it’s going to need. It COULD be great for your kids to have an outdoor space where they can run wild, or even begin to learn how to do some outdoor work. My grandparents had this kind of undeveloped land, and it was magical for us kids to get to go “to the woods.”
+1. Don’t discount whether this could be a real benefit to your family. I don’t know that staying home and going to scheduled commitments should weigh heavier than running wild in the woods.
I thought the whole point of hunting is that you don’t need to do anything, you just post the land once and then hunt when you choose during the season. [I grew up by a lot of land leased to city people for weekend hunting.] We have a family farm that is also leased out to a farmer and we cut timber periodically. I guess you could visit seasonally in the daylight just to check for meth labs or people camping / signs of trespass. Get good insurance.
No, land management for wildlife habitat is a lot more than posting signs and calling it a day.
Really? Because I’ve never really seen that and I have lived on a road with several hunting clubs on it in NW NJ. People are up largely on weekends in-season and hunt wild turkeys and deer. Maybe they work on their tree stand, but I can’t imagine anything more than that. Deer go where deer go. Ditto the turkeys. Each club may lease 3 acres or more like 20-50. They park on the town-maintained roads and walk in. Been seeing a whole lot of nothing but just hearing the shots for decades.
Invasive species management is a huge deal, both handling existing species and preventing new ones from getting established. One family of feral hogs can destroy quite a bit of acreage for other native game animals. Likewise, invasive plants crowd out native food sources. Water sources should be monitored for quality and quantity. I suspect a lot more goes on behind the scenes than you see. Many hunting properties are very, very intensively managed.
Your kids will not be little forever (realistically, it’s a blip) and when they’re a little older, it will be easier for him to take them, etc. The bigger question to me is how far away it is. Can you run out for less than a full weekend? That’s important as weekend sports/commitments come up.
Our kids are in middle school and we’re actually currently shopping a cabin/second home. We’re planning that we’ll get there at least once a month. A farm may be harder, if you’ve got bigger upkeep requirements though.
I disagree with this. My parents actually sold their first cottage when I was 14 and my sister was 12 because my dad was tired of going up alone as we always had stuff on the go in the city.
They bought again in retirement. It’s about an hour away and we struggle to get there for even one day a month. My parents have offered to give it to us but we just don’t have the time. And our 3 kids don’t play any high commitment team sports or travel sports.
The easiest time by far was when the kids were under 10.
+1 to the distance question. My parents bought a lake house when we were kids. It’s less than an hour away so it’s NBD to run over when workers are scheduled, and we could spend a single night or even afternoon there. The people I know with a 4+ hour round trip either don’t use their house often or it becomes a burden to devote entire weekends to visits.
If this property is too far away it’s a deal breaker. It will consume your weekends and your husband will “dash over” for a project then decide he wants to spend the night instead of driving home.
Adding onto my own comment: The first year it’s a *lot* of work to set up the house, figure out the routine and logistics of managing two homes, and (if your husband or FIL haven’t done this before) learning to maintain and use equipment/machinery. Assume there will be surprise expenses, an “easy” task takes longer than expected, and a lot of Oh Crap moments when you realize you don’t have salt in the pantry or the alarm system is going off at 3am. That’s a ton of work when you have toddlers and aren’t enthusiastic about the property to begin with.
Another plus one for distance mattering. Our second home is an hour away on water and that’s the perfect distance. As someone else said easy to run out for a few hours. We get there at least once a month and would stay longer if our current family situation allowed.
Sorry but he doesn’t get to do this when the kids are little. Shut it down.
Disagree. Kids being little doesn’t mean anything fun isn’t even worthy of a discussion.
It’s the husband’s vague promises to “bring the kids” which means he’ll really disappear to have fun for hours leaving OP and the kids at home. That’s not fair and not reasonable with very young children.
This.
What if his dad decides to be the purchaser to make it easier? OP doesn’t get to order her in-laws around.
OP, I know and have known people with beach houses, mountain cabins, cute houses upstate, and every other variation of this. Those families all had kids, some of them little. I think the trick is you have to love the property as a family, it can’t just be his escape.
We have a second home and split our time between both. It’s definitely work and time to keep them both maintained but we love the different communities we’re part of. It sounds like you’re talking about a plot though? I’d be careful there just because it can be a night to build on something that doesn’t have anything there now if that’s the intention. And hard to sell.
I don’t think you should get a piece of property that isn’t for the entire family to enjoy. By “enjoy,” I mean that it is the first or second choice for everyone involved, not being dragged along for the ride. This isn’t a ski cabin for an entire family who enjoys skiing, or a beach house for a family who loves to swim.
Know your spouse. Mine is the type who loves projects, and completing projects at the country house became this exciting new thing for him. I completely lost him to the world of cutting timber and riding on his new tractor and burning brush. Unfortunately, eventually the only way I could break through to him would be to fight/cry about how he had the rest of his life to take care of the dumb burn pile but I wanted to spend time with him NOW. He would relent for a couple months and spend a day here and there with me doing something weekend-fun like, but his heart was always on improving the land.
This is pretty common in the state where I grew up due to cheap(ish) land and good hunting. I have cousins that have a shared duck property and it seems like it works out for them. They all have kids and do take them out there fairly frequently. My cousin is one of the wives in this scenario and does complain sometimes about her husband hunting, but she also has a time-intensive outdoor hobby and they trade off time. The caveat to all of this is that they are extroverts who spend a good chunk of their weekends socializing vs. doing chores/prepping for the week. So if you’re not coming into it from that mindset, I think it will be a rougher adjustment.
Also just want to flag safety for you – I unfortunately know of lots of stories of kids getting killed or injured on ATVs on these kind of properties.
Re. safety, depending on where this is, also make sure you’re up-to-date on ticks and Lyme prevention (I know hunters know this, but I’ve seen city folk who moved to the country crash and burn from this alone just from unfamiliarity!).
I don’t have land or a vacation property because this wouldn’t work for me, especially with toddlers. Toddler years are really intensive for parenting and parents of toddlers don’t get to have hobbies that take whole weekends many times a year unless their coparent is totally on board.
Some questions to ask:
If he is bringing toddlers, then that means he’ll be supervising the toddlers, because hunting and farming aren’t activities in which you can have unsupervised toddlers running around. When will he get to do the hunting/farming whatever it is he wants to do? How will he handle their naps?
Do you enjoy land? How often will he go? Would you go happily? When will there be time to do other stuff that’s needed and fun stuff for you guys as a family?
Is there an alternative, like him and his dad going on a hunting vacation on rented land once or twice a year? What’s the cost differential between cost of the land (upkeep, taxes, insurance, security, whatever is needed, cost of time to manage) and renting every so often?
I carried and “stacked” a lot of firewood 1 and 2 pieces at a time as a 3 year old. There are definitely ways for really young kids to be involved safely.
I think depends a LOT on what kind of property it is, and what would be required to keep it up. In general, most maintenance tasks for real estate (cutting trails, etc) are not going to be toddler friendly, and you already know that. At best, you can go with and watch the kids while he works on the property. But on the other hand, if it’s just woods or a pond that takes minimal upkeep and you can enjoy with the kids, it could foster a lot of love and appreciation for the outdoors.
I think the key thing to determine is whether, chores and prep at home aside, you think you would enjoy having this land. If you would enjoy it, you can make the rest of life’s logistics work – millions of people do. If you don’t want to do it, then you shouldn’t as a family. If you say a grudging OK for your husband’s benefit and say you’ll just stay home, you’ll fall into the trap of “mom being the chore police” while your husband is off having fun, and even if he takes the kids, you’ll end up peppering them with “when are you coming back” texts (which are so annoying to receive and a big source of contention between my best friend and her husband who goes hunting) because of your resentment. Do whatever you can to avoid that dynamic, and maybe a third option would be for your husband to do an occasional hunting/fishing thing that doesn’t involve ownership. There are camps and guided weekends that I know are popular.
As a kid, my parents were (and still are) part owners of a family vacation home, and now I am officially in on the house too.
I think access to nature and hobbies is great for kids to grow up in (and for adults too). I’m personally very pro second house. The occasional headache is well worth having an easy, frequent “vacation” to me.
Instead of shutting this down, can you restructure your life so you get your weekends back? No one wants to spend their weekends doing chores and running around. Even if you don’t get the property, you should look into less hectic schedules or more outsourcing.
+1 to second paragraph. Maybe this place isn’t a good fit, but what about when the next opportunity comes along?
+1 to all of this
Regardless of what you choose to do in regards to the property, it sounds like your current hectic lifestyle isn’t working for your family.
Spending the entire weekend doing chores and prepping for the week isnt enjoyable.
What can you restructure in your life? What can you outsource?
If I had to spend my whole weekend doing chores and life admin I’d also want a second property to escape to!!!
What does he envision doing to the property? We have family property shared among extended family, a hunting cabin with a significant amount of land. We’d “vacation” there a couple times a year and there were hunting trips, probably 4-5 weekends a year. When we were teenagers, there were more summer trips based around school vacations, but some of those trips were working trips that involved things like forest management, property maintenance, trail camera maintenance, planting natives and crops, etc. These days my dad goes up frequently, almost weekly in spring/summer, but everyone with small children does not. We built a trail system and have a Polaris so that he can drive around and not have to hike miles up and down a mountain.
Some of us have hobbies at home that involve the property, like growing trees and plants that we take up there, finding old farm equipment, applying for grants, etc. We always did everything ourselves aside from big jobs like spreading gravel for the road, but it was shared among a fair number of people. If his dad is in good health and is a hard worker, he’ll probably be doing the bulk of the maintenance work, or you guys will be paying for it. With properties like this a lot of the work is optional. You can maintain the house on a hunting cabin and not do all the extras that we do. A lot of people we know only go up to hunt and maybe one or two extra times for maintenance reasons.
My husband and I bought 5 acres of undeveloped land near a common vacation area right before we became pregnant with our now almost 6 year old. There have mostly been pro’s vs con’s for owning it. A couple of pros: we were able to buy the land in cash, it’s in walking distance to a nice lake, it’s in a desirable area where land values have gone up, it’s only 3 hours from our home, it’s close to my husband’s favorite mountain biking trails, and the taxes on it is less than $100 a year. We have a toddler as well, and we’re honestly not really using this land very much because of how young he is. I do think we’re getting closer to a point where we can spend weekends there in the Summer and Fall. I do like the idea that in the future we can time weekend getaways around weather vs when we were able to book arrangements months before. My husband has taken my daughter camping there several times this year and it’s one of her favorite places now. I think the only negatives that come to mind would be my husband wishes he spent more time there and we keep additional liability insurance for it.
Some suggestions: If there are any ‘wish’ list criteria you are considering to owning secondary land, I would talk through a short list with your husband. A big one for me: I didn’t have any interest in this additional property if we couldn’t cash flow the purchase or any upgrades, taxes. Do you want to be able to build a cabin there someday, so he should find buildable land? Do you want it near something the kids would enjoy? etc.
Is this vacant land? Because personally that’s a hard no for me. Unless we’re going to develop it it’s an extremely useless liability. My father has a crude saying about vacant land that I’ll spare you. However, it’s one of the few pieces of absolute real estate investment advice I’ve ever gotten from him. I don’t know what hunting is worth to you folks but I’d consider a this the same as lightning money on fire.
Additionally, I’m willing to bet your instincts on childcare are spot on. So in addition to sticking you with childcare he’s lighting money on fire. Hard hard no.
I honestly had no interest in this when my in-laws proposed it because of the extra chores and obligations and expense. But if home life is currently consumed by chores, I sympathize with wanting to get away! Could you try out some weekend getaways to enjoy some time on somebody else’s land and see how much you even enjoy that kind of thing as a family?
My husband grew up on a hobby farm. It was a ton of fun for his dad, because he had a SAH wife, four kids, and a hired caretaker to do all the work for him. Not so much fun for the kids, who still joke about the chore lists their mom would write for them on Saturday mornings.
We will never own more land than a postage-stamp lot.
I inherited property like this and I pay the same land management company my parents paid to manage it. That is because it has timber planted on it. I don’t know what expenses you would have to just own land other than taxes. Sure, I could save money if I wanted to go out and clear paths, but I don’t want to. It’s pretty common for timber management companies to also manage hunting leases. Again, not things I want to do. For farm land, if you’re not going to actually farm it, then you can lease it to other farmers. Now if you’re going to try and become an actual hobby farmer, yes, that requires a lot of time because farming is a 24/7 job.
How soon do you go back to your regular workouts after a cold?
On the tail end, but I always have chest congestion and rough coughing that lingers for a while after every illness. I feel back to well except for that.
I also took two weeks off while on work travel just before the cold symptoms started.
Feeling an itch to pick my weights up again.
I find that a workout is actually really good at clearing out that tail-end-of-a-cold junky chest.
Actual colds have never kept me from working out. If you mean something a bit more than a cold, I am cautious about heart rate since cardiac inflammation can outlast sinus and lung symptoms, and sometimes I get noticeable tachycardia or palpitations if I try too much too soon.
My doc advised me that if the symptoms are all above the neck (stuffy nose, headache, etc), it’s okay to work out, but anything below the neck (chest congestion), keep resting.
I generally keep working out during mild colds, and if the cough is related more to throat irritation (like post-nasal drip) than chest congestion, it doesn’t bother me. I also think weights would be easier than, say, running, depending on how much weights elevate your heartrate. Like maybe try core/upper body first.
I never stop working out for things like colds. I would just pause to cough if necessary. You don’t want to be actively coughing in the middle of lifting heavy weights.
And this is why I gave up my gym membership.
She didn’t say she was working out at a public gym? I assumed she had her own weights because she said “my weights” and due to my own personal bias because I work out at home.
If it was Covid, wait several weeks (like 4!) and then start slowly.
If it’s just a cold (but did you test multiple times?) I would not do any cardio until a “rough cough” is totally gone.
If you are still congested and coughing, I would ease back with a lighter routine rather than jumping to full weight and reps. Do it just to move around, not to get a full high heart rate workout.
And if you are actually congested and coughing, don’t impose that on your fellow gym attendees. Do your workout at home or outside until you are really better.
Do not go to the gym when you still have chest congestion and rough coughing. Rough coughing on the gym equipment and your fellow gym members? Are you kidding me? Totally poor form.
Do home workouts.
I wish folks would wear masks themselves when they are living their best life…. coughing on us.
I’m a law firm partner. I got an unsolicited call from the head of another law firm after ducking her headhunters (which I do for all headhunters). She, without knowing me or my clients, made me a very strong verbal offer to move firms. At the time of the call, I was dealing with a special needs kid and a parent in another state in the hospital (who needed to be discharged, to where I didn’t know as it wasn’t safe to go home), and ultimately cleaning out and selling said home and moving parent to my state, which took at least 3 months of significant travel and time away from focusing solely on work and kids. Without missing a beat, I just told her thank you, I was flattered to be asked, and that the timing was not going to work for me (I’ve had my firm go through a merger and working through client conflicts and new opinion committees was a job apart from the actual job). It bothers me how it happened, that it happened the casual way it did for a high-stakes situation, and my sense that “if I were a man, I’d have made the move but because I still think that it is hard to outsource hard human needs projects well and don’t have a wife to outsource them to, I declined the opportunity as impossible to pull off well.” Ideally, there are two of me, but there are not. Thoughts? Helpful advice? IDK who I’d have even gone to for advice in this situation, but even if I had felt that I had had a week, I still can’t think of who I’d go to to reveal such girl-type limits on a work issue. I guess this is why so many of my peers have quit entirely by now.
My guess is that the correct move would be to tell her that you are very interested, but your timeline would look like moving in six months, not immediately.
Then throw money at the problems that can have money thrown at them (all house stuff goes into climate controlled storage). For things like discharging a parent from the hospital, hire an elder law attorney and let them use their network for this. They know of all the assisted living facilities.
What is the question you are asking?
It was bad timing because of life. If you want to make it about men who have SAHWs, you can, but I prefer just to think about it as life in all its organic messiness.
SURELY as a law firm partner, you are capable of writing more clearly. I truly have no idea what you’re trying to say.
Seriously
I think the writing is consistent with feeling overwhelmed and panicking and fumbling the call. It’s circumstantial!
No this person always writes like this in an incoherent stream of consciousness way.
+1 to 11:21. This is a fashion blog, not a whatever it is lawyers write (I work in tech lol).
Opportunities, especially job changes, come back around again.
If you involved with your firm’s hiring, you know that employers have to extend a lot of offers to fill an open role. Men and women decline offers all the time. So let go of the guilt that only women turn down advancement opportunities because it’s not true at all.
Huh? Seems like all you needed to do was say “wow thanks this is a very interesting offer. I’d love to get lunch and start a conversation, my schedule is packed at the moment how’s three weeks from now?”
This is… a lot to wade through. But if you’re regretting your immediate shut-down of the offer, reach back out and inquire if there’s still interest / have a coffee or lunch or whatever.
It sounds like you are regretting the decision not to consider the offer because you have too many responsibilities outside of work to take on extra onboarding right now.
A man with a wife might have been able to consider the offer because they’d be able to outsource more to their partner.
But a man without a wife to outsource these things to might have declined too. I know men who are single and taking care of their high medical needs parents (extensive caretaking responsibilities can really get in the way of starting one’s own family!) and men whose wives are disabled and require caretaking (no, they don’t all leave, and women are more prone to chronic disabling conditions than men). Though a man dealing with a lot of his own health issues may not have been in a good position to say yes. I’ve seen all of this happen.
I realize that doesn’t negate the general pattern where women are often the ones dealing with the needs of kids and parents, and you may not be wrong about why your peers have quit. But if being a statistic is bothering you, what do you want instead? Do you want a wife or a house husband? Do you want to hire an assistant or a nurse or a nanny? Do you want to consider the offer next time? Do you want FMLA or a vacation?
In the future, just say, “Thank you. I will think it over and get back to you.” Immediate responses lead to regret. It’s hard to remember in the moment though.
I would spend more time talking to actual men about their career choices. You might be shocked to discover that much of what is attributed to them just doesn’t fit the stereotype and they make decisions much in the same way we do.
For this one, it sounds more like an overzealous pitch to talk to the other firm and not an actual offer. That would be very weird without a lot more discussion between you and the firm. Moving practices is a big deal, can set you back or ahead but isn’t something to consider lightly off of one phone call. If you’re unhappy and looking to move, start talking to headhunters but find one who sounds less sketchy.
Yeah my male coworkers are in this job because a) didn’t want to keep working nights with young kids, b) money is good and stability important with a child with significant special needs, c) wanted a personal life, etc.
A woman with a good husband or supportive wider family network would have been able to make the move.
Either level up your spouse (I’m not saying to do this) or accept that choices in partner have curtailed your options. Hopefully they have other attributes that compensate for their partnership deficits.
Outsource anything you can so that you can get through this period with your career intact, because your message reads as someone who is struggling to be clear and articulate. I hope things resolve for you and your family.
We had a lateral partner candidate pause his application because he was going through a divorce. He said he’d like to circle back later. I think the spot is available if he wants it.
Yeah, I mean life happens and sometimes it’s a bummer. You can always call her back, tell her you’d be interested later and she can reach out in 3-6 months or whatever.
Does anyone have any clothes (under or outerwear) from Kari Traa? How’s the quality and sizing? I might be interested in some long underwear for myself but mostly looking for a gift for an outdoorsy friend. Some of the styles look really cute for her.
Yes, I have a merino baselayer shirt, a down vest, and fleece lined leggings. The quality is great. The sizing is TTS. Recommend.
I have friends who wear Kari Traa merino underlayers and zip merino jackets and rain wear and love them. They are Scandi tall, with long arms and legs, the brand is Norwegian so that makes sense. I don’t know if they have different sizing for different markets, but the home market have items true to size for 5 f 8 height.
No new post on Moms so I’ll try here…
We’re doing fall pictures on October 18. It’s just our family of four: mom & dad (both 40), 7 YO girl and almost 2 YO girl. It’s just a 20-minute “mini session” with the local photographer who has done some kid-only holiday card pics for us before. We’ll be at a local farm, so outside with fall foliage (greater Boston). Last year she asked if we/adults wanted to hop in for a few shots. We declined because we were in like leggings, I had a messy unwashed top bun and we were just not camera ready whatsoever, but this year we’d like to be coordinated and hop in for a few.
7YO is a size 10. 2YO is barely a 2T – most 2T is still too big on her. Their age/size gap is hard sometimes to achieve matchy-matchy since they shop in totally different sections.
So, where do I start with coordinating outfits? I’m thinking of heading to Gap Kids today which I’ll be driving by anyway, where I’ve had some good success in getting nice outfits for the girls. But I also feel like if I don’t go in with a color palate or some general direction this is going to go south fast. Ideas??
I have been doing a similar search myself! would look at Hanna Andersson for sure(having one of their many sales now). Maybe mini Boden. There are some matching things on Gap and Old Navy, but you may have to hunt a bit on the website. I would probably just pick a color palette they both like and hope for the best :)
+1 for Hanna Anderson
The post is up now — we were having some tech problems this morning!
JCrew factory often has tops or dresses in girls and women’s. But tbh I think that kind of super matchy identical pattern look is dated and would just pick outfits for the girls that go with your favorite neutrals. Like girls in navy-based floral, you’re in a navy dress or sweater + jeans, husband’s in jeans and a navy-based plaid shirt, etc.
Best advice I have heard, and I try to follow, is to pick your outfit first and coordinate everyone else’s around you. That might be a solid color dress, and then you pull in a print in a kid’s dress and coordinate colors from that. Or you pick an outfit that involves a print and then put the kids/spouse in colors that pull from the dress. That way you know you feel good about what you’re wearing and it gives you the anchor for the rest of the palette.
This is the same advice I’ve heard as well.
I’ve found it easier to pick my husband’s and work around that. if you can get layers like vests, scarves etc that adds visual interest.
You need this! We aren’t doing family photos this year, but if we were, I’d copy and paste any of these.
https://therecruitermom.com/2025-family-photo-outfits/
you do multiple photo shoots each year?
sounds like annual pics in fall that are used for holiday cards – extremely normal for many areas.
+1 but so what if they do? Kids change so fast when they’re little. Take all the pictures you want.
Sounds like annual photos not multiple times a year? Annual photos are extremely normal.
You might need to reread.
We aim for coordinated, not matching. I know the advice is to pick your outfit first, but I always choose my kids’ outfits first. I normally do one kid in a mild classic print (e.g., one kid in a single-color gingham dress or a fair isle collar sweater) and the other in coordinating solid colors for tops and bottoms. My kids are young, but I’ve had the best luck either doing all of us in classic primary colors: navy, red, green or all of us in shades of blues and pinks. I find those two color groups the easiest to coordinate and look good together across different items of clothing.
For fall, I lean into jewel tones and coordinating neutrals. Someone is always in navy, someone else is usually in maroon, maybe some emerald/deep green, and some camel/tan pants mixed in. I’d probably pick a solid top and pants for you, a simple checked or plaid shirt for DH, maybe with a plain quarter zip on top, and then dress your girls each in a different coordinating color.
Pick a color pallets and don’t match, like fall blues, burgundy, cream, brown (zillions of ideas on Pinterest). I’d start with what you want to wear and build the other around that. I think dresses photograph the best on most people so I would focus on that. Then husband and kids in coordinating but not matching colors. Keep the shoes good too – dress shoes for him, boots or dress flats for you. No Rothy’s or sneakers. I was a family photographer before law school and this formula (iterated over time and styles, used to see more heels) always came out best.
This is what we usually do – I pick my dress first, then my husband picks his shirt in a complimentary color. We put my son in another shade of a color that one of us is wearing – so if my husband is in a burgandy sweater, he’s in a washed red henley, if I’m in a dark blue patterned dress he’s in a light blue solid shirt, etc.
I like the other commentors suggestions to pick your own outfit first.
There is a company I’ve purchased from before called little stocking co. They just released a bunch of neutral and fall toned dresses and separates that would work for the 2T to Size 10 range that jump out to me as great for family photos that can be coordinated together but not completely matching.
https://littlestockingco.com/
Best I did in terms of ease was jeans and white top for everyone. My brother wore a white shirt, I wore a fancy white blouse and the children wore nicer quality white tops. Jeans were all shades of blue. Shoes were whatever.
I would go with coordinating colors not aim for true matching.
What I do:
1) glance in my husband’s closet to remind myself what he has/doesn’t have because frankly he’s not going to buy new clothes for this.
2) know that I’ll be in a solid cool colored v neck dress because that’s what I like best.
3) go online shopping for a patterned dress for my 4 year old daughter both because she’s the most opinionated and I have the most fun shopping for her.
4) base the color scheme off that dress. Find something from daughter’s store for my son because they usually have coordinating colors. Pick out my dress from wherever.
I love your first point. My Husband has a very limited wardrobe. I think he’s worn the same sweater for every family photo for the past five years.
Good flats that are comfortable for lots of walking for teen / college kid and yet will not be totally scuffed within a month? She has a pair of soft leather Vionics but OMG they can’t be a monthly purchase. I had a pair of patent leather Papagallos from Talbots that lasted for all of college (substantial walking, total neglect form me other than re-doing the heels for wear when I was home on breaks). Is patent leather the answer vs smooth leather? She had Rothys once — maybe again? I get good shoes but this child should be her own underwriters’ laboratory.
Does she need leather flats? Teens/college kids are wearing sneakers.
patent will 1000% scuff.
why does a teen need dressy flats for extensive walking? even 25 years ago everyone just wore sneakers around campus. if it’s a matter of personal taste, give her a budget and let her figure out how to take care of her things.
Patent leather flats for going to class will look so out of place and bizarre!
I’ve got a few students who dress like Blair from Gossip Girl. They’d wear patent flats.
She’s an adult, this is a great thing to let her research and come to you with options if you’re paying. If she’s paying, it’s up to her.
I would get the mary jane flats from target; they’re wild fable and like $25 and look like Madewell. But I agree that none of the college kids are wearing flats, just sneakers (I am a professor).
I’m staff on campus and would be shocked to see a student wearing flats unless it’s for their job or internship.
Sneakers. Or she gets a job
Why would you throw out a scuffed pair of month old Vionics? Campus is a lot of walking for Rothys in my opinion.
I am hard on shoes; I wore boots a lot in college and found them easy to maintain. But that was weather appropriate where I went. And sneakers were not in style then the way they are now.
Teach her to polish her shoes?
+1
This.
Why are you buying expensive leather flats to a child you pays such poor care of them that they destroy them in one month?
Your child sounds spoiled.
By college, she can probably spearhead her own shoe and clothing shopping. Maybe teach her about shoe polish.
My college kid wears Blundstones, Birks clogs, or sneakers for almost everything she does on campus. She also has a pair of loafers and some ballet flats that she wears for business casual–for class presentations and her off-campus job.
Keeping them looking decent (or not) is her business.
I have a pair of Vionic flats that I wear to work with minimal commute walking (mainly from my car to the office so 10 mins max and mostly inside) and they have scuffed SO badly just from that.
Just posting to say it might not be your daughter, it might just be the shoes. I’m disappointed with Vionic’s quality and won’t purchase another pair.
OP here and I feel better reading this. I’m a city walker and I’ve never seen wear like this on shoes (mine or hers; we have the same size so my shoes are subject to frequent borrowing). It’s such a respected brand that I thought it must have been teen error but will just to get something else and let her wear these into the ground (they’ve been to the cobbler, but might last now until Thanksgiving). And she is very Serena van der Woodsen.
So… spoiled.
Fellow college mom here. It’s time to let this be her problem, unless this is a holiday or birthday gift she’s specifically requested you pick out. She needs some freedom to make bad decisions and learn from them while the stakes are still low. Better to let her learn about cost v. quality with a pair of cheap shoes that fall apart than to have her first independent purchase be a car. If you are still paying for all her clothing, just give her the cash and let her shop. Better yet, tell her that she is responsible for earning her own pocket money and buying her own clothes.
Also LOL on wearing flats to class. My daughter and her peers dress “nicely” for class (no PJs or sweats, cute tops and sweaters), but the only time they wear flats is when required for concerts. They are wearing fashion sneakers, trendy athletic sneakers, Birks, Uggs, tall boots with shorts and skirts, and short boots with jeans.
Vionic flats are about $140 per pair — they are neither inexpensive nor a brand generally known for cheap materials or construction
It’s because they’re orthotic; they’re charging for not needing a podiatrist or PT later, not for premium construction. Other comfort brands like Sofft are similar.
I appreciate you saying this more nicely than my gut reaction which was of the “jfc the thought of my mother asking a message board about my shoe wearing habits in college is insane why are you raising young women to be babies forever” so well
Done.
+1. I’m only now starting to lose my shock at the things people will research and do for adults in their family. (this isn’t because I don’t love my family, but I believe they need to know how to make their own choices)
Flats aren’t meant to be walked around in all day every day. Of course they’re going to wear out quickly if that’s all you’re wearing.
My college daughter shreds through a pair of heavy-duty hiking shoes in about 6 weeks, so I have made it her problem to either STOP DRAGGING YOUR FEET ON THE DAMN CONCRETE WHEN YOU WALK or get a better job that allows you to spend $$$ on all those shoes.
Ten years later she’ll be seeing an orthopedist and fielding questions about how her pediatrics team and family missed her gait disorder all these years
Yes, everything is mom’s fault.
When moms think that physiological differences are behavioral or character flaws
Maybe mom doesn’t have a medical degree and the pediatrician never caught it.
Pediatricians miss a lot! Anyway my mom was a great advocate for me and a caring parent in general, and she was totally on my case about how I wore out my shoes, and we laugh about it now, but there absolutely was a reason that wasn’t some kind of attitude problem or bad habit after all.
It is 100% behavioral choice and not a gait issue, but feel free to continue sharing your ignorant snap judgements so the rest of us know who the problem in the room is.
I’m sorry your ill behaved daughter never learned how to walk then!
But dragging shoes to the point of hiking boots getting worn out quickly can be a medical issue and was for me, but I had to actually get assessed.
in college I wore my Doc Martens for 4 years. they’re in again now. i also remember Frye boots being very durable.
I would not go for Rothy’s or Vivaia or any other cloth shoe if she’s this hard on them.
for Vionics are they the packable ones? i woudln’t trust that for this kind of daily walking either.
Planning a Chicago trip with DH and 2 kids (ages 10 and 7). What neighborhoods are safe and walkable in downtown Chicago to stay in? Ideally with nice hotels. Thanks!
You want to be in River North area – there’s a Langham, Peninsula, Waldorf Astoria all within a few blocks. I’m partial to the Waldorf. The rooms are recently renovated and the prices haven’t quite caught up so the value is great.
Agree with the other poster that the Waldorf is a treat, but it does have high up balconies and fireplaces. Consider whether either of those features are a problem – for this or other properties – with your 7 year old.
I have a very wild 7 year old and have taken her to that hotel without any fear. I think it won’t be an issue for most kids that age.
There’s the “they climb off it” fear, which is probably done by that age, but also the “they throw things off it at people below” fear, which may not be!
The two main downtown neighborhoods are River North and the Loop – plenty of hotels in both, but River North will feel more lively on weekends and in the evening. Neither are particularly exciting neighborhoods imo compared to others in the city but they are by far the most convenient for the main attractions.
Avoid the Loop unless your hotel is along the river (like the Renaissance) where you can walk across a bridge to River North. The Loop is dead after 5pm. State St is okay on weekend days but not ideal. Even if it’s technically safe it’s pretty eery and a lot of restaurants are closed.
Highly recommend the Sofitel (Magnificent Mile). It’s quiet and neighborhoody but only a couple of blocks off of the hustle and bustle of Michigan Avenue. You’re not too far from Lincoln Park Zoo, the Art Institute, etc. while also being in a quieter area. I live in the Chicago suburbs, and it’s where we usually choose when we stay downtown around the holidays.
You’ve gotten some good recommendations already, I’ll throw in the Lowes hotel, they have an indoor pool, which my kids enjoy. It’s also within walking distance to the Museum of Ice Cream, which is cute.
have fun!
Happy Friday! I know this has been asked before, but I am looking for pointed flats for work purposes. We are pretty business casual, but I personally tend toward business formal. Basically, I am open to all suggestions ( under $200ish), so long as it is a pointy flat. Thank you!
I currently like the look of the Birdies that have been posted here. I have no experience with the brand, just have seen comments here mostly in favor except for some people who seem to really have trouble bc of oddly shaped feet.
This sounds like something you could get at almost any price point and in almost any style. Do you have an opinion on Rothys? I know they’ve peaked in terms of the trend, but I also still see professors, physicians, etc. wearing real or fake ones or successors like Birdies, so I feel they’ve hit “uniform” status lately.
I personally always preferred a slight hidden wedge for the additional arch support and structure, but I realize that’s not quite a flat anymore.
Linea Paolo at Nordstrom has tons. I’ve had multiple pair of LP flats over the years, and they’ve all looked great and held up well. They are mostly under $150.
You have to get lucky with a sale (often right after Xmas) to get to that price point, but AGL flats are the most comfortable I’ve ever worn.
I’m very happy with a pair I just picked up from Margaux – the crinkle flat or something like that.
Rockport Kenzie? They’re about $90 on 6pm.
Has anyone hired a photographer to do family photos in Mexico/Cancun area? We will be staying at an all-inclusive for a multigenerational trip and I’d love to schedule some beach pics. Any recommendations?
Resorts often have a house photographer. Not the very best quality but it’s convenient and often free for the session (you buy the photos you like).
I started a fully remote job a few months ago at a very large company in a mid-level, individual contributor role. So far, my workload has been extremely light. I started in their slow period (along with another new person in my same role) but nothing has ramped up yet. I’m bored and a little anxious. I can see all my team’s projects, and it is light for everyone in my specific role. My boss acknowledged my workload has been light and she’s thinking of what else I can take on. Is this a common scenario?
I could raise my hand to take on an unassigned project but no one else on my team has done it yet, and I’m wondering if that’s because the project is a painful can of worms and they know better than to volunteer, or maybe I should go for it? It’s hard in a remote environment to know what to do. I question myself constantly.
Go for it. People who don’t do work get fired. If there’s a project available and you have time, there’s your work.
Do you have a decent rapport with your boss? If so, and you have no reason to distrust her, then I’d just be candid: “I could take this on, unless you’re aware of circumstances around it that make it really impossible and something that it would be better to have the whole team working on together.” Or whatever other language you want to use.
What’s the questioning yourself about — do you have concrete reasons to think that you’re on probation or thin ice at your job, or is questioning yourself something you do more generally, so now you’re doing it about your job, too?
Thanks. I think I feel imposter syndrome. At my last job, I knew I had earned the trust of top people (I was there for years and was involved in high-profile projects and survived many rounds of layoffs), so I didn’t feel as insecure. This job is a huge step up in prestige/pay. Since I’m new, I worry more about measuring up.
At my company, the joke is that you get hired, have nothing to do for six months, and then right as you’re about to start looking for another job, you get inundated.
That being said, this is a good time to do a project that is out of your comfort zone– you will have more time to learn and work on it now, which you will not whenever you get busy.
this is my experience as well, altho maybe closer to the 3 month mark. the work will find you but also you should speak up and offer to help with the orphaned project because it sounds like you’re bored and that’s making you nervous.
Anyone have a favorite brand for claw clips for a lot of hair? My hair is fine, but I’ve got a huge amount of it, so when it gets as long as it is (past my shoulders), it requires a heavy duty clip.
Teleties—their large clip is perfect for lots of hair.
Alexandre de Paris – pricey but I have a lot of hair and they are amazing.
What?! The price of these hair clips is insane. What are they made out of?
I have a kitsch metal claw clip which I LOVE. It holds all my hair, which is nothing short of a miracle, and seems to hold more strongly than others. I recently bought a second one because I like it so much, and I love that it is metal (I have gold color) because it looks a little fancier than plastic.
Hopefully a fun question for Friday – what is your favorite scented hand and/or body lotion? I want something really moisturizing but also that smells good and feels slightly luxe. I prefer essential oil/”natural” type scents to more perfume-y stuff. I have been using the L’Occitaine 25% Shea, and I like it and it works well, but it am ready for a change and more scent. And my skin will get dry once the heat is on for the winter.
Korres Guava
Flamingo estate euphoria
Zents body lotion is divine, comes in many scents or unscented.
Aesop Resurrection.
Sol de Janero
Fenty. I was skeptical but a sample won me over.
For those that are job hunting right now; what are red flags you have seen with a company?
– asking about your willingness to work during vacations
– where the interviews aren’t structured/each one is just a hi how are you kind of thing
– asking you to immediately start and shorten the notice period
generally high turnover in the department
How do you vet that? Other than noticing everyone is 40+ or just 22 on their first job. I feel that having an insider or local word of mouth is so key to avoiding time bombs and yet so hard to get. They all look so good on paper / on the website.
Age has nothing to do with it – you can have a department that’s 30s to 50s and people tend to stay a couple years and then move on. I asked the interviewers themselves how long they’ve been with the company, generally about career growth over time (not in a pushy way, more like I want to be here long term and grow – how does that look in this department). HR could also provide stats at the offer stage if fishing around doesn’t work.
I joined a small in house legal department with high turnover. I found out by scouring linkedin. I’m still glad I took the job for Reasons, but I’m not surprised that I’m the 4th person in my role in 7 years.
“We’re like a family, we don’t really need HR!”
“Well, you can’t expect the salary to be the highest in the industry when it’s more of passion work, right?”
“It may be a lower salary than what you currently have, but there is health insurance.”
A colleague was asked about her volunteer commitments from her LinkedIn profile and she interpreted it as “we expect you to work all the time with no time for these.”
This is a yellow/orange flag and not necessarily a problem, but when you meet everyone on the team separately and never see them interact. I really like being able to see the dynamic between team members.
I just declined to continue an interview process that involved the company going entirely dark and not communicating for a month a time. like screening interview – a month passes – meeting with boss – a month passes – meet with peers …
I had other reservations but the process issues made me think it’s either not a priority to bring someone in or the bureaucracy is so thick that I would be frustrated if I took the role.
I had an interview recently where the interviewer told me the job would be more than 40 hours a week. This wasn’t a legal job or any job that would have a reason to require that. They are “hiring more people” and “the current team isn’t happy with the situation” but the expectation is to go into the office 4 days a week with one remote day and also log in during evenings. Hell no.
They have grand plans to expand the department’s role but only want to hire one or two people. The interviewer went on about all the big things they want the department to start doing in high visibility areas…and it was clear there aren’t nearly enough staff to support those plans.
The reason why the role is open.
Green flag: previous employee moved up in the org or the role is newly created.
Yellow flag: previous employee was fired or moved outside of the company.
Red flag: previous employee quit without another job lined up or quit after a very short time.
What if the role is open because the previous employee was fired due to poor performance? That’s not a yellow flag.
I would consider it a red flag. In my experience only bad managers make bad hires.
I think this is an absurd take.
I think yellow is fair there to inquire further. Was it truly an unlucky bad hire or is the job not really what is advertised and so there was a skill mismatch once hired?
I’m the one who posted this and I will forever stand behind this being a yellow flag. It isn’t a red flag; it’s yellow.
What was the hiring process that lead to this? Was there favouritism? Why wasn’t the person managed out?
Importantly, will people be scrutinising your work because they have been burned in the past?
Yes, it could have been a fluke. Yellow flag. Investigate further.
Using a personality test to screen candidates.
Asking candidates for their Enneagram and/or StrengthsFinder results.
Asking candidates to do work as part of the application.
Not being able to articulate job duties or expectations.
So true. I was offered a job at a company where it sounded like I would have nothing to do. It was for a new manager and I could tell she couldn’t envision what to delegate and the job description was actually an inflated depiction of the job. I would have taken it because I was desperate but luckily got another job offer.
I withdrew from a job opportunity at a big tech company where I had 6 interviews. I kept getting asked how I “handle disagreement,” which is a typical question, but it came up over and over like it weighed heavy on people’s minds. Then a contact I knew there told me two people in the department had quit since I started interviewing because of ongoing conflicts between teams. Sounded toxic. I’m not going to kid myself I can walk into a new job and handle entrenched conflict without mega stress. Luckily, I got another job offer a few months later but for a while I was questioning if I should have taken it because it was high pay and a big-name company.
A perhaps entertaining story for a Friday– I had a package delivered to the FedEx store. It could have been one or two packages, and they gave me two. When I got home, I opened up the first box to find a note that read “Good luck on the proposal” with a 2 karat diamond ring!! I don’t think I’ve ever been so shocked to open a package, it was just so wild. Of course I brought it back to the FedEx store, but I couldn’t believe how easy it was for them to mix up packages when they scanned my ID and everything.
I am so glad for the proper recipient that that box landed in your hands and not someone with less integrity and/or more motivation to keep it.
Omg no kidding. That is wild.
What if this was fate telling you to propose to the FedEx clerk!
Obviously, you’re right. Why do I also feel like they need to adopt a golden retriever & include him in the photos?
hahah love this whole idea
What an incredible concept for a romance novel!
What if the clerk was trying to propose to OP??
Wow! This is going to sound totally woo woo but: I feel like it’s a sign that the universe has another really great surprise, one that is actually meant for you. And how nice that this couples’ engagement now has been blessed by a honest stranger’s good juju.
Aw I am not usually a woo person but I love this interpretation!
“It’s not like she’d FedEx a six-carat diamond.”
-Legally Blonde
Well played.
Thank you for sharing this, it made me smile
I have lost a bit of weight recently and today I am wearing pants that no longer fit at the waist but are instead hanging on at the hips. And when I sat down, I realized how much I have been suffering with the high-waisted styles of the last few years. Shorter inseams are coming back, yes? I hate to get rid of all my pants, but this feels so freeing.
The rise of the high waist has not been good for me, personally. And I’m 5’8″ and always thought I had a longer rise than usual. Whatever the case, they aren’t great. If I don’t want to feel like I’m suffocating when I sit down, I have to size up. Then the legs don’t look quite right. Overall, just a mess. I love a good midrise.
I think you mean shorter rise, not shorter inseam. Rise refers to the length from the crotch seam up to the waistband, while inseam is the length from the crotch down the inside of the leg to the bottom hem.
You can have high rise pants with short inseams, low rise pants with long inseams, or really any combo of rise height and inseam length.
Any recommendations for Philly/Main Line area trusts and estate practice? 9 figure estate, would consider boutiques, mid law and big law
A HNW friend used Morgan Lewis for this with an estate that was somewhere between $50M and $100M.
They just had a bunch of folks leave to go to Sterlington
Hello!
I need a hotel and a nice restaurant recommendation for Mobile, Alabama. We are going there for a college visit with two teens. I’ve been years before; will have a car. Would love to be downtown near the Cathedral and ideally the restaurant is walkable to the hotel. I have been in (but not stayed at) the Malaga Inn — anything on that would be most welcome. Thank you!
Help. What do you do if you live in a hot, humid climate and have a long schlep into the city? I’ve taken to wearing sports bras and my most formal (lol) athleisure for a night out. I don’t feel polished but anything else is a sopping mess.
I am a literal hot mess (in DC, formerly Norfolk). I didn’t realize that there was an alternative, but if I’m going out, at least it’s past the heat of the day, but I wear real clothes. I guess I alternate between seltzer with lime and lite beer to cool off (but then am always in the line for the bathroom).
You’re wearing sports bras and athleisure for a nice night out?? Yikes.
The answer is linen and other actually breathable fabrics. And a bold lip and good jewelry so the clothes matter less.
Yes to jewelry, but no to necklaces in hot, sweaty weather — the necklace gets hot and sweaty and gross and weighs down the neck and shoulders. Dangly earrigngs, rings, and tennis-style bracelets can make up for lack of necklace.
Synthetic and tight fitting athleisure is not what I’d wear. I’d wear loose linen.
Loose dresses or pants outfits in cotton gauze or linen with sandals for footwear work for me. I don’t really perspire heavily in general, though. I can’t imagine being comfortable in a sports bra or athleisure, though.
Shift dresses in light woven fabrics, like linen or gauze.
Some medications give me sopping wet with sweat, and I carry an old fashioned paper fan in my purse. Makes a WORLD of difference!
Loose-fitting silk blouse in black or other dark colour, which will not stick to skin and dry quickly, if you want something that feels like a luxe look. Linen is great, but I don’t like the pastel linen, so I do jersey knit linen tops in dark colors instead. You need air and ease at the sweaty bits.
If your transit is the main problem, I’d try a silk tank with a topper that you add when you’re at your destination.
Am I overreacting?
My boyfriend of 3 years (we are both 50 something, divorced) repeatedly checks his phone (his watch dings with alerts) while we are together, even while at dinner or sitting at the bar. He will even quickly deal with his adult children – and often takes calls (not usually during meals, but if we are on a walk or in the car).
It’s starting to really bother me!
He is a very social person, and other than that practically perfect – takes me to dinner, we do yoga together, he gives me flowers every week, lots of attention and conversation etc.
Would this bother you??
OP here – he is also the *nicest* and most patient and considerate person – other than being distracted by phone!!
Then talk to him!!!
use your words!
It doesn’t matter if it would bother us. It bothers you. Have you talked to him about it? “Hey, Chad, how about if we made our together time phone free? I’m feeling a little neglected.”
To answer your question, I’m your BF in this situation but I would be happy to dial it back if I knew it bothered my partner.
May I ask, why do you do this?
I have brought it up and I can tell he’s aware of it but still doing it. I will likely bring it up again this weekend.
And I also was really curious if it would bother *others*
The conversations would bug me more than a quick text back “everything ok? can I call you later” if it’s a kid calling.
If the alerts are anything but texts and calls maybe he could try turning those off. Like CNN does not need to be blowing up his wrist.
I turned almost all alerts off on my phone and use “focus” on my Iphone so that I don’t get work email notifications outside of work hours. I have teenagers and an elderly mother so I make sure they can get through no matter what (by using “favorites”) but it has helped so much to cut down on notifications and distractions. Maybe he can try something similar.
Yes, it would bother me, unless I knew there was a situation that the person really needed to be on top of. But I wouldn’t expect that he’s going to change this habit unless he is super intentional about doing so. It’s probably instinctive for him.
No
yeah – but have you talked to him about it? I think is be bothered, say something, and then address how he responds. like, if he makes the effort to focus on you great! if he’s knows it bothers you and doesn’t do anything, that’s a problem.
It would not bother me. At three years you are living your lives in parallel, not getting to know each other, so while I think there should be some focused time, sitting at a bar isn’t really one of those. If it were the entire time without a break and no emergency, maybe, but if you are bellied up for hours, this is not a problem for me. (I am 51 in a 3-yr relationship)
It would bother me at dinner or while we’re out together. Sitting around watching TV, then no.
personally I think you’re overreacting about calls from his kids. Mindless scrolling or whatever when we’re doing something together would annoy me.
This would not bother me.
OP here – I appreciate the feedback everyone.
Honestly I hope I am overreacting a bit.
I’m about your age, and it would really bother me. I just don’t get it. It is really a form of addiction.
Taking a call while you are on a walk together?
Answering texts at dinner?
I know that’s what people do now, but not when someone really wants to be with you at this moment – unless they have a problem.
But hey that’s me.
I need help with healthcare coverage. Long story short I’m having issues moving from Medicaid to my own plan now I don’t qualify for Medicaid. Yes I’m thankful to have this problem!!!! I’m also incredibly thankful to have been able to have Medicaid.
The detail is: I’m divorced and I’m required to ask the children’s father if his plan can cover the children. He is open to this and confirmed one main provider will accept his plan. This morning I poked the other main providers and yes they cover it.
He is telling me his plan needs a letter from their current provider to say they are no longer being covered. They are covered by Medicaid and I no longer qualify because my income is over the limit. Their current provider (United healthcare) is saying nope we don’t provide those letters. I asked them who does and they said you telling us is enough and the government is never going to stop you paying for healthcare.
So, deadline is Tuesday next week to have this set up. I’ve messaged him to say I need numbers today and we need to make a decision today so paperwork can be completed on time. Payment has to be made ahead of Oct 1st for coverage to be effective.
I’m so confused by him saying his plan needs documentation from my provider and my provider saying they don’t do this.
Generally, first level customer service for health insurance plans give confusing and contradictory information all of the time. Escalating to someone who gives correct information can be time consuming.
To me it sounds like he was told he needs some kind of documentation of a qualifying event so that they can join the plan outside of open enrollment? I am not sure if this is a misunderstanding since it’s dependents and you’re choosing whose plan will cover them!
I’ve had to do this many times. If you want to change insurance outside of open enrollment, every plan I’ve ever been on requires documentation of a qualifying event, which in your case is that they’re no longer being covered by their current insurance because they’re no longer eligible due to your income. So if you want his insurance to cover them before January, you’re going to have to come up with some kind of documentation from their current insurance that their coverage is ending and on what date. If you can’t get it, you might just need to cover them yourself until the end of the year and then make sure it gets worked out correctly for 2026.
Thank you!
I struggle so much with this because he is high conflict at the best of times. I just don’t know what the heck to say or do. United healthcare rep said look, you need to have your kids covered. We get it. They need coverage and you stating Medicaid no longer applies is enough. Job done. When audited you can give them the information.
I believe her when she said trust me, no government employee is auditing someone coming off Medicaid.
Maybe no government employee is, but employers don’t want to pay for dependents unless they have to. So the burden is on you to prove that you’re eligible to get your kids on his plan outside of open enrollment. Where I’ve worked, there’s absolutely no way to get around this, you need some form of documentation. Our insurance companies have always sent these letters, so I think it’s bs that they say they don’t, but you need to come up with something, like proof of Medicaid eligibility change.
Ok. I’m going to push back and call them again. Hopefully the next representative is helpful.
I thought you couldn’t get Medicaid so you were looking for a job with a $400K annual salary?
I see you, too, smell something funny in the air in these posts.
Can you provide him with the website information from Medicaid about their income limits for coverage, plus a pay statement from you that demonstrates your current income exceeds the limit? Hopefully his provider will understand that, especially in this day of staffing shortages, getting an individualized letter on your behalf from the government is impossible.
He is extremely high conflict. I am very hesitant to give him anything not needed. I have Medicaid. I no longer qualify. What is so hard to understand?!?
It’s his choice to understand or not. It’s my duty (as well as his) to provide coverage.
This isn’t something he wants, it’s something his employer (and all employers) require.
I suspect some of us who could help are confused by your use of some of the terminology. “Provider” usually refers to a healthcare provider, e.g., a doctor, not an insurer, e.g., UHC.
If he is looking at putting them on his employer-sponsored plan, the employer has to have evidence of a qualifying event to put them on outside of open enrollment. For that, they need something showing that the kids were on Medicaid through you and that you no longer qualify for Medicaid. Medicaid should be able to provide that to you, not UHC. The alternative is to get your child support agency to issue a QMCSO, a Qualified Medical Child Support Order. This is an order from the agency to his employer that requires him to cover the kids if the premium is (usually) no more than the specified percentage of his income. (The % varies by state.) The advantage of a QMCSO is that it is permanent and enforceable against both him and the employer as long as he works there and is eligible for their coverage. It also would be retroactive to the date the QMCSO is issued. That could take a day or it could take several months, depending on your child support agency. But if you get a QMCSO, you do not have to show a qualifying event letter. The QMCSO is itself a qualifying event.
how were you informed that medicaid was ending? that seems like the perfect documentation.
I self reported. My income has increased and I no longer qualify. I’ve had no letter, just directed to get coverage. They said it’s 3 months for it to roll off so the insurance I get will be primary and Medicaid secondary during that period.
Did you print out a copy of you reporting this? A confirmation letter from Medicaid stating when their coverage would end? Just ANYTHING.
It’s not done online at all. I had to call and send in paperwork to an address they gave me.
I’ve called back this afternoon and they said they will mail a letter to me once it’s processed. I’m able to buy coverage through the state plans without a letter.
This process makes no sense.
If your kids’ dad has his coverage through his employer, this is a relatively short lived problem – he can select a plan during his employer’s open enrollment that covers them, no paperwork needed. That will be effective January 1.
For adding them to his plan now, others have correctly noted you need a qualifying “life event” and the evidence would be getting dropped by Medicaid, not something the prospective new insurer will issue to you.
My understanding: His plan does need documentation of a qualifying life event. If they’re currently on Medicaid but will no longer qualify thanks to your income, then you need documentation of this qualifying event (which you may not get until they are closer to actually being kicked off Medicaid?? Not sure about this). You may need to escalate with UHC to get the letter, but I am not sure that it’s true that they can cut off coverage to your kids without notifying you in writing (??).
Thank you for your help everyone. I figured it out.
A letter will be mailed in the next 2 weeks. They said one was sent but I’ve not received it. This has been such a complicated process and so hard to do with everything being manual. Thank you for your help.
I’ll ask again in the afternoon thread, but what have you bought recently that you’re genuinely awed by the quality of? A friend got me a Dandelion Chocolate package, and the paper the company uses to wrap their gift boxes is so luxurious that I actually said “wow.” (I don’t actually like chocolate, so that part is kind of a wash for me! But the paper is amazing!). Wondering what has blown you all away in quality recently, as it feels like everything is trending the opposite direction.
Speaking of chocolate, last year somebody sent me some Bridgewater Chocolate and it blew me away! Also I heard about Spoonful of Comfort soup boxes on here and have sent them several times and the recipients have been really delighted.
I just love Summer Fridays lip balm…
And Sézane sweaters