ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 246 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Elthea Belted Rib Knit Midi Dress

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing a belted navy ribbed midi dress and brown sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This dress from Veronica Beard looks like a perfect item for the winter-to-spring wardrobe shift. The A-line skirt is a classic silhouette, but the midi length feels contemporary.

We’re still very much in boots and tights weather in my part of the country, but I would look forward to wearing this without all the extra layers in a few months! 

The dress is $498 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

For a more affordable option, try this sweater dress (XS-XL, $165) from Modern Citizen.

Sales of note for 5/1:

  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 40% off your purchase PLUS $50 off $200! Readers love this popover blouse, and their suiting is also in the sale.
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code
  • Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide (ends 5/1) — we have and love these sateen sheets
  • Evereve – All tops on sale
  • Express – $39+ Summer Styles
  • Hatch – $15 off one of our favorite alarm clocks with code LETMOMSLEEP15
  • J.Crew – Up to 30% off wear-now styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 60% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 40% off sitewide – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
  • Loft – 60% off florals and 50% off your purchase
  • M.M.LaFleur – End of season sale. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Nordstrom – 1500+ new women's markdowns
  • Sephora – Hair deals daily – today 5/1 up to 50% off dae, Verb, PATTERN by Tracee Ellis Ross, and BaBylissPro products
  • Talbots – 40% off one item and 30% off your entire purchase
  • TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
  • Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

246 Comments

  1. I missed the thread yesterday about being overwhelmed with taking care of the kids, but wanted to come back and say YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have teens and am *desperate* to plan a vacation with no kids so that I don’t have to drive them anywhere or procure dinner for them every single effing day. But DH is ‘overwhelmed’ with the work/kids combo which means HE never wants to travel or go anywhere or do anything, but a staycation (or airbnb as we did in Feb) means that I STILL HAVE TO PLAN ALL THE MEALS and take them places!!! Natural consequences mean that (for example from Feb) the kids get hungry and *still* call me or text me while DH and I are out to eat to say “I’m hungry and there is no food” (there was food) or “the water isn’t boiling”. I know it won’t last forever, but I look forward to having so much more cognitive/life capacity when they leave for college!!!!!

    1. Oof, my husband keeps trying to talk me into an English countryside cottage stay with my in-laws and non merci. Cooking for more people, with crappy rental knives and limited ingredients does not sound like a holiday to me.
      We do house swaps on the continent but we eat out more and often just prepare nibbles.

      2. That sounds great and would love to but 2 issues, (1) no free weekends until April 18, which is one of the kids’ birthday weekends and the start of April break, and (2) DH wants to come with me so we have to find someone to drive the kids around while we are gone. I think I should go during the week instead?

        1. I do a yearly trip with my best friend and we tend to go Monday-Wednesday. My husband is an A++++ solo parent, but it’s a bit easier for him when I’m away during the week, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on kid time.

          1. My husband and I take trips separately during the week, and it is much easier that way because childcare / school is already lined up.

        2. This isn’t necessarily good for the planet, but sometimes I schedule 24 hours in Miami/South Beach and go to the beach, wander shops, and eat whatever I want by myself. It’s a nice reset without being too time intensive. And there are direct flights from me, which helps.

          1. We do something similar (well minus the beach) in Chicago, which is driving distance for us.

        3. Great, you book the place & DH handles figuring out what the kids need while you’re both gone. But the critical junction is: if something falls through the cracks and they miss soccer practice…then they miss soccer practice. Everyone will live

          1. My sister and her husband leave me very detailed schedules when they leave me with their kids for a weekend. We have missed swim practice more than once and it was totally fine.

        4. go during the week! I did this and I worked remotely from a hotel in FL. It was warm! I got to eat dinner alone and sleep in. Went for a run. Had a drink by the pool.

        6. My kids’ after school nanny is a 25 year old who sometimes spends weekends with the kids she used to nanny for. They are now tweens/early teens so they can be left alone for a few hours but not the entire weekend. If you ask around your friends and family you might find someone similar.

      3. This. Or better yet, plan a girls weekend away. I do this quarterly and everyone survives. Also, business travel is a nice escape from it all too. So is going into an office. It’s amazing how the kids figure it out when you’re less available.

        1. I enjoy girls trips and they’re important for maintaining friendships, but I find solo trips much more restorative. YMMV, I’m a pretty intense introvert.

        2. I did a girls trip to an all inclusive trip to Cancun this winter and it was so restorative. It was great for us to just float around and have all our needs met without working for it.

      4. Girl, yes. I finally decided to do this. In the fall, I took the dog and we went to a dog friendly hotel and did a weekend hike in the mountains. Next month I’m flying to visit my sister on the west coast for 2 nights.

    3. One small piece of this, but DH and I are big fans of all-inclusive resorts for kid-free vacations even though we’re normally more active travelers. We just want to turn our brains off on kid-free trips and that’s the easiest way to do it.

      1. +1. One of the most relaxing trips (oddly) was Disney/Orlando because our meals were pre-booked well ahead of time in the parks and we had breakfast included at our hotel. We had guides for park days and I literally just showed up and followed the grownup in charge, it was delightful!
        In contrast, even a week at the beach turns into the ‘mom does dishes with view of the ocean for a week’ story from the Onion.

      2. Big fan of all-inclusive with a kids club

        It’s not a a vacation if I have to cook dinner

    4. One of the reasons a weeklong guided whitewater rafting trip was the best vacation I ever went on was because I did not have to think about any of the food the entire time. Delicious meals prepared by someone else in one of the most beautiful places imaginable? I can’t wait until my kid is old enough to go again.

      1. I went on a writing retreat with prepared and incredible group meals. And it was amazing how much I got done when all I had to do was eat lovely food, go for a little walk, and write at my desk. I was an oddball amongst the poets and novelists (see: the “reading night” where they encouraged me to contribute and I did a “5 things wrong with UK Labour”) but it was really lovely.

        1. Who knows, maybe ‘5 things wrong with UK Labour’ sparked off a new direction for a poem or a novel, you’ll find out in a few years :)

      2. All-inclusive is great both without kids and with. We’ve been going most summers to a rustic American-plan Adirondack camp (https://timberlock.com/) since our kid was three. It was wonderful from the little kid through the teen years, and we still go at least every few years now that she’s out of the house.

        The food is simple but delicious, and everything is provided. They ring a bell, and 15 minutes later, you line up for a meal everyone likes. It was a revelation how much stress that removes from the planning and vacation experience.

        1. We did the Tyler Place Resort for years when my kids were small. In addition to the meals being all inclusive the kids were in camp for a large chunk of the day and for evening hours. It was the most restorative break I ever got between the ages of 2-10.

        2. Agree that it is a revelation – while it’s wonderful to walk around the streets of Europe, it does add stress trying to figure out where to eat. There is nothing so relaxing to me as someone putting a delicious meal into my lap. I don’t even have to do the dishes on those rafting trips!

    5. I found yesterday’s thread very cathartic. I also have been drowning from the mental load of teens and tweens. Food issues aside (which, real), the pressure of preparing them to leave the next and helping them through the social and emotional stuff that naturally comes up with teens, and … I am so tired. And really discouraged, some days. Plus my own sleep and health are nosediving in perimenopause, so it’s just a whole lot of fun right now! (Yesterday was a hard one for me, too.)

      1. That should say “leave the nest.” Currently operating on 6 hours of interrupted sleep.

      2. +1. I hate saying it to the younger moms I work with but the toddler/little kid years were so much easier for me. It was more demanding physically, and lots of coordination but my kids were pretty chill and happy to be with me/my husband/sitters/at school/etc. Now my teen/tween tend to want JUST me, even if my husband is around. Yes, I’m so so glad they feel safe opening up to me and talking but OMG is it mentally exhausting managing work, perimenopause, and helping the kids learn to manage their own social/emotional states.
        It doesn’t help that when my kids were little, 10 years ago, I was more junior and the culture of 24/7 work wasn’t as ingrained because the tech wasn’t as good.

    6. My husband and I are best friends with another couple who has no children (we have 2 elementary age kids). We recently started planning back to back friends weekends, where DH will spend the weekend with our friends and then I will spend the following weekend with them, so that one of us can stay and watch the children. It’s not ideal but it’s what works for us, and since our friends are up for it I’m so excited! They’ll be going hiking/brewery chilling with DH and then to NYC to see a broadway show with me.

    7. Yeah, we have a week off next week and were going to go somewhere ourselves but my parents decided to rent a big house in mexico and host us. except also they suggested we rent cars and go to the grocery store and cook all week. this is all very generous but it doesn’t feel quite as much like a vacation any more…

      1. I don’t think it’s really that generous to rent someone a house if you’re expecting them to shop and cook and clean for you. This sounds like they want a cheap maid service and are using you to get it.

        1. It doesn’t sound like that at all. Lots of people consider cooking together, especially on a trip, to be a bonding experience, not a chore.

          2. Sure, but it’s fine to call out the commenter for assigning the motivation of “cheap maid service.” Because that is an incredibly ungenerous thing to just throw out there.

          3. I’m the person who said that, and I read it as the parents expecting the commenter and her family to shop and cook for them without participating. Reading it again I can see how maybe I misinterpreted it. If they’re all sharing in the chores then it’s a different story. It’s not something that would appeal to me personally, but it’s not rude.

      2. There’s some tension on this issue in my family as well. We like to have the cousins meet up but one side is very budget conscious and wants to cook all meals and the other wants to mostly eat out (simple things like food trucks and takeaway salads) to have a break from cooking.

      3. I rent a big beachhouse every year for several weeks and invite my kids and their spouses, and their friends if they want to come. I ask that they make one meal while they are there, I supply groceries and cook all the other meals and snacks for the duration. Grocery shopping in the fun tiny beach grocery store, hitting the fish market and the farm stand and coming up with meals for every one there is the most fun I have all year. I meal plan and prep at home all year, but the challenge of creating meals from what’s fresh and available is relaxing and fulfilling to me. I’m really sad reading about everyone who finds menu planning to be mentally taxing and frustrating.

        1. That’s great that it’s fun for you, but I think you can safely save feeling “sad” for other circumstances and just realize that people are different…

          1. Seriously. Sad is a bit much. Good for you that you enjoy it! I am happy for you! For many people, it is a chore and a task that does not bring joy.

          2. This reads to me like “my husband’s hobby is cycling and mine is taking care of my kids.”

          3. yup. It’s not a vacation if I have to cook or clean. No judgment if that’s what you enjoy, but this is not an uncommon viewpoint, especially for parents with kids at home.

        2. Grocery shopping and meal planning for a big group is the most fun you have all year? Hoo boy do we have different definitions of fun.

          2. I’ll happily accept the pity for day to day meal planning and cooking (go ahead and feel sad for me; the only reason I don’t outsource it is medical restrictions poorly accommodated by prefab and restaurant foods, which just makes it more of a drag!).

            But I have also really enjoyed vacation meal planning and cooking for some reason. I guess it’s only fun for me if it’s my main responsibility in life and I’m cooking for a crowd?

        3. You really don’t need to be sad about this – we’re all allowed to enjoy different things! If you were my mom, I would still come for the purpose of spending time with you, and that would be worth it to me despite the fact that I don’t enjoy either cooking or staying in group houses for vacation.

          1. Yeah, please don’t be sad for me that I hate meal prepping and that the most fun I have all year is skiing with my family or wakeboarding on the lake. I’m doing fine :)

        4. There is just no way that they’re not doing something crazy. How do you get to the teenage stage without having this down to no brainer status? Especially in the world of grocery delivery. Pasta, roasted salmon, turkey chili, crockpot chicken thighs, sheet pan chicken sausage and peppers, pork tenderloin and order a pizza for the kids and go out on Saturday. That’s not my exact roster every week but both my husband and I can cook this with our eyes closed. I came up with it in six seconds. I get that people might have crazy dietary requirements or need to only ever buy what’s on sale but some of you are turning checkers into chess. Why get fancy if it stresses you out?

          1. Meh, I had no interest or ability in cooking until I went to college. I turned out functional – well, at least in this sense :) I don’t think it’s super uncommon for young teens especially to be clueless about this stuff.

    8. New empty nester here, but I remember this stage like it was yesterday. I did not want a vacation away as much as I wanted everyone else to leave so I could have my house to myself for a few days. I still want that! I spent 25 years coordinating meals, and it is so glorious to eat if, when and what I want.

      1. My husband takes the kids to visit his parents every year for a week, and it is paradise.

      2. YES. I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to be in a clean, organized house ALONE for a few days.

          1. I don’t necessarily want a staycation in place of a vacation, but I do really love those rare occasions when everyone else is out of the house and I am left to my normal routine alone.

      3. omg when my husband takes the boys i end up like watching netflix and having a glass of wine while sitting on the floor of the pantry or walk-in closet organizing things… so fun.

    9. Do you have the funds for an all inclusive? My mom used to insist one vacation a year was all inclusives. Kids got a room, parents got a room. Family dinner was required at 7 pm at one of the restaurants but otherwise we were not to bother parents and feed/entertain ourselves with the facilities of the resort.

    10. This does sound exhausting! Truly truly, I couldn’t handle being “always on call” in that way – can you switch to a “only call us on date night if there’s fire or blood” standard? Or even set up two family chats in your messaging app of choice – one for general chatter (which you can mute & check at your own schedule) and one for emergencies only?

      Culture of constant availability wasn’t good for us at work and it’s not good for us socially either

      1. +1
        “Brayden, please do a search for “how to boil water” the next time pasta gets too difficult. I believe in you. Gotta go. Love you. Bye”

        Maybe it’s ok to get a little snappy if they act like this.

        Also, give yourselves a break. I think my kids could “meal plan” our dinners at this point. It’s basically the same 10 meals on repeat with slight tweaks. Are you all above a frozen pizza in a pinch? I figured all working moms were on simple easy auto pilot with dinners. It’s a running joke with most of my mom friends. I know when taco night is at my kids’ friends’ houses.

        1. Yeah maybe ask yourself how you’ll reply when they’re texting that they’re hungry from college, and start now!

        2. Yeah, my 8 year old can poach an egg. If he can, your teenager can definitely feed themselves. Or make a bowl of cereal.

          1. My mom was the kind of 1990s working mom who said, “if you can read, you can cook.” And honestly, she’s not wrong.

          2. My parents were always pointing me to the recipe books. And they were also very supportive of my very early efforts, to include a clam chowder I made with 2% milk. I still remember how thin it was–not like I knew it from restaurants! But they ate it all.

      2. It can help a lot to be slow to respond, both at work and at home. People will figure things out if you don’t respond right away.

    11. I read through the comments yesterday. I am a single mom who makes decent money and has a good co-parent. I am not burned out at all. I very much enjoy not caring for a man. Is my life lonely at times? Yes. Is it peaceful? Yes.

    12. Then book yourself a trip to an all inclusive and tell him you’ll be gone for a long weekend. The whole family will survive.

      1. +1
        I thought that book “let them” was extremely stupid. Then i learned there are moms picking up the phone on a night out because their teenagers cannot boil water without emotional or intellectual support. Someone said yesterday that it was mentally stressful to not step in. How is it not mentally stressful to raise kids this helpless? I’ll talk through my kids’ real issues until I’m blue in the face. I’m not talking them through finding cereal in the pantry even if I’m home. Sink or swim kids.

        1. Modern therapy culture has parents convinced that if we don’t instantaneoulsy pick up the phone to provide emotional support for boiling water we are “neglecting” and “parentifying” our children and will cause them “CPTSD” or worse.

        2. Yeah… Unless we really think they’re going to burn down the house or give themselves salmonella, this is one of the tasks I’m most comfortable letting go on. They’re going to eat; they will figure it out, same as anybody else who opens up a stuffed full fridge and feels like there’s nothing to eat at first glance.

    13. I had to have a mini-meltdown about the “what are we having for lunch?” questions I got from my teenagers. They are 14 and 17. If kids their age could be married/set up housekeeping or have jobs in coal mines a hundred years ago, they can sure as heck heat up leftovers or make a sandwich.

      2. I agree with this. We forget that children worked in mines, went to war, and got married at 14. Obviously they shouldn’t have been doing any of those things but they were capable of doing it at a time when the intelligence level of the population was lower (IQs have increased a lot over time).

        1. I do wish schools would cover more life skills. Kids spend so much time there and the same chores need to be done really!

          1. I took home ec (everyone did, boys AND girls) in middle school and high school and honestly, it was both fun and extremely useful.

    14. Even as a non-parent, YES. Thinking about planning all of that stuff? Not a real vacation for me.

    15. I have teens and I will not do airbnbs precisely because I refuse to grocery shop/clean/cook while on vacation. Also, kids who are old enough to stay home alone while you go out to eat are old enough to feed themselves. Just ignore the notifications and calls during meals out (you would do this for a business dinner, right?). They know how to call 911 if there were a true emergency, the chances of which occurring are less than .00001%

  2. Does anyone have suggestions for a sturdy but attractive faux boxwood / green foliage wreath? Hung outdoors and gets full sun. Our prior wreath was from Balsam Hill and lasted 3 summers before the leaves turned brittle and flaked off – not actually THAT bad for the elements, and would re-buy, but Balsam Hill discontinued the style.

    Searching is getting me a lot of stuff that is, and looks, cheap. Darby Creek Trading is a new-to-me company but theirs is the closest to the look I want – has anyone purchased from them? https://darbycreektrading.com/products/boxwood-everyday-all-seasons-spring-summer-front-door-wreath-18

    1. I think you have outsized expectations for how long they last. That said, I just get mine on Amazon and swap them out each season.

      1. Yeah 3 summers was fine! I just want it to look good quality close-up – we are in a city townhouse so this is not a “it hangs on a front door that no one uses, so if it’s obvious goopy plastic no one will really notice” situation. Everyone, including us, sees it from 6 inches away every time you leave the house.

      2. Ugh I really hope this isn’t the case. The whole point of getting faux flowers is so they last a long time. Three years is not a long time! I don’t want to throw out plastic stuff that often.

        And before anyone says it – real greenery isn’t less wasteful. There’s wire and the frame itself. I’ve tried to take apart real wreaths and I still have scars from the experience. That’s why I went fake instead!!

      1. OP here – yes, that’s where our old one was from, but as I said in the post, they no longer carry the style. Have you encountered anything similar from other brands?

  3. If you were looking to buy a new outfit for an upcoming presentation to senior execs, what would you buy? Assume total budget of $500, and I’m a curve size 12/14.

    1. Probably a The Fold top and coordinating pants. Or something like a Veronica Beard blazer that I’d wear over a ‘column of color’ pants outfit underneath.

      1. adding, this is in an industry where I see women execs in Big Meetings and they don’t tend to wear matching suits. YMMV if yours is a more traditional crowd.

      2. +1 to this. Midi dresses and Veronica Beard blazers are the most popular look I’m seeing at conferences. For consulting/finance focused events it’s more The Fold level of formality.

    2. I’m a senior exec and I pretty much exclusively wear Veronica Beard – get a Dickey jacket and matching pants in black. Both pieces can be worn separately and together as an interesting suit. The quality is great and they fit well, I’m your size. I disagree on the senior women and non matching suits – that’s kind of very old woman and I’m seeing my peers (40s/50s) in suits again, just not styled as fussy as we used to.

        1. It’s pretty true to size for designer (for me one size up from Jcrew/Gap). I am more pear shaped and the dresses/skirts fit me fine but I don’t love their pants which tend to be very slim cut without much room in the thighs/seat.

        2. Generally true to designer sizes. Like most brands, some pants fit better as a 10 and others as 12, but that’s more of a how I like the pants to fit. I find the Renzo pants fit really well for my doesn’t skip leg day proportions.

      2. Can you explain the Dickey jacket to me? I don’t understand the zip in hood thing. I don’t work in SF or in a start up. It’s a cute look I suppose, but there’s no place at all in my life where that look would work. Do you just wear without the zip in thing? Does that leave some kind of exposed zipper?

        I’m just discovering VB myself, and loving everything so far. I’m the poser above who has this dress that’s featured today in black and I love it!

        1. You can easily wear the blazer without the Dickey and it doesn’t look weird at all. I think I’ve worn my Dickey maybe twice, but I use the blazer constantly.

    3. This dress with a jacket.

      I own it in black and I love it. I’m currently an 8 but was a 12/14 for most of my life. This is super forgiving and professional. I’ve paired it with a blazer several times and it looks great. Add pumps and, voila!

    4. ME + EM can be work for something like this too. Good luck with your presentation!

  4. Duck-feet ladies who overpronate – what are your favorite gym shoes? I’ve always worn asics-GT line and when I went to a store a year ago or so that’s what they put me in again. Anything else I should consider? Also no arches. Foot lottery really.

    1. I worked with a body-work trainer on this, and it fixed a lot, but it’s not perfect, so I’m also interested in answers.

    2. I have duck feet and wear Brooks. Adrenaline is for over pronators. I have arches, though, so you probably need to your usual insert. For walking I get their Addiction line. Merrell for hiking.

    3. Lots of thoughts!

      “No arches” is related to overpronation. You can strengthen your arches. Look online for exercises for that.

      My usual recommendation for wide toe box shoes: Altras. They make ones that have a small drop; most are zero drop. Give them a try.

      Often, a store will put you in whatever if you want “gym shoes.” You might want to try a stability shoe.

    4. Brooks Adrenaline. That being said, my feet are both super narrow and duck shaped (AAAA heel and AA toes), and these primarily address the narrow foot and overpronating. My heel still slips a bit, but it doesn’t tear up the heel cup in the way it does with most shoes, so I do think the heel cup is narrower than most.

    6. Saucony Omni here. Brooks were very comfortable but not quite right in the toe box for me.

    7. I have narrow feet and overpronate. I wore Asics when younger on the advice of coaches/running store fitters, but when I went back a few years ago to get new shoes as I got back into running, the recommendation was Brooks Adrenaline. I’ve had Brooks since then and like them.

    8. Not really a “gym shoe,” but for walking the most comfortable shoe I’ve found for my similar feet is the Dansko Paisley. A couple of the basic colors come in wide width if you need extra toe room.

  5. I’m due to reorder some products so it’s as good a time as any for someone to critique my skincare routine…. 41, still some acne, but really generally dry. Fine lines and sunspots abound which I’ve mostly accepted. I’ve never done Botox but I’m considering it for my forehead. I’m not minimalist with my routine, but definitely not maximalist either. I tried Tretinoin more than once, but it made my skin wig out. Would love for it to work but the collateral damage of weeks of use and peeling was just brutal. Open to alternative suggestions or any other edits:

    Morning
    – Cerave wash
    – Paula’s Choice exfoliating toner (dark gray bottle)
    – moisturizing serum I got from a high-end spa that I love love love, but thinking this should be more nighttime… maybe I need a vitamin C serum here? Something else? The product is Phytomer Oligoforce Soothing Enforcement Face Serum
    – Elta MD sunscreen then makeup..

    Evening
    – Clinique makeup removing balm
    – Cerave wash
    – Paula’s Choice toner
    – Phytomer hydrating serum
    – Cerave PM cream

    In the evening sometimes I do a sheet mask or other mask, but that’s like 1x week.

    Thoughts? How am I doing? What am I missing if I want to combat some signs of aging and keep things hydrated year round?

    1. Twice a day is too often for the Paula’s Choice toner. I would do nighttime only, maybe every other day.

      In the morning, def swap in a vitamin C serum. I like the brand Maelove. And you need a moisturizer, not just a moisturizing serum.

      I recently got a facial and was recommended the La Roche-Posay double repair moisturizer, which I like. I haven’t tried it, but I’ve read good things about the INNBEAUTY extreme cream.

      1. TY! Where do I need to add the moisturizer? I get it at night from the Cerave PM cream. So presumably in the morning I swap the serum for a vitamin C C and add a moisturizer there?

        1. Yes, in the morning swap the hydrating serum for a vitamin C serum, add a moisturizer afterwards!

    2. I’m no expert, but I think I’d add a Vitamin C serum to your morning routine and probably shift the moisturizing face serum to nighttime. If you like using toner, fine, but I don’t think they are all that useful.

      For night, I’d again eliminate the toner (unless you like it!) and instead I might add an AHA/BHA serum 2-3 times a week.

      Finally, you can just use your moisturizer, but if you’d like, you can add an eye cream at night, too.

    3. If you don’t tolerate Tretinoin/retinol, consider retinaldehyde/retinal. It’s so much gentler!

      Aside from some form of topical A, have you approached dry skin, aging, and acne from a nutrition angle? (Like, do you eat any foods high in hyaluronic acid? Does your diet contain enough vitamin B3 and enough zinc? Are you on PPIs or any other meds that are associated minor deficiencies?) My experience has been that minor deficiencies show up first in skin issues, and that taking a good multi or prenatal does help my skin noticeably.

      I don’t care to spend a lot of money on additional supplements that may not work, but knowing that e.g. astaxanthin and omega 3s are good for my skin does motivate me to spend a little extra on my groceries (in this case, by getting salmon instead of tilapia a little more often; for me it’s just one more reason to eat more nutrient dense foods).

    4. Oily and sensitive skin here. You are exfoliating too much! I like over the counter retinol oil; it doesn’t irritate my skin like the prescription stuff. Use at night. During the day, add peptides and moisture. Exfoliate once a week. Good sunscreen, and a way to reapply it during the day.

      . Skip the Vitamin C.

    5. I suggest adding Timeless or Maelove Vitamin C Serum, as others have said. After that, apply e.l.f. Holy Hydration! Triple Bounce Serum. This has hyaluronic acid, which is a game changer for dry skin! It’s the only thing that really improved the dryness of my skin. I use Vitamin C serum in the morning before applying moisturizer. I use the Holy Hydration serum in both the morning and evening before moisturizer as well. It’s also very affordable.

    6. Neutrogena Hydro Boost water gel. The City Shield version has sunscreen, so that’s all you would need under your makeup.

    7. agree that exfoliating toner twice a day is way too much, esp if you’re naturally dry. I’m a little younger than you (mid 30s) but similar skin type. The glow recipe blackberry retinol serum is a holy grail for me – prevents breakouts, actually see anti aging but it’s more gentle than most retinol products. Peach & lily also makes fantastic products.
      am routine: cleanser, optional toner, serum, moisturizer, sunscreen.
      pm routine: makeup remover, cleanser, optional toner, serum, moisturizer.

      I would use a hydrating toner or essence in the am, a vitC or moisturizing serum. PM I would use an exfoliating toner OR active serum (like lactic acid or retinol) and a heavier moisturizer.

  6. is anyone else feeling very conflicted about how they feel about what we are doing in Iran?

    1. Nope. It’s a good thing.

      There is no diplomatic, nice way to remove a murderous despot from power. It’s air strikes, civil war, etc. The choice is whether a small number of people die, and those are the people causing the problems (targeted air strikes) or lots of young people die (war). I would much rather that those in power kill those in power than have people in power send a million of their own to die.

        1. Has blame for the strike actually been allocated yet? Someone clearly messed up, but I thought there was still no consensus yet on who.

      2. Welp, I guess we’ll see when Trump sends American troops over if there’s any meaningful distinction between people in power killing those in power vs. people in power sending a million of their own to die.

      3. In your opinion, should the US be removing murderous despots from power across the world, or just Iran? Do we have the right to do this? Is it our responsibility? Is it categorically a good idea, or are there other factors to consider?

        1. I also don’t understand the priority vs. Ukraine (where there was a responsibility).

        2. And to do so with no plan except hope they’ll pick up the bond and run with it is absolutely bonkers.

          It’s like, nobody really disagrees that this guy needed to be out of power, but there’s a reason that decades of people in our government and government across the world didn’t rush to do what Trump did… It needs care and handling and planning for the long-term, none of which happened here.

        1. I was unaware of anger at America for this. Last I checked, there are spontaneous celebrations the world over with people waving the Persian flag and the American flag, and many even dancing to the YMCA.

          1. Interesting, I have a colleague crying in my office because she’s so worried for her family in Iran. It’s almost like none of know or can know the full scope of reactions, and many things can be true at once. One can be happy about some aspects of an outcome while being legitimately concerned about others. American imperialism has consequences, many of which will come to pass after the dance parties have ended.

          2. Yeah, my Iranian friend is sick to her stomach and devastated. They know all about this kind of bs American warmongering, including the fact that it’s a self-serving diversion tactic for megalomaniacs. This is an unconsidered, ill-planned attack, and the longterm consequences will be awful.

      5. So you think two governments who are murdering their own civilians in the streets had a mandate to go take out a third government because it is murdering its civilians in the streets?

    3. No. I think it’s awful, ill-considered, and a blatant tactic to distract from other things.

    4. No. I don’t have any ability to change it, so I am not emotionally invested in it.

    5. I am. On the one hand, the Iranian government has been murdering people in the streets, and many Iranians seem to be pleased…but on the other hand, I don’t really trust our current President and don’t really believe anything that comes out of his mouth and his motives have nothing to do with that/idk that it is our place to get involved.

    6. I don’t feel conflicted. I feel angry. Yes, the leadership was bad for the people of Iran, but they were not a threat to the US and we had no business going in there. Rubio made it clear today that even this idiotic administration understood that and the threat was created by Israel’s insistence that they were going in with or without us and were perfectly willing to endanger American interests in so doing. So who is the real threat to the US?

    7. Until public education is fully funded, our elders and vulnerable people have food and medical care, our roads and bridges are safe, our water is clean and so much more, we have no business starting a war of choice. We are making more combat veterans even though we don’t take care of the ones we have. Iran’s supreme leader was terrible, but this was still a war of choice. Iran (and Castro for that matter) could have been dealt with either militarily or diplomatically years ago, but it was politically beneficial to have a boogeyman. This war was a choice and not one the US should be making given the state things are in at home.

      1. I’m not happy with how USA spends its money either, but things are still a lot better here than in a lot of places, right? And every country has its own unsolved issues, so is the message that we’re all just on our own?

        1. What? This is a very weird misreading.

          Don’t pretend that this is the U.S. offering “help” to another country in need, nor that this is about spreading the ideals of “freedom” and “democracy” around the world (especially when those very values are under direct attack here, by our own administration). This is the U.S. choosing war for bad reasons, without any thought, plan, or concern.

          1. Dollar amount, for either your state or the country as a whole?

            What’s the shortfall?

    8. I’m only conflicted because I do think the world is better off without that regime in power. I also think the world would be better off without the current US regime in power, but don’t really think a foreign power coming in and doing the same to us that we did to Iran would be an ideal way to achieve that outcome.

      1. Thus far, the regime remains in power. And the US has not claimed the intent to be regime change. Others may have that intention, but it was not a stated goal of the U.S.

        1. And yet Trump stated that his 2nd and 3rd picks to replace the Iranian leadership have already been confirmed to be obliterated. Proclaiming that it wasn’t an intent does not make the proclamation true.

    9. I think this conflict will have wide reaching consequences that we cannot predict. In a movie, the plots ends when you kill the big bad guy but I don’t think that’s how real life works.

      2. I think some things are predictable; it’s not a huge mystery how to make friends vs. enemies in the world.

    10. I would like someone to be honest, not gaslight us. I think there was a calculation that this is a good time to defang some of the most disruptive groups in the Middle East. Russia is busy, Syria is no longer in a position to help as much, Hamas and Houthi arsenals are depleted, and so this seemed like a good time to tackle Iran, which has been propping up a lot of disruptive groups. If that is what is really happening? It seems like a serious plan of limited scope.

      1. They have now told us. Netanyahu said he has been wanting to do this for 30 years and finally was able to talk a US President into it. Rubio said we agreed because Israel said they were going in now regardless and the US was afraid that if we did not participate that would threaten U.S. interests, this there was an imminent threat justifying US military action. (Rumor is Israel threatened to use nuclear weapons but no one has confirmed that so just going on official statements.)

    11. I just feel like this is another thing to distract from domestic issues, the E*** files, etc.

      2. And also maybe it’s the Band of Brothers / The Pacific recent rewatch talking, but I’m Protestant enough to be in the camp of, “all war is a sin, war is wrong, we should stop wars ASAP.”

        1. Only Congress has the power to declare war, and Congress was not at all included in this decision.

      2. So you think that when Trump followed the War Powers Act, that was not enough to meet constitutional muster?

  7. How important do you consider your firm’s annual partner retreat to be? Over the years, other attorneys at my firm have attended the retreat under circumstances that I would not have attended. One woman was only 4 weeks postpartum, another was 35 weeks pregnant. Another partner has a trial starting the day after the retreat ends – on the opposite coast – but he’s going to the retreat anyway. Would most people go to the retreat under these circumstances?

    This year I have a trial starting the day after the retreat so I was planning to not attend – I can’t imagine taking off the last 4 days before trial – but I’m worried that my reason sounds like an excuse. Am I taking the wrong approach to the retreat?

    2. I’d probably go for at least part of it. The point is face time with colleagues in other offices and relationships that help you cross-sell, no? Consider it an investment in building your book.

      1. sorry, I meant to you specifically, and especially if it’s not long travel – wasn’t clear from your post if the retreat is not travel-intensive for you, but was for the other person with a trial.

        not for the pregnancy examples, though I can see that women in those circumstances, at a big firm, might feel like they need to show up to prove to people that they’re not ‘weak.’ Not that they *should* have to show up, at all. Just that I can see why they might go to extra effort to avoid judgment.

        1. The retreat is a flight away but in the same time zone for both me and the other trial person. It’s maybe a 2-3 hour flight; definitely not driveable.

    3. I would not go under any of those circumstances, no (maybe with the trial coming if the retreat wasn’t that far away from where I live). I’ve found this place to be VERY conservative with this sort of thing, telling you that you MUST do X super inconvenient or unsafe thing or your career WILL tank, but I’ve never followed that and have never observed any professional consequences from it. I’m promoted and offered raises at a rate that makes me happy, so what more is there?

      Also, I declined to attend a memorial service at 35 weeks pregnant (I did make it to the bedside 6 weeks before that) and ended up delivering the day before it was scheduled. I was glad I listened to my intuition.

    4. It sounds like your firm culture is to highly prioritize the retreat. I think you still can skip if you feel you need to for the trial, but try to replicate the face-time and networking in other ways as much as you can.

    5. I’d skip it in all of the circumstances you’re describing. The only firms I think that have Super Important partner retreats are, like, Quinn Emanuel, where they drop you off in Alaska and expect you to climb mountains or whatever. But even QE would expect you to be prepping for trial the day before — what if there’s a flight delay or other airline snafu?

    6. I think what you are describing is a firm culture where it is Very Much Expected that people will attend this event. That said, it seems insane to me to go under any of the circumstances you describe, so… I’d stay home and do trial prep. If it were close enough I might pop in for the fancy dinner or whatever, or I might not.

      1. To me this sounds like a situation where you are expected to fly to the retreat, sit in your hotel room prepping for trial most of the time, and show up for the dinners.

  8. Has anyone gotten an ADHD diagnosis later in life? I want to talk to my doctor about it seriously (as opposed to in passing like in past years) and I’m winding myself up about it. I don’t want it to cost thousands of dollars, I’m not willing to let anyone interview my parents (but sister and husband are fine), and I’m not prepared to do any estrogen testing or anything like that, but I do have all of my school transcripts ready for review. I just want help without multiple barriers. Am I overthinking this?

    1. Do you want medication? Do you have kids? Asking bc if you don’t want medication and you do have kids, you may find yourself getting a diagnosis-by-proxy. That’s what happened to DH- one of my kids went through the process and DH was sitting there nodding his head the entire time.

      If you don’t want medication, just start talking to a therapist and reading about ADHD and see if any of the recommendations stick.

    2. I got diagnosed about 18 months ago at age 38. I was already seeing a psych for med management. He asked some in-depth questions and I filled out a long questionnaire, and that was it. No interviews with parents/spouse. YMMV and I don’t know if this is common.

    3. If you made it through college and are gainfully employed without a diagnosis or drugs, you probably don’t need the diagnosis or drugs.

      1. I don’t think this is accurate. College has a lot of structure that can really help people with ADHD. Gainful employment doesn’t mean that e.g. somebody’s home is not a disaster zone. And people who aren’t on meds sometimes “make their own” stimulants (lots of adrenaline!) which can lead to burn out.

        1. I’m the original poster. Every living space I’ve ever had has been a disaster zone. But I’ve also been gainfully employed without interruption since I was 16 and have two degrees. I’d like medication to be on the table, just to see if there’s a difference to my quality of life. There was an article in The Cut last week about this, and there was a passage in there about frenetic cleaning that made my husband call me at work and suggest talking to the doctor.

          1. But why do you want someone who is not truly qualified to diagnose you to just prescribe medication? n kids, pediatricians have begun prescribing these medications due to the hot mess of a medical system we have and the extremely long waitlists for appointments for diagnosis with qualified practitioners, in particular with those who accept insurance, and kids are about to get kicked out of school. You should at minimum see a psychiatrist

          2. I would rather have a dirty house than the side effects of ADHD drugs, but maybe your body will like them more.

      2. Smart, motivated people with ADHD can get through college and grad school and establish careers. It just takes way more effort for them than it needs to.

      3. This is so inaccurate. Many, many high-achieving women managed to overcompensate and excel in school and/or work despite untreated ADHD, and eventually reach a point where they can no longer overcompensate. Either the demands increase too much, or the costs to other areas of their life (typically personal life) become unbearable. Or they now have a child which requires executive functioning skills they haven’t developed. Or they seek help for anxiety or depression and realize those were byproducts of untreated ADHD. Managing to make it through college and be gainfully employed because you’re using caffeine and anxiety and perfectionism and overwork as methods to compensate for your ADHD, while your personal admin is a disaster and your personal life suffers, does not mean that your life cannot be dramatically improved with diagnosis and/or drugs.

      4. This is absolutely not true. The only reason my husband made it through college was because he used me as his external brain. Things started to break when he couldn’t rely on me for his executive functioning and he NEEDED meds.

      5. “Made it through college” and “gainfully employed” aren’t the only standards of existence.

    4. while pediatricians these days are diagnosing adhd and some internists, it truly is not a part of their medical training. you want help in what sense? you want medication? you want therapy? executive function coaching? you might be able to find a practitioner who accepts insurance to do the evaluation.

      1. Medication, primarily. I want (and this is true for me, generally) as few doctor visits in my life as possible. My primary care doctor is a part of a medical concierge practice and I feel like she’s conditioned to provide resource intensive options, and this possibility is winding me up, possibly unnecessarily. I see her next month for my annual review.

        1. Okay. Realistically, keep in mind that the medications for ADHD are mostly controlled (e.g. Ritalin) and/or upper tier/PA (e.g. Qelbree), and/or off label (Modafinil). So it’s usually a more specialized practice that wants to deal with that much red tape, and it’s hard to get around the extra doctor visits (laws sometimes require them for refills).

          I think neuropsychologists are the ones who do the $$$$ assessment with family interviews and everything, and then pass you off to someone else for treatment. They’re checking for more than just ADHD typically.

          To me it sounds like you’re hoping to find a psychiatrist who does their own assessments and treatment plans since you have no reason to think you need a full neuropsych assessment.

    5. Because there’s no real definitive test for ADHD–like a blood test or something– I don’t think it’s worth jumping through a bunch of hoops and spending a bunch of money to get diagnosed. Also, if you can manage to jump through a lot of hoops without issue you probably don’t have ADHD ;).

      If your goal is to try meds I’d just make an appointment with a psychiatrist for medication management, and tell them “I think I have ADHD and want to talk about my options.” I would not expect any kind of hormone testing or them wanting to talk to your parents. More likely it’s conversation and maybe a form to fill out.

      If they offer meds, try them and see if they work for you. For years I built ADHD meds up as the magic bullet that would solve all my problems and when I finally got on them I realized that no, I’m still me, just me who’s able to focus on something for more than five minutes. And with side effects they come with their own problems.

      1. This is helpful–thank you. It’s true that I am building them up as something to fix my problems. I’ll think more on that!

        1. That said, for me personally even though they’re not a magic solution, they are helpful enough to make a meaningful difference, and I am currently on Vyvanse.

    6. My PCP suggested I take the Diagnostic Evaluation at adhdonline.com. It is a legit company that has a very long questionnaire for people to fill out and goes into family history, childhood trauma, and other things I didn’t even know were relevant, and then the results are evaluated by one of their psychiatrists and their determination is shared with you and sent to your doctor. It’s $200.

    7. I was diagnosed at 45 – and I just saw that the mom from the Holderness family was just diagnosed also and she’s around 49.

      I paid about $1500 for a psychologist to talk me throuhg it, give me written questionaires and do a screen test I’m blanking on (red squares and blue circles zooming in). I’m not medicated, but it was useful to me anyways.

    8. OP here: thank you, everyone. I have stuff to think about, and I should probably look up the referenced side effects. I’m ok with a messy house 90% of the time, so long as it’s rodent and mold free, but that 10% where I’m not ok with it, I make everyone’s life miserable. It’s also a very old house, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking cleaners to deal with 200 year old nonsense.

      1. And I guess I should add that I have a history of being able to jump through hoops that I care about, but won’t for anything medical, or that I don’t care about. The reason my husband and I have the medical concierge is because it’s the only way he can convince me to get regular checkups. But like someone said, my usual tricks aren’t working the same way and everything feels harder. And yes, I ingest a lot of caffeine.

      2. There are many different meds with different side effect profiles, and not everyone gets the side effects. ADHD is believed to involve dopamine and/or norepinephrine and/or acetylcholine, so YMMV. Common issues like sleep apnea can mimic or complicate ADHD so they sometimes try to figure out if there’s a reason why things are getting harder.

        I promise there are cleaners who can handle 200 year old nonsense (and even enjoy it; there are a lot of people who love very old houses).

      3. I was diagnosed at 33 and just wanted to chime in that there’s a lot of variety in process for diagnosis and prescribing. I was in therapy and my therapist referred me to a psychiatrist she’s worked with for decades. He listened to my story for an initial appointment (which was maybe an hour) and my experiences trying my friend’s medication and prescribed meds for me. I checked in with him pretty frequently for the first few weeks/months and now I just check in quarterly. No testing, no interviews of friends or family, no transcripts, no written assessments. I have essentially zero side effects from Vyvanse. Just a little dry mouth if I’m already dehydrated. All this is to say it may not be as difficult as you think.

      4. re side effects, I think this is why going with a pych or pych ARNP is a better approach, they’re more likely to get the best med for you on the first try or two, vs putting you on something that’s outdated or too conservative etc. a lot of therapy practices have med providers that work with them. Does your work have an EAP? that’s how I found mine and it was life changing.

  9. Inspired somewhat by the conversations about how burned out a lot of moms are on nonstop planning, I’d like to put in a plug for Adventures by Disney vacations. They’re expensive group trips, not really Disney focused (outside of a Southern CA itinerary), but with a Disney customer service culture. It’s such a treat to let someone else do the planning. Literally they tell you when to show up and you go. Added bonus for us, having an only child, she gets to meet and hang out with other kids her age. It usually takes a day or so, but then most of the kids sit together at meals and hang out during activities.

    1. I’ll take this chance to expand on the whitewater rafting suggestion I made upthread – it’s similar where you book the trip with an outfitter, book your flights to and from the meeting point (with a hotel night on either end if needed), maybe buy some new sunscreen and a pair of shorts, and that’s – it. It is SO glorious. It’s full days of adventure, no screentime, nights under the stairs, absolutely gorgeous scenery that most people never get to see, great conversations, and all meals (and drinks) prepared for you. You don’t need prior experience (for most trips); the guests on the ones I’ve gone on have ranged in age from 8 to 85. You can either sit in the guided oar boat the whole time (which is a great option for people there more for the scenery and the peaceful setting) or you can usually stand-up paddleboard or inflatable kayak if you want a bit more action. There are opportunities to fish, draw, hike, play beach games, swim, etc. I think they are the BEST value for active, adventurous families and perfect for inter generational groups.

      1. I can see how this would be super fun for many families but it’s just reminding me that aligning on vacation styles prior to marriage is probably an underrated discussion topic. If my husband ever suggested this trip I’d hand him the kids and then book myself a hotel at the end of the trip and meet them there. Camping is not something I ever want to do on purpose.

        1. Saaaame. And I’m actually decently outdoorsy, in the sense that I’ve planned trips around wildlife and day hiking is one of my favorite things to do on vacation. But I have too much money to voluntarily sleep in the woods.

          1. My grandmother was a Charleston society belle who married a Californian. She wasn’t sure she would like sleeping on the ground (in the 1960s when gear was MUCH less comfortable) and ended up loving it. It wasn’t about money, which they had plenty of – but they were big on quality time and adventure with their kids. You can find that in a big variety of trips, of course, but being open to new things can surprise you.

          2. I didn’t mean that only poor people camp, rather that for me personally this kind of thing held more appeal when I was in my 20s and couldn’t really afford decent hotels (although even then I preferred hostels to camping) but no that I have money for a hotel it’s a no way.

          3. When I take trips I’m usually seeking novelty, not rest, so I’ll sleep outside if that’s the trip, but I probably wouldn’t do camping in the same location multiple times.

        2. +1000 I don’t know if it is one person or multiple who keeps suggesting camping and rafting but it is definitely not something I or half of my family would enjoy.

          1. It’s a good suggestion for all the people who complain about never having fun or like motherhood is just a slog or that they can’t get their kids off of their screens.

          2. A cruise or all-inclusive resort checks all the same boxes though (no planning for mom, no cooking or cleaning, kids off screens) and doesn’t involve camping.

          3. A lot of people absolutely love camping – it’s beautiful, quiet, in nature, etc. It is a very different trip from a crowded Disney cruise and it’s not really a last resort option. Both have lots to recommend them but if you want a no-plan trip and you have a smaller budget, a guided outdoors trip is (usually) much better value. Aren’t the Disney cruises very expensive?

          4. Disney cruises are quite pricey, but you don’t need Disney to check those boxes – pretty much any cruise or all-inclusive will do it. The Disney branding is just an added bonus for the kids.

        1. Somewhere with a beautiful view :) The company sets up a portable toilet that isn’t half bad.

      3. I’m not really a group tour person since I get enough of being told what to do and where to be at work…but I did a bucket list horseback riding vacation with an outfitter in Scotland a couple of years ago, and there was really something to be said for not having to think about logistics. I wouldn’t say I’m wholly converted, but I’d consider it for another active vacation with a lot of moving pieces.

        1. A guided tour where everything is set up and taken down for you sounds very different from ordinary camping where you have to make and break camp, do all the cooking, wash dishes, etc.

        2. Who’d you do the Scotland trip with? I’ve been debating doing something like that if I can convince one of my riding friends to go with me.

          1. Late so I hope you see this: Highlands Unbridled. Dom is a gem and the ponies are fantastic. I went by myself and shared a room with another singleton girl around the same age, so don’t be scared to go alone if you need to!

            Sadly (?) I now own a horse and will never have the money to do it again.

    2. Thanks for the plug! I get advertisements for these and was curious about it.

      We are doing a Disney cruise for the same reason. The complete and utter lack of planning required is one of the main things I’m paying for!

    3. Disney cruises are also great in this way, though definitely more Disney-fied than Adventures by Disney. But as an anti-Disney adult, I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed it. We went just for our kid, but ended up booking a second one because it was such a fun vacation.

    1. it looks a bit, Bunny MacDougal running a church luncheon benefit, vs. officewear, to me.

    2. Yes, and I personally hate it. BUT!!! I have been known to wear things with the same vibe (but more appropriate to my body type.) So if you love it and can rock it, buy it :)

    3. I think the drop waist is bad. It doesn’t work with the pleats. Because of that, you would probably need a straight up-and-down figure to pull it off; that’s why you are thinking “little girl dress.”

      1. +1 cute polished and easy. I’m slightly apple shaped and this like cut on me better than a slim bottom or defined waist.

  11. A while ago (end of January) there was a gift link for the Washington Post article about online privacy tips regarding Google’s Gemini and AI Mode search. Can someone repost it as the original gift link has expired?

    Thank you.

    2. You can likely get free access to WaPo for a short period from your local library and access the article that way.

Comments are closed.