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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Lettuce Trim Button Top

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A woman wearing a light blue cardigan and white pants; she is holding a woven clutch

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m honestly not sure if this top from Ann Taylor should go into the “blouse” or “cardigan” category, but I do know that it looks lovely! The fabric is a modal/viscose/spandex blend, so if you’re going to wear it as a cardigan, it will be more for accessorizing than for warmth. Regardless, I love the color and the lettuce trim around the bottom and sleeves.

Wear it over a navy dress or with your favorite summer trousers. 

The top is on sale for $48.65 (marked down from $69.50) at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes XXS-XXL and XXSP-XXLP.

Sales of note for 4/24:

130 Comments

  1. What is the most dumbed-down, simple, easy to keep up with budget method out there? I’ve started and stopped a few times, and while we’re OK, with costs rising so much recently I’m getting nervous about not being more intentional about things, but want to make sure it’s something we can keep doing.

    1. If you’re not already reviewing what you spent money on each month, I guess that’s the place to start. Your credit card may already break it down into categories for you.

      1. Agree that tracking spending is the first step. I use Simplifi, which auto-loads my and my husband’s debit and CC transactions and assigns them a category. I go through about once a week and reassign some of the expenses to the correct category. Then I can run reports to see, for example, how much I spend on groceries or dining out or clothes over the last however-many months. It may have other budget capabilities that I don’t use, but it is a simple way to track spending. The second thing I do, when I get restless about the outflow, is make a list of recurring expenses and see what I can shop or eliminate. Insurance, streaming services, phone plans, gym memberships, hair, etc. It helps me eliminate unnecessary expenses and, just as importantly, feel like I have some control over them.

    2. A DIY spreadsheet where you record and categorize all expenditures. YNAB and similar “methods” have rigid, silly rules that overcomplicate things.

      1. This is the way. After tracking spending to create a budget, I made a spreadsheet for variable expenses with a few categories. Each day’s spending gets added immediately, so I can always see what is left for the month. Created a bookmark for the spreadsheet on my iPhone so it is easy. At the end of the year, I calculate my total spending in each category and revise my budget accordingly.

        1. Is it a google sheet or actually through microsoft? I have a tracking spreadsheet but I only ever update it on desktop because it’s a pain on my phone.

          1. 10:07 here. Mine is an actual Excel sheet that lives on my personal laptop. I update it every day or so. I enter charges off the credit card and bank websites, but you could save receipts and enter amounts from those instead. I don’t like Google sheets or the Microsoft Office web interface, and I wouldn’t want to try to use a spreadsheet on a phone anyway. I never feel a need to consult my spreadsheet in real time before making a purchase in a store or restaurant because I always have a pretty good sense of how I’m doing on the budget.

          2. I’m the one you’re replying to above, and mine is indeed an actual MS Excel spreadsheet, but a SUPER simple one. I only have 2 columns: one for my 7 variable spending categories, and one for the total spent in each category to date (which is just a formula like =amount+amount+etc. Very easy for me to just add an amount to that whenever I spend money on something.)

            At the top of the spreadsheet are 3 totals: Budget, Spent, and Remaining. The latter two contain formulas so they are automatically updated. So all I have to do is open my iPhone bookmark and I can see at a glance where I stand.

      2. See, trying to get my husband to update a spreadsheet is far more difficult than simply ignoring how you’re “supposed to” use any of the software tools and just using the features that help track spending. That’s what my husband and I did with YNAB for a year.

          1. We have very different husbands. ;) And honestly, I can’t be bothered to manually keep track of all my purchases manually either. It really is a huge hurdle for so many people, hence apps that sync up with your accounts and simplify the tracking for you.

      3. This just taught me that I would rather avoid discretionary purchases altogether than have anything to do with a spreadsheet in my free time. So I guess that works for cutting back on spending.

      4. 100% this.

        I have been using this method for well over 20 years. It started in Excel on my personal computer when I was in college, and now lives on in the Numbers app on my phone.

    3. Monarch is pretty easy to use and does a lot of the categorizing and reporting for you. We used Mint previously and moved over to Monarch when that shut down.

    4. I’m with you — I’m going to try the envelope method I think because the spreadsheet method is a lot. When I last did the spreadsheet I found it easiest to break the month into spending goals for each week and then I could know if we were on track or not; it can be hard to know if you’ve been spending indiscriminately and that helped me make different choices like maybe save the Costco trip until next week.

      Maybe I should just go back to the spreadsheet method ha.

      1. I have used a spreadsheet for both the envelope method and the weekly method. You can set it up however you want.

  2. I can see her undergarments in this photo; that seems to put it fully in the cardigan category. Wear it closed, sure, but it definitely needs an underlayer to be office-appropriate.

    1. This is the kind of cheap fabric top that will look bad after just one wash. Doesn’t even look good now tbh.

      1. yeah I scrolled down to see the retailer and was surprised to see AT. This looks really, really cheap.

          1. I’m currently wearing a pair of AT pants that I bought 2 months ago. They are already pilling on the thighs, and the hem is close to falling out. They weren’t cheap, either. It’s so disappointing, particularly since AT actually fits my shape.

          2. I have had to re-hem so many work pants lately, from AT and comparable stores. I don’t know why they can’t do hems that stay any more, but i’m getting very good at a quick hem.

          3. I am having other seams fall out. A hem would not be nearly as much of a disaster as a crotch seam.

      2. Yeah, I feel like this would show every lump and bump on my body. No, thanks.

      1. I think the OP meant opacity, not that there’s a gap. You can tell where this top is over skin, vs. over other fabric.

        1. Yes, I meant you can see where there is fabric underneath, and where there isn’t. This makes me think the fabric is supermarket clothing department clearance rack quality.

    3. AT quality is similar to Target these days. I don’t shop there at all anymore

  3. How do I select and style sheer socks to wear with pumps or flats? Can they be worn with both pants and skirts/dresses?

    1. Are you asking how you wear them in a trendy, fashion-forward way, or are you wanting to wear them for leg coverage/warmth in the most acceptable, invisible way?

    2. If you want sheer socks with pants, those are typically called trouser socks. If you’re trying to pull off the 80s madonna sheer anklets with pumps, well…you’re gonna look costume-y. Suggest full length nylons or tiny foothugging socks.

    3. For most women in most offices:
      Trouser socks/nylons are often knee high and can be worn under pants with shoes you might otherwise wear barefoot or with hose
      Sheer ankle socks are more trendy and might be best with loafers or something else trendy

      You CAN wear either with pumps and exposed legs but agree with others that you’ll look costumey or like the movies freaky friday/13 going on 30.

  4. How often do you dye your grey roots?

    I started highlighting a few years ago, then in the past year my greys have been coming in faster so I’ve switched to fully dying my hair. I did it at the salon for awhile but didn’t think she did a great job, plus it was expensive, so I’m now doing it on my own. Lately I’m doing my roots every 4 weeks or so. It’s time consuming plus the dye is hard on my hair, so I’d prefer to let it grow out and do it less.

    1. I have a Madison Reed subscription and go every three weeks. There’s a MR salon near my office so I just make an appointment after work. My color isn’t complicated so this subscription bridges the gap between box and salon nicely for me. I pay $79/month and get unlimited root touch up services.

        1. My hair is all one color. They do offer highlights, but at an additional cost.

          Also, an important caveat – you blow dry your own hair after the shampoo. (They have a blow dry bar set up with dryers, mousse and other hair products, as well as sanitized brushes, clips, etc.) They will blow dry you at an additional cost, if desired.

    2. My hair is almost 100% gray and is colored a few shades lighter than my natural color. I have the roots done at the salon every 4 weeks. If I could afford the time and $, I’d go every 3 weeks. I find the salon easier and less time-consuming than doing it at home.

      If you are worried about damage to your hair, try a salon that uses one of the oil-based color systems. These actually improve the texture of my hair. Also remember that gray hair has a different texture than your original hair, so if your hair is dry, coarse, and frizzy, it may not be the color at all.

      You may also be able to buy time between full root applications by using one of those root touch-up kits just at the part and hairline. I sometimes use these between salon visits if I have a big event.

      1. All this. As long as your stylist doesn’t pull the color through to the ends every single time, it’s not that bad in terms of damage. I hate how much money I spend on my root touchups, but I truly despise doing it at home.

    3. Every three weeks, box color from the drugstore (L’Oréal Excellence). My hair is almost completely grey and grows fast – if I don’t keep up the color it’s really obvious. I alternate between doing just the roots and pulling the color through the rest of my hair to keep it even and consistent. My hair is curly so I think it’s a little bit more forgiving of any missed spots. I don’t think the color is damaging my hair, but I also don’t heat style it at all so that helps. I think color+frequent heat makes it difficult to avoid damage.

    4. Root touch up every 5 weeks at salon. $130 + tip to stylist and shampooist. So like $165-170. Dark brown hair. Single process. After week 3, I do a ponytail and use root powder on the front grays at my hairline.

    5. Henna. I have dark blonde hair (well, was dark blonde; it’s now mousy brown and grey) that I dye copper red.

      It works; people compliment me on it and often assume it’s natural.

      I do it once every four weeks or so. It makes a mess and is a pain; however, it’s about $25/month and again, strangers walk up to me to tell me how beautiful it is. The henna is gentle on my hair.

      Obviously, you have to grow out any artificial dye and then you would have to grow out the henna if you switched, but… I like it.

      1. This is my plan, too. I was strawberry blonde naturally until my late 20s, and post-kids a sort of light brown/dirty blonde, but I’m hoping it still matches my complexion.

        Did you start before you started getting greys? I found my first last year, but I imagine it’ll pick up the coloring way more easily than my non-grey hairs, and am worried I’ll have neon orange highlights.

        1. I don’t notice that big of a difference between the greys and the not-greys in how they pick up henna.

    6. Honestly, the day I noticed roots at 3 weeks was the day I decided to let it go grey. It took me a while to pull the trigger, but I just couldn’t commit to that much upkeep.

      1. I’m there right now. My stylist and I had a conversation at my last appointment about how much longer to keep up with coloring. I’m not ready to grow it out yet, but she’s assured me that she has ideas and a plan if and when I decide that I’m done. She says that in her experience, it takes people awhile to get there mentally but they hit a point where they’re just … done.

      2. same here. I did sprays etc for like the first 3-4 months. at 8 months we did 10 small low lights at the top that helped make the line less obvious. and I’ve done some major chops. What I wish I found earlier was Overtone masks. I’m like 20 months in and people compliment my silver hair daily, random strangers, coworkers, teachers at my kids school. I’m 42. Eyebrows and lip color are essential or I look a bit washed out now. Purple shampoo once a week.

      3. Yeah, was gonna say, I know it isn’t a loved thing on this board, but I committed to growing mine out right after I turned 40 and am super happy I made the choice. I wanted to do so before the grow out would be really harsh, and was just curious overall what the pattern would be at this point as I found my first grey and started dying it at 21. I did like two years of highlights and lowlights with no base color to blend the grey in and 5 years out its all natural now.

        I put my energy into hair health as grey hair has its own quirks to learn, but am about 25% grey now in a way I personally like and regularly get compliments from women on it. It helps this coincided with a commitment to decentering men and taking a significant break from dating. YMMV but if you are thinking about it, this random internet stranger gives you permission to experiment and see if maybe its something you want to try. If you hate it, you can re dye it!

      4. I have never dyed my hair and now at 43 am at least 25% gray. My hair is naturally very dark brown, almost black so the grey is stark. But so far, I’m just going with it.

    7. I go to the salon, and I go every three weeks. Was thinking about letting it go gray but after talking to my colorist have decided not to pull the trigger just yet.

  5. Lord, give me strength as I doctor a pleading drafted by one of the newer associates, whose work I have doctored before, and whose work has not improved over the past year.

    Small firm, so I’m not in a supervisory or mentorship position with this associate. Just venting. In this particular associate, there seems to be an unfortunate intersection in the Venn diagram of “didn’t get good training in writing prior to law school” and “tries to write like a lawyer anyway.”

    1. As time permits, I would leave feedback on the document as opposed to editing directly and have them edit it. Even though you don’t have supervisory or formal mentorship role with this person, if it is a small firm and you will continue to work with them, I would still invest in their training. I get that sometimes timelines do not allow for the back and forth, but at least track your changes and send it back edited version to them as a FYI with a few high-level notes on what you edited and why.

    2. Solidarity.

      I would love to hear any objective tips folks give to associates on legal writing. I’ve never had success coaching on style or clarity, but objective things like “no adverbs” sometimes make it marginally better.

      1. I am an appellate lawyer so we do a lot of writing in my office. We send new lawyers to writing-specific CLEs but the biggest thing that helps is to review and edit multiple rounds of drafting with comments on each edit about why I made that change. The biggest issues I see are a lack of organization to the writing (which often means the person doesn’t really understand what they are trying to argue) and too many words. I will have people send me a draft of an outline first so that we can get the structure sorted out and then it is easier to fill in the details. We really try and work on “show don’t tell” and making sure each paragraph and then each sentence is clear and direct. It is a LOT of work to help improve writing and it takes time.

        1. I think sending them to a class can be really helpful. It was for me when I was a young lawyer.

      2. It’s old school, but I absolutely love “How to Write: A Memorandum From a Curmudgeon,” which is an easily googleable pdf. It helped me when I was a new associate, and I completely non-snarkily share it with new grads all the time.

      3. A appellate partner at my first (V10) firm would periodically distribute what he thought were exceptionally good briefs, with an open invitation to any associate to read the brief and discuss what he thought made it so good. He also emphasized that reading these quality briefs would help broaden our substantive legal knowledge, as the appellate group handled a far broader spectrum of legal issues. Those of us who were writing nerds actually did take him up on it occasionally, when real work permitted.

        Note that we didn’t have a billable hour requirement for bonuses, which made people willing to actually take him up on it on occasion.

      4. I have a checklist for juniors of everything they need to do before I will review a document. If they send me something and I notice any of the errors on the check list I flip it back to them. One Jr does give me the silent treatment any time they get the checklist though, so….

    3. Writing doesn’t get better without help, especially when the help is coming without a time crunch. When I was a junior associate, one of the retiring appellate partners would take the time (when asked) to go through prior writing to talk about what worked, what didn’t and how it could be improved. This wasn’t writing he had a stake in, and this was done at a leisurely pace without any impending deadlines. So grateful to him.

    4. I agree with the other comments above. Beyond that, my number one tip that improved my legal writing: Every sentence gets a citation.

      This really forces the writer to grapple with what is and is not supported.

      1. This rule is asinine. You don’t want any original analysis or application? It reminds me of the time my law review editor demanded a citation for *an original thought* in my note.

        1. Jones’ argument that his actions do not constitute murder under US vs Smith are similarly flawed. (Cite to Smith). In US vs Watson, this Court held that Smith’s mens rea limitations do not apply where, as here, the defendant was not drunk to the point of incapacitation at the time of the offense. (Cite to Watson). Indeed, Mr. Jones’ BAC was .009 — less than *half* of what Mr. Watson’s BAC was at the time of his offense. Cf Watson; record showing Jones’ BAC.

          That is independent analysis that requires a citation for every statement.

      2. This is a good tip even if you end up taking some of them out or condensing the sentences down to one citation at the end or something. (Like if all your sentences cite to the same thing for 2 paragraphs that tells you that you can probably cut it down.)

    5. Two things that helped me:

      I had fallen into the same trap as a lot of law students and was trying to sound overly formal with my writing. While clerking for a summer in law school, the clerk would sit with us to review our writing. She asked me what a particularly confusing paragraph meant. When I explained, she responded, “Why didn’t you just say that?” and made me rewrite it.

      A partner I worked for required us to go through and ctrl+f for unnecessary “thats.”

    6. The judge I worked for told me this story about someone working for a prominent government figure (Hoover, Kissinger, or RFK maybe? I’m quite sure this story was made up, so I don’t think it matters.)

      A new attorney started on a Monday and was tasked with writing a memo on a legal issue by Friday. He placed it on his new boss’s desk before he left for the day. On Monday, he returned to find it on his chair with just the words “Is this really the best you can do?” written on it in red ink. Crushed, he spent the next few days tearing it apart and trying again. Again, he put a draft on his boss’s desk, and again, he returned to find just the words “Is this really the best you can do?” written on it. (You can have this repeat however many times seems appropriate to you).

      Finally, he went into his boss’s office to quit. “I’m clearly not cut out for this,” he said. And his boss looked at him and looked at the drag he was holding. “So that one really is the best you can do?” “Yes,” the young attorney cried. “Okay,” his boss replied. “I’ll read it now.”

      1. Drag = draft. Clearly I do not apply the same standards to my comments as I do the work I get paid for!

    7. In my opinion a main ingredient in good writing is good editing, and lots of it. So when I get a draft I review it without redlining and talk to the associate about high-level stuff like structure, they missed an argument, they need more factual background, whatever. Then I ask them to go revise and to do at least three drafts before coming back to me. Usually the advice + time combo gets them to where I can edit without totally rewriting. And then after big briefs we do a debrief session on major lessons learned.

  6. I’m 31F, originally American but now living in a major European city, and recently went on a Hinge date with 39M (never married, no kids). It was a great date, all things considered, but there was one red/yellow flag that I’ve been mulling over. It came up that his dating app age range is set from 28-33, because he wants women who want “something serious”. This was a bit weird for me—that the oldest he would consider dating is six years his junior. (Also I don’t think it’s at all accurate to assume that women 28-30 are necessarily looking for something serious, or that women 33-39 are not?)

    He comes from a culture that can be conservative and traditional about gender roles, which we discussed and he personally seems to be very liberal about. We both want children, so I definitely think that is part of why he’s interested in dating younger, but 33 seems like a realllllly young cut pff.

    Everything else about the date was great, and I’m going to see him again, so for the time being this is just data. But curious what the hive thinks about men purposefully going for women much younger than them, and being so open about it

    1. The one time I went on a date with a guy who set his range this way relative to his own age, it turned out that he was lying about his age (which he also claimed was 39) and was actually in his mid-40s. After that, I never went on a date with someone whose range wasn’t around (rather than entirely below) his own age again.

      1. I went on a date like this too and he was also lying about his age! As I recall I was in my early 30s and he had his age listed as 39, his preferred range was up to mid 30s. Turned out he was also 40+ but also didn’t want to date 40 year old women. Instant ick. A man who won’t date a woman his own age is a huge red flag.

    2. I suspect he’s thinking of the timeline. If he meets a 33yo and dates for 2 years, they will marry when she is 35. If he meets a 38 year old she would be 40. You can have a baby at 40 (I did) but the probability of having trouble conceiving is much higher than at 35.

      1. That was my first thought as well, but it doesn’t sound like what he said his reason was. We hear so much in the popular media about how hard it is to have kids after 35, and I think a lot of men just take that as gospel (when women are really starting to realize that many people don’t have problems getting pregnant after 35).

        If his answer was that he wanted kids and was worried that dating his own age would preclude that, I would be understanding. But his answer that women between 28 and 33 want something serious doesn’t ring true to me. I also really side eye anyone who has their age range set for over 10 years younger but not also older.

        I would consider this a red flag and keep an eye out for similar issues.

      2. I assume this is the reason too. I do not think it is a huge deal, personally. But his reasoning about younger women being more serious seems a bit odd.

      3. +1. If he dates a woman older than that she doesn’t have any time to waste. She’ll probably want to get married and start a family very quickly. It sounds like he wants a more “normal” timeline.

        Fertility doesn’t vanish at 35, but it definitely becomes harder to get pregnant with a healthy baby. Individuals might have no problem in their late 30s but the closer you get to 40 the worse your odds.

        1. Plus, you’re tired! And out of sync with your peers. Most people want to empty nest around 50 not have a 10 year old. Also if you want more than one kid, 40 is late to get started. I say this as someone who married at 40 and couldn’t get over everyone pushing us to have kids. At that age? No thank you. It’s a young person’s game.

    3. I probably shouldn’t comment on dating issues, but, to be fair to him, if he really wants kids, a woman his age is realistically on the edge of aging out, taking into consideration that it’s probably at bare minimum 2 years from meet-up to first pregnancy, not to mention if you want more than one or don’t conceive easily. (Something serious may have been a euphemism for that, and for the assumption that older women have probably either ruled out having kids or already had them.) Of course, we can talk all day about how biology isn’t fair and of course it’s possible that a women might have multiple kids after 40 and he really should have started this process earlier himself, but it all is what it is. It’s legitimately hard to start this process from scratch in your mid-to-late 30s.

    4. I’m not sure, but I’ve seen the opposite too (younger men who want kids dating women who also want kids but who are approaching or past 40) and haven’t felt totally sure about that either (at least not with zero sense of time passing from either party).

    5. Since you said you’re in Europe and he’s from a conservative culture—is the guy middle eastern, by any chance? If so, 5-10 year age gaps are pretty common, even amongst young liberal couples. There’s a huge emphasis on Arab men needing to be “ready” to marry in terms of finances/careers, so men often have first marriages in their mid/late 30s to younger women.

      Not to defend it or say its not a red flag, but it isn’t specific to this guy—this timeline is likely very normal to him

      1. I’m also curious about this. I’d be curious about the age ranges in his family (parents, aunts/uncles, grandparents), if they are still together, when they got married, etc.. Not that family = destiny, but understanding the specifics of what he has seen growing up might help you understand if this is a true culture thing or if it’s a ick-man thing.

      2. He is middle eastern ! But immigrated to the country we are in now in his early 20s. Interesting cultural perspective , thanks

    6. It would be a red flag for me. I understand wanting to date a bit younger if bio kids are important to him (although from what I’ve seen, 38 year old relationships move a lot faster than 28 year old relationships because both people are settled adults who know what they want). But 33 is a very young cutoff, and it doesn’t sound like it’s entirely about kids.

    7. With the age range I think he’s saying he doesn’t want to date anyone *younger* than that! As if he has to discourage them from seeking him out…

    8. Everyone has done a great job explaining the potential problems.

      One other problem: women who are 35+ and want kids aren’t playing games. The expectations have to be date, engaged, married, trying for kids within 2 to 2.5 years.

      I wonder if he, consciously or not, is avoiding women who would pressure him to commit already. Because if he meets a healthy woman who is 37, they have time for kids provided they get their butts in gear. If you’re 31, you might date this dude for three years without putting tooo much pressure on him.

    9. I think if this feels like a red flag to you, there is a reason for that. It’s the sort of thing where I could lawyer a non-concerning explanation (he doesn’t want to date anyone below 28 and the app defaults to a 5 year range and he didn’t really think too hard about changing the upper limit) or lawyer a concerning explanation (he is overly concerned about fertility status to the point of preemptively discarding women who are still likely very fertile).

      But ultimately, your gut is your gut. If it gets uncomfortable around this guy, that’s all that matters. You don’t have to overintellectualize/overlogic this question into whether this is okay or not in the abstract; what matters is whether for you, taking into account all the other little things you’ve subconsciously picked up on about this guy, this feels yucky or not.

    10. Hmm, I would be suspicious. Definitely something to continue to suss out. I have a divorced friend who is 45. He is open to dating someone our age and even a bit older, but also set the bottom end of his range around 30?! His most recent relationship was with a 34-year-old, and they broke up because the age difference revealed some incompatibilities that he couldn’t get past. And all I can think is … duh, my dude. A 12-year age difference is not nothing, even in midlife.

    11. It would give me the ick.
      Doesn’t mean it has to be a deal breaker for you, but if it’s making you uncomfortable, worth paying attention to

      Ime, there a chunk of guys like this who are basically treating dating like “interviewing for the position of their children’s mother” – they know they want to be a husband and father; but the woman in the picture is kind of a vague, interchangeable concept more than a real person.

      If I kept dating this guy, the thing I would be looking for is: Does he want to be *with me*? Or does he want to be *with someone*; and I’m here?

      1. I believe you, but I’ve been out of the dating pool for a long time. So, how do you figure out whether the guy is just looking for his baby mama rather than an actual person? The idea is legit horrifying.

    13. Honestly? It’s not just that he doesn’t want a partner his age. I think he wants a woman who is 28-33. When his partner ages out of that range he will still want a woman who is 28-33. He’ll be back in the apps before she’s 40.

    14. If it is about wanting children, then it is entirely reasonable to want someone in her early 30s. Having a baby over the age of 35 increases risk even with medical advances. If it were just about dating a younger woman, he would not limit the lower age to 28. This board is too much sometimes.

      1. This is what I thought, except OP felt it wasn’t about wanting children. Also it’s just kind of irksome when he’s “advanced paternal age” himself which comes with some increased risk too, though of course it’s not his fault and it may be logical to try to mitigate.

        1. I do definitely think children is a part of it, but the way he phrased the “looking for something serious” bit was odd, since women around 35 who want kids would likely be THE most serious

      2. If all he’s looking for is someone to pop out his children, that’s a red flag in and of itself. One’s ability to bare children should not be the top reason who people decide to make a life together. The foundational relationship between those two people is important.

        1. I hope no one is baring children! It’s still cold out in much of the country! Let them keep their clothes on!

    15. I mean, the fact that he is finding dates through an app is a red flag right there.

      1. I’ve been married a long time, but it seems that finding dates through an app has been very common for a long time now. Not sure why that in and of itself would be a red flag.

    17. I have a family member who looked for women significantly younger than him, because (his mom echoed) “they should look up to him”, “its easier for him to be the man of the house that way” i.e. he had poor self esteem and didn’t want a smart lady of his own age, but someone younger and naive so he could then call the shots. So make sure that the guy respects you in your own right and is willing to be an equal partner. And if he is from the middle east, that is a doubly important thing, since respect and equality for women is not culturally common.
      Signed, a woman from the Middle East who lives elsewhere now

  7. I bought a lightweight coat with sleeves that are somewhere between bracelet length and 3/4 length. I realized I never reach for it because I can’t figure out what top to wear. It seems when it’s cold enough for this coat I want a long sleeved shirt but then it looks weird peeking out of the coat sleeves. What am I doing wrong? Is this why it was donated to the thrift store?

    2. Wear it with a sweater with elbow-length or 3/4-length sleeves, or a blouse with poofy sleeves that intentionally show below the jacket sleeve.

    3. maybe it’s me but i feel like a slightly longer sleeve is good for this like some of the cardigans we’ve been seeing or for casual clothes things with thumbholes.

  8. Did anyone read/watch the Ben Sasse interview with Ross Douthat? It’s just remarkable. I say this is a liberal atheist who also appreciates the concept of civics in politics. I also just really respect his outlook on receiving a death sentence. I’ll put a gift link below.

    2. I’m a NE resident who has complicated feelings about Ben Sasse. There was so much potential for him to be a national leader, and I feel like he squandered it to appease to the far right. His positions ended up being all over the place, rather than the moderate I’d hoped we were getting. And what he did at the U of Florida was awful. All that said, I feel terrible for him and his family. Nobody deserves what he’s going through, and his story is both compelling and heartbreaking.

      1. oof what did he do at U of F?

        he sounds really intelligent in the article and I remember liking him as much as any republicans back in the day. i was just wondering what he was up to, and i guess… dying.

        1. Different anon, but he did the typical Republican grift. Brought in a bunch of highly paid cronies and blew up the budget while talking crap about the people who had been working there, then left after 17 months having done nothing but take a lot of money for him and his buddies. I’m sorry he’s dying and glad he’s better at sounding reasonable than many politicians these days, but I still think he’s as big a hypocrite as any of the rest of the so called conservatives that preach fiscal discipline for thee but not for me.

    3. I read it this morning, and I also found it remarkable. I rarely read a piece like this that actually makes me want to change my behavior. This does.

    5. I’m in the middle of listening to the interview. By coincidence, I’m reading Bowling Alone and it feels like both Sasse and Bowling Alone are both underlining a loss of shared culture and civic mindedness, but in different ways. It’s inspiring me to try to participate in communal culture, at least as much as is possible these days.

  9. This is a random question, but I am traveling by plane to a school function and want to bring 5 small signs that I want to decorate in advance – I am going to buy poster board and cut it in half, so that will be the size of each sign. I have a small carry on bag with wheels – rectangular shaped. Do you think if I put the signs in that bag that they will get messed up/wrinkled? I could carry them separately in a trash bag or something but would that count as my carry on item? Any other ideas?? TIA!

    1. You can buy half-size poster board. Advantage: no ragged edges. (I use it for mapping out appellate litigation. Don’t ask.)

      Roll it up and secure with rubber bands. Have it count as your under seat personal item. Alternately, you can find cylindrical shipping tubes.

    2. if it doesn’t matter if they get a bit bent, I’d curve them around the clothes you’re bringing. Then curve them the other way once you unpack.

    6. You could probably ship them overnight in a do not bend envelope for under $50 if their final form is very important. Have done similar for demonstratives.

    7. Maybe buy foamcore instead of poster board? Or cut one foamcore to support your poster board signs in carry on?

    8. I’d roll them into a cardboard poster tube. Depending on width of the poster/length of the tube, you might be able to fit this in your carry-on diagonally. Otherwise, you can ship the tube, take it on board as a carry-on, or check it in as oversized luggage, depending on the rules of the airline.
      I have shipped posters for scientific conferences when I went on vacation right before the actual conference, to not be burdened with schlepping around a poster.

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