Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Classic Shetland Blazer
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
‘Tis the season for cozy blazers, and the Talbots Shetland blazer has been one of my favorites for ages. If you’re looking for a classic herringbone pattern that will hold up for years, Talbots has your back. I have one in my closet that I’ve been trotting out on chilly fall days for the past five Octobers.
I love this purple color, but it also comes in green, burgundy, ivory, and burnt copper.
The blazer is $199-$219 at Talbots and comes in sizes 2-18, 0P-16P, 14-24, and 14P-22P. Right now you can get 25% off select regular-price styles, and this one is included!
Sales of note for 10/23 (ALSO, friendly PSA – check any NAS or Amazon Prime Day purchases for the return policies…)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase + $50 off your $200+ purchase
- Brooklinen – Friends & Family – 20% off sitewide and 50% off select bundles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off select fall styles. Also, donate any gently worn coat in one of their stores and get $25 off your next purchase of $125+.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off new arrivals + extra 15% off orders of $100+
- M.M.LaFleur – 72 hours only, save 20% on jardigans (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom – 5840+ new markdowns for women, up to 40% off
- Talbots – 50% off one regularly-priced item, 40% off everything else
- Theory – End of season sale is on with extra savings (new prices are marked)
Oh, this purple is gorgeous. Love it.
Question for moms of older kids. My 17-year-old started his first job a few months ago. Last night, he confessed that his supervisor told him that he’s underperforming. He mentioned one specific thing related to actual job skills but alluded to there being a couple of other things that he didn’t want to share. (I strongly suspect punctuality may be one issue, which is a persistent issue in many areas of life.) I gently asked him what his plan was for improvement, and all he would say is “I guess I’ll just try harder.” I didn’t push the conversation because it was getting late and I could tell that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. What’s my role here? Should I try the coaching approach again? Leave it alone and let him face the consequences if he doesn’t improve? I’ll admit this is giving me some feelings. Perhaps relevantly, he has ADHD and is currently undermedicated (his decision, which his parents and therapists tried to talk him out of).
What kind of job? Food service? Office? For both, punctuality is important. But also getting details right—food orders, phone messages, etc. And absorbing information so you’re able to answer easy questions without asking/guessing. Doing the homework to know your product, instilling confidence in the customer that you know your stuff.
Yes, food service. I agree with everything you’ve said; my question is whether I try to coach him or leave it to his boss.
Coach him. No question. He’s young enough to learn these lessons now and that’s important input you can provide before it actually matters. I only draw the line at calling HR for him (no indication you’d do that, but I’ve seen it). The gift of having professional parents is learning the ropes from them.
Definitely coach him.
Coach him! And point out if it is lateness that this is one of the things the medication would help with and if he isn’t going to take it he’s going to need to work harder on other methods of managing his time.
Agree, the color is gorgeous!
If it were my son (who also has ADHD and chose to be undermedicated), I would raise it one more time when everyone is calm and nothing else is going on, to ask if he wants to talk about it more or if there’s anything I could do to help support him. For support, I’m thinking in the nature of a one-time effort to help him set up reminders or a system that helps him get there on time or address whatever the other issues are, not taking over actively being his reminder system. Good luck – teenagers are hard!
This is the frustrating part. He has alarms and reminders galore. They aren’t very effective when they’re flat-out ignored.
I think getting a stern talking-to by a manager or worse, getting fired will have a far better impact than a parent nagging (because yes, it would be nagging) him about listening to alarms. This is just a job for a 17-year-old, not a lifelong career. Let him succeed or fail.
+1
Maybe getting fired would help him understand why medication can be helpful.
I’m not surprised! In that case, I think it might be time for natural consequences. Getting fired from his first job at 17 isn’t the end of the world and it might prompt him to take it more seriously at the next one.
That’s a choice. Ask him to walk through getting his next job when he gets asked what happened with his last job. Role play that a bit. It’s hard to see beyond today for some people, and part of our job is to be the first teachers.
Some of our kids have lives of such comfort that failure doesn’t add discomfort. But I’m not above adding some discomfort, especially of the “your phone stays with me starting at 9pm [or whatever] and you can use an old-school alarm clock to wake you up” and that has worked until they’ve left the home. Start as you mean to continue and when something’s not working for your long-term life goals, be candid about reassessing and then follow through.
I agree with this. Part of the benefit of a job for a teenager is to learn work skills. Parents can offer help or support, but some lessons I do think you have to learn yourself.
This is the perfect time and place for natural consequences. Let him figure this one out.
He’s 17, it’s a good time to start learning the consequences of his actions.
Disagree. 17 is the time to learn so the kid doesn’t fail at the real thing and is still open to coaching from mom and dad. Help the kid out now, prevent him sleeping in the guest room for the next decade.
+1. I would 100% try to coach him in this instance.
This is where I fall. The kid is now hearing a message *in stereo*. I get that they don’t want to hear it from us, but the way to not hear it from us is to just do the d*mn thing. Some people fail at the hard things, but so many entry level hires fail at the basics and this chance to learn is a gift.
Wait until he’s not tired and see how the convo goes during a walk and talk (my theory is that the motion of walking occupies the lizard brain and looking ahead keeps the eyes on the horizon vs sensing anything for a fight-or-flight or instantly negative reaction). “What are changes that we can support you in at home to help you succeed at job?” “What does supporting you look like?” “How hard to you want us to push you to avoid having you fail at this?”
We had a similar convo re driving solo everywhere vs having a co-pilot sometimes on chaotic routes and the kid is doing well based on specific points they brought up, so this plan has a lot of buy-in from the kid. We will reassess after the time change (brings the chaos, so no time to add additional changes, so good luck to you navigating a time change coming up this weekend).
Coach him, but also, to give you some hope-I shepherded 3 boys through this age, and the difference between 17 and 18 or between 18 and 19 may shock you. Seventeen is not eighteen, and a lot of issues will smooth out just because he is a year older. My girls were not like that-maturation for them was a slow, steady progression. But boys were basically the same from 12-17/18, and then they grew up all in one year. In the meantime, however, definitely coach him.
I’m struggling with feeling less attracted to my husband than I used to be and I think I may have pinpointed a cause, not one that has an easy fix – he is so low energy all the time and so many of our conversations are about aches and pains and challenges. He is being treated for depression, we have a toddler, bodies are weird, he gets regular medical and dental care, there are reasons, I always always help with whatever is needed to improve the current problem, etc. – but I can’t deny the impact on my attraction level. There’s no vitality, no energy, no real hobbies, and frankly little desire to change. He also has some poor habits (revenge bedtime procrastination) that don’t help his energy. I can tell he would like to garden more but there’s just no way. How do I possibly begin to deal with this?
Tell him it bugs you without invoking attraction as the problem. You can be bugged by this without that impact. Suggest doing some things together that might help there, too. That can be part of the conversation – “bugged by lack of energy, let’s go do some stuff, XYZ is playing a concert on Saturday’s let’s go to that.”
I didn’t want to write a novel but part of the turnoff is always having to be the one to suggest/drag him to stuff. In the past I was more fine with being the planner (I’m truly better at it and mostly enjoy it more) but it’s gotten to the point where it contributes to the issue to have to suggest to someone laying on the couch that we “go do something.” There’s only so far my own hobbies and interests can take me – I want a partner in an active, happy life too.
Have you told him that?
How bad is the depression and how effective is the treatment? That sounds like the major issue here to me.
A generally low-energy person who is ALSO depressed, married to a planner and doer who likes to go and do things . . . that’s hard.
Yeah. At a certain point, it’s ok to acknowledge you married a bad fit. The question is if love is enough here. My husband and I aren’t a great fit, but we love each other and enjoy each others company. But he’s outgoing and is energized by new people and new things and I am definitely not. And I would be annoyed if he suddenly thought I should start planning things I absolutely don’t want to do because for some reason, he thought I should help carry a made up burden.
Raising something that’s a problem for you with someone who’s already having a hard time is tough, and in my marriage, navigating one person’s mental health issues introduced some dynamics that were not healthy or productive over the long term. You might think about connecting with a marriage counselor for a few sessions to help with this.
Unfortunately, I think it’s a myth that men are always interested in gardening and will be the ones to initiate most of the time, especially over the course of a lifetime and when health/parenting issues come up. Try to build him up, if you can. Forgive him if you have to be the one to get things started. That’s the way it goes sometimes.
Sounds like he’s on SSRIs to me.
What did you used to find attractive about him? Following that thread might be easier to find something to re-spark your desire for him.
I’m in my mid forties and recently wake up in the middle of the night. whether this is age or preimenopause I don’t know, but I’m feeling tired! has anyone else dealt with this and what helped?
note I can’t take anything that affects hormones as I have a clotting disorder unfortunately
Everybody deals with this. I like magnesium for sleep but that’s one of a million OTC options.
I read everything I could about insomnia one summer. I tried all the things, and it helped though I still struggle with this sometimes. 1) morning walks (or morning sun in another form), 2) more exercise, 3) consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, 4) writing down everything on my mind, no matter how trivial, and next step on that front, before bed, 5) telling myself — ideally out loud — that my day was done, it was time to rest, I deserve rest, and everything on my mind could wait for tomorrow.
oh, and not eating or especially drinking for a couple of hours before bed is helpful. with every passing year, my bladder wakes me up more, and then anxiety kicks in, and…ugh.
Exercise, sauna and s*x help me with this. It’s not a magic bullet, but on days I do all three I usually sleep pretty well.
My biggest causes are caffeine after 1pm (used to be a 3 pm cut off) and alcohol within two hours of falling asleep (e.g., 5pm wine is fine, but 8pm wine will affect my sleep). I also impose a no looking at my work phone or laptop within two hours of bed time.
You’re getting good suggestions from others about what to try, so I won’t repeat those. I will just say that sometimes, no matter what I do, I still wake up and can’t get back to sleep. And I used to get really annoyed and frustrated, which didn’t help at all. I’ve given myself permission to just pick up my Kindle and read. I can’t force myself back to sleep and dwelling on it makes me angry, but reading distracts my brain and often I end up back asleep shortly. It also doesn’t involve getting out of bed, doesn’t disturb my husband, and makes the time go more quickly if I can’t get back to sleep for a while. So my advice is to have a plan for what you’re going to do (other than trying to force yourself to sleep and getting more and more annoyed) when all the preventative measures fail and you still find yourself awake in the middle of the night.
I agree with this. I’ll also add that for me, the NYT crossword puzzle archive is the ideal sleep aid for this situation.
Same. I’ve gotten to the point where I just read a few pages and then I can put it down and go back to sleep. Also I learned that in the olden days it was quite common for people to have “first sleep” and “second sleep,” separated by an hour or so of wakefulness, and I tell myself I’m just following the tradition of my ancestors.
+1 Also, I sometimes put on a “sleep story” and that helps almost every time. It’s a distraction that doesn’t require a lot of attention.
Gardeners Question Time (podcast) does this for me. They are so calm talking about their gardening questions. Wonderful for this for me.
Like others I do magnesium, strictly limit caffeine and try to do the lifestyle things as much as feasible. Additionally, there is also something to be said about researching biphasic sleep, which helps with being less stressed about it when you do wake up. I have a standard well worn audiobook that will put me back to sleep within 5 minutes unless I have a ton of stress.
Magnesium, good bedtime hygiene generally, and just accepting that sometimes I wake up in the night and not getting anxious about being awake.
Sometimes when I wake up I am able to get right back to sleep, other times I am too alert for that. When it is the latter, I give myself permission to read (I use the Libby app in dark mode), but also make sure I put the book down as soon as I do start feeling tired again. This may not have changed the fact that I wake up in the night, but it does shift it from being an event that starts my next day at a deficit to just a thing that happens and isn’t usually remarkable otherwise.
Develop strategies to get back to sleep. Supplements and sleep hygiene are great; an ounce of prevention and all that. But you need a plan for what to do at 3 am when closing your eyes and counting sheep doesn’t work.
I really liked the app that tells you a little calming story; I forget which one, but I think they have a Netflix thing now. I don’t use the app anymore but I’ll tell myself a little story. I’m walking through a nice garden or forest, something along those lines.
Breathing exercises work for a lot of people. The same app had guided breathing and meditation; I tried it but it wasn’t my thing.
Sometimes, I just need to get up and do something. Usually walking to the kitchen and getting some water and maybe bothering a cat is enough. Sometimes I need more engagement than that. I have a couple of calming phone games — I know it’s not the best but the alternative is doing a puzzle or reading a book and that requires me to turn on lights which ime is just as bad as looking at a screen, but ymmv of course.
Disrupted sleep is one of the first signs of perimenopause. Progesterone is usually the hormone that is replaced to help with that issue. The guidelines were recently updated and HRT is now a first line of treatment. I would find a menopause specialist or ask your gynecologist/pcp about treatment options. This assumes you don’t have any other underlying issues, however, decline of hormones can also make other chronic diseases worse or reveal them as well.
Yeah, unfortunately I’ve had a mini-stroke in the past so can’t do HRT. Getting so many great suggestions here though!
I think you’re spot on that I must be entering perimenopause. Not fun!
other than remembering to stand up straight what can you do to improve your posture?
Exercise.
Maybe this Bea Caruso vid will help: https://youtu.be/ZqScJ8iLhT4?si=zA-eWsAgBKPmviIb
She does exercises, etc and it helps her
Yoga.
Core workouts, yoga, stretching, and sticking with “sensible” height shoes.
For me, high heels caused misalignment in my spine and that had a long term negative cascade effect, including on my posture.
I have a PT friend who told me the issue with poor posture is that your chest muscles are too tight and your back muscles are too loose, so you should work on stretching your chest and strengthening your back, particularly the little bottom part of your shoulder muscles, the ones closest to your spine.
This may vary by person, but when I’m not standing straight, it’s usually because my hamstrings and hip flexors are tight. Since making more effort to stretch those areas, my posture is way better.
PT if your posture is at the point of causing soreness or stiffness.
Passport anecdata for those asking – I submitted my renewal paperwork online Friday the 16th and the system said 6-8 week processing. I got my new passport in the mail yesterday- 10 days start to finish for regular processing.
Wow, good to know!
i feel like an idiot asking this, but can someone explain to me what substack is and why it would be worth paying for?
It’s a blogging platform, but with a Patreon element mixed in. Most Substacks have a free tier, and a lot also have one or more paid tiers. You’d pay for the same reason people pay for Patreon subscriptions– you like someone’s creative work enough to want more of it, and you want to support them financially (especially at a time when it’s so tough to make money as a writer).
“Substack” isn’t really a thing you pay for; it’s a platform authors/journalists/bloggers use, and you might want to pay those people
In many ways, it’s a combo of stripe + squarespace: if you’re an independent journalist, you use substack to outsource your IT and billing.
And for a reader, there’s no such thing as a “substack subscription” – you subscribe and pay for individual journalist’s content (and log in/pay via substack). Substack itself is just the hosting/logistics platform – so the quality of what you get is 100% dependent on the quality of the authors you subscribe to (there’s really high quality stuff hosted on substack; and also really junky drivel, and worse)
Substack is a content publishing system. Beehiiv is another. You either are paying for them to publish content like a newsletter or you’re paying to subscribe as you would to buy any other media/art you consume that has a subscription.
It’s a writer’s collection of creative output, and you pay if you are interested in the content, like a magazine subscription back in the day.
Remember blogs? They’re back in substack form, and behind a paywall a lot of the time.
When do you normally put down a deposit for a venue for a big party? This would be for early june 2028. I’ve never planned anything big before so this is entirely new to me. I know what date i want and which venue and I have a quote. is there any reason I should wait? to like.. I dont know, see if my feelings change?
If you’re competing with weddings for the space, that sounds right. Do it now before Engagement Season means summer 2028 couples are out in force.
its an immersive art museum. is that a type of venue where people get married? this is for a milestone birthday for me and we never planned a wedding.
Art museums are popular wedding venues. Idk about your specific museum. Does their website say anything about weddings?
Yes people get married at art museums
Is the deposit refundable up to a certain date? If so, don’t wait. Put down the deposit and set a reminder for yourself closer to that point-of-no-return date to confirm you are still a go.
Agree with this. As long as it’s refundable, I don’t see a downside to reserving quite early. (Subject to any of the issues noted by Anon at 10:50, which don’t seem like they apply here.)
one reason to wait is because the business could go under in the meantime (especially if it’s a restaurant) and you could lose your deposit. Or their plans could dramatically change – my intended wedding venue started a construction project after we committed that then was significantly delayed and we had to move venues AND chase them to return the deposit. On the flip side, if it’s a venue you’ll compete for weddings for and you have no date flexibility, you would want to move earlier – probably ~15-18 months in advance for a normal venue, 2 years in advance for a hot one.
Or if you are me and put down a deposit for September 2020 in early March 2020 thinking “this will all blow over soon…”
Depends how badly you want the venue and date. Not putting down a deposit means you might lose the date.
You could ask the venue how far in advance they usually book out. But the person you’re talking to is probably a salesperson, so they’ll probably emphasize that the date isn’t secure unless you book now.
Look at the terms and conditions. Is your deposit partially or fully refundable? If it isn’t refundable, can you afford to lose it if plans change? Is it worth it for the option value?
You’re always playing the odds: the chances that someone else will swoop in and take your date versus the chances that you will need to change your plans. Decide how much you’re willing to risk; if the deposit is reasonable and potentially refundable, or if it can be transferred to another host, I would put it down.
I have a family Bar Mitzvah to attend next month in a cool region of the country. I’m a tall pear shaped size 12/14 and nothing in my closet works (anything that’s the right style is too snug, anything in my current size is not in season). I think I’d like to wear fancy pants or a long skirt/top vs a dress (want to keep my legs covered). Any suggestions? I’m shopping mainly for the party but in theory i could wear the right piece to both the ceremony and the party. Absent other options I can just wear a suit to the ceremony.
Sue Sartor dresses, some of which can run very fancy and there are many with long skirts?
Also, the Buru “Teagan” skirts run very long and have pockets. I’m a 10 pear and take a L in skirts (but S or M in tops), but there is an XL option. I am 5-4 and the midi version is full-length on me, so the full-length version should work for you. They also have fancy tops for parties and such. I think that Dillards stocks some Buru items in stores (in my store at least), but Buru has a website and boutiques in some cities where you could check sizing / style on you.
Nuuly is my go to for events now. Women who review the items frequently share pictures and their height and weight, so I pick items that look good on women who look like me.
CapHillStyle posted about silk pants today and I think they would be perfect for this! I would do a monochrome look
Looking for recommendations for online lab grown diamond jewelry. I just want a pair of studs (but also want to get the best deal) and the options of places to buy are overwhelming. Reddit has given me a couple to work with based on engagement ring threads but would love any recs based on personal experience!
Thanks!
Anyone want to shop for me? Wedding next weekend (🤦🏻♀️) in Cancun. I’m a 12 and would like to wear a normal bra and have my upper arms covered.
Level of formality? Some of the Farm Rio minidresses have sleeves (but many are not bra friendly). I’m a 10 in the hips and the S fits me (flat chested though). If you order through Nordstrom or somewhere like that, you may be able to tell from comments how each item actually fits. Some are fitted but I go with the looser styles.
I need ideas for a wedding gift for a friend. It’s her second marriage, and they have owned their home for a while. They eloped in Europe, and are having a celebration at their home in a few weeks. I spaced on looking at the registry until today, and realized it was a honeymoon fund for activities that they did in Europe after they got married. What’s something nice I could get for them, since there are no actual items on their registry?
Cash or a card. They very clearly do not want physical gifts.
+1 cash.
Wait, are you saying that they’ve registered for their friends and family to pay their credit card bill? People be crazy.
Yeah that’s tacky
Could you take the couple out for dinner?
take them to a nice dinner or get them a gift card for nice restaurant/ theater tickets
If they drink, take a nice bottle of champagne and call it a day.
Do you keep trying to sleep in the same room as a spouse who snores you awake?
Is this the beginning of the end of a shared room?