Coffee Break: Balsam Jacket
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I haven't seen a jacket like this one from Aritzia in recent memory — and I think it's a cute option if you're looking for something a little different for a lightweight fall jacket.
I think this kind of jacket would look cute with straight leg jeans, as pictured, as well as with high-waisted, wide leg pants. How would you wear it, readers?
The jacket comes in the pictured beige and a black for $228, available in sizes 00-12.
Sales of note for 9/5/25
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started, up to 60% off top brands
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including new arrivals
- Anthropologie – 30% off clothing and accessories
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – Everyday styles from $34.50 — see our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off fall faves + extra 60% off clearance
- L.K. Bennett – 20% off all new-season
- Nordstrom Rack – Season Closeout: extra 40% off select clearance dresses, sandals, shorts, and swimwear(ends 9/11)
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 25-40% off select fall styles + extra 30% all markdowns — here are all the reader favorites at Talbots
- White House Black Market – 50% off all sale styles (ends 9/5)
memories I didn’t know I had – this looks like the top half of my mother’s “dressy raincoat” from the 80s!
Our moms had the same raincoat!
Hahaha this makes me so nostalgic. A classier time
This is horrible. Where’s the bottom half? Are we going back to shoulder pads (yikes)?
I actually kind of love it, but I wish it came in some better colors. Even navy or olive would be way better than that corpse-like taupe.
I specifically associate this color with the drab coats seen around the “old mall” in my (then) largely rural and unfashionable hometown in the 80s.
I love it but dislike the sizing ending at a 12.
Is it a jacket? Is it a blouse? Is it from the ’70s? The ’80s? The ’90s? All of the above?
I love a weird jacket.
Need gift ideas for my bridesmaids, mom & MIL. My partner got very nice wallets for his groomsmen & dads. I’m down to spend up to $100 per person for this (can be more for mom and MIL). I am also buying everyone getting ready pajamas for the day-of.
Any gifts you’ve received any loved? Ones you have never looked at again?
Also if anyone has gift ideas for an 8 year old flower girl, please share!
Why does a flower girl need a gift??
I received a very nice doll when I was a flower girl years and years ago.
It’s a nice way to make her feel included and thank her for participating?
I was a flower girl a million years ago and my cousin got me a butterfly necklace. I loved it!
OP this sounds like the perfect gift. A cute necklace.
my twins were flower girls and my SILs wedding and loved receiving baskets similar to what the bridesmaids got. they also received robes to wear to get ready, sunglasses with flowers around them, crayons that spelled out the words ‘flower girl,’ a wand that said ‘flower girl’ and a tshirt that said flower girl. and a special hairclip to wear during the wedding. i think it was all ordered from etsy. they felt very special and grown up. i was a flower girl a million years ago and i recall that the other flower girls and I received gold lockets to wear to the wedding and trolls.
A fancy sent of pajamas for her too!
In your shoes, I would make the pajamas the gift and perhaps get something additional for your mom and MIL.
I don’t think this needs to be a gift giving occasion tbh. Pay for their hair and makeup or something. Nobody needs more things.
Agree.
Agree!
If you’re really so compelled to spend money buy snacks! So many wedding prep mornings have left me starving with only bubbly. FEED THEM.
Oh yes food is already in my plan. I will be ordering fancy room service brunch to our getting ready room and sandwiches for everyone at the venue between pre-ceremony photos and the ceremony.
Get sparkling cider for the eight year old! We had it at our wedding at every table and one of our flower girls (three) drank the whole bottle and loved it.
Except it traditionally is a gift giving occasion. I’d do personalized stationery, a nice candle like diptyque, cashmere gloves, basically something I’d give for a birthday. Back in my day, Tiffany bracelets were common but they weren’t as expensive as they are now.
I agree. The pajamas are plenty. If you do get something else, I highly recommend getting something you know each individual person will like, rather than trying to please everybody with the same thing.
I did this with my bridesmaids, parents, flower girls, etc: shopped like it was for their birthday. They appreciated the gifts, I think.
cosign
Earrings for the bridesmaids. I would go to one of the gift shops that has lots of novelty studs. Something fun and frivolous – think gold (or gold colored) dinosaur studs for the friend that still gets excited to see a T-rex fossil. For mom and MIL, it’s a know your audience, but I’d probably get them a bangle or passport holder from Hermes (around $300), along with a card.
um, no. i would never wear these. i gave my bridesmaids earrings to wear for the wedding which in retrospect was incredibly selfish of me and i regret (though it’s been 13+ years so hopefully they are over it by now).
Getting matching earrings for bridesmaids is incredibly common and not selfish?
yea but it wasn’t something any of them really wanted or wore again. one of my friends gave kindles (back before everyone had them) and taht was a great gift
I’ve gotten earrings from multiple brides… who never even noticed that I don’t have pierced ears (and have metal allergies and don’t wear jewelry generally). Completely wasted gifts!
🤣 peak selfish gift giving.
Get them something different at roughly the same price point so that it feels personal. For mine, one got a fancy version of Pride and Prejudice (fave book), one got a Simon Pearce bud vase since she loves cut flowers from her garden, and one got fancy chandelier earrings (not for the wedding, she just loves statement earrings).
Something personalized like a leather cosmetic bag from Mark & Graham.
Best and most useful bridesmaid gift I received was a Boat & Tote, embroidered with my name, containing a little zip pouch of wedding-day emergency essentials (band-aids, fashion tape, dental floss, a small sewing kit, mints, etc.) This was for a mildly crunchy New England wedding. I still use the bag more than a decade later.
What a great gift! I would love to receive the Boat & Tote.
Tiny heads up if you haven’t ordered yet: if it were me I wouldn’t actually sleep in any new and unwashed textiles (especially not the day before a big day!), and would be very grateful if there weren’t a personalised print that would make later donating of pajamas impossible.
High quality steel Thermos, cashmere scarf or shokz or simliar air or bone conducting headphones? Birdcage umbrella from Fulton? The Van Gogh double sided silk scarf from the Met shop? Or the small Tiffany ones?
has anyone seen a basic black tunic/sweater (that would cover ones tush). i thought this was a basic but not finding one anywhere (nordstrom, loft, j jill…)
Need more details. Thickness? Fleece? Knit? Type of neckline?
to wear with a somewhat form fitting long skirt. sweater or jersey is fine.
I am not sure if they are long enough but Tommy Bahama usually has some long options.
Look at Frank + Eileen. Plenty of longer options in the coastal grandma vibe.
Would the Free People Ottoman Tunic work?
If you’re ok with a turtleneck version Dudley Stephens has loads.
Gap boyfriend sweater may be long enough, old navy has the relaxed socomfy tunic, free people easy street tunic, costs a fortune by Jenni Kayne has the cashmere Amelia crewneck
I am physically sweating every afternoon at work. I’m paying attention to my food intake but in the meantime, need something that is fall-appropriate for a business professional office but that is preferably breathable or less covered than I typically am. I’m a pantsuit with short-sleeve sweater person 99% of the time and I am overheating, daily. Partner, my office gets a lot of PM sun this time of year, I’m guessing it’s a combo of aging plus the actual temp in here. Building can’t adjust thermostat in just my office, everyone outside my door is freezing so I am hoping for clothing suggestions. I have changed clothes while at work twice in the last week due to being so dang hot.
Why adhere to sweaters and pants in this situation? Skirts and blouses, sleeveless dresses, all help here. Use knee-high flat boots for your commute if outside is cold, then switch to regular shoes at work.
I have a small oscillating fan on my desk and it makes a world of difference. I can have it blowing at my face or just moving the air.
+1
Slightly oversize blazer in navy linen? Navy and other dark colours wont look as summery as other linen. Sweat shields in your jacket pits to avoid pit contact with any synthetic liners.
Loose silk blouses in patterns and darks. You’ll dry faster if you do get sweaty, and they are cooling.
is there a way you can get a shade installed? you need to be able to comfortably wear clothes….
wear a dress!
I had this office. My routine: no sweaters except on cloudy days where I could be guaranteed cloud cover. Sleeveless tops so I could take off my jacket/cardigan and be sleeveless in my office. No tights/socks so I could kick off my shoes under my desk and be barefoot. Fan. Iced drinks.
Do you have blinds? I seriously considered adding blackout curtains to my last office because the sun was so awful in the afternoons, and the office-issued blinds were not up to snuff. I did have to keep the blinds closed all day, even when the sun wasn’t beating down on my desk chair. That said, the office maintenance people did come in and find some sort of defect in the ductwork in my ceiling, and fixing that helped. There is no excuse for you to be sweating in your office, so get a thermometer if you must so you can demonstrate that your space is hotter than it should be.
And +1 to the fan. I have a Dyson Hot + Cool that helps and is quiet.
I am looking for a new couch, something not “cheap” but not outrageous expensive. Does anyone have brand suggin this medium-expensive price range?
Dimensions, style, and price point?
Try apt2b dot com. Made in US and not horribly expensive.
Check out Macy’s. Cheaper than Room and Board type places but less of a gamble than Wayfair
yea we have the Macys 86inch Radley in Heavenly Mocha Grey. we’ve had it for 9 years now adn it is still in pretty good shape, especially for the price. granted, i dont know if they make it like to did 9 years ago
How much is medium expensive?
Macy’s Radley couch/Radford sectional. They’re really nice couches, come in a million colors (stock ships fast, not stock a month or two). They last a really long time. They do not look cheap and they now come in leather too! (I haven’t seen the leather in person to know whether it’s cheap bonded leather or nicer leather.)
Truly, highly recommend these couches. They are a fraction of Room & Board or PB.
Anyone successfully re-establish a relationship after cutting someone off and/or being the person who was cut off? If yes, can you tell me what (if anything) was said to help bridge that gap? A close friend of 20+ years sent me an email this weekend saying she no longer wants to talk to me. The only reason she gave is that she has felt for a long time I don’t actually care about her, that I’m not genuine. I felt blindsided, hurt, and confused. I haven’t replied yet. I spent most of the weekend thinking, trying to introspect. I spoke to one very close friend who knows me well and knows the other person some, my only theory is it’s because a few months ago, I told friend that I have a hard time being around her boyfriend because it seems like he’s not teasing her, that it comes off as mean (and she agreed, and has cried to me about his treatment in the past). We haven’t seen each other much since then, but I didn’t think much of it as we usually only get in-person dinner 4-5x/year. I am sad that I have made her feel I didn’t care, whatever happened. I want to give her space but also say something–if possible–so if she wants to re-open the friendship in time, we can. “Thanks for telling me”? “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, I do care, I hope we can reconnect in the future”? I don’t really want to bring up boyfriend because that’s just a theory, maybe I did or said something else that I am blocking out – but I would love to keep a line open if it is possible to repair this in the future and just haven’t been in this situation before.
i honestly don’t know. My dad (who is now 76) had a friend whom he saw multiple times a week (my mom passed away). They are both retired, live near each other, and then suddenly this other guy was like ‘we can’t be friends anymore’ and didn’t give a reason. my dad still runs into him and his wife at social events, will see the wife at the grocery store or whatever, and she is always very friendly, but no one has been able to explain what happened. i thought by age 70 id be done with friendship drama, but apparently not
Ugh, I feel so bad for your Dad.
When my Mom died, my Dad’s friends were not very kind. None of them had lost a spouse. When one friend started spending “too much time” with my Dad, his wife actually cut it off. She was jealous of his male friendship and the time lost away from her. Pathetic.
This is very Banshees of Inisherin!
Is it possible the boyfriend is trying to isolate her and having her cut out previously close friends?
I would bet anything that’s what’s happening here. I would tell her that your door is always open to her no matter what.
+1 In which case the best thing to do would be a simple message saying you’re open to reconnecting in the future.
Sounds like an abusive boyfriend (from personal experience)
“Hi Ellen,
I’m heartbroken to have received your email. Your friendship means a lot to me. If I have hurt you in some way, I’m open to hearing about why and how I can do better. That conversation can happen now, or it can happen months or years down the road.
My best to you.”
Edit, polish, buff it up.
This. this. this. She is telling you it was about you. Maybe that’s not the case (abusive bf etc) but maybe it is. If you truly want to reunite, admit there is a possibility you could have done something better and voice that you want to know more so that you can.
I had a close lifelong friend ghost me after we lost touch during covid. It was one of those situations where we spoke daily, then weekly, then every couple of months, then mainly on birthdays and holidays, and then she blocked my number. Our last conversation was a warm one even though in the time we stopped being in constant contact she also changed her politics a lot and went to some pretty extreme online places, so I was blindsided even as I knew we didn’t have as much in common as we used to. I assume that was a big part of it, but I also can see how she may have felt like I was not there for her. If I am being honest, I found her stressful to talk to, for lack of a better word to describe it, during an already stressful time in my life and just didn’t have the bandwidth to handle it. Maybe that came across. Anyway, what I did was leave her a message from a work number saying I was thinking of her and to call me anytime. I think you can say something along the lines of “I’m sorry you felt that way, I do care, I hope we can reconnect and I am here if you’d like to talk …”
My mom has had people come and go throughout her life and has great social relationships in her 70s. I take my cues from her. I wouldn’t write anyone off absent something much more eggregious.
I had a friend who I was very very close to for the first year after grad school — we had known each other in school but got to be besties in that first year after. She was so high drama and kind of toxic, and I did the ghosting thing. Years later (8?) I randomly messaged her on Facebook and said hey, let’s be FB friends, and that’s what we became and still are to this day. I appreciate seeing her posts and her perspective, and we comment on each others’ posts all the time. She is still extremely high drama (and recently realized she’s autistic which… explains a lot.)
Talk to me about recovering from burnout. Earlier this year I left a job where I was horribly, massively burned out, crying almost every day at work, constantly anxious with physical symptoms. I took a month off and started a new job. The new job is as un-stressful as a job can possibly be. There are no significant stressors in my life outside of work at the moment. I’m exercising, eating better (not perfect), drinking less caffeine, and minimizing news reading. I am still somewhat on edge to the point that little annoyances will sometimes send me into a tailspin.
So how long does it take to recover? I don’t even know what recovered really looks like because I had been in high stress environments for 20ish years (between school, jobs, and personal/family crises). I really thought that a few months and I would be “better” but I’m not.
Anyone have experiences to share?
The stat I heard in a presentation on burnout was that it can take up to 2 years to recover. I have no idea where the presenter (not a medical person) got that info, so you’d want to research it. But it rang true. Even more so for someone who has been under constant high stress for 20 years, which culminated in massive burnout. Your poor body may not have any idea what it’s like to be calm and non-anxious!
I would say a year. I once took a 3 month unpaid leave at my job and it barely was enough time for me to catch up on all the personal stuff like badly needed home repairs, medical stuff, and taxes. I did not have time to read a single book.
Went back to work and knew I would need a much longer period without all the headaches. My hope is to take that year off in 2026.
Yeah, I’d say a month for every year you were in that high-stress environment.
Longer than I thought it would.
I’m about a year and a half out from the breaking point on a 2-year long burnout period in my career. Only now am I feeling like a well-regulated, healthy, sane version of myself, personally and professionally. I had enormous privilege and support to downshift from full-time employment to very part-time self-employment (it’s ramping up to be about half-time; has the potential to be 30-35hr wk), but it’s a welcome slow pace. Lots of therapy, doing nothing, trying other things, eating well, tending to my physical and social health, and indulging my professional and personal interests more intentionally.
You will get there, and it will look different than my path.
For me, about six months before people started commenting that I seemed a lot happier. About a year before all the “noise” from work – the 2am waking up stressed about missing something – went away when I wasn’t at work. Hang in there, it will get better.
I highly recommend you read the book “Burnout” by Nagoski (or listen to podcasts they were on–Nagoski are sisters who are therapists).
Their book was super-helpful for me to understand that there’s different kinds of rest, and some kinds are more restorative than others.
Echoing comments above that one month is not enough for your body to reset. It takes months. Your body was basically in hyperdrive and then barely keeping it together, and it’s not fair to your body to say, “Snap out of it/on to the next.” It takes your brain time to reset.
Hugs to you. This is really hard stuff. Hoping for a calmer future!
Wedding gift question: I am a law firm equity partner attending the wedding of one of my star associates, who has worked with me for several years.
What is an appropriate wedding gift? Cash is culturally appropriate. In case it matters: NYC area. I will attend with a plus-one. I will also participate in a joint gift from our whole team (our tradition for associate milestones) but I’m the only partner attending the wedding.
cash. if you want to get a gift check he/she presumably has a registry. i wouldn’t over think it.
Cash/check for sure. Depending on how fancy the venue is I’d say anywhere from $300-$500 for the two of you. The idea that the gift should ‘cover your plate’ is the norm for every NYC wedding I’ve been to. I got married 17 years ago in NYC and the MD I worked most closely with gave me a bottle of expensive champagne and $500 and she didn’t even attend.
This sounds exactly right. I’d do. $500 and a gift like fancy champagne to go with it.
If you can casually try to raise a subject in conversation with her that will sideways suss out how much the wedding is costing per person, that will make this scenario the perfect level of ICK.
Honestly? If it’s your star associate and you are a big deal partner in a prosperous firm, I’d go all out and give $1,000.
This. If you feel weird about cash, and you know their eating out tastes, I’d do a gift certificate to cover the tasting menu for two at a nice restaurant which is probably close to $1,000.
What is current practice for COVID for school-aged kids (public school)? I feel like people are just slapping masks on and only staying home if they have a fever or feel rotten. It seems that we used to get explicit guidance and now not only is that not the case, they seem to expect you at school. [And in allergy season here where the mold count is also high, who even knows when symptoms start once it’s already going around school, which it has been since last week.]
Unless you are testing, I treat possible COVID symptoms in my son like any other illness – keep him home if he has a fever, is puking, or feels terrible; send him to school if he just has a runny nose or mild symptoms.