Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Compact Essential Belted Tailored Midi Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This tomato-red color always screams “summer” to me, so this dress from Karen Millen is right up my alley for June. (On a related note, was anyone able to grab the “released from vault” bottles of Essie nail polish in the Clambake color when they came out a few weeks ago? I missed it and wished I stocked up!)
I love the tailored fit and belt detail on this sheath. For the office, I would layer a white oxford underneath to really let the bright red color stand out.
The dress is $249 at Karen Millen and comes in sizes 2-12.
A couple of lower-priced options are from Ann Taylor (lucky sizes in classic and petite, on sale for $64.94) and Inspire Chic (lucky sizes, on sale for $40.99 at Target).
Sales of note for 6/24/25:
- Nordstrom – Designer clearance up to 60% off
- Ann Taylor – 30% off tops & sweaters + extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – Sale up to 50% off
- Eloquii – Semi-annual clearance, up to 80% off
- J.Crew – Big Summer Event: Up to 50% off almost everything (ends 6/26) + extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Semi-annual event, up to 50% off seasonal faves
- Spanx – End-of-season sale
- Talbots – Extra 30% off markdowns (ends 6/24) + $24.50+ summer favorites
Looking for recs for both a travel hair dryer and a straightening brush (for dry hair).
Travel dryer- Babyliss
T-3 travel hairdryer is one I really like.
but don’t most hotels and airbnbs have dryers? i haven’t stayed in one in the past 10 years without them.
Most do. Not all. I’ve stayed in some recently that don’t. And when I’m a house guest, I definitely need my travel dryer.
They’re often pretty crappy.
I was gifted two Tiffany Colors by the Yard bracelets that are sterling silver. They are new and directly from the Tiffany store (but ordered online). The bezel around the stones (aquamarine and amethyst) appear to already be tarnished. The chains are fine. Do I spend the $50 for a Tiffany silver care kit? Buy a cheap kit from Amazon? Go to a local jewelers to see if they will clean it? I’m in the middle of nowhere, so dropping by an actual Tiffany store isn’t feasible in the short term.
I have a vintage rouge silver polishing cloth that I use on all of my sterling silver. Highly recommend spending a few bucks on one of those rather than taking silver to a jeweler and paying for a polishing.
Call up Tiffany customer service and ask. They will probably ship you the kit for free.
Surprisingly, a little toothpaste works for light tarnish. I can’t guarantee it’s safe for the stones but I’ve used it on silver many times.
That’s just what happens with sterling silver. I have a silver polishing cloth that works well, no need to buy a Tiffany kit.
Clean well with a sterling silver polishing cloth, avoiding the surface of the stones, and then store in a tarnish-inhibiting silvercloth pouch.
I use silver polishing cloths from Amazon on all my jewelry and other metal things
https://www.amazon.com/Connoisseurs-Silver-Wipes-10-Count/
Just buy a polishing cloth, or contact Tiffany – a brand new piece should arrive in mint condition.
Aquamarine is relatively soft as gemstones go, so abrasive polishing compounds and ultrasonic cleaners aren’t your best bet. An old toothbrush is probably your best bet.
Agree with this about aquamarines. They’re soft. Be gentle. I’d say a polishing cloth is the move here.
How far in advance did you have a start date for a large home project like an addition or structural kitchen renovation? We have everything all done and selected but our contractor hasn’t given a start date beyond “late June” initially and now “late July.” They say they’re waiting on permits.
I know you asked for large things but it took a month for me to get permits to put in an exterior EV charger at my house and you’d think that would be a simple one. The start date for this project got bumped back several times. So I’d say for a large project, you’d expect a longer permitting process. IME these things can take longer than you’d like.
Get used to everything not proceeding smoothly. They have to wait to get permits, wait for specific trades to be available to do tasks that need to be done in a specific order, wait for inspections along the way, and experience delays getting work done because materials are late or arrive damaged or the vendor ships the wrong thing.
good description of the delays we’ve experienced finishing our basement and adding pocket doors.
the only time things seemed to go quickly was when my husband had friends he knew from work doing the general contracting!!
Depends on where you are, took almost a year to get permits where I live. So much red tape.
I am doing a double bathroom renovation now. It was basically “late May/June” until one day when the contractor texted and asked if they could start demo the next morning. So, I’d say just be as prepared as you can.
As for permits, I did all the legwork myself with city hall to save on project fees and it was about 2 weeks, but possibly slower in the summer if people are taking vacations
That type of rough timeline is reasonable. If you’re waiting on permits, contact your municipality to see what the status is. They also then have to line of all the subcontractors to fit into your altered timeline.
For our large reno, the agreed start was going to be 1-2 months after permits were granted, as the GC needed to align all the subs but wasn’t going to try to do that without permits in hand. They adhered to that schedule.
Ditto calling your town hall and seeing if you can help by providing any information that’s needed. At least you’d get your own sense of the process and where things stand.
+1, for a couple parts of a recent kitchen + HVAC reno, our contractors said they were waiting on the municipality, but when we called, the muni had requested additional information from the contractor and hadn’t received anything. Might not be your same situation, but it’s worth a call to understand the muni’s timeline and additional step(s) needed. Good luck! We also had a structural kitchen reno and I am loving the outcome!!
An addition could take years to get permits.
An interior reno should take less time for permits but it depends on your location. I got an electrical permit quickly, like 2 weeks, and even asbestos remediation didn’t take long to get whatever approvals were needed, but I didn’t have to do structural work like take out walls or install a beam.
FWIW, I wouldn’t get annoyed with the contractor over permit delays. I would start getting annoyed for work delays – like they’re busy on other projects – after about 2-3 months of delays. I once had the siding on my house take 5 months to replace. You can bet I was annoyed. But it eventually got done.
Thanks for the MM La Fleur link; I was able to order a knit skirt in a style I really like for under $ 50.
I have a tweed shift dress (above the knee) in this color and I always struggle with what shoes to wear with it. I’m in a business casual office and has to be closed toe. Seems to me like the model here can wear black heels, but that seems like a starker contrast on my white skin. Plus the shift style doesn’t lend itself as well with traditional pumps. Thoughts?
Adding that I’m late 40’s.
If you’re near a good shoe store, this is a time to wear the dress to go shoe shopping. I would probably lean towards a neutral flat; keep in mind that different neutrals will look good or bad with red, depending on the undertones of the red and neutral.
Gray, tan, tortoise, navy, woven patterns like raffia
also leather in brown or caramel.
Tan/nude for you, just not the mid ’00s version. I have a pair of suede and a pair of cork I’d consider wearing with a dress this color.
Threadjack: are suede pumps okay for warm weather? I think of suede as a fall / winter material but nubuck seems like summer. Don’t know if I’m imagining this
I think it goes along with common sense, and “wear what you want” and “nobody is really adhering to fashion rules anymore.” I wouldn’t wear black suede in summer, because it would feel off to me. I would (and have) worn lighter colored suedes.
Suede historically is a winter material and patent leather is for summer. But I’ve been seeing nude suede strappy sandals for summer for nearly a decade now, so I think that rule is firmly dead.
Fun fact I learned in a local history book. Suede was for winter and patent for summer originally only because of the processes and chemicals used to make them. Whatever chemical was historically used to make patent gave off noxious fumes that would be trapped in a factory with closed windows, so they only used it in the summertime when they could open the windows. Since patent shoes were available in the summertime, that’s the season patent became associated with. All of my ancestors on one branch were involved in leathermaking – from the grisly steps all the way through the finishing decoration – and I thought that was a neat factoid.
Fascinating! I am wearing patent leather today, fwiw.
This is interesting and I do associated patent with Spring and Summer. I’m wearing patent leather flats today, the first patent I have owned since the Mary Janes of my childhood. I will definitely be wearing these shoes in colder months, too—they are closed with a kind of industrial edge that I think will play well with Fall and Winter clothes.
Team Flats for me. My saddle-colored loafers are workhorse shoes for this.
What comes to mind for me with this dress is an animal print. Think it would look amazing.
I love all kinds of animal print with red. And I’m extra so I kind of love red shoes with a red dress.
I wear a gold or champagne metallic shoe with red. Nothing shiny though.
Nude. And these are great shoes that come in lots of colors and finishes. I’m a fan. https://www.naturalizer.com/product/womens-banks-pointed-toe-flat-3018069/creme-brulee-leather-ec0224861?currency=USD&gPromoCode=Nat-US-6-5-First-Order&gQT=1
This is a very specific question but hope someone has input! We have 2 days in NYC next month (not including travel). For one day, we plan to walk from Hilton Midtown to Top of Rock (including beam experience) and then Uber to Little Italy for a food tour that starts at 11am. Do you think it works to book Top of Rock reservations for 8:30am? This would give us an hour and a half there before we get the Uber. Wasn’t sure if that timing makes sense because I didn’t know how far away Little Italy is from there. Hoping to have time at Top of Rock to grab a quick bite to eat and coffee with our 2 kids and my husband. Also, does anyone know how long it would take to uber from Hilton Midtown to Highpoint? Trying to figure out if I can fit that in on the day that we fly out but would need to include time to return to hotel to check out. Should we plan on Central Park instead?
Use Google maps to figure out how long it will take to get places.
Yes this. It’s how all us New Yorkers do it!
Are you committed to Uber for some reason? In midtown manhattan, and assuming you’re going to manhattan’s little italy and not the one in Bronx, I would take the subway. When I did manhattan to Bronx Arthur Ave (little italy) I also used the subway and would recommend.
When I’m trying to pack things in, I find Uber so much easier, the subway is great in theory but challenging to navigate if you’re not familiar with it. I also like seeing things as I drive by, which you can’t do underground. OP, Ubers come in like 2 mins anywhere in Manhattan and it takes at least 20 mins to get anywhere. I second checking google maps for more precision.
Google maps actually makes the subway super easy – it tells you exactly where to get on, how many stops, etc.
If you’re good at it. I’m not. I recognize this isn’t one of my skills and I’ve wasted hours going in the wrong direction even with google maps.
Wow – I find it foolproof so I wonder what the challenge is for you?
+1. No issue with using Uber in this case. OP – I think your timing will be fine.
Subway is thee way to go in NYC.
I live in NYC, and honestly, I absolutely hate the subway. I grudgingly take it when I have to, but I can totally understand why OP might not want to. An Uber is a fine option too.
Highpoint what? The state park in New Jersey?
Couple comments, having just done an NYC weekend. Google maps walk estimates are fairly accurate for an adult brisk walking speed, but I’d give it an extra 30% for children navigating the sidewalks. Driving estimates are also fairly accurate and you can pick the time of day. Your timing on Top of the Rock and the food tour is just going to be tight (but you know this). I might suggest doing the edge instead which will get you closer to Little Italy and opens earlier (unless you have your heart set on the beam experience).
Going from Rockefeller Center to Little Italy should take about half an hour either by subway or taxi. I’d pad that by 15 minutes or so for traffic or delays. A general rule of travel in Manhattan is that it’s easy to travel uptown or downtown, but getting across town is tricky. You’ll be going from east midtown to east downtown, so not difficult. Also, with a food tour starting at 11, I would have a very light breakfast before the Rock Center tour. You can easily do that in the area from your hotel to Rock Center.
I don’t know what Highpoint is, so I can’t help there. Are you sure of the name?
Do you mean the high line?
Yes, that is what I meant – the high line. And thanks for all of the other recs! I have a terrible sense of direction and same with maps so I appreciate everyone’s input. I am definitely not brave enough to figure out the subway which is why I was thinking Uber.
I think the high line will be boring with kids and you’re better off in central park.
+1 definitely recommend central park. Kids seem to love climbing all over the boulders and there are a lot more places to just chill.
I would uber. The subway is not nearly as easy as people say it is. It adds such a level of stress to a trip that I’ve never found worth it.
It’s so funny to me living in a place where I get around by public transit quite easily that to some people it’s a level of stress they can’t even cope with. It’s not that hard?
It’s not hard to someone who is familiar with it all. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to learn from scratch overnight. It’s like a foreign language.
Your timing seems fine to me using Uber (or the subway). One piece of advice – food tours involve a lot of food. I don’t think you need to plan on eating breakfast after Top of the Rock and before the food tour. I would suggest a coffee and light bite before visiting Top of the Rock, and then just wait until 11am to eat again on the food tour.
Oh yes, thank you that is a good point!
Agreed. There’s lots of places to grab a bite to eat around Rockefeller Center, including in the basement (“concourse level”) of 30 Rock. Tipsy Baker there has nice croissants, etc. There’s also a Starbucks and Blue Bottle Coffee down there too.
former new yorker but recent city traveler – we LOVED the citymapper app in european cities, i see that they do have a NYC app. i’d give it a try, it was amazing in helping us compare times and prices between cabs, public transport, walking (with turn-by-turn instructions that were easy to find on your phone, exact trains, where the best spot on the train was, etc).
I was on vacation sans laptop during last week’s discussion about being a single mother and did not feel up to commenting on my cell phone but wanted to recommend that anyone considering it join the national organization (Single Mothers by Choice). Even if there is not a local chapter, the discussions boards are an excellent resource for thinkers.
Just like parenting with a partner, parenting without one requires consideration of your resources – tangible and otherwise. It was 100% the best thing I ever did and what has brought (and still brings) me the most joy, but I had one of those mid-level legal jobs that allowed me a comfortable life while still only billing 1700-1900 hours a year, not a lot of professional ambition, and a very supportive mother living 30 minutes away. I was prepared and happy to make being a mom the cornerstone of my identity for a solid 18 years (and still the most important thing despite my kid being grown and self-supporting). Other people make different calculations and talking it over with your peers and reading other people’s experiences is a great way to make your own decision.
It wasn’t my question or situation but I just wanted to say thank you for posting a positive take on this. I have friends considering this route and I know they appreciate experiences that aren’t solely negative. It seems like people who haven’t gone through it have a lot of opinions about how negative it will be.
They sure do! But when I (not the OP) talk to real live women who have done it in similar circumstances to me (established career, reasonable flexibility, some level of financial resources) they all say it’s the best thing they’ve ever done. Whether they are a year in or 20 years.
I have several friends who’ve done it and the key to it being successful is actual help. The ones who have supportive mothers who are essentially stand in spouses do fine. The ones without family support do not.
My mother is dead and I’m doing just fine
I am saying this as gently as possible, but this is just not true from the perspective of someone who used to lead our local chapter and who knows literally dozens of single mothers. Support is critical but it can be family, friends, or otherwise. And my mother, while infinitely supportive for emergencies, was still working full time when my child was born and definitely did not sign up to be a second parent. I had someone living with me for the first month (my mother and then my sister) but after that I was handling the day to day of parenting on my own.
I think there are two things going on: First, most people (including me!) think that they are at capacity but actually your ability to meet challenges rises to the occasion. I have one and could not imagine more, but one of my SMC friends had twins and is thriving. Second, we had a dramatic swing from “motherhood is all sunshine and roses” to “motherhood is a hellscape” in popular perception. Neither is true.
Again – I am not trying to “convert” people or convince them to take the same path I did. But I know many happy SMC-families where the mom proceeded without substantive family support. All of that said, a single mother absolutely needs someone on speed dial she can call at 1 a.m. when she is so sick she cannot get out of bed and should know who that person is going to be in advance!
+1.
Another single mom by choice here to a five-year-old who was too late to the discussion last week. Agreed on all of this. It’s hard but the best thing I’ve ever done. I do have family support but not more family support than my married friends with local parents for the most part. They’re certainly not stand in spouses.
The thing that resonated most with me is “it’s hard but lots of things worth doing are hard”. And that’s true. It does mean being less ambitious with my career than I otherwise would have – I’m a state government lawyer – but it was a compromise I was willing to make.
I’m an SMC to a 22-month old toddler, so am only at the beginning of this experience. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. And I can’t imagine my life without my daughter.
Like with any parent, I think it’s always helpful to have some support. But my family lives a three hour plane ride away and I do fine. My brother has come to babysit when I had an out of town work meeting, and they come to visit often. But they are not available for weekly or daily support.
Anyone want to help me plan or steer me to a planner for 4 days in Rome for the week after Easter? 2 parents, 2 teens and would love to spend $ on a closer-in nicer hotel in a walkable area (was poor student the last time I went). We want to go to the Sistine Chapel and do a Vatican/museum tour and then also see all the Roman history sites, with liberal time for loafing and eating. Flying from the US East Coast. Most tours seem to be for much longer (like I’d love a Rick Steves tour but it’s 10 days). WWYD?
I stayed near the pantheon and it was a great location. Very walkable to trevi fountain, the Spanish steps, and just wandering around to find cute cafes and marvel at the architecture. I loved seeing trevi fountain at night and early in the morning with no crowds. I stayed in an airbnb but there was a fancy hotel right on the square, I don’t remember the name.
The Vatican is far from everything else, plan to take a taxi there and back. I bought skip the line tickets but not a tour. I listened to Rick Steve’s walkthrough of the museum. He had a whole series on Rome for free on his app, they were all very cool little walking tours that pointed out stuff I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.
For the Vatican, highly recommend doing the first available time slot (I think it’s 8 or 8:30) or booking an early access tour with a tour group. If you’re doing it on your own instead of the guided tour, go straight to the Sistine Chapel, see that, then double back and do everything else. It will be much less crowded. Alternatively, there are some times during the year where it is open for evening tours on Fridays and Saturdays, but I think that’s usually in the summer. Skip line tours for the colosseum. If you post a burner email, I’ll send you my itinerary with the info on the tours we used (though it’s from 2019)–we were in Rome for 3 full days.
You can’t re-enter the museum from the Sistine Chapel, so it has to be last (true for last year).
Agree. My parents did the “breakfast tour” of the Vatican, which is before it opens to the public and said it was the best decision of their trip because they basically had the place to themselves. I definitely plan to do that next time I go to Rome.
We did liv tours private family tour of Vatican and it was worth every penny. That was kid focused but they have others.
Talk to my friend Claire, an American who owns a tour company in Italy: http://www.wildsage.it
My company is starting a couple new initiatives related to my area of expertise. I am not directing or running those initiatives. I don’t think they will succeed because of certain underlying issues, and I’ve told people this (nicely). They already did an initiative which failed because of the issues I had pointed out.
It’s a little weird that its not under me but basically our sales team really wants to pursue it. I am being very diplomatic about pointing out issues and know I’m not offending anyone, but I also can’t tell how much to push back.
How do I handle this? Let them find out themselves that it’ll fail? I will probs be asked to evaluate it afterwards – do I just neutrally point out what happened?
If it’s not under you and doesn’t reflect on you in any way, you are in the “not my circus, not my monkeys” position of getting to watch something you know is going to fail, fail. You’ve politely mentioned it a time or two, they didn’t listen, now you just sit back.
As hard as it is, this is the answer.
I agree with this unless you are in a visible position and your reputation could be affected if people assume you had a hand in the failed initiative. But it seems unlikely.
I am in a visible position but everyone knows that this is not under my department and that I don’t endorse it.
It’s not under me but I will weirdly be asked for feedback on why it went wrong. So now that I’ve politely said my bit, I feel more okay being “not my monkeys” about it.
Sometimes, as a in house lawyer, I have to point out terrible flaws in an idea that a business person has fallen in love with. Assuming you do feel some obligation to speak up, rather than constantly saying “bad idea” ” I have found asking a series of questions about how they will overcome/deal with the situation you know is going to occur is a more neutral way of helping them understand why it is a terrible idea. “I know you are aware that when we did something similar in the past, we ran into X, Y and Z. What will be different this time to get a different outcome?”
Typing this out, am realizing I’ve been managing male egos by doing this, although have to say, it also works with women leaders.
Okay this is very very similar to my situation. I asked a question like that and it was silent on the call for a good 30 seconds. But that seems like the way to go.
This one is a mix of men and women leaders.
To add to that, if their only answer to the tough question is, “Well, we don’t have an answer/solution for that yet, but we’re going to proceed anyway,” another follow up might be, “Understood – is there anyone who needs visibility or approval on the decision to move forward without a plan for that scenario?”
The most I would do, and only if there is an avenue where this is a natural part of a conversation, would be to express interest in seeing how they address an issue that was problematic in the past. Then not your circus, not your monkeys.
Something like this, while waiting for the elevator: “Happy Monday, SalesChad. Glad the heat dome is moving on, right? I’m excited to see how the new initiative solves Problem X; that has always been a difficult piece to address. Anyhow, have a great day!”
Stay in your lane and let them learn.
In need of vacation inspiration this morning – planning a trip in September with a good friend, 7-10 days max, and would love a mix of food, wine, beautiful scenery, and culture. We are both traveling from the East Coast and similar trips with those vibes we both loved were Croatia, Italy, Portugal, Spain, and Greece. Malta is on the short list. Any other suggestions? Doesn’t have to be international, although that’s usually our preference.
I would do Provence. Aix en Provence for a few days and then somewhere else a few days. If you’re willing to drive!
If you want to stay in the western hemisphere, I love Prince Edward Island. Calm, beautiful, oysters.
Thanks so much, great ideas! PEI is very high on my list as an Anne of Green Gables fan. :)
Provence or Riviera?
You could even do both Provence and the Riviera in 10 days IMO. September is a great time to go.
TY, that does sound nice! Provence is a theme here…going to do some research.
If you want big trips: Argentina, Chile, or New Zealand. Germany and France are both good options for wine tasting and good food. Beyond Paris as well.
I loved New Zealand, but it is a solid 24 hours of travel from the East coast and with the time change, you basically lose a day getting there, so it wouldn’t be my first choice for 7-10 days.
It just depends on what you want to do. I have spent 7 days in several locations that took that long to travel and just stayed in one place. People coming to the US from overseas can’t see it in 7 days either. But they can see one area.
I love SA and have spent quite a bit of time in Argentina and Chile – definitely the right vibe. :) I would love New Zealand but think we would want more time there given the travel time. These are great suggestions, thank you!
I think Argentina would be a great destination for your trip. You can split time in Bariloche or Mendoza for incredibly scenery, wine etc and Buenos Aires for culture and food. I find any longer travel time is balanced out by the lack of jet lag, since the time difference is minimal from the US.
Also the exchange rate is extremely friendly to Americans right now, you can get a lot more for your money than you can in Europe! Plus the ice cream is the best in the world.
I agree with all of this. Be aware, though, that the money situation (at least when I was there last year) is weirder in Argentina than in any country I’ve visited. You can’t easily get cash out of an ATM, and credit card use isn’t as easy as in many places. Take a lot of US cash with you and plan on exchanging it at your hotel or at a currency exchange place once you get there.
This. We just hosted Argentinian friends and they were telling us about all the banking and financial sector issues and advised us not to go now. The currency is also very unstable and although I believe it’s generally weakened against the dollar recently, it could swing the other way. Argentina is high on my bucket list but we delayed planning a trip after talking to them.
Good shout, I love Argentina and have been 2x! Definitely the right vibes for this trip. :)
Helsinki, Latvia (Riga) and Estonia?
TY, going to look into these! Finland is on my inspiration list for a winter/Northern Lights trip but fall could be very nice!
What about Bolzano as a base in the Southern Tyrol? Italian, but also very Austrian so you get both countries and Vienna’s fantastic if you love culture, history, pastry, and art. My son and DIL went on their honeymoon to Innsbruck and loved it. You are also within reach of Switzerland (I loved Basel). Highly recommend the Parkhotel Lauren in Bolzano.
Thank you, love a specific rec and the Parkhotel Lauren looks fab!
We just got back from Switzerland and really loved it, especially the Alps.
I also think you could repeat Italy, Spain, Portugal or Croatia unless you’ve been to each 3-4 times and seen many different regions. There is much more in all of these countries than you can see in a couple weeks. We loved Mallorca and I know people who really love Sicily and Sardinia.
Or what about the Azores, Madeira or Canary Islands? Technically Portugal and Spain but very different than mainland.
Switzerland is definitely on the short list, so beautiful. We probably want to go somewhere new this trip but I agree there is plenty more to explore in all those countries!
I’ve noticed that my swimwear really needs to be updated to fit my current age and lifestyle. I’m turning 45 in a few weeks, and the styles and colors I’ve been wearing for ages are just not looking right anymore. I’d love some ideas for what styles AND colors to consider.
– I prefer something full coverage. Between my long torso and my pear shape, I have had a terrible time finding a one-piece that works on my body. I’ve tried all the usual sources, like JCrew, Andie, LE, Summersalt, etc. Because of fit issues, I always end up in a tankini for coverage, even though I know that’s not very fashionable. For practicality, I’ll probably end up in a tankini again, although I’d like a more modern fit. I used to have great luck with Athleta but their swimwear is awful right now unless you want cropped everything.
– Tropical prints and brights are not doing me any favors anymore. Black swimwear always feels boring to me, so it would be great to find solids in richer colors.
Any ideas?
La Blanca isn’t frumpy and comes in rich solid colors. Also pear on bottom and late 50s.
Maybe this post will help? She posted it about a month ago, so hopefully items are still available.
https://jolynneshane.com/2017-swimsuit-guide-for-women-over-40.html
Fashionable one pieces for women with long torsos are almost impossible to find.
You can go to a store that outfits competitive swimmers and get a full-coverage one piece that fits well (many competitive swimmers are tall, so the torso fit would be fine). You can go to Title Nine and find fun suits that stay put and cover the rear and chest, but they are mostly two pieces.
Another plug for a suit designed for competitive swimming. I am a cusp sized pear in my mid 40s and find my Speedo more comfortable to actually wear than most fashion suits. I don’t have to constantly fiddle with how it fits and I am not worried about it shifting around, coming untied, etc. if I do anything besides sunbathe in it.
OP here, and I keep trying (and failing) to get away from more athletic styles for this very reason. Fashion swimwear always fails me in some way!
Ha!
I also have a tankini and a one piece (previous season, this year’s offerings looked abysmal) from Athleta. They look nice and are comfortable for lounging around pool side, but the tankini top likes to travel abroad whenever it gets wet and the one-piece shoulder straps are NOT on board for anything that involves plunging underwater, or jumping out of the water. Like, isn’t letting me enjoy the water the whole point of a swimsuit? I simply don’t have enough water-adjacent events in my life that involve the wearing of swimwear without any actual swimming, so I have given up on trying to find a fashion option and stick with my lap pool attire.
Try Swimsuits for All. I’ve gotten several suits from there over the years—I have a short torso and a very large bust and am not pear shaped but have plenty of junk in the trunk and the suits I find there have fit well, hold up well, and made me feel age appropriate but fun and not frumpy and even sexy. They have SO many suits. One suit I wore out after about three years and bought the same one again I liked it so much! They have some very nice suits in jewel tones, which is often my preference also. I’m 45 and started buying from there in my late 30s.
Try Boden
On the color issue, my current swimwear is navy and I’ve been happy with that color choice.
Another rec for Boden. Their long torso suits are great.
Land’s End Slendersuit Grecian or Wrap, in the long torso size. Figuring out that a) I had a long torso and b) places sold swimsuits for this was somewhat life changing.
For spendy options, as a fellow long torso person, Zimmerman makes some amazing and cute one pieces with good coverage . They are swimsuits that can be swam in (not just laying out by the pool).
Tommy Bahama or Boden.
Long torso pear, I have found good suits at Gottex, La Blanca, and Tommy Bahama.
Love my Athleta tall one piece
Looking for some can’t-miss restaurants or things to do in New York City. My mom and I are going for a week in November, staying in the theater district, and we already have tickets to two shows. We don’t eat red meat, but we love seafood, and we eat pretty much anything else. We might go to Ellis Island to see our families records, and The High Line looks cool. Any other recommendations are welcome. Not really interested in typical touristy things like the Statue of Liberty or Empire State Building. thanks so much!
The Fraunces Tavern and Museum is awesome if you like history! I believe it to be near Wall Street (“bottom” of Manhattan?) as we just Ubered.
I love the Fraunces.
I recently dined at Loi Estiatorio just south of Central Park. Really tasty fresh Greek food! Had to make a reservation pretty far in advance because it’s a tiny place but it was amazing and the “celebrity chef” Maria Loi came around to ask us how everything was. I’m not an expert at spotting tourists but it did not feel touristy.
Tenement Museum and the New York Transit Museum are my favorites. Brooklyn bridge park and Dumbo are always a hit with my visiting friends/relatives. Take a ferry at some point.
I like Oceana in Rock center
if you like immersive theater I’d keep an eye on Punchdrunk – Viola’s Room is supposed to end 10/19 but they often get extended. If you’re a Keanu fan he’s also doing a Waiting for Godot with the other guy from Bill & Ted.
My husband and I loved having dinner on a boat at Grand Banks — they apparently “follow the sun” so they might still be open in November. Basically a floating oyster shack.
Marea was some of the best seafood I’ve had in midtown – CPS
the Tiffany collection at the NY Historical Society was really amazing; great museum in general.
We got invited to dinner and drinks at a posh club in London while there next month by a friend who’s a member. Help – what should I wear? I know DH has to wear a jacket. Should he wear a suit? Or a jacket and slacks? I want to make sure we’re hitting the right level of formality!
TBD which club, where you are going within the club, etc, but most of them have their dress codes fairly well spelled out on their websites. I can’t imagine a jacket/trousers with a back up tie in his pocket wouldn’t be appropriate for 95% of dinners.
Thanks! I’m actually more concerned about me! It’s called 5 something?
You need to just ask your friend. The unwritten rules can vary widely.
Agree with others that it really depends on the club. I’ve been to a handful of the older private clubs, and for men, a jacket and tie is often required so suit would be appropriate. I typically wear a nice work dress for dinner or nice day dress for lunch and dressy flats or low block heels. My answer would change if you were going to somewhere like Annabel’s or Soho House.
Loulou’s
Way out of my price range, but there is no way you’ll be “getting it right” in a situation where’s there’s any sort of UK snobbishness going on – ask you friend!
I would choose black and aim for Kate Moss or Nigella.
I took a sidewalk tumble yesterday and scraped one knee and twisted the other ankle. I’ve been icing and elevating and the ankle is both less and more painful than I expected (I can limp around more easily than I thought I’d be able to, but wiggling my toes hurts like heck) — is this a “just-in-case, go to urgent care” or “urgent care won’t do anything but charge you two hundred dollars for advil and maybe an ace bandage”? FWIW, I’m late thirties, in pretty good shape, and generally have good balance/reflexes.
I’d go to a walk in orthopedic surgery place if you have one. Most major cities/suburbs do for kids/adult sports injuries – they’ve got xrays on site and can more accurately diagnose a break vs a sprain.
+1 When I took a tumble years ago I asked my primary care doc if I should go to urgent care and she said “No! It’s full of sick people!” She sent me to the orthopedic place and lo and behold, I had a small fracture.
+1 This is why orthopedic practices set aside walk-in hours / why walk-in practices exist.
Normally I’m an advocate for getting things checked out, but in this case there’s not much they can do. If things start swelling, then maybe a broken toe (but even then, it’s just taping it). So I’d do what you’re doing and rest.
If you can walk at all then it’s probably just a sprain. Urgent care can’t do anything in that case. If things don’t start to get better with ice, elevation, and rest over the next few days then consider seeing a doctor.
I twisted my ankle, sprained my knee, and got some nasty cuts during a bad fall. The ER was a waste of time and money.
See if you can find an urgent care that does affordable x-rays. Around me, I can get a visit with a mid-level ortho plus an x-ray for about $200.
If able to hobble around, I would schedule with my PCP for sometime end of this week or early next. Keep treating it gently and if it improves before the appointment, I would cancel.
If there is no change before then, go to the appointment. If it worsens, urgent care and potentially cancel the appointment based on what urgent care finds.
Can you self-refer to PT? I’d baby it for a week or two, and if it still hurts, do an evaluation with a physical therapist. I had something similar happen when I stepped off a curb funny, and there wasn’t much to be done besides ice, compression, elevation, rest, and ibuprofen for two weeks. Then I self-referred to PT for about 4 weeks until I felt confident running again.
Go to a doctor. If you did break something, you need to know. If you didn’t break anything, you should still get a doctor to help you figure out whether it’s really wise to be limping around on it. Signed, I limped on a sprained ankle for a day before deciding to see a doctor, and to this day my ankles are asymmetrical.
I have to share that we are doing a primary bathroom remodel and it is coming in exactly on money budget and UNDER time budget. I thought that was a unicorn scenario never happened! It isn’t a huge space, but it was a full gut, plus taking out and rebuilding walls to combine it with a closet and take a foot of space from the bedroom.
Here’s what we did, in case it’s helpful: we found a contractor that does the entire project himself, other than bringing in a plumber and electrician for the technical work (so, he is on site and does everything from demo to tiling to fixtures install, rather than bringing in myriad “worker bees”). He specializes in bathrooms and has done hundreds. We are totally impressed with his attention to detail on everything, including how long the shower fan vent hose should be for optimal function.
He came to our house three times and brought in the plumber and electrician to develop the quote, so it could be extremely accurate. That quote covered labor and construction materials, but we were responsible for buying all the “pretty stuff”. It’s more leg work for us, but we are completely controlling the cost and getting rewards points, lol. We have no project manager middleman and I’d rather use my time to save us that step (plus we’ve been burned by upcharges in the past).
Anyway, the whole thing from the first swing of the sledgehammer to the finished space was 4 weeks. (Permits did take 2 weeks before that.)
You got lucky. Congrats.
yay, we got very lucky with a structural contractor who replaced our foundation a while back. They discovered a few issues along the way, but it only added a little bit to the price, and stayed within the time estimate. I had braced for something way worse.
Where do you live? I’m hoping my area so you can share your contractor’s info. Seriously. You must be delighted.
I’m in Fairfield County, CT. And I am! Definitely an element of luck (we didn’t open the wall and find mold, for instance), but this process has been vastly different than prior renos we’ve done, which did go way over in time and money. There was a lot more due diligence up front to be sure we knew what we were dealing with (my contractor said he’s never done a change order in any project), and so far he’s delivered exactly as he said. And while it’s more legwork for us in terms of buying the fixtures and tile and other things, we don’t mind because there are also no surprises that way.
I found him on Nextdoor!
What luck! Can you share his info??
We had this happen with our patio last year, it was amazing. For anyone in the Chicago area, we used Euro Pavers. They started exactly on time and ended up a bit under budget and did excellent work.
Thanks for sharing.
How did you find your contractor?
Total cost? Ballpark?
Shopping for tankini for a teen who is a size 0 and a 28D. Tops aren’t supportive and aren’t for someone otherwise that small. A one piece is OK but she will wear a sun shirt over it and it’s too hard to go to the bathroom in. A bikini would make sense but isn’t allowed. The rules are kind of stupid (especially if a sun shirt will be worn), but I don’t want her to have to sit out at camp over this.
Athleta has tankini tops in size XS and XXS D cup. They are cropped but I think she can get away with it. I am a 30F and wear their S D cup bikini tops.
Freya swimwear. Smallest band is a 30 but I normally go up a band size in it because it’s very supportive.
Panache too.
Speedo
Teach her “lifeguard style” and one piece bathroom trips get a heck of a lot easier…
Lands’ End lets you filter by D (and D+) cups and they have size XS and XSP.
Bravissimo also has 28DD but only 4 tankinis.
Are you sure that if she’s wearing a swim shirt a bikini top wouldn’t be allowed? They may bend the rule if she’s totally covered on top.
Agree on the Bravissimo rec. They have loads of Speedo ones that would be good for her. A 30D Speedo swimsuit willl still be a lot better than anything non-cup sized.
And a way simpler hack just for now – teach her to pee in her one piece! Pull the crotch to the side! Have her practice in the shower if she doesn’t believe you.
Has anyone ordered from an Australian brand called Mister Zimi? Thoughts? The dresses are so cute, and in my budget, plus free shipping, but have literally never heard of the brand until now so I’m skeptical.
There are probably lots of perfectly legit Australian brands you’ve never heard of because you’re not in Australia. I wouldn’t let that put you off.
Hey, if you’re the poster from yesterday with the child with the dog allergy and the brother with the puppy, please send an update! I saw the chain too late to comment but I just was so outraged on your behalf.
That was me. I appreciated all the responses and support. And there’s some good news in the interim.
My SIL stepped in and apologized for not asking us ahead of time, offered to board the dog while we are there and clean the house in advance. I’m ignoring my mother’s suggestion that we find our own Airbnb. As several comments pointed out, communication in our family is challenging, and my goal is simply to sustain a relationship with my brother’s kids without cutting things off completely. We only see them once a year as is. The reason I was contemplating offering to pay or split costs for the dog boarding is because there’s a big gap in our HHI vs my brother’s, and i don’t want the dog to end up in a bad situation. None of this is the dog’s fault. The vacation house belongs to my mom, so there’s no question of who is paying for the house.
If we get there and it’s not a good situation, we’ll do an impromptu local road trip and be wiser next time.
Glad to hear your SIL is reasonable; kudos to her for stepping in. Hope you all are able to enjoy the time together.
Yay, I’m so glad that your SIL came through.
I was invested in this story because I am about to spend a week in a beach house with my in-laws and this is precisely the kind of thing we deal with every year. If it were just adults, it would be one thing. But like you, I am trying to sustain a relationship with my nieces and nephews, and it’s a constant challenge. I put up with a lot more frustration than I otherwise would because I value the relationships with the children, and it’s only once a year. I hope that the trip ends up being as successful as realistically possible :)
hooray for the SIL stepping up!
Well, this is a nice update! Everyone being very reasonable (especially you), except not grandma haha. Hope it works out really well.
My MIL fell and is in the hospital. She’s pretty elderly and frail, and there isn’t a clear diagnosis as to what happened (e.g., heart attack, stroke, etc.). She lives about 1.5 hours away from my nuclear family.
Her slightly-younger second husband (my spouse’s stepfather) is of sound mind and can drive, so he’s been visiting her, arranging her care, updating the extended family, etc. This is her third hospital stay this calendar year.
She’s a profoundly difficult person who has always been squirrelly about her various ailments, switches doctors often, and bounces around health systems over cost (they are quite wealthy and very cheap). Her husband generally just goes along for the ride, though luckily they seem to like the current hospital and set of physicians.
We aren’t close, but I have texted a bit and sent a card or flowers with each hospitalization. They haven’t asked for more but have responded to me.
My spouse has contacted them a few times during this latest hospital stay. I’ve encouraged him to go and see her at the hospital and/or go and see his stepfather at their house, but his answer is always, “no, not doing it.” I’ve also asked him if he wants me to go, and he’s declined that as well. We both have full-time jobs and teenage kids, and could easily make time to go down there.
For people who have been in this situation, should I keep pushing him?
MIL has had a host of health issues as long as I’ve known her, but given her age, this really might be close to the end. If my mom was in the hospital, I’d be in a lot more contact, probably would have gotten on a plane to help my dad, and would just be way more involved in the whole process.
I expect some mean responses, but if you have something constructive to add, please know it will be appreciated.
I think there are wo separate things going on. One, your husband gets to decide if he wants to see his mom, and you shouldn’t try to change his mind. He’s an adult, and while he may regret the decision, it’s his to make.
Two, it’s your right to decide whether you want to go see her, and it’s also your right to encourage your kids to see her, assuming they have a relationship. So I would think about those things separately from whether your husband wants to go.
If your husband is refusing to go see his mom when she’s this sick and potentially dying, I’m assuming they have a strained relationship. I think it’s fine to talk to him about it and even gently suggest he may regret not saying goodbye, but that’s as far as I would go.
mmmmm. strong disagree on your point #2.
She said “we aren’t close.” Going to go see her would fully undermine the boundary he’s setting. I would not just go see her without consultation of DH. I would also not encourage kids to go see grandma without dad weighing in.
Agreed.
I’m not going to be mean, but you should not keep pushing him. He’s made his decision clear and it’s fairly clear from your post that you have a different relationship with your mother than he does with his. He gets to decide here.
I mean it’s his parent so his call no? I’d talk with him about it. If this is about him feeling wronged in how he was raised or some such thing that he can’t get over, that’s his call. If this is him back of the handing this like oh NBD she’ll be fine, then I’d push a bit more — like if he isn’t getting how serious this it or is in denial. Just so he doesn’t later feel like man I didn’t get it, why wasn’t I in touch more.
We have the same MIL minus the wealth and partner, of which my MIL has neither. She’s a flight away from us.
I do not push my husband to see or get involved. There is a lifetime of pain – some big, some small – that she has caused him that I will never fully understand. I have figured that she’s as manipulative with her doctors (doctor/diagnosis chasing) as she probably was with DH throughout his formative years. His literal line to me last week was “If I go see her because she went to the ER, she learns that her son visits her when she goes to the ER. And then she’ll find a reason to go again.” I don’t know if it’s THAT extreme for you, but it did take me so long to compute those emotions and boundaries he’s set, but I have learned to simply accept and respect my husband’s cues when it comes to his mom.
It’s not quite that extreme, but my MIL and her spouse are very much “give an inch, take a mile” types.
I hear you, but I think the message is the same: his family, his lead. That’s also created a lot of free brain space for me, tbh. I focus on supporting him, not supporting her. If he wants to support her, I support him in doing that. Rinse, repeat. We’re both a lot better off for it.
Thank you for being like this.
I would only keep bringing it up with him if you know — from long history with him — that he only does emotionally difficult things if there is outside friendship and support (you) helping him navigate it. And that, once he does them, he’s grateful that he did.
But if you know that when he says a thing, he means it, then honor that. I’m assuming you have lots of info about his history with his mom, and have a sense of whether he is willing to make any changes to their relationship.
Do you know why he doesn’t want to go? I think that is critical missing information here. If he doesnt want to go because he’s busy at work or some other quotidian thing, I would push. Sometimes people intentionally ignore what is happening and need to be accompanied into the grief of impending death. It can be scary to admit that this may be the end, and I would be pushing my DH if this were his mom. But if he doesn’t want to go because he does not have a positive relationship with his mom and prefers not to interact with her, then I would defer to him. Not everyone wants to see their parent on their death bed, and that is ok too.
I think it’s both – summer is a busy time for his work AND he has a difficult relationship with his mother.
Then I think I would have a gentle conversation with him to help him sort out for sure that he is choosing not to go, even if it’s the end. It’s up to him either way, but I personally would do this for my DH and hope he would do it for me.
My husband is the same with his family. If it were me, I would probably have one more low key conversation with a reminder of all relevant facts, and I’d offer to help set up logistics. My husband doesn’t love logistics, and I’ve found that sometimes the mental strain of planning travel, especially if it’s to see his family with whom he has a difficult relationship, keeps him from wanting to go.
The other thing I would remind my husband in this situation is that he rarely wants to go to see his family, but he’s always happy he went. If true, I would say it once, and if he’s still a no, then drop it.
No. Leave him be. He knows her and himself and no one needs pressure in an already hard situation. Idk if you think that is mean and I don’t actually care, this isn’t about you.
Ok, great.
You probably have a different relationship with your mom than he has with his mom.
Daughter of a squirrelly and melodramatic mother here. I… just can’t anymore with her drama. If she needs me to drop everything and help her, she can use her words like an adult. I’ve learned that her squirreliness is controlling. She controls the narrative, she stirs up emotions, she exploits empathy, she keeps people off balance by not giving answers.
Shrug.
I don’t care if my friends understand; I do care if people project their own good relationships with their moms onto me. Not my situation, tried that for decades and failed, onto grey rock. Count your blessings if you don’t understand.
I would not keep pushing or take your kids. I finally set a boundary with a family member and did not see them for several years prior to their death. I don’t regret that. What I gained was peace after years of being emotionally abused that is now final because the person is gone. Maybe he will regret it but he’ll deal with that then. Or maybe he will change his mind and go see her but that is his decision.
I will say, when my mom was in a similar situation, her doctor told us that the third hospitalization was probably a clue that the end was near. She had no outright critical medical conditions such as cancer or a heart condition, but her doctor was right and she passed away within two months. Even though we didn’t know specifically when the end would come, I pushed up a visit from two weeks out to the next weekend, and she died during the following week. If I had waited, I would not have seen her alive. I would say keep pushing. Of course, it may not be the end, but even if he travels now and again later, I assume after she’s gone he will be glad he did so.
+1
3 hospital admissions in one year is often a sign of a major decline. If she is truly frail / elderly, this is when changes happen – like not being able to return to living at home.
But it is unclear to me what actually happened. Usually the doctors know within hours if it was a stroke/heart attack/broken hip/sepsis etc… and if it is none of those and she is alert and taking phone calls, maybe her hospitalizations are less acute.
I would not push your husband, if it does not appear that this is a serious situation. It’s his Mom.
Thanks, all. I do appreciate it!
Where are the kids in all this? Do they have a direct relationship at all? My 13 yr old would be very upset if either local grandma or non-local grandma was hospitalized and we didn’t know why and did not drive to visit briefly. 1.5 hrs drive is a day trip not a plane flight.
Even if he doesn’t want to go, he should think about what he wants to say to the kids if she does pass away and he didn’t go to say goodbye. There are lots of resources out there for dealing with talking to kids/teens about difficult family members, and whether it’s this illness or the next one, she’s not getting any younger so he should prepare himself.
I’m not the best at cooking different types of cuisines, but I’m looking for jars/cans of panang curry sauce? Take out is already pricey, but even more so to customize which vegetables and how much of each to include. Just looking buy the curry so I can customize the rest. Any recommendations? Willing to go to a pricey grocery store for it if needed and located in the South.
How spicy do you like things?
You can get this at Whole Foods or many large grocery chains. I am outside of Chicago and it’s easy to find, but maybe less so in your area.
Or just order online.
https://www.amazon.com/Mae-Ploy-Yellow-Curry-Delicious/dp/B007VAMIPM?th=1
https://www.amazon.com/Maesri-Thai-Panang-Curry-Paste/dp/B005NEXK6Y?th=1