Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Contrast-Trim Sweater Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This dress was on my wish list for the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, but it sold out of my size before I could grab it. I’m glad to see it back! This looks like a perfect piece for that fall/winter transition.
Once the weather starts getting colder, you can add some tights and boots, and you’ll be ready for anything.
The dress is $119 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. It also comes in navy and cognac.
Sales of note for 8/12/25:
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your full price purchase, and $99 dresses and jackets — extra 60% off sale also
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- Dermstore – Anniversary sale, up to 25% off everything
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles & up to 60% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 60% off clearance
- Mejuri – Up to 25% off everything
- M.M.LaFleur – New August drop, and up to 70% off sale – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
- Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
- Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – Semi-annual red door sale! 50% off all markdowns + extra 20% off already marked-down items
Does anyone have the Boss fadrid dress or a similar accordion pleat dress? I am thinking about getting it in navy or black for fall and spring, but I am not sure how to style it for work in winter. Maybe adding a blazer or lady jacket?
Have a similar dress. Normally use a Chanel inspired lady jacket, or wear it with big scarf plus tights during winter. Same as you would style your usual black work dress.
Which sneakers would you wear with the above dress? Bonus points if they come in a wide width.
I have duck feet with bonus neuromas and I think black or white New Balances will make your feet happy. My feet also like Hokas. They both come in wides, which I’ve gotten on sale but I can also rock a medium the way my feet are poorly put together and with some damage from accidents.
You would wear Hokas with this dress?
I would also wear new balance with a dress like this, provided it was either above my knee…more mini, or longer,,,mid calf, and with bare legs if the weather was warm enough. If it was cold I would wear this dress with tall boots and tights, and usually, my legs run really cold. I have lots of foot pain and I live in a city where I walk, so I have to have walkable shoes for distances.
I am sorry, but New Balances or Hokas would look absurd with this dress. There is certainly a place for those sneakers, but this is dress is not it.
Maybe something like these (lucky 6.5 only here, though) – https://veronicabeard.com/products/valentina-sneaker-black-white-silver?variant=44607803031723&glCountry=US&glCurrency=USD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=US+-+Shopping+-+Pmax+-+Brand+-+Shoes___20397592792&utm_content=___&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20397598297&gbraid=0AAAAABMxaq-yHgrtqaKhbCvgBWN7BstSI&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4tXOnbyZjwMV2k7_AR2jBBeXEAQYAiABEgLpmvD_BwE
I would not. That’s not going to look right.
Plus a million.
billion
I linked above, but actually on second pass agree with this. I don’t think this dress is casual enough to look natural with sneakers, nor dressy enough for it to be a “fun contrast suit and sneakers” kind of look. Would probably go with pointed toe flats for myself but could see others pulling off loafers or more of a smoking slipper style with this.
I agree (and also that our feet sometimes insist on questionable aesthetic choices).
Agree. That’s going to look more awkward than stylish given style, length, etc. It needs to be more casual, long, or something to look right.
I’d agree, but the reason I’d not do it is that if it’s cool enough for a sweater dress, I’d want my legs covered, and I can’t picture what to wear on my legs (tights? what color?) that would look right with this dress and sneakers.
I’m a big fan of Rothy’s court sneaker (but I would pair it with the navy dress instead of the black): https://rothys.com/products/the-lace-up-sneaker-bright-white
I would skip sneakers and just wear tall boots with these. will look better with tights and a sweater dress anyway.
I don’t get the sneaker/dress thing outside exercise dresses and casual sundresses. This very obviously shouldn’t be worn with sneakers, you’ll look like your luggage got lost.
None.
I would not wear sneakers with this dress. This has all gone too far. And I do love my sneakers.
+1. This is definitely not a dress to wear with sneakers!
I will be in Minneapolis on Sunday for a all day layover. I live in a rural area so would like to do some work clothing shopping in person. I would guess I will have at minimum 6 hours outside the airport. I know the MOA is there and close – is that my best stop? Anywhere else I should go? Uber, rent a car, bus? I am in straight sizes, big feet, am packing an extra empty duffle so can check any shopping on the way home. Would love to find 4-5 outfits and a couple pair of shoes but need to try everything on.
MOA will certainly be easy to get to on the bus. If you’re looking to stay near the airport for ease of transportation, there is also an outlet mall in Eagan that would be a quick Uber.
MOA is an easy/quick bus ride from the airport. There is also an outlet mall about 10 mins away (Twin Cities Premium Outlets in Eagan) that would be a quick Uber ride.
Given your goals, MOA is the best bet. It’s get a huge selection of stores. I would take the light rail back and forth.
The mall itself will probably be busy with back to school shoppers, but that shouldn’t impact the adult stores much. I would recommend looking at the mall directory, picking out your top priority stores, and mapping a route between them all. Otherwise, you can eat up a lot of time and energy just walking back and forth in the mall.
Do not take the bus to MOA! What nonsense. Take the light rail, it’s super fast and just 5 stops away. You’ll be there in 15 minutes. Going to the Mall of America is a much better use of your time then trying to Uber to a different shopping district. Have fun!
Twin Cities resident here and agree with the above; light rail best way to go. Depending on what brands of shoes you like, there is a Nordstrom for higher end, and DSW for a ton of variety. Other than that, mainly lots of sneaker brands.
Do check out the list of shops at Tanger Outlet – depending on what brands you like, you could have really good luck there. There is a Saks outlet I like, as well as the typically Factory stores. You would need to Uber there.
check hours too – I think some stores at the mall open at 11 on Sunday, but worth confirming.
OP – For shoes, you might see if you can do ship to store for Nordstrom. Sunday might be cutting it close, but it would greatly expand your options for shoes that might not be available on the floor. You could try everything on and return what doesn’t work.
Can anyone recommend leggings that are larger in the calves but not the waist and hips? I started walking a lot this summer and have changed shape a bit. I normally wear a small in whatever is on sale at Target/Old Navy, but now the waists are loose while the calves are too snug.
The answer may be switching to joggers or yoga pants (or stirrups?!), but I prefer regular, full length leggings with pockets if I can find them. I’m pretty flexible on everything else, including price point.
The wunder trains from lululemon have a waist drawstring, and there is a version with pockets. I personally like the interval stash from athleta (pockets, plus drawstring, and nice compression). They technically are a 7/8 but depending on your leg length they may basically be full length on you.
I don’t know about the calf ratio, but I was never a leggings person until I discovered Beyond Yoga, so that’s always my recommendation. IMO they’re on a totally different level from Target/Old Navy. The fabric is super soft, they never get baggy or pill, and they’re basically indestructible. I have a pair I got in 2021 I’ve worn through fluctuations from size 8 and down to size 2. I’ve worn them constantly for everything from pajamas to rock climbing, and they’re still going.
I second the rec for Beyond Yoga.
Thirding Beyond Yoga!! The colors are also super fun.
Not leggings but North Face has some great lightweight hiking pants that have great pockets. Aphrodite, I think? Comes in shorts also.
A little late responding, but try Lululemon contour fit.
How can I get better at Spanish when I live in the US and all native speakers want to get better at their English (which is way better than my Spanish)? I learned in school and grew up in a Puerto Rican area. Now I live with more Mexican and south / Central American speakers. I learned in school and know a ton of vocabulary and can read well, but I can’t listen well at native speed and it takes me a long time to formulate sentences back. I’ve tried listening to sports in Spanish but what else can I do? There is a community college nearby, but reading more Cervantes isn’t likely to help with this. Ayudame, por favor :)
Try Duolingo or other language learning app to refresh, and a ‘mas despacio, por favor?’ on occasion can bring a smile and some patience?
I live on mas despacio y “como se deletrea” while gesturing with a pen and paper. La lucha continua!
Watch Casa de las Flores on Netflix. Keep the subtitles off. Rewind when you miss something and listen again. It’s hilarious, contemporary, and clear Mexican Spanish. One of the characters is my go to gif with my Spanish speaking friends, such great one liners.
I like this tip, and I would also make a Spanish language playlist of music to listen to. I bet there’s something in almost every genre out there.
I get frustrated when people get frustrated with Americans for not knowing a second language. We can drive for days and live for decades on just English no matter how hard we sincerely try or take classes. I even lived overseas (where I was very obviously a foreigner) and took language classes there but everyone I knew wanted to practice their English with me (and I went along). I know some taxi directions and what I’d say in a store but it was hard even then.
I feel the same way. Most American schools have pretty limited foreign language instruction and there are very few chances to actually practice speaking a different language. IME if you try speaking a little bit of a language where I live, people assume you are fluent (except for my sandwich guy, he knows I’m learning).
It’s a bit like the “OMG most Americans don’t have passports” crowd – America is very large, travel is expensive, and passports aren’t that easy to get in plenty of places!
I feel like Spanish is the exception here. I don’t run into many people who want to speak French with me, but I’m in California, and I could basically speak Spanish all day long if I were fluent. My neighbor is fluent in Spanish and I see how handy it is for her. For instance, some people doing construction on the house between ours only speak Spanish and she’s able to communicate so well with them and has even made friends with them.
But even that depends on where you live. I honestly don’t run into that many people speaking Spanish in my area
In California? I highly doubt that.
My friends have been doing online zoom classes with WorldsAcross and love it. They said they have made enormous progress in a few months.
It’s super normal to know more words but have a hard time
For practice listening at speed, I like the news because reporters tend to have very clear pronunciation, I often have some idea what the story is about ahead of time, and you can slow down the playback speed (BBC has a simple English and simple French service too, that use easier words – I’m sure someone has a Spanish version)
For practice speaking, I know there are a couple online platforms that offer 1:1 tutoring/practice with native speakers – much bigger pool than just native Spanish speakers in the US. I also find there’s benefit in just forcing myself to speak out loud/formulate sentences – like if I’m listening to something else in the car, I’m making myself try to summarize the episode.
I’m this way with French and at this point I think forcing yourself to speak is the best way to make progress. Your library may have a Spanish conversation group. Or, if you can find someone who wants to improve their English, maybe just a language exchange coffee break once a week could help you both, spending half the time speaking in each language.
I listen to a podcast targeted at intermediate French learners (InnerFrench) that is natural language about various topics, just slower and more clear than a native speaker would usually talk. I’m sure there are similar ones for Spanish, and YouTube videos are another idea. I find history or how it’s made style videos have enough pauses for me to process pretty well, especially with visuals to orient me on context. Agree news reports are another good one, because reporters will usually avoid slang and enunciate clearly.
oh, and audiobooks! Short stories are great, and you can reference the text if needed.
Two things
https://www.rtve.es/play/
Tons of tv programs, movies and series with spanish subtitles to improve your listening skills. You need to pay a small fee for the subscription outside of Spain.
https://www.meetup.com/es/topics/espanol/us/
Check if there is a group in your location to practice in person.
Watch TV in Spanish. There are a lot of shows on Netflix. I started doing this just for fun but it actually helped a lot.
I thought Narcos was actually pretty helpful for my Spanish (especially the last two seasons). Also I watched Mar de Plastico over COVID and it was really easy to understand what was being said (it’s set in Southern Spain).
Oh, this might be too beginner-level for you, but check out the “language transfer” podcast – it’s a different style language learning podcast (the host doesn’t actually speak the languages he is “teaching”) – you can tell his accent is off a little; but somehow it engages a different part of my brain than other language-learning podcasts
https://www.languagetransfer.org/complete-spanish
I don’t know that I agree with your first sentence. We live in NY and my husband really improved his Spanish by just asking all native speakers to practice with him. All the people we see regularly – doormen, garage attendants, neighbors, guys at the coffee shop – were happy to do it once he explained what he was doing. I can’t imagine that if you live somewhere with native speakers and you actually disclose your plan that someone would say, “oh no, I would rather work on my English, ok?”
But for other tips – watch TV, especially soaps and the local news, and see about getting a zoom tutor maybe to practice with.
“doormen, garage attendants, neighbors, guys at the coffee shop”
I cannot belive that the only native speakers you know are inmigrants in low paid jobs.
This is such a stupid comment. I don’t know how much free time you have but the way to practice something and actually get better is to do it consistently on a daily basis. Those are the people he interacts with every day, multiple times, and in a real world environment. Most working adults don’t have the luxury of calling up a friend to have lunch so they can practice their Spanish for an hour during the week and most people can’t go to their busy coworkers and say, “hey I want to improve my Spanish so let’s talk in Spanish where it will take me twice as long to say what I need to say to you and maybe i will also misunderstand what you need to tell me but let’s try anyway, k?”
Meanwhile he chats with the doorman every evening for 15 minutes regardless and the guy happens to speak fluent Spanish and doesn’t care what language they use to talk soccer. And all this because he needs Spanish to communicate with his clients because they often don’t speak English but you can’t exactly just “practice” on people who you represent.
Enjoy your sanctimony though. You sound like a real treat.
“oh no, I would rather work on my English, ok?”
Well, I said more or less that when a colleague at my London office said he wanted to practice his Spanish with me.
It was something like “Well, I have came here one year to improve my English and it is costing me a lot of money and the personal effort, you could do the same.”
You cannot imagine how many people asked me to “help with his/her Spanish” and when I proposed them a tandem only one person was happy to do that (and we did), the others only wanted free lessons.
Maybe if you want to practice you should pay for the lessons instead of asking to people that work for you and that maybe they feel they cannot say “no”.
That’s such a different situation. Are you being purposefully obtuse or just not understanding the difference in a global city like NY where plenty of people permanently live and work who speak both languages and don’t care how you say good morning and talk about the weather? I happen to be a non-native English speaker and if someone asked me to speak to them in my native language when we interact i would be 100% fine with it. May even be fun. But I’m not here to practice my English for a year. This is just my life. Frankly, I find it much more concerning how everyone here is so happy to pay “pennies on the dollar” for someone in a different country to practice English with you over the internet, but let’s focus our selective outrage on people who actually take the time to get to know those around them instead.
I pay tutors who live in Central America to talk with me in Spanish and offer a few corrections. I find and pay them via an online platform (iTalki, but there are a bunch and I don’t know if one is better than others).
It’s very affordable for me. It also seems like a good source of income for the tutors compared to work that’s available locally.
+1
My friend does something like this too. He also goes on some of his vacations to intensive Spanish programs. He has gone multiple times to Guatamala, Spain and Mexico.
News in Slow Spanish
Spanglish, like all of us in Latino families! If you have friends that want to practice their English – they speak to you in English, and you respond back in Spanish. Just let them know you are looking to learn too; Spanish speakers are very welcoming!
I agree with the suggestions to watch Spanish Novelas on Netflix, the local and evening Telemundo and Univision news (which also is more international-focused than the English network news), etc.
Just learned through an automated HR email that I didn’t get the internal promotion I applied for. I work closely with the hiring manager, but somehow he couldn’t reach out personally? If the job market weren’t so shitty, I would be so out of here.
I’ll raise you that I learned I’m being let go after a merger by having new grandboss send an email today that no new projects in my area are to be pursued. Wondering now how many of the contracts for the rest of 2025 will be honored. Rat has been avoiding meeting with my boss and me since starting. I’ve never been ghosted like this from the inside before. Shocking to me the lack of humanity sometimes.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. The cowardice of “leaders” shouldn’t shock me anymore, and yet here we are. I hope you find something amazing before they’re ready for you to leave!
Wow that’s a bummer. Maybe the hiring manager will still reach out and was meaning to get to you first? Perhaps he didn’t know when HR would notify everyone? I hope things look up.
Hiring processes are very sensitive and fraught with legal risks for companies. It would create risk for the company if you as a candidate were treated any differently from any other candidate because you have a close relationship with the hiring manager. The company and the HM did the right thing here. Don’t misdirect your disappointment with not getting the role into being upset with him over this perceived slight.
No, in this case they were recruiting internal candidates for a new role which requires real institutional knowledge. And culturally, the org has always been transparent with internal candidates, so this is new.
Agree as it relates to the Hiring Manager but I think it’s right to expect the internal recruiter to connect in a more high touch way for internal candidates. We had a recruiter once who was just Teams messaging internal candidates (like not a back and forth, or hey do you have a minute for a quick call) that they didn’t get jobs. #bummer! That got shut down fast. I’m sorry, OP. Looking is so hard!
Really? We have at will employment in the vast majority of roles. It’s extremely easy to let someone go because you don’t like them.
It’s shitty what happened to the OP and terrible leadership, if you can call it that. When you pass someone over for promotion you need to manage the person and their expectations. Anything else is nasty behavior which will give people anxiety, destroy their self worth and confidence. It takes a special person to do that to someone. It’s a power move which isn’t necessary.
The current manager should have shared the news as a shit sandwich. Like this: It was close but unfortunately very competitive so they decided to go with the other candidate. I too was disappointed when I heard. Let’s look at what we can do to keep you on that path. I saw a conference/training and thought you might benefit from that.
I would most certainly have spoken to the hiring manager and asked why they didn’t get the job. If it’s a skills gap, that’s fine. Give them the nudge by offering help to learn and demonstrate that skill.
At Will employment does not mean companies can easily let go of people. They’re always looking to avoid being sued so they have many steps they go through in order to let someone go.
They have to have documented reasons they’re doing it if it’s for performance reasons.
Layoffs are easier for them, but they really do have to be eliminating the position- they can’t just immediately hire somebody into your old slot and have them do the same job function without exposing themselves to litigation.
I’m not saying companies never do this , because they do, but they are usually more careful about appearances
Sorry, this is total nonsense. Emailing or (gasp!) stopping by in person to tell an internal candidate, “sorry, we went a different direction” does not create risk for the company. I don’t understand why HR people see monsters in every shadow.
Lol no it doesn’t.
Generic mass email post-interview rejections of internal candidates *also* create risk for the company, because that’s how you discourage, demotivate and eventually lose strong employees.
Sorry NYNY
That is BS and you know it. I’ve been the internal person turned down. At least my colleague did me the courtesy of telling me on a phone call rather than letting me find out through a generic HR email. I don’t like that person for a number of reasons, but at least she did the right thing in treating me like a human being.
Just echoing that the job market in NYC is AWFUL right now. We are getting wildly overqualified candidates for open positions.
Any large chested ladies find a wedding guest dress lately? it’s brutal out there, I’ve never seen so many ugly dresses. Most have seams across the bust line which won’t work with a large chest. Appreciate any help!
It’s not a super unique dress but this fit me very well: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/7981989?color=317
I got it at the Rack in a different color for a lot less, but it looks like they don’t currently have it.
Look at the British brands. Hobbs and Phase Eight can both work well for GG+ cups.
Sadly, the pickins’ are slim (and so are the busts). It’s annoying.
The only real contenders I’ve found have been the pleated cape dress at Banana (bought in pink for a wedding later this summer), and some of the options at Never Fully Dressed.
Breast of luck to you.
I wore this in solid red – that would be a fall color. They keep changing what colors they have it available in. You couldn’t see a hint of anything, and I agree that’s hard to find in a wedding dress
https://www.abercrombie.com/shop/us/p/dipped-waist-bubble-hem-midi-dress-60952943
If you have a good strapless bra you like: https://www.lulus.com/products/seriously-sensational-sage-brush-strapless-tiered-maxi-dress/2303031.html
suggested Birdy Grey below and i’ll suggest it here too if you’re ok with a solid-colored dress. you can even filter by bra-friendly styles.
also check out Rixo (pricier but the selection is great) and Reformation can be a bit young but might work?
don’t remember how i found this one but if you like prints, maybe: https://mixedbynasrin.com/products/aurelia-wrap-dress
AITA? My sister and her husband use a bidet at home. They came to stay with us (out of state) for a week. We do not have a bidet. They brought “flushable” wet wipes for themselves which, when I saw in the bathroom, I asked my sister not to use (we live in a rural are and are on septic) and asked if they could just use toilet paper this one week. She refused saying they simply cannot use tp anymore and said they’d throw them in the wastebasket instead of the toilet. Which I said was gross (and also assumed they would forget to do most of the time out of habit). So far as I know, neither has a medical condition it’s just preference at this point. AITA for telling her to use tp? Bidet users: can you really not handle using tp for a week?
I have a family member like this. TMA but I think they use TP and then the wipe is the final pass, if that makes sense. That wipe goes into the trash can. We use two liners just to help keep the can from getting nasty and that trash goes out daily. A diaper genie setup might work. Protect your pipes! I treat it like a diaper or soiled menstrual pad. Hazmat.
If you have a bag in your trash can and she will tie it up and throw it in the bin on the way out, I don’t see an issue. I can see both sides…but frankly I think you are trying to micromanage their bathroom habits. She agreed not to flush, which is an absolutely reasonable rule. But as a host you have to give a little, too. Would you tell guests not to throw away baby diapers at your house? It seems analogous to that
I think there can be some unknowns — I can see recoiling at the thought of a lot of product on wipes visible and smelling up a bathroom like a loose soiled diaper. They should offer assurances that it’s either not like that or they will manage in a sanitary way so as not to overly foul the air. I see some people who have enough GI stuff that it takes several passes to clean them and some who have a clean break with their poop. But I’d not inflict concerns on a host and will just ask for ziplocks to bag up what’s universally seen as hazardous materials that can smell very bad (and then promptly take out to a ln outside trash can).
They don’t smell anything like a diaper.
But the OP might not know that. So many poopy unknowns.
There are a lot of countries where you can’t flush anything – including TP – and so the wastebasket system is what you use for everything!
Stock your bathroom with daily trash bags for them to dispose of, and then let them be.
And god bless the USA we aren’t one
No, it let her throw away the wipes. You can put them in a zip lock or plastic trash bag. We have septic so very much agree you can’t flush those. They also make plastic water bottle looking portable bidets.
My brother is like this. When he stays with us, he just has a plastic trash bag of his own, where he throws the wipes. He’s responsible for disposing of it in our trash bins so we don’t have to touch it or look at it. I think that’s a fine solution.
I use sanitary disposal bags for pads/tampons. I’d put those out and ask that they dispose of the wipes in there.
No your sister and her husband are weird and shouldn’t visit again.
Can you get a spray bottle filled with water? Then they can make their own wet wipes out of TP, and flushing will not be an issue.
This. Witch hazel is also good for cleaning up. Maybe also provide the best/thickest TP your system can handle.
Yeah, but imagine your BIL is asking you about your wiping habits and giving you his homemade butt spray. Wouldn’t you be weirded out?
Yeah the trash is the solution here.
This!
It’s weird to micromanage anyone’s bathroom habits. If your guest throws out a tampon in your trash, is that gross? Or do you not even know about it because they disposed of it discreetly? I think it’s fine to ask your sister not to flush flushable wipes. I think it crosses the line into A – hole territory to assume she can’t handle doing that “out of habit.” It doesn’t even make sense – there is no wipe habit with a bidet.
Presumably you would have a waste basket for period products, yes? This is the same. Provide a trash can liner bag and let them know where to take bathroom trash out. You can’t police their bathroom habits.
I use wipes and throw them in my trash and take it out. It’s not a big deal. Much cleaner than just tp.
This.
You’re in the wrong. You can tell them not to flush wipes, but not to not use them. It’s the same rule as for tampons and pads. This is why trash cans are lined.
Yep, this.
A LOT of hotels don’t, which is really puzzling to me. Especially in a bathroom.
Agreed – it’s gross when they’re not in hotels. If I use a wipe there, I wrap it well in clean TP first.
+1 This is the answer.
It’s fine to remind them not to flush wipes (which is something only sociopaths do because everyone should know not to flush those), but I think it’s unreasonable to ask them not to throw wipes away in a trash can. It’s trash, it’s already gross. And fwiw, people aren’t going to tell you about their hemorrhoids or whatever.
TBH they are called “flushable wipes,” which the FTC should ban as a term because it isn’t true.
I would support this ban!
You’re 100% correct on not flushing them (even with good septic) but you should have let her put them in the trash. It doesn’t stink. I’ve done trips in boats where you have to put even the toilet paper in the trash can, and it’s ok.
I’m with you on this one.
Same. Surely they don’t carry around wipes to use at work or in public restrooms. I wouldn’t want excrement-tinged wipes sitting out in my bathroom either. If you have a stash of plastic grocery bags tell them to wrap up their wipe after each use and take out the trash daily. Then don’t invite them back again.
I’m not sure I understand this reasoning.
Plenty of people carry wipes with them for cleaning up after doing their business. Have you never had a yeast infection and cleaned up the gross suppository or internal cream residue after going to the toilet?
Also, the idea of wetting toilet paper instead of a wipe is not practical – toilet paper tears or resolves after contact with water. It’s designed for that.
Why do you think they don’t carry the wipes with them? I would assume they would. It’s not that large of an item to throw in a purse or bag.
They absolutely do carry wipes with them. You sound blissfully ignorant of all the complicated bathroom issues that people manage at work and in public restrooms!
I don’t think you’re TA, and in my family, it wouldn’t be out of bounds for me to tell my sister (who coincidentally also uses a bidet at home) I thought something was gross. But that’s very much a matter of my own family dynamics and relationships! Yours might by different. If I were in your shoes, I’d let my sister use the lined wastebasket unless and until it was clear she wasn’t throwing away the wipes appropriately.
As an aside, I NEVER understand why all bathroom wastebaskets aren’t lined. Blood, snot, poop, dirt, used makeup–why would you want any of that touching your wastebasket?? I find it so unhygienic.
Hotels – even luxury hotels! – often have unlined ones and it grosses me out soooooo much. Especially because you know they’re not getting bleached between every guest. Use. A. Liner.!
I feel exactly the same way!! I am not easily grossed out but I DO NOT understand unlined trash cans in hotels. It is so gross!
May I suggest an alternative solution?
There are bidet attachments that you can hook up to the toilet. Tushy seems to be the main brand, and costs $149 for the heated option. There are other solutions on Amazon for less than $30.
There is such a thing as a portable bidet with is essentially a spray bottle. Some people take this with them to travel.
But that is kind of unpleasant to have that floating around the bathroom, if it is shared. The outside gets soiled (even if not visible). Not pleasant for the hosts who have to accept the poop bottle.
They can literally wet a couple small piles of toilet paper and make their own “flushable” wet wipes.
If they insist on using wet wipes, they should take out the trash themselves after going, and you leave the bin liners.
But I gotta say, as I used to have a family member who also needed to use wet wipes for #2, these wipes commonly fall in and get flushed by accident. So I warn you – it will happen.
Or they should stay in a hotel.
YTA for not letting them throw away wipes, yes.
Not a particularly environmentally friendly option I’m about to propose, but the wipes aren’t either, surely: could you leave a roll of doggie poo bags in their bathroom that they can use to bag the used wipes? I mean, I’d just as soon put an opaque liner in the trashcan and tell them where they can dispose of the bagged, tied-off trash when they depart…but if that’s too weird, the little bags contain….things for you?
The trash is the right place for wipes. You’re not going to be able to force your guests to only use toilet paper and you’re being a rude host by insisting on it.
Yes, you are in the wrong here. I could not imagine policing anyone’s bathroom habits like this. What are you going to do if someone has a stomach virus or something? Get a trash can with a lid and put on a pair of gloves and a mask if it bothers you that much. Surely you have had to clean a dirty toilet before.
I’d be more concerned about the colon health of the people who live in your house if you are this obsessed with bathroom habits.
Are ankle length straight (not skinny) pants still “in” for work? I know we are wearing very wide leg pants now but I like to have some variety and straight works well for my body shape. I found a cute pair that I like but don’t want to spend the money if they’re trending out.
Yes. I think they’re fine and I work with a lot of hip young people who have to wear suits.
I’ve realized wide leg pants don’t look good on me at all and straight pants look so good. So I’ll be sticking with them.
I still see them everywhere, so I think they’re fine?
I’m the OP from Monday with the intense but platonic rapport with my co-researcher. Thank you to everyone who commented. It gave me a lot to think about. I think my relationship with this person is just unusual. My husband is aware of it, he has full access to my text messages, and we have never hidden any of it. I think this comes down to relationships like this, especially because we are co-creators, being rare between men and women. This is especially true in my research field, which is male dominated. I don’t have a lot of female coworkers to begin with.
But all of the commentary led me to another question. There was a healthy debate about whether people discussed their intimate gardening lives with friends, regardless of gender. I definitely talk to my girlfriends about this, both about frequency and about what we like and don’t like. I was surprised that people think it’s inappropriate and completely off-limits once you’re in a relationship. Is that really the consensus? The relationship with the BFF where they talk about all of that was one of the best parts of All fours.
I did (not super graphically) when I was single but stopped when I got into a serious relationship; my girlfriends are the same. But like I said I think it’s a minority opinion here.
I dont think this is a minority opinion here. Every time it comes up, people say it’s disrespect I’ve to your partner. And I agree with that view.
+1. I think it is really disrespectful to your spouse / partner to discuss those details with friends.
I don’t think it is a minority opinion FWIW.
Nope, it’s so disrespectful to your spouse. But we are clearly on different pages because your coworker relationship is also completely inappropriate.
What a weirdly puritan thing to insert into a comment. Hold your pearls!
lol, yes, not emotionally cheating on your husband or discussing your intimate life with friends is the height of Puritanism.
When someone switches topics and asks a different question, it’s the height of judgmental to throw in that you are still judging them for the last thing they said that isn’t part of the new question. Maybe if the statement was “I think it’s inappropriate to discuss but I also think that it’s inappropriate to have the kind of emotional relationship that you describe so this all tracks for me …” but this poster doesn’t broker a possibility that her opinion is not everyone’s, never mind that it’s just her opinion and not the rule for all. “It IS inappropriate” – who made you the moral police?
I don’t know who hired her as the moral police, but she’s doing a great job of it, since she’s 100% correct!
Thank you! I take my unpaid judge role quite seriously!
Seriously. The amount of folks her who don’t talk about gardening with their friends is wild. I don’t do that with all friends, but some who are married and have been for decades at this point. Really not a big deal– depends on the friendship. And talking about it doesn’t make me having an emotional affair with them either. Some wild takes here.
+1
I wouldn’t say it’s 100% off limits. But when you’re married, the bar is high, and with a coworker, I do think it’s completely inappropriate, regardless of whether you’re friends (I’m also a researcher in a male dominated field so understand the dynamic, but I still think this is bad).
+1
yes discussing your sex life with a co-worker is insane. Full stop.
Agreed. Discuss with a very close, tight-lipped friend? Sure. With a coworker? Absolutely not.
We’re not idiots who have never had close platonic relationships with male colleagues, but sorry not sorry, there is not a context in the world where s3x talk is appropriate. Reign it in, OP, or just run off with the guy already.
I talked about that stuff with my friends when I was single. But never about anyone I was serious about. I think it’s disrespectful to talk details (besides maybe frequency) to your partner.
FWIW, I found those stories funny when my friends were in the dating stage of life but don’t want to know that info about one of their partners. I don’t want to go out to a couples dinner, and know what Bob’s sexual preferences are.
Exactly this!
Yes x a million. If the person knows your partner or will see them occasionally it’s hugely disrespectful (to both your partner and the person you’re telling, eww I don’t want to know what Bob’s sexual preferences are).
I might talk about these issues if I were actually having issues and wanted to vent or needed advice, but with a friend who doesn’t know my husband or doesn’t see him hardly at all. But really if you’re having that much trouble therapy sounds like a better venting source than to some poor friend.
+1. It stopped as soon as we got serious with someone. I would feel so violated if DH shared any information with his guy friends, no matter how vague. Giving details to his opposite gendered coworker would enter divorce territory.
I certainly don’t want to know this stuff about my friends’ spouses. Why do you want to know about your coworker’s gardening life? And why do you think he wants to know about yours? This relationship is wildly inappropriate.
I think one of the reasons it’s less done is because the friend knows the person and it’s weird to talk about someone you know well’s s-x life through someone else. Like if my friend slept with a new guy, we would discuss it. But if they got serious, we would stop. And what can you say? Half the fun when talking about it with your friends is all the silliness but you can’t laugh at your friend’s husband finishing too quickly without being a giant jerk. Also – most day to day activities of coupled people in LTRs are rarely that interesting. I do have one friend who likes to discuss it and she’s probably the one with the most interesting things to discuss.
You’re trying really hard to justify this to yourself. Have fun with your emotional affair.
+1. Adding for OP: these don’t end without pain. The pain will be intense no matter what.
Ask yourself: if you were given a binary choice and had to choose between this person or your marriage, which would you choose?
+1
+2.
If her husband knows about/is cool with it, is it really an emotional affair or just emotional swinging?
I’m sure the husband is aware of the friendship, but I really doubt he knows the details of the conversations.
I grew up kind of prudish about sex so it’s not that comfortable for me to talk about sex with anyone. That said, I have a couple of friends that I’ll talk about it in broad strokes with (e.g., stuff like having grown up in purity culture and how I feel like I’m just now really starting to explore in earnest what I like etc) but I’m married and have some hard boundaries around sharing anything that would feel overly personal to my husband.
My friends discuss mishaps and funny stories, but not day to day activities. Think the time someone got injured in a comical way. There may also be some discussion if there is an incentive based scheme to reward behavior – think no fast food for the week equals an activity.
i know men are like shamu (or whatever that article is about how we should dog train our husbands) but wow really?!?
Ew. Are your friends 17?
Wut?
You perform sexual favors if your husband abstains from fast food for a week? That’s one of the craziest things I’ve read here.
I’m surprised by all of these comments. My girlfriends and I totally discuss gardening with each other. When we were single and now that we’re married. I think it’s normal. Think about the women in SITC talking about this stuff even when they were in long-term relationships – the lack of gardening, lack of spontaneity, gardening after baby, etc.
I mean, Sex in the City is a tv show, not reality.
I think it is very common to discuss sex with friends when everyone is single or newly dating, but I think it is very uncommon once you’re married or in a long term relationship.
And especially uncommon (weird) with a co-worker!
Those topics sound pretty normal to me!
But with some people it feels like they’re trying to involve me? Like they want social foreplay or something similar that I definitely did not consent to. No thanks!
I think even on SATC they toned it down a little when they in long term relationships. I guess Charlotte shared a lot about Trey’s… issues, but also it was clear to everyone except Charlotte that that relationship was not long for this world. I don’t recall her sharing nearly as much about Harry beyond a vague “it’s good.” I also remember Carrie being reluctant to share too many details about Big when they were more serious, again beyond a vague “it’s good.”
With the exception of Charlotte, most of the women spent the majority of that show single or in casual relationships. I think it actually sort of reaffirms what people are saying – that this is single girl brunch talk, but when you get married or seriously coupled up, things change.
I thought the whole point of that book was how disfunctional all of the characters were? Great fiction makes for miserable real life circumstances and all that.
Yeah, that’s not a book I’d look to for role modeling.
I am kind of agnostic on this question bc people are different. I don’t want to know specifics for other couples and don’t share that with friends. But I know others do, and I think that’s fine!
But I’m not agnostic on feeling like the MC in All Fours is not someone I’d want to be or be friends with.
For the love of all that is holy please stop discussing your sex life with a coworker. Please.
agree with this most especially. not appropriate for work at all regardless of gender.
Yes. Please. just. stop.
Yes, it’s colleague not just a BFF. And if you’re at work, please give a thought to whether you’re making things awkward for anyone there who might become aware.
Does your husband know you discuss your sex life with your coworker friend? Sure he has access to the texts, but those don’t have the intimacy of your in-person conversations, do they?
I personally don’t think it’s off limits with your same gender BFFs.
Bluntly? I stopped talking in detail about my intimate life when I was, say, 25. It is, IMO, disrespectful to your spouse to be blabbing about everything. I sure wouldn’t appreciate it if he talked to his guy friends about the details. Does s3x ever come up in conversations with girlfriends? Of course, but only in the most general way, not about what we like and don’t like! I don’t want to know those details, nor share them!
I think you’re going to find that the women on this board are very prudish about sex.
I responded to your original post and actually discussed this with my male bff and he agreed that as long as the convo is the same as what he would discuss with his male friends and his wife knows me it’s not weird. One of you could obviously have sex with a stranger.
I also talk about sex with my partnered friends. We’re not giving a play by play but if something funny happens or someone needs advice, where else are you getting help? The internet? Sometimes you want someone else’s perspective. I don’t keep a mental note of it to think about later. Why would I care if my friend told me she prefers being on top or something? Or if they were interrupted by their kids? Sex is perfectly normal.
Nah we just think it’s wrong to carry out emotional affairs.
I can assure you that I am not remotely prudish about sex, but I still think talking to a male colleague about your married sex life is super weird.
It’s one thing to say something like we were interpreted this weekend by our kids and I felt like I was 16 again cause I was so embarrassed and a completely different thing to say Bob does this (specific detailed thing) with his hands when he is going down on me and I hate it.
Planning an anniversary trip in Paris in October. We’re hoping to enjoy food and walk around a lot, just relax and spend time together. Any tips for restaurants, hotels, or things to do? It’s my first time in Paris. TIA!
A day trip to the Champagne region by TGV!
Restaurants are constantly changing but on recent trips we’ve enjoyed Frenchie (splurge dinner), Septime (we did lunch), le Petit Marche (we did lunch after a Marais shopping walk). Chez Janou still gets a lot of hype but we found it just ok.
We also end up going back to the same ‘local’ cafes a few times during longer stays, and doing some picnics in fair weather – like picking up crepes from a window, fruit from a stall, and a bottle of something cold from the grocery store, and finding a good bench! Parc Monceau and Luxembourg Gardens are my faves for this but picnicking on the Champs du Mar is a classic.
The ubiquitous Seine cruises are fun – and you can BYOB if you like. We used Ved3tt3s du Pont Neuf (they leave from the tip of Cite) as an inexpensive but perfectly nice option.
As far as attractions, my only suggestion is to pick 1-2 per day max, which it sounds like is your plan! Ste Chappelle is heavenly on a sunny day, and you can make reservations (I think only a few days out) for timed entries to see the renovated Notre Dame (note, either of these pair well with the Pont Neuf boat as it’s just down the street).
I am an Impressionist lover so the Orangerie and d’Orsay were more fun for me than the Lourve, etc. Wandering around Rodin’s sculptures is also a nice break from indoor museums. You can climb the stairs up to the first levels of the Eiffel Tower if you don’t want to pay (or play the ticket game) to take the elevator to the top; I like the view from the top of the Arc better anyway!
Commented below (1035) but Frenchie was also our splurge dinner! We had a fantastic meal. Funnily enough, two of the other tables at the small restaurant were couples that lived within five miles of us at home.
Yup it’s a great restaurant if you want to eat with Americans
so I’ll be back next year – what restaurants would you recommend instead for similar quality and a more Parisian crowd? The food was fantastic at Frenchie though I agree with you it’s popular with American visitors. (FWIW, we do eat later, like 9-10pm reservations, when we’re there, so it’s not because we’re dining at tourist witching hour.)
Oh I like it. The food is fantastic. It’s just not at all uncommon for there to be literally no French people in the place. I love Paris by Mouth for recommendations and they usually call out whether it is a more French crowd or more touristy. Recently I really enjoyed Paulownia, Magnolia, and Dandelion for more modern cuisine and a more local vibe, but places change quickly so I always research before I go.
I don’t think I’ve ever been in a restaurant in Paris that wasn’t filled with Americans. Is it really possible to avoid Americans in Paris in the summer high season?
In contrast, we were in Switzerland this past June and other than in Lucerne we basically did not see Americans anywhere, despite going to all the touristy places and presumably relatively touristy restaurants. It was actually staggering to me how few Americans (and Asians) we saw.
Yeah it def is. Look in the 11th, 13th, 15th, 16th etc. It is by no means always my priority but sometimes it’s fun to go to the Musée Marmottan, hit La Rotonde for lunch with the locals, and swing by the much chiller Grade Epicerie. Harder to do in August for sure because there simply aren’t many people around or places open!
My husband I did this for our anniversary in 2022 and it was simply perfect. We stayed at Hotel du Louvre because I got a nice deal on my CC’s portal; Relais Christine and Le Monge were also on my list.
We largely just strolled different neighborhoods/gardens (Marais, St Germain, the Tuilières), stopping for coffee and wine when we felt like it. We aren’t huge museum people, but seeing the water lilies at Musée de l’Orangerie was a perfect amount of time, and incredibly beautiful. We did a little shopping –Merci is a very fun store. We did a few of the walks suggested on earlier posts here. You’ll have so much fun!
1035 here. Our trip was mid-October and it was lovely weather, too.
Relais Christine is stunning. Stayed there a few years ago. Love it, love it, love it.
Thanks for this question! My brother is getting married in October in Paris and my husband and I are traveling alone without kids. Am way behind on research!
Go to a jazz club!
One of the highlights of our recent trip was taking in a show one evening. We went to Le Duc Des Lombards but there are many others, some on the same street as Le Duc.
This is my travel vibe as well. I went to Paris for my birthday last year and loveddd Hotel des Grandes Voyageurs. It’s affordable, well-located, and very nice. The staff were all friendly and helpful too. Versailles is worth the train ride. I enjoy a stroll through the big department stores too– the architecture is incredible, and Galleries Lafayette has a rooftop cafe with a view of the Eiffel tower. Always start any interaction with bonjour or bonsoir, it’s very rude not to, and I’ve never had anyone mind switching to English as long as I started with bonjour.
one of our favorite restaurants in paris is les papilles — we were just there in june and had an amazing meal. but there are no menus, everyone gets the same 4-course meal depending on what’s in season and at market and what the chef cooked, so it’s a bit of an adventure. our meal was cold sweet potato soup (not something i ever would have ordered but amazing), lamb encrusted with pistachio and wasabi, an amazing cheese and compote, and a mango pannacotta i think.
I went earlier this year. For restaurants, we enjoyed Mokonuts, Au Passage, and Le Mary Celeste. We had great walks around the 3rd, 9th, 11th, and 20th arr. If you enjoy shopping, there is so much good vintage in those areas, and you can also look up flea markets that are open the days you are there.
Walking around is the best thing. Try to get all the skip the line experiences at places like the Louvre and Versailles. It is absolutely worth the money.
My best restaurant experience on my two trips to Paris was at Chez Monsieur.
If you’re involved in hiring at a company that uses workday, do you see the original resume the candidate uploads, or only the work-day parsed one in standard formatting? And if so, do you end up using/looking at one or the other preferentially?
Asking because I have a very plaintext, very obviously formatted version that plays okay with workday, and a slightly nicer, still easy to read version that does not; trying to decide which to use. The biggest thing I lose with going to entirely workday-friendly formatting is the ability to list multiple titles under one company with the same bullet points (ie to show progressive promotions like Associate -> Senior -> Staff)
My company uses taleo, but similar question. I always retrieve the original file submitted by applicants.
My current org doesn’t use workday, but in my previous role I had access to both the uploaded one and the workday-formatted one. I always used the uploaded one to see what the candidate included and get a sense of what their work product would look like, good or bad.
In HR and at the 3 large companies I worked for, for professional roles at least, hiring managers are always using the uploaded pdf (or word ), not the one you type into workday (which is generally a compliance thing that you have to have an ‘application.)
Thank you!
Whenever I’ve been asked to weigh in on a candidate, someone forwards me their “real” resume as well, even though we also use some “enter all your jobs” field – I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me until now that this might be widespread/maybe the hiring managers are also pulling the uploaded version
My company (and previous company) uses workday, i have done a ton of hiring and I have never used the cut and paste workday info. I only see / use the proper formatting PDFs. I think if you get hired, the workday entry is recorded as part of your file.
PS. Workday is BRUTAL software that seems to have hoodwinked HR departments all over the place??
I’m guessing it’s cheap? It’s certainly objectively worse at the not-very-hard task of parsing PDFs
I don’t know if this is a rhetorical question but workday is primarily an employee data management system and there aren’t very many choices for that for large complex companies. It’s cheap in the sense that you can also use it as your ATS (or you can buy something nicer that sits on top of it or a separate thing that you use instead and hook in. the decision purpose is generally focused more on compliance, employee tracking, pay etc and not the candidate experience or recruiting alone.
Anyone have an above-shoulder Bob haircut and use hot rollers? My wavy hair curls the “wrong” way (away from my neck) in my humid climate without styling. My flat iron never fixes this, I need a full blowout. Day 2 of blowout it’s curling the wrong way. Debating whether a hot curler line around my neck would work while I get ready in the am.
That will look extremely dated. Like you woke up from a coma you entered in 1962.
No it won’t.
+1 I was imagining a 90s supermodel bob look – very chic!
IDK when I lived in a high humidity city, I skirted triangular hair when it was shorter regardless of product or procedures. Length was the only thing that helped. The shortness helped my hair fight gravity and win.
Give it a shot.
I have totally different hair. But, caphillsytle has loved her hot rollers for years and I think she has more like shoulder-length hair. Search for caphillstyle[dot]com hot rollers, and you can find several posts.
My hair is similar and does this, but a heated round brush helps my hair curl the opposite way. It gives more of a “bend at the ends” look than a curl which I like.
I know what you mean, but I’m laughing at the idea of a Bob haircut. I picture Bill Murray’s hair in What About Bob.
Before I went that route, I’d try a very (VERY) large velcro roller and see if that fixes what you’re trying to fix. Blow dry your hair, leave the roller in while your hair cools to “fix” the position of the curl, then take the roller out. Get the largest roller you can find so you get a very gentle wave, not an actual curl.
You need to blow it out every day. I am surprised a blowout even lasts a day in a humid climate–for me it was over the minute I walked out the door. Which is why I now have a pixie cut instead of a bob.
This happens to me. I’ve found that if it isn’t too bad (too much curling in the wrong way), I can quickly use a hairdryer and brush on my dry hair in the morning to undo the curl.
I sometimes use a washcloth to dampen just my wayward portions of hair and then redo the blowout on those sections – maybe worth a try? The curlers could also be worth a try if you already have them but you might need to pull the flatiron after curling so as to avoid the reverse problem.
I would see if you could grow it past that part of your curl pattern.
ISO places that sell used luxury appliances. I need a 42″ panel-ready Sub Zero fridge, and so help me, I’m not paying retail for it. I remember several places in the NYC metro pre-COVID, but I can’t find them online now – maybe they’ve gone out of business.
I’d ask your local Reddit.
https://www.waccorporation.com/product-page/185-refurbished-42-sub-zero-642-panel-ready-refrigerator?srsltid=AfmBOoqiF67UcrDJz7w28UZ6ImjKopM9NtvB8tOrPSPT6JdMXwdiPDlqTtM
curious here – is a used sub zero really going to be better than a new mass market fridge? honestly asking, we hate our fridge
FWIW my parents subzero is 25 years old and still going strong. It’s nicer than my brand new mass market fridge by a mile.
I would take a good new appliance with a warranty over a used luxury appliance without.
Regardless of brand, old fridges tend to last longer in general because they are less energy efficient, which means less wear and tear on the parts. New fridges turn on and off the compressor a lot, which saves energy but also shortens the life of the various components.
OP here. I don’t have a choice. There are very few brands – and none of the main ones you can buy at the big box stores – that sell 42″ refrigerators. The fridge has a built-in spot in my kitchen cabinets with cabinet panels to go on the front, so I can’t just go with the standard width GE on sale for $999 at the local Home Depot. Believe me, no one’s ever excited to spend $12k on a fridge.
You could probably hire a cabinet maker to make a matching tall pull out cabinet (for brooms? or with shelves for pantry staples or weird tall things like baking trays) to allow you to get a mass market fridge.
Take a look at restaurant fridges. A commercial fridge is 40”. Not perfect but good enough?!? Cost is about $3000 new. Canal street should have lower prices for used.
I went with a commercial fridge and freezer at home when I renovated. So much cheaper.
I hate my subzero, purchased new because that is what fit in the space when the refrigerator that came with the house (also subzero) died.
anyone want to help me shop? I am a bridesmaid in the fall. everyone can pick their own dress. the parameters are “fall leaf color” solid (not patterned) and everyone seems to be leading towards long, midi or high low. I am the biggest I have been, size 18 and self conscious of my stomach. I have been trying to find an option that allows for a regular bra but that may be impossible- if so I need something with a lot of support.
Sue Sartor.
https://www.suesartor.com/collections/special-occasion-full-length/products/sue-sartor-pleated-sleeveless-flounce-maxi-chocolate-silk-taffeta
There’s also a long sleeve version
Are you a size 18w or a straight 18?
Not sure how formal your dress has to be, but check out Anthropologie.
have you checked out birdy grey? they specialize in plus-size bridesmaid dresses in a ton of solid colors and different styles.
https://www.birdygrey.com/products/alex-convertible-dress-matte-satin-olive?_gl=1*e5s911*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5JXFBhCrARIsAL1ckPuHfnxb49Go5o_2ogCyY0HEZzROoBcCN33kt9KHhkoiA2DC5M_SqIMaAsbPEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAADF5i74W03ToC4HPvdxl81A7phdOt
https://www.birdygrey.com/products/violet-chiffon-dress-olive?_gl=1*e5s911*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5JXFBhCrARIsAL1ckPuHfnxb49Go5o_2ogCyY0HEZzROoBcCN33kt9KHhkoiA2DC5M_SqIMaAsbPEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAADF5i74W03ToC4HPvdxl81A7phdOt
https://www.birdygrey.com/products/judy-matte-satin-dress-olive?_gl=1*e5s911*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5JXFBhCrARIsAL1ckPuHfnxb49Go5o_2ogCyY0HEZzROoBcCN33kt9KHhkoiA2DC5M_SqIMaAsbPEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAADF5i74W03ToC4HPvdxl81A7phdOt
Does plum count as a fall leaf color? Because this is gorgeous: https://www.dillards.com/p/betsy–adam-plus-size-sleeveless-v-neck-cascade-ruffle-scuba-crepe-gown/517438923
Ooh, that is so pretty. Total fall vibes.
I’m a similar size, and depending on what “fall leaf color” is, the chartreuse-y version of the Banana pleated cape dress I recc’d above could work. It’s SO comfortable, the self-belt is very adjustable, and the real bra gods shine on this.
Help me help my husband. He’s taken up walking with a vengenance and I love that for him. But despite daily showering and deodorant, he is just rank when he gets home. Are there workout shirts that would help better deal with the BO? He likes 100% cotton, but I think that may be contributing to the problem. He typically goes right before dinner (which I like, as I like quiet when I’m prepping food) but there isn’t time to shower when he gets home before dinner (and I’m starved by then). I know we could shift the schedule but am specifically wondering about better sweat absorbing clothes. Appreciate any leads.
The problem is probably at least partially with how you’re laundering the clothes. Use an exercise specific detergent.
Yes. Use Hex.
This, plus him doing his own laundry if he’s not already.
A shower takes what, five minutes? Enjoy a glass of wine while he goes and rinses off.
This.
Dumb question, but is he wearing a clean workout shirt every day?
There are definitely workout shirts with some built in anti-bacteria anti-odor stuff (and lightweight wool also falls in this category) but ime the biggest difference is the odor level if you have to wear them multiple days in a row (like for camping) – wouldn’t expect a huge difference from *right after* a workout.
Although if I was going to eat dinner in my sweaty workout clothes, I personally would feel much more comfortable in my wool shirt, just because it doesn’t feel so gross damp
I’m not sure that he needs sweat-absorbing. I think the odour would be there whether the t-shirt absorbed the sweat or not. Maybe try one with an antibacterial treatment (some have copper or silver threads to reduce odour) or try an antibacterial detergent and hotter wash water?
From my experience the polyester “athletic” shirts are the worst for holding BO, fwiw.
How much does this matter if it’s only temporary? But in addition he can do a pre-walk wipe with some rubbing alcohol instead of deodorant. Food/diet also matters for the type of smell our bodies produce.
I am a super stinky sweater who sweats a lot. Summer, winter, miserably hot outside or not, new workout clothes or old, I absolutely stink after a cardio workout. This has been true forever. I’m now 45 and it hasn’t changed. It’s the same odor every time. DH cannot smell his own stink somehow, but he absolutely can smell mine when I get home from exercise – and he isn’t wrong. Even a walk on a colder day when I’m not super sweaty causes me to stink the same stink. The only answer for me is a quick shower.
He needs to spend five minutes in the shower. In addition to that make sure he’s wearing those clothes only once and add white vinegar when doing laundry.
Can he just shower when he’s back? I prefer cotton too and just shower more (2x a day when I exercise).
Cotton shirts are actually easier to de-stink than synthetics; synthetics tend to trap bacteria. Honestly I would just live with his stank and dinner or have a snack so he can shower; this seems like a minor problem. The only other thing I would suggest trying is copiously applying SURFACE DEEP, a bacteria-killing deodorant spray, before he heads out. It is not an antiperspirant; it uses glycolic acid to kill the stink inducing bacteria. You need to really use a fair amount – enough that it is almost dripping off, and if you still smell after applying, use more. Applied correctly it keeps me from smelling after a long run.
A shower is the answer.
The shower and laundry recs here, but also perhaps change up the deodorant to a clinical strength anti-perspirant/deodorant and use that multiple times a day, since it accumulates.
Has he tried very good wicking synthetics? The cheap ones are terrible (itchy, stiff).
Bare minimum, when he gets home, he can reapply deodorant and change into a fresh shirt.
to the person yesterday asking about what people wish their aging parents had done – i didn’t have a chance to add yesterday, but you mentioned you and your spouse both have hobbies that involve stuff and both like to entertain – at least as the child of aging parents, i don’t want my parents to get rid of that stuff right now – they should still enjoy their lives! there is a difference between stuff with a purpose and stuff that is just taking up space – perhaps they don’t need 20+ years of paper tax returns, every free pen/notepad ever received, all of my dusty/stained stuffed animals that give me an allergy attach every time i visit, books that they are done with and don’t plan on picking up again, the pair of pants that they haven’t work for 10+ years… but definitely keep living your life and enjoying the things you enjoy, even if it involves ‘stuff’
Well-organized sporting equipment and dishes are also a lot easier to clear out than old papers and junk.
Yes agree! Just like regularly declutter please, I don’t need or want you to get rid of stuff you use and enjoy
oh +1000, but things like old appliances that are in the basement ‘just in case,’ bins of clothes that you don’t wear, half-empty cans of paint in colors you no longer use… please please please let that stuff go now!
I have a lot of half empty latex paint cans. Hazmat dropoffs don’t take latex paint cans, and my garbage collectors don’t either (although I think they’re supposed to). If there was an easier way to get rid of this stuff, I’d do it.
Often you can dump kitty litter into the half-full paint can and then toss it in the regular trash for pickup. Your local government website might have options. Good luck!
You can buy paint hardening crystals at Home Depot. Mix the crystals with the paint, let it harden, and put the cans in the garbage.
Right but the question yesterday was how do I make this easier for my kids. And the answer is that retired parents take the time to figure this out instead of leaving it as a task for the next generation.
you’re supposed to dry out the paint before disposing – sawdust, litter, etc. will do the trick. Then just put it in a garbage bag.
We cleaned out a basement with literally dozens and dozens of unused or partially used paint cans and associated products that had been there 30 years. So rough.
I thought many of those posters lacked empathy. Aside from dealing with a hoarder, which is a psychological condition that needs treatment. You are supposed to give away the things you love and move somewhere you don’t like so you are less of an inconvenience and an easier footprint to clean up when you are dead? No thank you.
Trust me, in 30 years those posters will be singing a different tune.
Disagree. A lot of people were likely chiming in from the perspective of being in the sandwich generation and taking on incredible caregiving burdens on both ends. It’s normal for families to support each other but it’s not at all cruel to ask elderly parents to downsize clutter they don’t like or use.
I posted yesterday. I encourage people to keep the things they use and get rid of the things they do not but they’ve been accumulating and storing since they bought their house. Just putting stuff in the garage, basement, or a closet is easy for everyone to do, and I think everyone should purge that stuff every few years. A friend of mine calls it “we are pretending that we are moving.” Also, look up Sweedish Death Cleaning, which is how my mom viewed it.
Having just cleaned out a house when my second parent died – and my parents no longer lived in my childhood home and were not acquisition people – I know it’s still a lot of work. My parents really only had the stuff they used, and it was a lot of work. I cannot imagine what’s going to happen when my inlaws die because they have lived in the same house for 40+ years and like to keep the “just in case” stuff. Even though just in case hasn’t happened in the 20 years that they have stored the items.
They asked how to be less of a burden.
I disagree. There’s a huge difference between keeping the stuff you actually love and use and keeping the junk that just accumulates. I say this as someone who has moved frequently and is therefore way too familiar with how much stuff I have that I don’t really need or want. On the plus side, moving has been great motivation for keeping the amount of clutter down, and if you haven’t done it in a while, it’s probably worth doing a purge, no matter your age.
My mother has already told me that she does not want me to keep anything of hers when she passes. This is in addition to some hard core purging that she has already done. I have to say it is such a relief to have that blessing to get rid of everything in advance.
And yesterday she mentioned having a hobby friend who would take the stuff—I would love if my parents had done that. Like if you’re big into sewing I wouldn’t want to trash or figure out how best to sell your machine or fabric stash, or if you’re a woodworker your woodworking tools that are probably valuable or whatever, but knowing that your friend Sue would come take it and get it to people who would appreciate (and maybe think of you when they used)? Priceless.
Yeah, I’m going to have to deal with my mother’s doll collection one day and I’m not looking forward to it!
I wish my FIL had done that with his hunting and fishing gear. DH does do either activity and has no idea what is junk vs. what is worth something. Before he passed, FIL hadn’t done either of those activities in years. DH’s cousins took some of it, but there is still a lot leftover, and he doesn’t have a clue what to do with it.
It is easy to get rid of things.
It is not so easy to have to go through archives to make sure that nothing “important” is hidden in them. Meaning:
social security and birth dates of anyone still living
actual stock certificates
cash
pictures of the “precious” heirloom type (weddings, first baby pictures)
diplomas
passports
birth certificates
I have found all of these + bank account information / checks. And a few guns. I can get rid of a ladder or china or furniture easily. Separating out items to shred and shredding took a week and two SUV loads.
Tongue in cheek, but highly recommend having your parents move to you when you have kids and it will solve a lot of the problem of ‘stuff’. My parents downsized from their house of over 40 years to a townhouse in their early 70s when they relocated to be near me. I’m sure I will have stuff to go through when they die, but nothing like what they had to do when they moved out of their house.
Yes, my parents moved in their late 60s and then in their late 70s and both moves took a lot of purging. There is still a lot in their current house but I am so glad those two earlier purges happened.
Unpopular opinion, but aging parents who expect help from their children should move to where their children live. If they want to stay where they are, that’s their choice, but they shouldn’t expect significant help from their kids with ADLs.
Yeah, it really annoys me that not only do I have to take days off work to deal with my dad when he gets sick or needs something, but I also have to spend thousands on flights and a hotel.
You shouldn’t have to. Children are usually working and often have their own kids. The retired person needs to be the one to make the move.
I don’t think that’s an unpopular opinion? Adult children shouldn’t expect their parents to drop everything and move to help them with childcare if the grandparents aren’t interested. But if the older generation expects significant eldercare help from their adult kids, yes of course they should move near one or more of their kids.
I’m very glad my MIL moved near us when she did. And she was only 45 minutes away to start with, which was just far enough away to derail our day when help was needed.
It has been here. There were some crazy threads that said you basically hate your family if you don’t take on long-distance elder care with a smile.
It’s not an unpopular opinion, but it’s hard to actually enforce. My parents moved to it city five hours away by plane for their retirement and while they would say they don’t expect us to take care of them, theyre not going to move nearer to me BEFORE something happens, probably both out of denial and an effort to enjoy their last reasonably good years as much as they can where they like to be. And then when something does happen, it will be a problem.
I’ve cleared out multiple households after death and unless you insist on DIYing it, it’s the easiest thing to do. There are companies you can literally outsource this to and make money in the process. I said it before but it’s the last thing I’d waste my time worrying about.
Also depends on the kids. I have a number of things from my mom – antiques, furniture, cookbooks, old Tupperware, books, clothes, jewelry, etc that I probably wouldn’t have wanted at 20 or 30. At 40 though, I love vintage and appreciate those things.
Don’t get me wrong, there was still a lot of crap, but they may want more than they think.