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Weekend Open Thread: Core 10

Core 10 ReviewSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. With Amazon Prime Day coming up on July 16, I thought I'd do a mini review of Amazon's Core 10 “build your own yoga pants” — I had been looking for a new pair of full-length yoga pants for petites and had a hard time finding what I wanted, so when Amazon offered to let me choose one I was grateful. I love that you can choose different waists (high, medium, or “cross,” pictured here), lengths (regular, short, and tall) and that everything comes in sizes XS-3X. I got a high-waisted pair of bootcut yoga pants in short length, and I really love them. Most of my running leggings and other workout pants are either Zella or Old Navy — the fabric on these really does feel more sumptuous and lux. I also kind of like that they are very matte, very opaque pants — nothing shiny about them. They're pricey at $65, but if you've been on the hunt for something in petite or tall sizes I'd definitely recommend them. I don't know what will be on sale for Prime Day but if you see anything from Core 10 I highly recommend it. I just ordered another pair of Core 10 leggings in their lighterweight OnStride fabric; I'll report back. (That pair also had waist and inseam options though, FYI.) Pictured:  Core 10 Women’s ‘Build Your Own’ Yoga Boot Cut Pant This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!   Tech Update: We’re looking into the Reply problems on mobile – thank you for your patience!

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120 Comments

  1. Saw the Penzey’s Spices code on the morning thread and definitely want to make an order to support them!
    What are your favorite Penzey’s buys? I need some new spice blends to change up my sheet pan roasted veggies and chicken.

      1. Code is America. I hope you will read the cooking is love message Bill Penzey wrote. It is quite beautiful.

      2. Aren’t there laws that require them to list ingredients? That mix is just a big ole mystery of spices apparently

    2. Their lamb seasoning, powdered lemon zest, and aleppo pepper are all in heavy rotation at my house. Tuscan Sun? maybe and Sunny Paris are lovely, too! Bangkok Blend is also awesome.

        1. Oh, also dried shallots (handy!) and the Italian seasoning blend. I usually use my own individual herbs and blend them myself but it’s really easy to sprinkle their mix on things like baked or roasted dishes. I do the same with sunny Paris

    3. Italian dressing mix is great sprinkled on pork chops and potatoes for a sheet pan dinner. We are also fond of the Brady street cheese sprinkle for pasta and salads. Their chicken taco seasoning is stupid delicious.

      I like the double strength vanilla and buy bay leaves by the bagful. And I use the orange extract to make an amazing chocolate-orange pound cake in the winter.

    5. Nice! I got Sunny Paris, Mural of Flavor, Pie Spice, Bangkok Blend, and then a bunch of onion powder and garlic powder because I use those alllll the time. Nearly got Cake Spice but decided Pie Spice sounded better.

    6. Probably no one will see this, but … I just added quite a bit of Sunny Paris to my scrambled eggs this morning and now I don’t think I can ever have them another way.

      Remove the shaker lid. The shallots don’t come out evenly with it on.

    7. I put Mural of Flavor on some boneless chicken breasts to good success. I’m not afraid of salt (very low blood pressure, etc.), so I added some the second time. But it is marketed as no salt needed, and I think that’s correct. It’s just better with.

  2. My beloved pair have developed the saddest of holes and I need new ones ASAP. Preferably low-rise to accommodate a C-section shelf.

  3. Thanks to whoever recommended the Ikea placemats. Love! They shipped quickly even with the mid-week holiday.

  4. Oh I love Penzeys! Galena Street is a great poultry seasoning blend, and their BBQ 3000 has been getting lots and lots of use for grilled and smoked meats this summer. My spice cabinet is basically entirely theirs. I buy the larger bags of things I use frequently and store them in the freezer to stay fresh.

  5. Apropos of nothing, other than my recent catching up on “Suits”! I like a lot of lawyer shows, but I always wonder if any of them have any truth? Especially the episodes where they manage to get a sentence reduced from life to time served, or get someone off death row, or prove someone innocent after 20 years. How does that happen? I know it CAN happen via things like The Innocence Project, but it just seems like the real life legal system is an endless maze of paperwork and prison.

    Anyways, with all the lawyers on this board, I figured I’d ask some ridiculous questions about how your actual profession is being portrayed on TV :) Have any of the episodes on shows like Good Wife, For the People, Suits, etc. resembled real life, or is it all just nonsense?

    1. All nonsense. I mean that completely without exaggeration. I love Suits, but I have to watch it pretending that lawyer means something completely different in their world. (Though the real life legal system is an endless maze of paperwork! That part is true.) Lawyering is mostly really boring, solitary work.

      I once read an article that claimed that the most realistic show about medical practice ever was Scrubs. I think that’s somewhat true – life is much more absurd than dramatic. You couldn’t make a lawyer version of Scrubs, though – at least doctors get to move around a little bit. A lawyer show would probably just be The Office.

      1. +1 Brilliant. Never thought of it but agreed that the Office is probably the best lawyer show.

        1. Agree, but the pacing is off. It takes at least a 10-hour day for the stuff in one half-hour TV episode to happen.

          And there was a Jim (but he went in-house) but no longer; Pam was a summer but took an offer at another firm.

          It’s like that slimmed-down version of The Office and a dose of Office Space (down to the office machine drama).

        3. I’ve actually never watched The Office, but I get the general impression that it’s all about the fact that working in an office is basically annoying and boring. But yes, you’re sitting alone in your office 90% of the time, staring at a computer.

          I love lawyer dramas where the people have beautiful, neat offices, with neither an errant piece of paper or even a computer in sight. Sure, and I’m going to wake up tomorrow looking like Gina Torres.

      2. I love Scrubs and have heard the same things about it. I wish my experience would be The Office if turned into a TV show…

        Honestly, the recent on-screen career depiction I identified most strongly with was the private equity fund on the Netflix movie Set It Up. That’s kind of a sad statement. But add more of the at-work banter with friends and add some fun pro bono projects to that. The hours, the type of office setting, ordering food in the middle of the night, all on the nose. By the way, if you haven’t seen Set It Up, highly recommend for some brain candy.

        2. Doctor here, and agree that Scrubs is the most realistic. It is so enjoyable, and surprising to me.

          The medical dramas are pretty silly, but entertaining for different reasons.

      4. As a criminal prosecutor, honestly Law and Order is pretty close. They “condense” things, everything takes a gazillion times longer, but otherwise it’s generally on point, there’s a bit less shenanigans (like political and behind the scenes) but frankly not that much less. Every state has slightly different courtroom rules and rules of evidence obviously so sometimes stuff is a little different, but overall, pretty fair one-hour representation time-lapse of a case.

        We definitely have cases where we’re trying to figure out who the killer is, lol.

        Every time I get frustrated with work or the minutiae, my civil law friends remind me that I literally work in a law and order episode and I should be quiet. LOL. They’re mostly right. To be fair, the unit I am in handles almost entirely violent person crimes. I would might feel differently if I were in another unit.

    2. I confess that when I went to law school, I was really disappointed that in reading the cases, there wasn’t an aspect of figuring out who the real killer was. It was like all that TV watching as a youth was for naught.

      Luckily, I like reading and can find a way to make boring things interesting to me. Those two things (ability to read and digest a lot of stuff quickly + boredom toleration) have really been what made it work for me in this profession. That and giving up control over my schedule.

      1. Well, I suppose this confirms that I was right not to look into law because of TV :) I did consider law school waaaay back in the day, so I spent a day sitting in small claims court to watch the proceedings. It was enlightening. Then I dealt with our in-house lawyer on some contract stuff (basic things like an NDA if people are going to come into the office, model releases if you take pictures at a hosted event, copyright if we purchased a stock photo, things like that) and it was a lot of detailed paperwork. I’m not a paperwork person, so once I realized that there was so. much. paperwork. I determined that it was the wrong path.

        But seriously, why don’t you get to find out who the real killer is? That’s a totally legit reason to go into law!

        1. On TV the real killer is very scheming and brilliant. In real life, it is amazing how incompetent most criminals are.

          [Actually, considering how many times drug mules get caught, drugs get flushed when the door is broken down, many sellers sample their wares and get hooked, it is a bit surprising that anyone makes $ selling drugs — you can’t easily get good help and you can’t bank your cash (or even transport it easily).]

    3. I can’t speak to the realities of criminal law because that’s not my area, but basically every lawyer show I’ve ever seen is crazypants. I couldn’t get beyond the initial premise of Suits (guy hired because he’s *just so brilliant* despite not actually being a lawyer?). I couldn’t stick with The Good Wife either. Conducting on-the-pavement investigations like a cop show? And doing that with just a summer associate/intern and an investigator? Only two interns– one of whom has years of practice experience– and they’re blatantly pitted against each other for a single associate position?

      I have a hard time suspending disbelief for most things, though– I love sci fi but even there, the internal rules need to be consistent. I’m the one who yells at the TV for things like Westworld or Game of Thrones.

      1. Oh, if you had objections about the initial premise of Suits, you haven’t seen anything. It gets just so much worse.

        (But the clothes are gorgeous.)

        1. The clothes are amazing, and I kinda wish I worked at a fictional office where that dress code would make an ounce of sense.

          1. Most specifically the men being in full three piece suits and women wearing silk sleeveless blouses or open-back shift dresses with nary a cardigan to keep warm.

      2. Every time someone in Westworld says something about the board of directors I’m like, does anyone who writes for this show actually know the first thing about corporate governance? Cause it seems like no.

        So, so not the point of the show, but it’s distracting.

        1. Same. I liked Alicia in the Good Wife so I watched it, but junior associates sit in offices reading case law and drafting memos, and that’s pretty much it. Some of the stuff they brought up felt kind of accurate (competing against associates, finding mentors, managing work-life balance, etc) but it was all so, so, dramatic and weirdly conflated lawyers and detectives (I have never once crawled around to find DNA evidence at a crime scene, and neither have any of my criminal defense colleagues).
          I couldn’t watch Suits. The premise was just so insane to me.

        2. OMG that was one of the most distracting things about Sons of Anarchy — the RULES! Who has a proxy for who was in prison, patching over, etc. So many voting rules. So much with corporate officers of the motorcycle club (which I guess did not have D&O insurance).

          I’m guessing that most motorcycle clubs that have illegal side lines are not so obsessed with corporate governance and parliamentary procedure.

          1. Really? I think the opposite, at least at that level (full-time “informal economy” work). With no legal enforceability on anyone or anything, so much off-books money involved, and no safe way to document anything, my understanding is that rules and lines of authority are pretty advanced and well-enforced.

          2. Monday — tell me more. This is fascinating.

            I wonder how it is with the MJ business, which is sort of a gray area (only state-chartered banks for $, no national banks will touch the $, still illegal under federal law, etc.).

          3. Ok, I have no knowledge of motorcycle gangs or arms traders, but can speak with some professional knowledge about illicit drug dealers.

            The mechanisms that all other workplaces have for accountability and workflow are generally not available when your business is illegal and secret. However, all organizations need lines of authority, and it makes sense for certain people to be fired, promoted, transferred, reassigned and so on. With the population they draw from for “employees,” there are even more reliability problems than in other businesses! There are also strategic decisions to be made all the time. So they need authorities and systems. Also, violence is not the only accountability tool, though it looks that way on TV. Ostracism, badmouthing and simply cutting people out are the first options for basic offenses, and usually suffice.

          4. IMO (with criminal law, not with crime) successful criminal enterprises are similar to corporations. Lots of rules and hierarchy. The really large ones have “retirement plans” and national structure.

          5. So…without getting into how I know (I will just say, neither I nor any entity I have ever worked for has been involved in illegal or extra-legal activity), I can say that the structure portrayed in Sons of Anarchy is accurate. What Monday says above is absolutely the truth – these people can’t go to the cops or the civil courts when they have a dispute. They handle problems in, shall we say, a different way than your average business does. So having their own rules, which are rigidly and carefully followed, is critically important. The hierarchy is more like the Army than a corporate board and the same emphasis is put on chain of command and following orders. And there are penalties for members who don’t fall in line. There was a lot about that show that was overdramatized for television but that part was not.

      3. This show is old but The Practice on ABC in the 90s was the most realistic depiction of being a lawyer.

    4. This is a super-fun thread, glad to know I’m not alone! I cannot even watch lawyer shows because the whole time I’m basically like, “You can’t do that!” (I.e. requesting a certain judge – ummm no, taking a case against your former client to get revenge on your former firm – conflicts of interest anyone?) It’s as though the shows’ writers don’t even google “lawyer stuff” or consult with even a first year law student before just writing some insane plot.

      1. +1 I can’t watch lawyer shows. In one someone pretended to have an orgasm during a deposition (a la When Harry Met Sally) and I. just. couldn’t.

    5. Slightly OT, but since you brought up Suits I have to ask, does this confusing, ongoing plotline in the beginning of Season 3 ever end? I feel like I need a frickin’ MBA and/or a law degree to understand what the heck is going on with the firm (I mean, I sort of get it, but not enough, you know? or maybe it’s just too boring to follow). I miss when each episode had a case that started at the beginning and wrapped up toward the end and the ongoing plot with the characters didn’t give me a headache. I switched to Nailed It to give my brain a break.

    6. I thought Boston Legal was probably the closest to lawyer humor in any TV show I’ve seen. They just don’t work enough! I counted billables for an episode and came up with 0.8 hours.

      I agree that Scrubs is most similar to working in a hospital. Only they show doctors doing a lot of the stuff that nurses do. Many nurses are huge fans of Grey’s Anatomy too.

    7. I was able to suspend disbelief for Good Wife (although there was a completely insane arc about ethics that made ZERO sense), but I could not handle How To Get Away With Murder. I was yelling constantly. The errors weren’t even necessary for the storyline! All they had to do was get one attorney on call.

      I’m a criminal defense attorney and you could definitely make a show about what I actually do. Obviously skip the days and days of legal writing and research, but a lot of it is fast paced and exciting. I wish the Wire had done a season on the court system. They touched on it a little, but I’d have loved a season focusing on defense versus prosecution, the judges, jails, prison, probation/parole, etc.

      1. T h i s s i t e wasn’t loading for me last night, and I’ve happily come back to a full thread of responses, hooray! I liked Season 1 of HTGAWM, but I couldn’t get into it after that. Even I couldn’t suspend disbelief, and I’m pretty tolerant of absurdities in my guilty-pleasure shows.

        We loved The Wire, and thought it portrayed a much more realistic view of life. I think a court-focused season would be amazing! There was a show a few years ago, I think it only ran for one season, but it basically covered the prosecution and defense storylines simultaneously, which was fascinating. Neither side was the protagonist, which I also like. I feel like Law & Order always casts the cops and prosecutors as the protagonists, and I don’t think that’s always the case in real life. I saw that ABC has a documentary-style show coming out, “The Last Defense”, that seems right up my alley. It’s about a woman who I think is on death row for murdering her young children 30 years ago, but how several lawyers/not sure who else are trying to get her out of jail because her case has a lot of holes in it.

    8. I did capital work for over ten years. A colleague represented a man on death row for 18 years before getting a time served agreement after the client was granted a new trial. It can take years and years before valid claims are recognized.

      1. So… how do you bill that and who pays for it? To someone’s point above about billable hours, 18 YEARS of representation sounds insanely expensive. That’s the thing I always wonder about real life cases like that, where someone finally gets released after decades. Who had the money to bankroll that? Or the tenacity to just do it pro bono? And did the prosecution also have to keep fighting to keep the person on death row, or the paperwork just took that long to make its way through the system? You never understand how long each step takes when you watch it on TV, even when they make comments about “it’s been 10 years” or “they’ve been in jail for 2 years” but we’re going to get them out.

  6. Looking for date night outfit suggestions for mid-week in NYC. It’s going to be warm, and I’d strongly prefer not to show my arms. I wouldn’t care as much with a stranger, but this is with a guy I know but haven’t seen in a couple of years. I’ve since gained some weight, which I’d like to downplay as much as possible. We’re going to what’s basically a comedy show and then probably a bar or two afterwards. I’m mid-30s, 5’2″ with a large bust and smaller hips, size 8-10ish. I know drapey tops and skinny jeans are always a suggested date option, but they’re tough with a large chest because they often just hang loosely and aren’t flattering. And with the concern about showing my arms, I’m hesitant to wear jeans with longer sleeves because I think I’ll look a little too covered up for July. I lean more preppy vs. trendy, am fine showing some subtle cleavage. Thoughts?

    General ideas or links to specific items all very much appreciated!

    3. What about a wrap dress with sleeves (short, 3/4, etc.)? I can’t wear jeans in this heat, but bare legs with sleeves is tolerable.

    4. First– I am sure you look great! I feel like most people tend to age better around our 30s even if that means gaining a little weight, I think because we have a better sense of what looks great on us and what trends to pass up. So I’m sure you look BETTER to this guy than he remembers you.

      What about wearing shorts or mini skirt, sandals with some kind of lift (platform, small heel), and a light chambray or silk shirt open over a cami/ tee?

      Ooooooh I found this top and now I want it. Wear this with jean shorts and some heels so I can live vicariously through you. (Will post link in reply but it’s the Reformation Odette top– linen, lace, and long sleeves, oh my).

    7. I love that sparkly top! Maybe you’d also have luck with something that wraps or has a belted/peplumy effect… those styles usually work well for me (similar struggle with bigger chest + drapey top = tent).

    8. Are you more comfortable with your legs? I like to wear dresses on dates sometimes. I have a mid-thigh chambray shirt dress I wear with a belt that I get a ton of compliments on.

      Also loving dress shorts this year. I feel like if I’m showing off my legs, I can be a little more covered up on top and still be good with the weather.

    9. Try a ruffle or flutter-sleeve wrap dress. Something kind of like this: https://www.lulus.com/products/botanical-bounty-blue-floral-print-skater-dress/612322.html or https://www.lulus.com/products/dalton-teal-blue-floral-print-ruffled-wrap-dress/613682.html

      Maybe more of a day look, but you could also go off the shoulder to cover arms, like this: https://www.lulus.com/products/yacht-rock-blue-and-white-striped-off-the-shoulder-midi-dress/481502.html or do a shirt dress, super pretty: https://www.lulus.com/products/just-fleur-you-white-floral-print-shirt-dress/488772.html

  8. Can anyone recommend a good summer dress that meets these requirements?

    –flatters an extreme pear shape
    –covers the knees
    –can go from a casual office to a night out
    –simple and chic
    –under $100

    Specific dresses or just brands or store recs are all welcome. I need a dress that I can wear to death this summer. I work in an extremely casual office and envision this going with either my Toms Majorca cutout stacked heel sandals at the office or with flat strappy sandals after work. TIA!

    1. How about the Everlane wrap dress? Caveat – I just ordered one yesterday, so can’t speak from experience.

    2. I really love the Lands End sleeveless fit and flare dress, though I reserve it for casual wear. Worn as is, it shows too much cleavage for the office, but with a cami underneath it would be probably be fine.

    3. & Other Stories had some cute longer dresses this season. I liked these: https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/maxi-dresses/product.wrap-dress-blue.0567151005.html , https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/maxi-dresses/product.wrap-dress-blue.0567151012.html , https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/_jcr_content/subdepartmentPar/productlisting_d5ab.products/product.peony-print-dress-peony-print.0619891001.html , https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/_jcr_content/subdepartmentPar/productlisting_d5ab.products/product.jacquard-twist-tie-dress-black.0598345004.html , https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/midi-dresses/product.drawstring-shoulder-midi-dress-orange.0640441003.html

    5. Athleta Santorini dress. It checks all the boxes and I’ve been living in mine this summer!

    6. I have great luck at white house black market. The sales associates are great at pulling things that are flattering to my pear shaped body for different levels of formality. Probably 100-200 for a dress tho unless it’s on final sale.

  9. I’m have travelled extensively over the last twenty + years (mostly to European destinations). However, in the last eight years, I have travelled locally. We are leaving for the uk, and then a longer stay in a small villa in Central Europe in a few days for a big trip lasting over three weeks.
    I have always been anxious before a trip, but this time, I am more anxious than ever. I’m worried about our safety in London, though I have stayed there for extended periods in the past, and we know our way around. I’m worried about the small town we are staying in, though husband speaks the language. Essentially, I haven’t travelled for a while and I’m just thinking about awful scenarios all the time. I am trying to relax, get ready, breathe, but I fell stressed and only occasionally feel excited. I’m worried a out my parents while I’m gone, I’m feeling homesick already, and I don’t know why. Not sure what I’m asking, but I don’t want to sour the trip as husband is so excited.

    1. Not related to travel specifically, but when I feel anxious about things that I can’t control, I try to think of what is my plan in the worst case scenario and I feel much, much better. So for example, if you’re worried about something happening to your parents, just decide ahead of time, “If parent gets ill and is admitted to the hospital, I have $XX and will book a flight home.” Maybe just having a contingency for the worst case scenario will put your mind at ease, because you know you have a way out.

      Good luck and I hope you can enjoy your trip, it does sound lovely.

    2. If it helps assuage your concerns at all, in the last 8 years cell phone connectivity abroad has improved substantially, and also gotten substantially cheaper. Most providers have some kind of plan for international use that if you set it up ahead of time doesn’t charge you for roaming. You should be able to use your phone, including data, freely anywhere in Europe, both to call home to your parents and to text/call your husband while you’re out and about if you get briefly separated for some reason, and it shouldn’t be expensive. Call your provider/check their website and ask what they have in the way of these kinds of plans.

      1. Yep, sprint now offers free international calling and texting and a small chunk of data.

      2. Thank you for the reassurance. We have set up texting data plans, so that helps with some of the fears.

  10. Does anyone have any great overnight oats recipes to share? I always just add protein powder and hemp seeds so I’m feeling a little boring.

    2. Some of mine:

      Mash 1/2 banana, add to oats, protein powder, 1 TBS powdered peanut butter, milk, let sit overnight. Slice other half of banana on top, sprinkle with a few chocolate chips.

      Mix frozen berries, milk, oats, top with Greek yogurt in the morning and a few fresh berries (or frozen if you’re taking it to work and you’ve got a few minutes to let them thaw).

      Slice 1/2 a peach into the bottom, top with oat, protein powder, vanilla extract, milk, sprinkle with sliced, toasted pecans and more peach.

    3. chocolate overnight oats! I usually add 1 tbsp cacao powder, 2 tbsp chia seeds, and almond milk. Then I top it with peanut butter and fruit.

      1. Or, 1 tbsp chia seeds. 2 might be a lot in overnight oats for 1 person.

        Google recipes – you’ll find some good ones to follow.

  11. I’ve been through two phone interviews for a banking job. The people in the group don’t live in my city and have now invited me to dinner (in my city, while they are in town on business). I’m planning on wearing a suit – any wardrobe advice? Also, if they order wine should I accept a glass?

    1. Suit sounds good, but do whatever feels right to you to skew slightly dinner/evening–V-neck top + necklace, for instance, instead of collared shirt if that’s your usual.

      Alternately, a conservative dress (say, a solid-colored sheath with short or three-quarter sleeves?) could work well.

      For my own part, I’d accept the glass of wine, but drink only half. Good luck!

  12. Wondering if others experience this or if I had a really off week. I usually bill 40 hours/week (attorney). This week I had Wednesday off for 4th of July, all other days were normal. So I should have billed 32 hours. But everything was just…slow. I billed 24 hours for the week and that was honestly a struggle.

    1. I am not a lawyer, so I can’t comment on hours, but if it helps at all, in my office, everything was dragging at a snail’s pace. Tons of people in and out on vacation. I got the feeling that the whole city was either on vacation or wishing they were or working part-time all week.

    2. Umm. Yes. Bill 44 the next week and 44 the week after that? Or bill 50 in any particularly busy week this billable year?

  13. Anyone want to vicariously shop for me? Getting together next Thursday with a guy I had a huuuge crush on in college but haven’t seen in a few years. He’s moving to my city. Dinner at an outside oyster bar.

  14. Kat-Reply function isn’t working on mobile. Now not just not nesting but not even coming . And three very tiny pop ups in a row when trying to respond that are almost impossible to shut. Giving up.

  16. What are your pros and cons for getting married? SO and I have been together over 6 years and we have life plans, but can’t decide if getting married is worth it. We have no plans for kids. I’d love to hear arguing points on both sides.

    1. For me, it was going all in. I know I personally would never be 100% committed to building a life with someone I wasn’t married to. For that reason, I took my time, dated a lot, had lots of relationships so that I was comfortable saying this is my person. My husband felt the same way. We are family now. We would never be that absent marriage. It might be a piece of paper, but it’s a significant one. While I believe that people can commit absent marriage, I have seen a few situations where one partner thought they were both all in, and the other didn’t because they weren’t married and those didn’t end well. I never wanted that for myself. I also knew I wasn’t committed before I married. I think it can force that issue in a good way. I want to be with someone as committed to me as I am to them, too.

      1. Second the importance of both sides being on the same page. I have a dear friend who lived with his GF for eight years (admittedly part of that while we were in college; but 7 years after graduation) who then broke up with her when he developed feelings for someone else. He then married the other woman about a year later. When I yelled at him about stringing GF along, his response was “She must have known it wasn’t permanent or I would have married her.”

        1. I recently got married and the permanence scares me. Even though our relationship was objectively good, for the entire 5 years we lived together before marriage I always had an exit plan. Even now I’m very uneasy with the idea of not having a way to leave cleanly and quickly.

          2. Yeah, “subjectively good” seems a lot more important than “objectively good” in this situation.

          3. I got married because I love him and our relationship is great. But I never lied to myself about the seriousness of living together. I always acknowledged we were just dating even if we did share a lease and that didn’t allow me any commitment or legal protection. I saw so many people get left by long term partners who referred to themselves as ‘basically married’ and they were screwed Because they didn’t have a contingency plan.

          4. Me too, so I’m not married. I’m solitary by nature. I love my partner and our child and am happy that we all live together and share our lives. Obviously I will always be my child’s mother, I will always love her and there will always be a place in my house for her, but I’m not willing to legally extend the same to anyone else. I can’t foresee a change in our circumstances. We’ve been together 15+ years and are still happy. I just don’t feel comfortable legally promising forever when I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future.

    2. Holding property as community property rather than joint tenants has several advantages – you can google this

      Being legally married means your spouse is your immediate family in terms of the law – this is important for things like who makes decisions if one of you is hospitalized etc

      Before same sex marriage was legalized, I knew one long term couple who lived together for 10+ years, traveled the world together, etc. I’m gonna call them Adam and John.

      Adam came from a super conservative, so-called chr1stian family who never accepted that he was gay. When Adam was suddenly hospitalized, his next of kin were legally his parents. His parents showed up and told the hospital not to let John in. The hospital complied. Adam died and John wasn’t there with him. Then Adam’s parents and sister went to his flat (which unfortunately was leased solely in Adam’s name, because John had moved into Adam’s rent controlled apartment) and cleaned it out, and they could legally do all of this. They sold all the antiques and art and valuables John and Adam had collected together, as well as lots of things that were specifically John’s belongings, because they wouldn’t let him into the flat to take his stuff.

      So John lost Adam, his home, and any mementos he might have kept to remember the love of his life – all in the span of a week.

      That’s why I felt so strongly about same sex marriage becoming legal, and why I don’t take it for granted that I could easily marry my husband and tell the world, legally, that he is my next of kin

    3. I think somebody posted fairly recently (within the last day or two) asking about the benefits of getting married. I think the main points were (1) estate issues, and (2) health care decision making, but you might scroll through posts for the last couple of days to see if you can find it.

    4. This may be too late for anyone to see, but I feel strongly about it so here goes! In my view, marriage has four major “audiences” (not the perfect word but I cannot think of a better one):
      (1) The couple getting married. You are saying to yourselves and each other than this is forever. That you are genuinely going to try to work through the hard times and not bail when things get difficult. For better and for worse, in sickness and in health, etc. That there is not “yours” and “mine”; there is “ours”. This is made easier because:
      (2) The law. There are still legal ramifications to getting married, including community property laws. You move for your boyfriend’s job, take a pay cut and then break up? The ramifications of that are different than if you do the same for a spouse. Some of these can be a matter of contract. The gay couple discussed above could have avoided much of the tragedy that unfolded if they had powers of attorney for health care and wills, but the law treats cohabitants very differently than spouses in many ways.
      (3) Social. When you marry, you are saying to family, friends and the community that you intend to this to permanent and that you have aligned your interests with your spouse. You are basically making the same commitment to your family that you are to each other – namely that the is going to be forever and that they can accept this person as a member of the family. In my family we draw a pretty strict distinction between spouses and BF/GF, even when the relationship has gone on for years. The BF/GF will get invited to the wedding, but only the spouse will be in the pictures. (Withe an exception made before marriage equality for my lesbian aunt and her partner.)
      (4) And finally, God. I realize that for many of you this does not apply, but for those of you from a religious tradition (even one like mine that allows for divorce and does not really frown on living together without marriage), marriage is not just a covenant between the two people getting married.

      Obviously this is the ideal. Divorce is aways a possibility. However walking away from someone you are dating and even someone you are living with his much easier and cleaner than walking away from a spouse. That can be a good thing or a bad one depending on the relationship!

  17. A friend invited me to a Janelle Monae concert tonight and said she is looking forward to dancing and having fun. I have never been to a concert and have a phobia about dancing in front of others. I have just a few hours to learn to dance. Help!

    1. Do not worry about it. Dancing at a concert where it is so crowded is not really an exhibition sport. If you just stand there you will be fine. If you slightly sway you will be fine. If you do the full Elaine I doubt anyone will notice. Really, do not worry.

  19. Hi
    Looking for sunscreen suggestion ( SPF 30 and above). Something that doesn’t leave white residue and has 20 percent or more Zinc Oxide. I started using prescription retinoid, and I have sensitive skin.
    Thanks in advance.

    1. I use Invisible Zinc, which I think meets your criteria, but I’m in New Zealand – I don’t know if you can get it in the US.

      1. It is absolutely available in the US on Amazon (I just checked)!

        Looking for a physical sunscreen that doesn’t ghost me out and make my eyebrows look weird. I might try IZ because my CeraVe does just that (even though it works phenomenally) and the LRP feels greasy and gross to me (and forget putting makeup on top of it).

        Thanks for the rec!

    3. I like CeraVe mineral. La Roche Posay also has a mineral,sunscreen, but I find it a bit greasy. YMMV.

    4. Jan Marini Physical Protectant SPF 45. Also have sensitive skin and this one works great. A bit hard to find though – may need to order it online.

  20. OP here.
    Thank you for the suggestions. I will check them. My Neutrogena SPF 15 is not helping my skin post-retinoid.

  21. I did NOT see this p’ost b/f I left for the Hamtons, but I LOVE yoga pants and will get these core 10 pant’s with my Amazon Gift card that I got from the manageing partner’s brother!! Thanks for pointing them out, Kat! YAY!!!

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