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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Cropped Satin-Trimmed Woven Blazer

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A woman wearing a blue blazer with red ribbon and acid wash denim pants with white sandals and black handbag

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This cropped satin blazer from Valentino is the sort of thing that would immediately be in my closet if I woke up one day with an unlimited clothing budget. On the runway, they styled it with a sweet little polka dot pocket square, which made it even better.

In my dream world, I would wear this over a coordinating sheath dress or paired with light blue trousers for the office, or with some casual Chloe jeans for the weekend. 

The blazer is $4,400 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in Italian sizes 36-48. 

Sales of note for 5/23/25:

313 Comments

  2. I was at a friend’s house and her toddler spilled 1/4 a bottle of jam on the counter. The friend said she had just cleaned her countertops so she put the jam back in the container. I personally found this gross but curious other’s opinions? I didn’t say anything obviously.

    If it matters, friend is frugal by nature however she and her husband are very high income earners so affording to buy a new bottle of jam isn’t an issue.

    1. That’s gross. I might eat some of it right away but I would not put it back in the container.

    2. I have kids. If I had just cleaned my counter, I’d do the same thing. Maybe not unless the friend was a really good friend, or if I was about to serve friend the jam. But if I thought we were close, that would 100% be my instinct and I wouldn’t stop myself if l my close friend were over. Not about the money, more the constant food waste and cleanup.

      1. I would probably have put it in a separate container in the fridge to be used for kid only, but yea this doesn’t gross me out too much. I wouldn’t serve the jam to guests though or put it back in the original container.

        1. Same, would put it in a separate container but doesn’t gross me out much.

          I don’t think income is really relevant here. Some people hate wasting food and it’s not about the cost.

        2. Maybe I’m OK with this in theory but I’m wondering what other food safety shortcuts she does. I’m pretty chill on dry food much less so for wet items.

        3. This. I would personally eat it over the next few days, but not put it back into the original container – especially not if guest would eat that.

    3. Friend can do whatever she wants but stuff like this is why I’m skeptical of other people’s cooking.

    4. I agree it seems gross but it’s probably perfectly ok, health wise. You probably don’t really want to know what people do in their kitchens when no one is watching.

      Income isn’t really a factor here because she might just not like waste.

        1. Why would eating food off a floor that’s been cleaned be disgusting?

          Think of all the things that touch a counter, especially in a home with kids. And any cleaner that’s sanitizing shouldn’t be directly touching food. It’s super gross.

        2. Not the anon above, but I find it disgusting b/c jam is sticky. Even if the counter was clean, I feel like random particles would still stick to it.

          I would feel differently if it was a dried good.

    6. I get why she did it, but also this is why I don’t like to eat other people’s dishes at office events unless I’ve seen how they keep their kitchen.

      1. lol, the kitchen that visitors see is quite a bit cleaner than my everyday kitchen.

        1. oh I assume as such, so when I go to someone’s house and see that their cat jumps on the counters… I should judge extra-accordingly regarding what happens when guests aren’t there!

          1. I once saw a friend’s cat kick their litter all over the floor then walk directly from their litter box to the kitchen counter. I don’t eat food cooked by someone with a cat, period.

            And don’t get me started on my in laws who cook food hours before a party, leave it on the counter, warm just before serving, then leave the boxed up leftovers on the counter a few more hours until the party ends. They think I’m insane when I suggest keeping things refrigerated or at a safe temperature in the oven.

      2. Genuine question… You don’t eat food at potlucks unless you have seen someone’s kitchen? This is truly just not ever something that crosses my mind. I am clearly less germ averse than most, but I didn’t realize the extent.

        1. I don’t either and I’m not germ averse but I am food poisoning averse. People have gross habits like this one.

          1. Isn’t germ averse and food poisoning averse basically the same thing? Anyhow, I have never gotten food poisoning from a potluck in my 40+ years of eating potluck food, but maybe I am just lucky! [Not that I eat at potlucks that often. lol]

          2. It only takes once to be really, really gun-shy about potluck food! Potlucks are extra bad because it’s a combination of questionable kitchens and the additional layer of food safety concerns from time not at the proper temp.

        2. People really think thay are princess and the pea. It comes from being self-absorbed.

    7. I’d keep the jam and eat it right away or within a few days, but putting it back in the container is gross. As a scientist (a microbiologist), one of the first things you learn is to never put chemicals back into the container once they’ve touched something else, because you don’t want to risk contaminating the source container. If you know your counters are reasonably clean, eating the jam is fine for most people. But you don’t want to impose that on someone else (who might be immunocompromised or just grossed out by it) and putting jam that’s been on your counters back in the container means the rest will likely go bad faster, so that’s gross and potentially more wasteful, though jam is acidic and high enough in sugar that it takes a long time to go bad, so it’s really not that much of a concern in this case unless it’s the kind without a lot of sugar, it’s more the general principle.

      1. Maybe the mom knows the toddler will finish the jam in the next couple of days anyway? Maybe she’s done this before with no bad consequences? I always heard saliva is problematic so I’d never put back unfinished baby food into the original container, but jam seems different and a toddler has a better immune system than an infant.

      2. This is where I fall. If she genuinely just cleaned the counter for real, this doesn’t seem that different to me from saving jam that had been put into a serving dish. But I never put that back into the original jar either.

      1. Agreed. I don’t think I’m particularly precious about cleanliness but that is gross to me.

    10. I would do this without a second thought if I were the one who spilled it. I might hesitate and check whether the toddler in question had freshly washed hands if they were the one who spilled. If the toddler was grubby or I had reason to believe they were physically swimming in the jam, I would be more inclined to dump it.

      And relevant context: for cleaning counters, I use a dishcloth drenched in my tap’s hottest water, then squeezed out so it is not dripping wet. I wipe down the counters, scrubbing at stuck-on spots and stopping to rinse crumbs out and refresh the hot water as needed. I never use cleaning chemicals on my counters beyond maybe dish soap residue on the dishcloth if I just finished washing something. If I ever were to spill something like Windex or bleach on my counter, I would follow up with a lot of plain-water wiping to remove the residue because EW – that is gross, especially on food-prep surfaces!! I do change out the dishcloth daily, and immediately if it was used to clean up after raw meat or something like wiping a spill from the floor.

        1. I’m the microbiologist who posted above and I do basically the same thing- just hot water, sometimes soap. I’m a vegan, though, so no meat or eggs in the kitchen. Vegetables are on cutting boards that are washed with hot soapy water.

          1. Yeah it was the lack of soap – basically at all – that got me. I include cleaning the counters with dish soap as part of my regular “do the dishes” routine.

        2. Correct; it’s the way my grandparents cleaned, my parents cleaned, the way I clean, and the way my adult children clean. I also have a STEM degree and have worked in lab settings. I am not doing surgery on my counters; why do you think there needs to be harsh chemicals involved?

          2. same. My house is visibly cleaner than 90% of houses I have been to even with four children. We get sick less than most (my four year old has never needed to miss a day of preschool for illness). I clean with hot water and sometimes soap, like my grandparents and parents. With a dishcloth that is changed at least daily (not a sponge – talk about disgusting).

        3. I just use hot water and soap. Regular dish soap kills all the bad bacteria you need to worry about from a food safety perspective; the harsh chemicals are really unnecessary in a kitchen.

        1. Yuck is smelling artificial perfumes and tasting chemical residue in food that has been prepared on surfaces coated in layers of sanitizing products that don’t ever get washed off.

          1. Yuck is norovirus. Heck, even flu virus if you’re only always using water except for a salmonella spot clean. On a rag that’s being dragged over everything and sitting damp all day.

          2. But neither norovirus nor flu are typically foodborne diseases, so not the main concern in the kitchen. And they’re both washed away by soap, but norovirus is not killed by typical cleaning sprays, unless they contain bleach, which you don’t want to use casually (it’s a respiratory irritant, stains your clothes, and can damage your appliances). So unless you have reason to think you’re at high risk of an infection, there’s not much advantage to using anything other than soap.

          3. Huh? Do you not wash your hands, 9:56?? That’s really yuck to depend on harsh sanitizing products to clean things, followed by a false trust that those products will protect you from poor personal hygiene practices.

            The only time I have had norovirus was after my sick kid threw up directly into my mouth. Napalming the counters doesn’t help with that. Flu is airborne.

            FWIW, my family generally doesn’t get sick often and we don’t have food poisoning issues at home. We practice basic cleanliness, like washing our hands when we enter the house, after we use the restroom or do some other dirty task, and before and after preparing food or eating. We don’t go around touching our faces & mouths with unwashed hands. We wipe down counters, knobs, handles, switches, and other high-contact surfaces with plain water somewhat regularly. We change out linens and towels for clean ones, and we avoid breathing on each other when one of us actually is ill. We have pets and clean up after them (usually just with soap and water). The pets are even healthy.

          4. Flu is airborne, but norovirus is very often foodborne. In fact, many cases of “food poisoning” are norovirus. The vast majority of the cruise ship outbreaks have been traced to buffets. It has less to do with the cleanliness of surfaces though, and more to do with the cleanliness of the hands of people preparing the food. Basically sick people are not cleaning their hands after using the bathroom and getting poop particles in your food. Gross but true!

          5. Yeah, I debated the wording on norovirus for that reason. The point remains, though, you’re probably not bringing it on your food, unless it’s prepared food, it’s probably coming from someone in your family and so it’s more of a hand washing issue than cleaning up the raw meat juice issue.

          6. Food prep safety and kitchen cleanliness aside, the god-knows-what on the hands of all those people who touch the handles on the serving utensils and cough all over the food is revolting. All the good kitchen hygiene in the world is for naught in those scenarios.

          7. Coughing all over food – though gross – is unlikely to actually spread a virus. Airborne viruses like flu, Covid and colds are not spread that way.

    11. we eat a lot of jam and keep a clean kitchen. I would absolutely do this, knowing that the jam is going to be eaten in the next few days anyway. If it was something that wouldn’t get consumed as quickly or was more prone to spoiling, I’d toss it. People are weird about germs in ways that have no connection to reality.

      1. +1. I am clearly in the minority on this board, but this doesn’t bother me at all.

          1. This board skews incredibly cautious/anxious about food safety. There are frequently comments here about needing to toss food that’s been out of the fridge for a couple of hours, or throwing away everything in the fridge after a brief power outage. It’s so different than my real life experience, where most people I know are much more lax and never get sick. I mean, I wouldn’t eat something like potato salad that’s famous for spoiling if it had been left out all day, but most foods are really fine to eat even if they haven’t been kept at the technically ~correct~ temperature.

          2. I’d say the board skews informed about public health guidelines.

            There are outcomes other than immediate food poisoning that are worth avoiding. I don’t want to raise my cancer risk by eating bacterially produced toxins just because my stomach can handle them.

          3. I think this board skews towards thinking because they are highly educated overachievers they fully understand things, when in reality nuance and reason is often lost on them because their hubris won’t let them admit to themselves that being experts in some things does not inherently make them experts in all things.

      2. I think I’d probably scoop it up but avoid trying to actually scrape up the part directly touching the countertop but yeah, doesn’t bother me. There’s lots of germs in the world and I’m not immunocompromised

    12. I wouldn’t do it but only because I can’t imagine how you would neatly put jam back in the container without making a huge mess.

    13. I think it’s gross because if you cleaned the counter with spray that residue is now on the jam. I wouldn’t eat off a plate cleaned with windex and I wouldn’t eat jam off that counter for the same reason.

    14. Frankly my husband would still eat it even if it had spilled on the floor. I dont think he’d put it back in the jar though. I hope not anyway!

      1. I would eat it off the floor too. Wouldn’t put it back in the jar from the floor though (or serve it to others).

    15. Never put served (or spilled) food back in the original container, but PSA to everyone to in this thread to start using food safe HOCl to sanitize the kitchen; why are you going out of your way to make kitchen surfaces unsafe for foods?

        1. Yes, if they’re not sealed. I’d still want something food-safe though! And it’s not like chlorine bleach (referenced above) is good for stone either.

    16. The more wild thing are the replies of people who would also do this. I’m literally shocked. A quarter bottle of jam…..pushed back into the bottle?!!? For what benefit?
      No matter how clean your counter is…it’s not perfect. This is so so gross.

      1. it doesn’t need to be perfect. it needs to have fewer pathogens than your body can deal with. Sterile environments are bad for people. Haven’t you read about how children who grow up in homes without dishwashers have fewer allergies?

        1. Pathogens aren’t good for people. Many dishwasher detergents have ingredients that can mess with the microbiome actively, not just by absence of bacteria.

      2. But why? Do people really think the food they eat is hyper-sanitized and has no microbiome? That there are no bacteria or viruses – not even non-harmful ones – in direct contact with them or even inside of them at every moment?

        1. Jam is sticky! It’s going to grab any dust, particle, hair, or splatter that you don’t see. Sure I’d eat carrots, pretzels or something firm off my counter…but something sticky. No. And definitely not back into the bottle contaminating it.

          I wash my counters with powerwash and a hot water rinse after. I don’t eat off of the floor (which wildly also needs to be said. to adults).

          1. OP said the counter was just cleaned; how fast do you think dust, particles, and splatter build up in that scenario? Do you wear hazmat suits and respirators while making food? Do you sterilize the utensils and only open the jam jar under negative pressure with a fume hood running?

      3. But what do you think is on your counter that you’re afraid of eating? I’m one of the people who doesn’t wash my counters with gross sprays, there’s no visible food on them. I agree that putting it back in the container is a bad idea, but otherwise I don’t really see it any different than eating it off a plate, which is also clean but not sterile.

      4. I know. If you’re too cheap to throw away a few tbsp of dirty $4 jam, you’re too cheap, end of story.

        1. It’s not necessarily about being cheap, but not about being wasteful. 30-40% of the food in the US is thrown away uneaten, with huge environmental impact. That’s a ridiculous price to pay when my counters are clean and the jam is just fine to eat.

          1. Reducing food waste is a noble goal, but it doesn’t mean you save food no matter what’s happened to it. It’s still ok to discard items that may have contaminated.

        2. Or they want to avoid an extra grocery trip. I can go without jam, but my toddler would rather starve.

    17. Was it the Megan Markle jam or something amazing? If so, I kinda get it. Otherwise yuck.

      1. lol that’s exactly what went through my mind! Although I have heard it’s quite runny so maybe hard to get back into the container

    18. I think it’s super gross. High income earners can sometimes be some of the cheapest people. It might be cultural too. My mom (high income earner) often eats food that I would consider not edible, but she experienced a famine growing up, so her standards are just totally different than mine and I don’t blame her for it.

    19. My immediate reaction was gross, no; my second reaction was gross, no; my third reaction from reading the comments was still no, but thinking about the potlock comments and how i clean my countertops and it occurred to me that at no point does food actually touch my countertops. Cutting boards, plates, pans, yes, but never directly on the countertops. Cleaning the countertops is more to remove spills/crumbs after cooking. And I think this is why potlucks don’t bother me. But I still don’t want countertop jam.

      1. 100% this. Food doesn’t intentionally touch the countertops or dining table without a plate, napkin, or cutting board.

    20. Well first thing’s first, I would definitely come straight to the internet so strangers could roast my friend.

  3. Are there any other democrats starting to realize the system really was bloated and maybe dumb in a lot of respects? Ezra Klein and his co-author, the NYT story about why republicans turned against foreign aid… not sure where we go from here.

    (Not saying the way Trump/DOGE is operating is right or legal, at all.)

      1. In fact as programs are cut I keep learning about new amazing work government employees had been doing.

        1. Yes. But who needs Milk quality screening, monitoring of weather changes over time to help target intervention, more clinical trials for medications, vaccine promotion in foreign 3rd world countries to prevent the rapid spread of disease in our global economy, consumer protections to prevent another banking crisis, or the Women’s Health Study to help us understand why women age so differently than men. You know, stuff like that.

          There is a lot the government does quietly that is important. But I’m sure business will step in to do all those things that help society, for such a relative low cost that the government traditional pays, yes?

    2. Did we not know this? I work in something USAID-adjacent. Yes there was bloat but there was clearly a lot of good. A lot of departments needed a good audit and some solid management, but that is no reason to just cut them completely. The Republicans also focused on the relatively few instances of nonsense, not the overall work. Also, USAID is just such a small % of the national budget, the main reason it got little attention (rightfully) for so long.

      What if a team at your office was inefficient or mismanaged, but you still needed their work? Would you just fire them all one day? Maybe you would fire them all, but you would have some type of transition plan for their work.

      I do have to say, Democrats are hard to work with too. When people say “run the government like a business” there is room for that not in terms of incentives or profit, but in terms of level of professionalism and high expectations. And of course it means a well-run business – there are tons of poorly run businesses too.

      1. You’re right, a lot of departments absolutely needed better auditing and management. Unfortunately, there’s no real political will on either side, Democrat or Republican, to actually cut spending, demand true accountability, or overhaul these systems. Everyone talks about it when convenient, but few are willing to take meaningful action once they’re in power.

        At this point, we’re sliding toward a debt death spiral: interest payments are growing faster than the economy itself, and neither party seems willing to make the hard choices needed to fix it. Cutting waste, auditing agencies, and prioritizing spending should be basic governance, but now it feels almost politically impossible.

        So until someone is willing to do anything sensibly, it leaves space for radical action.

        1. But solving that requires changes to taxes, social security, and Medicare- the current admin wants to cosplay at financial stability without actually addressing the issues where enough $ is spent to make a difference.

        2. I think this both sides argument is misleading. Dems obviously are avoiding painful cuts and tax hikes that might actually be needed. But they don’t go crowing about cutting critical services to the tune of a mere 150 billion, only to turn around and add that money to the military’s budget, plus add trillions more in tax breaks because they are in denial about trickle down economics.

    3. I think saying a lot of respects is over inflating it, but most people I know recognize that there are some unnecessary programs in government (just like there are unnecessary programs or waste in lots of private companies, like all those free snacks and drinks that government workers don’t get). But nothing that is being done is fixing that issue. To the extent those unnecessary expenses are being cut, it’s an unexpected benefit. And lots and lots of necessary programs are being dismantled too.

    4. If you’re the poster who claimed several weeks ago that “all your liberal friends were furious at what Musk uncovered,” still no. This whole situation would be like seeing a full trash can outside an apartment and instead of emptying the can, burning down the building. Sure, waste exists – we all generate it all the time. It doesn’t make it wrong or alarming.

      1. Yep, this. Of course there’s some waste! But this isn’t the way to go about reducing it. And look, the government is huge, you can reduce it, but you can’t eliminate it.

      2. And then putting out a press release claiming the building was full of 8 billion overflowing trash cans, not 1.

    5. There are lots of things that are dysfunctional about government (and you’re lucky if you’re just realizing it now), but I wouldn’t say that bloat is the right word. Many of the things that make government dysfunctional either come from understaffing or from the processes put in place to stop “waste, fraud, and abuse.” This leads to ridiculous amounts of bureaucracy and much, much more waste of people’s time, which is effectively money, and there’s always going to be some tradeoff there, though I’d sure there are better and worse ways of reducing fraud. There’s huge potential to improve government efficiency if that’s you wanted to do, but that’s certainly not what’s happening now.

    6. Unfortunately I can’t find the article that you refer to.
      I do believe that any democratic president would take advantage of the budget savings created by all this, and not just revert all the changes. But part of that is also optics; adding back priority government services appears so much more strategic than just having the opposite tantrum to DOGE.
      I don’t believe that the main cause of inefficiency in government has been addressed (bloated regulation and oversight), and that there is no intention to address it, or really to take any action that would improve how the government functions and that could create goodwill towards the government.

    7. Regulatory capture and corporate corruption have been bipartisan for as long as I’ve been alive, so no, this is not news to me.

    8. I’m fully Abundence-pilled after reading Ezra Klein/Derek Thompsons book. I’m in a very niche environmental field that has a lot of federally funded projects and the arguments that the regulatory requirements making things harder to build, take longer, and much more expensive are SO true. A really common project that we could do in our service division (no federal money involved) for $200 might cost $1M in a federally bid job, particularly after you add the consultants time to engineer/administer the project. It’s the same equipment and result, but many more players involved and everyone has to get paid. I’ve seen it time after time. When clients are asking me for budget numbers, the first thing I ask is how are they paying for it and what is the process – because as soon as you add consultants and federal funding requirements, that cost just went way up.

      We also built a house 5 years ago and saw firsthand how heavy handed zoning regulations are in our area; it absolutely drives down construction. While each regulation I’m sure is well meant, it’s so process driven vs. results driven and it’s a huge hinderance. Our county is known for being particularly tough in zoning, which increases costs and discourages building; I definitely have heard people say that they would never build a business or home in this county because of it.

      If you read Abundance, Ezra and Derek put out some pretty clear proposals to make it better – basically we need to make it easier to use government money to actually build things – namely empowering government experts/project managers to make decisions and move more quickly, less reporting/red tape paperwork, etc. They really don’t argue that we spend less money, they argue that make it easier to spend the money on the actual results by reducing regulatory hoops and paperwork. If you feel hopeless (“not sure where we go from here”) I very much encourage to you to read the book.

      I don’t think that any of the cuts that DOGE “found” were what Ezra and Derek were talking about at all. What they are arguing for is big government spending that actually is effective. DOGE’s goal of cutting government employees, many of which were experts in fields that could tell us where to cut the red tape and make things move faster and enable that process, directly works against the goal. Also Scott Galloway keeps making the point that if DOGE was an audit of the federal government, they got a clean bill of health. They were looking for $2 billion in cuts and they found maybe ~$90 million.

        1. :) Thanks for reading – it’s a topic I could go on and on about for quite a while.

      2. Probably more than one typo – but this is a dramatic one – $200k project. not $200. :)

      3. Thanks for the summary.

        It’s always ironic to have so much CYA and so little genuine accountability!

        I don’t know any experts who advocated for more who aren’t currently aghast at the effects DOGE has had.

        1. So, so much CYA. And too many goals.

          You may think the goal is to build a water treatment plant to provide clean drinking water.

          But then perhaps it should ALSO:
          Be built by union workers (limited – act)
          Pay prevailing wages (requires additional weekly reporting)
          Use over 55% American built products (I have multiple conversations a day about BABA, which is 3-4 times the cost and greatly limits the products that can be used in federal projects)
          Give preference to small, minority and women owned business (limited capacity if they exist, since there are fewer).
          Possibly have an archeological study (even on sites that have been dug up before)
          Clear the PSC water rate surveys/financial audits (which for some reason include a technical review of the equipment – not sure what the accountants are going to review/tell me about the generator specs)
          And more! those are just what are at the top of my head.

          Now if you take out all of the added goals – you will get a water treatment plant. It will be built faster and for less money than the projects that have endless hoops.

          And you’ll actually achieve some of your added goals by taking away the regulator requirement – for example, It will be easier for smaller businesses (often women owned, minority owned) to actually bid and complete the projects – the small businesses don’t have a lot of project managers to wade navigate all of the requirements, and so they don’t even bid on them.

          I could talk forever about this. LOL

      4. yes, i really want to read this book! this was the excerpt in the Atlantic (gift)
        https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/03/abundance-americas-next-political-order/682069/?gift=PEb_GDID3744HtoRx9Zp6VfEEGip1SxOd_C4eJYSENw&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

        and this
        https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/09/opinion/musk-trump-doge-abundance-agenda.html?unlocked_article_code=1.DE8.Y3dv.IG-1IejHB_Ap&smid=url-share

        I’m the OP – the other one that I had read that i thought was interesting was this one: (gift)
        https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/07/opinion/usaid-foreign-aid-gay-trans.html?unlocked_article_code=1.DE8.78hQ.NVKkdrDBJ_G4&smid=url-share

        2 interesting questions from that one – I’m pro gay rights but not sure we should be using federal funds to make things like this happen:
        “How does including a third gender in the Bangladeshi census further U.S. foreign policy? What American interest is served by making it possible for people in Kosovo to change their sex on government documents?”

        1. I also read the book, and while I 100% agree with it, I think it falls into the trap of most books written by magazine or newspaper columnists, which is that would better as a few long form articles. But maybe that’s just because I’ve literally already read all of those articles and have been listening to Ezra’s podcast for 7-8 years. If you’re new to it, maybe the book is more worthwhile, but you can definitely get the key points from their articles in the Atlantic and the NYT. And both the Ezra Klein Show and Plain English are great if you’re into podcasts.

        2. Re the gay rights + USAID goals, here’s an article that actually gives a short synopsis about the programs you referenced. In both cases, if you read beyond the Republican talking point, you see that they’re picking a piece out of broader programs that are aimed to legitimize LGBTQ right to exist safely.

          https://medium.com/usaid-2030/5-ways-usaid-promotes-lgbtqi-inclusion-around-the-world-dd665506c7ab

          Perhaps you don’t think that LGBTQ advocacy and protection should be part of the US soft power strategy. I disagree – I think that standing up for human rights across the world is a good brand for the United States that gets us a lot of legitimate power over global affairs/business (yes we do it very imperfectly – but at least we try to be the good guys in many situations). But even if we agreed that these programs shouldn’t be used for federal funds – it is such a micro micro part of the overall budget. Pretending like those were “big finds” and that eliminating those programs is making the government more efficient is the equivalent of telling millennials to skip the coffee in order to buy a house.

    9. There really isn’t that much bloat. When you cut policy jobs you get industry writing laws which is very concerning.

    10. I mean, there’s bloat in any huge organization. I’m old enough to remember when Bill Clinton set about right-sizing the government. It’s always an exercise worth doing, but “turn everything off and see what breaks, then try to turn those parts back on” is not the way.

    11. Are you the same poster who thinks it’s okay to cut women’s health research because AI can spit out a diagnosis for you?

    12. OMG. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THERE IS WASTE IS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. CLINTON ATTEMPTED TO ADDRESS IT. WE DONT FIX IT WITH A NON-ELECTED AND INCOMPETENT EGOMANIC TAKING A SLEDGEHAMMER TO EVERYTHING.

      1. Hey, I once had a broken caps lock key! Assuming you have a Mac, Apple fixed it for free for me in about 3 minutes.

    13. Some bloat, yes. But the current approach is like finding bugs in your house and setting it on fire instead of calling an exterminator. There appears to be no reason, analysis, or consideration in this administration’s approach. Decisions are being made by unqualified people. I am horrified by how this is happening.

    14. Thank you OP for this. As the days pass, what frustrates me more and more about discussions and coverage of the current administration is that everyone is wringing their hands but no one is talking about the BIG QUESTIONS. This is an incredible time to discuss these BQ.
      As in, okay, some government programs battled HIV/AIDS in Africa, which is a worthy goal, and now they’re being cut. But why is the American federal government doing it? With taxpayer funds people have no option to contribute and no say in how they are spent? It doesn’t mean the goal isn’t worthy or people don’t care, it just means we need to talk about the bounds of government spending.
      Tariffs are terrible. So let’s talk about truly free trade and a true free economy—newsflash, we don’t have either even without tariffs.
      Don’t like EOs? Every modern President has used them increasingly. So let’s talk about how we think EOs should be properly used or not used.
      We can disagree on these issues and even on how DOGE is operating, but let’s look at the big picture here.

      2. USAID is not charity so much as political and economic leverage. If you want other governments to grant you military bases, let your companies mine their natural resources while they prevent their citizens from protesting against the pollution, vote with you in international councils when you try to hold bad actors accountable, and any number of goals, then throwing a few million for HIV prevention (ultimately benefiting US pharma companies whose product you’re buying) is a very good deal.
        The taxpayer elects people who direct and oversee these things.

    15. I don’t think that anyone with eyes was unaware that the us government has a lot of bloat and inefficiencies. The difference is what people think is important to keep around and what they’re willing to do in the name of “efficiency”. I’m not really bothered if it costs me an extra 10 cents a year to keep USAID running (and provide life-sustaining resources to those who will die without help) but apparently plenty of others think those cost savings are worth the lives that will be lost.

    16. Let’s look at efficiencies in the military budget and health spending. We should get more for our money.

  4. I’m the poster who was going through multiple (hard!) interviews for a new job – I got the job, accepted their offer, and gave notice on Friday! I’m having some moments of doubt/sadness about leaving where I am now, because I’m really comfortable here and love the people I work with, but my new role is really is a better opportunity financially.

    Now that I’ve given notice I’m so ready to leave and so over it.

    1. Congratulations and best wishes in the new position. You were selected for a reason; you’ve got this.

  5. I rented an apartment in Iowa for a clerkship a few years ago. It has taken the landlord this long to send me my deposit check, and they withheld $980 to replace carpet in a bedroom. I had the carpets professionally cleaned before I left, I know there was a stain on my kids’ floor but I genuinely remember being relieved the carpet cleaner got it all out…. Of course, I can’t find our move out photos. Anyone know if I can require the landlord to give me a receipt proving he replaced the carpet? One of my fellow clerks is still in Iowa but she does banking (and I don’t want to spend $500 just to find out he doesn’t have to send and it’s not even worth asking). The money would be nice, but if it’s an uphill battle, I’d rather let it go than spend good after bad.

    1. I literally just googled “iowa landlord tenant law deposit return” and got some on-point results (like, the statute), so maybe just… do that and send a letter?

    2. Sounds like you’re an attorney, so I’d start by writing a formal demand letter on your own behalf.

      1. I’m not licensed there – and my own Googling says they can’t withhold for normal wear and tear, but giant carpet stains might be unreasonable wear! So I didn’t want to make it sound like UPL. (The bad stuff I read about clerking for different judges.)

        1. You don’t have to be licensed in a jurisdiction to send a demand letter. Heck, you don’t even if to be an attorney so anyone could send one for themself. I don’t get this fear at all.

          Either send the demand letter or admit to yourself that you are too lazy to do it. But hiring an attorney to fight over this amount of money is stupid.

        2. You don’t need to be licensed to represent yourself. That’s literally what pro se is.

    3. I’ve always heard that getting withheld security deposits back is an uphill battle and personally I’d let it go.

    4. It sounds like it’s an uphill battle simply because you’re dealing with someone who took YEARS to cut you the first check. What kind of legal pressure would be needed to get him to dig around for that receipt, send it to you, interact with you about it, and then send you another check?

      1. This. Plus you don’t have photos. Plus you even referenced doubt in a giant carpet stain being covered, which means the cleaners may have made it a ton better but not like pristine.

        1. This is where I land too, the cleaners probably didn’t do as good a job or couldn’t get it gone – carpet stains are tough to remove and it’s probably a legitimate charge. I wouldn’t go to war over something where I knew I was wrong.

    5. If you want to fight it – Figure out who the real owners of the apartment complex are, not just the property management company. Send the letter about the wrongfully withheld security deposit to the property management company and the owners. Even if you can just find the general partner or the CT corp address, it’s done the trick in the past. Signed, how I got my sisters deposit back.

      1. I used to do landlord tenant in another state, the laws around keeping/returning a security deposit were pretty tenant-friendly. Like it the LL doesn’t have a move-in checklist showing the stain wasn’t there, that’s a tough battle for them to withhold, even moreso the LL must return the deposit within maybe 30 days after move out with an accounting for any items withheld. at the very least they owe you years of interest on the part that wasn’t in dispute. Write a demand letter and then file a small claim.

      2. I wouldn’t hold out much hope I’d get the full deposit back, but sending a strongly-worded letter to the real owners may work. In my area, the property managers basically figure out how much they can deduct without getting sued in small claims, then take that amount for bogus cleaning or damage charges. The local laws are very tenant-friendly, but the only time I ever got my full deposit back was when my landlord passed away and the estate wanted us out.

    6. I have no advice but am annoyed on your behalf. I am still mad about my college landlord who withheld part of our security deposit because we didn’t do things like dust the baseboards, and I graduated in 1999.

    7. How long did you live there? Sometimes there’s a law that carpet replacement is considered due to normal wear and tear (and therefore not billable) after a certain number of years.

    8. It took a few years to get it back, what makes you think it’s *not* going to be an uphill battle?

    9. Can’t imagine going years without getting my security deposit back, that is wild.

      LL had 30:days to return your deposit. Use that to leverage the deposit return.

      https://www.legis.iowa.gov/docs/code/562A.12.pdf

      ALSO:
      If the landlord does not provide the written statement explaining why money was withheld from the security deposit within the 30-day time limit discussed above, the landlord loses all rights to withhold any portion of the rental deposit.

  6. Why does a man often bring up how much fitter he is than other men, and how much other women appreciate his physique? How to respond to these kind of comments?

    2. in my fantasy world? I’d start singing “Gaston” to him.

      in reality? more likely to just kind of look at him, say huh ok good for you, and find someone else to talk to…

      2. You just don’t reply. Just blink at them. If you must ..”Huh, what an interesting thing to say out loud”

    4. In what context is this happening? I would just ignore him. He sounds insecure and annoying.

    5. For the last 10 years, my dad has made comments about how he’s in so much better shape than other men his age. He’s in good shape for a 70-year old, but it’s nothing incredible. He just hasn’t become goo in his recliner. But he’s desperate for external validation, so that’s what I attribute it to. Even he didn’t talk about how much women would be into his fitness, including when he was dating a couple of years ago.

      DH seriously lifts heavy weights and is probably much stronger than other men his age. He never says anything about it unless someone asks him if he works out and what he does.

      1. Oh gosh, you’ve just summed up the NYTimes comment section on health articles. A bunch of 50- to 70- year old men crowing about how easy it is to stay in shape if you just commit to a light regimen of daily 5 mile runs interspersed with fun weekend trips on their trail bikes and eat exclusively home cooked meals. This without the acknowledgement that they are retired and their poor wife spends all day in the kitchen because her retired husband refuses to eat at a restaurant.

    6. Why? Because he thinks it’s a humble-brag and not a gross display of his own insecurity. If some guy is telling me how much other women appreciate him, I would be inclined to free him up then & there to pursue those other women.

    7. I see this on those men’s nutrition commercials all the time and it is so cringe. The only time I’ve experienced it irl is with older men who are very insecure. Men who had a glow up post-40, especially post-divorce, and now are amazed that not everyone does that.

      1. lol that’s me with my new workout and healthy eating regimen. I’m constantly biting my tongue because I don’t want to be That Person.

    8. God, I hate these kinds of vague, generalized questions. Like the bachelor party poster. Y’all need to start hanging out with better men.

    10. Wait you’re the poster dating the guy with all the red flags! Noooo girl is this the same guy? Fire him from your life he’s underperforming babe 😭😭

      1. I think we’ve established she’s determined to make as many bad decisions as possible.

  7. I’m heading to NYC for a conference this week, and my family (DH, 2 kids ages 14 and 11) will be meeting me there on Friday for a weekend trip. Looking for restaurant recommendations and ideas of things to do in a short visit. We’ve been to NYC with the kids once before and done a Broadway show, lots of walking in Central Park, the Intrepid, Staten Island Ferry to see the Statue of Liberty, Natural History Museum, and the High Line. We live in a big city, so I’m not quite as interested in checking out tons of museums as we have access to world class museums in our city, but maybe one art museum or something really unique to NYC would be nice to throw in the mix. We will need dinner plans for a couple nights and the kids are not picky and will eat most any cuisine. We’re staying near the financial district but willing get around by walking, subways, Ubers, etc. Would appreciate any recommendations!

    1. I would take the kids to the MoMa and then walk up or down 5th/6th avenue depending on interests (Rockefeller Center, FAO Schwartz/Nintendo store is down, Apple Store/Bergdorfs/Tiffany is up). You can get in/out of the Moma pretty fast and it’s always impressive to see some of the major early impressionists in person.
      The Tin building in the seaport is really nice, especially if the weather is pretty. Maybe check to see if any bands are playing there? I’d also walk over the Brooklyn bridge if the weather is pretty and do the carousel/park in Dumbo.

    2. Given what you describe, do you think your family would get a kick out of touring the unique neighborhoods to NYC, like Little Italy, Chinatown, Alphabet City?

      1. Big Onion walking tours have some neighborhood walking tours like a food tour of the Lower East Side, which might be a fun option, particularly as you are staying fairly close by

    3. Highly recommend the Tenement Museum. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and getting pizza is also fun. They are older now – have they been to Ellis Island? Macy’s currently has its flower show

    4. How old are the kids? Things I can think of unique to NYC: the Tenement Museum, the Met, the Transit Museum, Ellis Island… The weather has been beautiful lately and cherry trees are in peak bloom. If it is nice out, I would consider walking over the Brooklyn Bridge and poking around Brooklyn Heights and visiting the Transit Museum. If it is still there, I love Tutt Cafe in Brooklyn Heights. I think spending some time in Chinatown is also fun. You could do dim sum + visit one of the neighborhood’s unique ice cream destinations.. There is also an old arcade there that I have been meaning to take my son to – Chinatown Fair. The Tenement Museum is cool but best for slightly older kids I think. Mommy Poppins has great kid-friendly neighborhood guides (https://mommypoppins.com/new-york-city-family/nyc-kids-neighborhood-guides) and current event listings. If your kids are still into playgrounds, Pier 6 at in Brooklyn Bridge Park is worth the trip; that could also be combined with the Transit Museum, and you could take a water taxi to get there. You could also go down to Coney Island. Basically my suggestion is to get into residential neighborhoods and out of Manhattan.

      1. Sorry I just realized you specified the kids ages! Given that info, skip Pier 6 and maybe the Transit Museum unless your kids are really into subway history. But my other recommendations stand.

    5. How old are the kids? Things I can think of unique to NYC: the Tenement Museum, the Met, the Transit Museum, Ellis Island… The weather has been beautiful lately and cherry trees are in peak bloom. If it is nice out, I would consider walking over the Brooklyn Bridge and poking around Brooklyn Heights and visiting the Transit Museum. If it is still there, I love Tutt Cafe in Brooklyn Heights. I think spending some time in Chinatown is also fun. You could do dim sum + visit one of the neighborhood’s unique ice cream destinations.. There is also an old arcade there that I have been meaning to take my son to – Chinatown Fair. The Tenement Museum is cool but best for slightly older kids I think. Mommy Poppins has great kid-friendly neighborhood guides and current event listings. If your kids are still into playgrounds, Pier 6 at in Brooklyn Bridge Park is worth the trip; that could also be combined with the Transit Museum, and you could take a water taxi to get there. You could also go down to Coney Island. Basically my suggestion is to get into residential neighborhoods and out of Manhattan.

    6. I don’t know anyone who has done it but there is a man who gives bagel tours. I think it would be fun. You taste test bagels and you get some fun facts about labor and immigrant history. (Fun fact I learned: New York bagels are big because they got paid by the pound of flour used, not per bagel rolled.)

    7. Our kids are exactly the same ages! I agree on the Tenement Museum; the Transit Museum; and MoMa. Consider the Museum of New York if your kids are into history or just interested in New York in general. Food/walking tours are really fun – I haven’t done one in New York but we’ve added them to itineraries in other places and it’s been a hit. The off Broadway little shop of horrors is delightful and not as expensive as many other shows. I also just saw operation mincemeat in London and thought it was funny and fabulous; it’s on Broadway now. If you don’t have a Korean neighborhood in your city, then k town is fun, especially for the barbecue restaurants where you grill at your own table. Have fun!

    8. i haven’t been, but I’ve heard good things about the Museum of Math, though I’m not sure what age it is geared towards

      1. Museum of Math is super underwhelming, imo. We took my 10 year old last year and she was bored to tears – and she loves math and is generally a museum kid who goes nuts for pretty much any science/space/natural history museum. A lot of the exhibits were broken, and even the things that work aren’t that interesting. I think it’s also aimed at younger kids.

        1. It is currently in a temporary location due to a renovation and has been since Feb 2024, so I would skip it for now. We liked it when we went to the main location a few years ago, but even then I thought it was a bit pricey for what it is.

    9. When my tween and teen nieces and nephews have come to visit, they wanted to do “New Yorky” things. Some hits were:
      – hitting up a bodega for lunch or snacks
      – walking across the Brooklyn Bridge
      – going to multiple pizza places in a neighborhood to compare slices
      – seeing famous artworks at MOMA
      – dim sum in Chinatown after a walk through the neighborhood (go to Nom Wah or Golden Unicorn)
      – walking through Times Square after dark and getting cheesecake at Junior’s

    10. We just did NYC with 13 and 15 yo kids. Non-museum hits:
      – jazz show at Birdland theater. They allow kids over 10. One of my kids is a band geek so this was great for us.
      -architectural boat tour.
      -my kids are into vinyl so we sought out a lot of record stores in various neighborhoods. Made for unique souvenirs.
      -find T. Swift’s old building on Cornelia Street
      -NY Public library
      -Try new food. We went to a Korean bbq, which was new to us.

  8. What’s your thought when someone has their fully decorated artificial Christmas tree still up at this time of year?

    1. If that’s what brings the person joy, then go for it. Different people have very different ways of decorating. But also I’d be surprised to walk into someone’s house and see a Christmas tree this time of the year. I’m hoping that this home is at least in a cold climate. Because as a southerner, it’s barely cold enough at Christmas to pretend a Christmas tree fits in.

    2. They are just busy with other things. And don’t care. Can’t say that I want to spend my little bit of free time on domestic tasks.

      If he’s married, always, he gets a pass but blame the wife and definitely shade her.

    3. that either they’re injured, that they don’t care, or that they REALLY care. Like are they a “Christmas Person” and just… keep it up all year every year?

      personally it’s a hard pass for me; if you leave it up this long, it’s no longer “special” feeling, just sad!

      1. agreed. I keep mine up for well over two months, but not having it for most of the year creates a giddy anticipation that I really enjoy.
        But whatever works for people.

    4. I just took my Christmas tree down last weekend. Combination of leaving it up until the days get longer/it’s lighter outside and being busy.

      1. Me too! I didn’t decorate it beyond lights this year, but it’s been pretty to look at even now.

    5. If you’re one of the neighbors talking about me :D

      I do keep a small black tree in my basement bar that’s decorated with bar/drink themed ornaments. It’s like a cozy nightlight for me sentimentally….. kind of like being a college kid with the lights around the room

      Now – If I still had a full christmas tree up in my primary living area, I would hope one of my friends would offer to help me take it down. That would be a cry for help that I’m in a deep depression.

      1. OP here and yes it’s a fully decorated tree in her living room. Single, no kids, no health issues or injuries.

        1. I had so much less motivation to do unpleasant tasks like taking down a Christmas tree when I was single and living alone. I don’t really need the space. No one else is annoyed by it. The cats have stopped trying to destroy it by this point, the novelty has worn off. There were years I seriously consider leaving it up year round.

          1. assuming good intent, I sometimes see neighbors do stuff and it catches my attention, and I fully know it’s none of my business, but I’m also nosy. In that case I might throw it out here for speculation?

    6. We took ours down really late this year due to a depressive episode that limited everything but baseline functioning, so I’d probably just ignore it and move on.

    7. Who cares? If it makes them happy let them be happy. Stop being judgy Mc judgerson. Certainly no worse than home sense or target art.

      1. I appreciate the irony of telling OP to stop judging while in the very same sentence, you judge home sense and target art.

      2. Literally the only people I know who do this are motivated by loving Christmas and finding that keeping their Christmas tree up year round makes them really happy.

    9. I start singing the song with the line “I keep my Christmas lights out on my front porch all year long” in my head.

      1. Redneck Woman. I sing this to myself when I walk by my neighbors’ houses who have year round lights. (none of whom fit any of the other stereotypes in that song!)

    10. I know people who turn their artificial Christmas tree into a seasonal tree throughout the year (i.e decorations for Valentines, Easter, Independence Day, Halloween, etc.). It could also be for personal reasons such as mourning/celebrating the passing of a loved one who really loved Christmas.

    11. I think at a certain point you just commit to keeping it up until next Christmas. I would think she has a sense of humor and isn’t overly fussy?

    12. I assume they’re severely depressed, drowning in other responsibilities (like their own health issues plus eldercare), or incredibly lazy.

      1. I’m so perplexed that these are the three options you’d come up with before, she just really loves that tree!

    13. We lapped some decorations last year. I got some little tin stars at a Christmas market and strung them up in a window. They stayed up until the next Christmas. We also made glass eggs around Easter last year and they stayed in their hiding places until… well they’re still there.

    16. We’re Jewish but put up white & blue external lights in December because our kid begs for it. They are still up… We kept saying we’d take them down on the first 50+ degree day when we didn’t have a full day of plans, but it’s been an unusually cold spring in our area and our schedule has also been jam-packed. There are half a dozen homes on our street that also still have their holiday lights up so I guess we’ve all collectively decided to extend the season. Or maybe we saw others were doing it and just decided to be lazy? I dunno.

    17. A year or two ago I hadn’t gotten the Christmas tree down and it was late January. A friend came over and just took it down for me. I wasn’t depressed but I was dealing with an unidentified health issue (turned out I was severely anemic) and work was overwhelming and she just helped. It remains one of the greatest friendship gestures of my adult life.

    20. I just realized I still have my Xmas wreath on my front door. shrugs.

      OP, why does it bother you so much?

      1. I put two little evergreen trees on either side of the front door around Christmastime. They had red bows on them. I took the red bows off but the trees are still there. I really like the look and I haven’t found something else that’s just the right size. I’ll plant the trees somewhere in the yard. Eventually.

    21. is this in their home or in the yard? honestly, i think they are lazy. but if it is in their home vs yard who cares. there were some people in my neighborhood who had these HUGE yard skeletons up from August until the end of February wearing Trump shirts (I believe they were asked to take them down by the HOA, but they were beyond obnoxious)

    22. That they love Christmas and enjoy having it out. It’s not my cup of tea, but if I had the room and lacked a spouse who loves actual pine trees, I’d decorate a fake tree and store it fully-decorated like my grandparents did in the 90s.

  9. Does anyone have any tips for taking medication that makes you nauseous? I just started taking a daily injection (Tymlos) and one of the side effects is that it makes you nauseous. I have been taking it right before bedtime for the past few days and have been battling that side effect – last night, took it at 10pm and was throwing up around 1am. Today, I will try eating dinner early – maybe no later than 5:30pm if I can swing it. Any other ideas? Thanks in advance – I know it is unlikely that anyone reading is taking this same med but was thinking maybe others have similar experiences with other meds.

    1. Is there any reason your doctor can’t give you an antiemetic? I’d try something like bonine at home until then to combat the nausea. Ymmv but I also found that eating something protein rich with good fats helped – a spoon of peanut butter, small scoop of ice cream, etc.

        1. yes this.

          Please tell your doctor right away. this is not normal. they may even change your medicine or have other ideas

    2. Yes! I had a medication that was making me really nauseated and my dietitian recommended taking it with something that would “coat” my stomach and help settle it. For me, that was a protein shake or a small serving of oatmeal because it was first thing in the morning. Maybe something like a few crackers or toast?

    4. Tell your doctor and get them to prescribe something to help. In the meantime, try Gravol?

    5. You need to report that you’re throwing up at night to your doctor; I would be worried that my calcium was going higher than they meant for it to.

      The good nausea meds are also prescription, so that’s another reason to call the doctor.

      1. +1 – OP, feeling nauseous is not the same as waking up vomiting in the middle of the night. Please describe to your doctor what is happening and don’t minimize it.

    6. When I started my GLP-1 and dealt with nausea, I would take a dramamine for nausea about an hour before I did the shot and it helped.

    7. I take a medication that can cause nausea and eating helps me. I usually wake up in the middle of the night and eat a bowl of Cheerios.

    9. Hey OP, I took Tymlos for two years. I’m so sorry you’re having this side effect :(

      I didn’t have that side effect at all but I always injected late afternoon, and ate shortly after that (we eat early anyway).

      I agree with everyone else, call your endo and let her know what’s going on.

  10. Where do I need to wear a fun jacket where I don’t need to also wear a shirt or a bra?

  11. A friend suddenly had surgery of some sort and posted a bit over the weekend. Total alarm from all of her friends (distant). I am guessing that her husband took her phone at some point or it lost charge, but OMG I was watching Facebook hoping to see an update as to what happened (car crash? something sudden and bad definitely).

    Had a talk with my husband (we also have distant family and life far from where most college and high school friends are) that we take phones when they they wheel you back to surgery and you don’t get it back that day except while being monitored; we might post on that person’s page what is going on in their absence if the non-ill person thinks it would be helpful. Life can take a turn (and people want to help, like does your dog need to be let out? do you need food? are the kids at daycare still).

    2. Huh? I truly have no idea what point you’re trying to make. You think it’s good the friend was posting? Or bad? You would want someone posting on your behalf, or no?

    3. I’m not really sure what you are trying to say here. Is your friendship with this person perhaps not as close as you thought, and thus you weren’t in the immediate notification circle when you thought you would be? Your friend is more tight with personal details than you prefer and not gossiping about her experience?

      When I had surgery where they put me under I gave my spouse my phone. Once I was lucid (still in the recovery room), he handed it back. In the meantime, he had texted my close peeps to let them know all was well. I was then able to communicate directly with family and friends myself, if a bit slower than usual because I was tired.

    5. Are you saying that you and your husband have agreed that you will stop one another from posting to social media while you are on pain meds? That seems reasonable.

    6. Was the friend’s post about some grave surgery or diagnosis? I think it’s really weird that it would be posted on social at all such that distant friends are left wondering and wanting updates.

      As it relates to your new rule with DH, I find it really weird there’s a blanket rule being established about phone custody around a surgical procedure. All surgeries are not created equal, for starters. I had my phone within a couple hours of a major surgery and I would have hopped out of bed, abdominal surgery recovery and all, to fight someone for it had we established some kind of preexisting rule around it my access to the phone thinking (incorrectly) that I would be too incapacitated to handle communicating with people.

    7. huh? Sounds like friend perhaps wanted to quickly let a lot of people know that something was going on, but not divulge follow-up details on blast?

      Honestly I would NEVER want someone else to post details on FB about me. If this happened to me, after that initial FB post (if I posted it at all…) my husband would text or call my parents, his parents, our siblings, my best friend. And then, MAYBE, our close neighbors group chat if we needed help with caring for our plants, meals, etc.

    8. There’s a small group of people that actually need to know you’re having surgery or will be recruited to help (family, close friends, a neighbor or two). You can text those people individually and also let them know if you’d like help spreading the word. Posting on social media is just attention seeking and it’s a bad idea security-wise. Now there are tons of people, including strangers, who know your home isn’t occupied.

      1. Yes, this. in addition to knowing that your home isn’t occupied, they also know they can target you with medical repayment scams.

    10. I don’t understand this post, either.

      BUT this recently happened to me (emergency appendectomy three weeks ago — 0/10 do not recommend) and I just made one post the day after the surgery when it was clear all was going to be well. If I’d needed help in the moment (pets or whatever) I’d have called somebody or asked my husband to call somebody.

        1. Thanks, it’s been a… journey. But three weeks later I’d say I’m 87% so I’ll take it.

  12. For those who were in Rome around Easter, I have some questions re trying similar travel next year (our school’s spring break).
    — How bad / busy was travel (coming from US east coast), booking hotels, booking tours (would like to do a Vatican one; one kid takes Latin and more intereted in older history), etc.?
    — How balmy was the weather? Have been to Rome in the summer and April might be better.
    — Any recommendations for dining on the go? IDK if things close down for Easter-ish vacations or gear up for more tourists.
    — Anything else in the way of helpful advice?

    1. This year was very unusual because of the Jubilee and the Pope’s death. Next year should be a lot less crazy.
      I’ve never been right around Easter, but have been in early May and the weather was lovely – absolutely perfect for sightseeing. April would probably be even better than May. March might be a little chilly, depending on your preferences.
      But if you’re worried, couldn’t you pick a year when your spring break doesn’t fall on Easter? Easter moves around quite a bit, so public school spring breaks don’t always match up with it.
      Travel to Italy is not bad from the east coast. Better if you can get a non-stop flight to Rome, which several major cities have.

      1. Not the OP but in our district, spring break is always scheduled to align with Passover, which is almost always right around Easter.

        1. Wow, that’s interesting. I’ve never heard of a public school timing spring break for religious holidays and I’m in a red state. Jewish schools give Passover off and Christian schools give Easter off, obviously , but our public schools always have spring break the same week which is usually not on either holiday.

          FYI Passover and Easter aren’t always close. They’re really far apart in 2027.

          1. I’m in NYC; we have a lot of Jewish students and a lot of kids that rely on free breakfast and lunch. We also get off for Eid, Lunar New Year, Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur.

          2. We are in NC and I feel that all NC public schools have spring break the week before or after Easter. I’ve never seen people out the door of the airport until spring break last year (this year we opted for a car-only trip).

      2. OP here and our spring break is always right before or after Easter. It’s a hot mess. And after next year, I think we will just be doing college tour / college visits back to back, so a different sort of trip. We think this might be one of our final big family trips.

        1. The actual logistics are fine. FCO is fine. Spring break – and specifically an Easter spring break – will always be busy but if you plan ahead you will be rewarded. Like we found picking a late-afternoon or evening slot for tickets (Colosseum, Vatican museums) was amazing. The huge tour groups looooooove mornings! And you can buy tickets directly from the s-tes, i.e., the lowest base price without having to pay a tour-guide upcharge, if you set reminders correctly to buy on the date tickets open up.

          1. Last fall, we found the online ticket stores did not function and were told to go in person to the ticket stands first thing in the morning.

        2. next year will be the first Easter blessing of the new Pope – talk about a hot mass!

    2. I was there two weeks ago, and it was pretty normal. (This was when the Pope seemed to be on the mend, so before the crowds related to his passing and funeral.) Weather was wonderful, there are plenty of quick, somewhat touristy but still delicious places to get a meal in all of the areas you’d likely hang out. We went to the Vatican on the Sunday two weeks before Easter, and it wasn’t crazy, but there were long lines to get into the basilica. We went back the next day in the late afternoon/early evening and walked right in. We skipped the Vatican museums though. We traveled elsewhere and then returned to Rome on the Saturday night leading into Easter week, and hotels seemed more expensive and less available than the week before that when we booked in October.

    3. We went in 2023 and were in Rome the weekend of Palm Sunday so not exactly what you asked but close. Weather was great. City was starting to get crowded but not too bad. We ended up paying for a private family tour of the Vatican because I did not want to risk waiting in line and missing our chance. It was great for a lot of reasons- skipping line, guide knew the right places to get in to see key things and what to skim by; good explanations for kids. It was also cool to see some of the special things they have set up in the square for Palm Sunday and Easter. Have fun!

          1. We also used LivTours for the Vatican and had a great experience. I can’t remember if it was sold as a private tour or not but we ended up on one.

    4. If you have the option of week before or week after Easter (and you want to do non religious tourist stuff), pick the week after – the week before has several significant religious observances. Also the current year is a “jubilee year” which is a time of pilgrimages generally and with several specific events; that’ll all be over by next year and I think things will be much quieter, even over Easter

    5. I’ve been over Easter before, and it was fine. Weather was pleasant, a bit gray and drizzly for a morning or two but otherwise fine to be out and about with a sweater and a light jacket. Restaurants were open. Definitely less mayhem than going over the summer.

    6. Was in Rome, Florence and Venice in early March last year, and the weather was chilly but still ok for outdoor dining, if you don’t mind a 5-6pm dinner. Lots of covered terraces and restaurants also provide blankets and heating lamps, so you still get to experience the al fresco culture.

    7. Late to this but we were just in Rome on Easter with our kids! (And there when the pope died.) Because it was a Jubilee year, we booked the hotel early (in fall) but we didn’t book tours until March and it was totally fine. Actually I found the whole city to be completely fine – gorgeous weather and didn’t seem overly crowded, so I wouldn’t be deterred from going again around the same time of year! Highly recommend golf tour of the city which the kids loved.

  13. I feel a little like an old person from a Jane Austen novel, but does anyone have tips on how to manage sciatica pain? I’m two weeks in and it feels like things are worse, not better.

    1. I have sciatica issues/lower back pain too. A good physical therapist helped me a lot.

    2. For me it’s hot water bottles, lots of gentle walking around, and some painkillers. My doctor advised a 10 day course of ibuprofen, and said that at some point, the ongoing pain creates inflammation which loops back to pain. The course of painkillers is meant to disrupt the cycle. It didn’t work perfectly but it improved things for me.
      I found good stretches that have seemed to fix the issue for me long term (knock on wood).

    3. I’d see an orthopedist who can asses your spine and then prescribe PT or recommend alternate treatments (dry needling, TENS, etc). I’ve found the most relief with daily stretching exercises, and a TENS unit at PT for particularly bad episodes. The salonpas patches with lidocaine are also super helpful for sudden flare ups while I’m traveling/on the weekend.

    4. Pigeon pose (any of the variations that you can tolerate) for gentle stretches, several times a day. Also I bought a TENS unit for home use and it’s been super helpful.

      1. Depending on what’s actually the problem, stretching can make the problem worse. Mine was a sciatic nerve issue but not sciatica – mine isn’t based on a disk issue.

        1. +1 to knowing the exact cause. Mine was the nerve and the muscles pulling weird. Not a disc issue. Stretches, TENS and Epsom salt baths were very very helpful.

      2. If pigeon pose is too intense, take it on your back as figure 4 pose, which also feels really good against a wall.

    5. Lay down, lift your affected leg up about 45 degrees, and have someone pull on your foot gently.

    6. Go to a sports medicine or orthopedic doctor and find out what is going on. It could be a couple of different things, and you really should know what rather than taking random stranger advice.

    7. Ouch! I’m sorry, that is so painful. Definitely ice the area that hurts. Sometimes alternating ice and heat can help. Advil or naproxim to help with pain and inflammation. If you are able to do lie and do clamshell exercises, that helps as well as child’s pose with elongating the nerves/joints. It may be too painful until the flareup goes away. Definitely get in with your dr and ask for PT. They can prescribe muscle relaxers and pain meds if needed.

  14. Asked on the mom’s page on Friday but it was recommended I ask here – when did you stop taking new matters before your maternity leave? I’m an income partner entering my third trimester. I have a growing book but I get tapped for matters by other partners. I would never turn down my own origination of course. I’m having trouble pushing back on new matters coming in from other partners.

    I’m a litigator. These matters could be ongoing for years, but nonlitigators seem to think it’ll settle right away. I’ve played this game with vacation before; I say I’ll be unavailable, they say np, then when I’m unavailable as planned they get mad and cut everyone’s time down to nothing. I’m not interested in working for free. We also lack (much) associate support, so there’s no one to delegate to and the other partners in my group/office are all busy.

    I’m getting pressure from all sides to do as much as possible until I’m out. Happy to do that for current matters. I am working a lot but I feel like taking new matters should be an easy line in the sand. Is there a way to finesse this other than, just keep saying no and let people be mad? Also looking for a gut check that third trimester is an acceptable time to draw that line in the sand. Thanks!

    1. Nope you have to say no and let them be mad. Or say yes and keep a constantly updated memo on it so it can transition back to them when you go out. I’d sooner quit than work on maternity leave.

      1. Oh yeah, I’m absolutely not working on other people’s matters while I’m on leave. My concern is based on what’s happened before when I’ve been out on vacation — the client understandably doesn’t want to pay two partners to get up to speed on the matter. If someone else has to step in while I’m out, the client will insist that my time gets written off. That written off time matters for my compensation.

        I’m sure I’ll have some cat herding to do for my own clients while I’m out, but that is what it is.

    2. I took matters until the last month. Starting in the second trimester, I told folks when I was departing for leave. If they still wanted to work with me, then it was a go. Just ensure you have excellent coverage plans while you’re out.

    3. Also–start pushing for a piece of the O here. If you’re doing the work, you deserve a piece.

      1. I could write a novel on OG sharing. Firm has historically been very anti-sharing. I spearheaded a moderately successful effort to get a policy in place to outline when partners are expected to share. We had things like, 80 year old partner hasn’t billed an hour in 20 years but is still getting 100% OG credit for institutional client whose GC he can’t even name; meanwhile, junior partner was college roommates with current GC and is getting 0% OG even on new matters because all credit goes to out of touch partner. So at least there is a policy now to stop outright abuse (separately, there are now policies for succession planning that should also prevent this). But the policy is definitely still, you don’t get OG just because you do the work.

        I’ve considered other firms. I was going through IVF for years and I have a lot of goodwill built up where I am. And I didn’t want to make equity somewhere else and functionally not have maternity leave. We’ll see what happens when I get back to work and get my feet under me.

  15. Does anyone have any experience with trigeminal neuralgia? I think I have this. I have a doctors appointment this week, but wanted to see if anyone here has any input or advice if I do indeed have this.

    1. You might also want to schedule with a dentist. Dental pain can get referred and flare up that nerve; that’s what it was for me, though it didn’t feel anything like toothache at all until after the nerve calmed down.

    2. Sorry if you have this. It can be incredibly painful. Are you seeing a neurologist? The neuropathic pain meds (especially tegretol, sometimes gabapentin) are often helpful for TN. But it often takes an experienced doc to identify it correctly, as there are several pain syndromes that can cause this type of pain, and you would need to find out if it is an isolated finding or related to another underlying issue. A PCP wont be enough for this.

      The dentist recommendation is a great one.

    3. So sorry you might be experiencing this! I had this diagnosis about 10 years ago and it was so difficult and disruptive. One thing that surprised me at my first doctor’s visit was that they wanted some testing to rule out Multiple Sclerosis. There are a couple other types of neurological disorders that can present similarly to TN, so be prepared for some testing. I started treatment with some anti-seizure meds, which helped but had severe side effects. I eventually tried a medical Botox treatment that provided great relief and thankfully the pain did not come back after 3-4 treatments. I’m not a doctor, but it seemed like interrupting the pain cycle reset whatever was happening to trigger that nerve pain.

  16. Does anyone have the Sezane Justine bag? I’ve been eyeing it since last summer. So beautiful, so expensive for a straw bag. Can anyone comment on how it’s held up?

    1. No but I was clicking around that site this morning and looking at that bag. Like am I a French woman needing a tote for the market I can walk to? Could I become that?

      I love their site.

      1. French women aren’t carting sh!t like this to the market. They’re using a reusable canvas bag they got for free somewhere just like we do. Save your money

    3. I do and will be an enabler, maybe. I love that it has a cloth pouch to keep smaller items more secure, as most woven totes like this are just open-top. I am in general not rough on my things and have found the material to hold up well (have used for 1 summer so far). I do not use it as a heavy “hauler” type bag — like outside the pouch part, I usually have a wrap or sweater or Turkish towel, Kindle, and sunglasses case. We’re not talking using it for heavy shopping loads.

  17. I just bought a great pair of white jeans but after the first wash they shrink a tiny bit and now I feel they’re 1/2” too short. Would you consign them or take out the hem? I feel like the unraveled hem is a look right now but I’ve never done it myself.

    1. Neither. I’d wash them again, and then while they were wet from the washing machine, I’d try to stretch them a bit and see if that solves the problem. I’m tall, and I do this with every single pair of jeans I own, every time I wash them, to keep them from shrinking shorter on me. Sometimes I’ve noticed that I even gain a bit of length.

      To stretch them, I fold them leg to leg, then pull on the outside / inside seams. Put them in the dryer for just a bit (@ 3 min) to release the wrinkles, and then hang up by the hems to dry.

      It may not work for you, but you have nothing to lose.

      1. This is the correct answer. Certainly try it before you let the hems out. And never dry those jeans in the dryer again.

      3. Yes! I’ve also restretched pants before by hanging them to dry and then clipping another hanger to the bottom of the pant legs and putting something heavy on the hook, to weigh them down as they dry and make the legs longer. For some fabrics, using fabric softener helps. And PSA for people of all heights, you can also adjust some curtains like this if they shrink in the wash.

    2. Also neither, but I would exchange them and size up so the new pair can shrink to fit me.

    3. Neither, I would just wear them at their current length with a different pair of shoes. You can’t exchange something with the tags off that you’ve washed, right?

    4. I also stretch jeans for length, but I just step on the cuffs with both feet and pull them up by the waist. I face them both ways-front facing me, then butt facing me, so they pull evenly. You should easily get a half-inch back.

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