Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Nera Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love a shirtdress, and this one from Derek Lam 10 Crosby is a fun twist on the classic silhouette.
The traditional collar gives it a preppy vibe while the front waist ruching provides a great shape. A sleeveless dress like this one is totally fine in many places, but may still require a blazer or sweater if you’re working somewhere more traditional, so make sure you know your office.
The dress is on sale for $295 at Bloomingdales and comes in sizes 00-12. It’s also available in white.
Pssst: Kat just rounded up the best work dress trends for the summer!
Sales of note for 6/12/25:
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals up to 25% off + designer clearance up to 60% off
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off pants + skirts + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new womenswear styles
- Eloquii – 50-60% select styles + extra 45% off all sale
- J.Crew – Easy summer styles $39.50+ + extra 50% sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off 3+ styles + up to 60% off everything + extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – 30% summer essentials with code + try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 60% off 3+ markdowns, 50% off 2, 40% off 1 + 30% off select travel must-haves
The ruching on the front of this dress ruins it. It looks wrinkled.
Yeah, this does not look good.
it reminds me of parachute pants!
Interesting in theory but I think it’s fighting the fabric choice.
Agree and it’s a shame because the silhouette is lovely. It either needs to be sewn from a less crisp fabric, or replace the ruching with a precise, pleated panel in this fabric.
I like it. It’s perfect for my shape.
Crisp summer fabrics and linen never stay wrinkle free anyway.
Same.
It looks better in the white colorway. I’d be curious how it looks IRL.
I need to hear from a job this week that I made it past the phone interview with the recruiter to the interview phase with the hiring team. Good vibes/prayers/thoughts/whatever you do, please.
good luck, but there are a LOT of people alternating being out of office right now with graduation season, college move-out, etc. plus vacations that leverage the extra Memorial Day day off. So decisionmaking may be slow.
Good vibes!
Does anyone have recommendations for a good grief counselor or advice on finding one who is good? State is NC.
I’m in NC and can recommend my therapist. She does more than grief, so not sure if you are looking for someone to only do grief services, but she is wonderful. Her name is Jessica Dell. She is actually in Utah, but she is licensed in NC and several other states and can do therapy over video. I’m so glad I found her.
Thank you. Telehealth is just fine so long as the licensure allows. I’m glad you found someone helpful.
I’ve had such mixed experiences with past therapists that in my mind I was looking for grief counseling specialists, though I don’t really know how those kinds of specialization work.
I saw the comment last week that someone benefited from grief counseling even years after a loss in the family, and it’s been on my mind. I’m also hoping they’ll understand pet loss since losing a household pet while already grieving has been just heart wrenching.
Emergency question. My spendy but old hair dryer died this morning. I think people here like the shark but do I want the 175 version or all the bells and whistles? I have about half an hour later when I could go to an Ulta (or could order something). Or just get something at the drug or grocery store if shipping will take a while for something that will work for 8+ years. Price isn’t the main issue. Also have two teens, so doing fancy hair in-house is a plus (we are often running from thing to thing, so no time for Dry Bar). Hair is straight / fine but fuzzes in humidity and we are in the SEUS. Help!
Given your teens and that you say price isn’t the deciding factor, just splurge for the top model with all the attachments.
Someone asked this last week I believe and there were a couple comments for the Shark speed style.
I personally like my T3 which I believe is sold at Ulta
When it does, get the shark, you’ll never go back.
I feel like my T3 is on the way out and this thread has convinced me the Shark will be my next one. I’m hoping to combine Ulta rewards + gift cards that I typically get for my birthday or Christmas.
I have the Shark FlexStyle, and exclusively use it for the blowouts with the attachments. I do like it a lot. I would just get the one with the attachments. FWIW I think it’s stupid loud and I will only use it while wearing my noise-canceling AirPods or earplugs.
Also, for anyone who wants a laugh, search for Shark on the Ulta website – the banner on the top is a male model holding the FlexStyle in the different configurations. Yes I get that guys might use hair dryers, but he has short hair; there’s no way he’s using the dryer with the round brush. I’m definitely laughing imagining what they were thinking while taking those pictures.
Haha, that gave me a laugh. Maybe they were going for a vibe where he’s the stylist?
There we go! I’ll go with that. A very chill stylist.
Tangential, but need that you felt to clarify why you couldn’t just send your teens to Dry Bar took me aback. I know services like this didn’t exist when I was a teen, but professional styling (aside from the normal blowdry after a haircut) was for prom only!
Even if budget (or gift cards from holidays or babysitting money) allowed for all events where they’d like to be camera-ready, logistics wouldn’t for teens who don’t drive alone yet. And they are just used to seeing their peers with “done” hair. It’s like if everyone has a branded outfit, you want that and not the knock off from Sears or where ever. I don’t love it, but I bet 2/3 of those kids have gotten good at doing it somewhat in their own (or how will they handle rush at SEC schools in a few years?). TBH all these kids look amazing rolling out of bed and truly they will love / cringe later, depending on age and fashion trends.
I have a teen whose hair always looks “done.” She somehow makes it work with heatless curls. A lot of her peers are experts with the curling iron. They only get professional hairdos for prom and for senior photos.
I was going to say, most teens’ styling skills are quite impressive, thanks to watching countless videos from beauty influencers.
Same, and mine just turned 12. She has some incredible genes from deep in the family tree but she walks out the door with model hair in like 10 minutes of styling.
I do not have that hair.
Maybe I misread but I just thought she meant that SHE didn’t have time to go to Dry Bar because she’s busy schlepping the teens around town
That’s how I read it, too.
I prefer the flex style for everyday – the brush attachments and the curling attachments make a very similar to dry bar blowout. I also have the speed style for travel because it folds up, but its attachments aren’t as good and are awkward to use on that shape. I do like the smaller profile for travel though.
I have the DryBar double shot and I like it.
Nordstrom Rack has the Dyson on sale!
FWIW, I tried the Dyson a few times with friends in vacation before getting the shark and it was way too harsh for my hair. It’s the first time in my life I didn’t prefer the more expensive option.
I’m obsessed with the Dyson but I do have really thick heavy wavy hair.
Honestly, I feel like straight, fine hair doesn’t need any special tool. The $$$ dryer and drugstore dryer I have are interchangeable. I don’t need extra heat or power for this hair type.
Oh my friend, that’s because you haven’t tried the better options out there. This hair type needs the most help. Source – it’s mine and it’s never been better than with a good dryer (also a Shark fan).
Maybe I didn’t say it clearly enough, but I do actually have a nice hair dryer and there’s really no noticeable difference when using it versus another, cheaper hair dryer. I feel like it’s more about technique than the tool.
A T3 is not the same as a Shark or a Dyson.
Does anyone have any favorite cookbooks, influencers, or recipes for bean-heavy dishes? Reading How Not to Die (the answer is veganism) and trying to bump up my bean consumption. I know of Violet Witchel but her recipes tend to be heavy on things I hate – onions, red/green peppers, scallions. TIA!
Vegan blogs tend to be great for this. This Savory Vegan has some dense bean salad options. The ones I’ve made have been good!
Also, I also went plant-based vegan (or mostly vegan) after reading HNTD, and it’s amazing how much better my body feels on the day to day. I hope it also brings you joy!
The Ramcho Gordo vegetarian cookbook is a winner. Beyond recipe, be sure to start with good quality beans and your recipes will be more likely to turn out well.
Ranch Gordo is your source for all things bean! Lots of great recipes and you can’t go wrong with their dried beans.
The founder, Steve Sandi, released a cookbook this year called “The Bean Book” that has been nominated for a James Beard Award! I can confirm it’s awesome.
Welcome to the cult!
This should say Steve Sando.
Also! Pizza Beans by Smitten Kitchen is a great recipe.
Yesssssss love The Bean Book. It is so good, and the pictures are mouthwatering.
I’d also recommend this recipe from the NYT cooking website. Never fails. https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1021035-baked-rajma-punjabi-style-red-beans-with-cream
Cookie and Kate has a lot, so does Budget Bytes. I make the Budget Bytes white bean and rosemary, and smoky black bean soups, frequently in the fall and winter. Not exactly spring-y either, but this is one of my favorite soups: https://www.forkknifeswoon.com/lemony-kale-white-bean-soup/
It’s also easy to smack half a can of beans on top of a salad.
The NYT cooking section has some really great bean recipes – I love their braised beans with greens and creamy spicy tomato beans.
I upped my bean consumption last year and I primarily just toss them into things I already make (which I’m assuming you’ve considered, but if not, just a thought!). I’ll throw some black beans into scrambled eggs with salsa, I’ll toss a can of white beans into Smitten Kitchen’s one pot tomato farro, if I make a pasta dish I usually toss a can of white beans in with some extra greans.
I often make a burrito with black beans, avocado, cheese, salsa, and pickled jalapeños for lunch. So easy.
I’m also a big fan of NYT Cooling, especially recipes from Hetty Lui McKinnon and Melissa Clark. Joe Yonan also has decent recipes in the WaPo and a bean cookbook I haven’t used much except for a great recipe for lentil meatballs (I should probably try some other things from that book too). Also second Cookie and Kate and Budget Bytes. And if you want to add some protein to a veg or carb heavy recipe, you can often just throw in a can of beans, increasing the sauce or seasoning as necessary. Chickpeas or white beans generally work best because of their more neutral flavor, but kidney or pinto or black or edamame can be good too.
FWIW, as a longtime reader of his blog, Michael Greger has good intentions but really cherry picks and stretches (or ignores) evidence to fit his narrative. So don’t feel too stressed if you’re not achieving what he recommends. :) that said, in addition to the recs already made I really like Fiber Fueled and the Fiber Fueled Cookbook.
+1 while I’m happy to eat loads of plants (although not vegan) I have had to stop trying to read his work. His narrative seems to be well-meant, but the arguments make me feel I’m being subjected to Morton’s fork kind of reasoning.
Added, to OP’s beans question: I really like Italian bean recipes, especially the ones from Marcella Hazan.
Swedish author Lina Wallentinson has a great cookbook called Baking with beans for things like bread, rolls, quiche etc with beans in the dough.
He’s pretty intense. But eating more beans and plants is probably a good idea for most people! Kind of a “follow the vibe, don’t sweat the details” thing.
I think most soups do well when you add beans to them. In particular, I add a can of cannelloni or garbanzo beans to the NYT Cooking Vegetable Soup Recipe (link below) and I can’t imagine the soup without them.
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1024427-vegetable-soup?unlocked_article_code=1.IU8.znbN.CEgM6wxT5ApF&smid=share-url
I also made this a month ago and enjoyed it –
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1016031-pasta-e-fagioli?unlocked_article_code=1.IU8.bMO3.Ns5C2lJmcIoI&smid=share-url
Finally, this Garlicky Alfredo Beans recipe sounds amazing and is on my list to try –
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1025330-garlicky-alfredo-beans
My fave meal involves meat but it’s an easy swap. I do 50/50 ground turkey and riced cauliflower tacos over lettuce with black beans, corn, guac, pick de gallo, and tajin seasoning. You can just do 100% cauliflower, maybe add some rice.
Justine snacks/ justine doiron on social media and has a cookbook has quite a few bean focused recipes (I think she is vegetarian). Smitten Kitchen has several of my favorite bean recipes.. her pizza beans, braised chickpeas with pesto, and some others.
Not vegan, but beans in as many forms as the imagination will allow. https://www.usapulses.org/tips/recipes They have a newsletter and a bunch of other resources as well.
In addition to others mentioned above, PlantYou has a ton of great bean recipes. So does Soph’s Plant Kitchen.
Bob’s Red Mill has recipes on their site.
Joe Yonan from the Washington Post has a cookbook called Cool Beans that sounds like exactly what you’re looking for!
Recommendations for a clear glass water bottle with a silicone sleeve? I prefer clear bottles, about 25oz, and I’d like to switch from plastic to glass. This is what I would carry when I do errands, use at my desk, sit on the couch with. Basically everywhere I go, my water bottle goes.
Life Factory
Bkr. I have them in different sizes. They are the best and they sell replacement parts, which is great.
I also love Bkr!
Those look like great water bottles, but I do have to roll my eyes at their tagline being “The Ultimate Quiet Luxury Glass Water Bottle.”
Does anyone do hormone replacement therapy? If so, can you tell me about it? What symptoms made you do hrt? How old were you when you began? Does it help? What’s the protocol?
Not yet, but my gynecologist recommended the book “The New Menopause” to get the argument in favor of HRT.
Cancer treatment (pelvic radiation) put me into menopause at 45. Thankfully my cancer was not hormone sensitive.
My sleep was getting so poor that I started to feel like I had holes in my brain – couldn’t remember simple basic stuff. Estradiol +progesterone helped my sleep quality and to get the hot flashes under control.
I wear an estradiol patch that is changed 2x per week and take one progesterone pill each night before bed.
I started HRT 5 years ago following cancer treatment. I use an Estradiol patch 2x a week and I take progesterone 10 days a month. I have been in active fertility treatment for big stretch of this time, and when I’m ovulating regularly on my own (and thus getting a period) I don’t have to take the 10 days of progesterone since my body is producing it on my own.
My symptoms were basically rapid onset menopause – I started with 1 hot flash a day and then was getting more than 50; increased anxiety; weight gain; joint pain/related issues. All of these things went a way within a few weeks of starting HRT. My doctors claim that the joint pain is unrelated but I go on and off HRT as part of fertility treatment and it is directly linked to the joint pain from what I can tell.
+1 on the joint pain
I believe that one of estrogen’s effects is to increase pain thresholds, and decrease inflammation. so once it is gone, musculoskeletal issues can be unmasked, and autoimmune diseases revealed.
Mother Nature is cruel. Once women are no longer fertile, we suffer more
I started last year at 52. Almost immediately it relieved the hot flashes/night sweats and vaginal dryness and itching. I asked to start to address the cognitive issues and loss of executive function, but it hasn’t helped much with those. My new psychiatrist asked me last week if I had ever been screened for ADHD because often women who are borderline ADHD get pushed over the edge by perimenopause. I scored 5 out of 6 so we will see if I start ADHD meds to get the chaos in my head and now life under control.
Thanks for pointing this out. Let us know how the meds do.
Started because I couldn’t sleep — I was down to like 2 hours a night. I started at 45. I am on an estrogen patch and take progesterone daily. I recently started testosterone gel and it has been amazing for exhaustion and executive functioning/brain fog. Ironically not so much for libido which is what it’s prescribed for.
Started it at around 54. Would’ve started sooner if I hadn’t initially gotten bad and outdated advice not to do it unless my symptoms were “extremely severe.” It immediately resolved pretty much all symptoms of menopause – hot flashes and insomnia were my main complaints.
Dr Rachel Rubin recently did a great podcast with Peter Attia, covering HRT. Good info.
What beach reads do you have on deck this summer?
New Emily Henry and new Annabel Monaghan books. On the less beachy side, just got the new Fredrik Backman out of the library.
I just finished Carly Fortune’s newest, One Golden Summer, and loved it. A perfect kickoff to beach read season.
On my list:
New Emily Henry (A Great Big Beautiful Life)
New Abby Jimenez (title escaping me right now)
New Riley Sager (an auto-buy for me)
New Karin Slaughter (in August)
It’s neither new nor a classic “beach read,” but Republic of Pirates has been on my to- be-read pile for a while and planning on finally getting to it on this summer’s beach vacation.
I just took Casey McQuiston’s new one to the beach. It poured rain the whole time and it turns out that I hate the book too, so that was a double disappointment.
Fwiw I hated the new Emily Henry- a real miss for her and a blatant rip off of Taylor Jenkins reed. Actually shocking it got published to me??
Sarah Maclean has one coming out, I think her first foray into contemporary romance and I’m psyched for that.
The new Katherine center comes out tomorrow and I have it pre ordered!
I have Chelsea Fagan’s new book ‘The High Dive’ on pre-order. It comes out next week.
The Griffin Sisters’ Greatest Hits.
Excited for new Taylor Jenkins Reid (Atmosphere), Park Avenue by Renee Ahdieh, and Notes on Infinity by Austin Taylor.
Recently liked the new Abby Jimenez (say you’ll remember me), Wild Dark Shore, and This Is a Love Story.
Read the new Emily Henry and Carley Fortune and loved both. Highly recommend.
The Ramcho Gordo vegetarian cookbook is a winner. Beyond recipe, be sure to start with good quality beans and your recipes will be more likely to turn out well.
I’m trying to save money and lose weight. I’m realizing that my second coffee, usually an iced latte in this weather, is usually not needed. I just get it because I’m a little bored in the office and I enjoy having something to drink (and I LOVE) lattes.
What can I replace this with?
I have coffee at home which usually gives me enough caffeine. I used to drink lattes at home, but my Nespresso died so I’m back to drip coffee.
As a fed who still has a job but probably won’t by end of year, I’m trying to be very frugal.
When I worked in the office I used to bring a cold-brew coffee with ice and milk in a thermos. You could also replace the Nespresso and put an iced latte in the thermos. I have a Breville Bambino Plus (regular espresso maker, not Nespresso) that I use to make a latte once or twice a day. The amount of enjoyment I get from those lattes has made the investment more than worthwhile.
I like making homemade iced teas in the summer! My current favorites are a hibiscus/mint combo or vanilla chai, mixed with milk and poured over ice. For the price of 2-3 lattes, you can probably get enough tea bags to last you for the summer.
Flavored sparkling water?
While I absolutely LOVE my nespresso and hot lattes in winter, I find that a cold latte isn’t so much better than regular iced coffee to justify the spend (no frothed milk, etc). So, could you make strong coffee at home, put it in the fridge, and then pack a thermos that you can mix with milk / cream and ice for a diy version?
For whatever reason iced coffee and cold brew both don’t sit well with me – they give me instant stomach aches!
They probably won’t if you put as much milk in as would be in a latte!
I buy the concentrated cold brew and reconstitute it with milk instead of water.
In hot weather I like having iced tea made with various herbal teas. Tazo Passion is a good one.
Can you buy a jug of Starbucks/etc. cold brew from the grocery store and make that your second coffee? It should be a bit cheaper than a daily latte habit. I imagine you could make cold brew too, but that might require more planning & equipment.
I do this. I buy a jar of cold coffee at the store and mix it with my ice water throughout the morning in my Stanley. It helps make drinking my water more palatable.
What about a short walk? No need to add more caffeine if you have enough already. That’s how you get hooked. Or have some water with cut fruit if it’s the drink ritual you need.
I drink a lot of water (mostly regular tap and some flavored seltzer) but I kind of crave something different.
I like the walk idea but already take walks during lunch. I can’t get away with an extra walk these days (we’re being very strictly observed)
Spindrift poured into a glass with ice (makes it seem fancier than out of a can). Homemade iced coffee. Homemade iced tea (I like the Tazzo Passion Tea).
Yes to Spindrift with ice in a clear glass! The visuals make me so happy; the colors are lovely.
So I don’t think cutting your second latte will make a smidge of a difference with either of your goals. I’d look elsewhere for a change.
It’s such conventional wisdom (or something) to give up your cafe coffee in pursuit of these goals. What makes you go against the grain?
Experience.
In terms of calories, there’s a big difference between a Starbucks iced latte with 2% milk and four pumps of flavored syrup, and a skim or 1% iced latte with one pump of syrup or no sweetener.
A $5 daily latte is $150 a month. That’s a decent amount of money, but it’s enough for one weekend trip or maybe a bargain-basement vacation over the course of an entire year, not enough for a down payment on a house.
The “give up your latte” advice is part of the whole Dave Ramsey “shame and punish” ethos. It’s not a daily latte that makes or breaks a person’s finances. It’s being underpaid or getting laid off by capricious unelected billionaire oligarchs that is the root of the problem.
Thank you forthis. 100% agree. All those coastal elites and their fancy coffees are theproblem. Connot stand Dave Ramsey.
It’s such conventional wisdom (or something) to give up your cafe coffee in pursuit of these goals. What makes you go against the grain?
My fave electrolyte brand, Ultima, just released a “tea-fresher” multipack of flavors. I’ve been enjoying those in the afternoons.
Those cost nearly $3 a drink?! Definitely not saving any money with that approach
A multi-pack of 16 servings is 20.99 on Amazon, so that is $1.31 each. Compared to latte (not made at home), that’s cheap.
As a fellow fed, everything is so stressful and miserable right now I think you should either keep the latte (you can order it decaf or half caff! Also skim milk due to save calories) or find another little treat that makes you happy.
I’m assuming you don’t have your own desk (we don’t…) but can you keep a stash of fun snacks or pretty office supplies in a drawer or your work bag?
I’ve found I need something that screams “treat” a la croix or walk around the block aren’t “special” enough for me, partially because they’re not super fun and also because I was already doing that frequently.
There’s no way to get through the day or week in this environment without treats.
Yes, just replace your Nespresso so you can enjoy your morning latte and pack an iced latte. A latte with low-fat or skim milk and little or no sugar is good for both body and soul. Everyone deserves a genuine treat, and these days no one deserves it more than a fed.
Water. If you need extra motivation, look up how much two iced lattes a day is in calories. That’s a pound a week in excess calories!
But if you don’t put sugar, the calories are all from milk, which has protein and calcium. I actually think it’s a good and relatively healthy snack!
Yeah, milk is pretty healthy – if you’re not adding sugar to your coffee ( I don’t) cutting back on coffee isn’t really the best way to cut calories.
At work, I have a jigsaw puzzle and stretch break when I’m losing steam. There is a communal jigsaw puzzle – so I get up, fill my water bottle, do a few downward dogs in my cubicle and take a few minutes at the puzzle. Not as time consuming as a walk, but a little moment to reset.
Aw a communal puzzle sounds nice. Thats definitely a no go in this current environment though :(
I think the communal jigsaw puzzle is unique. I’m in the private sector, casual workplace, jigsaw puzzle would definitely be a no go here too.
Oh we used to have things like this in my office though but they’ve axed literally everything fun or relaxing or encouraging colleagues to talk with each other
Same, local government. Can’t even begin to tell you how badly that would go down.
I swapped my drinks for cold, cold ice water with either a heavy splash of lemon or sugar free lemonaid mix.
Get a Nespresso off of FB marketplace and buy the pods from Trader Joe’s, $3.99 for ten.
Make an iced latte in the morning, put it in a thermos, and bring it to work. Use a LOT of ice.
An iced latte is basically just milk with ice in it, so you could have milk with ice in it that you bring from home! (Or you could do a coffee flavored protein shake over ice for the same vibe).
…and the flavor you get from a few shots of espresso.
It tastes nothing like milk!!
Agreed. While I’ll agree that a bad iced latte might just taste like milk, a good iced latte tastes nothing like milk.
But it literally is just milk with a tiny bit of coffee. If you don’t want the coffee part, just do the milk part.
But it literally doesn’t taste anywhere near the same, and she seems to like the taste of coffee.
A hot “steamer” with no coffee is one thing, but I cannot think of a grosser drink than plain milk with ice.
She might also like milk, friend. People are suggesting electrolyte drinks that also taste nothing like coffee.
I know it’s weird with how much I like lattes but I hateeee milk! With a passion!!!
OP I hate milk, and like lattes a lot with good espresso shots. I don’t think you are weird at all.
Can confirm, as someone who haaates milk (I only drink it in coffee or with very rich chocolate desserts) and loves lattes.
I like the True Lemon brand fruit crystal packets.
Looseleaf tea is relatively cheap, especially if you like to make several cups from the same leaves throughout the day. I love trying different tea blends from the local shop. They have a ton of no-caffeinated options, too.
Green ice tea with a bit of honey.
I bought a $20 milk frother and some sugar-free flavored syrup (lavender is my favorite) and now I’m making fancy lattes for myself at home with my Keurig. It brings me so much more joy than just regular coffee with milk and now I hate justifying spending $7 on a fancy coffee anywhere.
I’ve been a public school district administrator for 15 years; I worked 10 of those years in my current school district. I love helping kids and working in a district near my home. That is why I stayed.
Compared to surrounding school districts, I am underpaid. I have always received the highest performance evaluations, and I work significant hours. Two years ago at performance review time, I compiled a body of research that showed how my salary, experience, and school district size compared to peers in my position (this information is all publicly available in my state). I demonstrated with real data how I was underpaid. I also showed how I was underpaid compared to my co-worker administrators. In response, my superintendent reprimanded me and told me that I was being inappropriate for requesting a non-standard pay raise, and that there was no money in the budget for any extra increases. I wanted to leave my job then, but one week later, I found out that I was pregnant. Rather than leave my job then, I decided to have the baby, take a 100% unpaid maternity leave, and then return. My maternity sub made double my pay rate, but since she was a temp, it didn’t bother me too much.
I am finally leaving my job next month for a better opportunity. I just learned that the person who they hired to replace me has significantly less experience than me, but will be making significantly more money than me. I am furious.
Two transition days have been planned for next month. In the past, I created extremely detailed and organized guides for my maternity sub. It made her job much easier. My superintendent wants me to update these guides for my replacement. I also have accrued an immense body of work over the last 10 years. Everything is on my district’s Google Drive platform. When I was first hired, my predecessor had resigned on bad terms and I had nothing and had to build everything from scratch.
I am not petty by nature, but a big part of me wants to delete my comprehensive guides and much of my work off my work account, and instead provide my replacement with the bare bones outline, so she will have to create everything from the ground up.
Am I being too petty? Also, for the lawyers in the group – am I legally required to save everything I create, since I’m a public school admin?
Thanks!
I’m all for sticking it to the man, but that’s the superintendent, not the person who is taking your place. If you’re going to be petty (you know your larger work environment, and if stuff like that will follow you in a bad way), focus the petty on him.
Agreed
IANAL, but I work in the public sector, and it would be very, very bad form to delete all your work stuff.
You’re right .. I guess, I mean I wouldn’t delete work, but I don’t want to do anything to organize it in a helpful manner. After 10 years, things are organized in a way that make perfect sense to me, but not necessarily to others.
That’s what I would do – don’t delete anything, but don’t organize it or leave good instructions for reading it either.
That’s what I’d do. You’re just going to coast until you leave. The next person can use the skills that justified their wonderful salary to sort it out.
Me too. Dont destroy anything but dont lift a finger to help either.
I would not lift a finger for one extra minute to make anything easier for anyone. Call me petty, but you’re not getting paid to go the extra mile. If anyone calls you with questions after you’ve left, I would set your consulting fee before you answer a thing.
It’s just a fact of most employment, maybe especially in the public sector, that raises tend not to keep pace with the market, and it’s possible to “catch up” only by leaving an organization for a new job. The superintendent shouldn’t have scolded you for asking for a market adjustment, but I’m not surprised that they weren’t able to approve it because it wasn’t in the budget, or that they replaced you at a higher salary.
You should not delete any work-related files from your employer’s systems. Those files belong to the district, not to you personally.
I also would not burn bridges when you leave this job by doing anything obviously petty. That might be satisfying in the moment, but it’s a bad idea in the long run. You never know how the people you work with and for in your current job, who are part of your professional network, may be in a position to help or hurt you in the future. You don’t have to go above and beyond, as it sounds like you may’ve done in the past, but don’t leave on bad terms either.
Society really seems to only care about satisfying in the moment these days.
100% this.
I agree with this. You can ask for a raise, but they aren’t required to say yes. I am also underpaid at my job (been here 10 years) and I’m sure whoever they hire will be paid more than me.
Don’t delete, don’t update.
+1
And if the supervisor insists you update, push back that updating the materials will make for a great intro project for their new hire.
+1. Just pull out your current documentation (sounds like you created it) and leave it in a departure file, along with a few other relevant docs for your successor’s onboarding (recent reports or whatever). Don’t burn everything to the ground, but don’t spend any additional time. Just share whatever you have already prepared.
Who are you really hurting though? It’s not the fault of the person after you or those who would be impacted (teachers and their students). I’d remember what called me to the profession.
And erasing things like that only reflects poorly on you and feeds a mistaken assumption you may have been the problem. Fight with your boss if you must, but this isn’t the way.
This is the sort of guilt tripping that keeps teachers underpaid and overworked. You shouldn’t delete files, but you also don’t need to “remember what called you to the profession” when the profession is fucking you over.
+1. This is the time to coast. Don’t harm anyone, don’t start any dumpster fires, but don’t lift a finger either.
Sorry, but deleting files to hurt those that follow is actually hurting teachers and students. It is a calling. And trying to light a fire behind you IS actually working against that calling. Has nothing to do with keeping teachers underpaid and overworked. And everything to do with the actual work being done. If it feels guilty, it’s because it’s working against that. Fight for pay. Fight for better hours. But you don’t sacrifice the ones you are trying to help in order to do that.
She did fight for better pay for herself and lost. She’s not going to solve underpayment in the teaching profession by being a good girl and easing the transition for her replacement.
As a public school employee of 28 years (but not teaching or admin staff) I cannot co-sign this harder.
The new person is being paid to sort out the job. I agree, she should not delete but OP is not being paid to train the new person. I, too, left a job after realizing how little I was valued with no regrets.
I’m upset for you. Also, thank you for all you’ve done for the kids.
I wouldn’t delete anything, but I also wouldn’t work too hard on the transition paperwork. You sound like you are leaving on a good note, and it’s not worth burning bridges now.
Would it help you feel better to voice your reasons for leaving to your superintendent? Be explicit that it’s your salary. So maybe they won’t be a complete a55 to the next person.
Yes. This is wildly inappropriate and unprofessional. Word will get out and you will tarnish your reputation
+100000 This won’t be consequence-free.
If you’re really upset, you could consult with an employment lawyer as to whether the facts may give rise to a claim related to discrimination strongly enough that it could be quietly settled. In my state, they might. That’s the remedy, not destroying work.
I’m sorry, but what?!? Her boss is an ass, but I don’t see any discrimination
That’s for an attorney to decide. This depends heavily on, eg, her age and race, and the age and race of the person who replaced her. If the OP is a 45 year old Black woman who was replaced with a 35 year old inexperienced white woman, yeah, ask questions.
Ummm she quit?
I would not spend a single minute more than you have to prepare the transition. For me, that would mean not even spending a minute on any former files, whether creating or deleting them. If they are on a shared drive, that’s where you point the person to.
Deleting records would likely be problematic, anyways, and would probably hurt people that have nothing to do with your superintendent.
Of course you’re being too petty! That’s a terrible idea.
This is the kind of revenge that you enjoy taking in your imagination but do not carry out in real life.
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate all your insights. I wrote this post just after I learned about the hire, and I felt shocked. But, I don’t plan to actually delete anything.
I’ve given my heart and soul to this job, and sacrificed so much time with my kids in service to the school community. I have 15 years school admin experience, live in a HCOL area, and still only make an upper-5-figure salary. It just stings to hear about my replacement after I fought unsuccessfully for a fair wage in the past.
I’m so sorry. It’s incredibly unfair and it’s just further proof to me that nothing is gained from sacrificing yourself to your job. I guess in your case, you at least made a big difference for the children you taught/affected and that’s not nothing.
I’m looking to make the switch from local government to part-time, remote work… how does one go about finding a job like that? What job boards, besides LinkedIn, are companies using to recruit or do I start sending a resume out? Do I indicate that I’m open to part-time? I have no experience in tech, and I’ve always been public sector, but in my area all of the public sector jobs are back to being mostly in-person.
This is probably gonna be really hard to find – these jobs are rare and usually don’t pay well at all.
+1
What can you/do you want to do? Write up a resume highlighting your skills, not your title.
I do have tech experience and get most jobs through networking but over the years I’ve had random luck on upworks. I connected with people I would never have networked my way to, did a small project, and it grew into a much longer part time assignment. So check it out, you never know!
One was a company looking for someone to ghost write some thought leadership. I had the initial call and it turns out I could just write it as it was my area of expertise. They loved my work and brought me in to do a whole portfolio of marketing work.
Another job was to do a small series of interviews with current clients. Turns out they also needed a product marketing manager, which I was able to do part time and remotely, and I ultimately helped them hire a VP of marketing (which is my former full time experience but I do not want a FT job).
I have a job like this posted rn but it pays less than 30 an hour (data clerk). We post on Indeed and Linkedin.
Is it normal for companies to prorate holiday pay for employees that drop to part-time (32 hours)? I was pressured to do so because of the economic situation (men paid more than me weren’t) and I didn’t realize holidays would be prorated. Maybe this is the norm, but given my company’s history, it’s another slap in the face.
Yes this is normal at my company
at mine too.
How does it work when the office is closed? Do part-time people get forced to take vacation or do they come in and work in an empty facility?
What do you mean?
I’m still expected to hit a certain number of billable and total hours per week. Since I won’t get the eight for each holiday that I used to get, I now have to either work every holiday or spend down my PTO to get to the total, but it seems odd because working on the holiday when literally all of our clients and all the other staff members are gone simply isn’t going to be very productive. How are other places handling that?
But it’s not zero hours for the holiday, it’s prorated, so assuming you work your normal hours the rest of the week, aren’t you going to end up at the same total as a regular week?
Mine too. We can only charge holiday leave to the proportion of hours we work (I’m on record at 30h a week, instead of 40, so I charge 3/4 time for holidays, which is 6h). And we earn vacation time at the same proportion.
And to clarify, I did this voluntarily when they asked for volunteers to help the company’s finances – it’s not totally accurate to say I was pressured (although I was by one person). It surprises me that holidays aren’t protected as a benefit for the volunteers.
Why would they be? They’re trying to cut costs and you’re the sucker who fell for it
+1
Unfortunately yes
I think it’s normal to prorate but wtf is up with you having to cut your hours while the men don’t? I’d meet with an employment attorney
I work in higher ed and I believe this is standard in the industry. My university definitely does it.
Prorating holidays for part-time employees, as well as prorating other types of leave, is completely normal for those employers who continue to offer any paid leave to part-time employees.
Thanks all. I’ll reverse my offer to go part-time and ramp up my job search. Tough time for it, but oh well.
At my last job you didn’t get holiday pay at all unless you were full-time.
Pro-rated holiday pay is normal in my company (not a billable industry), although 32 hours is the lower limit for still being considered FT.
Where do you get your mid-priced, not entirely boring b r as? I’ve been shopping at Soma but it’s really underwhelming. I just lost a ton of weight and am down several sizes and want to get something a little more….exciting? just for my own enjoyment more than anything. Soma ain’t it. Not looking to break the bank but definitely want a decent quality. Thoughts? Any mall brands that are favorites around here? I’m a 36D / 38C for reference.
I like b’tempt by wacoal (I think it’s their teen brand but it works for me) — better colors and cuter cuts. or sometimes Calvin Klein.
Natori Feathers is my forever favorite.
Yes!
I really like understance, but they’re a Canadian brand and not currently shipping to the US because of the whole tariff situation.
Dobreva on Amazon. Their mesh ones are crazy comfy, even in summer.
OnGossamer
I like Calvin Klein and b.tempt’d by Wacoal too but after gaining weight, I am on the search for more basic bras (I plan to check out Soma :). Although there seems to be less selection in stores overall, visiting a nearby department store may be helpful for you to identify brands and styles–that is how I discovered the b.tempt’d brand.
I am being stalked by Ogee products on social media. Are they worth the hype? I use Il Makiage foundation (another SM purchase) and generally like it but was thinking of something lighter for the summer. The contouring 3 piece set and Tinted Serum foundation is intriguing. Expensive though and no SPF. Anyone tried it?
I was influenced and bought the foundation stick, the contour stick, blush and highlight. Meh. The makeup pilled on my face. It wasn’t that great. I do use the contour stick as cream eyeshadow now and I like that but it was a big waste of money.
Inspired by the latte question – Feds or others in work places with absolute sh!t morale abd lots of stress: what do you do to get through the day?
I used to work at horrible biglaw jobs. Getting a hot chocolate to start my day was my armor and pick-me-up to make it through.
Eating a proper breakfast with no screens was my armor. This was also a job where I was living with coworkers at one point (field work) so it was a requirement.
gallows humor- making a bingo card predicting things. can be as petty as “Trad goes through his inbox oldest to newest after vacation, but replies before finishing, spawning chaos”
Hell I can be Trad….
Husband and I are travelling to Boston this summer and would also like to spend a couple of days in Newport, RI. What’s the best non-car way to get between the two? Is sightseeing in Newport do-able without a car?
Amtrak
Amtrak stops in Providence, which is still 40 minutes from Newport. I would just as soon book a car service from wherever you’re staying in Boston down to Newport.
Sightseeing in Newport is doable without a car, especially if you are active walkers (multiple miles a day). A couple days might be overkill though! I’d say a day and half would be sufficient. You’ll most likely want to stay on the western side of the city, near Bowen’s Wharf, but will also want to spend time on the eastern side – where the mansions are. The Cliff Walk is also a good thing to do on the eastern side, but if you do that all walking from the Bowen’s Wharf area over to the east side, down around the tip of the island, and then back to Bowen’s Wharf, you’re probably looking at something in the neighborhood of a ~6-8 mile day. If you’re not up for that, you could uber to the mansions, do one of those tours and then the Cliff Walk right near the house, and uber back.
I’ve always wanted to go summer cottage visiting in Newport. Are there not places to stay on the east side? I think you’d want to stay there, but maybe someone who has been there could explain why on the west side and not the east side.
Unless you don’t know how to drive rent a car
There is not a super easy way to get from Boston to Newport without a car. I would honestly look for a car service. You could take the Amtrak to Providence and then get an Uber (40-45 min), but a direct car would probably be easier.
I say no, it’s not great without a car. The town of Newport is walkable and you won’t be driving around so stay somewhere you can park, but if you want to go see the cottages easily, you need a car. It’s also hard to get there from Boston without one. Unless you’re physically unable to drive, I’d rent a car.
My family is from Newport.
unfortunately, car is the way.
What is the socially appropriate thing to do here?
My daughter is graduating 5th grade. The vast majority of her friend group was invited to a 5th grade graduation party being thrown by 3 families. My daughter is sort of friendly with one of the host kids, so an invite isn’t crazy but also not expected.
Her friend group is convinced she’s invited. They showed me the invite and it does list someone with my daughter’s name on the invite list as not having replied. However, it’s a huge invite list and while my daughter doesn’t have a common name (think: “Lucy”), it’s entirely possible there is someone else with her name invited that we just haven’t met. But…her whole friend group is invited and some of them aren’t close to the host kids either.
I’d say there is at least a 50% chance it’s her and someone mis typed my email address.
So, what do I do here? I suggested that her friends that are invited ask one of the host kids “which Lucy?” Is invited. I could probably reach out to a mom-friend that is friendly with one of the host families and ask her to ask on our behalf, but there is also a decent chance it *isnt* my kid invited and I don’t want to be weird about it. I also technically know one of the host parents in that our kids went to PK together 6 years ago, but “hey my daughters friends are telling me that my kid is invited to your party but we didn’t get an invite” seems SUPER awkward.
Thoughts?
Have her friends ask! If you didn’t get an invite, I definitely wouldn’t ask directly since they will feel awkward and bad.
This is what I’d do. Friend closest to the friend having the party asks.
I don’t think it’s that awkward. It does sound like an oversight here so I’d try to run it down once with the parent you knew and say if it’s not your kid, you’re absolutely not looking for an invite if it’s the “other” Lucy. You’ll likely get an invite anyway in that case if the host has manners, but it doesn’t sound like a giant issue for this kind of party.
+1. Just ask. It isn’t a big deal.
The way you’ve phrased it actually doesn’t seem awkward to me. It seems kind of clear to me that the intent was to invite your daughter. If I were a host, I would not feel any kind of way about you asking in the way you’ve phrased above.
It’s not very awkward. Just do it with the phrasing you have there.
How big is their grade / how big is the party? I think that’ll give you some insight.
Wouldn’t you and your daughter know if theres another Lucy in the grade? Since it’s a grad party, I’m sure other outside of school friends wouldn’t be invited. It’s probably a school only party, so that should give you your answer
It’s not someone at her school, it’s someone she knows vaguely through sports and because they went to PK together. It’s a mix of kids across town, different elem schools. But according to her friends there is no “other Lucy”.
The is does not seem like a big deal to ask.
“Hi! I heard so and so are having a graduation party! Kiddos friends are asking if kiddo can come.
Can she go to the party? Thanks!”
That…seems really rude?
Yeah this is terrible phrasing. If the host intentionally excluded OP while inviting most of her friend group, that’s also rude, but being rude back doesn’t solve it.
Yea, I can see it coming across as obnoxious if I was intentionally excluding the kid.
I’m assuming everyone is on friendly terms and that it’s a large enough party where it’s no big deal to absorb an extra kid.
It’s still really weird to invite yourself to someone else’s party.
Okay yea. I see it now. I’d be inviting my kid over without an invite. Awkward.
It’s 5th grade. Chances are she was invited. If she wasn’t, the hosts were rude to exclude her. It’s fine to ask.
How is it rude? You can’t apply adult social dynamics here. If you think there’s even a chance the kid was supposed to be invited, you should reach out. And of course the right thing for the host to do would be to enthusiastically extend an invitation once contacted, regardless of original intent. Why are we defending the idea of excluding a 10 y/o from a graduation party?
Do you have kids this age? 10 year olds regularly throw big parties and don’t invite everyone they know. If she was literally the only kid in the class who wasn’t invited, it’s mean and possibly against school policy, but that isn’t what OP is describing. It’s not even a school friend, so it’s possible she just didn’t make the cut? They’re 10, not 5.
yes, that is inviting your kid to a party rather than trying to figure out if there was a typo
I think the middleman is the least awkward here, whether it’s your kid’s friend who’s closest to the host kid, or your friend who’s closest to the host parent.
Now that my kid and her friends have cell phones, invites get lost all the time. The other day, a mom texted me to say, “[her kid] mentioned making plans to do [activity] with [my kid], and I just wanted to check with you if that’s really happening because kiddo is really fuzzy on the details. Totally fine either way, just trying to figure out what the kids have been planning.”
Yeah, I would do some version of this. Reach out to one of the host moms: “Hey Jane, Lucy’s friends said you are waiting on an RSVP from Lucy. I know there are multiple Lucys and am not sure that message was meant for us since Lucy never mentioned getting an invitation, but also didn’t want to miss a deadline if you need details from us. LMK thx!”
Thanks, I think I can work with something like this. The e-vite went out to parents, apparently, and I definitely didn’t get one, but I’ve been typo’d before.
They are all in that weird transition from parents scheduling things to kids and also, BACK IN MY DAY it was all paper invites :).
These are great scripts. Considering these are kids, I think it’s totally worth sending this out. Obviously it’s way different for older teens and adults.
This is 1000% perfect phrasing.
I would reach out to one of the moms. Start off by saying that I’m not looking for an invitation if she hasn’t been invited, but her friends say she has, her name is on the invite list, but we haven’t received anything. Is there a typo?
Has anyone been watching Kim Kardashian in court? She is in a suit (a very Kardashian suit, but still a suit). OTOH, Kris Jenner has been in a horribly oversized jacket and is morphing into Michael Jackson 2.0 when she is in sun glasses.
Why is she in court?
The criminal trial for the people who robbed her in Paris.
Testifying re being robbed of her jewelry at gunpoint. It seems that that was brutal and was reported with almost comic glee back when it happened.
I wouldn’t characterize the reporting on it like that at all.
Are you talking about the last week looks?
Kim – I saw the suit in a NYT article (below) and the $$$$ diamond jewelry and loved it all a lot. She nailed the billionaire woman powerhouse look.
Kris – good lord, I hadn’t seen her look until I just googled it. Awful. It just keeps getting worse the more you look at it – the tie and the pants are oversized and awful too.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/13/style/kim-kardashian-diamonds-paris-robbery-trial.html
What would cause to you stop using outside counsel or another vendor at work? What level of mistake is acceptable vs not where you work?
I don’t have the decision making power over this where I work, although I wish I did. What I have seen is that a lot of mistakes (too many, imo) are acceptable if you’re cheaper than the competition.
Typically I switch because of over billing, not moving my cases along, not keeping me up to date, sending me stuff to review the day before. I also won’t hire outside counsel again if I find them rude to me or to my internal clients or if they are finding problems for me instead of solutions. I’m pretty chill honestly but I expect quality work.
I’m a litigator at a firm, not in house. I care much more about a vendor being appropriately responsive and responsible than about the mistake itself. Over the years, I’ve had ediscovery vendors do things like 1) produce all documents tagged privileged; 2) lose or accidentally delete data sources, like the client’s laptop; 3) go to the client’s location to collect data and then go home without collecting the data with no plan of how to do the collection.
Mistakes happen. Incompetence is unacceptable. It was a much bigger PITA to address 1 and 2, 3 should have been fairly easy to fix, but I continued to use the vendors who made mistakes 1 and 2 while I fired the vendor who did 3. Vendors 1 and 2 were horrified when they realized what happened, they were proactive about fixing the problem, they freely threw themselves under the bus in affidavits and other sworn testimony before the court to explain what happened and why and to get my client out of hot water, and they ate the costs they incurred. The vendor for 3 completely dropped the ball, was hard to get hold of, wouldn’t take accountability for failing to do the job, and required a lot of time from me and my client to fix something that really wasn’t that complicated.
Repeated incompetence, not owning/fixing their errors, producing something that has potential to harm our reputation with our clients, not being timely or responsive.
No response to repeated emails and/or phone calls.
Short responses vs explanations to mistakes or holdups.
Delays in doing any work and then coming to me in one day and expecting a whole bunch of information immediately to move things forward (aka not remembering who the client is – I don’t need to be bowed down to, but you are not my boss and cannot demand immediate reports and information because you decided to work on our company file that day without any warning or notification). Our past outside accountant was very prone to this at this and after years it was the file straw that made us move on.
Basically, please communicate what is going on and realistically interpret your workload to me and I’ll give you a whole lot of running room vs radio silence. I want to work with my vendors, but if you don’t try and work with me in a reasonable way it’s probably not a good fit. We have clients too, and we try and give them a very high degree of customer service and most of that is realistic communication. When we repeatedly don’t feel like we’re getting that from our vendors, we start to get really irritated.
May post on afternoon thread depending on timing and before I go down an insurance black hole…. I’m supposed to get preventative mammograms and MRIs alternating every 6 months. I’m 40, extremely high risk (strong maternal BC history) and have been to a geneticist, etc. All consults and mammograms have been 100% covered to date. I had my first MRI in April and I’m getting billed for it (covered only after I meet my deductible).
I’m 100% covered on “routine preventative care” per my policy. Is an MRI for designated high risk patients not considered routine? What words should I be using, if not that preceding question, when trying to figure out if this was coded correctly by my doctor’s billing? If it is what it is, I’ll let it lie but it wouldn’t be the first time there’s been a billing coding error from this hospital. TIA.
It’s going to depend on where you live: https://densebreast-info.org/legislative-information/state-law-insurance-map/
Thanks for this. I’m in MA so I think/hope it’s covered.
I’ve done some more work and I think state law will require full coverage starting in 2026, so I may just be SOL for this one. I will call to confirm, though. Thanks for helping me go in a bit more armed with info.
Also… what an incredible resource that page is!
Agree! Bookmarked!
A caveat: many employer-sponsored health plans are exempt from state laws; they are subject to federal ERISA law instead. That said, I believe the ACA (federal law) will require coverage of breast ultrasounds and MRIs starting in 2026 if medically necessary.
So for this year, if your plan is subject to federal law, a breast MRI might be covered by your plan, but subject to deductible and coinsurance.
Thanks for pointing this out; I just learned that this is why one of my prescriptions is now covered (after switching to ERISA plan).
If your state doesn’t require it be covered, ask your insurance company what designation would make it be fully covered. Then work with your doctor to see if they can submit that with that designation in mind, and ask if they will advocate for you with the insurance company if the insurance company tries to argue it.
My doctor had to do this for a diagnostic MRI (for fibroids). My insurance company initially denied it b/c they wanted me to spend a year trying non-diagnostic treatments that were contraindicated based on my medical history. The doctor held a call with my insurance’s doctor representative to talk through why the treatments were not viable options and why the MRI was a necessary first step to determine what actual treatment was needed. It was a logistical circus, but once they held that call the insurance company agreed and covered everything.