Thursday’s Workwear Report: Floral Linen-Blend Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m a sucker for this kelly green color, especially in the summer. This linen top from Ann Taylor would go beautifully with just about any neutral. I would pair it with a navy suit to jazz things up a little, or wear it tucked into a midi skirt for a fun, breezy outfit.
The top is on sale for $44.70 (marked down from $74.50) at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.
This blouse is selling out quickly, so here are a couple of other options: this blue/white floral print top from Boden ($95, lucky sizes) and this green print top, also from Boden ($72, 0-20/22).
Sales of note for 6/12/25:
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals up to 25% off + designer clearance up to 60% off
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off pants + skirts + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new womenswear styles
- Eloquii – 50-60% select styles + extra 45% off all sale
- J.Crew – Easy summer styles $39.50+ + extra 50% sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off 3+ styles + up to 60% off everything + extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – 30% summer essentials with code + try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 60% off 3+ markdowns, 50% off 2, 40% off 1 + 30% off select travel must-haves
White shoes – what do we think of them for the office? Too bridal? I wear a lot of pointy flats in a business dress code environment and I am kind of over my nude pairs. I want to add a few summer pairs to my rotation since a lot of stores seem to have them now. I thought white could work with white pants or even a navy dress, but I recall there was a discussion here years ago about silver being too cocktail, so I’m wondering if white is similar.
I would go with bone instead of bright white.
Good call. The pairs I was looking at are from Stuart Weitzman and don’t appear to be bright white.
Agree. Off white is very in right now and fine fot the office.
Bright white is too bridal.
Unless brides have started wearing matte leather, bright white doesn’t look bridal to me.
I’d be more worried about it looking like church clothes (something to pair with a JCP dress and a sunhat). But that’s probably taken care of by how fashion forward the shoe is. What would Olivia Pope be wearing in 2025?
I agree–white leather screams “Easter” to me.
I have a pair of very light buff near to white shoes and they are a workhorse. They go with most anything.
Aaaaaah I am now totally thinking of that romantic comedy with Robert Downey Jr and Marisa Tomei (he’s a shoe salesman and tells her how amazing none colored shoes are). Recommend if you haven’t seen!
I prefer gray snakeskin or cognac. “Bone white” is having a resurgence right now but I don’t love it, but maybe that’s because that was the color of the shoes I wore to church with ivory hose in 1993.
That is exactly what I wore for music recitals in high school in 1993. I felt so sophisticated with my ivory hose and bone-and-tan spectator pumps.
I used to buy ivory and white hose by the dozen at Duane Reade in the late 80s and early 90s. I thought it was so sophisticated! To be fair, nude hose were extremely out of style at the time and considered old ladyish – they had a resurgence around 1998.
An alternative is to go with a pop of color that goes with all your office neutrals like cobalt blue, red, or bright green. I have red shoes that get about as much wear as any other pair at the office. I also love gray or gray snakeskin.
Going to disagree with everyone and say do it, it’s a fresh look, especially in flats and doesn’t read bridal unless you’re pairing it with a wedding dress.
Agree. Off white just looks dirty and old to me. Or go with gray or a bright color.
Agree, as long as you avoid satin I don’t read white shoes as “bridal” wear. Indeed, I wore grey shoes in my wedding.
I agree with this.
For real!
I don’t think of bright white shoes as bridal but I do think of them as cheap. Sorry.
I think this depends on what you are wearing most days, especially since dresses and skirts are sort of not as common right now. I travel a lot for business and the shoes I tend to find work most frequently regardless of pant color (navy, black, colored suits) are snake skin or clay. If you choose white white, make sure the material is easy to clean.
Team No, but mindful that I’m in a largish Upper Midwest city. Here, they would look wildly out of place, but wondering if there is a geographic component to this that accounts for the different responses. OP, I would look around and see what others are doing.
Or just wear whatever tf you want and not limit yourself to what the people around you are wearing.
If that is what OP wanted to do, she wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place. Clearly she cares, even if you don’t.
Definitely think so. I would have no qualms with bright white in LA or Miami, but I wouldn’t pack them for a business trip to Milwaukee.
I wear white heeled mules to my office a lot! They go with a lot of things and, because they’re mules, there’s no chance of heel blisters. :)
Saw a woman wearing the square toe court shoes in off white from Cos and they looked amazing.
I’d buy them if my work didn’t transition to very casual.
Anyone have Sarah Flint heels IRL? Looking at the block heel style, not the high or spikes heels.
Not heels but do have their flats. They are comfy compared to cheap shoes, but no more comfy than any other shoes in that price range. The quality is very good and they hold up well.
Echoing this as someone with the high heels. They are more comfortable than your average heel, for sure, but they are still heels. The quality exceeded my expectations for the price point, and they’re still great for me. (I bought mine in 2018-2021 so not sure if things have changed. They’re my court shoes, so I do not wear them that often).
I have quite a few pairs. The flats are the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever put in my feet, the heels are more comfortable than average. All well made, often on sale.
What is an area of unexpectedly great compatibility between you and your spouse (or BFF or whatever)?
Mine is that we have similar tolerances for clutter and mess. Neither of us needs the house to be spotless but we both get annoyed by, ie, about the same volume of mail on the counter. I also “see” his messes more than I see my own, and vice versa, but because we’re roughly equally messy, we never feel nagged when the other points out, hey your makeup area is getting out of control can you please tidy it. I appreciate the reminders! We also like/dislike the same amount of stuff that’s at home on shelves and surfaces. He has some memorabilia he likes to display, I like to decorate our fireplace and have centerpieces on larger tables, and we both have a ton of books. This wasn’t really on my radar when I was dating but it’s such a relief to live with someone who picks up after himself and doesn’t nag me.
-Living style preference (city, not suburbs)
-Spend vs. save (in terms of amount and general priorities)
-Travel style (types of trips, variety of destinations)
-General standard of housekeeping / tidiness
-Share of emotional labor (like home maintenance, car maintenance, staying on top of everyday tasks like grocery planning)
If I were picking a partner now, political compatibility would rank high in importance. Way back in more innocent times, I did not give it much thought. As it turns out, we are very closely aligned politically, and that is pretty much essential for both of us in the current environment.
My husband was a Republican when we met long ago, and the only good thing Donald Trump ever did was turn him into a Democrat.
Turned my dad into one too. He was pretty far right by pre-Trump standards (huge fan of Scalia, etc.) and is now 100% Blue No Matter Who.
Lucky duck! My dad has gotten more pro-Trump with each passing year. Part of me wants to child-lock the TV channels so he can only watch his racing and car auction stuff, part of me worries he’d just go online and find more conspiracy theories.
Ha! Same!
This. Also, my husband does not dislike, resent or look down on women generally. I really would have thought this was a given but do many straight men really hate, resent or look down on women. Why would you date a dude who thinks most women are terrible but you’re an exception? I can’t fathom it but plenty of women do. And I’m firmly of the belief that it’s strongly tied to American political views.
My husband and I are not aligned politically and it’s a huge problem for me.
I’m so sorry that sounds hard.
These days “political compatibility” goes beyond parties, it’s a moral issue; the question is do you think women/POC/queer people are people deserving of human rights or not? I couldn’t be with someone who feels otherwise.
On moral criteria I can’t imagine actually supporting either party (vs. strategically voting as harm reduction).
Agree. Don’t go into a relationship thinking you can change someone! Political differences in the current political climate really are a difference in basic values.
I guess none of this is unexpected, but our greatest areas of compatibility include politics, love for animals, love for travel/travel destinations, neatness/cleanliness, style (both clothing as well as interior design/architecture), being Type A with logistics/running of household, and, for the most part, our approach to child rearing. There are actually very few areas we don’t align. The main one would be sports – he loves them, I can take them or leave them. I’m guessing he would love it if I showed more interest in sports.
I really think my life would be way less contented if we weren’t compatible in all of these ways, so I find it hard to understand how people have successful marriages when they diverge on such basic things. Because we are so compatible, I don’t often feel like I have to compromise on things I really care about.
Sounds a lot like us. I do not take for granted how compatible we are in big ways and in small things. It makes life a lot nicer.
We both like bar trivia and hate loud music at bars. We both like the same sport, but different teams. We both dislike seafood, Greek food, and Chinese food, which makes restaurant selection that much easier.
We both agree on the relative importance of family vs work and both have structured our lives accordingly and without pressuring the other. We are both okay being slobs when the season necessitates (eg, newborn time), but we bounce back to a good standard of cleanliness fairly quickly without argument. We both like a nice glass of wine but don’t order dessert in restaurants, so our meals wrap up at the same time.
I could go on!
Very similar but one of my favorite inconsequential things about my husband is that he also loves dessert, so it’s never a question of it but rather which when we go out. :)
Our marriage didn’t last, but unexpected areas of compatibility:
Preferring to eat dinner later in the evening (7 pm onwards)
Preferring to have a lot of fun, but stop before someone is worn out or cranky.
A preference for maintaining cars well and driving them into the ground.
We both like to get to the airport about the same amount of time before the flight. Very early for us, but I’ve got some friends who like to cut it close, and I am glad not to have that as a point of disagreement.
My partner isn’t a picky eater which is such a blessing, we get to enjoy good food together. He also has similar moral framework which is really comforting, and nice to be able to discuss things freely in a way I can’t with colleagues or friends. We have similar lifestyle preferences (hate of suburbs but okay with real city or true rural). Both utterly obsessed with animals.
We both changed our views on religion and politics at the same pace and same time, basically making a complete 180 from the ultra-conservative views we grew up under. If we had not been in sync on this I do not think our relationship would have survived the change.
I admire couples who can do this with something as monumental as religion. To be able to go through it together and come out the other side in alignment is a huge thing.
+1 huge respect
Neither of us believes that marriage diminishes the importance of our families of origin. We don’t view relationships in the hierarchical way I often see discussed here. I recognize though that it is easier for me to feel this way because both my family and my husband’s are pretty drama free.
Much of this comes down to luck, but we are both fortunate to come from supportive and loving families. Our mothers are always willing and happy to help with anything related to the children. While neither of them is wealthy, they are also not financially dependent on us. I would still want to be with my husband if that were not the case, but their support does make our daily lives significantly easier.
On the other hand, my husband and I are on the same page that our nuclear family comes first.
In my experience, the hierarchy comes into play when the family of origin forces it.
Trust me, when the family of origin pushes those buttons, you’re either going to rigidly enforce that hierarchy or you should get ready to hire a divorce attorney.
Same.
We both like antiques and traditional interiors. We came from 100% different backgrounds (and different countries) and have very similar taste.
We unexpectedly work really well together. We’ve worked in a family business for 15+ years that we’ve helped grown x10 over, and we work really really well together. We have completely different strengths and personalities, but shared common goals and ambition. Running/growing the family business hard AF sometimes (because businesses definitely are hard) but I’m so grateful that the one thing that really isn’t ever hard is our relationship. That is quite the opposite from what I’ve seen from other couples who try and work together (I’ve firsthand witnessed disasters of couples working together), so I definitely feel very lucky that we are somehow able to do it really effectively and in a way that feels good.
We like the same amount of solo and together time, and we like to talk (or not) about the same amount when we are together. And this is a big thing to both of us that we are similar on.
Neither of us wanted kids.
We are opposites in a way that works. He’s got ADHD but is extremely talented at a lot of things. I’m an organized “big vision” planner type person with no practical skills. We are a pretty unstoppable team. Our kids are a mix which has been really funny to see. My oldest is such an Organizer. My middle is a mad genius who may or may not remember to wear pants but always has a fun contribution. My youngest is the one everyone rallyie around. Like “y’all we need to celebrate Pi day. I’m thinking 3.14 kinds of pie. Also, let’s do theme weeks this summer. Can we have a make your own sunday bar for dinner? Let’s make a family tiktok where we are all wearing dog costumes and doing a dance to “Who let the dogs out?””
Your household sounds so fun! I bet all the kids’ friends want to be there.
My middle schooler’s friends do because we have a wall that works as a green screen and my husband has crazy video editing software!
among other things, we share a love for silly puns and wordplay, and bantering with each other.
Same general level of healthiness in eating. We go for a variety of whole foods , home cooked meals, vegetables, etc. and minimal junk food/fast food, but we definitely eat plenty of carbs and pretty frequent small treats. I dated a couple self proclaimed health nuts as well as someone who pretty much only ate takeout and junk and it was unpleasant either way.
I’m appreciating the more random and almost smaller things noted in this thread (in part because I assume comparability on major issues already occurs, at least in my relationships) but one of my favorite areas of alignment with my ex was that we both loved to host parties and events together and we really did it well. That’s the thing I miss most about being single right now! (Though I still host and enjoy it)!
What a fun question. We both work hard and keep complicated projects going for work and home. It’s been great to have a similar level of commitment. We both love being outdoors and have picked up joint outdoor activities.
Very minor, but we both hate corporate “forced fun” like I was telling him about an all-hands meeting at a former job where the very large crowd was bopping beach balls around the auditorium seating while Divorced Dad RockTM blasted and I was just so eyeroll miserable and he immediately chimed in with “YES! ugh I hate it!”. Soulmate.
Now don’t get me wrong, if you love it, have fun! But I hate it and it was very validating to have someone else admit it.
My husband and I seem like opposites but we are most in agreement in bed. And that is very important to a marriage that lasts. We are 25 years in and counting.
We both have zero shame in embracing a funny matching thematic outfit. It’s turned into one of the most fun parts of our family. Whiskey Event at the museum? Let’s go as prohibition era bootleggers. Middle schooler’s cross country meet? Matching traffic cone printed running kits to spectate and chase our 7th grader around the course. National donut day? Obviously the formal button down donut printed shirts at our business- professional office.
We were on the same page about not wanting a pet, then later on the same page about begrudgingly getting the pet our kids begged for, and now we are on the same page that our pet is the best and most adorable pet in the universe.
Haha I love this! I have an unexpected rescue dog and my husband and I feel the same way.
What does the group think about wedges for the office, specifically paired with dresses and skirts? I used to think that pumps, flats, or block heels were the only acceptable options and that wedges were too informal, but now I just want to be comfortable with a little lift. Thoughts?
Not too casual per se, obviously like all shoes, some wedges are dressier than others.
What sort of office are you working in?
I think they’re fine.
In your office, would they be the least formal option that any woman is wearing? If women sometimes wear fashion sneakers or Mary Janes, I think they would be fine.
I used to work in a fancy business casual office (suits weren’t expected, but close to that level of formality). Several of us had wedges that we wore a lot and that looked great! Just not espadrilles or something. As long as they look like dress shoes, they’re good for the office. I wouldn’t wear them to court, but I can’t imagine an office in a post-covid world where they wouldn’t be acceptable.
I think some are ugly, some are cute, and all indicate the wearer has at least a sliver of practicality in their personality.
I think sneakers are a better look tbh. I associate wedges with improperly dressed admins or older women who have a certain ‘aesthetic’
That’s not about appropriateness, though, just trends. Wedges are not inappropriate, they’re just not currently fashionable and read frumpy. A couple of decades ago, every trendy young professional woman was wearing wedges with a J Crew No 2 pencil skirt.
The admins are wearing wedges with ‘office shorts’.
The problem is not the wedges.
Since you said “a little lift,” I do prefer flats that have a slight hidden wedge to flats that are actually literally flat. I think they look more polished and feminine whether or not they’re on trend.
But I think they give a different impression from a big obvious casual looking wedge.
Unless your office is very formal, absolutely fine. I can’t imagine putting this style on a list of forbidden things to wear to work. I reserve that for crop tops.
I think they’re fine. Who remembers the Kate Spade wedges that were so ubiquitous around 2007? There were tons of them on Capitol Hill, in BigLaw offices, etc…I actually saved my pair out of total sentimentality because I happened to be wearing it the day I met my husband.
+1, I had the Kate Spades as well. Now I have a low black patent wedge that I like.
The Halle! I still have and wear mine occasionally.
I think wedges have always been totally fine and you were being weirdly restrictive before
Agreed. They go in and out of style but not appropriateness.
Absolutely appropriate but I do think the way the wedge itself looks matters – it’s best if it’s a solid color that matches the color of the shoe. A lighter brown or beige wedge heel with a darker leather will read a lot more weekend.
They’re fine. They’re not the most current, but no one is going to send you home to change because you wore wedges.
I also hear they’re coming back into style!
I could use some job application advice.
I worked for 15 years in job function A for a city agency. I recently left to do job function B at a state agency, taking a pay cut for much better work life balance. I’m very happy with job function B and everything about the job except the pay. This morning a friend sent me a job listing that just got posted for a city agency (not my old agency), doing job function B, paying significantly more than I am making now and that I made before.
I am definitely going to apply but I have no idea how to position this is my cover letter or interview. I have only been at job B for 4 months and am very happy here and very well regarded. The only reason to leave would be to make more money for doing extremely similar work. My current job knows that my position is underpaid and has tried to advocate for improved salaries but got told no by the state budget office. There is no chance they could increase the salary.
I would love any advice on how to position my application.
If you’re asking about your resume, list your jobs in reverse chronological order.
State Agency | Feb 2025 – present
Job Title B
– List out responsibilities, accomplishments, etc.
City Agency | Jan 2005 – Jan 2025
Job Title A
– List out responsibilities, accomplishments, etc.
I applied for a bunch of jobs last year and the meat of the information is in your resume. If cover letters are common in your industry, just do the usual spiel about how you’re excited to apply for this role and how you would be a good fit for it, etc.
You don’t need to say anything in your resume or cover letter or resume about the length of time at your current job or while you’re leaving. That’s stuff that would probably be addressed in an interview.
At the interview stage, I wouldn’t say you are leaving for more money. Do some research on the new agency and spin it for how you would leverage your existing skills to excel in the role – or how this new role is similar to your old one, but presents new challenges.
I’m interested to hear what others say. I think you can talk up your relevant experience in your resume and cover letter and emphasize what draws you to the new agency—not having to go into great detail, something that reflects how they see themselves, based on their reputation. In the interview, that’s when people ask about why you want to leave. I might say something about what attracts you to the role but also mention this would be “a great step for my career and salary growth” or something. I think people really do want to know your motivation because otherwise they wonder if something went wrong (personality clash? Bad fit?) at your current role.
I work in city government and I think have a pretty good idea of which city and state agencies pay (much) more and (much) less, it isn’t a secret. I wouldn’t blink an eye if I saw an application like yours come in.
I think you can approach this as you loved working for City but wanted to shift your work focus to job function B so you took a job with State, and now are excited about the possibility to return to working for the City but doing job function B.
We just moved to a new neighborhood (5 min away from our old house) and wondering if I should go say hi to the neighbors with a bottle of wine. In our old neighborhood, the houses were closer together so you couldn’t avoid seeing people and everyone came to say hi during the first few days. My husband abhors the idea of saying hi to strangers while the extrovert in me loves knowing my neighbors. Not sure what the etiquette is. Thoughts?
definitely yes to going to say hi, but I’m not sure I would bring wine (too hard to guess who drinks and who doesn’t etc…though also I would appreciate new neighbors coming by with wine, ha!). Also, how long ago did you move? when we moved in a few years ago, neighbors definitely came over to introduce themselves, but it took a few weeks (so don’t worry if you’ve just moved in!).
I always go say hi to the neighbors, but I don’t take gifts. A couple of our neighbors came by and dropped off simple food items, but that was a big exception. I like to know my neighbors because it makes life more pleasant, but also so it’s easier to talk if there’s any issue. One neighbor had a tree hanging over my fence that needed trimming because it was touching my house. It was a lot easier to talk to them about it since we had a passing familiarity with them. We all get each other’s packages if we’re out of town, roll in garbage cans, etc.
+1. I would definitely say hi. I do not think you need to bring wine.
Ideally, your neighbors would be the ones to come welcome you. But in my area (populated rural on a busy road), it’s literally just the boundary-line neighbors who ever talk with us, and none of ours are particularly outgoing. Part of this is just the reality that people who chose to live here did so largely because they value their solitude more than they do being part of a tight-knit community.
Maybe host a little backyard get together? My neighbors and I all get together a few times a year to chat about our houses and stuff. Helps were all very similar sociodemographically.
Definitely say hi to your neighbors, but don’t bring food or drink unless you know their preferences. I think it’s good to have some kind of relationship with your neighbors, especially in case of an emergency.
If you want to go say hi, do it! I don’t think you need to take wine.
Regardless of how it happens, you do need to know your neighbors, at least well enough to knock on their doors when something goes wrong like a lost pet, locked out, their tree falls in your yard, etc. You don’t have to be besties, but they should not be total strangers. It’s also good to get their number in case something happens to their house while it appears they’re away.
I live in a suburb of a large city. I would feel uncomfortable with someone I don’t know wanting my phone number. My neighbors and I say hi to each other and might chat if we see each other in the yard. But I would find it weird to have them request our number.
I got around this awkwardness by dropping off a welcome note with my number and email address on it with an invitation to give me a shout if they need any advice about the neighbourhood.
They messaged a hello and now we have each others’ numbers if need be. They also had the option to ignore it.
I guess I don’t think my phone number is the biggest secret ever. And I would LOVE it if someone texted me and said “hey, your house is on fire, we’ve called 911” vs. me coming home to a smoking ruin. I supposed my stance would change if said neighbor began using the number to harass me, but I feel like that’s unlikely. I too live in a suburb of a large city – perhaps I’m too trusting.
I think this is age related – those of us who grew up with family landlines and listed numbers are used to others having our phone numbers. In terms of cell numbers, many of those are also readily available online. I too would like my neighbors to be able to contact me, assuming they’re halfway decent people.
+1. I prefer that my neighbors’ have my number!
OMG, it’s a phone number not your SSN! This is such a weird take….
They’re also not a total stranger – they’re your neighbor and there are plenty of times that it’s very convenient to have a neighbor’s phone number…
We have lived next to our neighbors for 15 years and friendly-chat with them several days a week. Neither of us have each other’s numbers.
For surface level acquaintances like this I actually find connecting on instagram to be more common than sharing numbers.
I feel like Instagram is a much more personal means of contact than a phone number! They would be able to see all of your posts (and you theirs). I’m not on social media any more, but that’s more information than I would want most of my neighbors to have. A phone number is just giving them your number and nothing else.
Agree on Instagram being much more personal than a phone number!
That said while I’d be happy to share my number, none of my neighbors have it. We have a neighborhood FB group and I assume someone would post there if my house caught fire.
Agree.
My next door neighbors are fairly private and I never had their personal contact info. But then they went on vacation and had a drop-in pet sitter who apparently didn’t close a window she had opened, and their little dog got out and was running up and down the sidewalk.
I didn’t know how to get in touch with the pet sitter, didn’t have a key to my neighbor’s house, couldn’t reach the window, and didn’t know how to contact the owners. Plus the dog was snarling and unfriendly so I couldn’t take it in.
I ended up googling the husband, finding his business website and his cell phone number. I called him and woke him up in the middle of the night where they were (I didn’t know they were in another country) and even then, he took my number and said he’d have the pet sitter call me.
It would have been so much easier to text them if I’d had their contact info.
Fair! Although the majority of my IG activity (and that of my friends and of those I follow) is just DMing each other. None of us are posting anything with any regularity, maybe a child’s graduation or a wedding photo.
The number of times a neighbor has texted me that one of my kids left the car windows open right when a rainstorm started is worth any (nonexistent but you seem to think it exists) “security” issue around this. I cannot imagine thinking this is a risk.
I don’t know about a “risk,” but I found it stressful when one neighbor started texting at all hours and then started coming over and knocking on the door if no one texted back, even if it was late at night or a holiday. It’s not the end of the world, but I’d get to know people a little more before giving out a cellphone number.
Same, I find it bizarre that people don’t exchange numbers with their neighbors and I live in a major city.
Yes, say hi to the neighbors! But if you want to bring something, I’d do something inoffensive like cookies, not wine.
I live in wine country and am chuckling at the idea of wine being offensive. New neighbors always exchange bottles here.
I know a few people who don’t drink (for religious (Muslim), medical (interactions with medication) or personal (their own addiction issues or loved ones’ addictions) and none would take offense to being offered a bottle of wine… it’s not drugs!
Do you like and drink wine? Then bring it. Hopefully you’ll get a hint as to whether they like and drink wine. That way you don’t invite them over for happy hour and scandalize them.
My neighbors are from France and would probably not appreciate a bottle of wine. However they do love my cookies and at neighborhood BBQs they always ask to keep the leftovers.
Because the French are well known for disliking wine??
No they import cases and good wine from France and anything I give them would not be up to snuff
Someone brought me a poinsettia with a card with a christmas tree on it when we moved into our house. It was around the holiday season, but (a) We are Jewish. (b) we have two children (which the neighbor could know bc we had a swing set installed in the backyard which is visible from the street) and poinsettias are poisonous. It was still a nice thought, but yea, try to know your audience.
I’ve never known someone to avoid poinsettias because of kids, only cats.
Plus, if your kids are old enough for you to have a swing set then they’re definitely old enough to be trusted to not eat a plant!
+1, yessss. It would never occur to me that I shouldn’t give someone with children a poinsettia, because your kids should not be eating plants. However I would never give one to someone with a cat.
For real. We’re Jewish too and have never thought badly of people who gift us things at the holidays, including poinsettias.
I don’t think pointsettias are toxic to humans, but if they are put it on a shelf or table the kids can’t reach (and teach the kids to not eat plants!)
Yeah they’re not poisonous to humans.
Christmas trees and poinsettias are so ubiquitous at winter holidays that this story make it seem more like you are rather prickly, not like the person who gave them to you was intentionally offensive or obtuse.
Agree
They probably didn’t even know you were Jewish, but even if they did maybe they thought not offering a card or gift wss ruder than offering the “wrong” one. That’s what I’d decide if in that position!
…are poinsettias even poisonous to humans? I don’t think they are
According to poison control, they aren’t. OP is not only easily offended but is also ill-informed.
So no azaleas or oak trees either for you I guess, huh? :)
First 100% say hi and introduce yourself to the new neighbors! we moved into our home in 2020, so obviously I didn’t go up to anyone’s door and introduce myself, and so it’s taken years to only kind of know the neighbors.
I agree that wine is going to be a wild card as to whether it’s truly appreciated. Like I think it’s wayyyy more likely that cookies would be more widely appreciated. Sure you might run into a sugar free person or a diabetic but sugar is just less of a loaded thing than alcohol for some people.
A little sample of adults I know:
Me: I pretend to like wine to myself because I think I should…but I actually don’t like most of it.
DH: barely drinks, doesn’t like wine, would wonder why you brought it
My parents – don’t drink, they’re Mormon. I think they probably would very kindly not accept it
My in-laws – do drink, but don’t drink wine. would probably accept it anyway but not drink it, and it would sit on a shelf until eventually they pawned it off on someone (probably their daughter or DIL (me)) or donated it to use in a raffle basket
My best friend – sober curious and hasn’t had alcohol in 1.5 years. doesn’t have a problem but decided she didn’t like alcohol. probably would accept it nicely but not do anything with it.
My uncle – recovering alcoholic for many years; I doubt he’d accept it and you may be in for an awkward moment when he kindly tries to not accept it but has to reveal something kind of private about himself that he wouldn’t normally tell a new acquaintance.
So not a dealbreaker, I just think you can be more friendly with something innocuous like bakery cookies…or just a “hi! I’m xx!”.
Oh and keep it short…this is probably obvious. but after a new neighbor cornered DH and he couldn’t get out of the conversation for over 2 hours while standing in our driveway, and then continuously tried to corner us for multiple other conversations while we were leaving our house….we obviously avoid him. However you are probably a normal person. :D
I think this really depends on where you live. In the Midwest I agree cookies will have wider appeal than wine. In California it’s definitely the opposite though.
You should. You don’t have to, but it’s really nice.
Your husband needs to grow a pair. Existing in society requires being nice to strangers!
THIS!
Ditto exchanging phone numbers
Maybe?
Some strangers have no boundaries. It can be really nice to “not know” the problem neighbor.
Being nice doesn’t mean you have to be extroverted.
You don’t have to hang out with these people but you should introduce yourselves! This is that makes a society
You do have to talk to people ffs.
I’ve been there for neighbors I never previously talked to, and neighbors have looked out for me that I never previously talked to.
I do try to avoid neighborhoods full of clubbish yuppies who only look out for people they’ve talked to before though.
You really don’t. The introverted husband could stay completely silent and go about his business and just be a mysterious, quiet neighbor while the wife chats up everyone. That doesn’t make him unkind. It just makes you judgmental for calling him names and telling him to grow a pair.
When we first moved in we had great neighbors who welcomed us and some who became dear friends. With the next generation of homeowners it’s been really hard. No one interacts IRL and everyone cheerily ignores the town regulations: installing not to code and dangerous charging stations, illegal short term rentals, ignoring COVID restrictions during the shutdowns, etc. It’s like the next generation of homeowners was raised by wolves. We’ll be aging in place and I dearly hope the next generation is less feral.
Etiquette is that they should come to you, but if that’s not happening then definitely reach out!
I’m in the minority that I think a bottle of wine is a lovely (but certainly not required) gesture!
You don’t have to be BFFs with your neighbors (but it’s awesome if you do make friends with your neighbors!), but a nice neighborly relationship and sense of community is lovely. It’s worth its weight in gold to have that relationship (someone to notice something suspicious, someone who can let your dog out in an emergency, etc) let alone a slightly more friendly vibe (having an occasional front porch beer together)
I’d definitely go say hi, though I might swap out store-bought cookies or a small bouquet for wine. At the start of COVID, I actually left an index card with our full names and numbers on our neighbor’s doorsteps and now we text one another periodically about stuff. It’s very nice. I wish I knew I few more of our neighbors but we wave hello and chat with the ones that we see.
Maybe a fun question: what are your favorite types (or brands) for cheese?
For inexpensive cheese, Trader Joe’s.
For fancy cheese, Humboldt Fog.
Jasper Hill Cellars. Their Harbison is probably my favorite. Rush Creek is also great.
Harbison is my favorite too! My kids like midnight moon but I forgot who makes it.
tom colicchio’s favorite, so i had to try it. it’s good.
Aldis has a cheddar Gruyère that is amazing.
I looove a super sharp cheddar from our local cheese monger. No idea the maker, I think it is from…France, maybe? I just know I spend way too much on it and get stabby if anyone else in my household finishes the last sliver.
Costco has a lovely Cabernet cheddar.
I really like the Kirkland coastal cheddar at Costco (I like cheddar with a lot of crystals). I like the widely available Treasure Cave blue cheese; to me it seems like a crowd pleaser blue cheese that still isn’t disappointing to someone who is more adventurous. The 1000 day aged gouda at Aldi (again, I like crystals). I go on and off camembert, but when it’s something I’m craving, I get it at TJ (or one of their richer bries, if that’s what I’m in the mood for).
Lemon ricotta cheese- it’s basically lemon cheesecake without the crust and it is delicious
California pepper jack. I am not fussy about the brand.
inexpensive – TJ’s Unexpected Cheddar
expensive – perfectly veined Stilton from a cheese shop
I’ve never met a Brie that wasn’t delicious.
Kerrygold Dubliner.
Château de Bourgogne. I normally buy it at the local cheese shop, but found it at a grocery store in Montreal and was so excited I brought home individual rounds.
How has nobody said Tillamook yet??
I always look for triple cream Brie
I also like stronger cheeses like extra sharp cheddar or goat cheese or feta from my Weight Watchers days because a little goes a long way, especially in an omelet or sandwich!
Vacche Rosse parmigiano cheese and Stilton…mmm, so good
Blue cheese, especially Roquefort, Stilton and Scandi blues. Prefer Roquefort to Gorgonzola.
Sharp, mature Cheddar, crumbly Chevre, French red, Pecorino and Feta. Prefer full fat Brie to Camembert. Port Salut, Norwegian brown cheese, Mozzarella, Parmegiano, Burata, Leicester…
Who am I kidding – I like almost all real cheese! I have been unlucky with Manchego compared to Pecorino, so don’t usually choose that one. There’s a few extremely mature crumbly ones with an ammonia pang that I maybe don’t go for second helpings of, but even the runniest, stinkiest French ones are fine with me!
Seeking advice? Venting? I don’t know… I’ve got a really strange message when trying to book an aesthetician appointment at a place I visit a few times per year. It basically says “please contact us. At your last appointment you were reported for racially insensitive language.”
This is *wild* because I generally consider myself anti-racist and don’t really speak much at my appointments anyway. I’m toward the woke end of the spectrum so would know better than to use most terms that are problematic while still in common use.
I emailed the business to ask what happened, and they’ve put me off twice in two weeks saying that the owner is out of office (but keep saying she’ll return in a couple days).
Any theories or advice?
I wonder if the aesthetician just didn’t like you or wasn’t happy with your tip and this is a way to not deal with you again and exert a little power.
That’s so crazy. I’d assume it was a mixup and they’re confusing you with someone else? But yeah finding a new salon is probably the answer here.
A mixup was my initial theory too, but it feels odd they haven’t gotten back to me.
But yeah, even if they come back and confirm it was a mixup, I can’t imagine being comfortable ever going back! It’s just extra annoying because they’re the best option nearby.
It’s very strange to me that they asked to be contacted and then never got back to you.
It’s hard for me to imagine what the purpose of all this even is!
I would just find a new place. Agree with the other poster that this is probably dissatisfaction with your tip. Or maybe you smell. But I wouldn’t chase after this.
+1. Find a new place.
That’s a wild overreaction to dissatisfaction with a tip!
I would reply with a horrified apology that I upset someone, say I have no idea what I said but it doesn’t matter, I’m still sorry, etc., and then find a new aesthetician. I would do this even if I felt confident I had not said anything inappropriate. As I think through all the possible explanations (i.e. I maybe said something mildly off by accident, the provider has confused me for someone else, etc. etc.) none of them would make me want to continue seeing the same provider, whether out of shame that I insulted them or frustration that they accidently reported me. I guess that is kind of shitty because they’re losing out on my business and money as a result, but I feel like you tried to salvage it and they aren’t interested.
I guess I might add that perhaps you are getting the run around because you asked them in your email to tell you what happened. You may have gotten a better response if you had asked that question on the phone. But that’s just speculation.
I would NOT apologize in this scenario. Based on the info the OP provided, I doubt they said something problematic. This is a mix-up, it’s on the business to apologize, and OP should find somewhere else to go.
OP is getting the run around because the business is trying to establish what happened and is probably finding that they aren’t on solid ground with their initial complaint to OP or the language referenced is not actually problematic.
I would not apologize or drop it either. I would be horrified if anyone suggested I use racially insensitive language (and I certainly would not attribute it to a bad tip, what a weird take). That’s something I would want to understand further, regardless of whether I return to the salon. I would not want anyone to think that they could make such an assertion about me and I would just accept it-that’s basically agreeing that you did use poor language!
Yeah, I can see your point. I think I would want to apologize though because (giving them the benefit of the doubt as to the background facts) someone has been hurt in this situation. It’s really not much trouble for me to say something kind, and it might really change the end result of the situation for the person who was hurt. I know that I have a few instances through my life where someone has said something rude to me, and I remember them very vividly, like they are core memories. On the off chance I can change how someone remembers this situation, I’d like to do that. But I’m with you that there’s a lot of nuance and unknown to this situation, including whether the OP is confident she didn’t say anything. OP, feel free to correct me, but I read your initial post as though you’re not 100% sure you didn’t say something that offended someone, but that you think it’s highly unlikely. Quite frankly, I’d find myself in that position as well – that’s not me as a person, but have I accidently made a joke that didn’t land well before? Totally.
Yes, you’re reading me right. While I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything offensive, I feel like there’s some remote possibility of something I just don’t know not to say. Like, there was a time where a fairly non-racist person wouldn’t have known to say Inuit instead of Eskimo.
Agree; this seems so bizarre and I would not apologize without at least an explanation. I assume their system has a poorly placed checkbox or toggle in the client’s profile, otherwise how would this even get raised when they next go to book?
Yeah how much do you speak at these appointments anyway? Even if you did accidentally use a wrong term this would not be the way to handle it. I would probably really annoy the owner about this but that’s not the right approach. Find another place sadly.
I would honestly be so relieved to find out it’s because I smell or am annoying in some other way. The idea that I’ve unknowingly said something terribly offensive is much more upsetting than most other possibilities. I’m also concerned that this is noted next to my name in their system – what if someone I know starts working there or they have a data breach?
What if an elephant eats your nose? Come on don’t be silly.
I’d just find a new place and wouldn’t give it much more thought.
Ignore and don’t contact. Don’t return to this place again. The idea that you would contact them for being reported (to whom?) is crazy. What on earth would they want to have happen here?
Find a new place! This one doesn’t like you
I have run into an issue where I would make an inappropriate joke (let’s say asking my husband to help me with something because little lady-me can’t wrap my little lady-brain around it). In private when we all know that this is obviously BS, we can find comments like that funny. I once reposted a similar joke in a work context and upset some folks. It reminded me that this humor only works when you can take for granted that we all share the same values.
If this is a place you have visited for many years and where you have a relationship with the owner or manager, I might go in and talk to them to see if there has been a misunderstanding. Did they overhear you say something completely unrelated and thought it was a slur? Is there a language barrier? Did you legitimately use a term that you didn’t realize was offensive?
Otherwise, I would just chalk this up to them being weird, move on and find a new provider.
Thanks all for the steadying responses. I tend to want to fix things, so the encouragement just to move on is a helpful reminder that doing nothing is a valid option.
Yes, just move on! They are being weird and there is nothing good that can come of trying to “clear your name.” They clearly don’t want you back for whatever reason, so take your money elsewhere and good riddance to them.
That is nuts. If a client actually did say something racist, I can’t imagine a rational service provider ever openly citing that as the reason to refuse to see them. If you actually were a racist, do they really think that calling you out would change your ways? If they didn’t want to see you anymore because they thought you were a racist, they would just give you some sort of vague runaround or tell you that they were over capacity and needed to drop some clients. It seems like they are spoiling for a fight for some reason. Don’t take the bait.
I could see their side though. If they have the occasional client making inappropriate remarks, maybe they are trying to find a way to support their staff better than a) just letting it happen or b) surreptitiously dropping the client and pretending it’s all normal. Not saying this is the right way to handle it, but I could see an attempt to support their staff here.
The way to handle it would be to gracefully drop the client while expressing support for the staff member. Telling a client she was “reported” for racist language is what’s super weird.
This is a super weird take.
Maybe another client got annoyed with you for some unrelated reason and reported you falsely.
I would send a horrified apology, then find another salon. Putting you off repeatedly suggests they don’t know how to run a business, and it’s better not to get too involved. I’d also keep copies of the communications you’ve sent, just in case.
I suggest not apologizing when you do not know the details. You don’t even know if you’ve actually hurt anyone’s feelings. If it is a case of a mistaken identity, you are owed the apology.
Racist language is a big, serious charge. Do not accept the responsibility for it with no details.
In a situation where you have the details and you were in the wrong, of course a heartfelt apology is appropriate.
Yup
Another neighbor Q. I got a text from my kid’s friend’s mom telling us that her friend with a similar age kid (+ one older kid) is moving onto our block. Of course I want to welcome this family but not really sure what’s appropriate – should we invite them over for dinner and a kid hangout? We don’t know our neighbors so unfortunately can’t introduce them to anyone else.
I’d probably start by dropping by with some cookies and a note with your phone number on it. Low burden on them with the intended result of letting them know they have a “infriend” in the neighborhood.
+1. If you have an easy set up for hosting, I also think you could invite your mutual friend’s family and the new neighbor’s family over for a casual dinner or backyard hang.
We have each other’s contact info, the mutual friend put us on a group text.
How old are the kids? Assuming they are little and would not find forced interaction weird, then I vote for dropping by (alone) once they are settled with a little welcome gift (brownies, flowers, a plant, wine, a gift basket of kid stuff- whatever is appropriate in your area), introduce yourself as a friend of X, and get the new neighbor’s contact info. Assuming good vibes, invite the family over for a casual get together (dinner is nice but might be a lot? Depends on the kids and their ages.) Have a lot of activities for the kids since they won’t know eachother.
If the kids are young, just invite same-age kid + mom over for a playdate.
just to say, my 11 year old daughter would kill me if I invited a random 11 year old over. :)
Kids are 8 so getting to be old enough for play dates with randos to be a bit awkward but they know and like each other through the mutual friends.
You’re overthinking this! Just invite them over and see if you click.
Why do I feel competent and confident in my work and general decision making in my career, but second guess and overthink almost everything in my personal life?
Oh I was just talking to my therapist about exactly this. I think I was conditioned growing up to doubt my opinions about style, interacting with other people etc. Whereas my career was more self made so I didn’t have that influence, and I just know I’m great at it.
Interesting! This rings true for me, too.
That’s my life. Anything that my crazy family didn’t get their fingers into, I’m confident AF.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry but this is exactly it.
Whenever I start telling anyone, from a therapist to a friend about my family their jaws literally drop. Just wild and unhinged and completely illogical.
I don’t have a sister named Sara…!!
Because work is transactional and you may have earned a certain degree of power and influence that is more quantifiable? Whereas your personal life may involve more factors out of your control?
Ha, I am the opposite! I don’t know why I am the way I am either, but I think hey, some degree of anxiety and self doubt have to land somewhere or you’re a psychopath.
We don’t really have a lot of role models of how to be a modern women, but there’s a lot of existing socialization around how to be a woman in society and in personal relationships. Women should be kind and nurturing. But also be strong and stand up for ourselves. Yet they’re still coming up with gendered slurs to describe assertive women. Like how Karen has come to mean any woman who raises any complaint. It’s a very confusing balance beam to walk and it’s even worse for WOC.
I didn’t internalize many ideas about how to be a working woman, aside from putting the team first. That’s its own challenge. But I think that’s why I brush off (usually gendered) criticism more easily in my professional life than my personal life.
How do I report an ad that is auto-playing sound?