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Coffee Break: Augusta Flats

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snakeskin flat

We all know to drool over The Fold's gorgeous, modern suits and almost sculptural tops like their best-selling Belleville top. But I had never spent much time looking at their shoes — but a reader recently noted that these Augusta flats were “some of the most comfortable ones I own,” and I took note.

The flats are $545, available in EU sizes 36-41. There are verrrrry lucky sizes remaining of a red suede version marked down to $295. The snakeskin version is part of their “mix and match” offer, where you can take up to 25% off if you buy 4 items. (If you buy 2 items you get 15% off; 3 items, 20%; 4 items, 25%.

Sales of note for 9/26/25

149 Comments

    1. I just love it. I wear a lot of navy/grey/white/black and often turn to my snakeskin flats for a touch of interest with my simple uniform.

      This flat is lovely, and seems to have a slightly tan/cream tint. The one I wear is more light grey, which is more my coloring. Rockport total motion – very comfortable and affordable. Often on sale and I bought several pairs on deep discount.

    2. Yeah, I have trouble with anything that looks or feels like it was once alive. Even fake snakeskin is too much for me. I can’t wear haircalf shoes or real fur either.

    3. I’m so curious as to why. Do you think your feet are going to become snakes? Like a reverse Medusa situation?

      1. Not the OP, but my aversion to snakes is so strong that I can’t hold a book if a snake is on the cover. So, wearing something that appears to be their skin on my feet, or carrying in a bag, etc, is a hard pass.

        3. I’m this way with spiders. I don’t like looking at or touching pictures of spiders. Those pest control trucks that drive around with pictures (or even statues on the roof) of black widow spiders are the absolute worst for me.

          1. The webs on bushes around Halloween that sometimes feature them will full on make my palms sweat and I will 100 percent cross the street.

      2. I just have an aversion to snakes. Not as bad as the anon above, but I just don’t like the look of snakeskin. I can do other animal prints, but not this.

        1. I’m the spider commenter above. I read that people tend to have either snakes or spider phobias depending on which tribe they descend from and what was most threatening to the tribe- it’s on our DNA. Source was an article in Scientific American.

          I would google it but I don’t want to look at all the pics of spiders in the search results! (I’m serious)

          1. That’s an interesting idea. I don’t have either snake or spider phobia and find both very beautiful, but there are no truly dangerous snake or spider species where I live, only one kind of small, venomous viper. I’m sure an Australian one would freak me out.

    4. This is too… reptilian for me. It looks like actual snake skin. I’m not a huge fan either way, but at least a snakeskin pattern in an unrealistic color, or the texture, is preferable.

      1. now you made me remember some ridiculous purple snakeskin heels that I had for prom! What a throwback!

    5. Snakeskin or croc is my preferred animal print or texture, and the only one that doesn’t make me feel like I’m wearing a costume.

  2. What’s the going rate for a cash wedding gift these days? For close friends/distant family, East Coast HCOL.

      3. For some people it’s not an affordability issue but a politeness issue. I’m curious too as I suspect it’s higher now than when I was in the marriage circuit.

        1. The people attending a wedding are called GUESTS. Yes, the focus of the day is on the couple, but the invited guests are giving THEM the favor of attendance. What’s impolite is expecting your guests to compensate you for the party that you are requesting they attend

          2. Yep, definitely the people who expect their guests to meet a certain dollar threshold are the ones “raised right”.

            It’s rude to give NO gift, but the size of the gift should not matter.

          3. No one says the couple expects it but there is an unspoken social grace aspect to what you give in these situations. I’d suggest getting familiar with these basic concepts.

    3. My husband has a cousin getting married in a major non-NY east coast city next month. I think we’re going to give $300 from our family of 2 adults and 1 kid. I know that’s probably not “enough” (I’ve seen $200 per person floated as a minimum, though maybe this doesn’t apply to kids?) but this is a lot for our budget and is more than I gave my besties when they got married. I know there’s been inflation since then (and we were mostly grad students and very early career when we got married) but it still feels weird to give more to an extended family member we’ve only seen a couple times in the last decade than we did to our best friends.

      1. That is plenty. I’m east coast and give $250-300 for only the very very closest people in our lives. $200 is more standard for us.

    4. OP here. Thanks for the replies and perspectives. This is for a cousin’s wedding as well. It’s a no kids wedding – a topic for
      another thread – and I would probably give more if my 2 kids were included? I got married 10+ year ago and most gave $200/couple.

      1. I don’t understand the hate for childfree weddings. Weddings go late, kids go to bed early. I want to be able to enjoy the wedding – stay late dancing and drinking, socializing with my family or friends rather than monitoring my kids.

        Plus weddings are expensive and if I’d included my cousins’ kids that be 20 more people at my wedding! We already had to make really tough cuts among other family and friends – cutting another 20 would have been nearly impossible. I know a few of my cousins’ kids well but most I see once a year at best…

        I think kids are a part of life and should be in most places and settings (though this requires parents to be hands on in parenting in these situations, knowing you may need to step out or leave…), but not every situation is family friendly and it’s okay to have adult only activities. A wedding that goes til 11pm and will be boring to kids isnt a kid event and that’s fine!

        1. I am totally fine with people having child free weddings. I am not buying you a present if you did not invite our full family, but I will wish you well when I decline the invite.

          2. This is very weird. All of my friends with kids understand the difference between a family event and adults only and happily go to both.

          3. I do make sure my social plans can include my kids, actually, but I actually really like spending time with my kids, which doesn’t seem to be the prevailing experience these days! My kids are still quite young; I’m sure I’ll feel differently when they’re in middle school and want nothing to do with me.

            Anyway, the point is that if you want to have a child free wedding, that’s totally fine! I’m just not attending or sending you a gift.

        2. You can choose to have a childfree wedding, but your friends and relatives with children can also choose not to attend or only to send one-half of the couple.

          1. This is so foreign to me…

            I do stuff with my husband without our children a lot – why would a wedding not be one of those activities?

          2. I’d be so offended if my friend from college or my cousin doesn’t come to my wedding because their kid I hardly know who is too young to be at a wedding isn’t invited…

          3. Because (overnight) child care can be hard to find, especially if the family members who typically watch your kids are also invited! So maybe one parent has to stay home with the kids (or neither can come, if travel is involved).

            It’s totally fine to not want a random babysitter and choose to skip the wedding. No need to be offended.

          4. I cannot imagine getting offended because someone said “hey, in this context, taking all things into consideration, my child is more important to me than you are,” lol. How narcissistic.

        3. Yeah, I have kids who are old enough to really LOVE attending weddings and it’s so fun when we get to bring them to one, but I totally get why people have kid-free weddings. I don’t think it’s offensive or weird to say not all events are family friendly. We didn’t invite kids, although we had no friends or family members of our generation with kids so I don’t think anyone was upset.

        4. We had a child-free wedding and I would do it again exactly the same way. People were thanking us for not inviting their kids (DH’s family is typically a kids at wedding family with a lot of pressure to bring them…but my parents were paying!)

          We just went to my SIL’s wedding with all our kids (ages 1-10) and while the wedding weekend with family was fun, the actual reception was not at all fun for us and we totally saw why people preferred not to bring their kids to ours.

          But also no judgement for declining if we didn’t invite your kids! I’ve done that, too. This isn’t something to get bent out of shape about on either end.

      2. Children at weddings has to be regional, right?

        In the 90s and 00s growing up I went to some of my much-older first cousins’ weddings, but I wasn’t invited to all of them!

        My parents went to their friends’ weddings and of course my brother and I weren’t invited!

        Now my friends and I are getting married and I’ve never been to one thats invited non-immediate family of the bride and groom, and I’d say all but 2 weddings I’ve been to have been child free.

        For the two weddings I have been to with children: the nieces or nephews of the bride or groom have attended the short ceremony and part of cocktail hour before going home/to the hotel with a babysitter. By the time dinner was served, the kids were gone.

        Many of my friends with young nieces and nephews (who they’re quite close with!) did not have them at any part of the wedding.

        I’m in Philly fwiw

        1. Also on the east coast and most weddings I’ve been to have been child free. I think this is definitely regional

        2. Regional and cultural. Much more common to have kids there in certain immigrant cultures.

      1. You want me to buy plane tickets and a hotel room and all the other travel expenses and then pay $600 on top of that for the privilege of attending your wedding where I probably won’t even interact with you and will sit at a table with a bunch of your mom’s country club friends I don’t know watching them get hammered? No thank you.

        Where do people get all this money?

        1. I’d assume that rate was per adult (so $300-$400 for a couple attending even if their children are invited) but it’s not like you’re not allowed in if you can afford $100 + travel expenses. The OP asked for a typical gift amount in HCOL areas, which of course includes people who live in that area and don’t have significant travel expenses.

          1. I mean, a lot of people just budget for it. We’ve never made more than $250k combined, but we give gifts of this sort. I don’t think $150 per person is a required minimum if you can’t afford it, but lots of people do scale back on optional fun stuff during the wedding-heavy late 20s and early 30s to be able to afford the travel + gifts.

          2. Yeah, I’m single and make 95k in Philly and I go to 4-5 weddings a year (and have for the past 3 or 4 years and will for the foreseeable future). I give $150-$200 combined for wedding + shower gift (usually $50/shower, $100-$150/wedding).

            Usually I go on 1 bachlorette a year, which while not over the top trips or weekends, are still usually $1000.

            I also did this when I made 70k.

          4. And yet many don’t. Hence the variety in responses.

            So your take is that we should separate the classes?

          5. My take is stop hating on the people on a board for *successful* women who actually make bank.

          6. Not that $95K is rolling in cash, but you probably have more disposable income than a couple with several children making three times that. Even just the travel and clothes for 4-5 people to attend is going to cost a lot.

        3. Well, step 1 is that I only am invited to or attend weddings of people I like and love. So, I a) want to be there and b) won’t be stuck at a table with your mom’s country club friends…

          But, I grew up, went to college and grad school in, and have always lived in the mid-Atlantic. I’ve lived in three states, went to an Ivy, and have had a “big job” so it’s not like I’ve lived some super provincial life (as is sometimes assumed here when you mention you live close to home). Most of my friends from every stage of my life have done the same; I’d say probably 90% of my friends both currently live AND are originally from somewhere between NOVA and Boston. As a result, I rarely have to fly to weddings. I don’t always need a hotel (I have 5 weddings this year, 2 were out of town / required a hotel. For the 2 out of town weddings, I flew to one (but could have driven) and I took Amtrak to the other).

          I aim to keep my shower (if there is one/if I’m invited) + wedding gift in the $150-$200 range. If I had significant travel or other expenses, I give closer to $100.

          I have like 5 dresses I usually wear to weddings, plus my friends and I trade dresses all the time. I rarely get a new dress for a wedding (unless I just want to for fun). I wear the same shoes to all of my weddings. I always do my own nails. So, usually the cost of attendance for me at a wedding is truly just the gift + an Uber home.

        4. Okay clearly you don’t like this person, so don’t go and just send like a $100 gift. The end.

    7. $500-$700 total. DC

      If destination wedding, depends on time, cost involved, the vibe. No Friday nights, no mid-week NYE weddings involving flights and car rentals. No weddings where bride and groom only have friends they made in past two years living in Boulder in wedding party and wedding involves flights, car rentals.

      Often decline invites but gift from registry.

      Children at weddings—works well when ceremony, meal, reception, lodging, and a dedicated kids space with childcare, quiet movie and nap time, are all in one location. NOVA has some good all in one options and will refer childcare for reception.

  3. Years of WFH have wrecked me for adult business dressing. What is out there to start training my eyes? Everything is too athleisure or aggressively casual, to the point where I don’t look like an adult with a career anymore. Have some finance conferences and meetings coming up and none of my suits fit (which in my mind I made less stuffy with flats and blouses or elevated tees; probably doing that wrong also). Size 10 and short, which also isn’t shown (it’s either model thin or plus size model, who is still a model vs a lumpy adult).

    1. Big baggy pantsuits are supposedly trending, but those only look good on CJ Cregg. These days I am liking L’Agence blazers with non-matching pants; it is exceedingly hard to find well-cut dress pants that don’t look cheap. I am also getting a lot of mileage out of some MMLF dresses that are just a tad longer than the sheath dresses of a few years ago, paired with the newer boxy jardigan with a collar.

      I don’t know what the finance folks are doing, but in my field many women are wearing fashion sneakers. I look like a little kid playing dress-up in business formal with sneakers, so I still wear block-heel pumps.

    2. yes, i was looking online for a cocktail dress and i was like this looks gorgeous…on someone who is tall and has a flat stomach

    3. Like I cannot even meet with another adult IRL and look polished unless it is an athleisure event or caftan-adjacent. But meeting a board member or going to a house closing or meeting the dean of our local college, nada. Golf attire doesn’t work for me the way it always seems to suit dudes for their day. I used to be able to dress myself.

    4. I have started wearing cotton pants and an oversized shirt with a wide belt. Today I’m wearing my Sam’s club dress that was $16.

      Take a look at LK Bennett. Their jersey dresses have sleeves that come down to the elbow. They are my favorites. Not cheap but they are still going after 5-6 years. I machine wash on delicate.

    5. If you have the money, Veronica Beard is your answer. Most of their suits have cropped pants options and are favorites of my shorter friends.

    6. It’s just not that different from before the pandemic. Some cuts have changed but that’s always the case. You see flats over heels. I work in finance and still wear slacks, blouse and blazer with flats most of the time. Sometimes I’ll mix in a denim piece if I’m just internally facing that day.

    7. Lafayette 148 has petites and has a more forgiving cut than Theory, etc. Nothing cutesy, which is a welcome relief.

  4. it is the anniversary of the death of American-Israeli hostage Hersh Goldberg-Polin, his family has requested that people “do something during these 24 hours to make our complicated word a bit better. It can be something big or small, quiet or loud, private or public…May his memory be a revolution … for goodness.” So I invite you to put politics aside and join me in doing something in his memory.

  5. I need some help on how to go about finding an accounting and finance role that pays $250k base in NYC or north jersey.

    Im falling flat because roles coming up are $180-200k which doesn’t cover my expenses. My current role is $190k so I know this doesn’t cover my expenses and I’m not moving to make the same.

    I know it’s a tough market. All the typical ways (networking and recruiters) is not working. Recruiting season is coming up so I want to make the most of it.

    1. You’ll probably have an easier time adjusting your lifestyle so you can live on $190k. That’s a lot of money.

      1. Not in NYC! Good grief. I live in a small Midwest city and we make that and feel very well off, but NYC is a completely different ballgame.

        1. Even in NYC thats a lot of money and adjustments can be made to change your lifestyle to fot your budget…

        2. It’s still a very healthy salary in NYC. A $60k gap between the salaries OP is finding and her expectations seem to indicate that her expectations aren’t in line with what is out there. If $190k doesn’t cover your expenses and jobs aren’t offering enough to cover them, then it’s time to take a look at your budget.

        3. Thats higher than a big law starting salary. Big law famously pays a ton in exchange for your time and your life – aka it pays more than normal jobs and associates almost always take pay cuts when leaving big law.

          So yes, $250k is probably unreasonably high unless you’re very high up (in which case you’d be finding plenty of jobs paying 250k )

          1. Starting salary. Presumes you’re in your 20s and don’t have kids or mortgages yet. It’s not a lot of money for an adult.

          2. Big Law starts at $250k with bonus, so no OP’s $190k is not higher. Within 5 years of big law you’re making more like $400-450k. And yeah you’re not typically supporting a family or buying a house as a first year.

            I’m not saying $190 is poverty level in nyc. It’s definitely enough to live on, plenty of people do. But the comparison to big law is off base.

      2. I mean, that role at that salary may not exist for you. A $60k increase (unless you’re severely underpaid) is probably not in the cards.

        1. +1 – love the manifesting you’re doing but sometimes the answer is getting a side hustle or weekend job.

        1. If your rent is that high, you’re choosing to live in a more expensive place.

          If you have daycare expenses, then presumably there’s another parent – either you’re together and you have a dual income household (if not dual income, why daycare) OR you’re getting child support, no?

          If you have daycare expenses and don’t have a second income factoring in in one way or another then you are proving the point I’ve tried to make time and time again that you can have a “good” job and not afford to be a single mother by choice! Every time someone mentions wanting kids but being older and single here they’re told if they really want kids they can be a SMBY and when they say that’s really expensive I can’t afford that they’re told that they don’t want kids that badly then, because if they did then they’d make it work…

          2. I do not know any SMBC who did not carefully evaluate what sorts of childcare options they could afford. It’s not like there’s an oopsy baby happening. There’s time to plan, and as a group, they do.

          3. “Presumably there’s another parent.” What a weird thing to say:
            – maybe the other parent is dead
            – maybe they’re unemployed and refuse to care for the kid
            – maybe they work a minimum wage job
            – maybe they left and don’t pay child support

        2. If you’re spending that much on rent you need a smaller apartment or a roommate or something… Per the NYC “guidance” of needing an annual salary of 40x your monthly rent, you can spend $4750 on rent. That gets you a lot…

          Google tells me that the average student loan payment for undergrad degrees is $340 – funnily enough this is almost exactly my monthly payment. So, at $190k that’s barely a drop in the bucket.

          I presume anyone who paid for a graduate degree was wise enough to do so in a way that didn’t leave them with exorbitant student loan payments you are unable to pay back (you were not 18 and unaware of how this all worked when you signed on the dotted line). You either got the $$ graduate degree with the intention of having a job that could pay for it, or you should have explored alternate avenues. Only a handful of career paths *really* matter how and when and where you get your degree, and those career paths pay accordingly. Most people not pursuing a top MBA or JD or MD work while in graduate school. Or, if they go full time they’re in a funded program. Or they got scholarships. If you didn’t do that, that’s on you…

          1. Lady, stop googling. I have no student debt.

            If you don’t have suggestions please stop with the pearl clutching. It’s embarrassing. Men with my would be offering to help the guy, not sit there and tell him to settle for less. I have good experience. There aren’t many jobs right now.

            I can’t afford a career coach and I’m not sure of what other avenues are out there.

          2. If you’re OP and you can’t afford your life on $190k and don’t have student debt, something is up with your budget. Go ahead and post on the personal finance subreddit (which seems to skew male) and I’m pretty sure you’ll get similar responses.

          3. The market clearly doesn’t think people in your role are worth what you think you’re worth. And living off what you think you’re worth instead of what you’re actually making is not smart.

            Btw, that’s exactly what my husband would say to his friends. Men don’t hesitate to tell each other they’re being dumb when they’re being dumb. So dude: this is not a smart way to think about money.

          4. My god people here hate when people make money. 190 is rough to live on. OP, I’m not in your field but the best way I’ve seen is to aim for a higher level role than you have now. Might take longer but you basically need a promotion. I’d stop looking to lateral.

      2. Childcare, disabled children and an ex husband who refuses to pay for his half of expenses. My housing is very reasonable.

        Medical is $1500 a month premium and $2000 a month in copays and out of network providers. Childcare is about $2,190 per month during the school year and $7,150 per month during the 3 month summer break so averages out to $3,430. So post tax monthly income of $10,600 leaves me with $670 for food and everything else.

        I’ve taken him to court and the judge gave him time. Went back and the judge told me to accept a payment plan of $500 a month. When I said I can’t afford to accept that he said it’s what I am ordering. The ex husband has not paid the $500 in arrears. He pays about $1000 a month for half of one child’s monthly out of network therapist. Everything else remains unpaid.

        So please don’t sit there telling me how I need to budget. I feed my family on $400 a month. The easiest way out of this is to get a better paid job, like I had before.

        Also, as women we need to do better. Did you not know that quite a few CFOs are making $2-5m a year? It’s not unreasonable for a business unit finance leader to be making $400-500k a year. I made $650k a year in my previous role so I know it’s out there.

        1. It sounds like you don’t have good health insurance. A job with your same salary with good benefits would leave you with much more disposable income

          1. OP has kids with disabilities – often that’s autism or another developmental disability for which people often use unreimbursed therapies.

            Gofundme for the therapy?

            Evaluation of whether the therapy, e.g. ABA is worth the unreimbursed costs?

          2. The ABA is absolutely worth it. We are having weekly breakthroughs. I’m doing it with 2 children though so it’s killing me financially. It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t because the meltdowns were violent and I couldn’t keep childcare nor keep up with replacing drywall.

            We are on the right path with the right IEPs. I don’t qualify for anything because my income is too high. This year I can only claim one child on my taxes, next year two.

          3. Now is the time to reach out to your network – family, extended family, house of worship – for gofundme help for ABA if you don’t have any other alternative. I feel your pain but unless you have savings to tap you will have to make a choice.

            Note that a higher paying job might have higher demands on your time and you’ll find it harder to get after hours coverage for your disabled kids.

        4. Can you get SSI for your disabled kids? Just brainstorming about options. I feel your pain.

          But for the job search, you’re better off working with trusted recruiters than this board who doesn’t know your skills and experience.

          1. I’m definitely seeing that!

            There was me thinking of a conference or speaker series to get involved in. Oh well!

        5. I don’t understand how you dropped from $650 to $190 – I assume the 650 was an actual unicorn, not something you’d see on a regular basis.

        7. This is the poster who couldn’t qualify for Medicaid from the weekend and previous posts.

          1. No, different poster. She lives in my town and I know her through the special needs group for parents. Amazing lady who has it 10x worse than me. At least I have a good schedule where I’m paying 3/5 of childcare. I reached out to her in person when I saw her post.

            I did assume correctly that she had the same asshole judge as me. My ex husband is difficult. Hers is evil.

            Our district has strong special needs help so there are a lot of us. Please don’t assume that disabled children have defective parents. One thing that has struck me is that the parent group is full of very high achiever, high functioning parents. That’s how we have been able to advocate and build good support for our special needs children.

            PS – an income of $190k doesn’t qualify you for Medicaid in this state and the subsidy for the state marketplace plans are horrible because they don’t consider if you have disabled members of your household. NY state has income exempt Medicaid. I am helping her rent her place out and move to NYC as she will qualify for Medicaid immediately and the DV protection for her is much stronger. My kids are very ADD. Her kids are very autistic.

            Thank you for thinking of her.

          2. OMG, I had a feeling both of these were creative writing exercises and this “oh, I know her IRL” confirms it. These have to be fake.

          4. ABA is not just for autism. It’s for anyone who has behavioral issues.

            Please do not insult the other lady whose child is in a critical condition with ‘this is creative writing’. Be thankful it’s not you in that situation. She is struggling herself and your comment is mean and unnecessary.

            The divorce rate of families with special needs kids is about 80%. There are more than 4 families in the special needs group with a similar profile to mine but the needs of the children are very different and there is only one of those families where the parents are solely focused on the children. The others, including me, have one parent who is difficult. Her ex is terrifying. We have stayed in the district because we get the help our children need.

          5. She just said she couldn’t move, now you are helping her move to NY?

            Also, most insurers cover ABA: in fact that’s the business model for ABA because most families absolutely cannot pay out of pocket for ABA.

            Funny how OP jumped on “ABA with weekly breakthroughs” after another commenter hypothesized ABA. ABA doesn’t result in quick breakthroughs and in fact it doesn’t really work well.

          6. I won’t insult her by saying it’s creative writing. I’ll insult her by saying the creative writing isn’t very good.

          1. JFC have none of you experienced divorce or kids with high needs? Let this woman go get a higher paying job FFS. I cannot with the you should just stay on the struggle bus attitudes here.

          2. Not saying she should stay on the struggle bus, but something just doesn’t add up.

          3. FFs. I ran naked down 5th Avenue and painted myself in gold.

            WTF do you think I did with my money?!? Why is it a bad thing I require that my employment is profitable?

            I could stop my children’s treatment. I could go live my best life and send the kids to their father. I could also go out and get a job which pays my bills so I’m not beholden to their father and I’m not neglecting my children.

          4. There is clearly one poster who keeps making comments about “holding women back” over and over that keeps popping up in threads over the past weeks (and often replies to comments where it doesn’t really make sense: person A: you‘re going to need to take a look at your budget if jobs in your field aren’t offering enough to meet your needs. Obvious repeat commenter: why do you people always want to hold women back?)

            And seriously, someone who made $650k should have a decent savings cushion and would have an explanation as to why that lucrative line of work is no longer a possibility. This is so clearly fake.

        9. The easiest way out is a job with far better health insurance, which would save you $20k a year.

    4. Do you need to be in NYC or north NJ? Are you able to find similar roles that pay about the same or slightly less, in a much lower cost of living area? Charlotte, Chicago, cities like that.

      1. I can’t move. I have a relocation restriction to the school district which is one mile square.

        1. Have you looked for accounting roles in Commercial Real Estate? I’m work in the CRE space in NYC/NNJ and it pays extremely well. Many options in this area.

          1. Thank you for this. I have some MBS and TBA experience including valuation. I didn’t think of CRE but that is definitely something I could transition to. Thank you. Much appreciated.

        2. Get a really good family law attorney and see about ways to get your ex to allow you to move. If he’s hugely in arrears in child support, that can be leveraged (not necessarily in court) to help the situation.

          1. That’s the issue. It’s not child support. It’s child related expenses. My lawyer said to go back in a year, as the arrears will be much higher with a longer track record of not paying the full amount and more time of me not making the higher income.

          1. Come to NJ. There are plenty of them. Some such as Guttenberg are 0.19 square mile and have their own district. There are quite a few districts that are approx 1 square mile or there about.

          2. Seems plausible to me for a densely populated area? Ours in the Midwest is only about 3 square miles.

    5. You all are piling on a bit! Perhaps OP means “expenses” inclusive of her savings goals, not that she’s living hand to mouth at $190K. I agree that is objectively a lot of money even in NYC (I’m usually getting piled on for pointing out that people are rich when they claim they are “middle class”), but it’s okay to have a goal number in mind and try to find it

    6. If you look at jobs with the next title up from your current one, are you seeing the salaries you want? ie is the question really about how to get a promotion?

      I think if you’re seeing a 20k range (180k-200k) for your current job title and location pretty consistently, finding the unicorn that pays 250k doesn’t sound likely. My field has way more variation in pay for similar title/role/responsibility by company though, so that kind of consistency is a little odd

        1. The “I used to make 650 and now I need you guys to tell me how to make 250” is a bit eyebrow raising. I mean reach out to your professional network rather than a group of anonymous strangers.

      2. Yes I do see roles at the higher pay but there aren’t as many as there typically are and the competition is very high right now. I checked last night for CRE roles and found more. My skills translate into project management roles too and those roles pay in the $250-300k range. I know a few people in CRE through others and will network into that area. Lots of the CRE roles I saw last night had a base of $300-350k which is great.

        I’m getting interviews and get to final round in most cases. Just no job offer yet.

    7. Does your state offer a Katie Beckett waiver? My SIL was able to get therapy, etc. paid for her special needs son on a similar income. We’re in the SEUS. I think nephew had to qualify for at least two therapies a week to get it. He now is at a special needs school that is almost entirely paid for. (SIL started nephew at the public school, but the special needs program rotated between schools in the district each year, which did not meet their needs, even though it’s a “very good” public school.)

      Do you need a $250k base or $250k total comp? Most roles I see in that comp range have high bonuses– so total comp can be much higher than the base.

      1. Correct, that is how Performcare is paid for. I switched the children from their private providers to Performcare when I lost my job so I don’t pay for those services.

        They have ABA help available but there is a wait list and they told me it’s about a 2 year wait. Counseling is covered, the children have art therapy and they have a sport each. They will start swimming lessons next month.

        I am in the process of getting the highest level of help which will open up respite. They told me I should get 60 hours a month, which is $1,200 towards childcare. It helps but that’s 6-9 months away at a minimum. It doesn’t cover medication or care provided outside of their system under any circumstances.

        The ABA therapy is expensive because of the plan. I was able to have it considered as in network because there are a lack of providers in the area. Yes I need better coverage but I need more income too.

        Thank you for sharing this waiver. I didn’t know this is the name behind me not having to pay for the children’s care received through the state program.

      2. Apologies, $250k base plus bonus. Total comp I’d like to move to is $350-400k, which is one level down or a less profitable business unit compared to where I was.

        My current role is $190k plus bonus of $20k, prorated. It’s not a well paid role, but it’s better than unemployment.

  6. Vent- I received a few Williams-Sonoma cooking accessories as a gift and don’t need some of them. They were purchased in-store and mailed to me. My nearest W-S would be a two hour round trip drive. Upon inquiring with customer service, they “don’t do” gift returns by mail for in-store purchases as they are “different systems.” And the return policy is 30 days from date of purchase even with a gift receipt. So, guess it’s time to fire up eBay. What a PITA!

    1. In this situation I would offer them to a friend or donate them to a nonprofit that has a kitchen. Why create more work for yourself by selling them on eBay? Especially since you received them for free?

    2. Is there another reason to travel to the location where there is a store? Then you could just stop in as part of the visit.

      1. No. I should add the purchase was 3 weeks ago so I have a week left, and only driving plans are in the opposite direction. The inability to process merchandise in multiple ways is just dumbfounding to me. And bc W-S prices are bananas, my two desired returns total $110.

      2. +1. I’ve always lived in large cities, and don’t find a one hour drive to get somewhere ridiculous. Take an afternoon, ideally find some other things to visit in the area, and go return them in store. It will be way less work than ebay

  7. Missed the dog discussion this morning, but our high energy / PTSD-recovery rescue loves playing with cardboard and paper recyclables. We’ve actually started giving him a paper grocery bag to shred once in a while (or similar — the cardboard boxes 12-packs of soda come in are also good), which has two benefits: first, he thinks it’s fun to destroy something and it’s not too hard to clean up, and second, since we hand him the things specifically and essentially as a treat, he has been able to distinguish that he can’t just go into the recycling bin (or elsewhere) and take something for himself. Our trainer recommended this rechanneling the destruction approach rather than trying to dissuade him from destroying. We also have a bunch of Fluff & Tuff brand toys, which are pretty indestructible.

    1. Highly recommend this approach. Dogs are scavengers, they like to shred and wreck things, so there’s nothing wrong with providing safe opportunities to do that. My dog can have cardboard *that I give her* to shred, but she is not authorized to pick out cardboard herself to shred. My partner’s dog who was not taught this rule and who is generally a menace thinks he can pick out what he wants from the garbage can and it’s resulted in vet visits.

      1. My favorite part of Christmas is turning the dogs loose on the wrapping paper after presents are opened. It’s pure joy.

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