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Weekend Open Thread

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terry cloth polo dress

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Is it just me or do all of the terrycloth Caslon products in the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale have a verrrrry similar look to another well-known brand with terrycloth athleisure (also in the sale)?

I ordered the terrycloth Caslon button-up to give it a whirl (which comes in a lot of nice pale colors and looks like a pretty good dupe for this pretty brownish red one), and this polo dress keeps calling me name — it looks like the perfect thing for late summer/early fall.

The dress is $46 during the sale, but it'll go back to $70 once the sale ends; it's available in sizes XXS-XXL in navy and gray.

Sales of note for 8/21/25:

  • Ann Taylor – $20 sale types (select styles), 25% off tops and sweaters, and extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
  • Dermstore – 20% off the Anniversary Edit
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off late summer styles, plus extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 15% off $100+
  • M.M.LaFleur – Up to 70% off new markdowns – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
  • Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
  • Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
  • Spanx – End of summer sale
  • Talbots – 25% off your regular price purchase, also, end-of-season clearance
  • Tuckernuck – Sample sale, prices up to 70% off! (Including lots of this bestselling work dress marked to under $75)

156 Comments

  1. I got my IUD out yesterday and I can’t believe the relief. I’d gotten so used to having the slightest pelvic tightness and cramping at all times that I didn’t even realize it was causing it. It’s like having a splinter removed after 4 years.

    Anyway, for anyone who has an IUD and struggles with pain during gardening, this can be a cause! I am now learning how common this is for other women as well. It’s great for the women it works for, but I wish doctors acknowledged other women can experience real side effects.

    1. Good for you! (I swear at this point, I’ve heard enough horror stories about IUDs that I’m very grateful I never had one.)

    2. I felt the same way when I got the Paraguard out! The nurse was surprised I had even gotten it in the first place – it’s not for petite woman and was too large for my anatomy. I got the Kylena instead and it fit so much better.

    3. Because our society has lost the ability to do nuance, it feels like anytime you mention the downsides of popular BC you will be chased with pitchforks for being a misogynist. But there are significant symptoms/risk that deserve attention

  2. I am passionate about live music. Throughout my 30s I had a demanding job, and often worked until 9-10PM. Then I would go out. It was a lifeline that I could go out in my major city to hear live music for 1-4 hours.

    Now I’m over 40. All the good shows start at 9pm or later. This feels impossible to me – I went out last night, got home at 11PM, and I feel like a zombie. It could take me all weekend to recover from going to see a 2-hour show. Part of the problem is that I am not capable of sleeping in – I’m up by 6AM no matter when I went to sleep.

    Is this just life after 40? I am SO tired today but the worst part is thinking that I can’t enjoy good live music anymore, or frankly do much of anything that I love.

    Would love tips and tricks for surviving a late night of fun.

    1. My circle of 40s-60s friends see 1 or 2 weeknight shows each week and all do well but I think they all do have a lot of work flexibility and not unbreakable 6 am starts to their days.

    2. no tips but there’s a whole movement now for women-only clubbing venues that start early where you can go home by 10. i was never a club kid in my younger years but it sounds like such a fun evening with girlfriends.

    3. Many (most?) of us can’t sustain this with aging and strict work hours. Keeping a regular sleep schedule becomes more necessary as we get older.

      I go to earlier shows. I live near a big city, but even in my near ring suburb there are good music performances that start earlier in the evening and some even during the weekend afternoons.

      It is what it is.

      1. This is the answer. Even a nap after work (5 or 6pm) is fine if you’re planning to stay up late anyways

    5. I am also incapable of sleeping in. I’ve made peace with leaving early (e.g., no later than 1030). If there is an hour of driving/commuting and it is a show I really want to see, I will normally grab a hotel near the venue so I can just go to bed. Outdoor venues near residential areas are also a great solution to getting older – most of them have curfews and limits on how loud it gets.

    6. The struggle is real, which is why I see live shows only a few times a year. Preferably on weekends, though that’s not always possible.

    7. I am an over-40 musician who rehearses between two and four evenings a week during the season, performs every month or so, and goes to shows a couple of times a month. I can’t be out past 10 without sleeping in the next day, and it’s really difficult to go to or be in a big show on a weeknight without being a total zombie for the rest of the week even after sleeping in. You just have to prioritize the music and let other things slide. If you can afford a house cleaner so the recovery time doesn’t mean you get behind in the housework, it will make things a lot easier (I can’t).

    8. I’m early 30s and my entire next day is ruined if I stay up past midnight. I’m more impressed that you made it to your 40s before this became an issue. Are there any restaurants near you with live music? The band might start earlier than at a bar.

    9. This is not pertinent to your actual question, but it reminds me of something funny/annoying I came across recently – in Bend, OR there is a large amphitheater that hosts concerts right by the river, which runs through downtown and is enormously popular for recreation. Apparently during popular concerts, security says “no sitting on grass” in the adjacent public parks and even yells at kayakers who pause to take in the music as they pass downriver. So funny to me that they think they can privatize audio waves like that. Anyway, taking a post-dinner stroll along the river and listening to part of the concert on the way sounds like a good way to get to bed on time!

    10. I love live music too and always check out the set list before a show. If I don’t want to hear the last song or two, I leave early so I can go to sleep. Granted, I’m also a night owl so I don’t typically wake up at 6 am for any reason.

    11. I absolutely require naps to enjoy later evening events but I can fall asleep relatively easy. If you can’t, I suggest eye mask and a meditation tape. Even if the tape doesn’t help you sleep, it will give you needed rest. I miss the days when I could work, school and party with 6 or less hours of sleep.

    14. It really kills me that bands who are also my age (mid 40s) don’t have earlier shows. Everyone involved surely doesn’t want to stay out late. 90s/early 2000s nostalgia rock shows should be early!

  3. Updates post. If you’ve posted in the past, we’d love to hear how things worked out for you. Requests for specific posters also welcome in the comments. I think someone tried this last weekend but it got lost/deleted, so let’s try this again.

    1. I would love updates from:

      -Super Anon who caught her husband cheating a few years ago. I hope you are okay and safe.
      -The woman in the rough patch with her husband where he kept threatening divorce. I hope you are doing well as well.

    2. I would like an update from the woman whose husband suffered from persistent depression. She wrote that she missed having any other happy adults in the house and having a partner to tackle life’s problems “with vigor.” Did things get better?

    4. Did we get an update from the poster whose boyfriend wanted to move to India but he needed another 1-2 years before deciding whether he’s going to propose?

      2. Never has there been such a near-unanimous DTMFA consensus! I hope she is getting out of that relationship.

    5. I’ve posted on and off about being miserable as I did five rounds of IVF that all failed and now I’m pregnant with donor eggs and so happy

    6. I posted here about how to support a long-distance best friend who had a life-changing family tragedy occur (mass murder of family members). I am very early career in a high-intensity industry and asked for help about how to navigate that.

      Nearly unanimously, I was told to go and figure it out later. I did that and it worked out okay – obviously not great at work, but well enough, and it is clear in retrospect that that was the correct thing to do. The ~72 hours I was able to spend with my friend were a deeply sacred time, and an honor to get to walk alongside her. I am grateful for this board’s encouragement to go!

      Some commentators speculated that her family’s murder was caused by Israel via the war in Palestine, and that is correct.

      1. while I’m very sorry for your friend’s loss, “mass murder” is a mischaracterization

    7. I recently posted about my long distance bf. We broke up. I am very sad. It feels empty right now. A solid week each month was spent traveling to/being in his town, a solid week was him being in my City, and I did not realize how isolated I allowed myself to become – I have friends in my City but a lot of the rest of my month was cramming work in because I tried to prioritize time with him when we had it. So. My brain knows it was the right call. But right now. I feel lonely.

  4. I just ordered from JJill, Talbots, and am eyeing clothes at Chico’s – I’m only 48, lol. Why is it so hard to find clothes for people out of the miniskirt rufflepuff era but not yet in the unshaped, pastel-only grandma eras??

    (also, is Evereve just a fancy form of Chico’s?)

    1. I’m in my 30s and have clothes from those retailers. :) In fact, there’s a good chance I had some work basics from Talbot’s in my 20s. Like all retailers, I feel like you have to suss out the gems from the rest of the inventory. Sometimes there’s only 1–2 items I like! I’m also ordering more from Boden and Ann Taylor these days.

      1. I shopped at a lot of “older” brands in my thirties, and looked great! In my fourties, those same brands age me and look like I’m leaning into a Mother of the Bride look.

        TLDR: It’s the contrast that works, not the brand. :)

    2. IDK, but I just turned 45 and I’m suddenly feeling like some of my clothes either look too young for me or just don’t fit the same way they used to, even though my weight is steady. And it’s not like I was shopping at PacSun or American Eagle before, lol! Finding clothes at this stage is just awkward, I think.

    3. Idk if Evereve is a fancy form of Chico’s or not, but it’s so helpful to me for how to style things in an updated way and have found a lot of stuff there (I’m 41.)

    4. I’m a pretty trend-conscious 30 yr old and I think the selection and styling at Evereve is spot on!

      1. Seconded! I adore those silky midi skirts they have under their own brand name. 30 as well, but range between artsy/creative and clean profesh with my style.

    5. I’m in my 40s and don’t have a great sense about how to style things, even if I have the pieces, so the Evereve website is very helpful to me!

    6. I have shopped at Talbots since I was in my 20s. But I also buy a lot at J Crew. I think the challenge for me even in my 40s is that I don’t love cropped shirts. That has probably been the most challenging issue for the past 3 years.

      1. Agree! I bought a sweater from Nordstrom rack forever ago that looks like my JCrew lady cardigans but hits at regular length. I can’t tell you how many random compliments I’ve gotten when I wear it to appointments or lunches. So over cropped.

    7. I posted about this when I hit this chapter as well. If you tell us what shape you are, folks here can probably recommend some more current smaller brands.

      1. oh, good idea! i’m 14P which makes everything worse because there are so few brands doing petites. i can do regular for most tops but blazers can go either way, and for dresses and skirts definitely need petites.

        1. I’m sure you know this, but Talbots is one of the few places that carries petites in larger sizes.

        2. I am also 14P and have had good luck with WHBM for blazers and dresses. My arms are really short and I am short-waisted.

    8. It is so hard but those brands do accommodate my meno-belly. Ann Taylor, J Crew and Banana used to fit the bill for appropriate grown woman clothes but they have gotten so cheap now. I went to Bloomingdales at the mall recently and wanted to cry at all the cute clothes that my 25 year old body would have looked so good in but I didn’t have clothes money. Now I have clothes money but no clothes. Well, maybe not really because I would be buying Lafayette NY if I really had money. I am heading to my Talbots petite store soon to shop for vacation.

      1. Have you tried Dillard’s? They have petites from some good brands, as well as some house brand pieces. I know it’s a PIA to online order until you find a brand that works, but once you have some brands in mind, the effort will pay off.

      3. I’ve had success buying Lafayette 148 stuff on resale sites (TRR mostly) and there were significant markdowns (even for NWT stuff). And I feel you – I took my daughter to look at prom dresses and it was like going swimsuit shopping with a supermodel. Even the cheapest, most poorly-make stuff looked great on her because she’s a 17yo with a tiny waist.

    9. My mother told me to start transitioning to Chanel and St. John jackets with black pants and a fitted top in a plain color. She let me try on her jackets and I could see how it could work. I decided to go for a couple of jackets I found in Zara and jcrew with white jeans in summer and black jeans in winter.

      I’m not winning any fashion awards but it’s a wasteland for our age group.

    10. If it makes you feel any better, I have a college friend who is a Very Serious Higher Up in the fashion industry and apparently the Chico’s pants are pants that are consistently worn and recommended among those people.

    11. As a woman of a certain age, Chico’s pants were a revelation — they are made for less-youthful women’s bodies.

  5. Regarding the retirement savings question from this morning (GO YOU to that poster!) what is your magic number? What would you have to have in your IRA/401k type accounts before you’d say “eff it, I’m retiring”?

    I think I’m there but want to know what other people think.

    1. I mean, I’m mid-40s and no matter how much I get in there, I’m working until my mid-60s, barring a health issue that forces me to quit. I’ve gotta work until I can pull it out without additional taxes and I have (at least hopefully) the potential for health insurance of some kind. I’m just socking away as much as I possibly can until then.

      1. Also mid-40s. DH and I have been saving diligently and are on track to hit our number around 55 if we change nothing. That said, I expect the health insurance piece will keep us around longer.

        1. The rate at which insurance prices are rising is breathtaking. I am contemplating early retirement. My ACA BCBS plan is costing me over $1400 per month including dental just for me and I am in my 50s. It could easily be double that in 10 years as I approach Medicare age. My state is very expensive for ACA plans, and the networks change every year.

          Health insurance is the only thing making me contemplate going back to work.

          1. this is so true – we basically have catastrophic only insurance thru the ACA because we wanted to get an HSA, our family deductible is $14k (individuals, $7k).

          2. Different anon, but I don’t, because it’s not that relevant to early retirement. I assume it will still be around when I’m eventually eligible, though probably scaled back a bit (I’m 45) but if I’m thinking of retiring in my 50s, health insurance costs are way more important. Mostly I think of it as a bonus that reduces the odds of outliving my savings if things go really wrong, but not what would determine when I retire, which will be based on the rest of my savings and expenses, plus life and job circumstances.

          3. Fun fact: not only do I expect that pot to be drained by the time I retire, but I also cannot benefit from the tens of thousands of dollars that I have already paid in, unless I manage to obtain a green card first.

          4. I have to say that they have been predicting social security would not be there when I was a child, and that was 50 years ago. So honestly, chances are good it will survive. They will just continue to tweak it. Like push the age of full SS payments older, tax it again etc..

          5. To the last poster at 10:21: what do you mean tax it again? Hopefully you have not bought DT’s lie that he got rid of the tax on social security. I have actually read the bill and social security is still taxed at the federal level.

          6. Under current law, social security isn’t fully taxed. It depends on your income, but even the wealthiest people only pay taxes on 85% of it. The new law doesn’t change that, just changes the deduction so that most seniors will have low enough incomes that they won’t be taxed (this is already true, it will just increase the amount untaxed for a few years).

    2. Objectively we are doing great – we have roughly $3.5M in investments of which $1.5M of that is 401(k)s, plus a ~650K home. But we come from families with long life expectancies and don’t envision an inexpensive retirement (we LOVE traveling, dining, etc.) so $10M is probably where we’d feel comfortable. Would need to hit probably a $25M lottery today to feel like I really had “FU” money and quit!

    3. I’m 36 and would feel comfortable retiring now if I get bored because we have $1.9m in investments. A lot of it is just in a brokerage rather than tied up in retirement accounts. But I would rather keep working and keep loading it up for now while I’m young and healthy.

    4. I don’t have a clear number in mind, but one thing I will say is that I think it’s pointless to work your fingers to the bone to make sure you can pay for private long-term care for dementia (I remember some poster here was trying to save a few mil for that). It’s too hard to do that, too much of your life wasted. Have retirement savings and be sensible, but just go on Medicaid if it turns out you’ve run out of money and you need LTC. Yes, I’m taking Trump’s Medicaid demolition into account when I say that. Travel more, spend more now, be with your family. It’s worth more.

      1. yes, also remembering any if us could be hit by a car or get diagnosed with cancer tomorrow. In my family, there hasn’t been much retirement so far. Bad luck happens. Live today.

      2. As someone with a hereditary issue that means I might decide these are appealing, I am also mindful that DWD laws are increasing, not decreasing, at the moment.

          1. Oh god, me neither. My plan is to save enough to give flexibility, because I don’t know what treatments will look like in 30 years. But I think it’s important to keep it in mind as part of the wide array of options you may wish to choose at EOL.

    5. We calculate that we need $4 million in investments at age 47 to cover me and partner for life.

      1. interesting phrasing – so what doesn’t count in the $4m number? real estate? retirement accounts?

        we have a bit more than that (5-5.5 depending on the market) but that includes our primary home, and i think almost 3 of that is tied up in retirement accounts.

        1. Other than social security, only investments count, so just 401ks, IRAs, HSAs, and brokerage accounts. Taxes will have to be paid on the 401ks at some point, but we don’t discount that in calculating the $4 million. Instead, that was part of the estimated taxes included in annual expenses that were used to figure out the $4 million in the first place.

          We do count 80% of current social security benefits values (which for us, including the discount, comes to an estimated lifetime value of $375,000). The people above who assume that it will be zero when they retire are making a mistake. Yes, there is a risk of that, but there is also a much greater risk that you’ll work too long out of fear that social security wont be there rather than just retiring. Discounting the estimated value rather than writing off entirely is the better course. Social security counts toward the $4 million.

          Primary residence doesn’t count. Vehicles, jewelry, etc. don’t count. We don’t have real estate investments and don’t plan to have them, so those are not included either. Basically, anything that we can’t or won’t turn into cash to buy other things doesn’t count. If you really want to get technical, we can/will sell our primary residence near end of life for a nursing home, but that is so far in the future and so uncertain, it’s not worth worrying about.

    6. No direct plans to retire, but I already scaled back due to a chronic illness and we moved from a VVHCOL area to a MCOL area near family so we could afford a house and keep saving, while taking the chance that our jobs might no longer be remote at some point. If that happens, we’d consider retiring rather than looking for new ones, depending on the local job market and if we have enough savings and health insurance is doable. We currently have $1.5 million in investments and annual expenses of around $80k, so we’re 75% of the way to 25x. My husband will be eligible for retiree health insurance in 5 years, though we’d have to pay close to full price (we already pay $800/mo for a HDHP, but that would still add a fair amount to our expenses at current rates, hard to predict what will happen in the future or how the ACA will compare). We have fairly specific jobs and have already done a lot of moving in our lives, so at this point we’d rather live more modestly in a place we enjoy than do another move.

    7. In my early 40s now and expect to have $3M in retirement accounts (both pre and post tax) by 55 at which point I plan to retire and spend up to 4% of that yearly. I already downshifted my career from an intense, highly-comped path through my late 30s to a moderately-comped, low stress position, otherwise I would be there earlier, but my QOL is so much better for it. I loosely follow the FIRE community and that’s how I picked $3M – I took anticipated yearly expenses of $120k and multiplied by 25. I don’t currently spend $120k per year but I expect some expenses like health insurance and travel will increase in retirement and as a single person without any safety nets, I want to be cautious.

    8. I don’t have a specific number. My hope is that I can retire at 55, although I probably wouldn’t fully retire and would try to ramp up my side gig which would provide some income (though probably much less than my current job, at least for a while). This is all made easier by the fact that my husband loves his job and plans to work until at least 70, health permitting, and I would be eligible for reasonably priced retiree health insurance through my employer after 55.

    9. My magic number would be $7-10 million in today’s dollars. Excluding house.
      3% withdrawal rate = $200-300k pre tax. Even then I might keep working but more picky about what.
      I assume $0 in SS and $0 inheritance. And might need to support family long term.

    10. DH and I are early 49s. We are hoping to retire when our youngest graduates college. We’d be late 50s. We have 6x our annual income saved at this point so depending on the market and college we are pretty on track.

      That said, “retire” may mean I continue consulting to keep me busy while DH just does hobbies. TBD!

    11. I do not know but need to take a hard look at figuring it out. I paid off all my debt in 2023 and have spent too much the last 18 months having fun – no real regrets, but I am 36 with maybe $40k cash/HYS and $150k in my 401k. I feel rich right now but know I could save a lot more each year if I redirect those former loan payments from fun to savings!

    12. For those who want to play around with different numbers or see what works for them, try out firecalc.com You don’t have to really be a FIRE person and there’s a simple version, plus way complex additions.

  6. Help me out here: how do I figure out how much insurance I need? I feel like I need someone to tell me smart things not just me going “hmm if I hit a Tesla it would be expensive so…maybe more?” And “gosh I dunno how much my house stuff would cost to replace!” Or tell me if I need like, umbrella insurance? But I feel like if I go to the random places I have insurance through they can’t tell me and/or only have incentive to say “yes, more is good”?

    1. Umbrella insurance is cheap. I see no reason not to get it, especially if you drive a lot or do other things where your risk interacts with other people.

    2. It’s not about the value of the car you hit, it’s the value of the assets you want to protect. Do you own a home? Have money in non-retirement accounts? A personal interest in a business? You absolutely need umbrella insurance bc a PI attorney could and would go after those assets if you had a bad accident that you caused. Are you working paycheck to paycheck in a rental? You don’t need umbrella yet.

    3. 100/300/100 if you don’t have significant assets

      250/500/250 if you do, plus an umbrella. They usually require underlying limits on your auto & homeowners to be around there.

      Look at RLI online to get an idea of where they attach (underlying limits) and how much it is.

      I have mine all consolidated with my homeowners insurer now, but used to have RLI over separate auto and homeowners polices.

      Since you just said “insurance” I think you meant liability insurance. But if you have dependents, you also need term life insurance. Get it while you are young and healthy. Don’t just take the your employer offers because it’s not “portable.” Say you get some diagnosis while you’re working and can no longer buy life insurance easily on the open market, then you’re kind of stuck at that employer. Better to have it separate.

      1. No dependents, thankfully. But also how do I know how much homeowners insurance to have? How much umbrella I would want? (I mean, $1 mil? $10 mil? I have no idea?). I own a home and a car and have a normal amount of retirement and cash savings. Wouldn’t want to lose all that (or if my house burned down, find out I can’t fix it/replace my stuff). But still not clear who can recommend these amounts?

        1. $1 million umbrella is good for liability.

          For homeowners coverage, full replacement cost is great. I encounter too many people who only have actual cash value coverage and get a rude awakening when they sustain major damage to their home and discover that depreciation takes a huge bite out of their coverage.

          Other factors for homeowners is whether your insurer has accurate information about your home and contents. Is the square footage accurate? If you’ve done any remodeling and now have nicer finishes, they need to know that. The policy may have sublimits for furs, firearms, collectibles, jewelry, artwork, etc. but having an inventory will save you having to back and forth in the event of a loss and you may find that the sublimit for these items is inadequate. (Case in point: my son’s baseball card collection.) Hope that helps!

        2. Your house burning down is first party – like collision and comprehensive coverage on your car. Make sure you get replacement cost coverage on your home, but your homeowners insurer can’t insure your house for more than it’s worth, or would cost to replace. That would create adverse incentives.

          The limits you’re referring to are for liability coverages, which come into play if you cause or are found at fault for some sort of accident – an auto collision, hitting someone in the crosswalk, someone tripping over a crack in the sidewalk caused by your tree, or even being sued for random negligence. A big part of your homeowners policy is defense coverage and indemnification for liability.

          It’s not hard to run up $100k in hospital bills for what you might consider a minor injury. If we are talking about auto insurance and you cause someone to be injured enough to be hospitalized, your state’s minimum limits will probably not be enough to cover that, and yes they will come after your personal assets/salary if you’re not dirt poor.

          I personally have a $2mm umbrella limit over my auto and homeowner’s insurance limits. I highly recommend getting something like that just for protection and peace of mind.

          1. Are there specific insurers that specialize in umbrella? Or should I start with the provider of my home and auto coverage (AAA)? Or is this the time to call a broker? I’ve heard a few stories of people discovering that their umbrella coverage did not cover what they expected.

          2. Your regular provider can do it.

            We have $2m umbrella but I have kids and we always have friends and neighbor kids coming through our house, and I wanted a lot of coverage in case a kid gets seriously injured or g-d forbid dies while playing at my house. If we didn’t have kids I think I’d be comfortable with $1m

          3. @11:15 ask your homeowner’s insurer first. You can check RLI for an umbrella quote to have something to compare.

    5. Work with your homeowner’s/auto insuance agent, but basically, add up all your assets that you would not want to lose if sued, and that total amount is what you should consider for an umbrella insurance policy. it might be more than $2 million if your home is worth a lot of money, or if you have a lot of investments. Good luck!

  7. How many people do we think are going to be campaigning as Abundance Democrats? Reading the book and it’s so fascinating… I can see a lot of these issues being focused on in purple districts.

    2. It seems sell out, out of touch, and designed to lose elections, so I guess it seems highly probable given what we know of Democrat leadership lately.

      1. Aw let me guess you’re the kind of person who has a woke threshold, where anyone with lesser opinions doesn’t pass muster?

        1. Candidates and campaigns that lose to DJT don’t pass muster, and I don’t see leadership learning from past mistakes.

    3. We need to tackle the safety net. If we raise the payroll tax ceiling and tax gazillioners we can fund social security and restore the safety net that is being disassembled. I do think a version of abundance is being tested, at least in California. The no growth rent control model clearly doesn’t work. But we won’t be very far along in that experiment with tariffs, high interest rates and a deported workforce.

      1. Right. Even Ezra acknowledges that abundance was written before this nonsense administration was ushered in.

        I don’t see democrats coalescing around abundance. Our tent is so big that any path forward completely sells out some long-held principles. If we have any wins it will be total reaction to this administration. But I think abundance is a great conversation for local governments to figure out their planning and zoning bureaucracy. They can’t stay held hostage to residents who care more about their property values than the needs of their communities. This is where local politicians need to start exhibiting some courage.

        1. It would be great if the movement can convert NIMBYs. And I appreciate the idea of moving beyond a scarcity mindset generally.

          But I think people still want to see the kinds of actions other countries have been taking to protect housing from being bought up by investors. Even if finance is not the root problem with housing, people are stressed by competing with investors when bidding on houses, and stressed by deciding whether to sell to real people or to take a higher bid from some entity. And meanwhile we’re watching private equity destroy healthcare, eldercare, childcare, veterinary hospitals and clinics, my plumbing company sold out recently, and I don’t even know what else. People who work for acquired businesses are unhappy seeing changes rolled out that directly lower the quality of the work they can do or actively hurt people. The people harmed are also unhappy.

          So yes fix zoning, but if it looks like it’s all to defend and protect finance, it’s not going to inspire trust right now. “Abundance” sounds like it refers to the haves, not everybody, and the perception is already that the party puts donor interests front and center and then tries to market compromises to the rest of us.

          1. Maybe a federal law protecting against these predatory buyers is the answer. Who is running on that platform.

        2. Yeah, it was written as a reaction to Ezra living in California and his frustration with its inability to get things done. As someone who also loves California and spent most of my adult life there but recently left to live in a place I can actually afford a house, I completely agree with him. I’m extremely liberal but above all, I want a government that works. There’s no way to sell people on government taking a larger role in their lives if they don’t think it will function.

          When I moved last year, I needed to replace the HVAC in my new house. I really wanted to use the IRA rebates for heat pumps, but the state programs that were supposed to roll out in early 2024 kept getting pushed back and then Trump got elected and they never came to most states. When you make your policies so complex that they take years to roll out and show any benefits to voters, it’s really hard to convince people that you’re doing anything to help them! We did still end up installing the heat pump but were only able to use the $1600 tax credit. The rebates would have been a lot more useful to most people who aren’t wealthy, but never got a chance to be used.

          1. The complexity and the bureaucracy is discouraging to people and I really believe it undermines trust. I get a lot of questions from people in my life because I’m college educated and people who aren’t hope that I’ll understand forms and processes better than they do. But IANAL and generally have the same questions they do about how to fill out forms or what the next steps are.

          2. As a Californian, it seems like the rules for certain things get more and more complex without any appreciable benefit to actual people. For instance, it’s quite difficult to build ADUs in lots of places, but if you walk around nearly any residential neighborhood, you see ADUs that either have a retroactive permit or none at all. But there’s no crackdown because permitting really only matters if you’re selling property (and Prop 13 distorts the real estate market like nobody’s business).

            We have a NIMBY problem for sure, but we also have people who will weaponize progressive views to stop development (e.g., demanding that a new housing development be 100% affordable housing which is unaffordable for most builders).

          3. USA needs to get serious about how much deregulation serves private interest at public expense, and how much regulation serves private interest at public expense, both. Too often it feels like we’re choosing between two forms of corruption.

        3. I’m a CPA and my field has been on a long slow decline that is now gathering momentum.

          Accounting roles all the way up to controller are now all in India. Tax roles are thin on the ground and require you operate as a tax attorney. My role in the US is typically $200-250k base plus bonus. In India the same role is $40k a year all in. That person is able to buy in considerable help so they can work 80 hours a week no problem. Me, I’m rushing home at 6:30pm to pay my sitter who I pay what that guy in India is paid with a paltry $6,000 deduction. Meanwhile our beloved government are actively punishing me.

          FP&A roles now don’t want a CPA but an MBA. Why? I don’t have an American degree so I’m passed over again and again despite having an excellent education.

          I lost my job in November 2023 and it took me 18 months to find a new role and I’m barely making it financially. I am not able to save for my retirement. It’s summer and I eat one meal a day because childcare is killing me, and I only pay $20 an hour and the children’s school have helped me by putting the children in their half day camp at no cost.

          Neither the republicans or democrats help me. I earn $190k a year and my childcare costs are $40k per year. Explain why my employment costs my employer $218,500 yet I take home $137,800? The government is taking $80,700 for what? I can’t afford to eat during the summer months.

          The only ones living in abundance are the thieving politicians. Trump isn’t the way, but neither is Kamala Harris or AOC.

          1. It feels like such nonsense being told “we can’t afford to provide XYZ as a common good” when taxes are so high. Democrats and republicans are both pissed—what are we getting? What it all goes to seems so nebulous—we can’t see any of it. And we can’t get the social safety net other countries seem to provide with the same tax dollars.

          2. This sounds odd. You have almost 100k after childcare expenses and you struggle for food? How?

          3. Same as all of us I’m sure—housing and paying down debt. It’s not like the 100k is play money.

          4. Anon at 11:01 – no other country spends nearly the same percent of money on their military or prisons. Cut those two items, and we could easily afford for social safety net programs

          5. Bruh, you’re a CPA and you can’t figure out how to budget a six figure income so you can have food? This has to be trolling.

          6. I can’t speak to your debt costs, but I can’t think of any city were you couldn’t find housing for less than $50k a year. Which would still leave a lot of money to afford fund. If your housing is so expensive, you need to more to a smaller places.

          7. My housing is $3600 a month. My health insurance premium is $1100 a month. Thats $4700 before I have a copay, which I max out annually as I have two autistic children. Copay is $15k annually so $1,250 per month on average. That leaves me with $5500 a month for everything else. My
            gas & electric, water, sewer, trash and exterminator come to $800/month. During the summer my childcare is $1200 a week so $5,200 per month. Thankfully the school district stepped in and I’m paying $750 a week for 6 weeks which is $3,250 a month.

            I then have to feed my children and myself and pay for transportation.

            Average rent in my school district for a 3 bed is $5500 a month. I can’t move without incurring $15k in legal costs as I’m divorced. If I did move further away I’d pay the same in housing. I’m in 1200sqft. Two children share a room.

            So I go without food because every which way I turn has a negative outcome. This is the least negative outcome of all. My children are safe. I’m safe. They have access to good schools and lots of people step in to help me. My neighbor with a birthday cake for my child, the shelter with food and cleaning products and the town waiving parking fees to park in the garage for my car because my children can’t always take public transportation to their appointments. One doctor is a 90 min drive each way because that’s the psychiatrist that is in network.

          8. Then you need to move to a smaller home in a less perfect place. Your budgeting needs help. Your expectations are too high.

            Some of us live on a fraction on what you do.

            When we have Democrats screaming about their taxes not being fair, and have no idea how the majority of people live, there is no hope.

          9. I wrote a reply but don’t see it posted.

            Monthly expenses are:

            Housing $3600
            Utilities $700 – I have not put the window units in for AC because I can’t afford to run them. Someone on buy nothing gave away two ceiling fans which I put up and I got a dehumidifier on there.
            Childcare – $3200 this month. $5250 next month. I spend $750 a week on childcare.
            Medical – $1100 premium and $1167 per month in copays which I fully spend quickly as I have two autistic children.
            Food $1200
            Clothing $500
            Transportation $950
            Dentist and vision (2 kids in glasses) $500 for the next 3 years as orthodontics needed for all 3 children. Jaw surgery for my child is not being covered by the medical insurance.

            $1200 a month for food, personal and household cleaning doesn’t get me that far. The children are growing and I’m feeding them for all 3 meals a day. I shop at dollar tree already.

            My ex husband owes me $$$$ and doesn’t pay anything towards his share of expenses. Took him to court and the judge gave him a payment plan which is laughable. He has a company registered abroad and doesn’t take distributions which I provided details of to the judge. When we were married he made $5m a year. Now he declares $150k annually. The judge told me I should be thankful for 50/50 expenses.

            Our system is completely broken. I can’t win no matter which way I turn. Skipping meals is the lowest impact option.

          10. Similar here, are you a single parent? I finally left a very abusive situation with my 2 kids, and am living hand to mouth despite a CPA (which required a masters degree) and a $180k pa role. It is frustrating to hear politicians bemoan low birth rates, when there is almost no protection for women after we have children. There’s a strong chance I would be dead if I hadn’t left, so please don’t throw morals at me. Remarriage is not great for my kids so I’m focused on them, but it’s a stark choice to have had to make my children grow up poor.

          11. Oh my god, you are wildly out of touch if you think your kids are growing up “poor” when you make $180k.

          12. Single parent on $180k here, replying about being out of touch. Respectfully, you have no insight about my expenses. After healthcare, taxes, childcare, rent and spousal maintenance, trust me there’s nothing left for pension, college savings, etc. My professional body waived membership fees this year after they walked through my budget with me, and that’s not a common practice for people who are employed. My children share a room but we have heat, and a fairly bad public school system; my kids want to study math and engineering, and they simply are not getting a good grounding in those subjects; one of their teachers was filling in remotely having tried to quit mid year, and they couldn’t find a replacement teacher. My point is not that I’m poor; it’s that there is a lot of money going on taxes where I’m not seeing a commensurate benefit for me or my family. I can’t even take public transit as it doesn’t cover the route to my workplace.

          13. If your children are housed, clothed, fed, and able to access medical care, you are not poor and it is offensive to say you are.

        4. My posts are not showing so I’ll post here off this comment I originally replied to.

          I strongly resent being told to lower my expectations. I can’t reduce my housing from $3600 a month for a 3 bedroom. I have three children. I’m required to work from home 2x a week which I do from my bedroom. My home is 1200sqft. If I moved further out what I saved in housing I’d spend in childcare and transportation.

          The system is entirely broken when I am being financially and emotionally abused by my ex husband. He pays zero towards costs. He serves me every 6 months and then withdraws when it’s clear he is going to not get sole custody. I have the children 80% of the time because my children were harmed under his care. I do everything and you want to tell me to lower my standards. I have three disabled children all being educated with IEPs. I’m a lone single parent. I have a cousin 700 miles away otherwise no other family live in this country. I can’t move out of the mile square I live in (it’s the kids school district) without going to court because I have an abusive ex husband. F you and your ‘lower your standards’. Walk a mile in my shoes and then have a conversation. F you.

          1. I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles. I hate your ex-husband, who seems evil. You are doing an amazing job as a single parent, and are a great role model for your kids. I hope easier days are in your future.

    4. OP here – just finished the book. really really interesting. in the conclusion they talk about hwo this is very much a critique of the ways liberals have been thinking for the last 50 years, and how government in general has been thinking about innovation and science.

      When we rise from the wreckage of DJT and Elon (if we do) then this might be a good way forward since they’ve already done the “hard” work of sledgehammering it all to shreds.

  8. Have you ever DIY’d a photobooth in your home for a pack of 6 year old girls? If so, can you share your tips? I can either rig up a tripod, or do a polaroid camera. I have a big round light. Our lighting isn’t awesome, but I think it should do. I’m planning a themed background, but haven’t bought anything yet so am open to hearing that the sparkly background won’t work or something else I am not thinking of. What else should I know?

    2. We have a DIY’d photo booth for work holiday parties sometimes. We have a dark sheet of fabric taped up to a white board/wall, and funky handheld accessories. Those are infinitely customizable – feather boas, hats, speech bubbles, cardboard cartoon beehive hair or stuff relating to their current interests.

      1. oh and ours has a camera on a tripod, and hooked up to a laptop, or better yet, larger screen so you can see the photos as you go.

  9. Anyone want to help me plan a little trip to Pittsburgh for 2-3 days in mid- to late August? I’ll have my 12- and 14-year-old with me. I’m open to all suggestions: places to go, things to do, places to stay, places to eat.

    Thank you!

    1. I highly recommend a boat tour! I don’t have a specific company to recommend since the tour I took a few years ago is no longer in business, but I enjoyed it immensely and think it would be fun for tween/teenagers, too. Also, kind of obvious but a Pirates game if you or your kids like baseball.

    2. Go to the Strip District, take the incline, there’s lots of good museums if you’re museum people. With teenagers, I might also spend time in the areas around Carnegie Mellon and Pitt.

    3. Dave and Andy’s ice cream is a must. Pamela’s diner is also fantastic. The incline is really fun. The Carnegie Museum of Natural history has a lot of dinosaurs. I also enjoyed the Heinz History Center. If you are a baseball fan, going to PNC park is a great experience.

  10. For those who have been to England recently: what should I look for at Boots? Anything worth grabbing that is more expensive/unavailable in the US?

    1. Suncream. Lancaster and Nivea are great. I like simple skincare and Nivea soft. It’s cheaper at superdrug though.

      Paracetamol and ibuprofen is a fraction of the cost. Think it’s about 75c for 24 tablets.

    2. I believe the French skincare brands are much cheaper here than in the US (although more expensive than the EU, sigh): La Roche Posay, Vichy, Avene, Nuxe.

      2. YMMV but I use La Roche Posay sunscreen exclusively (European formula) and I go to the EU a lot and it’s never cheaper there than it is to get it shipped to the US on caretobeauty. Maybe this will change with Trump’s tariffs, but currently I don’t believe there’s any cost savings to purchasing it in the EU. Not sure about the UK, I don’t go there as much.

  11. Did anyone else read the WSJ article yesterday re ovaries and how they may hold some longevity secrets? As I get older, and after I read the Menopause Manifesto, I am convinced that when we hit menopause, everything can really go to sh*t after that. I know that so many people think that gender is a social construct, but I feel that at some point, we are really tied to our DNA more than what is external to us. Especially once perimenopause hits (and for me, it has). I’m trying to get enough calcium and exercise, but IDK how much as you age is your habits vs what is in your family history.

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