Weekend Open Thread
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Is it just me or do all of the terrycloth Caslon products in the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale have a verrrrry similar look to another well-known brand with terrycloth athleisure (also in the sale)?
I ordered the terrycloth Caslon button-up to give it a whirl (which comes in a lot of nice pale colors and looks like a pretty good dupe for this pretty brownish red one), and this polo dress keeps calling me name — it looks like the perfect thing for late summer/early fall.
The dress is $46 during the sale, but it'll go back to $70 once the sale ends; it's available in sizes XXS-XXL in navy and gray.
Sales of note for 7/8/25:
- Nordstrom – The Anniversary Sale has started for all cardholders — stay tuned for our roundup!
- Amazon Prime Day! I just finished our full roundup — check out deals on hair tools from Shark and Dyson, leather jackets from All Saints, classic makeup like Black Honey, as well as deals from Lo & Sons, Rothy's, Theory (love this lady jacket), Levi's, Kate Spade (love these shoes, this tote, and lots of tech gear), Club Monaco, and Gap — full roundup here
- Ann Taylor – Semiannual sale, 30% off your purchase and extra 50% off sale styles
- Athleta – Last Chance Semi-Annual Sale – Up to 70% off + Extra 30% Off (cute gym bag!)
- Banana Republic Factory – July Fourth Event, 50-70% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – Final call sale, up to 60% off + extra 10%
- Eloquii – Flash sale, extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – End of season sale, up to extra 70% off sale styles with code
- J.Crew Factory – All-Star Sale, 40-70% off entire site and storewide and extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off seasonal faves, plus new penny loafers and slingbacks
- Spanx – End of season sale, get an extra 30% off sale styles
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase, + free shipping on $150+
I got my IUD out yesterday and I can’t believe the relief. I’d gotten so used to having the slightest pelvic tightness and cramping at all times that I didn’t even realize it was causing it. It’s like having a splinter removed after 4 years.
Anyway, for anyone who has an IUD and struggles with pain during gardening, this can be a cause! I am now learning how common this is for other women as well. It’s great for the women it works for, but I wish doctors acknowledged other women can experience real side effects.
Good for you! (I swear at this point, I’ve heard enough horror stories about IUDs that I’m very grateful I never had one.)
I felt the same way when I got the Paraguard out! The nurse was surprised I had even gotten it in the first place – it’s not for petite woman and was too large for my anatomy. I got the Kylena instead and it fit so much better.
Because our society has lost the ability to do nuance, it feels like anytime you mention the downsides of popular BC you will be chased with pitchforks for being a misogynist. But there are significant symptoms/risk that deserve attention
I am passionate about live music. Throughout my 30s I had a demanding job, and often worked until 9-10PM. Then I would go out. It was a lifeline that I could go out in my major city to hear live music for 1-4 hours.
Now I’m over 40. All the good shows start at 9pm or later. This feels impossible to me – I went out last night, got home at 11PM, and I feel like a zombie. It could take me all weekend to recover from going to see a 2-hour show. Part of the problem is that I am not capable of sleeping in – I’m up by 6AM no matter when I went to sleep.
Is this just life after 40? I am SO tired today but the worst part is thinking that I can’t enjoy good live music anymore, or frankly do much of anything that I love.
Would love tips and tricks for surviving a late night of fun.
My circle of 40s-60s friends see 1 or 2 weeknight shows each week and all do well but I think they all do have a lot of work flexibility and not unbreakable 6 am starts to their days.
no tips but there’s a whole movement now for women-only clubbing venues that start early where you can go home by 10. i was never a club kid in my younger years but it sounds like such a fun evening with girlfriends.
Many (most?) of us can’t sustain this with aging and strict work hours. Keeping a regular sleep schedule becomes more necessary as we get older.
I go to earlier shows. I live near a big city, but even in my near ring suburb there are good music performances that start earlier in the evening and some even during the weekend afternoons.
It is what it is.
Try the disco nap for weekend shows. But yeah, the struggle is real.
This is the answer. Even a nap after work (5 or 6pm) is fine if you’re planning to stay up late anyways
I am also incapable of sleeping in. I’ve made peace with leaving early (e.g., no later than 1030). If there is an hour of driving/commuting and it is a show I really want to see, I will normally grab a hotel near the venue so I can just go to bed. Outdoor venues near residential areas are also a great solution to getting older – most of them have curfews and limits on how loud it gets.
The struggle is real, which is why I see live shows only a few times a year. Preferably on weekends, though that’s not always possible.
I am an over-40 musician who rehearses between two and four evenings a week during the season, performs every month or so, and goes to shows a couple of times a month. I can’t be out past 10 without sleeping in the next day, and it’s really difficult to go to or be in a big show on a weeknight without being a total zombie for the rest of the week even after sleeping in. You just have to prioritize the music and let other things slide. If you can afford a house cleaner so the recovery time doesn’t mean you get behind in the housework, it will make things a lot easier (I can’t).
I’m early 30s and my entire next day is ruined if I stay up past midnight. I’m more impressed that you made it to your 40s before this became an issue. Are there any restaurants near you with live music? The band might start earlier than at a bar.
This is not pertinent to your actual question, but it reminds me of something funny/annoying I came across recently – in Bend, OR there is a large amphitheater that hosts concerts right by the river, which runs through downtown and is enormously popular for recreation. Apparently during popular concerts, security says “no sitting on grass” in the adjacent public parks and even yells at kayakers who pause to take in the music as they pass downriver. So funny to me that they think they can privatize audio waves like that. Anyway, taking a post-dinner stroll along the river and listening to part of the concert on the way sounds like a good way to get to bed on time!
I love live music too and always check out the set list before a show. If I don’t want to hear the last song or two, I leave early so I can go to sleep. Granted, I’m also a night owl so I don’t typically wake up at 6 am for any reason.
I absolutely require naps to enjoy later evening events but I can fall asleep relatively easy. If you can’t, I suggest eye mask and a meditation tape. Even if the tape doesn’t help you sleep, it will give you needed rest. I miss the days when I could work, school and party with 6 or less hours of sleep.
Can you take some time off and make an event out of it?
I just decide it’s worth it to be tired sometimes.
It really kills me that bands who are also my age (mid 40s) don’t have earlier shows. Everyone involved surely doesn’t want to stay out late. 90s/early 2000s nostalgia rock shows should be early!
Updates post. If you’ve posted in the past, we’d love to hear how things worked out for you. Requests for specific posters also welcome in the comments. I think someone tried this last weekend but it got lost/deleted, so let’s try this again.
I would love updates from:
-Super Anon who caught her husband cheating a few years ago. I hope you are okay and safe.
-The woman in the rough patch with her husband where he kept threatening divorce. I hope you are doing well as well.
I would like an update from the woman whose husband suffered from persistent depression. She wrote that she missed having any other happy adults in the house and having a partner to tackle life’s problems “with vigor.” Did things get better?
I would love to hear how Church Jeans is doing.
Did we get an update from the poster whose boyfriend wanted to move to India but he needed another 1-2 years before deciding whether he’s going to propose?
That’s the post I was thinking too!
Never has there been such a near-unanimous DTMFA consensus! I hope she is getting out of that relationship.
I’ve posted on and off about being miserable as I did five rounds of IVF that all failed and now I’m pregnant with donor eggs and so happy
Hooray!!
Congratulations!!!
Awesome!! So happy for you!
Yes girl, yes!
I posted here about how to support a long-distance best friend who had a life-changing family tragedy occur (mass murder of family members). I am very early career in a high-intensity industry and asked for help about how to navigate that.
Nearly unanimously, I was told to go and figure it out later. I did that and it worked out okay – obviously not great at work, but well enough, and it is clear in retrospect that that was the correct thing to do. The ~72 hours I was able to spend with my friend were a deeply sacred time, and an honor to get to walk alongside her. I am grateful for this board’s encouragement to go!
Some commentators speculated that her family’s murder was caused by Israel via the war in Palestine, and that is correct.
I just ordered from JJill, Talbots, and am eyeing clothes at Chico’s – I’m only 48, lol. Why is it so hard to find clothes for people out of the miniskirt rufflepuff era but not yet in the unshaped, pastel-only grandma eras??
(also, is Evereve just a fancy form of Chico’s?)
I’m in my 30s and have clothes from those retailers. :) In fact, there’s a good chance I had some work basics from Talbot’s in my 20s. Like all retailers, I feel like you have to suss out the gems from the rest of the inventory. Sometimes there’s only 1–2 items I like! I’m also ordering more from Boden and Ann Taylor these days.
IDK, but I just turned 45 and I’m suddenly feeling like some of my clothes either look too young for me or just don’t fit the same way they used to, even though my weight is steady. And it’s not like I was shopping at PacSun or American Eagle before, lol! Finding clothes at this stage is just awkward, I think.
Idk if Evereve is a fancy form of Chico’s or not, but it’s so helpful to me for how to style things in an updated way and have found a lot of stuff there (I’m 41.)
I’m a pretty trend-conscious 30 yr old and I think the selection and styling at Evereve is spot on!
Seconded! I adore those silky midi skirts they have under their own brand name. 30 as well, but range between artsy/creative and clean profesh with my style.
I’m in my 40s and don’t have a great sense about how to style things, even if I have the pieces, so the Evereve website is very helpful to me!
I have shopped at Talbots since I was in my 20s. But I also buy a lot at J Crew. I think the challenge for me even in my 40s is that I don’t love cropped shirts. That has probably been the most challenging issue for the past 3 years.
Agree! I bought a sweater from Nordstrom rack forever ago that looks like my JCrew lady cardigans but hits at regular length. I can’t tell you how many random compliments I’ve gotten when I wear it to appointments or lunches. So over cropped.
I’m tall with a lower belly/mama belly. Cropped is NEVER going to work for me!
I posted about this when I hit this chapter as well. If you tell us what shape you are, folks here can probably recommend some more current smaller brands.
oh, good idea! i’m 14P which makes everything worse because there are so few brands doing petites. i can do regular for most tops but blazers can go either way, and for dresses and skirts definitely need petites.
I’m sure you know this, but Talbots is one of the few places that carries petites in larger sizes.
It is so hard but those brands do accommodate my meno-belly. Ann Taylor, J Crew and Banana used to fit the bill for appropriate grown woman clothes but they have gotten so cheap now. I went to Bloomingdales at the mall recently and wanted to cry at all the cute clothes that my 25 year old body would have looked so good in but I didn’t have clothes money. Now I have clothes money but no clothes. Well, maybe not really because I would be buying Lafayette NY if I really had money. I am heading to my Talbots petite store soon to shop for vacation.
Have you tried Dillard’s? They have petites from some good brands, as well as some house brand pieces. I know it’s a PIA to online order until you find a brand that works, but once you have some brands in mind, the effort will pay off.
Regarding the retirement savings question from this morning (GO YOU to that poster!) what is your magic number? What would you have to have in your IRA/401k type accounts before you’d say “eff it, I’m retiring”?
I think I’m there but want to know what other people think.
I mean, I’m mid-40s and no matter how much I get in there, I’m working until my mid-60s, barring a health issue that forces me to quit. I’ve gotta work until I can pull it out without additional taxes and I have (at least hopefully) the potential for health insurance of some kind. I’m just socking away as much as I possibly can until then.
Also mid-40s. DH and I have been saving diligently and are on track to hit our number around 55 if we change nothing. That said, I expect the health insurance piece will keep us around longer.
The rate at which insurance prices are rising is breathtaking. I am contemplating early retirement. My ACA BCBS plan is costing me over $1400 per month including dental just for me and I am in my 50s. It could easily be double that in 10 years as I approach Medicare age. My state is very expensive for ACA plans, and the networks change every year.
Health insurance is the only thing making me contemplate going back to work.
this is so true – we basically have catastrophic only insurance thru the ACA because we wanted to get an HSA, our family deductible is $14k (individuals, $7k).
Are you factoring social security in to your calcs or no?
No. The Boomers are going to drain that; I expect to get nothing from SS.
Different anon, but I don’t, because it’s not that relevant to early retirement. I assume it will still be around when I’m eventually eligible, though probably scaled back a bit (I’m 45) but if I’m thinking of retiring in my 50s, health insurance costs are way more important. Mostly I think of it as a bonus that reduces the odds of outliving my savings if things go really wrong, but not what would determine when I retire, which will be based on the rest of my savings and expenses, plus life and job circumstances.
Fun fact: not only do I expect that pot to be drained by the time I retire, but I also cannot benefit from the tens of thousands of dollars that I have already paid in, unless I manage to obtain a green card first.
Objectively we are doing great – we have roughly $3.5M in investments of which $1.5M of that is 401(k)s, plus a ~650K home. But we come from families with long life expectancies and don’t envision an inexpensive retirement (we LOVE traveling, dining, etc.) so $10M is probably where we’d feel comfortable. Would need to hit probably a $25M lottery today to feel like I really had “FU” money and quit!
I’m 36 and would feel comfortable retiring now if I get bored because we have $1.9m in investments. A lot of it is just in a brokerage rather than tied up in retirement accounts. But I would rather keep working and keep loading it up for now while I’m young and healthy.
I don’t have a clear number in mind, but one thing I will say is that I think it’s pointless to work your fingers to the bone to make sure you can pay for private long-term care for dementia (I remember some poster here was trying to save a few mil for that). It’s too hard to do that, too much of your life wasted. Have retirement savings and be sensible, but just go on Medicaid if it turns out you’ve run out of money and you need LTC. Yes, I’m taking Trump’s Medicaid demolition into account when I say that. Travel more, spend more now, be with your family. It’s worth more.
yes, also remembering any if us could be hit by a car or get diagnosed with cancer tomorrow. In my family, there hasn’t been much retirement so far. Bad luck happens. Live today.
As someone with a hereditary issue that means I might decide these are appealing, I am also mindful that DWD laws are increasing, not decreasing, at the moment.
I wouldn’t want finances to factor into that decision.
Oh god, me neither. My plan is to save enough to give flexibility, because I don’t know what treatments will look like in 30 years. But I think it’s important to keep it in mind as part of the wide array of options you may wish to choose at EOL.
We calculate that we need $4 million in investments at age 47 to cover me and partner for life.
interesting phrasing – so what doesn’t count in the $4m number? real estate? retirement accounts?
we have a bit more than that (5-5.5 depending on the market) but that includes our primary home, and i think almost 3 of that is tied up in retirement accounts.
No direct plans to retire, but I already scaled back due to a chronic illness and we moved from a VVHCOL area to a MCOL area near family so we could afford a house and keep saving, while taking the chance that our jobs might no longer be remote at some point. If that happens, we’d consider retiring rather than looking for new ones, depending on the local job market and if we have enough savings and health insurance is doable. We currently have $1.5 million in investments and annual expenses of around $80k, so we’re 75% of the way to 25x. My husband will be eligible for retiree health insurance in 5 years, though we’d have to pay close to full price (we already pay $800/mo for a HDHP, but that would still add a fair amount to our expenses at current rates, hard to predict what will happen in the future or how the ACA will compare). We have fairly specific jobs and have already done a lot of moving in our lives, so at this point we’d rather live more modestly in a place we enjoy than do another move.
In my early 40s now and expect to have $3M in retirement accounts (both pre and post tax) by 55 at which point I plan to retire and spend up to 4% of that yearly. I already downshifted my career from an intense, highly-comped path through my late 30s to a moderately-comped, low stress position, otherwise I would be there earlier, but my QOL is so much better for it. I loosely follow the FIRE community and that’s how I picked $3M – I took anticipated yearly expenses of $120k and multiplied by 25. I don’t currently spend $120k per year but I expect some expenses like health insurance and travel will increase in retirement and as a single person without any safety nets, I want to be cautious.
What type of job did you switch to?
I don’t have a specific number. My hope is that I can retire at 55, although I probably wouldn’t fully retire and would try to ramp up my side gig which would provide some income (though probably much less than my current job, at least for a while). This is all made easier by the fact that my husband loves his job and plans to work until at least 70, health permitting, and I would be eligible for reasonably priced retiree health insurance through my employer after 55.
My magic number would be $7-10 million in today’s dollars. Excluding house.
3% withdrawal rate = $200-300k pre tax. Even then I might keep working but more picky about what.
I assume $0 in SS and $0 inheritance. And might need to support family long term.
DH and I are early 49s. We are hoping to retire when our youngest graduates college. We’d be late 50s. We have 6x our annual income saved at this point so depending on the market and college we are pretty on track.
That said, “retire” may mean I continue consulting to keep me busy while DH just does hobbies. TBD!
Help me out here: how do I figure out how much insurance I need? I feel like I need someone to tell me smart things not just me going “hmm if I hit a Tesla it would be expensive so…maybe more?” And “gosh I dunno how much my house stuff would cost to replace!” Or tell me if I need like, umbrella insurance? But I feel like if I go to the random places I have insurance through they can’t tell me and/or only have incentive to say “yes, more is good”?
Umbrella insurance is cheap. I see no reason not to get it, especially if you drive a lot or do other things where your risk interacts with other people.
It’s not about the value of the car you hit, it’s the value of the assets you want to protect. Do you own a home? Have money in non-retirement accounts? A personal interest in a business? You absolutely need umbrella insurance bc a PI attorney could and would go after those assets if you had a bad accident that you caused. Are you working paycheck to paycheck in a rental? You don’t need umbrella yet.
100/300/100 if you don’t have significant assets
250/500/250 if you do, plus an umbrella. They usually require underlying limits on your auto & homeowners to be around there.
Look at RLI online to get an idea of where they attach (underlying limits) and how much it is.
I have mine all consolidated with my homeowners insurer now, but used to have RLI over separate auto and homeowners polices.
Since you just said “insurance” I think you meant liability insurance. But if you have dependents, you also need term life insurance. Get it while you are young and healthy. Don’t just take the your employer offers because it’s not “portable.” Say you get some diagnosis while you’re working and can no longer buy life insurance easily on the open market, then you’re kind of stuck at that employer. Better to have it separate.
No dependents, thankfully. But also how do I know how much homeowners insurance to have? How much umbrella I would want? (I mean, $1 mil? $10 mil? I have no idea?). I own a home and a car and have a normal amount of retirement and cash savings. Wouldn’t want to lose all that (or if my house burned down, find out I can’t fix it/replace my stuff). But still not clear who can recommend these amounts?
$1 million umbrella is good for liability.
For homeowners coverage, full replacement cost is great. I encounter too many people who only have actual cash value coverage and get a rude awakening when they sustain major damage to their home and discover that depreciation takes a huge bite out of their coverage.
Other factors for homeowners is whether your insurer has accurate information about your home and contents. Is the square footage accurate? If you’ve done any remodeling and now have nicer finishes, they need to know that. The policy may have sublimits for furs, firearms, collectibles, jewelry, artwork, etc. but having an inventory will save you having to back and forth in the event of a loss and you may find that the sublimit for these items is inadequate. (Case in point: my son’s baseball card collection.) Hope that helps!
Your house burning down is first party – like collision and comprehensive coverage on your car. Make sure you get replacement cost coverage on your home, but your homeowners insurer can’t insure your house for more than it’s worth, or would cost to replace. That would create adverse incentives.
The limits you’re referring to are for liability coverages, which come into play if you cause or are found at fault for some sort of accident – an auto collision, hitting someone in the crosswalk, someone tripping over a crack in the sidewalk caused by your tree, or even being sued for random negligence. A big part of your homeowners policy is defense coverage and indemnification for liability.
It’s not hard to run up $100k in hospital bills for what you might consider a minor injury. If we are talking about auto insurance and you cause someone to be injured enough to be hospitalized, your state’s minimum limits will probably not be enough to cover that, and yes they will come after your personal assets/salary if you’re not dirt poor.
I personally have a $2mm umbrella limit over my auto and homeowner’s insurance limits. I highly recommend getting something like that just for protection and peace of mind.
How many people do we think are going to be campaigning as Abundance Democrats? Reading the book and it’s so fascinating… I can see a lot of these issues being focused on in purple districts.
I’m not familiar with this term. What do you mean?
it’s a book out by Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson. i can only find this excerpt at the moment but lots of excerpts in the atlantic and nyt.
https://www.nytimes.com/audio/app/2025/04/07/AudioContainer-67f3f338.html
i’m listening to the audiobook and it’s really good, not too dry at all.
It seems sell out, out of touch, and designed to lose elections, so I guess it seems highly probable given what we know of Democrat leadership lately.
We need to tackle the safety net. If we raise the payroll tax ceiling and tax gazillioners we can fund social security and restore the safety net that is being disassembled. I do think a version of abundance is being tested, at least in California. The no growth rent control model clearly doesn’t work. But we won’t be very far along in that experiment with tariffs, high interest rates and a deported workforce.