ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Glam G

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Blue ombré Glam Gs w/ green gradient lenses & a peacock design

I couldn't resist this recent purchase from the Goodr shop — I do love a bold pair of sunglasses.

This is my first pair of Goodr — I've heard a lot about them through the years (Elizabeth wrote something about them a year or two, if I remember correctly) and they seem great.

For $35 you're not expecting the world, but they're comfortable, well made sunglasses that feel like they're going to hold up to a bit of wear and tear. The Glam G is an oversized cateye frame, and I feel like they're really flattering.

The sunglasses are $35, available in 8 colors total (including basic black and brown if you don't like a bold look!) They have a huge selection in general — and they recently added prescription sunglasses to their offerings. Through 9/3, you can get 25% off your Goodr prescription lenses with code.

Sales of note for 9/23/25

  • Nordstrom – Fall savings event! Also: get 15% off select beauty items and 6x points on beauty.
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off tops and sweaters
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – Up to 40% off
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off sale styles, plus up to 50% off layers they love
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
  • Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
  • Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
  • Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
  • Talbots – Anniversary event! 25% off entire purchase, plus fresh fall classics from $34.50
  • White House Black Market – $50 off $200+ purchase

194 Comments

  1. I wish their prescription sunnies weren’t so expensive. You can get the same cheap plastic frames with a prescription from Zenni for, like, 1/10 of the price.

    1. Thanks for the heads up that both of these places make Rx sunglasses. I need my first pair and really haven’t looked into where to buy, so this is super helpful!

    2. I wear progressive lenses and am fussy about the focal point being exactly right, so my prescription sunglasses are never cheap, sadly.

  2. Hi all, I have business travel to Cambridge UK in October. I don’t get to travel often in my role and will take a few days after in London. This will be my third-ish time visiting, so I’ve done some of the big tourist things before.
    I want help figuring out what to prioritize and if you have any suggestions for a solo trip. I’m thinking of seeing Victoria + Albert Museum, Westminster Abbey again, afternoon tea (would love a recommendation here), shopping in a cute neighborhood and either a show or Jack the Ripper tour since it’ll be near Halloween. What have you loved in London lately?

    1. We went to a candlelight concert in Saint Martin in the Fields a few weeks ago. It was lovely.

      1. ooooh I regret never doing this years ago when I lived near London. It’s a beautiful church (cathedral?) from the outside and I’ve listened to so many recordings with the Academy and Sir Neville Marriner. If I ever go back, it’s top of my list.

      2. I second St. Martin’s. It’s very cool. I love London and have been a lot. I always recommend the trip down the Thames to Greenwich on the public transport ferry (I think details have changed since I last did it but you could go on a tube ticket). The Museum at the top of Greenwich where the meridian is, is lovely. I absolutely love food so did Ottolenghi, the Ivy, and the River Cafe on my last trip. Shopping highlights included The Fold and my regular restock at Bravissimo and Floris on Jermyn Street. Me & Em is on my list for next trip. Check out the the blog: Aspiring Kennedy as she is an ex-pat American and her recommendations are spot on. She compares different teas. I absolutely loved Operation Mincemeat. It was in a classic British theatre. (I work in Intelligence though and had bonded with my Dad over the story so YMMV.)

    3. If you’ve seen Westminster Abbey before, how about St Paul’s? If you have a look at the music schedule, evensong is a lovely time to hear nice music as well as see the church. Walking distance to Tate Modern, if you like modern art. The viewing platform at Tate Modern gives a 360 view over London. For a quirky museum, Sir Sloane’s.

      Another modern art possibility, the Gilbert & George exhibition at the Southbank centre. Walking distance to the National Theatre and Royal Festival Hall if you want to catch something there.

      The V&A is always great, and pre-booking is always a good idea if you want to see one of the big exhibitions, the main museum is free. The current big one is Cartier, I haven’t seen that one, but they are always great.

      The Neo-Impressionist exhibition coming at the National Gallery looks really good (main museum free), and the Kiefer/van Gogh is on at the Royal Academy until October 26th. If you like fashion photography, the Cecil Beaton exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery looks amazing.

      TodayTix for same day cheap ticket to shows, released 10 a.m. if you don’t want to prebook. If you don’t want to do West End, the Almeida (Islington), Old Vic and New Vic (Lambeth), The Bridge (Tower bridge), Orange Tree (Richmond, so a bit further away), Soho Theatre and National Theatre are all good options.

      Some nice afternoon teas that are not the Ritz/Dorchester/Brown/F&M include: The Sanderson Hotel (Alice in Wonderland), The Rosewood Hotel (Fine Art) and the Wallace Collection (in a conservatory). The Wallace Collection is also a quirky museum.

      What kind of shopping are you looking for?

      1. Thanks! Love all the recs. For shopping, kids clothes, kids toys and womens wear (casual/weekend) that you can’t get easily in the US. Food gifts, home linens.

        National Gallery/Portrait Gallery sound pretty good, and I’ve never been so far.
        I hadn’t heard of those afternoon tea options. I was looking for more unique/quirky than the Ritz as I think you can get a similar luxury experience in major cities.

        1. If you like traditional florals like Laura Ashley home linens, the big Next at the Westfield Shepherd’s Bush shopping centre is great, but that shopping centre has terrible layout and wayfinding, so not really recommended.

          John Lewis is my go-to for bed linens. I really like M&S as well, but they don’t have any good home goods’ departments in central London any more. If you want touristy kitchen towels, you can’t beat the royal collection gift shops, go to a big shop close to Buckingham Palace if you see something online you love.

          For kids’ clothes I think M&S and John Lewis will be great if you want to be efficient and get cute stuff in good materials.

          Food gifts: a big M&S food court (don’t go to the one next to Oxford Circus, they’re refurbishing) and Fortnum & Mason will get you all the stuff you need.

        3. I looooooooved the Liberty store when I was there earlier this year. It’s spendy but gorgeous.

          1. +1 if you like Liberty fabrics!

            The Liberty Christmas (top) floor is actually already open, if you want a lovely souvenir bauble.

        4. I personally like shopping on Oxford street. It’s high end but there are stores like Selfriges you don’t find in the US.

    5. The Delaunay for tea. National Gallery and National Portrait Gallery for art.

    6. Thanks everyone for the great replies! I hadn’t seen all of these recommendations yet.

    7. Royal Opera House, afternoon tea at the Beaumont hotel (although service varies depending on the day), shopping for tea and biscuits at the Piccadilly Fortnum and Mason, Notting Hill on Saturday, the Wallace Collection

  3. Hi all, I have business travel to Cambridge UK in October. I don’t get to travel often in my role and will take a few days after in London. This will be my third-ish time visiting, so I’ve done some of the big tourist things before.
    I want help figuring out what to prioritize and if you have any suggestions for a solo trip. I’m thinking of seeing Victoria + Albert Museum, Westminster Abbey again, afternoon tea (would love a recommendation here), shopping in a cute neighborhood and either a show or Jack the Ripper tour since it’ll be near Halloween. What have you loved in London lately?

  4. I live in NYC in a predominantly tech and finance social circle. I don’t work in tech or finance, and I’m struggling with feeling ‘behind.’ I’m 29 and my net worth is almost one million, which is way more than I thought I’d have at this age. But I feel like so many other people are going to be making tens of millions in equity payout from rocketship startups or whatever that what I do is just pitiful and meaningless. How do I start focusing on my own race and not let other people’s wealth make me feel small?

    1. Paying attention to the people sleeping under overpasses when I drive to work helps me maintain perspective.

    2. Expand your social circle. It takes time, but it’s so great to have friends in a variety of interesting fields, with different perspectives.

      1. This! Also, personally I find tech and finance people are more obsessed with money and status than anyone. My kid has friends whose parents just don’t work and they’re lovely and don’t make me feel any kind of way about money or status. I’m not sure why people with generational wealth don’t give an f but a finance bro from a modest suburb is constantly trying to humble everyone. Obviously it’s a stereotype but I find it’s true. Get out and meet people.

    5. there was a conversation on the board in the last week or two about buying in a more expensive town v a less expensive and this is basically the same kind of topic. It doesn’t matter how much money you have objectively, what matters is how you feel relative to the people you know. almost a million dollars at 29 is a very impressive feat. congratulations. agree with diversifying your social circle. and when you do try and not make the kindergarten teachers you befriend feel small :)

    6. Your savings is staggering. You live in one of the most expensive city in the world and choose to limit yourself to hanging out only with folks in tech/finance. You need to get out. You are loosing a perspective of reality.

      Why do you hang out with them? Did you go to college with them?

      You need to start finding some hobbies and folks who enjoy those with you. And you need to start volunteering, to better understand the world.

      Or get out of NYC.

    7. As someone who just started hanging out on the reddit boards for fatfire and chubbyfire… yeah, it’s easy to feel behind. You’re doing so so so much better than the average American, though, and you’re going to have a nice life. Having saved that much at this point suggests that you’re a good saver — you never know who is going to blow their windfall on a car, or who looks like they have a lot of money but is spending all of it.

    8. Hi, I live in NYC and am almost 50. My husband is 55. And we’re super proud to have just recently achieved your level of wealth at our ages. I work at a nonprofit and he is a teacher. You have GOT to expand your social circle. NYC is full of people who have way, way less than you do, like immigrants who share rooms with 5 other people, get paid under the table and send money home to their families in another country every month. Your income is not a measure of your value as a human!

    9. You need to get some perspective. I am 30, cannot imagine having that much money right now, and consider myself very lucky and secure!

      Agree with the advice to expand your social circle. Also consider what social media and entertainment you’re consuming.

      1. this is snarky and not real advice. plenty of people live in NY with less than a million dollars in the bank at 29.

        1. I think that’s the point – she’s hanging out with the 1% in NYC and it is skewing her perception of wealth. Leave NYC and “touch grass”, so to speak

        1. If you need it spelled out for you, OP’s post could come off as tone deaf, even to the high-achieving, well-off readers here. I mean, if having a $1mm NW at 29 makes OP feel small, pitiful, etc…. how tf should the rest of us feel? She has the kind of wealth that could make a lot of people feel small.

          2. I’m not anonymous at 3:04, nor am I upset by what OP posted, so I don’t know why you’re snapping at me.

          3. Well, if you’re the commenter at 5:07, my point stands. Your insecurities aren’t other people’s problems and other women don’t have to not talk about their feelings to protect yours.

          4. I simply answered your question by supplying a plausible explanation for the hostility you perceived in the 3:04 comment. I can’t figure out why you feel the need to insist that I have some insecurities based on that. Did I say that OP shouldn’t have said what she said because it might upset someone? No. Your point doesn’t stand, and I hope that you avoid this sort of needless hostility in the future.

          5. I didn’t ask the question. Your answer reflected exactly the sort of tropes I’m talking about, though. OP’s post only comes off tone deaf if you’re not capable of hearing other people’s stories without making it about you. Implying that she should not talk about her experiences because other people might “feel small” is a real underestimation of the emotional maturity of those people. It sounds like you don’t feel that way, which is wonderful, but maybe don’t go out of your way to defend people who do, which is what your comment did.

        2. Ehhh, these insanely wealthy posters who are seeking soothing for their financial/social anxiety are annoying af.

          1. The posters who jump on any woman who is even mildly successful in business on a blog for women in business are as annoying AF.

          2. This is a place for wealthy women to discuss their careers. If you find that annoying, you can go literally anywhere else on the internet and I’m sure someone will be happy to hate on successful women with you.

          3. I’m thrilled for people to be successful and enjoy and celebrate their success. Not here for them whining about it.

          4. Let other women express their actual thoughts and feelings, or stay out of spaces where they do if you’re not capable of that.

            It’s so awful to expect other women to be dishonest about their feelings because you can’t manage yours.

          5. It’s also awful to write off any criticism or pushback that isn’t delivered in dulcet tones as another woman “not being able to handle her feelings.” It’s cruel, belittling, and dismissive. It’s also hypocritical, because one could just as easily say that these women shouldn’t be expected to be dishonest about their feelings . . . and yet you feel like you have the right to silence them by insulting them. If you’re not capable of handling it, then find another space.

          6. There is a big difference between telling women not to initiate a conversation about their feelings and telling them not to be a brat in response to someone else’s feelings. Don’t be a brat.

    12. Good for you. I was in a similar position in my late 20s, and it permitted me to retire at 39 to pursue some dreams. You are buying future you freedom, and it just does not cost that much to retire early, especially if you are willing to leave New York. Once you’re past the number where your basic needs will be met for the rest of your life, you can keep working or take a flyer on something else. Optionality is magical.

      Find your number, which is generally 25x your expenses. That’s the only number that matters. Everything else is funny money. If you need $3 million, it just doesn’t matter that your friend ended up with $10 million. The extra $7 million might buy you some nicer stuff, but no things are nicer than freedom from work, and it’s rare to be able to afford freedom from work in your 30s in America. You’re well on your way; how amazing is that?

    13. I highly highly recommend volunteering! My closest friend group is very tech/finance-heavy including many making insane money at big hedge funds/tech companies. However, I’m very involved in a local nonprofit (specifically a rape crisis counseling org) and beyond broadening my social circle, it helps me reorient around how I can serve others vs focusing on myself only. Beyond direct services, I try to be generous with my money and it is a great sanity check to see how $ my friends would spend unthinkingly (~$10s of thousands) can go so far in helping others.

    14. Do you hear yourself? You just said that your $1M worth is pitiful and meaningless. First, take some pride in your savings! Second, you’re equating wealth and meaning, which are NOT equal. I bet you can think of lots of meaningful people and careers in your life (family members, teachers, doctors) who will never have tens of millions of dollars. Someone’s life isn’t pitiful or small or meaningless depending on their wealth.

      You sound like you’re asking, “what’s the point if it won’t make me millions of dollars?” Maybe reframe the question to just “what’s the point?” If there’s a point that motivates you, focus on that instead of whether it also garners millions of dollars. Also, don’t hang out with people who make you feel less than or pitiful. What’s the point in that??

    15. Hmm that’s a fancy social circle. I’m in a similar position and my net worth is like $200k. Presumably there is something that you like about your career. I think the easiest thing would be to at least make some more friends so you see some variety.

    16. I see two issues here. First is that you’ve completely lost perspective. It’s objectively unreasonable to consider yourself “behind” given what you’ve told us. Expanding your frame of reference will help counteract this false narrative. You have to understand intellectually that “so many other people” are not going to be making tens of millions in equity pay out – this is a rare occurrence, even among the high earners. And I know that you understand intellectually that you have more money than most people will see in their lives. But acknowledging objective reality that you’re doing extremely well isn’t going to fix this for you. The second issue is equating your net worth with your sense of self-worth. For that, therapy. Lots of high achievers couple their self-worth with their salary, job description, equity pay outs, net worth, whatever – and that’s a really difficult way to live your life, emotionally.

    17. You are literally in the 1%. 99% of the country and probably 99.99% of the world will be worse off than you. Instead of trying to reassure yourself, I agree with others that you need to find a new crew! And perhaps a way to give away some of that…it is by giving that we receive (and find a sense of purpose)

    18. You are literally in the 1%. 99% of the country and probably 99.99% of the world will be worse off than you. Instead of trying to reassure yourself, you need to find a new crew! And perhaps a way to give away some of that money…it is by giving that we receive (and find a sense of purpose)

    19. Echoing everyone else that having $1M saved in your 20s is a truly incredible achievement and I bet easily puts you in the top 1% of assets for people your age. My husband and I were proud of ourselves when we crossed the $1M mark in our late 30s – and that is combined savings and we live in a much more affordable place than NYC.

    20. Donate some of that cash to your local food pantry. Then go volunteer, asap. My son had to do volunteer hours in high school. A few hours taking calls at legal aid did wonders for his frame of reference about the haves and have nots. If you have never done these things, you are very poor, indeed.

    21. Good for you and your success! Truly. But, I’d also gently challenge you to expand your social circle because what you describe is not normal for 99% of the population. You need the perspective of being around people who work hard for a whole lot less money, tbh.

    22. You’re worth $1 million before age 30 and you feel behind?!

      Volunteer. Meet people in other industries. In many, many white collar, well paid jobs people are not in positions to be where you are at your age, let alone the working class or the poor.

      Like, I’m a GS 13. I paid off student loan debt by 25. Ive never had any other debt. I live within my means and save and invest in addition to putting over 10% towards retirement. And my net worth is not quite 150k. I’m 31.

    23. I have a set of friends like this, it’s really starting to bother me now that they all have kids in a fancy private school and make off hand comments about the public schools, where my kid is. I’m realizing we just have different values. the school thing just makes it really apparent, but it was always there.

    24. I completely understand this feeling. I have had peers make life changing money and I was sort of slogging along with no big pay outs in my future. But I decided to take satisfaction in what I have been able to accomplish and pride in having overcome barriers a lot of them didn’t. I am not a straight white man with an Ivy League background and vast social connections. I’m also a bit risk averse and gambling on a startup would have made me miserable with anxiety. So congratulate yourself for how well you’ve done, and firmly resolve to respect your decisions so far.

    26. I consider myself well to do at age 60 and I will tell you I scraped bottom around your age. Twice actually. When my ex husband and I bought our first house, barely scraping a 10% down payment together (partly borrowed from my 401k!) and then the market went down and we basically had negative net worth.

      A few years later, I had to buy my ex husband out of the house, which had finally gained a little equity, and was near bottom again.

      Despite that, I worked my ass off (just as I had before age 29) for my remaining working years. I’m now on my retirement glide path and pretty well set for a comfortable, if not wealthy, retirement.

      $1mm at age 29 is truly amazing. I agree with others that you don’t need more money. You need perspective.

  5. LONDON TRAVEL TIPS! I have business travel to Cambridge UK in October. I don’t get to travel often in my role and will take a few days after in London. This will be my third-ish time visiting, so I’ve done some of the big tourist things before.
    I want help figuring out what to prioritize and if you have any suggestions for a solo trip. I’m thinking of seeing Victoria + Albert Museum, Westminster Abbey again, afternoon tea (would love a recommendation here), shopping in a cute neighborhood and either a show or Jack the Ripper tour since it’ll be near Halloween. What have you loved in London lately?

    1. we just did high tea at Aqua Shard and loved the experience – it is Peter Pan themed but there were a lot of just-adults at the tables there. Plus the view and food are amazing.

  6. I have a late September/early October vacation planned, split between LA and Yellowstone. I know weather will be quite different between the two locations – if it were up to me (sadly not!) we wouldn’t be doing both at once. Should I simply pack separate sets clothes for two different climates, or does anyone have suggestions for pieces that might work in both? Thanks!

    1. I can’t imagine anything except maybe jeans that would work in both places, sorry! Yellowstone can already be quite cool then (especially at night).

      1. +1. LA will likely be quite warm and Yellowstone will likely be chilly. I think you pretty much need to pack separate sets clothes for two different climates. I am not sure what your plans are in LA, but Yellowstone is also much more rugged/casual/outdoorsy than LA.

        1. It’ll almost certainly be too hot for jeans in LA all through September and probably into October. We’re wearing the heck out of our sundresses and lightweight flowy pants at the moment. But yes, it will be chillyl at night.

    2. LA is a desert climate and you’ll need layers above all else- it gets chilly at night!

    3. We were in Yellowstone last September mid month and the am temps were in the 30s! Ultralight down as well as hat and gloves.

    4. Yes to separate wardrobes, but the upside is that you only need a couple of outfits in Yellowstone. No one cares what you wear there. Just take your winter athleisure and you’re good. (I made the mistake once of only taking shorts to Yellowstone in June, and I got snowed on, and I froze.)

  7. My pre-teen son wants a “financial primer.” What would you tell him in person, what books or websites would you recommend he read? Thanks!

    1. Million Bazillion from Marketplace is a great podcast for this. Some segments are geared a little younger, but it is fun and informative! They have companion newsletters and other materials as well.

      My son has an Investing for Kids book by Dylin Redling and Allison Tom that is pretty solid, too. it’s labeled for ages 8-12

    2. If your son is in Scouts, the Personal Management merit badge is really personal and family finance. I thought it was really good when my kids did it.

  8. I am 36 and starting to notice small wrinkles on forehead. Considering Botox (or other skincare/anti-aging advice – currently doing spf/vitamin c in an and retinol pm in addition to cleanser/moisturizer). Would love to hear other experiences. I don’t see many downsides other than a small risk of side effects maybe (chat gpt tells me there is a small risk of vision side effects)

    1. I am 35 and didn’t mean to become a botox person but here I am. I get my 11s and forehead done about six months, but notice it wearing off significantly after 3 months. Most important thing is to go to a reputable injector– no medspas! It’s easy to go down a slippery slope of wanting more areas injected, but that’s how people get those weirdly uncanny faces that don’t move.

      The only downside is it’s expensive, haha. Lots of people bargain shop for Botox, but I am never going to skimp on something that’s being injected into my face, so I have a plastic surgeon do my injections.

    2. Hi my name is Holly and I’m a Botox evangelist. I don’t go to a plastic surgeon but to a doctor who does Botox and injections and nothing else and has for 15 years. Just my forehead, every few months. It takes 15 minutes, barely hurts and it works. It prevents future wrinkles and my husband doesn’t notice until he suddenly comments on how pretty I look 10 days later. Like clockwork, I swear. I pay under $300 for 24 units. Obviously, there are risks as with anything you put in your face. But I do think it’s an unfairly maligned non invasive non permanent treatment that people should have a lot less distain for. Half the time people complain about Botox they’re describing other injectables. I like to talk about this stuff because I love beauty and I hate gatekeeping. If I were your friend I’d tell you to go for it.

    3. I get my 11s done every 5 months or so and it’s magical. It completely changes how I feel about my face and worth every penny for me. I have never had any bad side effects FWIW.

    4. First, don’t use ChatGPT for things like MEDICAL SIDE EFFECTS !!! girl AI is NOT google and you cannot trust it to give you accurate information especially about things that matter (or anything). It is fancy predictive text software and nothing more and it should not be viewed as giving reliable output on questions like this.
      Second, get the Botox if you’re interested! I started around 36/37 and was shocked at how well it works. I go around every 6 months even though I notice movement sooner, like another commenter here, but it doesn’t bother me. One time my injector wanted to put a couple more units on one side because my forehead muscle “pulls” more on that side, but I said no. She was right and I retained a bit of movement on that side, making my eyebrows a bit uneven (no one noticed but me – I asked everyone, ha) so I went back after 4 months that time. I’ve only done my forehead lines and 11s but am intrigued by doing my crow’s foot. Also, Stassi Schroeder is open about getting botox in her trap muscles and neck and you can ABSOLUTELY see the effect, I think she looks stunning these days. I wouldn’t do it myself but I’m impressed.

      1. Amen. I don’t know why people have all of a sudden forgotten how to google. OP is a millennial, she should know better!

    5. Be careful, there is some correlation between botox and skin laxity. I have a family history of connective tissue disorders and when I got my masseter done for a few years, I started to develop jowls out of nowhere (in my 20s!). I have completely stopped botox as a result, and am focusing on retinol and self-acceptance instead.

  9. We are looking into an Alaska cruise this summer (likely a Disney cruise – we have kids and haven’t done yet). Any tips on itinerary etc?

    1. In a very non-snarky way: I’d maybe rethink this plan. Huge that caveat it wasn’t a Disney cruise and that might make it so there’s more to do. But, we went on one with extended family and the travel/cruise days were rough with kids. It was too cold to enjoy the pool and outdoor activities so it was a lot of lounging.

      1. Disney cruises really are different – I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a kid having a bad time on a Disney cruise.

        Also some cruise ships do have covered pools so you can swim in bad weather. Not Disney, I don’t think, but some lines like Holland America and Celebrity do. Might be something for OP to look into if her kids really care about swimming. But I wouldn’t worry too much about lack of swimming on a Disney ship, there is so much other stuff geared for kids.

        It also sounds like you might have gotten a bit unlucky with weather? My husband and I went to Alaska pre-kids but it was 80 degrees one day and we swam in the (outdoor) pool onboard.

    2. Disney cruises are really fun with kids. I’m not a Disney person or much of a cruise person but we did a 4 night Disney cruise for spring break this year and have already booked a winter break ‘26-27 cruise as soon as our booking window opened last week. I would never do it without kids but with school age kids it’s a really special vacation.

      Re Alaska the itineraries are all fairly similar. Two days of scenic glacier cruising is my biggest tip since weather in Alaska is variable and you can easily get rained out one day.

    4. Cruise Tips TV is a great cruise podcast and they’ve been to Alaska on a bunch of boats a bunch of times. DCL podcast has some Alaska episodes that will give you that perspective as well.

      Good luck!

  10. Not to stir the pot, but the JKR comment on the earlier thread made me wonder… how much do you boycott art/literature/music due to the views of the artist? Does it change based on whether the artist is living or dead? Whether you can consume the media without directly contributing to the artist or estate’s financial gain? (For example, by borrowing from the library)

    1. I only boycott artists who have physically harmed someone (r4pe, abus3, murder), mean words don’t rise to the level of boycott for me.

      1. I think this is generally my line. I also think how intertwined the work is with the author’s personal life is a factor. I’ve not had any interest in Woody Allen’s work since Dylan Farrow’s allegations, and I think it’s not only because what he did was more repugnant but also because there are so many creepy references and themes in his work whereas HP has nothing to do with JKR’s controversial views.

        1. I *love* movies, but I think I’ve seen maybe 2 Woody Allen movies in my entire life, which I saw before most of the allegations came out. Every time I read a synopsis or saw a trailer, none of it seemed appealing to me.

          As for JKR, I was an adult when the books came out and thought they were charming, but I don’t have the same emotional relationship with the books that my kids have had. I didn’t ban the books but I did tell them about JKR’s views in an age-appropriate way. My favorite authors in elementary/middle school were Laura Ingalls Wilder and Frances Hodgson Burnett, neither of which were angels of 20th (never mind 21st) century morality.

        2. The Soon Yi situation alone is so ick. Glad I saw his movies earlier but I just can’t be a fan now.

          1. Same, he lost me at Soon Yi. Calling Mia Farrow “jealous” when she found nu de photos of her teenaged daughter taken by daughter’s stepfather. I seriously do not understand how Hollywood still accepts him. At all.

      2. Most of the people who are attempting to boycott JK R can’t point to a single direct quote they disagree with – and no, snarky Twitter clapbacks don’t mean anything. We can’t cancel everyone guilty of that!

      3. Same. I will never listen to Chris Brown, but Ludacris seems to have a happy marriage, for example.

    2. I’m currently struggling with this – one of my favorite living authors has recently been exposed as a predator. I’ve never but him on a pedestal personally, but I don’t want to enrich him (and many of his projects have been cancelled/shelved, so that makes it easier). I haven’t really landed on an approach for the the things that I already own (and typically reread), and am interested to hear others’ thoughts.

        1. Indeed. I am very comfortable not supporting his future projects (if any). But I own American Gods, and truly loved it. Can I still read it? Do I need to purge the copies of things I own? I’m still working through it, and in the meantime am too disgusted to pick up any of those titles, so maybe that’s my answer?

        2. that was the craziest story. with the “i’m sad” photo from the time period, too. not saying he isn’t a predator, but she was of age; it just sounded like she got talked into doing stuff she didn’t want to do. the paragraph describing them in bed together with the kid was so disturbing though.

          1. Yeah, I hear you. The paragraph about being in bed with the kid really made me lose it. Aside from that, he’s behaved in away that is truly not understanding power dynamics and consent (i.e. the way you often see powerful men be predatory to women). The thing that sealed the deal for me was his reaction – he doubled down, and that makes me feel extra icky.

        3. I’m not a huge Neil Gaiman fan, but I’ve read 4-5 of his books and have liked some of the tv adaptations. I’ll happily watch the last season of Good Omens and am sad it will only be a single episode. I think that art in general, but especially movies and television, takes on a life beyond its creator, and involves so many other people who did nothing wrong. Good Omens was cowritten to begin with, and the actors bring so much to their roles, that the author and his misdeeds fade away. I wouldn’t support future work from him, but don’t see a reason to punish people who signed onto things before they knew about his behavior.

        1. This is who came to mind instantly.

          Being ok with your husband molesting your young daughter is on another level from being anti-trans online.

          I say that as a member of the LGBTQ community.

    3. Do not care about JKR’s personal views, does not generally impact my choices at all.

    4. My initial reaction is I don’t go in for cancel culture. We all have personal ethics and I would never try to persuade someone to violate their own conscience. But I’m also not going to do the reverse – “ew you read that?” Art DOES take on a life apart from the artist. And I get most of my books from the library anyway, ha

    5. I used to love Sia and now I can’t listen to her music anymore. For me it’s not like “I’m angry and I’m boycotting” choice, it’s just that it bums me out to think about her now. (My child is autistic.)

      I also can’t think of JKR without thinking about all of her anti-trans talk. We still let my eldest read HP and we went to Universal Studios (fine, and saw Cursed Child) but the bloom is off the rose there also.

    6. Great question. In this case, I am not aligned with JKR’s comments, but I would still read her books. I might be somewhat inclined to buy them secondhand or from the library, but I mostly do that anyways, so I don’t consider it a stand on values. I do not want to miss out on art to spite the artist. Or cut my nose off to spite my face, or whatever. And, for those folks out there who may not be aligned with the views of authors I love, I would want them to still read or buy their books too, so I think I feel similarly in opposite situations too. Although truly, I feel that JKR is an outlier here, in that her comments are so well known. I know basically nothing about any other author I read, except to the extent it makes its way into their writing.

      1. Your last sentence is very true. We don’t know the skeletons in the closet for most of the authors we read.

      2. I’m the OP, and this is where I fall, too. I get all my books from the library, and I don’t follow pop culture news much, so (with the exception of JKR) I’m generally not aware of someone has made public comments I disagree with or find offensive, or even if they’ve done something terrible unless it makes regular news headlines. I’ve enjoyed the CS series, and not reading a new installment would feel like cutting off my nose to spite my face. Similarly, Michael Jackson was a questionable person, but I still enjoy some of his music. Going further back, Wagner was an awful antisemite, but his work is amazing.

        I kind of feel like I need to educate myself on everyone if I’m going to take a principled stand on specific people, and since I don’t want to do that, I might as well just keep my opinions on art and artist separate… but then that feels like moral relativism and a cop out.

        1. I think Michael Jackson maybe illustrates something that in my mind is kind of important — he wasn’t out there shouting about it every single day AFAIK. He was super weird and there were a lot of allegations (and law suits?) but he was doing his best, as an artist, to focus on the music and the tours and the dancing or whatever. JKR is making the daily choice to be very vocal on a public forum while taking a non-inclusive stance that doesn’t relate to her work at all. She wants to be seen as the posterchild for the anti-trans movement.

    7. Expecting moral purity from authors is weird. Not wanting to financially support someone who is hateful/a predator is reasonable. So once they’re dead, unless all that money is getting funneled into some sort of hate group they’ve set up to carry on their work, I’ll read/buy whatever. You wouldn’t be able to read Matilda or Huckleberry Finn or all sorts of other books if you refused to engage at all with authors that have held bigoted views and done things you disagree with morally. I also think libraries and books you bought before you knew they weren’t people you want to support are also fine.

      1. This is where I stand. I won’t support JKR and haven’t paid any money for a Woody Allen film in many years. Other people can make their own choices.

      2. Wait. Maybe Twain was a racist early in life, but not later. Certainly we don’t punish artists who evolved, right?

        1. Twain held generally progressive views, especially for the era, but he never liked native Americans, nevermind minority religious groups of any sort. As his opinions on welfare/disability are what we might call “problematic” if we’re uncharitable, “nuanced” if we’re trying to put a good spin on it.

          1. Didn’t he have a very very young mistress (or soul mate) while married as well? That would not fly if it happened now, for sure.

    8. I mostly don’t, unless they’re someone like Woody Allen, whose art itself gives me the ick enough that I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t know for sure if he’s guilty of the things he’s been accused of, but so many of his movies just make me feel gross to watch, so I’ve stopped watching them (and don’t really understand his appeal in the first place). In general, though, I particularly feel that you shouldn’t boycott movies due to the actions of one person, as there are so many other people involved whose hard work shouldn’t be erased, especially when the movie was made before the behavior in question occurred or was widely known about. And when it comes to books, I read almost exclusively from the library, so I don’t feel like that very small amount of revenue I’m adding to someone like JKR’s fortune is very significant, even if I disagree with her.

      1. I think for me the ick sometimes comes in when they’re clearly trying to encourage support or normalization of their own bad behaviors through their art. Actually even if it’s someone else’s bad behaviors, I lost patience fast with art that seems to be trying to build acceptance of really crossing the line.

        1. This is a good point. Sometimes the point of art is to be proactive, but provocative and normalizing bad behavior are distinct to me. I also get the ick from normalizing / churching up things that (IMO) should stay fringe or unacceptable. Overton window and all.

    9. It’s been hilarious to watch people try to cancel her – the world’s most beloved and successful author by many metrics.

      I would only avoid works by truly horrific men – r@pists, murderers, etc. I say men because they’re the ones who are most likely to meet that bar, but the same would go for women too. Advocating for the rights of women and single-sex spaces is…not horrific. It’s laudable.

      1. Yeah fundamentally I don’t actually disagree with her. Maybe I don’t support every single comment or phrasing but.

      4. Agreed. Particularly when one takes into account JKR’s experience as a domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor, and the multitude of rape and death threats she received for her views that biological sex exists, and women have rights to same sex spaces.

        I may not love every tweet, but I’ll stand behind her in the fight for women’s sex based rights.

        1. Yeah, I think complaining about her tweets when she is understandably pissed off at all the abuse she has received is tone policing. Most of the public supports her core views.

    10. I’m not much of a boycotter. If someone is widely known to have done Very Bad Things, I don’t go out of my way to listen to their music, watch their movies, read their books, etc. But I’m not going to kick up a fuss if someone is playing their music in a group exercise class or their kid is wearing a Harry Potter hat.

    11. I’m a millenial and grew up with the harry potter books, which I enjoyed. But JKR is a billionaire and her favorite hobby is apparently bullying/getting into arguments with people online who have far fewer advantages than her and I find that gross and kind of pathetic. I am not going to throw away my Harry Potter books, but I’m really not interested in anything else she has to write at this point.

      Random, but I always think about the fact that Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon and so probably also holds some views many of her readers strongly disagree with, but she knows how to keep her mouth shut and keep writing insane new versions of Twilight.

      1. wait there are more? i’ve never read them but thought there were only the original 5 books or whatever. good for her for keeping on keeping on!

      2. Stephenie Meyer has been kind of a class act. I don’t boycott artists based on everything wrong with them that isn’t also wrong with their art, but honestly I might enjoy Twilight a little more based on that. Besides the contrast to JKR, it’s a contrast to Orson Scott Card (the Mormon who kept writing insane new versions of Ender’s Game, but didn’t keep his mouth shut well at all).

      3. Same, re: JKR. I don’t “support” JKR– i.e., I don’t defend her, agree with her, buy her work, and will condemn her awful remarks and positions. But I also don’t think that means I need to disavow my HP books that I read and loved when I was 10, when they came out. I can separate the books from their author’s current rantings. If I were to pick up a copy and reread it, she’s not getting another dime, and (most importantly) no tr@ns people are being hurt by my reading HP in my living room.

    12. I mean, I loved the Cosby Show when I was young, and now it makes me nauseous to see him. So that one is easy.

      My father loved classical music, but he wouldn’t listen to Wagner. I don’t know if he had the same nauseated response I have to Cosby.

      But I still like Michael Jackson’s music, and I realize he was himself a child abuse victim, so maybe that makes me more sympathetic. Or maybe I just enjoy his music. I realize I’m being inconsistent here.

    13. JKR is actually bankrolling the anti-trans efforts in the UK. To me, that is materially different from someone who has problematic views that they just express but don’t actually contribute meaningfully to legal changes. If money going to JKR is going towards anti-trans efforts, I’m not supporting anything that would benefit her.
      My trans kid was actually a big Potterhead before.

      1. lol, no she’s not. She has successfully advocated for women’s rights where they conflict with the desired gains of other groups. She has majority support for this work.

    14. Keep supporting authors you want to be support by buying by preorder when possible, but in the meantime, try not to send the message that borrowing from a library is literally not supporting an author at all! Pirating a book online is literally not supporting the author at all. Library borrowing does help out authors financially.

      1. I’m one of the people who said they get library books, and I agree that it does still contribute some financially, I’m just okay with that. People have a right to their opinion, even if I disagree. It doesn’t make me want to go out of my way to support them and throw any extra money at them, but I also don’t feel a need to boycott and if I want to read their book, I’ll read it the way I do most books, from the library. Similarly, I’ll probably watch the new HP tv series when it comes out on HBO, with the subscription I already have. But I won’t be going out of my way to buy a 4k box set or merch or anything like that either.

        1. Yeah I don’t honestly care when it comes to boycotting, but it bothers me when people pirate an author they do want to support as if it is no different from a library book (it is different; at least also borrow the library book!).

      2. Eh, I get that the library buys more copies of popular books, so the fact that I’m #170 on the hold list for the new Cormoran Strike might make the library system buy an extra copy to meet demand and that benefits JKR…but I’m OK with that fraction of a penny whereas I might give a second thought to buying a copy for myself if I were a book-buyer.

        Pirating is wrong whether you support the author/artist or not. To a lesser extent than a movie, but there are lots of people who bring a book from manuscript to publication, and their work deserves to be compensated, too.

        1. FWIW libraries pay a lot more per book than a regular consumer does because it’s assumed the book will be read many times.

          1. Well, then they need to take a basic economics lesson and start sourcing the books like consumers do. This just can’t be true for anything other than ebooks.

    15. I don’t consume JKR content because of her views. Granted, I already own the books so it’s not as if I would be buying it again anyway. Nor do I think HP has ever been such a masterpiece that I feel the need to keep watching 1000 iterations of it. There are also plenty of other young adult fantasy books on the market if I needed to gift something in that category.

      The only thing that has come up recently is when Malcolm Jamal Warner died; obviously, Theo was a big part of his career. Sharing clips of Malcolm on the Cosby Show was hard because Bill Cosby is a despicable human being. The Cosby Show was a big part of my childhood. But I don’t think I could ever sit down and watch an entire episode again.

      In those instances (and others like them) the art just stops being appealing to me. But there are usually lots of other artists to support instead.

    16. I don’t consciously boycott art/literature/music due to the views of an artist. But I don’t want to spend my time or my money on art/literature/music that gives me the ick. Sometimes the art gives me the ick, and sometimes the spending money on an item gives me the ick. Neither is boycotting or cancelling, just a no thank you at this time. I’m very happy to have public money spent to put items in my local library that gives me the ick. I’m happy for you to purchase them.

      Everybody has their feelings and thoughts and I don’t think any version is wrong or somehow the right way.

      Personally I do think whether an artist is contempary and actively working/living vs. historical/dead makes a difference to how I feel. However – I am absolutely comfortable reading, watching and listening to works that I’m not comfortable *paying for* if it feels like (hard emphasis on *feels* like) I’m supporting a current and comtemporary view or situation that gives me the ick. The artwork and the person is not the same thing.

      Example of big ick: I love cinema and have seen a lot of Miramax movies the last decades. Watching anything today, I feel terrible, an actual physical repulsed reaction, every time I see the Miramax logo if it turns up on a movies I’m seeing. It’s not going to make me not watch an old movie, but I don’t think I would be able to buy a ticket to see a new movie produced by him, if that were ever a situation.

      Example of small ick: I have enjoyed (too old to have loved them) HP and CS and still sort of do. I’m happy to read, listen, watch and engage with the worlds, but yes, during the last years JKR in my mind is associated with some ick that makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t begrudge her any views or space to talk about her position, but I care more about the people who are hurt by her views or the consequences in terms of a society that is less friendly to those people.

      In terms of how that looks like, I have stopped purchasing titles and borrow them from the library instead. I’m am very comfortable about my (any) library purchasing books and other works from ANY creator, living or dead. I want my library stuffed full, absolutely chuck full and brimming with works that will give both me, you and anybody else the ick. No cancelling or censorship at the library. Everything is welcome at the library.

        1. Yes, I do mean that.

          No censorship at the library. The library can have ALL the things from ALL the times with ALL the ick and ALL the problems. Things exist, and they should absolutely exist at the library. Everything.

          You do not have to borrow, read, engage or at any time acces any of the items at the library that you don’t want. But they should absolutely exist and be available for other people, however horrified you might be – in my opinion.

          1. It’s obviously not possible for the library to have EVERYTHING, and curation is actually valuable, not worthless, but I don’t even think zero censorship is reasonable for LiveJournal or Archive of Your Own, and I think you must be really sheltered if you think you’re 100% okay with pro-ana narratives and how-tos, elaborate sincere hagiographies of school shooters, and every variety of hate speech and instigation to violence that can be put into words.

        2. The only exception I would make are for books that provide instructions on committing crimes. I am fine with adult content and content I find morally repugnant being at the library otherwise. The library should not be making value judgments that could block off legitimate uses of the material. There is no legitimate use for a detailed set of instructions on device making, for example, so keep that out of the library.

      2. I agree with all of this. Some things may be more or less appealing to me based on a variety of factors. I respect anyone’s choice whether or not to engage with or pay for any art or media, irrespective of how I feel about the art or the artist. I think it’s really important that all visual art, novels, movies, music, etc are *available* for people to choose whether or not to engage with, even if the views expressed therein or the views of the person who created the work are objectionable. I do mean no censorship at all at the library, with the exception of, like, p0rn and contemporary, intentionally malicious hate speech.

    17. I’m not inclined to boycott. Every arts project is the result of the efforts of a whole bunch of people, none of whom should be held responsible for the actions of one of them. I don’t read or watch things I find too rapey (Game of Thrones) or that feature people’s Lolita fantasies or that have gratuitous violence. Basically where the content is unappealing to me.

      1. Gratuitous rape scenes (filmed for the male gaze and titillation) get an immediate click from me. I would leave a theater too.

  11. There was a question last week about the Hairbrella swim cap and I had one on order. I wanted to come back with a quick review now that I have received it and tested it out. TL/DR – it leaked terribly.

    For context, I’m a hobby swimmer about once per week in a 22m indoor pool at my gym. I’m a pretty slow swimmer, mostly front crawl. No flip turns or anything. I have shoulder-length wavy hair, caucasian texture.

    I ordered the standard size swim cap from Hairbrella. I watched the video tutorial and fit the cap according to the instructions. I started with br3ast stroke, and my first impression was that I felt like I had an inflated bag on my head, even after trying to squeeze the air out. After a couple laps I switched to front crawl and the water intake was immediately noticeable, especially around my forehead. Also I had the rubber tabs pulled tight and they extended out to the point that they hit my shoulders on each stroke which was annoying.

    After 45 minutes in the pool I removed the swim cap and it was full of water. Probably 300mL sitting in the inside of the swim cap. And my hair was saturated.
    I might try once more, but I would recommend you all save your money. Sorry, I really wanted to love this cap :(

  12. My spouse doesn’t initiate intimacy. Usually, they’re usually game if I initiate, and the act itself is always enjoyable for both of us, but my favorite part of intimacy is feeling wanted/desired. So, it’s a big blow to just never really be on the receiving end of that unless I get things going. I’ve tried explaining this to my partner and have asked them many times over the years to please initiate more. There hasn’t been any real change. think they want to make me happy, but whatever is holding them back is real and seemingly insurmountable. I love them very much, and I don’t want to break up my marriage. At this point, I think I need to learn to be okay with the status quo. Has anyone been in a similar situation and made peace with it?

    1. Yes and it stinks because we basically almost never have sex anymore. We get along great, his testosterone is fine, etc. At this point I’m just very good friends with my vibrator.

    2. Is your partner male or female?

      Have things always been like this?

      How frequently did you two garden when you first started being physical?

    3. Have you tried counseling? Also, highly recommend Mating in Captivity/anything by Esther Perel.

      Personally though, I couldn’t stay in a relationship without physical intimacy. One of the reasons I got divorced was lack of compatibility in that department. It’s so personal though— it’s not as important to other people I know.

    4. I’m the partner who doesn’t initiate often in our relationship. Come As You Are was helpful reading.

      My drive is usually at a fairly steady state- think like 6 out of 10. I’ll almost always say yes. My husband’s drive is much more variable and goes from 0-10. Honestly, a large part of why I don’t initiate more is because he’ll often decline. Which is totally fair and is his right! But rejection hurts. I had to point out (and he’s agreed it’s fair to say) that when he says he wants me to initiate more he means when he’s in the mood, which isn’t exactly me initiating.

      It’s been helpful for both of us to talk it through and have initiating be a much more subtle action (for us- a hand on thigh). If the receiver is receptive they make a much more dramatic initiating action so it feels more like they’re initiating and expressing desire.

    5. You’ve described DH. He flat told me that he isn’t good at initiating and cannot explain why. I suspect it’s a deep fear of rejection that stems from childhood. We have been married 10 years, and he’s probably initiated about that many times; I only declined once because I had a pap the next morning.
      Like you, I wish he would initiate because that would feel good to feel that he wants me feeling. Also like you, if I initiate, he says yes and the act itself is always good for both of us. Because he always says yes and it’s always good for both of us, I’ve learned to reframe that as the he wants me too feeling. So I initiate nearly every time.
      The other big stuff in our marriage is great. For me, this is an accept him as he is and work with it. I guess what people here call a price of admission. And I’m willing to pay it for everything else that our marriage is.

    6. At this point, I would consider going Savage Love on them and considering whether you’d get an okay from your partner for some outside action.

      Are you both dead set on monogamy?
      Would you both consider some kink play to make you feel more wanted?
      As an example, would you feel as desired as you need if you went somewhere together where you could flirt and feel wanted but then you partner took you home and you still had to initiate gardening that night?

  13. My cousin is coming to visit me soon and her idea of exciting is ‘curated instagram experience’. Any ideas how to make this less painful? I’m not super jazzed to be waiting in line for an hour to get aesthetic desserts when there’s tastier options (just less cute) a block away. I will also need to contain the eye rolls when she photographs aforementioned activities.

    1. maybe don’t roll your eyes. what’s so painful? she’s the guest and that’s what she wants to do it. if you simply can’t find it in your soul to wait online then maybe say you have to work, she should go alone, and you meet her later for dinner at that place you prefer a block away.

      1. Pretty much all the instagram approved activities involve a crowd. I’ve tried to sell things that are a more ‘local’ experience and she wasn’t interested

    3. is she coming to visit YOU or the very instagrammable place you live? if it’s the latter do you even have to go with her to all of the things? if you actually have a relationship with her otherwise just try to focus on what you actually do like about her.

    4. As someone who lives in LA, I’ve inadvertently “experienced” a lot of these … experiences. I thought they’d be fun outings with my daughter – it took me awhile to realize how much it bothered me that it’s about the act of documenting the experience, not the experience itself. With that said, do you like this cousin? If so, try to think of the inevitable waiting as a chance to chat and catch up. Take pictures and create your own storyline about the day. Is she good at taking photos? Have fun with it … ask her tips on posing, or framing/lighting things and the settings she chooses. Enjoy her enjoyment.

    5. I know they share some letters, but hosting and hostility usually have nothing to do with each other. If you can’t get out of your judgmental stance and be a good host, don’t be one at all. You aren’t doing her a kindness by showing up with judgmentalism in your back pocket.

      1. + 1. I have cheerily taken guests to the air and space museum and to a seriously trendy pop up restaurant. I would not have gone to either and it was fun to see something I would never have done on my own. You need to adopt an attitude of open exploration if you’re going to be a good host.

    6. for what it is worth, my son and i had no plans this weekend and went into manhattan and waited on line for one of the fancy pizza places on instagram and it was actually sort of fun, we talked to people on line, etc. we chatted with eachother in a way we wouldn’t otherwise. maybe just lean into it.

    7. I know this is easier said than done, but how about boundaries? Can you limit or contain the number of tedious aesthetic dessert (genuinely, I lol’d at this) experiences you have and balance them with regular plebian dessert experiences? It might make it easier to grin and bear it when you know your entire time together won’t be spent on curated ~*~ vibes~*~ and you have some control over it.

    8. My philosophy when hosting out of town guests is that we do whatever they want to do even if it’s boring for me, since I live there and they’re just there for a short time. Can you adopt that mindset? Part of being a good host is doing things she enjoys and not judging her for expressing her enjoyment by taking pictures or whatever.

      1. I guess part of my saltines is my cousin doesn’t even enjoy these activities she is seeking the social validation of getting likes for posting them.

        2. Are you sure it’s not both? You can do something for likes and also enjoy it. But either way, if this is what she’s telling you she wants to do, I think you respect it.
          If you really hate her, tell her not to visit you,I guess. But if you like her enough that you value sustaining your relationship I think you just have to deal with it. Is she younger than you? Some of the social media stuff is so generational.

        3. It’s kind of sad that you can’t just say “my cousin and I like different things and that’s ok, but I’ll try to show her a good time while she’s here!” Your disdain is just oozing through the screen. Why host her at all if you’re so sure that your way is right and hers is wrong?

      2. Agreed. Presumably she is only staying with you for a few days to a week. I would just go along with what she wants to do even if you think there are better options.

      3. +1. You can of course propose alternatives, but I would go along with what she wants to do.

    9. I am an old, with a curated instagram and a pathological aversion to lines. To make it less painful, nearly every immersive experience offers a VIP option – go for it if you can afford it. For foods, there are plenty of places that are aesthetic with reservations or alternatively, that deliver and you can go somewhere cute. But, my biggest advice is to lean into it. Have some fun with your camera. See who can take the better picture.

    10. Your cousin’s travel style sounds like the exact opposite of mine – but is there any way you can convince yourself, for the weekend, that you’re *actually* visiting a very strange country, with very unusual customs, and even though it goes against all your own cultural values, the only thing to do is to be open and observe? ie treat it like something way outside of your typical experiences, and try to just see it as a totally different way of being in the world, which is foreign to you? After your “trip” (ie after your cousin goes home), you can process and judge and decide you don’t actually want to live that way to your heart’s content

    11. Can you both agree to limit them? We joke about that in my city that anywhere with a plant wall doesn’t have good food (which has been my experience as well). I think that’s an important differentiation from places that have good food and are now popular because of social media. I’m more willing to stand in a line if I get good food at the end.

      I would look at this like traveling with a friend. When I go places with my friends, we always either agree to do 1 or 2 activities that the other might not be jazzed about or establish that the person should go on their own. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to tell your cousin that you are excited to spend time with her but set a boundary for what you want to do. I say this because this is your money and time too. I wouldn’t want to go eat at a bunch of restaurants where I didn’t like the food even if the other person wasn’t constantly documenting it on social media.

      1. I think it’s different if you’re going somewhere with friends versus friend coming to you. Her outlay of time, effort, and expense and limited access is far greater. I don’t see the big deal in sucking it up for a few days to do touristy things given the amount of skin in the game so to speak.

        1. Yup. The host should do what the guest wants. Totally different when two people travel together.

    12. I would maybe let her get the idea that you might let her queue alone for those things? “Oh, that’s so awesome for you! I’m not really into XYZ, but we’ll meet up again after, I’ll just pop to the library while you do this, I really need to get these books back.”

    13. Look, I get it, I live in Nashville, which is like instagram central and I would definitely normally prefer to avoid the insta-famous places. But when I have people in town, I happily go along to what they want to see. Sometimes, I find something enjoyably I didn’t know about. Sometimes I just laugh through the ridiculousness. But these places are usually popular for a reason and there’s something redeemable about them.

      1. Yeah I don’t do IG but I love food and I’d say at least 80% of the time I wait in a long line for brunch I feel like it was worth it. A lot of these places have ridiculous lines because they’re actually really good, and yes social media has created or contributed to the hype but that doesn’t mean that the hype is undeserved. Also opinions about food are pretty subjective. The place you like better isn’t objectively better and maybe she will like the trendy place more.

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