Coffee Break: Wishbone Ring
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This Jennifer Meyer ring would be great to wear on days when you need a bit of luck.
It's a subtle, sophisticated piece but still a bit of fun. I like the way it looks styled on the model's ring finger, but I also think this would be a fun one to wear as a pinky ring or index finger.
The 18k ring is available in sizes 3-8 for $250, at NET-A-PORTER. It's also available as a four-leaf clover for $275.
Sales of note for 6/4/25:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has begun! See our full roundup here. Lots of markdowns on AGL (50%!), Weitzman, Tumi, Frank & Eileen, Zella, Natori, Cole Haan, Boss, Theory, Reiss (coats), Vince, Eileen Fisher, Spanx, and Frame (denim and silk blouses)
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+) + Father's Day gifts up to 60% off
- Ann Taylor – 50% off dresses, jackets & shoes + extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 15% off new womenswear styles
- Eloquii – $19+ up select styles
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Has anyone gotten a moissanite engagement ring? I think it’s so pretty and sparkly, but not sure if it would look weird since people are used to diamonds.
i don’t know that anyone would know that it wasn’t a diamond. most people don’t look that closely.
Yes, and I don’t think anyone can tell the difference.
We can we just don’t say anything cause that’s rude. But they do look different
I mean I don’t say snarky things about your blood diamond either so
I don’t have any sort of ring at all! And I agree saying things about other peoples jewelry is rude. But I also think moissanite is easy to distinguish visually from diamonds
I definitely notice that they’re especially pretty!
It’s more sparkly, right?
Yes. Diamonds aren’t either colorful or sparkly, so they’re just a little drab in comparison when worn as jewelry vs. people who choose sparkly stones or colors. I do think that fancy diamond cuts are cool and get that they have their own appeal.
This thread is actually how I learned moissanite and lab grown diamonds are different, I guess? I have a lab grown diamond and just thought moissanite was the brand name.
It’s very common and most people can’t tell. However, lab diamonds are becoming more popular as they are 100% virtually indistinguishable to mined diamonds.
I can tell the difference in moissanite and diamond side-by-side, but with the amount of attention I pay to other people’s engagement rings in my normal life, I would never notice.
I have a lab diamond in my engagement ring. It’s a 1ct round brilliant cut solitaire, and it was a fraction of the price (and none of the moral ambiguity) of a real one. Jewelers can tell it’s from a lab, and I happily tell anyone who happens to comment on it, but that hasn’t happened in years. My husband used to say he was going to “upgrade” it later, but I like it just fine, and 16 years later there are other things I’d rather spend that kind of money on than an ethically-sourced natural diamond.
Yes, a 1 carat equivalent oval with small round and marquise accents, set in sterling silver. It was custom made and the cost was still under $300. I couldn’t care less if anyone notices the difference and judges. If they do, they keep it to themselves, but I regularly get comments like “wow your set is beautiful” and “your rings sparkle like a firecracker”.
Is there a good place for this sort of jewelry? I’d like some earrings that sparkle like a firecracker.
I ended up getting them from someone on Etsy because I wanted a specific design, but I found a lot of online jewelry stores in the process that sell primarily moissanite and lab diamonds.
I’ve long wondered whether my CEO’s executive assistant’s ring is moissanite because it sparkles like a fire cracker. It’s so beautiful, I’m transfixed by it. I don’t know her well so I just steal glances at it like a magpie. I think there’s something about the setting and the metal as well that really set it off. IDK, it’s just gorgeous.
Yes! I have a 1.2 ct oval moissanite set in gold. I honestly don’t think people can tell the difference at all. I certainly can’t when comparing to similar sized engagement rings of my besties that I know are diamonds. I think the first year or so it sparkled with more colors and vibrancy… I think that has faded a little with time. It is now 6 years old. If anything the loss of the extra colors in the sparkle make it look more like a diamond. It is still very sparkly and lovely.
I’m also happy to tell anyone who asked that its moissanite. It’s super durable, beautiful, and no ethical concerns! We spent the money on a fabulous trip to Italy for 2 weeks instead.
If you think it’s pretty and sparkly and you like it, go for it. Years ago I knew someone who got a sapphire engagement ring because it was pretty and sparkly.
I have a CZ ring and I love it. I couldn’t care less who can tell.
Can anyone share some anecdotal full home renovation costs? We are looking into buying a house that’s a bit of a fixer-upper. About 2k square feet, built in the early 1900s, last renovated in the 80s, 3 bedrooms and a basement den and guest room. It’s a good space with a ton of a charm, walking distance to our school of choice, nice backyard. We would need to fully redo the kitchen, powder bath and master bath, and knock down a wall between the kitchen and dinning room (we would add an island there). The walls on the ground floor also all have this kind of textured grainy finish, so I would want all of that smoothed out, which I’m worried would be expensive. The upstairs is generally in good shape, just a fresh coat of paint aside from the master bath. We are looking at mid-range finishes – not builder grade, not super high end, but nice enough and somewhat period appropriate, no cheap plastic stuff. Realize this is highly location dependent (we are in a HCOL city in the Northeast) but can I get some ballpark figures from people who have done something similar? I’m trying to figure out if we can realistically afford this (and how long it would take, we would need a place to live).
A lot would be my guess. Many tens of thousands.
Hundreds easily. Our nice but not uber fancy kitchen reno in a LCOL area was $60k… ten years ago. In this area and with current pricing my guess is at least $250k.
I would guess you are in the $250-$300K range with this.
Source, I know a few people who have recently done only kitchen-dining areas and their total was in the high 100K’s.
Probably 200k+.
Our realtor said 150-200k, approximately. We could technically do that, but not more, and I’m a little worried they are underselling it to encourage us to make an offer.
That could be about right, it really all depends on the finishes and if the wall you want to remove is load-bearing. Frankly all of that is going to be kind of hard for a contractor to just ballpark without getting into details or tearing into the wall. If you got the wall opened up and found out it was load bearing and couldn’t move it (or it was way outside your budget), would that be a dealbreaker? Just something to think about.
That said, if you have $200,000 you can commit to the reno, that’s not a bad budget at all from what it sounds like you want to do.
Wall texture – you might want to give a drywall contractor a call to discuss. I bet this ends up being pretty regionally drive – I remember Emily Henderson talking about it on her blog. Like in California they do it one way, but in other parts of the country they do it another. I do know that when we speced smooth walls in our midwest state and the contractor was like yeah yeah no problem. He grumbled a bit while he was doing it, so I do think it’s more labor intensive, but they’re very smooth.
That makes sense. Our realtor seemed to think the wall wasn’t load bearing, but obviously would need a pro to confirm. It would be nice to open it up because the kitchen has really nice big windows and the dining room would get some additional light, but no, it’s not a deal breaker. Assuming I have crunched the numbers right and we sell our current home for about what I think it could sell, we could probably go up to 200k, but anything above that would need to be spaced out to later.
You can tell if a wall is load bearing without tearing anything apart.
300k for what the new homes have, Boston suburbs.
Baths- $30k apiece minimum. More if you want a fancy master
Kitchen: $150-250k
Painting: $10k minimum
That sounds low. I was just quoted 150K just to redo a bathroom – and this was only the contractor’s mid-range option. Also, my house was built in 1900, and it’s full of expensive surprises whenever we dig into anything. I’d assume you’re likely to spend double what the realtor is estimating.
See if your realtor has any contractors that could come out and take a look at the house. The answer really is, it depends. A house that old, you could easily spend 100k on stuff that you will never see (electrical, plumbing, roof, etc.) or the 1980s renovation could have been great, but your plan still requires taking out structural walls. At a minimum, based on friends, you are looking at low six figures.
We were quoted $200-260k for similar work in the Seattle area in 2021. Our scope of work was kitchen, master bath and powder room, new flooring, taking one wall out, revamping laundry room, and addressing a porch that was decaying. I think kitchen was 50-70k alone. We were also not seeking high end finishes, but it added up.
Very helpful, thanks! Fortunately this house has nice original hardwood floors and decent tile in the kitchen, so we wouldn’t touch flooring. I would like to revamp the laundry room, but we could wait a bit, it’s usable as is. But I know it all adds up, especially where kitchens/bathrooms are involved. If I did go forward with the work, do you mind me asking how long it took?
if you are removing a wall and adding an island, you are touching the floor.
I would guess 3-9 months depending on if you find surprises.
Fair enough – we would need to fix up a section of flooring around there, but we aren’t doing new floors throughout.
We chose not to go forward in that house because Covid delays would’ve meant we were living in a construction zone for multiple months (contractor warned us that large projects were taking 6-9 months to complete due to sourcing issues). We ended up just making do with everything except for the porch, which was actually an emergency, until we sold last year. I’m pretty sure the people who bought from us gutted the place!
By “living in a construction zone,” I mean our contractor told us we should anticipate living out of a mini fridge and microwave for that long.
Do you only have one bathroom with a shower? That was another big concern for us…the master bath being out of commission meant we’d have to shower at the gym. They did say they’d only work on one bathroom at a time and try to complete shower work as fast as possible, but they were honest that it’d be several weeks between demo and rigging a shower back up.
There is a full bath in the basement – not ideal, but it could work temporarily (it’s also dated, but perfectly functional and we wouldn’t touch the basement until way later, we know we don’t have the budget for that and it’s ok as is).
“textured grainy finish” in a 1900s home I assume means plaster. Not sure how it is in the NE, but I know people who have old homes around that age with plaster in the SEUS who have had a very hard time finding anyone who actually knows how to work with it anymore, so that will probably add to the cost.
Yeah, I was reading about it and it sounds like it might be plaster. Our realtor said they can recommend a GC who has experience dealing with historical homes, but I realize this likely means more $$$.
And plaster from that time period could very likely have asbestos. So, another thing to price out (homeowner usually doesn’t have to disclose if they don’t know for certain)
This. For popcorn ceilings of this type – assuming this is similar – a lot of people will not touch it because the remediation is so difficult. I would make sure it can even be done (at a reasonable price you can live with) before you consider it.
How thick are the baseboards? We’ve had this on our 100year home and put up thin (1/4″) wood paneling in a couple rooms and painted it, it looks like a high-end board and batten finish. The other option is to skim coat it, agree with talking to a dry wall contractor.
so not related to cost, but i have a friend who essentially gutted her house and they lived in the house for most of the time. the contractor built a separate temporary staircase, along with a makeshift kitchen. granted, i think it took longer bc they lived there at the same time.
NGL, my husband was like “oh we can live with my parents to cut down on costs” and while hypothetically this works and I like my in-laws generally, in practice months of living with them would drive me absolutely nuts. So limiting the time we need to spend outside of the house would be good. The staircase is not going anywhere and we could probably camp out in the basement (which has a functional if dated bathroom, but no kitchen) for a little while…
this was actually my friend’s situation. they moved and lived with her in-laws while house hunting and then while doing a some simpler pre-move in stuff. theyn they lived in the house as is for like 18 months while figuring out the reno plans, and then started the renovation. they did not want to move back in with her inlaws, so timed the parts when they had to be out of the house for the summer, when my friend’s MIL goes out of town.
Just spent $250K on a full kitchen, main level floors, stairs, master bath. MCOL in the SEUS, but it is a big house. Nearly $40K of that was about 2800 sq ft of new white oak floors, plus stair treads, new newel posts and railing. So if you take out new floors and just refinish what you have, that’s a huge difference. Custom inset cabinets and Taj Mahal countertops. A mix of fancy appliances (Sub-Zero fridge) and bargains I found on FBMP. In other words, yes, I think $200K could get you what you want. Our work took 3 months, but 3 weeks’ of delay was from the countertop guy’s screw-up. We lived in the basement but always had access to a laundry area.
However much it costs, double it – that *might* be how much it costs you total. More likely 3x.
That was not my experience at all. We did come in over our original price, but that was for things we added in afterwards, on purpose. We actually refused to go forward with one contractor because his allowances were not realistic.
OP-the fact that this is a small home will make a huge difference. There is a reason so many estimates you read online are $X per square foot.
Not ours either — we came in right at the original estimate price but our contractor was really scrupulous and every change to the estimate was filed as a change order. So if we’d decided on marble over granite that would have (obviously) cost more and been added as a change order for us to approve. But “sorry this took longer than expected, we’re raising the price” was not a thing.
Find a good contractor and it should be nowhere near twice the estimate.
Don’t do it. You don’t seem to care about the historic home and things will inevitably get messy and expensive.
I do care about the historic home! I would absolutely preserve the original details – great wood trim, beautiful staircase, some original windows, original hardwood floors. Most of the renovations would be to undo/upgrade whatever they did in the 80s, which was fine back then but is now insanely dated and not in great shape. We have a decent budget, but are not made of money or time. We like this home a lot more than any of the more modern options we have seen in the area, which is why we are trying to figure it out, or at least discuss it as an option.
A proper restoration is going to cost a lot more than 200k unless you’re willing to DIY and salvage materials. Restoring windows is pretty easy, just labor intensive. Solid wood cabinetry is available second hand if you look carefully otherwise Ikea boxes are going to look awful. Bathroom tile is easy enough to do new if you go with classic colours, but there’s some fantastic reproduction companies out there and salvage yards. I would strongly suggest against removing the plaster and avoid drywall at all costs.
Is it livable as-is? I had a lot of plans for my house that I’m glad I didn’t go ahead with. I was advised to live there a year and reassess.
I get if it’s not livable or if the 80s choices are just too dismal.
+1000 Do anything that is necessary or will drastically impact livability (eg, adding central air) in short order, but live with the house for a bit before making bigger changes. You’ll figure out your preferred traffic patterns, the type of storage you wish you had, how the light falls, etc, making the end result that much better
I mean, it’s technically livable (it was a family home until the couple left for a retirement home), but it’s seriously dated and not very functional. For example, there is no shower in the master bath, just a bath. The sink is tiny with no vanity, even though there is plenty of space. The kitchen has weird cabinet placement and a random fridge just sitting against a wall. And the grainy plaster isn’t great with kids, one of them will inevitably get some sort of bad scrape from running into the wall.
We would try to keep the renovations to a minimum, and don’t plan on doing IKEA. But we are not DIYers and would prefer to have a competent professional do the heavy lifting.
Look into a shower riser to turn the tub into a proper shower. Very cheap and easy to install.
Honestly, you need to decide wether you really want to preserve the historical charm of this house or not. Plaster walls are not a bad thing if they are in good condition. If you just try to update random things while keeping the historical elements intact and think you can easily patch in missing flooring where walls were removed, you really are in over your head.
Going through a house renovation right now where we knocked down a wall, did a full kitchen reno, pulled carpet out of multiple rooms and replaced with flooring, and painted nearly every room. Even after doing as much ourselves as possible, getting a good deal with a contractor friend for the things we couldn’t handle, and being mindful about material cost, we’re looking at about ~$70k (MCOL city). I would estimate your work to be closer to $200k+.
I’m in the NYC burbs. We are doing two bathroom renovations right now – gut jobs, but small spaces (70ish square ft each). Low-medium end fixtures; only splurge is the shower walls and glass. We are also doing a lot of leg work to cut down on project management costs (eg, all the work for pulling permits, including making the diagrams). In total they will come to about $75K. We also finished the basement recently (very basic, no plumbing or demo involved) and that was $65K.
Based on the work you described, I would budget at LEAST $200K.
ETA: if you pick a really good small contractor, and are thoughtful about your choices, perhaps you could keep it to $200K…but I’d be wary of any quote that comes in below!
Understood. I think realistically if we want to do this, we need to budget 200k and accept that we may not be able to get everything done or might need to compromise somewhere depending on how things go. This conversation was helpful to get a ballpark – if we go forward, we are going to schedule a walk-through with the contractor our realtor recommended and see what they think.
Don’t go with a random contractor! Do one who specializes in old homes.
How sure are you of the foundation/structure/pest remediation/roof/windows/HVAC? Windows add up quickly, a roof can be 20+k, and structural stuff gets expensive fast.
I’d estimate 50-100k for a kitchen, 20k for each bathroom, 20k to knock out the wall, 20k to re-texture walls and paint, and another 50k for things you don’t know you need to do yet.
Most of the windows were replaced pretty recently, they kept two original windows over the stairs which we would want to keep unless absolutely necessary. The roof was also redone within the last five years. The house had central air, but I can’t speak to its condition. No pest disclosures, but who knows. No visible foundation issues, but we would get a competent inspector to do a full inspection.
Thanks for the estimates, that’s really helpful!
You could make an appointment to go back with someone for a quote. That’s the best way to get a good ballpark on what is realistic and isn’t a wacky ask from a contractor. Definitely seems like a six figure renovation – the quote from your realtor seems reasonable.
Oh yeah, I’m definitely expecting six figures. But we cap out at 200k (give or take a bit of wiggle room) and I’m trying to figure out if that could work. It’s a sought after neighborhood, and if we do a decent renovation, I think it could be a great house. But it’s been sitting on the market for a bit because it’s on the smaller side for this affluent area and is in serious need of modernizing.
if your actual max is $200K, then you need to be scoping work that totals like $150K. There is always going to be SOMETHING.
This right here. You also want to understand the condition of the plumbing and electrical, because it’s easy to have scope creep when the walls are open (or you find a hidden surprise somewhere). The two baths are going to be variable depending on size and type of finishes – you could do a master bath rip and replace for $25K near me (HCOL) or it could be upwards of $50 if it involves any major layout changes or fancy plumbing like a steam shower.
+1. I think you will go over $200K with the work you described. I would have guessed $300K.
It’s such a massive reno. I think you have to have a contingency of a MINIMUM 25% comfortably, and be ok with the fact it could be 35% over.
Biggest risk I see is that you’re leaning on crowd sourcing here and your realtor to estimate cost when budgets are sensitive and have a defined ceiling. You need a GC to give you a good figure. It could be so much more than you realize based on a seemingly benign feature of the house and there’s 0% chance your realtor would know that.
Expect to spend $500-$1k/SF in HCOL for this work.
So $2M for a 2,000 SF house?
No, for the sq ft that you’re remodeling. So a half bath is 10 sq ft, a kitchen is 120 sq ft, etc. And I concur with $750 (I’m the New England reno poster below).
Just a note off the top, the texture in the plaster was the style there for a few years in the 20s/30s, so I’d see if you could learn to love it.
We’re going through a full reno now in a rural town in New England, so we don’t have city prices, but we’re not super cheap, either. For a new kitchen, depending on the space, you’re looking at $75k-$100k. To redo the powder room, assuming you don’t need to move any plumbing, $15k, $30k if you do. I can’t speak to your master bath because we’re inventing our remaining three baths out of whole cloth – yes, those costs are huge. Good luck!
we did a kitchen/dining reno in 2022 and it was $250k (original budget $200k) in Portland, or. we did have to do some structural work and picked what I think of as mid-range appliances (Bosch) and tile etc. things are just expensive, especially if any structural work needs to be done! we did move a powder room ~10feet. also make sure you budget 20% extra because things come up.
Ok girls, what endocrine-safe antipersperant/deodorant are we using these days? I have tried Native and Tom’s (deodorants), are these the answers? How often do you (personally) apply, is it more than once a day if you’re only using deodorant and not antipersperant?
I used Schmidts. I reapply mid-day if it’s really hot or I’m doing something stressful, otherwise I don’t find that I need to. Native and Tom’s didn’t work for me at all.
I use Men Triple Odor Defense Unscented Gel Antiperspirant & Deodorant. I apply after washing. The ingredients are minimal and contain nothing that concerns me.
Native somehow makes me smellier.
My husband says the same about Native (on him, not me)!
Does your deodorant contain aluminum? I thought that was an endocrine disruptor.
Yes, aluminum is the antiperspirant. The rate of transdermal absorption of aluminum is low, and I already avoid aluminum elsewhere (I don’t cook with aluminum pans or aluminum foil; I filter my water), so it’s not something I worry about. (Also if I were not using an effective antiperspirant everyone would know!) My endocrinologist also okayed it for me.
What makes something endocrine safe?
I use Dove most days of the week. Occasionally I remember to apply it at night, most days I remember to apply it post-morning shower.
I am not super up to date on this, which is why I asked, but I understand that aluminum, phthalates, and parabens can mess with your hormones. I tried natural deodorants years ago, but gave them up when they didnt work for me when had the kind of job where I needed to be in structured blazers and silk blouses. Now that I am more casual (and more brands have entered the market) I’m hoping there are better options.
I apply morning, after work, and sometimes before I go to bed if I feel like it’s worn off. The before bed is more of a texture thing – like I feel more comfortable – my skin kind of chafes without deodorant.
Idk if it’s 100% endocrine-safe, but I really like Megababe.
I’ve tried all (literally feels like all) safer deodorants and none work. Decided to just keep using the toxic stuff and cut back in other areas. I make sure my shampoos/other things that are in daily use are free from phthalates, parabens, and fragrance for a start.
Yeah, the only thing that works is real antiperspirant.
+1 – that was my first question to my oncologist when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was adamant that my anti-perspirant did not cause it and I was fine to keep using it. (And yeah, this was actually a huge deal to me at that moment – I sat in her offices bawling about hormone suppression and having hot flashes but being doomed to just sit and sweat.) I wish people would stop fear mongering.
I hear you. As someone who is at high risk for cancer (carry a mutated gene that has killed all the women in my family over time), it really infuriates me too how the internet and bad extrapolations from limited science has led to these types of paranoias.
Aluminum is a neurotoxin that may affect the fetus adversely during pregnancy. I cut out antiperspirant during that time. I agree there isn’t sufficient evidence to claim it causes cancer but it does have other known harms.
Antiperspirant is a minor source of aluminum exposure for most people (think <5% of exposure, where more than 90% is food and water).
It likely isn’t that minor. It’s one of the primary exposure sources because most people apply it daily and it’s up to 2 g on the skin.
Go to hell with your scaremongering
Whatever, lady. Yell away if it makes you feel better.
I think some people get confused because aluminum antiperspirant does interfere with mammogram imaging and can cause false positives. But the key is that they’re false positives, just from it topically resting on the skin… it’s not that it’s doing something bad inside our tissue that is showing up on the test!
Your instructions before a mammogram are to not wear deodorant/anti-perspirant/lotions
Yes, and the instructions alone scare some people, while others fail to comply and get scared that way.
Dove Clinical. I don’t believe the nonsense about it being dangerous.
Pit Liquor sometimes. Usually I just wear numi undershirts (three protective layers of fabric under the arm pit) and no deodorant.
I’ve always used deodorant only because I find that anti-perspirant makes me actually sweat more. Usually once a day unless I notice I’m particularly smelly.
Kosas serum deodorant is amazing.
What are we wearing for summer cocktail parties and indoor restaurant parties? The kind where men wear jackets but not suits. I have a dress for one and it’s a somewhat structured ( has a belt and full midi skirt) but a bright cotton print. Is that too daytime? I’d wear heels and a clutch bag.
This sounds fine to me! I think the events where you need a more structured/more formal fabric/darker dress are the ones where men are wearing dark suits, and I’m finding these pretty rare these days outside weddings and ‘events’ (galas, award dinners, etc.). Even a cotton dress can read quite dressy with heels, so I think you’re golden!
It depends on the formality of the event, formality of your location (big city or smaller suburb), start time (early dinner versus later evening event), and whether you’re going to be around professional associates or personal friends. If you are unsure about the event, go with whatever makes you feel confident. Your dress sounds perfect for most occasions – maybe bring a dark or neutral in color blazer/cardigan if you think the print might be too bright for evening.
I wear dresses exactly like what you describe. I think of them as nice sundresses.
Something like the ALC Renzo or the Ramy Brook Audrey–a summery silhouette in a lighter silky fabric. Or a black linen dress.
Headed to Sante Fe this summer for a conference and staying at the El Dorado Hotel. Any good restaurant recommendations or “must dos” while I’m there? I’ll have a few free days and plan on doing a day trip to Taos.
Ten Thousand Waves. Book a private tub at sunset and have dinner. Ojo Caliente (the one farther from town) was lovely and a good part of a day trip including a lavender farm and visiting some Georgia O’Keefe sites.
Georgia O’Keefe museum is lovely if you like her art. You can also visit San Miguel Chapel, which oldest church in the country (built in 1610).
Damn that’s old for here
The internet will give you these, too, but I never miss The Shed or Tomasitas for New Mexican food. La Fonda hotel has a decent New Mexican breakfast and a cool rooftop bar if you want to grab a drink. Hotel St. Francis also has a decent bar for expensive craft cocktails. If you have time, try to see the miraculous staircase at Loretto Chapel.
Also I do this every time, there’s a gift shop inside of the cathedral and I buy a copy of Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather and that becomes someone’s souvenir present.
The Shed is pretty good for an indoor/outdoor lunch venue. Tomasita’s is good for dinner. I would do a day trip to Bandolier National Park and Los Alamos (you can do one of their historic tours or a self-guided walking tour). Dress in layers as Santa Fe can get very hot but some places overdo the AC. If you are in town over a weekend, the Santa Fe farmers’ market is fun. If you like spicy, be sure to ask for “Christmas” for chili dishes (red + green).
I recently drove to Taos during an SF long weekend and found it very underwhelming fwiw. Also under a ton of construction with road closures but that was February, maybe it’s better now.
I second either if the Ojo resorts for hot springs and spas. And the railroad district for dinners.
The Santa Fe Opera is beautiful and iconic.
I spent a very charming morning at the museum of folk art, on museum hill. I didn’t have enough time to go to the other museums.
I just got back from there! The Ventana gallery was well worth the trip (ask for Wolfgang, he was super helpful!), and if you’re into lagenlook comfortable eco-friendly clothing, “Homefrocks” has their brick and mortar in SF and it is absolutely gorgeous. (These are on Canyon Road).
Arroyo Vino is a bit out of the way but a gorgeous location and amazing food. Also the La Plazuela in the Palace is stunning, great food and terrific atmosphere. The shopping in that same location is great too.
We stayed at the Hotel Sante Fe and Hacienda Spa (Hacienda side) and I recommend it, it’s elegant, reasonably affordable and the service was excellent.
Help me unpack my conflicted feelings about Greta Thunberg and this “kidnapping” or whatever it is?
I understand and support someone’s use of their platform to bring attention to a cause. But idk. This one is irking me. Maybe because media (at least that I’m seeing) is leaning so hard in to the kidnapping word and we’re dealing with actual hostages/kidnappings? Sounds like she got a flight back to Paris almost instantly, and this was nearly a fully expected outcome. It just felt extra performative.. I personally think any aid to Gaza is good on the one hand and applaud efforts, but on the other wasn’t there a 0.0% chance it got there?
FWIW, I typically ignore the dialogues here about the conflict because I have real life outlets to discuss. I hope this doesn’t go fully off the rails because that’s not my intent. It’s really just me trying to process feelings around performance vs productivity.
I think they treated her like the child she is. I wish all children could be so delicately handled.
She’s 22 . . .
I think they meant emotionally / behaviorally.
yikes 😬
Does she just rub you the wrong way because of the ’tism? (it’s okay if she does science has studied it and it’s a very common thing.)
She’s done more for the conflict than any other non-politician.
I had to look this up. I was unaware of a ’tism…so no.
It’s called thin slicing it’s that without knowing someone is autistic a neurotypical will find them odd/annoying/ etc.
Maybe they’re just annoying though?
Autism is very annoying to a lot of people. I’m not sure what “just annoying” means here.
It means that people with autism or any other condition aren’t annoying because of autism. Maybe they just have an annoying personality like anyone else.
Holy ableism batman. You can’t really separate the person and the autism. Lots of key characteristics of autism such as stimming and a strong sense of justice (which results in things like veganism and social justice work) rub people the wrong way.
Eh, there is a difference between a disorder and a personality. Even if people tend to find characteristics of autism annoying, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t also possible for an autistic person to have an annoying personality that is unrelated to their autism.
The whole idea is that it’s a reaction people have when they’re unaware.
Like literally what has she done
I assume it’s all for awareness. Greta is famous but doesn’t really the power to do anything else.
It’s not kidnapping when you deliberately try to waltz into a war zone and get intercepted
That sounds more like detention than kidnapping.
Just incase you’re actually uninformed on maritime law countries only ‘own’ a very limited amount of territorial waters and are obligated to let the passage of vessels. What Israel did was very illegal.
Respecting borders and observing international law are not characteristically Israeli activities.
Well they are party to the convention….
And paying lip service to observing international law while flouting it is very characteristically Israeli.
I am one who does weigh in on discussions of the conflict here, and elsewhere, heavily on the anti-Israeli government/IDF side, and this stunt and the term “kidnapping” also feels very performative to me. I appreciate the activism and use of her platform, but no aid was ever going to make it off that boat and she was never going to be allowed either into Gaza or into Israel. Maybe this is good attention for the cause. It doesn’t feel like it, but I could be convinced.
I disagree that she has done more for the cause than any non-politician. There are louder and more informed voices out there, at least in U.S. media. Maybe the experience abroad is different.
It is performative but performance is necessary in activism. All rights campaigns have scripted demonstrations where someone puts themselves at risk for a cause. You can look back in history and see many examples of those. The media probably wouldn’t cover it all otherwise. But it’s also why the Israeli government released their photos of her — because they also want to use her platform.
The other people on the boat are in prison in Israel, and two of them are in solitary confinement, the Brazilian Thiago Ávila and the French-Palestinian MEP Rima Hassan. I don’t see anything performative about it.
BTW Intercepting a boat in international waters is illegal, but you know, Israel doing Israel things.
How long would you wait for a quote from a plumber before moving on? I think my first quote was reasonable but certainly not low. It’s been over a week since the second plumber came out and I’m getting annoyed waiting for the second quote to come in before I can move forward on the project!
Call, text, email them. The bigger plumbing companies have dedicated office staff to send out quotes but if working with 1 person companies, they usually dont have enought time in the day to do this.
If you have communicated multiple times and nothing for 1-2 weeks, move on. And always try to get 3 quotes…Good luck!
I’d go with the person communicating with you. Any price savings would be negated by the difficulty of working with them.
Have you called them?
Call them.
I live in SF, and there are ICE protests happening. I’d like to get involved in the protests, but my husband and I are applying for marriage-based greencard for him this month. I am thinking if I got arrested or apprehended at a protest (not sure how likely this is), it would affect our case and my ability to sponsor him.
Is the right move to sit out any protests at this point and just try to get involved in other ways?
Sit this one out and participate when you can.
March Saturday at the No Kings march. Carry a sign that expresses your views.
I am a fairly risk-averse person in my day-to-day life, and based on what you shared above, there is no way I would participate in any protests right now. Donate your money to immigrant support funds for now and save any outward actions for later once you’re all set.
Of course you don’t protest right now. I admire you wanting to but no.
Yes obviously
Stay home for this one. Kick money towards mutual aid funds if you can.
Be aware that donation history could be looked at for green card applications (it is for other visa types).
Yeah, I was thinking this same thing. OP, frankly, I wouldn’t do anything at the moment.
Those who are protesting are doing it for people like you and your husband. Don’t risk it.
IME in Southern California, most of the arrests tend to happen at the very large protests and the ones in the city center. When it’s a ritzy area where people gather in front of the library or their community center for what I think of as “elderly hippie enrichment time,” arrests are very uncommon. Also church vigils or gatherings are pretty chill. That said, you’re just a single person who needs to stay in the good graces of the USCIS, so maybe figure out another way to help (e.g., donate to the general fund of a charitable organization you support).
Advice on being bored at work and what to do? For background, I love my job but due to economy, lots of projects have been delayed and company is probably folding in a couple years. I know I am super lucky to even have a job right now (my industry is in shambles) but I need to do something to fill the time. I work from the office 4 out of 5 days and have asked multiple times to take on ANYTHING (not much is there to be done)…this job pays so well and I have been lucky to have a great balance to spend time with my kids in their formative years. I am looking for other opportunities (not much exists currently) but what else would u do? I’m trying to educate myself on investing and understanding financial market more, maybe looking for real estate to flip, fill in/learn about different aspects of my industry…I’m in my early 40s so don’t want to “waste” my professional years too much and also type A so this idleness is driving me insane. Advice?
Go to night school to pick up anything useful and / or network. Lots of job resources at colleges and colleges universities if needed later.
Get a certificate through an association related to your industry/role or through LinkedIn Learning. Research other jobs you may want in the future (create a dream jobs folder) and see what skills you might need to build to get there. Listen to podcasts at your desk with headphones and take notes to look busy. Plan a vacation or research things for your kids/personal life. Take full advantage of lunch breaks to leave the office.
Or find a relevant certificate program for employee development and do it.
Networking—- if not in your industry, then geography or industry-adjacent field. Sit on a board. Write some papers. Speak at conferences.
I live in a big US city. We have a great community college. It has something like 5 campuses in our county and lots of online offerings. It tries to reach as many people as it can. Why aren’t colleges like HYPS expanding their sizes? Especially state flagships that seem to have a duty to educate local students? Who would that harm and it’s not like there aren’t funds or students who would love to pay.
Whatttt
The ivies are a great education but they’re also a brand that thrives on exclusivity.
State flagships don’t have an obligation to local students. In-state, yes; local, no.
Two reasons:
1. Exclusivity
2. It’s physically very difficult for most schools to expand. This is less of a problem for community colleges because they don’t have as large a physical footprint (they don’t need dorms, lots of classes are online, they don’t have many of the other facilities that research universities or residential colleges have).
I’ve worked at a range of universities from Ivy to flagship state university to regional public and every single one has struggled to build because communities don’t like universities taking over and push back HARD. The only ones that are easily able to grow are the ones that have lots of space available to build on, which is not the case for most schools.
HYPS are not state flagships, and state flagships are not like HYPS, no matter how much their marketing brochures try to say otherwise.
You sound like the residents of my town I heard from when I was on the local council. They expect people to create land out of thin air.
There’s a bit of enrollment “cliff” – basically there aren’t a lot of 2008 babies and they are the teens applying to college in the near-ish future. Flagships are often pretty dependent on federal funds and there is lots of uncertainty, so expansion seems really risky.
State schools are expanding. The state flagship in my state is opening or has opened several new satellite campuses in recent years.
As others said, the Ivies are a brand built on exclusivity and aren’t trying to educate as many people as possible.
Who are all these students just waiting to throw money at college? And where are all these funds that are just camped out waiting to be used for more campuses?