ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 238 Comments

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Lightweight Juliet Kick-Flare Pants

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A woman wearing black cropped pants, a white top, black sandals, and silver bracelets

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I wandered into a brick-and-mortar Chico’s store a few weeks ago when I had some time to kill and was pleasantly surprised at the quality of some of the pants I saw. These lightweight kick-flare pants looked like a great business casual option for spring, especially at this price point.

They have just enough stretch to be comfy, but not so much that it looks like you’ve brought athleisure into the office. 

The pants are $69, marked down from $89.50, at Chico’s and come in sizes equivalent to 0-22. They’re also available in five other colors.

Hunting for more crop flare pants? They're definitely trending in 2025, and some of our favorites include options from Madewell, Anthropologie, J.Crew, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Spanx, Theory, and M.M.LaFleur.

woman wears crop flare pants with work outfit
Ann Taylor
woman wears crop flare pants with work outfit
Theory
woman wears kick flare pants with work outfit
J.Crew
woman wears kick flare pants with work outfit
Spanx

Sales of note for 5/14/25:

  • Nordstrom Rack – Looking for a deal on a Dyson hairdryer? The Rack has several refurbished ones for $199-$240 (instead of $400+) — but they're final sale only.
  • Ann Taylor – Suit Yourself! 30% off suiting (ends 5/16) + 25% off your full price purchase (ends 5/18) + extra 60% off sale (ends 5/14)
  • Talbots – 40% off all markdowns (ends 5/18) + 30% off dresses, skirts, accessories, and shoes
  • Nordstrom – Beauty Deals up to 25% off (ends 5/17)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 10% off new women's styles with code + sale up to 50% off
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything + extra 60% off sale + $1 shipping on all orders
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off long-weekend styles + 50% off select swim and coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100+ + extra 20% off $125+
  • M.M.LaFleur – Lots of twill suiting on sale! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off

238 Comments

  1. Any recs for an easy to clean humidifier for a child’s room? Don’t need smartphone connectivity or anything.

    2. This past winter we used a mix of cool mist Levoit and Vicks (with a little slot for a VapoRub infused pad, which was helpful for coughs). The Levoit were very easy to open and fill and I heartily recommend.

      The key is to use purified or distilled water only. In the past we have used tap water and our humidifiers have gotten grimy and been hard to clean. This year, I’d empty and wipe them and let them air dry about once a week and that was all the cleaning needed. We had four different ones going all winter and they are all still in pristine condition.

    3. I like the Canopy humidifier, which is dishwasher-safe. It’s a little on the loud side, but perfect if you have a kid who likes white noise.

    4. I bought a Levoit one and it’s been the easiest to clean by far. It does have a connectivity feature, though you could just not use it.

    6. I love my Crane 1.2 gallon top fill humidifier. I like that it is top fill and the parts inside completely dissemble for easy cleaning.

      I clean it once a week. I take the inside pieces apart, take the lid apart, and put it all in the humidifier. The I add some bleach and water and let it soak.

      I use it in my kids room every winter. This is the third year and it still works great.

      I’ve tried a few other humidifiers before this one. I like this one the best.

    7. Please make sure you get one with UV, so you’re not just spreading mold spores all over your house!

      – Someone who’s mom didn’t know this and suffered as a child from horrid allergies.

  2. Headed to a state legislature hill day in a couple weeks and then will likely have several meeting with our federal house and senate delegation in the coming weeks/months. I haven’t done this in years and have had a baby in the interim. Are we doing suits? I assume so, but if I don’t have to buy a suit…

    Also, I’m in a JCrew/Ann Taylor budget, anyone got a rec?

      1. In a work capacity. As in I am both a constituent and also the meetings are about ensuring funding for my work.

    2. I’m a lobbyist in DC. Suits are no longer required for women. I think dresses / separates are totally fine! I would aim for more business than business casual but any work-y dress from J Crew or Ann Taylor should work!

  3. Any DC must-do suggestions? I will be there for a work conference later in May and have never been. Have two free evenings mid-week and am staying near Pershing Park. And for the mornings, are there any places near there with great coffee? Thanks!

    1. Depending on your dates, the National Gallery Sculpture Garden does jazz on Thursdays starting in late May, which is an all-around nice event. With planning you can enter the ticket lottery, or tickets are first-come first-serve on day-of.

      There are several great coffee places depending on where you are staying. I’m partial to Tatte or Nativo. The chai at Teaism is really strong and delicious if you want to mix it up one day.

    2. drop by the National Portrait Gallery / Smithsonian American Art Museum, it’s in the same building and open until 7pm. Most of the other museums close around 5, so probably won’t fit into your schedule. You could also do an evening walk to look at the Washington Monument, Reflecting Pool, Jefferson Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, etc. I think the US Botanic Garden might also start summer hours in May, would have to check.

      Or if you have a Thursday evening free, see if you can get a ticket to the Library of Congress, since it stays open until 8pm on Thursdays.

      1. We got bike share bikes on the Mall a few years ago, and that was a terrific way to get around to all the different spots.

    3. Admittedly none of this may excite you but it does excite me. Despite current political climate I have such a love affair with DC and appreciation of our democracy and history. My breath is taken away whenever I see the capitol, the White House, The Mall and monuments/memorials, and all that goes with it. With that in mind, if any of these sights sound interesting to you, you may just love heading over to the Lincoln Memorial, enjoying the views, visit the The Wall, WW2 memorial, walk toward the Washington Monument, and then keep going toward the Capitol, Supreme Court, etc. All of this is free, outdoors and easy to access. End-to-end on the mall is unsuspectingly far (2 miles?) so you could walk it, jog it if looking for exercise, or uber from point to point. Also, the best view of the White House I think is from the north. You can see it from the Mall but it’s worth the trek over to Pennsylvania Avenue/Lafayette Square for that vantage point.

      PSA I’m definitely not from the DMV area so others might have a different take. But as an occasional visitor to the city for work, this is what I do when I want to get out of my hotel room in the evenings.

      1. agree with this, also found the MLK memorial striking, and the Smithsonian Museum of African American history.

        1. Yes to MLK! The statues at the Korean War Memorial are something, too. Doesn’t require but a 3 minute passing by, but can also be easy to miss.

    4. If you are a runner, wake up early and run the loop Lincoln Memorial and the Capital. Bonus if you can time it so you hit the Lincoln Memorial at day break. No need to worry about running by yourself, there are always plenty of runners in the area. Also, to make your inner child happy, the American History Museum normally has one or two of Jim Henson’s puppets on display. They are near the front so you can make it in and out fairly quickly.

    5. Not must do’s but some fun suggestions: Have a drink at the rooftop bar Vue with a cool view of the Treasury Building, Washington Monument and White House. Catch a show at the DC Improv, feels very intimate and old school like the opening skits in Seinfeld. Hear the Bells of Congress being practiced on Thursday nights at the Old Post Office Tower (can be heard from outside). Enjoy your stay!

    6. if you haven’t had ethiopian, go to an ethiopian restaurant – lots of delicious ones in DC

  4. DD turns 7 on Monday and has been asking for a garden. I have a brown-trending-black thumb. It’s not that I don’t understand gardening, I just don’t prioritize it or really enjoy it. I don’t water, I don’t fertilized, I don’t really care that my plants are getting eaten by all the wildlife things.

    That all said – I could see her really enjoying taking care of a “porch garden” if such a thing exists. We’re squarely in suburbia and have a decent sized lot but I just want to start small, on our raised back deck in hopes to deter some wildlife from terrorizing the would-be-garden. It’s right off the family room so it would be easy for her to care for and not forget about.

    So… where do we start? Can we feasibly grow any foods in a small to medium sized container? I’m not opposed to planter that sits on a table or, better yet, sits on the deck floor. Would ideally like to pull all of this together by Monday. I have major big box retailers a stone’s throw away and some local garden centers. Help??!

    2. Go to your local garden center and give them your budget and the idea you described here. Ask what grows well in your area that can be outside this time of year and have them point you toward the supplies and plants or seeds that you need.

      Where I am, it is too cold to put much out yet but we could get away with planting peas, radishes, lettuce, and kale right now. Those all grow pretty quickly. Depending on your weather, you could also do a strawberry pot with strawberry starts, zinnia seeds in a planter, a little herb garden in a porch container, etc.

      1. Where are you? I’m in greater Boston. I think she’d get an absolute kick out of growing strawberries. It could be that we get her the stuff for her bday and start with flowers, and then as it warms up more we transition to the berries if weather is too much of a concern right now to do that.

        1. I’m Needham and just planted my deck pots this week, my heart tells me we’re frost-safe.

          I’m a flower person AND they attract butterflies, easy to grow for a brown thumb, these are my picks:
          Marigolds (seed or startup),
          Zinnia seeds,
          Dill (the herb, seeds, will bring swallowtail butterflies),
          Milkweed (will bring Monarch butterflies)
          purple salvia or Catmint (not seed too slow)
          Sunflowers
          nasturtiums (both seed)

          (also, native garden folks are so militantly against big box stores these days, don’t listen to them. I love laying waste to Lowes/Home Depot in addition to Lovell’s/Mahoney’s/Weston Nursery )

          1. Yes – Mahoney’s in Winchester is my jam whenever I do get the random pang to care about my garden. That’s where I’m planning to go.

    3. Local garden centre likely sells a lettuce bowl planter. I would get that and another planter to throw a few carrots or tomato seeds in and call it a day.

    4. Get a big planter that can sit on the porch or somewhere in the yard that gets full sun (most fruits and veggies need full sun to thrive). Then take daughter to the garden store and let her pick out 7-10 plants for her birthday. Ask the garden store about pest deterrents for your area.

      My parents let each of us kids have one of the whiskey barrel type planters and we could put whichever plants we wanted in them. It was a highlight of the spring to go to the garden store and pick out my flowers and tomatoes!

    5. Also, you can aim for specific plants ahead of time but my favorite part is getting whatever happens to catch my eye when I’m there. My favorite last year was a spearmint plant that smelled amazing when you rubbed the leaves, and a tomato variety that grew yellow, pear shaped tomatoes.

    6. Does she want to grow food or flowers?

      After years of container gardening, we got rid of ALL our small or shallow containers. They are just too hard to keep happy through a hot summer. A single deep container will be a lot easier to manage than a few small ones if you’re careful to choose plants that like similar light & moisture.

      1. This. I do a ton of container gardening, and the large ones are SO MUCH EASIER to care for.

        OP, is she wanting to grow veggies, flowers, or both? Because something like a tomato plant takes up a lot of space, and you’d be better off growing it in its own container. Herbs are easy to mix and plant together.

        A few ideas for things that are very easy to grow:
        Lettuce (plant it now, lettuce does not thrive in the heat of summer)
        Herbs
        Peppers (again, you might want a separate container)
        Bush or pole beans (get a trellis for pole beans)

        You’re already pretty late in the game for potatoes and carrots, and I don’t know that I’d attempt those in containers. I mean, you could, but I wouldn’t expect a great harvest.

        For flowers:
        Zinnias
        Petunias
        Snapdragons

    7. So many ideas!! This is totally possible and so much fun!

      First question: where are you? If you are in the north, it’s still but early for most vegetables and herbs to go outside. In the south, and mid Atlantic, you are likely good to go.

      Also, this will all go best in full sun.

      Second: what does she want to grow? Herbs? Tomatoes? Flowers? All are possible

      I would start with getting 4-5 large 5 gallonish terracotta pots. Terracotta is cheap, unobjectionable, and does a good job of keeps roots warm but not hot. Then buy one extra smaller pot to smash and use the shards in the bottom of the other pots to keep the drainage holes open. Fill each pot with potting soil.

      Next, pick you plants!
      Herbs: basil and mint are both fun for kids and grow very well, but generally need frequent and at least for basil, daily watering once they get big. Thyme and oregano tolerate abandonment well once they get going and have pretty flowers.

      Vegetables: radishes grow fast and easily from seed and are very fast the germinate. Cherry tomatoes are a delight, but need a cage and decently consistent watering.

      Flowers: any “bedding” plant will do fine. Nasturtium is fun bc you eat the flowers and young leaves. Some of the salvias are also pretty and fun. Petunias are water hogs and need frequent dead heading to stay pretty.

      All watering is best done in the morning or the evening. What we do with my kids is pick the time when they are at their best (mine are super into it after dinner) and go outside together and water. Confession, I rarely if ever give fertilizer.

      All gardening is an experiment! If it dies, try something else!

      Have so much fun! And let us know how it goes!

      1. Thank you! We in suburban Boston. We’re just getting to warm weather now. We are (knock on wood) past the point of frosts. DD and her nanny grew some zucchini or something with next to zero effort a few years ago so I’m optimistic we can figure something out. The porch is a full staircase above grade. It’s not protected from squirrels but we’re free of the deer that we get in our back yard at least (we abut conservation land/woods – we get a lot!).

        I think your ideas are great. She doesn’t like to eat vegetables… like at all. But she loves to cook along side me, so maybe if we try herbs that we can use in our own cooking, that could be a happy medium to more finicky veggies to start. Plus we can do some flowers. I think she’d love it. Add on a cute watering can she can get excited about and fill herself each morning.

        1. If she’d like to grow herbs I’d get an aerogarden. My kids loved watching them grow. They sprout quickly and you can always repot in something larger later.

    8. I agree with everyone else that you should just get some containers for your deck and let her pick out some things to grow. That said, if you don’t want to go to great lengths to deter wildlife, you’ll probably have better luck with herbs and other things that don’t taste good than fruits. I’ve grown lots of tomatoes and pretty much every single one has been eaten by birds or squirrels. Since I also like having birds in my yard and it’s not worth the hassle of completely wrapping my plants in nets, I’ve just given up on those. But herbs and rhubarb are untouched and more convenient to grow than buy at the store, so I just grow those with a minimum of effort.

    9. No one has recommended green beans yet, but they grow so fast and are pretty easy! I loved them as a kid and still do as an adult, I’m always amazed watching them each day.

    10. Go to a local garden store, tell them you want a container garden for your deck with ideally strawberries and flowers, and ask for help!

    11. I would not buy plants for her, but give her a budget and trip to choose her own plant as the gift. At 7 I looooved to get gaudy petunias and tomato plants, but walking around and choosing was half the fun!

    12. Rosemary and lavender are both drought tolerant meaning if you forget to water them for a while (ahem, a few weeks) they’ll probably survive. Or at least come back. Bonus that they smell nice! And they’re perennials so over time you can have a little collection that will cross pollinate and volunteer in your yard.

      Mint is hard to kill and kind of a fun plant because it smells and tastes good. It gets pretty white flowers at the end of the season.

      Not as fun but our catnip went bonkers last year. It reseeded itself in all of the containers near it. It’s supposed to repel deer so we’re transplanting it near our (chomped) tulips with hopes for next year.

      1. Just make sure you plant mint in a container rather than in the ground because it’s quite invasive.

        2. We intentionally planted mint in the ground in an area taken over by weeds! It’s hard to grow anything else there and it’s next to a pool cabana where we really want mosquito control. I am very happy to let it take over! But yeah you have to know what you’re getting into.

    13. I was like you and I’ve gotten into gardening. My suggestion would be to do herbs in pots and roses in the garden in the ground. Those have been my most fail safe. Just get varieties that grow in your area and plant them according to how much sun and shade they need, that is almost the most critical part of it growing. I also buy most everything online with the exception of gardening supplies, your local nursery will have everything.

    14. I was totally this kid. My dad tilled up an entire unused space behind our freestanding garage for me and it was awesome. But echoing everyone that a container garden is a good place to start–you can get cute raised beds for porches/patios, though they are always more expensive than you think (just google patio raised bed or porch raised bed and you’ll get a million options). Herbs are easy. Zinnias are super easy to start from seed. I find cherry tomatoes un-killable, but most varieties are indeterminate (they keep growing) so they need a large cage, and are water hogs. Unless I cover/cage them in some way, the squirrels get to my strawberries before I do.

    15. I have no advice but am coming to say how sweet it is that your daughter is asking for “a garden.” A little spot of brightness in a world that seems bleak elsewhere. Thanks for sharing this!

      1. I agree. This made me so happy to read today.

        And maybe your daughter will start to like and eat some vegetables after she grows them. I mean…. a cute yellow/orange/dark purple/red cherry tomato is actually a fruit….!

    16. for flowers the easiest ones to start are cosmos, zinnias, and strawflowers — they all get kind of tall so if you get a peony cage or something that will help them stay in place. you can just throw the seed down on the ground and walk away for many of them.

      sunflowers are also easy but they are aleopathic, which can be problematic for other plants you want there – so just be mindful of that. some of them are 6′-10′ tall so watch out for that also.

      for veg, cucumbers are very easy but know that you have to start successions because they peter out. cherry tomatoes are also good to grow but they need about 2′ of space. you can get an upside down planter (topsy turvy i think they were called?) — there are also some non-vining varieties that are best for planters, i forget if they’re determinate or indeterminate but it’s one of those.

      squash take a LOT of space. love ’em but would skip ’em. carrots are very difficult to get right but if you’re growing tomatoes you might try seeding some at the same time.

      1. Oh god, no, do not plant cucumbers in succession unless you REALLY like cukes. You must have experience with an atypical type; most of them start producing and then do not stop until the cold kills them. We usually plant one, maybe two vines and still can’t give them away fast enough.

        1. If full sun – tomatoes, sunflowers, nasturtiums are all easy and have edible bits.
          If lightly shaded – try mint, lemon balm or lettuces
          If really shady – ferns, mosses, bonsái type garden.
          To really push things out – pond in a pot, mini water lily, sticklebacks, irises and watercress.

          I was your daughter when a little girl and I now have a greenhouse, kitchen garden, orchard. Still have the pond in a pot – actually have 2 now.

    17. The flip side to this is if she really wants a flower garden, sheet mulch a small section of yard with cardboard/newspaper and a few bags of garden soil from the garden center (can do the same thing in a raised bed). Buy zinnia seeds, cosmos, other wildflower mixes and press them into the soil. Annuals are great for this sort of thing because they die at the end of the year anyway. Seeds only cost like $5 a pack. And no one cares if the animals eat them.

  5. For those of you that are in house is there anything you think your department does really well or special perks you have? I hear about things that some of the bigger companies offer like the option to pair with a firm for pro bono cases, rotations to other teams, internship programs, etc. My small department doesn’t do anything like that so I am curious about what others do.

      1. My nonprofit did summer Fridays and I miss that deeply. In the public sector now and for obvious reasons it will never be on the table here.

    2. Good PTO, appropriate budget for using outside counsel when needed, support for nice-to-have tech & home office set-ups, bar dues & ACC membership covered.

      tbh I would not view anything you listed as a perk. Worthwhile, like spending time mentoring an intern? Sure. But not a perk.

      1. Yeah, I mean OP’s examples are developmental opportunities, but it still seems like different flavors of work.
        Other non-tangibles: reasonable clients, ability to unplug on PTO and not have to put out fires, a supportive team, discretion to involve outside counsel when needed, and not a culture of blame if something goes wrong.

      2. That’s fair. I was thinking perks and other benefits, really anything outside of the norm that people enjoy about their department.

        1. Budget and encouragement to do team-building activities like volunteering in the community together during work hours, monthly social lunches, happy hours, etc.

          Flex Fridays, and the freedom to set our own schedules as long as we are available and do our work well and on time.

          Well-managed IT support so we have smoothly functioning, secure devices with the software and apps necessary to do our jobs efficiently.

          Expectations (and a budget supportive) of regular conference attendance and ongoing learning opportunities throughout the year.

    3. I’m in-house with a tiny legal presence and I have a very generous budget for conferences, CLEs, and legal research tools. It’s a difference maker in my happiness here

  6. A close friend’s husband drinks and drives. Specifically he insists on driving even when clearly drunk (not tipsy) and is angry at anyone who tries to stop him. She has asked for my help / advice dealing with it, and I’m very out of my depth. I grew up in a big city and I really don’t think I know anyone who drinks and drives. We all live in a city with plenty of Ubers and good public transportation, and money is not an issue. He got into an accident, but thankfully no one was hurt.

    This is not the type of thing that can “get fixed” so easily right? It seems like at minimum he needs to understand and accept that there’s an issue. Sort of like an addiction.

    1. What kind of help is she asking for? This is divorce-worthy. Especially since he doesn’t seem to care or have any remorse. Al-Anon for her at a minimum.

      1. Jumping right to divorce is extreme. Friend is asking for help. You’re actually going to tell her to just throw her hands up and divorce?

        1. I mean… Drinking and driving is really dangerous to himself and others. I think it would be divorce worthy if he refuses to stop.

          1. Sure. Eventually. But step one is not to serve this man papers. Step one, in advising a friend who has come to you in a time of weakness and vulnerability, looks like some of the far more thoughtful responses down thread.

          2. A friend’s husband got into a drunk driving accident years ago. No one was hurt, but he lost his security clearance/job, and she was livid that he’d done something so stupid. She did threaten to divorce him if he ever did it again, and also required that he go to AA. They’re still together, and as far as I know he’s grown up and makes better decisions now.

            I don’t think divorce is overkill, but it doesn’t solve the safety problem for everyone else.

          3. I am a different Anon, but I think that insisting on driving when clearly drunk is such a blatant disregard for human life and shows such an unbelievable lack of judgment that I could see myself telling a friend that she should divorce her husband over that.

    2. I’m guessing it’s exactly like an addiction. Does he understand the problem when he’s sober? Will he give up his keys before the first drink? Did he get a DUI?

    3. What do you mean sort of like an addiction?! He’s clearly an alcoholic people without addiction do not routinely drink and drive. He also sounds abusive. She should refuse to ever get in his car, call the cops on him, and file for divorce.

      1. Actually, people without addiction do routinely drink and drive. Some of us on this site live in a bubble…. I have watched family members, friends etc.. do this. They are not falling down drunk, but clearly are feeling the effects of alcohol. No one “thinks” they are impaired.

        When I was hit by a drunk driver, he was arrested, but in the end had hardly any punishment. The district attorney told me that they rarely bring drunk driving cases to trial, as so many people have driven after drinking that a jury will often let them off thinking “that could be me!”. The empathize with the defendant more than the victim. Sad but true.

    4. Call the cops on him so he gets a DUI. He’s not doing to listen to anyone, especially a woman. The cop can be the ‘bad guy’ and maybe it will be a wake up call.

        1. But if he gets into an accident and someone is hurt enough to sue, consider that exposure as greater than what you will lose in the divorce and because of the DUI. Sheesh, people.

        2. Absolutely not, you don’t get to endanger the public to protect your own financial security.

        3. And why would you think people would lose employment for a DUI? If anything, you go on leave and get treatment. Not sure why you think people automatically get fired. I’m not sure your employer would even know. [I had a co-worker repeatedly arrested for DV and stalking and we only figured it out inadvertently and when we told management because we were expected to work alone with him at night in a deserted office, they did not care at all and finally did something when the headline risk really ramped up and they had about 50 other areas of for-cause backup.]

          1. you absolutely lose your employment for DUI if you have any kind of security clearance or public trust position.

          2. If you work in government or government contracting, you’d lose your job immediately.

      2. +1 Calling the cops is 100% the right thing to do if you see someone drunk getting behind the wheel. Any time you see it happen.

      4. 100% a call the cops situation. Would it be nice if there were better options? Sure, I get not wanting to get someone involved with the police. But if this doesn’t stop he could very easily kill people, and a cop is currently the only one capable of stopping him. It’s a no-brainer.

      5. This this this! I did this for my ex – and it both made his life harder and also gave him an opportunity to turn it around.

    5. I don’t know anyone who does this. Has no one called the police after he left the bar?

      She should never get in a car with him when he is drinking and she should have a separate car and insurance.

      I’d be very worried about him killing or injuring someone.

      1. Yes — most DUI crashes come from someone alcoholic level drunk (and they are repeat offenders) vs someone just a bit drinky who is trying to be careful because they know they are doing the wrong thing. He is more of a danger than someone just over a low limit inadvertently.

    6. This isn’t just a bad habit that can be dealt with or worked around.

      It is criminal, dangerous, and life threatening behavior for himself and everyone around him, including strangers. This is an immediate call to the police should he even attempt to get behind the wheel while under the influence, and 100% refusal to get in the car with him. This really is time to consider a divorce if he doesn’t see a problem with this even when sober.

    7. In the short term, call the cops on him.

      Long term? Ultimatum that he gets help for his addiction or she divorces him.

      Imagine that he gets blotto, gets into an accident, and someone is maimed for life. Her assets are on the line, too, if they are married when that happens.

    8. First step: harm reduction. When she can, she drives, and/or she takes his keys right when they get wherever they’re going. Hide the car keys in the house. Seriously, this is an urgent safety issue.

      Second step: tell him she will call the cops & he will get a DUI. Then do it.

      Third step: In no uncertain terms, tell him that if he refuses to get help and continues to be a murderous danger on the road because of his ego, she will leave. Then do it.

      This isn’t a delicate matter. It’s urgent. People will be killed. Drunk driving isn’t anything to be gentle about.

    9. This is both addiction and abuse – DV orgs recognize that driving violence is violence.
      If he won’t take accountability and commit to changing his own behavior the only real path for her is harm reduction (she never gets into a car with him, she calls the cops if he drives cdrunk) and separation so that she’s not dealing with his alcoholism and the outcomes of his inevitable accident/lawsuits.

      1. I don’t know why this had never occurred to me, but thank you for posting this. I almost married a man like this. It was hard to see the alcoholism and abuse for what it was because it was relatively infrequent. He could have just one or two beers and stop – 9/10 that’s what he did – and that didn’t jive with what I thought of as alcoholism. But every 4-6 months he would decide he needed to blow off steam and would get black out drunk, insist on driving, and then scream obscenities at me and throw things. The beginning of the night never looked any different than any other night, it’s not as if he announced he’s getting trashed today, so it always felt like it came out of nowhere. Makes it really hard to get your bearings and know how to respond.

    10. To your question about how to support your friend, if she is with him and he insists on driving, can you be her on-call driver when she refuses to get in the car with him? Can you be the one to call the cops on him so she doesn’t have to dial that number herself?

    11. Alright. It’s good to see all the replies here because I didn’t know if I was overreacting. I thought it was possibly divorce worthy but I’m not married, who knows. I would definitely break up with a boyfriend who did this.

      A couple answers:
      – He did not get a DUI
      – When sober the next day he doesn’t think it was a problem and isn’t really open to giving up his keys etc
      – It doesn’t happen as often in front of me, or even in front of her. It happens most often after work happy hours or hanging out with his friends. When my friend is there they have a fight but she does take his keys.

      I had frankly not thought about calling the cops – I’m barely around people who are driving, forget about drinking and driving! But that makes sense. I also had not thought about it in the context of domestic violence. So this is helpful. Depressing, but helpful

      1. If he’s primarily doing this when she’s not around then that shows he knows it’s not ok. So he does KNOW there’s a problem but he’s refusing to ADMIT there’s a problem.

        Unfortunately there’s really nothing she can do to stop him. She can’t stop him from drinking. She could I guess take an uber and the spare keys to go get his car so he has to uber home, but that seems really disruptive to her life and also likely to result in a lot of fights.

      2. Unfortunately, the only thing worse than doing this for 5 years is doing it for 10 (or more).

      3. Tell her to consult with a good divorce attorney. As I keep saying, a consultation doesn’t obligate you to file paperwork or even do anything. It can help her understand what she’s looking at, legally, financially, and safety-wise.

        I’m divorced and one of my friends told me that I was smart to get out when I did; a few of her friends were in similar situations and it just kept escalating. They always wish they had left sooner.

        So call the divorce lawyer for a consult.

      4. If she needs a different talking point, it’s a huge financial liability (not to mention potentially criminal) for them. At a minimum I’d press to increase insurance, get umbrellas, and maybe get him a jail prep class or something. No idea what this guy is like other than he sounds like an idiot but perhaps a conversation about preparing for the likely consequences would help.

      5. Just FYI most police services will have some officers who are really into DUIs (they often get awards for all the arrests, they also have online hate groups formed with all the folks they’ve arrested). So even if your friend isn’t around you could notify your city’s DUI guy and they will make a point of keeping an eye out.

      6. Does she know any of his friends or coworkers who are usually with him in these situations? I might try enlisting their help. Or if he has a regular watering hole, she could talk to the bartender.

        It’s so gross that he doesn’t think it’s a problem when she talks to him sober the next day. I would talk to a divorce attorney if I were her. My husband being so unconcerned about his own safety and the safety of everyone else on the road PLUS dismissing my objections about it would be a deal-breaker for me.

        This is alcoholic behavior, though, so I’d probably pursue a parallel track with Al-Anon and AA if the husband is receptive and stick around if he’s making a good faith effort. If not, bye.

        1. She does know some of the friends and she is planning on asking some of them to talk to him. Also thinks it may come better from a guy.

          I think this guy is a man baby in other ways, and she just puts up with it. But from all these comments its clear that this is not something people just put up with.

        2. Yeah if this is happening at a bar he regularly goes to, the bartender and owner should be made aware that he is driving drunk. They could be liable if he is in an accident and their liquor license could be at risk either way.

    12. I’d tell him he has choices, and the choices are (1) get help for his alcohol addiction (rehab or outpatient, take a leave from work if needed) or (2) she leaves their home and the marriage ends. Frankly, I don’t think the police would do anything unless she can call while he is driving drunk.

    13. I had an ex with a substance abuse problem (not at the beginning of our relationship, but at the end). One of my good friends is in recovery, and I called her in a panic one time when my ex was wasted and driving around our neighborhood.

      She told me to call the police. I did. They found him and arrested him and he had to face the consequences of his actions. It was the best thing I could have done.

      My friend explained it to me this way – he could kill someone. Calling the cops was the only way to potentially save someone’s life. I was ok with it then and am proud of myself now looking back on it.

  7. Just a PSA, it’s never okay to ‘correct’ someone on their own gender identity. You don’t get to decide how someone identifies.

    1. Ok but like what is the point of this post. We are all just words on a screen here.

      1. Well there was a pretty gross comment yesterday. So maybe there could be some learning and self reflection!

    2. You can’t control other people’s thoughts. Life is easier when you stop trying to.

      1. Just a PSA, decent people don’t consider speaking out against gross behavior “funsies”

        1. Yesterday was the time you should have done it then. Today it’s just SJW keyboarding.

        2. You’re up in arms because someone correctly identified an adult “AFAB” as a woman? You know immigrants are being deported without due process right now and that our democracy is crumbling, right? This doesn’t even sort of register as a problem to 99% of the population. Do whatever you want in life and accept that other people have different opinions and priorities.

          3. Nope, but I am willing to get up in arms over anonymous assholes like you misgendering others repeatedly for funsies.

          6. I wish we could stop with AFAB and AMAB as terms. It seems to equate “assigned” as how we pick gym teams, based on counting off evens and odds. I’d be fine with FAB and MAB but the assigning is for a reason. Only for someone with truly ambiguous presentation or XXY typing etc would “assigned” make sense to me and actually explain something possibly of medical relevance. I was assigned a name, but I had a gender, when I was born.

          7. Agree with Anonymous at 12:56 pm. There’s a reason why blood tests tell you the s-x of your baby, and it has nothing to do with “assignment.”

    4. It’s not okay, but a certain type of conformist will correct anything that makes them uncomfortable in my experience; they’ll correct your name, where you’re from, what medical condition your parent is dealing with, from anything that doesn’t fit into their boxes to whatever they like better.

    5. In the spit of a psa, can please you explain what happened? I think whatever happened might have been vague enough for me to miss.

      3. In the middle of some comment on yesterday’s thread a poster described themselves as “as a AFAB…” and then described a situation. Someone else replied “as a woman”.

      4. It’s on one of yesterday’s post comments that someone refers to themselves as AFAB

      5. Somebody identified as AFAB and one of our resident RFs decided it was appropriate to tell this person that they’re a “woman” not “AFAB”

      6. It was a nothingburger. If people get worked up over everything that offends them on the Internet, they’ll never do anything else.

      7. Yesterday’s AFAB commenter also referenced themselves as a woman when they lamented the statistics about women getting the short end of the stick.

    6. That person made that comment to get exactly this type of reaction from you. Don’t let the trolls get you down.

  8. Suggestions to stop someone from living rent-free in your head? In my case, this is a former direct report/colleague. I left my job (took a great severance package after being told my role was being eliminated — so I’m getting paid to not work for a year) last summer. By all accounts, I’ve totally come out on top and then some. However, I CANNOT get this woman out of my mind! I run into her at the gym and around town — she is not avoidable. She is widely thought to be kind, caring, authentic, friendly…but in the course of my departure from my workplace I realized that much (all?) of our relationship was fake. She now goes out of her way not to talk to me and it really stings. I should not care about this AT ALL but for some reason this particular person is getting under my skin. Would love advice so that I can leave this behind.

    2. Wait but why is she snubbing you? She seems like an extremely strange person. I’d remind myself that I’m generally well liked and she’s a weirdo.

    3. It’s possible that she feels awkward about your losing your job, even though you’re at peace with it. A similar situation happened to me long ago when I was part of a layoff. I had a few weeks notice period and most people I was friendly with at the office said how they were sorry this happened or such things and then we acted pretty normal. One guy I had been work friends with said nothing for weeks and I was pretty irked. Then on my last day, he finally unloaded; basically he felt so bad for me and was super awkward about it and chose avoidance. Like many things in life, I’d try to assume this is a her-issue, rather than a you-issue, and enjoy your life. Or she’s a jerk and you should extra not care about her.

    4. What an odd person. I’d kill it with kindness just to watch her squirm personally, but I’m petty like that.

      1. Maybe OP was just misinterpreting the relationship? Of all my colleagues ever, I would only consider one a real friend. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy all the various work lunches, coffees, chats etc it’s just that they were friends on convenience and we didn’t really connect deeply enough for me. I’d be kind of concerned TBH if my ex colleagues were fixated on me like that, lunch isn’t a big deal.

        1. I had a different reading; sounds like this woman sees OP at the gym or whatever and then turns tail and runs away to avoid even saying hi in passing. You don’t need to go out of your way to fawn all over someone you used to work with, but it’s weird to refuse to say hi.

    5. Just give it time. You can be happy about how things worked out and still a little bugged by a detail here and there. Totally normal.

    6. I like to treat things like this with curiosity. Accept your hurt and then try to just observe it as if you were an anthropologist. I do a little BBC nature show style voice over in my head just to make it more fun. “And here comes Maggie again at the gym, pretending she doesn’t see us and that we didn’t work together for 7 years. Fascinating behavior. Notice the averted gaze and the sudden preoccupation with the ceiling. Pitiful to be her, and so uncomfortable by things that should be normal.”

    7. I was laid off unexpectedly, and I felt wrecked by the experience and hurt by the perceived betrayal of my boss and coworkers. Talking about it with loved ones helped me gain perspective so it didn’t feel so personal. But time helped a lot too. The whole event and details will get smaller and smaller in importance as time goes on. As for this person, just shrug it off. It might sting but the overall impact on your life is only what you allow it to be. It probably means nothing in the scheme of things. Good luck. Hang in there.

    8. Is part of what’s bothering you an underlying sense of failure? You say defensive things like “I came out on top” and “I’m getting paid not to work for a year.” Maybe seeing this woman reminds you that other people may not view it the same way you do, it’s awkward, and it triggers your competitive instinct. Getting laid off is rough. It’s ok to go through downs in life. We all do. I would try to have compassion for yourself and let go of needing to win.

    9. She is socially not recognizing your presence if she is ignoring you. I think she is being rude to not acknowledge your presence. This isn’t about friendship but about being civil and rubbing along with someone in your community.

      She is living rent free in your head because this is a form on rejection. It hurts to be rejected, especially when this is beyond your control. You move on from being at peace with someone rejecting you for a reason beyond your control.

      Stop making her problem your problem. When someone rejects you without first having a conversation they have the issue, not you. I lost my job last year and got divorced. The number of people who cut me off like I was a disease was shocking. It was shocking at the time but I realized it hurt because I was being rejected.

      Last month I had someone I considered a friend run to the other side of the road when she saw me, pulling her husband along. Honestly, in the moment it was shocking and it really hurt. I walked inside, sat down to think and realized it was liberating to be rejected by her. She picked a side post divorce. Good luck lady!

    10. I’m petty AF, but if someone repeatedly snubbed me, I would repeated go up to them and say, ‘Oh my, haven’t seen you in a while, how are you, catch me up on [work stuff], so good to see you! with _extreme effusiveness._

      But honestly, I learned this in college at my smallish campus–it takes WAY more effort to ignore someone than to just be minimally friendly. So actually–you’re probably stressing her out.

      This is just a we had different perceptions of what work friendship was, “I am not going to waste time trying to get her to like me”, situation. You can’t make people be friends with you. But…you can be petty and call out their rude ignoring. Be petty! I give you full permission!

  9. I would love to get suggestions for things to do in Las Vegas in July. I realize it will be hot then but that’s the best time for our family reunion. Five adults and one teenager. Also, any hotel and restaurant suggestions are appreciated.

    1. I went to Vegas in July when I was in law school because it’s the only time I could afford to go! A lot of the hotels on the strip are connected so you can go to different hotels without going outside. Plenty of shopping, shows, etc. I’d try to stay in one of the connected hotels if it works for your budget.

      I’ve always wanted to do one of those helicopter tours of the Grand Canyon that leave out of Vegas. Idk if that’s a possibility for your group?

    2. My favorite show last time I went was Paranormal, a mind reading show at the Horseshoe. Not very expensive and just knocked our socks off.

    3. I would prioritize a nice pool since that is about all you will probably want to do during the day. We stayed at the Flamingo with our teens last summer and they thought the pool was fun. It is in a convenient location for the rest of the strip. My teens liked walking around the stores in Ceasar’s Palace and also liked the Linq Promenade. We liked the giant milkshakes inside the Venetian at Black Tap.

    4. For the hotel, I would need more information on interests and budget. I like the Hilton Elara for family trips because of the suites and because sometimes the lack of a casino is a feature and not a bug. However, the pool is not stellar, and it would not suit if you wanted a casino hotel. If money is not a major issue, then I really like the Venetian, Bellagio, and the Four Seasons, but there are a lot of places that are great. My only advice given the time of year is to avoid anything at either end of the strip (e.g. Resorts World or Fontainebleau) because it will be 100+ and even a brief walk might be too much.

      In terms of things to do, it will be too hot for much in the way of outside activities. The Mob Museum, Meow Wolf, a Cirque Show, and the Pinball Hall of Fame are all hits with the teens in my family. Be sure the teenager knows the Vegas rules for the underaged (no stopping to look around in the Casinos; they can walk through, but they have to keep moving).

      If you can get a reservation, I love Hell’s Kitchen. And the people watching in St. Mark’s Square and the Forum Shops restaurants is unmatched, particularly on a Friday or Saturday night. (And it can be an object lesson for the teenager in what NOT to do.)

    5. We just went with an 11 and 14 year old. The absolute top highlight was Meow Wolf. It is an immersive art/escape room experience. It’s in a large complex with other entertainment and food, so you can go in the morning, do MeowWolf, then eat lunch and explore the other options. My son loved it so much that he wants to go to the other MeowWolfs in different locations now.

      We did the Penn and Teller magic show, which was very enjoyable. We ate dinner at the buffet in Caesar’s which was a scene. We stayed at the Bellagio which wasn’t expensive with Bonvoy points, but I think hotels range wildly – worthwhile to look around.

      Make reservations for everything.

      Have fun!

      1. my dad (75) just visited Meow Wolf in Denver and thought it was silly. So know your audience

      2. OP – thank you for your suggestions everyone. I am looking up a bunch of these great ideas. This group has been such an amazing resource!

      3. Second Meow Wolf!! I’ve been to all of them. The Vegas one is probably my favorite, but the original in Santa Fe is a close second.

    6. We went with our teen and tween kids a few years back. Red Rocks State Park is probably too hot for much hiking at that time, which is too bad because it’s great. The minor league baseball game we attended was a big hit (frozen rose for me, “bat dogs” for my dog-loving children), the Mafia Museum was fun, the adults liked Superfrico, and we all love Lotus of Siam.

  10. For other ladies going through peri/menopause, any advice on recurrent UTIs/BV/Yeast infections? I’m getting tested/treated ad hoc but it seems like this is a fun ‘expected’ part of the hormonal changes. I’m doing the usual best practices (more lubrication, bathroom after intimacy, probiotics) but I’m still seeing my gyn at least once a month for this stuff.

    2. Do you let a penis inside you? That penis needs to take itself to the doctor and also get treated.

      1. Do men get the itchy symptoms? And how do they treat it? With a pill vs OTC topicals?

        1. Idk what men feel but there’s tons of new evidence that says they need oral and topical antibiotics or they will keep transmitting the bacteria to their partners.

      1. I think there’s recent evidence that topical antibiotics are needed for the man, for BV.

    4. There is evidence that the supplement D-mannose can help prevent and treat (some) UTIs. You can take a dose each morning as a preventative, and increase when you feel symptoms starting. It comes in capsules and powder (to mix in a beverage)

    5. Get your partner checked first, but I had good luck with a snatch-specific probiotic when I was getting recurrent yeast infections.

    6. If you have recurrent UTIs, you may need vaginal estrogen cream. This is particularly important if you’ve already noticed dryness or changes in your v tissue (thinning, laxity). I would also start taking d-mannose, especially after intimacy.

    7. Try AZO UT Defense Tablets containing Methenamine. Take for 3 days at the first symptom. It will stop it in it’s tracks. Or ask your doctor for a prescription for methenamine. The OTC is about 1/2 the strength of prescription but it works for me.
      I get them all the time post menopause and no partner to blame.

    8. Agree with all the other suggestions. Adding my own: plain yoghurt.

      For me, it wasn’t enough to reduce Candida; I needed more lactobacillus.

      It will set you back at most $1.50 for the carton and takes one evening. It’s messy, but it can work wonders.

      And yes, get your partner checked out!

      1. I thought the yogurt was for eating and then had to do a double take. Omg lol.

    9. What kind of lube are you using? Anything oil-based or containing glycerin can cause infections.

    10. The UTIs may also be more of a problem for a urologist to examine than a gynecologist. I’d also consider getting a second opinion from a different gynecologist.

      1. +1

        Agree.

        It’s disappointing how poor GYNs can be at managing common perimenopausal issues.

  11. Is there a difference between true hunger from feeling hungry vs your blood sugar has dipped a bit (or is in that weird area where you aren’t yet having medical blood sugar problems but are having enough bad habits to get them)? I feel hungry all the time (eat yogurt for breakfast at 6; feel hungry long before lunch and snack a bit, etc.) some times, but I feel like it is because I need food and should eat something. But I get so many “OMG NO” reactions to that when I’m in big groups for work (so it’s obvious” that I am second guessing that maybe what’s normal for me still isn’t good (or may not be good in 10-20 years; I understand that a large chunk of the adult population could medically be classified as pre-diabetic and that that is a disease with very serious complications).

    1. You’re hungry because you’re not eating enough. Yogurt alone is not a meal and a tiny breakfast at 6 am isn’t enough to get many people to lunch. I eat breakfast at 6, second breakfast at 9, and then lunch and am much happier for it.

    2. This is confusing. Do you mean to ask whether there is a difference between being hungry because your stomach is empty and being hangry from low blood sugar, and whether you should just ignore being hangry because it isn’t real hunger?

      I don’t care what all the IF weirdos say. If I am hangry I need to eat.

    3. I think you’re overthinking this. A yogurt at 6am will not be enough food to get you to noon. If you’re hungry eat a bigger breakfast or have a snack. Unless your
      Doctor has told you that you need to be monitoring your blood sugar don’t borrow other people’s problems.

      1. I feel like IF and so many people having issues almost the clouds the water. Everyone overshares that THEIR diet is the best diet and everyone else is just wrecking themselves or doing it wrong. When did it stop being rude to comment on what / when other people eat?

          1. Probably.
            But so many people eat so poorly, especially when they are young.
            Yikes, the habits I had….

    4. Yogurt alone is not enough unless you are having 3 and they are full fat.

      If 6 am is the best breakfast time it needs to be more substantial in order to take your through to lunch.
      .

      1. Yes–I just get the big containers of full fat and go through 1 every 2-3 days. I don’t bother with the “individual portion” containers.

    5. Trying to parse this confusing paragraph, I would say you’re hungry because you’re not eating enough. And eating a real breakfast won’t give you diabetes.

    6. huh? of course you’re hungry mid-morning if all you’re eating is a yogurt at 6.

      If you’re worried about your blood sugar, get blood work done.

    7. Pregnancy gave me a whole new view into low blood sugar. If I didn’t have enough protein or eat often enough then I went from a little hungry to feeling weak, nauseas, sweaty, and needing to lie down in like an hour. Similar to my reaction to donating blood. I learned that I really do need to eat every 4 hours!

      Your breakfast time is way early. I’d stop counting that as breakfast and think of it as a post workout snack (or whatever). Have a more substantial breakfast later in the morning.

    8. Why are you crowdsourcing your hunger? If you feel hungry, you eat. Are people actually chastising you (quote -OMG, no!) when you say you’re hungry before lunch?

      Everyone is different. I used to eat yogurt with some nuts and also some toast around 7 am and I would have coffee with a few more nuts and dried fruit around 11, then lunch closer to 1pm. As I’ve gotten older (and heavier!) I don’t seem to need to eat as often.

      Figure out what makes you feel satiated and eat when you are hungry. Don’t worry about what other people think.

    10. I’m not sure what you mean by true hunger, but eating for caloric needs is totally different from eating to stabilize blood sugar (and the latter can easily lead to eating too many calories).

      Yogurt isn’t really a meal, so it seems normal that you’d be hungry if that was your whole breakfast. Though I guess if it’s sweetened yogurt it could also be messing with your blood sugar.

      I’ve always been advised not to snack between meals, but I do have insulin resistance and have had prediabetic test results in the past. Thankfully I don’t feel hungry between meals if I ate enough fat and protein and little enough carbs or sugars.

      1. To be clear I’m mentioning my diet in case you’re surrounded by people who are projecting similar limitations onto you, not because I think you have the same issue. If you are concerned you do have an issue, it’s a question for your doctor.

    11. I second the previous advice given that if you are hungry you should eat, and I’d also like to push back on the idea of “true hunger.” Sounds like you’re used to following external cues or guides for when and what to eat, which isn’t universally bad but can make it difficult to make sure you’re eating what’s right for you. Refusing to eat when you are hungry because you don’t think you’re supposed to indicates that you’ve got a feeding problem of some sort, which might be easily fixed with a larger breakfast, might be indicative of other things, a nutritionist would really be the one to go to, rather than internet advice.

    12. What is the context in which you are getting all of these “OMG NO” reactions? Are you making a disruptive display because your stomach is growling louder than the speaker and you ordered DoorDash to be delivered to you at the table during a board meeting or something? Or are you surrounded by a bunch of toxic waifs who body shame anyone who needs to intake real food and not just flavored bubbly water and scented air?

      I am borderline hypoglycemic and need to eat at least 300 calories at breakfast or I am genuinely hungry long before lunch. I also need a decent amount of my breakfast to be healthy protein and minimal in processed sugar, or I struggle with my blood sugar spiking and then crashing. I do much better if I spread my calorie intake more evenly throughout the day rather than in fewer big meals spaced far apart.

      For me, low blood sugar starts with a mild shaky feeling in my arms and chest, then progresses into visible hand tremors and me becoming super tired, spaced out and kind of not really reacting to things going on around me. I used to experience that a lot more when I was younger and didn’t consistently eat well or tried to address it by drinking something sugary like OJ, but that was a stopgap and the symptoms would come back and get worse until I ate real food. Constant snacking on sugary, low protein munchies was not a good habit for me to foster.

      1. ” Flavored bubbly water and scented air” had me howling! I know some people who are like this.

        I second everyone above suggesting you should eat a more nutritious breakfast. Have some oatmeal with fresh fruit and whole milk, or *gasp* have some slices of sourdough with peanut butter or butter and honey, and a boiled egg! If you like hearty foods, make an open-faced sandwich with cold cuts and avocado.

        I have something like this every morning around 7am, and usually by 10/11am, I might have a small snack (some yogurt/nuts/fruit) if I know I’m not going to eat lunch before 1pm.

        Also, do you exercise? If yes, you need to eat more!

        Get annual bloodwork to check blood sugar and HbA1c, and unless you are entering metabolic disease territory, eat reasonably healthy and don’t worry about having more than a yogurt before lunch.

    13. There totally is. If you skip all food until lunch you will not feel as hungry as if you each a small breakfast. Your blood sugar stays flat. No spike and dip to trigger hunger.

      1. Do you want to explain this to my body? Because I wake up hungry and would feel faint if I didn’t eat to lunch

  12. I have a pretty basic work uniform of black top, black pants, and a blazer and I’m looking to switch it up a bit with some new work dresses. I’m a very curvy size 10 pear so A-line dresses are really the only dresses that work without tailoring. I’m most interested in solid colors (particularly black or navy) that are either sleeveless (to wear with a blazer) or 3/4 sleeves, but open to any recommendations you ladies have! Probably don’t want to spend any more than $150/dress but willing to pay more for a unicorn. Thanks!

    1. I don’t know if it’s your style, but modern citizen has dresses with ties that I think look great on my body.

    2. Have you tried Talbots? They usually have one or two dresses a season that are work appropriate. I am a pear as well.

  13. How long do you let a project stay stale for before you box it up or toss? I feel like I am good at getting started on things and bad on finishing them. My mind seems to work on a basis of getting quickly through the getting started energy and ramping up and then when it’s an easy-enough project to finish, just losing interest. Like researching and outlining an article at work, organizing a compendium of all deals by project type (ongoing, but there is now a backlog but I’ve done all of the reading and labeling), needlepoint. If you get to 75%-85%, when do you just delete or just packup or toss? I need to be a Task Completer and I guess I don’t sweat that I could finish if I needed to, but I also know that I can move on to more interesting high-involvement tasks. How do I get better at finishing?

      1. My ADHD likes the puzzle part of figuring of it how to draw a project, then the dopamine of a finished project but the in-between is torture.

        1. I had never thought of this. I am high functioning at work to the point of needing a side quest to keep the boredom at bay. Makes for a messy house and office though. Definitely ADHD?

          1. No, not definitely. Lots of people get bored. The only way to determine whether you have adhd is to get evaluated by a professional.

    2. What if you shared with a friend that you’re going to finish project X and kept the friend updated on your progress and the friend can send you encouraging responses? Create a little accountability that way and you can look forward to telling your friend that you finished the project! And then you can celebrate it together with your friend.

      I thought of this because one time a friend suggested that we do a 50-book reading challenge and report to each other when we finished reading each book. This helped me realize that I started a lot of books without finishing them. Having her to report to helped me stick with the books I wanted to finish. Then I got the reward of a nice little endorphin high when I messaged her that I finished book no. X for the year! And the extra reward of actually reading the book to the end.

    3. I have a little organizer that fits under my desk at home for stuff like this. I’m always starting and then dropping something but I’ll typically pick it up again at some point, maybe in a month maybe in 3 years. It’s kind of fun to shop my own craft store when I’m feeling crafty.

      I’ve accepted this part of myself, which has been a process for me because I used to beat myself up about it. But this stuff is supposed to be for fun. If it’s not fun it’s ok to stop for a while. Without guilt.

    4. My work projects actually need to be finished or I am not properly doing my job. If I am creating unnecessary busy work tasks and not completing them, then I am not exercising good judgement about how to spend my time. If it is something that needs to be done and I don’t have time to complete it myself, I need to delegate rather than dropping the ball.

      My hobbies at home, I discipline myself to finish one project of each hobby before starting another of that same hobby. If I don’t want to finish, I pack it up and give or throw it away. Starting more and more and more without finishing is my sign that I have something unsettled going on in my mind that I need to properly address for my own mental well-being.

      1. It’s make-work projects that I invent that are useful (for me) in the long run and even in the short run if I don’t completely document them (I have a good memory from reading and a stack of notes to refer to if I need to before compiling). And my work has big lulls when I’m waiting for comments on documents or waiting for drafts to come out, so I’m trying to invest that time vs just killing time, if that makes sense. I could read an article also, but that’s short enough to get done.

  14. I’m pretty sure you all revolted when this was an option for a brief period of time, but I’m loving the fact that you can essentially “like” comments on the Moms site and we are missing out over here! It helps keeps the threads tidier because there aren’t all the “+1” comments, and people can express support/agreement without adding their own comment paraphrasing what was already said. It also makes it feel more like a community of pals, in a way.

    Just wanted to express my support if it’s an option to add here as the back end updates are finalized

    1. Yes I love it! And there’s no downvoting so it stays positive. I don’t know why people here complained so much.

      1. I think downvoting would be nice to make sure people with gross views know they aren’t welcome.

        1. If I could downvote this response, I would! Downvoting rarely makes communities better.

    2. The effect of the Like button was that posts were no longer in chronological order, which is what we didn’t like. Just having one that sits there keeping count, with no impact on order? Great.

      1. Oh interesting, on the Moms site it doesn’t affect order. I wonder if it was a coincidence or if it really was set up differently over here

        1. When I saw it, it was set up the exact same way here. People just weren’t aware you could change the order of comments using the drop down menu.

      2. +1

        And ideally the “like” button wouldn’t be obtrusive when scrolling on a mobile device. The reply button is still too touchy there (compared to literally every other platform that has scrolling comments sections) but Kat doesn’t seem inclined to fix that problem so I suppose it is what it is at this point.

        1. I have to press really precisely to activate it on the other page. To the point where it’s almost annoying how difficult it is. But that is actually a good thing, to your point

    3. As a counter-voice, I find the mom’s site a lot harder to read. I hate that the main posts are in reverse chronological order. And the fact that everything starts condensed is a real problem for me because I often read on the subway without service and can’t expand anything.

      I don’t mind the like button, but it doesn’t outweigh those other difficulties with the site.

    4. I love everything about the comments section on the Moms site – the comments appear in reverse chronological order, they are already collapsed so you can expand the comments you are interested in, and you can Like comments. I know change is hard but the way the comments work on the main site feels ancient to me (Don’t mean to knock you Kat, I know you are working on it!) and I can’t wait to see those changes implemented here.

      1. Same here! I much prefer it. It was an adjustment when we first made the switch, but now I like it way more.

    5. I don’t think there are nearly enough “+1” comments that they add any clutter to comments.

      I just want my god damn email address to save!!

      1. Yes to wanting the email address to save! I also really miss the ability to navigate to the next post when I am at the bottom of the page. Scrolling up to find it at the top of the comments is a pain.

  15. send me a pretty spring dress to wear to a HS senior’s honorary school related dinner. Not too short or bare. I’m 50, size 8. Nothing crazy patterned but color OK.

  16. I have a work friend who works in a different area of my department so we don’t really work together anymore, and she lives almost two hours from me so we don’t see each other in person very often, but we still chat about life stuff almost daily. She has become a good friend. She is getting married at the courthouse in June, no big wedding or registry. What would be appropriate to give as a gift?

Comments are closed.