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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Linen Herringbone Blazer

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A woman wearing a pink linen blazer, a white button-front, and white shorts, plus a pocket square

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I usually think of herringbone as a fall/winter staple, but I’m delighted to see this lightweight linen version from Ralph Lauren for spring. The pink color is a perfect shade for spring but doesn’t veer into neon Barbie territory (not that that's a bad thing, it’s just not for everyone!).

I would pair this with navy trousers for the office and could also see it being a lovely topper for the millions of spring baby showers / bridal showers / first Communions I have on the calendar. 

The blazer is $345 at Ralph Lauren and comes in sizes 00-18.

Looking for something more affordable? Talbots has a nice option in four size ranges for $199-$219.

Want to go a bit further and wear an entire pink suit? As of 2025, some of our latest favorites for women include saturated pinks from Boden, Reiss, and Eloquii, as well as pale pinks from Boss, Ann Taylor, J.Crew, and Tahari (in regular and plus).

Sales of note for 5/27/25:

290 Comments

  1. I’m moving my closet out of 2020 — the two Pranayama sweaters that I never wore are gone (black one went to a kid who insists she will need it as a lap blanket for school). Now side-eying the skinnies that are a size too small for what might be worth saving based and anything with a very low rise. It’s time AND I finally have time. Going to binge all of Yellowjackets and get this done.

    1. It feels so good, doesn’t it?

      This weekend I pulled all the colorblock scuba sheath dresses that I haven’t worn since pre-Covid out of my closet. Next is to box up the too-small trousers.

    2. Good luck. I did a major closet over haul recently and it’s so nice to walk into my closet and really be able to see what I have.

    3. I just put a scuba dress into my goodwill bag. It looks good on, but I can’t get over how the fabric feels on my body.

    4. re: saving for later — I’ve found that even if I drop to that size again, styles have changed enough in the interim that I should have been more ruthless in what I donated or consigned at the time, vs. storing for later. Looking at you, bin full of sheath dresses from 2010-2012. They are ALL too short.

      1. I used to share this philosophy, but lately I have regretted donating a few classic pieces from ~20 years ago that would perfectly meet my needs now and that I can’t find adequate replacements for. Even over the past 5 years the quality has really declined. I am saving my Mother skinny jeans from 2018-2019 because the Mother jeans I’ve bought since then have all developed holes within a few wearings, and I don’t think I will be able to buy anything new that won’t fall apart if skinnies come back into fashion.

        1. I have changed sizes, but my wardrobe trends classic. I saved a bunch of my very classic dresses and cashmere sweaters, and seven years later, it was so fun to shop my meticulous stored items–I liked all of them, and they’re not out of style because I wasn’t that trendy to begin with. WINNING!

          Also grateful for the tummy tuck and zepbound that got me back to my old shape and size.

    5. I’m trying to work through this too. Since 2019 I’ve had 2 kids, changed sizes a bunch of times, and now work for a fully remote company (but do travel for conferences / meetings about once a month so do need conservative business casual and business professional clothing for a lawyer). Do you get rid of everything from the old trends just because it is out of date or do you keep the things you still wear/reach for?

      I have the Calvin Klein starburst dress in black and burgundy (a good color on me) that I still feel good wearing as well as a cobalt blue A line dress that I just love the color of that fits well. They are a ponte/scuba type material more ponte leaning. I think these would be off trend but I still like how I look in them and I’m not that worried about being in the latest trend but I am also conscious that in my mid 40s I don’t want to look too dated either. So how do you balance the pieces that you still feel good in against current trends/aging yourself.

    6. I love my 2016-19 work wardrobe and have a hard time letting go, but I think I’m really missing that time in my life rather than the clothes themselves. It’s definitely time to let go. Thanks for the nudge.

      1. If you love it, that’s no bad thing. There isn’t anything from that time period that would be out of place in a work setting right now.

        1. I tend to hang on to things if I like the design, quality, or print. While I do find clothing items that I like and purchase, there are very few items that are truly my style in stores today, at least not to many that have made me want to buy. I may see a colour or print that I like, and then an aspect of the designs looks strange, or the quality is inconsistent. It’s sad that quality, style and design are not appealing, though lately, I have liked more items. I periodically try things on and re style or re work them in different ways, when I can no longer get it to work, I realize I have changed, while the item hasn’t.

    7. I love this project. I’m currently storing lots of bins of clothing that is 2 sizes too large since my 30 pound weight loss this fall. Two things holding me back from donating: (1) what if I gain the weight back (it’s been 5 months maintaining) and (2) aren’t there some things that look ok to wear baggy/oversized? How do I work through those questions, any advice from folks who have been in the same situation? I have three large bins full of clothes, so they take up a lot of space.

      1. If the things looked good oversized, wouldn’t you have kept them in your closet rather than storing them?

        really the only type of things I can think of here are flowy button-downs (wear them knotted or as coverups) or maybe maxi skirts that just ride lower. Anything designed to be tailored is not going to be worth a 2-size alteration.

      2. I think you just have to try stuff on. I’ve worked through this when I’ve lost weight after both pregnancies. I can never predict what will look right. For example– flowy blouses normally hold up because the shoulders are not defined. You can normally tuck something in that’s too loose. At a certain point though, there will just be too much fabric to tuck in if the shirt is too oversized. In contrast– a lot of looser dresses actually don’t work for me when I size down. The armholes end up too oversized or the waist hits in the wrong place, etc.

  2. I would like to get my mom a matching dress/outfit to go with my baby’s onesie as a mother’s Day gift. Ideally there would be enough options so I could get a dress as well. Any suggestions?

    3. Hill House uses the same prints for lots of styles, and some of their dresses now are more tailored than the “Nap Dress.” I like the Cosima.

  3. It’s my dog’s birthday today! How have you celebrated pet birthdays ? I keep feeling like I ought to get him a smash cake or something ha.

    1. Ha, we always celebrate with a fancy people cake for us, an extra of our dog’s favorite treats for him, a good game of fetch, and a silly hat or collar treatment (nothing long-term, more like 5 minutes for photos).

    2. I don’t, but when he comes back from a vet visit, I like to give him (my cat) parts of my lunch and dinner (ground beef, lunch meat, lox and cream cheese) as a treat.

    5. We send human treats to her daycare for the workers and make a balloon happy birthday sign at home and do a champagne toast. It’s fun! One more reason to celebrate.

    6. I always make a Puppy Cake brand dog cake and wrap up a box of fancy dog cookies in dog-themed paper.

    7. I take mine to the fancy dog store and let her pick out a special chew. She loves the experience of walking to the store and being in the store and getting adored/sniffing all the things. I’ve also gotten her doggie ice cream before, but she loves chews the most. Also try to do something else fun with her, like a trip to her fave park, or a fun training session or nosework.

    8. Happy bday to your pup! We went all out last year to celebrate my kitten’s first birthday! Got my husband a personalized shirt with my kitten’s pic from Gecko Custom, balloon arch, party goers wore clothes that matched the kitten’s colors, cat-themed crafts for the little ones – it was purr-fect!

    9. Aw, happy birthday to your dog! I’ve done different things over the years – bought him a fancy treat at the specialty dog store, made him cakes (dog friendly baking mixes or I shape one out of his food lol), new treats, etc. And I always sing the happy birthday song. This year I’m going to buy some doggie ice cream for him to enjoy. :) Honestly, he’s so spoiled, every day is like his birthday, so I don’t go all out but I fully support anyone who chooses to!

    10. Haha, I typically buy them a bag of special treats and call it a day. I’ve also gotten myself a human treat to celebrate with them, and decorated around their crate/bowl, purely for my own enjoyment. Happy bday to your doggy!

    11. I buy a bag of small treats – like kibble size pieces – and spell out Happy Bday on the floor and let him hoover them up ha.

    12. It’s my dog’s birthday today, too! We were just talking about taking him to dairy queen. I like celebrating all of the things. :)
      Happy dog birthday, lol.

  4. Coming here to add, as not the original poster to the taking more time to get ready in the morning question, for the first time in months, I spent time this AM on both my hair and doing planks :-)

  5. how often do you dye your hair? i am a dark brunette and i’m not that grey but i have a solid chunk over my left temple which is pretty visible by week 3. I can’t see sitting in that chair more than once a month and i have never had luck with coverage when i tried to do it at home (like midway as a stop gap). Debating having a stacy london strip and calling it a day. thoughts?

    1. Do it! I stopped coloring my hair because I ran out of patience with sitting in that chair. But I’ve wished I had that really distinctive gray streak like that. I love that look.

    2. highlights every 2 months, which I would get anyway. But my natural hair color is light enough that the highlights disguise the grays.

    3. Depends on how old you are and if you’re ok with people thinking you’re older.

      1. Depending on your age, a bad dye job may highlight all of what is aging about you: wrinkles, spotty skin, sagging, neck cords, burst spider veins in legs. I have a stripe and I feel like it makes me an honest and even version of my age vs something that highlights a gap between that and how the rest of me is going.

        1. There’s a few women in my life who dye their hair jet black and it’s so bad.

          1. Agree. I’ve seen some women who are naturally brown have dull black ends like bad paintbrushes. And you can still see any regrowth because it’s just so stark.

        2. +1. Seeing full-on grey is less distracting than seeing roots, which give an unkempt appearance.

          1. That’s the thing. I pay for a gym I don’t go to, I have a tennis racket I rarely use, and my main exercise is walking the dog. I floss, walk the dog, and wear sunscreen. I got my mammogram and colonoscopy done. I’m current on my tetanus shot. There is a realistic limit to my ability to get self-care done beyond basic required maintenance and I’d be kidding myself if I thought I could pull off coloring my hair *routinely*. It’s not like a pedicure, where you could just push it out another week or month or season. And I’d be doing that and the hot mess that is me would be getting even hotter.

          2. Well that’s just your priorities. Hair is the first and main thing people notice about you. I elevate it higher on the list.

          3. If I cared about not looking older than I am or cared at all about looking polished I’d prioritize hair color over any other aesthetic choice.

          5. It’s not sad to dye your hair. It’s not sad to decide that the you don’t want to dye it. It’s sad to leave a large gray streak in your hair and tell yourself you somehow look younger.

    4. I am Team Stripe. Stripe is easily perfectly executed. Coloring my medium brown hair easily would be a C- look, so passing in that. Least bad option.

    5. I color every two weeks.

      I love grey hair on other people but I think realistically it looks best for people who have the rest of their look on point – good skin care/makeup, pulled together outfits and styled hair.

      I am deeply in the baby/little kid phase and am mostly rocking an Adam Sandler vibe.

      Also, I am the main earner in my family and in both a very male, public career. I am worried that appearing older will stall my career.

      1. op here: I totally agree with you about the horrible shoe polish look some older women get. I’m not that old, my hair isn’t that dark and i’m pretty sure it doesn’t look like that. I am not considering not dying my hair, i’m just considering giving up on the chunk in the front. Hoping to look like the girl from josie and the pussy cats (that’s how old i am). I’m also debating whether to let it be white or doing it blond.

        1. I wouldn’t. I honestly don’t hunk the stripe looks good. I’ve never seen it work for anyone and people are just being polite. I’d never say this in real life but since you asked here anonymously I will. Get your hair done as often as you need to. Cut time somewhere else.

          1. This times 1000. And I doubt you’re getting a bad dye job as indicated above. I’m sorry. Don’t do it!

          2. I have light brown hair and have all of my gray in a stripe. I am keeping the stripe since the rest of my hair looks a healthy natural color. Both my mother and maternal grandmother only ever got to about 10% gray (mom at 81) or 25% (grandmother at 94 when she died). So I don’t think it will get worse and the stripe just looks very shiny in my hair that is otherwise very straight and shiny. It helps that I’m tall, so no one is looking down at it. And finally, I’m in a profession that somewhat values a woman who is a bit of a battle axe but loathes vanity as a sign that someone prefers style to substance (so a bad or poorly maintained dyed color would be thought of as a bad look unless it was very intentionally goth / punk looking). Not a charge nurse in the ER, but think of that vibe.

          4. Whoa! I was operating from the firm belief that no woman *wants* to look like a battle axe who abhors vanity but there you go. That’s the look a gray streak conveys. I agree.

          5. I think you probably need to get out a little more if that was a firm belief of yours until this moment!

          6. Oh no. I have no desire to spend any time with self described battle axes, thanks though!

          8. I totally disagree! The first person I ever saw with the stripe was Sarah Kramer on the cover of her cookbook How It All Vegan (shoutout to my early aughts vegans!) and Stacey London came on the scene a few years later. I thought then (at 18 years old) and now (at 43) that they both looked freaking gorgeous and edgy in a way I adored. I think the look is much more mainstream now thanks to London but still looks edgy on account of any woman embracing gray continuing to be counter-culture.

          9. To each their own! I would much rather lean Cruella de Vil than basic b if those were my options.

          10. You’re also giving basic b. Just older and meaner basic b. Unless you’re also draping yourself in dead puppies…

        2. if you do it, let it be its natural color. A grown-out line of blonde vs. gray is going to look terrible, sorry.

        3. I think the stripe only works if you stop dyeing entirely and that’s just your natural grey pattern. (Like Stacey London).

          If you go for the natural stripe, it looks weird next to dyed hair.

      2. As someone whose hair turned grey very young (I found my first grays at 12 and started coloring it at 19), I am with you. I get it colored every four weeks and do an at-home root touch-up in between. Perfectly styled gray or white hair without any yellow tones is stunning on an older woman. On someone in her thirties, forties, or even fifties it’s just aging and will lead to discrimination.

        1. This is pretty much my take. Gray hair is very aging for most people. Yes there are exceptions but they are rare.

          2. I thought she was older, but that’s just because I thought she was like 45 when her first show came out. Not because of her hair but because of her clothes and manner.

        2. Yes. My mom has absolutely gorgeous, stunning, eye popping white hair. She is an absolute fox and showstopper at age 77.

          I can’t wait until I can go full gray/white, but I won’t do it until my 60s.

          On an anonymous forum, I agree with the above – as a professional who needs to show up looking polished and professional, I religiously color every 5 weeks, with a root touch up in between. I know a few friends who have leaned into the streaks or streak, and it does, for better or worse, really age them.

          And, just to keep things even, my husband also is full gray, and colors his hair.

    6. Ugh I feel this struggle, I went gray in my 20s (just turned 40) and have been dying since and hate sitting in the chair. I go every 7-8 weeks, at around the 3-4 week mark I use the touch up spray and then the root touch up dye, leaving it on for slightly longer than the directions because my grays are very stubborn. The touch up spray works great but is a pain because you have to be very careful with your clothes.

        2. I use the spray at my part line to stretch my color for that last week (I get mine done every four weeks) and it neither runs nor wears off on my clothes.

          I color my hair every four weeks like clockwork. I am already the oldest person in my department (and am over a decade older than my boss). Having been laid off in my early 50s and encountered blatant age discrimination (which left me wondering how much was there that clueless HR people did not voice), I am reluctant not to do what I can not to look my actual age.

    7. I have some gray hairs right on my part (naturally dark hair as well). I go to the salon every six weeks and alternative between toner only and proper dye. The toner appointments are faster and gentler on my hair. I find it makes the grays look like highlights until week 5. It depends if the toner is enough to color your hair though.

      1. It only “works” for her because she’s otherwise very funky and her style is offbeat. Even then, it’s not especially flattering but it is a look.

        1. Ehh. It arguably “worked” when she was younger because the overall look was very polished. Always with a chic dress and heels, good jewelry and lipstick. In the current pictures where she’s walking her dog? It’s just giving haggard.

          1. Ah, yes, because it’s so reasonable to expect people to be perfectly polished when walking their dog. The women on this site are absolutely exhausting.

    9. I use box dye only on my visible roots half way between my cut and color that is every 7 weeks or so. I am not worried if I miss a spot because only my part really shows the greys.

    10. In your shoes I’d try the stripe. I would start out by bleaching the dyed part below the grey to avoid the awkward growing-out stage.

      My naturally dark brown hair is *very* prematurely about 85% gray all over and what’s been most successful for me is all-over color in a lighter shade of brown than my natural color with highlights and lowlights added. Very expensive, but you don’t have to have the highlights and lowlights done that often and can mostly just touch up the roots every 3-4 weeks. The lighter base color with variation is much more realistic and doesn’t show roots nearly as much as a flat dark brown.

    12. I’m 57 with dark brown hair, now partially gray. My stylist colors it every 5 weeks and I have been told it does not look dyed. That was a big concern when I finally decided to do color. I remember women older than me who colored their hair and it really *looked* colored. I didn’t want that. It’s important to get your color professionally done, if you have the resources, and talk about your concerns with your stylist. I loved how it turned out when I first did color and I love it every time I leave the salon chair. Right now I feel too young to lean into gray hair. Maybe later in life.

    13. I get mine colored every 3 weeks for this reason. Even with some highlights, I still have to do my roots that often. You’d have to do extensive highlights otherwise.

    1. I’d wear it with flat cognac sandals.

      But since you say “make it through an evening in,” does that mean you’re wanting to dress up the outfit for going out in the evening and want a dressy shoe or something with a heel?

      1. op here: i didn’t mean i would wear a heel or anything but even a mule or a super flat strappy sandals is not necessarily so easy for me to walk around in….

    3. Mary Jane flats. Nordstrom has a bunch from comfort brands. MAdewell has some cute ones too.

    4. Late to reply, but wanted to say that I’ve been getting a lot of mileage out of my shiny silver loafers, I think they would look great with this outfit.

  7. Sr leadership at my extremely large company sent out a 15 minute meeting notice on Friday afternoon that just said “[My org] All Employee Call]” for 7am on Monday (this morning) with no details and specifying it wouldn’t be recorded. We just had our earnings announcement on Thursday and they announced significant losses due to the tariffs. I, like many others, thought this was gonna be layoffs and was stressed all weekend about it. Got terrible sleep last night because of it.
    Turns out they were announcing the replacement for my VP who is retiring.
    They had to know people would think the worst right?

    5. It is cruel. But it’s also an opportunity to get plugged in and ask your boss what’s going on. I’ve never held it against people who want to know what unplanned meetings are about and they come off as more engaged.

      1. Unfortunately, my company is so large there are 6 levels between me and the senior VP who sent the meeting notice. I doubt anyone under 3 levels above me knew anything. I can definitely tell my boss my displeasure with it but I doubt it would go anywhere.

      2. I’m curious about your positive impression of people who ask about vague meetings! I’ve always assumed my boss knows people want to know, the meeting was vague on purpose, and asking would just put them in an unfair position (if it is bad news, they can’t say just because I asked; if it’s not bad news, they can’t really say that regularly either, because then people will learn “wait and see” = “bad news”, etc etc). I’m intentional about following up on all hands’ thoughtfully in my next 1:1 (“I’ve been thinking about xyz in the strategy document; does that change anything about how we should approach project abc? Maybe we could…”) which I assume would serve the same “demonstrate interest and investment” need

        1. I think it shows people are paying attention. Some things are more under wraps than others and I don’t mind sharing a little more detail to the extent I can with someone who asks. On the 6 levels below, managers talk upward and if there’s a lot of agita that can lead to a “don’t worry it’s good news” message too. I think sometimes people at the top are tone deaf but not always malicious so it’s worth asking. Especially since OP worried all weekend.

        2. I wouldn’t underestimate that more senior people sometimes are not 100% thoughtful or aware of how communication or the lack thereof comes across. They have all the relevant details but might forget to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, without even assuming malice or anything nefarious. So I don’t automatically assume that their messaging is fully thought through unless it comes from high enough that stratcomm is doing the messaging.

      3. This is not my experience at all, typically asking will get you labeled as nosey and will come with some informal punishment.

    1. We recently got this one for a daybed (Serta 10″ Twin Medium Tight Top Cooling Gel Memory Foam Mattress – Fiberglass Free from Walmart). Link in next post. Description provided in case the link doesn’t post. We have been really happy with it.

    2. One with a waterproof cover or two…..

      My children still wet the bed at 12 and 9. I double layer the waterproof bedding and the mattress itself is in a 100% waterproof sealed cover.

      Costco is as good a place as any. I grabbed the twin mattresses in store and they have been great. They were about $200. I got a frame from Wayfair. I went with a frame for up to 150lb and it broke because the kids were jumping on it. I got a new one for 350lb weight limit and it has held up.

    3. We went with Allswell 12 inch organic mattress from walmart when making the same transition, which was about the most affordable organic option we could find. Fully aware that we may just be paying for greenwashing and it may not be objectively healthier or have fewer off-gassing chemicals, but anecdotally we noticed it was much less smelly upon opening than our (non-organic) mattress. It is very soft and plushy and our toddler loves it.

    4. I got the basic Casper one for my kid and we’ve been very happy with it. I have a Casper from back when they only had one type (10ish years ago) and I love it.

  9. For those of you who enjoy domestic business travel what about it do you like? Seeking positivity because I’m miserable right now. My coworkers who love the travel of course are all men with young kids and stay at home wives. Meanwhile I don’t sleep well in hotels, I can barely do my makeup in the horrendous lighting, and air travel is the worst. Is there a secret that I’m missing?

    1. i am not an expert but i went to a conference last year in ohio and i: 1) went to the gym every day; 2) spent an afternoon wondering in and out of stores and bought a few things i wore all summer; 3) scheduled an evening phone catch up with a friend and sat and gabbed for an hour and a half.

    2. I like being able to veg out in my hotel room and watch reality TV. I’m the responsible adult in my life so being able to do nothing is a real treat for me. I do my make up in front of a window with a portable mirror. I have a whole travel system (head phones, comfy clothes that look professional, snacks!) Honestly can’t help you with the sleep thing though, I’ve spent a lot of time on sleep hygiene and learning how to sleep properly.

      1. I was just on a work trip and being able to watch cable TV was genuinely very enjoyable. I don’t have cable at home.

    3. I’m right there with you – I hate hotel sleep, I hate having to pack up my life into a bag for one or two nights. A nodpod eye mask has helped the sleep some and is easy to travel with. But really, I just suck it up and gut it out.

    4. Hmmm, I don’t love it but I don’t hate it either. I sleep great in hotels, but I don’t have to stay in bad ones. I’m not a frugal person so I do spend my own money to make travel better – I’ll upgrade my seat on flights, order room service for breakfast, I check a bag so I have everything I want (I really don’t give AF what anyone thinks either), take Uber not public transit, etc. I also use the opportunity to either make a weekend out of the trip and visit friends I wouldn’t otherwise see or try to meet up with friends for dinner depending on where I am. Dramamine for the plane helps, so does not eating on the plane.

    5. I think it’s just personality dependent. I don’t do a ton of business travel, but what I do I enjoy. I sleep well in hotels (even basic Hampton Inn places) and I don’t mind domestic plane travel. I have airline status and get economy plus seats at booking and free upgrades to first class maybe half the time, and I also pay for a credit card that comes with lounge access, so the airport experience is about as good as it can be. I have a fairly young kid though, so having some time fully off parenting duty is nice, even though I miss my family when I’m gone.

    6. I like being able to explore a new place a little, though my travel is usually to decent-sized cities with interesting food options.

      On the literal travel part. Look into either airline credit cards (if that helps you with status) or credit cards with lounge access where you mostly fly. Between that and at least low-level status (which gets you faster wait times just about anywhere) it makes the whole thing way more pleasant!

    7. I love it when I can build in a few hours to explore. My favorites include self-guided walking tours, museums, interesting local restaurants, and architecture.

    8. I love it! I travel about 25 % of the time, evenly split between international and domestic. I love learning about where I’m going, eating at new places, staying in hotels, and I even enjoy airports and airplanes. My husband hates all of the above, so I know this is not universal. When I look at the differences between our attitudes to traveling, the biggest thing is that I look at it as a perk and an adventure, and he sees it as a chore. I spend my time at airports people watching and marveling at the logistics – how do they get the right tram to the right plane to get the bags to the right belt as often as they do? I do not attempt to work – I can stay up late in a hotel where it is quiet and do that. In a hotel I enjoy getting to make all decisions to suit only myself – I may be traveling and coordinating with colleagues, but I only have to get myself out of my room in the morning, I’m not sitting in the middle of the morning rush at home. I don’t have to make dinner. Whether or not my kids are doing their chores is out of my control. In general, I lean into the smaller number of things under my control – plane is late? Nothing I can do about it. Teens forgot their homework/instrument/practice clothes? They don’t call me because I can’t do anything about it. Practice schedule changed and someone needs a ride? I can arrange it, but I don’t have to leave work or fit it in around my meetings. Nobody likes dinner? Not my problem. All I have to do is focus on work and take care of myself.

      From a practical standpoint, I’ve figured out that I need earplugs and an eyemask in my toiletries kit to sleep in hotels. I have a slimmed down make up routine so I don’t have to bring much stuff – but it also means I don’t need good lighting to put it on. I have a travel capsule wardrobe so that if (when) I spill, I can switch my outfits around easily. I have a workout that I only do at hotels so it doesn’t get boring – or I go run if I’m in a place where that is safe. I try to see if any museums or other tourist attractions are open late so that I can do something that isn’t work after work. Finally, I often tack a day or a weekend on if I’m going to a big city. That way I can have something to look forward to when I’m heading off.

      If you are a parent, I’ve found that having more travel in my job has helped my kids become more independent, and it has made my husband and me more interchangeable. So that helps, too!

      2. You have perfectly articulate what I enjoy about work travel, down to the mini vacation from my domestic life!

      3. You’ve summed up my thoughts so well I can’t even think what else I would say to the OP. I love the people watching, the random conversations and experiences, and being accountable only to myself.

    9. With the caveat that my very heavy travel days were pre-pandemic, I did mostly enjoy business travel. I earned lifetime Platinum status at Marriott in about five years if that gives you a sense of how often I was gone. Things that I enjoyed and tried to focus on when I was on a miserable trip: I was able to basically expense my entire life and reroute the savings to something else in my life; I was able to accummulate a ton of hotel and airline points to take two fairly upscale vacations a year at low to no cost; and every now and then I would have a free day or afternoon in a city and would try to get myself out of the hotel and try a new workout class or restaurant or even just a walk in a new neighborhood. This might be trivial, but I grew up with a stay at home mom who is not very adventurous. I was really, really proud of myself for doing things like international business travel on my own because I knew that she could never do things like that in her lifetime. It’s also just fine to not take full advantage of whatever city you’re in if you’re exhausted – I often gave myself permission to just get out to a yoga class and order room service if that’s what I wanted, even if I was in a very cool location.

    10. I have a weird job where I travel for ~20-45 days at a time 2-4x a year.

      I’m usually in really rural areas with not much to do but I oddly enjoy it. When I’m there I miss my normal life and when I’m in my normal life I miss the field.

      I’m really passionate about my org’s mission and when I’m in the field my work is really hands on with the mission.

      I like it because you end up making your own fun, you’re stripped of distractions (work 90 hours a week, no chores or errands to do, social life and hobbies look different), and I’m usually able to drill down on a portable hobby or interest. I have fun optimizing my packing and finding things to do. Sometimes I’m in a decent small city with a nice enough hotel (and it’s so nice) and sometimes I’m in a no stoplight town in an Econolodge. I feel like it gets me to appreciate the small stuff.

      1. I have a similar job and I think of it as a different life experience. In my corporate jobs it was unlikely that I’d have a chance like this. There’s value to living in different places and just seeing how people live in different parts of the world. I’m not living there ofc but I go often enough and live exactly like my coworkers while I’m there, so it’s a taste.

    11. Lounge access makes air travel so much less stressful. I also pick the best flight (e.g., non-stops) not the cheapest. For hotels, I am a huge believer in travel blanket – it sounds silly, but being able to curl up with a throw blanket is comforting. If you are repeatedly travelling to the same hotel (think multiple weeks), the front desk will normally let you leave a bag with full size hair products, etc. Also, if I get the chance, I will buy pump soap for the bathroom instead of spending the week with trying to pry the soap bar off it’s dish. Food wise, I will look on yelp for places that are holes in the wall (think grocery store with good takeaway thai) and otherwise explore the area.

      1. Oh this reminds me, I always “grocery shop” in the airport when I land – I get cold coffees for the mornings and room snacks when I land. It’s nice to set up my own minibar.

      2. For me lounge access is only useful in a delay or cancellation situation. My home airport and most of my destination airports are too small to have lounges, and I try book flights with shorter layovers so I’d really only get like half an hour of lounge time max at the hub.

        1. I’m in the same boat but still enjoy the lounge access. It’s nice to be able to run in and grab some food even if it’s pretty much an in and out kind of thing. Also delays happen quite frequently (unless you’re much luckier than I am), and not only is the lounge a nicer place to sit and wait during a delay, the lounge staff are much more helpful than the generic gate staff if you need to rebook anything.

    12. My long response disappeared. In a nutshell, pay for upgrades yourself, make things easy (uber, check a bag), Dramamine and no food on flights, stay in decent hotels for a better sleep (see pay for upgrades if needed).

    13. 1. People watching at the airport.
      2. No home chores if you’re not home.
      3. I’m an extrovert who hasn’t had enough social contact since COVID, so I love just being in the presence of other humans.

    14. I traveled quite a bit in my last job and really enjoyed it! I had the best time when I controlled as much as possible – so I picked my flight schedule and airline, researched hotels and picked my fav, and always built in a little time to do something fun. Some trips that meant finding a cute little coffee shop in a tiny Wisconsin town before my full day of meetings. Other trips that meant staying an extra couple of days in San Francisco to sightsee, on my dime of course. Fortunately, this was in a company with pretty generous budgets for travel, so I didn’t have to pick a terrible flight schedule or hotel to make budget.

    16. In addition to some of the things already mentioned, I enjoy spending time in my hotel room doing extra self-care things. I bring my own shampoo/conditioner and hairdryer (shark), wash my hair really well, do my nails/toes, shave my legs, use a ton of lotion and a facemask – basically have spa night while watching whatever I want to watch on the tv and eating whatever I want to eat. I bring my favorite PJs and cozy socks. Sometimes I work out in the gym. I don’t bring so much stuff with me that I have to check a bag, but I definitely am not a light packer. I think trying to skimp and bring as little as possible takes the fun away because it’s so utilitarian. I have young kids though, so maybe this is different for people who are easily able to do all this stuff whenever they want? Also, I like to eat dinner in the hotel bar and people watch.

      1. Right there with you and I don’t have kids, I love the freedom and change from every day life. I miss my husband and dog but really enjoy mixing it up.

    17. I enjoy seeing new places and I try to leave enough wiggle room in my schedule that I can do at least one touristy thing where I am. One time it was literally “take half an hour to see the St. Louis Arch,” but I saw it. I also have friends all over the country, so I try to see them whenever I am in one of their cities for work. The less exciting trips are the ones to the middle of nowhere, and those I at least enjoy being able to get a workout in without distractions from husband, pets, etc.

    18. Bring things that make you comfortable. It’s different from personal travel. A makeup light. Comfy sweatshirt. All of your preferred beauty and skincare products.

      Try to explore the area around you, even if its not a tourist destination. I think there’s value in seeing smaller towns and cities across the country too.

      For air travel get a travel pillow, athleisure you like to travel in. Airports have become much nicer and have good food and drink options.

      1. I think airports have gotten less nice as the rest of the air travel experience has declined. I frequently connect through ATL and I could swear that parts of that airport have been under construction with zero progress since before 2020. Airports are generally more crowded, shabbier, and dirtier than they were 10-15 years ago, and the food has not improved. If anything it’s gotten worse.

    19. I love sleeping in a room I do not have to clean or organize. I love eating food that I did not buy and prepare. I love exploring other cities and towns, even if they aren’t known for being “cool.”

    20. When my son was little, I loved just being in a hotel room alone watching the big TV because we don’t have a TV in our room. Don’t want one in the bedroom but it does feel like a treat. Sometimes room service is divine. I started doing my makeup in the hallway mirror because the lighting in the bathrooms is just terrible. I do also like window shopping during down time while traveling as that is something I can never do in my normal life with work and errands, etc.

    21. I’m not generally a big meds person, but they make a huge difference when I travel. I take Pepcid for plane stomach, melatonin for sleep, a couple of advil and Zyrtec in the morning. I do none of that in my normal environment but it really helps when I travel – planes are rough on my body and that eases things a lot.

      1. Same here, if the timing works, a half melatonin does wonders to shut off my mind and get some rest. Just started taking non-drowsy dramamine before flights because the flight to uber to meeting/hotel process was making me soooo nauseous.

    22. I think reframing business travel in your mind would also help. It’s a skill and like all skills, people are not born knowing how to do it but rather practice it and change what they are doing until they get better at it. I love business travel but the things I love about it aren’t the things that make me a good business traveler.

      I have figured out the things that transform me into a bad business traveler (6 am departures, bringing only a carry-on bag, using public transportation, eating hotel breakfasts) and I don’t do this anymore, even though they are normal things to do. Trying to think positively wouldn’t make an impact in isolation if I didn’t consciously change the things about business travel that don’t work for me.

    23. I don’t have business travel often, but the people I know who did would figure out hotels with a specific mattress and pillow type they liked, then only book at that chain. Consider bringing a pillow from home (you could store it in bag in your garage or something), and experiment with eye masks/ear plugs/melatonin.

    24. Yeah I think the only people who love work travel are people with small kids at home. Hotel sleep might be bad but not as bad as your colicky baby screaming or sick toddler vomiting on you or little one who had a nightmare. That and being able to cut loose (if you’re senior enough), even if it’s just enjoying a bottle of wine by yourself in your room — not enough to be hungover but more than you’d drink if you have to be an adult in the middle of the night.

    25. I like it most of the time! Having an employer without too restrictive of policies is key. I have a fantastic home airport, I can almost always book a direct flight on my preferred airline, no weird scrutiny on ubers or food expenses etc. . I’m a window seat person (so much easier to sleep or relax when no one is bumping you etc.!) and would rather fly in the night before than have a crazy early morning. If it’s a trip that allows for some free time, getting to enjoy part of a new city or neighborhood is fun for me. I found it also helps me to actually unpack instead of trying to live out of a suitcase

  10. paging narrow footed ladies! My daughter needs shoes for summer camp that are not sneakers (she’s packing those) and not flip flops. The shoes most kids wear for this are crocs but her feet are super narrow and she can’t wear those. She’s a women’s 5.5-6 (kids 4.5ish).

    In the past she’s gotten birkenstock Rios in the EVA so they are waterproof, but they don’t make those in adult sizes and also don’t seem to make them anymore at all. She had keens last year and reported they were perfect except they got so stinky they were unwearable.

    1. I should add, I suggested Tevas but those are going to be a hard sell visually :). She wants to look as much like everyone else as possible but knows her feet are hard to fit.

      1. i have narrow feet. my kids have narrow feet. they wore keens and iwiped them down with vinegar and ran through the washing machine every few days. they dry.

      2. Im confused on what you’re looking for. Something that looks like Crocs but for narrow feet? Or something that wears like Reefs but in adult sizing? I feel like these are two totally different things.

    3. What about Chacos? I have narrow feet and like mine. Plus, the straps are adjustable. Those were all the rage when I was at summer camp but too expensive for my parents, lol. I think they look nicer than Tevas.. and certainly cooler than crocs

      1. +1. Love my Chacos. The Zvolv are lighter than the traditional heavy base. Merrell also make sport sandals and water shoes, but I can’t speak to the width of their fit.

      2. I have narrow feet and high arches and can’t wear Chacos because the straps tighten as I walk and strangle my toes. Apparently this is a known issue with high arches. You can actually send the sandals to the manufacturer to have the straps stuck in place somehow, but that didn’t help much.

        Apart from the toe strangulation issue, Chacos also just run wide.

      1. These look awesome. I’m skeptical they will be narrow enough since they are sold in unisex sizing but we will check them out.

        She can’t wear soccer slides unless they are full velcro, typically the top of the foot/toe is way too loose.

      1. Too wide! They worked when she was younger but as she’s gotten older her feet have stayed narrow and flat and natives have gotten too big and her feet slide around.

    6. If you want to try the Keens again, try spraying them daily with Lysol spray after use

    7. Tevas for water sports, but not for a lot of walking because the plastic buckles will cause blisters.

    8. I would first make sure that open-toed shoes are allowed for general wear. All the camps I have worked with and the ones my kid attended required closed toes because of the gnarly ways toes can get hurt running around near roots and rocks. We went with Keens, but never had the smell problem you mention..

  11. i’m the op who posted about the grey stripe. i didn’t know this but stacy london is actually featured in the NY times online (assume it was sunday print) for those who are interseted, take a look. I think she dyes the rest of her hair and leaves the streak as opposed to not dying it at all and the grey in the front is more prominent.

    1. No, the first photo looks like she stopped dying it completely. The second one is just fixed with photo editing to look denser.

    2. Google image search her for more pics of her hair. She definitely does not dye it at all.

      Again, I think this works well for her because she puts a lot of effort into her overall look.

      I tried going naturally grey during the pandemic but started dyeing my hair again.

      I realized that dyeing my hair was actually less work overall than trying to have more stylish clothes, makeup, hair, etc.

      Again, I have very young kids and just not enough time to invest in my appearance the way you need to with grey hair to look stylish.

      1. Agree, she’s also tall, thin and very stylish. A classic example of the exception not the rule.

  12. Shopping help, please. My ten year old daughter would like to wear a blazer to her 5th grade graduation ceremony. Blazers are not a popular item for 10 year olds, I guess bc I can’t find one anywhere. Zara has a pink cropped one, but DD doesn’t do pink or cropped. Any other ideas?
    Amazon has a bunch, but I’m weary.

    3. J.Crew kids has some cute blazers for boys that might work depending on body shape.

    4. Honestly, Amazon was my first thought too! But I’d bet lands end has one, maybe in the school uniform section?

      1. Op here – I missed today’s pick before posting my question. DD wants exactly this look, a blue/teal blazer with shorts. Ha!

    5. Ok I realize that the listing seems sketch but my 9 year old niece asked for this blazer and it’s good. No veronica beard, but fine for this: rrhss Girls Solid Color Lapel Suit Coat Button Down Long Seelve Blazer Jacket

    6. Would a petite XS fit? Kohl’s usually has a good selection for pretty reasonable prices (it looks like they have several on sale right now).

    9. Oh this was my daughter in December.

      Next co uk had a good blazer in Navy in a slim size. The M&S one was too boxy for her. Lands end blazers just don’t fit my children. My eldest is somewhat of a beanpole. Izod purchased on Amazon worked well.

  13. I hate to say it, but I am liking this Executive Shorts outfit. Maybe I need to move to Bermuda, which is where I think it might make sense? What shoes though?

    1. I’ve been to professional offices in Bermuda, and women/men don’t wear shorts in the office. You will see jeans (all season) and very casual dresses there though.

    2. I am thinking that this kind of outfit would be cute at the summer criminal defense conference in June. The conference is seminars in the morning and party the rest of the day in a south Florida resort hotel. If my legs were awesome, I would do it.

      1. I have had male judges and prosecutors show up to task force meetings and training sessions in chino shorts a number of times, beginning more than a decade ago. Never women, though.

  14. How many sessions do you give it to see if you are clicking with a therapist and if that person will be helpful to you? What do you look for in early sessions to influence your decision? Would your thoughts differ for a tween or teen seeking a therapist? I’m looking for advice that I can pass along to my daughter. We are not searching for a specific modality, but we are looking for someone that can talk to her about middle school, family dynamics (her dad and I are divorced), and generalized anxiety.

    1. Two sessions. Ask your daughter what she’d want from a therapist (empathetic support? Challenges to patterns of thinking? Strategies to manage anxiety) and then see how she feels. If one session is terrible, then find someone else. If it’s just okay, give it one more session. But try to communicate to the therapist what you’re looking for.

      1. I can imagine that these would be challenging questions to ask a tween. They are hard questions for adults.

        1. Oh, yes — I simply meant to ask the daughter what she would want and then try to assess from there. To the extent possible.

    2. One for myself. For someone else, that’s hard to answer because you don’t know what clicks for them.

    3. Are you looking for a nice paid chitchat or progress towards goals? When hiring therapists for various family members I’ve found the former much easier to find than the latter. The therapist should want to talk with you for a few minutes at the beginning of each session. You can use this time to ask about her approach. How do you plan to approach goal-setting with my child? What modality do you plan to use to achieve them? Why did you choose that modality? Etc. Be aware that CBT is not effective for many teens so you may be looking for something more like DBT.

      If you just want to pay someone to chat with your teen that is much easier to find. You can just ask her if the therapist is nice and fun to talk with. But that’s a lot of time and money to be investing for no progress.

    4. Is this the first time she’s done something like this? If so, both of you may need to be aware of the difference between feeling anxious about therapy in general (sitting in a room talking with someone about hard stuff) versus not liking a particular therapist. If someone isn’t obviously a bad fit, but your daughter just “doesn’t like it,” it’s going to be harder to figure out if that’s anxiety/discomfort/awkwardness talking, or if there’s a bad fit with a therapist.

    5. My tween just finished her first stint in therapy (6 months, to help with what you describe– generalized anxiety, transition to middle school, beginning of puberty, etc.). We wanted someone in person, so that severely limited our choices and we ended up with a very nice but very green therapist who I probably would not recommend to a friend if their issues were more acute, but was fine for our purposes. My DH liked her very much which I feel like was worth it if only to give her a positive association with therapy and some new vocabulary and strategies for the future.

      DH and I had an initial 30 min session with the therapist to frame up what we were looking for, and I simultaneously enrolled in a parenting program for parents of kids with anxiety. I disagree that a couple of sessions is enough for this age to know if they click. Esp. if therapy is your idea, not hers, it will take a little bit longer for her to open up and hit a stride. If she’s going once a week I would give it a couple months. We checked in regularly with our kiddo (usually on the 30m ride home) to see how she was feeling about it. We asked her if the therapist was easy to talk to, if she was a good listener, and if she helped her with some strategies for when she was feeling anxious, and asked her what the specific strategies were. When she was a little vague, we reached out to the therapist to ask her to be more concrete with our DH on the strategies so that she knew specifically what the tools were that they were working on. So, they started keeping a workbook with visual representations of each of the tools (e.g. breathing exercises, emotion wheels, over-estimating/under-estimating, etc.). We specifically wanted our kid to be in therapy for a short-term, so wanted concrete things to practice and a toolkit to walk away with to refer to when necessary. We had 3 parent sessions with the therapist in those 6 months so we could talk over what we were seeing at home and help inform the therapy goals.

    6. I think this is different if the tween/teen wants these sessions or not. My tween needed a therapist and hated the idea. We tried several. The first one gave me the ick and we didn’t even have them meet our child. The one we ended up going with clicked with my spouse and with me, and also seemed to build a productive interaction with our tween. Our tween never did want to go to sessions but came away having begrudgingly picked up language to better articulate their anxiety and even some useful tools for managing it. I don’t think our tween would ever say they clicked with the therapist, but since our goal wasn’t for them to make a new BFF that was an okay resolution.

  15. back from a weekend in nyc, mostly doing touristy things and walking around downtown. fashion noticed: maxi dress shirt dresses and collared jumpsuits. cropped wide legs/culottes, with sneakers. so many long WHITE tiered skirts. cropped, looser cut jeans and wide leg jeans. did not see many bootcuts or flares. vejas, golden goose still going strong, also lots of tall frye boots. did not see many slip skirts at all. did see some sort of cotton summery dresses that were just below the knee with sort of an apron top/spaghetti strap and ruched back, not quite fit and flare but not quite a full skirt either. also saw lots and lots of mini skirts, which looked good approximately 2% of the time and trashy 98% of the time (but then our hotel was by nyu).

    2. How are adult people wearing the tall boots–with skirts and dresses? Or with shorts like the college students here?

      1. Today a parent at my kids’ school wore knee high Frye boots with denim Bermuda shorts and a big blazer at drop off. It looked better than you would assume. Otherwise mostly with longer dresses and skirts.

      2. FWIW I am an adult living in NYC and don’t feel like I have noticed these trends, but I don’t spend much time in lower Manhattan and am definitely not as observant or fashion-focused as OP. But I cannot imagine wearing tall boots in full summer in NYC for anything other than a special occasion; my feet would be a puddle of sweat.

        1. PS – except jumpsuits – definitely popular in hipster circles. And high-waisted, wideleg pants and crop tops are very popular with my young coworkers. Also 90s fashion like slip dresses over baby t-shirts.

        3. lol, same! I live uptown. The thing I’ve noticed most is wide leg jeans with giant oversized blazers. Seems to be mostly on the 20-somethings, but I’ve also seen plenty of people older than that wearing it.

        4. I agree. I also live uptown and have kids (so my social circle is a lot of other late 30s to early 40s adults with kids), but go out to dinner downtown with some regularity.

    3. am i just messier than the average person? i lived in NYC at one point, and really never understood how people can wear white around the city, especially a long skirt

      1. I have no issues with white in nyc. I do have an issue with very pale nail polish and very open sandals, to the point that I just don’t anymore.

  16. I feel like I’m getting close to being put together. It’s been several years of learning as someone who is both vain but low maintenance. My skin, make up, and clothing are decent (not as good as I’d like but getting better).

    I still struggle with having nice hair, a nice apartment, and knowing how to accessorize.

    How do you learn these things?

    1. A good haircut makes being put together so much easier. Tell the hair stylist that you’re low maintenance day to day, and once you like a stylist keep going back to them. My stylist told me that she was proud/flattered that I liked my haircut enough to keep going back to her, so that was nice.

      For the other 2, what do you feel like your weak points are? Accessorizing too much or too little? Same for home decor tbh

    2. What does “a nice apartment” mean to you? The answer of what to learn is different depending on whether you’re talking about talking about how to keep it clean, how to keep from having piles of stuff all over, how to decorate it, or how to make it feel special to you personally with extra touches.

    3. I feel like my living space came together once I stopped looking for the right decor and just got a few plants instead.

    4. This is not earth-shattering, but Pinterest can be useful especially if you are looking up specific areas in your apartment that you want to style but need ideas, like a front entryway. Finding a couple YouTubers I like who share about hair, fashion, and makeup gives me inspiration and specific product ideas to try.

    5. Nice hair – find a stylist you like, and keep going back to the same one. Agree with letting them know you’re low maintenance and then take their advice as to appointment intervals. Hairstyles definitely matter as to maintenance level – I have a short bob chin-length bob with highlights right now – this is way way more high maintenance than my long hair with balayage highlights used to be. I go every 8 weeks now and I used to go every 6-8 months. The trade off for me is that I have an easier time styling my short hair.

      Also – make an appointment for the next time at the end of every appointment – this was key in making me feel like I had it together – I always have my next appointment scheduled. I thought it’d be annoying but it’s way easier than trying to remember to schedule again.

      Very random thoughts but no time to edit – Nice apartment and knowing how to accessorize take a bit more time. I think they have a similar process. First step is knowing the aesthetic that you like – simple, natural, minimal, maximize, trendy, classic, etc. Then shop your house and closet to create different looks. Maybe instead of getting rid of things and doing a big purge, you put away some things and see how it feels without them. Wear accessories that you have with different outfits (like stack of necklaces together with pearls, etc.). Then after you’ve played with what you have, look to collect items while shopping – think of it more as collecting, less as shopping. I’ve found this gives me things I like more in the long run.

    6. Apartment – highly recommend the first Apartment Theory book. It’s a small paperback thing, not glossy at all, but it has really good advice on color, texture, lighting, furnishing etc with examples from somebody’s life situation. It’s not in print, I think, but it’s worth getting a secondhand copy.

      “Apartment Therapy: The Eight-Step Home Cure” by Maxwell Ryan

  17. I’m looking for a dietician for weight loss. I’m in PA and want someone covered by insurance (Aetna) who does online/virtual appointments. Does anyone have a recommendation?

  18. College question: what is the story with college sports scholarships these days?

    I was under the impression that the big scholarship money was only there if you were going to be a professional athlete (so, football, basketball, sometimes hockey). That otherwise you’d get ‘scholarships’ but they would not be much money (so, sure you got $5k to a SLAC ‘for crew’ but it would still be cheaper to go to your in-state school, where you wouldn’t basically also have a full-time job as an athlete).

    But I keep hearing all of these (well-paid, DC area) parents talk about sports scholarships as a goal for 1/2/3 graders! This weekend an acquaintance was talking about taking her FIRST GRADER out of Girl Scouts even though she likes it because sports are becoming a 4-5 times a week thing, and that it was good because she wanted to be a doctor and she would need undergrad scholarships. A first grader!! I would have just ignored this but it’s not the first time I’ve heard this – college sports scholarships seem to have this chokehold on the upper middle class and I don’t understand why.

    From what I can see ROI on intense and expensive sports for 10+ years for a college scholarship seems low (sports are expensive!). Of course you should do a sport because you like it – have fun you’re a kid! – but I don’t see it making sense to play it for money for college. But I know we have college athletes and parents of sporty kids here and I was hoping they could explain the landscape to me. (I am not sporty, my young kids are not sporty, and I was a first-gen college student with blue collar parents who went to a patriot league school on a half tuition academic scholarship, so my college sports knowledge is lacking).

    So, why are some parents obsessed with college sports scholarships? Is the money actually that good, or is it more about the ‘hook’ to get your kid into a good school? What am I missing?

    1. I think your take is accurate. Scholarships of all kinds are harder to come by now; “full rides” are basically a thing of the past no matter how good your grades are. Merit money still exists, but if you want anything substantial you will generally have to look at (much) lesser known schools. Elite colleges don’t have to bribe people to come.

      Fully agree it is insane to plan your life around hypothetical scholarships, at least until your kid is actually in high school.

    2. Lots of sports give full scholarships. But the amount of money parents have to invest in the sport for the kid to get that scholarship frequently amounts to at least as much as they’d need to put in a 529 to fully fund college. The odds of getting a scholarship are astronomically low. You could get injured, burn out, or just not be a one in a million talent. If you get lucky enough to be offered a scholarship, it probably won’t be to the school that you would choose on the basis of academics and environment. As a scholarship athlete, you are expected to prioritize the sport over everything, including academics. Many majors are incompatible with sports practice and travel schedules. I don’t understand why anyone who actually wants to have a college experience or a career beyond the sport goes D1–much better to go D3 and enjoy playing the sport while enjoying the college life and getting a useful degree.

      Source: One of my college besties was a D1 athlete at a top program, husband was a D3 athlete, kid spent 10+ years on gymnastics JO track

      1. “the amount of money parents have to invest in the sport for the kid to get that scholarship frequently amounts to at least as much as they’d need to put in a 529 to fully fund college.”
        This is very very not correct. Travel teams cost like $10k annually (which don’t get me wrong, is A LOT!) but even if your kid did travel for all of middle and high school that comes out to LESS THAN ONE YEAR OF TUITION. College is very very expensive these days– like three times the cost of when your college bestie and husband were in school. My college’s tuition + room and board are up to $90k annually– and it not even in the top 10% of colleges!

        Not justifying the costs for either travel teams or colleges (both are ridiculous in my opinion), but I think you are wrong that the costs of 7 years of travel teams are more than fully funding college, at least for the average family.

        1. If you invest $1,000 a month in a 529 for 12 years you’ll have enough for in-state tuition.

        2. Also: one parent needs to not work. And you may need a driving nanny for siblings doing other sports at a high level. Therein lies the chief cost.

        3. My experience is dated (late 90s) and a very small sample size: My freshman roommate accepted a full ride to our D1 school because her top choice (an Ivy, where she was accepted) would not provide the same full ride. She felt like she owed her parents after so many years of them paying for her to participate in her sport. She was miserable at our school. Her entire college experience revolved around the sport, and she could not take numerous classes because they conflicted with her practice and meet schedule. Also, eating disorders were rampant on her team, so she was pulled into that culture as well.

        4. $10k a year in a 529 (+ growth) more than covers in-state public, and goes a long way towards private. That’s nearly $200k before growth!

          1. My state deduction maxes out at 4k per kid. When we lived in a 10k state it wasn’t per kid but total.

          2. That’s just an (extra) tax benefit though. You can contribute an unlimited amount and still get tax free growth and withdrawals if used for educational purposes.

    3. Don’t listen to what the parents of elementary school kids say about college scholarships.

      1. Agree. Also kids’ interests can change a LOT over the elementary and middle school years, there’s no assuming a 7yo who is good at gymnastics or soccer or golf is going to be interested in it as a 12yo.

        1. I don’t think that the kids interest are what matters here unless they are switching from a sport they are middling at to one they do better in.

        2. Re. gymnastics specifically–there are kids who win medals in compulsories and whose parents think they are going to be Olympians, and then there are kids who are so talented that they whiz through compuslories and are competing optionals or HOPES by mid-elementary. The second group is getting the college scholarships. Lots of kids who are very precise and therefore do well in compulsories don’t have the massive amount of raw athleticism that is required to do college-level skills.

    4. In my big city, kids (both genders) do scouts in middle school but then sports take over. And our scoutmaster is battling connected scout parents who want to cheat their kids ways into making Eagle Scout for applications. It’s enough to make you stabby (which is not scout-like) but I don’t see how my average but they do their own work kids stand a chance against the Parent Industrial Complex.

      1. I have never heard of an Eagle Scout or a Gold Award girl scout whose project wasn’t parent-driven.

        1. I think it’s troop / parent dependent. Everyone in my scout troop who completed their Gold Award did it by their own motivation (as a result, it was a very small % of us). Observationally, my brothers’ scout experience was more of a mixed bag. My parents insisted they do all the planning for their projects (of course, my parents helped day of by providing snacks for the volunteers, etc.), but I remember others for whom the project was clearly fully parent led. The intensity of the projects was also highly variable (some clearly took months of planning, others could have been pulled together in a day).

    5. IMO these are upper middle class / upper class parents. Athletics is the hook that gets kids in, especially at a D3 school. They don’t really care about ever suiting up or playing past freshman year — sports aren’t really compatible with the college experience and the parents are able to write a check for tuition. It was never about the scholarship; it was all about admissions.

    6. I see two different issues here. There are plenty of full-ride sports scholarships for people who nobody thinks will play professionally. In fact, that is the vast majority, especially for women. Several people in my family (dirt poor in Appalachia) went to college on Division 3 sports scholarships and that is the only reason they went at all. Two of my kid’s friends went to college on soccer scholarships and a third was offered one but turned it down because she got into a much better school and did not love her sport that much.

      That said, planning on a sports scholarship for your elementary school student is absolutely and completely insane, especially if you do not want them to attend a non-flagship state school in a less popular location.

      And THAT said, I have seen many people say that kind of thing because they are self-conscious about the number of people who judge the time, money and emotional effort involved in high level youth sports. They know their kid may not get a scholarship. They do not really need the scholarship. But they are tired of justifying why they do it (and why they will not let their kid quit mid-season).

        1. Exactly. The college probably admitted the student based on sports and then gave heavy need-based aid.

          1. Actually, I am an idiot who assumed that tiny rural public school was D3 when it is actually D1. Since both my sister and my BIL went there I am now going to hang my head in shame and never use this name again.

        2. I think folks are conflating D3 and NAIA. NAIA is what little schools join in order to give sportsball scholarships. IDK how or where the money comes from, but some of these Itty bitty schools give a ton of scholarship money to athletes you wouldn’t think would be college sports scholarship material. Maybe the scholarships are just another rich person tax strategy? idk.

    7. I was a recruited D1 rower and most of us got no money or <$5k.

      I agree that your take is more correct.

      All of my siblings and first cousins and I were college athletes in non revenue sports (wrestling, rowing, swimming, lacrosse, sailing, soccer, field hockey) and none of us got a) substantial money and b) got into school because of our sport.

      We might have gotten full need in financial aid met or a pre-read on our application that gave us a “green light” to apply but that was it.

    8. Any parent who is thinking or talking about a sports scholarship in first grade is delusional.

      1. 100%

        Avoid these parents. They don’t get better and their lives revolve around travel sports. Their child is often not exceptional. It’s an extremely dull way to spend your years of parenting.

    9. The parenting pressure in NoVa and DC is insane. Even people who I like and respect are absolute maniacs as parents. I feel bad for the kids who I think would flourish if mom and dad would get their Gucci loafer off their necks.

      3. It does seem to be really unique. I think DC area and Bay Area are the most toxic parenting cultures, based on my friends’ experiences. NYC and Boston seem more intense than a lot of places, but not as bad as DC and Bay Area.

    10. i have two 1st graders. this is bonkers to me. and talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

    11. Same take. Totally. Also I like what someone said about not taking seriously what the parents of young kids say about college. What I’m noting is that my kid’s buddies are into hockey and lacrosse. Can’t speak to hockey but a generation ago lacrosse was more regional, and even where they played it, it was less popular than football. So talented lax kids seemed like they had an easier time with both scholarships and getting into elite schools. And now every dad I meet is making their kid play lacrosse. I can’t help but think we’re always playing by the old rules. If everyone is playing the competition is fierce, right?

      Hockey is I think different because it’s crazy expensive, requires huge sacrifice for travel and is generally just not accessible for regular kids. But it’s another angle I think. My friend, the mom of a hockey player (whose husband is sports professional by his trade) already talks about the schools she wants her third grader to go to.

      Without bragging my kid is a pretty talented athlete. But we say over and over that sports are just for fun. He plays five different sports. And while he’s still at top of the pack in third grade, the kids who specialize in one sport and who get private lessons in that sport, are definitely poised to pull ahead of him. But that’s fine. Because sports are just for fun.

    12. Your take is correct. I know several kids recently who got soccer scholarships; none of them were even close to a full ride.

      Even for the possibility of a full ride it’s so sad to pull a first grader out of scouts to make them focus on soccer. I feel fortunate to live somewhere where travel sports don’t become a thing until 5th or 6th grade and even then they don’t have to take over your life.

    13. Are you sure this person wasn’t joking? I am a den mom, and we had kids leave to focus more on sports — but it was never said explicitly that the kid was leaving in hopes of cultivating a scholarship. Just that they were running out of time bc the sport was 3 times a week.

      For context, I am a D1 athlete who paid for college with my sport, and I’m also a parent in Arlington with sports obsessed kids. My twins are in 5th grade, and I’ve legit never heard someone say they are chasing a scholarship seriously. In fact, it’s usually the opposite – parents on the sidelines joking about how there are currently 4 frillion other 11 year old kids out there who are playing pretty decent soccer, so there’s no need to get worked up about a game.

      That said, I’ve joked in the past about how we only ever expected to have one kid and pay for one college education, so after we found out we were having twins, we need someone to get a scholarship or become a movie star or a chess prodigy or something, as we weren’t planning on that second tuition. Is it possible the doctor comment was something similar — like, doctor = so much school = wouldn’t a scholarship be awesome?!

  19. what are people wearing for socks with shorter full pants and sneakers? still no show or visible socks?

    1. by “people” you mean “me” – no show or barely visible ankle
      by “people” you mean “20yos” – more likely visible, either athletic or frilly. The frilly remind me of Toddlers and Tiaras but to each generation their own!

      1. Second this. My college kid wears crew socks or ruffled socks with every outfit.

        I mostly wear no-show socks with cropped pants, but in the winter I wore crew socks with ankle-length wide-leg jeans and sneakers and it was actually kind of cute.

    2. Aritzia crew socks with sneakers and trousers. I wouldn’t style “shorter” pants with sneakers though. If I were wearing pants that show ankle, I’d wear loafers or flats with no socks.

    3. Wacky compression stockings for non work days. Black compression stockings for serious work days.

    4. I love the socks from Le Bon Shoppe, especially the crew length ones with tube sock-style stripes.

  20. I don’t know if this is a unicorn ask, but I have artwork that is 12″ x 16″. I’d like to have a larger frame matted down to that size, but I’ve fallen in love with a walnut frame with rounded corners (search “Mainstays 22×28 Matted to 18×24 Walnut Rounded Corner” for an example) but can’t find anything in the right size. I could custom order it but it’s kind of pricey ($80+ per frame) – anyone know of something similar that would work?

    3. Matboards are super cheap just get whatever frame you like and get a custom matt. My local art store has every color and size imaginable for about $20 and will cut it for a nominal fee.

    4. are you saying the Mainstays one is smaller or larger than what you want?

      in any event, $80 for a custom frame is actually really, really reasonable IMHO.

      1. Not OP, but Mainstays is a Walmart brand. It’s a Walmart frame that is usually $10, so $80 for a custom size Walmart frame seems like a lot.

    7. on a-zon: “Natural Wood 16×20 Frames, Real Walnut Wood 16 x 20 Picture Frame with Mat for 12×16, Rounded Corner 16×20 Poster Frame for Horizontal or Vertical Gallery Wall Hanging”

  21. I got a scholarship for a year of private school when I was in high school. I recently got my transcript and it noted that now, it gives 6 points for an A, so most any kid breathing should have a 4.0 or close to it. They don’t do AP or IB or even honors “because everyone here is smart and hard working.” IDK how random kids from Dubuque or Paducah fare in college if this is how some other schools game the system. A lot of colleges give merit scholarships based on GPAs, especially large SEC schools that discount tuition to close to in-state rates, so this seems to give those funds to kids who least need them. It is the sausage factory for sure!

    2. Admissions folks know how HS GPA inflation works and can account for it. There’s no accounting for parental involvement or apathy that either set kids up for success or kneecap them, though. I’m thinking of stuff that was de rigeur in my public school 30 years ago like everyone taking 2 years minimum of a foreign language. That’s the baseline for getting into college but is optional and not seen as important to many in my small rural school district where I now live. It’s up to the parents to make sure their kids get these minimal pre reqs and many either don’t know or don’t care. Without those classes, it doesn’t matter what their GPA is.

      1. Admissions people usually do have some familiarity with how grades work at a particular high school, though I think they overstate their familiarity with high schools that don’t have a lot of applicants to their school. The language piece is very, very frustrating to me, I’m hoping my kid’s language even offers the AP class next year.

        1. The rural school district I’m in does offer 4 years of 2 languages, but parents are reticent to tell their kid they have to take 2 years of one, even though not doing so shuts down that opportunity of going straight to uni. I get that a 4 year degree right after high school isn’t the be all and end all (I was a nontraditional student myself), but the basic prerequisite high school classes for a 4 year uni is a very low bar for most kids and if the kid is capable, parents need to parent and ensure they take them so the option is open.

    4. College admissions folks are experts and they’d find out what the denominator of the GPA is. If A is 6 they’d treat a 5.8 like a 3.8 on the normal scale.
      That said, some colleges including mine do this, and I think it does help with employment because employers don’t always know. Especially if you are a B student and have a very high 3.X or low 4.X GPA that looks reasonable but very good on the normal scale!

      1. Yup. College admissions counselors submit background on the grading system to colleges for this very reason. They don’t just consider a number in isolation (they see how the full scale works and how an individual’s grades stack up to the summary stats of the full class).

  22. My doggie is small so she wears Build-A-Bear b’day hats and outfits. I know so silly but it makes us happy.

    1. I realize this was meant for the dog birthday post, but I love it so much as a standalone comment. Thank you.

  23. I’m in the GLAM industries in a middle manager role in a VHCOL area. “Raises” (or whatever your institution calls them) will be 3.5% across the board. Last year was 5%. Anyone else want to share? (just to see anecdotally if everyone is experiencing lower raises this year).
    (Yes, I am grateful, thanks!)

    1. If GLAM is what Google tells me it is, I think you’re doing well with that for the year. I work in defense and my raise was 3% this year.

    2. I work for a small professional service firm, and raises are usually only 1% per year, but some years there are layoffs and no raises. I’m looking for a new job that pays better…

    3. *cries in higher ed* We get 3% at my institution in a good year and 0% in a bad year. This year is 2%. And these raises are officially “merit” based (although there is shockingly little performance-based variation – in a year in which the average is 2%, a top performer might get 2.5% and someone on the brink of firing might get 1%). We have no official cost of living raises.

    4. different industry but the budget for raises was a similar drop from last year’s, and both last year’s and this year’s numbers were lower than yours.

    5. I work for the federal government, so assume I’m not getting a raise for at least four years … and that’s if I even keep my job

    6. Large international corporation, 2.15% standard, 3.05% for high performers. The covid years we got 0-1.5% increase. This is the highest increase for internals in five years. Everyone hired externally makes 20-25% more. The only teams we’ve had with no turnover have been union teams.

  24. no grays for me yet, but there are a handful of women in my office who embraced the gray in the last few years. They all look much older! (I would never say anything of course or treat them differently. but it is an honest thought).

    given you don’t sound super into maintenance, etc. the gray stripe is not a good choice. It’s really hard to pull off and requires the rest of the hair & look to be super polished to look intentional. Find a good colorist, set consistent appointment times, find a convenient location to go to.

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