Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Long-Sleeve Button-Up Shirtdress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Polka dots are my favorite way to add a dash of whimsy to a work outfit. Sure, they can look a bit juvenile if not styled correctly, but I think this crisp shirtdress from Julia Jordan looks grown-up enough to pull it off.
My normal inclination is always to remove the self-tie and add my own belt, but that’s not an option here, so keep that in mind.
The dress is $149 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 2-16.
Sales of note for 9/5/25
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started, up to 60% off top brands
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including new arrivals
- Anthropologie – 30% off clothing and accessories
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – Everyday styles from $34.50 — see our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off fall faves + extra 60% off clearance
- L.K. Bennett – 20% off all new-season
- Nordstrom Rack – Season Closeout: extra 40% off select clearance dresses, sandals, shorts, and swimwear(ends 9/11)
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 25-40% off select fall styles + extra 30% all markdowns — here are all the reader favorites at Talbots
- White House Black Market – 50% off all sale styles (ends 9/5)
spend a bit of it on some nice gold huggie earrings. I don’t change earring much so I want something that can stand up to showering/working out. Any ideas where I should look? Mejuri seems to have some good options, but any other suggestions? Budget is about $500 but could go over for the perfect ones.
Ack, somehow the beginning of this got cut off. The “bit” is coming from some upcoming bonus money. Thanks in advance for helping me spend it well!
I’d personally check highly vetted consignment/resale options – Huggies are pretty modern so probably something like the real real, or whatever jewelry resale is common in the States (I am not). FYI gold prices are extremely extremely high right now, so depending how big you wanted, and solid versus hollow, your budget may not be realistic just in terms of the raw value of the gold.
Most stuff is hollow unless you’re getting something very delicate. I’d get something vintage on Etsy.
I have a few pairs of Mejuri of hoops/huggies and I love them.
+1
What about something like this? I have the version with diamonds on them and have been very happy with them
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Zuri-Huggie-Earrings-14K-Gold-BE34212/
I got the silver version of the small Monica Vinader huggies and love them – subtle and lightweight. The gold version is plate, but I’m not sure solid gold at $500 is feasible. Nordstrom item 10475312
I actually had the best luck getting stainless steel ones that are gold colored from Amazon. I wear them for months at a time without taking them off.
I have maria tash huggies that I love, but I do think her stuff is overpriced for what it is. My mejuri jewelry has always held up great and I’ve been really pleased with it, I wear a ring as my wedding band from them. If there’s a professional piercing shop near you they’ll have some nice huggies too.
No recommendations on brand but I have Huggies that I received as a gift for high school graduation from Marshall fields that are reversable gold /white gold and they are super useful.
Try Costco. Not exactly huggies but I have the 14kt Tri-Color Gold Love Knot Earrings from there and love them. Match everything and get complimented all the time.
Love Costco jewelry. Well priced and made. If anything goes wrong, great return policy
just in case you haven’t – you might want to ask an older family member if they have any you could borrow. some of my favorites are from my grandmother.
This is a really cute pick!
Agree! And they have a reverse-color version too!
Wow, her dresses are more hits than misses for me!
I wish it was knee length. I’m over this midi trend.
I am pasty / rosacea and cannot imagine how questionable I would look in this. It is cute though, but for someone else.
I am loving the Kent Broussard stuff on the interwebs (retired accountant playing tuba in LSU’s band). I was an orchestra player and while I really enjoyed violin, I did not enjoy my time in second violin (which is counting a lot of measures where you have rests and doing stuff that harmonizes with the melody line that first violins usually have). I imagine that there is even more counting and less melody for viola, cello, and bass. I love the deep sounds of the cello and there are never enough bass players though (to the point where the music teacher or some random parent often has to step in — once the one bass player had a track meet that conflicted with a concert and I think was part of a relay team).
Anywho, for a kid who wants to play a band instrument, they don’t have any experience with wind instruments beyond playing a recorder. What is something that is either very fun (for me: was easier to learn new pieces if I knew what they sounded like, which was much easier to figure out if it was more or less playing melody vs harmony) or always appreciated and helpful (the band equivalent of bass)? I have heard that being able to “buzz” is something that rules in or out some instruments but am truly unhelpful and kid has to pick something.
I played the trombone through high school, and in the early years it ticks the “appreciated and helpful” box; as you progress, and particularly if you participate in marching band, it can get fun. It’s low enough to not be totally offensive to parental ears (trumpet, french horn, flute/clarinet/saxophone are a problem there); high enough that you get some more interesting stuff to play (as opposed to tuba, which is a lot more counting rests).
Your question or point is what exactly?
+1. Every time I read this person’s questions, all I can think is that they need a good editor.
How old is the kid in question? Will they be participating in lessons offered through their school, or private lessons?
If the kid truly has no preference I would ask to meet with the director for an assessment and/or recommendations.
Does your kid have an opinion? If your kid is just starting band, then just let them pick. They can change if they want something different. You could play them different music that features different instruments to let them listen.
Don’t overthink this. There’s no right answer. Just have your kid pick something.
Kid is in 6th grade and this is through their middle school. The school just wants them to pick (maybe 100 sixth graders picked band as their elective and the teacher has to teach all of them their instruments). If it seems to be something that will stick, we could add on lessons or summer camps, but are picking blind here. I guess not starting at zero would have been helpful, but it’s not set up for them to rotate and try things out (you need to rent something and there are limited “school” instruments for experimenting). They have a few more weeks to get locked in.
Everyone is picking blind. Doesn’t the teacher make any recommendations, like brass vs. wind?
Do they have a day when they get to go to the music room and try out all the instruments? Our school does that for rising 4th graders (band/orchestra starts in 4th here).
Listen (with your kid) to examples of instruments playing music on YouTube and pick what they like the most. Believe it or not, not everything has to be strategic. You can do something just because you like it. My child played piano in private lessons (loved it), violin (hated it), then guitar (loved it). They no longer play as an adult, but the experience was valuable because they enjoyed it.
well, the boredom of being in the second or third level is the motivation to practice so you get a better seat and therefore the ability to play the melody.
playing a less popular instrument can be a ‘hack’ to getting to play in more advanced groups with less competition, if that’s what you’re getting at – think bassoon, bass clarinet, etc. Flutes, clarinets, trumpets, and alto saxes are always competitive!
+1
I know a lot of kids that start with the “interesting” instrument that gets all the melody, and then they burn out on how competitive it is and difficult to stand out.
As a former band nerd who picked a competitive instrument (clarinet, and also jazz saxophone), this is my advice, depending on the kid.
While I loved band, and loved practicing and had no issue with the competition for “good” parts – a lot of my peers were way happier in low brass or playing bass clarinet/etc, because they could advance more quickly. I definitely think this is a know your kid situation.
There are also physical limitiations and anatomy to consider, just in general. I wasn’t particularly good at the brass “buzz” and was pretty short when I was starting to play, which made some low brass instruments (like trombone) maybe not a great fit at the time.
Great musicians are in service to the music, and if part of a group, they don’t always have to be the center of attention. Unless your child explicitly said so, they don’t have to choose the instrument that plays the melody. There are many reasons to enjoy your part. I played bass because I love low notes, and prefer composers who wrote more interesting bass lines. However, part of the joy of playing music in a group is being a thread in beautiful fabric where you have your part memorized so you can spend more time appreciating what other people are doing as well.
Bassoon or oboe.
Obviously let your kid pick what speaks to them. I started playing trumpet in 5th grade and still play. It’s amazing and I love it. I could say many things about what makes it awesome, but the real answer is 10 year old me just picked it and fell in love.
I loved being a second trumpet in jazz band, concert band and orchestra, and I had started on the flute. I think the trumpet had much more interesting parts.
Has anyone strengthened a super weak core? Even dead bug is hard for me lol
Reformer pilates will do the trick.
I was so hopeful that would work for me because it feels fancy and I like the gliding and it seemed like it would be easy on my neck. (Anything with an elevated head or head being raised tends to leave my neck really sore, which is why I thought I’d just do dead bug until I got stronger.) Anyway the reformer classes I went to had baby 100s on the reformer and that killed my neck.
Sorry, what are “baby 100s”? Thinking about starting pilates.
i guess they were just regular 100s lol — i did enough marie windsor pilates videos back in the day that i know the lingo
https://www.onepeloton.com/blog/pilates-hundred
You just have to keep at it. I do yoga & it’s done amazing things. People like pilates for this, too.
I will plug Madeline Moves. I’ve been doing her app for ~ 5 years (and through 2 pregnancies and 2 post partum stages). She has an awesome core program in addition to great core work in her weekly programing.
Yes, you have to show up and do the work consistently for a long time – at least 6 months, maybe years. My core was pretty wrecked after having kids. I strengthened it and made significant progress towards closing a diastasis but it did not happen quickly. If it makes you feel better, my PT said dead bug should be somewhat challenging for everyone if you’re doing it right, even if you’re in great shape. :)
As long as you’re doing the exercise with proper form, core work should be hard. That’s how it gets you stronger.
Start really slow (like 10 second planks) and don’t neglect your hips.
Yes! I started a crossfit-type class in February. We work on everything, but I distinctly remember that, when I first started, I would do supermans (face down on the floor, and then you lift your arms and feet like Superman), and my feet barely came off of the ground. I could not do a v-up at all, but now I can do them all day long. Well, not really all day, but we frequently have workouts that have 50 v-ups or whatever, with other exercises in between sets of maybe 15, and I do them all. We rotate between crunches, v-ups, supermans, planks (which I can now hold for a minute!), hollow holds, the usual. It is nothing fancy, and there are probably more efficient routines out there, but I am significantly stronger than when I started. Just keep showing up.
Same. Fitness Blender has a lot of amazing options for things you can actually do now, and it’s easy to add more difficult once ones the easy versions are no longer challenging. The filter and sort feature is really helpful.
If most of the “beginner” stuff is still too hard for you, might I recommend “hybrid calisthenics” for good ways to make bodyweight workouts easier? I think the guy running it has a lot better explanation of how to make progress in exercises than a lot of exercise instructors than have never not been fit.
For those who get married “later” (mid 30s), what did you put on your registry? We’ve both been living on our own for over a decade now (first roommates, then alone, and now together). When we moved in together if we had duplicates of something we kept what was nicer or a better fit for us and donated or gave away the duplicate.
On one hand, it’d be nice to have some stuff thats “ours”, but on the other hand I’m mindful of my consumption and pretty against getting stuff just to get stuff.
I know people register for non traditional gifts (like gear for hobbies) which I’m not entirely opposed to but it also feels like I’m asking people to subsidize my hobbies which feels wrong.
I feel the same way about registering for upgraded versions of what I have now… I have a perfectly good blender. If I want a fancy blender, thats my choice and that purchase should be on me.
I know we could just skip the registry, but several of my relatives (who I both love and like!) strongly prefer giving actual gifts instead of money, so I’d like to provide them the opportunity.
I’m the only granddaughter on one side, so I inherited my grandmother’s china and silver, so I don’t even need to register for that (not that I feel the need to anyways… I only have this stuff because I inherited it).
I was ambivalent about doing a shower, but my mom and aunts want to throw one so I’ll have a small one (family and older generation family friends only), so I’ll need both smaller shower gifts and larger wedding gifts on the registry.
We live in an apartment, don’t plan to buy a house for a few more years (probably post-kids when we move to the suburbs), and while we’re not wealthy, we’re comfortable (230k HHI in Philly) and either just buy what we need/want or consciously save up for bigger purchases.
I feel like I spent my 20s and early 30s rolling my eyes at registries that felt like they were using family and friends to upgrade their lifestyles and that irked me so I’m very aware of not wanting to do that!
Can we not pretend that making 230k isn’t wealthy, good lord.
Many people on this board make this much or more themselves! So HHI is likely doubled
We’re very comfortable, but I more included that to show we weren’t on the income level of many here. We’re a Physicians Assistant and a government employee. We have a very nice, but reasonable life (I call it the used Honda lifestyle, lol).
Most of our kitchen stuff is the midrange Cuisinart option, for example. Getting the All Clad, Kitchenaid mixer, Vitamix, LeCruset, Dyson, etc brands that are everywhere on registries NOT in our budget and not things we’d ever get fit ourselves without a lot of thought and saving up for it.
Oh stop. That level of income is not wealthy. It’s a whole lot better off than the many, many people who are living on a lot less, but those people are living on a lot less because the ten- and hundred-millionaires and the billionaires have rigged the economy so that we no longer have a robust middle class. Stop aiming your resentment at people who are upper middle class, usually because they’ve worked pretty hard and spent a lot of tuition money and day care money to get there, and start realizing that the problem is that a whole lot more people in the US should be able to live that lifestyle, but can’t because of systemic inequality.
Can we not do this every time someone with a $200k salary makes a post? To be considered rich where I live, your household needs to make $860,000 (according to one estimate).
“Wealthy” doesn’t mean “works for a living because they have to” to me (vs. rich or well compensated). It seems highly in the interests of the actually wealthy to erode that distinction!
HHI of $230K is not wealthy. We just have to stop pretending that an HHI of $60K is middle class.
I agree with OP – it’s “comfortable” but not wealthy. There’s always going to be food on the table, but there isn’t unlimited leisure spending.
I live in the Philly area. Here are jobs in this area that pay ~100-115k.
– Teacher in one of the suburban school districts with a masters’ and 10 years of experience.
– Philly fire department firefighter with a little overtime / fire department lieutenant without overtime.
– suburban police officer with a few years of experience
– nurse
– RN
I don’t think anyone has ever looked at a public school teacher married to an RN and thought that they’re wealthy …
I am happy to buy someone a nicer version of something, or something for a shared hobby (individual hobbies I think aren’t as appropriate for a wedding registry) – don’t assume your feelings about others’ registries are universal!
For the shower, things like OXO cooking utensils, fresh towels or sheets, bath accessories, etc. could give a nice mix of price points but be actually useful?
Totally agree about shared hobbies being more acceptable and individual hobbies definitely being unacceptable for registries! I should have clarified.
Counterpoint, I’m fine with supporting an individual hobby too. Weddings are about presents you want to receive! If reasonable cost, I might give you something for your hobby and hubby something for his. Your gift(s) will be at least as interesting as the juice and water glasses I just gave someone, and probably much more interesting!
People want to buy these things for you – I’d make it less about you coming across as gift grabby or upgradey and instead focus that this is an opportunity for people to share their love with you. Be sure to register and mark off things you already have so people know you’ve gotten them already (i.e. maybe register for a 12 setting china set and mark it purchased and write the note that you have Grandma’s china). Ideas for small tangible gifts: really nice white sheets, duvets, comforters and pillowcases. These are small, compact and can fit in a suitcase for moving. White bath towels (again, compact, can never have too many). Le Creuset anything in your chosen color (every time you look at it, you’ll remember your wedding and that time in your lives). Original art from local artists. One really good antique wool hand knotted oriental rug (etsy has a ton) (could be a runner). For the bridal shower, depending on the vibe of the crowd, you could register for things to bring on the honeymoon (really nice perfume, lotion, etc).
Why register for china in the first place then? That seems at odds with the point of the registry.
So people know she has it- it’s “marked off” – otherwise people assume.
Agree with this take, and the suggestion on linens. Linens aren’t cheap and is a nice way of getting something you both like! Also, what about a honeymoon registry?
Yes–take the opportunity to let someone buy you nice sheets or pillow cases.
Since you seem ambivalent about all of this, maybe just register for a few things that will make it easy for the people who want it to be easy. Upgrade your sheets and towels. Include some good cookware, from expensive Le Creuset to smaller gadgets. New placemats and dishtowels. If you have outdoor space, maybe some gardening tools.
Nice wool blankets for the couch, bed.
One random thing I had on mine that’s not a traditional registry gift but still house-related was planters. I’m a plant person, and nice pots are expensive. But gently, I think you need to get over the aversion to just listing things that would be upgrades of what you have–that’s what wedding presents are for! People, especially older generations, want to give you things. (for example, my parents fall into the “money as a gift is tacky but you must give a gift” contingent and will be getting you a physical object, so you might as well put something you want)
The oldies like to give Le Creuset, pots and pans, dishes, etc. Just stick some on your registry to make them happy.
Usual advice is to register for items in a range of prices.
Consider things like new kitchen towels, Bona cleaning cloths, linen napkins – things that aren’t exactly consumable but nevertheless get worn.
Register for upgraded versions of items you already have.
If you have the space, register for a KitchenAid.
Things I registered for (late 30s when I married) that I use more than expected: washable wine glasses, bread basket, decanter, Waterford vase.
It’s okay to have beautiful things.
Honestly – i am always happy to give a donation to a down payment or honeymoon fund. Easier for me logistically and I feel like it’s what the couple would really value most.
I’ve also seen less traditional things like camping gear, workout equipment, travel items like new suitcases, etc on registries.
I hate feeling like i am contributing to clutter. It’s the northeast, not the south. Just ask for the cash via if that’s what you need most!
We lived in an apartment for the first 5 years we were married and truly only registered for practical things we didn’t have and of a quality that we were willing to shlep through multiple rented apartments. When we moved to a house I regretted a tiny bit that we hadn’t registered for more things for that life (in particular, a couple large serving platters and bowls for hosting dinners bigger than 4 people). My parents love buying hobby things off registries, particularly hiking and camping gear. I do judge a tiny bit the superfluous thing – like the thousand dollar all clad set that has 8 pots, just choose the 3 pots or pans that you’ll actually use – but don’t care at all about clear upgrade requests. What about registering for things that naturally wear out over time, like sheets? Do you have a nice vacuum?
(it’s nice that you want to be considerate but i don’t think that irks most people)
Picture frames, luggage, luggage tags, perhaps new glass storage containers, towels (bath & pool/beach), hobby stuff if it’s something you do together is great, we’re Jewish so common to see some Judaica items (if there is anything similar for your culture/religion). Also- take a look around your apartment and see what is getting old/worn and you might need a new version of soon, like toaster oven or air fryer and then just donate your older version. memberships to Philly museums?
Eh. I have had similar conversations with friends and relatives of all generations.
Basically the friends my age feel like we’re subsidizing upgrades that we can’t do for ourselves (why should only the married folks get nice stuff?!).
Older relatives feel like there’s no longer a need for showers or other big gifts since (in our area and culture) no one gets married young (and it’s rare to live at home for more than a handful of years after college) so they already have the household essentials.
+1. We registered for (and received) a membership to Longwood Gardens. There are plenty of other options closer to Philly if Longwood doesn’t appeal to you.
I’d make a small registry with some upgraded stuff on it, like knives or a serving platter or something. Many people will probably give you gift cards or checks with a small registry. You could also ask for holiday decorations – your mom could put something on the shower invite about bringing a holiday decoration, and that would scratch the itch for all of your older relatives who love shopping. Assuming you want that kind of thing, which you may not! But you should at least do a small registry because it’s not about the stuff, it’s about the tradition of people getting you stuff, as dumb as that may sound. Your mom and aunts have probably been looking forward to throwing you this shower.
Got married at the same stage in life and had most of our stuff already. I put some wine/cocktail glasses on it and a few odds and ends. My advice is put some nice basic white plates from one of the main stay china companies that are dishwasher safe. This will give the aunties something to buy. Then walk around William Sonoma and pick up a few odds and ends you might want. Then Crate and Barrel or Pottery Barn to just get some basic napkins/placemats that don’t take up too much space.
I get the resistance and the eye rolls – but that’s sort of what registries are for. Our approach was to register for those “upgrades” and then make verbally clear to friends that we don’t need gifts / to feel free to do whatever works for them. We also added some “fun” items (e.g., my husband loves star wars, so we registered for a star wars popcorn maker for ~$75 that a friend of his LOVED gifting).
I get the reluctance, but there’s a reason everyone ends up going the same route…
This might not be helpful, but we (both mid-30s with separate households) had a very small wedding and did not make a registry and said no gifts. We ended up getting cash anyway, but we seriously did not want people to go out of their way. One of the in-laws asked if we’d like a kitchenaid and I turned that down, but in retrospect, I would probably say yes to getting nice, upgraded stuff as wedding gifts. We’ve been slowly but surely upgrading things ourselves since the wedding (knives, towels, food processor, sheets, etc) and it’s honestly just nice to have nice things, even though we’re perfectly capable of making do. As I get older I feel less like I have to prove myself and be self-sufficient. If your families are decent people, they’re giving these things to you from a place of love, not obligation or control, and accepting them is also a gift of love.
Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying – upgraded kitchen and household goods, garden items, fancy electronic door locks, new curtains, picture frames.
I would go with things that will be reasonably used up, like kitchen, bathroom and bedroom textiles, and things that will last a lifetime, like cast iron pots and pans and Pendleton wool blankets.
Got married fairly recently, early 30s – used a registry. People, in my experience, really do like ‘shopping’ your registry, because they really do want to give you gifts! Our strategy was:
1. Upgrade items around the house we know we’d use. the old items I gave away on our Buy Nothing group or to friends/relatives, so no waste.
2. Used Wirecutter a ton to pick out the best option for items we wanted – easy research!
3. Added a wide range of prices – sometimes it’s nice to add the ‘fancy’ ladle you’ve always wanted but never gotten because it’s more than you would spend on something small, but trust, someone will spend it!
4. Add fun weird things! Examples we added and got gifted – a record player, a portable projector for watching movies outside, meat grinder.
Congrats and have fun!
Also also – do not feel obligated to register for anything just because someone says you have to. I tried really hard to not add anything we wouldn’t use. For instance, I love pretty china, but I knew it wasn’t at all practical for our lives, and my family members have a ton I could always borrow for a special event.
Yes please have a range of prices. I’ve attended weddings where the cheapest item on the registry is $200+. That is not appropriate, imo.
First, congratulations. I had a small registry. I have 8 settings of a white wedgewood pattern that we’ve used every day for thirteen years. I got a lot of cash for the wedding, because that’s the custom here. A wealthy family friend gave me silver cheese knives from Tiffany’s. They are my favorite things and I am delighted and think of her every time I take them out. Others would hate them. That’s the dice you roll when you have a small registry.
“I feel like I spent my 20s and early 30s rolling my eyes at registries that felt like they were using family and friends to upgrade their lifestyles and that irked me so I’m very aware of not wanting to do that!”
I’m genuinely confused at this. I understand the perspective that all registries are tacky. But what is the thought process behind this? Anything you register for is going to be bought by a family member or friend and will in a tiny way “upgrade” your lifestyle. Did you feel like the registries your friends had were too pricey? I feel like that’s a separate issue. It’s my understanding there should be a variety of price points on every registry. Usually if there is something super pricey it’s because a wealthy grandmother wants to splurge or all the aunts are doing a group gift of the kitchen aid mixer.
Yea as someone who was longtime single I definitely had some resentment that my friends’ and cousins’ registries were filled with top of the line items while everything I had was a hand me down or from Target.
Why was I, a single person, buying my friend who is a DINK an All Clad pan while I was using a $30 one from Amazon?
The $80 Cuisinart ome would have been fine, but the $150 All Clad one stung.
Several years later I’m still single and still rent, so there hasn’t been an occasion for any of these friends to reciprocate with a nice gift
I felt like you did back when I was in that phase of life where all my friends were getting married and I was single and not pleased about it, trying to build my career up after the great recession, living in an apartment, and paying down student loans. I understand that people do registries for all sorts of reasons – including needing to tell people who genuinely want to engage in the social custom of buying gifts what to buy – but it definitely did sting to buy expensive stuff for two people who already had an established household (and two incomes! To use to buy a house!). It’s not that the couples are doing anything wrong. They aren’t. It just feels… crappy. This is why a variety of price points is so important.
I always feel registries with no affordable items on them are in poor taste. My late mom living on social security wanted to give a gift to everyone she knew was getting married, whether she was invited or not, but when the cheapest item on the registry is in the $200 range, that counted her out.
Please register for some $35 items if you’re going to register!
We had all the basic cooking and barware items that we need to prepare meals for 2-4 people. So we mainly registered for stuff to help us serve large groups: pitchers, big pots and pans, casserole dishes, serving platters, nice tongs and serving forks. We also asked for “specialty” cooking gear like a sous vide, crock pot, rice cooker, a giant roasting pan with a rack. We upgraded our knives as well.
I registered for holiday stuff, if that is important to you, and depending on the season of your shower/wedding. Xmas decor, special Xmas china serving pieces in my case.
I think you need to flip your thinking on it a bit – if you’re mindful of your consumption, you should want to give people a registry full of specific things you’d enjoy and will actually use. Otherwise, you’re still going to get gifts, people are just going to guess, and it’s likely that you will not enjoy them and want to replace them sooner – therefore that’s more consumption.
FWIW I would love to shop a gift registry that had lots of hobby and interest items vs. just household stuff. That sounds so fun.
I also would prefer to gift an upgraded item. That’s interesting you have that hangup re upgrading lifestyles, because I feel totally the opposite about gifts at life events – upgraded items that are hard for people to buy themselves are perfect for gifts at these stages. My mom used to give a really good towel set to graduating seniors. It was SUCH A GOOD GIFT. I’m 38 and I still have my really good towels from my mom. We’ve went through sooooo many cheap versions…this reminds me I really need to bite the bullet and buy the expensive towels.
Oooh please share the towels! I need new ones.
I wish I could! My ones from my mom that are 20 years old and no frays at all were from some brand that I don’t think is made any more. They’re bright pink and we use them for dogs and spills and everything and they’re still thick and intact.
For a mid-to-late 30s couple who was doing very well financially (differs by region, but $230k in Philly is definitely doing very well to me), I think it’s most charming to specify no gifts. I saw one couple specify their favorite charities if someone really wanted to give in honor of their wedding.
I also think it’s fine to have a registry for people who really want to buy you something. Those people will probably be older relatives, so you can give the registry information to parents when their siblings or friends insist instead of putting it on the wedding website.
No one ever follows no gifts. It just leads to people giving money, which is totally fine
I also inherited china and crystal stemware and already had a lot of basics. We put camping gear (sleeping bag for two, trekking sticks, etc.) since we planned to do a trek in Peru for our honeymoon. We also took our first vacation together in Scotland and did a whisky tasting so we had some things like whisky stones, ice molds, etc. We added some serve-ware for when we host and two different sizes of crystal vases for when my taller half brings me flowers. Some folks add experiences to their registry through a wedding website, which I think just means you’re getting money but it’s “for” something.
If you have a Kitchenaid, now is the time to wish for all the fun attachments (ice cream maker, pasta roller/cutters, etc.). If you don’t have one, add one to your registry – I can’t recommend them enough! I grew up using hand-mixers and didn’t buy one until I was in my 40s… it’s now the one appliance I can’t live without.
People will want to get you something. Having a wish list, even if it is to upgrade your lifestyle, makes it easier for folks who want to get you something meaningful but don’t know what you want.
Congratulations! I also inherited china and crystal stemware and already had a lot of basics. We put camping gear (sleeping bag for two, trekking sticks, etc.) since we planned to do a trek in Peru for our honeymoon. We also took our first vacation together in Scotland and did a whisky tasting so we had some things like whisky stones, ice molds, etc. We added some serve-ware for when we host and two different sizes of crystal vases for when my taller half brings me flowers. Some folks add experiences to their registry through a wedding website, which I think just means you’re getting money but it’s “for” something.
If you have a Kitchenaid, now is the time to wish for all the fun attachments (ice cream maker, pasta roller/cutters, etc.). If you don’t have one, add one to your registry – I can’t recommend them enough! I grew up using hand-mixers and didn’t buy one until I was in my 40s… it’s now the one appliance I can’t live without.
People will want to get you something. Having a wish list, even if it is to upgrade your lifestyle, makes it easier for folks who want to get you something meaningful but don’t know what you want.
+1 to all the suggestions about upgraded home items. Could you also perhaps do something like a Honeyfund? I got married in my 40s and family asked for a registry, so we put together a Honeyfund that had various dinners and activities that we planned to do on our honeymoon. It seemed to satisfy people’s need to give something other than write a check (even though we just got a check from the website in the end), and then we could tell them about the experiences they had gotten us after.
My husband is really into wine, so we registered for wine (back then you could only do it on Amazon — maybe there are other places now). Also some upgrades of things we had that were kind of worn out, like bath linens. A friend who married shortly before I did told me “you have to register because if you don’t you will get a ton of super random stuff you don’t want,” and I thought that was pretty good advice.
I really love using my registry items day-to-day 13 years in. I enjoy them, I use, and I think warmly of who gave it to me. You don’t have any practical wants/needs of high-quality, lifelong home items?
Thanks for these replies, sounds like linens or other items that do wear out is the way to go!
We already do a lot of hosting, but I’m sure I can come up with a few more ideas for supplies for that too! Ditto holiday decor.
I do love how pretty much every time my mom uses a serving bowl or her china or whatever she says who gave it to them for their wedding! I think it’s so sweet to still have those memories nearly 40 years later, so while I don’t want “stuff”, I do want that sentimentality.
I totally agree about a range of prices so for smaller things I’m considering a few board games or puzzles, picture frames or other decor, a nice candle or two, cute coasters, maybe a throw pillow. I have all of the oxo kitchen stuff I can handle :)
And, for the nicer things I’ll try to find a nice midrange option. I just don’t feel comfortable putting Le Cruset on my registry, but I’m sure the Lodge one is equally great.
After re-examining our shared hobbies, I don’t think there’s anything we’d need or want that we’d put on the registry.
I was raised in an extremely practical, Puritan work ethic WASPy family. While I’m much better at splurging than my mom is, I’m clearly not great at it (and even worse at letting other people spend money on me!).
My fiancé and I are paying for the vast majority of the wedding ourselves but I don’t want people to think we have a small registry just so we get cash to recoup some of the money we spent. That would of course be awesome, but it’s not an expectation!!!
I have a big Lodge pot and can confirm, it is truly excellent
my note of caution – if you don’t have anything expensive on your registry, someone who wants to spend, say, $250+ on a gift for you will find another way to do so, and you’ll end up with a crystal serving bowl instead of Le Creuset because you didn’t ask for it.
Married a decade, and here are things from our wedding registry that are still going strong and we regularly use: Le Creuset, Riedel stemless wine glasses, fancy kitchen knives. We didn’t register for it, but we were gifted a Sodastream and LOVED it.
How is your board game and puzzle collection? I love registries that include that sort of thing, and if there is a shower that makes for a fun theme.
We didn’t have a registry. We specially said no gifts please, and then let the word spread that we’d prefer donations to a charity I’d done some fundraising for in the past.
We got a few gifts but I’m glad we didn’t get more household stuff since we’d already got rid of so much combining our two households when we moved in together.
A couple of ideas for very practical items 30-somethings often don’t have:
– a good knife sharpener (the Japanese ceramic roller ones are excellent, but I’m sure there’s an uncle who’d love to demonstrate a whetting stone)
– a beautiful and sturdy shoe horn
– a vacuum popper jar opener thingy
– a stock pot
– family recipes (I love to get copies of the hand-written, stained family recipes that reminds me of a specific person)
A couple of upgrade ideas:
– glass tupperware
– high end Sonicare tooth brushes
– power tools with interchangable batteries
– glass electric kettle
Repeated from Monday night for more responses (thank you for those who commented earlier)
My husband and I have decided to both retire this December. We are Canadian so we don’t have to worry about paying for hospital stays or doctor visits and we do have some prescription, dental and eye glass coverage.
We have a financial plan, have investigated our retirement benefits, looked at our budget 100x, told co-workers, HR, family, doctors, friends etc. I am going through our current benefit plan and using up what we can (extra massages, trips to the dentist, etc).
We also have a plan for the winter (in Ontario so it can be brutal here). We are taking a month or so off to decompress then going away to Europe for another month. It wont be beach weather but it will be 20- 30 degrees warmer than here :)
Have we missed anything? Fellow Canadians or retirees, is there anything you wish you did or anything you missed arranging before you left? I am a huge planner and this is a big question for me.
No advice, but wishing you well as you shift into the next chapter.
I am counting down to when I am there! (and I hear you the planning aspects!) Likely 3-5 years out — my retirement will involve an international move (back to Canada). At this stage, I’m deep in trying to evaluate what city, impacts of taxes, projected costs, what to do with various financial vehicles (and actual vehicles)
Flying today for a scouting trip to the city that is the top candidate for us!
Thanks!
Unless you ski, our winters seem to really bog me down. Ontario is wet and cold and snowy and the Maritimes are very cold and snowy.
I can’t afford BC so we aim to spend a month or so overseas where we don’t have to wear coats good to -40 degrees.
Hope your reconnaissance visit goes well.
If you’re planning to travel regularly or for extended periods, you may need additional health coverage. Generally speaking, the Canadian public health plans provides coverage that reimburses (or pays direct depending on the country) at the rate that your province sets for in-province treatment.
We rely on secondary health coverage/travel insurance through our jobs but the limit for trips is 30 days. European health care is not as expensive as the USA but some European countries can be pricier than others.
Check your home insurance policies as well because some do not cover if it is unoccupied for more than 30 days (again this varies widely but know what you have and what you might need).
My advice is to throw yourself a retirement party. I was reluctant but my husband insisted, and it was great. I invited everybody from all stages of my career, and a surprising number of them showed up, and I’m really happy I did it. Your career is/was a big part of your life, and putting a nice period on the end of that sentence is appropriate.
I am going to save this idea for when I retire!
I’m not at this stage yet, but what do you plan to literally do all day when you’re not traveling? Sure, having unplanned time sounds amazing when you’re working, but the happiest retirees I know have a schedule of sorts – like volunteering somewhere 2 days a week, watching grandchildren 1 day a week, standing lunch date or club 1 day a week, etc.
Cosign this. I try to have at least One Thing on the schedule every day. Even if it’s just a long walk.
I also am far away from retirement, so I am talking out of my ass, but I currently have a job that gives me a lot of meaning. So I expect to line up some volunteer work that is fairly involved once I retire from paid work.
I’m excited for you! We are a couple of years away but starting to think seriously. I think you should start to at least think about planning what you actually will DO with your time “travel more” “do hobbies” are pretty nebulous. Having said that, I’ve also heard advice to “say no to everything for 6 months.”
There is a cute FB page called The Epic Retirement Club which has members from around the world and has been an interesting read for us. One big takeaway for me is that if you are planning to this degree, you are likely to have an enjoyable and successful retirement. Congratulations!
I retired about 18 months ago, and one of the most surprising things was it took much longer than I expected to de-stress and catch up on sleep. I think I was sleep deprived for years, as it took nearly a year of sleeping more hours and having some lazy days. Now, I really appreciate what it feels like to be well rested.
You may find in your first month that you spend a lot of time doing “stuff.” Things you never got around to, things that retirement caused, whatever — just stuff. So, you may need to plan in some rest time after your trip to Europe.
Meeting with contractors this week for a two-story addition to our house. We’ve never done anything like this before. Any specific questions we should be asking or things to get a sense of, beyond “can you do this, how long will it take, and how much will it cost”? We already have initial plans from an architect.
Make sure they have liability and workers comp insurance with you/spouse? listed as the certificate holder. They must have these before setting foot on your property for work. Do check the policies to make sure the paper is legit.
They should provide you with a pretty detailed plan of what’s included in their estimate – make sure you read it because different contractors may not include exactly the same things. You could get estimates that are for different amounts, but aren’t exactly apples to apples comparisons.
You’ll want to talk about scheduling (rough scheduling, it will slip depending on their other job schedules), relationships with contractors, their recommended vendors and if you get their discount by going through them, who is purchasing what (like can you buy your appliances to get your credit card points or does the builder get them for scheduling/relationship reasons), can they match what you already have (like use the same brand/color of shingles, oil based finish on your hardwood floors), do you require upgrades to things like hvac (which they may need their own subcontractors to assess), when you need to have stuff ready/prepped for install, finishing work details (like painting), insurance if something goes wrong, can you leave things off to save $$ like you’ll do your own painting, if they do a construction clean for you at the end, if /when you need to move out for construction, how they’ll protect your existing living area from damage during construction, and any other questions about demolition.
I would ask to speak to a former client.
We know they will be late but 3 weeks over due and 3 months are very different perceptions regarding’on time’.
So exciting! I wish I had considered and budgeted for furniture and windows treatments prior to our renovation. It seems like it would be easy to pick out pretty stuff and figure out where the couch goes later but you can really paint yourself into some ugly corners. There are windows in my house that don’t make sense for curtains and it’s such a missed opportunity.
I just finished building a custom house. They should back up their estimate with a proposed budget that’s broken down into line items for each phase of the project. They should also give you a proposed schedule. We met with three different contractors and hired the one that did this.
Also, have you asked your architect for recommendations? Our contractors had worked repeatedly with our architect so we felt good about using them.
Ask them how long it will take them to get back to you to get a quote so you have an idea, and let them know any timetables you have in mind.
We built a custom home 5 years ago and getting quotes from multiple contractors took a solid 3-6 months. We subcontracted some of it ourselves, and our plumbing/HVAC contractor took 3 months alone to get a quote from – so that’s part of the reason why a general contractor quote will take so long. Between the plans, quoting out the contractors, and the bank – the house was a year of paperwork and meetings before we broke ground.
Be specific about finishes that you want if you know now. That can vary the quote significantly. If you don’t know all the finishes now, they may include things like flooring as allowances. Ask what they’re basing their allowances on (i.e. hardwood flooring vs carpet, laminate vs. marble, etc.). Our plumbing contractor had an allowance in his quote for fixtures that barely covered one bathroom of the three at his supplier. We ended up sourcing the rest ourselves for way less but I’m not sure why he thought his allowance amount was ever going to be, and it was an unexpected expense for us.
Be sure the quote is clear on what is an allowance, so you pay more if it costs more, versus a set cost. If it is an allowance, figure out whether the allowance is enough. We did not move forward with one contractor because his allowances were way too low, and he should have known that. Ask if you have to use their vendors or can use your own. (I sourced multiple light fixtures from FBMP and saved probably $15K on lighting. My contractor did not care; another one I did not use would have.) Be as specific as you can about your finishes. If you know you want white oak flooring, for example, say so, and your estimate will be much more useful. Ask if you will have to move out of the house for any portion of the reno and, if so, for how long.
We just finished a $250K renovation and loved our contractor and our result. I walk in every day and contemplate how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful space and to still be on great terms with my contractor and his subs. You need to work with someone you genuinely like. If he seems squirrelly in the estimate phase, don’t move forward.
Thank you everyone, this is so helpful!
Where did you go on your honeymoon, and would you have changed anything?
Maui. It was lovely, but I would have stayed longer. We only had a week due to life circumstances, and with very long flights (two connections from east coast), it went too fast! Honeymoons are one of the few times we could have easily gotten away with taking a longer trip totally unplugged.
Greece – Athens, Santorini and Mykonos. In hindsight we probably should have done a different island rather than Mykonos which just felt like a let down after Santorini. We loved both Athens and Santorini though and overall I think it was an excellent honeymoon destination.
We were pretty financially limited when we got married, so stayed in the states – did the Florida Keys, stayed in one place, rented a convertible and drove all over. Was lovely, but may have been nice to go someplace that was new for both of us (I had been once before as a teen). I do think that, after the hecticness of a wedding, it is really nice to go on a trip that allows you to relax, vs a super active trip. We did plenty of activities, but had the option to hang out as well.
Costa Rica and maybe would have just said f it on the spending a little more, but we got in some great excursions. I don’t love a super inactive vacation (it’s just not special to me) and Costa Rica had a good balance of activity and pool time.
I also went to Costa Rica. Did about 4 days in a group visiting the cloud forest and volcano and coffee plantation, and then 3 days at a bed and breakfast on the beach. Loved it. Only thing was we got mosquito bites and some sunburn.
We did an all-inclusive resort and I wouldn’t have changed a thing! We both really needed to chill on a beach after the wedding.
We went straight from the reception to the airport and then a 10 hour flight to London. I definitely wouldn’t do that again. Don’t underestimate how exhausted you’ll be after the wedding!
Oh wow, reception straight to the airport is intense! I think in many places you’d have to leave your reception early to even make a red-eye flight that night. We went the next day. That said, I felt like the “exhaustion after the wedding” stuff was overhyped. So many people told me we’d be exhausted after the wedding and should just lie on a beach for two weeks, but we found that with leaving the next day we had a normal amount of energy. We went to Europe (mix of city, nature and beach/pool, a pretty typical trip for us) and had a great time. I think I would have been bored just lying on a beach the whole time and it would have felt like a waste of what was at the time (Big Law) a very rare opportunity for 2 uninterrupted weeks off.
I’m so glad I did a European cities honeymoon because it’s my favorite kind of travel, and I have not been able to do a similar vacation since (10 years married, 2 kids)
Once your youngest kid is age 5-6, European cities make an incredible family trip!
+1. We were exhausted the day after our wedding. I think we fell asleep by 7pm that night. If you’re going to lie on the beach at an all inclusive then flying two days after the wedding is fine. We did a big international trip with multiple legs and I’m glad we didn’t leave until the weekend after. We were so busy planning the wedding we didn’t remember to buy adapters, go to the currency exchange, download tickets for tours, etc until the wedding craziness subsided. We really needed a few extra days to get organized.
We went to Spain for 2 weeks and it was nearly perfect. The only thing I might have changed is the order of cities visited. We went at the beginning of October and started with Madrid, then went to Seville, then Barcelona. If I did it again, I’d do the reverse, as Barcelona was starting to get cold and rainy when we got there and might have been slightly nicer the week before.
I didn’t have a passport so we went to the Florida Keys. We rented a house on the beach in the middle keys and drove to the other parts.
If I could do it again, I would get a passport and go to an all-inclusive resort. I went to Xcaret Arte last winter and would have enjoyed that for a honeymoon.
We were students so had a pretty simple beach honeymoon. Married on Saturday and flew on Monday morning which was amazing since I didn’t have to try to pack for the honeymoon and then leave exhausted after a fun late night.
If honeymooning now, would go somewhere that really needs 2 weeks since otherwise long trips like that really aren’t ‘done’ at my office. Somewhere like South Africa or Aus & NZ.
Fwiw I think South Africa is doable in a long-ish week from the US. I just went there for 10 days and although it would have been nice to have more time there and see more parts of the country, I didn’t feel like the trip was too rushed. It’s a long flight but the same time zone as western Europe so the jet lag is very manageable. Aus/NZ is way more brutal because you have the long flight plus extreme jet lag.
We were very young and broke, so we just did 3 days in Cape May (fall wedding in southeast PA). It was lovely and affordable and I wouldn’t change a thing, assuming that “send our past selves more money so we could go to Croatia instead” is off the table. Still hoping to finally make it there for our 20th in a few years!
We went to Tanzania for two weeks-10 days on safari at several different national parks and 3 days in Zanzibar at an all inclusive resort (and a half day tour of Stonetown)(with travel time, all told I think we ended up being gone 2.5 weeks). In retrospect, we probably could have shortened the safari by a day or two (it sounds absurd, but after a few days, you get to the point of “Oh, another lion, whatever”), and I would skip Zanzibar all together. We had never been to an all-inclusive before, and now that we have, I don’t think we’re all-inclusive type people. In fairness, the original resort I had booked was new and wasn’t finished in time, so they moved us to another resort and maybe I would have liked the original one better. We went about a month after our wedding to try to hit the optimal time for weather/pricing, and having some time in between was nice–I would not have wanted to leave for a long flight shortly after the wedding. Our theory on picking Tanzania was pretty simple–we’re both lawyers, and your honeymoon is really one of the few times you can take a really long vacation without anyone looking at you sideways, so we wanted a trip that was hard to do in a week, and a safari was on my bucket list. We looked at South Africa as well, but Tanzania was considerably cheaper. I initially tried to use a travel agent and it became apparent they thought it was impossible to do a trip within my budget, so I gave up and researched tour operators directly on my own (this was also the last time I attempted to use a travel agent; I now do all my own trip planning.) We also considered New Zealand and Australia as options. We have since been to New Zealand, and I think it would also make an excellent honeymoon destination. Still need to get to Australia one day…
re: shortening safari, it doesn’t sound silly to me. We just did 5 days in South Africa and I thought it was plenty. We saw every single animal in the area in the first 48 hours.
I was reading some forum, i think one of those big budget travel r*ddits and someone recommended a *minimum* of 20 days on safari and it just blew my mind. I can’t imagine that even if I had truly unlimited funds. It’s an incredibly cool experience but definitely diminishing returns after a few days.
Haha, wait who’s taking a minimum 20 day vacation anywhere??
I think a lot of those people are so rich they don’t really work, or they work for themselves and can work from anywhere? Or maybe they’re European? I dunno. I believe the OP had specified they had a long time frame for the vacation, so I think they were answering the question asked. I just thought the advice to do 20 days on safari was nuts — and I’m a huge animal lover.
I did a popular multiday hike in Europe this summer and met so many people from Australia/NZ/Europe who were doing this as one part of a multi-week (and I mean… 3, 4, 5, 6 week) trip, typically in multiple countries. Had to hold back tears of envy.
Back to work on Monday, sadly. So yes, I would have changed things lol. Getting married the Sept after law school (for me) and grad school (for him) meant new jobs, no PTO, and no discretionary income whatsoever. Whoops.
We do an “annual honeymoon” at this point, after 15 years of marriage. Sometimes it’s a long weekend in Miami Beach, a week in the Caribbean at an AI over Thanksgiving, or almost 2 weeks in a fun city.
I love the idea of an annual honeymoon!
We also were straight back to normal life right away. But we do take long weekends or vacations now where we explore all the weird and interesting small towns in a different part of our state. Much campier than the ritzy trips I read about here, but we enjoy ourselves.
Husband’s best friend was getting married in Hawaii two weeks after our wedding, so we did one week trekking in Peru and seeing Machu Picchu and one week on Oahu doing beach stuff and celebrating our friends.
We originally wanted to do the Inca Trail in Peru but were booking late. We went to Maui instead and it was perfect. 100% would do again. The next year we did the Inca Trail in Peru with a lot of hiking prep. Maui was relaxing, adventurous and romantic. Peru was an adventure for us at least. Unless you are pretty active and adventurous already, I would take the beach or European trip and save the big adventure for another time.
I would imagine the odds of GI distress are pretty high in Peru between the fact that it’s a less developed country and the altitude? I would be hesitant to do it for a honeymoon for that reason. My husband and I went to Thailand and it was overall a good trip but he got pretty sick for several days of it and it definitely would have been a bummer if it had been our honeymoon.
We went to Turks and Caicos. We should have known ourselves and gone somewhere different. We’re not laying on the beach people. We tried to do lots of activities there to make up for it and it just wasn’t great for us.
We already had a cycling trip to Sicily planned when we got engaged, so we made that our honeymoon. It turned out we could only get the church the week before we were to leave on the trip, but that worked out really well. We got to go back to work for a week and bask in all the compliments about our awesome wedding, before jetting off to the honeymoon. Only other thing I’d change would be to get an e-bike instead of a regular bike! Sicily is all hills!!
We were torn between New Zealand and Bora Bora and decided to go to New Zealand and have no regrets. It’s one of those destinations that is really hard to do in less than 2 weeks. We ended up going to Bora Bora for our first anniversary and absolutely loved it – it’s spectacularly beautiful and I don’t think there’s anything on earth as romantic as those overwater bungalows – but Bora Bora is very doable in a week (especially from California, where we lived at the time) so we were glad we went somewhere farther on our honeymoon.
We were able to combine Bora Bora with NZ (only a 5 hour flight) but we did this after 25 years of marriage. It was a perfect combination.
We eloped in NYC and spent the week there doing all sorts of fun and hedonist things. I loved it and would totally do it again.
That sounds great!
My husband was sick for our wedding, and I was completely exhausted also. I think we left for our honeymoon two days after our wedding and that was perfect — and we enjoyed just having a really relaxing beach vacation, which is not my usual speed at all.
I had really wanted to go to a far away city for our honeymoon since I was in BigLaw at the time and your honeymoon is one of the only vacations that most people will respect — but I just don’t see how we could have done it.
We were dirt poor and had schedule limitations from still being in school, so we didn’t actually have a honeymoon. We figured we’d do a trip once we had a little more financial stability. Between COVID and having kids, we still haven’t gotten that trip. I do enjoy the memory of borrowing my grandpa’s truck to teach my husband how to drive stick though.
First wedding – went to a very stuffy resort in the Caribbean. At the time, Sandals was so big and I knew I didn’t want that, but I went too far the other direction. We were mid-20s and were the only guests under 50.
Second wedding – we booked a centuries-old shepherd’s cottage at the foot of a mountain in Scotland – complete with sheep! :) We used that as our jumping off point for daytrips to castles and distilleries and day hikes. Curled up by our own fire in the drizzly evenings. It also allowed us to save money by having a kitchen so we could just go to the grocery store for cereal to eat in the mornings or simple meals in the evening.
I really wanted to go to Australia and see the animals. My husband swears he has no memory of firmly vetoing it because – and I quote – “kangaroos are jerks” haha! It’s on my list for later on :)
Not our honeymoon, but we had a pocket of time for a 2 week trip a few years ago and I really wanted to go to Australia. My husband and kid were weirdly not on board and I’ve been before and didn’t want to go to the time and expense of going there if no one else in my family was excited about it, so we went to Turkey instead, which was perfectly lovely but felt like kind of a waste of 2 weeks, since it’s not that far. Now my husband keeps making vague rumblings about Australia and how much he would like to go. Um dude we were supposed to go and you put the kibosh on it!
Kangaroos are kind of creepy…but Australia was pretty great.
Sedona, and I would not choose that if I had to do it over again.
How does your office handle no call/no show appointments?
What industry are you in? I think the answer would vary a lot depending on whether we are talking about a law firm, or a doctor’s office, or a vet clinic, or a nail salon…
+1
Are you the person who is showing up / not showing up for the appointment and wondering how to handle something that went wrong, or do you work for an office that offers appointments and you’re needing to set policy?
Law! If there is a no call/no show we generally try to reach out to reschedule. Sometimes I think we should be less forgiving after the second (or third time…). I am curious how other law firms or corporate offices handle this.
For my (attorney) office – I will call them after about 15 minutes if it’s something critical, like document signing, etc. that I need to get them back on the calendar for, otherwise if it’s something like an initial consult, I will just wait to hear from them if they want to reschedule.
At my small law firm, we put that person’s name on a list of conflicts if it is a new client. If they call again for an appointment, we tell them we have a conflict and can’t meet with them. But that is usually only if they really did ghost us for that appointment. If they call soon afterwards and provide a reasonable explanation, we will usually reschedule them. If it is a current client, they get billed for the time I took to prepare for the appointment and the time it took me to call/email them to find out what happened. If it becomes a chronic problem and impacts my ability to represent them, we withdraw from representing them.
OP here- this is helpful. Thank you! I am at a small firm as well.
Does anyone know a fashion history podcast or video channel that digs deep into the “why” of historical styles? Not looking for “GRWM as a Tudor queen” or conservation videos.
Yes! Articles of Interest is incredible. 100% recommend it.
You might like Nicole Rudolph on youtube.
Abby Cox, Bernadette banner
OP here. Thanks everyone! Looking forward to checking these out.
Has anyone ever tried a jewelry rental/subscription service like Switch, and what did you think?
I used to do Rocksbox and really liked it! It was fun to get new items and an easy way to change things up. I stopped during Covid because I had no real occasion to wear jewelry anymore, and now I WFH FT.
I tried Switch for purses and it was a mistake. The only pieces ever available on the base level are tiny junky designer things – like what you would find at TJMax. I did it for a month and it was a total waste of of $$. The jewelry at the base level was similarly junky.
I’ve been asked to be the official note-taker for a monthly meeting with stakeholders. I have no objection to doing so, I’m interested in any templates or advice for producing an internal document that we can refer back to if needed.
Does anyone have suggestions?
What’s the goal of the meeting?
It’s a monthly standing meeting to discuss issues that affect our stakeholders; generally bringing questions/issues from individuals to the full group for discussion.
The easiest way is to let the agenda be the template and just make notes under each heading. I would really dig in to the purposes of the note and go from there. Will it be read by people who were there and just need to refresh their memory of the previous discussion so it can be short and sharp, or do more people need to be able to read it and grasp the nuances of the discussion that happened so it needs more detail and context? Is someone going to start every meeting by talking about what decisions from the previous meeting have been worked on since the last meeting, so you need a way to really clearly mark actions and give updates? Is there any regulatory or statutory purpose, or any other way in which these notes are going to be a paper trail someone needs later for an ‘official’ purpose? Is the note to be a real account, or might you occasionally need to add in things that should have happened/been said/been decided? Is the secret purpose of the note to be able to tell an annoying person who changes their mind about something every other meeting oh but in the note from two months ago you said something completely different, so the note needs some way to distinguish between speakers?
It’s currently being looked at as an informal, internal document to my office that we can refer to to make sure we follow up on any items that need it. It would also be an record of questions and comments – we occasionally need to refer back to it as a way to see who objected to something or a place to record any context that comes up in the discussion.
If you can get the meeting agenda and invitation list in advance, it might help you build a relevant template.
Agree with others that the agenda is the template. To memorialize the outcomes long-term, you can link it to an issue log which lists the item, decisions, open/closed status, action items, and owners. If the stakeholders at the meeting report into different teams, it’s valuable to use the monthly notes to track attendance.
I’ll also note what not to do: When I had relatively junior staff taking meeting notes for the first time, some of them recorded the meetings, mostly out of anxiety about missing something important. But that meant that they had to sit through the whole thing a second time in order to send out minutes, and sometimes I had to hound them to get it done. Trust that you should summarize and run the notes by someone you trust who will be in the meeting before you distribute if you’re worried you don’t have it all.
It doesn’t sound like you need formal minutes for these meetings.
Does the meeting content allow you to make use of one of the many transcription tools available? That would allow you to participate more actively in the meeting itself,, and then sanity check the transcript output for any major edits before saving and circulating as appropriate.
Record it on an iphone and paste the transcript into chat GPT. prompt it to make meeting minutes. Its amazing.
Was about to say the same thing. I’ve been doing something similar lately and it’s incredibly effective. I only edit out when it picks up the small talk: “Thomas mentioned getting together with some friends over the weekend he hasn’t seen since college”.
Can we talk about BO, especially postpartum? I’m 41, almost a year pp, and I have seriously smelly pits. I’ve tried antibacterial soap, antipersperant (Dove stick and spray), Lume deodorant, Nivea spray deodorant on top of antipersperant…I feel like I even smell within an hour after a shower, so I’m now applying post-shower and in the AM. Any tips?
Any chance the smell is in your clothes, and gets “reactivated” with just a little sweat? (In which case I’d try moving away from polyester and/or soaking the clothes in a white vinegar dilution for an hour or so, and then washing)
[also, I’m assuming that your spouse has confirmed the smell – if not, some people pp find their sense of smell is & stays very elevated – possibly nothing’s changed in your pits, just in your nose]
I agree that polyester is a bad idea for the moment. I use a spray bottle filled with rubbing alcohol to pre-treat the armpit area. Then add hot water, white vinegar, and heavy duty detergent in the washing machine (not the “natural” kind).
Shower before bed, shave your armpits every night, and apply antiperspirant. In the morning use a soapy wash cloth to clean your chest and armpits then reapply. Sleep with a fan on and switch to lighter bedding- you’d be surprised how much people sweat while sleeping.
The recommendation is to apply antiperspirants at night. Try showering at night and applying the antiperspirant.
megababe has a pits detox thing that works pretty well — it’s a mask, but they have a soap as well. Or you could try Salicylic Acid. also, if you haven’t switched up brands recently, that also might be worth a try (I like the cheap suave fwiw!)
It sounds like it’s time to involve a physician. Yes there are prescriptions for this.
I would try hormonal birth control.
Maybe try persimmon soap? The perimenopause forums recommend that for the increased BO during this chapter of life.
Try swiping some witch hazel under your pits after you shower, let dry, then apply deodorant. It does wonders for me and helps me continue to wear natural deodorant.
I don’t know if you’re breastfeeding or pumping, but I felt like I was extra stinky the whole time I was doing either.
Have you tried cashmere mist? Obviously not for the all natural unscented crowd, but it works for me. It’s also not hideous looking in my drawer.
Shaving and exfoliating regularly will help.
Natural materials and clothes with some air flow will help.
Antiperspirant both at night and in the morning will help.
Medical advice might be needed.
Couple of thoughts here. If you are looking to get rid of the actual sweating, try CertainDri. You put it on overnight. I shower the next morning and put on my normal deodorant/antiperspirant. I don’t have to use it every night. I use it every couple of weeks as needed. Also, do not put it on freshly shaven skin. It will itch/burn/sting. That’s how you know it is working. If you are just trying to deal with smell, I’d try using something like Hibiclens as an antiseptic wash when you shower. I’d also still use a deodorant/antiperspirant after the shower and in the am (assuming you shower at night). Finally, FWIW, if I shower at night, I have to put deodorant/antiperspirant on after the shower and in the morning. I think that is normal.
Co-sign certain dri at night, deodorant of your choice (TBH I use various “natural” options) in the AM.
Yeah – agreed with all of this. Adding also that I wash with Lume body wash and shave every day (pits and privates), as I find that longer hair traps the scent more. Deoderant/anti-pers in the evenings, and in the morning.
I’ve been noticeably sweaty/stinky for most of my life, and honestly, this is the only way I’m not noticeably smelly.
I understand you’re postpartum but at 41 have you considered this is more of a perimenopause thing? I don’t remember BO changing postpartum ages 29-36 at all, sorry. I do remember being told to avoid deodorant and antiperspirant while b-feeding. Is this a b-feeding issue, or baby fluids on you or in your nose? Could you be pregnant again?
+1 to this likely being a perimenopause thing. I’ve run cold/not been very sweaty my whole life. At 42 I suddenly started overheating, getting sweaty, and being more smelly in general. Unfortunately the hormones don’t seem to help here. I agree with shaving more, natural fibers, and using an acid before deodarant (stridex body pads are now on auto renew at my house). It makes a big difference but I’m still annoyed I have to deal with it!
at 41 this may be a peri issue more than a postpartum issue, but I guess both have to do with hormones. I’ve heard some women noting that charcoal scrubs are great for your pits, but I would suspect any exfoliation would work. Apparently a lot of the antipersperant/deodorant can build up.
I bought a charcoal scrub from Pacifica on the river site, but there are others. It’s actually called the “underarm detox scrub.”
https://www.pacificabeauty.com/products/coconut-charcoal-underarm-detox-scrub
oh – in addition to the scrub i also stopped trying to use natural deodorant and went to a clinical one instead, which was fine, but then i randomly used my husband’s unscented mitchum and liked that one.
Dove clinical, Botox, a doctor
What are your favorite work purses for this fall and winter?
DeMellier!
Shoutout to a poster yesterday for alerting me that DC can now get COVID vax without a prescription at cvs- I had missed that change! Thank you!
I guess the ‘aughts style has fully come back around if Brooks Brothers is showing plaid culottes with high boots. I fully wore this to my formal i-banking job and got a very confused reaction from my MD.
I was wearing a jacket and ‘pants’ (below the knee), and my legs were covered so I was in compliance with our dress code but culottes short circuited his brain. The senior female MD on the floor thought it was adorable and rocked a similar fit about a week later and he fully gave up at that point.
Ha! Cute story.
I just found out that I passed my final CPA exam!
I am so relieved!
Congratulations
Congrats!
Woohoo!!! Nice work!
Hooray!!!
Congratulations!!
I know I’m late to this, but congratulations!!
Signed,
Another CPA :)