Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Aditi Dress
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The M.M.LaFleur Aditi dress is a classic for a reason. I recently pulled one out of my closet that’s nearly a decade old, and it still looks just as good as the day that I bought it.
When I traveled for work a lot, it was a great option for days where I had to go directly from a plane, train, or automobile to a meeting. Now that my road warrior days are over, I still love the machine-washable, wrinkle-resistant fabric and classic silhouette. Pair it with a jardigan for an outfit perfect for almost any business casual occasion.
(For what it’s worth, I love to wear mine with the now-retired Sant Ambroeus jardigan because I think the length is perfect. I’ve had really good luck finding them on Poshmark!)
The dress is $239 at M.M.LaFleur and comes in sizes 00-20. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
Sales of note for 7/15/25:
- Nordstrom – The Anniversary Sale is open for everyone — here's our roundup!
- Ann Taylor – Semiannual sale, extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything + extra 50% off clearance
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear with code
- Eloquii – Limited time, 100s of styles starting at $9
- J.Crew – End of season cashmere sale, take 40% off select cashmere
- J.Crew Factory – All-Star Sale, 40-70% off entire site and storewide and extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off seasonal faves, plus new penny loafers and slingbacks
- Spanx – End of season sale
- Talbots – All markdowns, buy 2 get 1 free, on TOP of an extra 40% off (last day is 7/15)
Has anyone paid a parent’s credit card bill online before? I’m assuming the card companies don’t care who pays as long as someone does?
It’s a long story, but the TLDR is that my parents are paycheck to paycheck and husband and I want to help out. Not having credit card debt would help them break the cycle. Total amount among all credit cards is $34k.
I have not. And no judgment, but how did they end up in credit card debt in the first place and have their habits changed enough to break the cycle
We immigrated to the U.S. 20 years ago as refugees. My parents came not knowing English and with one suitcase per person. Truly “started from the bottom” situation not having any money, etc. Their current spending habits are frugal but the cards all have high interest rates which has piled on over the years. They both still work 2 blue collar jobs.
I was able to get an education here and now have a job that would allow us to help and not ask for anything back. They had applied for a debt consolidation loan to try to get ahead but I said, don’t worry about paying us back. It’s a gift. Just do your best moving forward. They cried when I told them. Very emotional weekend.
You’re replying to me and you’re a wonderful daughter.
This is a lovely story, and I hope people are nice to you about it!
That is so wonderful thank you for sharing. They must be soooo proud of you.
As a fellow daughter of refugees, I totally feel you on this, and very much hope that your parents enjoy many healthy years to spend time with you as they age. You all deserve it.
no advice on the specifics but just wanted to echo what an amazing gift that is to your parents. It’s lovely to hear stories of well intentioned, true generosity.
I have paid bills for family before. Would it bother you if you paid these bills now but they still had to declare bankruptcy eventually?
It would bother me but I feel like this is a “golden ticket” situation at this point and we can only do it once. Mom is 53, dad is 63. Clearing out the CC debt would allow them to focus on paying off house so they have somewhere to live in older years.
I posted before I saw the details of their situation. I would feel good about being in a position to help if I were you, and I hope it brings them a lot of peace to have it behind them. I don’t think the credit card company cares at all who pays, and it should be easy if they’re aware and you have the account information from them.
The cc company doesn’t care what account pays. You just need to log in and put your account info in.
Agreed – I’ve paid my mom’s before and just logged into her account and put in my bank info. They don’t care where the funds are coming from. This is such a generous thing to do for them!
You can also just write a check horror of horrors.
answering just your actual question- if they are comfortable giving you login info, it should be straightforward; add your bank account as a method of payment, perhaps wait a few days for it to be authenticated, then submit payment, then remove your bank info from their account.
If they don’t want to give you that, I think you may be in for some phone tree time at each of the card issuers, and will probably need full account numbers, exact balances, etc. to make headway.
It depends. I could with my parents and medical bills that may just be in my husband’s name but not with my deadbeat sibling (parents wanted to pay directly and not give the sibling money). I could send in a check but couldn’t pay online (PITA). I ration checks, so prefer to pay online except when I can’t.
Just take into account that this would likely be considered an “indirect gift” by the IRS. You, as the donor would have to report the payment in your taxes if it exceeds $19k in 2025. There is also a lifetime gift tax exclusion. In short, do your research before moving forward.
FWIW, it’s $19k per person. So the OP could gift $19k to her mom and another $19k to her dad. If the OP is married, her husband can do the same, bringing the total transfer to $76k per year without incurring gift tax obligations.
To answer the actual question: you can almost certainly pay online. You can send a physical check. You could also, assuming it’s not a PITA, wire the money into their account.
Yes, we have a meeting with our financial advisor to discuss this part.
Eleanor’s post is correct. You don’t have anything to worry about. No need to start filing gift tax forms.
This is a lovely gesture. You are such a good daughter
And it’s 19K per donee, so with two parents, that gives you $38K before you file the form (but it’s just filing a form; nothing here makes me think there would ever be an actual gift tax owed; it’s just documenting that the gift was made).
The gift tax applies to each person. So OP could give $19k to her mom and $19k to her dad and her husband could give $19k to her mom and $19k to her dad. It doesn’t sound like they have any gift tax implications here, given that we are talking about $34k.
If she has a spouse, they can each give $19k to each of her parents, so $76k total. With this amount, it’s not reportable.
I think it is wonderful that you are taking this on for your parents in the circumstance.
Unless money is no object to you, I’d seriously consider spending a tiny bit of effort to see if they would settle for a lesser amount. Your parents likely spent significantly less than $34k and much of that could be interest/fees. Obviously credit companies need to be compensated for the time value of their money and risk, but getting $5k knocked off may be simpler than you think.
I agree with this. Try calling and try to negotiate.
Yes. They don’t care. If you’re writing a check, just write the cc# on the memo.
Congrats, that’s an awesome gift to your parents.
Also an immigrant. Parents back in home country but did everything they could to set me up for success. Did not have good financial literacy or ability to think about future/ save etc so I paid off their mortgage. I consider it a duty and a gift back.
congratulations, this is amazing and you’re a wonderful daughter.
i always pay off my cc bill in full so I didn’t know this until recently — the cards have to stay at ZERO BALANCE for at least a few days to clear the rolling interest. just paying it off in full will not stop the interest from getting attached to each bill. make sure your parents know this when you do it!!
Great to know, thank you!
I also pay mine in full so the world of interest is new to me
I also pay in full every month so this is new info to me too. I think you’re saying that the parents need to not spend any more on the cards for at least a few days; is that correct? If so, can you give an example of what would happen if they do not stop spending for those few days?
I can only say what happened to us — we had a big CC bill, let’s say $8,000 on Month 1. I paid off $6000 and meant to come back to pay off the final $2000 before the end of the period but forgot. So we got charged interest. @#$#$, i said, and the next month paid the full statement amount for Month 2. I thought that would be the end of it… but for Month 3 there was still an interest charge. (Not on the full amount I don’t think, but the interest was over $100.) I called the CC to ask WTF and they said that you have to pay off the full balance (not just the statement balance), and then LEAVE it zero or a few days, or else there will continue to be an interest balance.
I’m not sure exactly what portion of Month 3’s statement accrued the interest. I’m assuming the few days were for processing.
No, they don’t care who makes the payment. This is very generous and hopefully all will be better going forward.
I have and still wear this dress. I don’t usually opt for synthetics but make an exception for this dress. It just works.
Sadly, this dress didn’t work for me — too snug in the waist. But the Sant Ambroeus jardigan is my ride-or-die, and I still pull them out for my more formal events.
I am so sad that the Sant Ambroeus was discontinued. The trim, waist-length shape works so much better with dresses than the longer jardigan that’s still offered.
I have this dress but it doesn’t fit. It’s one that I’m keeping vs donating because it was a workhorse for me and so basic that I can’t imagine it not working.
Same. This dress has gotten me through more work trips and conferences. Packs like a dream and no wrinkling. I’m plus size, which they don’t make anymore. Folks will have to pry it from my cold dead hands.
Will this dress work on someone who is apple shaped/has a soft tummy?
I am an Asian woman and I started a new role 1.5 months ago. My predecessor was another Asian woman, who I gather was not in the office very much. I come in 3x/week and multiple people, many of whom SHOULD know who I am, have been calling me by her name. There are other small things that rub me the wrong way, but the name thing is what I really can’t tolerate. I want to bring it up to my supervisor, but not in an accusatory way. I don’t want to rock the boat too much as I’m new, plus it could just be an honest mistake if they never saw my predecessor much. Any advice on how to tactfully word my concerns would be much appreciated!
This is a great opportunity for you! Every time someone says the wrong name, you get the chance to say “Oh, I’m not Irene, I’m the new person, Sarah!”, and then you get to ask them about what they do, ask how the person in your role can best serve them, and generally get yourself know as someone who is wanting to be helpful and proactive.
As for discussing with your supervisor, if your supervisor didn’t send out an email saying you had started, ask them to send out an introductory paragraph with a photo. You can mention that many people are confusing you with your predecessor and an email like that would be helpful for people to realize that the role transitioned. (Assuming such things are done in your company).
Dealing with racism is such a great opportunity! (eye roll)
I would not be so quick to attribute it to racism. If OP and some of the colleagues are also only 3 days a week, it’s very possible their in office days only overlap one day. I have definitely called generic middle aged white dude the name of his predecessor before.
I agree it’s worse and more hurtful when the circumstantially unique identifier is race!
But I’ve seen the same thing happen with other identifiers (like two similarly petite and thin white ladies who happen to be the only women with closely cropped hair) if people rarely see one another in office.
+1000. When I started at my law firm years ago, I was part of the same class as two other white women, roughly same size/shape but different practice areas and different hair color, personalities, etc. We were mixed up so often that when I left, one of the others had T-shirts printed for the three of us. Each shirt was personalized to say “I’m not (insert name A) or (insert name B)”.
Of course racism isn’t good. But I’m 25 years into a (very successful) career where I’m almost always the only women, and the only person of my ethnicity, and I’ve learned to spot an opportunity. I’m also the mom of identical twins and know well the annoyance of being mistaken for someone else. But in this case – it’s better that people are calling her the wrong name and giving her the chance to clarify that she’s a new person and let them develop a positive impression of HER, than just assuming she’s someone else. You can still be annoyed, but, seize the opportunity! Be cheerful the first time, and then…if they do it again, deploy the techniques mentioned by others below.
If they never saw her predecessor in person and only interacted with her via email, I think they might be making this error even if her predecessor was a white blonde lady.
OP here – That’s a good way to correct someone, thanks! They *did* send out an introductory email for me with a bio and everything, but I suppose many people just didn’t read it or didn’t remember (our team divisions work pretty separately).
I would modify the script slightly to include when OP started in the role: “I’m the new xxx, Sarah Park; I started here in May….” Including the date lets those who have been using the wrong name realize what they have been doing, with the possibility that they might be privately mortified.
+1 Handle it politely and directly in the moment. This is from a Black woman who has been frequently mistaken from other Black women in predominantly white environments.
You’re being too nice about this. It’s disrespectful for people to get your name wrong. In the moment you correct them “I’m Jessica, Susan was in the role previously”. Let your supervisor know that it’s happening in a matter of fact way “Not sure if you’re aware, but I’ve had several people call me Susan and assume I was her. Can you please help make people aware that I’ve replaced her?”
It’s OP’s job to make herself known. The scripts above should work just fine. She shouldn’t bug her supervisor about this.
Um, no. Not your supervisor’s job at all. That actually makes you look like you have poor judgment if you’re trying to what…tattle?. Just use your words like a grown up to correct them. Most folks would actually want to be corrected in fact and doing it directly helps the new information “stick.”
Ugh, that sucks. I am Indian American too and have experienced exactly this situation in my mostly white workplace. It’s not just that they are calling you by your predecessor’s name, it’s that they think you are the same person.
I wouldn’t advise bringing it up to your supervisor – they would likely not address it in a tactful way (e.g. mass email, pulling people aside and telling them AAPIAnon is upset that you are calling her by X’s name, etc.) I would address it to people directly in the moment. When people call you by your predecessor’s name, do you answer? If so, stop. Let there be awkward silence. Or say, “Um, Bob, I believe X left the company three months ago.” Or “My name is AAPIAnon, I took X’s position when she left, and I can answer that question.” Follow that script as many times as possible, even if it’s the same person. Everyone will start to view that person as dense.
Also, put yourself out there by showing up and speaking up at meetings, and engage in water cooler talk so people get to know you, your personality, your family life, hobbies, etc.
We all have experienced this. Not everything is racism.
While I can see how people who experience regular racism and microaggressions might think this is yet another instance, my personal experience of this is in situations where race isn’t a factor in such mix-ups. It happens often enough that it seems just an annoying part of being human.
And I know I’m guilty of calling the five Mikes, two Marks, the Mitch, and the Meg on my department by the wrong name every now and then. Most of them are people I know well enough to consider as good friends outside of work, so it’s not like I only see them on a zoom call once a quarter. It is not a race or gender thing. There are just too many options closely associated in my head and my brain doesn’t always pick the right one.
Yeah, my closest friend and I had the same color hair and freckles in HS, but otherwise looked nothing alike (different face shape, nose, body, height). People always mixed us up.
OP here – solidarity and thanks for the advice!
I agree with other commenters that not everything is racism, but as I said, many of these people really should know who I am. One of them was even the one who sent my introductory email in the first place! If I can remember the names of all these white people *without* a special email introducing them, surely they can remember my very common, easy to pronounce, not at all “ethnic” name.
Yes, but/and it’s also possible that you are making more of an effort to remember all the white people’s names because you are new, and none of the existing people are even bothering to be aware that you are new, not because they are racist but because people are lazy or busy thinking about other matters.
This. And it’s your responsibility to make yourself known in a new job.
Yeah, that’s it. She’s able to remember 30 new white people names because she is making an effort, and they can’t remember 1 new Asian woman’s name.
OP is being extremely gracious, and I don’t know why there are so many posters in a fluff about “this isn’t racism”. Sure, it can happen to any of us. But some people have it happen to them all the time. Every day. For years. And they tend to be women of color the most, I bet.
I think when people say “this isn’t racism” what they mean is they don’t dislike the person of the other race. I once misidentified an Asian woman and I was mortified. We can recognize that it is hurtful even it the person making the mistake didn’t mean to be dismissive. In time, you will know who made an honest mistake and who doesn’t really care what your name it.
My own father regularly calls me by my sister’s name and I promise he knows who I am (and we look absolutely nothing alike). He is one of five brothers – all of whom have names starting with “J” and my grandmother used to go through the whole list before she got to the correct person. Name associations are weird. By all means correct people but taking this to a supervisor would strike me as overly sensitive.
Assume positive intentions. People barely read emails and probably don’t remember that your predecessor left. Just correct them and move on.
+1. Start correcting them in the moment, but try not to take personal offense.
I have a name that was generationally common in older generations but rarer today — think Linda, Debby, At one point, I was the third “Linda” on my floor and we all had the same last initial. All women, more of them older, in a male-dominated office. Hard-copy mail was always going the wrong way.
I miss getting e-mails because my last name is “Henderson” and drop-down menus (maybe speech to text) or confusion has e-mails going to “Anderson” or “Peterson,” etc.
People have no attention spans at all. ESPECIALLY In the summer where many people are in and out of the office starting around Memorial Day (when you must have started). Bless their hearts.
OP once more – thanks all for the advice. I will politely correct people on a case-by-case basis and won’t bring it up with my supervisor.
I suppose I’m frustrated about this because I feel like I have been making efforts to make myself known. I’ve introduced myself, in person, to everyone at least once; I participate in water cooler talk; on my birthday I brought brownies (and left a note with my name). Would a white woman who did the same be remembered? As another commenter said, it’s not that they mix up the names. It’s that they think we are the same person.
I’m a white woman and get called the name of my predecessor somewhat regularly 18 months into the job. It’s just that people don’t care that much about their coworkers they don’t interact with daily. Also, the people who mess this up tend to also not be high performers in other areas, so it’s kind of a nice proxy for who is going to be a headache to work with!
Our names do start with the same letter, but they otherwise are pretty different. I don’t know if that’s a factor for you.
Anon, I am with you — not everything is racism, but not everything is NOT racism. And there is a good amount of research showing that people have a harder time remembering/differentiating people who are not of their same racial group. So you have every right to be frustrated!
Anon = OP
Girl, you’re a month and a half in. It takes a while to get known. And stop baking brownies unless you want your brand to be homeroom mom.
Oof, no kidding. Don’t bring food unless it’s their norm, not yours!
I am a white woman who has been called by my (white female) predecessor’s name more than once, by more than one person. It’s because in their minds, Role=Name and it took quite a while to change that programming. One colleague called me by her name for literally years. He knew my name, we worked well together, but in the moment he was usually on autopilot and her name surfaced first. I started making a joke of it because I could tell he was mortified, and that helped erase the habit.
I’m a bland looking white woman and I would correct everyone everytime so they learn. It’s bizarre to me you’ve apparently not been taking the simple step of saying “actually it’s Tina”
there is some great advice in this HBR article, IMO. https://hbr.org/2021/02/ask-an-expert-my-colleagues-cant-get-my-name-right
I’m white and blond in my late 20’s and another women started withe me the same week and she is white and blond and in her 20’s too. We are constantly called each other’s names, like blond white chic is interchangeable. My point is that it is obnoxious but not necessarily racist.
We’re going to an end of the year party for my son’s daycare class this weekend. It’s being held at a park and we volunteered to bring juice boxes and water. While adults can obviously drink the water, I’d like to bring something for them to enjoy as well. What’s your go-to drink to bring to a potluck? Non alcoholic, no glass, single serve.
How about flavored sparkling water?
+1 – La Croix, Poppi, etc. are all super popular for parents at these parties in my area.
+2
I love seltzer at a party, and if it’s a morning meet up I will usually bring a big bottle or two of iced coffee as well.
I think Poppi is soda, not sparkling water.
Yeah, it’s a probiotic diet soda.
yes, i like to bring spindthrift to parties because i consider it the “fancy” sparkling seltzer. i do this in addition to wine or whatever because i know that at a certain point in the evening I will drink a seltzer but not regular water.
Sparkling water, iced tea, lemonade.
Capri Sun. These are surprisingly popular with the nostalgia crowd.
Yes! I would never buy these but would absolutely fish it out of a cooler. I had a weird hankering for fruit punch the other day, too.
I mean, people who love Diet Coke really love Diet Coke.
La Croix.
Coffee it’s before noon.
How do you travel with shoes and not have them get all smushed short of packing them in a shoe box? I typically wear sneakers on the plane, but am bummed that leather sandals keep getting distorted in the luggage.
Roll small things in them to shape: socks, tanks
Put either them or squishable items in plastic bags and then pad them by stuffing them with underwear, socks, swimsuits, etc.
Aside from using shoe trees (which are heavy and take up space), consider stuffing the sandals with your socks or other small clothing items you need to pack anyway. If you’re concerned about dirt, put the socks in plastic bags.
Away makes shoe bags that fit multiple pairs and protect them in suitcases. I use those.
I always pack shoes along the wall of the suitcase and pack them sideways.
This plus stuff them with socks or use shoe trees.
My sandals always smoosh flat when packed (or even just when on my shoe shelf at home), but they go back to shape when my foot is in them. If you are you packing so tightly that the leather is actually distorting, you need to either upsize your luggage, pack less, or stuff the sandals so they aren’t so malleable in the luggage.
I keep the tissue paper balls that held the shoes open when they were in the original box. Cram those into the shoes and put them in a lightweight shoe bag.
Has anyone ever seriously up leveled their personal style? I’m feeling like I’m in a rut. I care. I have money to spend. I have a good sense of how I want to look, what styles work on my body, and what my everyday life and social calendar really look like. I’m willing to spend time at the tailor. Still, the whole thing is not coming together. Help!
Yes, it was expensive and involved a lot of trial and error, returns, and goodwill drop offs.
What’s your favorite outfit? One favorite for work and a favorite for weekend outings?
Have you figured out your hairstyle, posture, workout routine, face moisturizer, shoes you’re willing to wear?
For me, it was the realization that I needed to start with sleeved dresses and the appropriate undergarmets (jockey waist control/chub rub control shorts and numi undershirts) and once that was tackled, I could focus on the harder skirt/shirt pants/shirt combo.
Im a style-challenged 41-year-old and have found the Evereve website really helpful for how to make things be more current, fwiw. Where are you buying clothing? Is your issue that you know your style etc but can’t find the items you want, or are struggling to put things together/update your wardrobe?
I’ve been trying to do this too! I’ve been more intentional about what I shop for, and don’t buy anything unless I absolutely love it. I asked for more upscale brands here a few weeks ago. I realized that basics / quiet luxury don’t work for me, or at least don’t make me feel good. It’s a work in progress. Get a good haircut as well, that pulls outfits together.
I love the idea of quiet luxury. Truly love. When I try it, though, I fade into the background in a bad way. I am not thin or long-haired or young, so I need a little something extra to feel like my best self.
Ditto. I tried, but it doesn’t elevate my look in any meaningful way. I need the blacks, navy, dark greens, dark reds, cut close to the body.
I would group those in with quiet luxury if your items are of high quality and well tailored. Quiet luxury isn’t just shapeless beige; it’s flattering high-quality basics in solid colors (maybe a striped piece here and there) that aren’t loud. Basically the anti-Kohls look.
True on the hair. And what you do when you can’t style it–ponytail w elastic (doesn’t work for me) or nice barrette (does work for me)?
Yes same! I went and bought a bunch of different types of clips until I could figure out what worked for me – banana clips are the winner, funnily enough.
Do you passively consumer fashion content, through blogs, Instagram, Pinterest? That helps me discover brands and know what to look for.
What do you spend the most time doing? I WFH and do a lot of yoga, so I’ve recently invested in more workout clothes.
What makes you feel comfortable in your body? For me, that’s flats, and nothing skintight or midriff barring, though I love a good mini dress.
What do you see out and about, at restaurants, walking around your city/town/neighborhood? That helps me determine what will feel appropriate in my usual surroundings.
Maybe start with accessories. Daily jewelry, good shoes, sunglasses, and a few cute purses will go a long way towards making you feel put together.
I’ve been doing more of that too – looking around when commuting and taking note of what outfits other people are wearing that I like.
Agree with the accessories recommendation. I feel like a nice bag and sunglasses can up pretty much any outfit.
Have you considered hiring a stylist? I’m not sure how to go about finding one, to be honest (others may have ideas). I follow the Lag Liv blog (former SEC attorney, now big law) and she talks about having hired a stylist that she works with quarterly, and it has changed her life completely when it comes to putting outfits together. Not talking about someone at a store, but someone who comes into your home, your closet, works with what you have and helps you identify what you need, what looks good on you and why.
+1 to a stylist. I did it when I retired and it was amazing.
Before that, I used to actually copy outfits I liked from magazines or the internet, head to toe. Kept them on a Pinterest board.
Agree with you all & I think it’s so much harder to find great summer outfits that look pulled together. Give me all the jewel/darker colors for fall & winter.
It takes time to find what works for you, and it comes in unexpected places. My favorite put together linen shorts are from a little shop in SoHo that I stumbled on after forgetting to pack shorts.
Little things that make a difference for me are making sure that everything that needs to be is ironed or pressed (and yes, I use the cleaners for this). Also, making sure that all the fabrics in clothes are all going to the same party in the same season – for ex, linen and wool will rarely go well together, and a business formal suit jacket will almost never look right with jeans (unless its a texas tuxedo with jeans and boots). Same advice also applies to accessories.
i always like people watching while i’m on vacation — this last time there i challenged myself to find the chicest lady there who had a body shape like mine and was my age or older. it gave me some great ideas for myself.
I liked The Concept Wardrobe. It’s not very expensive and helped me zone in on what I want—and perhaps more importantly, why I don’t really like some stuff. It made shopping more focused and over time I became a lot more happy with my wardrobe.
Yes! I did. I recommend using a clothing rental subscription for a few months to play around with new styles. You will also learn about various brands by browsing what they have to offer. Nuuly is cheaper but you can usually get discounts on trials for Nuuly, Rent the Runway, etc.
I do not understand how people can wear full-length leggings in the summer. Or the unitards I’m seeing now. Is it just very lightweight shapewear? So much of it is in skin tones (so I’m always doing double takes).
Are you a particularly sweaty person by chance?
I feel that sunscreen makes me sticky or makes white marks on everything or both. And it’s so humid. Maybe in LA it makes sense but how am I seeing this in the SEUS this time of year?
I prefer my sweat get absorbed by fabric than float around on my skin.
I always wear full length leggings when exercising outside in the summer—no matter how hot it is, it wicks away sweat instead of it trickling down my legs, reduces swelling, keeps mosquitos and itchy stuff off my ankles. Personally I dont understand how people can exercise in shorts :)
The chub rub in summer is unreal if I don’t wear at least some capri-length leggings! I’m going to be a hot, sweaty beast no matter what, so at least I’m solving one problem.
Re chub rub — lightweight nylon isn’t cutting it. I need either winter weight leggings or old school light support pantyhose. If only I could grow a callus b/c it is so damn painful (e.g., shorts aren’t long enough or ride up).
Our mosquitos just bite through anything (latest: chambray shorts and underwear). I had a fully exposed leg nearby but nope — went through 2 layers to a butt cheek.
I was always jealous of hourglass-shaped women who would wear those unitard shorts with a flannel and look cute (this was what, maybe 5 years ago that was in?). i saw an influencer triumphantly showing everyone how she layered SPANX, then the unitard, then the flannel. i’m sorry but no, i refuse to wear full compression SPANX with a flannel, the look ain’t that cut.
I am currently wearing body glide b/c yesterday’s unmitigated maxi skirt chub rub caused some heat rash on my upper thighs. Leggings would have been more comfortable.
I do unless it’s like 100F. I don’t see the problem. Better than getting ticks.
I work in a lab. I have no choice but to wear long pants and closed toed shoes even when its 110. Yes it sucks.
This is just a vent –
A guy I was chatting with off one of the apps told me that he was very busy with work. He also recently moved to the city and complained that he doesn’t have really any friends here yet. He said that he doesn’t have/make time to go to any meetup events and that even though he’s in all the groups for people who just moved to the city, doesn’t go to any. Brought all this up without me saying or asking anything related to it.
Then he said he does make time for dating. Since then he postponed our plans to meet up 2x and then gave a really bad reason for cancelling today – after which I told him I’m over it. But how does he expect to have friends or a relationship if he is not willing to make time for either?
IDK but I get it (and get being frustrated by it).
For me, I see that I would love to be in better shape and belong to two gyms and have a safe neighborhood, good sneakers, and plenty of workout gear. That still doesn’t make it happen for me :(
BUT I have tons of people I know and love and try to make time for (and often fail) but also smart when people I know seem to choose not to be available when I have free time. Life is just so frustrating like that — I miss the dorms of college and the free time of life in my teens and 20s because it’s only gotten harder since then and people more spread out / harder to connect with.
Who cares? This man isn’t into you. Move on.
lol, do you understand what “This is just a vent” means? Sometimes that is exactly what you need to do to move on. I mean, releasing built up pressure without achieving a direct effect is the literal, technical meaning of the verb.
I’ve noticed that on this page and on the moms page, a lot of readers overinterpret simple vents as the poster freaking out, blowing things up in their personal lives, being obsessed with something. So odd.
Why would they post if they weren’t obsessed?
It’s because many really should journal about it, punch a pillow, write the person a letter and rip it up, etc, unless they want feedback for their vents — which is what they’re gonna get when posting on a discussion board.
lol, so you’d say you’re obsessed with every subject you ever raise here? Not my experience but different strokes.
Because there are a lot of people in this world who want things but will not do anything to achieve them. I don’t waste my time with those types.
Sounds like he does not actually want to have friends or a serious relationship, but thinks complaining about those things will get him whatever type of attention he does want.
This
I mean, for most people friendships/relationships are great but going through the meeting a billion people and small talking them isn’t. It sounds like he just doesn’t want to put in the work to get there.
I would be super annoyed as well. You are allowed to vent! I cannot stand liars or games. I had a man chase me for 18 months, tell me I was the only person he wanted to date, etc. We went on several dates. It was going very well. He then freaked out and said he needed time and space to deal with personal issues. He then started dating someone else shortly thereafter. It still hurts a bit but I know it is common in the modern dating scene.
A few dates in 18 months means you were never a consideration, value yourself more going forward. That’s a self esteem issue not modern dating.
Why are you being so mean? Look inward, because this was such an ugly reaction.
Some people can’t handle attachment or commitment & run away — that’s on them.
Hi! No self esteem issues here! It was several dates in the span of a month since you assumed incorrectly. It took a lot of time before I was actually ready to date, even though I was being pursued for quite some time. I value myself quite well so no need for the odd, misplaced comments.
Why did it take 18 months for a date? I am so curious.
I was in the process of disentangling myself from my ex-spouse. It was complicated. There was a bit of emotional abuse going on. The guy pursuing me was someone I had known (although not super well) for quite some time. He had been dating around a bit but kept pursuing me.
you are obviously not over it if you are asking us about it!!! My rule when i was on the sites is one timely and appropriate reschedule was Ok but never two. He will make time if and when he wants to. He doesn’t want to for you. Which is OK because you don’t know him!!! one thing that i find helpful re online dating is thinking about situations with other people that i would never take personally (like trying to find a plumber for example) and how scattered and disorganized people are. it’s not you, it’s them. and it only takes one!
I’m not even upset about it so these comments are confusing me I’m just inconvenienced which is annoying. And I am confused by his actions so I think it is an interesting case study that’s all.
This is why the male loneliness epidemic is a sham. My experience has been similar. Men making zero to low effort to develop any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise. It’s not you, it’s them. They live in a fairytale existence where everything should drop into their lap. Forget him and find a man with some emotional intelligence and drive.
I don’t think it’s a sham though. I think it’s a legit problem that because they are men and never seek guidance (generally) outside of sports coaching, are totally ill-equipped to fix.
Find me a widower with a good friend group — you basically can’t. But they need that (and at younger ages also, but you can see it then definitely and maybe with some sympathy).
I think it’s a choice. (Some) men are choosing to be vapid, flaky, rude, and entitled. And then they are scratching their head as to why nobody cares about them. I don’t feel bad for them. And I think the world is an oyster for my two boys because I am teaching them to give a sh it about other people. The bar is on the floor!
Some people make an effort to be good people, friends and partners. Others are entitled jerks, then complain when they can’t form good relationships.
Maybe men historically got away with less of an effort to please, and statistically fewer of them have learned how to do this, compared to a smaller (but not zero) number of women and non-binary jerks? Not sure.
Do women get guidance on how to make friends? Women do more emotional labor, which also has the benefit of being how you create and keep relationships. But what is stopping men from doing that?
I think there are studies that people pleasing behavior (sharing, helping, affectionate acts, politeness, dressing nice) receive more positive reinforcement for little girls. And that comes years before very explicit ‘how to catch a husband’ guidance!
Totally agree, the “male loneliness epidemic” is just men facing the consequences of their actions.
Reading about this actually makes me very grateful that my DH has a solid friend group. While I’m his No. 1, I am not the only person he has to confide in and hang out with. That would get exhausting, I think.
I am always entertained by the things some of you feel comfortable saying in writing!
100%
Also, dudes, you’ve been in charge for the entirety of human history. If y’all have a problem, you can fix it!
I’m sorry– but try not to take it personally. He sounds flakey ! Definitely not the guy for you. He showed you his true colors. Ditch him and move forward. His loss. You will find someone who shows interest and cares about making time for what matters!
The most important advice for online dating: If he wanted to, he would!
You know, this is actually a good reminder to me to keep showing up, even when it’s not 100 percent convenient. Both last night and Monday night I went out of my way to accommodate last-minute plans with a friend and a family member. I was tired from work and would’ve preferred to stay at home. But I did the things, and I’m glad I did because my loved ones felt seen and noticed, and those relationships are important to me. Showing up matters.
Sounds like you’re correct to cut your losses with this dude, OP. No wonder there’s a loneliness epidemic. You have to do things and make an effort!
He sounds emotionally immature and/or lazy. Not the right guy to get involved with.
I know I keep talking about this, but I am super into the Burned Haystack Dating Method, where she analyzes rhetorical patterns in online dating interactions and advises about ones to avoid. This one is called “I’m a Very Busy Man” and you’d be advised to block the guy right off the bat! UGH SO ANNOYING!!
I love this method and have learned a lot!
He’s such a loser. Next!
FWIW, I eventually discovered the guy who loved to chat and talked a good game but was always too busy to meet up in person was married. (The old phone number into FB trick. Hello, smiling family Christmas card photo.)
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you may have put too much time and emotional investment into this guy before actually meeting in person. Many men on the apps just want a therapist/pen pal. A few friendly messages and a meetup within a week, or next.
Please chill out. We only matched last week. I didn’t text much at all – actually shut him down when he started sending random good morning texts. I tried to meet in person. I am not upset about this.
Wow. Not OP but — You feel entitled to vent in a public forum but think no one should respond to your vent. If it’s not intended as a conversation starter, vent in your private journal then.
OP is not the one being weird here. I think some commenters are projecting.
Nah, some of the comments are stupid af, and this is one of them. It’s possible to have a feeling or opinion about something that happened without ‘doing too much’.
I live in a big city near two giant medical centers where many local people and some from about a 4 hour radius come for care. I go to a big church nearby and we have a decent clergy staff. We do a lot of internal service for congregants — baptisms, children ministry, weddings, etc. What do people do for service at hospitals? When my parents were sick (elsewhere), the hospitals called the local clergy and they visited sick parishioners (and this was so spiritually helpful for them; we are just basic Episcopalians, so not ever really overly moved by anything but good architecture and quality church music (truly God’s Frozen People)). Is this what we do with deacons or lay eucharistic ministers? My kids are older and I used to help with Sunday school but after they’ve been confirmed, I am without a task.
If you’re sick enough to be in the hospital, do you really need to go to church that day? I feel like you get a pass. There are hospital chaplains but I don’t think they’re holding regular services.
I think that some clerics go around bedside to visit people in the hospital (once they are admitted, not in the ER). IDK if they also hold services but there is a “ministering to the sick” that involves going to the sick person (or shut-in person’s home). My parents used to to take flowers used in services to some people who were up for visitors in the hospital or nursing home or at home (like if they had stopped driving and no longer attended but wanted a deeper connection than watching the service on zoom).
But IDK. As we as a society age, I feel like the ministry has more of a social-work-lite component than holding serves in a place. People often won’t be in the place services are held for various legit reasons but still value as much of a community or personal touch as they can get.
We’re not talking attending a service here, more receiving comfort from clergy in a time of severe illness or possibly preparing to die!
I think this is something to ask your church? Like my mom volunteered through their church to help drive other members to doctor appointments. I’m not sure what “level” of clergy (if any) would be more on point for hospital visits, which have more serious implications.
Fellow Episcopalian here:
It’s not to go to church to attend, but for spiritual comfort and receiving of sacraments (anointing the sick, receiving the Eucharist, last rites if needed). It’s also having a built in community – even if you don’t know the clergy or the parishioners who volunteer you have something in common with them through both being members of the same church.
If you’re too far from your church to have your clergy or volunteers visit you can request the hospital chaplain, ask your church to reach out to local churches or the diocese, or reach out yourself.
IME, most churches have a ministry for outreach and support to the sick or elderly – this can be volunteers from the church, deacons, Eucharistic ministers (to bring the Eucharist to those who cannot go to mass), and clergy. Visits can provide spiritual support (usually from clergy or deacons) for prayers or spiritual counsel or just social visits (which could be purely social but can also include dropping off food, prayer, or delivering flowers from the altar guild).
If you’re interested in working with those who are hospitalized, you could connect with the hospital and offer your services without the ministry aspect, or you could form a ministry at your church and connect with the diocese and offer the services.
Chaplains are the folks who provide religious and spiritual support for people who are hospitalized. Often chaplains will provide services, or they will call in local clergy.
My church has a hospital just down the street. Our priests and deacons regularly visit parishioners at any local hospital or the several nearby care facilities and are available 24/7 for emergencies. They will also visit non-parishioners at the local hospital if the hospital contacts them (they have a list for various religions and denominations). People sometimes call the church office directly, but it more often goes through the hospital’s chaplain.
We also have a team of lay Eucharistic ministers who visit parishioners who are in long-term care facilities or home bound. In addition to bringing communion, they also evaluate for other needs and just provide companionship (they also distribute the flower arrangements the flower guild creates out of the altar flowers). They are not usually going to the hospital in an emergency because they cannot administer sacraments.
Are you asking about volunteering to do this? That was my take, but I see no everyone responded differently. You can ask your church leaders. You could probably volunteer directly at your hospital if you leave out the religious aspect and are focused on community service—sometimes hospitals will staff a guest services counter or the gift shop with volunteers for example.
Most major hospitals have a chapel and some non-denominational chaplains that are available. Doctors/nurses can call them at patient/family request to come visit the patient.
Since many hospitals in some areas are catholic owned, I suspect there system may be different, but I haven’t worked at those hospitals.
Most hospitals that have Palliative Care / Hospice programs also have chaplains that work closely with patients under Palliative/Hospice care if desired.
In some hospitals, when you are first admitted the Nurse asks a detailed series of questions as part of the patient intake. Often one of them is what religion you are. If you express interest/a religion, they can ask if you would like to be seen by the chaplain while you are there.
My church has a few members who are hospital chaplains, but it’s not a formal program of our individual church. One of the people who does it is also a lay eucharistic minister, FWIW.
Has anyone dealt with a dog having diabetes? Waiting for another test tomorrow but it’s looking very likely. I see so much contradiction on line about what to expect. I’m just kind of wondering what to expect.
I’m sorry <3 Wishing you good times ahead with your pup.
Not a dog, but FWIW, we have had 2 cats with diabetes. Once we figured out the right dose of insulin it was honestly easier to deal with than some other cat medical issues. They didn’t seem to mind the insulin shots AT ALL. Figuring out the dosing involved a lot of back and forth to the vet for blood glucose checks, but it is possible they will train you to do that at home. And I don’t know how likely this is for dogs, but some cats go into remission and no longer need insulin, which happened to one of ours after a few months. Good luck to your pup!
My brother’s dog had diabetes late in life, in addition to other medical problems. It was a little challenging at times. Carefully monitoring weight and food intake, new food, administering insulin injections. He was fortunately working from home, and had some flexibility. There were multiple appointments to the vet in a short period of time for adjustments in meds. But again, this was an older dog, and perhaps the diabetes was more severe.
I was rushing around this morning and shut my thumb in the pantry door. The range of emotions I had within about 5 minutes was so interesting to me. Like, shock, pain, anger at my son who I was making breakfast for, and then intense frustration towards myself that I was rushing and did something dumb because gosh, can’t I just keep it together?! All super intense and all over a little accident! I am otherwise a completely normal emotionally regulated person, I promise. I am still bemused about it now, two hours later. Kept it all to myself, don’t worry; no trauma to my poor 8 year old sitting at the breakfast bar. Our bodies are weird.
I hear you. I spent some time this year just wanting to scream and throw things. I just had feelings (from Things) that had nowhere to go because I was consumed with getting through said Things. In the moment: so hard. When I had any time, I took long walks with my backpack and somehow that recharged my coping batteries a bit. But OMFG maybe this is why those axe-throwing places are popular.
I’m so much more likely to lose my sh1t over stubbing my toe than over enormous stressors like family being sick. For the latter, I’m able to buckle down and do what needs to be done and be supportive and practice self-care, but give me some minor pain or inconvenience and I fall to pieces far too often.
This is me, too.
I think that it’s indicative, though, of all the other sh*t going on. Like I have nothing left in the tank and am going to have a Falling Down moment.
100%.
My parents were like this and I made myself so small due to the trauma. I started cooking all my own meals, taking transit (at 9!!!), etc because heaven forbid someone drop a potato or get cut off in traffic the whole house would be dysregulated and angry.
Ok? Sorry your parents were like that all the time but it doesn’t make all readers here “traumatizing” to their families.
That’s not at all how I read the post you’re replying to.
I hit my head on an open drawer in my computer armoire yesterday while I was on the phone. Took everything in me for way longer than it should not to cry. Our bodies are so, so weird.
Earlier this year my 2 yo shut the door on my fingers, they were trapped in the back of the door by the hinge. It was incredibly painful and I went through a similar range of emotions and anger while trying not to be mad AT her but just crying so hard in the moment. I get it.
oh my god… I just felt your pain.
I swear my belt loop only ever snags a handle when I have a pent up FUUUUUUUUUUUUU that needs to come out.
I smashed my nose into a door a few months ago (did it to myself, no one was to blame) and I ended up sobbing a few minutes later… it felt emotional as much as physical? I think there’s some kind of complex somatic response to sudden pain that also can trigger emotional responses as well.
Totally!
I wouldn’t wear white pants in the next week if it were me, ha!
I get it. My therapist mentioned the other day that my anxiety attack that ‘came out of nowhere’ was probably triggered by overheating/humidity and that’s it’s a relatively common trigger (especially if you have heat induced eczema, which I do).
I was shocked (and still very annoyed that I now get to deal with both hot flashes AND anxiety) but yea, bodies are weird!
I think she’s onto something! I had a very high-anxiety day on Sunday. While there were some things going on, my body’s reaction was disproportionate to the seriousness of the situation. It absolutely zapped my energy. I did wonder whether the heat and humidity had been a trigger.
This happened to me last year when I traveled somewhere that was having an insane heat wave – I was incredibly stressed and anxious out of proportion to the situation, in ways that are not normal for me at all. I completely calmed down after I cooled down.