Thursday’s Workwear Report: Mongolian Cashmere Midi Skirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I will admit that I haven’t seen this skirt in person yet, but the fabric looks so cozy and the reviews are so fantastic that I’m thinking about adding to cart. I’m leaning towards this oatmeal color, which can be styled with brown, black, or navy for the most flexibility, but the moss green color is also gorgeous.
If you’re concerned about sizing, Quince has a lot of reviews with photos and sizes listed, which always helps me feel better about picking the right one.
The skirt is $99.90 at Quince and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 9/5/25
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started, up to 60% off top brands
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including new arrivals
- Anthropologie – 30% off clothing and accessories
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – Everyday styles from $34.50 — see our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off fall faves + extra 60% off clearance
- L.K. Bennett – 20% off all new-season
- Nordstrom Rack – Season Closeout: extra 40% off select clearance dresses, sandals, shorts, and swimwear(ends 9/11)
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 25-40% off select fall styles + extra 30% all markdowns — here are all the reader favorites at Talbots
- White House Black Market – 50% off all sale styles (ends 9/5)
How much do you pay for fitness or gym memberships and/or classes, and how often do you go? Do you pay for video subscriptions and out-of-home training? How much, and how often do you use it?
I pay $119/month for unlimited classes at my local yoga studio. I go 3-4x a week. They offer normal yoga, hot yoga, pilates, and barre, so I find it to be very worth it.
I pay for an Orange Theory membership. I have the package that gets me 8 classes a month, and I use all of them. I haven’t made the jump to premium because I don’t think I’d get my money’s worth from it.
The Peloton App Plus membership annually for $240 a year. Our treadmill and rower aren’t Peloton brand, so the Plus membership gets me everything in the app including the tread and rower workouts. I mostly use it for the strength workouts and programs, and the treadmill workouts in the winter.
Also paying $60 a month for an online yoga membership right now, but that’s mostly for the teacher training course that’s included. So that’s a bit different. I wouldn’t pay that for just the online classes.
For yoga studios in person, I go 2-4 times a week – but I own the yoga studio. :) I try and make it to another studio at least once a month.
Ooh I have been looking for something exactly like this. Would you feel comfortable sharing details? If not I will create a burner email is thats easier.
Studio B Flow School. I teach flow classes, and really like her approach to creative sequencing. It feels like a very natural progression of how I teach already.
Peloton membership, which is about $50 per month. I have the bike, which I use about 3x per week. I take other classes on the app about 3x per week. I also give two friends free access to the app, which I can do with my membership.
Pre-2020, I had a gym membership for $100 per month and I was at the gym 4-6 x per week. I’ve considered restarting that, but Peloton is providing enough for me right now.
My employer (public university) offers cheap memberships to employees and local residents (under 300 CAD per year). That includes several free weekly fitness classes including TRX and yoga, plus access to gym equipment, lockers, and towel service.
I sometimes go to the weekly yoga classes. Since spring, I’ve been going weekly to use the various weight machines, and it has improved my strength and stability considerably!
Nothing. I run, and I do older, free Fitness Blender videos on YouTube.
Same, plus cross country skiing in the winter.
Ive been focusing on weight lifting. I have a trainer I see 2x a month in person who also gives me workouts to do by myself, which is I think $240 a month? Occasionally if I know I won’t be able to schedule with her I go online only for the month which is like $60. And then $60 for a gym membership—I could get slightly cheaper also nearby but this one has the multiple weight racks and deadlift setups I prefer, the other is more treadmills/machines. No classes though.
I don’t pay for anything. I use the website Nourish Move Love. Lindsey is amazing and keeps all of the workouts fun. You can pay to join her youtube group, but you can also get all of the workouts free via email every week. I use her Monday through Friday plan most of the time and do hikes/walks on the weekends.
I pay $320/MO for my gym membership. $50 of that is tax deductible. I also pay $125 annually most years for a membership to the city’s rec centers, which includes pool access. I go to the gym about 3 times a week. I have barely used the City rec centers. I just get a wild hair about swimming every now and then and end up joining, only to never go.
I have a Peloton all-access membership as we have a bike and hope to add a tread soon. Along with the bike content, I do the strength, stretching, and meditations as well. I believe it’s $44/mo.
DINKs, come from a very active family. We pay $250 per month for a gym membership for myself and my husband. We work out together with our trainer about 2 to 3 times a week, at $70 per session (it’s below market in our area and we’ve been with him for years). I also have access to iFit online since it came with our treadmill, and I’ll go to other random classes as the mood strikes me.
I workout ~6-8x a week. I have a gym in my apartment building, but I rarely use it.
I lift 3-4x a week. I bought a set of adjustable dumbbells a few years ago and use free plans from Darebee.
I trail run or road bike 1-3x a week. Running is free. I bought my road used for $700.
I play in a soccer league weekly in spring, summer and fall. Each ~7 week league is $60, plus ref fees.
I row 1-2x a week in spring, summer, and fall. Boathouse dues are $400/season. I can also launch my own paddle board from the dock there. I bought an inflatable one for like $200.
I usually do a handful of races, ideally 1-2 trail races and 1-2 triathlons a year but that varies.
I don’t have good access to a pool, so swim training is a hodgepodge.
In the winter I also ski – I own my equipment and mostly ski at our local ski hill where a weeknight season pass is like $300.
Aside from weightlifting, my exercise is my hobbies so I consider this as fun money as opposed to fitness money.
130 a month for a family membership at our local Y. I love it! They have free childcare for our kids and loads of classes.
We only go every weekend morning due to the ages of my kids (2,2,4) but as they get a little older I think we will do classes for them during the week after school. During the week, I do free Pilates classes on YouTube and sometimes sneak in a run during the workday if things are slow (I WFH)
$59/month for my Hotworx membership. I go 3-4 times/week, although one of those is usually just for sitting in the sauna and relaxing. I’m currently trying out a few different apps for weight-lifting routines, but I haven’t found one I like yet!
I am super fortunate to have access to a huge weights-focused gym through work. It’s not the only reason I still work here but it is one reason.
I pay $20/month for a community rec center membership – iirc discounted for both prepaying a year & buying during the annual sale, would ordinarily be ~$40. Don’t use the classes, but it has an indoor pool that I’ve been using a ton recovering from a running injury.
I also pay ~$200/year to play in community sports rec leagues, $100/month on skiing, ~$500/year on gear, and $100/year on various state/federal parks passes for outdoor areas; so gym membership is only a minority part of my total “active + fitness” budget. I would spend more on a membership to a fancier place and less on these extras if I wanted to do something like indoor rock climbing
I just joined a local community gym; they prorate through the year so I paid $190 for a single adult membership for June-December (annoyed I didn’t join before September, but the next dip was in October.) I also pay for the annual Sweat app, I think $135? Ive been doing the Sweat app at the gym after years of getting bored with the exercises you can do wtih home equipment.
I put my membership on hold over the summer because of how busy life was, but I’ve got a membership at the local climbing gym that’s $65 a month, and they’ve also got free weights and yoga classes. I go bouldering once or twice a week, yoga classes when they fit my schedule which is hardly ever with a toddler. Then I fill in the gaps with Yoga with Adrienne.
I have an annual subscription to the Ladder app, which I use to get a strength training program. My goal is 3x/week.
This summer, for the fourth year, we did a summer membership at a local gym for the pool access but I also used it for access to the weight floor and classes. That ends this weekend and we’re planning on joining the local JCC. I want my daughter to have access to a pool year-round, and we don’t have room for a lot of equipment at home. It will be around $90/month for the three of us with my company discount. I plan to use weights, maybe do classes, swim lessons for my daughter. And as members, we will get priority access and a slight discount on summer camp registration.
Oooff. Is it a judgement free zone? I pay $200 for the equinox each month. I go 4-5 times a week. I shower and stream a lot and I appreciate that it’s never crowded and I don’t have to wait for equipment. I pay a trainer a few times a year because I want help with my weight training. They have child care in the weekends so I sometimes take my daughter and meet a friend, which is also a perk. Basically, I could do this cheaper but when I tried I didn’t go at all.
Sounds like it’s worth it to you then, and that’s awesome! (also, honestly, sounds like you’re getting your money’s worth – you’re paying something like $10/visit before you even account for the childcare!
I pay $250 per month for 12 Pilates reformer classes at a locally owned studio. I use all 12 each month, and I take one Pilates reformer class a week at the Recreation Center for $20. My gym membership is $39 per month, the gym is not fancy but has all the equipment you need. I work out with a trainer twice a week for an hour, which costs $60. I go to the gym 10 times a month on average.
So, about $850 per month, which is a lot and more than I realized. Pilates is expensive, and so is a personal trainer, but I do value both.
$137 a month at my DC gym. I go 3-5 times per week exclusively for the variety of fitness classes and the steam room in the locker room. Video of the classes are included and I’ve used that a few times on travel.
$500 a year for family membership at the local gym: Olympic pool, play area pool, weight rooms, cardio machines, basketball courts, indoor walking track, child care for up to 2 hours at a time.
Our household pays $220/month for CrossFit and my husband goes 4-5x/week.
We also pay $200/month to a local gym with a pool as a family membership. I go there in the winter, my 13 y/o works out there occasionally, and my younger kids swim in the pool several times a month.
$44/month for my Peloton membership. Use it basically daily for strength, spin, or running.
same
I pay:
$60/month for YMCA membership–really only go once a week for yoga class. I will swim maybe twice a year. This is still cheaper than paying for drop in classes once a week at a yoga studio in my town–those average about $20/class.
~$150/year for My Peak Challenge, which is online videos/program. I will use this 2-3 times a week for a few months and then not at all for a few months.
~$40/year for Down Dog App, used sporadically throughout the year (probably 20-30 times).
I should be more consistent with all of this (other than the yoga), but I am not.
Equinox, $335 a month for all-access to all locations. I go 4-5 days a week.
Zero, but I am very lucky in that my office has a large gym available for all to use, with weight machines, free weights, and treadmills/ellipticals. I go twice a week, run once a week, and take a free Youtube dance fitness class once a week.
$265 per month for Equinox near my office. I go to yoga or Pilates 2-3 times per week. Feels expensive but I realized I need a super convenient option otherwise I won’t go, and it’s a 2 minute walk away. Also because it’s expensive I like I have to go to make the most of it.
We pay $80/month for a family membership at our local community (parks & rec) fitness center. I basically never go, maybe once a month I go and use the indoor pool with my kid. But my husband goes multiple times per day and takes our kid there to swim or play basketball maybe once a week.
We have a Peloton bike and we pay $44 per month for that, and we use the bike plus do the strength classes from the app 3-5 times per week. I also do Pilates reformer classes 2-3 times per week – each group class is $33, and up until my instructor moved out of town, I was also doing one private Pilates reformer session about once per week at $100 per session. It adds up! But I really love Pilates reformer and I figure it’s better than having to pay for physical therapy to strengthen my core and prevent injuries. Besides these, I generally run or walk 2-3 times per week, which is free!
I pay about $150 a month for a Y membership and a membership to my local yoga studio. When I’m really in the groove, I probably go about 3 times a week combined. I WFH, but it really depends on meeting schedules and the specific classes I want to take.
I pay $239 month for an unlimited Club Pilates membership. I have gone 6 days a week this year, which makes my price per class less than $10/class.
I have never paid for a workout membership ever and it was my NY resolution this year to finally figure out working out. I was overweight. I’ve lost 20 pounds in my 160 classes this year and have truly never felt better in my entire life. WORTH EVERY PENNY
Looking for some recommendations for strength training apps! No cardio please
Faster Way to Fat Loss program, Sweat app.
Darebee
Strong lifts
+1
this is what I use as well
Ladder. There are numerous “teams” you can choose from depending on the style of workout you want to do. The trainer gives you a workout for every day of the week, but if say you only want to do 3 days, they star the “priority” ones.
I am on Team Movewell. 30-minute dumbbell workouts, which is perfect for me because I’m focused on building a consistent habit.
You can usually find a free 30-day trial pass if you google it and add +Reddit to it. I did that and liked it so much I bought the annual membership for ~$200.
Another vote for Ladder. I love Sam and Team Evolve.
People into music- how do you stay on top of what concerts are happening near you, when tix go on sale, etc? And is there a good way to scan the resale market for when/if tickets pop up in your price range? I have a daughter who is starting to be interested in live music but is finding out about shows after the tix have all been sold and are now $$$. Boston area if that matters.
Bandsintown is a good site, Spotify also notifies you of shows of artists you listen to nearby. I also follow all the major promoters and venues in my city on social media and I’ve signed up to their presale lists. I always get tickets for face value this way, but I’m not into radio music, though a lot of concerts I go to do sell out.
Get on the local venues’ mailing lists.
Yep. Once you buy a ticket you will be inundated with announcements. I’ve also caught wind of some events on Spotify–when I listen to an artist, sometimes an ad for a nearby concert pops up.
Follow the artists she’s interested in on IG or X; at a minimum, sign up for the artist’s mailing lists.
Set up an account on Ticketmaster; in your profile they will allow you to select acts that you’re interested in and will email you when events with them are near your area.
Echo a lot of this. My primary way is following my favorite venues on Insta. Next I also get a Ticketmaster email tailored to me, although that can be a lot of noise to scroll through frequently, so the venue on Insta definitely catches my attention more. (I’m in the Bay Area and I also get Another Planet’s emails, but I think that is Bay Area specific?). If she has one or two artists she REALLY loves it would be worth it to follow them/get on their email lists, but I personally think trying to follow all the artists she would be potentially interested in individually she will end up missing a lot and get really overwhelmed with unrelated posts and emails (sometimes I wouldn’t think of someone, but then I see them coming and am like hmm; and/or staying on top of following new artists will likely slip over time).
Sorry if this next part is obvious, but for a lot of shows you really do have to be online ready to buy at the time the tix go on sale. I put all of this on my calendar and treat it like an appointment. You usually want to join the online “waiting room” 15-30 mins ahead of time. This will likely all be when she is at school, so may fall on you or another family member. Also, for many be prepared to have to commit well in advance – Ariana’s Summer 2026 tour already goes on sale next week….
To your last question, no, I am not aware of a service that can alert you when resale tickets go below a threshold, and I’ve gone really far down that rabbit hole. I think one of the resale sites used to but had to turn it off.
*Note, if your daughter is hoping for a T Swift “Showgirl” tour she should talk to a Swiftie in the know about what she should do ahead of time to be ready for it. I think that process goes a step beyond what everyone is staying here.
Live Nation is the easiest for major tours/venues in your area. Smaller venues probably have their own lists. I have mostly bought tickets on Ticketmaster for resale. You can get deals up to a few hours before a show.
I’m hiring for a job and a lot of applicants are overqualified. It’s for a senior individual contributor role and a lot of them have led teams or had other management level roles. The job market is rough right now but should I basically think of it as these candidates are willing to take a more lower level position? Otherwise I’m concerned that they’ll get bored or want my job immediately.
I wouldn’t write them off. If you see someone intriguing, give them an interview and ask them how this role fits into their goals. Who knows, there could be a lot of managers looking to get out of management. (I am one of them. I would happily take a lower-level position at this point.)
+1
I so several people in very different industries that have done this.
As a former executive manager who recently decided to take a drastic career shift and jump on a senior individual contributor role, I can attest that they might want the job and be content with the reduced responsibility. Working as an individual contributor is a great way to learn a new organization for a few years before you get back into management. It could also be that they no longer enjoy management or want a break from it. It’s worth bringing up in an interview, but definitely don’t write them off.
Maybe they want a step back from managing people. I think it’s pretty common to realize that part of the job isn’t appealing.
Absolutely could be this. I somehow landed managing a pretty nice restaurant prior to law school and realized that I was adding to my life goals “does not manage other human beings”. Some of the applicants could have come to this later in life, for any number of reasons.
Definitely don’t write them off. Not everyone wants to manage people. I moved into an individual contributor role with current gig after more than a decade in management and couldn’t be happier. I get to do the meaningful work and feel like I’m making an impact without stressing anymore about building and adjusting the budget and hounding others about training hours or stressing about reviews. It’s actually the best place to be—I literally was saying to my mom the other day that the ideal balance is to be high on the chain but not too high. I wouldn’t change spots with my boss for anything. Get the best candidate you can and make sure you’re not bringing in personal insecurities about your own position.
I think you’d have to suss it out at the interview. Some people hate managing and like being the SME, some people are desperate for a job and will take one ‘below’ them.
I’m currently a manager and while I love my team, I would be thrilled to go back to an individual contributor role. The management role wasn’t something I sought. I think it’s fair to ask the candidates about why they are interested in an IC role, but based on my experience, I’d assume that feature is a plus, not a minus, for them.
Is it possible they got bored with the manager roles? (A lot of people find management more boring, not less!)
Director level manager here, and add me to the chorus of senior management people who would love to go back to a senior individual contributor role and would not seek a management position.
Do they include cover letters? You could get a sense for how they view the job that way (eg, as a desired step back vs desperate for a job)
I am a senior manager seeking an individual contributor role and I specifically mention this in my cover letter.
Is it a technical role? I stepped back from Executive Director level management into a senior individual contributor role because I missed using my technical expertise every day.
I might be one of those people. I’m great at what I do, but I simply don’t want to be in charge of anything. I want to make a good salary, but I don’t need to make the most that I can possibly make. Why should I not enjoy something that I’m good at without all the stress?
+1
After 7 years of being a director, I am so tired of being in charge. If I could find a position that lets me do what I enjoy and am good at, without dealing with everything else, I’d do it.
If they get bored or want your job immediately, you aren’t managing them right and using their talents. If you are lucky enough to hire one of these experienced folks with good judgment, respect that and delegate.
Okay I see the consensus about maybe they want to take a step back, be an IC. I’ll ask about it in more detail during interviews.
I know everyone hates cover letters, but this is what they’re for.
Yup. I am currently hiring for a position (not senior-level, though), and I’m sort of appalled by the quality of cover letters. Tell me SOMETHING about why this job is interesting to you and how your skills might connect. I ain’t a mind-reader, especially when their work experience doesn’t make it immediately obvious why they’d be applying to this position in particular.
Hard agree. I almost never ever get them, but value a well-written cover letter more highly than a resume.
I think everyone I’ve hired with a good cover letter has turned out to be a good employee, and nearly everyone who’s turned out to be a good employee had a good cover letter.
I also get suspicious when a candidate has a super-polished resume but submits absolute junk in the cover letter. That tells me that they’ve gotten help with their resume (like … a LOT of help), but they actually aren’t a great written communicator when left to their own devices. That’s a nonstarter for the types of positions I’m hiring for.
I’m applying now and it’s hard to decide what to do about cover letters. I notice a lot more applications that don’t even have a space to add one; and 90% of the ones that do leave it as an optional field. They are hard and slow to write for me, which I’m willing to do if it’s actually important, but I know at a lot of jobs it won’t get seen – so you have to decide if it’s worth putting in the effort for eg. a 5% chance it will be seen at all, but if you do land in that 5%, it’s for a hiring manager who cover letters are actually important to!
All that to say – if a job description said “we really value cover letters – please address which part of the role is most appealing to you!” (or any other instruction about what you want to hear about), I would take that as a clear sign that this is one of those 5% and really do it. So if you are one of those who finds cover letters useful and have any control over the jd, that might be a way to get them
This is just my perspective, but as someone who recently hired for a somewhat unusual role, I appreciated cover letters that added specific additional information that would not be apparent from a resume about why the candidate wanted the job or thought they’d be a good fit. Also, for out of state candidates, if they were already planning to relocate and why. Generic cover letters restating what’s in your resume or just giving boiler plate self-advocacy isn’t useful and worst case can be an opportunity to trip up. Especially junior applicants, it’s a chance for them to accidentally reveal they don’t know much about the industry (I expect a lack of knowledge and I’ll train you based on your skills, but if you talk about your deep knowledge while showing you think we’re X when we’re actually Y, that’s not a good look). Or it just comes off as naïve.
I agree that cover letters can be very useful, both for the applicant and the employer. It’s a chance to sell yourself before even the first interview. But so many of the cover letters I’ve gotten have been cookie butter and useless. And now they’re all ChatGPT generated.
Oh, 100% agree. The use of ChatGPT is painfully obvious.
I’m applying for jobs and realizing that many employers are using AI to screen resumes and cover letters. I’m more successful passing the AI screen if I use AI to *help* write my cover letter. I’d happily write my own cover letter that’s genuine to my voice, but it seems like AI is screening for jargon-y keywords produced by other AI. It’s really frustrating as a job searcher. It’s brutal out there.
This makes me sad … neither side benefits from this! We recently hired a direct report and it was a long and grueling process. (We were looking for something very specific and apparently less common than you’d think.) I personally reviewed every resume and cover letter we got. AI slop about how you’re a business-minded strategic advisor at the intersection of blah blah and blah working cross-functionally in dynamic team environments to deliver results is not useful information.
To be fair, I’ve been reading cover letters from “strategic, synergistic systems thinkers” and every other buzzword of the day for a long long time before LLMs came on the scene. They’re just so much longer now!
The only way to get that cover letter to your desk is to include those useless buzzwords.
I’m a DOGE-d fed and at first I hand crafted each letter over hours. But when you never ever hear back to know you weren’t selected, I have to stop treating each opportunity as bespoke. I now have chat gpt do a draft and I refine and write.. And these hidden wants are unfair to applicants . Say in the ad if you went a great cover letter (I’ve seen ads that do this) . I was just at a panel for Feds and the recruiters said they don’t even read the letters!!
Seconding this! I’m happy to spend time on a great cover letter if it’s important to the actual hiring manager; but that’s something like ~5% of jobs – it’s not worth it to customize a letter there’s a 95% chance will never get read. I would say only about half of the jobs I’ve seen in the last month have a space to add a cover letter at all – and of those, 90%+ are marked “optional”, so the overall message is pretty strongly that they’re no longer important – if you’re one of the hiring managers in the exception, tell me in the job description, and I will absolutely send you a non-chatgpt, genuinely customized letter. Don’t tell me that, and I will make the rational assumption that it’s not worth it.
Do you find that you’ve gotten more responses with your ChatGPT-drafted cover letters? I have tried both bespoke and chatGPT-assisted don’t see a difference.
I don’t ask for a cover letter but I do ask applicants to answer one cover letter style question. The answers I’ve gotten OMG. So much ChatGPT slop. It’s probs fine to use ChatGPT if you edit it enough that it doesn’t sounds so fake. But not what I’m getting. Rude responses or ones that show not much thought was put in. “NA”. And I put this question on the application, I do care about it! A lot!
You’ve gotten a lot of great confirmation that some people truly want to get away from managing.
The people who actually don’t will slip up and talk a lot about their strengths in delegating and leading teams if you let them.
I’m a senior IC. Eternally grateful I declined all management roles. Most of my management friends wish they had stayed an IC, as I did.
I would take these candidates seriously.
Lots of folks would love to get a SME type role without the headache of babysitting adults. Unfortunately, in a lot of places the only way to get raises/make a living wage is to go into management, so here we all are.
If they applied, assume they want the job they applied for.
A lot of people are applying everywhere that sounds remotely relevant, whether or not it’s actually a good fit. Seeing these applications makes me cynical. I know it’s frustrating for the job seeker, but the market is just rough right now. I also want to be careful to make a good hire for my company and have a responsibility to do so.
That’s what interviews are for.
The reason people are applying everywhere that sounds remotely relevant is that it’s impossible to get through the AI screening and all the other BS to get an interview, and it’s just as much of a cr@pshoot to apply to a job for which you are the ideal candidate as it is to apply for something that is only slightly relevant. You are searching for a needle in a haystack, so you have to grasp at every straw you can reach.
It just feels like such a broken system, on all sides.
I’ll admit that as a job seeker, I am frustrated. I’m only applying to jobs I’m actually qualified for, I have 10 years of experience and a stellar reputation among my past colleagues (although many of them have also been recently laid off), I’m willing to work in person and even relocate at my own expense, and I’m just getting crickets (even with a referral). And oh yeah, my unemployment claim has been stuck in my state’s queue for 4+ months (with no one able to tell me what is going on), and the value of my ex-CEO’s options have added millions to his net worth since he cut me, my whole team, and 100s of my other colleagues
I know this reeks of first-world problems but at some point, it just feels like…. I did everything right. I got a full scholarship, got myself to college, studied in an in-demand, technical field, worked hard and….was it worth it? I didn’t vote for DT because I’m not an idiot, but I can see how people get so frustrated they get to the political “just burn it all down” stage
Ahh I got so wrapped up in my own whinging that I forgot to add – I’m also seeing roles with 100’s of applicants within something like the first 10 minutes they’re posted…and then the job gets reposted every day for months, so I’m guessing there’s tons of spam/bad/totally unqualified junk in there. Sorting through that mess as a hiring manager must also be really frustrating!
I’m not sure if you are junior or new to hiring or managing but former managers turned high level ICs are THE BEST hires. They are capable. They’ve been in your shoes. They DGAF about taking your job. Their job is to make you look good and they do it well.
Plus, they are often excellent sounding boards.
At one point, the very senior IC who had supervised me back when I was an intern was on my team. He was the absolute best sounding board and my most valued colleague.
Question for the OP, and anyone working in recruiting/talent acquisition, would love to know: How much AI is your organization using to weed through applications, cover letters, and resumes? Adding to what another commenter already asked…if organizations are using AI to weed applicants, shouldn’t applicants be using AI to try to promote themselves and their application….with edits to adapt to their own, more natural language? Also….wanting to take a lower level position isn’t a bad thing!
Any recommendations for a very small two-tone watch that could layer with bracelets? I am getting the promotion I’ve been after for years and want to celebrate. My budget is probably $300-400. Thanks so much for any recommendations!
Check out Jomashop, maybe Citizen, Bulova, Seiko. They are discounted discontinued models.
I recommend the Skagen (Denmark) brand. It’s a bit below your price point (looks like they’re having a 25% off sale). Maybe one of the slim styles with a rectangular face would look nice with your bracelets?
I loooove my two-tone watch! What bracelets are you planning to wear with it? Here are some watch ideas …
https://www.toryburch.com/en-us/watches/strap-watches/mini-kira-watch/TBW6027.html?color=000
https://www.skagen.com/en-us/products/hagen-micro-two-hand-two-tone-stainless-steel-watch/SKW3155.html
https://www.coach.com/products/cadie-watch-175-mm-x-285-mm/CN378.html?frp=CN378+TT+++WMN
Thank you all, this is so helpful!! I have a few Yurman bangles and a few beaded bracelets that popped on over the course of the summer. These look lovely!
Check out Tissot – maybe the Classic Dream 28 mm? List price is $375, and there are also other two-tone Tissot options in your price range. Bloomingdales carries a bunch of them if you have Loyalist rewards points to use.
A recommendation for my fellow perimenopausal women. I was influenced to buy a Third Love cooling bra. I think it’s a new line for them? Anyway, I really like it. No underwire that makes me hate my life, while still providing decent shaping. And the fabric is legit.
Thanks for this – I already love Third Love, but didn’t realize they had a cooling line. Definitely investigating.
There is a house in our price point, in the neighborhood we love, with great schools, and it checks all the boxes of what we were looking for in a house. The only issue is that it is 1980s modern and my design style is traditional. I could add traditional elements (change the tile, paint colors, redo the kitchen, etc.) to make it match my taste but I feel like I would be fighting the bones of the place. Would you buy it or not?
Personally I would go full in on 80s. Every era of design has good and bad. I believe in working with a house not against it.
I agree. Houses look “dated” when you put in currently popular finishes without regard to the era of a house. 80s finishes in a 50s house = dated. 80s finishes in an 80s house = maybe not super current but at least all of a piece. I feel like “location, location, location” is a cliche for a reason. I’d go for it and make it the best looking 80s house on the block.
I agree, but I bet the traditional taste will come through in furnishings one way or another, and that this can be done in a way that actually works.
I think that’s right.
Depends entirely on the market and what’s your alternative. Is something that meets your other requirements a once-in-a-few years thing? Or does it come up one a month?
I would, but I would see this as a fun challenge. Don’t do it if it’s going to make you crazy. I’m coming at this with the opposite experience but it’s been a really good one for me. My taste is more modern/eclectic, but my house is a very traditional center hall colonial. I’ve actually really enjoyed bringing my taste into the context of its bones, trying different things to see what works, etc. etc.
How often do houses go for sale in your price point there? If you can embrace marrying the two styles, rather than fighting the modern, I’d do it. There’s a lot of design advice out there about how to blend distinct styles, and as long as you’re intentional (and stick to two) it can actually make your rooms more interesting and layered! But I’d look at some inspo images and dig into it a little, rather than assuming you can just completely change X Y and Z and have it look fine
Yes, but it’s because I think that every choice is a compromise choice and here it’s just one issue. A clean and tidy house is a nice house (vs a cluttered and messy house of any style), IMO. Currently living in a Frankenhouse that just has a lot of problems, so even if it were perfectly my style, it has mice in the walls that I can hear sometimes and the yard is a wreck. But the schools are pretty good and it’s close to work and I can walk to some restaurants and I can afford it. At the end of the day, it’s not bad, and that’s pretty good.
IDK, I feel like that is a big leap, style-wise. I probably wouldn’t do it, but it depends on how badly you want to be in that neighborhood!
How often do houses that check all of your boxes come on the market? If houses in your price range, in the ideal neighborhood, with all the items you want rarely come in the market (like 1 or 2 a year, at most), I would make an offer. But if your price range is pretty normal for your ideal neighborhood, I would wait for the next one.
I am not a style person and I would do it. The idea of even asking this question would never occur to me. It might go in the con column but it would just be something I had to deal with to get almost everything else I want in a house.
I guess you could always tear it down and start over. I would definitely watch your HGTV show
This is how I feel, but also the reason I hesitate to tell OP to buy. That this is a big enough concern to post makes me think it is going to be something OP mentally fights with constantly.
There is a house on my street that just sold for $1.7M (it’s the biggest on a street of more modest but nice homes). It was a little dated, but neutral and unoffensive. As soon as the sale went through an army of tradespeople descended on the place, filling dumpsters, clearing mature trees, fully painting the outside, doors, and trim, etc.
They also put a fence around the entire thing (none of the other 40 houses has a front yard fence) and an INTERCOM in the driveway in front of the gate.
The speed with which they moved made me think it was a flip, but no, I guess the owners are just impatient! I don’t understand why people don’t live with things for a bit to figure out the best way to update or configure the space, and get a sense for the natural rhythms of a house.
I am being judgy, but the fence thing in particular is so incongruous with the neighborhood and seems to send an “exclusive” message that I can’t help it. And I’ve seen no animals or children or anyone in the yard at all.
So, don’t be those people.
How dare people move into their home quickly! How dare there be no children!
Get over yourself and bring banana bread to your new neighbors.
Tree canopy is a big, big deal where I live. People who don’t want to do their part to maintain mature trees ruin the neighborhood a little for everyone.
If you know what you want, it makes sense to remodel before you move in. Who wants to pay to move all your furniture in and then pay again to remove it and for a hotel so that you can refinish the floors?
It’s a lot easier to do all that before you’ve moved in. I don’t see the issue?
Omg when are you supposed to renovate? While you’re already living there and everything is 1,000 times harder? Sorry you don’t like your new neighbors, but they did nothing wrong.
After a year of living in my house, I changed my mind about 70% of what I initially thought I wanted to do. Sometimes the decisions that were made make sense in ways that are hard to intuit immediately if our preferences were formed in other contexts.
Yep, it is rather standard advice to live with a space for a while before doing major updates because this always happens. It seems a little…particular/high maintenance…if you are dropping tons of money because you need to update RIGHT AWAY
Ok, that still makes it an insane reason to hate your neighbors.
That sounds like a you problem, though.
Maybe? Waiting a year was the advice I received from every expert I consulted at the time, because they said that this experience was typical. So it could be relevant to OP.
A lot of people don’t really know what they want. It sucks to spend a lot of money and then regret it.
Guys, I’m owning my judgement. And sorry I can’t bring banana bread because of the locked gate (which is really what’s rubbing me the wrong way here)
Also, and how I’m relating it to the OP, it was painted to look like one of those huge, trendy white and black mega mansions (the WSJ or maybe the NYT had a whole feature on the phenomenon). Like they took a house with character and made it bland. I know MY ISSUE but I do side eye this push for sterile grandiosity
I feel bad for all the people who painted brick for a trend, not realizing how bad it is for the brick.
This happened to a 1909 craftsman in my neighborhood. They tore out all traces of character and original woodwork (old growth wainscoting and beams) and made it a black, white, and gray Home Depot special. They tore out internal walls too so it’s an “open concept” space, which means the kitchen is in the living room and makes no sense.
I totally get the judgement about the locked gate…and I also have one. :) And we’re the only ones in our neighborhood who have a gate…..and we’ve been the first ones in the neighborhood to fence in our property in two homes. :D We have a 8 acres, and if we didn’t fence/gate the entire property this time, we would have not fenced over 3/4 of our property because the house sits so far back, and once the property is outside of the fence you use it way less. So the whole dang thing is fenced in with a gate. Primarily it’s because of our dogs and ease of mind letting them out. It just helps us enjoy our property more fully and relax in our home, it’s really not about the neighbors.
I felt super guilty when we first moved in and were the first ones in the neighborhood to put up a fence. No gate that time – we just did the large backyard that was previously open to the other neighbors backyard. Then one set of neighbors told us how happy they were because they didn’t have to worry about the kids running across our backyard into their backyard anymore (it was all so open), and also didn’t have worry about the dogs. We have very good well trained dogs (golden retrievers), but dogs are dogs and they just do better with a clearly defined area. Now when I drive through that area most of the neighbors have fenced in backyards.
That’s why I mentioned the no animals and kids, because I can see how a fence makes life easier in those cases. They may have a reason I don’t know about, of course, and it’s not up to me…but the optics of being the biggest house in the neighborhood and then immediately barricading yourself off is what’s getting to me
To be honest, some of the newish gate and fence combos in my neighborhood really irritate me. The designs are super unfriendly – locked gates without bells or intercoms, full-coverage fences with high plants in back of them, etc. It’s a very safe neighborhood with mild foot traffic. It just screams, “I never want to get to know my neighbors or interact with others.”
I think that’s what the intercom is for, to get in the locked gate? :)
They don’t want your banana bread!
I get it, OP. It happens in my neighborhood all the time and it bugs me, too.
I would buy it. We basically did this two years ago. My style is simple and modern, bordering on bare. We found a very traditional-style house that checked all the boxes that youv’e described. We bought the house and left a house whose design I loved but the space wasn’t right for us anymore. I’m so happy we made the move even though I don’t love the new home’s interior.
Yes, and I’d just decorate it traditionally. I think he concern about these things is overblown in a not so defining house. Like a MCM home, much harder. An 80s or 90s box? Easy.
What is the market like? In some places that’s the best you’ll do. How horrendously ’80s are the floor plan and built-in elements (windows, doors, etc.), and how major are you willing and able to go on the reno?
I’d explore the possibility of leaning into the bones of a place in a way that still lets me blend in my own style. Some of the interiors I enjoy most in magazines like Architectural Digest or House & Garden come from this kind of style challenge.
I like this! It’s true. Some of my favorite things in my house were the result of compromises based on what already existed. I’m currently in my office, which is just a skylight-lit room under the eves. It’s so cozy and peaceful but I never would have designed it this way.
My neighbors have an 80s modern home that the painted charcoal gray. It looks really chic to my eye and it frames their gorgeous Japanese maple perfectly.
If I was op I’d probably be doing a deep dive on 80s contemporary homes to see if there was an aesthetic I could envision adopting. I think a lot of us gravitate towards traditional, and it’s certainly trending, but nearly every house style has its charms and advantages. Contemporary layouts, in my humble opinion, often work really well for kids and entertaining.
I would do it but my personal style is quite eclectic – ordinary antiques mixed with a few fine antiques mixed with Restoration Hardware mixed with IKEA plus lots of books and plants. I’ve lived in mid-1800’s house, Victorian house, art deco era condo, 1920’s bungalow, 80’s house and now, my least favorite, 90’s house. My friends joke that everywhere I live looks about the same, and they’re not wrong.
My one concern about *some* 1980s houses is that they can have a really cramped, weird layout. Consider the size of the bedrooms, the flow, the light you have, etc.
If the actual floor plan is reasonable, buy it. Tile is cosmetic.
I bought a house built in 1980 about 15 years ago. I never would have chosen it, but it was a way to get into the neighborhood we had been eyeing. It has turned out to be such a fun house! We lived there for about a year before we made changes and, honestly, we’ve done less than originally anticipated and instead leaned into the bones of the house. We have no plans to move and people often comment on what a “cool” house it is. So, my vote is to go for it–you’ll be surprised at how well your taste can be incorporated into a house you’re not entirely sold on.
Don’t do it if you want to make it Tuscan or something. You have to lean in to and work with the existing style rather than trying to erase it.
My dad (recent widower) still wears his wedding ring. He has arthritis and I don’t think that the ring will come off and it looks like he has some skin issues below it at the edge. I think we’ll need to get it cut off to see what is going on with the skin. Is that a medical call or a “go to a jeweler” issue? Google says it anything from go to the ER or fire department or a doctor (which kind)? I’m sure once the ring (gold) is cut off, we can re-size it at a jeweler, but I’ve never done that before.
I had to have my wedding band cut off and the jeweler did it. They have a special blade they slip between the finger and ring and cut it. I think the ER/fire department is if your finger is like turning blue
If you Youtube it, there are some tricks to getting them off before resorting to cutting it off. Get a couple different types of wide elastic and try compressing the tissue down with that and wiggling it off. If you do it VERY hard (and obviously only for a few seconds), sometimes that will work.
Does he think there are skin issues? I’d see a dermatologist before telling your elderly father he needs to get his wedding ring cut off.
This! I am going to anonymously admit that I have this veterinary ointment, Tritop, prescribed for my dog, that is the family go-to for anything to do with funky skin under a ring. Clears it right up. I am also going to recommend that your father see a Derm and not use the pet’s meds.
I love this.
If the skin issue is an Emergency then yes ER but you wouldn’t be posting here about that. Does the skin issue bother him? If not, just point it out at the next doctor appointment and let them see it.
The ER is able to cut through rings if needed – my ex-FIL got stung or bit or something on a family vacation and needed his ring cut off at the ER. But the 2 situations are not the same
A skin issue he has been living with is not an ER issue. A heart attack, broken bones, being unable to breathe, etc, are emergencies. This is not. See a jeweler or dermatologist. Or his PCP.
I had a ring cut off, too, when my fingers swelled from a medical issue (and I wish I’d been more proactive about it). My finger wasn’t turning blue, but I definitely couldn’t get it off over my knuckle, and when I tried (oil, soap, ice), my finger would start throbbing and swell up even worse.
I went to my local fire department, who said a doctor does it. I went to a walk in clinic, who couldn’t do it, and they directed me to the ER. The ER got me right in and out. It felt a little embarrassing. They used a little tool that slipped under the ring to protect my finger and then had a rotating saw similar to a pizza cutter.
Your local jeweler (not a chain store) will be your best option. We had to do something similar for my mom. They will cut it in a way that makes their life easier to resize it.
Once when I was very stressed out, I put my wedding band and engagement ring on my right hand instead of my lefts, and couldn’t get my rings off.
The urgent care was able to cut them off, and I got triaged to the head of the line because my finger was a bit pink. My engagement ring and band are platinum, so they had to get a fancy saw from another urgent care in the network, but if they had been gold, it would have taken just a few minutes. It was embarrassing but now it’s a funny story.
I need to know if anyone else is following two separate but equally intriguing GenX women internet dramas that unfolded over the last few weeks.
1. The Elizabeth Gilbert new book excerpts in The Cut and The Guardian (and Jia Tolentino’s review in The New Yorker)… including the one where she ADMITS TO TRYING TO KILL HER FORMER PARTNER. I could not look away, but it’s all so insane. Gilbert is a great writer, but she also seems like a drama addict who lives her life for content. I cannot understand why she didn’t save these thoughts for her journal or her therapist, but I guess everyone is talking about it, which is probably the point?!
2. The dissolution of the Everything Is Fine podcast, a podcast for women over 40. After four years of recording pretty much every week, the podcast abruptly went on hiatus in May without explanation. Over the summer, Jenn began her own new podcast in which she interviewed many of the same guests she and Kim used to interview together on EIF. This week Jenn posted on her Substack that she’s leaving the podcast and alluded to drama and heartbreak. She made no mention of Kim, nor did she thank Kim. Kim has continued to post fashion content on her Substack all summer without mentioning the pod or Jenn.
THEN I see the news that Kim’s husband has been accused of horrible things by over 60 of his former students, including an inappropriate relationship with a teen. I’m assuming this is what caused the podcast to end, and maybe the friendship with Jenn?! It’s all so awful. Kim met him when she was in her late 50s after a long spell of being single and they became exclusive immediately. She seemed very happy and in love.
Anyway, these are the rabbit holes I’ve been going down this week. Anyone else?
Elizabeth Gilbert is not my kind of person. I felt it in Eat Pray Love and haven’t ever gotten over my poor impression of her.
Woooow. Her whole story was about the journey to connection and personal enlightenment, but I think she was just young, privileged, and lucky. Now she is old, desperate, and causing (more) harm to loved ones?! What about living a life of quiet dignity and care for others? Why the need to self-broadcast?
Same. Eat Pray Love rubbed me the wrong way and the latest story is just giving me all the icks.
I am familiar with none of this, but here for the tea on a Thursday morning. Drama addict is a good descriptor (possibly also codependent?)
Haha same! Thanks for sharing OP!
Re Gilbert- Wait what? I’m out of the loop but I thought the story was her friend was terminally ill and she left her partner to be with the friend? Probably an unpopular opinion but I get kind of annoyed when I see people frame leaving a committed relationship and breaking up families to be with someone else, usually of a different gender, as this super brave act. It’s rebranded selfishness in my head. Who was the other self help person who left her husband for a woman and congratulated herself for it?
That’s the beginning of the story! The new couple was enjoying a bunch of YOLO extravagance until the ill friend’s friends persuaded her to try chemo / the illness got worse. Then it was no fun anymore.
Whoa! She’s really…not my kind of person.
Yes, I just read the excerpt in the Guardian. I think it’s brave to admit that it all went to heck. Eat, Pray, Love ended on such a positive note — this is not that. It does indeed seem romantic to discover you’re in love with your best friend and move mountains (divorce) to make a relationship happen knowing death is imminent. But this wasn’t the stuff of fairy tales. I don’t find Elizabeth Gilbert particularly likeable but I do find her to be a good writer and forthcoming, so maybe I will read her book. It’s interesting to see a different perspective.
I kind of see your perspective, but sick and disabled people hear too much about how people want them to be dead already at baseline, let alone terminally ill people and people with addictions. I guess she is telling her side of the story so it makes sense to focus on her feelings. The New Yorker piece about the sort of person who is always reaching another epiphany seemed fair.
Anyone have a link to the New Yorker article that gets you past the paywall?
https://archive.ph/Z5UZB
Here you go!
@1:42: thank you!
I think a memoirist should attempt to answer the question “so what, why are you telling me this?” And her search for “another epiphany” does this … though it’s true it’s a constant cycle, such is life. I don’t quite believe she really achieves something with each epiphany though (other than the will to go on after processing her experience) — maybe that’s where the problem lies? But life is a constant search for meaning.
+ 100
I had the exact same reaction – wait what?? I just read the Jia Tolentino New Yorker review – wow. The entire Raaya saga seems unhinged.
Holly – I think you’re thinking of Glennon Doyle. She’s good friends with Elizabeth Gilbert. I go in and out of listening to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, and have gotten good stuff out of it, so I have a soft spot for the group. Glennon met Abby Wambach and immediately fell in love while promoting a book about saving her marriage (Love Warrior). Then she wrote Untamed after she left her husband to be with Abby. If you read Love Warrior with the knowledge of what comes next, I don’t even think it’s that surprising – the marriage was very much not a good marriage. She came out of the Christian community so I find it believable that she was closeted even to herself, which caused an undercurrent of continuous problems in her first marriage.
I actually find Glennon’s story to be believable, too, based on her upbringing and background. While I don’t condone leaving spouses for the newest person out there, that was a truly bad marriage.
I liked Glennon’s anecdote about telling the marriage counselor she didn’t want to ahem with her husband after he cheated on her, and the marriage counselor suggested mouth instead. G was like, what am I doing here?
Having ended a 20 year marriage where we saw 5 different marriage counselors… that rings true.
Yes!!! Thank you! Exactly who I was thinking of! I wrote below that maybe I missed some of the context or maybe I’m misremembering but it struck me like she was married with kids and just found someone she liked better and made it a memoir about how brave she is. I’m not a huge fan of staying in bad marriages but it didn’t seem like something to be proud of.
If you’ve only read Untamed (I think a lot of people did because that was really popular) I totally see how you get there. I was familiar with her before because my bff really liked Love Warrior. There are good things for sure, but there’s just something off about Love Warrior – she was REALLY TRYING with a lot of effort to be happy, and Love Warrior was the evidence – I think she thought that it was hard because marriage is just hard, so she became a love warrior to save her marriage. I didn’t relate to that, since my relationship and marriage feels like one of the most natural easy things in my life, even after 20+ years of being together. So when she announced the divorce and Abby and everything, I was like – oh yes, that makes sense. It appears that her marriage with Abby is loads more easeful than her first marriage was.
You’re probably thinking of Glennon Doyle!
No it was Elizabeth Gilbert too. It started with her leaving her husband for Raya soon after Raya got diagnosed.
The original post on this thread asked about which other self-help guru left her husband for a woman — that’s Glennon Doyle. Both Glennon and Elizabeth Gilbert did this.
Yes!!! I only read untamed and maybe I was missing context but that’s who I was thinking of! I generally have all props in the world for people coming out or for people leaving bad relationships. And seems like it worked out for her but I personally thought she just found a person she liked better and blew up her family over it and decided she was super brave. Kind of like if your friend’s husband decides he’ll just never live authentically without a woman half his age then congratulates himself on being so brave and honest.
Naaaah, Glennon was the primary parent and trapped in forced cis het. No midlife crisis man is ever at such a social power disadvantage.
Fair point. But she didn’t leave until she found someone better which still gives me the ick.
Glennon Doyle.
Omg this is what I come here for. Thank you
Oh I’ve been dying to know what’s up with EIF, any links? I loved that podcast and it seemed to very abruptly halt.
OMG, I had no idea about Kim – that is terrible! I never listened to the podcast, or frankly bought any of her fashion recs, but I have a soft spot for her due to my enduring love for Sassy. Where did you see this info about her husband?
https://airmail.news/issues/2025-5-3/the-real-school-of-rock
https://www.inquirer.com/news/school-of-rock-paul-green-sexual-misconduct-accusations-20250808.html
https://www.inquirer.com/news/philadelphia/paul-green-school-of-rock-academy-closure-sexual-allegations-pennsylvania-20250807.html
Do you have a gift link? I can’t access any of these stories.
I started watching AJLT and it’s baffling how every character is a a buffoon now. I think the writers have finally made SATC fans dislike Aidan. The spark of the original show is far gone, sadly.
Yeah, overdone. The last season got a little bit better / more comfortable. But yeah. Their time is past.
ooh wait any links to the Elizabeth Gilbert tea? I haven’t been keeping up but I’m very intrigued.
This is free and available,
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/aug/30/eat-pray-love-author-elizabeth-gilbert-leaving-marriage-dying-friend
I could hardly read this piece. It’s so self-involved and out of control! It is sad to write about your partner dying and depict them as a total monster. When my family member was ill, he also became paranoid and had delusions because of his illness. I’m sure the last years of people’s lives are often fraught with relationship tension and the darkness is very real, but to show all that to the world and taint her partner’s public perception is selfish! Also, now everyone know you plotted to kill someone!! Not smart.
+100 she seems like a horrible person. I suddenly feel the irrational need to make sure everyone I love avoids a relationship with Elizabeth Gilbert.
I really wish I hadn’t read that. Awful.
Is EG saying at the end that she has been free of her ‘addiction’ to love / idealized partnership / Rayya since Rayya’s death?
It reminds me of the “I’m Glad My Mom is Dead” memoir by McCurdy. Just terrible all around. No winners.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/aug/30/eat-pray-love-author-elizabeth-gilbert-leaving-marriage-dying-friend
Omg I was wondering what happened to EIF. That is awful.
I definitely recommend Rayya’s memoir if you’re into this story.
I’m attending an all-day event at a large investment bank in NY for private wealth clients. The event is focused on philanthropy and in addition to keynotes and panels, there will be lunch and cocktail hour where attendees mingle.
Thoughts on what to wear? It says business casual. We’re new to this world and I want to look sophisticated and current, but not flashy. I ordered a chambray-type blazer and matching pants from Veronica Beard that were on sale, but don’t love the fit so am going to return. If you have specific suggestions that I can get delivered in the next few days, I’m all ears! Busty size 6/8, late 30s.
Which are you: client, bank, or philanthropy org?
client
I think you have the most flex here, and I’d anticipate the clients to largely wear a version of what they wear daily. I’m sure you’ll see a wide range of attire; I think going with “what I wear day-to-day, but nicer” is a safe bet.
This sounds really interesting! Let us know how it goes. I was interested in last week’s discussion about charitable donations and personal philanthropy.
Is the event soon? In my mind, chambray is summery, so I probably wouldn’t go with that again. I probably would wear navy pants, print silky shirt, and blazer that I could take off if others are more casual.
Yes, it’s next week, and good point about chambray (though it’s still in high 70s/low 80s on the East Coast). Navy sounds right, and it’s versatile so I’m sure I’ll get plenty of future wear out of it.
I’m excited for the event! There will be lots of nonprofits there to talk about their work and make a pitch to attendees and I’m hoping we’ll get lots of insight into how to think about making the biggest impact.
Definitely a blazer. With this crowd, I’d do it with a skirt or dress. Heels.
I would not wear heels as a client in this situation unless you’re a diehard heels person. It’s NYC in 2025 and the person is the one that *has* the money — no need for heels.
+1
My parents went through a phrase of trialing a lot of mutual funds with small investments. All were held as JTWROS. It is fascinating how different each fund handles these. They likely thought that when one died, the surviving spouse or executor shows them the death certificate and that name is removed. And then compare that to how it works with real estate (so painless in their state), a bank account, and cars (OMG the devil! Never own a car jointly. If I could see the future, I’d only title it solely in the name of the spouse who will survive the other and then be sure to sell it prior to dying).
My state allows the owner of a car to provide for a transfer of title upon death by filing a form and paying a very minimal fee. It’s a great tool to simplify.
I have a fit question. I am a fan of stretch blazers for comfort reasons. A size large fits well in the shoulders and arms. I can’t button it, though, without straining the fabric. An extra-large fits better through the stomach area, but it looks sloppy in the shoulders and arms. I should stick with the large and just wear it open, right? I feel like the fit of a large can’t be too bad, as a stranger actually stopped me in the store and said how great it looked.
Yes I always leave blazers open because of exactly this problem. I think it looks fine.
+2. Get it to fit across the shoulders.
I think you need a different brand blazer or commit to having the larger one altered. It’s always obvious to me when a blazer cannot be buttoned and it looks obviously too small.
This is a wicked alteration to have done.
Once a Nordstrom stylist told me that blazers for women aren’t really meant to be buttoned – don’t plan on buttoning it.
This. I don’t think I’ve worn a jacket buttoned since those ’90s outfits that were a jacket with a skirt and collar made of matching printed fabric.
Yes, keep the large, keep it unbuttoned.
Shoulder fit is the most important fit in terms of a garment actually looking like yours, and not borrowed from somebody a different size.
Oversize shoulder fit can work well, but then the whole blazer needs to look intentionally oversized, not just too big shoulders.
This is dumb but I was having a bad day yesterday (lots of things trying my patience) and I was a little short with a coworker. She was asking me questions about things that are not my purview and I basically told her she needs to figure it out herself. Now I feel bad but…lord beer me strength. Should I say something to her now or move on?
What is the drawback of saying something casually? “Hi — I’m sorry if I was a bit short with you yesterday. My patience had worn thin.” And then leave it.
+1 do this. No need to be extensive or explain extensively, but you’ll feel better if you clear the air.
I like this.
Did you say “I think you need to figure this stuff out yourself” or “god, are you really too stupid to figure this stuff out yourself?” You don’t need to apologize for the former if it’s true and you were not openly hostile in saying it.
I’d probably make it dependent on the coworker. Some are task oriented, and they would just roll with it and think ‘she must be having a crap day’s, as would I personally. But I also work with many relationship oriented people, and they would absolutely need a little chat to clear the air and make sure that we are good. If you skip it with them, they’re not going to be able to move on and focus on the work.
Just different strokes for different folks.
In a dual-income household, how do you decide what is a good amount in an emergency fund? My fiancé & I are merging finances and realized that we likely don’t need as much in cash as we did when we were both on our own – we could largely sustain our life (with minor, not painful cuts) if one of us lost our job. I lean toward keeping ~3 months of bare bones expenses in cash and investing the rest? It just doesn’t make sense to me to keep more, but I could be missing something.
No kids, no debt other than a low-interest mortgage one of us could cover if needed on our own, family in a position to help if we asked. Very stable job (him), relatively stable, would have lots of notice before losing it job (me).
6 months full expenses. I know people will think this is excessive but it does take a long time to find another job in today’s market. Plus, what people often don’t fully account for is that realistically, most people emotionally struggle to go down to “bare bones essentials” in the event of a job loss, family emergency, health crisis, etc. Those can have such a strong emotional tole that immediately buckling down and cutting out all treats can be incredibly difficult (not to mention for some emergencies, costs could skyrocket).
+100. i agree with 6 months
I think what I struggle with here is that it’s extraordinarily unlikely we’d both lose our job, and one job can cover ~90% of our expenses without any cuts, so it seems really conservative to me
I think you need 6+ months in reasonably accessible funds, but a non-retirement investment account is reasonably accessible funds. You can choose your own risk allocation for the 6 months.
As a divorced person – my husband and I each have an emergency fund (and other separate accounts) in addition to the joint household checking account, and each of us keeps 6 months of our half of living expenses in that fund.
I’m not looking for anything to go wrong – but after my ex husband made divison of assets so painful, I’m not comfortable having all the emergency cash be joint, or not having enough to cover myself in an emergency.
This times 1000. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. When I divorced I really wished I’d had more cash on hand.
In cash, though? We have 2-3 months in cash and like 100+ months in non-retirement investments. Even if the market crashes, it will be fine if we need to liquidate some cash at a loss.
Yeah – I’m specifically asking in cash. Non-retirement liquid investments the goal is like 100s of months.
Yeah, so I’m with you on this. But I have a high risk tolerance and no emotional issues with selling off investments as needed, even if it’s at a loss.
6 months
I know it’s thinking about what you don’t want to imagine, but what if you break up with your beau after one of you has lost your job? Will 3 months be enough?
Things I consider: how good are you at cutting back? How will it affect you psychologically? How quickly do you think it would take to get a new job after a loss? Your partner? Do you have any health conditions? How likely is it for both you and your partner to lose your jobs? What’s your stance on taking a “to get by” job? After I weigh those factors for me and my family, my minimum safety net is 4 months full expenses. But right now I’m also trying to save up a down payment, so we’ve got more than that in the bank and would be willing to use it if crap hits the fan.
We have kids and have 6 months of very bare bones living expenses- basically mortgage payments and utilities.
We also have several hundred thousand in money market funds. If we need to dip into that we will have notice.
I consult and can pick up hours/work if needed. We can live off DH’s salary if I lost all
My hours.
Money market funds are cash, and these days still have a nice rate.
Curious why you keep so much in money market funds. Are you saving for a downpayment? Not saying its wrong in this somewhat destabilizing economy.
That was my post and my brain was in Friday mode! Mutual funds, not money market!!
Unpopular opinion here, but if you could sustain your life on one income, I don’t think you need a massive emergency fund. Unless you both have fairly volatile jobs, the risk of losing two at once is extremely low.
The honest answer for me is that it fluctuates. In an ideal world I’d like to keep $20k in a HYSA. In reality, my husband is a college professor who often doesn’t get paid over the summer break so we tend to fill up the account in February-April with our tax refund and our lowest spending months, and often drain it down from June to August when he doesn’t have a paycheck coming in. Right now we have like $3k in there. It’s not great, but also as a tenured prof at a top school his job security is about as good as it gets. Because we’re in higher ed we also both have retirement accounts (457s) we can access without penalty upon separation from the university, so that’s another form of emergency fund.
I think I generally agree with this, but appreciate the counsel from other posters to be more conservative. I think we’ll likely land on smaller (cash) emergency fund and larger (investment) emergency fund that is invested conservatively.
We have more of a slush fund than an untouchable emergency fund, it gets built up and then invested or used for house projects and vacations. The lowest I let it get is 3 months, the highest is about 6 months expenses (not income!) unless I know there is a planned major expense.
There is also the backstop of taxable investments which could be sold at a loss for a true catastrophe.
Since you say fiance, will you also have a large wedding planning fund in cash?
Our parents are largely paying for our wedding, and the few things we’re paying for, we’re just cash-flowing (longer engagement)
Anyone helping their parents navigate Medicare? Mom is 70, has diabetes, a few strokes, “bad teeth”(her words). I think she has 2 dental plans (Ameritas, American-Amicabl), and then pays monthly to Bakers Assurance and AetnaAccendo. I don’t know what these are, she’s confused too. I’m just pulling this from her bank statements. How do I even figure this all out? I know she should look at her part D plan every year, where do I get that figured out? She is constantly in the red. Should I get her mail forwarded to me?
Like someone else said the other day on elder care, there’s no handbook – you have to just figure it out yourself. Call the companies, find out what plans your mom’s enrolled in, etc. Open enrollment starts in October and runs through early December, so now’s a great time to be getting a handle on things. Good luck!
Btw, there are plenty of good Medicare Part D (Medicare Advantage) plans that don’t have monthly premiums. Premiums do not equal good coverage – I’ve looked at plans more than once and wondered who would ever pay for that coverage. Definitely look into premium-free plans for 2026 to help her finances. The shopping tool on Medicare dot gov is your best bet.
Part D is prescription not Medicare Advantage.
You’re right! My bad! Part C is Medicare Advantage, Part D is prescription.
She needs Medicare A and B. A supplement plan to pay the 20% that Medicare doesn’t cover, G and N are the most common and affordable) And a part D plan. She can get a vision and dental supplement as well but most of those are expensive and don’t cover much. It might be worth a call to a broker to find out what she has and to find decent plans in her zip code.
who came up with such a confusing system? health insurance in the U.S. has got to be one of the most complicated things, that even makes it hard for well-educated, savvy people to compare plans, etc.
I’ve said this so many times. She had trouble understanding things like this 30 years ago before the strokes! The woman didn’t get her insulin a while back because she thought it would be $100, but it was actually $0 due to a new Biden law. great, but like budgeting for all this on a fixed income is a nightmare.
I think the only reason we refer to these as “parts” is that those are the the sections of the Social Security Act IIRC. I’m not sure that was intentional, but it’s like how we talk about 504s even though that’s also really opaque language.
And then wasn’t it Bill Clinton who created the opportunities for for-profit private companies to participate and complicate things further?
For figuring out advantage plans, “Boomer Benefits” has a good reputation and has a Facebook group. It’s objectively confusing though!
They do supplement plans as well! Just reading their Facebook group is educational.
thank you!
Is she open to your help and has she given you POA? If you’re close enough to where she lives, maybe she can have a basket of mail for you to review regularly so you don’t need it forwarded?
The Medicare.gov website is surprisingly good. For me, step 1 is to understand if she has Traditional Medicare or a Medicare Advantage plan. If she has Traditional Medicare, then her dental insurance is on her own and may explain the other plans. Then you can research if she needs both (e.g. review dental bills/claims, call dentist for treatment plans & cost estimates under various scenarios of coverage). If she has Medicare Advantage, some plans have dental coverage so she might not need the others, or at least both. If she has Traditional Medicare, she likely has (or should have) as supplementary policy for healthcare. The Medicare website has good plan comparison tools so you can be more ready for the open enrollment. You’ll need to know her medications and such.
Good luck – this is all tedious but it’s great you’re helping her.
Before you pick any Medicare plan for her, assemble a list of her doctors and all of the prescriptions she takes. That is tedious but will make all subsequent steps much easier. Good luck!
You have some time to figure it all out, since she likely can’t make changes until the Medicare open enrollment period, which runs from October 15 through December 7. Any changes made will be effective January 1.
Two dental plans sounds wasteful, since they probably don’t work together to cover expenses. Aetna Accendo is a Medicare supplement, so she has traditional Medicare and Aetna secondary. It’s likely that Baker’s is her Medicare part D (prescription drug) plan.
If you have access, try to look at what she’s paying in premiums for all these plans and what they are covering. Traditional Medicare + a supplement is generally more expensive than managed Medicare (called part C or Medicare “advantage”), but also simplifies access, since the part C plans require the patient to stay in network and obtain pre-authorization for many services. Once you have a handle on all that, you can look at options. For help, contact her state health insurance assistance program, which can be found at shiphelp.org.
thank you so much.
Check your state elder agency for navigators around open enrollment. They were helpful for me. I personally stuck with traditional Medicare and then supplemented.
I never used to mix metals, but I just got engaged and my ring (which I adore!!) is yellow gold, which I chose to match a yellow gold family wedding band that I’ll be using when we get married. “Problem” is, I don’t wear that much jewelry, but my favorite Apple Watch band is silver. The mismatch is bugging me and I’m thinking of trying to find a gold watch band I like to match. Is this silly? How much do you coordinate your ring with the rest of your jewelry, especially the stuff on your left wrist? It’s bugging me more than I think it should.
This isn’t OCD at all
Come on. Be better.
No we really need to stop calling quirks serious medical diagnoses. I wish OCD was just caring that your metals match
Yeah, exactly. Don’t do this.
Would you consider having both rings plated in platinum? I look terrible in yellow gold and have done this with several pieces of jewlery.
Otherwise, this wouldn’t bother me at all because I like mixed metals, and my watchband is yellow gold and stainless.
I mix metals all the time, but if it bugs you it bugs you. It sounds like getting a gold Apple watch band would be a pretty straightforward.
YMMV, but I got a rolling ring made for my right hand that has yellow, white, and rose gold as the three bands and that has solved this issue for me.
Mixed metal isn’t a faux pas anymore! Search online for how to make it look harmonious.
My philosophy is “all metals are neutrals and all neutrals go together.” But if it bugs you, get yourself a gold watch band!
I’d get a mixed metal Apple watchband, and not worry about mixing metals.
Look for bridge pieces that have both colors. You can probably find an Apple watch band with gold and silver, or could look for a left hand bracelet with both colors.
Where would you go for a 1 week vacation in Jan/feb with 2 adults and 2 elementary kids.
We are in the NE, and it just gets depressing around that time of year. I’d like to plan something to look forward to!
Honestly, Disney. It will be warm and sunny, your kids are great ages, and that’s a less crowded time of year. Most schools don’t give a full week off those months.
A Disney cruise would be even better!
Turks and Caicos!
It’s a great time of year for the entire Caribbean. The prices are so much lower than in December and March/April and the weather is fantastic.
My favorite Caribbean islands are St. Martin, St. Lucia and the USVIs/BVIs but it depends on what you’re into. I personally tend to think Turks is a little overhyped. The beaches are good but there are good beaches all over the Caribbean and personally I prefer the less flat islands because I think the combination of green mountains and turquoise water is very appealing visually. There also isn’t a ton to do on Turks outside of water stuff. We do love the Beaches resort there for family trips. It’s $$$$ and not as luxury an experience as the price tag would suggest, but the food is pretty good by all-inclusive standards and elementary age kids will love the water park.
I have a feeling that people used to stay in their hometowns or nearby for generations. Cars came, telephones came, but there wasn’t huge leaps in how things were on a daily basis. Now, it seems that being old means you need one tech-savvy younger relative nearby who still drives and either doesn’t work or has a very flexible job. But you can order a Uber for when you don’t drive and Uber eats even if you don’t cook! Maybe. But not if you have arthritis (many older people do) and can’t really work an iPhone, not if you are in an exurb or rural, and not if you need a strict or healthy diet (e.g., T2 diabetes, kidney-friendly diet, heart-friendly diet) that means that even one restaurant meal may be too high in something (salt? sugars?) for a day, much less doing that 5-10 times a week. And meds don’t magically appear, get re-ordered, etc. And then there are the co-pays and risk of anyone you let into an elder’s house stealing from them or taking a check (including their family caregiver). I think it’s easy to accidentally take meds in a way that results in you accidentally poisoning yourself or underdosing for something you need meds for. For elders who walk, other drivers are so distracted and impatient that I think that the world isn’t safe for slow solo walkers crossing busy streets even at cross walks. IDK how we are going to age in 50 years, but my guess is that AI won’t evolve fast enough in a way that is actually helpful.
I promise you old people – and anyone vulnerable – were getting stolen from, dying from medication errors, and run over by drunk and careless drivers 50 years ago too.
There’s lots of things I want to improve about society, but it’s important to start with a realistic, accurate assessment of what’s happening, not this reflexive, fact-free fear mongering + nostalgia for the imaginary good old days combo.
This. Very few people lived a long time; most died not long after retirement.
Check out insurance information from the 1940s; here’s one sample.
https://www.soa.org/globalassets/assets/library/research/transactions-of-society-of-actuaries/1950/january/tsa50v2n457.pdf
People just… didn’t live that long.
Why? What is the point of your constant rambling anxiety driven posts. When will you just get the treatment you need?
I’m not understanding your overall point here, at all. You think it’s more difficult to be elderly today than it was for past generations?
What?
I realize this is one of those weird anxiety stream of consciousness posts with no clear point or question, but I guess you’re right to be worried? I know my grandparents stayed in their hometowns for generations, but union benefits meant they also got things like 24/7 in-home nurse assistance from real nurses (not random people who took the job to steal meds from them!) who could help with things like dosing correctly and on time. Older people in my family with extensive medical dietary restrictions also got “meals on wheels” type meals from a charitable program familiar with those kinds of restrictions.
Car culture is dangerous and restricting to so many people. Children can’t drive and get killed by cars in their own neighborhoods that should be safer. Disabled people of all ages face risks and obstacles that wouldn’t exist if we had better city planning. Cars just mattered more than human lives, health, or happiness to people who wanted to sell cars by designing communities in a way that makes life hard without them.
I mean, you need the cars for meals on wheels and also medicine delivery and also the home care nurses visiting. But just one storm that knocks out power can be fatal whereas many of us can manage camping in our houses for a few days without anything but being cranky. I do not think that self-driving cars are the answer though. Robot delivery in my city just works as an amusement item in the urban core and one college with dense dorms (vs any amount of real household survival shopping).
I would not want to work EMS in a small town doing welfare checks — I imagine it’s a lot of finding people who could have been saved but that time long before they were found.
In my small town, we do meals on 2 wheels (bikes). Yes, even in the rain and winter.That’s the beauty of a small, flat place in the middle of nowhere. Small towns can be nuts with their busubodies, but someone is also going to check on me if my routine changes.
As long as it’s not about college admissions!
That’s so funny because I’m in California and everybody here is from somewhere else, so “staying in hometowns for generations” isn’t part of my experience at all.
As far as aging, my take is that it’s always been a challenge. There are just more aging people now.
I’m not sure what provoked this, but the time to start building your community is NOW. Sure, nothing is guaranteed, but bloom where you’re planted. If you see a need in your community, start now to get the ball rolling. You’re not the only person who will have a difficult time aging in place. We all will, but it’ll suck even more if we all wait around for the next 50 years for the supports to magic themselves into existence in our communities. Help isnt coming, especially not with the goons in power now (sick/old people quickly and quietly dying once they can’t support themselves is the epitome of efficiency, but it’s also disgusting, dystopian and amoral). Supporting each other is sticking it to the man.
I completely agree with this. You don’t need to live in your hometown to develop a community. Even if you are going to move in the future, developing a community now will make it easier to do in the future because you’ve done it before and developed the skills. And the deeper your local community ties, the better you feel about the overall shape of the world because you have real actual life connections and not just news you read online.
I have thought a hundred times as I navigate an infuriating phone tree that this would be impossible for an elderly person with a hearing problem, even without any cognitive decline. Throw in even the mildest cognitive decline, and you have an 80 yo (my mom) who can’t pay her power bill because she can’t get a real person on the phone to explain why she’s not getting bills any more. Repeat that for every single interaction she needs to live independently, and you have someone who should be able to live independently for many more years but cannot because she can’t keep her bills paid. Yes, I can fix the power bill, but it will happen over and over and over and drive her out of her home far earlier than necessary.
Maybe. But I’ve found paying bills to be one of the easiest things to take over from my father. He just sets them aside for me, I write a check and also set up auto pay on everything I can. Bills won’t lead to him needing to move.
Right? Paperless billing and more apps are not the answer. That works if you are 20 or can outsource to a trusted person (who is also likely younger).
Your anxiety will probably kill you before you get old, so you really won’t have to worry about any of this.
I am caregiver to someone living in a very rural area and we can still get factor meals delivered, Walmart delivered, meal delivery, etc. Also, Meals on Wheels and Area Agencies on Aging have been around for 50 years. Many of them have lists of hourly caregivers who can provide some of those services you mentioned.
Bad things happened even when people lived nearby.
Real life survey: if you are a dog owner, is your dog allowed on furniture?
I had a dog 12 years ago and we recently started fostering. We get the fosters from a foster home down south and 100% of them are all over my couches after the third dog that I had to try to stay off them I chatted a little bit with the rescue and apparently this is just a thing now that dogs are allowed all over all the furniture all the time. I certainly don’t want animals all over my furniture, but I will stop trying to train them to stay off at if it’s a waste of my breath because they’re forever home is just gonna let them hop right up.
What say you, world of dog owners?
Also, don’t get me started on dogs in bed. You do you but no way I want a stinky dog in my sheets!!
My rule is that as long as the dog moves when I tell them without any pushback, they are allowed.
On the sofa. I use a cotton tablecloth tucked around the bottom cushion that I can take off and wash weekly with the sheets.
In the bed. They don’t stink (really! They’re just not stinky dogs overall and they get regular grooming) and I wash the sheets and blankets weekly.
If they were weirdly stinky dogs I guess I’d have dog beds near the sofa and the bed and train them to use them, but in decades of dog ownership the only time my dogs have stunk is when I’ve been delinquent in keeping them clean.
+1. I grew up with a small, non shedding dog who only smelled for a few minutes after each walk. Doggo was allowed on all furniture. We put a throw blanket over dog’s favorite spot and removed it when hosting company.
Yes, our dog is all over our furniture. If you don’t want them on yours, make sure you have good alternatives, like several different beds, with one near where you are if you have dogs that follow you around, and in different styles since different dogs prefer flat vs donut shapes.
Of course they get to sit on the couch. I want a cuddle. Idk why you’re fostering if you don’t like dogs.
Keeping dogs off furniture and not liking dogs are not the same thing. And letting dogs on furniture does not mean you are a good dog owner. Stop being obnoxious.
It seems like OP really does not like dogs as living beings, they’re just accessories.
What?!?! Did you miss the part where OP is FOSTERING dogs??? She is literally saving dog’s lives. No one who looks at dogs only as accessories is doing the thankless work of fostering.
No, it doesn’t. Stop deliberately misreading things so you can make a (stupid) point.
Oh knock it off, if you want to let your dog on the couch, go for it, but this isn’t like some core part of responsibly caring for a dog or a measure of how much you like dogs. I love dogs. They seem perfectly happy curled up at my feet.
Okay master
We just got a dog last year, for me my first but my husband has had many. We had a discussion about whether to allow the dog on the bed (yes but not IN the bed, he has a separate waterproof blanket to sleep on at the foot of the bed) but honestly didn’t have a conversation about the furniture. But our dog doesn’t shed at all, and our furniture is old and was cheap when new because we had little kids at the time.
Plenty of people allow dogs on furniture, but plenty don’t. Dogs don’t converse with each other to check in to see if they’re all getting the same perks, so even if it’s “a thing now that dogs are allowed all over furniture all the time,” you can still train them not to get on yours. They’re not gonna unionize and demand you give in. My dogs are allowed on furniture but it’s at my invitation. All dogs benefit from boundaries with furniture, rooms, etc., so it’s not a waste of time to teach a dog that rules and boundaries exist.
No. Dogs belong on the floor – not on furniture, including the bed. I’m very firm about this. But I also think this is a minority position because everyone I know allows dogs on the furniture.
My MIL allows dogs on the furniture, but wants to keep them off of her “good” couch. She places sheets of aluminum foil on the good couch and says this works.
Yes, we let our dogs get up on couches and chairs, but they also are trained to get off if we tell them to get off. So they’re not trained to stay off all the time, but they are trained to get off the furniture if we tell them too.
While my sectional would be nicer if they weren’t allowed on it at all, I enjoy snuggling with the dogs on the sectional probably too much. Naps with a dog on the couch are the best.
We did kick our dogs out of the bedroom, and dogs + humans sleep much easier because of it.
Of course my dogs can go on the couch. I would feel differently if she were a big slobbery shedding dog, but I also wouldn’t bring a big slobbery shedding dog into my house.
On one cushion of one sofa in the house, and one on the screened in porch. No beds, no chairs, no other sofas.
Our dogs are absolutely allowed on the furniture! Furniture that needs to be protected gets a blanket over the cushions or whatnot, but otherwise, these guys are my complete companions!
We adopted a dog a few months ago. We were ADAMANT that the dog would not be on the furniture, but we sort of lost that battle — we put a blanket on the couch he jumps on and let him have at it. But he’s not allowed on other furniture and definitely, under no circumstances, allowed on any beds.
My attitude: it’s your house. Do what you want. You can absolutely train dogs to stay off furniture, but it takes time, patience, and consistency (which is why we ended up giving up on our hard line). Since you’re fostering dogs, it might be tough, though.
I am very pro dogs on furniture, provided they move when asked. Mostly because I can’t be bothered to have a bunch of stuff beds and I like to cuddle my pup. I don’t let my dog sleep in bed with me, but I notice my dog sleeps on the bed while I’m gone, since it’s comfy and she misses me and I think it’s endearing and a much better coping mechanism than chewing or barking or general chaos.
Same here. My dog is allowed on our sectional sofa, bean bag chairs, etc. She is also allowed to sleep on our bed when we are not in it and she can sleep on top of the covers. We have fur everywhere since our dog is a heavy shedder.
However, doing what you are doing with rescuing dogs is so important and you should feel free to make whatever rules for your home.
Sleeping with a dog is so warm and comforting and lovely.
Depends on how big the bed is, how big the dog is, and how many other occupants are already in the bed.
Boy isn’t that the truth. I had a greyhound that slept on her side with her legs fully extended with me in a double bed. I got about 12″ on the side of the bed. Fortunately at the time I was a skinny little side sleeping thing. Def would not work these days!
If you don’t want to welcome a dog as part of your family, don’t get one.
My dog doesn’t have to get up on the furniture to be a valued member of the family.
My dogs are allowed on furniture, but this is a little harsh to me. OP is fostering dogs. I don’t think we should be judging anyone who is fostering dogs as unwelcoming to them. I’m very thankful she’s doing it, even if she’s more strict than I am in my house.
This is so aggressive! I’m the OP and I think there is such a spectrum of dog ownership that it isn’t fair to judge as long as the dogs are healthy and happy.
IMO, which is just my opinion !, dogs should have nice cozy spots but it does not have to be on the couch and certainly not all couches.
The reason for my question was more about what future adoptive families will want.
The bed is a hard no for me- I already fight my husband for the covers! I also don’t allow the dogs upstairs but we have a very large home and upstairs is only for sleeping. They are with us all the time.
If the future adoptive family wants a dog on the couch, they can always allow it even after you’ve trained them to stay on the floor. Dogs can adapt and learn.
I have fostered dogs and I have adopted dogs, including dogs who were fostered and those who came from shelters. All of the dogs need to adjust and relearn the house rules once they find a permanent home. I think you get all the votes on what works in your home so that you can continue the good work you are doing to save lives.
Jesus Christ. This is so, so sneery. To repeat what someone said above: sleeping next to your dog does not automatically make you a loving dog owner.
Team dogs on couches, in beds, etc. In the summer when it’s warmer, my dog tends to not want to sleep in bed with us (he has a fondness for the bathroom rug for some odd reason when it’s hot), and I genuinely miss his presence and try to crank the AC down enough to lure him back.
We never did all the time on all furniture. Most dogs were trained that they could go on their spot typically where their blanket was. One exceedingly particular dog would stand next to her sofa spot and whine until you smoothed out her blanket. I think she won the training us battle.
My personal dog is not allowed on the furniture but is allowed on my bed.
As a frequent foster, I find it better to have stricter guidelines for foster dogs – crates, no furniture, no snacks at the dinner table, etc. Part of fostering is setting the dog up for success – it’s easier to ease up on the rules than it is to get stricter. Stricter rules can also help stave off behavioral challenges as the dog gets more comfortable and confident. This is dog-dependent, of course. If I were fostering a senior dog who obviously lived its life on the sofa, I wouldn’t try to change that. A big dog with unknown history straight from the shelter? Crate, no furniture until you and I get to know each other better, kiddo.
My personal dogs are allowed everywhere and I do a lot of dog fostering, including many scared and abused dogs. They decompress at my house before they travel out of state to get adopted, and so I want them to be as comfortable here as possible and I don’t worry that I might be creating bad habits for their future families. I also usually only have short-term fosters (1-2 weeks), so maybe I’d have more rules if I had longer term fosters.
The fact that you’re fostering is amazing and you should do what you and your family are comfortable doing. I love having animals on my couch and in my bed and I especially love watching a scared shelter foster open up and feel comfortable getting love and cuddles. Other foster families in my rescue have a lot more rules and restrictions (fosters are only allowed in certain parts of the house, etc.), so we all do it slightly differently and based on our families and our comfort. Do whatever you feel is best for you and thank you for fostering!
This is really helpful. Part of what made me stop and pull the general public is that in the world of other people that foster dogs there are a lot of die hard dog lovers, but in the three dogs that I’ve recently placed I’ve told the families that the dog wasn’t allowed on furniture thinking it was a positive and they all just sort of laughed and said well they will be when we get home. It would be less energy for me to give them say a dog couch in a room. I’m comfortable with them being in and call it done, but I also don’t want them brought back to me!
Also a dog foster parent here. We allow fosters on the (covered) couch since they’re temporary guests and it takes a lot of training to keep dogs off couches reliably. Recently adopted one of my fosters, and he is not allowed on the couch at all. We bought him a loveseat of his own with washable covers. He sits on his couch and faces us on our couch. Dog-human cuddles happen on his couch or the floor. No dogs on the bed ever.
He is allowed on the couch at the end that has a blanket on it to protect the couch. Currently he is asleep on the hardwood floor next to his dog bed and between two area rugs! He is allowed on my bed because the duvet cover is washed every 2 weeks and he doesn’t shed. When we go to bed, he curls up at the end of my side and warms the spot for my feet before I get into bed, at which point he moves to the other side:)
Paging the person who was asking about the Alaska cruise with kids. I did an Alaska cruise with young kids and I totally do not recommend it. We took Holland America because it’s supposed to have better food, but it was definitely not kid-friendly and my DH and I were about 30 years younger than the average passenger on the ship. It is too cold, even in the summer, to enjoy the deck and pool. Unless you do some expensive shore excursions like take a small airplane to look for bears in the interior or go salmon fishing on a boat, there isn’t a whole lot to do in Alaska and the glaciers just look like mountains. It’s totally not worth the cost and turned me off from cruises altogether, although I would be open to maybe a European or Hawaiian cruise just to see those sites.
A European cruise is such trash. Terrible for every single port city you visit.
OP here. Terrible in what way? A terrible experience for the visitor or terrible for the port city/locals?
Both. You don’t get a good experience of the city and you participate in destroying it for the people who live there
The blogger pbfingers recently did several posts about her family’s non-cruise trip to Alaska with 3 kids under age 10.
Cruises are an environmental nightmare, please don’t take them, signed a marine environmentalist.
I said this on the other thread but Disney is very different than other cruise lines as far as kid entertainment goes. Might depend on the ages of the kids, but I really think most kids will have fun on a Disney cruise even if they don’t care about Alaska at all. We didn’t even get off the ship on our first Disney cruise (to Mexico, not Alaska) and my 7 year old declared it the best vacation of her life.
Also most people book shore excursions on cruises and it sounds like you didn’t and that might be part of the problem? DH & I loved our Alaska cruise on Princess, although we did it pre-kids and also spent significant land-based time in Alaska. Yes, we were younger than most passengers, but the scenery and wildlife was fantastic. We saw bears at every single port and mother & calf humpback whales while the boat was cruising. I am actually fairly anti-cruise in general and would personally be really reluctant to cruise in Europe (can’t imagine giving up the amazing local food for bland cruise ship food), but Alaska is the one place it makes the most sense to me, because the scenery from the boat is so spectacular.
OP here – thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, we did not book any major shore excursions when we went because my DH is scared to get in a very small plane or helicopter and it’s not easy to do interior hikes, etc. with a 3 year old and 1 year old, so we did “bus tours” in the small cities, which were underwhelming and filled with t-shirt and jewelry shops that are owned by the cruise lines. At least 2 days are completely on the boat, so if there’s nothing to do, then it’s sort of boring also. Sorry to say that I thought the scenery from the boat is so-so also, but we have seen stunning place in BC and all long the Pacific coastline.
My friends have absolutely loved Disney cruises, especially in the Caribbean/Mexico/Hawaii, so if I had to do a cruise, I would definitely spring additional $$ to go on a Disney cruise.
We didn’t book expensive shore excursions, and don’t do small planes/helos either, but at Juneau we took a taxi to Mendenhall Glacier and did some light hiking and saw a black bear and at Skagway we took a bus tour to the Canadian Yukon and saw another bear. When we were in Ketchikan it was really hot so we briefly explored the town and then just got back on the boat to hang out in the pool. The towns where the boat docks are definitely touristy and not worth much time, that’s true at many cruise ports, but you can get into nature without spending a fortune or taking a small plane.
I think OP’s kids are quite a bit older. I would never recommend cruising Alaska with 1 and 3 year olds. Those are such hard ages for travel in general and in particular for a more active place like Alaska. But I know tons of people who’ve taken school age kids on cruises there (both Disney and non) and loved it. Kids over the age of 5-6 or so can meaningfully participate in shore excursions and enjoy seeing wildlife and stuff like that.
I’ve been to quite a few places in BC too, and I thought the glacier cruising was spectacularly scenic, especially at Hubbard Glacier where the boat got really close and we watched the glacier calve over and over again. But, it is personal preference, and probably not as likely to interest a kid as wildlife and nature trails and stuff like that.
Is anyone else in Vanguard Target Retirement 2030? Just realized my returns are 1.10% – dayum. Any chance I’m reading it wrong? I know bonds can be weird but don’t fully understand how. and then when I check the vanguard page it says it’s YTD is 10%?
That’s the way target date funds work; they’re riskier when you’re young and safer when you’re older. You’re retiring in just a couple years – the fund has shifted to basically a money market to help preserve assets.
+1
I think the OP is asking why the yield on the page is 10%. I just checked and see that it very clearly says the fund’s YTD performance is 10.82%. Also, while target date funds do wind down risk as the retirement date approaches, no one advises that people hold all assets in money market funds 5 years out from retirement or even in the early years of retirement. My parents are 79 and only very recently switched their asset allocation to be nearly all money market funds. The Vanguard 2030 fund allocation = 61% stock; 38% bonds; 1% short term reserves.
OP – You may possibly be reading the 1.1% wrong. But it also could be a function of timing? Have you been contributing throughout the year? If so, your purchase price on most of your contributions will be higher than the Jan 1 price, which was in a dip.
I will say that I’m completely baffled by Vanguard’s 529 target enrollment date funds ROR. The returns on my daughters’ accounts have been ridiculously small over the last 8 years. I’m not sure we’ll make back the difference in tax savings from what I would have earned putting it in a regular balanced fund. I wish I’d just done my own allocation in the 529 account, but I wanted to set it and forget it since there’s much less flexibility in timing withdrawals for qualified education expenses.
We’ve been investing a small amount every month for a while; it said somethign like my cost basis was $10,000 and the market value was $10,250. I know bonds completely suck but I’m shocked that in a managed fund they wouldn’t have moved us to the treasury market account or whatever that was making 3% recently.