Coffee Break: Ileene Pump

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1. What is a work dress in 2025? I used to know (pre-COVID: a sheath dress, often owned with its BFF, the pencil skirt). Now, our office is officially casual, so I see everything here. But for items I could wear to a client site or to a conference . . . my closet fails me. Everything suddenly seems too casual or could go to a shower-type event. What is a basic business dress in law / finance / consulting in 2025? Prefer ones with sleeves (long or short) and maybe ones that would work with an unmatching jacket or blazer thrown over because I get cold.

   1. Everything I see online and here is midi, with a full skirt. Solid or muted print if for work. I’m short and I can’t wear a midi without feeling ridiculous, so it’s pants for me.

      1. Same!

   2. Check the usual business clothes brands for shirt dresses and other longer length business (not suit) dresses. Shirt dresses are my favorite solution for this. Theory midi-length shirt dresses are a workhorse for me, and I’ve branched out into some options from Trina Turk.

   3. Something like this with a lady jacket
      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/mathilde-dress-in-luster-canvas/CI451?color_name=black&N=14&no

   4. In the wild, I still see sheath dresses with lady jackets or cardigans. But, truly, it’s more frequently suit separates or colored suits. I don’t see a ton of full midi skirts or dresses (even though that’s supposedly what’s in) except at dinners or showers or other social events.

   5. I’m seeing less rufflepuff and more tailored shirtdresses, like this:

      https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=773098021&vid=1&searchText=Linen%20midi#pdp-page-content

   6. I’m seeing midi dresses but I don’t think midi dresses look professional. A couple of inches below the knee – still good. Mid-calf or lower looks like you’re going to the country club.

      This trend is especially frustrating for us shorter ladies, all of those dresses are full length on me. But I’m glad that my tall colleagues can get appropriate length dresses!

      1. My POV too. There is something very “weekend” about midi length. I see them at work, but I’m always thinking they look like they’re going to a baby shower and not a meeting.

         1. Totally disagree. I think a midi shirt dress looks fantastic and the length is great for sitting, which is what you do most of the time in the office. The difference is in fabrics and color choices for how “power” you want to look.

         2. Agreed. Midi length and a fuller skirt doesn’t look business to me.

2. My half-brother took out a lot of loans for college, some of which my dad co-signed (and I’d think those would be at very high interest rates). Now that he has graduated, I was thinking of giving him $1,000, but using half of that as a direct payment from me on his highest interest rate student loan (hopefully on one co-signed by my dad). I would feel better getting dad off the hook and helping my brother out, so that’s why I’d split my funds between a cash gift and a loan payment. Does this make sense (before I ask my brother to send me a student loan statement)?

   1. It totally makes sense. But if this was my entitled brother he would be fuming mad

   2. “Hey brother, I’d like to give you $500 toward your student loan with dad and a $500 cash gift.” I’d put it that way rather than saying $1k because I think it makes it clear what’s happening from the very first words to leave your mouth.

      My only question is the logistics – wouldn’t he have an online login that a statement isn’t going to give you? I don’t know how you’d monitor that he actually made the right payment unless you were watching him.

      1. Couldn’t you ask him for a screenshot of the statement for an address and account number if you were paying by check and mailing it it? I’d send it that way so that you can be sure it gets paid and applied as intended.

         1. FWIW a lot of loan companies only take direct withdrawal. If I ever want to make extra payments I have to request it through the portal and them the company takes it from the bank account I have my monthly payments set to

            1. That’s wild. I had them back when it’s like how my mortgage statement is now — a monthly amount, a payoff amount, and many ways to pay. I don’t write a lot of checks but with financial things, I like to have that as an option.

   3. I mean, it feels weird that you’re not just giving him (or your dad) a check and telling him you intended $500 of it to be applied to the student loan. I don’t know why you need a statement. Is he like a heroin addict or something?

      1. Agreed. The statement part is weird. It feels like you’re trying to control too much of this situation.

         1. OP here. Our dad is on the hook and I want him to be able to retire if brother stops paying. So I want to get rid of this potential burden for him also. It was dumb but it is what is.

            1. But that doesn’t explain why you don’t trust your brother enough to write him a check for $1000 and say that you intend for him to apply $500 of it to that specific loan.

            2. That’s a gift for your dad, not your brother.

            3. It’s definitely a gift from brother too.

               Obviously she knows her brother and sometimes when we are young and ignorant, many of us make bad decisions.

            4. How much is dad’s loan?

            5. OP. I suspect that it’s something like $20,000, at least. I probably would afraid if I knew everything. But I know it’s a constant source of worry to dad that he will be on the hook and they payment would benefit them both. I’d rather pay for a loan they are both on — brother has a degree and the benefit of the education, so it’s fair for him to have loans that he’s the sole borrower on. Dad just has the bill and no promising degree to go with it.

            6. I think you’re conflating your worry for dad on this loan and the desire to give your brother a gift, which is presumably intended to make him feel good because it’s … a gift! Unless your brother is a total spendthrift and can’t be trusted, I think you can give him the $1000 as others suggested and give it to him in two parts – pay the loan and the rest is a gift. Don’t ask for proof or anything else like that. Just leave it with those instructions. You trust him or you don’t. And if you don’t trust him, then I suggest rethinking the whole thing because then I’d weigh the concern for dad over brother and just put the full $1000 on the loan (somehow, ideally without going through brother .. maybe dad has a way to access the loan he cosigned).

            7. Your dad is your brother’s dad too and he presumably made his own decisions. $20k is not a very large student loan in the grand scheme of things.

   4. Kindly, $500 will not make that much of a difference on the life of the loan, but will make a big difference as he is waiting for his first paycheck. I’d just give him the $1,000.

      1. 500 at 12% interest though; that’s a great gift.

         1. Counterpoint: if he’s financing things via credit card, it’s less interest to be able to buy groceries and such in cash.

         2. There are student loans at 12%? Mine were at 7% and everyone told me that was terrible. It seems like many of my older relatives financed their education with <5% loans.

      2. Same. Leave the instruction machinations for real money, like an inheritance or something big. Just give the kid a gift and be done with it,

      3. +1000

      4. Seriously. Drop in the ocean. Not worth making it more difficult than need be.

      5. Yes, but OP doesn’t like her brother so I don’t think she cares.

   5. Maybe give him a check for $500, and say that if he uses it to pay off his highest interest loan with Dad, you will double it and give him $500 more. “Send me the screen shot when the loan is paid, and I’ll mail you a second check”.

      1. See, to me, this seems to be even more controlling. Maybe I’d do this with a kid to get them to fund a Roth, but wouldn’t try this otherwise.

   6. I don’t think this makes sense, no. Just give him a graduation gift you’d be comfortable with him spending on whatever, and forget about the loan. If you’re trying to send a message about what you want his spending priorities to be… I don’t think that is effective. And if you’re trying to pay back the loans that were in your dad’s name to relieve him, I don’t think this makes big enough a dent.

      1. +10000

   7. Give him $500 to spend however he wants and tell Dad to ask you for help if both he and your brother are unable to pay the loans.

   8. Please get back to us on how well it goes over when you ask your brother for his loan statement.

   9. You give a gift or you don’t. You don’t attach strings to a gift. If you want to help your brother, give him money. If you want to help your Dad, give him money (or plan for that eventuality). You don’t get to ask what people do with presents or control how they’re used.

   10. How about giving him $500 and then saying “I know making the first student loan payments can be tough as you get on your feet. I’d love to help with the first payment. If that sounds good, let me know where to send $500.”

3. Would love to hear what others are excited to wear to work this summer. I finally had to replace a couple of pairs of pants, but otherwise, I haven’t bought new summer work clothes in ages. I’d love to find a couple of new tops that I can wear on their own, no blazer or topper needed.

   1. I’m struggling with the same thing. I find it almost impossible to find summer work clothes that are:

      *reasonably on trend for a mid-40s lady
      *comfortable
      *affordable
      *in natural fabrics

      1. Boden tops as they have a lot of cotton and linen.

      2. Two things I’ve recently bought and liked:
         – BRFactory’s Boxy Button-Down Shirt – I’m short-waisted so I can wear it with higher-rise pants or as a topper. 100% cotton; needs ironing.
         – Black linen t-shirt from LinenbyHannah on Etsy. She frequently runs sales and it was about $35.

   2. I have been getting tired of my lady jackets and was pleased to see some spins on classic cardigans, including twin sets.

   3. I’ve been getting some skirts, fairly wide or pleated midi length with wide and flat waistbands – no elastic!

4. ladies in peri and/or with screwy cycles — how do you figure out what part of the cycle you’re in? temperature? mostly interested from an energy perspective.

   1. My ovaries are on different cycles apparently, so I switch between 26 days and 37 days. I started tracking a bit how I was feeling when, and there’s definitely a pattern.

      1. Thank you so much for sharing! I never knew this could be a thing.

      2. ohhhh very interesting that may be what’s happening to me.

      3. Mine did this, too.
         As to OP’s Q, it never occurred to me to track this. Not saying you shouldn’t, just not something everyone does.

5. I’ll be in the Dallas/Ft Worth area this weekend between two work conferences, and I’d like to get a massage since the forecast is for rain. Any recommendations of spas in that area that you particularly love?

   1. In addition to the nice hotels like the Adolphus or Omni downtown, I have several friends in Dallas who like Spa Habitat. It has multiple locations.

   2. I love the spa at The Joule!

6. Mammogram question. I’m getting conflicting information from three different doctors. I’ve never had a mammogram before. Family history of BC (maternal aunt). I just turned 41 and I’m pregnant, planning to nurse as long as possible. Before I turned 40, I had been doing IVF for 2 years; in other words, I’ve been pregnant or very swollen from drugs since before I turned 40. I tried to get a mammogram before starting IVF, but my PCP and OBGYN said my breast tissue was too firm for a mammogram and they wouldn’t order one. I didn’t know to ask about an ultrasound but they never offered it.

   Now that I’m over 40, my PCP is pushing me to get a mammogram ASAP even though I’m pregnant. Both OBGYN and the maternal fetal medicine specialist I’m seeing have said no to a mammogram. OBGYN is a bit wishy washy about it but said it’s usually deferred. I don’t see how I could get one anyway because I’m very sore in that area, they can’t be touched nevertheless squashed between plates. I just had my lactation consultation and even her handling me was painful. PCP wont order an ultrasound, I haven’t asked OBGYN or MFM about an US, though it seems like that would be too painful anyway. Meanwhile my PCP keeps texting me about getting a mammogram.

   What am I supposed to do here? Is there some other BC screening that doesn’t require manhandling of an area that will be very sore and engorged for at least the next 6 months?

   1. I just got one while pregnant. There’s no option other than mammo or ultrasound so you’ll just have a painful visit unfortunately. Your PCP should be able to order an ultrasound. If they won’t ask your ob

      1. MRIs are also an option, and not painful at all, but unlikely to be covered by insurance unless you have significant risk factors.

         OP – I would just wait unless you have risk factors or concerning symptoms.

   2. In your situation, no way would I put myself through a painful mammogram now while pregnant, unless you had a lump or suspicious finding on exam that needed urgent attention. I would wait until after baby is born and things quiet down.

      However, I would ask GYN if you could do an ultrasound now, and think about icing/cold pack on your breasts with ibuprofen before your ultrasound and putting the ice pack back on right after if you are sore.

      Is there a reason they are so anxious all of a sudden? When are you due?

      1. I think it’s that I turned 41 and they don’t have a mammogram on file for me, so now I’m getting a ton of messages about it. The messages are making me very anxious! It’s super annoying that I tried to be proactive and get this done before I was entering a painful boob stage, but it wasn’t a priority to my medical team because I hadn’t hit a magic number. Now all of a sudden the sky is falling.

         I’m due at the end of July. I’d like to nurse/pump for at least 6 months though of course that depends on my body.

         1. I did not get my first mammogram until I was 46. The guidance on this seems to be fluid. Not sure 40 is a hard and fast deadline for it, absent risk factors.

         2. You might not even get on the schedule for one until sometime next year. My first one had an 18 month waiting list.

            Can you book it far out, like for next summer, and put your PCP at ease that it’s scheduled?

   3. Wait to do it. The two doctors who specialize in your unborn child are telling you no. The one with an annoying automated system is telling you yes.

      1. Yup. The PCP likely doesn’t want to get dinged on quality metrics that track how many of her patients got timely mammograms.

         1. This. These messages are automated or practically so and have nothing to do with your own individual situation. Ignore.

   4. My prestige/destination hospital system PCP said the evidence is kind of equivocal for starting at 40 and left it up to me. But my current PCP at a local to me hospital gets dinged if I skip one, so she wouldn’t hear of me waiting. One of the issues with getting them young is the breast tissue harder to image. So I kind of wish I hadn’t bothered, because I had to get follow up testing even though everything was fine, and it was expensive and inconvenient. (Yes this is the good problem to have vs. something really being wrong, but my baseline risk is very, very low, and I do plan to be more compliant in the future when I feel I’ll be at higher risk.)

      So my view is that your PCP is probably texting you because of admin breathing down her neck about values based care. I’d just put it off until I’m less sensitive. Healthcare is way too cavalier about putting women through pain (I am sorry, but Ibuprofen + Tylenol doesn’t cut it). You can get an MRI, but I’m not sure if it involves manhandling or if you could get insurance to cover it. If you really can’t get a mammogram at all, ultrasound is not adequate alone, so you might be one of the few people who has a good argument for MRI.

      1. This makes sense. Thanks very much to you and the person above who mentioned the MRI! I didn’t know that. I’ll bring it up to my PCP. If she wants me to get it done then her office can help me advocate for the MRI to be covered.

         No lumps or anything particularly concerning.

      2. Interesting. My GP told me some association recommended starting at 40 and going every 2 years and another association recommended starting at 50 … then she said everyone here starts at 40 and goes yearly because you can’t be too careful … something seemed weird about it. I haven’t gone yet because she also warned me I have dense breast tissue and would need a follow-up visit for imaging. That’s 2 visits a year in addition to my GP visit, quarterly specialist visits, other screenings and biannual dentist appointments … I feel bad not doing it but it’s just too much. I don’t have that kind of time off.

   5. Couple of thoughts from someone who’s been getting ultrasounds, MRIs and mammograms since age 35 (maternal BC history, dense tissue):

      1. Do you have an actual urgent concern that would warrant an immediate mammogram, e.g. discharge other than expected for pre-lactation, skin dimpling, new lumps etc.? If not, I would wait for at least a few months after you stop breastfeeding. Lactating tissue is very “active” and unless there is an urgent concern, it is more likely that they won’t be able to see anything meaningful in the standard screening mammograms. I read somewhere that it can take several years after breastfeeding for the tissue to return to some “normal” state. This shouldn’t keep you from getting your breasts checked, but I’d question the urgency while pregnant or breastfeeding.

      2. I’ve never heard of the phrase “too firm for a mammogram”. “Dense breast tissue” is a term most often used to describe lumpy and heterogenous tissue, where lumps might be harder to detect in self- or provider-administered exams, and where images would also show a lot of dense spots, making them harder to see.

      3. I would again question the timing of why this needs to be done right now vs. in a year or two. I think I’ve shared this a few months ago in a related thread: My radiologist explained to me that most breast tumors grow relatively slowly, and double in volume approximately every 12-18 months. On a flat image like you get from a mammogram, this translates into the radius/diameter of a tumor increasing by about 1/3 over the same time period (math!). This means that something that is right now very small to the point of being background noise on the image is unlikely to balloon into something huge and uncurable within 1-2 years. (Exceptions exist, but they are rare.)

      4. If you truly can’t wait for some breast imaging, I would push for an ultrasound and possibly an MRI which is available without and with contrast (for the one with contrast, check whether the imaging agent that they administer is ok while breastfeeding). A very kind radiologist said to me after my last mammogram scare that MRIs show most things more clearly.

   6. suddenly glad that my doc sent me for a mammo at 36 when she heard we were going to start trying again soon

   7. I’m on high-risk monitoring and was told to stop mammograms and MRIs for the duration of pregnancy and breastfeeding. In your shoes, I would not get one right now.

7. Chapter 13 here. I know it’s been a long time since I have posted. I took a break from reading here. I have an update coming (I hope) and I need good thoughts/prayers/vibes, please. I will post again soon with (hopefully) good news.

   1. I’m happy to see you pop back up and look forward to your next update. I hope you’re doing well!

   2. Hi. I always look forward to hearing your progress.

   3. one of the many here rooting for you! sending good vibes out for ya

   4. Oof! Sending all the best vibes!!

   5. sending good vibes!

   6. I was thinking about you the other day. Hope all is well and sending good thoughts.

8. my intern’s last day is this week. any thoughts on a parting gift?

   context: she’s graduating, we don’t have any entry level openings at the moment. Have already offered & been a glowing reference for her as she’s looking for FTE, got that covered. I know her family is very supportive/well off, so cash or GC feels a little weird but am I just overthinking?

   She’s stylish & trendy, and was a fantastic intern.

   1. this doesn’t feel like a gifting situation. like, bring in fancy pastries for a goodbye breakfast? Take her out for a fun lunch or drink? Get her some practical company swag? Sure. But like, an actual gift? Have never encountered this.

      1. Agree. Lunch/treats/drinks and company swag if there is any. If she had a name plate on her cubicle, let her take that home.

      2. I think giving a gift is fine! It’s okay to be nice to people.

         1. Same, I got various thoughtful things back in the day from people I interned for. I’m a fan of something nice to mark the occasion, I might veer to gift card for a nice dinner or a personalized notebook by Erin Condren for something physical. Or something by Cuyana in the leather accessories category.

            1. I got a beautiful pen from my internship supervisor to mark my graduation. It felt very appropriate to me at the time (and I still have it 30 years later – I did return to work there eventually and we had a personal and professional relationship over time).

   2. I think a gift might be a little weird; certainly wasn’t a part of any internship I had or interns I’ve hired. But a company paid lunch or after work drinks, absolutely! Swag, sure, but honestly that’s always nicer to get at the start of a role

9. I recently paid full price for a pair of Naturalizer sneakers and wore them on vacation. Only walked around the city. After one month of total ownership, they look ready for Goodwill. Old and beaten up.

   Naturalizer quality has obviously gone WAY downhill.

   1. So sad to hear that, as these look like really great shoes that could be an office wardrobe staple.

   2. Thanks for the tip! I regularly buy shoes from this brand. Can I ask if they’re leather or synthetic?

10. Love it

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