Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Norah Ruffle Cotton & Silk Peasant Top
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
We love a moody floral for fall, and this Alice + Olivia blouse is just perfect.
I know a voluminous sleeve isn’t for everyone, but I think these cuffs would look so cute peeking out from a bracelet-length blazer or sweater. (Nothing against the leather shorts that are pictured here! I’m just thinking a blazer might be a little more work-appropriate.)
The blouse is $440 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 8/21/25:
- Ann Taylor – $20 sale types (select styles), 25% off tops and sweaters, and extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- Dermstore – 20% off the Anniversary Edit
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off late summer styles, plus extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 15% off $100+
- M.M.LaFleur – Up to 70% off new markdowns – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
- Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
- Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
- Spanx – End of summer sale
- Talbots – 25% off your regular price purchase, also, end-of-season clearance
- Tuckernuck – Sample sale, prices up to 70% off! (Including lots of this bestselling work dress marked to under $75)
Sorry for a kind-of-gross question to start out the week: I’ve had my ears pierced for many years; only wear earrings maybe once or twice a month. Every couple of months, I can feel a bump forming around the piercing, and end up “popping” it like a pimple, with the same white junk coming out of the piercing – just like a pimple. I try to make sure I am getting the earlobe when washing my face in the shower and hit it with the toner I use on my face, but it has not made a difference.
Does this happen to anyone else? It’s not really a problem, but weirds me out.
The piercing is infected and is not clearing up. See a dermatologist or another physician. Toner is not antibacterial.
It’s infected. At least try putting bacitracin on it when you pop it, not toner.
Hydrogen peroxide can also help.
Your earring posts also need a thorough cleaning.
Don’t use toner on it. Spray sterile wound wash once a day and dry with a sterile gauze. After a few days just tepid water in the shower. Make sure you’re drying it well. A wet wound is an unhappy wound. Use a hair dryer on low and cool to dry the piercing site and wet hair around the ear. And stop squeezing it. You’re risking a worse infection and damage.
Thanks all – this struck me like a pimple, not an infection. Grateful for the advice!
+1 this sounds like an infection, and the cause might be a reaction to your earrings.
Try hypoallergenic earrings. I can only use gold (minimum 14c) if I want to avoid trouble.
My ears are very, very sensitive and I am limited in the types of earrings I wear. Great advice about treating, but moving forward change earrings too.
My ears are like that too. 14K or bust. Even “hypoallergenic” stainless posts have given me trouble.
This happens to me if I wear certain metals. For me, it was an allergic reaction. I was fine once I started wearing gold/silver/etc.
It’s sebum buildup. Can be made worse if you’re wearing cheap metal. Titanium and 14K gold will be the least. If you’ve got a lot of it, you’ll want to take out your earrings and clean them every few weeks. It sounds like an irritation bump plus sebum. I wonder if your earrings are too tight too?
Op here – possibly too tight. This happened recently when I was wearing expensive sapphire earrings to a fancy event, and was terrified I would lose one, so I made them very tight.
My relationship turned long distance due to work – we both made partner at firms that have turned heavily in person the last couple years. Neither of us want to move. I am honestly getting tired of the travel. He would be happy with every other weekend for the forseeable future, I am increasingly…. Not. I want to break up but I care about him so much. We aren’t fighting but I am starting to resent the travel, that so much of our time is virtual. Break up? Rough patch? We are both late 30s, no kids, never married, been together 9 years. I think we imagined one of us would be successful and the other would move, and it turns out we are both doing really well…
If you’re ok with the end result being a breakup, why not just try disengaging for a bit? You can use the time to lean in at work, take care of yourself (gym, friends, whatever), and then reassess when you feel up to it.
I hope you mean “agree to disengage” because unilateral disengagement without discussion is just cruel.
You can disengage without the other person’s agreement. You should inform them, but you don’t need their permission.
Important question, asked totally without judgement: why did you two never marry?
If one of you felt like this isn’t it forever, then don’t struggle through long distance. If there were other reasons for not marrying (marriage penalty on taxes, don’t see the point if you aren’t having kids, etc.), my advice might be different.
Related question:what do you want from a relationship? Is it kids and a life together or someone to spend holidays with who will go with you to weddings? Long distance can work for one but the other.
Nine years is a lot to walk away from if physical distance is the only problem (so long as it’s temporary physical distance). Is it possible to take a trip together and solidify relationship and career plans? Set timelines? Getting out on the table what you both want and expect for your future might help. Is there a commitment for the future or is this merely convenient for now (until it isn’t). Knowing how long you both plan to brave the distance will help you either see a light at the end of the tunnel or decide that the relationship isn’t going anywhere (and the distance might ease a separation). I wish you all the luck in whatever you decide!
That is the sunken cost fallacy.
There were some yesterdays that were good. But all you have now is tomorrow and the day after it and so forth. If there’s nothing on the horizon to make tomorrow good, it’s time to move on.
I can’t imagine not moving in a legal job. Whatever it is I do, I have done so much so well quasi-remotely for so long (usually for family reasons or competing work travel), that it would have to be that I have rooted kids or family or just love my current city.
So with both of you not moving or marrying or breaking up before now, is it a sunk cost reason why you are still together? Because I love my job, but it’s something I manage around making my life how I want it.
+1. I think the fact that neither of you is willing to move, especially with a law job, is probably telling about the relationship.
Don’t let your job dictate your life. This is a big decision, but if distance is the only problem, it’s time for one of you to find a new job, not a new partner.
This.
Or it’s law. So portable. So work from anywhere. Most places that like you enough to make you a partner would want to keep you on your terms (or you’d be marketable to someone else easily). What is keeping each of you so rooted that the job > the relationship?
The bigshots that I know are gone more than they are here on site with clients and on various marketing and other work trips. The junior people we’ve had who are military spouses just make it work, ditto younger people moving for a spouse’s residence or elder care. The job comes along. I know people who haven’t made short-terms moves (deployment to S Korea with young kids), but even then there is a plan and an end point.
Your job won’t be there on your deathbed.
I do a lot for my job, but part of getting older has brought recognition that it’s not the whole point of my life.
She likes her job. Not this relationship. She says she wants to break up That is what she should do.
I hate the OMG YOU MIGHT END UP SINGLE sentiment on this board. Women are complete human beings whether partnered or not.
Statistically, the man usually dies first, so good shot he won’t be either.
Sorry—I’m the poster. I didn’t mean that as OMG single. I meant that literally—that work won’t be there. When I got cancer, it was my spouse, friends and family and dog that rallied around me. Work sent me flowers and moved my projects elsewhere and went silent. Work friends stayed. But the actual job went to the next in line as will be the case with almost all of us. What actually matters is connection in the end, wherever or however you find it. He may not be worth it but there is a life out there waiting to be lived that will matter more than the sum of your work contributions.
Congrats on your career success. Now that you are partners and if you have business you can plan your next career moves together. If you are barred in the same state you could look at firms there, or if there is a state with reciprocity, move there together. You have options!
I think you posted about this previously? That means you’ve been discontented with this for a while. It’s okay not to settle. You can end this if it’s not right for you.
Maybe pose it this way… what if you were married to someone in the military or who had a job where they traveled every week? Would you break up with them then?
Lots of people have successful relationships where they can’t see their partner for long periods of time. But you have to want to make that work. If your deal breaker is someone you see all the time, then I wouldn’t spend another year of my life with this person. If you don’t know, I might figure out ways I could spend half a week with them or a week a month or something longer than a weekend.
Right? People are married to long-haul truckers. And people in the Navy deployed on ships. Do you want the relationship really? Or are you just stuck where you started 10 years ago and need a nudge to move on?
There is one home for both of those couples, though. One person travels away from home, but the home is shared. It’s totally different than two parallel lives in two separate locations.
Exactly — when you chose the relationship and also the job. You can have both! Do you want both though?
Not necessarily. There are people stationed in the military in places they can’t bring their spouses who are there for years while the spouse has a home and life elsewhere.
But clearly the couple’s home is where the non-military spouse is in that circumstance.
So would she be more comfortable buying a joint property and someone still paying to live somewhere else? I don’t see how property ownership matters in a situation where the complaint is they see someone every other weekend because of a job. Even if they owned a home together, they still wouldn’t see each other more frequently. It would be parallel lives except when they could physically be in the same place as it is now.
I wouldn’t let my job dictate my overall happiness in life. That said, perhaps this isn’t the guy for you? If you can so easily pick the gig over him, that’s a pretty strong sign he might not be right for you. Don’t buy into the sunk cost fallacy, nine years is a long time but a lifetime is a lot longer.
I can’t imagine staying in a long-term relationship where we’re long distance indefinitely because each of us is so committed to our current jobs. Maybe you’re holding on to your job because you know he’d never move for you, maybe you’re actually not that into him, maybe he’s not actually that into you or has other strong ties to his local area, but it seems like there’s something going on that if it isn’t resolved will lead to the death of this relationship. I’m the kind of person that prefers to cut my losses quickly, so I’d start really digging into the relationship and come up with something actionable to address my disconnect or bail on the relationship rather than drag it out any longer.
This.
Also, don’t make my mistakes: never move for a man who wouldn’t move for you.
Yes!
I think it is time to break up, based on how you are talking about the issue. You value your life/career more than this particular relationship, and that’s okay. It sounds like he’s in the same position too.
For me, I enjoy practicing law and being a law firm partner, but my legal career is primarily a funding mechanism for my “real” life of marriage and family. I live in a city I probably would not live in because of my husband, BUT I would not have made that choice for any of the other dudes I’ve dated.
This is my take as well. OP sounds more than willing to end the relationship and if that’s how she feels, then she should consider talking it out and ending the relationship if your needs aren’t being met. Personally, I’d try to figure out a solution but her attitude makes it sound like she just wants to end it.
It sounds like you’re unhappy— it’s ok to break up because it’s not working for you. No one needs to be a villain here. Sunk costs is not a good reason to stay with someone. The fact that neither of you wants to compromise kind of says everything you need to know in this situation.
Is the real issue that he is not considering moving for you? That he’s not recognizing your success, or that he has the more portable book of business? Seems like there is something else going on here.
I’m also a partner in a big law firm that values in-person presence. But I’m not sure I understand how the job itself could pose an obstacle to a relationship like this. Despite the move to in-person, law is one of the most portable professions and it’s easy to do it anywhere. I have so many colleagues who are incredibly successful despite living in a market that might not be 100% ideal for their business plan. Not to be harsh, but it sounds like there must be more to this story if neither of you is able to talk about a plan to take your successful practice and morph it (whether at a new firm or by moving to a different city) in a way that supports the relationship.
Have you considered relationship counseling (and probably personal counseling too)? I’m going to push back a bit on the folks here saying there is something wrong with indefinite long distance due to careers. I’ve been married for 10 years, together for 18 and we have spent about half of the 10 years living in different cities. We’re currently apart without any timeline to remedy that, although it will happen at some point, and we’ll probably go long distance again at some point. We would both very much prefer to live together all the time but there are competing priorities and tradeoffs in life, and this is the one we feel works best for us right now.
Your relationship can look like whatever you jointly want it to look like. I’m at peace with my arrangement and can’t imagine leaving this relationship. But I get the sense that you feel differently and you do sound unhappy, and maybe you guys are misaligned in what you want from the relationship? Can you dig into that more?
You said “I want to break up” then added a bunch of other stuff. You don’t need anyone’s permission to break up. If you’re not feeling it, move on. There’s no point in prolonging it.
If he is happy to see you every other weekend indefinitely then that is not exactly true love on his side. Why waste your time on this guy.
You’ve already made up your mind, based on your comment. Break up with him and move on.
+10000
Etiquette help – My assistant’s sister died last week. (Assistant is early 60s, I think sister is 70s.) I have no idea if they were close or not, other than asst is taking bereavement leave from this Weds to next Weds. (Not it matters but law firm, she’s assisted me for 6 years, I am a junior partner.) Other than ample time off and flexibility as much as I can – What should I give her? I think I gave her $100 in a card when her mom passed but that was during Covid.
At least the same and flowers to the service or a donation if the family is asking for that instead.
Flowers to the service yes.
When our mother died, my sisters’ employers sent big arrangements for the funeral AND donated to the charity we had named. My employer did neither. It really hurt my feelings.
It was definitely a sign that it was not a great place to work.
I don’t think it’s a huge deal but I find the idea of giving someone money as a condolence kind of odd (different than a donation to a selected cause). Is this a thing?
People may give it in the form of gift cards, but I think it’s pretty common because in addition to funeral expenses you often have to host guests. It’s also nice to just not think of a meal or groceries.
It’s the modern version of dropping off a lasagna, typically the gift card is to something food related. If someone is in a prolonged hospital stay situation, I am also a fan of giving cash because hospital parking and cafeterias add up.
It’s weird. I received a lot of condolence cards with a $20 in them after my parent died. I didn’t know what to do with it and I wish it would stop.
What the family wants in terms of flowers or charitable donations will be on the funeral website.
Is there any nubby tweed that won’t start to fuzz within a few wears? I love the look but not the pilling and fuzzies. I get that acrylic can be a culprit but what are pieces I can wear for years and have them look good? I hate how quickly an A piece starts looking worn and/or cheap (even if it’s a spendy purchase).
I really struggle with this question, too. I bought a pair of ponte pants yesterday. Will the fabric hold up? Who knows? Even someone who has worn that brand before and says “I’ve had a pair of pants from them that have looked pristine for 5 years now” — who is to say that the fabric that brand is using today is the same high quality as the fabric they used 5 years ago?
In my experience, fabrics are so cheap nowadays that nothing really holds up. Ponte used to be a realiable fabric for me, and now it just falls apart. I wish you the best with your new purchase!
I have had good luck with jackets made of boucle woven fabric. Look for one that doesn’t have a lot artificial fibers in the mix. A little bit is fine.
I have a wool tweed jacket that is holding up well. It was definitely spendy though (~$600).
I am literally sick to my stomach over what’s happening with this country. I’m angry, upset, and scared…. But also I have a million and one things to do for work and my family and myself and cannot dwell on the fear.
I do what I can: I call my senators daily and I live my life according to my values (volunteering, being present and active in my community, donating to causes I care about, being there for family and friends), and protest, and pray. I’m a federal employee (and terrified of losing my job and being broke and losing my apartment), and I’m doing my best every day to show up, support my colleagues, and the American people we serve – I care deeply about my agency’s mission and while they’re making it harder for us to do good work, I firmly believe I’m still helping people. That being said – I’m also covering 3 people’s jobs at work, there is SO MUCH work and not enough people to do it. Deadlines have gotten tighter. Theres a lot of tricky personnel stuff going on. I feel like I’m dropping the ball left and right.
I’m so stressed at work and in life and about finances that I’m having trouble sleeping and eating.
I feel your pain and don’t have any answers, but I see and appreciate you.
Same same.
I understand. I’m right where you are. No solid advice, other than to give yourself breaks so you don’t completely burn out.
If you aren’t managing basic self care, then you can’t do anything else. Nor do you need to
The best advice I have gotten for situations like this, is that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you help other people. So prioritize healthy food, incorporate whatever stress management techniques work for you so you start each day a bit calmer or can break an anxiety cycle happening during the day. When things are this bad, I tend to eat the same things each day so I don’t get queasy, take a short break in the afternoon to go outside for some fresh air, and make sure I stop drinking caffeine early enough in the afternoon that I can sleep.
I’m going through waves of panic that are not helped by seeing stories of people who have left the US. My husband is a naturalized citizen and I don’t know what to do.
So am I. And I am not experiencing any waves of panic. Am I missing something? The level of catastrophising seems over the top here, no?
It usually does here.
You are missing something–either the direct experience of being affected (so far) or empathy. So many key things are collapsing right now, from environmental protections to healthcare to basic beliefs about fascism.
Or she has a normal mental health situation going on and just doesn’t share your level of anxiety.
This place is known for its stunning lack of empathy. Someone will eventually post asking for legal advice for her detained US citizen husband and they’ll respond with DTMFA.
Well, yeah, because people here think all men are trash.
Not for a Federal employee. They have a daily front seat to the downfall of democracy
My new mantra is from what I understand to be a Jewish tradition – you don’t have to finish the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Helps me to keep plugging away and not to feel the responsibility to FIX IT falling on me.
Same here. It’s attributed to first-century rabbi, Rabbi Tarfon.
“You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”
Thanks for sharing this.
This is a Puffy Shirt.
This Shirt will wear you, that’s for sure. But it is gorgeous
Mystic – does it change your opinion to know that close to zero Hunt residents evacuated the night before or even at 1:00? People I know evacuated and barely made it at 3:30 and they’ve lived there for forty years.
1. People are allowed to risk their own lives. They cannot risk the lives of elementary school kids in their care.
2. Were those people in the floodplain?
Your point 1. is all that needs to be said, IMO.
No. Why would it? Average citizens weren’t running a camp with schoolchildren sleeping in the floodplain. There should have been a county warning system and that probably would have saved lives elsewhere on the river, but sadly, there wasn’t.
There’s no getting around how badly Camp Mystic effed up here. You can argue the merits of an advance evacuation, but the response once the emergency started was unforgivable. The entire safety plan was “stay where you are” – you don’t have to be a trained SAR expert to know that is a violation of flood evacuation 101.
Seek higher ground – don’t we all know those words? 27 girls died within half a mile, or 10 minutes of fast walking, of truly safe higher ground, and within less distance to probably safe higher ground. If the camp had had a system and a plan so that evacuation could have started within five minutes of receiving the 1:14 am flood warning, there would have been no deaths. Counselors could have walked their cabins uphill in an orderly line and everyone could have brought a stuffed animal. Instead they scrambled, swam, ended up in trees, got stuck in cabins, and got swept away in an SUV, all because the four men overseeing hundreds of campers and running around like chickens with their heads cut off had no plan.
+ one million. I sent my kid to a camp that was not accredited by the American Camp Association last year, and won’t send him back there this year (and will be letting the camp know why). ACA requires having evacuation plans in place and reviewed, and all the other camps on the river were ACA accredited.
Even that is no guarantee. Camp La Junta was accredited and still had a very, very near-miss situation.
Right? A plan is a piece of paper.
? They had an evacuation plan, they followed it, and no one died. It feels like a very different outcome, even though it was scary.
Unfortunately, no they didn’t evacuate – the water was up to the rafters with boys still inside and some under the age of 10 had to swim out to save their own lives. There was no evacuation in advance of flooding, although I think a few higher cabins were fine. You know that video that went viral of a cabin floating away with people in it? That was Camp La Junta. It’s a miracle no lives were lost. There WAS a plan, but it wasn’t executed in time and the walkway leading to the evacuation route was completely underwater.
Yes, right here. That’s because nobody expected this. People werent warned of it. The meteorologists have all said it was unexpected. I just think it is really easy to second guess how you would have for sure handled this perfectly esp not knowing the geography and layout of Hunt. Mystic was the first place flooded and is in a narrow canyon.
And no, I don’t have a connection to Mystic. Ha! The way y’all are consoiracy theorists about commenters on here.
I’m ashamed to admit I’d never really thought about ACA accreditation before this tragedy. My kids’ camp had it but I’d thought, “eh, Episcopal church camp, should be safe.”
This is the answer. I really don’t understand why people want to accept the leadership decisions here as good enough.
No. You have an even greater responsibility when you’re in loco parentis.
No. You want to stay in your own house as an adult, fine. You’re taking responsibility for hundreds of children? Have a better plan.
And that plan should have included an adult staying up and walking the property while listening to satellite weather radio the whole time, among many other things, if an advance evac wasn’t ordered.
I’m a frequent adult volunteer on scouting trips and 1000% being responsible for other people’s kids is 10/10 a white-knuckle experience even with “good” kids because stuff can always go wrong (witness car crash en route, homeless encounters in state parks, fire-burns-food safety). I don’t care if you need camping nights to make eagle — some weather safety warrants canceling or changing plans or having parents arrive a day earlier.
Co-sign. I am very free range / “use your own good judgment” with my own kids, but am very, very by the book with other people’s kids, especially as a Girl Scout troop leader.
I commented up thread but will add that I feel a lot of sympathy for anyone who hadn’t evacuated by 3:30. It was too late then with the unbelievable speed of water rise. The time to evacuate is before the water is at the door, but too many didn’t know or didn’t anticipate it would be so bad so quickly. That’s a tragedy.
If anyone wants to read a truly heartbreaking but meaningful, deep story about survival and loss in the flood, go read the story about the river house breaking in Texas Monthly. That piece will stay with me forever and it affected something in me as a shared member of humanity and a mother. Warning, it’s a hard read.
No, because I don’t have an Opinion about it. I don’t think anyone’s life is improved by me (or any of us) doing an academic debate on a fashion blog about who is to blame for their children dying.
Yes could not agree more
Really? I have four kids who all love summer camp, and these conversations have informed decisions I will make about where I will let them go to camp/questions I will ask before letting them enroll.
Curious if you and OP have a connection to the camp that is compelling you to defend them/not cast blame where blame is currently, in fact, warranted?
I have no connection to this other than having been a victim in a different national tragedy. People gossiping about it on the internet sucked for me then. And I was an adult! I can’t imagine how much it would suck to see my tragedy used for internet time-wasting (and that is all this conversation is, to be clear) if I were one of the parents.
If that’s all it is to you, no one is making you read it. It’s useful to me. I didn’t know ACA accreditation existed before.
I’m so glad it’s useful enough to you that you could blow right past empathy or at least self reflection.
Yes, you seem to know a lot about lack of empathy. You have no idea why some people may want to talk about this here or what their stories are. You also have no right to police conversations. Go ahead and try, I can’t stop you, but it’s obnoxious af.
Sorry that me talking about my lived experience of having survived a tragedy annoys you!
What a dumb premise. Commenter disagrees with me so I assume they must have a connection to the thing in question.
I think it’s a realistic premise. This has been out of the news cycle for quite a bit now and was brought back up just a few days ago out of the blue. Other than learning to ask about accreditation, that’s basically all there is. It is weird at a certain point to keep lingering.
It’s back in the news. Obviously.
Why are you constantly posting about this? Feels creepy and morbid. People’s children died. And not mine. So since I have no insider knowledge I’m choosing not to treat their tragedy as entertainment and I don’t appreciate the constant posts here.
Not OP, but posts in two days from a tragedy nearly two months ago isn’t “constantly” posting. Collapse the thread, as I do with all the ones that bother me.
Exactly. It’s gross. Let them grieve, or if there is actual news to discuss, discuss that. This is just fiddling with the bones of other people’s pain.
Everyone makes decisions about safety for their family, and I certainly wasn’t aware that safety practices varied so widely. So I appreciate the PSAs.
I’ve appreciated discussions of other tragic headline news here before (like about the regulatory loophole exploited by Daily Harvest). It’s not because I just enjoy thinking about organ failure!
Accountability matters. Why should the families grieving be the only ones seeking accountability?
I hope you never get the opportunity to find out if you’d feel this way if it was your family. I don’t think you would, as someone on the other side of it.
Everyone grieves differently. My experience is that I am not in a good place to advocate or pursue change or even care about change when it’s been my loss. But if change needs to happen even if it’s too late to matter to me, I want other people to care.
Oh, you will want people to care. But I doubt you will want “caring” to take the form of pointless hot take online debates.
No. I have been part of emergency response at colleges in hurricane prone areas. Even in non-residential situations, you have to err on preventing the worse case scenario. That means giving people ample time to prepare and evacuate before a storm hits so they are sheltered in the best place and not on the roads. Yes, I have taken lots of flack when classes are canceled and there is no storm. Better that though than people dying or even getting injured because they felt obligated to be in class instead of safely at home.
The owners had a duty of care. I disagree that they should have even previously been allowing children to be cut off with few supplies in previous storms. Their policy should have been to move everyone to a central safe location and have them spend the night there.
TBH when our college cancelled classes due to a hurricane, the default student response was rum (possibly leaving us less well able to respond had we needed to).
Sorry, but this made me chuckle.
But you’re at least allowing legal adults (usually) to make their own bad decisions. They are being given the opportunity to make good decisions (stay sober, evacuate, monitor the situation). The fact that many people squander that opportunity is not related to the requirement to give it.
There needs to be a full investigation into what happened at both Camp Mystic and Camp La Junta. A mother of two boys from La Junta is testifying before a Texas House committee that the testimony given by camp leadership last week doesn’t match what her sons experienced – that there was a camp-wide evacuation drill on day 1, for instance, when her sons say they never did that. There are a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of details that need to be clarified to prevent similar tragedies from happening again. We’re in a changing climate world, both the physical climate and the political – the responses of our schools, camps, workplaces, and institutions need to keep up with these new challenges.
It’s almost like climate change is real.
Not at all. When your job is to keep other people’s children safe, your risk tolerance should be much lower than it is for yourself. They had the information in time, they did not act on it.
I so wish this were not an obsession of everyone here.
And I so wish these whiners would just collapse the thread! Guess neither of us will get what we want.
I don’t wear a lot of dresses or skirts because one of my legs has a lot of spider and varicose veins even down to the ankle area and they look like large bruises. I am embarrassed by them, but I would like to wear a dress that shows my calves to a work event this fall. Are hose the best solution, and if so, black or nude? Please recommend a good brand if there are some that are better quality.
You can try Sally Hansen airbrush legs if you don’t want to wear hose.
I do not want any self tanners etc. as I don’t like to use those kinds of products. If hose are going to look off I will just buy pants instead.
It’s not a self tanner, more like a makeup spray that washes off in the shower. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hose, though. I think the “best” color depends on your dress.
I will cling to my Ann Taylor black tights til the end, no matter what anyone thinks! I routinely wear them when I have conferences even in the South, because hotels are freezing. However, I only wear them with primarily black dresses – I would not wear them with other colors. What color is the dress you plan to wear for the work event?
Black
I like Hanes Silk Reflections for nude-for-you hose. Berkshire is also good. I’m old enough that I was always told to wear hose rather than go with bare legs. I am also large enough that hose or tights act as a way to prevent chub rub on my thighs. I will wear black hose or black tights (opaque) with fall/winter outfits. Never, ever wear any form of tights or hose with open toed shoes.
You can get black hose in different levels of transparency (look the hose dernier). I would experiment with a couple of options and see what you like. If you tell us what shape you are, someone with that shape can recommend what works for them. Different brands have different cuts.
I am tall and thin.
I have splotchy pale skin and bruise easily, with great legs that I like to show off. I also hate wearing hose, so I actively decided not to care what others might think of my perfectly normal middle aged pasty skin. Lotion keeps me from looking like a lizard, and going bare left me very self conscious the first few times, but it has become very freeing to just be myself and not feel like I need to hide or color in my body to please someone else’s aesthetic.
That might not be the route you want to take, but sharing for your consideration.
Thanks! I am very pale and have owned it for years, but they look so bruised now I no longer feel comfortable. I probably need to look into getting them treated but that a short term solution so looking for a quick fix.
What’s the weather like where you live? I’d do black tights if there’s a chill in the air. +1 to Berkshire brand. They’re workhorses that last for several years. I wash on delicate and hang dry.
No recs for hose – haven’t worn any for years!
My husband has a green card, and we are scared about how the “first they came for the (undocumented, asylum seekers, etc)” is definitely trickling down to everyone.
A neighboring City Council in our “blue state” is literally having a public debate about whether green card holders can be employed by the city. A resolution saying you must be a citizen seems to have support to pass. What?? A legal permanent resident is just that. Some countries don’t allow dual citizenship, and people may have various reasons to not naturalize, all of which are fine and should not prevent employment in a small city. It’s not like they’re needing to hold a security clearance. My reading is now even green card holders are suspect as “un-American” or “less than”.
He can apply for citizenship in a few months, and we are already working on his application. We recognize his risk is lower as a native English speaker with a graduate degree from a top US institution, although we are POC.
Somewhere there is a city attorney reminding them that they can’t actually do this. And a state AG reminding them that states and municipalities can’t have their own foreign policy. And somewhere there is a plaintiff’s attorney just waiting to sue. The stuff that grabs the headlines is likely from people wanting to be in the headlines and the grownups actually adulting are adulting and have no time for this nonsense.
That’s true, but there doesn’t seem to be a guarantee that judges will follow the law these days, and the whole debate just shows how ignorant people are about immigration issues, and how any immigrants, regardless of status, are viewed as suspect. My husband was a green card holder for many years, and became a citizen early in the first Trump administration. I’m relieved.
IMO judges follow black letter law pretty well. It’s the gray areas where they struggle (especially if they are somewhere without law clerks) and that is why we have courts of appeals and sometimes can stay to do an appeal during the case for a matter of state law interpretation (or involve the AG’s office early). Like there are processes for all of this sh*t already.
Meanwhile, in Florida…
Eh. I think a lot of the Trump stuff is truly awful, but I kind of get the thought behind government jobs should be reserved for actual citizens of that government.
But usually it’s just for residents in the area — like if you are a firefighter, you have to be able to get to the station in a hurry (or a city attorney — you should live there). But in my state, to be a U.S. House of Representatives member, you don’t actually even have to live in the district you represent. You have to live in the state, but could be someone else’s constituent (and it has happened). It’s really wild.
Yes, I also think police officers should have to live in the district where they serve. And I think they should be full citizens. That seems fine to me.
Even our military isn’t 100% U.S. citizens. Calm down.
Oh, well they should fix that next!
Why should a police officer be a US citizen? LPRs are here following the law. They have to renew their green cards every 10 years and pay another fee to the self-funded USCIS. There’s many non-citizens in the military, and veterans get hiring preference so it seems natural for non-citizens to serve in law enforcement.
Because they are not citizens, and citizens are the only people who should be performing actions on behalf of the government – especially actions that can include deadly force.
Hey genius — serving in the military gets you a bump on the path towards citizenship (and I am 100% on board with that).
You’re 100% on board with requiring people to put their lives on the line to become
American citizens? Huh!
Our federal government employs non-citizens all around the world…
Re the military, it’s more that someone who’d put their life on the line to serve (when most citizens won’t) should get a shorter path to citizenship. They are earning what I lucked into.
My father is an Indian immigrant. He served as a physician during Vietnam. Al of his war buddies are Black because it was still very much a segregated army. He never talks about his service but he entered the army as a surgeon, came home, and did a family practice residency. I think he saw a lot. Some of these comments are so foolish.
Seems predatory but ok!
A friend of ours, an LPR, served in the Army during Iraq. He was just deported due to a 20 year old DUI. That is what is happening now.
And to clarify — resident in these cases means just that: a person who actually resides in the area (confirmed with a lease) and who is lawfully permitted to work (which is citizens, lawful permanent residents, and people with other non-tourist visas allowing them to work in the US). Sheesh people — it’s like no more Rolling Stones tours in the US because stadium concerts should just be for US bands (what does that even mean??? like baseball, our national pastime, isn’t made up of people coming here from elsewhere to work).
TAKE IT FROM ME: it is better to live in a place people want to come to than a place people leave (my hometown, in the US, has been declining in population since 1900 per the census, even as the US population has grown; a site of no “foreigners” can mean that there isn’t opportunity for ANYONE. Do you want that???)
Everyone here wants legal immigrants to have wonderful, fulfilling, prosperous non-government jobs!
Bold move there, going with “everyone”
I wasn’t aware the government owed arenas and stadiums in the United States … oh, wait, they don’t. So that actually has nothing to do with this conversation
What in the world? Plenty of government-owned arenas in the US. Like in places where the highest-paid state employee is a football coach (and the next is the dean of the medical school or a professor there). Our city has at least two arenas and several stadiums. Yours probably does also.
That’s not at all what being a permanent resident means but go off with your anti immigrant views.
?? I’m saying that government jobs being reserved for citizens seems fine to me. That’s not anti-immigrant, and labeling it as such without an actual argument makes for a pretty shallow post.
FWIW, I agree with you that reserving government jobs for citizens is fine. And I don’t see how that could be illegal
The problem is that 1) maybe no one wants these jobs and you don’t want them unfilled and 2) maybe you aren’t getting the best people by limiting your pool.
I get wanting hirees to live close for some jobs, but only where that actually makes sense. IDK how you’d get a police or fire employee to live in the UES though unless you provided dorms while on-duty (which fire does).
I get it only if there is something like a top-level security clearance involved. But really do not think it makes a difference who drives the trash truck or is a substitute teacher. Somewhere like Miami or NYC it may substantially limit your pool and tie your hands for no good reason.
If no one wants the job, then we can eliminate it, improve its pay package, or expand the geographic region from which we hire citizens. We don’t need the hiring pool to include non-citizens for government jobs.
Yeah, having just canceled any affirmative action and inclusion in the name of ‘hiring only based on merit’, only to then do affirmative action based on nationality is ridiculous. It’s also not representative of this country’s history. But what do I know. I’ve only paid taxes here for almost a decade…
So tax paying non-citizens with legal status shouldn’t be able to serve in their communities? They may have relevant language skills needed to interact with the public in their city.
They can serve in many ways that do not involve being employed by the government! Community involvement is awesome and comes in many forms.
Genuine question: what is the thought process behind this? As a green card holder, it would never have occurred to me, but I want to try to understand. I know I cannot apply for certain jobs already, but I’ve typically seen them as higher security positions. Is the idea that we would save the good government jobs for citizens?
I question the timing of why the city is trying to do this now. They could have done it at any time (if it’s legal, which I’m not sure it is as it seems like national origin discrimination, but I’m not going to debate the legality). The timing makes it feel like an anti-immigrant motive or desire to stay under Trump’s radar, not actually to prevent noncitizens from working in government roles. The latter motive may be justified depending on the position (but surely not for all government roles). The former motives just make me sad.
BTW, most public universities who are at least partially founded by the taxpayer depend on workforce from abroad – faculty, staff, admin, or clerical. These people may be on green cards or various forms of visas.
Do you want that universities only employ citizens? Then you can go ahead and close those schools, because they’ll just collapse.
Signed,
Spouse of an academic with a green card who is formally an employee of the state we live in
It very literally is anti immigrant
A government is supposed to be “by the people” and the people in question are citizens.
If you can’t vote for a public official, you shouldn’t be one.
The US govt seeks out non-citizens all the time. Would we have been able to launch satellites, land a man on the moon, etc without these people? Certainly not on the same time frame.
It’s literally anti- immigrant. Plenty of countries don’t allow dual citizenship. So they can’t take citizenship without risking their ability to go visit their parents and siblings.
So sure, let’s just fire my 20 year permanent resident DH who employs multiple research staff at his fed govt lab. I’m sure they would love to lose their jobs and who needs agricultural research anyway. Not like we want home grown food that uses less pesticides so is less expensive for farmers to produce.
Ha — plenty of constituents can’t vote (e.g., teens). And most who can don’t bother do. Heck, my home state elects plenty of felons who can’t even vote themselves into office.
I also don’t think the government should be employing children or felons. They also probably should make sure the applicants have the relevant experience and education for the role. It’s almost like there can be more than one requirement for a job!
Outside of a very few national security jobs, I can’t see a scenario where for any job with a government employer, you get a meaningfully better employee by limiting the applicant pool to citizens. Education? Punctuality?Like what is a distinction that rationally relates to citizenship (and not by engaging in generalizations and stereotyping).
The highest government job in the US is currently held by a felon.
Said felon is married to an immigrant. It’s not the first time he’s done that. Hella sus.
Agree, for a myriad of reasons.
“Myriad reasons” not “myriad of”
I disagree. Look at public hospitals and health departments in rural areas and even smaller cities. Many of those places have foreign doctors and nurses in government jobs because no one wants to live in those places so they have to be incentivized with loan repayment offers. You would probably feel differently if you had to drive several hours in an emergency because there weren’t doctors or nurses nearby. They have tried doing this with citizens but simply put highly educated American born citizens do not want to live in these places. That’s why brain drain exists. They want to live in areas of greater opportunity not where the rural hospital is.
If I was hours from an ER, I would move so I wasn’t.
hahaha
If you are hours from an ER, you can’t afford to move, much less to a place with more amenities.
So small towns should just close up shop? Everyone move?
Yes. I thought liberals loved density?
But the farmland can’t move with you. Do you need to eat? The farmer who produces the food has to live where the land is.
I mean, maybe they should? Small towns and rural counties in my state get a boatload of subsidies – for example, significantly higher funding for schools, state-funded LEO’s dedicated to counties that have simply refused to tax their residents enough to pay for county police, higher medicare/medicaid reimbursement for rural hospitals. I would like to have the benefits of living in a rural community (like the one I grew up in), but I don’t think it’s fair to ask the rest of the country to subsidize that for me, so I moved to where the jobs are.
There’s a balance – there are certainly resources the whole country benefits from, and places where it makes sense to invest in rural areas (for example, roads frequently used by non-residents might merit federal investment) but I don’t think people have some kind of intrinsic right to live in inefficient rural areas, that justifies requiring everyone else to subsidize them and provide the same level of services you find in denser areas. Life is full of trade-offs – if you want the advantages of an area, you accept the disadvantages
Good lord — how do people believe in evolution when this is the culmination of eons of natural selection?
The consequence of that would be everyone living in our existing cities. And then they become less affordable. It is a very privileged perspective to say every person whose closest hospital is 40 miles away can move if it closes and the next one is 100 miles away. Most people are just not able to sell their homes and leave their jobs that easily.
Where do you live that it would take hours to drive 40 miles?
Urban living is dependent on rural living. Who is subsidizing whom?
You can’t really drive yourself to the ER (or at least, you shouldn’t). You need someone to drive you. Maybe there is an ambulance or volunteer rescue squad or fire department? But seriously, get out of the big US cities and see how the country that feeds you actually works (and struggles). This is very much a latte-town level of ignorance.
How silly! Do you want to depopulate all the farm states? All the states with national parks?
I live in a major US city where it can take hours to drive 40 miles.
And I bet you pass five hospitals in those 40 miles.
Amen.
A while back, SD had so few pediatric nephrologists that the hospital has to fly doctors from Sioux Falls to Rapid City to see patients.
The only hospital in my mostly-rural home county had a number of foreign doctors, especially in hard-to-recruit specialties like rheumatology. I’m sure some of them were govt. employees or got loan forgiveness.
They were a real blessing to the community. Economically, having an actual hospital allowed for growth because people didn’t want to move out of close-in suburbs to a place without health care. They were also generally well-liked and well-respected by community members, many of whom (especially in the 1990s) had never met someone from India or South Korea or Lebanon before knowing Dr. So-and-so.
It’s a weird take to suggest that US citizens who have never set foot in the US should have a priority for govt jobs over green card holders who have been legal residents for decades but unable to take citizenship because of country of birth issues.
Not really, no. But to be clear, I do also think you need to be able to do the job, which for most municipalities requires you to be within driving distance of the office.
Actually is pretty weird that you think someone who has never lived in the US should get a municipal job over someone who has lived legally in the town for decades and is super involved in the community.
It’s like you think all immigrants are so lucky to be in the US vs we are lucky to have them because the best of the best could get jobs anywhere and create more jobs wherever they do. Dumb generic rules like ‘only citizens’ don’t help the US especially on research jobs where we are way behind’
Non-American here. Perhaps this debate is all done by the same 1-2 trolls. But if not- the cognitive dissonance is astounding. I know some of you voted sensibly and are doing all you can to rectify this situation. I am sympathetic to your plight. For the rest- know that you are dragging your country down more and more every day. People outside America (mostly) do not feel it is safe to travel there. It’s not safe to trust your government to do business or negotiate anything. I don’t see the US bouncing back from this reputational damage, even for a while after the current President is gone. You are on your way to being a has-been country. I wish it weren’t that way, but that’s how it looks from the outside.
The biggest anti-immigrant person I know is currently having a recurrence of cancer. I know all of her doctors and it’s funny how she wanted the best care and is getting it from people she’d have shut the door on (and it’s very obvious that they aren’t natives; back in the day, my people weren’t, either).
Immigrants: you get the job done
Why are you on an American fashion blog? Seems like a waste of your one precious life.
Can’t handle the truth, huh
Just seems like a strange hobby to have.
I do not think anyone here has ever said anything approximating “the truth,” lol. Do you think that you are God?
That’s what you get from her post? We can diminish the comment, but it tracks. We are failing on almost every level, and the world is watching in horror.
Seriously!
Shrug. Some things the Trump administration has done are actually correct. The Chief Economist Strategist of Morgan Stanley has said that some tariff agreements were unfair to the US, and that NAFTA is long overdue for re-negotiation.
People need to consider that different polls show many Americans want less immigration, more controlled immigration, and are not supportive of globalization. So, how other countries “feel” or think is not relevant to what appears to be a significant part of the US population.
LOL Do you realize the felon already renegotiated NAFTA in his first term? And then decided not to abide by it?
You should take another look at polling on immigration. https://news.gallup.com/poll/692522/surge-concern-immigration-abated.aspx
Gallup poll from June showing only 30% of Americans want less immigration. 80% consider immigration good for the country (record high). Only 35% of Americans approve of the felon’s handling of immigration.
So you are wrong on the facts, and you’re also a bad person.
What an intelligent, calm, reasonable comment. You’ve definitely convinced me of your position.
Long time poster looking for some advice. My parents are seeing a charge from a company called Horizon Direct in San Diego for $39.95 every month on their credit card. They have no idea what this is for, but to me it seems like some kind of subscription they did not sign up for. They were protesting it and not paying it, but it still shows up. They went through the hassle of changing credit cards but the new card is showing this charge as well. What can they do to get this company to stop charging them? They just told me about it after they’ve seen it for months and now, as the oldest daughter and the only lawyer in the family, it’s up to me to resolve this for me. Any advice would be helpful.
Here is what I found: https://discover.hubpages.com/money/what-is-horizon-direct-san-diego-ca-charge
Credit cards have a truly awful feature of “updating” recurring subscriptions when you change credit card numbers. This is despite the fact that many people get new card numbers precisely to avoid paying for fraudulent subscriptions.
It’s called a Card Account Updater.
Get on the phone with the credit card company and tell them to issue a new card AND to block updated card information from being sent to any and all recurring subscriptions.
If that doesn’t work, California AG’s office for consumer protection:
https://oag.ca.gov/contact/consumer-complaint-against-business-or-company
Have you called the company?
To cancel Horizon Direct: https://www.hrzndirect.com/
If you’re in CA the law requires easy cancellation:
New law makes canceling subscriptions a snap in California …
California’s subscription law, effective July 1, 2025, requires businesses to obtain explicit customer consent for automatic renewals, clearly disclose terms, provide annual reminders with cancellation instructions, and allow “click-to-cancel” options for online sign-ups, making it among the strictest auto-renewal laws in the US. Businesses must also provide timely notice of price changes, free trial expirations, and the automatic renewal terms for subscriptions of one year or longer.
Yeah, cite this in any communication with them, and threaten to report them to the California AG. Oh, and while you are at it, ask for both the cancellation and for them to delete your parents information. We have a right to be deleted, as part of California privacy laws.
I’ve always mainly used only concealer, but I think I should branch out into a bb cream or light foundation. Any suggestions for one that stays well? I have dry skin, so nothing drying preferably.
I use a pea size amount of laroche posay moisturizer with spf, then use SAIE tinted moisturizer (also with spf) on top. I’m 49, so drier skin.
I have been using moisturizer with a teeny dab of foundation and a teeny dab of a luminizer. The foundation is a really good skin match. The BB creams don’t have much of a range of shades.
I really like the Dr Jart Premium BB. Laura Mercier Tinted Moistuzed in the Dewy formula (relatively new) is good too.
The big trick is figuring out what works over your skincare. My daily sunscreen is non negotiable, and both of the above work over it, but it really depends on which particular products you use.
I moved my dad into a development where one rental building is independent living and the other building is divided up into 3 floors of assisted living, 1 floor of memory care, and 1 floor of post-hospital rehab. Over the year he has been there, a lot of the “nicer” areas that had formerly been common areas were reserved for the independent living building, with the assisted living tenants (which he is) limited to their floors, one not-great parlor, and one narrow not-great open balcony, with walks outside limited to a sidewalk. I’m really upset since walking is one of his remaining enjoyable activities and he can’t really walk inside any more if the weather is bad (the common area now off-limits was like a resort with very long hallways). It just rubs me the wrong way. If he got in to a building that is 100% assisted living folks (so nothing is off-limits), he might do better but a move could be disruptive. Has anyone done this? He’s been at this place just a year (and didn’t live in my city before that). If he lives say 5-10 more years, I wouldn’t want it to be like it is now (and he’s pretty health, just old and doesn’t cook and didn’t want to live with me).
Edited to add: Has anyone else moved an elder from one AL community to another? What do I need to think about? Both are close to me. He’s been on the waitlist for the one I prefer since he became in need of AL and a move and he could get off of it rather suddenly (he is #1 on the list now).
Very much depends on how integrated he is there. Does he have friends? Does he do the activities? Does he have a group he regularly eats with? If yes to those things, I’d leave him where he is because starting over is very hard and can lead to quick declines.
Somewhat similar. My Dad had been in independent living for about 5 years., at first with my Mom, then 2 years on his own after she died. We relocated him (several hours away) because he was so far away and while he was not quite ready for assisted living, he needed more help. The move was very hard on him. He had some memory issues before the move, but they accelerated after. He never really adjusted to the new place.
I did, but it was made easier by having the family member be at the quiet befuddlement state of dementia. She knows enough to know her family members do stuff for her, and she’s not getting angry at almost anything yet. (Let’s just say my sibling annoys her on several issues.) It was a cross-country move to get her closer to family and what will be her final home, and we got her from one home straight into the other. She knew enough about her decline to accept she couldn’t live along, and the free food and activities are enough to keep her interested and calm. So, it’s not necessarily doom and gloom.
I wonder how inflexible they are, or whether they’d just make an exception for him? I’m not sure how the limit is being enforced though; maybe it’s inaccessible now.
Also who told you about this rule OP? My experience is the residents of AL are very unreliable narrators and they make up a lot of rules. Go talk to the actual facility, I’m sure there’s a place he can take a walk. He might not want to walk and that’s the real issue.
There are really unfriendly signs from management now. They weren’t there a month or so ago.
There is a badge system, where independent living people get name badges to freely walk around the property with and AL people don’t have them (so get stopped and returned to their side). It was a close call as to which my dad needed and I went with AL for 21 vs 14 meals a week provided, but it’s not some miserable old person who would make less-aged older people “uncomfortable,” but that seems to be what it boils down to — different classes of older people being segregated from each other (and FWIW, the AL people pay more than the independent living people).
This makes me question these CCRC models where you are actually banned from parts of a property (and very glad it’s a rental community vs one we are tied to by buying in).
Why won’t they let him have a name badge?
liability is my guess. Can you picture deciding on a case by case basis just how close to the border of independent vs. AL a given resident is? So there’s a blanket rule for everybody. The facility clearly wants AL residents to be able to be more closely monitored vs. elsewhere on the grounds.
I haven’t gone through a facility move but based on what the OP has said in the thread, think it may be worth switching for her parent’s situation.
OP here — just because he is on the assisted living side of the complex. Nothing else. He is just like the other people except he doesn’t cook (so more men are in AL because of that vs independent living). Some independent living people are there who have a competent spouse (so are in walkers, use Depends, etc.) and that isn’t disqualifying from independent living. Dad is only in AL because he doesn’t cook. He does his own meds, needs no ADL help, etc. They already wear watches that help track them if they go off-site (so when I take him somewhere, he signs out so they know he hasn’t had a sudden change or has wandered off with come new cognitive issue). Memory care is in a locked area, which I get — wandering off onto a busy road could be deadly.
OP- could he learn to make a couple simple meals and move to independent living? heck I’d be happy to live on turkey sandwiches for dinner if it meant I had more freedom.
I would talk to him about it, but if he’s unhappy and isn’t deeply connected at the current place, then moving asap is the only solution.
Speaking of splurges … how did you decide what to spend on a house?
Context: 36, single, I make $225/yr and it’s pretty stable but not likely to dramatically increase in the next 5 years. I have been renting for 2 years post divorce, and now that everything is sorted I am ready to buy. I have $550k as a down payment and $350k in my retirement savings.
I can:
(a) spend $1.6m on a detached house in a neighbourhood I really like with a basement suite that would bring in an extra $2k/mo but does have the hassle of being a landlord; or
(b) spend $1.1 on a townhouse in a neighbourhood I don’t like quite as much but wouldn’t be bad.
I *want* the house – I had one pre divorce, I love hosting, I work from home a lot so I like the space, I love having a garden and even doing maintenance. I’ve been approved for a mortgage more than the house. BUT, I’m terrified of a mortgage that high on a single income. I don’t want a condo – I’ve been living in one for the last couple years and it’s too crowded and too expensive in my city for what you get.
WWYD?
No question A especially with the rental income. I’d fix up the rental too so you can get a higher rate. I’m a LL in the exact situation and it’s not a hassle at all. Takes up less than 1% of my time.
Agreed. Is there an existing (good) tenant in the rental unit? That would also solidify my recommendation for A.
Revising based on the below – if the basement unit is part of the house, no way. If it’s a separate unit, absolutely.
Oh I am the other Anon poster who agreed with you, and I also would revise my answer if the basement is part of the house. I read it as if it were a separate unit!
Are there only options a & b? Are there no smaller homes or town homes in your preferred neighborhood? Personally I’m a fan of my city’s historic neighborhood since it’s walkable and beautiful and it contains the full spectrum of housing types.
OP – nothing smaller in the preferred neighbourhood; I can spend more on a townhome in the other neighbourhood but don’t really want to. Houses in the other neighbourhood are more expensive.
There’s nothing really cheaper unless I’m an hour + away from work or in a condo. Or in a major fixer-upper, which I don’t really want to deal with.
Your retirement savings are pretty low relative to your income and your down payment. I don’t know that I’d buy anything right now.
+1 you’re doing well financially especially for your age and being freshly post-divorce, but it’s wild to me to have a $550k down payment and only $350k in retirement. You should have the bulk of your savings in retirement.
A house is part of retirement savings, it’s an appreciating asset that can be sold down the line. Rent is just money down the drain. Buy the house.
The balance of your investments matter, and this is too heavy into a single piece of real estate.
If her house is destroyed in a way insurance doesn’t cover, she’s ficked.
This is simply not true, and is misguided for many people.
You can’t sell your house when you are living in it.
I just want to clarify “spend” — Are the $1.6/$1.1 figures the value of the homes or the amount you’d be borrowing? You have a ton to put down which puts the townhome in a very attainable range.
OP – that’s the value of the homes, not counting the down payment.
Ok. You can’t afford a $1MM mortgage on a single 225k income and I’m shocked that people are saying you can. Both the amount and the single income elements (you’d be in very hot water if you lost your job) are problematic.
Yeah, I was pretty shocked to even read the OPs question.
I prioritized a mortgage I felt comfortable with on my income at the time I bought. That decision paid off when I lost my job a few years ago because I could easily make the payments.
I wouldn’t buy a townhouse I didn’t want but I don’t know what the market is like where you are. Being a landlord is work if you don’t have an existing tenant who treats the property well. How dependent are you on that income coming in if you couldn’t rent it for some reason?
I would first talk to an attorney about the legal ramifications of being a landlord. What is the eviction process like? How can you screen tenants in accordance with local laws? How would you feel about, eg, your tenants having kids who play on the yard? What happens if your tenants are loud during the day and it’s hard to WFH?
If you have a solid network of friends who know young people just starting out, middle aged people who like renting for the convenience, etc., consider going that route.
Don’t buy a house you don’t want. So, that rules out (b).
Regarding (a), “terror” is an extreme word, so you need to deal with it. Either get very, very clear on the budget and all the associated numbers so you understand that your terror is an outsized fear that isn’t based in reality, or do the emotional work needed to be able to withstand financial uncertainty in the face of a future you can’t predict. Or both.
Then buy (a) or keep looking.
I have similar income/asset stats to you, and you’d have to pay me a lot more than $2k/month to share my house with someone and be a landlord. I think you’re underestimating how awful that can be.
+1 There’s no hosting parties in a house with a tenant in the basement.
Wait, is it a separate unit or a room in the house? A separate unit is NBD but a room in the house is something else entirely.
I have been a landlord for over 10 years now, and if I could go back and undo that decision, I would.
LL for 20+ years here and best decision I ever made.
Is your renter in your house, though?
Heck no! I advised above and changed based on the in the house issue. That’s wild and I’d never consider it.
Yep!! I have a family member who bought a duplex and rents out half the house. The renters are quiet and responsible and all wonderful things…. And you better believe that having direct access to (and a shared backyard with) their landlord is a huge nightmare for both sides. The tenants seem to feel watched, and they knock on my family member’s door if a maintenance request has pended more than 24 hours. And that’s a best case scenario! I can’t imagine if they had to evict someone!
I’m anon at 1232. To clarify- it has been a good decision financially, but I just don’t like dealing with being a landlord and the various issues that tend to pop up. It’s not how I want to spend my time.
How solid is the potential for a renter (both in terms of finding someone and you actually wanting to do it)? We have a similar income and a $1M mortgage would be impossible. We do have kids, but feel pretty frugal in most areas of our lives (like, we get takeout dinner four times a year and cook all the rest do the days…).
We spend a much greater portion of our income on our house than most people here (purchased at $750K with a $500Kish loan), and I do believe in stretching for a house you love, but this feels too tight for me. Remember, there will likely be cascades of things to repair and fix up over the first several years of ownership. We’ve spent over $100K since moving in a few years ago
I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion but if you *want* a house it sounds like your best bet is to marry someone with a house. Or get married again and buy a nice house with two incomes. You really can’t afford a $1.6m house right now, especially with practically nothing saved for retirement.
Come on. I agree that OP can’t afford a $1.6m house right now, but $350k saved at 36 is not “practically nothing saved for retirement.”
Seriously. Fidelity’s benchmark is 1x salary at 30 and 3x at 40. OP sounds well on her way (if she keeps up contributions).
I know it’s popular around here to max a 401k and an IRA…but given that I max neither and have a healthy nest egg, that seems like so much money. Maybe a good ideal, but definitely not necessary for most of us
Agreed! OP is doing wonderfully! OP, be proud of yourself.
I think the point is that she has $900k saved, and only allocating $350k of that to retirement is “practically nothing” relative to the $900k. If OP parked an additional $200k in brokerage and acted as though she had $550k saved and $350k available as a down payment, that starts to make more sense as an allocation of those funds.
Yup.
No, that poster was not commenting on the allocation of her assets. I don’t know why you think that these numbers are some “allocation” OP has rather than, say, money in different types of savings vehicles. $350k isn’t “practically nothing” relative to $900k, that’s just absurd if you have a basic understanding of fractions. You might think it makes more sense for OP to park $200k in brokerage accounts instead of using it for a down payment, but that’s not what OP asked and it’s not what the commenter at 12:14 said.
Ok! Then I’ll just shortcut what I said and say that I think OP shouldn’t buy either because she does not have sufficient assets to buy any seven figure home.
Wait for another few months. Houses come on the market all the time and neither of these options is perfect for you.
Neither. With a HHI of $190k and around the same retirement savings, $200k in liquid savings, and $400k in home equity, I’m essentially you without the divorce. I have a mortgage for $410,000 at 3 % and that is comfortable but with very little wiggle room to spare. You can’t afford either of these options.
I’m the same age, and our income is close to double yours, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable spending $1.6 mil on a house. We currently have two kids in daycare so about $4k a month. We are not crazy spenders, but we do like going out to eat occasionally and traveling, etc. We felt like we would not be able to do that if we spend more of our income on a house. We also have always tried to be conscious of having an emergency fund, retirement savings, etc. For context, we bought a house for $680k with a high interest rate that we knew coming in was a bit of a fixer upper. We have so far spent ~$175k on the house– kitchen remodel, floors, painting, and several expensive unexpected repairs.
Our friends recently bought a $1.8 mil house that is about 10 years old. Family financed the down payment, and they can afford the mortgage on their income, but they have no real savings. They have had $25k-ish in expenses just this year with unexpected repairs, and everything has been a struggle for them to pay as they are so cash-strapped with the mortgage.
Both of those houses would be out of my comfort zone on your household income.
I would not buy (b) because you don’t like it. I would not be (a) because I don’t think you can really afford it on your income. I know that stinks, but a million-dollar mortgage is a lot.
Just wanted to add– I think you are doing well financially, and you should applaud yourself for your income. I still don’t think you can afford either house.
“If I can’t afford these houses, who can?,” you might ask. I have no idea. This is literally something I ask myself all the time in a city with similarly priced homes.
Single people with salaries higher than OP’s or married couples whose salaries combine to be higher than OP’s.
Most physicians and a good number of lawyers, for example. Many business owners.
Yeah being single is unfortunately a big disadvantage. Not many people earn >$225k but way more people earn $125k+ and combine with a spouse/partner to be $250k+.
I’d hold out. I don’t think either option is good enough to justify the risk.
Option 1 is more house than you need, unless you live in the basement until you need the extra space.
Option 2 is a less desirable area so I’d not recommend that for such a high price.
Multifamily is definitely the way to go but the rental unit has to make sense. I went after the house in my divorce because the mortgage was a fixed low rate of 2.875% for 30 years. I was able to divide the property and rent out 3/4 of the space when I was laid off. I can’t imagine living with my debt load with the current 7% interest. I’m able to meet all my financial obligations because of the high rent received. As you are single you need to think of the ability to rent to the most desirable group of tenants (normally not families, so smaller 1-2 bed units are better).
Also, consider your overall situation and you need the house in a LLC and substantial umbrella insurance if you are renting it out. The pricing isn’t as low as it was 5 years ago. The LLc is about $1000 extra per year for tax returns.
How would you spend $250 to give yourself a little pick-me-up? I’m having a rough time emotionally right now and want to treat myself to something to try to make myself feel a little better.
A package of tennis lessons with a pro somewhere.
Frye sale section?
Night at a beach hotel.
1) getaway for a night
2) day spa
3) staycation
4) some kind of glow up gift
Massage, facial or something like that.
Supplies or equipment for a hobby.
Something you can get a few weeks out of or look forward too weekly.
250-300$ is just about what I spend on drawing lessions for 6 week sessions. So, a class you can look forward to each week?
set it aside as a flower delivery budget?
or fancy consumable of your choice (coffee beans, chocolates, meal boxes)?
Experience: Browsing a bookstore for a few new buzzy reads + an appointment for a facial or head spa
Material items: A super soft lounge set from Lake, Varley, or Alo and a nice scented candle
Ohh, or getting a big stack of books from the library and spending the 250 on a great pillow.
Eberjey pajamas! They were more than I had ever spent on PJs in my life — but when I put them on, they feel so great AND look so cute that it always makes me smile.
Jewelry of some kind. I really love my college and law school, so I would probably browse their websites to see if they had anything that struck my fancy. It’s good to be reminded of those years.
Therapy session. Retailer therapy is not therapy.
A stack of fabric to feed my burgeoning sewing hobby, and a massage.
Lawyers in very small firms, what percent of your billables are you paid (counting salary, bonus, benefits)? FWIW, pretty niche area, 10yr experience, it’s me and the owner. (cross posted from the corporette moms board).
When I was at a very small firm, I don’t remember the exact percentage, but I do remember it being quite a bit less than the “1/3 rule” everyone kept talking about. (Although I was only thinking about my salary + bonus, and not my benefits; it would have been a higher percentage if including that cost)
I have straight, fine hair and have always wanted to be able to style it into loose waves. I’ve never tried very hard to do this, but I’m ready to give it a real go. Does anyone have tips on what actually works for straight hair? Or a specific influencer to look for a tutorial from?
Heat styling with one of those spinny things + hair spray is the only way. And mousse or volume spray on your hair before drying.
Mary Orton’s tutorial with hot rollers. She has a written-out blog post (memorandum dot com) and a series of detailed saved Instagram stories (her handle is her name).
Naturally straight hair doesn’t take to hot rollers well. Get a curling iron or variant.
Disagree. My very straight hair is a fan of hot rollers. Gives it volume and bounce. But do agree it won’t give the waves OP is seeking.
My naturally straight hair loses 100% of anything from hot rollers in 30 minutes. The heat isn’t hot enough.
Pin straight hair here, hot rollers (+mousse) work better for me than an iron
It’s the only way my stick-straight hair has ever taken a good curl.
Same. It’s not the high heat but how long you leave the rollers in. Let them cool down while still in your hair and you’ll get the body and wave you want.
Has anyone declined osteporsis treatment? For one of the drugs you need to followed for life for risk of osteosarcoma. That’s a daily injection for 2 years – super expensive. For anther, my dentist told me she has seen a lot of jaw necrosis and tooth issues and if it were her she would not go near it. For another, you need a quarterly infusion for life. Another has significant cardiovasular risk.
I just don’t trust drug companies when they say the risks are so rare you should not even consider them. My PCP says vitamin D, calcium, and weight bearing exercise should be fine. My GYN who ordered the Dexa scan and reviewed the results with me seems to think pharmaceutical treatment is imperative.
Thanks in advance.
Not me, but my mom declined to use the medication. For 10 years, she’s gotten along OK with exercise and calcium supplements. She does have swelling sometimes, but it has been manageable. My mom is super stubborn about taking medication and has a super high pain tolerance, so take this all with a huge grain of salt. Staying active seems to be key; she cannot do long car rides at all.
I have osteoporosis “young” (diagnosed at 40) due to celiac disease. The osteo was diagnosed first.
I’ve had very bad GI reactions (possibly in part because of the celiac) to every one of the bisphosphonate medications. After a osteo specialist assured me it would be different, I jumped on board a year-long infusion of Reclast. It was not different. I had the distinctive reflux and GI symptoms for 11 months and could barely work or leave the house at times.
I am currently declining medications while pursuing PT for weight-bearing exercise and improved diet with supplements. This is not forever. New drugs may be on the horizon.
You might want to check out the Reddit forum on this topic – looks of good info there. I am on month 4 of 2 years taking a daily injection, Tymlos. It is supposed to help build bone mass back. And then like you said, I have to take something else after the 2 years. I was not crazy about it but at 52, my dexa scan was terrible and I like the idea that this might help build back. Good luck with it! I know it is not an easy decision.
Have you seen an endocrinologist? I think it might be helpful to get their opinion on your scan and options.
+1
This type of question needs a specialist. Not a PCP or GYN.
Make an appointment with an endocrinologist who specializes in bone health – not diabetes (they are often very subspecialized). In my city the waiting list is about 1 year for these doctors (!), so while you are waiting, do all the things to optimize your calcium intake (with food if possible, which is safer than with supplements), get your vitamin D in the right range with supplements and repeat blood testing, and start your weight baring exercise regimen. Then with the endocrinologist you can decide when to repeat your DEXA scan and talk about treatment options at that time.
Life is long. Lots of years for breaking bones and hips, which will be at a higher risk for you than the rare osteonecrosis side effects. And we don’t know your medical history (or health insurance coverage), but there are more treatment options these days. But it is good to weigh the risks/benefits and treatment decisions don’t need to be made immediately, unless your DEXA scan results are really terrible.
I don’t know how old you are, but the real question you need to find out is WHY do you have osteoporosis already? This is because if there are risk factors that you should be addressing as well, this should be done now. Like do you have celiac and never realized it? Or should you be on HRT if you are peri/postmenopausal? Are you on some other medicine that is actually breaking down your bone density that you should try to get off? These are all good questions to discuss with your endocrinologist, and at least with your PCP until you can be be seen by endo.
Until then, be wary of high risk activities like skiing etc since your fracture risk may be high.
100%
And an endocrinologist will screen for things like celiac.
In my case, I just have crap bones. And I was willing to do just about anything after my pelvis fractured.
I gave myself daily Tymlos injections for two years (I had an allergic reaction to Prolia). Then I had 3 years of Reclast infusions. It’s helped a lot.
I had a fractured pelvis, and fractured foot and a fractured patella from osteoporosis (not all at the same time thankfully).
Reclast makes me nervous since I thought it could make bones denser (better DEXAs) but more brittle.
In my case and per my endocrinologist, it works to keep the bone remodeling/growth I got from Tymlos.
And in my very specific case, I’ve now had breast cancer twice. Reclast is also used to treat bone mets from breast cancer so there may be an added benefit for me.
Thanks for educating me about the context where it’s still helpful. I hope it does help and continues to help!
Yes. I have contraindications for them. I am kind of hoping Fortibone peptides work.
RIP MakeupAlley.
They posted a notice on their site that their last day will be September 27, 2025.
I think I learned about that site in a thread here and have used it many times over the years to look at user reviews for products I was considering trying. I’ve also posted many reviews myself, both to warn off potential buyers from bad products and to encourage them to try products I loved.
Oh wow! I was a devotee in the early days, right after I graduated college. Haven’t been there in years, though.
Their forums were a drama goldmine.
Damn. I wasn’t one of the regular posters but I used that place a lot as a reader!
anyone had covid recently? i have it now and while i don’t feel horrifically bad i still don’t feel well. i have a headache and congestion. it’s been a week now. how long did it continue for you? it’s hard to parent when feeling sick (fortunately the kids are healthy so far)
I’ve had what I thought were bad seasonal allergies for about a week now and got a positive Covid test yesterday. Not sure if it’s the placebo effect of testing and knowing I have Covid and not allergies (this is the second time I’ve tested positive and it was super mild the first time I had it) but I feel much better today. I didn’t have a fever, chest issues or sore throat, just stuffiness, sneezing, mild headache and itchy eyes, so very consistent with allergy symptoms for me.
I had what I thought were bad seasonal allergies (sore throat, congestion, post-nasal drip) that were then unresponsive to allergy meds. Symptoms eventually turned into mostly fatigue + brain fog (which is when I realized it was Covid). I would say 10-14 days total. I had symptoms for about the first week. Fatigue/brain fog was for about the next week and tapered off over time.
had it two months ago and it felt like a cold – not 100% energy, stuffed up, resulting in sinus pressure, achy throat. Congestion and sore throat cleared up after 4-5 days, energy returned to normal around day 10. I like Mucinex for helping to move things along.
I’m having a colonoscopy this week and am dreading it so much. Any tips/ideas for the, um, prep stage? I’m realizing that I’m going to be fasting during a work retreat I’m already dreading, so that’s going to be extra fun!
Eat a low residue diet for the 3-7 days beforehand, and prep will be a breeze. I skipped nuts, seeds, and peels, but some people also skip gristly meat. I’m vegan, so this was a big switch from my normal plant heavy diet, but I got to eat white bread PB&J sandwiches like a kid again, so it worked out!
Agree, I did butter pasta and bland things for a couple days before and the actual toileting part of the day was much less than I was expecting.
What prep are you doing? I would talk to your doctor about a back up plan and how you can contact her if needed. I could not choke down more than half my Suprep, so I called the doctor and confirmed I could switch to the MiraLAX prep for the second dose.
And since I had eaten so blandly the days prior, I was cleaned out enough despite some bad reactions to both prep stages. I’m having another one later this year and will be trying out the tablets this time, lol
FWIW, OP, I had my colonoscopy for suspected IBD (aka my intestines suck), and Suprep was totally fine for me.
Get Suprep if you haven’t already. It’s much more tolerable than the older preps. Get your wet wipes and/or bidet ready. It’s really not that bad in the end.
It’s really not that bad. Just blot lightly rather than wiping aggressively (especially towards the end when it starts running clear) or you’ll be sore.
A colon disease runs in my family so we all have more colonoscopies than the average bear.
My tips:
It’s not like having diarrhea from an illness. It’s more like a firehose. Don’t stray too far from your toilet once you start drinking the liquid. If you’re at a work retreat, it will not work at all unless you can just barricade yourself in your hotel room.
That said, it’s not as unpleasant as having a GI illness. There isn’t cramping, fever, pain. It just flows out.
The wiping is what will make you raw. Cover your area with A&D ointment or Aquaphor or Vaseline after you clean up from the last movement. That will keep the waste from adhering to you and make wiping easier after the next one.
Good luck! It actually feels kind of good to be cleaned out when it’s all done. We have sort of a family tradition of going for pancakes after the procedure, even though they’ll tell you to eat light. It’s always worked for us!
+1 that it’s very different (better) than illness diarrhea. No cramping, etc. makes it much more bearable.
I had pancakes after my first (and so far only) colonoscopy too. They really hit the spot!
I must have done it wrong because I cramped and vomited for the entire prep time and all of the day after the procedure. The low residue diet for days before sucked as well. I felt awful because it was so different than what I normally eat.
I didn’t do any low residue diet or anything like that. I think I maybe ate somewhat lightly and avoided spicy foods, but no onerous restrictions.
Thankfully the retreat will be over by the time I do the prep! It’s the fasting that is going to suck while I’m retreating.
This is very doctor specific. I’ve had 3 colonoscopies and none of the doctors use fasting other than while doing your prep.
It depends on what time of day your procedure is to be honest. Generally you don’t fast but do a clear liquid diet the day you do your prep.
Fasting typically starts in the morning the day before, and the prep starts in the afternoon.
Also FYI – I usually get up super early the day before and have a low-fiber, low-residue breakfast like two fried eggs, and I’ve never had any issues with clean-out by the time of my procedure the day after. The hunger is otherwise really hard for me to handle, and I have to have colonoscopies often. Some doctors expressly allow this, mine asks for no food the day before, but I this is where I have decided to do what I need to, since the clean out has always been successful. Not advising you to not follow your doctor’s recommendations, just sharing what I do.
After my 5am breakfast of two eggs, I do clear chicken broth for the rest of the day. I always get the tablets instead of the liquid prep, so much better. The procedure itself is just a very good nap.
My procedure is in the afternoon, so luckily I don’t need to start my cleanout until late afternoon the day before. I expect the hunger to be really hard to handle, though.
I think you may surprise yourself! I had one while breastfeeding a couple years ago, and the hunger was manageable. I drank a LOT of fluids in whatever the highest calorie thing I could find, though.
I’ve never been told to eat light afterwards, just to eat softer, bland foods and avoid things like nuts and raw veggies that are harder to digest. Plain pancakes seem ideal!
They told us bland but low fat. If you’ve ever seen my husband eat pancakes it is far from a low fat experience! :) But honestly even with all the whipped cream and butter, he was still fine every time.
Ha, fair. I put a lot of butter on mine too. I don’t recall being told anything about fat. But I also tend to have a strong stomach.
Agree with this – I did not mind the prep and thought it felt nice to get cleaned out! I used preparation H pads to help with wiping so much.
I also ate low fiber foods a couple of days before and think it helped. Fasting during a work conference could be tough though. I ate jello and the broth from Campbell’s chicken soup. If your hotel room will have a microwave, highly recommend the soup broth! Good luck!
I would ask for the pill prep. All of the liquid versions are terrible.
I’m more concerned about fasting during a work retreat. I would not have wanted to go through that in a public setting since you will be in the toilet a lot.
I think pho or ramen broth is the best tasting option for food. You can’t have red or purple but buy lots of popsicles. And a ton of drinks. Flushable wipes makes things a lot more pleasant.
I had the liquid prep version and it was way less awful than I expected. And I have a strong gag reflex/tend to get nauseated easily drinking foul tasting things.
I did the Miralax + Gatorade prep method and it was great. The powder is tasteless so it’s just like drinking Gatorade. It wasn’t officially sanctioned by my doctor but I couldn’t tolerate the big just of horrible liquid, and had no problems during the procedure.
Have an extra bottle of Miralax in the house, beyond what they prescribe. I ended up vomiting my second dose of the prep in the middle of the night, 3 hours before the procedure, and would have had to cancel if we didn’t have Miralax in the house that I could take instead. This was on my doctor’s advice. Clean-out was fine.
BTW, yay for doing this! I thought I was low or no-risk, but they found a significant precancerous polyp. Glad I got checked out.
I found drinking the prep the wor st part. If you are drinking the liquid prep, chill the bottles in the fridge and drink through a straw as far back in your mouth as possible (so you can’t really taste)
Have another drink close by that you can use as a chaser if needed (I used lemonade).
Lawyers in very small firms, what percent of your billables are you paid (counting salary, bonus, benefits)? FWIW, pretty niche area, 10yr experience, it’s me and the owner. (also posted on Corporette moms)