Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Passport Ponte Scoop-Neck Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’ve been on the hunt for some ponte dresses to replace some of my wardrobe workhorses that have been put out to pasture. This one from Talbots caught my eye for the fabulous green color and modern midi length. I would love this for a day when I’ll be traveling but need to look pulled-together when I arrive.
Add a sweater blazer or other topper, and you’re ready for anything.
The dress is $129 full price at Talbots and comes in sizes XS-XL, P-XLP, X-3X, and XP-3XP. It also comes in black. Now through 8/3, you can get 25% off your entire purchase!
Sales of note for 7/29/25
- Nordstrom – The Anniversary Sale is open for everyone — here's our roundup! (ends 8/3)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off wear-now styles + $50 off dresses and shoes + extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 25% off Mini styles (no women's sales currently)
- Eloquii – $19+ select styles + extra 45% off all sale
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off summer styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 70% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – 25% off all previous flash sale items! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Rothy's – Final Few: up to 50% off
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – 25% off your entire purchase + extra 50% markdowns on top of that
What hairstyles are in right now? I have mid back length wavy hair that has become curlier. Last time I just got face framing layers. I have a haircut scheduled for next week. I want to keep it on the longer side, but it grows fast and does need a trim.
One issue is that now that my hair is curlier I like the face framing layers less because if my hair dries naturally its very curly around my face. Should I just let it grow out?
Hair is one of things that when you go trendy it’s always going to be a little dated. Figure out what works for you and stick with it. It sounds like your layers aren’t working so I’d grow it out. But this advice is to a point – find a stylist who will keep you updated but in what works. I have long straight hair, but have subtly changed the part, color, layers, etc over time to keep it updated, but its generally the same classic style.
Sadly my stylist just left the salon. The cut was working well until my hair started getting curlier. Part of why I’m thinking this through is because its a new stylist. I don’t mind it being a little dated as long as it looks good on me. Maybe just longer layers but the same overall style.
Depending on where you live, the trend now is to embrace more of your natural hair texture, so it’s likely the new stylist cut into the curls more. This is probably why your hair is getting curlier or appearing to be. A curlier cut will also have more shorter layers on the outside, so you have bouncier non-weighted down curls where people will see them. You just need to tell them if you want to wear your hair curlier or straight, and they can adjust the layers. Co-signed, wearing more of my natural texture now to counteract a certain extension, with a barrel curls and filler look I see in the SEUS (if you catch my drift).
I like the curls – they give my fine hair volume. I also really like a center part on me. Maybe I just need longer layers so they can curl without becoming too short.
Agreed to ask your stylist about what’s current. I do keep my wavy hair one length these days as you’re right that it reduces frizz.
I would get it evened up so it’s as close to one length as possible. You may need to give it some time for the front layers to grow out.
I let my naturally wavy/curly hair go full curly a couple of years ago and started getting cuts specifically for curly hair. That’s helped to make sure the face-framing layers I get actually work with my curls, so that’s one suggestion to help you get a better cut.
I have a difficult situation I could use some perspective on.
my mom remarried a few years ago after a bad divorce from my dad. I liked her new husband a lot at first, but over the past several years (after they married) I have gradually changed my opinion of him as his behavior towards my mom has changed – he’s irritated with her, makes misogynistic comments and once we overheard him yelling at her. I’ve lightly tried to bring up with her that she deserves to be treated better but have been shut down in those conversations. They are late 60s early 70s so I determined that I don’t know their marriage and my mom insists she’s happy so I will leave them be.
Yesterday evening I found evidence on social media that he’s messaging women in a sexual way, giving out his phone number and location. They are replies on X to sexual pictures of women—he clearly doesn’t realize the replies are public. I took screenshots of everything, and as of now it is still viewable on his profile.
Im going to tell my mom about this and emphasize that I don’t know her marriage but this is public, and it is not okay and she deserves much much better than this. I can’t be in the same place as her so will need to tell her over the phone or FaceTime. My sister knows about this too and will be on the call. I could use any (kind) suggestions or perspectives on this situation to make it easier on all involved (except POS new husband), please.
I think at that age there is a chance that she will ignore it. So be ready for that. This is public, so friends, other family members, business acquaintances could see it so regardless of if she gets out of the marriage she does need to deal with this.
Thank you. I agree she may ignore it and am preparing myself for that.
Thank you. I agree that she may ignore it, and am preparing for that.
Yeah, for better or worse, this type of contact/conduct seems pervasive among “men of a certain age.” My parents and my friends’ parents are this age, and off the top of my head, I can think of about 6 guys who engaged in this type of online conduct.
From what I can tell, men who grew up in an era of playboy start off thinking it’s pretty harmless (and the same as a dirty magazine), and then get deeper and further into the inappropriate weeds.
I do think it’s worth having the scam conversation with your mom (most of them quickly lead to requests for money or personal information), but in every instance of this type of conduct I’m aware of (and again, I can think of lots – my parents and my friends’ parents) there was no dementia and no one got divorced or separated.
There’s also a chance that the husband’s behavior is a mental condition and out of his control. If there’s any chance that there’s dementia or neurodegenerative concerns ( he’s at the right age for it) hypersexualization can be a part of that.
Before doing this, I would think through from a security perspective. Is she safe? Will she be safe confronting him? Leaving him? Asking him to leave? Your post does not contain any overt references to violence, but it sounds like his behavior is escalating, so I would think through that first. Is there any way someone can be with her when she receives this news, to help her process and plan? She sounds vulnerable, and living with a dude like this may have eroded her competence and confidence, so my gut is saying, have a plan. And good luck – this sounds so awful.
Are there any relatives who live near her who could be there for her in person?
Do you need to tell her right this second? When will you see her in person next? This kind of conversation seems like it would have a much higher chance of success in person.
Yeah, the FaceTime might feel like an ambush to her.
I don’t actually find much of this concerning in terms of who he is as a person. Spouses yell at each other from time to time. Unfortunate that you overheard it, but it’s not the end of the world. In terms of the Facebook comments–this feels more like early dementia. Good luck, but barring predators conning him out of their savings over social media, it’s all probably fine.
Healthy relationships do not involve yelling
But realistically most marriages involving yelling do not end in divorce.
Why do you gotta defend crummy men? They get enough slack
Here we go again with the people who think strong emotions, imperfectly expressed, always equal abuse. (Have you met Italians?)
Screaming at, belittling, yelling every day, etc are all problems. Yelling in frustration or raising your voice, while not ideal, happens sometimes because of human weakness.
Why is emotional regulation so hard? It’s a skill, you can either choose to work at it or you think it’s acceptable to lash out at your so called loved ones.
I cannot get down with the comments that ask us to normalize yelling at our SOs. It is, in fact, not okay to scream at anyone, short of extremely intense, dangerous, and hopefully rare circumstances. Clearly there are folks here to do engage in screaming at their SOs. Hear it here first: Not okay. Do better.
Says you. Enjoy your saintly relationship. Most of us live in the real world with real frustrations and are lucky to have a partner we can let off steam with. Being yelled at is not traumatic.
Claiming that any yelling always equals abuse is not asking anyone to normalize screaming at your SO or claiming that it’s okay. I expect better critical thinking skills out of this board.
It can also be unhealthy to repress strong and negative emotions or communicate them in even tones like a sociopath. I’m not sure if people are equivocating “raised voices” and “all out screaming at someone in a full blown temper tantrum.”
You don’t need to repress anything to avoid screaming at another human being. All we’re advocating for is communicating in a healthy way. Whatever you’re feeling, please communicate it — but screaming your point is never the best mode of operation.
There are complicated dynamics in marriages.
My ex husband is the most passive-aggressive person I’ve met in my life. He plays dumb in a way that was horrific and disorienting. I often wondered how such an intelligent man was so genuinely confused about simple, simple concepts. No; it was a control dynamic. He doesn’t have to understand, negotiate, or compromise if this is a super-complicated and weird idea.
I would have conversations with the man that, with any other man, would be a ten minute discussion, that would stretch for months. Months of “I dunno what you’re talking about.” “You’re not making any sense.”
Yeah, I sometimes lost my cool. He got flipped off.
It was so bad that his super trad evangelical pastor (who had not even heard my side) told him to knock it off. Ex-H responded by escalating to physical abuse; the effects of one episode are permanent.
Obviously, the correct solution was divorce and I would have been a lot better off had I left earlier. I just don’t like the idea that I’m apparently the abuser because I raised my voice.
This is a great example of how it is really only dangerous and similar circumstances that can warrant yelling. If your spouse is abusive and you yell, no one is saying that’s outright wrong. But outside of that kind of scenario, it is hard to ever justify: X happened, so I yelled my point because that was the best way to go about things.
People yell sometimes. It is not a crime. More toxic are people who hold all their emotions in all the time. People yelling can be abusive but it is not always abusive. This board is exhausting sometimes.
Here’s a crazy concept you can manage your emotions without yelling OR bottling them up. Crazy concept, I know.
+1
A lot of these “emotional regulation” people are probably pretty toxic. They’re giving off the desperate vibe to be right.
I think we can trust OP’s read of the situation.
This!
I just keep thinking that my mom would be so embarrassed to have all this public, regardless of whether its because of dementia or something else. And it would not be nice to wait to tell her and leave it all out there.
There was a WSJ article about this sort of thing last week or so, where the husband drained almost all of a couple’s money. It was some sort of dementia.
Yeah I would wonder if a personality change is a sign of illness or dementia. And if it is, is that ok with your mom? Later in life marriages involve a lot of compromises. I don’t know your mom or this guy but maybe he takes care of her in other ways. Maybe he physically can’t do anything in bed with anyone, so who cares if he messages fem bots? I hope your mom wants to get out of a bad marriage…. But it might not be a bad marriage to her.
I was wondering the same thing about personality change as a symptom. I don’t think I currently personally know anyone who did the public sexting and it wasn’t a symptom, though I realize some people in the world are just clueless or don’t care.
I worked for a man who did public sexting to wannabe models, during work hours, from his work computer.
This was found out because it was so public.
None of this sounds like a problem. What is actually a problem is him falling prey to a scammer over social media and having their savings drained. He might need to be checked for early dementia.
Sorry for the double post. I didn’t think the first one posted.
I routinely get friend request from profiles of guys posing as ripped army doctors who are single / widowers with 0 friends and who are friends with 0 of my friends. I assume it’s just a dating scam profile, but they are relentless. Every day there is something to delete. I imagine with an old person, if any actual friends of theirs has mistakenly friended the scammer, they may see them as somehow connected and begin to interact. Have never been grateful before that my elders generally have arthritis that prohibits iphone use (and aren’t much into computers except for browsing news and weather). Ugh.
Yes! I got a friend request from a scammer who’d taken the photo of an elderly relative of mine. It was clearly not my relative’s real profile. I texted relative’s stepson to let him know that his stepfather’s photo was being used without his consent/knowledge.
My mom got a call “from” my “nephew,” talking fast and that he needed money because he was in trouble. She started talking to them for a while and then hung up. She didn’t call me though (and I’m a lawyer and in the family have a reputation as “good at spotting problems”). She did tell me eventually and I told her she did the right thing (and that nephew has been in trouble and has reached out to me, but I know he knows to reach out to me if he was in any sort of actual trouble, but it’s just so common and easy to fall for). Plus, people are ashamed they are scammed (or very convinced at times that they haven’t been scammed even if that happens to others).
Setting aside the issue of your mom’s relationship, I think some old guys just forget about common sense with regard to internet/technology stuff. I found out my dad was talking to a (lady) chatbot, and I had to awkwardly have an online safety talk with him to make sure he understood not to share personal information or send money to it.
It’s hard to find people as you get older, particularly for women. (I recall that the ratio of single men to single women her age is about one to two.) Your mom might feel like she has no choice.
Depending on how your dad treated her, this might be what she expects.
Consider what you want her to do with this information before you bring it up. Does she have a priest or a pastor who she can talk to confidentially? Do you want her to leave him? Is she financially able to leave him? Do you want her to protect her life savings so he doesn’t get scammed?
Contrary to the above posters, I don’t think this is dementia. This sounds like a sleaze; a neurological workup isn’t going to indicate anything.
Just as an aside – men in their 60s and 70s are huge victims for catfishing and fraud. He may think he’s being sly and has a hot Russian girlfriend who always gets interrupted meeting him and just needs $100k to get out of her situation.
Just another argument for getting divorced and splitting assets now.
I’m sorry this is happening. Whether it is nefarious on his part, or on the part of another (i.e., the dementia risk noted by others), this is a difficult situation for your mother and for you. I extend you my sincere sympathy in this stressful situation.
A few things to consider:
– As others mentioned, she may elect to ignore this. If she does, be prepared for that. Also be prepared to stress it is public, so while she may elect to ignore it, others who she knows may not, and that may have consequences she should consider now.
– Alternatively: She may want out, ASAP. Have a plan in place to get her out of there. I’d talk to your sister about this. Maybe the plan is a hotel, get her to you, whatever works best for you all.
– Does she have a prenup?
– If it is dementia-related, I would be equipped with recommendations for resources. Doctors they can call, etc.
Another idea that is candidly only half-baked: You could also discuss it directly with him. But you may want to ask your mother about proceeding that way before doing so.
I think the key is to approach your mother with kindness, sympathy, and genuine concern. Be clear you are not judging (even if you really are, which is also totally fine!). I would not connect this to the yelling you’ve overheard, though I share your concerns about it. I know there are folks here who defend it — “it happens!” — but well-adjusted adults know there is very rarely a reason to raise your voice at another human being. But, I recommend one step at a time: Address the public postings issue first.
This is so tiresome. Plenty of well-adjusted adults raise their voices all the time. Our communication methods are not yours. We didn’t pick people to spend our lives with who aren’t similarly minded.
I am sincerely sorry you have had life experiences that either invite you to yell at others, or encourage you to tolerate others yelling at you. I am genuinely aware of how fortunate I am not to be in that situation, and I have true sympathy for others who are. Wishing the best for you.
+1. Yelling shouldn’t be normal.
I’d rather have yelling in my life than incredible passive aggression in a normal tone of voice. Honestly, do you actually talk to people this way in real life or do you save it for the internet?
It honestly breaks my heart that some people here think the only options are screaming at your SO or passive aggression. There are healthy middle grounds…
Your faux concern trolling is more obnoxious than yelling.
No well adjusted adults know how to emotionally regulate and dont yell.
Yeah ok. Enjoy your world of absolutes.
Ah yes, people with a stiff upper lip are the real adults and presumably the only ones qualified to manage the sort of childish cultures where people are more emotionally expressive, presumably because they lack self control and virtue.
I don’t think you have to be a “stiff upper lip” type to avoid screaming your thoughts, feelings, or points to be made at another human being. There really is just 0 justification for screaming at another person in the majority of interpersonal interactions. The number of people defending losing their mind on another person because “it happens” makes me sad. Yes, we do all do it on occasion–in the moments when we’re our worst selves. We shouldn’t advocate for that. We should be disappointed in our behavior and do better next time.
Notice how you replaced “yelling” with “screaming.”
Not OP but what is the difference between yelling and screaming? How do you feel about the term “verbal abuse”?
I stand by the position that both yelling and screaming are out of line and indefensible is most interpersonal interactions. The circumstances that warrant either are–we hope–very rare, dangerous, etc.
A raised voice does not constitute verbal abuse. It also doesn’t mean that anyone was losing their mind on another person. When psychologists actively work with patients on emotional regulation, they draw these distinctions because they matter. It’s not actually a sign of superior emotional regulation to hear a raised voice and feel like someone is screaming at you and losing their mind on you, though there are reasons it can feel that way.
Does she have a close friend she sees often that you could clue in first?
I think some people have a hard time accepting difficult news from their children. Even when everyone involved is an adult.
Maybe having a close friend to her, preferably one she sees regularly in person, queued up on the issue might be a real asset in this situation.
This is a great point I had not considered. Excellent idea.
Do you think that there is a chance his account was hacked?
I’m curious about some investing themes that came up yesterday. For those of you with paid advisors, who thing you do better with them, it is largely from getting you into private investments (like PE or hedge funds or some other private placement open only to accredited investors)? Or just being good at active value investing (like picking individual stocks and holding long-term, maybe knowing when to strategically sell; n.b. that there are value-focused mutual funds).
I don’t have an advisor (and have never really considered it, as most of my $ is retirement savings). I could see maybe hiring someone just for advice when I’m 5 years out from retirement b/c I haven’t really thought through the spending-down side of managing my money yet.
At my job, I have some conflict-of-interest and insider trading rules that I have to follow (as does my partner), so unless I set up a blind trust, I likely couldn’t purchase or trade individual stocks (bonds are fine though, which maybe they shouldn’t be if they were ever defaulted or not investment grade, but it is what it is at this point). So IDK if an investment advisor would ever made sense (except for a big-picture advice). We are kind of limited to index funds and real estate, which I kind of am OK with because it doesn’t concentrate risk and has low fees.
Thoughts? I think maybe a lot of people are affected by trading rules (in that it doesn’t have to be you, but includes your household members and partners and sometimes parents/children/others).
I’m really curious if the paid advisor folks are actually outperforming the market, or if they just don’t want to manage their own investments. There’s a lot of research that over time active investing tends to underperform the S&P 500.
We have about $4M at 38/43 and manage our own but have check ups with fee-only advisors every 5 years or so. DH and I learned about managing your own portfolio through Bogleheads and White Coat Investor, and I worked for a Big 4 for a long time where I couldn’t own many stocks. We’re almost exclusively in index funds. When we have more to invest, I will consider private equity investing but I’ve worked enough with PE that I know it can be a lottery ticket so will keep it to a small portion of our portfolio.
That jumped out at me, too. The skeptical side of me thinks it may be a case of outperforming for a while…until it doesn’t. Long-term, index funds seem to always “win”, and they involve low fees. That’s our strategy.
I’d really like to see a before / after of a portfolio to see more what the advisor has done. Stock picking? I can’t do that b/c of work rules. And I really don’t know that you’re good at it vs being in a rising market over any short window — I believe that Berkshire Hathaway is good at it, but not every local guy is Warren Buffet (or has that length of a track record). Going from too conservative to target conservative and that raises returns? Good, but I probably would be able to figure it out.
Am I right to think that no one would ever give you enough data to persuade the skeptical? It’s sort of a short window of a track record and then you just jump in? I get so many invitations for a steak dinner or whatever from investment advisors and as much as I like steak, I value my time and consider myself unlikely to ever just say yes without meeting maybe 5-10 others (and not strangers sending me a postcard but someone recommended by someone I trust (which I think is how people are likely to lose a lot of $ with the wrong advisor — too much trust in a small group)).
Me and hubs are both subject to conflict of interest and insider trading rules, and cannot buy individual stocks. We ultimately decided to go with Vanguard and invest mostly in mutual and target funds, without an advisor – basically the Warren Buffet investing advice. Most of our friends in similar positions do the same. We’ve looked at doing an advisor a few times for alternative investments (real estate trusts, LP interests, angel investing) but haven’t pulled the trigger as this would be more speculative investments.
DH and I looked at hiring an advisor this year, but decided to wait. We’re about 10 yrs out from retirement, have a mix of retirement accounts, small rental properties, and some $$ I inherited. We decided we know enough to determine whether we’re on track for retirement, and we’ll benefit more from an advisor when we’re really getting ready to retire. I do follow some basic money management info online and in the news though – eg I learned from a NYT article that I had to start taking a minimum distribution this year from my inherited IRA.
At one point in his retirement my dad experimented with this and gave $500k or so to a manager/manager account and set $500k aside to manage his own. He only ran the experiment for 5 years but he was outperforming the managed account.
I kind of suspect that this is often true (but can’t prove it). Is it because of expenses of management? Taxes eating into the returns of an active account with churn in it? Or just subpar performance vs the market? They all factor in, but I don’t know how much 1 and 2 matter (and that is what you can get the most actual data on.
Take a look at the Bogleheads forums. Someone asks this question at least once a week. You will get many great responses, with charts/data/references of what typical happens using prior total stock market performance over time.
So yes to all 3. And the expenses of management – that remained fixed yearly, regardless of how well the investments perform – can add up to a staggering amount of loss of income over time due to compounding. Just think – if you are paying 0.5-1% of your entire portfolio yearly, that can quickly become a lot of money. And this is not just 0.5-1% of your gains that year – it is of all of your money! And what if the market goes down that year? You still pay it.
One of the reasons private financial advisors want to get you into their managed portfolios, and make them very complicated and extremely “diversified” or even offer the elite few access to their “proprietary” funds is simple. Once you get in, you are less likely to follow the details, you don’t understand it and are less likely to leave it. And if you try to get out of it, it can be messy and you may have to pay extra fees/taxes etc.
I hired a financial advisor recently because I wanted to do something a little different with my retirement fund – I was contemplating a guaranteed income annuity to essentially buy myself a pension for early retirement, but all of the options were too overwhelming and I needed help both determining the monthly amount I’d need in retirement and which vehicle to invest it. I paid the advisor a one-time fee and they did a ton of research on various investment vehicles for me based on my criteria and then came back with a recommendation that is way better (and more complicated) than anything I was able to find on my own. The rest of my investments are just in an easy-to-manage mutual fund, but this was a good example where I needed something designed more specifically for me.
Could I ask, what made you decide to go the annuity route? And how you decided what you wanted?
I was always told never invest in an annuity. And honestly, most financial advisors who manage actively and try to sell you annuities are often trying to make more income for themselves than the best outcome for you. Yet, as I approach a retirement with very little guaranteed income flow (no pension etc..), and I am single, the idea of a guaranteed income annuity does give me some peace of mind. I understand that financially it may not be “the best” long term investment, but if I sleep better at night that counts for something?
I’m also single and my goal is not to make as much money as possible, but guarantee that I can live comfortably for the rest of my life without a ton left over. A guaranteed income annuity is generally seen as a bad investment because it doesn’t maximize your wealth, but since that’s not my goal, it would give me more peace of mind as I plan to retire at 50 and want to make sure I won’t run out of money.
The traditional annuity forces you to pick an age to start receiving income and then it’s guaranteed for life and doesn’t adjust with the market. This made me a little nervous since I wanted more flexibility and market adjustments. There are all kids of other options out there that adjust with the market but have buffers (i.e., you’re protected against up to a 10% market downturn, but capped at 20% of a market upturn) and more flexibility on when you can take the annuity. After a thorough review, I went with a product that adjusts with the market (but with caps and a buffer), let’s me borrow against the fund if I need it, and I can take the money out whenever I want and know what I’ll earn monthly for the rest of my life. It checks all of my boxes – gives me guaranteed income monthly in an amount I can live off, grows with the market, and has flexibility in when I can touch the money.
I hope this helps. Being single and childless means I have different investment goals than the average person, but it gets pretty complicated quickly if you don’t just want a standard income annuity.
Thank you. Yes, it helps. I had no idea you could find annuities designed this way. Now my eyes are even wider.
I have a similar retirement situation / goals. Thanks again.
The downside to investing in an S&P 500 fund is not the return, but the risk. Google the “Magnificant Seven” and read up on what percentage of the S&P 500 and its return is tied to 7 companies. That is a lot of risk. Diversifying beyond the S&P 500, even into a different index fund, is more about reducing risk than maximizing return. (I sit through a lot of investment presentations from advisors to big pension plans and hear this a lot.)
This is a good point. Also, if you have a few funds thinking you are diversified, look through to the largest 10 holdings or so. Big Cap, International, and Finance funds can have a lot of overlap, so not a lot of diversification.
I have a financial advisor. I don’t personally want to manage investments but the bigger thing is having someone look out for the bigger strategy. It’s helpful having expert advice on how to adjust your strategy as you move through various life stages (buying a house, funding college, retirement planning). I can rattle off generic guidance to a friend but I have trouble staying objective when it comes to my own finances. I always want to lean conservative and need a professional to tell me where I should take “risks”. If you’re married it’s also nice having a neutral third party weigh in.
Yes, same here. They help balance the tax strategy (like figuring out which years I will be itemizing in and making several years worth of contributions to the DAF in that year) and can help with long term planning. When I was considering leaving BigLaw they ran models for me at 3 or 4 different potential future salaries so I could figure out, for my specific circumstances, how big of a pay cut I was actually willing to take. (For example, at one salary I would need to pull from my savings just for daily expenses; at another salary I would cover my expenses and wouldn’t have to dip into retirement funds but also would no longer be able to save additional money for retirement, etc.)
This is where I land. We have a financial advisor and it’s about overall strategy and timing, and having a neutral third party instead of my husband and I trying to hash it out. Hey FA, we’re getting our bonuses this year, and we’re thinking of doing X, y, or z. Is one option better given our overall goals, or do you have an idea we haven’t thought of? Hey FA, I have new options for my 401(k) and don’t have time to do the research, what do you suggest? Hey FA, you know our income and expense report for the last two years and see patterns we might not. How much do you think we can increase our 529 contributions instead of us just guessing over multiple months? It’s really nice, but we also found an FA highly recommended by people we trust and we have a great relationship with him.
We have a paid advisor, and they don’t invest in private equity or individual equities. They put us into a portfolio of Vanguard index funds, I think 12-15. I was surprised by this, but it is actually a good way of positioning your money in different sectors and attempting to minimize risk.
The advisor helps a great deal in investing adjacent decisions. They advise what type of investments should be in tax deferred accounts versus investment accounts. Tax loss harvesting has been implemented on our accounts, and they have advised me on selling poor performing investments at an advantageous time. The advisor also helps with tax advice, such as donor advised funds and contributing to 529 plans. When the time comes, they will analyze where we should withdraw funds in our retirement.
I don’t look to an advisor to significantly out perform the market, but to maximize our portfolio within our appetite for risk, and keep us from doing anything stupid. Even with an advisor, you still need to be financially informed. I just finished reading How Not to Invest by Barry Ritholtz, and highly recommend it as accessible and informative.
I think these posts are good examples of what financial advisors can do. But paying a fee only advisor an hourly rate (after setting up the portfolio initially) is more palatable than paying them a percentage of your money every year.
I missed the post yesterday about Kelly Nolan’s Bright Method, so if that poster is still here and reading, here’s my take. I haven’t taken her class/coaching, but I have been subscribing to her newsletter and listening to the pod. While I don’t calendar everything to the extent that she does, I have picked up good tips along the way, and I do a much better job setting aside the real time it takes to do certain tasks. It also forced me to get real about the time it actually takes to do things, so I’m less apt to overcommit myself.
Thanks for the response! This is my experience, too. Thinking about potentially signing up for the class, but it seems like I can already get the gist of the material from her free resources. Very helpful so far, though.
My formerly lush, dense, long, dark, and verging on unibrow eyebrows have begun thinning and receding. And it’s tragically uneven. IDK why; I didn’t ever really tweeze except for part of one semester in college (I was bad at it). Now, there are too many brow fill-in products. What do you like if you are originally of a color that is medium brown (anything else looks too harsh but sometimes this color is oddly reddish)?
Gel seems to be just for taming unruly brows; I need to fill in the sparse spots.
Pomade? [Have experimented with this and find that it can be easy to apply with too heavy a hand.]
Pencil?
Links to specific products are great. I have found some Anastasia products that are a good color match, but I’m still experimenting. I have a local Sephora and Ulta, but if I go on a weekend they are overrun with tweens and I get overwhelmed.
If you’re having any new medical symptoms, just be aware that thinning eyebrows can be a symptom.
I still use Boy Brow.
+1
It’s a good time to make sure your PCP has checked thyroid studies, make sure your iron levels are good and B12/folate are ok. And my thinning eyebrows was the first sign I had an autoimmune hair loss disorder.
Maybe brow tinting would be a better option?
Agree on the medical evaluation, especially thyroid.
Have you considered a brow growth serum? Neubrow is my favorite. It really works, at least for me!
Topical over the counter minoxidil will grow eyebrow hair if the follicles aren’t damaged by overplucking.
+1
Easy to use. Use the men’s version (higher concentration).
Anastasia pomade applied very sparingly with a stiff brush. I use this daily and have had the pot for over a year (don’t yell at me, I’m fine) and it looks barely touched. Just a dab with the brush is good.
How is the pomade vs a pencil?
I’ve seen some younger co-workers with things on their brows that look almost plastic-y and shiny. IDK what that sort of treatment is called, but it’s really stark and noticeable.
Man, I really hate that look. I’m going to stand by my belief that brow shapes and colors should not be a trend! Just clean up what you have.
Signed,
Was a teen in the 90s
I’m lucky I even have eyebrows.
For me the pencil is much more work and also much harder to get right. The pomade I use is not shiny and while it could be over-applied, as I said, I am just barely dabbing the brush in and doing a sweep of the brow. I don’t use it to shape the brow, that is what tweezing (professional) is for, just to make it look a bit more full.
I use Clinique Just Browsing brush on eyebrow mousse (I think it’s called mousse?). Super easy to use, and it’s pretty natural looking.
Not the OP, but that sounds promising. I may check that out!
Agree on seeing a doc – and also something to ask yourself if the hairs are lighter (so they seem more sparse) or if they’re actually missing. Lighter hairs can be dyed and I like that approach.
For my more sparse eyebrows I have a brown pot (I’m not sure what to call it, it’s more like a solid than a gel and it’s main purpose is color not controlling unruly hairs). I brush it on with a brush.
Also look into microneedling – if you can find a place you trust this is probably the best option.
I’m shocked by how much tinting my eyebrows made a difference in how my face looks. I was starting to go grey in my brows but still have hair so tinting them makes things much more full.
Minoxidil applied with a spoolie brush, a laser mask (worn on the head for your hair) and microneedling can all be good OTC options but I’d start with a dermatologist visit to make sure it isn’t something more serious.
One other option: tinted brow setter wax. I love my clear wax (directs thinning hairs so it looks like you just chose a really clean, thin eyebrow. I’ve been surprised by how much you can actually change the shape, length, and direction just with some gel and a spoolie brush). Sephora has tinted ones you can try in-store.
Can you post a link to an example? This sounds promising.
https://www.sephora.com/product/gimme-brow-P409239 (tinted)
https://www.sephora.com/product/24-hr-brow-setter-P409242 (clear)
Good luck!
I have very, very sparse brows. I love Maybeline Brow Tattoo for tint. It lasts a few days, so I can have eyebrows while I swim now! You brush it on, wait 15-20 minutes, and peel it off. I do it while I’m getting ready for bed.
How are the color choices? I have a pencil from them that says it’s brown but is very auburn.
I use the darkest brown and it looks good. Not reddish at all.
I noticed mine were going gray or lightening up, which made them look sparse so I’ve started getting them tinted every 3 weeks or so. It makes a huge difference! I feel more polished with them tinted even when I’m not wearing any other makeup.
I use a Nyx pencil which is an exact dupe of the Anastasia pencil.
I dye my brows using Just for Men beard and mustache dye. Very easy to do on your own and only takes 5 minutes. I fill in with the It Cosmetics Brow Power pencil, which is easy to use.
The Sephora store brand insta brow waxy brow pencil and lean slightly lighter vs darker. It’s cheap and easy to put on without much skill. It has a little eyebrow brush on the end to smooth it out. It’s a great fill in.
Honestly, I’m usually a bit of a makeup snob. But I really like this Pixi product that I get at Walgreens that has a tinted gel on one end and a pencil on the other end.
https://www.pixibeauty.com/products/natural-brow-duo
Wow – nice!
It came about when I went out of town and left my cosmetics bag at home. There was a Walgreens on the block and I went and put together a basic little kit. I continued to use and have repurchased several times the Pixi brow stuff and the No7 $9.99 lip gloss that I got on that occasion. Not quite as much of a makeup snob as I used to be!
The more I read about the victims of the shooting in New York the more upset I become. If anyone on here was impacted in any way, if you work nearby etc I’m sure you are also shook. I think one thing that bugs me is that we are always talking about how we need more women in certain industries, and here we had two, one early career and one later career, who was quite successful and now they are gone. Also interesting, though likely just a coincidence, that the two non-law enforcement/security victims were both female.
While I certainly don’t wish anyone dead and what happened was horrible, I’m shocked at seeing the words generous and “the best of humankind” to describe someone who was so high up in private equity…
This is a repugnant take. Someone’s career does not define who they are in terms of generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness — just an absurd take. Also, speaking ill of the dead is a bad lewk.
You don’t have to be a humanitarian in order to be a good person … but you cannot be a good person and work in a morally repugnant industry.
No good person works in PE or as a political appointee under the Trump administration or at Nestle.
Wow you are a dingdong.
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Anon @11:49, I think you’re lost. This is a page for successful women, not 14 year olds with hot takes. Please leave.
No one works in private equity unless they are morally bankrupt
Seriously? Stir the pot much?
Or those who have families to feed and no other viable job prospects in their area that pay anywhere close to a living wage. Some of us are even in the industry to make sure the industry doesn’t overstep, to prevent it taking advantage even more so than it already does. The world isn’t so clearly good v. evil as you want to think.
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People always say generous things about people who have passed away, whether it’s deserved or not. It’s for the survivors, not the dead.
This, exactly.
I miss basic civility in our culture.
Sure, white lies get us through life, no question. As long as civility isn’t glossing over what needs desperate changing.
‘Basic civility’ pretending bad people are good for appearances sake. This is how predatory and unethical behavior goes unchecked.
Well we still shouldn’t pretend people who work in PE are good people who do good things
Critiquing someone who died tragically isn’t the most effective way to air your grievances about an industry. Sometimes a little social grace can go a long way.
Those victims are so demographically like me and that is what makes their loss so awful. Also why I cannot stop thinking about those girls lost to the flood in Texas. That is just the worst of all tragedies because those girls could have been my daughters. I feel so much more deeply a loss when the victim is someone I can see myself in and I feel a deep need for justice for those lost lives. Not every tragedy hits the same. It’s really about what feels familiar and then it really hurts.
Wow
I think you know good and well that some people are just like this and will never change. At least some kind of tragedy shook them, even if it isn’t the tragedies we see every day on this planet that affect the more vulnerable.
Right, wrong, or indifferent, it’s human nature to be more moved by incidents where you feel like you could be the victim.
Yes, it is that lack of empathy for people who are not like you that drives much of what is wrong with society.
That is such a horrible thing to read — the lack of empathy (reserved for “people demographically like me”????) — this says a lot about the toxicity of narcissism. You sound genuinely awful, and I really hope you re-think this way of engaging with the world.
I think it’s human nature to be hit harder by tragedy when someone feels familiar. It doesn’t mean she’s lacking empathy for other difficult situations, ffs!
Hard disagree.
I find this take baffling. Yes I also feel closer to tragedies when I can easily picture them impacting me or my family. I think that’s normal. OP I totally get where you’re coming from!
I find this acceptance of “demographically the same as me” to be baffling and horrifying. Does this mean the same class, race, nationality? Whether it’s “normal” to care more about people who look like you (which is what is implied in the “demographically the same”), it’s disgusting.
+1 and I bet all the people saying otherwise do too.
I can understand if it hits harder when it’s on your block – it truly almost could have been you.
I don’t understand it if it’s just someone who looks like you …
Of course it’s normal to feel closer to tragedies that feel closer to you. I work at a university (and previously worked at two where mass shootings occurred), so I pay particular attention to shootings at universities. But it’s not normal to feel like it’s objectively worse just because the victims are “demographically” like you and “that is just the worst of all tragedies because those girls could have been my daughters.” Those statements are so over the top, I’m actually not even sure whether this is satire or a troll. There’s a huge difference between feeling something more personally and actually thinking that it’s worse just because it hits you more personally. That’s what’s gross about that post, assuming it’s even real.
This is literally how human brains work, and you’re delusional if you think yours doesn’t work that way, too.
Everyone is jumping om this poster, but that’s been a fact of human psychology for millennia. It’s why the left used to focus (as a society) on highlighting our commonalities and shared humanity, but now the left focuses on emphasizing divisions with predictable results. The right sure isn’t swooping in to help.
This is such a stupid take.
Why is no one questioning whether this is a troll?
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It’s posts like this that make me so disgusted with this place. I think this is enough for me to stop reading.
Same. This is not the attitude I want in my life. The black-and-white knee-jerk reactions are pretty awful at times.
I wouldn’t speak of the deceased this way, but it’d pretty black and white, clear cut that yes if you work in PE you make the world a worse place to enrich yourself and your investors
+1. What a repugnant take. On a website for successful women, this is how we speak of people shot dead for absolutely no reason? Gross.
No, it is not “black and white clear cut,” and you are doing a shit job of “not speaking of the deceased this way” with your comment.
Does it make you uncomfortable that you can’t be a good person while contributing to the downfall of society?
It’s not just here (though I remember when people here argued with me that I was just wrong about these outlooks becoming more popular elsewhere).
I may have shared this piece before:
https://crimethinc.com/2019/04/08/against-the-logic-of-the-guillotine-why-the-paris-commune-burned-the-guillotine-and-we-should-too
Too close to home?
I might be done too. Why does this place give off 4chan vibes?
A hit dog hollers. No need to announce your departure. Hopefully your PE job treats you well.
Please leave, @12:54. This place isn’t for you, and your comments aren’t interesting, intelligent, or welcome. There are many cesspools on the internet you’d be very well at home in; go find one.
I made a comment asking Kat to remove posts celebrating murder. I appreciate that there is a very high bar for moderation here, but I do think celebrating violence should be beyond it.
She also had two children, was quite philanthropic and on multiple boards. How do you think all of your ‘causes’ operate?
Being on the board of the Met and her children’s school is a far cry from feeding the hungry …
She was a high achieving woman in finance with two kids. She lead initiatives mentoring women in finance. She was literally doing nothing wrong when she was murdered. Aren’t people on here always talking about how we need more women in positions of leadership? And there is someone and she is murdered and then apparently she doesn’t “count”?
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On yesterday’s afternoon thread, one commenter reported that her current vice was reading fan fiction. Another commenter chimed in that she read “slash” fan fiction.
I am curious: how many people here read fan fiction? If you do, would you mind identifying the “fandom” you follow (Harry Potter, Star Wars, specific superhero, or even things like Jane Austen fan fiction), which particular styles you read (“ships,” “slash,” the “omega-verse”), and which forums you use?
Usually just for tv shows I’ve just finished and can’t get enough of – like interview with the vampire.
same! If I finished a movie or book that felt very intense and I am hankering for a little bit more time with the characters, I will seek out fanfiction in that fandom for a few days until it fizzles out.
It has never been my thing, but I have a friend who adores it all.
Same, though through friends I had enough exposure to appreciate My Immortal (the notorious “everything wrong with fan fiction” fan fiction).
I have read published books that originated as fan fiction, and I can imagine that it was fun to follow them in their original form.
Yep it gives me the ick but I have a friend who is really into it.
It’s been my secret vice since I was a teen. AO3.
I read a lot and always have. Primarily on A03. Usually fanfic from book series I am impatiently awaiting a sequel for (read a lot of Fourth Wing fanfic last year… Back in the day it was Game of Thrones. Someone has written a very good Game of Thrones fanfic that actually finishes the damn series, which is great, since George RR Martin clearly never will), or occasionally TV shows. I’ve always been a sci-fi/fantasy fan and fanfic seems to be more popular with that genre.
That was me! I read almost exclusively on AO3. I read in all kinds of fandoms. If I really like a movie or show, I’ll go down a rabbit hole of reading the fanfic. Lately, I have been reading fics about Fleabag, Wednesday, and Twisters. But I also like old school fandoms like Star Wars, Pride and Prejudice, etc.
What makes me laugh about it is that no one in my real life has an idea or would ever suspect that its a guilty pleasure.
Primarily HP fanfic on AO3. I thought I’d grow out of the habit, but it’s here to stay!
I don’t read a lot of fanfic but I’ve read some of the more popular Reylo ones
Media fandom has been my main hobby since I was about fifteen, over twenty years ago, and I’ve gone through many, many fandoms. The usual ping for me with a fandom is a source material with strong characters and lacking plots and/or worldbuilding i.e. there are things to fix. I do read mostly slash pairings, although I think that’s getting old-fashioned as a term, and in a wide variety of tropes although I tend to be more interested in stories that do something with canon rather than alternate universes. I also write. There’s a tendency to see fanfiction as training wheels for ‘real’ writing but it’s a thing of its own to me; I have a very good and fulfilling career and I don’t write fic because I’m a frustrated or unpublished author. I started on yahoogroups and geocities with a side of fanfiction.net, then livejournal, now pretty much exclusively AO3, which I’ve been following since it was just an idea on astolat’s LJ.
I started with Smallville slashfic back in the day and by extension more of the DC verse although I was always more of a Marvel reader. Then I found Harry Potter. These days most of the archives I started on are gone, and the livejournal communities have moved on. But fortunately some of the best stories can still be found on anarchiveofourown
Mid-40s, and I’ve noticed that I am getting much fluffier in the belly. It’s really throwing me for a loop, as that’s never been a particular problem spot for me. I still have my pear-shaped hips and thighs, but now I have a stomach, too?! This is despite having a good workout routine, which includes strength training. A couple of questions:
1) This is really bothering me. I would like to lose weight, but I have made several unsuccessful attempts in the last 2 years that made me both obsessive and didn’t work well anyway. Would you see a dietician for help, as clearly my DIY efforts haven’t worked? (Please do not suggest intermittent fasting. I have tried it, hated it, and always ended up binging later in the day.)
2) What do you do about pants? Curvy cuts have always worked best for my lower half, but now that I don’t have the slim middle, they are too tight on the waist, even when I go one size up. I suspect the high-rise styles are making this problem more apparent. I would still like the extra room in the hips and thighs!
And maybe the answer is to accept my body and go to J Jill already. I can’t stand that my body feels so weird and unfamiliar to me.
Wegovy
Really? For just a few pounds in the belly, that every woman will gain during menopause? So now every woman needs Wegovy?
No. But if you really want to lose weight it’s an option!
Let’s not spread the idea that this drug class only helps with weight. It’s seldom “just a few pounds” that these meds are helping with when they work. Lower inflammation, healthier vital organs, lower risk of cancer and dementia all sound good to me.
Real question: how can someone with a perfectly healthy BMI but a little belly fluff get Wegovy?
How are you planning to manage perimenopause and menopause? Do you know your A1C? Do you have fibroids? Generally what has your doctor advised?
Some dietitians are more helpful than others, but it makes sense to see one at some point if you’re planning on changing your diet. I like to use cronometer to log food for a week not so much to check calories but to check nutrient intakes (our bodies do not want us to stop eating if we haven’t gotten enough micronutrients, and this is a common pitfall when trying to eat less).
+1 to having this conversation first and THEN asking about a weight loss medication. I have my hormones balanced now (estrogen cream plus hormonal BC) and it has moved the needle a bit on weight gain but I have to be much more on top of it than I used to be.
Managing perimenopause … yeah, still figuring that out.
I have had a hysterectomy but kept my ovaries. So obviously no periods, but I still have some of the hormonal fluctuations. I can still tell when I’m ovulating, for example.
I had bloodwork done recently, and there was nothing remarkable about it. Numbers were fine. I have periodically had my thyroid checked, and it always comes back in the normal range. Yes, I know that the test is flawed, but I figure that if my thyroid is off, I’ve had it checked frequently enough that something would’ve showed up by now.
I guess I’m at a loss of what to do. I gained 20 pounds seemingly overnight about 3-4 years ago, and I haven’t been able to lose it.
I wondered about A1C mostly because of your experience with intermittent fasting. For me binging after fasting was because blood sugar wasn’t stable. When glucose is going both high and low (so before there’s a serious problem), A1C can look normal because it’s an average (because it starts to trend high). My doctor did glucose tolerance testing in this situation, but I get the sense that that was atypically proactive and maybe even overkill. But a dietitian might still suggest some blood sugar control strategies (not so that you can intermittent fast or skip meals, but in case that reaction was a clue). Sometimes these are simple things like pairing foods or shifting the proportions of foods in a meal. Sometimes it’s looking for low hanging fruit and suggesting alternatives.
Some of the dietitian’s advice was obvious to me, but some of it wasn’t, and it was helpful that we were looking at my own diet and not generalizations. So logging my diet beforehand was helpful so that we had something to review that wasn’t just from memory but was a log of my actual diet.
I hadn’t thought about it that way, but you may be onto something. I feel like I’m reasonably knowledgeable about nutrition, but I’m sure I have blind spots!
I’d ask your doc about a low dose of wegovy/etc. for this. It would bug me too and it’s so hormonally linked that it’s unlikely to budge with regular methods.
In terms of immediates, yes, I’ve swapped to a-line cuts for dresses and soft waistbands/roomier cuts in the hips. Lots of places now have business in the front/elastic in the back pants – The Fold does and so does Theory last I checked. Plus the demi-casual options at the mall brands (stretch ponte pants) are great.
I wish I liked dresses more. I mean, I wear them occasionally, but I still prefer separates, especially in the winter.
Have you tried moving to cuts other than curvy? Then size up or down to get the room you need in the hips and thighs and see what happens to the waist sizing. “Normally” cut pants won’t cut in as much in the waist, and may give you exactly the room you need. Of course, it all depends on the cut of the particular pant you are trying on, so this kind of experimenting is best done by going to a department store and trying on a whole bunch of stuff to get a feel for what happens.
I’m a pear, and rarely wear curvy cuts. Instead, I find that certain cuts of pants/jeans give me the hip/thigh room I need — all the wide-leg pants, joggers, etc. are my friend. In jeans, girlfriend/boyfriend cuts can be looser in the hips / thighs and may work. Straights/bootcuts are always tight on the thigh for me. Sometimes a barrel cut fits me like a straight leg would fit someone else.
I love joggers and wear them a ton. It’s work pants that I’m having trouble with, but point well taken that I may need to look at different cuts.
Yeah, I would say this also – I used to have an hourglass figure in my youth but I do not anymore.
Pay attention to your cycle, I feel like the bloating/”meno-belly” is better and worse at specific times. I’ve been giving myself more grace lately to put on something with a comfortable waistband situation on days when it’s more.
It COULD be a fibroid, though — but they only care if it’s a certain size. I did a transvaginal ultrasound to find I had a pretty small one that’s been causing (maybe) some in-between bleeding.
Totally normal unfortunately. Anyone who isn’t having this issue I swear has some kind of super genes. Acceptance is my best advice.
I developed massive fibroids in my late 30s but didn’t discover that until 40. Spent several years trying to diet and exercise my way to a flat belly, wish I could go back in time to tell myself to tell my doctor earlier about all of the symptoms that were cropping up. I didn’t know enough to put two and two together, but she did and it made a huge difference not only for my physical wellbeing, but also for my mental outlook. Knowing it was not something I could sweat away meant I could focus on treating the source rather than berating myself for enjoying carbs.
Not the OP, but can you share more? I’ve had unusual cramping, bleeding off cycle, and lower belly bloat and I recently scheduled an appointment with my PCP to discuss. I’ve been curious if fibroids are to blame. Anything in particular I should ask?
“I would like to rule out fibroids, endometriosis, etc. Would an ultrasound be appropriate for doing that? If not, what other options are there?”
Those are probably better questions for a GYN, but if you have a good PCP and she does your pelvic exams, then it is a reasonable place to start.
Honestly yeah, certain stores cut for a wider stomach. You need non-curvy cuts.
If you want to see a dietician, you have nothing to lose by trying. I’ve had some success with weight training, lifting heavy weights. But it takes time and you have to do it forever. It’s a lot of effort to look average.
Bah, this is depressing!
I switched to the Mediterranean Diet; it’s not a diet per se, just a set of eating targets you try to hit each week. It’s lead to the most weight loss I have had, just because I am eating more whole grains, greens, etc. and aren’t as binge- prone. You might look at the extensive research on in it in medical journals.
I’m sick over how “comfortable” my life is compared to children starving in Gaza and families here being torn apart by ICE.
I email or call my (awful) senators daily, I occasionally email my great congressman thanking him for his good work, I donate to relevant orgs, and I occasionally protest. My volunteering is intermittent due to work travel, but related to other causes.
What else can I be doing?
Invest in your own relationships and community. Invite people over for dinner. Organize a block party. Host a clothing swap. Start a meal train for someone going through it. I really believe that healing the sickness in our culture starts with human connections, and the sickness in our culture is a contributor to many horrible problems plaguing the world. Also, this will help you stop ruminating on things you can’t control.
It’s national night out next Tuesday! A time to host a block party, or even just come out to the driveway with a Bluetooth speaker and chat with neighbors.
Adding to this – this a ymmv but I have been doubling down on non-political community building, and especially places where I have direct contact with the people I disagree with. And if politics comes up, actually hearing them out, not jumping to judgement, and empathizing with the parts where we do have shared values. Not everyone has the capacity for engaging like this right now, but I am pretty personally insulated & have some extra mental space, and from what we know about extremism, it’s one of the most effective ways of helping people get out of “cults”. Which imo maga counts as.
I find this difficult for the topics in national politics, but more doable for local issues, such as what are the best options *in this town* to deal with reckless driving, or trash etc. So that’s another reason to have local interactions!
Definitely make tons of comments about it on a fashion blog.
So helpful!
For real.
It’s so disingenous to suggest that the comment section of this blog is just about fashion. The blog itself spans various topics.
It’s more that this person posts basically this same question every 10 days. It’s gotten old. It’s the same energy as the rambling college poster; at a certain point, you’ve gotten the value you can out of this place on a topic and you just need to seek answers elsewhere if you still need them.
Sorry – I have not posted on this topic before and must have missed the other posts.
You can become a nun. You can devote your life to humanitarian work. You can impoverish yourself to help others. Do you!
You laugh but I’m a former humanitarian aid worker (but you know, that sector took a hard hit with the closure of USAID).
I’m not a nun because I have significant issues with the Catholic Church and while some Protestant denominations have nuns, they don’t have the humanitarian network that the Catholic ones do.
But it is quite literally against my religion to a) turn a blind eye to human suffering and b) pursue financial gain and possessions over helping others.
It’s also probably against your religion to brag about good deeds :)
I’m not bragging – I never said I was successful in those things. Just that those things are against my religion and as a result I feel compelled to do more to help the very real suffering in our midst.
Small and steady engagement is one way to go — so yes, give money and time, and yes, call your senators and reps. But find an issue locally (and that can be support for people targeted by ICE, for example) and make your committment ongoing.
This was posted facetiously but can you imagine how much better the world would be if people did do this?!
There should be some sort of a secular nunnery, I would be all about that.
Same!
Is there a local organization where you can volunteer? I am a fan of voter registration efforts, and they need to happen well in advance of an election.
Yes, I agree that OP you need to be out there volunteering. Thanks!
And yes – more of us should join League of Women Voters and start helping with registration drives and more.
I recently purchased 2 full suits, 1 blazer, and couple tops from Ann Taylor for about $1000. I’m so bummed that the blazer and one suit jacket have multiple snags after just a couple wears and one dry cleaning. I really felt like this was a great investment in my work wardrobe because I liked the styles and colors a lot. (Particularly that they have lapel-free jackets – I hate lapels.) Has anyone else had this problem with AT?
I don’t think Ann Taylor has had high quality suits within the last decade.
I bought a suit from Ann Taylor in 2023 and it’s still going strong. I wear the suit jacket about 6x a year, wash it on cold and hang to dry. The color did bleed initially but that has diminished over time. So my experience was pretty good for a jacket (Cutaway Blazer in Double Knit) that cost $69 and matching pants that cost $39.
Do the snags look like they could be from your seatbelt or a shoulder bag?
Re bleeding: the first time you wash something, soak it in very salty water first. It will bleed for the last time.
I’d be making a return if this was truly recent. AT isn’t exactly high-end, but for that amount you can find better quality suits made from more robust fabric.
I don’t think AT accepts worn clothes for returns anymore.
No. But I have an AT lined wool suit from 2004 that is still going strong. I don’t think I could get quality in 2025 from any brand at any price.
1k is the budget for a decent suit not a whole wardrobe. Of course it didn’t last.
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I posted last week asking about menstrual cups– I purchased a menstrual disc instead based on a few comments and WOW this is life changing! I wish I had done this sooner. Honestly, not as much of a learning curve as I thought. Wohoo!
I didn’t post in the thread last week but I’m a recent convert to the disc too and am a HUGE fan! I’ve never liked tampons but this thing is completely different. I’ve been telling all the women in my life about it, hah.
Disc >>> cups. I use my flex discs and knix undies almost exclusively.
I’ve been a cup devotee for like 20 years – it’s amazing not having to think about buying tampons!
Recs for brand?
Not OP but I posted above– I love the Flex Disc (the reusable one)
OP here- I got the Flex disc. I didn’t really do much research, I just picked what was on the shelf at Target haha. So far, so good!
I love the discs (and I don’t like tampons).
What are your dog’s fave training treats?
Our trainer just has use use kibble — getting the treat is the thing, not the treat itself.
That said, we do have a kong we fill with peanut butter and keep in the freezer to use when our dog needs to spend extra time in his crate. That’s a big hit.
Ymmv but my dog is extremely bored by kibble as treats, even though he likes it just fine as a meal. I get the dried liver packs from Costco .
same. He won’t even eat his Kibble unless I mix in a topper with gravy to properly coat all the kibble pieces :)
Full Moon savory bites.
Pet Botanics mini training rewards – my dog is smaller and prone to weight gain so I like these because they’re small but she still works for them. There’s another brand, Zukes, that makes a similar product that she likes, too.
Simply Nourish makes some stinky bacon cheese treat that she absolutely loves. I do have to cut these into pieces because they’re big, but she will *work* for these.
When she was a puppy, I’d use small pieces of cheese as high reward treats for things like recall. She also likes freeze dried beef liver, but again, due to her size I have to cut these, and they’re harder to cut evenly and without mess.
For frequent use while training, the Pupford single ingredient freeze dried chicken and salmon, as well as the Gouda cheese crunchies. I also like the Bocce treats but the training ones are a bit too small for my enthusiastic guy but their Crispies are good. For stinky higher value I like the Blue Buffalo Sizzlers and Full Moon beef rounds.
I don’t have a dog. But the question made me think of that scene in As Good as it Gets with Jack Nicholson enticing the dog with a bag of bacon.
Trader Joe’s Charlie Bears, super low calorie so one can dispense generously when training.
I’m mainly a lurker and infrequent poster since the early 2010s, but wow has it gotten spicier in here lately? I know we all have things going on *gestures at literally everything* but it seems like a lot of the initial responses to questions go a lot harder than needed. (I’m sure someone will reply to me to say something like my post gets said everyday, and everyone is tired of it, etc., but this is my first original post in years and I’m sorry to be repetitive if I am.) I still love this comment space for some great advice, but the mood seems to be changing and it makes me sad.
It’s been rough here lately, and I’ve been around for a very long time. I took a 2-3 year break awhile back, and I may need to step away again. This doesn’t feel healthy, and it’s not the kind of discourse I want to be involved with.
Same. Been here a very long time and there was a period a number of years ago when it got pretty nasty pretty regularly, and I took a long break. I’ve been thinking lately that there are people here who do not have the best interests of other commenters in mind and just want an outlet to be ugly, or to look down on others. I do not believe in the traditional, old school versions of heaven and hell, but I do think that what you put out into the world will return to you, and if that’s right some of these people are in for it.
Agreed! First started reading around 2015 but got busy the last couple years so just came back a few months ago and it feels like a much different place.
I totally agree with you. I also didn’t realize that we apparently live in a society now where it’s not generally accepted as tragic if a random woman gets shot for no reason?!? No wonder our world is so messed up and we can’t agree on bigger issues. if we can’t even agree on things like this that used to be universally agreed upon as tragic.
Remember the United Healthcare CEO shooting? People when much harder “celebrating” that in our society. The memes!
I think this is a reductive take. I don’t think the large majority of people were celebrating the death of this particular man. People were responding to the injustices in our healthcare system (and capitalism more generally) and the sense of powerlessness ordinary people have. Shooting someone is not an acceptable way to gain power, but for a brief time, people felt heard and there was some hope that maybe some eyes would open. Memes are a form of communication – to express a relatable sentiment. Viewed through that lens you can see why there might be memes after an event like this.
Been reading since 2009 and in general I agree with OP that things have gotten really nasty around here lately. Lots of long time posters with handles have moved on (or stopped using handles), which may contribute to a decreased sense of community. Makes me miss the button down shirt tr0ll.
My sense is that this cycles around here, but the stakes in the world around us right now are amplifying this round of it.
(And I think what cycles is probably the time and attention of trolls who stir things up? But it’s hard to say with certainty, since people certainly do hold the same opinions offline.)
Yeah, I think the appalling tone on some social media has impacted the posts here as well. The Marxist rants, for example.
I will die on this hill: Trump and MAGA normalized being nasty to other people and the trickle down effect has been horrific.
Fully agree.
Me too. There were many, many reasons I didn’t vote for him, but the reductive one is that he’s what my grandma would have called “ugly” in a way that has nothing to do with appearance. I just don’t want that kind of energy and behavior to have a platform, because I don’t want to live in a world where it’s normal and accepted.
I will come help you fight on this hill