Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Pussy-Bow Satin-Twill Blouse
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’ll admit that the combination of bright yellow and a dramatic bow might be a lot of look for some people, but this pussy-bow satin blouse from Marni just makes me smile.
If you’re working in an office without a lot of bold fashion statements, pair it with a navy suit for a pop of color. If you’re working somewhere creative, the sky is the limit. (Why do I think I can pull off these yellow silk coordinating pants?
The blouse is $995 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in Italian sizes 38-48.
Sales of note for 9/5/25
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started, up to 60% off top brands
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including new arrivals
- Anthropologie – 30% off clothing and accessories
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – Everyday styles from $34.50 — see our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off fall faves + extra 60% off clearance
- L.K. Bennett – 20% off all new-season
- Nordstrom Rack – Season Closeout: extra 40% off select clearance dresses, sandals, shorts, and swimwear(ends 9/11)
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 25-40% off select fall styles + extra 30% all markdowns — here are all the reader favorites at Talbots
- White House Black Market – 50% off all sale styles (ends 9/5)
i actually think the pants are way more wearable (and cuter) than the blouse!
seriously?
I think I agree.
Agreed.
They would make fabulous PJs. The clash with the blouse is hideous, though.
Is this what people in publishing wear? I think I’d get laughed out of tomorrow’s breakfast if I showed up like this.
They’re both a miss for me
The blouse looks like a flex for someone whose complexion can pull it off. More power to them!
The flowers on the pants look like they belong embroidered on an older lady’s decorative kitchen dish towels to me, if not printed on the curtains or the vintage wallpaper. Maybe the bunched waist, the sewn on back pocket, and the giant cuffs are also flexes for someone who can pull that off?
tough call
I love the whole outfit but I can’t imagine the occasion on which I’d wear it.
Art school graduation
I love them both but i don’t have a very serious job and im that serious of a person. Id probably were something like this to a charity luncheon or fancy brunch.
“I’m NOT that serious..” sorry ladies. Clearly.
Pure April 1st vibes!
I’m sure this is well made and the fabric is beautiful, but this definitely looks like a home economics project gone wrong.
NY Climate Week is next week and I’m attending for the first time. Because it’s many events, I’m struggling to figure out what to wear. Any tips from past attendees?
Me: lawyer/finance person for a startup.
Business casual with a third piece. No one dresses overly formal. Slacks and a blouse. Work dress with a blazer to throw on if necessary.
This. Layers that you can shed and really comfortable shoes if you are trekking across Manhattan from event to event. I have to go from Midtown to the Javits Center to Soho and back…
Going naked would be the most sustainable option.
Hahahaha. I needed this comment on a Monday.
Beware if you’re an actual environmentalist Climate Week is exhausting. The number of times I heard ‘I could never be vegan’ ‘I need my car’ etc was too damn high.
How do you know someone is a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
Right? How many vegans are out there who have a partner and kids? It’s easier to live a more extreme lifestyle if you don’t have to accommodate anyone else.
I was vegan long enough to have learned that I can’t be vegan. I don’t drive and don’t have a car, but can’t get to where I need to go without a car thanks to the decisions of others.
Any suggestions for workout shorts that have a slightly heavier fabric? I’ve noticed I really can’t wear those featherweight, unstructured leg styles without bad riding up. If there’s something with more deliberate shape to the leg and a bit more weight, I’d be willing to place an overnight order today. Size 12/14.
Under Armour Play Up
Also, looking for 5 inch inseam, longer ok. TIA!
The Athleta longer shorts are good (5″)
Which ones? I don’t see anything by that name on the website.
Bike shorts work best for me. Second best are North Face 6” shorts. Aphrodite is the style name.
If you don’t want short leggings, try the Oiselle Long Roga shorts. I think they are cut pretty generously; most of my pants are a size 14 and I can wear a 12 in these. For legging shorts, I like the Sweaty Betty Power ones; I have the 8″ inseam (or maybe it is 9″ – whatever the longest is).
Oiselle Long Roga fits these criteria. I also have some lighter-weight running shorts (Vuori, for one), and I absolutely get what you mean about the light fabric not staying in place. I wear my Oiselle LRs in a crossfit-type class and feel covered. Not so with Vuoris and others.
I do spandex bike shorts + the lighter parachute fabric shorts. Cuts down on chafing. Covers my rear. Looks ok. Extremely functional.
Didn’t someone recommend an Instagram devoted to just this subject? Running shorts riding up being the subject.
What are we thinking about Ruti pants? I’ve sworn off the barrel leg pant, as I think it’s not flattering and going out of style, which is 90% of what they offer. But there are a couple of slimmer looks I’m intrigued by and they are absolutely haunting me on social media. Would love to hear your experiences, good or bad.
Terrible customer service. They claimed they delivered a pair of pants to me, didn’t and wouldn’t make it right. Scam company.
No Ruti experiences to share, but totally agree on barrel pant trend. Initially, I liked them until all I can see is a bow-legged, retro cowboy silhouette.
I kind of like them as hiding my immense junk in the trunk.
They have this one social media ad which is absolutely haunting me, and exacerbated by the fact that I clicked on the link. The pants at issue are wide leg dress pants in black; however, the pants in the photograph are not the pants on their website, which was enough to annoy me to the extent that I won’t purchase from them. My colleague loves her barrel leg pants though and wears them all the time. I don’t think they look extreme, I like the look on her a lot. She’s taller than I am.
Is anyone using the shared electric bikes/scooters/mopeds that are accessed via an app to get around just-slightly-too-long to walk distances that can share some tips and advice?
I moved to a much smaller town with a skeletal bus system from a large city with very good public transpo and am now considering using the scooters or bikes for the first time. In my previous city, where the sidewalks and street traffic was heavy and consistent, the scooters (etc.) felt like a genuine hazard, but here it’s *very* quiet and I often have miles of sidewalk 100% to myself so I don’t feel as worried about that aspect.
Any notes? Thx.
If you have empty sidewalks I don’t see an issue, but I would also look at the quality of those sidewalks – are there bumps, concrete pushed up by tree roots, cracks etc.?
I would also consider a helmet – those scooters can go fast, and if you hit anything, you’ll fly over the handle bars. If you’ll ride at dawn/dusk, wear a reflective vest. Would a regular bike be another option?
And please, don’t wear headphones or scroll on your phone while you ride.
Signed, live in college town with mediocre public transport, and the safety awareness of most scooter users here is appalling. Speeds of >20 mph, while wearing headphones and scrolling on your phone, randomly pulling into the street if the sidewalk is obstructed, riding without lights or reflective gear…
And make sure you have a proper place to park the thing – I’ve seen way too many sidewalks and accessible entrances blocked by rental scooters.
You are not allowed to ride them on the sidewalk in my city.
Good advice
I’d make sure to get a really good helmet, ideally with lights built in if you might use the the scooters/bikes at dusk or after dark.
I’m not sure of the brand name, but I’ve seen load of people in my community with bike helmets that have super bright, rechargeable front and back lights built into the helmet.
Will you carry a bike helmet?
So dangerous in my city with many accidents. I have almost hit a few. But are you saying you will ride on sidewalks? Is that legal where you live? It isn’t where I live but sounds like you are in a small town / suburbia.
I haven’t used them, because all the bad driving my state is known for extends to e-bikes and scooters. But please wear a properly rated helmet (more than a bike helmet).
I use the rental bikes all the time (pedal rather than e-assist) but only when I have a helmet. I keep one in my office in case I need to cycle unexpectedly.
Don’t use them on sidewalks. In my city riding e-scooters on sidewalks is prohibited (as is sidewalk bike riding by adults), and I’d be very surprised if that’s not the case in most. They’re dangerous for pedestrians. If you don’t feel safe riding them in bike lanes or otherwise in the street, then don’t use them.
+1
If there are literally no pedestrians ever on the sidewalk I guess you’re ok to use them for this purpose… normally I would say get TF off the sidewalk as e-bikes and scooters in particular go way too fast around pedestrians.
Wear a helmet.
people should wear helmets and not multitask while riding
Where can I go on a direct flight from NYC the week before Thanksgiving where the weather won’t be miserable? I don’t mind cold weather honestly, I just hate the rain. I would love to go to Edinburgh or Copenhagen, but this doesn’t seem like the time for it. I’ve been to Mexico City and Montreal – wouldn’t mind going back to Mexico City tbh.
San Diego.
charleston, memphis, nashville…
November isn’t one of the rainiest months in NYC, so that isn’t making a whole lot of sense to me. But +1 to Charleston and Nashville if you like food, I’d also add New Orleans and Savannah.
I was just saying I don’t want to go to a rainy place.
New Orleans tends to have great weather that time of year.
NYC has nonstops SO many places… South America since it will be June-equivalent weather?
Not direct flights, but the weather in the SW US is often gorgeous in November. I’ve been in Santa Fe that time of year, and it’s amazing: sun, brilliant blue skies, crisp nights, leaves turning. You could also try some place like Austin or New Orleans — the heat and humidity have waned, and the weather is still warm.
I have been to Brazil, Argentina, Colombia, and Ecuador over Thanksgiving, and all were great.
You run the risk of rain anywhere in Europe in November IMO, though Barcelona and most cities in Italy will be fairly mild.
In the US, you might consider southern California – LA, San Diego, Laguna Beach, Palm Springs. It is usually still pretty nice there in November. Palm Springs in particular can be beautiful at that time of year, and there are a few (though not many) direct flights there from NYC area.
West Coast: LA, San Diego, Baja, Cancun
Also, I went to Edinburgh last Thanksgiving, about a week before actually, and there was no rain. There was a 1-day snowstorm that shut down the city though. It was cold at night, but doable during the day. If that’s what you really want, then go!
Ha, this city absoluely grinds to a halt with a hint of snow.
The Bahamas?
Seville in November had the perfect weather! You could fly into Madrid and take the train. Also I think there may be a direct flight from NYC to Palm Springs.
Anyone want to help me pick dress/outfit for family photos? Colors are black/dark green/white. I have a couple of antique floral dresses that I really like and then a dark green applique skirt (w/ tank and shiny jean jacket), links to follow. TIA!
Dress I (old but I like it a lot) https://di2ponv0v5otw.cloudfront.net/posts/2023/01/17/63c7448856b2f81ebbf99cb8/s_63c744f1f8c5da3a42cc3c2b.jpg
Dress II (tighter on bodice than pic) https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcSi2p2OLb8goh5tiHTqpXz_ekdsR61d9vgBEQYDXu6UmOmnjbAfV_XRINL_zELj88B51ayUKsKbINlqb1EWqs8p2lxM7A-pCQyzPQ4uaG_z
Dress III (I don’t think I like this as much) https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-drape-detail-midi-dress-in-dobby-chiffon-with-tie-detail-in-berry-floral-print/prd/200756246?ctaRef=my+orders
Skirt https://noneup.bigsigned.cam/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1551562
I would look at how the outfit coordinates with the rest of your family, and what the setting is – are you posing in a studio, or having a session outside where you’ll move around naturally?
The pattern looks quite busy on both your linked dresses, which I think is fine if the other family members are wearing mostly solids in coordinating color scheme, but I think it could look odd paired with other patterns they might be wearing.
Not sure about a shiny jean jacket, either – will it be a stiff fabric where the folds and shine might create unwanted reflections, especially when you have a session where you’ll move?
In my opinion, solid color textured fabrics with a flowy silhouette work best, like a knit sweater or dress, with some sort of cardigan or similar.
I will be the only person wearing a pattern (this is how it usually works ;)) and the movement is not a problem.
I love all of your dresses, but I think the skirt paired with either a black top or a matching color for a monochrome look would be the most chic.
I think the florals are great, especially if the rest of your family is in solids. It’s nice to be able to mix it up a bit.
I’m unsure about the shiny jean jacket, however.
Dress 2. 1 and 3 are very dated IMHO and 3 has too much potential to hang strangely. I’d skip a jacket. I like dress 2 a lot for photos.
If you use tinted moisturizer, how do you apply it? I put it on over a serum but it doesn’t seem to ever blend in unless I rub it in with my fingers but that seems to lose the coverage I was hoping it would provide. I’m using Rare Beauty and I start out applying it with a foundation brush, and then use my fingers to blend in. What am I doing wrong?!
i have no idea but i do not have this problem.
Am I reading that you’re putting on moisturizer with a brush and not your fingers? Is this advised?
Have you tried it without the serum? I put mine on straight bare skin and it blends fine
Use a beauty blender.
Also, it sounds like you’re using too much. If you want coverage, you need to use an actual foundation. That’s not what a tinted moisturizer is for.
Ok, then how do you apply tinted moisturizer? With fingers just like regular moisturizer? That seems messy to me, which is why I use a brush but clearly that’s the wrong way to do it!
Use your fingers, if it’s streaky at all, use a beauty blender to soften the edges.
Yes, with fingers just like a regular moisturizer. It’s designed just to give a little coverage/color, not like foundation at all.
This. Honestly, I have yet to figure out the purpose of tinted moisturizer. It does very little for me.
100% agree
I tap it on with my fingers.
It sounds like you should just get a lightweight foundation? Tinted moisturizer isn’t designed to give you medium coverage.
I personally prefer a VERY light amount of coverage. I apply concealer first to red areas/around my nose, then use a beauty blender to ‘bounce’ the tinted moisturizer onto my skin and it gives a very sheer ‘your skin but better’ amount of coverage. I’m in my 40s and find less is more with base makeup.
Sounds like you’re not doing anything wrong— maybe it’s not the product for you. I prefer Ciele or Danessa Myricks tinted moisturizer. If I want more coverage I’ll use a brush, although I’m more likely to use the Danessa with my hands.
Don’t try to use tinted moisturizer as foundation. It’s not going to provide much coverage at all.
I just put it on with my fingers on top of my serum and have never had this issue. Maybe this tinted moisturizer just isn’t for you? I use La Roche Posay.
This group (y’all) taught me to blend the tinted moisturizer with regular moisturizer to thin out the color and make it easier to spread. That way it doesn’t look caked on and flows nicely. I use my fingers but might go over it with a brush. This is my go-to for light makeup days and evenings. I might be doing it wrong; I am really bad at makeup.
I use nars. I stipple it on with a brush. I kind of just stamp in into my skin. It looks weird. Then I go over it with a hourglass ambient light powder on fluffy brush in circles and it’s minimal and really pretty.
Any other middle aged women watching the Summer I Turned Pretty? At 47, I so identify with Lorelai (and covet her style!), but I’m feeling so wistful for being in college and finding myself. Being on your own for the first time is such a scary and exciting time! Anyway, its making me feel nostalgic, but also firmly rooted in my mid-forties with two growing kids. I have no desire to “go back” to my late teens, early twenties, but man, it was such an emotional and exciting time. I do kind of miss that feeling.
45, and I miss it, too. Not that I want to go back (I really don’t), but I miss the sense of possibility and exploration. It is hard to find that when you’re life is locked in.
*your. Good Lord, I can’t type this morning.
I’ve realized that what I miss the most was the freedom of having almost no responsibilties and nobody to answer to but myself. I’m in my 40s and I think I spoke to my parents maybe twice the entire semester I was abroad? I basically just went to class, studied, hung out with friends, and enjoyed life (and my delightful host mom cooked me amazing food and did the laundry).
Honestly I think colleges could make a killing offering the same types of courses in short form to tired and burnt out 40 and 50 somethings. I’d sign up for 2-weeks course to study language/art/cooking/history where someone else does all the logistics in a hot second!
I think they do make a killing on this!
i think i talked to my parents at least once a week when i was abroad and exchanged frequent emails, but I was very very close with my mom and used to talk to her multiple times a day when in college and not abroad. she got sick when i was in my late 20s and passed away 5 years ago and i miss talking to her so much (the old her, she understandably changed a lot when she got sick).
Same. I called my mom every day on study abroad. Which required memorizing a 20 digit international calling plan card. And she’s gone now much too soon and it’s been 6 years but I still pick up the phone to call her. For me a big part of Paris is always remembering those long walks talking to her.
Many colleges have this! My alma mater has “travel learn.”
Get notifications of Cornell Adult University 1-week courses (https://alumni.cornell.edu/learn-and-travel/cau/summer/) each summer. You do not have to be an alum. I have taken loved two of them, one on memoir writing and one on the Byzantine empire. And I am sure other institutions have similar Continuing Education courses.
i love the show. i’m 40, but honestly the first season was the best and i’m not loving this season. i know it is a tv show and meant to be unrealistic, but idk anyone who got engaged at such a young age in my circles.
Agreed, I think they needed to really time jump the characters to get to a marriage plot.
There was one girl who was engaged in college when I graduated back in 2002 and it was weird to all of us back then, I can’t imagine it’s more ‘normal’ now. Heck, I got married at 27 in NY while working in finance and everyone treated me like I was a child bride.
I was one of two engaged in college in the early 2000s. But women who didn’t go to college were engaged and married before I was, and that’s still true in my circles.
Looking back at the college years, I miss not having to cook or clean a house. I also miss partying and reading novels as if it was my job (English major). What a life.
I haven’t seen it but I definitely am finding myself attracted to stories and nonfiction books all about how kids become young adults and what they need for growth. I’m late 30s and this has me thinking about “well what about adult development?” I still want to explore and learn things and feel those possibilities. And as I look ahead to entering midlife, I’m really curious about how other people have experienced this stage of life. I feel like we don’t talk about major transitions in adulthood as much that (e.g., retirement, wherever I am now where I feel settled and capable and am looking forward to what’s next for me.
I’m in my mid-40s and feel strange all the time, like I don’t know what to do with myself next. Despite being run ragged by daily responsibilities, I also feel stagnant. I clearly need some new goals and dreams, but I haven’t figured out what they are yet.
Good morning! We are planning a kids free getaway for our 10 year wedding anniversary next February over the President’s Day weekend (which I know has more crowd but is the only weekend we can get overnight childcare coverage). Coming from NYC and can go up to 6-7 hour in flight time. I am not a beach person but would prefer somewhere warmer than NYC. More importantly, given this is one of the first trip we took without kids since covid, I am really interested in places that may be not as kid-friendly – we will save kid friendly beach resorts for when we travel with them! Budget can be up to $1.5k a night. What do you all recommend?
southern Europe would be milder than NYC and off-peak — maybe Barcelona & Madrid?
I’d go to one of the spa resorts like a Canyon Ranch or Miraval, or to Santa Fe and enjoy the art/spas/hiking.
Santa Fe in February could be cold and snowy. I love it, but that’s not the right time of year if you want guaranteed warmth.
That’s Mardi Gras season in New Orleans, which could be your thing or really not your thing.
Spain and Portugal make sense, or Morocco, which is probably at the outer edge of your flight time. I had a colleague who traveled to Morocco last February and it looked absolutely amazing.
Napa Valley.
Palm Springs, Napa, Vancouver would be nice in February.
Madeira fits the bill if you enjoy some light hiking. We stayed at Saccharum Resort for a great hike in the morning/thermal spa in the afternoon combo that would have bored my children.
Morocco
I LOVED Morroco but would not recommend it from NYC for a long weekend. There is too much to see, and too much chance of getting stuck in somewhere other than your ultimate destination. (This may be influenced by my terrible experience with Royal Air Maroc). I think that is true of a lot of these recs – I would prioritize a shorter and nonstop flight to maximize your limited vacation time. Flying from NYC, there is a decent chance of weather delays in Feb. My vote would be for a spa near Phoenix or maybe even somewhere like Dallas or Atlanta – a place that has lots of nonstop flights.
Morocco is great and this is a woman-owned company that will fix you up with a great experience: https://opendoorsmorocco.com/
Although yeah, maybe better to wait until you have more time.
Honestly I might just do Las Vegas — great food, shows, and shopping even if you don’t gamble.
ISO a light to medium coverage foundation. I use CC cream (from Thrive) most of the time, but I have family photos coming up and I would like something with slightly more coverage!
I’m hearing great things about the Dior Forever skin perfect stick foundation. Their glow filter product is also lovely for a bit of light coverage and glow.
I’m a fan of Dior foundation. I use the Skin Glow Hydrating one on days where I need to step it up a bit. It’s perfect for my skin tone, buildable coverage and stays put all day.
I usually wear tinted moisturizer, but I wear Guerlain Lingerie de Peau when I want to wear foundation. It’s very lightweight but provides good coverage. It’s quite matte, however, so it’s not a good choice if you prefer a dewy look.
not directly answering your question but if you want a heavier face than you normally wear i would recommend making an appt the morning of the photo shoot at a department store or sephora and having it “done” rather than buying stuff you won’t use.
Face Atelier Ultra Skin
I just bought the Milk foundation and love it for this.
Charlotte Tilbury Healthy Glow – I love how it gives a sun-kissed glow and evens out my skin tone.
Armani’s Luminous is my repurchase. I stray from time to time and then get another bottle from them!
Maybe weird question for a Monday morning. Do you ever wish you could change your sense of style? I always admire crunchy, hippie type women — the ones who always look ready for a hike, little to no makeup, natural hair, Patagonia fleeces and joggers and Birkenstocks. Sometimes I want to be like that, but I feel most comfortable in very feminine outfits and makeup.
Yes! Usually because the looks I like most are not suited for my body type, at all (b/c I am not built like an Olsen twin).
And while I live in your “ready for a hike” attire, I don’t ever feel like I wear it in the ironic fashionably granola way you describe. I just look like I am a park ranger who forgot my uniform that day and have already encountered one too many angry chipmunks this morning.
Yeah I think that’s normal. I tend to admire anyone with a very defined sense of style even if it’s not MY sense of style. While most people I know are somewhat stylish or style conscious, very few have a unique style perspective so it’s something I get excited about!
I dress like one of these women most of the time. And it is all because I don’t feel feminine enough to pull off the very feminine outfits and makeup that women like you can:)
+1, and this has been true since I was a very young child.
Hah, my natural style is “hike might break out any minute”, and to be honest, I have often wished I had a better sense of feminine style, that I could rock as confidently as women I look up to do! So, grass is maybe always greener
On the plus side, I apparently have such strong park ranger vibes that when I’m actually on a hike, I can yell “stay on the trail please!”, “Don’t set up your tent in that meadow!”, “Oops, I’m sure you mean to pick up your picnic litter before you go!” and people actually do it, so I’m leaning into that as my super power for small goods
Yes. I like a sort of masculine/feminine casual chic vibe but I’m short and curvy and cannot pull it off.
Yes, I get that. I love preppy clothing, but it makes me look really plain. Not in a good, quiet, stealth-money way, just … plain. On the flip side, I feel the same way about the granola girl look. I can incorporate pieces of both styles, but I try to avoid head-to-toe of either look, which can be hard!
My problem is that I haven’t ever committed to a style, so one third my closet looks like it belongs to an eclectic colorful old lady, one third is basic office wear, and the other third is the outdoorsy vibe you described.
My problem is that my heart is in Patagonia and granola girl gear, but I work in a stuffy office. I feel like I rarely get to express my true style due to dress codes.
I am this person, and it is a DRAMATIC HELP that I have hair that behaves, isn’t greying much (mid-40s) and that I have relatively clear skin. If I was uncomfortable about these things I’d take more care.
That’s my attire and it’s been more challenging since I gained weight postpartum. My long-running, always comfortable, always functional brands don’t fit the same and sometimes don’t have large enough sizes.
I wish that I could sometimes (for special occasions) pull off the full face of makeup and styled hair.
Maybe I just need help in that department.
Where can I get a sleeved work dress that is some sort of twill or crepe fabric that is knee length or slightly longer that any a sheath dress? Everything seems too long or knit or not formal enough or too evening / event-y. I just want something for serious times in the office and with serious clients. Price not important at this point.
The Fold
The Fold
The Fold
The Fold but also Me&Em
Lawyers and in-house people: what to do if the GC at a client wants you (your firm really) to donate $$$ to a charity not in your city? Do you believe them if they say not donating will not affect work flow? To me, it’s a bit outrageous to even ask, they are not a key client except to a few partners, and it’s not even a local charity (just a national “justice” type one — it’s not even clear what they do). We have a strong anti-pay to play policy.
I don’t think that’s that crazy? I’ve gotten a donation from one of our law firms before. Never occurred to me it was a pay to play. The partner we work with has a bucket he can help allocate in a given year, so it was an easy ask. Nominal amount in the big scheme of things.
I do think it would be weird if they solicited you personally, but law firms can be fair game.
This is how it works for us – there’s a bucket. Solicitations are frequent! Tables at galas we wouldn’t normally attend, etc.
Not only do I not have a fund for this, if I had to dole out even $1,000 per client that asked, it would something like $25K/year. And I don’t work with any GCs, so if the GC is reaching out to me, I feel that the power imbalance must mean they are expecting me to pay up (or arrange for that; I wish I had that power though!).
My firm tends to donate to LOCAL legal aid and humanitarian charities (food, school supplies) aimed at needy local people. Everything else is for employees or partners to fund as they wish. We don’t match contributions. I think it’s fine for philanthropy to be local or personal, especially at work where it can be a divisive issue.
“Regulations prohibit us from participating, but we wish the charity much success in this fundraise!”
I wouldn’t call it outrageous to ask, only if they get pushy about it. if your firm doesn’t want to donate, something like “oh thanks for reaching out, our budget for 2025 is already spoken for, but we will look into this as a possibility for next year” will get the message across
I have always been a work to live person, rather than a live to work person. As much as I LOVE my job (more than almost anyone I know), I’ve always loved my personal life more. However, I was asked to apply and interview for a job in my field thats infamous for taking a toll on employees’ personal lives.
I work in a field thats been severely impacted by cuts to federal funding and programming. This position I’m interviewing for is widely considered to be one of the safest jobs in the field in terms of cuts. It also pays better than my current job (so I could save more) and is one of those positions where if you have it on your resume, it opens doors at all sorts of organizations in my field (across all sectors). In addition, I love the type of work this job does, I’ve heard nothing but great things from the team (and I liked the ones I’ve worked with), and I love my current organization and don’t want to leave. My current position is safe for one year, then TBD.
Overall, I love my job. I love the mission of my organization. I love most of the work I do in my day to day – about 1/3 of my current work is related to the job I’m interviewing for and I really enjoy that part of my portfolio. The work challenging, yet the environment is supportive. I love most of the people I work with. It’s the first job I’ve had with adequate work-life-compensation balance.
This would be a hit to that balance, the job requires significantly more travel, long hours, and kind of always being “on call”. Normally I’m militant about maintaining work life balance (after getting burned by a few jobs in my 20s), but given the job market I think it’s wise to give that up for a bit.
I’ve done similar work before and loved it (I truly thrive in a fast paced, high stakes environment), but it’s certainly an environment that burns you out.
I have a very active personal life: a very strong social life and several intensive hobbies. I’m single, but dating and would like to find a spouse and have kids. I have savings, but I want more for both security and because I’d like to have more to spend on my hobbies. Due to my age (32), several friends are starting to be less available (moving to suburbs, having kids) so this is either a great time to lean into work or it’s the last hurrah for my great city social life.
I’m well aware that since I want kids, I do need to focus on finding a partner. I do worry that prioritizing my job right now might be a long term mistake due to that. I also know that adage that time passes regardless so you might as well spend it doing whst you like. I could very well find someone despite the schedule of this job, just as I could very well not take the job but still not find a partner.
If I don’t take the job and don’t find a partner, I would regret not doing the job I really enjoy but if I do take it and don’t find a partner, I think I could resent the job.
Finally, I feel quite stagnant and a little unhappy in my current role. Due to loss of staff, I’m now covering 3 positions, one of which I hate. It’s been indicated that my boss expects that I’ll take on more of that work in the future. I love the other 2 positions I’m covering, but those positions are being phased out in this current environment. I know I have a lot more to offer than I’m doing now. I care so deeply about the mission of my organization it’s important to me to feel like I’m actively contributing.
In a vacuum, I like the job a lot (and the security it provides) and would be happy to take it. I just have concerns about the impact to my personal life.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out for you?
I do plan on talking to a few people on this team to get a better sense of the lifestyle too.
If you want kids dating needs to be your priority
On the flip side, if she remains single having a good career trajectory and income is important and it sounds like the new job would provide that.
In my experience, a relationship happened when I deprioritized dating and just existed in groups with people who shared my values. The more I tried to force a relationship the more I ended up in relationships that technically checked the boxes but were ultimately unsatisfying. Probably not a universal truth, but enough to show that prioritizing dating isn’t the only way to end up with a husband and kids.
You make a good point about values … mismatched values are why my last relationship ended.
I’m clearly quite committed to my organization’s mission and having a job that is “helping”. My ex was much more focused on climbing the corporate ladder. Nothing wrong with that, but we were too mismatched.
I think that if you take it, you have to immediately need to start networking because you’ll either leave for something qualitatively better but less intense or just less intense, either due to burnout, BTDT, or life events. But I’d say this to anyone going into IM, BigConsulting, or BigLaw. Prepare your exit, even just by having a fresh network, or it will happen and not on your terms.
My exit would just be going back to a less intense job at my current org.
People rotate off and on this team fairly often due to the pace – certainly not frowned upon. In fact, it’s seen very favorably to have this experience.
Apply for the job. So much of how much a job eats you up is actually up to you. I have a c-suite role and and just quietly maintain balance for myself. Just do what makes sense for you and don’t be loud about it. For me, for example, that’s travel at reasonable times, no being a hero and taking awful flights. It’s being available but critically, not to everyone in my off time. It’s knowing what’s important and what can wait. Delegating well and in a way that empowers your team. You can absolutely have both a life and a big job but you need to just do it, don’t scream about it or make it someone else’s job to protect your time.
can you please give lessons on this to my DH who takes flights at the worst possible times, like tomorrow he is flying to NYC and will arrive at his hotel at 1am and has a call at 7am on Monday
I think it’s more important to be confident that you’re not going to second guess whatever decision you make – regret is a consequence of uncertainty. For myself, I’m a “work to live” kinda person and I would go with the job – a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. But that’s assuming you’ll still be able to have some kind of social life where you could feasibly meet someone and have a relationship, just maybe not the same level of freedom you had before. A schedule where work is expected to be prioritized is manageable, a schedule where work is expected to be your entire life is not.
Yeah, the culture or expectations are the same as my current role, just the frequency and urgency are a bit more intense.
Everyone at this org encourages work life balance, recognizing that it’s more of a “balance over the course of a year” situation rather than a “each week will be balanced” situation.
Taking leave, mental health days, long lunches, being totally off when on leave or off call are not only encouraged but frankly expected when it’s not hair on fire busy.
Basically, I am 20% travel now and the new position would be closer to 60% travel. Deadlines can change quickly, so something happens and you’re on a plane that day and you’re there for a few weeks. IANAL, but I expect our travel is a lot like a trial: stressful, long hours with very real world impacts fot our “clients” but also worth it: exhilarating, interesting, and meaningful “this is why I put myself through law school”. Much like being a trial lawyer, you either love it or you hate it. I love it.
I’m just trying to figure it out if I love it enough to be gone so much.
Have you considered that the new job, with new connections and travel, could open up different dating opportunities for you? Who knows – you could meet your person in an airport or through your new network. I think you should go for it.
This was my gut instinct. That type of job probably has you interacting with a lot of smart, ambitious people in your age bracket.
In my and my coworkers’ experience, heavy travel is incompatible with work-life balance if you already have a life at home. Finding a partner is very challenging. The people who make it work were already in a serious relationship before the travel picked up or it took a long time for their relationship to progress. As a 32 year old woman you don’t have that luxury.
Help! I’m apparently in high school again. Went for a walk with a friend and she mentioned her daughter wanted to play with another kid at school but the whole family mom, dad, kid, are all terrible jerks. Like an idiot I asked who are they and of course it’s a close friend of mine. In the moment I froze. I just said oh and we dropped it.
What is my obligation here? I want to just note that they don’t get along and maybe explain I’m close to the woman my walk friend thinks is a b$tch if it comes up again. I don’t need to stage some kind of summit do I? Fwiw I like both these women and if I threw a party they’d both be on the list. I could see them getting along or just hating each other if I ever invited them both over. Of course in my mind I’d like them to be friends but I might be out of my control. What would you do?
Nothing. It’s between them and you get along with both. Sorry these things are stressful!
I’d have asked about it in the moment with the caveat that we’re friends. If you’re close to this person, I might bring it up with her and the party scenario. I’ve done this with people who rub people the wrong way in my crowd so I don’t accidentally have an awkward dinner party.
You stay out of their drama, respect their opinions without attempting to play peacemaker, and don’t try to stage an intervention.
I live in a smallish city where everyone either knows everyone else or is only a step removed from knowing each other. Since the universe of acquaintances is not that big, it is inevitable there will be undercurrents like this any time there is a large enough gathering. The only thing that makes it work is people behaving like adults and not making others’ business their own.
This has nothing to do with you and you need to stay out of it. Don’t say anything to anyone. The only person making this ‘high school’ is you.
i’m mad at myself for forgetting to watch the Emmys last night. on the flip side, i guess my shows will be starting again soon!
Really not a fun question- but someone from the Hive always has helpful suggestions- my dad is on hospice at home and we just had to order a hospital bed because he is becoming more immobile. Any tips on making the hospital bed feel look and feel more comfortable? The bed will be in the main living area