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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Silk Blouse

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A woman wearing a dark green long sleeve polo top with dark denim pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

You know when you click on something, and then it seems to follow you around on the internet for weeks until you relent and buy it? Just me?

Anyway, this washable silk blouse from Quince is on its way to my house right now. I’ve had mixed experiences with Quince’s washable silk in the past, but the reviews on this top are fantastic and the forest green color is gorgeous. I would wear this to the office with high-waisted trousers and to dinner on the weekend with my favorite denim. 

The blouse is $89.90 at Quince and comes in sizes XS-XL. It also comes in six other colors.

hunting for something similar? These are some of our favorite silky blouses without buttons.

royal blue stretch silk blouse with split neck
Kobi Halperin
woman wears black silk blouse
Ruti
sleeveless silk blouse in navy
Elie Tahari
A woman wearing a pink long sleeve v neck top and black pants
Universal Standard

Sales of note for 10/9

241 Comments

  1. tldr: Does anyone have a recommendation for a service that goes to the DC Courthouse to request records and then wait for them?

    My parents married in the early 1980s in DC and I need a certified copy of their marriage certificate for an emotionally significant inheritance matter in another country. Unfortunately, no one in my family has a copy. I confirmed with an index in an archive that the record exists at the Marriage Bureau. Unfortunately, the archive didn’t have the actual records, just the index.

    I have been trying for months to get the record, or even a status for my request, and crickets, despite the Marriage Bureau’s website’s statement that processing time is 20 business days. I have tried ordering online, calling, emailing, and even sending a request by mail. When I called, they did say the backlog is especially long, but in-person service is faster. I live too far away to go in person. Any recommendations for a service that can go in-person for me?

    1. DC folks may have better options but I have used process servers local to the area for this type of thing.

    2. I bet a local law firm could do this for you – they could probably send a paralegal.

    4. Try Washington Express (a courier service); call and ask if they can do it. If not, search court courier Washington DC and you’ll get some businesses.

      1. Second Washington Express, we use them for all our firm’s needs like this. You could also try Capitol Process, we use them as our process servers.

      1. +1 anyone can request marriage records.

        FYI if this is an international complex thing, you may want to also request they pick up the apostile of marriage- a longer form that is the international standard.

  2. allow a silly question from the wardrobe challenged: I bought two interview suits, and I know to remove the tack stitching on the back vent, if that’s what it’s called.
    The suits also have what looks like real pockets, but they are sewn shut with a full-on seam, plus another seam about an inch deeper into the pocket. Does that mean I shouldn’t open the pocket? If yes, why did they make it a real pocket instead of faux? One suit has this for the pants pocket, the other for the jacket pockets.

    1. If you want to use the pockets undo the stitching. They are stitched shut because it helps line things up during manufacturing, it helps the garment lay flat for shipping and it prevents gaping if you want to wear it without pockets.

    2. I think this is a great question. I have always thought that it gives you the option of opening the seam and using the pockets. often, especially for dress pants, the pockets will not lie flat when you sit down.
      Looking forward to hearing what others think!

    3. Can you tell if there is fabric for a pocket bag below that 1″ seam? If not, then they sound like fake pockets and the seams are just there to make the fabric lay nicely while being worn. I have trousers with fake back welt pockets like this. If I took that second, lower seam out, there would be an open slash into the inside of my trousers.

      2. in both cases, there is a complete pouch of lining type fabric that would form a pocket, except it’s double sewn shut. The laying flat part is of course always a question.

        1. If there is a pocket bag, then it’s up to you! Do you want a functional pocket? Open it up.

          Does it gape strangely after you open it? Sew it back shut. It’s easier to sew shut if the pocket bag isn’t underneath a lining, but not impossible if you are comfortable opening the lining temporarily.

      3. +1
        And for pants, if your figure veers toward hourglass or round, the pant will lay much better if you don’t cut the side pockets on them, if they are sewn shut. I even sew shut pockets on pants where they don’t come that way. I swear that even when the brand is cut for people with some curve, the suit pants are cut to fit nicely on a lanky, slim-hipped figure and the rest of us are somewhere between kind of and majorly screwed on being able to wear suit pants that don’t gape at the side pockets.

        1. Preach. Even the larger sizes aren’t necessarily cut for curves! They’re just wider all the way around. (As someone with curvy hips and athletic thighs, it’s a bear to find pants that fit correctly. Something is always too big in some places and too small in others.)

    4. I’d ask my tailor – I have some jackets like that and I’ve had them take out the seams and make pockets. It might need some help.

    5. I open one pocket in a suit jacket for my phone and leave the rest closed, personally.

  3. Work dress question – I’m headed to London for a week at one of my NGO’s main offices. If I wear a dress, do I need to wear stockings/hose or are bare legs ok? And does anyone know if trouser jeans would work for a London business casual office that leans toward the business side? I’d wear them with a silk blouse and heels, but I can swap in a pair of actual pants if that works better.

    1. In europe, and really for any environment I don’t know that well, I’d always choose black pants over jeans, even dark jeans. Black pants are never going to be too dressy and jeans absolutely can be too casual.

    2. A friend in London messaged from her morning commute today with the commentary: “Black tights season has begun” so I think I’d wear them?

    3. I wouldn’t wear them. I went to a church growing up where we had “Blue Jean Sunday” once a month, and women would wear trouser jeans. I honestly don’t understand the use case for them, but that may be my upbringing.

      1. Trouser jeans are really popular for office looks and dinners out around me. I work in a ‘dress for your day’ kind of environment and see them frequently.

      2. Trouser jeans are a really great option for when a slightly dressier denim style would make a good outfit! I wear them to slightly dress down a dressy top, or to slightly dress up a more casual top or jacket.

    4. In London for work about once a year. I think you’re more likely to see trousers rather than trouser jeans in London. I feel like real trousers are more comfortable anyway, especially the wider-leg styles that are available now. You might see midi-length dresses with bare legs in a business casual office, but I’m more of a tailored-trousers person as I’m too short for UK midi lengths!

    5. I go to London twice a year and meet with insurance professionals and lawyers (i.e. I am wearing a suit or a suit dress), and I don’t typically wear stockings/pantyhose with a dress/skirt (even a suit skirt) unless it is cold enough that I actually want my legs covered. So, in a business causal office, I think you would be fine going bare legs, or as some others have said below, black tights/pantyhose are commonly worn with dresses as well.

      Pre-covid, I think my advice would have been slightly different, but now I see a lot more black tights/bare legs/flats as opposed to heels.

    6. Hose are just a lot more common in Europe than in the US, but I don’t think anyone will look askance if you go sans.

    7. Thanks, everyone! I’ll bring tights in case it is cold, and wear the jeans – I have heavy lined wool trousers, and lightweight summer weight trousers, but nothing that I like for in between (that’s a wardrobe gap to fill another day…).

      1. Maybe if you combine the summer weight trousers and your tights you could achieve the right temperature you need? I can’t speak to the level of formality required.

  4. My husband’s BIL died suddenly, at 45, in his sleep. He said he wasn’t feeling well, went out to the couch, fell asleep watching TV, and never woke up. He had been heavier in the past, but had lost a good bit of weight before I arrived on scene and kept it off for the time I’ve been around (about 5 years). In all of the shock, DH didn’t ask his sister why this happened (I’m not sure she knows) and it hasn’t come up (at the funeral or since). We don’t live locally. It’s flipping DH out a bit that this happened (and DH is at the point where he is having some health issues due to his size). I can’t say that I blame him — he is the oldest man in his biological family and has been for decades because prior to statins, they all suddenly died in their 50s/60s. I guess other than knowing heart attack and pulmonary embolism symptoms (the only two things I’m aware of that could kill you like this) and maybe being pro-active if anything seems terribly off, all I’m left with is the profound sense that every moment is a gift. Is there anything else I can / should do to support DH? Maybe take walks (always good for you) and connect? Make sure he gets his physicals and watch any concerning #s on bloodwork? It’s still a big emotional shock, but this one has deeper waves than I’ve encountered before (and 45 is so young).

    2. I’m sorry. In our family it was a ruptured aneurysm that could have been identified on MRI if one had ever been done, but until then there was no indication for one. But it is the kind of thing that can run in families and blood related family members were advised at the time to be screened. I still don’t understand all of the psychology that went into different people’s decisions to take that advice and be screened or to disregard the recommendation altogether. There are things that no one can predict or prevent that can catch up with us unexpectedly, so it’s not healthy to pretend we can control things. But sometimes a wake up call does help us take action if there are things we’ve been avoiding. So I guess I wonder, is your DH in a place where he wants to be proactive and get medical help for the health issues he’s already been having? (Waiting until something seems terribly off is reactive, not proactive!) Or is this not as much about health and more about mortality and uncertainty and grief? I think taking walks and connecting is a good idea no matter what.

      1. Aneurysms are a good thing to bring up. IIRC, one of the GOT actresses had one at a very young age (and lived because she recognized that something was terribly off and was able to get medical attention promptly).

      2. I’m sorry, that’s very sad and shocking for your husband. I’d gently suggest he raise this with a primary care doctor and ask about preventitive testing (an EKG and/or an MRI seem like they’d be a fit for this type of thing).
        I agree on the psychology piece – I have a higher risk of cancer due to Jewish heritage and I am religious about my screening tests. On the other hand two of my cousins refuse to get their screenings because it stresses them out.

        1. Her husband’s BIL died, so there is no genetic relationship. OPs husband does not need to do any work-up at this time based on his BIL death, of unknown reason.

    3. If this happened in my family I would absolutely want to know what actually happened. Maybe they didn’t do an autopsy and find out? Is that an option?

      When a middle-aged man in my family died of something potentially genetic every one immediately got tested.

      1. No one has mentioned an autopsy.

        I know from a state to live in, from a prior job, that autopsies were mandatory for unattended deaths (like you live alone and police have to break down the door for a welfare check and find your body), within X hours of admission to or discharge from a hospital, and if you are in police custody when you die (as much as to assign blame and to protect from lawsuits). IDK how many states are like that and if it is full autopsy vs abbreviated. I know that when my mother died, because she had terminal cancer, it was just reported as such (and I don’t doubt that was true, even if there could have been other contributing causes). I also think that those are government records that aren’t fully public records, so it may be that you can’t access them even if you are part of the extended family (it may just be spouse, descendants, parents).

        1. Turns out not all states require an autopsy for unattended deaths. My friend died in her sleep last week and the funeral home came and picked her up and she was being embalmed within hours. And oh, the funeral home owner is also the medical examiner. This in a deep South state. It kind of makes me shake my head but… I guess that’s how they do things in a lot of places.

          2. There are so few pathologists that it simply isn’t feasible to autopsy every unattended death. Autopsies are generally reserved for suspicious deaths or deaths where requested by the family.

      2. I don’t necessarily disagree with you in theory, but 1) it sounds like this person is not actually blood-related, and 2) please don’t be the person who goes to a grieving widow for medical details (or ask her to do an autopsy! That is her decision, and it sounds like the funeral is over anyway and the time for that has passed anyway). I have some relatives who immediately ask a lot of medical questions, and it can be really hurtful even with no ill intentions.

        1. My FIL died very young of a disease that is either a fluke genetic malfunction, or caused by something that is incredibly likely to be hereditary. I was really angry after he died bc his wife did not have an autopsy, which would have revealed whether his kids are likely to inherit the disease (my husband and his brother) or it was just bad luck.

          With some perspective, I realized it wasn’t fair for me to be angry at her – it wasn’t my call, and she was dealing with her own sadness/emotions at the situation. There is further testing that my husband/BIL could do to rule out if they are carriers, but neither wants to do it. So, just like it is their call not to get tested, it was hers not to have an autopsy. The disease is also non curable, so if the autopsy revealed it’s the genetic form, they basically could assume one or both had a death sentence. With a lot of hindsight, I’m glad he didn’t have the autopsy. Yes, it would have been amazing to rule out the hereditary form of the disease, but if was hereditary, the brothers would have known at a very young age they are likely carriers of a non curable deadly disease. We all kind of know it may still happen, but it’s different than KNOWING you have it or just waiting for it.

          1. But if the brothers had known at a very young age their were carriers of a non curable deadly disease, they could have chosen to not have children to avoid passing on the gene. Or they could have done in vitro fertilization after screening the embryos for the mutation, prior to implantation.

          2. That’s my point – neither wanted to do those things. I’m pretty sure one or both would have spiraled into pretty unhappy, dangerous lives if they were living with basically a sword over their heads. Instead, both will have had what amounts to 20 years of happiness – both married, both have stable jobs, lives, etc. none of which would have happened if they knew they carried the gene. Granted, both picked up excellent long term care insurance before they turned 35, they both take excellent care of themselves (which would help symptoms if they carry it), and there are a bunch of other choices we’ve made that will lessen the burden if my husband is diagnosed. It’s not a choice everyone would make, but again, it wasn’t up to us to get the autopsy.

        2. I agree that it’s a human trait to want to explain the terrible and understand why something happened. But you have to read the room. If the most affected people aren’t talking about it, just it be that way. Years later, a kid (or blood relative) can ask, “Aunt Kim, I have a form to fill out and I remember that Uncle Tim died so young and IDK if there is anything to put down that my doctor should know about.” That seems fair also. And in the meantime, you can talk to your doctor about what might have happened and how those conditions present. z

          1. +1
            also, this doesn’t apply to op, but if someone dies suddenly and people closest to them are being quiet about the details I don’t consider it particularly kind to demand a medical explanation for the cause of death of a grieving family.

      4. I wouldn’t be asking about the husband brother in law’s private health information or autopsy.

        I understand why the op and her husband are concerned about her husband’s health but I think being emotionally supportive for his sister should be the priority. The details of the BILs health aren’t really their business, in my opinion. It’s different than a blood relative where I might see your point.

        1. Even then, there is something ghoulish about needing to satisfy your own curiosity. Families sometimes have Reasons for not sharing more.

    4. I’m very sorry for your loss. Recently, a 42-year-old woman and a 50-year-old woman in my circle of acquaintances died from similar circumstances. The 42-year-old was in excellent health, ran half-marathons, and had a freak blood clot that turned into a much bigger issue. The 50-year-old had a heart attack. All this to say: this is the age when things start to happen. It’s awful, and not always terribly easy to predict. I am all for doing our best to live healthy lifestyles, but sometimes bad things just happen, and it hits harder when it’s someone you know well or identify with in some way. Keep supporting your DH in whatever way works for him, whether that’s emotionally or encouraging him to make healthy lifestyle choices. If I’ve learned anything in helping a spouse through grief, it’s that you need to follow their lead.

    5. One of the fittest and healthiest men I ever knew fell over dead on the track from and aneurism. Being confronted with the uncertainly of life is harsh and unsettling, and it can take a while to process through having that change from knowing that theoretically with your head and knowing it for real in your head and your heart. I think all you can do is be supportive of your husband’s efforts to be healthy, and see if he needs any assistance, your or professional, in sorting through his thoughts and emotions on it.

      1. +1

        I think about Sarah from Best Laid Plans, who was a fantastic runner and had that hobby come to an abrupt stop because of an unknown heart issue. She could’ve died and thankfully didn’t. It goes to show how much of this is out of our control, and it’s very scary to think about sometimes.

    6. I’m sorry. My DH’s boss/mentor/friend died suddenly at 42 (from an aortic aneurysm). It really shook him up, but after the initial shock he tried to channel that into healthier eating and living habits. Just be there to talk about it and support him at first, for us the initial shock was kind of paralyzing and it took a while to process.

    7. Physicals and telling your PCP “there’s a history of men dying young & unexpectedly in my family – these particular biological relatives” (even if he doesn’t know exactly why/isn’t sure what to mark on the family history chart)

      (Just to clarify – it sounds like your BIL is not your husband’s biological relative – he’s your husband’s biological sister’s husband, yes? In this case, the “why” is irrelevant; but if he is a biological relative, I think after some time it would be ok to ask her if there is any medical history she’s comfortable sharing that would be good for his doc to know)

      On the emotional side – yes, of course this is hard! I don’t know your husband, so I don’t know how he copes with difficult things – eg. walks & quiet time to reflect vs. talking it over in detail, vs pouring time and energy into some meaningful project, are there practical things like setting up a will, life insurance, etc that some people get a lot of peace from having “arranged”. But just want to validate that, of course, this is a hard, difficult thing! and it’s completely normal for both of you to feel shaken – give yourself space to feel that.

    8. I’m sorry for your loss, OP. There’s no easy way to put this, but in my cohort of 30-somethings, these deaths have been drug overdoses, acute alcohol poisoning, or suicides more often than not. Sometimes the families don’t want to talk about it or don’t know how to talk about. So it may not just be the garden variety middle age heart attack you think it is.

      Whatever the cause, you husband may benefit from a grief counseling group in you area.

    9. I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad had a stroke 15 years ago (despite being very healthy, he maintained his weight, exercised, didn’t smoke and rarely drank). He has been “incapacitated” since and the last 15 years have not been easy. However, I am extremely thankful my parents thought ahead of time to save for a rainy day and have a solid financial plan and that they did estate planning in advance especially financial and medical powers of attorney. Every moment is a gift, and I’ve had the mentality to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best in life. Now that I am married with 2 kids, my husband and I always make sure to save for a rainy day and we have our estate plan in place. We also make sure to get regular checkups, watch what we eat and exercise regularly. Also, stress is a major concern and I am fairly certain that contributed to my dad’s stroke– my husband and I tend to overwork ourselves, but I do make sure we have a relaxing vacation once a year, time away from devices weekly and we try our best to manage stress in general (haha not easy with 2 toddlers running around!). Maybe come up with a plan together to support each other in your goals to do what you can to live a healthy, happy and long life together.

    10. I would have him schedule an appointment with his PCP. Bare minimum, it gives him the opportunity to ask his own doctor about preventative measures. It’s a concrete action step.

      Many times in the sudden death situations like this, it is basically a case where you could have a highly qualified medical team in the room and still not survive. Also, even if there is a genetic link, that doesn’t mean that every person will have that condition. It sounds though like being serious about heart health and stroke prevention are important in his family. You could also all take CPR classes if that makes people feel more useful.

    11. Regarding your DH: you have him get a complete work up by a proactive doctor. If he needs to lose weight, help him find an RD to discuss nutrition and figure out a game plan for appropriate exercise.

      My strong suggestion is to read the story of Dick Hoyt, who became a runner so that he could push his disabled son’s wheelchair. Pertinent to this, Dick didn’t have a great heart, and he had a heart attack at 65. The doctors said that he only survived because he was in such outstanding physical shape from pushing his son’s wheelchair along marathon courses.

      Not a doctor, just someone who is very observant and athletic: with some types if genetics and family history, it’s not fair, but if you want any chance of seeing your 70th birthday, you’re going to be running 5 miles a day, six days a week (or other cardio of your choice).

      I expect to receive a flurry of off-topic comments about how good nutrition and athleticism aren’t guarantees, when that isn’t the issue. The issue is even giving yourself a chance at old age.

      1. Or taking GLP1 meds. It’s 2025 and there are options even if it’s still not fair that some people need them.

          1. OP wasn’t super clear what the health issues were, but some people do qualify for insurance coverage too.

      2. I think the point of a lot of the comments on this thread is that running 30 miles a week is not, in fact, a guarantor against sudden tragic death in your 40s (for a variety of reasons), or even into your 50s-60s.

        1. Yes, this. Of course it’s a great idea to be heart healthy and give yourself every opportunity to survive or prevent a heart attack. I’m certainly doing that! I’m just saying, that being healthy and fit does not always guarantee perfect health.

          1. Please name ONE thing that every single person can do that truly guarantees a positive result.

            Be quite specific about the action, the positive result, and the guarantee of a positive result for every person.

            I’ll wait.

            (Does some stretches, checks email, gets a cup of tea, returns to desk.)

            Oh, you don’t have an answer? Is that because “this is no guarantee of a good result” true if literally every single thing in life? You can work hard, be a pleasant employee, add value to your company, and still get fired. You can study your butt off in school and not make the grades you want. You can drive perfectly and still get into a car accident.

            Why is health different? We are adults; we know it isn’t a guarantee. But in a world in which some 40% of adults are overweight or obese, is this something that needs to be appended to every discussion?

        2. And my point is that such comments are foolish and irrelevant.

          Some people have the bad genetics such that death by 55 or so is almost a guarantee, absent something like great nutrition and exercise.

          If you’re guaranteed to flunk high school math if you don’t study, do you argue that studying is useless because you might flunk anyway if you get into a car accident the night before the final?

          When in doubt, apply rules of formal logic.

    12. Can your husband get genetic testing for heart issues? My grandfather was the third out of 5 siblings to drop dead. In my generation a genetic disorder was found catecholaminergic polymorphic ventricular tachycardia (CPVT). As a result my mother and my sister have implanted defibrillators and take beta blockers.

    13. If having a discrete action point helps, your DH could ask his doctor to run a test to see if he has high lp(a). Lp(a) is a form of cholesterol that is not run with the normal labs (I don’t know why), but my doctor ran it for me due to a close family member having a heart attack in his 40s. It is a simple blood test. Turns out my lp(a) is good, but my DH has incredibly high lp(a) – he freaked out about it as he is an athlete, super healthy and active, but already has developed some mild heart disease due to the condition. There are steps to take to help treat – lifestyle and dietary changes, starting a statin at a young age, etc. so he could take direct action to help counteract. Look up Bob Harper – he’s the trainer from the Biggest Loser who had a heart attack and now has publicly encouraged people to get their lp(a) tested as it can be a cause of heart attacks at a young age in seemingly healthy people.

      1. I’ve noticed some university hospitals and some pharmacies offering free lpa testing at clinics and health fairs. I also don’t why it’s not run with the normal labs, but people are working on making it more accessible!

  5. If you’re going for a multi-day work conference where people do seem to change for dinner (particularly the women), are any of you able to do that in one bag? This involved a cross-country (but direct) flight, so I wear a full comfy outfit and sneakers on the plans (vs flying in work attire).

    1. Yes, I use the Away bigger carryon roller bag. I roll up the clothes I can and try to fold my suits flat. I always unpack when I get there and iron my clothes. I wear my travel sneakers to the hotel gym when I work out. Dresses for evening help, because they roll up smaller.

    2. Of course. I can do ten days in Europe in one bag. I can’t imagine ever needing two bags for a trip

    4. do they change into dressier clothes or more casual clothes for dinner?

      I just came back from a conf and managed all in one bag, but I wore (comfy pull on) work pants, fashion sneakers, and a blazer, which I tucked the overhead bin on the plane. Two business casual dresses, and a denim jacket to make them more casual for after-hours, one more pair of pull on pants, a blouse, and a cardigan. One pair of flats, one pair of heels (I could have skipped those).

    6. Is this in the US or Europe and how many days? I can easily do 3-4 days in one carry on in the US. I wear a pair of casual pants (jeans or comfy slacks) on the plane with my bulkiest shoes and a jacket or topper (if I bring one). I’ll pack 3 dresses, 1-2 bottoms (either another pair of slacks or 2 skirts), and 2 tops (sweaters, dressy t shirts or a blouse depending).
      Shoes are either 1 pair of flats and 1 pair of sandals or 1 pair of heels and 1 pair of flats if it’s more formal. PJs are just tshirts and shorts so they pack up tiny.

    7. yes – for example-

      packing for say 3 full days, I picture-
      conference days-
      2 pairs pants
      3 blouses
      2 blazers
      2 pair flats as my feet will revolt if I don’t alternate
      PJs
      Workout outfit if applicable

      dinners-
      one pair of jeans or otherwise more casual pants
      2 tops
      whichever flats you didn’t wear during the day, or street sneakers if you have them

      on the plane- either workout or street sneakers

    8. I just packed for a two week work trip + sightseeing afterwards in the bigger Away carry on bag! I’m bringing whatever work clothes I need and then items that can be dressed up or down for social events. Mainly 2 black dresses (one very basic and one with some interesting details) and then a nice scarf, long sleeve button down, sandals to change things up. It’s two weeks so I will repeat it and that’s fine.

      I don’t need to bring blazers though so that helps

  6. PSA: finally found a vitamin C serum that doesn’t smell like hot dog water! Poems from the Lab Future Focus. Also cheaper than the CE ferulic that my derm told me was good (that one smells horrific and I can’t handle it). NB that it does cause pilling for my concealer if I put it right under my eye or if I use too thick of a layer.

    2. This is my all time holy grail formula – to get 10% off you can use ‘FIDDYSNAILS’ (an IG skincare influencer who is awesome). It never oxidizes – I’m down to the last drops on a tube and it’s still clear. Per the formulator you can also apply at night.

    3. I think the Bliss vitamin C serum smells very good. For some reason, Laura Geller carries Bliss products.

      I don’t think it pills, but I put on the serum, then my face lotion, and don’t put in makeup until about 20 minutes later.

    4. My derm recommended Cerave Vitamin C serum. I have very sensitive skin, and use a lot of Cerave products. It is very reasonably priced.

  7. Long shot but has anyone had residual kidney damage from preeclampsia/HELLP? It looks like I do (lucky me) and I could use some advice on how to advocate for myself. The nephrologist wasn’t too concerned since just one marker of kidney health is bad (it’s proteinuria), but admitted OB causes aren’t his specialty. The MFM was sort of like “go talk to nephrology” since I’m no longer pregnant/about to be past one year PP and I’m not sure if there’s some other avenue I should be pushing for.

      1. I last saw the nephrologist at 6 months postpartum. I’m now 11 months PP and just got the latest result showing essentially no reduction in the proteinuria. I haven’t seen him again yet but he had said before that he would expect it to be very reduced by a year PP.

        1. You’re essentially at a year- I’d suggest calling the nephrologist back and asking for an appointment to talk through options. If that doesn’t work, find a different nephrologist.

    2. What’s your eGFR? That should be on MyChart from any comprehensive metabolic panel (that might be done at your annual physical).

      Also, how’s your blood pressure?

      Thanks to my family’s kidney issues, I am all about the things that come up with kidneys.

        1. That’s reassuring! Can you find a GYN and book a “new problem visit” to discuss? I had a friend with HELPP and there were some ongoing things but I can’t recall what exactly. It’s not a super-common reaction but there may be someone in your city who sees more of it and maybe you could self-refer there for peace of mind. They may have a friendly kidney person also.

    3. I don’t have this; I do have the impression that there’s a game of hot potato happening where nephrology wants primary care providers to handle kidney issues under a certain degree of severity, and primary care wants nephrology to manage anything kidney. The worst case scenario is that it goes poorly managed until it’s bad enough for nephrology to start caring! But I’m not sure if this is where you involve a good internist or how to end that game of being passed back and forth.

      1. Look at the end of the day her kidneys sound basically fine. Idk what anyone expects will be done further? Book a follow up in a year to check on them.

        1. Thanks for illustrating, this is exactly the attitude I was talking about, where some providers end up just waiting around for numbers to look worse.

          2. But, gently, there’s nothing you can do. It’s not like there’s physical therapy for the kidneys or vitamins for the kidneys. My mom’s numbers have been borderline for years and all we do is run her numbers annually. I think you’re looking to take a proactive step that doesn’t exist in kidney care.

          3. I have good kidney values and have gotten more advice about preventive care for kidneys than this.

    4. Well, the good thing is that you do not have a progressive chronic medical disorder that is affecting your kidneys and likely to get worse with time. Things like uncontrolled diabetes or hypertension, autoimmune disease or inherited kidney disorders etc.. So while it is disconcerting to have this long lasting effect on your kidneys, chances are good that this shouldn’t cause you problems long term.

      I have mild kidney effects like yours from my rheumatologic diseases affecting my kidneys, and I was also a little put off by how dismissive my doctors were. So far it is just a little protein in my urine and my GFR is borderline. But I have come to accept that I am lucky that it appears to be mild so far, and is not affecting my life/health in any way, and there actually isn’t anything to be done other than control the cause of my kidney issues.

      I started a relationship with the nephrologist and made a follow-up appointment. I asked a lot of questions about how to protect my kidneys now, and how to monitor them over time. Maybe you can schedule another appointment in 1 year to do this, and ask about rechecking your kidney markers at that time to make sure things are stable (urinalysis, 14hr urine collection etc..). And in your case, I would ask about whether you should be checking in the them again if you decide to get pregnant.

      I asked questions about what I should be doing to protect my kidneys ongoing, so my situation doesn’t get worse. For example, if I have to start any new medicine, I ask the doctors if there are any effects on the kidneys, and explain to them my issues. Sometimes they choose a different medicine or different dose to protect my kidneys. I avoid taking much ibuprofen and take tylenol instead, since ibuprofen is harder on the kidneys. I asked the nephrologist about my protein intake to be sure it was ok, and I don’t use protein powder or ultra high protein diets anymore, which can be hard on the kidneys.

    5. Asymptomatic proteinuria with otherwise normal kidney function doesn’t typically call for close follow-up, especially since the cause of the proteinuria has resolved and you don’t have other chronic conditions that impair kidney function. I’m not a nephrologist, but I am an internist who loves kidney physiology (it’s fascinating!). I’ve been in practice for 20+ years, and I’ve never seen anyone with progressive kidney damage that started as post-HELLP/preeclampsia proteinuria.

      If I were in your shoes, I’d ask the nephrologist if there’s any reason to start a low-dose ACE-inhibitor or an ARB (these are blood pressure medications that decrease proteinuria; since your BP is normal, it would only be a baby dose to target the proteinuria). However, I don’t know of any studies that demonstrate improved outcomes with using medication for proteinuria in your situation, but I’m also not necessarily up to date on the latest nephrology research. If they think that an ACE-i/ARB is not needed, I’d suggest getting your kidney function and urine checked on an annual basis (blood draw and urine sample) to make sure that everything is stable.

      1. Thank you! Have you come across autoimmune causes triggered by pregnancy? I do have another autoimmune condition (stable and well-managed).

        1. Yes, that can happen (though sometimes autoimmune conditions improve during pregnancy, weirdly enough!), but there will almost always be other signs and symptoms to indicate an underlying autoimmune etiology. You’d be looking for things like a large amount of proteinuria (more than 3.5grams/day), elevated inflammatory markers (ESR, CRP), impaired kidney function (elevated creatinine, low eGFR), blood or white cells in your urine, and so on.

    6. Thanks all. I guess I’ll start with the nephrologist again and see where this goes. He had mentioned that we might need to rule out autoimmune causes (that could have been triggered by pregnancy) if it didn’t resolve. Sigh.

      1. Also, the proteinuria actually increased from the last check. I thought it declined slightly but it only declined from the first check 2 months postpartum. It went up 100 mg from May until now.

  8. I have a friend who plans to leave the US and start living and working remotely abroad for her US employer (IDK how legal this is for a long-term stay; any visas I’ve ever had expressly forbade working, but I understood that as arising out of “don’t take a job from a local” concerns). OTOH, I am going to Italy on vacation and if I happen to need to respond to an e-mail while I’m away, I’m assuming that that doesn’t rise to the level of “work” that ought to concern me (or them; I want to NOT be working and due to kids in school, will be returning promptly to the US). Is there any good comprehensive guide to this I could skim through at lunch? I wonder how this is for the various office professions (CPAs, lawyers) that have licenses. I’m sure the tax people and maybe payroll probably have thought through this and have opinions.

    1. Check your employer’s policy first. My company doesn’t allow us to use company-owned devices abroad unless we get clearance in advance for a specific client. My coworker actually had their device locked remotely when they tried to use it on vacation.

    3. yeah you get a different visa if you are going to be living and working somewhere. Some countries specifically market “digital nomad” visas for this exact hypo.

      I cannot imagine being worried about Italy caring about me sending a couple of emails while on vacation, but your employer may have notice or approval requirements to keep system access abroad.

    4. Does her US employer know this? Because I’m sure they will also be on the hook for taxes wherever she is.

      You’re fine checking your email on vacation, nobody is going to care about that.

    6. This is much too complicated to crowdsource with this level (lack) of detail. Every employer is going to have its own rules based on its security requirements. TikTok wisdom notwithstanding, your employer needs to know where you are for tax, compliance and security reasons. For example, I can access my work email from most but not all countries but cannot access our secure server (where most of our data lives) outside the USA without a specific waiver from IT.

      And every country is also going to have its own rules about what you can do on a specific type of visa. Most places do not care if you do minimal work for your home-country employer while on a 90-day tourist visa. If you are staying longer than 90 days, it becomes much more complicated, and you really have to do an analysis of the visa rules in that specific country.

  9. I could use a pep talk that I can Do the Thing! I have a last-minute work assignment tomorrow that’s outside my comfort zone. I’m nervous! I think I can do at least a B-level job, although my heart will always want to earn the A.

    1. Do the Thing! It will clear up the time and energy you are using to dread doing the thing, and you will feel so much better.

    2. B’s get degrees! B’s get degrees!

      You can do it, and I promise you that having someone available who can step up and do a solid B job on a last-minute assignment outside of their main wheelhouse is an incredibly valuable person to have on your team (honestly, in many companies I’ve worked at, more valuable than the person who can do A work but only if narrowly scoped and 100% predictable)

  10. If you have used the RealReal for consignment, have a question for you. I tried it for the first time and consigned a pair of designer jeans about 2 to 3 weeks ago. Just got a notice from UPS that I should expect a package from their consignment center in Phoenix tomorrow. Does this mean they didn’t sell and are sending them back?

    1. My former partner and I consigned items and they lost many of them. and only provide value to reimburse for what they valued them at, so I would advise anyone not to consign with them. [It probably means they did not accept your item for sale, but they are a hot mess so hard to say.]

    2. When I tried the RealReal they told me they would take some items, then said “actually we aren’t taking that category/brand right now” and shipped them back to me. They keep the stuff they are selling for much longer than 2-3 weeks.

      Ultimately I didn’t find it worth the effort. The payout for brand-new high-end items was so small that I should have just donated.

    3. I’ve bought lots of stuff from TRR but have only ever heard terrible things about the consignment process.

  11. I am looking for a hobby, I think.

    I am 43, 2 kids, fantastic but stressful job, happily married. In short, life is good. But I am bored. My entire life revolves around work or managing the family calendar/household. I want to do something entirely fun and purely for my own enjoyment.

    Suggestions?

      1. +1
        Until you land on something your new hobby is trying out hobbies! I have too many hobbies, so here’s my list of recommendations. (AKA things I enjoy) Camping, hiking, rock climbing, knitting, sewing, gardening, trying to visit every park in town, cycling… Taking a class is a great way to explore a new hobby and decide if you want to keep going with it after the class.

      2. +1 I am fairly recently retired and I am getting into everything I loved as a kid: Glee Club, drama classes, yoga class (well, I don’t love that but my body needs it!), tap class, you name it!

    2. It’s not a year-round activity, but I enjoy kayaking. It’s low-stress and gets me away from my house, which sometimes I need (otherwise I end up puttering around and don’t feel very restored).

      2. Seasonal hobbies are a great way to enjoy the passage of time. It helps to have a warm weather seasonal hobby and a cold weather seasonal hobby.

    4. Try art! Pottery, painting, etc. Take a class. Check your local community center for classes.

    5. What kind of person are you, and what kinds of things do you enjoy doing? How much time a week do you want to carve out for this? Does it need to be something you can do at home, or is it possible to be away from that household you’re managing?

    6. you’re at a good age for the middle-aged wheel of hobbies: bird watching, plants, or… i forget the other big one that people go for.

      i spun the wheel and got flowers! winter sowing was my gateway — you can get started in january so this gives you some time to pick out flowers or veg to sow. you can also do natives — good for the bees but they all look a bit too weedy for my front beds, but YMMV. buy seeds at prairiemoon.

    7. I like gardening. It’s the adult version of playing in the sandbox. I equate all the digging to a workout, and I get outside time, fresh fruits, veggies, and flowers.

    8. Not a long term hobby but tbh, the thing that most scratches the “I just want to do something fun!” itch for me is going to a theme park and riding the rollercoasters! In the middle of a weekday with no kids :)

    9. Dancing! Swing, ballroom, tap, ballet, etc. We don’t get to just dance very much as adults, and I think it is a real loss!

      I took a class at a gym years ago, sort of a mash up of dance aerobics and free movement. At one point in the class, the instructor would have us run at full speed diagonally across this very large room, and just leap in the air in the middle of the run, as high and far as you could. It was so freeing and so much fun, just like permission to be a kid again, and stop worrying about how silly we might look. She was an amazing instructor and kept these middle-aged ladies laughing and having a blast.

    10. SO many options here. Some things that are hot in my town right now include:

      -mahjong (there are entire groups that organize mixers, lessons, open plays, etc)
      -pickle ball
      -open sketch nights (pay $10 for a live model for a 90-minute open draw)
      -open mics (to watch or participate!)
      -trivia nights
      -board game nights at our local rec center
      -adult ballet or hip hop dance classes (for beginners too!)
      -in addition to just taking classes to learn new skills

      There are also always book events from the local bookstore and library, tons of adult-only art classes, the local performing arts center…

      Obviously some of this is regional (I live in a super creative town about 30 mins outside of NYC) but there are likely several options for you to try! Maybe spend a month trying 10 different things and seeing what pings for you?

      Have fun!

    11. I took up gardening a few months ago and have really been enjoying it. Now that my kids are a little older and more independent, it’s nice to have something to nurture (but less work than a dog).

    12. Journalist Kimberly Adams talked a few times on her podcast about how she made a list of 40 things to try for her 40th birthday year, and I thought it was a such a cool idea. you can search 40 + her name and find it.

      Things I’ve liked: community chorus or other music group, learn an instrument, ice skating (synchro team if you want to be social) rock climbing, tennis/pickleball, dance (ballet or social dancing), group fitness classes, hiking, biking, kayaking, rowing/crew.

    14. In my 40s, I started taking art classes at the local community college, and really liked the way I could be social while learning something new.

  12. I’m going to be traveling a lot for work conferences. I mainly WFH so I don’t have a large work wardrobe – it’s basically one black-and-cream work dress, cream colored blazer, black blazer, black pinstripe suit.

    These are public sector/government conferences, and not necessarily in the US. So they are not 100% business formal, there is more flexibility.

    Any suggestions on some wardrobe staples for this>

    1. I’d block off a day and hit your biggest nicest mall. I’ve been pleasantly surprised with the quality of the workwear at JCrew, Talbots, Ann Taylor, and Banana Republic recently but I still prefer to shop in person so I can feel fabric and get a better idea of sizing.

    2. In the same space, and I like dresses for this kind of thing because I can use them in my personal life as well. As we’re heading into fall/winter, a sweater dress is perfect for this. But if you want separates, I would say look at the outlet versions of the J Crews of the world for sweater blazers or lady jackets. You could do a ponte pant, a basic black trouser, a cropped pant etc on the bottom and a sweater on top. Most of my tops are things I would wear in real life.

    3. If it were me, I’d be doing some pre-planning, before I began looking for specific items. You’re actually buying travel capsules of items that need to pack well and work well together. So I’d map out what your typical conference will require, and then buy one capsule at a time. (You may need 2 or 3 of them.) For example:

      Travel outfit to wear on the plane.
      2 outfits comfortable for all-day conference wear
      1 outfit that can be worn to the conference and then also worn to travel home on the plane.
      1 outfit for a professional dinner out
      1 outfit for a casual dinner out.

      Then map out the number and type of items needed to make up those outfits. THEN start shopping.

      1. This. I have recently started at a job where I’ll have fairly frequent 3-4 day travel, business casual. I’m focusing on a consistent palette of neutrals and complementary accent colors. I don’t care so much about a memorable (knit, easily packable) patterned dress as long as it coordinates with the same accessories as the mix and match outfits. Patterned knit dresses are workhorses that dress up and down, too – wear with a more polished topper at the conference, casual jacket for after hours.

    4. Looking at what you have – I’d get a non-black suit that you can pull apart as separates. I love charcoal gray for this but other neutrals will work. One or two pairs of elevated jeans (like a dark-wash trouser jean). A sheath dress with sleeves that you can wear with or without one of your jackets. 2-3 tops for under your blazers, plus another couple blouses/tops to wear with jeans/pants/skirts.

      You didn’t mention budget, but I’m a big fan of Banana Republic Factory for blazers, tops, jeans, etc. The selection has narrowed but I can still find sheath dresses at Macy’s.

    6. I used to travel for international conferences and it really depends on where they are being held. Southeast Asia and Asia in general is more formal and in some places women dress more traditionally feminine, and my advice would be go for a couple of pieces with color and pattern in blouses, skirts, or dresses (and definitely cover your knees and shoulders just in case). Nothing is sadder than showing up in India or Malaysia in head to toe griege or neutrals. I have some patterned silk La Double J blouses that were workhorses with a bombproof black or navy suit suitable for travel, and a variety of other silk blouses of various colors. They are ridiculously expensive but back when MMlaFleur made their Nora soft wave shells in actual colors, they proved to be worth every penny as they don’t wrinkle, stain, smell, launder really well, dry fast, and pack small. I have multiples in both neutral and bolder colors.

      1. Yeah its definitely something that calls for more interesting colors. I don’t love getting dresses with noticeable patterns because that makes them hard to re-wear, but I could definitely buy some of the more colorful blazers that have been posted here. And colorful tops for maybe a grey suit.

        So. these are places where I should dress more traditionally feminine. Does that mean avoid pant suits? I prefer dresses so that could be fine.

        1. That was my comment above. No, not at all necessary to avoid pantsuits, just that if you want to blend in a little more, maybe more detail on jackets, blouses instead of tailored button down shirts, indulge in your love of embellishment if you have one! What I would do is find pictures of previous conferences in those regions and see how the majority of attendees are dressed. Europe tends to be more casual. I will warn you that many conferences I’ve been to (higher ed related) include a formal dinner and dancing – the best time I ever had at a conference was in India with a live band and EVERYONE, no matter how senior, danced. It was so much fun!

  13. Kat – the “Post Comment” button keeps taking me to a search error page, telling me to try my search with different terms.

  14. I have read at various times how gestational diabetes is a harbinger of things to come for a woman’s health in the 10-20 years post partum. It makes sense — a body breaks a bit in functionality when it is under stress (and there is at least a metabolic burden in growing a baby). But I swear I haven’t seen it among the many women I know with kids. Has anyone been following this enough to post any good links to what the research has ultimately found? I’d think this is study-able but I’m not in baby mode and it seems that my news feeds have all changed.

    1. A lot of it seems to be the difficulty of separating out women who were pre-diabetic when they got pregnant from those who had a lower A1C and then got GD in the research. the GD forum on redd*t talks about long term outcomes a lot, and may have some research posted.

    2. Gestational diabetes definitely signals a much higher risk of eventually developing diabetes. But losing visceral fat and especially liver fat, eating a diet that keeps blood sugars stable and provides enough nutrition, exercise and sleep, etc. can also lower risk or at least successfully manage prediabetes. Maybe your friends are keeping up with preventive care or management so far, and the odds are better for them? (Or maybe you aren’t observing how much they’re doing to manage?)

    3. Having GD increases your risk of developing type 2 diabetes, but it doesn’t directly/immediately cause it.

    4. I’ve found the trend against GD testing so disturbing (for those unfamiliar, there is a big push in certain circles, especially chronically online ones, to refuse to take the Glucola drink – some women refuse to do ANY testing and others opt to monitor blood sugar for two weeks at home). There isn’t a validated, agreed-upon threshold for what constitutes abnormal blood sugar during pregnancy over a two-week home monitoring period, so cases are probably going underdiagnosed. There’s also a fairly toxic mentality of “I’m thin and I work out so GD isn’t a risk for me,” which leads to full-out refusals to test. THEN there’s the wild pregnancy crowd who take it to extremes and refuses ALL testing and ignores symptom red flags (and they have crazy high stillbirth rates as a result – the founder of the Free Birth Society just had a stillbirth herself).

      When I did my own GD screening, another woman who was there at the same time was given the same instructions as I was – drink, sit still for the duration, and then get the blood draw. We both asked to sit on the benches just outside (this was during the height of the pandemic) and as soon as this woman gets out there, she starts doing brisk laps around the parking lot. She cheated herself and her baby.

          1. It makes people throw up because they put ZERO effort into making it tolerable for women with hyperemesis gravidarum, even though a different formulation would be much less nauseating.

            They don’t have a protocol for reactive hypoglycemia patients. Etc.

        2. Genuinely- why? My kids are thankfully old enough that none of this was a thing at the time.

        3. I just googled this and literally only got that people object on the basis of artificial ingredients? I fear for the health of the next generation

          1. It’s that and also the superior “I’m not a fat fatty who would get diabetes” attitude.

          2. I admit I rarely throw up and my kids are teens, but I was able to chill the Glucola both times and my only note on the flavor was, “hmmm, would be improved with a little bit of vodka.” Compared to the colonoscopy prep, it almost tasted good.

            FWIW, I’ve had skinny skinny friends who work out all the time and got GD as well as very heavy friends who passed the glucose test during pregnancy with flying colors.

          3. Wait, what, you are saying it’s ableist bc it has synthetic dyes in it? Seriously? When the alternative is undiagnosed GD?

      2. I refused the GD test too. It just wasn’t necessary. Doctors make all these arbitrary decisions that everybody gets these tests, Its overkill. Dont get me started on the osteoporsis meds scams. Big pharma runs this country.

        1. my natural child birth class was pretty against the glucola drink (artificial sweeteners and dyes were forbidden from pregnancy diet) and unnecessary sonograms, for sure having a 3D sono was a no-no. I still did the drink but limited sonos. looking back I think that was crazy to worry about.

      3. Just to add another point of view, I have the worst time with blood draws and I’ll do brisk walks just to get my blood going enough to not be traumatic for all involved. Testing isn’t easy for everyone.

    5. No research, but I had GD and have two parents with T2D, and am now on a maintenance dose of tirzepatide. It keeps my blood sugars and A1c perfect in addition to managing perimenopause weight gain. My PCP said this drug was designed to help people like me avoid getting T2D so I have no issue with staying on it for the rest of my life.

    6. I had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy. I was able to manage it fine with diet and exercise thankfully. I have a family history of type 2 diabetes and now that I am in my 40’s I have noticed my A1C slowly creeping up over the years, so I am definitely trying to keep on top of that. It is still normal and my doctor isn’t concerned, but it does feel like a glimpse into the future.

    7. I don’t have links but I am a case study of 1. I had GD for both pregnancies (insulin needed) and am now just about 20 years later. I did have pre-diabetes and insulin resistance in recent years, but have reversed both of those (and went off my statin) by taking metformin and losing 50 lbs on weight loss drugs. Obviously in addition I have to eat well and exercise daily/at least 5x week.

      So yes, my GD was a “harbinger of things to come” but I took it seriously and got it under control.

    8. isn’t it just a longer term risk of diabetes? I had gestational diabetes twice (four kids). i’m also thin and otherwise healthy. one thing I never felt i got my arms around was whether my increase in risk was as high as the increase in risk for someone who perhaps had a high bmi prior to getting pregnant or otherwise was less healthy and also had GD. I’m now going to check out that reddit thread, which will probably scare me…

    9. People who are at heightened risk of GD are also at heightened risk of basically all other conditions. That’s not to say GD doesn’t affect very healthy women; of course it does. It’s like how some non-smokers will end up with lung cancer. But if you address the underlying issues that made you risky for GD, you’re improving the probabilities for your other conditions, too.

      1. Also a 2x GD patient saying this, btw. On the flip side, my GD led to really positive lifestyle changes outside of pregnancy that meant my second round of GD was way less serious than my first (failed by one point round 2).

    10. Some of this is just genetics. I am thin and healthy, but I inherited a cancer risk gene and my genetic analysis (genome wide) told me I am at moderately high risk of developing diabetes. Diabetes runs in my family. My sister in law is Asian and her family are all thin and healthy and diabetes and gestational diabetes are everywhere.

    11. No research, but anecdotally my friend was at a healthy weight and developed GD in both her pregnancies 14 and 12 years ago. Since then, she’s developed borderline diabetes and has higher A1C than recommended. So, there does seem to be some connection.

  15. I’ve become pretty numb to what’s happening in US politics, but the suspension/cancellation of Jimmy Kimmel has really gotten to me. Is there anything I can do in a blue state with all blue representatives? Who do I call and complain to?

    1. It’s really disturbing. Out of all the companies that have bent the knee, there is something deeply unsettling about large media companies doing it. Especially so because we have lost so many independent newspapers over the past couple decades.

    2. What this means for media independence is super disturbing. I honestly don’t know where to turn, but it’s chilling.

      1. I feel the same. The actions and rhetoric of this administration for the past week is truly frightening.

      2. Wasn’t this the FCC doing this really though? You can’t tell me Bob Iger had any other choice and didn’t take it. scary times we live in.

    4. I just cancelled our Disney+ subscription. I completely agree that this kind of censorship is absolutely appalling. Not to mention the hypocrisy of all the MAGA folks howling about cancel culture and free speech.

    5. Complain to ABC’s advertisers. This isn’t something that needs MORE government involvement. Make ABC think this will have financial consequences.

    6. Please join League for Women Voters. We want to do something. No one is doing anything.

      Donate money. Planned Parenthood for me, and many of the legal efforts to stand up to the many illegal government actions.

      Still call your senators and push them to speak up push back and at least get some sound bites on the news.

    7. Same. Also a professor at a public university in my state just got fired for a fairly benign statement on Kirk on personal, private social media pages. It’s so clearly private speech on a matter of public concern, and it’s really terrifying that the government is limiting free speech this way.

  16. How do you prevent your frayed-hem jeans from fraying too much in the wash and causing long strings off the hem? I tried washing in a bag and air drying, but they still frayed. A stitch around the hem?

    1. exactly. annoying to essentially have to pay to “hem” jeans that are intentionally NOT hemmed, but the only thing that works!

    2. Meh, I just cut the strings off. But it is pretty dumb to have to do that, I’ll admit. It would be nice if companies put a simple around the hem!

    4. I do a quick hand stitch all the way around. I’m tall so I can’t afford to lose much inseam length. It seems to work perfectly; I did this to my favorite Mother jeans and the fraying has stopped at my stitch line. I do need to trim them every once in a while but I love a nice frayed/raw hem.

  17. Have you ever settled, and do you regret it? Settled for a partner who wasn’t what you hoped for yourself? A career change that wasn’t your ambition? A city that wasn’t an obvious fit? I’ve been laid off and I’m struggling to figure out whether to settle and apply for positions that don’t match my ambitions but offer stability, or to double down on my ambitions even though that could lead to future instability. I’m 38 with kids, and I already feel like my other personal ambitions are backburnered (or off the burner altogether??) or only focused on my kids. Maybe that’s just life? I’ve never been one to settle, but maybe I’d be more content that way and I’d even stop framing it negatively in my mind as “settling”.

    1. I think it’s life to some extent. Once your life is locked down, it’s hard to make big changes. Especially if you have a partner and kids and can’t completely live life on your own terms. That said, I do think “settling” is an overly negative way to put it. There are always tradeoffs.

      1. I agree that I wonder why you’re calling this “settling.” That word implies that you’re doing something bad and disappointing. Maybe even lazy. What if you’re merely being flexible, adapting, pivoting, trying something new, shifting priorities, being practical, taking a risk, having an adventure, getting creative, or making the best of the options in front of you?

        Also, there is no way to predict life well enough that you can avoid some kind of regret somewhere.

      2. I agree with this. There are a million different ways to live a happy life and it looks different for everyone. But everything has a cost and those tradeoffs are part of the choices we have to make or our sometimes made for us due to different circumstances along the way. I am a lawyer and love my job–very mission-focused. But that means not making nearly as much money as I could have. As my kids are getting older and looking at college, I’m really feeling that tradeoff. But a million decisions–big and small–led us to where we are, good and bad.

      3. I would agree that “settling” does not have to be all negative. Maybe you can reframe it as “stability”.

        I also believe in the small joys of every day life.
        Could I live in a big exciting city, or on my own farm? Sure, but then I’d have traffic, noise, crazy people, or on the other end, no time off with animals to care for and probably infrastructure challenges like being far away from medical care or shopping. I live in a Midwestern campus town, but have most of what I need within a 20 min drive, and a quiet neighborhood where I live. Someone else would find this incredibly boring or mediocre, but it fits where I am in life (mid 40s, middle school age child and a somewhat busy job). I don’t need big shiny things to distract me, even if my daily life is somewhat boring and scheduled.

        Also, I believe “settling” is a cultural concept. I’m originally from Western Europe, and the way people there look at ambitions, moving forward, and aiming higher in your life is very very different from the performance/self-improvement culture in the U.S. It’s like the concept of moderation – it’s ok not to do something excellent in every area of your life.

        That being said, if you are unhappy then you should explore this further – are there certain aspects you miss in your work or in private relationships? Personal fulfillment, feeling appreciated?

      4. Agreed that settling is a label that may introduce unnecessary self judgement here.
        I pivoted from a prestigious career path into a support role, partially for the stability, and because it also fits my skills. I have never regretted it.

        1. totally agree. to me this is not about settling it’s maybe more about tradeoffs. and pros/cons, and what you value might not be what i value and that is ok. neither of us is wrong, just different.

    2. I settled for an area of law that wasn’t what I originally wanted and worked so hard for. I can’t know what my life would have been like if I’d made a different choice, so it’s hard to definitively say whether it was the “right call.” But overall, I’m content, and while I do have moments of regret, I think it was a reasonable choice to make under the circumstances. There have been some upsides that I didn’t initially anticipate, in addition to ones that I did (more money, better stability). But I do feel kinda dead inside sometimes and miss aspects of the older version of myself that have faded away. I do think that “settling” is a loaded way to frame the issue. I like to think that everything has tradeoffs, and choosing a less ambitious path can open up space for other things that are different, but equally valuable.

    3. Oliver Burkeman in his book 4000 Weeks made the point that to some degree everything involves some kind of settling. If you decide to not settle for a life partner, then you are settling for being single. If you don’t settle for an unambitious job, then you are settling for living life in a state of instability. I don’t think it’s helpful to frame things as “settling”. Better to embrace your decision and move forward until you decide it’s not what you want.

    4. I think far too many people settle for their jobs or careers.

      You’re not always going to have yhr dream job. Sometimes a job is just a job. But too many people settle for jobs they don’t like and spend too much of their short lives unhappy.

      Having a job you really love in multiple aspects (duties, team, supervisor, pay, benefits) is magical. It’s like being in love. It makes everything better.

      Absolutely take a not great job as a stop gap. But don’t stay there too long. You deserve better and you should aim for that.

    5. I’ve moved a lot, changed jobs, and continue to deal with a chronic illness that definitely makes my quality of life a lot worse than I would have hoped and forces me to make tradeoffs every single day, but I don’t relate at all to the idea of settling. My goals have only ever been to do the best I can do, be happy in my day to day life, and do interesting things. I succeed at that, so I’m satisfied with my life, even if it’s not the life I would have wished I could have had without being sick. It’s not possible to optimize for every variable, you have to make choices with the options available.

    6. I try things out snd as a result I often temporarily dont like something but I never settle long term.

      Moved to a city I thought I’d like that had great career prospects for me. Didn’t like it. Stayed for 2 years then Moved back to my home city. I love it. I’ll never leave.

      Realized I wouldn’t be happy long term with my ex. So hes my ex. Dating and looking for a better partner for me

      Stumbled into the right niche of my industry in my early 20s. Have bounced around til I found the right job at 31. Am obsessed with it. But, ut took a few clunkers til I found the right agency and job duties.

      I live alone so I pretty much never even have to compromise. I exactly what I want to. I have no qualms donating clothing that I no longer love. I only do workouts and hobbies I really enjoy.

      Of course I don’t love everything I do: I hate expense reports from work travel and getting a Pap smear and cleaning my apartment and sometimes I have to go out because I made plans with a friend but I’d rather stay in or go out of my way to do a favor for a loved one. But thats life.

      The big things: relationships of all sorts and where I live and what I do and how I spend my free time and how I live are bit things I settle on

    7. In your position, I would apply to ambitious jobs and “settle” jobs. Jobs aren’t interchangeable; you may find an ambitious job that is with a company that offers a lot of flexibility and growth, or a “settle” job that is a pressure cooker.

      As for everything else: I think of it as priorities. We aren’t in middle school anymore, when we have enough time to study as much as we want and be as good at soccer as we can possibly be. We have tradeoffs, and a lot of life is about understanding and accepting those tradeoffs.

      Paradoxically, the most successful people I know are the ones most in tune with their own limitations. They know what fights are worth fighting; they are strategic with their time; they understand the costs of doing “better” and are sometimes willing to pay them, and sometimes not.

      1. Regarding your last paragraph: My DH has always been really good at that. I am more inclined to be a perfectionist and end up spreading myself too thin. I’m finally learning the error of my ways, at least!

    8. Life always involves some compromise. If you have a partner and kids then choices like moving to another city for a job are made with different considerations other than just your own. But even a single person without children will not likely have the perfect job and perfect house in the perfect city and perfect hobbies and perfect friendships all at the same time.

      There are ebbs and flows to everything and there are different decisions based on different priorities at all stages of life.

    9. When I was laid off, my goal was to get “a pretty good” job, one that fit my skill set and could potentially be a stepping stone for something better. I would rather have a so-so job than be long-term unemployed holding out for an ideal role. There’s a cost to that as well.

    10. I took a job with a lower title but double the compensation of my previous job. I’m a little bored, sure, but I have a fantastic boss and it’s worth it for the 7 figures alone.

  18. Way am I getting a Review my order box that takes up half the scenen, and I can’t close?

    1. on the Thursday Workwear Report page? Testing out some new technology but it shouldn’t be anywhere near this page. Please send me a screenshot if you can; kat at corporette dot com thank you for reading and for your patience!

  20. Hi folks,
    give me your best tips for the Miralax colonoscopy prep protocol. I’ll obviously follow my providers’ instructions, but
    – I do not generally drink sports drinks – can I mix the Miralax with apple juice?
    – Any tips for the low fiber diet (starting 3 days prior)?

    3. Nothing with red dye.
      My partner liked bone broth for lunch and dinner the day he had to do the prep.

    4. I was under the impression that the sports drink was to help with your electrolyte balance during prep. I had unrelated surgery this year and they have me two bottles of Gatorade to drink the night before and then six hours before to make sure I was hydrated because it helps in recovery.

        1. It has a LOT of sugar relative to the amount of salt it has, though. It makes people shaky. I would find a sports drink you like that is higher in salt and lower in sugar.

    5. It’s really not a big deal; MiraLAX is very gentle. But you should use sports drinks or another electrolyte beverage because you are asking your body to produce a lot of extremely that will take electrolyte out with it. If you don’t like Gatorade, there are tons of other options available.

      For the low prep diet, just match an unhealthy toddler’s diet. Chicken nuggets, Mac and cheese, brownies, etc. It’s like a little reward every time I do it (frequent poop chute photo shoot haver here!).

    6. I actually start the high fiber diet 1 week before, limiting the really bad stuff – nuts/seeds/whole grains/popcorn/legumes and even some tough raw fruits and vegetables. Like my favorite berries that have lots of seeds. Then I go down to the really easy to digest foods 3 days before.

    7. They had me alternating sports drinks with lemon-lime soda, just so I didn’t get completely disgusted with the process. Also, when I had to do the final step, I put 2 drops of lemon juice in it, and that made it palatable. White wine vinegar also works.

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