Coffee Break: Manhattan Croc Embossed Shoulder Bag
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Ooh: I think this structured bag from Saint Laurent is so chic.
I like that there is a magnetic frame closure and an adjustable shoulder strap, and the size feels just about right for the minimal things I usually carry with me. The pictured bag is a “croc-embossed patent leather,” but there are also smooth versions of the same bag at Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, and others.
The pictured bag is $2750 at Nordstrom.
Sales of note for 9/26/25
- Nordstrom – 7400+ new markdowns! Also: 6x points on beauty.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale, plus $20 style steals
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – Sale now up to 50% off PLUS an extra 10% off
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off sale styles, plus up to 50% off layers they love
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 20% off $125+
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 6 panties for $36 — readers love these no-VPL panties (and these PJs)
- Talbots – 40% off one item, plus 30% off everything else
- White House Black Market – 30% off all full-price dresses, and $50 off $200+ purchase
AITAH? I have a stepsister who basically bullied me as a child when she was an adult (we are 17 years apart, so she was early twenties when I was a kid and late twenties when I was in middle school). Things like trying to insist I sleep on the couch so her friend could have my room when they were visiting post-college, rather than share a room with her friend. Or saying to her dad in front of me how she hated having me in the house and that it ruined her experience of coming back to her childhood home (I was 12, she was late twenties, and she no longer lived in the house). As well as just a myriad of other mean things said about me constantly. She apologized last year unprompted for how terrible she was to me for so many years, and the way she framed the apology made me feel like there were many moments of cruelty that I don’t remember as well.
Stepsister now has three children. I love her kids and super kind to them / take them on outings / will babysit them. Stepsister has been very sweet to me in the last few years, in an attempt to make up for the years when she was honestly pretty terrible to me.
There are birthday parties every year for the kids, and I usually try to go. But honestly I always feel a bit weird – I don’t know most of the people and the people I do know I feel pretty tense around. Her mom was horrible to my mom (once said my mom was ‘so ugly it made her eyes bleed’ among other things, while trying to woo back my stepfather.) Her husband was very terse/rude to me for the last couple of years because he felt threatened by me (we work in the same field). The vibe is just off… I would say I am generally considered an very warm person, but I struggle to ever have an easy or pleasant conversation with anyone at these events. But I usually go when I can.
Anyways, there is a birthday party this weekend that I got invited to last week. My husband had already made plans for us to spend the day with my dad and my mother in law, so that they can bond while my mother in law is visiting us. It takes my dad about an hour and a half to get to where we live, so it isn’t a casual visit and we can’t reschedule it for a weekday. My mother in law also really wants to go to a certain place while she is here, and it’s the last weekend we will be able to take her to that place before she goes back home. I would also just really rather hang out with both of them than go to a party with a ton of adults I feel weird around.
I hadn’t RSVPed yes to the party, but I know my mom really wants me to go. I had told her I would try to make it before I heard my husband had made these other plans. I feel like the plans are flimsy-sounding since they are just with our parents, and that a party should take precedent. But I really just would rather stick with my husband’s plans. My mom wants to invest in the relationships with her stepdaughter since they are finally on good footing, and I know she would really prefer that I go.
Am I out of line for not going? How big of an excuse do you need to RSVP no to a birthday party? Am I betraying my mom?
NTA. Your husband already made plans with his family, you hadn’t realized, ‘oops, so sad to miss it, will see you all soon!’. It’ll be the holidays soon enough and you can see it then.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Husband already made plans for us at that time. I hope Kid has a wonderful birthday and that the party is fun. Hopefully I can make it to the next one.” And that’s it. To your mother you say you have previously made plans. One plan is not more important or higher ranking that another.
I think “So sorry, my MIL is visiting from out of town this weekend” is an appropriate reason to skip. Doesn’t sound flimsy at all.
Yeah. You’re fine to skip.
More generally, I don’t think you are the AH, but it sounds like a blending of two families who express themselves verrrry differently. Im glad you two were anle to overcome differences to have a familial relationship now.
For what its worth, kids in my family always get chucked out of their bedrooms to make room for guests.
That’s crazy to me. I can’t imagine making a child sleep on the couch so a college girl can have her bedroom, rather than have two college aged girls share a room.
You treat guests as well as you possibly can when they’re in your home. That means the kid sleeps on the couch or in mom/dad’s room. At least that’s how I was raised.
In my family, not all guests are the same. College kid’s roommate? They can figure it out with college sibling as long as they don’t keep others awake or sleep in the buff in a public room. Adult friends from out of town? Kid might be bumped to a sofa or sleeping bag if there isn’t a guest room. Grandma? She gets the best bed in the house even if that means parents sleep on the living room floor.
Then the big sister can sleep on the couch.
OP here – perhaps that wasn’t the best example to use, but the gist was it devolved into a major tantrum (yelling at her dad), before punishing me by being super mean and backhanded to me for the rest of the visit. I was like 8 or 9, so having constant mean comments about my appearance / my voice / my personality from an adult woman was rough. She and her friend had always shared her room before, even when guest bedrooms had been available, so he was clear that it was a power trip to get me kicked out of my room and show that I didn’t count the same way she did. The catty comments were constant though.
Anyway, the bullying is something everyone in the family widely acknowledges (including the stepsister, who has said she is ‘so ashamed of how cruel she was’ to me!) so definitely went a lot deeper than just familial differences.
Power trips stink. I hope she’s a better person now. It sounds like it. And you sound like a good relative to her children.
Her family broke up and you were a symbol of that. It’s not about you, she should have been more mature then but she wasn’t. And she’s apologized. Time for someone else to mature and it’s the OP.
OP here – I have forgiven her and dote on her children as though they were my own. All of her daughters think of me as their favorite aunt, and that’s a reflection of how much I’ve invested in the relationships with them. When she was my age (30) and I was close to theirs, she was calling me a ‘low-class’ and a ‘pig’. I am not sure how I should go about maturing further, as I am nothing but kind to her and her family…
OP, a few commenters always find fault in others. That’s about them and not you. My suspicion is that they are bullies who are intent on deflecting blame onto victims.
NTA – if you don’t plan a party or invite someone until the week before, you aren’t reasonable to be offended that they don’t drop all prior plans.
All the backstory aside, this is the answer.
This. But, also make sure to tell the kid you are sorry to miss their birthday (if they are old enough to understand) and promise something special, like ice cream outing, to acknowledge their birthday.
I think as long as you give a reason and are kind in your response, it’s fine not to go. You can still send a bday gift and card if you want to give some love to the relationship.
Not out of line at all. Frankly I’d start giving nice birthday presents to these kids when you see them and skip the birthday parties altogether, since they sound awful.
You don’t need a very big excuse at all in my opinion to RSVP no to a birthday party that you get invited to with one week notice. “So sorry, I’m going to have to miss the party. I didn’t realize it was a the same time when my husband and made plans with out of town guests. Hope you have a great time! Tell Shelly happy birthday and I’ll drop off her present xx.”
And of course you’re not betraying your mom. I hope that you really don’t think that you might be. Your mom can invest in the relationship with her stepdaughter, and that doesn’t involve you at all. If she wants that relationship she should make it happen without you.
Separate from all the complicated feelings and history (which are totally natural); I think “plans with in-laws visiting from out of town” will actually not sound flimsy at all – I think even under ordinary circumstances, most people would find it normal for you to miss “kids birthday party for local relatives we see frequently-ish anyway” for that!
You already have plans so it’s fine to not go to the party. But, cut your sister some slack. None of what you describe is bullying. Insensitive? Sure. But she’s apologized and realizes it. Open the door for a new chapter with her and maybe you’ll gain a close friend in time.
Seriously??? It’s definitely bullying. I’m glad I’m not related to you.
Don’t worry about it – someone could describe getting pummeled daily and some contrarian here would say that’s not bullying, you’re the problem, etc. Best ignored.
Yes – pummeling is also technically ‘insensitive.’ That doesn’t preclude it from being bullying or traumatic. People on here really reveal the type of people they are.
OP here – I tried not go into detail, but the ‘bullying’ included calling me ‘low-class,’ ‘a pig,’ ‘ghetto,’ and more. She accused me of stealing on multiple occasions when she knew I hadn’t, just to turn my family against me. I didn’t want to get into all of the details, but it was relentless and cruel.
I am definitely more loving and kind to children than the average person, so my standards are different, but her behavior
I’m sorry, OP.
NTA. Stuff comes up for adults and missing one out of potentially 30 birthday parties for 3 kids is entirely reasonable (there will come a time where they don’t want family birthday parties). My mom is the one that tries to guilt me into social events like this and honestly, she should be thankful you have a good relationship with your stepsister as an adult.
FWIW, I think you are a very stand-up person for forgiving your stepsister. Lots of twentysomethings are a-holes (data: I was an a-hole at that age) but someone in their late 20s picking on a middle school kid is just awful.
My family has never done anything “out West” like Colorado or South Dakota or TX – are there any good family spots other than national parks? dude ranches or things like resorts where we could sample things like rafting or whatnot? i’d be interested in trying it for a short vacation sometime at the beginning of summer break because i’m assuming it gets really hot by july.
https://www.devilsthumbranch.com/
I went to Devil’s Thumb Ranch for a wedding once and loved it. We went in September so go to drive through the Rockies from the airport when the leaves were changing as an added bonus.
I would look for those kinds of places in Montana, Wyoming, or Idaho.
if you go there, wait for July or August — June will be too cold!
There are summer camps that host things like “family camp week” if that’s the experience you’re looking for? Or a ski town in the summer, if you are ok with arranging things like rafting through a local outfitter, not necessarily your hotel – and there will be other activities nearby like hiking, trout fishing, a resort with an alpine slide, etc.
Climate wise, Texas and Colorado are very different. Would actually aim for late summer for Colorado, all this will be at ~8000 ft, and it takes a long time for the snow to melt out!
I’d go to the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho. There’s a dude ranch in Stanley that I’ve heard good things about and there are good one-day rafting opportunities on the Salmon.
That’s west?? In what century??
Haha I had the same reaction.
Colorado is west to me (I live in the Midwest). South Dakota and Texas not so much.
Colorado is west to everyone. Today Texas and S Dakota would be south and Midwest.
I guess there is ‘West’, and then there’s the West Coast, lol.
I think the OP meant ‘out West’ in that it would be a state with “cowboy ranch type” activity… not literally.