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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Sienna Flutter-Sleeve Blouse

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A woman wearing a blue and white printed top and denim skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

After last week’s heat wave in the northeastern U.S., I’m on the hunt for some tops that are work-appropriate but won’t leave me sweltering when I step out for lunch. Ulla Johnson is one of the best in the business when it comes to easy, breezy blouses.

This flutter-sleeve top is a cotton/viscose blend, so it will feel light even when the temperatures are rising (and rising and rising). 

The blouse is $250 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes 00-16.

A couple of lower-priced alternatives are from Vince Camuto ($79 at Nordstrom, sizes XS-XL) and Tahari ASL ($79 at Nordstrom, sizes 1X-3X).

Sales of note for 7/23/25:

  • Nordstrom – The Anniversary Sale is open for everyone — here's our roundup!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off summer favorites + 25% off tops and sweaters + up to 60% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear with code
  • Eloquii – $19+ select styles + extra 45% off all sale
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select cashmere + up to 50% off summer styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 60% off cashmere + extra 15% off $100+ and extra 20% off $125+
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277 Comments

  1. I need a pep talk. Since RTO full time 5 months ago, I’ve gained weight and feel like crap. I love to exercise but can’t seem to get motivated when I’m this stressed and tired, even though it will feel so good. I plan on tracking calories again to help with diet. I would love some success stories and suggestions. Gaining weight now, when I was exercising and eating right last year and making progress is just so upsetting. Mid 40s, so there’s also that.

    1. I’m 47, perimenopause and have hypothyroidism. I’ve gained weight over the last several years but it’s been stable for a while and I’m not continually gaining.

      At this age, my focus is on exercise and strength training. It makes me feel good when I find I can lift heavier weights than I did a year ago and that takes my focus off of what I weigh.

      I despise counting calories, so I try to focus on trying to eat more fruits and vegetables and drink more water.

      I’m probably in the minority, but I’ve come to accept my body as it is. Not necessarily body positive, but body neutral. I focus more on the activities and foods that make me feel good instead of focusing on weight.

    2. Can you work movement into your workday? Not a full-blown workout, but a few short walks to boost your energy and metabolism? That might give you just enough motivation to continue on with a regular workout outside of work. What can you do to bring your stress levels down a bit, if anything? I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this; I’m sure it feels like insult on top of injury.

    3. I have a park near work and a work buddy who likes to go for a short walk there with me during lunch. We don’t go as often as we should because days get away from you, but it always makes me feel good when I do it. It’s hardly a work out but it’s 15-20 minutes of being active outdoors in fresh air and is always the reset I need.

    4. I agree with building some movement into your workday. Things that have worked well for me:
      – Public transit. If it’s not practical for your work location, even just parking a little farther away helps.
      – Walk around the block if you have 10 spare minutes. Or, if it’s horrible hot humid weather, do some laps inside the building.
      – Pack your lunch and snacks. I make much better food choices when I do it in the morning before any little annoyances build up at work.
      – Become a morning/before work workout person. Easier said than done, group classes are good for accountability.
      – Look for opportunities to get a quick workout in during the work day. My office had lunchtime yoga for years and I miss it desperately. I didn’t sweat enough to need a shower, but it broke up the day and gave me energy for the afternoon.

      1. When I worked in the office, I’d use the restroom on another floor and do a few laps up and down the stairwell each time.

    5. Can you build exercise into your work day? Most places I’ve worked have allowed me time to workout during the work day.

      If you can’t do that, can you at least get a walk in during lunch?

      When I’m pressed for time, my goal is 10k steps a day every day and 3 10-15 min mini lifts a week. I just shorten a workout program to fit my time constraints. I have adjustable dumbbells at home and can fit in 10-15 mins in the morning before I hop in a shower.

    6. Mid-60s, so full menopause, been strength training with a trainer for about 10 years, and exercise regularly but my weight kept creeping up. Got serious about getting it back down for all kinds of reasons and used the counting calorie app loseit to track. Calorie counting really works for me as long as I’m honest and meticulous about tracking. I also set reasonable weight loss goals that I was pretty sure I could meet without feeling it was draconian — my dietician said no one should go under 1400 cals a day. Stopped buying snack foods and if I did, moved them into the basement away from easy temptation.

      Besides my trainer, I had a friend be my accountability coach for exercising, I shared my Apple Watch fitness with her and she was relentless about texting me if it looked like I wasn’t going to close all of my rings by the end of the day (I’m a tough love kind of person and she wasn’t a super close friend so the dynamic worked for me). If you are starting out, just moving more (activity ring if you have an Apple Watch or similar) will start to make you feel better right away whether that’s taking short walks, taking the stairs, using the far restroom/ parking spot, whatever. I also started cycling more and longer which I love and is a stress reliever in itself.

      Lost 15 pounds and improved my stamina and cycling ability by quite a bit. My overall advice is make a series of small, doable improvements at once (short walk once a day, cut calories by a modest amount, find a more intensive exercise routine that you also find stress relieving once or twice a week) and then get more intense as you start feeling better and see some measurable results in weight/mood/strength. Good luck, you can do this!

      1. The app loseit was very helpful to me too! I lost ten pounds with it. My first time really getting a handle on calories. Very eye-opening. Even though I don’t count calories all the time, that experience helped me be more aware of what I’m consuming.

    7. Small amount of movements more frequently throughout the day can be a game changer! There has been lots of research around this recently (suggest searching online if you’re interested in the science) that walking 5 minutes after every 30 min of sitting has huge benefits for health markers and mood. While I find it impractical to truly do this every 30 min (flow state has its own benefits!) it does help to focus on shorter bursts more frequently.

    8. Add protein in your diet via the easiest ways you can – protein bars, protein shakes, Greek yogurt, processed meat sticks. I’ve gone from a size 10 to a size 2 in the last 9 or so months doing that and weight lifting.

      1. Holy cow please share more details!

        I was a slow creep from a size 2/4 to a 6 but have ballooned to a 10/12 and I am NOT okay with it. I’m also only 30 and want to be aging well and being overweight isnt helping with that.

        My diet has room for improvement but isn’t bad. I work out some but not consistently enough.

        1. Sure! Diet: I bought Muscle Milk and protein bars with at least 15+ grams of protein from Costco, plus Greek yogurt with 15+ grams of protein, and then shelf-stable meat sticks. Basically I eat those without limit, whenever I’m hungry, in place of something carb heavy. Nuts if feeling snacky. Calories matter less when you’re not surging insulin by eating carbs.

          Exercise: Workout daily on a 3 day cycle of upper body weights, lower body weights, and HIIT. The weight workouts do take 60-90 minutes, it’s a huge commitment, HIIT is more like 30 minutes (10 min warmup, 10 minutes of 10 seconds intense effort + 50 sec recover, 10 min cool down). Most of the weight machines at your average gym will have a diagram of how to use them. I’m fortunate to have a friend who showed me the ropes. I basically don’t do cardio, other than brisk walking maybe 40-60 minutes a day. I hate all other cardio, and it made me hate exercise. Exercise has nothing to do with burning calories, it’s all about building muscle.

          Supplements: I take 1/4 cup of collagen powder and 5 g of creatine mixed into my yogurt. Plus a scoop of aminos powder in water. Also take magnesium, fish oil, Vitamin D, a multivitamin, and zinc.

          1. Awesome, thank you.

            Sounds like you didn’t follow a specific strength regimen just using what your friend showed you on the machines available at the gym.

            I’ll take your protein recommendations and play around with a weight and HIIT routine!

            Any recs for the HIIT you did (body weight or weights or more cardio type of HIIT)?

          2. For HIIT: Pedaling the bike super fast with decent resistance for the intense part, then slow pedaling for the breaks. Heart rate should be way up during the high-intensity part.

        2. “Ballooning” to a size smaller than the average American woman, quelle horror! Sending thoughts and prayers.

          1. This is overly judgmental. She went up two to three sizes. Most of us would not be good with that. Maybe devote some of that keyboard warrior time and effort to self reflection on why you react this way.

          2. chuckle…as a solid size 12 (just barely out of size 14) I had the same reaction.

          4. I’m a size 6/8 and experiencing multiple medical complications of carrying too much weight. Of course I’m also very short! But some people also just do better than others; I swear there’s healthy weight and then not so healthy weight.

          5. So say “I went up 2-3 sizes.” You get the same meaning without the judgement towards bigger women.

    9. Perimenopause is a beast. You have to re-evaluate your diet. Prioritize protein — you need more. It keeps you full longer, slows digestion so you have fewer blood sugar spikes, which helps with the cortisol response that can cause weight gain. You also have to protect your sleep. If you aren’t sleeping well, you’re going to struggle with weight management. Once I started low dose HRT, I started sleeping again and was able to manage my weight so much more effectively.
      Also, be kind to you. This is a hard space. Try not to beat yourself up too much.

    10. I’m a bit older than you, and have lost 25 pounds in the past 18 months. I use a diet tracker, but started out focusing on sodium, not calories. This helped me discover, for example, that the tortillas I was eating were high sodium, and I could replace them with something I liked just as well with less sodium. Now I use the tracker to assess sodium, added sugar, and calcium, and I use the data to make better choices. My calories count has stayed steady, I surmise because I’m measuring it and because healthier choices are lower calorie. I still eat the things that I really like, such as flavored creamer in my morning coffee.

      You said you love to exercise, so do I. What has worked for me is making sure I had the right clothes that fit well for the activity, with the intent to buy new exercise clothes when mine didn’t fit or if I achieved a milestone. It motivates me to have comfortable exercise clothes that look appealing to me.

    11. Some suggestions:
      – meal prep (America’s Test Kitchen has a great book on this, with weekly grocery lists, etc)
      – lunch time walk nearby- is there a park or a route you could take? Willing to bet there are others at your job doing it too
      – sign up for a fitness class- before, during, or after work, just to get back into a schedule. Being around other people might help.
      – add a walking pad at home, they’re about $100 on Amazon. I sometimes use mine in pajamas, lol
      Good luck OP!

    12. I’m 45 and have kept my weight in the normal range.

      When it creeps up I dial in my diet. It’s steamed white fish, lemon juice and grilled vegetables. Greek yoghurt with cucumber and salt. Mushrooms and pepper omelette, made with one yolk and 3 egg whites is the type of breakfast I eat. Very little fruit, small amounts of bread and milk. Lean protein is very important and I eat 130g a day on average.

      Exercise wise I run 15 miles a week and every morning I stretch out, do my bridges, planks, lunges, squats etc. on my kitchen floor.

    13. Can you take walks every day at lunch? Nice break, change of scene, time in the sun/nature. Listen to music or podcasts. Walking is great for weight loss because it doesn’t spike your hunger.

      To lose weight, what helped me was portion awareness, intentionally picking meals that are filling but less calorie dense like soups, and chewing gum when I have a sweet craving.

  2. Long shot, but does anyone know the brand of Lisa Murkowski’s suit she wore yesterday? Light chambray-ish blue, double breasted jacket. I liked it.

    1. That’s so funny because she was on PBS the other day plugging her book and she had an amazing green dress I was trying to find. Who knew she would be such a fashion icon?

      1. She can wear all the boss lady clothes she wants. It won’t make her anything other than the pushover she is.

    3. She and her cute suits can go straight to h3ll for the vote she just took. What an absolute coward.

  3. I often wear shorts like bike or slip shorts under dresses. So far I’ve been using some random cotton ones I have, but I think they’re irritating my skin a little bit. Maybe the elastic? Or maybe once I sweat in them?

    Does anyone have recs for particularly soft or smooth shorts like these?

    2. The Thigh Society cooling shorts are my go-to for under dresses and skirts.

    3. Have to say the Megababe Thigh Rescue is a perfect product if you’re wearing shorts b/c you’re worried about chafing. Much cooler and really works!

      1. It’s a little bit chafing but also making sure I don’t flash someone over a subway grate a la marilyn monroe

  4. I’m part of a monthly cake club for ~6 people and it’s my turn to host. I’m not a baker and this is my first time hosting any sort of food event, but want to give it some effort. Does anyone have a recipe of a summery cake that’s not too intimidating to bake but is semi impressive? Impressive meaning good flavors and not too difficult to make pretty (on the rare chance I do bake, what I make typically just looks like a lump). Bonus points if someone has recommendations for a cocktail or other snacks to pair. I have no hosting background but want to make it fun! TIA.

    1. Check out Sally’s Baking Addiction. I would suggest looking for a simple sheet cake.

      The Fresh Strawberry Cake from Once Upon a Chef is pretty easy and good.

      If you have a Bundt cake pan, those are pretty easy too. You could do a simple vanilla cake with fresh fruit topping.

      When baking, I highly recommend getting a kitchen scale to weigh your ingredients.

    2. Smitten Kitchen’s summer strawberry cake. No icing, makes everything so much easier.

      1. ohhhh agreed with this completely. I am an inexperienced and often unsuccessful baker, and I so appreciate not having to be fussy about achieving a perfect top (a bundt can stick to the pan, a cheesecake can crack, souffles fall, etc.) or creating icing that is the correct consistency that I pour at the correct time.

        I am, however, a successful and frequent hostess, and this would be a fun centerpiece item to create a meal around.

        Add glasses of champagne or fizzy water with a strawberry in the bottom of each champagne glass, and you can do a pretty salad (something with a nice vinegarette as it’s a heavier cake) with some nice appetizers, depending on what the norm of these events is. The champagne/fizzy water plus is that you can prep the glasses in advance (put a cut strawberry in the bottom of glasses that are pre-poured, stick a pretty red straw in the non-alc glasses), and you don’t have to fuss with mixing a drink during the event (also do not recommend).

        Great suggestion CB!

        1. Oh, and I see you did ask for specific snack or side suggestions. With this cake, I would add a hummus tray – pita, carrots, and celery, perhaps add a Boursin type cheese dip. This is a really easy platter to put together for a new hostess, and has some protein to balance out the fruit cake. Again, I’m going for easy here – but you could also do a nicely displayed plate of chicken potstickers or similar from the freezer section. All easy ingredients to grab at any grocery store, all unfussy. Pick up a pretty bouquet of a single type of flower at the grocery store, and break apart the bouquet to put in smaller mason jars throughout the house. Put apps on an actual dinner plate (not the store bought tray), and light a few Ms. Meyer’s candles. I’ve been hosting since I was young and broke, and Martha Stewart isn’t calling me any time soon, but it’s low lift for me, so I am a repeat hostess, which friends seem to love.

      3. yup this is the BEST summer cake… use even more strawberries than seems reasonable. I like the “sheet cake” version (“strawberry summer sheet cake.”)

        If it’s plum season I also like her Purple Plum torte.

      4. Ha, was about to recommend this as well. Simple enough, punches above the level of difficulty in taste and presentation. I like to dress it up with some whipped cream.

    3. I like cupcakes arranged in a pattern and frosted when I need a foolproof presentation with minimal decorating skills. Like, cupcakes arranged in a flower pattern, a rainbow pattern, whatever strikes your fancy. They pull apart easily and you don’t have to stress about the cake getting stuck in the pan.

    4. Pound cake in a bundt pan. Optionally add lemon frosting. Fill the center with lots of macerated strawberries.

    5. Lemon blueberry polenta cake. It has a basic glaze but you could also add some dollops of white icing with a blueberry nestled in around the top edge and it would look great and taste summery. It would be good with a bubbly wine or a chilled white or rose, also unfussy.

    6. I’m going to be the outlier and suggest – cake mix. I made a cake last summer using boxed white cake mix, baked a square cake, then sliced it into layers and filled it with vanilla pudding and strawberries and topped it with whipped cream and more strawberries. It was so good.

      I’ve also added some cardamom (a couple of teaspoons) to white cake mix, made cupcakes, and frosted them with orange buttercream.

      I do a fair amount of baking, but honestly, tarted up cake mix makes very good cakes.

      For appetizers, they’re fiddly, but I like caprese skewers in the summer. But some mozzarella balls and stick them on toothpicks with a cherry or grape tomato and basil. Drizzle with balsamic vinegar.

      1. Nailed it! Cake mix and caprese skewers are 2 of my best hosting recipes, and I’m a pretty confident cook who can do much more complicated things. Cake mix us just so reliable!

      2. 100% agree. I would strongly encourage homemade frosting (or toppings and fillings as the prior poster suggested), but go for a cake mix!

      4. Agree. 90% of the time, homemade cake isn’t worth the trouble. You can do an internet search for “how to jazz up box cake” or “how to jazz up cake mix,”

      5. I’m going to add look up poke cake recipes. They make box cake mix pretty moist. There’s a version of coconut cake that has cream of coconut and condensed milk poured over it. Top with whipped cream and shredded coconut. Serve with berries. Super easy. But there are so many options.

        I would also vote for making strawberry shortcake and buying angel food cake. You can cut it in half, make whipped cream, and add sliced strawberries in the middle.

    7. Martha Stewart’s Tres Leches Cake topped with fresh fruit like berries and orange segments. It’s my go-to summer potluck dessert. The fruit on top makes it look elegant.

      1. +1 I always make tres leches cake for our family parties and my nieces request it for their birthdays now too. It is nice in the summer because it should be kept in the fridge so it is cold. I top with homemade whipped cream and fresh berries. Sometimes I make the berries look like flowers. You could also add some edible flowers on top and that would be pretty.

    8. Please tell me more about this club! Sounds like something I need to start in my life.

      1. +1
        But then I got sad because no adult in my world is allowed to enjoy sweets. My mother in law would actually kill me.

        2. Why would you invite your mother in law? Invite me I’m pregnant and eating sweets for 3.

      2. The cake club is a monthly meet up of a handful of neighborhood women where each person hosts and bakes a cake. We gather to eat said cake and connect. The hosting pressure is really my own creation because we have some fantastic bakers in the group. The rule was initially only cake, but we’ve started snacking too since people typically spend the afternoon there chit chatting.

        It was a neighbor’s idea who graciously invited me but its been a highlight!

    9. Crème puff cake! The pate Au Chou (the dough) is weirdly easy for how amazing it looks and tastes. Instead of trying to make individual puffs and fill them, you spread the dough into a 9 x 13 pan to bake. Instead of pastry cream, French vanilla pudding spread over the top. Then, either whipped topping or real whipped cream.

      One of my neighbors is making strawberry basil champagne cocktails for Friday movie night this week.

      1. isn’t Chou (sp?) the dough that always has the GBBO bakers break down? That and puff pastry.

        1. It is, but I don’t always understand why. Choux is butter, water and flour cooked together, then beaten with eggs. It comes together like a dream.

    10. Not going to win you any awards for creativity, but my favorite summer cake is box angel food cake topped with berries and whipped cream or a very thin, watery “American” buttercream

    12. There is a book called Snacking Cakes that is full of easy, seasonal cakes that are all delicious.

    13. My favorite summer cake is what my mother called rocky road cake, but most recipes now call it Texas sheet cake. My dad, who never baked in his life, learned to bake it on his own after mom died, so it’s super easy. Pioneer woman has a good recipe, but we always add mini marshmallows in addition to the pecans in the frosting.

    14. Lemon Cornmeal Cake (look at the table for two blog recipe, it’s great, but I use the juice and zest of a whole lemon, not half)
      Top with macerated berries (a carton of strawberries, sliced, add a carton of blueberries, and a scant 1/4c sugar. Stir and let sit for about 4 hours at room temp).

      Add something like tomato mozzarella skewers or hummus with veggies so that you have something that breaks up sweetness.

      Hosting doesn’t have to be hard. People feel it when they can tell you’re glad to have them in your home. I am the hostess in my social group, even though I have the smallest house. The main reason I think I am good at it is that I don’t worry about it. People come to enjoy one another, not check to see if your baseboards are clean or your appetizers are not Trader Joe’s. Enjoy the party!

    15. You could consider an icebox cake – purchase chocolate wafer cookies (not Oreos or anything filled), then layer cookies with whipped cream and fruit, refrigerate 4-8 hours. Easy to make and light/cold so it’s very nice on a hot day.

      1. Seconding this idea. I’ve also seen versions with vanilla wafer cookies or graham crackers.

    16. Snack ideas- summer fruit trifle, cucumber sandwiches, strawberries and marscapone, chips and dip to add some salt.

    19. Hear me out- Tiramisu. It’s just mixing and soaking and layering and is way impressive for its level of effort. Mascarpone and lady fingers are usually available at trader joes.

      You make a zabaiglione by mixing like 6 egg yolks with an equal weight of sugar until you get a thick lemon colored paste, then add in 8-16 oz of mascarpone cheese and mix in thoroughly.

      Soak lady fingers in hot coffee with enough amaretto to taste good and put in a layer in a 13×9″ pan. Cover with a thin layer of the cream mix, then repeat. Top with cocoa powder and refrigerate.

  5. Help me think something through. I’m 45 years old. For probably around the past year or so, I’ve been finding the week leading up to my period miserable – I can’t sleep, I’m exhausted, irritable, can’t focus, etc. I’m also dealing with some bad sleep problems and brain fuzziness at all times, but the PMS time is really bad (and I never used to feel like I had more than some stomach cramps). They tested my hormones and said I’m still within the normal limits, but recommended trying a low dose birth control for first line of response as I approach perimenopausal stuff.

    I had my tubes tied 10 years ago, and since I’ve been off BC, I’ve absolutely loved the renewed libido I get mid-month. Though things were OK on the pill, this is just . . . really nice. I don’t want to give it up, particularly given that what was OK in my 20s and early 30s might be different in my now-middle-age. And I don’t like the idea of going back on the pill for all of the other usual reasons. But I’m really struggling with the symptoms above. Doc says its up to me. I guess I could always try it and stop if I don’t like it? Any suggestions for how to think this through?

    1. Yes, to your “try it and stop if I don’t like it.” Otherwise, how will you know how a low dose affects you in this stage/season?

    2. I deeply empathize with this. I could’ve written this exact thing five years ago. It was miserable, and BCP didn’t help much. The only thing that gave some relief was going on a low-dose SSRI. Some people just do it during the luteal phase. Just bringing it up in case you haven’t thought of this, but is it possible that you have fibroids or something else going on? I say that because I did, and I was completely unaware (though it made a lot more sense in hindsight).

      In the meantime, give yourself a ton of grace during the week leading up to your period. Go to sleep earlier if you can, try not to overschedule yourself … way easier said than done, I realize.

    3. I always recommend looking into Lara Briden’s resources for PMS and PMDD. I know she’s not a real doctor, but way too many real doctors have dropped the ball on this.

    4. Kipling bags are casual, lightweight and workhorses. Mine looks new despite daily use.

      1. Got excited reading this comment, thinking I was about to learn about a new product that would be a workhorse against PMS/PMDD. Bummer!

    5. I was dealing with the same symptoms and hormonal BC really has been a game changer. It took some trial and error to find a type I like, but my PA was great at working with me and suggesting options.

    6. I’ve found studying Avurveda to be very helpful in restoring balance to my body and managing my cycles.

    7. I’d try testosterone supplementation before birth control. Birth control has terrible downsides.

    8. What type of physician are you seeing for this? Are you seeing someone who is a GP or specializes in treating women, preferably through perimenopause? There are other options than just BCP or nothing. And someone who specializes in this arena likely has a bigger bag of options. From my understanding of going through both infertility and perimenopause, testing for hormones yields little insight.

    9. Look for someone who is a certified menopause specialist. There is a list on r menopause. There isn’t a normal hormone level. That’s the first thing a specialist will tell you. They treat your symptoms. Low dose birth control is an option, but HRT is even lower dose. They are meant to replace your hormones that you are losing as you age. It’s unfortunate that most doctors (including obgyns) just aren’t trained in menopause care so much of what they recommend is not great medicine.

      It also sounds like you’re way past approaching perimenopause. Progesterone helps with sleep, estrogen with other things. Testosterone helps with brain fog but you’ll definitely need a menopause specialist to get that.

    10. I have similar issues. I tried Zoloft on advice from my doctor but had bad side effects. I currently use the Moody app for daily tips and to track my cycle. It’s a great resource if you do some of the mini courses. I started the PMS Support Supplement and I feel it helps so far. I also accept my sleep will be disrupted during certain times and try to journal or meditate to cope. I’ve had lifelong sleep issues though.

    1. Depends on the nature of the bad day. If someone really ticked me off I vent to a trusted friend over cocktails or indulge in a fantasy conversation where I get to cuss the person out and tell them why they’re wrong. If I messed up and am feeling bad about my mistake I try to take my mind off it and I binge watch crime dramas or read an absorbing book or work in my garden while listening to a podcast. But overall I try to remind myself life is long and I have had bad days before; eventually whatever happened today will be a distant memory.

      Also, paging shot shots shots :-)

    3. I remember that it’s probably not as bad of a day as the day that President Obama or President Biden had to meet with Incumbent Trump in the Oval Office and had have pictures taken. On my very worst day, at least I’m not meeting face to face with my archnemesis who just beat me with a photographer in my face.

      1. (to be clear, I believe that the politicians sign up for this type of garbage and I don’t feel overall too sorry for them – it’s just a handy visual that I find genuinely helpful)

    5. Honest answer: mindless scrolling or light reading or fluffy tv with a low effort suppe and a low effort chore like doing a load of laundry so I feel like I accomplished something

    6. Vent to my sister or husband. Have a drink. Try not to inflict my bad mood on my family.

      Go for a walk. Watch soothing cooking shows (what I would do if I had actual time to myself).

      Or… journal about it and end with “advice to self” to help me put it in perspective.

  7. For those of you who work from home often, what do you use as a purse when out in the wild? When I’m at work I have a laptop tote and tend to run out with just a phone. But I need something when I am not using the laptop tote on WFH days. I’ve tried nylon shopper bags (too big), light colored cloth bags (get grungy), other lightweight bags (topple in the car, contents spill, fabric scuffs easily). Each year I try something that is a D+. What works well for you? Me: late 40s, have kids who need driving, lave local clients I can meet for lunch so don’t want to look too sloppy at least during the work week.

    1. I carry a leather purse. Mine is from Frye but other brands also make leather purses.

    2. Clare V petit moyen bag. I got a fun color (bright green!) and it’s great as a cross-body, or I can just throw it over my shoulder. Small and the leather has held up really well for the last year+.

      1. Just got a yellow woven one for summer and love it! Also recommend a quince leather crossbody, which can hold a bit more and is supposed to be a dupe for the Clare V moyen. I have olive for fall/winter and love it and get tons of compliments.

    3. During the work week, I use a leather bag. It’s not a giant tote, but I vastly prefer the structure and organization of a real purse rather than soft fabric.

    4. Is there a reason that an actual purse won’t work for you? It sounds like you may need one or two actual handbags/purses that are a size/shape that fits your lifestyle.
      I have a couple of slim crossbody bags (purses) that go into my work backpack. Sometimes I use them by themselves on WFH days or weekends.
      I also have a couple of bags/purses in other colors that I use when the mood strikes me. One is large and can fit a lot of stuff into it.
      In addition, I have a slouchy leather tote that looks good, can carry a bunch of stuff, and can be a laptop bag if I need it to.

    6. I avoid carrying bags as much as possible and just put stuff in my pockets. But when when I do really need a purse, I use a purse! I have several leather bags of different sizes and colors. The one I use most often is a small gray crossbody bag, but I have bigger ones too.

    7. I love the Longchamp Le Pliage bags for every day. They’re lightweight, spill proof, and fully zip. I have a small and medium size.

      When I’m running out on a walk or to the coffee shop and want to be hands free, I ise a LuLuLemon belt bag.

    8. I have a leather purse from Botkier that I love. It’s light gray which works for all seasons and it converts from shoulder bag to backpack.

    9. Is there a reason you don’t carry an actual purse? I have at least 10 purses (half designer and half not) that I rotate through depending on outfit/season and then probably 10 more single purpose purses (like evening clutches or beach bags). I would buy a nice leather every day tote or cross body. I like the Allsaints Captain Square Crossbody when I’m doing the school run or errands. Had this for years and don’t see any scuffs. I also have the Tuckernuck Saffiano Leather Anderson Crossbody (it’s slightly bigger). Also held up well but I’ve only had it a year. I have a couple Polene bags. Always get compliments on those and don’t see any wear/tear. I suggest a gray color if you’re only getting one purse. I find mine more versatile than black.

      1. I have experimented with clutches and purses and leather seems to be both heavy (in larger bags) and too formal for today’s much more casual clothes. I love a clutch but in a city I hate always having to have a full hand (makes umbrellas a PITA) or tuck it under my arm. So hard as a daily driver. I own too many bags and just want one good one (but maybe I’m expecting too much — maybe many bags is just how it is). Plus, bags are expensive, so would be happier with a few great ones but seem to have many meh ones.

        1. if you’re meeting with clients, the clothes you are wearing should be formal enough that a leather bag does not look too dressy with them.

        2. I wear a leather crossbody to the dog park regularly. That’s far more normal than using a bag that’s not really a purse everywhere you go.

        3. How about a fabric bag if leather is too formal and heavy? I like Uniqlo for a casual bag, and there are several sizes and types available. The round mini-bag (which isn’t mini-mini) is very popular here (London) for carrying the basics including a small water bottle.

        4. You need the Clare V Moyen Messenger. It has a shoulder strap and a crossbody strap. It’s leather and is both dressy enough for business casual and casual enough for jeans. It’s not super heavy because it’s not huge.

    11. Just use a purse? Mark and Graham is my recent go to for nice looking work bags/purses that I don’t have to be precious about.

    12. Do you need to take your laptop out with you while you WFH? If so, can you just use the tote you take to the office since it sounds like that works for you? You don’t need a different setup on principle.

      I have a small crossbody leather camera bag that is my daily purse regardless of whether I am in the office, WFH, or doing personal errands. For commuting to and from the office, I put that purse in my laptop backpack so I’m not carrying multiple bags. If I have a need to carry my laptop around with me outside the house while WFH, I still just use my laptop backpack and keep my purse inside it, same as if I were going to the office. If I don’t need the laptop, I just take my purse. Easy-peasy.

    13. I WFH a few days a week and go into the office a few days a week. When I go into the office, I use a leather laptop bag with a zippered middle section and I put my wallet and keys in there. When I am not at work, I use a couple of different leather purses. I have a medium size one and a smaller cross-body one that is good for travel. (I like Coach for leather purses so mine are from there, although I am saving for a Prada bag that I love.) I used to bring a purse and laptop bag and lunch bag but then I felt like I was carrying too many bags so that is why I consolidate into the laptop bag when I go to work.

      1. I feel that even with a normal purse, you are constantly swapping them, to the point where I consider it to be part of an outfit, like shoes. Just accept it.

    15. You just need a basic every day purse. What is the price of admission purse for visiting clients? Put differently, how nice of a purse are you expected to have? In your shoes, I would look for one of the leather Longchamp bags, a Goyard purse (it can come with zippers), or maybe the LV CarryAll PM in Black.

    16. My day-to-day purse is a Louis Vuitton. When not carrying that, I just go with a cute canvas bag. I have so, so many of them from local businesses, with pretty designs on them, etc. They’re the best.

    17. I have the “Carryall Tote” from Canvelle that I use for this. It’s machine washable, has a clip for car keys, and a pocket for a phone, etc. It will also fit a water bottle and/or laptop if needed.

    18. I use a small Lo & Sons leather bag or a very old small Coach bag. If I need something bigger, I use a cool looking bookstore tote from my travels.

    19. I use a Kate Spade purse. It’s pretty and my purses from that brand tend to last 7ish years.

    21. I use a crossbody because I like having my hands free. But I’m not carry a lot of things around. If you want a canvas tote, why not use like an ll bean one? I do sometimes use a cloth tote bag if I’m just carrying my iPad or something else that won’t fit in my crossbody.

    22. Tumi nylon crossbody purses have been workhorses for me – they come in a few different sizes.

    23. I use a leather Kate Spade tote bag because it can also fit kid items in it or be used for church/work. I bought it because the last tote I had from DSW only lasted two years, so I’m hoping for something that lasts five plus years or more. If I’m going somewhere like the playground, I use a canvas tote bag.

  8. I’m beating myself up for how a work situation unfolded about three weeks ago. (You know how somebody isn’t supposed to be surprised if you fire them? Well, this person was surprised. Or claimed to be, at least.) I have reflected on it a ton already and know how I would handle it differently in the future. I also feel, deep down, that even though I didn’t handle it perfectly, the end result would’ve been the same no matter what I’d done. My boss is completely unbothered by it, btw. I still find myself ruminating on the situation, though, and I would really like to stop because it doesn’t feel healthy at this point.

    1. I find a neutral mantra helpful in these kinds of “mind stuck” situations. Maybe “being a boss is hard” or “always good to learn a lesson” or whatever works for you.

    2. I don’t know if there’s ever a perfect way to handle letting someone go. You made a difficult but correct decision. Learned for next time but did the best you could this time.

    3. You’re not the person who didn’t perform, your team is likely grateful that their slacker coworker is gone, if you didn’t address it, the situation would be much worse.

    4. been there! It gets better over time. You did your best, and these things always suck.

    6. In anything like this, understand that doing things “differently” wouldn’t have changed the outcome.

      That’s okay.

      With good planning, thoughtfulness, and knowledge, we can usually make most situations work out. That doesn’t mean that we can make everything work out; we live in an imperfect world that isn’t always just or fair.

      “Could I have done something differently?” is a question worth asking, and sometimes, the answer is “no.” That brings its own peace. You did right by your company and your former employee, and doing right doesn’t mean it will all work out the way you want it to.

    7. Continuing from my comment at 11:04 am:

      A while back, I made a comment on this site, in a different context. You can lead a horse to water, but some horsies will die of dehydration on the shores of Lake Michigan.

      Did you lead the horse to water, as in, a *lot* of water? That’s your job. The fact that this horsy chose to die of dehydration (rather than using the time to find a new job or negotiate a layoff) is not something you can control.

      1. They were surprised by being let go. So I don’t think your analogy actually works here. And, frankly, it’s kind of gross to think this way about other humans.

        2. I am aware that this person was surprised by being let go. In the analogy, “leading the horse to water” is sending all of the appropriate signals that the person would be fired if they didn’t improve.

    8. You have to be okay with people sometimes not liking you or being mad at your decision. It’s okay. You’ll survive.

  9. Talk to me about VR headsets. DH is not a gamer, but really wants a VR for his birthday after doing a cool VR tour in Cinque Terre while we were there. Is there much content online if you don’t have any sort of game console?

    1. we have a meta quest (but not the latest version, maybe v2) – i’m not sure what you mean about content online? you can certainly look up different games and things like that but there isn’t any way to play them without the headset. not sure about other options but the meta quest is a stand-alone product. we like ours although for my family of glasses-wearers i regret that the newest version has easy-to-get custom lenses at zenni.

      we really like tripp, and google earth is very cool in the meta quest.

    1. A good reminder that I need to reschedule a vacation to Vancouver on Canada Day that has been cancelled multiple times since 2017.

  11. I’m going into post divorce mediation and feel very unprepared. Any advice from the Hive?

    I’ve asked my lawyer and he said to say very little and provide 5 examples of why my schedule is better than his.

    1. How is your schedule relevant? Custody? I’d approach this like any other negotiation. Know where you’re willing to compromise and where you’re not. If you’re doing mediation, do you have an okay relationship with your ex? Knowing his dealbreakers is helpful too.

      1. Knowing his dealbreakers and must-haves is crucial. I was able to get a very favorable settlement because I knew his number one thing was that he had to have the house.

        Also know what your dealbreakers and must-haves are, of course. DO NOT agree to anything that is truly unworkable or unacceptable to you just because everybody is pressuring you. That said, be prepared to compromise and realize that in most mediations, everybody leaves a little bit unhappy with the outcome.

        Don’t forget to account for things like “what if Mother’s Day falls on his weekend?” and what happens when the kids have Friday or Monday off from school. (I’ve seen people inadvertently end up giving their exes all the 3-day weekends because they didn’t think about that.)

        1. I guess what I’m struggling with is where to compromise. I have compromised already on things like not splitting Christmas and new year, but now he wants 3+ weeks in Europe with his family every summer.

          We have disabled children and 2 weeks is the maximum break in therapy that is allowed without a change in therapist and support team. If I compromise on his 3 weeks it means there will be years I don’t get to take the children to see my family in Europe.

          The problem is I’ve been too nice in the past. Now I’m the problem because there isn’t anything left where I can compromise.

          1. Then you stand firm and refuse to go any further.

            Make a list of all the things you have bent on in the past, and be prepared to reopen the negotiations.

            The therapy thing is something that the mediator will agree with you on.

          2. Agree with all this.

            Three weeks is unreasonable when the max therapy break is 2 weeks.

      2. It’s custody, child related expenses, getting him to file the paperwork to take his name off the deed for the properties awarded to me and me asking for an extension of the money I owe him. He owes me $50k in child related expenses and I owe him $180k in 18 months. I want to put the money I owe him in escrow given his poor payment history. I am using the food bank some months because he doesn’t pay his share of expenses. I make a good income but it’s not enough for 3 children, 2 who are disabled.

        He has not followed any of the plan post divorce. It’s been very stressful. The children are the ones suffering which is my primary goal to solve for.

        1. IANAL so this may be way off base. If he owes you money and you owe him money, can’t that be netted out?

          1. Yes that’s what I expect will happen, which I’m fine with.

            I don’t want to pay him out the remaining balance in 18 months because he has not paid consistently in the past 3 years. My proposed solution is to put the remaining amount in escrow and deduct what he owes me from that balance each month. It should last another 2-3 years before it runs out.

            There have been months where I had to use the shelter to feed my family because I’m paying for everything related to the children. The money from the payout will be an early inheritance from my parents. I work full time, rent my basement and parking spots out to help with housing expenses. I can’t afford to move as it would cost more. The school district is working well and my monthly housing cost is incredibly low for the area. The school district is very small, about 1 mile square. There is nowhere in district to move to.

            He thinks it’s unreasonable to pay 50% of childcare of $40k a year, tutoring of $15k and medical expenses which average out to be about $30k. I just can’t find anything I’m willing to compromise on.

        2. Absolutely use the money you owe him as leverage to make sure he is paying what he owes. Come prepared with documentation of his poor payment history.

          And also it seems odd on its face that you’re going to the food bank if you have $180K cash you can put in escrow, so be prepared to have an answer to that.

          2. Talk to your lawyer but inheritances are often off limits in a split. Lots of caveats but I wouldn’t give up on that easily.

  12. I have a couple pairs of LuLuLemon running shorts with liners that are too small. I’d like to donate them, but I’ve worn them without underwear…should I just throw them out? I feel like that’s gross and I’m answering my own question here.

    1. I volunteer with a zero waste org, and you’d be surprised both by the things people donate, and the things people take. I feel like if they are clean and in good condition, you can donate them without guilt.

    3. Eh, everyone has their own comfort level. Personally, if they had been washer did have no problem buying them from Goodwill.

    4. My friend worked at Goodwill for a while and said it was a regular occurrence to receive donations of used, unwashed underwear. Wash on hot and you’ll be ahead of the curve.

    5. These would be taken very quickly on my local running group’s buy nothing page, especially given the brand.

  13. Someone in my org is retiring next week and looking for suggestions on a gift.

    She and I have clashed some, while she’s excellent at parts of her job she’s become increasingly frustrated with where the organization is going and is resistant to change. I think those moves have contributed to her decision to retire which felt a bit sudden. Still, she’s a good person and I’m thankful for her contributions.

    She works remotely and lives in a rural area so it’s unlikely I see her in person before she retires, and she asked for no celebration. I was thinking of sending her a card with a note and a gift card. Any ideas on what to get her? A generic restaurant gift card? She likes golfing but chain golf stores are somewhat generic and overpriced. Looking for suggestions!

    1. I don’t think a gift is necessary. A thoughtful message in a card will do in this situation.

    3. I don’t think you need to send a gift. But if you WANT to, I’d put a plug in for one of the golf stores you mention. The fact that it’s overpriced means that I usually won’t shop there, even if I want something from that store. Getting a gift card gives me “permission” to buy something frivolous or overpriced that I want as a treat.

    4. Hermes scarf is my go-to retirement gift. Everyone could use a little glamour in their life.

        1. Not at all. It’s literally my go-to gift. Not sure what’s so hard about it to understand. They’re around $300 and a nice way to commemorate a career.

          1. You must be much richer than me, lol. I don’t think I’ve ever spent $300 on a gift for my husband, mom or best friend. I can’t imagine spending it on a coworker I don’t even really like.

      2. Seriously? That’s what I would do for like a mentor of 10+ years. Not a frenemy colleague!

        1. OP here. I guess it wasn’t clear above, by “in my org” I meant she reports up to me. She doesn’t report directly to me and we’ve clashed on me pushing her to work differently.

          Great suggestions though, I want to do something for her as I’m appreciative of her work and contributions to the company.

    6. I’d do a card and a gift card — a restaurant or golf store are both great options. Celebrating your retirement with a dinner out is a good thing to get to do.

      (Not sure why you explained what made her difficult to work with?)

    7. If she is that type of person (and you are thinking of that budget), I’ve always found Hermes scarves are great retirement presents.

      1. This is harsh, but not completely off base. I’d say a card with brief note, at most.

    9. In your shoes I would get a gift card for something than can be used up and consumed.

      Since your relationship isn’t close, it’s not meaningful to choose a particular item for her to keep and remeber you by, but a card and more generic gift in honor of her contributions would be nice.

  14. Any recommendations for landlord side eviction counsel for residential property in Boston?

      1. I mean, are they supposed to just let the tenant stay forever while not complying with the lease? If the terms are unfair, or there was no effort to work it out, that is a problem, but otherwise, what is she expected to do?

        1. It’s a dirty business, she shouldn’t expect sympathy from people with morals.

      3. If you’re at all familiar with landlord-tenant laws in Massachusetts, I can guarantee that you wouldn’t react this way if you’re a remotely reasonable person.

        1. Critical thinking skills are at an all time low when landlord equals automatically bad.

    2. Homeowner now, but I’m still very happy landlords can’t charge an entire month’s rent as a fee anymore in MA per the new budget bill. MA was the last place in the country charging this, after NYC outlawed it recently as well.

      Four months of rent (first + last + 1 month deposit + 1 month “broker fee”) shouldn’t be standard to move in. That meant an average $3500 2 bedroom costs $12K to move. That’s more than a downpayment on a condo.

      This is why some people end up evicted. They can’t save up to go anywhere else that’s more affordable.

      1. It’s entirely reasonable to require this type of cash to move in.

        I’m a landlord and for $3600 my tenants get to live in a 3 bed 2 bath home. The real estate cost of that unit was $800k, the property taxes are $8k per year and $2500 for the building insurance. This unit is subject to rent control and rents below market, which I’m fine with but none of my tenants understand.

        When I purchased this property I had to show I had 6 months of expenses in my pension and savings and pay a 25% deposit on the $800k. Today the unit would sell to someone tomorrow for $1.5-2m.

        The primary reason why I use a broker is because I want a tenant who can pay 3.5 months rent upfront. They are getting to live in a $1.5m home for $3600 and that includes all of the maintenance costs. If my tenants purchased my home today the interest only mortgage payment alone would be $9,375 per month. They would also be responsible for paying for the property taxes and building insurance each month plus ongoing maintenance which works out to be about $10k a year due to the roof, central air, exterior and interior work that has to be done on an ongoing basis. So far, in 10 years of doing this I’ve had two bad tenants and one tenant who was just very demanding.

  15. My teens are seeing that various college programs expect them to be doing scientific research in high school or doing something like hands on health care work. IDK how this is possible in the first instance outside of a lab science class (or at all for the second given that teens often have no training and aren’t old enough to work many of these jobs). Their school has never mentioned these as options available to students. Is it just through family connections? Or is there some scientist or health care facility that wants untrained teens there for regularly (vs just a tour)? I know my workplace would never allow this for a whole host of reasons. But the kids are insisting that it is a thing and they feel stressed out and “behind.”

    1. When I was in high school I did do bench research in a lab, and so did my sibling. We did have a science research class in school, and they helped connect everyone with labs. There is a lot of basic work, and high school students weren’t that different from the more junior college students. It was a fun learning experience and cool experience overall. The post docs typically trained me.

      It is a thing, but if your kids aren’t interested in it they don’t have to do it. Like some people do varsity sports and some do model UN its a thing people do.

      1. +1 to this. I participated in what was (then) the Westinghouse Science competition, which is now the ‘Regeneron’ science competition. It is very competitive and winners/semi-finalists more or less get a free ride anywhere they want to go. You had to be picked/nominated by your math and science teachers, and it started in sophmore year.

    2. The “lab experience that leads to published research” thing for high schoolers is another pay to play gatekeeping ploy.
      That said, local conservation groups always need volunteers for tagging, planting, etc. and that gives kids experience in fieldwork, the attention to detail necessary for quality research and whatnot.

      1. I think our Country Day has this as a requirement for science teachers, to build it in where kids can do “research” that is not different from how “Senior Science Seminar” would otherwise be. Total racket.

    3. I can’t speak to the research issue, but the healthcare is absolutely a thing. I’ve seen it in the local news in rural Virginia and rural Connecticut. High schools have classes where students get a provisional license and those students work in a supervised healthcare setting doing junior tasks. They can either graduate into a CNA-type job, into a two-year community college healthcare program that this was credit for, or go on to nursing/med school with “internship” experience on their resume.

      1. My daughter was a scribe, my niece was a Phlebotomy tech (I think she took a night class one semester at the community college ), my daughter’s bff was a pharm tech. All counted as direct patient care. I think scribes are being phased out by AI now, but I know a number of kids who started in high school and kept the jobs all the way through college and really loved the experience.

    4. At my HS (20+ years ago), kids who were seriously interested in science connected with labs at local universities in our city. Mostly they spoke with the teachers of the science they were interested in and that teacher connected them with professors who would accept HS students in their labs. There was a small network of professors that did this every year. Several of my friends did this and submitted original research to Westinghouse and other competitions. I remember my AP Bio teacher telling us that if we were interested to speak to them after class. A friend wanted to do math research and cold emailed several professors in their area of interest and ended up working with one on something that won a prize at some sort of science competition. Almost all the kids I knew who did this ended up majoring in a lab Science or math in college. The ones I am in touch with ended up as research scientists and one became a doctor.

      As far as I know no parents were involved in organizing this. If your kids want to do this, have them start by speaking to their science teachers.

        1. I get “but Kai’s mom is driving her all summer to Volunteer Leadership Job”. I work. I have eldercare responsibilities. I have another child with autism who needs various weekly therapies. Spouse works an inflexible job. I guess kid can write her college admissions essay about how hard it is IRL with these things to have a family that doesn’t do Varsity Blues Lite because of Reasons.

          1. Where there’s a will, there’s a way (usually). Maybe her ideal volunteer opportunity is out of reach, but SOME opportunity may be doable. Perhaps she can arrange a car pool, or find an opportunity that is convenient to places you already go (on the way to the elder’s house or asst living facility, for example). It won’t be easy, but she can decide if she’s willing to work for it or not. Toss the ball in her court and walk away

      2. This is great when it works out. My high school chem teachers all were completely checked out. I tried connecting later once I had a science career and offer to talk to kids. Never even heard back.
        It’s wild to me that this is an expectation when kids need to be not only driven but in lucky circumstances to make this happen.

        1. It’s just another way to keep the rich and connected in power. You need to know science faculty with their own research labs to get your kid into one.

        2. I’m anon at 11:29. At the risk of outing where I went — I went to a public math/science HS where the majority of kids came from immigrant families with no connections. We were fortunate to have mostly great teachers and live in a city with great public transit so parents didn’t have to drive us anywhere. Everyone’s parents worked. I’m raising my own kid here in part for this reason — they can learn to be more independent and take initiative because they are not trapped by a lack of transit.

          1. Selective public magnet STEM schools like TJ are an entirely different animal than regular public schools. This level of teacher support would be very unusual in a regular public school even a top-ranked one.

    5. Research experience in high school is possible through personal connections (most commonly through a faculty parent or grandparent who imposes on their colleagues to let their kid or grandkid summer in the colleague’s lab) or through certain prestigious summer programs like MIT’s Research Science Institute. That said, it’s not expected for college admission. I interview for my HYPSM alma mater and it’s still well under half the kids that have this sort of experience, even if you only consider kids intending to go into STEM.

      1. Half the kids who apply, or half who are admitted? Even if it’s just half of the admits it seems like huge thing.

        1. Probably 35-40% of the admits, but that’s at a top 5 school. It’s quite rare for the average kid applying to State U honors college.

    6. This was also a thing when I was applying to colleges 20+ years ago. I remember being told that colleges liked to see that you were truly passionate about something, so if you were passionate about science/labwork, you would pursue it, etc. The kids I know that pursued labwork ended up becoming researchers, and it definitely helped with their college admissions… but it definitely came off as something they were genuinely interested in rather than a gimmick to get into college.

      1. Actually, in my city, hospitals are flooded with gunners to the point where it’s a competitive application with teacher references just to volunteer there. And EMS is all professionalized so you need a basic EMT certification, which you can’t get until you are at least 17.

        Driving in my state starts at 16 but is very much backlogged. I feel like competitive science must be like competitive sports where a kid needs a mom as a driver and organizer to pull it off (so not open to kids of working moms unless they have a driving or sports nanny). Kind of sad. Everything seems to be a reflection on the parents and what resources they want to dump into chasing their kid’s success or greasing the wheels for it.

        1. Ok? I’m not saying it works in every situation but it is a possibility for many places. Unclear if you just wanted to whine or actually get suggestions.

        2. I would hope that all EMS is professionalized! It’s not exactly a job for a HS student.

          1. You would think, but when we moved to the SEUS I was shocked that all the fire departments and “rescue squads” are volunteers, even in highly populated areas. Nothing like having five high school kids and two adults, none of whom are professional paramedics or firefighters, show up when you call 911 because someone is having a medical emergency.

    8. I guess this is one advantage of early cutoff dates + redshirting. If your kid turns 16 at the beginning of their sophomore year instead of halfway through junior year the way we did back in the day, they have more time to do CNA or EMT work before college applications are due.

      1. Ha — the moms I know redshirted their kids for sports. Not so that they could be CNAs and change bedpans. Would be a great show of servant leadership but this crowd 0% overlaps with that crowd.

    9. My husband does alumni interviews for a specialized science undergrad program, so a lot of the students he talks to do this. It’s either through connections (sometimes but not always parent connections, often through a teacher) or through programs that are offered to local high school students at universities in our area (he’s seen these in two geographic areas now that we’ve lived in, I think three or four different universities?).

    10. Scientist here- I’d struggle to use high schoolers in my lab, and sometimes struggle to find things for college students to do. If your kids are interested in science as a career, there are other things they can do (summer school! science fair! get a regular job!), unless they’re really unusual kids. I will say I’d hire an intern with experience at a gas station over an intern with high school lab experience from their uncle’s lab almost always.

      FYI: there are pay-to-play programs, family connection type gigs, and a few programs for really, really exceptional students (i.e. have taken every AP class and take courses at colleges as a high school student). I’m guessing your kids peers are more of the first 2 categories than the 3rd.

      1. It’s typically a lot of benchwork. Easiest in a traditional bio lab where a kid can pip3tte something a hundred times, hardest in STEM fields without labs like math and theoretical physics. My husband is a math professor who has done research with a lot undergrads and some incredibly bright high schoolers, but it’s really hard for people to get involved in math research before having advanced undergrad or even grad courses.

    11. I volunteered at a hospital helping the nurses and doing patient transport. Those opportunities still exist.

  16. What are your thoughts on jean styles for the next few years? I need a new pair and am browsing the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale offerings. I have a very basic pair of mid-wash boot cuts that I am very happy with, but would like a second pair in a different style. However, I also want something I can wear for several years without looking like I bought an old trend.

    Super wide cut legs are out as they make me look ridiculous (I am not short but they make me feel like a block.) Do we think those wide cuffs will last a few years or is that trend already fading? I realize the straight ankles would be safe but I feel like they have to be worn with heels (?) and while the spirit is willing, the feet are weak.

    1. I don’t think straight ankle pants have to be worn with heels at all and would go with that if you want something that’s relatively basic and unobtrusive over time.

    3. I’d go with a basic straight leg, in a length that works for you (full-length or ankle). No need to wear heels with ankle-length jeans. In fact, I’d say they’re probably more current not worn with heels.

      If you want to wear one pair of jeans for years, I’d stay away from trends like wide cuffs.

    4. I think boyfriend styles are never really ‘out.’ Trouser I can see having sticking power since they’re so nice for office wear.

      I find straight leg pants of any fabric the hardest to style. They look stumpy with flats, and they don’t drape nicely over the foot with heels.

    5. Ankle leg straight leg jeans absolutely do not need to be worn with heels. I don’t know where you’re getting that. For now, you can wear them with sneaks or with sandals to look breezy. In the winter, you can wear them with any footwear you would ordinarily wear.

    6. I wear both cropped wide leg and straight so they hit at my ankle. I haven’t worn a pair of heels since 2019? 2020? Before the pandemic anyway. Flats for life.

  18. Can anyone make a cogent argument for why Hamas would accept a 60-day ceasefire deal with Israel? Not why you wish they would, but from the perspective of Hamas, what is appealing about the offer?

      2. Part of the reason for the question is that Israel has now made clear that a temporary ceasefire will pause but not stop the slaughter. I don’t agree that Hamas does not care if Palestinians die, but I don’t think they value sixty extra days of life for some Palestinians.

    2. Hamas will only accept temporary deals if it allows easier tunnel smuggling for a time.

      I liked the recent article in the Atlantic “Sinwar’s March of Folly.” Subtitle is “Seldom has any action backfired so spectacularly as Hamas’s October 7 attack.”

      1. That makes sense – smuggling and re-arming would be a motivation, but probably not enough of one at this stage, especially given the expressions of intent by Israeli and US leaders at this point.

    3. Given that Israel broke the last cease-fire deal, I can’t see why they would agree to any new deal, particularly since they obviously are not overly concerned about civilian deaths.

      2. They have agreed to deal terms, but they include a permanent (or at least years-long) ceasefire as a non-negotiable at this point. Israel will not give them that.

  19. Gift for a great assistant moving on (after only one year, sob) to go to a fancy law school? We are a policy nonprofit so it would be outside our culture to do cash, though I could do a cash gift just from me. Actually, I’ll be personally paying regardless- if it’s just cash as the recommendation then I will suck it up but it’s weird (she comes from more wealth than I do!).

    I hate gift giving culture I. Case that wasn’t clear, but I do adore her.

    1. similar to cash, but even a starbucks giftcard or other coffee shop near her law school to help with those ‘late nights’

    2. basket of study stuff? Maybe some study aids like Emanuel’s (do those still exist…) for 1L subjects like civ pro, torts, property? Nice highlighters, different colored small post-its? Energy bars, canned La Colombe coffee drinks?

    3. Current edition of Black’s Law Dictionary with a warm message and your signatures on the inside cover. Yeah, you can get it online now, but I still have mine in my office today that I got 18 years ago and it’s a nice reminder.

      3. This. My mom left a non-profit ED job for law school in middle age, and her board president gave her this as a going away gift. She died a few years ago, and it’s one of the things of hers that I kept as a keepsake. (I’m a lawyer as well.)

  20. Any recommendations for books about navigating office politics? I’m a director and I’m usually decent at it, but I’m getting into more strategy discussions with execs where I have to approach things delicately.

    1. No. Books do not help with this. You need to make friends at your actual work and observe and ask them questions.

      1. +1. I’ve realized this is too workplace specific. More than friends – I’d suggest asking a trusted mentor for feedback, ideally someone more senior than you are in the org.

        1. That’s actually what I mean by friends, you need people up in your org who you can trust and also sideways and down.

    2. The Secret Handshake is good for this. Also not explicitly about office politics but kind of, Likeable Badass

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