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Splurge Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Silk Crepe Pleated Shirtdress

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A woman wearing a navy blue Pleated Shirtdress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Fine, I’ll admit that I was inspired to take a look at Ralph Lauren dresses after a certain announcement last week. Even though The Dress is sold out, there were a lot of fantastic finds, including this silk crepe shirtdress.

This would be a great option for a casual Friday in a more formal office or a weekend event with colleagues. 

The dress is $498 and comes in sizes 00-18. 

Sales of note for 9/23/25

  • Nordstrom – Fall savings event! Also: get 15% off select beauty items and 6x points on beauty.
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off tops and sweaters
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – Up to 40% off
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off sale styles, plus up to 50% off layers they love
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
  • Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
  • Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
  • Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
  • Talbots – Anniversary event! 25% off entire purchase, plus fresh fall classics from $34.50
  • White House Black Market – $50 off $200+ purchase

269 Comments

  1. Speaking of splurges, I looooooooooove the LV custom dress that Emma Stone is wearing in their fall campaign. Nothing on Mood Fabrics is even close if I wanted to get a similar dress made. If I want to find a copycat, what would everyone suggest – just have g o o g l e search on for “black multi floral velvet burnout dress” or similar? TIA!

    1. Gorgeous dress! I’d start with a brocade or a burnout brocade. There are a few on Mood now if you look at brocades in the black color family.

    2. Mood is not at all the first place I’d look for truly nice fabric. Try Prime Fabrics, Fabrics-Fabrics, B&J Fabrics, or Britex . . .

    3. The cut is slightly different, but Dress the Population has a floral burnout mermaid gown in a similar fabric.

    4. I would search for deadstock floral silk brocade or deadstock floral velvet silk brocade.
      Or brocade saree silk.

      Deadstock to get deadstock couture fabrics, silk to get something truly high-end.

      https://www.fabricgodmother.co.uk/viviana-floral-silk-lame-jacquard-gold-black/
      https://fancystylesfabric.com/products/countess-halle-designer-100-silk-brocade-fabric-midnight-blue-floral (never heard of this shop, but the style of fabric might be interesting to you)

      Poly, but at Mood: https://www.moodfabrics.com/metallic-luxury-brocade-black-red-and-bronze-classic-flowers-439978

      Tapestry style fabric (look for high-end curtains): https://www.topfabric.co.uk/tapestry-style-floral-brocade-red-pink-and-pale-gold-on-dark-grey.html

  2. After 5 years of WFH as an individual contributor to deal with some family caregiving needs, I am two sizes larger and heading back to the office in a broader role to do my job and train people and show a more senior leadership role internally and externally. My athleisure won’t cut it, especially with external meetings. Has anyone shopped Max Mara Weekends? It seems to have some basics and looks to be a higher quality than the mall brands I’m usually limited to. I’m a 10-12, with hips, and partial to what I think of as adult classic dressing, at least to start with. It looks like Nordstrom and some other sites stock them, so could order to my store and try on (our store runs very twee locally). Thoughts? Other things to try? I love Akris but stylistic that is cut too straight and is too $$$.

      1. It seems to have a suiting section with matching wool blazers and pants. They look like suits (vs other places selling me a vest and bermuda shorts set as a suit).

    2. You can get Akris second hand pretty easily. The ‘fashion’ girlies that scower second hand don’t really know a lot of brands. Also check out Judith and Charles for a similar vibe and quality

      1. Judith and Charles is nice but as someone who is short and curvy, it seems to be cut for tall and lean people. Sizing up ended up looking frumpy.

    3. I suggest second-hand sites like thredup for good workwear discounted. Maybe Lafayette 148, mm la fleur, vince., and jcrew?

      1. OP open to this once I get some staples that fit, so I’m looking at how I can try on items in a fitting room or easily return.

    4. OP here. Thanks for the gut check. This is so frustrating. In 2025, this definitely isn’t my weekend wear, definitely. What even is work wear now and where is it?

    5. I’ve had a few workhorse pieces from Weekend Max Mara, including a pencil skirt and a sheath dress which fit my curves without tailoring. You can also look at Me+Em.

    6. I’ve tried on a few suits from them, and would definitely give them a try. Pants fit true to size and work well for some curves. If you are shopping at that price point, other brands I’d check out are Vince, Tanya Taylor, Veronica Beard, and honestly Ralph Lauren (the higher end lines). On the latter, I’ve been picking up one or two items from them each year and they hold up in a timeless way. Ulla Johnson is also another fun brand for some statement pieces to throw in the mix.

    7. Check out tuckernuck

      They have a surprisingly good work wear section. I’ve gotten a lot of good things from there and do not consider myself preppy.

      Also a mid 40s mom trying to up my game.

      1. What do they call it? I’m clicking around and my options all seem wide of the mark.

    8. If you are doing a Nordstrom order, you might want to also toss in some Vince; I have hips and they work for me. Nordstrom also has Boden; their trouser style pants are nice. Lafayette 148 also fits really well.

    10. L’Agence and and Boss trousers fit me well, and I’m someone who also has trouble getting trousers to fit at both both the waist and the hip. They’re spendy, but oh so nice…

  3. What are your favorite mom-approved restaurants for lunch in Soho? She wants to do the typical girls-day-out-shopping. We have a bit of a tense relationship so anything that is interesting enough that we can talk about that and not more fraught topics would help lol.

    1. I think Balthazar is your safest bet for a classic NYC style fancy restaurant (that’s also popular with locals). If she’s ok with a bit of a grittier option I personally adore Fanelli’s, but it’s a very loud, tightly packed space so I would not go with loads of shopping bags.

    4. Everyone is correct about Balthazar. Other good options include The Dutch (great people-watching from the amazing windows), Blue Ribbon Sushi, or, if you’re willing to go to the West Village, Barbuto.

  4. Shout out to my MIL, who has known me for 9 years and who still offers me, someone with celiac disease, foods with gluten all the time.
    I see her 2-3 times a month, and the gatherings always involve food. Her refusal to educate herself about what I can and can’t eat is nothing personal, she is simply a self-centered narcissist.
    Our relationship is a little chilly for a few reasons. I was feeling a little guilty I was especially cold to her this weekend, but then she offered me a pretzel and I didn’t feel bad anymore.
    NINE years. I was diagnosed as a child and this is my only food issue.

    1. I’ve been vegan all 16 years of my relationship, with my DH being vegan for about the last 14 years. I still get offered non vegan things and gifted non vegan candy at holidays. People are just self centered.

      1. At work in the woke Bay Area, we have 3 coworkers who are vegan, and several others who know and acknowledge this, but then also still can’t comprehend that the pastry with lots of butter is not an option for the vegans. It’s not an issue and the vegan eaters bring their own to potlucks/are catered for in work lunches, but we keep having these conversations and it baffles me.

        1. Do you believe that every person bringing something to a potluck should ensure that their offering is vegan? Gluten-free? Keto? I think OP’s 1:1 with her MIL is vastly different.

          1. I don’t think that at all. We have people bring what they like to the potlucks, usually there are several options that are vegan, and if it’s catered the organizers always ensure that dietary restrictions are addressed. So it’s not a matter of including or feeding them, I believe that’s all covered.
            It’s just the level of uninformedness where lovely well meaning colleagues keep offering stuff usually containing dairy to vegans, and upon polite refusal, act like it’s just impossible to grasp what makes a food vegan or not. I think no meat, no eggs, no dairy is pretty simple to understand, it’s not like we are getting into questions about hidden ingredients like gelatine used to clarify beverages or other specifics. I don’t have a stake in this, just telling the OP she’s not alone with people being forgetful about food things!

          2. IDK the same people in my immediate circle have been vegan, then gluten free, then paleo. It can be really hard to keep up at times!

    2. Time for your husband to lay down the law with her. It’s his mother and he should deal with it.

    3. I’ll admit that some of this is confirmation bias, but I’ve been seeing soooo many stories online about dealing with these kinds of issues in in-laws/grandparents. I’m often up with the baby doomscrolling Reddit and some of the tales are so heartbreaking – grandparents who travel to Europe 2x a year choosing not to fly two states over to meet a new grandchild, allergy situations like you describe, refusal to call a new baby by his or her actual name because MIL doesn’t like it, you name it. I honestly don’t think I’m going too far to say that there’s a certain subset of Boomers that is downright feral.

      1. I’ve always said if I get married I want to marry an orphan (kind of kidding). There is something about giving birth a son that turns a woman insane once he gets married.

        1. Probably a lot of them aren’t true, but I know a grandmother who booked a Florida trip for all children and grandchildren, and she was surprised and annoyed that her daughter with a sick preemie in the NICU wasn’t coming.

        4. They’re not that different from stories that have happened to people I know, so if they’re fake, they’re veristic.

      3. Downright feral made me snort laugh, but also I have to totally agree. My boomer MIL has gotten more downright feral the last few years. I had a solid 10 years of a good relationship, and then it was very close for about 5 years, and then the last 5 it’s been insanely cold/downright feral to very occasionally lukewarm.

        Sometimes when she’s particularly mean (usually popping out of the silent treatment with insane accusatory text messages), I rage listen/sing “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me” in the car by myself very loudly. Highly recommend.

    4. I wouldn’t feel bad in the slightest and I would start telling other family about it (just the facts). A few simple “I’ve known her for 10 years and she keeps offering me gluten every time. It’s become a running joke now” can be surprisingly effective once you bring in other members of the family. She gets away with this because she’s not outnumbered.

    5. I have food allergies, and if I dismissed everyone who didn’t prioritize my needs as a “self-centered narcissist,” I would have no one left in my life.

      1. This goes beyond that. This isn’t an acquaintance or a coworker, but her MIL. She DEFINITELY sounds like a self-centered narcissist to me. It is literally not hard to remember that someone has celiac, a life-threatening allergy, or anything else in that family.

      2. That makes me sad for you.
        But trust me when I saw there are many other things that justify me calling her that. My point was that it’s not a personal dig at/against me, she is simply so self absorbed she doesn’t care.

        1. My assumption was that there were a lot of other issues and this was but one example of those problems.

          But I try very hard to take the people here at their word and assume they know their lives better than I do. Moreover, when there are two interpretations, one reasonable and one not, I try for the reasonable one first.

        2. Your expectations setting you up for disappointment makes me sad for you! I cannot eat anything someone other than me prepares or buys anyway due to the risk of cross contact, so why would I expect them to try when I know I’m going to decline for my own safety?

        1. If your son’s wife had a medical condition, you really wouldn’t at least try to understand the dietary restrictions it necessitates? You wouldn’t extend a kindness and make an effort? That just seems really unkind.

          1. If the issue is actually life-threatening, you’re really going to trust someone who isn’t you or maybe your spouse to prepare your food? Of course not.

            Would OP prefer her MIL never offer her any food? Because that’s realistically the only other option on the table.

          2. The OP isn’t asking her MIL to make her gluten-free muffins from scratch. She can simply refrain from offering foods with gluten, or she can ask for some prepackaged safe foods and offer those.

          3. And again, I’m not trusting someone else’s reading of the ingredients list. I’m going to look myself. So either you let them offer and do the review yourself or you don’t let them offer at all.

        2. Sure but people hate this too. (They object if we won’t just trust them without seeing ingredients; they object if we choose not to eat anything or bring our own food, they push food on us insisting that it’s safe and free from the allergen when it’s not, etc.)

        3. There’s a difference between not overhauling your kitchen to accommodate their diet (fair) and offering them food that you know will make them sick (rude and clueless)

        4. I kind of agree with this. I sort of gave up with my sils gluten free diet. My mil is vegan and my husband balks at gluten free pasta, tofu or beans. I’m running out of options. Also, It’s harder than people think. I’d never serve a vegan anything made with butter but I did get a ton of grief for mushrooms, white sugar and non-vegan wine. I get reprimanded and feel like a servant rather than the host.

          3. They’re not. Neither are white sugar or wine. Some vegans do not eat mushrooms, I learned this after paying for vegan entrees at Christmas. Acting like all you have to do is avoid eggs, dairy, meat and honey is really unfair. There is more to it and that’s before you account for the gluten free people, nut allergies and other personal preferences. It’s harder than you think if you’ve never hosted a group like this.

    6. I’m Jewish and every meal my MIL makes when we used to visit had pork in it. Either outright (pork loin as the main) or hidden (oh, why yes, these baked goods were made with lard). I think it’s her way of getting back at me for not producing grandchildren. I now see her only a couple of times a year when she comes to my city and only at restaurants.

    7. I was diagnosed celiac around age 30, and it’s also my only food issue. I am very close to both of my parents and go to their house for dinner about once a week. My mom loves to cook and essentially became a gluten-free cook, but they continued buying regular bread, crackers, etc. For about 10 years after my diagnosis, my dad still asked if I wanted any of those types of things with my meal. I always declined and noted they had gluten.
      My dad is one of the most selfless and caring men I’ve ever known. He also can be kind of a scatter brain. For whatever reason, the gluten thing took a long time to register for him.

      1. Gluten can be a little weird, even if you know about it. One of my parents has a late celiac dx and I still get surprised by what is and isn’t gluten-free. Cheerios are gluten-free? Like WTH are they made of then?

          1. But most oatmeal is not gluten free due to cross contamination issues, so it is confusing.

      2. My BFF was diagnosed several years ago and her mom regularly forgets, too.

        When I went to her house and offered to bring dessert, I only remembered last minute, and luckily was able to add a batch of rice krispy treats.

        It may be one of those “out of sight, out of mind” things when you don’t live with the person. I agree it can be born out of self-centeredness, because we are all preoccupied with ourselves, but not necessarily nefarious.

        Though a MIL dynamic can make it hard to tell!

        1. I’m sure your BFF appreciates you being aware of what has gluten. So I’m adding this note. True Rice Crispy cereal has malt, which is made from barley and, thus, not GF. If you’re making them yourself, check the store brand version, which often doesn’t contain malt and is GF. The items that regularly trip up my husband are: soy sauce, malt, and farro.

          1. +1 I’ll add Smarties, liquorice candy and sausages as items that can trip you up with surprice gluten. U

    8. I don’t particularly like hosting people, but it is simply not that hard to be considerate of a guest’s food preferences (even if they aren’t a dietary restriction). I had a parent who hated chicken so I never made them meals with chicken. Not hard to do. And at this point, it’s so much easier to get gluten-free or sugar-free foods in almost every grocery store so you don’t even have to make it yourself. I just think this is the bare minimum of being a good host and not a passive aggressive jerk.

      1. I agree, but I have a family member who still won’t touch anything that has been prepared to her standards, using GF products. We are very aware of possible cross-contamination. We’re trying to be good hosts and family members. That is a little frustrating to me, although I’m trying to be understanding that she doesn’t want to risk it.

        1. I’m the poster above with anaphylactic food allergies, and trust me, this is part of me trying to be a good guest! It would be very awkward for me to puff up like a balloon and start projectile vomiting on your nice tablecloth, and no dinner has ever been improved by the paramedics arriving. I know celiac reactions are more delayed, but imagine those folks are trying to make sure that they can continue showing up for their kids, spouses, and coworkers, because I know the reactions can be debilitating.

          I do tell people not to even bother, and if she’s asking you to try and then declining to eat it, that’s super annoying.

      2. Glad to know the two options are to be perfect or a passive aggressive jerk. Sometimes it can be quite difficult! Allergens are in all sorts of things you’d never expect…I tried to be so careful when my nephew with a nut allergy came for lunch, and I still ended up buying something with almonds! (I had looked at the “may contain section” and totally missed something in the actual ingredients.) And that’s assuming people remember the specific needs and preferences, which isn’t a given if you don’t see these people day in and out.

        We all get wrapped up in ourselves and our plans, and mistakes happen.

        Also, sugar-free / fake sugar foods give a lot of people stomach issues, so in accommodating one guest you may be giving indigestion to the rest!

        1. [Waves hand] Yes — please no suger-free candies or cough drops or mints (always with the mints). Because with sorbitol, my poop can have a velocity and you may be lucky enough to see how FAFO ends.

          1. Again, no one is trying to poison you with sugar free candy. You need to not use human excrement as a form of communication. Are you the kind of person that wipes feces all around a public restroom because you’re getting revenge on the poor cleaning person? Because I’m sorry sugar free mints do this to you but punishing others with your farts and poop is not ok and I can’t believe I’m saying this?

    9. Commiseration. I have snapped at my mom and sister many times when they just does not understand that I do not have a “fussy stomach” and am actually severely lactose intolerant. My other advice, which you likely know but don’t want to hear, is you just need to bring your own food. She’s not going to change as in my experience, people either get it right away or never get how to make food you can eat.

      1. Occasionally someone will lie to me about food being dairy free. So they get to deal with lava butt in their washroom.

        1. Wait what? You’re leaving feces in people’s washrooms as some sort of revenge?

          3. Yeah. I’d like to know exactly what people mean by making others “deal with lava butt in their washroom.” Are you not cleaning up after yourself? Because it sounds like truly insane behavior. Like if a friend told me she left diarrhea for someone else to deal with I’d be horrified.

    10. You see your mother in law 2-3 times a month?!?! I thought I saw my family a lot and it’s only once a month. Thank goodness I only see my soon to be in laws a few times a year. Can you decrease the frequency in which you see your in laws?

      1. We see my MIL once a week. We also see my mom about once a week. We all live close to each other and since both of our moms are single, older, and living alone, we try and check in on them often. My husband is an only child, so if he doesn’t do it, no one will. My siblings just don’t…

    11. Okay, this is probably way too generous, but I’m just going to play devils advocate- I have a lot of people on my life with dietary restrictions. My immediate family and I do not. I am aware and I do try but I don’t always remember who can and can’t have what.

      I do know that my SIL has a lot of allergies and can’t have gluten. I do my best to make “SIL friendly” meals and I do always tell her to double check me. Have I offered her something with gluten before? Yes (recently, it was hard pretzels!). I’m just going 100mph sometimes and don’t have everything memorized.
      My daughter’s 13 y/o BFF can’t have dairy. I do my very best but again, always tell her to check me. The other day bought sorbet for her to eat during a party with ice cream. Duh, sorbet has milk, but I honestly didn’t realize to even think of it at the time because I thought it was just Italian ice.

      Does your MIL *ever* make an effort to accommodate you?

      1. OP here and the key difference here, at least to me, is that you’re trying.
        My MIL literally cannot tell you what has gluten in it because despite us telling her many times, she neither listens nor cares. At various points she’s given me sugar-free or vegan items. This isn’t an “oops, sorry I didn’t read the label carefully.” This is an “I don’t care what you can or can’t have because I don’t care about you.”

        1. Or it’s a “that seems complicated so I’m going to trust you to manage your own medical condition.”

        3. I think expecting your extended family to remember the details of your medical issues is kind of the narcissistic bit…

    12. I can totally imagine my MIL doing the same thing. I’m very allergic to bees and when they had beehives, the requests/demands to visit the beehives, be photographed with the bees, etc., etc. were just constant. When I tried to explain what would happen if I was stung by a bee, she would dismiss it and tell me they had lots of EpiPens they’d “saved” so I could just stick myself and everything would be fine (that’s not how that works).

      I think some people just view any kind of allergy as a non-sociable preference that can be “cured’ by repeated offerings of the allergenic food.

      1. That last sentence would explain so much. Sometimes even very loving and caring family members seem to think that attempts to get someone to eat the food they’re allergic to might be medically helpful!

      2. I am not defending your MIL or grouping you in with the people I’m about to describe, because your situation sounds maddening. And of course I would never try to “cure” any allergy by offering the allergenic food. That said…

        There are a whole lot of people out there who weaponize their allergies or their children’s allergies, or even worse their non-allergy-related dietary preferences. These people go around actively seeking confrontation about the allergy as a way to get attention and stir up drama. For example, there was a kid with a peanut allergy in my daughter’s class. The mom of peanut kid got herself appointed classroom mom so she could plan the class parties and ensure that they were safe. When parents signed up to send in items for the party, she e-mailed the parents a list of exactly what was acceptable. My kid carefully picked out an item that met all of her specifications. In front of my child, the mom ostentatiously declared the item unsafe and threw it in the garbage. This was not the only time she had specifically targeted my daughter for humiliation (I suspect it was because of envy over another matter–and she was targeting my daughter and not me because I’ve never interacted with the woman directly and she has no idea who I am). Why not just plan a food-free party, which became the school rule the next year anyway? Or bring your son his own peanut-free treat instead of making everyone send in peanut-free treats and then changing your standard after the fact?

        Another example: My SIL is GF as a “lifestyle choice.” When she eats at our house, I serve dishes that are naturally gluten-free because I only want to cook one meal. She gets mad because she wants something separate just to show that she is extra-special. For example, she doesn’t like it if I serve the whole group a flourless chocolate cake. She wants me to bake a cake with flour for everyone else and then buy her a separate GF cake at the bakery.

        Trying to serve these folks the rejected food isn’t going to change or “cure” their self-centered obnoxiousness, but I could see how someone might get fed up with the dramatics and try to retaliate by passive-aggressively offering the food.

        1. There are wannabes and fakers for every single special medical consideration a person can have. There are people who fake cancer. There are people who pretend that their household pets are service dogs. There are people who “milk” real diagnoses because of their personality disorders. And yes there are parents who evince Munchausen’s by proxy vis a vis their children or “milk” real medical needs for attention and special treatment. I agree that trying to come up with some kind of inclusive solution (like food free parties or flourless cake) should be enough.

          But I feel that it’s basic functioning in society level stuff not to hold it against the people who are just trying to get by and didn’t ask for any of this. I guess because they’re obnoxious, the dramatic people loom very large in people’s memories and imaginations, but they really are the outliers.

        2. I’m so glad my kids are long past the birthday-party-in-school phase since there were moms who seemed delighted to weaponize their kids’ allergies or dietary preferences.

          There was the “no white sugar mom,” who wanted to make it all about her and her kid every time something happened at the school that involved food. They moved away, but I imagine that now-teenager has discovered convenience stores and starts every day with a packet of FunDip.

          And then there was the allergy martyr mom who wanted to sue the private preschool for “discrimination” when the preschool director wanted a doctor’s note about the severity of the allergy before banning all nuts from the entire school.

        3. This comment reminds me of the old adage that if one person around you is an asshole, they’re probably an asshole, but if everyone is, you probably are the actual problem…

        4. Re your SIL who demands two sets of cake: I would just throw up my hands and say “bring your own.” I say this as a wheat-intolerant person.

          When I’m at someone’s house, or at a gathering, I look things over, recognize what I can and cannot eat, and say “I can’t eat it –sorry!” if asked. I usually chow down at home before going somewhere I know will have food provided by others. I don’t expect them to bend over backwards (or any other way). It’s my condition to manage, not theirs!

  5. I have a long flight coming up and need your recs for books you couldn’t put down. I normally read literary fiction but occasionally branch out into thriller/mystery/romance. Some un-put-downable books for me were: anything Michael Crichton, Normal People, The Marriage Portrait, Luster, Tana French novels. Thanks in advance!

      2. Ah yes I loved Station Eleven, thanks for the reminder to check out her other books!

      3. I love Emily St John Mandel. Big +1 for this.

        Flynn Berry (Northern Spy and it’s sequel) might be another check out in the literary thriller/mystery vein. She reminds me a bit of Tana French.

        I heartily second Remarkably Bright Creatures, and Tomorrowx3 too.

    2. For thriller/mystery:

      Big Little Lies or The Husband’s Secret from Liane Moriarty.

      The Good Girl from Mary Kubica.

      Anything from Riley Sager or Ruth Ware.

      The Midnight Feast or The Guest List from Lucy Foley.

    3. gentleman in moscow, maybe you should talk to someone, i have some questions, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

      1. I’ve read all of those except I Have Some Questions, so I guess I should check that one out, haha.

    4. gentleman in moscow, maybe you should talk to someone, i have some questions, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow romantic comedy

    5. If you haven’t read them yet I’d try The Wedding People, Remarkably Bright Creatures, or Killer of a Certain Age/Kills Well with Others.

      1. Was also going to recommend Killers of a Certain Age – recently took it with me on a longer flight and it was great. Just finished the sequel, so if you bring both and your flight is long enough, nice to jump from one right to the other.

        1. ME TOO! Trying to figure out how to make work do it self so I can abandon myself to it. Or maybe I should save it up for the weekend.

          1. Yes, feel this! For some reason it was in my head that it didn’t come out until next week, and then when I got the notification that my pre-order had come through this morning I immediately wanted to abandon everything. The last one was soooooo good.

          1. Well, someone I love deeply is a trans person, so I have no intention of buying or reading this book or doing anything to put more money in that person’s pocket.

          3. Same here. I love the Cormoran Strike series (although the last one was SO LONG), but my daughter is trans and I just can’t bring myself to put any more money in JK’s pocket.

          4. Same, and as someone with a trans kid I’ll keep being “performative” considering JKR’s actions.

          5. Yah, it’s giving “why am I the only one to stick to my convictions” vibes. Different people think different things are odious, and you probably disagree with many of them! There’s literally not one objectively “unproblematic” person out there

          1. She is! I love that she founded a female only rape crisis center. After another UK rape crisis center was headed by a transwoman who said that rape survivors who request female only assistance were bigots who need to be educated.

            https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj310jvzpd8o

            “The following year she was interviewed on the Guilty Feminist podcast, and was asked about rape survivors who might be uncomfortable with the presence of trans women in spaces such as rape crisis centres.

            In her response, she said that “sexual violence can happen to bigoted people too” and that if rape victims hold “unacceptable beliefs that are discriminatory in nature we will begin to work with you on your journey of recovery from trauma”.”

          2. Uh huh. I still read her, but it isn’t brave to be a s h * t stirrer on twitter. Even if you use an exclamation point!

          3. @anon 3:40, so how does your comment fit in with the responses to Newsom’s recent twitter output?

    8. I’m reading Curtis Sittenfeld’s latest short story collection, Show Don’t Tell, and flying through it.

      Some other recent page turners: The Wedding People, The God of the Woods, The Great Believers, Early Morning Riser, the 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle, Cloud Cuckoo Land.

      And an out of the box pick is The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Greene. It’s essays on seemingly random things and events that he “reviews”, and they are astonishingly insightful and reflective about human nature

      2. ooh we have similar taste and I haven’t read all of these. Also, my fun fact is that Rebecca Makkai was my thesis advisor for my MFA.

        2. That is a VERY fun fact!! I put off reading that book for far too long, as I expected it to be kind of a dense, uber-literary style (not sure why?) And gosh I loved it so much, it’s definitely in my top 20 of all time

      3. I really enjoyed Cloud Cuckoo Land and God of the Woods, will have to check out these others.

        I don’t remember what book I read that was set in the book publishing world and mocked “full name book titles” as a trendy genre, but I notice them all now!

      1. Oh man I lovveee Dept of Speculation and The Idiot. I’ve seen a few recs for The Wedding People here so I’ll be checking that out for sure.

    10. If you ever watched Sister Wives, Christine’s new book was a quick and interesting read.

    11. I read primarily literary fiction, and here are some recent couldn’t-put-down reads for me:

      * Culpability by Bruce Holsinger (edging into thriller territory)
      * The Candy House by Jennifer Egan (sequel to Visit from the Goon Squad)
      * Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese
      * Pretty by Jeffrey DeShell

    12. The Favorites – Fargo. God of the Woods – Moore. A Talent for Murder – Swanson. Mad Honey – Picoult. Ordinary Grace – Krueger.

    13. I just read and liked The Strange Case of Jane O by Karen Thompson Walker…literary fiction but with a bit of thriller energy.

    14. I’m re-reading (re-listening to) The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes and loving it just as much a second time. I think it’s her best.

    15. Totally outside of your genres, officially, but I just finished the audiobook of Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage by Lansing, and it was gripping! I obviously knew how it ended, but the details are as good as any fiction thriller.

    16. You may enjoy John Scalzi’s books (in the vein of michael chrichton- sort of amusing science fiction with a fair bit of suspense).

          1. Well given that 62% of California voters voted against his recall and he won his last election by 10 points, that is demonstrably not the case.

            I do not love the guy. He would not be my first choice for the Democratic candidate in 2028 (mostly because I do not think he can win), but a lot of California’s problems cannot be fairly laid at his door. And I would still rather live here than anywhere else in the country.

          2. Thinking he’s the better option than the Republican candidate is not the same as thinking California is thriving under his leadership.

        2. I think Newsom is leading California well, even if he’s not my top choice of Californians for the job. Some of the biggest problems facing California aren’t fixable until there’s the political will. The governor can only get so far ahead of the people to fix problems.

          Both the insurance problem and the shortage of housing require a lot more housing to be built in cities and close-in suburbs. We also need policy discouraging building in the wildland-urban interface and in wild areas. These problems can only be chipped away at until the California electorate wants them solved more than they want their community not to add very many homes.

          1. Isn’t zoning an ultra-local issue though? And no one who already owns in the places we all want to live wants housing of any density built there and will stall and delay to the point where nothing gets built? I feel that housing is a NIMBY creation and there isn’t much a governor can do (even with Yes in my Backyard, which I fully support.

          2. Zoning is local, but the state has already made big steps, like with the Builder’s Remedy if cities don’t get approved housing plans. More could be done at the state level, but I think what the state is doing is already on the edge of what will be accepted by the electorate. I agree that there isn’t much more a governor could do at the moment.

      2. The governor of California actually has very limited “power.” As does the legislature. The voters have final say in just about everything (backlash against a very strong governor and legislature 100 years ago when they changed how we run the state).

      1. I doubt most 15 year olds understand political satire and parody. Especially since it’s become very evident that many adults don’t understand it.

          1. I’ll give you that I may be underestimating 15 year olds, since I really am not around them often.

            However, Newsom is very clearly being satirical here. That’s not overestimating anything. You can argue that it’s not effective and that we’re overestimating the good it will do, that’s fair. I would argue back that the satirical tweets are actually noisy enough to break through to the mainstream, and that is more effective than anything else the Dems are doing to resist the Trump agenda right now.

            Or we can keep arguing that the Democrats need to DO SOMETHING, and then every time one does something that breaks through, tear them down and say that they shouldn’t be doing that.

          2. I agree he is attempting satire. I disagree that he’s doing a good job at it.

        2. I agree. We need to at least acknowledge the absolute absurdity of the maga movement. These people simply cannot be shamed, they are too broken; they must be mocked.

    4. I find the social media trolling as entertaining as the next person, and don’t have very strong feelings about Newsom’s performance as governor. But here is something that a friend pointed out recently that made me think: this recent stuff is fairly similar to Tim Walz during the campaign, and it created a feeling that because he was ‘winning on social media’, the Dems were in a strong position for the election. It does feel AA bit like that could happen again, so I think it’s good to remember that trolling the administration on social media is exactly that, and not to expect impact beyond that.

      1. I agree. While I’m entertained by Newsom, I don’t take it as anything more than that. The Dems need an actual plan and candidates that resonate with people.

        1. “The Dems need an actual plan and candidates that resonate with people” – I hear/read this a lot. I’d just like to point out –

          Newsom is a prominent Democrat leader. Certainly part of the Dem establishment.
          Has a media plan – a media strategy plan is SO IMPORTANT now. He’s point out the ridiculousness of Trump through parody posts (he has a trump corruption meme coin coming too), get everywhere in the media/podcasts
          Has an action plan – where he can actually do things to directly fight back against Trump – see redistricting plan to rebut Texas’ stolen seats, CA suit over LA troop deployment.
          He is resonating with people -clearly – its breaking through and normal people who aren’t following politics 24/7 are talking about it

          I’m not saying that Newsom is the answer for 2028, but I don’t think dismissing what he’s doing as nothing is useful or not a Democratic response/plan.

      2. I agree with not overrelying on social media performance, but I also want to add that Tim Walz was effective until the usual terrible Dem strategists got involved.

        The other thing to remember is that 2028 will not be like the 3 past elections because Trump will not be on the ballot. He’s a cult of personality that hasn’t actually been replicated by anyone else. There are plenty of elections where he won in 2024 but his voters didn’t vote down ballot so Dems won in split tickets. Newsom’s strategy against Trump is about wins now and probably the midterms, not the next presidential election.

      4. Walz called all republicans your weird uncle. I was thrilled with that at the time but in retrospect maybe exclusionary.

        With Newsom, if people are aware of it online, they’re either going to think a) satire/parody or b) hey how come it never sounds this stupid with Trump – oh wait

        Especially since half of social media has been on Trump death watch this weekend (god we can only hope) it’s good to remind people that his “signature” Tweets are easily copied.

    5. Your evolve to meet changing times is my candidate who is vacillating and fickle. Newsom’s positions are whatever he thinks will win him support.

      An astute comment I read in the NYTimes over the weekend: Newsom is just Harris in a different pantsuit.

  8. Is there any type of bankruptcy where a guy who doesn’t want to pay alimony or child support can reduce or restructure current payments or arrears (which are significant)? Dude makes $$$ but is a spender and has a new family that he prefers to support.

    1. Please talk to an attorney who is licensed in your jurisdiction. Many states allow garnishment of wages to pay arrears. Other options might be available.

      Child support isn’t dischargeable in bankruptcy.

    2. I’m in a similar situation. My lawyer said it’s expensive for her to file for me so she can check what I’m filing and to self file.

      Not paying their fair share for children when it’s a choice is considered emotional abuse. For legal help I would reach out to your domestic violence shelter because they often have no cost or low cost legal help.

  9. Has anyone worked with a personal stylist / personal shopper either virtually or in person? Pros, cons, any questions to ask or things to look out for when identifying someone to work with? I’ll take specific DC area recommendations if you have them, too!

    I need a massive wardrobe overhaul after changing to a job with a more formal dress code than all my clothes were purchased for, and also just…not really updating for years because I was mostly remote. I don’t enjoy shopping and really don’t have time to spend a bunch of time browsing, even if I knew where to start, so I’m hoping this can be an Easy Button.

    1. Nordstrom is great for this. Set a budget for your overall spend and have a range of price per piece. Either stop in and make an appointment or call and make one over the phone. Have a sense of what kinds of things your want — Ie: I need three pantsuits, or blazers and pants or dresses and toppers, along with shoes/xyz accessories. My style is generally X and my favorite colors are XYZ.
      Then the shopper is prepared in the direction you want to go, but can still suggest some other things.

        1. I was in Nordstrom yesterday looking for wedding guest dresses and I felt that nearly half the women’s floor was workwear. Obviously not racks and racks of charcoal skirt suits a la 2005 Macy’s, but definitely workwear.

      2. Second vote for Nordstrom! You can also link up with their virtual stylists to put together a style board based on your preferences and what is available online in your size. No pressure to buy, but they give you a lot of options. Their returns are super easy too in case something just doesn’t look right on.

        1. I’ve had success with Nordstrom ship to store and immediately returning anything that doesn’t work. Maybe possible to combine this with an in-person styling appointment…

      3. I’ve used Nordstrom as well. I find it to be a great timesaver insofar as trying on things that actually fit instead of going back and forth sizing myself in different articles of clothing or different clothing line. The last time I did this the personal shopper fitted me in sizes ranging from 6 to 12, all of which fit me, and I would have gone nuts and just quit if I’d had to do that myself.

    2. Late to this but I did a Nordstrom personal stylist day yesterday for the first time. It’s supposed to be an hour but it took more like three. I needed something I felt great in for a high stakes work trip after postpartum body changes. My shopper was amazing, picking up on my style preference details right away and meshing those with items I would have never tried on. Similarly, we ventured into size ranges I would not have looked at myself. When we determined the pants needed to be hemmed they corrected the hem length from what was suggested by the tailor for a more current fit. The budget preferences were clearly and openly discussed (i.e. yes, you can have something similar in silk if you’re comfortable with the price tag). The limitations of the inventory were openly discussed. The only time I felt slightly rushed was when alterations was about to go home. We’ll see if I still feel great in everything by the time my work trip rolls around – will report!

  10. Looking for gift ideas for my SIL who is turning 40. She likes concerts (saw Beyonce twice on the last tour) – but I don’t know what she already has tickets to or what she’d like to see – and Kate Spade stuff and has two young kids.

    1. Is there a different kind of experience she likes and can use on her own time — restaurant, spa, that kind of thing?

      1. I go to concerts a lot, and honestly I think suggestions like this are hard unless she has strong habits with her concert going you are very aware of. Frankly, I don’t really want a hotel – I want to sleep in my bed after, even if the venue is 40+ mins away. A limo there and back would be nice to not have to fight for an uber, but given the nuances be prepared for this to be a $500+ gift (you typically have to pay for all the time between drop off and pick up, even though clearly you are in the concert not using it at that time). I also would not want anything where I had to follow up with the gift giver to cash in on it at a later date, that sounds super awkward.
        I DO like the Ticketmaster gift card suggestions below.

    4. I recently turned 40 and loved getting flowers. I’m beyond the stuff phase so if isn’t an experience, I vote food or flowers!

    6. I would give a Ticketmaster gift card. That may be the best option even if you did know because people are very picky about their seats. If she travels for shows, hotel or airline gift cards are also great. It may seem impersonal to some, but I know people who have gone to say London or Paris to see Beyoncé and contributing to that experience would probably been more manageable for most people unless you want to spring for $500+ concert tickets.

    7. how much do you want to spend? as a recently turned 40 year old mom of two, i’m always happy with a spa gift certificate. i have enough stuff.

      1. +1. I also think the Ticketmaster gift card idea is a good one if you know your SIL isn’t a spa person. You could add in a nice flower arrangement if you want.

  11. I’m having a lot of complicated feelings today. My uncle, who has forever been a really complicated human being, is returning to the U.S. after a whirlwind romance with a woman nearly half his age, who lives in Europe. After getting “spiritually married” recently, the relationship suddenly fell apart within weeks. My uncle is now back in the U.S. (and thank goodness he hadn’t sold his house or done anything too permanent). He cites anger issues on her part. She has several long FB posts that mention emotional abuse. Given his track record with relationships, mental health, and past addiction issues, I’m inclined to believe her, not that it really matters. I worry that he will backslide and start drinking again, or this will trigger his bipolar disorder again. It’s happened before. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope he doesn’t spiral. All while wondering what he might’ve done to this woman. Like I said, it’s complicated. I keep my uncle at arm’s length because he’s messy, and then I sometimes feel bad about that, too. I love him, but he has issues with a capital I. (He and my mom talk, but are not close because he is not a safe person for her.)

    File this under: Addiction and mental health issues affect everyone in the family. Some people are not “fixable,” no matter how much you love them.

    1. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I have a family member who is a black hole of neediness and could suck away all of your time and mental energy as she ruminates over her issues. I feel like a novice swimmer who has to chose to save herself rather than get pulled under by a person who will never not be drowning.

    2. Bi-polar is really hard and difficult to medicate correctly. Complicated feelings are ok here!

      1. Yes. I love him, I feel for him because he didn’t ask for this brain chemistry, but my goodness, the havoc he can cause. :(

          2. Some people need other people / help / meds / systems even for what is their own responsibility.

      2. This “So?” comment was insensitive and unnecessary. OP is clearly in a difficult situation and feeling complex emotions as a result. Your snark does nothing to help soothe her in this moment. This kind of commentary is best kept to yourself. And it is wild someone else needs to tell you that.

        1. I agree. I know what kind of person this is and they are exactly the kind of person I set boundaries to avoid.

    4. I have an uncle like this and it sucks. At his best, he was charismatic and charming. Over the years, his best is less and less. I answer when he calls, chit chat, and tell him I love him, but I don’t have him around anymore because I don’t want to expose my kids to certain things. It’s sad.

      1. Yes, this exactly. He was a good uncle to me growing up. I was shielded from the worst of his chaos, so I have those good memories in addition to knowing who he is, and can be.

  12. Ugh — why am I carrying all of my purses, regardless of handle situation, like they are footballs, tucked under my left arm. I blame my narrow shoulders a bit but I noticed it the other day and I swear I do it all the time.

      1. This is why I love the double-strap situation on the Clare V Moyen Messenger. I can use the short strap on one shoulder if I’m just carrying the bag for a few minutes, but for longer usage I can use the crossbody strap so the bag isn’t constantly sliding off my shoulder.

  13. I’m going on a work trip to Toronto and I like the idea of doing some sightseeing on work trips. I live in NYC and went to Toronto briefly once, on a trip to Niagara Falls as a kid. I’ll be there Mon-Thur but will presumably be at the conference most of the time. Is it worth staying an extra day or two? Any day trips nearby? I really enjoyed a trip to Montreal last year.

    1. I personally would not extend the trip without a particular reason to do so (e.g., visiting a friend who lives there). Toronto is a fine big city, but not that interesting. IMO you will see enough of it in between your conference on the days that you are already there.

    3. I agree with other commenters — I really found Toronto uninteresting, and I really like to sightsee when I’m on work trips, too! But maybe the textile museum could be cool?

    4. Depends what you’re into. Toronto has a fair bit of hard-to-find cuisine, as well as specialty shops (I’m into sewing and antiques, so those are the ones I hit up). Toronto also has a pretty cool music scene depending on what genres float your boat.

    6. I wouldn’t extend a Toronto trip unless you want to see the Hockey Hall of Fame, or want to visit Niagra Falls again. I was on the American side of the falls last spring, and the highlight was NY Power Vista. Such a cool museum!

    7. Depends on what you’d like to explore and how you want to spend your time. Toronto is more of a working city than a tourist destination. If you need to unwind, I would rent a car and book a night or two at Niagara on the Lake or any of the cute B&Bs between Hamilton and Niagara. The wine won’t be as good as California (set your expectations at drinkable), but if you just want to mosey around, sit on a deck with cheese and wine and borrow a bike from the hotel it’s great.

    8. I enjoyed St. Lawrence Market and the CN Tower. If you’re a baseball fan and the Jays are still playing, you might want to take in a game. They have a nice afternoon tea at the Fairmont Royal York. But yeah, not the most exciting city on the planet.

    9. I’m always up to add a vacation day when I travel so I would do a Niagara wine tour, trip to Ste Anne spa, visit the Royal Ontario Museum, go shopping to take advantage of the currency exchange rate/different stores
      or check out what concerts are on.

    10. I live in Toronto… I agree with most of the posters here that unfortunately it’s just not a particularly interesting city to visit. Although it is a wonderful place to live. If the weather is nice, maybe go up the CN Tower and walk over to St Lawrence Market or the Distillery District, but really even those are more like generic touristy places that used to be unique and interesting. Sorry!

    11. Are you going to be there while the autumn foliage might be spectacular? If so, spend a day looking a trees!

      1. Just a note that you would definitely need to rent a car and travel relatively far from the city to see foliage… and traffic around Toronto is a nightmare at any time, weekends and weekdays alike.

  14. Is it worth extending a work trip to Toronto to sight see? Or good day trips? I live in NYC and have been to Montreal recently, Toronto briefly as a kid.

      2. I tend to agree. I’m sure it’s a nice place to live but I’ve traveled a lot and it’s near the bottom of all the cities I visited (from a tourist perspective).

  15. How do you balance where to spend your wardrobe $$$? My life outside of work is very casual. I am drawn to SO MANY CUTE THINGS that would be perfect for that life but cannot be repurposed for officewear. Fall sweaters and flannel and western influences are my kryptonite, so it’s very front-and-center right now. It makes me sad that I really need to pass this stuff by and buy new work clothes because that’s what I spend the majority of my time wearing.

    1. Fall sweaters and flannel are casual, so it sounds like what youd buy would get worn. As far as buying less, I remind myself that a good flannel is at its best when it’s well worn in.

    3. No advice, right there with you with a boot problem also. “Does it spark joy” is truly a difficult litmus test. Yes; yes, it does.

    4. I’m all about nuuly right now. I get really fun sweater and coats that I don’t want to spend money on.

    5. I mean yes, you should try to spend your money where you spend your time. Meaning: don’t build a stay at home wardrobe for a business formal life. But you should have cute clothes that light you up for all aspects of your life. If a few cute flannel things means you feel awesome at the farmers market on Saturday and buy one less new suit I think that’s fine. We all want to look good for work but truly stylish people have great clothes for all areas of their lives.

    6. Even WFH, I can’t repurpose all of my clothes unless I only ever want to wear athleisure, which I don’t. And I don’t want to work in even jeans in my home office. I do repurpose many of my sweaters/tops across categories — a sweater is a sweater. I’ve just accepted I won’t have a capsule wardrobe and allocated my clothing budget to things that bring me joy.

  16. Traveling to London for work later this month – any suggestions on footwear to go with basic black dresses and pants? Black loafers maybe? Is it too early in the year for tall boots (assuming they are still even stylish)?

    1. Tall boots are an evergreen style option. Some will age better than others, and some cycle through every ten years. Get good ones that aren’t too “stylish” and they’ll be a staple.

  17. I’ve been watching the hulu doc about NXIVM and it’s horrendous. As I watch it I think I could never get indoctrinated, I’m too anti-authority, I wouldn’t do any of the crazy things they do just out of annoyance, I didn’t like the one sorority I looked at in college – but at the same time so many people got so caught up!?! How does that happen? So many high profile people with money and access and support. Just something I’m thinking through. Has anyone else watched this? Do you think you could be recruited into a cult?

    2. There are definitely cults out there for anti-authority people too. I think the key is that they target people who have some vulnerability at the time that they’re drawn in.

    3. I watched it a while ago so I don’t recall too many details, but I remember that the first episode or episodes did a really good job conveying that ‘this wouldn’t happen to me’ is a dangerous assumption, and they showed how regular normal smart people get pulled in, in a way that I found relatable.

    4. I do not think I could be recruited into a cult but not because I am smarter or morally superior to people who are. My earliest awareness of news is Jonestown and I have a visceral horror of cults that led me to do quite a lot of research.

      And I have a Jesuit education – which is basically cult-proofing.

    5. On one hand, I would say no because I don’t really care for large groups of people anyway. The thing is, though, that many of these people are sociopaths who are skilled at manipulation and deceit and who also lack empathy or remorse. They can and will say whatever it takes to get a specific individual to align with them without ever feeling bad. I’m assuming they just methodically repeat that behavior across large groups of people, threatening them if any person tries to break away.

    6. I was raised in a fundie cult on a commune so I feel I’m pretty cult-proof but there was a very interesting moment in the doc that shed a bit of light on the phenomenon for me personally. The main guru of NXVM is a man, and during the night volleyball games, he’s shown kissing hello and being affectionate to not just cute young women but *everyone*. That kind of unfettered, freely-given warmth and comfort with affection is incredibly rare especially in men and of course it was performative and fake AF but I could easily see how women might feel “wow this person is so evolved compared to men who won’t wash “back there” in the shower because “it’s g*y”.”

  18. I know it’s maybe late in the day to ask…. But how do you cope when people you supervise complain all the time about doing tasks that are literally their job. We all have a heavy workload but they are not managers, nor do they have to attend meetings! I have the workload plus all the meetings etc. They constantly complain just being asked to do regular tasks. And when this happens, it really just sets off my frustration , and stress. I’m sure other people have experienced this so what do you do?

    1. Is it general bad morale in your department because of heavy workloads, bad working conditions, or other stress? Or do you have one or two employees who dislike their jobs or don’t understand that constant complaints aren’t acceptable?

      The advice would be different for the two scenarios.

      1. They just like to complain. Everything else is above average (working conditions, etc)

    2. The same way I deal with whining about minor things from my kid! Reply with an “mmmhmm” and a nod and move the conversation on to another topic.

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