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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Sleeveless Stretch-Cotton Knit Shell Top

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A woman wearing a black sleeveless top and a black trouser pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’ve been searching for some lightweight shells to layer under sweaters and blazers this spring and stumbled upon this almost-perfect option from Halogen recently.

The length is great for tucking into bottoms and the fabric has just a bit of stretch for an ideal fit. I say “almost perfect” because I would prefer some more color options, but hopefully Nordstrom will make that happen in future seasons. 

The top is $39 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. It's also available in white.

Sales of note for 5/27/25:

268 Comments

  1. Good to know about the tank for layering. Material looks nice and thick but not too much.

    Good news topic suggestion-
    Please share one thing that was good/happy/lovely/exciting that happened to you and/or your family from this week.

    I’ll start. Two close family members both came through their separate surgeries well! Praying now for continued good results as we wait.

    1. Our application to adopt a rescue pup was approved :) I saw a post about him shared on FB and I knew he was supposed to be ours. We go get him on the 18th :) He’s 6 and said to be the happiest and most affectionate buddy ever :)

    2. We have a staff picnic coming up and started hearing that some supervisors were telling their staff to take PTO for attending or skip. I brought it to senior leadership and they emphatically confirmed that this should be billed as work time.

      1. Woo! Yes!

        (They were seriously saying to take PTO? WTH? How out of touch can you get?)

        1. I hope somebody talks to those managers because that’s awful and probably very telling of their management style.

    3. Not sure this counts, but I had a great, relationship-affirming getaway with DH last weekend. (And our 1-year-old dog might almost have forgiven us after 4 days of pissiness.)

    4. My moody tween has been less moody which is a huge win given how much she makes her bad moods everyone’s problem in our family.

      1. Not to distract from the point of the thread, but what have you done about that problem? We had a similar dynamic with one person ruining everything for everyone with horrible moods all the time when I was growing up and it affected me so badly. I keep asking what could have been done differently that would have actually helped and coming up blank. Has anything helped with your kid?

    5. It has been sunny and warm every day this week and is sunny and warm in the forecast and I feel like we might have really made it through to the warm spring/summer. It’s not even an exaggeration about how much it feels like a balm for my soul. :)

      And because it finally warm, it’s planting season! My garden is planted and doing well, and this week DH and I brought home 4 trees and 3 bushes (variety of maples and a flowering tree, one hydrangea to add to my row of hydrangeas, and two lilac bushes) and are going to plant on our property this weekend. It’s so nice to have outside chores of watering every day.

    6. Still in shock about hometown pope!

      Favorite quote so far:

      “Anyways Chicagoans are gonna be very normal about this, I’m sure,” Chicagoan Soren Spicknall posted sarcastically on Blue Sky.

    7. I did my first round of IVF and currently have 8 embryos. Really hoping one of them sticks!

    9. Yesterday I went out for breakfast with my husband at this amazing coffee shop five minutes from my house. We ran into my cousin which was delightful. Then we picked up fresh bread at the amazing bakery next store and went for a long walk at the state park on the water. No place is perfect but im so lucked to live here.

    11. I’ve planted $400 worth of annuals and it has lifted my spirits so much. And I’m still going. Gardening is the hobby that gives so much back to me.

      One of my high school kids is having lots of end-of-school-year stress, both academically and socially. We had a really good heart-to-heart the other night, he actually listened instead of getting defensive and pushing back, and I could tell yesterday that he was feeling lighter and less burdened. (And man, it is HARD when you see your kid struggling with things that you, too, struggle with, but it also can be really healing to help them?)

    12. My 8th grader has struggled with school and usually needed a lot of support at home. But this week she is finishing final projects and she came home, said I need to eat dinner right away so I can go work on my project. It is a group project and I heard her and her partner on facetime working hard on the project! It was such a relief as I worried how high school might be (I am still a little worried), but I loved her self-direction.

    13. My husband mows the lawn, but isn’t interested in gardening and doesn’t help with the garden beds we already have unless I’ll be out of town (which is fine, it’s my thing not his). I dug out a new bed for a pollinator garden last weekend and assumed that I’d be putting everything in the ground myself, but without prompting my husband helped me plant, lay the weed barrier, and mulch. Now I enjoy the pretty flowers and a nice memory of my husband supporting me every time I see the front of my house.

    14. My dad got married last weekend, and it went really well. I like his new wife, and her son is funny and kind. I have been sending pictures to relatives who are all very happy for him but surprised that they hadn’t heard ahead of time.

    16. Weather is finally consistent enough to go on long bike rides all week, and it smells, sounds, and looks like spring!

      1. OP here-thanks for you all sharing your good news stories! Good things from all different directions and life areas-yay!

    18. This is so uplifting to read everyone’s happy things.
      Mine is I went to my 13 year old’s middle school musical last night and it was delightful. And afterwards she took my hand and introduced me to all her teachers. As with most teen/tweens we have our ups and downs, but seeing her onstage last night and seeing how in her element she is at school, really made me feel less worried about her. I guess she really is saving all her sullen tween moodiness for life at home.

    19. I got new glasses this week, which is always a big spend due to my high prescription and specific requirements for the frames. I picked them with my son, and my husband thought they looked amazing.

      Also, finally got approval on a big work project last Friday. This week, with approvals in hand, I could accelerate getting an inputs from various stakeholders, so we can quickly get to work and get things done. Got good feedback on the approval presentation as well.

    20. We got three hens from the 4-H club! Never did I think I would be a chicken owner but they are giving me joy.

  2. Need recommendations for a employment law attorney. I’m an in house counsel in NOVA and a woman of color who is facing a hostile workplace and being subject to veeerrry different standards than my two white colleagues. Would like to consult with someone….

  3. We’re new to New England and just dipping our toes into the college hunt for our son. I wanted to take a couple drives to explore college campuses to get some ideas going (he’s going into 10th). The only schools we’re familiar with are the big ones with a national reputation, and I’m sure we’re missing out on good regional schools. Any recs? GPA 3.2. Thanks!

    1. Where in New England are you? Are you thinking of day trips, or are you driving/flying far? Happy to provide recs/ideas; just wanted a little more information!

      1. Coming from the south, one end of New England to the other is tiny ha, but I’d prefer to not need a hotel – something we could do in a day. We’re in CT right near UConn, so MA and RI are definitely close by.

        He says he wants to do STEM but dislikes his biology, algebra, and engineering classes. So let’s just say undecided ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

        1. Okay! Take a look at Tufts and Simmons in Boston; Amherst and UMass-Amherst in MA. You could take a look at Trinity, Connecticut College, and Wesleyan in CT. Farther afield, you could take a look at Lehigh in PA.

          At this point, just seeing what college campuses look like and getting a sense of big distinctions — urban/suburban/rural; big/small, etc. will be most useful.

          Good luck!

          1. Thanks! Isn’t Tufts hard to get into? I looked mumblety years ago for myself and recall it being no safety school.

          2. Simmons is a women’s college at the undergraduate level. Look at Emmanuel and Wentworth instead.

          5. He is not going to get into Tufts, Amherst, Lehigh, Trinity, or Wesleyan with a 3.2 GPA. This is not good advice.

          7. Honestly, none of these schools are going to take a student with 3.2 GPA if that stays consistent over the next few years. They all take in the range of a 3.8-3.9 average and don’t stray far from that mark. UMass-Amherst is a little lower at 3.5.

            OP, the more regional schools in Massachusetts you might want to check out are Northeastern, College of the Holy Cross, Stone Hill College, and Suffolk University. Northeastern and Boston are in the heart of Boston, Holy Cross has a beautiful campus in Worcester and a great sports culture, and Stone Hill has a lovely campus.

          9. Rensselaer (RPI) in Troy, NY is pretty drivable from western CT. STEM-focused school, so lots of kindred spirits.

          11. Tufts has an 11% acceptance rate. Even back in the late 1990s, applicants generally needed to be in the top 5% of their (public) high school class and have substantial extracurriculars to get in.

            Wesleyan is also crazy hard to get into. Connecticut College is easier but not that much so.

            Look at Stonehill, Clark, Suffolk, Emerson, Wentworth, Merrimack, Regis, Westfield State.

          12. RPI’s average GPA for admitted students is 3.9. It’s not MIT, but it’s not going to take someone with a 3.2 barring very extraordinary circumstances. Everyone in this thread is aiming waaaaay too high. A GPA below 3.5 severely limits your options.

          13. Average GPA and SAT for Holy Cross: 3.81 (unweighted, probably), 1350.

            Northeastern’s average SAT score is high 1400s.

            Please, please suggest schools that are remotely realistic for this kid to get into. “It’s not Harvard but it’s good so a kid with a 3.2 would be a good fit” is *not* an appropriate way to think about college admissions in the Northeast.

            Harvard and MIT are in a class of their own. Within Massachusetts or a short drive from Boston, you also have: Williams, Amherst, Dartmouth, Brown, Tufts, Wellesley, Wesleyan, BC, BU, Smith, Brandeis, Holy Cross, Northeastern, Bates, Bowdoin, Colby, Middlebury.

            Take any of those schools and plop them into not-Boston and they would be the standout schools, the equivalent of, eg, Duke, Notre Dame, Northwestern, WUSTL, Rice, CWRU, Oberlin, Emory, Ponoma, W&M.

          14. Y’all, the kid is a freshman in high school. His current GPA doesn’t even count. Come on. He will have a chance to move it up by taking AP classes in the next two school years.

      2. The people suggesting Tufts and Amherst College are wildly off base. Amherst in particular is one of the best liberal arts colleges in America. To be blunt, his GPA is not good.
        Honestly he sounds like a candidate for a gap year or two, especially since his stated interest does not align with his proven academic interest.

        1. he’s only a sophomore in Highshool, plenty of time to turn things around. show growth

          1. Still highly unlikely that he would get into Amherst or Tufts. Even if he got a 4.0 all through junior year, the GPA would still be low for both of those schools. They are very competitive now.

          2. He has two years and no, it’s not enough. Even if he got a 4.0 the next two years, his GPA wouldn’t be amazing. And you really think it’s realistic for a kid to magically go from 3.2 to 4.0?

        2. Most of the colleges on this thread aren’t realistic for a 3.2 GPA. I think this kid needs to sit down and figure out what’s doable and what he actually wants to study.

        3. The admitted students profile for Tufts:

          https://admissions.tufts.edu/apply/enrolled-student-profile/

          Something that’s important to understand: Tufts cuts a lot of slack to first-gen college kids, non-native English speakers, kids from rural Alabama, etc. If you’re coming from the Acela corridor or amy wealthy area in America, and your parents went to college, they really want to see top grades, top test scores, outstanding extracurriculars. That’s why the bottom quartile of admitted students still have SAT scores above 1400, but they will take as low as 1240.

          Amherst is even harder to get into. Williams, same.

          1. Yeah as a white upper middle class kid with no standout qualifications you really need to be in the top half of stats to have a decent chance of admission. The bottom half of the class will be formed form legacies, recruited athletes and less privileged kids (URMs, first gen, grew up in poverty). It’s not realistic to get in as a suburban white kid with below average stats.

    3. Technically not New England, but Albany is about an hour away from some of the Western Mass schools you may end up visiting anyway (UMass Amherst, Hampshire, Williams). There are several schools in the area and depending on his interests, you may want to stop by Union, RPI, or Skidmore.

    4. I’d start with western MA and Boston – as I think those are a nice comparison between bigger city universities and more rural ones. If he likes the city ones, that could help narrow it down – then you could look at UVM and the bigger ones in Maine and RI/CT. If he prefers the more rural ones, then there are plenty to choose from in all those states.

    5. ok here’s a slightly tough love comment. Unless he wants to stay in NE for sure after graduation, I would suggest not focusing on decent regional schools that you never heard of outside of the region. Plus private schools are expensive even when not top-tier-selective, thus not necessarily a great ROI for an average student, and if kid is going to possibly take 5 years to graduate if still figuring out what he wants to do…

      1. Private school can actually be cheaper than public. My daughter’s private college costs us less than the honors program at our highly ranked flagship state U, to which she was also admitted. She has merit scholarships, but if our HHI were $10K less she’d get the same amount in need-based grants.

      2. This is bad advice. At this GPA it’s always going to be a regional school; it’s just a matter of which region. A smaller and/or private school is more likely to help him figure out what he wants to do and to have courses available so he can graduate within 4 years. A giant public university is much more likely to take 5 years just because he won’t be able to get seats in required courses. And public is not necessarily cheaper unless you are a high-income family looking at top privates that don’t award merit aid.

    6. Read The Price You Pay for college, and check out Colleges That Change Lives for suggestions for specific schools that may be a good fit.

    7. Look at Pace University in Westchester and/or NYC. One of the great things about Pace is being able to choose classes in either the city or suburbs. If he plans on staying in New England or New York, Pace has a strong alumni network.

    9. Bostonian, here. What are you looking for? Business schools? SLACs?

      Just a few random ones that I think are overlooked:
      Babson is excellent for business. Bentley, too.
      Endicott has an excellent nursing program that is often overlooked.
      My sister went to St Anslem’s in college and I’m envious of her college experience. Everyone I know who went there absolutely loved it.
      Conn College is very strong
      Northeastern – large, urban, but amazing programs. Less overlooked these days, but doesn’t get a fair stack up against the likes of Harvard, BC and others.
      Suffolk – another urban school that’s overlooked.

      1. I was also thinking St. Anselm’s for the same reason; the people I know who went there still seem to remember their time there very warmly.

    10. At this age I’d focus on what kind of campus he’d like vs the schools themselves.

      If you are in CT, look at:

      Sacred Heart & Fairfield U for suburban feels
      Trinity for enclave in an urban setting
      UConn for the big state school
      Conn College / Wesleyan (probably too competitive but you are going to be right there..)
      Then drive to MA and go wild.

      BU, Emmanuel, UMASS Boston- schools built into the city.

      Bentley, Babson, Brandeis- suburban

      You could also look at UVM, UNH, St Anselm, Keene State, or go south from CT and look at CUNY/SUNY schools, Marist, etc.

      Trinity, brandies and Fairfield would probably be too competitive for a 3.2 but he’s only in 10th.

    11. I have a college freshman who ended up not even applying to most of the colleges we visited, and attending a school we only visited after she was admitted. She nevertheless found those early college visits very helpful in identifying what she wanted in a college. I don’t think there’s any harm in starting by visiting schools that just happen to be conveniently located or are a huge long shot based on GPA as long as you have him think about which specific attributes of each school he liked and didn’t like. Then he can sit down with his high school guidance counselor or a private college counselor you hire (ours was $500 so it’s not always a Varsity Blues situation), tell them what he’s looking for, and get their suggestions for schools within reach that match his preferences. You can also look at the PrepScholar profile for a school he likes to get suggestions for peer schools as well as less selective ones with a similar vibe.

      1. This right here! At this stage, the point is not to pick a school. It is to get a sense of what kind of school he wants. When I did this, my daughter said she had no idea what kind of campus she wanted but it became pretty immediately apparent that we could discard a whole slate of schools because she did not want an urban campus or a large city. In the end, she want to a school we toured after she was admitted but the pre-application visits were helpful for narrowing the field. I would only caution that you give him an idea of the average GPA for each school so he does not get his heart set on something that is completely out of reach (and it might give him some sense of why his grades matter).

        And also, 15 is still barely out of childhood so talk of him deciding what he wants to do with the rest of his life or taking a gap year is a bit premature! Mine changed her major twice in college, still graduated in four years, and is a productive and self-supporting member of society. If you want to know why teens and their parents are so stressed out, this is why.

        1. Yeah, people are being pretty rough on this kid, who is a freshman still figuring out high school. Like, sure, maybe he won’t be at the tippy-top of his class, but that’s really not what the mom is asking. She just wants to see what type of campus might intrigue her kid, who just a year ago was an awkward middle school.

          I have a 15-year-old son, and some of these comments break my heart. No wonder teens are stressed out of their minds. They are given no space to experiment, grow, change, and figure out their interests. Ya’ll need to chill out!

          1. It’s not mean to the kid to say most colleges on this thread aren’t going to take a white or Asian upper middle class kid with a 3.2 or even 3.5. It’s fact. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have options but they’re mostly not the schools listed here.

          2. If he doesn’t actually like his STEM classes, does the space to experiment, grow, change, and figure things out include not going to college at all?

          3. Counterpoint: many of us here are alumnae of those schools. We had top grades, top scores, were outstanding athletes, and were surrounded by people just like us there.

            “He should look at Williams and Wesleyan” is sort of like saying that a kid who is on the JV team his junior year should think about pro sports.

            In some ways, the disconnect from reality is stressful on kids. Reality is that this kid could have a great time at St. Anslem or Stonehill, get a good education, and have a good life, and the suggestions of NESCAC schools are insane.

    12. My daughter started out at UVM in 2022. She was happy there for a few years. The students are very laid back, friendly, and very much into the outdoors. Ultimate frisbee is big there (and getting onto the teams is competitive!). I was very happily surprised by the responsiveness of the university staff I had dealings with. It was a good place for DD to start; she’s since transferred.
      The one thing I’d be careful about at UVM is the housing. They guarantee on-campus for freshman and sophomores, but after that the kids are on their own and the housing in Burlington was expensive and scarce. UVM has recently opened new, university-built housing, so things may be easier now, but I’d be cautious about that aspect.

    14. With a 3.2 GPA now and a good dose of hard work, a feasible set of ‘reach’ schools might be:
      Northeastern – strong co-op program
      Worcester Polytechnic Institute
      UMass Amherst (flagship campus)
      RPI outside Albany, NY
      Drexel in Philly – strong co-op program

      Also:
      Look at UMass Lowell – not a flagship campus but still strong for STEM.
      Wentworth Institute of Technology – city feel, in Boston
      Stonehill College – small, Boston suburbs, beautiful campus
      Drew University in NJ – another small suburban college with a pretty campus

      1. Northeastern, U Mass Amherst, RPI and WPI are all out of reach. Those schools have average GPAs at or very close to 4.0; it would take extraordinary circumstances to admit someone with a GPA as low as 3.2.

  4. Does anyone sleep in curlers? Looking for an upgrade over the tiny pink sponge ones my mom has used for 40+ years… TIA!

    1. I forgot about these curlers. I remember trying to use them in middle school (my hair is long and thick–not even close to appropriate for these poor tools.)

    2. My teenager uses the Kitsch curling set overnight. It’s one long rod that you somehow secure with scrunchies. It works well and is comfortable for sleep.

    3. I see a lot of influencers doing heatless curls so I would look for some tutorials on YouTube or IG reels. One I have seen is using a tie from a robe or even leggings to wrap your hair around.

    4. I don’t think sleeping in curlers is a thing anymore! Heartless curls or get a Dyson airwrap or similar.

      1. Heatless curls overnight are definitely a thing right now – I have the Cozy Curlers and they work pretty good for me!

    5. I grew up using strips of cloth to roll the hair around. We called them “rags,” and because it’s just cloth you can still sleep any which way.

      I like the “heartless” curlers, by the way. Yeah, they’re brutal.

  5. Any tips for dealing with the stress when your work is being scrutinized or put under a microscope?

    We’re in a long term period of process improvement and tinkering with ‘the way its always been done’ and my 2 largest areas of focus is the gineau pig for this. Think, building new systems from scratch to address department blind spots and becoming proactive vs reactive as a department. Its going to be 9-18 months atleast of this kind of process tinkering and change.

    Its a great window of opportunity for me and so far I’ve shown myself well as a SME and enthusiastic, supportive, and engaged in these big changes and projects.

    I worry that it’s going to wear me down? Im feeling this pressure to be the fully onboard change advocate while maintaining my usual high performer worker bee self.

    I’ve taken up working out 3-4 times a week, which is new for me, to try to relieve some of this extra stress.

    1. It is tiring to go through this. Make an effort not to take things personally. And try to let work be work, and not let it color your entire existence. You are still you. This isn’t a referendum on your value.

      1. Was going to type the same thing, but you said it better. You’re going to have to work hard to depersonalize this, OP, which is it’s own kind of exhausting.

  6. Slightly gross question, but what do you do with soiled period underwear before laundry day? I do laundry once a week on average and have just started using period underwear. It seems gross to toss them in with everything else and sit there for a few days.

    1. I scrub them with soap in the bathroom to remove the stain, air dry, then throw in the hamper.

      1. OH sorry, I thought you meant a trace amount from a leaky tampon, not “period underwear.” I agree it would feel icky to leave those sitting around!

    2. Rinse in cold water until the water runs clear, then hang them up somewhere until wash day. I wash them in a mesh bag and air dry on the drying rack.

      1. seconded, although I often will just bring them in the shower with me and rinse them out there, then leave them on the shower curtain rod to dry.

      2. (I think the confusion is “period underwear that are designed to absorb your period” vs “underwear I wear during my period and accidentally stained”)

    4. I rinse them in the shower and hang them to dry in the laundry room. Then they get thrown in with the next load.

    5. To clarify, I’m talking about Thinx type underwear. Not regular underwear that got a leak.

    6. I wipe any excess off then spray with an OxiClean stain remover spray and throw it into the laundry. There are a few sprays you can get that get to work on the soiled part and you can leave it up to 7 days or so before you wash it.

    7. i rinse them out until the water runs clear, either in the shower with me, leaning over the tub, or in the laundry room sink right before i wash them. i sometimes will spray vinegar on them also right before laundry. then wash in a mesh bag with the next load of laundry (whether it’s delicates or not). if i am washing with delicates i don’t use a mesh bag.

    8. I guess I am gross but I DGAF. Mine go in the hamper with everything else. No special treatment. I just make sure they get put in in a way that won’t stain anything else. It’s never been a problem and they wash just fine (I use oxy odor in all washes). 🤷🏻‍♀️

    9. I have a diaper sprayer on my toilet that I use to rinse out my period underwear then I hang them in the shower (I put up some waterproof command hooks). (If I’m already taking a shower, I rinse them in the shower with me, and stomp on them to get the blood out). Then every other day I wash a load of them, either by themselves or in a mesh laundry bag if I have a load ready to go. I try not to let them sit for more than a day or so because I worry that any residual blood might dry and affect the absorbent nature of the underwear. This might not be true – it’s just a gut feeling I have.

      1. I’m sorry, but the mental image of you stomping on your period underwear in the shower is funny.

        I get fairly irritated the few days ahead of my period and during the first 2 days, so literally stomping on my period would definitely be a nice release of emotion.

    11. I bought a wet bag for this (like the kind people use for cloth diapers or wet swimsuits), and after rinsing in the shower, I wring them out, pop them in the wet bag and zipper it closed. The wet bag I got has a cute ribbon strap with a snap, so I hang it on my towel bar to hold more pairs and then wash the whole lot. It looks a little more discreet than dripping wet panties drying on the bar (I share my bathroom with other family members).

  7. Please share your suggestions for shows to watch while I am sick in bed with too little brainpower to read a book. I’ve already blown through Andor season 2 and Dark Winds season 3. I don’t have the constitution for HBO shows—even White Lotus was too much for me.

    3. A few friends have praised the new Netflix series The Four Seasons. I also watched Running Point while traveling, definitely a low-brainpower watch.

      1. + 1 for Four Seasons! Funny and engaging, but not so much so that you’ll be lost if you’re also glancing at your phone :)

    8. I also don’t have the constitution for White Lotus, etc.

      If I had Netflix right now I’d be trying out North of North.

      I watched most of Superstore between the hospital and the week back from the hospital. St. Denis is out now if you’ve already seen Superstore. Some of the cringe humor is too cringy for me, but for some reason for me being under the weather makes it hit less hard.

      I really enjoyed catching up on Thackeray adaptations (The Way We Live Now, Dr Thorne, etc.) last time I had a lot of time set aside for shows.

      1. In the same vein, 30 Rock, Kath & Kim, Upper Middle Bogan, Scrubs, Brooklyn 99.

    14. I loved the Residence but wouldn’t call it low brainpower to watch. If it’s just focusing on the page that’s the issue then go for it!

    15. Old seasons of Grand Designs. You’ll muster the brain power to judge their design choices and it is easy enough to rewind for the reveal if you fall asleep.

    18. I don’t know what the streaming situation is for any of these and you may have seen them as they are older recs, but my low brainpower shows are:

      Scrubs
      Brooklyn 99
      Parks & Rec
      The Good Place
      Ted Lasso
      Hart of Dixie
      Lucifer

  8. Does anyone use silk pillowcases? Do you think the quality has diminished? I used to not get lines on my face with the Slip brand, but now I do. Also, the cost for a Slip queen size is $105! I just can’t do that price.

    2. I use Blissy pillowcases. Only buy them when they’re having a sale. I haven’t noticed lines on my face and my hair looks better in the morning since I started using them.

    3. i have a bunch of amazon ones i bought for under $20 and i spent about $60 on one nice one from brooklinen. i prefer the actual silk ones to the satiny ones that say they are silk but maybe are not, but i think they’re all about the same for wrinkles and hair.

    5. Same here. I wondered if it was the anaesthesia from a major surgery (12 hours) or the stress or a combination.

  9. Hi, taking a poll. My company has changed our vacation policy so we can’t roll over our days “to encourage us to use it”. But we accrue our days, and they confirmed that if we want to take a vacation in the first part of the year without having had accruing enough, we can go into a negative balance, which would then be deducted from our final paycheck if we are laid off or leave while in the negative. Is this insane or common?

    2. seems a bit extreme. I’ve seen more commonly that the amount you roll over is either capped at a certain amount or can be carried over for a limited amount of time.

    3. Common but often there is an amount you can roll over into the next year to avoid having to deal with the whole negative balances piece. Like you get 15 days and can roll over 5 days from one year to the next but you can’t accumulate 5 each year.

    5. Not insane; but I think more common is to have an accrual cap (eg. you can never have more than 1.5x your annual allotment banked), rather than a single day of the year thing. Iirc a couple states prohibit the payback you described, and it’s always annoying to have different state specific policies if you’re a large company

      I think a good employer also waives payback in the case of layoffs (although they might not have written than in policy)

    6. It may be common in some industries, but I’ve never experienced it. Everywhere I’ve worked has had a use it or lose it policy, but with a mitigating factor for the situation you’re describing. Either there’s a limited amount of accrued vacation time you may roll over into the next year, or the whole year’s time is credited to you at the start of the new year and you may use it right away.

    7. This would be illegal in California and I am always shocked that other states allow it

    8. Ours rolls over, but we can’t bank more than 240 hours, so then it’s use it or lose it. I earn the maximum amount of leave (it goes up the longer we work here) and I never get close to 240. I don’t feel like I take that much time off, but I guess I take about 5 weeks off over the course of the year, plus a day here and there.

    9. Common policy (or having limited rollover only, like 5-10 days’ cap) but actual enforcement of the payback… unlikely.

    10. Not an HR attorney, but there must have been a recent change in the law or tax implications because my company also just switched to accrual with the possibility of a negative balance as of last week. Mid May is otherwise an odd time to implement this change.

      1. It may be a question of company financials, since accrued leave can be a substantial liability.

      2. My state’s sick leave laws were recently changed and those changes went into effect back in February. It didn’t really impact me since our PTO is already quite flexible and generous, but I know the accrual, minimum use amount, and rollover rules changed. A number of companies issued updates to align with the new requirements.

  10. Has anyone dealt with the inability to focus after a traumatic event? I was involved in an awful car wreck a few months ago (for what it’s worth- the other guy is totally at fault and accepted liability). Totaled car, multiple broken bones, the whole 9 yards. I am still healing and starting to come out on the other side after multiple surgeries. However, I’ve noticed that I have ZERO focus. It takes monumental effort to get anything done at work. I am seeing my doc soon and plan to discuss, but I am curious if anyone else has had this happen to them.

    1. Common side effect of both PTSD and concussions. Have you been properly evaluated for both?

    2. I’d want to know if I was possibly getting side effects from anesthesia meds.

      It may be technically a little late for the tetris trick, but I’d still try it (especially if the trauma is replaying in your mind).

    3. I broke one ankle non-traumatically last year and I think it was a good four months before I was any real level of productive again – between the pain and the pain medication (every single step on that ankle hurt at least a little for a good nine months), the poor sleep, the sheer effort of trying to do everyday things and then to get mobility back… I think it makes a lot of sense you’re brain foggy. Multiple surgeries presumably means multiple anaesthetics and they can have an effect as well. Could your doctor sign you off sick? I tried to power through at work because I’m very senior and thought I had to and one of my reports told me recently I shouldn’t have bothered (she was much nicer about it than that! But that was what she meant, that the quality of my work wasn’t good anyway) and I wish in retrospect I’d taken some time to just rest and let my shocked body recover a bit (and again, with much less to deal with than you’ve had).

    5. I lost my ability to deal with work stress after cancer treatment. Just went straight to fight or flight mode and struggled to get tasks done. It got much better with both time and therapy.

      1. Same here. I wondered if it was the anaesthesia from a major surgery (12 hours) or the stress or a combination.

  11. My irrational annoyance thing of the day: rich folks asking for charity. It’s totally irrational; I’m sure they actually do contribute a lot of their own money and it’s great that they could contribute time to causes they (and I!) care about. But I sent my husband to a five million dollar house today to buy stuff for a pta sale and it just kinda seems silly.

    1. You’re mad rich people had a garage sale and are donating the proceeds to charity…?

      1. No I’m annoyed they pass the pta hat for plant sales. Then I feel obliged to pony up 50 bucks and think they should have written a check. But yeah irrational.

          1. Of course I can. But I don’t want to. Which is why it’s irrational :) I’m not sure if you saw the post earlier this week about irrational annoyances. Lots of us have them but it just occurred to me this is mine!

    2. I know a mom who is big into beating the drum loudly to come support her pet causes, many of which she names after herself or her family members (“Lilian’s Hope”). Lately, her kids are “doing” it and I’m sure it’s to make something they can put on college applications. But these folks could just write a very large check quietly and not put themselves at any financial risk (so not the widow’s mite story from the bible), but they choose not to.

      I think that maybe is what bothers OP? Some of these seem much more self-serving than charitable.

    3. I get it, it feels performative (whether or not it is)….like all the reality TV shows where throwing charity galas is the new status symbol (spending who knows what on the admin and decor side of things). Then the next episode they jet off on a new vacation or to their Hamptons house

    4. The worst is corporations who hit up their minimum wage employees for donations (looking at any that partner with United Way to do this).

      1. Or nonprofits and universities that demand that employees donate. I know employee giving is a metric donors like to see, but it’s a metric that should be abolished. I already earn a fraction of what I’d make if I did the same job at a for-profit enterprise. It’s just icky to try to guilt your employees into giving back part of their already low salaries to their own employer.

        1. Yes, this is loathsome! Like a tech startup offering equity but with the dollars flowing in the opposite direction.

        2. I work at a university, and I get so annoyed every year by the pleas to donate to the United Way. Let me donate on my own time, in the way that I choose, and that may or may not include UW. Stop with the guilt trips, you’re already not paying me enough for this job.

      2. Dude. Someone got ahold of the United way stats at my old job. Of course the big guns gave zilch and those making less gave more. Because they had high pressure meetings about how contributing made us all look good and was so important. We were made to feel it would reflect badly on us if we didn’t. I’m still rationally angry about that.

        1. My mom would never donate to the United Way at her county job. Her boss tried to donate in her name so the department could be at 100%. My mom said no way!!! She was awesome.

    5. but wouldn’t you be annoyed if the rich folks weren’t contributing anything at all? time costs something also so in a way they’re freeing it for other people. especially for a plant sale they probably have the space to store the stuff overnight and the flexibility to have someone there manning the sale. the space to keep neighbor’s dogs and weirdos away from the people picking up.

      it’s the FB asks that get me, especially for the smaller charities. someone we’re close with is involved with some horse charity and with everything else going on in the world I hate giving money for that. but whatever.

      1. The choice isn’t do a plant sale and obligate others to donate $50 v. not donate/do nothing. They could write a check for $500 and $1K and call it a day. No plant sale needed.

        1. There’s a good chance these people are also donating a chunk of money. In my experience, PTA programs are different from the company/United Way examples above in that the people who are very involved often also donate a lot.

          That said, like Anonymous at 11:29, I don’t like being asked to donate to very personalized charities and I think the PTA in an area with rich families falls under that umbrella.

    6. I’ll engage. I donate a lot to charity each year. Yes, for some stuff (e.g., charity race bib), I could fund the entire thing myself. But, that means that the charity doesn’t get the benefit having access to more potential donors in the future and increased visibility. Plus, on some levels, I consider it reciprocity for all the times I’ve donated to other people’s things.

      1. Ah, the pimping of others.

        My kids do not get that I will not hustle for their sales. I just write the check directly to the donee organization (PTA or school or scouts or whatever). But even they are baited into it — think of the prizes they could get! But the donee organization only gets a small % of what they sell. They get 100% of the check.

        Bake sales rely on the unpaid work of others, generally women. Or people with food issues won’t buy unless it’s store bought, in which case, what is the point?

    7. I 100% disagree with this. Anyone and everyone using their influence to help raise funds for worthwhile charities is essential. It is hard enough to raise funds for these causes at a time like this, without this insane take on it.

      1. Yeah, this is bonkers, especially since it’s a PTA sale. If they just gave $1,000 (which they probably do as well), someone else would have to put the sale on anyways. It’s not like there wouldn’t be a sale this year!

    8. I was with you at first but I think it’s a good thing that people with the space, time, and means to organize fundraisers do so. If that’s people with millions then so be it. What’s important is that the PTA or whatever gets more funding and visibility than they otherwise would have.

      But I’m not giving TO rich people. I’m a partner and my office manager wanted to have a baby shower for me that included staff; I put the kibosh on that real fast. Everyone knows I’m pregnant. If someone wants to knit baby a little hat then I would be profusely grateful. If the firm wants to give me some swag then awesome. But no I am not giving my registry info to people whose reviews I write. I think I literally clutched my pearls at the suggestion.

  12. Fun question from the group chat this morning:

    Which of the seven deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth) do you struggle with the most? The least?

    I’m probably gluttony and sloth on top and lust and greed on bottom, but curious to see how everyone else views themselves!

    3. Pride. Pride is at the root of so much, including some of those other sins.

      Closely followed by envy and sloth. Probably lust and gluttony at the bottom.

      1. Pride followed by anger. Generally stemming from a sense that I know how things *should* be, what *should* be happening, what I *should* be able to do better, because, y’ know, pride.

    4. Envy on top, gluttony and sloth on the very bottom. I work hard and am very disciplined, but sometimes I get envious when people work less hard and are less disciplined, but have more money than I.

    5. To me it seems that these are all different aspects of the same basic concept, which is the opposite of self-denial.

      1. Yes, that’s typically part of the theology! These are all just different manifestations of the same basic human inclination. Grouping them together is a reminder that all are sinners of some sort or another.

    6. several years ago I heard a sermon talking about sloth as not using your time *rightly* – not doing the thing you are supposed to be doing with that time.

      I am a hard worker but by this definition my top sin is sloth – I think about work when I should focus on being with my family, I do low-priority work tasks to avoid doing the harder high-priority task I ought to do, I veg on the couch after a long day even though I know a short walk will actually make me feel better, or I’ll stay at work to avoid other less pleasant responsibilities like volunteering.

    7. Thinking on it, I probably struggle most with wrath right now, just as a consequence of the ongoing decline of civilization. I’m not physically hurting anyone, but I’m done being polite to spoiled rich kids or idiot conservatives or anyone who defends those two groups of people. Pride is of course a perennial one that comes and goes, but I’m certainly far better at being less judgemental than I was when I was younger.

        1. Haha, all of these have non-sinful expressions! It’s when they interfere with your ability or inclination to do what is morally good that they become sinful.

          1. Yep. It’s like how fire can be good to cook food, but it’s bad to throw a match into a forest. Water is good for drinking and washing, bad when the dam breaks.

            There are 7 theological virtues that line up with each sin to help moderate and rightly direct the inclination

          2. The 12 and 12 in AA has a great explantion on how the seven deadly sins are a problem only when we try to get more than our fair share and they interfere with our ability to be useful to others. For me, it is wrath and sloth.

    10. gluttony and sloth
      pride
      then i think the remaining ones

      I read an interesting book years ago about how every witch depicted in the old fairy tales represents one of the seven deadly sins; it’s why she always must die.

    12. Huh, I’m certainly no paragon of virtue, but I mostly don’t feel like these are things I struggle with. Definitely not at wrath, envy, lust, or gluttony. If I had to pick, I guess sloth, because I have a chronic illness that leaves me tired and in pain a lot, but that feels a bit different from sloth. My struggle to get things done despite that really doesn’t seem like it should be considered a sin!

      1. I’m going to put in a plug for pride, because it is so common and insidious. Whenever you think you are right, or look down your nose at others, or make a social media comment to prove your point, or are preoccupied with your own self/wants or dwelling excessively on your own deeds or faults, etc. Any of the “isms” are driven by pride. The opposite is humility (thinking of yourself less).

        Not directed at you, but because I struggle massively with it I’ve come to realize how it drives almost everything wrong with our country and world, small and large.

      2. Also none of the above. I’m too much of a perfectionist and people pleaser. My sin is being hard on myself all the time. I can’t imagine how hard I’d be if I felt I were falling prey to the 7 deadly sins!

        1. I mean, I think by definition saying that you are without any major sins is pride, lol!

          Being too hard on yourself actually can be a manifestation…believing you can and should be able to do it all perfectly

        2. That is the definition of pride. You think you should be perfect instead of accepting that no one, including you, is. Pride can either be braggy or flagellating, but it’s still based on an overestimation of your own self.

        3. Being a perfectionist is absolutely a manifestation of the deadly sins (pride) as is being hard on yourself (wrath directed inwardly).

        5. Wrath can also be directed at yourself – I never thought of myself as an angry person until someone pointed out to me how much hatred was wrapped up in my standards for myself. And that isn’t a good way to treat someone (myself!) that God thinks is good.

      3. I usually think of sloth more like, when someone is deliberately trying to get away with not doing their fair share and knowingly burdening other people who would otherwise finish shared work sooner? Definitely not something to be confused with rest!

    13. Gluttony and sloth. I’m newly addressing the sloth part, which I know from past experience helps with the gluttony piece.

  13. Within the last couple of weeks, someone mentioned two job sites — not Indeed — that she uses. I didn’t make note of them and now regret it. Any ideas? Thanks!

  14. Talk to me about your bigger ticket skincare. Specifically laser, micro pen, hydraofacial, and sculptra. What have you tried, liked and hated?

  15. Any advice or commiseration about big life changes after losing a pet?

    I’m struggling after unexpectedly having to put our 10 year old dog to sleep a month and a half ago. It’s not only miss her, but I also miss doing activities with her. She was my companion on multiple walks a day, hiking, camping, beach days, canoeing…my husband isn’t into outdoorsy activities. We ran 5Ks together! I’m definitely less active without needing to walk her all the time, and I’m not looking forward to summer adventures.

    I’ve broached getting another dog. DH doesn’t agree. I adopted my dog long before I met my DH. He thinks dogs are a lot of work (true-but I did majority of the work, and all the work before our marriage), but he also thinks losing a pet is too hard. I think that’s his major concern, which is valid. I’m not pressing the pet issue, but I feel like I’m grieving a version of myself as much as my dog.

    1. Many shelters have a “doggie’s day out” program where you can take a shelter dog out for the day and go hiking, to the beach, etc. It helps the shelter dogs by giving them a break from the shelter environment, giving them more life experience, and exposing them to potential adopters. If you snap some cute pictures of the dog out and about, the shelter can use those on social media to drum up interest in the dog too. I think doing this would help to fill the void in your life while respecting your husband’s desire to take a break from dog ownership and help shelter dogs. A win-win-win!

      1. OP here- thank you! I love this and will look into any opportunities with shelters in my area. My beloved dog was also a shelter dog, but she was from a shelter out of state that relayed her up here.

    2. Losing a pet is incredibly hard, but the joy of having them and giving them a good life outweighs that for home.

      I’ve had multiple cats over the years and when two of them passed away there would be a stray showing up on the doorstep in need of a home.

      If all my cats passed away, I would definitely adopt another one. I volunteer at a shelter and would want to get one that is shy or overlooked. For me, I focus more on the good life I’m giving the animal than the eventual grief when it comes time to say goodbye.

    3. I’m so sorry for your unexpected loss.

      I had this come up with my DH as well. Losing a pet was very, very hard on him. But I think he also relied less on the pet. It was like he was only grieving a loved one, and I was grieving a loved one and also dealing with the loss of a lot of concrete things they’d contributed to my life?

      Don’t do what I did; I did a trial adoption of another animal who turned out not to fit the same role in my life at all but who healed DH’s heart when they fell completely in love, and who then turned out to be incompatible with any additional pets, which I learned the hard way by having to give up the next pet I brought home even though we’d fallen completely in love. That was rough! I think probably DH would have fallen just as easily for a pet who would have been a perfect fit for my lifestyle, so I could have handled that all better. I still don’t feel like myself if I’m honest.

      Grief is individual and difficult. I don’t know if it would be hurtful or healing to walk dogs for the county shelter or do some other kind of volunteering. If your DH is like mine, part of his reluctance may be because he knows his heart doesn’t have any defenses. There was one animal (who probably would have been a good fit) that I almost brought home from the shelter, but my DH let me know he just wasn’t ready. So it was a good year before he was even willing to participate in the trial adoption.

      And I don’t know yet if it will just break him when we lose this one.

    4. Sorry for the loss of your buddy. It’s so big, but very small compared to the joy that dogs add to life. This won’t help you now but for others, I think the “pet discussion” ranks close to the “kids discussion.” I told my now-husband that I always intended to have at least one dog and usually two, to ensure we were on the same page on this. He agreed. When we have confronted loss of a pet or adding a new pet, he is never excited, always thinks we should wait, etc. I keep pushing it because I know that soon he will be talking about the new addition as the “best dog ever.” And each one is, in his or her own way.

    5. The answer to this is to get a new dog. ❤️
      My first (and very beloved) dog passed away while I was in the middle of cancer treatment. I was against bringing another dog home for all of the same reasons (too much work, not the right time, sad etc). My husband persisted with the lobbying and in a moment of weakness I agreed.

      He was so right, and the new puppy that came into my life is the best buddy ever. I’m more bonded to her than any of my other dogs.
      Not as a replacement, just as an option for my heart to grow and love even more.

    6. In addition to the adoption centers that need people to walk and play with dogs, if your area has an assistance/touch therapy training program, they usually need help as well. And most adoption places will do “foster to adopt” so you can take a dog home for a week or two before making your final decision. If you’re active on Petfinder and set your filters to fit your lifestyle, I’m sure the right dog will pop up eventually. And last, but probably a lot of hassle, you could sign up on Rover to be a pet sitter for others…

    7. I’m sorry you lost your dog. It’s hard. I have some I miss dreadfully decades later. I’ve had a dog every year of my life except freshman college and law school. I don’t say this lightly, but “no dog” would be a deal breaker for me with a partner. Does he truly understand that this is important to you?

    8. I relate to this so strongly. My 13 year old dog passed away last year, a month after I had a baby. I haven’t gotten another dog since I’m waiting for the kid to grow up a bit before I get another dog, and I miss the person I was with the dog. Yeah, now I go to the park with my kid, but hikes with the dog were so much better. Hikes with poorly-mannered shelter dogs that take a lot of additional scheduling just don’t quite hit the mark. I’m much more sedentary, spend a lot less time outside, know my neighbors less, all because I didn’t have a dog to keep me in those positive habits. And they may have fallen by the wayside with the kid, but maybe not. I just know I can’t wait until I can be an outdoors person with a dog again. If I was looking at losing that forever, I can’t imagine how much that would hurt.

    9. I’m so sorry – I had a very similar experience to you. My DH also was not ready, I started looking at petfinder about 2 months after. I was still devastated but knew that I needed a dog to heal some of that grief. We met a few that weren’t quite right, I found one that exactly checked all our boxes and as soon a we met him I knew. DH was still a little hesitant but I think really said yes because he saw how much I needed it. We brought home our new pup 3-4 months after our loss and was absolutely needed for us.

      We took advantage of the ‘no pet’ freedom in that gap – weekends away without needing to coordinate care, going out to the city for long days etc. but for me I 100% just felt the absence of a pet more.

      All that said – did you ever have the pet talk before? We discussed many times that I’d always want to have a dog, etc well before we unexpectedly lost ours. Frankly it would be a deal breaker for me to have a partner that didn’t like/want a pet. That depends though how much of it is the grief vs responsibility that your DH is struggling with.

      Try fostering! Take your time looking into the rescue & process, but that’s a really good way to test the waters. A lot of rescues need temporary fosters where you’d just have the dog for a few days while the regular foster is traveling, so even lower commitment.

    10. Ooff, I’m so sorry for your loss. Dogs are so very hard to lose. We’ve lost two dogs at different times, and it was so hard. Our major life change was each time we did a MAJOR purge of things in our house, and then made dramatic moves. The moves were already in motion to be honest, but the extent of the purging of everything really wasn’t necessary and was definitely grief related.

      Regarding getting another dog, I share my story:
      We had two dogs at the same time. After our first dog died, we still had the other one and DH and I SWORE that he would be our last. After our second dog died, we were adamant that we were done with dog ownership. Too hard to lose them, too much work, and our house was much cleaner without them.

      9 months later, my husband INSISTED on getting a dog. I did not want a dog, said I did not want the dog, told DH that if he wanted to a dog he would be managing all of the logistics and dog things. He did…we got the dog, and of course I love the dog. Then we got a second dog, and now we have two again. Setting aside the costs, I do think I like having two better than one.

      Now DH says occasionally that these are the last two dogs he wants to have. I just laugh at him and say sure sure.

      So give it some time, but also I think dog people whose lives are set up for dogs eventually end up with a dog again. And big hugs in the meantime; it’s really a very hard thing.

    11. I know this is probably not what I should say, but I told my husband he married a dog person and that I was having a hard time finding a reason to get up in the morning. I explained that it was more than just a dog—it was having something to do with my weekends (we are empty nesters). I promised to take care of everything myself. And he begrudgingly gave in. Now new dog is even closer with him than the one we lost. Go figure.

  16. I have sensitive eyes and have never gotten a lash tint/lift, but think I’d like to try for an upcoming vacation — what kind of place should I look for? any tips in advance?

    1. I actually love this with sensitive eyes because after the day I get it done, there’s nothing bugging me like there is with mascara. I just avoided fly by nights and went to an esthetician with a good local reputation.

    2. FWIW, I think a lash lift is the least effective thing I’ve ever done. I far prefer lash extensions, which you can’t get for a few months after a lift. Extensions take about the same amount of time to get and don’t bother my sensitive eyes and look amazing. Get a natural set – like anything you don’t need to do a real housewives version, there’s you but better.

      1. This. I felt like the lift and tint didn’t do anything. Extensions are the way to go.

    3. I’ve had a lift and tint a couple of times and liked it. I did not think it did nothing; in fact, the first time I was very self-conscious for a couple of days, thinking I looked like Betty Boop. I don’t do it anymore because I found a couple of tubing mascaras that don’t smudge after I rub my eyes and I didn’t want to spend the money on it. It was done by the same aesthetician who does my brows and also does facials.

  17. is there any way to “weekend warrior” strength training? i haven’t figured it out yet because the muscles need to rest between days, right?

    2. Maybe? If you do upper body and abs on Saturday, and leg day on Sunday, for example.

      Something is always better than nothing, but strength training works best when it’s a little more frequent than that.

    4. Yeah, I do this all the time. I shoot to workout 3-4 days a week, and almost always, two of those days are weekend days.

    5. All previous advice is sound, but also be aware that you have to be extra careful not to overdo things if you’re a weekend warrior and that your gains will happen more slowly. But totally possible, and definitely better than not exercising at all! Weight lifting is probably one of the better activities for it.

    6. Yes. Once a week is better than none, don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. Legs and upper take about an hour each, so two hours one weekend day or one each. Can you find an hour midweek for each of them as well?

  18. Sodalicio case (original link in comments)
    Leo XIV struck the first blow against abuse in the Sodalicio case, says one of the complainants.
    Before becoming Pope Leo XIV and while serving as a bishop in Peru, Robert Prevost was accused of covering up sexual assaults committed by priests under his jurisdiction in the Sodalicio de Vida Cristiana abuse case .

    However, independent investigations and journalists have stated that these allegations against Prevost were “absolutely false” and arose as part of a smear campaign promoted by the Sodalicio itself. Among those defending Prevost’s work is José Enrique Escardó, one of the first to speak out against the scandal.

    The conclave in Rome brought accusations to light in Lima : Prevost was said to have covered up for the priests behind the religious group Sodalicio.

    The group’s top brass is accused of pedophilia and systematic violation of human rights against its members (according to the congregation itself, members of the leadership sexually abused 19 minors and 10 adults between 1975 and 2002).
    Words of a whistleblower

    Everything was to prevent him from becoming pope , responds José Enrique Escardó from Peru, one of the first to denounce Sodalicio and founder of this network of survivors .

    “These complaints that appeared were initially a surprise, but little by little we realized where this was coming from,” José Enrique Escardó explained to RFI.

    “What had happened was that he, as the perfect of the Dicastery of Bishops , had been the one who made the decision after the investigations carried out by [the Archbishop of Malta, Charles] Scicluna, and [the Spanish priest Jordi] Bertomeu, who came to investigate the Sodalicio in Peru,” he comments.

    “Prevost had to make the decision to remove or ask for the early resignation of José Antonio Euguren, who was archbishop of Piura and Tumbes. And that decision, obviously signed by the Pope , is what dealt the first major blow to the Sodalitium in Peru: removing this archbishop,” he emphasizes.

    In one of his final actions, Pope Francis dissolved the Sodalitium in January 2025. A year earlier, José Enroque Escardó arrived in Rome to speak with Francis about the community’s abuses. There, he was received by the then- Leo XIV.

    “I was with him at the Vatican when I went to meet with Pope Francis in January 2024 , and after leaving the meeting with Pope Francis , I went to speak with Cardinal Prevost, whom I had known for several years here in Peru. He was fully willing to continue the work; he was in complete agreement with the work I was doing on the issue of abuse within the Church with Pope Francis and also with survivors ,” Escardó maintains.

    Prevost put himself in the shoes of the victims, the same ones who now plan to return with their demands to the Vatican .

    “Ahora, con la elección del papa León XIV me quedo con la tranquilidad de que podemos tener a una persona que puede continuar las reformas que había estado haciendo el papa Francisco y que además va a ser cercano a nuestro país, y específicamente cercano a la red de sobrevivientes Perú, de los sobrevivientes del Sodalicio. Eso me ha generado una emoción tremenda, pero obviamente lo que tenemos que esperar como siempre es ver cuáles van a ser las acciones que van a realizar más allá de las palabras, que es lo mismo que le dije al papa Francisco y espero que vayamos en el mismo camino para poder resolver estos temas que son tan urgentes”, dice con esperanza Escardó.
    “Now, with the election of Pope Leo XIV, I am left with the peace of mind that we can have a person who can continue the reforms that Pope Francis had been making and who will also be close to our country, and specifically close to the network of survivors in Peru, the survivors of the Sodalicio. That has generated tremendous emotion in me, but obviously what we have to wait and see, as always, is what they will take actions beyond words, which is the same thing I told Pope Francis, and I hope that we will go down the same path to be able to resolve these issues that are so urgent,” says Escardó hopefully.

  19. maybe i’ll reask on the afternoon thread – but a) how much does the common application affect acceptance rates? like are all acceptance rates really low right now because applicants can flood the zone by clicking a checkbox and paying a small fee?

    b) can i just say how annoyed i am that some of my son’s middle school teachers seem to actively want kids to get lower grades. not sure if it’s a tough love situation but they’re teaching him that a 90% is a “great job” (compared with scores in the 60s/70s that he then retakes) and i keep trying to tell him that ain’t it.

    1. As someone with a kid who is almost at the applying-to-college-stage, I think the common app means that kids who used to apply to 3-6 schools in the 90s now apply to 20 and the schools all love it because rejection rates are conflated with having really smart students. The cost of applying hasn’t changed that much, or has gone down in real terms, plus many schools give admissions fee waivers for all kinds of reasons.

      It’s hard to get into the tippy-top schools (same as the 90s), and it’s harder to get into the second tier of selective schools. But IME there are plenty of B students who get into reasonably well-known colleges and universities and get great educations (sometimes even better experiences than Ivies and similar). Also a lot of state schools and schools with big regional alum bases have really worked on improving their educational offerings and programs.

      1. My kid is a college freshman. It is a thousand times more competitive and a thousand times more subjective than it was when we applied in the ‘90s. I think part of it is the test-optional trend and part of it is gaming yield rates with early decision and “engagement” requirements. Kids who can’t afford to commit to early decision because they need to compare financial aid offers are at a huge disadvantage, as are kids who can’t afford to visit before admission to demonstrate engagement.

        1. I thoroughly, truly, affirmatively hate test-optional. Either don’t consider the tests at all (the UCs do just fine getting good undergrads without SAT scores) or make everyone submit test scores so the median submitted score isn’t in the stratosphere.

          1. As someone who got in to UCLA on the basis of the old admissions index that factored in both grades and SAT scores and probably would not be admitted under the current system, I don’t agree that the UCs are currently choosing the most deserving students to admit. The point of the UCs is to provide an affordable, excellent education for the very top California high school students, and the most objective way to compare students across schools is with SAT scores. (And no, I was not a rich suburban white kid who benefited from any supposed bias on the SAT or better schools. I went to title 1 schools and attended college on Pell Grants and Cal Grants.)

          2. Honestly, I wouldn’t have a problem with considering SAT scores for the UCs (CA resident with CA resident kids). But I do feel like test-optional is huge gamesmanship which benefits the already-privileged.

    2. I’m not in any official capacity but for a), yes. High achieving kids are regularly applying to 12+ schools, often many more. It’s depressing acceptance rates, and schools are being a bit more judicious in offering acceptance to kids they don’t think would attend (so a high stats kid may get rejected to their safety school)

      For b)…I think an A- is a great job? Unless the grades are super inflated and the subject material is embarrassingly easy or your student didn’t try at all. But does a teacher necessarily know that? If the subject material is appropriately difficult and the student put in some effort, than 90 is great

      1. And adding, if your kid sometimes gets 60-70 then a 90 is, by comparison, great for him! Personally I would take more issue with the fact that kids can regularly retake tests…

    3. Another thing to keep in mind is that there is an incoming “enrollment cliff” – birth rates dropped a lot in 2008 and those kids are just applying to college in the next few years. That doesn’t mean that a Hah-vahhhd acceptance is going to be a walk but there won’t be quite so many kids competing for spots at most places.

  20. Yeahhh, I did the thing. It has been annoying me for two months. Did take 3 hours , but it is done!

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