Suit of the Week: Marella
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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Also: we just updated our big roundup for the best women's suits of 2025!
It's always a good exercise for me to update our big suit roundup — it's often fascinating to see how the offerings have changed at different stores for workwear and learn about new brands in the space. This brand, Marella, was a bit tricky because so many of their suits *read* as basic, boring suits like you'd wear to an interview — but the little details push them into the “fun” category.'
For this suit, for example, it's the wide lacing details on the side of the blazer — great because they give you control over how it fits, but also adding a fair amount of interest to the suit.
The blazer is $585, and the matching pants are $385; you can find them at Bloomingdale's and Marella.com.
Sales of note for 7/29/25
- Nordstrom – The Anniversary Sale is open for everyone — here's our roundup! (ends 8/3)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off wear-now styles + $50 off dresses and shoes + extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 25% off Mini styles (no women's sales currently)
- Eloquii – $19+ select styles + extra 45% off all sale
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off summer styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 70% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – 25% off all previous flash sale items! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Rothy's – Final Few: up to 50% off
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – 25% off your entire purchase + extra 50% markdowns on top of that
My kid is writing her personal statement for college applications and asked me to read it. It was well written but there were a lot of personal details about things that basically suggest a somewhat unhappy childhood and I was taken aback by that and am having trouble distancing myself from it. We’re not talking about abuse or anything like that. It’s basically my child feeling like they were invisible, in part due to a sibling. I didn’t know what to say besides to praise the writing, but I’m also thinking that this is a weird topic for a college personal statement because it does not seem very positive or reflect my child’s many positive attributes. Am I totally overthinking this? Is this where I need to step back and land the helicopter because I cannot be objective about any of this? FWIW, we did hire a college counselor as a sounding board – I should just tell my kid to get feedback from the counselor, correct?
I would tell them you’ll leave the college advising part to the college advisor, but you thought it was wonderfully written and (assuming this is true) you’re grateful they shared it with you. I’d then say something kind like “I know it can be challenging to navigate sibling stuff — it was hard for me, too! — and I just want to affirm that your dad and I love you so, so, so much. We’re so excited to watch you launch into this next chapter.”
And then I’d make sure that I went out of my way to celebrate the big senior milestones — stuff like offering to take her prom dress shopping or doing a special dinner for graduation. Nothing over the top, just 10% more effort than baseline.
Perfect advice
I disagree. Do not insert your feelings in comparison to hers, on the chance this is her finding a safe way to share these longheld feelings with you. I don’t know your child or relationship but given she has a counselor to review the essay, I would think on whether she needed to find a way to tell you some of this and didn’t feel ready to speak it out loud.
I think a lot of relationships would hear that part of the advice as empathy, not as “inserting your feelings,” but if you don’t have that relationship (or if you don’t have a sibling), you can easily omit that phrase.
Your child has undoubtedly heard that admissions people want to read about overcoming adversity. This may be the only adversity your child has to write about (congrats in the big scheme of things). Yes, I’d defer to the counselor.
I hear this and wonder how many eye rolls admin officers have when a 1% kid writes about their problems. (OTOH, I read the other day about how you are poor when money solves most of your problems and well off when more money solves none of your problems. I can kind of see that. An acquaintance’s very young daughter was molested by a teacher — money can buy counseling but it can’t fix that).
I came here to say this, and both parts: overcoming adversity and deferring to the counselor.
Thing is, if you haven’t overcome adversity that’s enough adversity for the college to care, that’s okay! Maybe talk about how you took an opportunity and made far more out of it than would be expected.
The overcoming adversity essays are exhausting. I wonder how much weight admissions officers will even give essays in this application cycle, given that half of them will be ghostwritten by humans and the other half by AI.
Depends. Is she writing about it as if she’s overcome an adversity? I think then it’s relevant. Otherwise, no.
I know I have serious thoughts about my childhood that my own mother is completely ignorant of or refuses to recognize. Let the counselor guide your kid.
Setting aside the college aspect of this, I think it is a really great sign that your daughter trusts you enough to have you read this. You clearly did a lot right! No one is a perfect parent.
My take is she wants you to read it and it has nothing to do with admissions. You have a counselor there. I’d address the underlying things she wrote about and be open to an honest conversation.
no advice on the essay itself, but I will add to keep in mind that most high school seniors have very little perspective to actually understand their own childhood. She may feel completely differently as an adult (and if she decides to become a mom, that will add its own perspective).
Agree with this. 18 year old me thought I had a terrible childhood due to a narcissistic mother. 50 year old me, who has known a few people with truly abusive and deprived childhoods has a completely opposite opinion today.
Tell her you think it’s well written and you’ll let the counselor advise from an admissions perspective. Don’t make this about yourself. It’s hard to write a genuine college essay that appeals to the admissions office. Maybe this is the only challenging experience she can recall (congrats) or maybe she did feel sad at times, which is normal.
But don’t turn this into a big thing, demanding to know more details and convincing her she’s wrong. My mom freaks out if I mention any unhappiness from my childhood. It’s exhausting trying to manage her emotions and frustrating that she can’t accept she wasn’t a perfect parent 100% of the time (which no one is!)
I’d definitely leave the decision to use the essay (or not) to the college counselor, but I get it. My eldest (rising hs senior) has said a few things about her childhood that I’ve found painful and/or made me feel defensive, but I try to remember that part of being a teenager is developing a separate identity from your parents. She may see these things differently in a year, or two, or five.
What’s your song of summer for 2025? The one you have on a loop that just feels like summer to you.
Manchild by Sabrina Carpenter, until August 1 when it will be August by Taylor Swift.
Good News by Shaboozey. I have no shame, I freaking love that song.
Daisies by Justin Bieber, Relationships by Haim, and anything by Sombr
Disco snails! It turns out disco isn’t dead it just got small…
They’ve got the boogie-oogie all up in their buggy bodies!
Going up to San Francisco where the disco’s off the rails!
Petit Etoile, Beth Ditto/ Polo & Pan
Pink Pony Club, and every time I hear it I smile, recalling the day I walked in on my (straight, ~50 YO male) GC loudly singing along when he thought the office was empty.
Building off of a discussion in the morning thread: What is the dynamic in your relationships (with your SO, with your family, with your friends) when it comes to raising your voices/yelling/screaming/etc.? Is it common, or rare? Is it acceptable, or a deal-breaker? Do you engage in it? Do others in your life? How do you feel about it?
Maybe Kat can do a poll instead. The commenters who feel strongly about it already said their piece(s) this morning.
I really hope you don’t assign work to others like this in real life. Goodness.
It’s her site. Only she can do a poll. Or we can re-hash this once a month.
I never yell or scream and neither does my husband (we also pretty much never fight, so there’s not a lot of occasion for this to come up). But I don’t inherently have a problem with people yelling and I much prefer that dynamic to people who close off and refuse to talk, get sulky, or silently hold grudges. I like to know where I stand with people and work it out if there’s a problem.
False dichotomy – there’s the middle ground of calmly working out issues.
I’m European (not Italian but close enough and this morning’s commenter made me chuckle). This was a minor cultural shock for me when moving to North America. I may not fully understand the distinction between yelling and screaming but I definitely have a higher tolerance for raising your voice. I don’t use insults or profanity but sometimes people have emotions and their voices get loud and it’s not that big a deal to me unless there are other issues- swearing, hitting, insults, etc. I prefer a good argument over passive aggressive snide comments. I realize that’s not the majority view here and I try to keep in mind that there are different cultural expectations around this in the US.
I’m pro arguing w raised voices every day of the week over snide and passive aggressive comments.
My only deal breakers are personal attacks—said in a calm voice or raised voice.
I am so late to this thread, but a-freaking-men.
Friends, never, I think that would be super weird.
I come from a really loud yell-y ethnic family (we yell when we’re not even mad, the volume is just always loud) and my parents sometimes yelled during arguments. Husband and I are about the same, it’s not frequent but we do yell once in a while.
Right. I don’t care enough about my friends to get into real arguments with them. Arguments are to fix problems with those you love.
neither of us do it. Not because we’re so perfect but because we don’t seem to have a problem talking – sometimes yes with a bit of a tone if exasperated! – through disagreements.
I can count the number of times my spouse or I have truly yelled at each other on a few fingers and we’ve been together nearly 20 years. It’s safe to say it’s not really acceptable in our house. We have a baby soon and will absolutely not permit yelling except for “watch out” if a car is about to hit him. There’s nothing we need to accomplish with yelling that we can’t do in a gentler way.
I’ve also never been around a yelling family where things felt really loving and safe. It’s always a lot more tense and uncomfortable than yellers want to admit.
There are some people who choose peace/gentleness in an attempt to avoid any and all discomfort. I’m not saying that’s you, but it’s a personality difference that some of us will never understand. I’d rather have the argument that settles the issue.
Some of us are capable of settling issues without raising our voices.
And what will you do when your son yells? Toddlers aren’t exactly known for their calm voice.
Strangely toddlers from very quiet families can be very quiet. (And I’m thinking about apartment neighbors so I don’t think I was missing much!)
That feels like little rambunctious natures being stifled. Poor kids.
Maybe? I didn’t witness or overhear any stifling. I don’t think they weren’t rambunctious or mischevious. They just weren’t loud and didn’t scream or shout.
That was true of my neighbor’s kids as best as I could tell with paper thin apartment walls, but to the best of my knowledge, it seemed to be also true of all the other kids in the neighborhood from the same linguistic and cultural community.
It’s certainly not the norm in my culture, but it didn’t seem like anything worth feeling sorry for anyone over.
The same thing you do when they hit, bite, etc. You parent them away from unacceptable behaviors. That’s what parenting is….
I’m wondering if these same people who never yell under any circumstance are the same people who want to elevate everything to HR at every opportunity.
What? No, they manage their emotions adequately so they do not need to use loud voices or air minor grievances with third parties.
When he yells, us yelling back is the exact wrong thing to do. Why would we want to increase the chaos and take ten steps back in resolving the tantrum?
I have raised my voice with my SO in exactly one circumstance but one that repeats itself: When he asks me to explain something to him and then repeatedly talks over me, cuts me off, and/or changes the question. Other than that I can’t imagine yelling at him. My mother was a teller and we have raised our voices but it has been a long time. She can be very mean so I can imagine her yelling at me again in elder care situations and engaging in a limited way in response but I would expect that to be rare. I have one friend I have yelled at but she is mentally ill, manipulative, and at times ungrateful for the tremendous help I afford her. I can’t envision yelling at anyone else in life outside of an emergency. I don’t have kids.
My mother was a yeller, and I swore I never would be, and I’m not. Nor will I be yelled at. If yelling is your style, fine, go find another yeller to exist with. Ex husband didn’t much yell right at me as go off on loud, long rants in my immediate vicinity, and I am so, so very glad I don’t have that crap in my life any more.
It is 100% ok to have your own boundaries. What I object to is people stating their own boundary as a universal standard.
This — so, so, so much.
I don’t think I know any adults who actually yell at other adults, especially adults they claim to love. It’s embarrassing and immature.
Well, I yelled “STOP” at my husband when a kid dashed out into the street while he was driving. I’m excluding that sort of emergency yell.
Cool story.
I come from a LOUD family where yelling was not uncommon. However, I don’t consider my family abusive in any way – we had a strong foundation of love and support. There were strong feelings and raised voices; there was no cruelty.
My partner, on the other hand, comes from a family dominated by an emotionally-abusive father. The yelling in their family was one-directional and accompanied by threats and cruelty.
As you might expect, they view yelling very differently than I do, and as a result we don’t yell. Ever. It took me a little while to break the habit but it’s been years and I can’t remember the last time I raised my voice. All that to say that there’s families where yelling is not great but not terrible, and there’s families where yelling is terrible.
I think this is an important distinction. Yelling certainly can be abusive, but it’s much more about the greater context of the relationship and what’s being said than about the volume of a person’s voice.
I agree! And I am the non-yeller.
I’m curious if people feel the same way about fictional contexts (obviously most people watch unacceptable dealbreakers on TV all the time). But does yelling on TV convey all the same negative associations for people? If you find yelling abusive, when you see people raise voices or yell on TV, do you feel that the character is being portrayed as abusive?
Not necessarily abusive, but just not actually an adult who has completed their transition to adulthood. (Obviously, I don’t mean yelling from positive emotions like joy and excitement; I mean yelling from frustration or anger).
This is interesting. I yell and argue. But whenever a grown adult squees with excitement, I consider them juvenile. I wonder if it’s the same type of judgyness but in a different direction.
It probably is, but I’d rather have an adult retain their childlike joy and excitement than their childlike tantrums!
I’m trying to think of different TV characters who raise their voice. Some of the loudest people I know are a little deaf from working in loud environments, so I think I associate volume somewhat with blue collar work (I realize that’s not the same as “yelling at” but it sure does sound like yelling sometimes and can lead to a loud family life). There are TV characters who fit that stereotype for me. Also the “cultures where people talk over each other at the same time and get louder” stereotype (this is constant in Always Sunny though of course they’re also terrible people in that show). Trying to remember if that was also in The Bear (which was loud loud loud for me).
Dramas have a lot of yelling (we’ve been rewatching Scandal). Some of the characters are abusive and emotionally adolescent (to say the least). But sometimes the raised voices, even when angry, seem to be aiming at conveying strength and resolve or even reliability. It’s a very stagey show, but that actually rings true to me, that a raised voice from someone trusted can be comforting or reassuring.
“but just not actually an adult who has completed their transition to adulthood.”
This is one of the most absurd, myopic, condescending, and patronizing things I’ve ever read on this board, and I’m not a yeller, lest you think I’m just being defensive.
You think adults are so emotionally dysregulated they need to yell? Huh. That seems like the behavior of children to me.
Is that what I said? Putting words in someone’s mouth is unproductive and childish. If you’d like to address my actual words instead of attributing positions to me which I did not take, please do so, and I’m happy to respond.
Well, that’s the point of the language you quoted, so I’m confused by what your comment was actually meant to say.
I don’t yell and don’t like yelling but I don’t think it is automatically abusive. I come from a quiet culture, I’m not judging all my Italian American friends as abusive because their families yell around the dinner table
Ha, my best friend is Italian (born and raised), and it STILL catches me off guard when she gets into it with her husband in public! Usually about politics or something else – never a fight, just an argument.
It is objectively wild to me, however, that people think yelling is abuse. I’m in the middle of helping my parents move, and it’s really stressful. They are staying at a lake house that my husband has owned since before we were married and is his quiet and peaceful retreat. I was venting about illogical decisions my parents are making, and he kept saying “they are welcome to use the lake house” and then, in the next breath, asking when they were going to vacate it so he can go back there (too small for both of them to be there). After going back and forth like four times, I yelled at him to READ THE ROOM, as I wasn’t interested in managing his frustration in our conversation about the dang lake house, especially since he had offered it in the first place (there is a drop dead point at which they will no longer be in it, and the point of the convo was for me to vent about the week I just spent with them, managing their move out). We both retreated, and he apologized this morning. We hugged and made breakfast together.
We have a great marriage, have 3 kids, and it’s a really stressful time. I think this is just … life.
Yeah i think there is a pretty big difference between yelling a single thought like READ THE ROOM and a sustained period of yelling back and forth. I wonder if some of the heated conflicted here comes from different versions of yelling.
The only time I enjoyed watching yelling on TV was when Lord Merton said “be silent this instant, sir” to his a-hole son at dinner (Downton Abbey). Otherwise, I don’t watch shows with lots of yelling.
Better questions: if you feel the need to raise your voice, why is that?
If someone is repeatedly yelling at you, what is the context and what could you have done to avoid it?
Second question first: if the answer is that you could have avoided being yelled at by being small, being “perfect,” not having needs or wants, or conforming yourself to a crazy standard, DTMFA.
But maybe the answer is “I could have listened to this very valid and reasonable complaint the first fifty times my spouse brought it up, rather than being a condescending jerk.” Opposite end of the spectrum from the first scenario.
As for the first question: I’ve learned that if I feel the need to yell at someone, the relationship is usually toast. Family, significant other, friend, doesn’t matter. I have an unusually long fuse and if someone manages to get to the end of it, there’s little point in continuing.
I honestly think it’s situation and person dependent. I really don’t like yelling as it was always a negative growing up – witness to a lot of parent fights. So, it’s not a part of the ‘normal’ casual dynamic of my family…raised voices = no bueno. As a result, I am not comfortable with it, and it’s not how I operate. It’s a big deal if my spouse shouts/yells. However, it can be more normal for others, if it exists in the usual, loving dynamic you have. I’ve seen it, but I know it’s not normal for me.
This is a more eloquent version of how I feel. I grew up in a household where yelling = mom and dad are fighting and it’s about to spill over into slamming doors and general unpleasantness. To this day, I get very jumpy when I hear muffled yelling or a door slam, but I acknowledge that’s my conditioning. My spouse’s family has a louder / yelling dynamic and it doesn’t seem to impact him in the same way (as an outsider, it feels less fraught than my parents’ dynamic).
Unacceptable. I do it extremely rarely and am always extremely apologetic. Like. Less than once every other year. I expect the same from everyone else in my life. If my bestie yelled at me and apologized I’d forgive her. If it were a habit we wouldn’t be friends.
I live by the motto yelling is for emergencies and children.
Same. DH and I have never yelled at each other. I def have raised my voice at the kids when they were younger and doing something dangerous, though!
I’m Italian and animated. I do not consider it yelling but probably some of the waspy types here would.
+1 I’m Jewish and went to college with a bunch of wasps who were horrified the first time they met my family about how much we “yelled” at each other. But to me it is not really yelling. Just loud/animated. We are more likely to be super loud when happy than when angry, I think.
Ha! This. I’m Jewish from the northeast. My husband grew up catholic in Houston. He accuses me of yelling when I have no clue that my communication would come off that way.
I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing. I think people who dislike yelling mean yelling from a place of anger or frustration, not just “this food is amazing!” said loudly.
But a lot of people actually DO dislike the loud Jewish/Italian/Greek style yelling. That’s what we’re saying.
And it’s not all positive comments like “this food is great.” We get loud discussing stuff like politics too where there are disagreements and strongly held opinions. But it’s not a personal attack, no one is belittling anyone or being cruel, and everyone understands we still love each other.
I think everyone is just describing how they encounter yelling in their own personal lives, and for some cultures, it almost always means someone has lost control of their emotions. I don’t think anyone is saying that people in a different culture should not do whatever is normal in that culture; they’re just describing what is normal in their own culture.
This helps me understand why it’s such a dealbreaker in a culture where it signifies that someone has completely lost control.
I think the other thing is that in those cultures, it’s often one person yelling AT other people, not multiple people yelling WITH each other. It sounds like that’s a very different vibe than you’re describing.
I grew up in a household with a lot of yelling – my parents would yell when they were angry with each other or with us kids, which was often. Occasionally my dad would yell at external people – I remember when he made a high school girl who worked at a Dairy Queen cry when she got his order wrong. Consequently, I am triggered by angry yelling. DH and I aren’t yellers. My 4-year old does yell when angry and it is triggering for me.
Oh man grown adults making teenagers in fast food cry is awful. My SIL manages fast food and she actually screams back at the customers who abuse her staff, then bans them.
I don’t yell or scream at my spouse. I have raised my voice with my children but that has not been yelling — more like deepening and sharpening my tone.
That said, I was raised in a house where silence was weaponized, and sometimes where the “quiet and calm” voice was used to be sneering and patronizing.
Same to all of this. I was raised in a house with yelling, weaponized silence, and “quiet and calm” sneering, condescending, and patronizing. A trifecta of awful.
Lots of posters here seem to engage in really nasty passive aggression, character attacks, and belittling, which are not okay simply because they are delivered in calm manner.
Your last paragraph is so, so true. I’ve seen it in real life and it’s awful: people act like the person getting upset by the sudden attacks is the problem, because the attacks are delivered calmly.
I think this question is really hard to answer because the definition of yelling is so broad.
To me it’s a huge spectrum from 1) loud/animated but generally warm and friendly discussions that are common in some cultures to 2) an occasional raised voice or shouted comment in frustration to 3) sustained mutual yelling during arguments to 4) one-sided yelling at someone with less power, designed to belittle or shame them, like the person whose dad yelled at the Dairy Queen teenage employee.
I think most people would agree that 1 isn’t ab*sive and 4 is. In between it’s murkier and it’s pretty clear from these comments that some people have wildly different definitions of what “yelling” means.
I used to share an admin with 3 people and she was in the office daily. It helped immensely with paper pushing at my transactional law job. She was also good with PDFs for when she was working remotely. In 2025, 5+ of us share one admin and all other admins are theoretically pooled (but IRL no one will really help or be cross trained). So I’m basically my admin after 5 or the 2 days a week my admin is remote or many other times.
Asks:
How is this done where you work?
How can I frame my struggles to my management? I’m thinking it’s that client’s won’t pay my rate to crank out signature pages but they will likely counter that I could delegate this (and I try to but it’s theoretical only when either no one helps or it’s their tenth priority or they are cross trained so poorly that the work is a joke and it takes too long).
Is it typical to have an admin on call after 5 p.m.?
Admins are typically the first to be deprioritized when budgets are tight. Maybe highlight their value to management so that they aren’t so easily discarded during budget cuts.
why is your admin not working when remote? that seems to be the biggest issue here.
It’s hard to see what an admin is doing when they work for a bunch of people (all partners) and even their underlings pass off things if the partner says to. It’s more that it’s hard to send a FedEx or collate things that may come in hard copy, that sort of thing. Oversight is harder when remote, as are some tasks.
We used to have a late n site admin pool rotating to have coverage through 7 regularly (later at peak times).
Issues: The admin pool doesn’t act on your requests, they don’t do the requests in the timeframe you need them done, or they don’t do them with the needed quality.
Solve it on the process/training side:
• Do the admins needs more training?
• Does some kind of priority grid need to be worked out so that your needs can be dealt with in a timely way?
• Does some kind of request system need to be implemented so that requests in the queue actually get dealt with, or can be funneled to the person with the right training?
Solve it by signing off on having you do the stuff yourself and billing the clients for it at your hourly rate.
Issues: The admin pool doesn’t act on your requests, they don’t do the requests in the timeframe you need them done, or they don’t do them with the needed quality.
Solve it on the process/training side:
• Do the admins needs more training?
• Does some kind of priority grid need to be worked out so that your needs can be dealt with in a timely way?
• Does some kind of request system need to be implemented so that requests in the queue actually get dealt with, or can be funneled to the person with the right training?
Or, solve it by confirming that they want you to do this work, and will sign off on having you do the stuff yourself and billing the clients for it at your hourly rate.
Stop letting the admin work remotely, it’s not working for your situation.
I doubt it’s up to her.
Just some comments which may be of interest- as a graduate biglaw lawyer in 1980’s-90’s I shared one full time “secretary” with a partner, as did everyone else ( eg 2 senior associates shared etc) , then as a partner into the 2010’s I had a wonderful personal Admin Asst and a number of para legals ( upper level admins here in Australia, who also conduct regular legal files/billing/travel arrangements etc ) . When I moved in house I shared competent admin support with 2 others.
I am forever grateful to them all- they worked above and beyond always, shared my ups and downs and made me a competent and efficient lawyer, and they were all proud of their jobs and contribution to large transactions. Their job was to make us more productive. Many went on to become imperessive lawyers themselves.
Now when I brief out , invariably the lawyers of all ages are overwhelmed with all of their own typing, drafting, admin, bookings, meeting arrangment, coffee making etc etc. I know I don’t see the best they can be because of their need to be constantly busy- no time to just think or give the best quality advice, or reassure a client.
Obviously time costing and the needs for speed and profit has changed the world but I can’t help pine for the days when reliance on the skills of admin/paras was seen as perfectly desirable so we could all do our best for clients. Rant over.
I was in the market for an antique widget. There is only one guy who specializes in these antique widgets on the east coast; there’s another guy on the west coast. I visited the east coast man’s shop twice and he spent hours discussing widgets. On the second visit, I agreed to buy a widget from him, but got cold feet later and ghosted him. I’m deeply ashamed and have been ever since I did it. I ended up buying a widget for a steal at a thrift store and my widget needs a part.
Do I contritely approach east coast widget man and apologize profusely and tell him to charge me whatever the heck he wants for the part my widget needs? I am still so supportive of his business and his knowledge of widgets. Or do I just tuck my tail and order the part from the west coast guy? I seriously hate myself for ghosting him – what a lousy thing to do.
I have a friend who is an antique clock expert, and this sort of thing happens to him. It’s business. If you liked him and only the shame and guilt are holding you back, use the East Coast guy. He’ll be fine and so will you (intended in a supportive tone not a “get over it” tone)!
Are you, by any chance, talking about a man with initials RW?
I’m so interested by this. Unless you are RW or know him, how would you identify who this is about? The OP is very vague/well anonymized.
I know RW and he’s the only specialist on the east coast in his antique widget field.
But there are many widgets
Cars
Typewriters
Sewing machines
Model trains
Bicycles
Stage lighting
Just as some examples
No, WP.
As someone who has obscure interests such that I am one of only an handful of folks in the country with deep knowledge of a rather archaic piece of equipment, intense curiosity prompts me to ask (either of you, or anyone else with a similar niche hobby): what are these widgets??
Go to the East Coast guy. Be kind, pay him what he asks, thank him, leave a great review.
Oh my god get a grip
Take your widget to the East Coast guy, tell him enthusiastically and excitedly about the kismet that brought it to you, and ask him for help obtaining the part! Geek out together! Isn’t it fantastic?!
The jacket side lacing is sort of “Renaissance Faire but make it corporate,” no?
Ha! What an awful detail to put on an otherwise good suit.
It’s like smocked fabric for dresses to compensate for tailoring.
I refuse to swear smocked fabric.
I hand-smocked the ankles on a pair of wide leg pants, basically turning them into joggers, and could not be happier with the results. The technique has its place.
Yeah, pretty awful.
I am in house in Boston, so dont have separate liability insurance. Are there any programs where I can do pro bono work that would cover the liability/malpractice insurance
I really enjoyed volunteering with Project Citizenship when I was in Boston. You don’t provide legal advice, but attys help prepare citizenship applications. Really rewarding and their clinics are easy to fit into a busy schedule. Highly recommend.
You can get employed attorneys insurance that covers moonlighting and pro bono work.
KIND: They’re a national non-profit, always looking for pro bono attorneys, and their malpractice insurance covers volunteers.
Most nonprofits have malpractice insurance that covers volunteers, including attorneys. Even the small ones! It’s something I ask before volunteering pro bono hours and I’ve never had an org say no. Maybe it’s a requirement for them?
I’m going to throw another lit match on the pile today. But recent discussions about how we treat our spouses has got me thinking that we have higher bars for how we treat our spouses than our kids. On the one hand we are responsible for teaching and discipling our kids, but I think that can be used as cover — if anything, the power dynamic of a parent over a child is so much more than in a marriage of peers, so we should be even more protective of that relationship.
Yelling, we’d probably all agree that isn’t great (even the people who don’t think raising a voice with a spouse is necessarily bad). But haven’t many parents raised their voice at their kids? “For the tenth time, put on your shoes!!”
Or we accept something like cry-it-out sleep training as “parental discretion”. You are literally leaving your baby to cry in distress. And if we question it, we are anti-women or something. I’m sure this sense of cognitive dissonance is what gave rise to the gentle parenting movement (but even that is backfiring because permissive parents are getting more frustrated and still losing their cool).
Not to mention parents referring to their kids with insults (toddlers are jerks) that would have us side-eyeing if said about a spouse. Discuss…
Jerk is a behavior that can be changed in an instant. No qualms about calling my kids jerks when warranted. Personal insults about looks, weight, intelligence are off-limits.
When younger my girl child had a talent for crocodile tears. She was allowed to cry it out and I’d talk to her about her concerns when she was ready to talk. But kids are just as capable of emotional manipulation as adults and I don’t believe in encouraging that.
Does your daughter like you now? Do you like her?
Of course. And I still call her out when she’s being a jerk. And she does the same back now that she’s older.
Sounds super loving!
I’m sure your definition of “loving” would not suit my own family dynamics. My job is to send a capable adult into the world who can handle her business.
I wonder what happened in your own childhood that makes you think that goal cannot coexist with being kind to your children.
I didn’t see anything unkind here. It’s unkind to let your kid grow up to be a terror.
You can raise a child who is not a jerk without ever calling your child a jerk.
Of course it’s not ideal to yell at your kids. But people are human and slip up some times. And your characterization of sleep training is indeed anti-women.
So why isn’t that same “people slip up” curtesy extended to spouses? (I myself think it should be, within reason, but I’d say 80% of people here think it’s abuse.)
The most aggressive forms of sleep training are child abuse that we’re pretending is okay because society isn’t structured to facilitate parents doing a gentler strategy. But it still is atrocious to leave your literal infant to sob with no comfort for 30+ minutes.
We should cover breastfeeding vs formula next! Then we can do daycare vs SAHM.
None of those choices rise to the level of child abuse, HTH!
Oh, I can see you’re not up to date on the mommy wars then. Many, many women believe that formula is tantamount to abuse and that refusing to stay home with your kids is neglect.
Then private school vs public! 90s kid summer vs summer academics! :)
The original Ferber method of comforting the child at 5-10 minute intervals, but not picking them up, is the most humane method of sleep training, in addition to working remarkably well. Too bad he had to revise his books because even this gentle method was not acceptable to more modern parents. How would you suggest society facilitate sleep training? Even if parents got paid to stay home, they still need some sleep.
I think the 5-10 minute comfort strategy is totally fine if it seems well fitted to the kid and there are no medical issues. You’re still comforting the baby! I am referring to complete CIO; that’s why I said “the most aggressive.”
There is no official sleep training strategy that advocates leaving your child to cry for hours and hours on end. Every strategy involves check-in or intervention of crying has not stopped. There’s no point in arguing because the two sides of the debate will literally never come together.
Ferber itself is considered kind of “gentle,” and the 7th day of it involves allowing a baby to cry for 1 hr 45 m with only four check-ins. That is way too long with way too little comfort for an infant, and yes, that is abusive.
You have no idea what real abuse is. Consider yourself lucky.
I do have a very clear idea of what real abuse is, and that’s why I’m nice to my children.
People do neglect their children with CIO as the excuse and explanation. It’s awful to witness. “Oh yes hmm I can see that he’s crying so hard he’s now vomited and gasping for breath between screams. Yes it has been going on quite a while. But we’re doing CIO so he needs to learn to self soothe!” If that’s not what is officially advocated, maybe they need to communicate better. But taking advantage of babies simply not being mobile enough to seek help more effectively isn’t okay.
I’m sure someone somewhere has used sleep training to neglect their child but that’s hardly what’s recommended.
That literally is what sleep training is, for Ferber-style methods and up.
No. Letting your baby fuss for a few minutes is not equivalent to leaving a full out screaming baby to vomit in their crib. Get a grip.
none of my kids made it to day 7 of Ferber. They were all sleep trained after 2-3 nights. If it hadn’t been working, I wouldn’t have continued. But it’s not abusive to do for a few days.
Yeah, my experience with Ferber was day 1 was rough with several check-ins, day 2 involved like 1, after that things were fine and my baby was getting much better quality sleep. If people think that’s abusive, they need to leave their bubble.
Exactly. No one ever does 7 days of failing Ferber because it works in 2 days.
Someone on the moms board posted that their baby vomited 9 nights in a row and they were continuing the sleep training. So.
Someone on the moms board posted that her baby vomited 9 nights in a row and they were continuing the training. So.
Nowhere did that mom report her baby being left unattended for hours while it screamed and vomited. That wasn’t the scenario, but you picking on her again is mean-spirited.
It sounds like everyone agrees that day 7 of Ferber would be abusive but day 1 is fine, so we are all on the same page!
Yeah the mom’s page was something else entirely. The kid kept vomiting, but it wasn’t proceeded by crying and I think was very soon after the parents left the room. Really mean to pick on her either way by bringing it up again, but also you got the the facts all wrong.
(I didn’t sleep train fwiw.)
That mom’s story evolved so many times that I genuinely don’t know what was going on with her kid. I think it was possible to read her situation about 12 different ways!
I don’t think leaving infants to cry for 30 minutes is normal? I had kids who didn’t need sleep training (bless them, the one way in which they were easy) but friends who sleep trained did 5 minute intervals, which seems very different than 30.
Ferber involves 30 minutes without a check in by day 7.
Nobody gets to day 7, as lots of people are saying.
I am not a great parent, but I don’t yell at my kids and I don’t allow them to cry unattended in infanthood for long stretches of time. I do judge my friends who do both behaviors, especially when they’re shocked that their kids misbehave. Respect goes both ways, and some people train their dogs with more kindness than they’re treating their kids.
which came first, the spicy child or the yelling parent? tell me you’re a POOPCUP with out telling me you’re a POOPCUP
I have three kids, lmao.
You can still have poopcup energy with more than one kid. This sounds like you lucked into easy, neurotypical kids and are giving yourself credit for what is really a genetic lottery win.
My oldest has complex medical needs. I don’t yell at her. My response time to her crying as an infant was even quicker than it was with the younger two because she was legitimately in pain and too young for the medications she’s now on that help. But even for the two that were just dealing with normal baby pains, I did not leave them crying for long periods.
But please, keep making assumptions and projecting. You honestly are making me feel like a better mom, because who knew “I don’t take my frustrations out on my children” was not the bare minimum?
I don’t yell at my kids either. I’m just saying poopcup isn’t about how many kids you have; it’s about giving yourself credit for things that were luck.
You just had to bring in sleep training, didn’t you?
I do agree that it’s not OK to call children jerks. I’ve heard the justifications many times and I don’t agree with them.
+1.
Ugh. Do you have kids…? Young kids can be jerks but it’s developmentally normal. They haven’t figured out how to control their emotions yet and don’t fully grasp the needs or priorities of their parents. No one is calling their kid a jerk to their face- it was a dad saying that in conversation with other adults.
Level headed adults sometimes yell out of frustration when they’ve clearly and calmly communicated something multiple times but the person still isn’t getting it. So yeah parents yell when they told their kid to put on their shoes five times and it’s not sinking in. Sometimes things are important or time sensitive, and you can’t have an extended conversation about putting on the freaking shoes every morning. This isn’t an abuse of the parent-child power dynamic.
Right. If I’ve repeated myself a billion times and something still isn’t happening, I have learned to say to my kids, in a non-yelling voice, “OK, now I’m getting mad because I have asked nicely and it isn’t getting done. What’s your next step?” Or something similar. That works with older kids, that won’t work at all with a toddler.
I am not a yeller or screamer. But does my voice convey frustration at times? Yeah, it does. And while I never want to scare my kids, there is a time for some well-placed frustration. It will never be the first time, but it sure might be on the third, fourth or fifth! OK, now I’ll wait while someone calls me verbally abusive.
I’m OP and yes I have 4 kids. And yes I raise my voice and even yell sometimes (and apologize a lot). But I’m also one of the people who think yelling can sometimes happen even in loving relationships, and am shocked at all the black and white thinkers when it comes to husbands!
And to be clear: I’m not trashing parents. I’m calling out people who think their husbands should treat them better/more delicately than they treat their kids (or believe it’s acceptable to treat kids when they push your buttons) – and wondering why?
I assume people think that fully verbal adults should be using their words and their words alone, whereas children are not fully verbal so there needs to be more nonverbal communication.
I actually do try really hard not to yell at my kid, and when I fail at that I apologize and talk about it. And I think you’re wrong about sleep training. I didn’t abandon my
newborn to cry for hours, but my baby is now 8 months. I don’t answer every cry immediately because part of my job is actually teaching my kid that they can self soothe and helping them to learn how to sleep through the night. And yes while I might say toddlers are jerks in conversation I’d never say it to or in front of my child. I don’t hit either.
Mom’s board please
I also have no desire to engage in this discussion (and I have kids!), but you can just collapse the conversation….
Please don’t bring this “I’m going to throw a lit match” mentality over there. Most of us appreciate the very different vibe there.
I don’t like it here and there is a whole page for this ish.
I think parents are more gentle now because we’re older, have fewer children, and spend a lot less time with our kids. Our kids generally aren’t in high stakes situations. It’s just a different era in humanity. We also have people who are horrified at sleep training because they have plenty of time to cater to their crying child. What luxury.
Describing attending to a crying child as a “luxury” is a wild take.
Going without sleep for years is a luxury. And honestly, not great for the kid either.
I have bad sleepers, and I certainly am not “going without sleep for years.”
No, and it’s never talked about enough. Sleep-deprived, angry parents who never share the same bed anymore and cater to their child 24/7, burying all their own needs, can certainly cause a very harmful environment. That’s not including the risk of psychosis, falling asleep at the wheel, chronic health damage, etc.
Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify neglecting your children, lol. But those are not realistic fears.
What rock do you live under that those aren’t realistic fears? Oh wait, not actually a mother. Got it.
I am a mother of bad sleepers. I am not psychotic or falling asleep at the wheel lol.
Maybe you’re just lucky. I know someone who was so sleep deprived she accelerated into a parking garage wall instead of reversing.
I still remember a horrible moment driving to work when my oldest was probably 5-6 months old. I really think I blacked out for a moment on the road, I was so sleep-deprived. It scared me so much.
Anonymous at 4:52, you’re lucky. You’re also making the fundamental mistake of projecting your own experience onto all mothers. It’s a bit self-centered.
I’m not lucky. I structure my life so I do not get to that level of tired or to not drive if I can’t. That means shifts, napping, stepping back from extracurriculars, and taking public transit or an uber if I am not safe to drive, etc.
I’m not lucky. I structure my life to make it work. That means shifts, hiring help, quitting optional things, etc. And it also means taking an uber or public transportation if I’m not safe to drive.
Basically you’re just completely unaware of your privilege then. Most people can’t uber or hire help instead of sleep training.
Ah yes, that perfect solution for struggling mothers everywhere – just hire help! It’s known to be very cheap and easy.
Also? You don’t have to do life on hard mode. There’s no prize for it.
By “hired help,” I mean we do grocery pickup instead of me going to the store. That’s free. I take the train to work on days when I’m too tired to drive; I have structured my life so I live near one train station and work near another. If I’m too tired to take the train or drive, I take an uber. I do pay to get the dog groomed instead of doing it myself, and we have a person who comes to do the yard work once a month. The grand total for all of this outsourcing is about $300 a month, which most families of the socioeconomic class that posts here can easily afford. I clean my own house and car, which seems to be less common here.
It is ok if your priorities are different. But women of the sort who post here manage to make parenting bad sleepers work for them without sleep training or getting behind the wheel while too tired to drive all the time.
They also have plenty of time to bully. I’ve literally seen women ream out a mother who was crying, completely exhausted from not sleeping for months and feeling guilty for letting her baby cry for 10 minutes, and telling her she shouldn’t have had kids. I learned very early on in parenting that tuning out “opinions” is the right choice 99% of the time.
I haven’t sleep trained my baby (yet) because we haven’t seen the need – we got blessed with a good little sleeper (for the most part), so I don’t have a real dog in this fight. I will say, though, that there is a side that will scream how abusive it is while ignoring the positive testimony from families that have tried Ferber or CIO methods. True abusive behavior results in children suffering – they begin bedwetting, have trouble in school, withdraw, act out, etc. With babies, you should see regressions and failure to thrive. The reports from families that try Ferber tend to say one of two things – either it didn’t work and they tried something else, or it was such a resounding success that they wish they had done it sooner. Their babies wake up smiling, happy, and well-rested, not as fragile shells of themselves. The families are happier. The parents and the marriage do better. Their health improves. The babies hit all their milestones. These findings are borne out in peer-reviewed research, including high-quality RCTs. Something cannot be abusive and lead to positive outcomes by definition. If you want to argue “well we can’t KNOW that there are no long-term negative impacts,” the very same is true for the reverse – we can’t KNOW there are no long-term negative impacts of attachment parenting all night long.
Yes exactly. The tide didn’t turn against spanking because of vibes – there’s high quality research that shows it’s harmful for kids. The sleep training fear mongering has none of that.
What about the negative testimony from people who tried CIO? And in this case, I really doubt the high quality RCTs were capturing what people do in the name of CIO outside of RCTs.
Cite the actual studies you’re referencing, please.
Go pick up Cribsheet. There are 16 citations in the references for the sleep training chapter. One is a review of 16 CIO RCTs (52 studies total).
Sounds like you have a copy and could cite the actual studies easily!
Or you could download it for free at your library and read it easily – if your interest is genuine.
It has a 16 week wait at my library on Libby, so I guess I’ll see you back here in November!
I’m not going to offer a referendum on my parenting choices. But here’s what I want to say: I tried and continue to try my very best. I’ve made mistakes; I’ve made choices I wouldn’t make again now that I’m nearly 15 years out; I’ve made choices that others wouldn’t agree with but which worked for my family.
This is a nasty prompt, designed to showcase some smug judgment and self-importance, not to get advice or hear different perspectives.
I said above that the point is not to beat down parents, sorry. It is to question why so many posters think actions are abusive in one situation (husband to wife) and not in another (parent to kid). I give people a lot of leeway and am not judging when people lose their cool because they are human beings. That’s why I’m perplexed why so many people judge the spouses who misstep so harshly
If you don’t want to beat down mothers don’t call them abusive for following commonly given by experts parenting recommendations.
And recommendations that are shown to be effective, non-harmful, and beneficial to families in the highest quality studies we can run. Anyone who doesn’t want to sleep train doesn’t have to, but if they change their minds, it should be with the knowledge that it’s all going to be fine.
Parenting experts also once recommended corporal punishment. I get your point, but sometimes saying a bad thing is a bad thing is ok.
I did not call it abusive. The point is other people call all manner of things “abuse” and don’t seem to be consistent of what that standard is across age groups. And I only said CIO, not the myriad other types of sleep training that exist
And I don’t think parents who spanked their children when that was the recommended best practice were per se abusive either. Maybe evidence will emerge that sleep training is a problem but it hasn’t so far and it’s not abusive to go with the best practices you currently know about.
Nah, sorry. If this is OP, then this is disingenuous. You brought up sleep training, and then shut down a discussion by anouncing your own boundary; said you’re throwing a lit match on the pile, etc. This is sh*t-stirring, judgy crap. And it worked. Well done.
I read this differently. It’s almost a cliche here to say “divorce” if anyone’s SO does anything like yell etc. — it’s abuse and you should leave before it get worse, which it will no matter what. Meanwhile, parents get to do all that and then some at their kids and it’s fine. The out match comment was a cheeky acknowledgement of the fact that this may stir up people’s issues. Which it did, clearly, but I don’t think anticipating the way it would get misinterpreted equals stirring the pot. People are defensive!
Co-sign. There are things I’ve done and not done that I wouldn’t repeat, and there are things that I’m sure would get me the side-eye from younger, gentler moms that I would do again in a New York minute.
My kid cried “in distress” any time she was set down AND any time I stopped talking out loud to her for the first, oh, 18 months? She is a happy adult now with whom I have a good relationship, but god, what a messed up view it would be for someone to think it was abuse for me to let her cry herself to sleep every now and then because I was literally hoarse from reciting every last lyric to every 80s advertising jingle I could remember and nearly dropping her on the floor out of sheer exhaustion.
I’m also “distressed” that I can’t eat chocolate cake all day long without impacting the way my clothes fit, yo.
Sometimes babies just need to cry. It’s unrealistic and cruel to expect mothers to magically stop it. I had a baby who screamed during the “witching hour” and we just carried her around and let her scream and stopped worrying about getting her to stop. This approach was much less distressing for all concerned.
Yes, sometimes people just need to cry really!
Hopefully a non-spicy question. Do you use a VPN?
I assume you mean personal and not work. I use one to access my work stuff, but not personal.
I would like to, but I don’t know how.
Pay for a reputable one. Anything free I would be highly skeptical of. Once you’ve paid for it, you will almost certainly have instructions, but basically you download, install, and open it when you want to browse more securely.
Work, yes. Personal, no but have toyed with the idea a few times. I don’t do a whole lot on my personal network, though. Even most of my social media takes place on my work VPN. If work ever started tightening access to non-work things, I would probably opt for a VPN for personal use.
Yes, I use TunnelBear vpn on public WiFi and when I need to spoof my location.
I only pay for a month at a time when I need to spoof my location. https encrypts now!
How to deal with a spouse dealing with a dark time? My husband has been job searching for 2 months. He got notice in June that his job would be getting moved offshore on Sept. 1, and has been looking for a new role ever since. He has gotten one offer that would be a perfect fit in every way, but he needs to have his greencard finalized since they don’t sponsor H1B. The green card should come pretty soon, but we don’t know exactly when.
My husband has fallen into a really intense negative spiral. He gets incredibly positive responses from interviews, but frequently tells me he is incapable of retaining any information or doing well (he always says this, and it’s never true). He says the green card won’t come for months, though in all likelihood it will come in days. He has started breaking down crying daily in overwhelm, even though all signs are positive so far (he has an offer, another company’s CEO really wants to hire him but is finishing up the interview process to get others’ buy-in). Yet he seems to be breaking.
I find myself getting frustrated with him though, because it feels like he’s very attached to the negative thinking patterns. I can say that “you have an offer” and his response is “but not the green card so it will fall through!” I can say “You’re more likely to get the green card sooner than later, since the lawyer said we can expect it any day” and he’ll say “it could be months!” (this is very unlikely). I can say “but even if this one falls through, this other company wants to hire you.” To which he responds “I can’t retain any information, I can’t focus on anything, I don’t remember anything, I will bomb the interviews and I’m incapable of doing anything well.” He always says this, and then does an amazing job every time. His mom says he would say the same thing when he was in school (“I can’t remember anything”) and then get A’s. I also have been trying to get him to start taking care of his mental health for months (exercising daily, journaling, walks, meditation, therapy, anything) and he just doesn’t do any of it. He sits at a screen all day doing interview prep, telling himself it will go horribly, not exercising or going outside, not journaling, and then seems totally broken by everything.
I’m just worn out. I try to be there for him in every moment, but I’m tired of the irrational negativity spiral and the arguing with me to say things are horrible and the lack of taking care of his mental health. At this point it feels like a choice to feel as bad as absolutely possible. We also have enough savings to last us a decade without working, we are 28/29, have tons of family support, and his family is generationally wealthy. He could work at either of our family’s. businesses if he wanted to (my dad has offered, which neither of us thinks is a good idea, but still). I’m just done with him feeling woe is me when everything is objectively fine. The only thing that isn’t fine is him beating himself up constantly and spiraling into depression, but he doesn’t seem to be taking even a bare minimum step to address this.
Please note this is a vent and I’m not saying any of this to him – nothing but loving support when I am comforting him. I’m just getting so frustrated by the whole thing.
Honestly, spend less time with him so your batteries can recharge and he doesn’t have you as a dumping ground for his spiraling.
This is great advice. +1.
Rough. I’m so sorry to hear what you are dealing with. Hoping that you will get through this stressful time soon.
Can you take a walk outside with him after dinner, as part of your routine? And no talking about green card / interviews etc. You both could use the stress reduction.
This unfortunately seems to be his personality/mood disorder, with an exponentially rising stress level due job loss + GC issues + current political anti-immigrant situation. Those are big stressors. And it sounds like you are the more stable personality to begin with, making it even more challenging since you can see the light.
I’m really hoping his GC comes soon. Keep us posted.
If you’ve been after him for months to take care of his mental health, then you’ve been seeing issues that predated the unemployment. His mom confirms that this way of viewing himself and his life has been his mode since he was a child.
If this pattern of him cycling into darkness/despair and you being the support system is ingrained into your entire relationship with him, I’d suggest therapy for yourself (even if short-term) simply so you can learn some strategies and ways to be in a relationship with someone like this. You need an outside person giving you new patterns.
Honestly, him dumping every negative emotion onto you without any self-awareness is really immature on his part. Have you told him how stressful his unwillingness to govern his own feelings is for you? Have you drawn any boundaries or set any limits on how much you will take on? Have you considered telling him he needs to learn a healthier way to deal with his feelings of insecurity, if not for his sake, for yours?
With the historical perspective from his mother, it sounds very possible he’s on the spectrum. I recommend some research on the topic, which may help you navigate. It sounds like he won’t agree to therapy, but you should get yourself to therapy ASAP to help cope.
There is nothing you can say or do that will make him into a glass half full, silver linings kind of guy.
And there is nothing that obligates you to keep listening to his ruminating over the half full, will fall down and crack, glass. It’s okay to say you’re doing it again, let’s change the subject. Don’t be his emotional bin.
If he’s neurotically leaning, and you’re prosaically leaning (not stating either, just a hypothetical), your insistence on positivism can go toxic, and his insistence on negativity can be exhausting and draining. Either way, external support would be good.
When people spiral like this especially if you’re used to arguing them out of it with logic, I’d say focus on the *emotion* “Wow, that sounds scary and upsetting. I’m sorry you’re feeling like that” (less stiff and formal of course). What can I do to distract you or get your mind off it? Silly 90s comedy? Pizza night?” (or whatever).
I’ve learned that just “being there” like acknowledging the feelings can sometimes stop the spiral because what they really want is to be *heard* and acknowledged.
You can try the “It’ll be okay, I have a good feeling” type of vague not super satisfying response too, “teaching” him that you’re not a good person to co-spiral with but I’d try the “I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re really going through it right now” version first.
I’m so annoyed at all the “cancel Pete Buttigieg” commentary on Bluesky right now because he dared to say maybe trans athletes shouldn’t be in girls’ sports. I wonder if it will trickle into the mainstream.
https://www.advocate.com/news/pete-buttigieg-transgender-athletes
People want to cancel him for that? It was an excellent and nuanced answer. Ugh we are going to have 100 more years of right wing government.
I agree. He is very thoughtful.
Don’t worry, the tide is turning big time. See the World Athletics and Olympics decisions just this week.
Wow we just trying for all the controversial topics today, huh?
I’m not biting on this one!
Love this suit. Finally one with pants that cover your ankles.