Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Tailored Trousers
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
These tailored trousers from H&M look like they could become a wardrobe workhorse. They’re high-waisted and straight-leg and could cover the entire spectrum of business casual.
For a more “business” look, I would add a white top and camel blazer. To make it a more casual, I would do a short-sleeved sweater and your favorite office sneaker.
The pants are $19.99 at H&M and come in sizes 0-26. They’re also available in black, brown, and gray.
Sales of note for 10/9
- Ann Taylor – 40% off must-have styles, and 30% off your full price purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- The Fold – Up to 25% off with their Workwear Mix and Match offer
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Fall style event! 25% off $500+, 30% off $750+ — try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Nordstrom – 1000+ new markdowns!
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Soma -$25 off when you spend $110+, also get a free bra when you buy two
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $150+
Looking for your thoughts on a scenario.
I recently attended a county bench-bar meeting featuring a speaker, one of my state’s supreme court justices. It was a sit-down dinner and reception at the local country club and everyone was in business formal and casual work attire. At the event was about 50 of our local bar members (it’s a small county) and all of our county judges.
Another woman attorney who had her second child recently (8 weeks) brought the baby to the event. I was at the table that she sat at. After she arrived, the baby was in her car seat beside the attorney-mom’s seat, and the attorney-mom stepped out for a minute. When she came back in, she was holding her wearable breast pumps, which were full as she apparently just finished pumping. She sat them on the table. Then, she proceeded to get out bottles and storage containers (like the little 8oz tubes you get at the hospital) and measure out the milk from the pumps into the bottles before putting everything into her cooler bag.
I, too, am a mom to two young kids and a full-time attorney and did pump with one of my kids. So, I get that While I fully applaud normalizing breast feeding/pumping/prioritizing working parents, I found this to be inappropriate for the setting. I’ve always taken the approach of handling those tasks in my home, another comfortable semi-private setting like my car or office, or in some circumstances around close friends/family. It would just not occur to me to do that at the dinner table in that setting rather than in my car beforehand or step out and go to another room.
Also, her husband was home with the toddler, so I am not sure why she brought the baby. I did find out that she takes the baby to work and to court proceedings (real estate assessment appeal hearings as a solicitor, not hearings in front of a judge, but with other attorneys and a panel of professionals).
I have no intent to say anything, but I’m curious if this is now the norm, and I am just more conservative.
I’ve been a pumper, but a private one. I have a chronic sinus condition and will excuse myself to blow my nose so it’s not at the table, so I seem to be of a “no bodily fluids at the table” sort of person. I know noses and nose fluids are natural but I feel like we’d all have a better meal without calling attention to them.
That would have given me the ick. Bodily fluids should not be at the table. (I don’t even drink mammalian milk).
I have a lot of sympathy for litigants in court bringing babies and feeding them discretely but it’s a formal setting when it’s your workplace. And this event was more workplace than a social lunch (in which case, why bring the baby if you are going to pump?). Curious what an employment lawyer would think and also if you are a solo practitioner, I guess you just get to do what you want and deal with any fallout.
Because she wants to be with her baby and may not be able to nurse. This is something moms who could nurse easily often don’t get.
I think it’s the repackaging at the table that’s getting the side-eye.
I was responding to the question about why she brought the baby if she was also going to pump.
She’s working with an 8 week old baby. I don’t think it’s that appropriate either but it’s not the main thing to be outraged about.
I don’t think any outrage is necessary here. We don’t know the circumstances of her working. She may really have wanted to attend this dinner, which sounds like it had an interesting speaker and was a terrific networking opportunity. Women should be able to take appropriate family leave, but we should also normalize women who want to continue to be ambitious professionals even when they have children.
The OP said she has also been going to work in court, which implies that she went back to work well before eight weeks. We’re socialized to think that’s normal in the US but it’s not. If a woman goes back to work that early, I think we all forfeit the right to criticize anything she does to make her life easier.
Plenty of people go back that soon. Talk to people who work for themselves or for a small business or work PT.
I am a solo and was working well before that, but not FT and all remotely (just dealing with a pumping schedule really impacted workflow and availability for many things and when I did a test call, you could clearly hear the pump in the background). I would not have gone out with a baby to a big indoor event that early because they have no real immune system.
I agree. My reaction would be very different if the baby was 8 months old. But if a women with a 8 week old has been forced to return to work (as evidenced by her being in hearings), then I’m willing to give a lot more grace.
+1. Yes, a small minority of women truly want to go back that early. But usually they leave their babies with nannies then. The fact that she’s bringing the baby everywhere suggest she does not in fact want to be away just yet.
Did this country club have a private place for her to pump that wasn’t the bathroom? If no, then you have your answer.
Most country clubs have ladies lounges with couches and such, and also private areas where you could talk on your phone (because you aren’t supposed to be on them in that setting).
And was there a place with a large enough flat surface for her to safely transfer milk without a risk of spilling? If not, that’s the answer. I’ve seen cute little pumping room setups with no table/ counter space.
I mean feels like you just wanna have some fun judging her. Sure it’s unusual. But why does it matter to you?
She should have done the repackaging in whatever room she did the pumping. I’ve had 3 babies, pumped/nursed through all of them, had my share of breast milk drama. For lots of reasons, if only convenience on her end!
She was using wearables. I presume she chose to use wearables so she wouldn’t be excluded from the business conversation. That’s probably also why she didn’t leave for a long time to do the repackaging – or maybe she didn’t want to take the baby in the car seat on a wild goose chase looking for a private place to handle it in someone else’s country club.
This whole post feels so judgmental.
No, this is totally unprofessional, and I say that as a mom who br**stfed, pumped at the office, and took my baby places. (And who can’t help noting the irony that we can’t type the word br**st to avoid mod.) Bringing her baby was just fine, as would be nursing at the table, imho. She obviously found a private place to pump, which is appropriate. But pulling out bottles and pouring milk into them at a professional dinner table is just weird. Think of similar gender neutral examples – you wouldn’t bring all of your pills for the week, put the bottles on the table, and work on portioning them out into a daily pill dispenser. You wouldn’t bring a bunch of cash that you just took out of the ATM and portion it into different envelopes to work on your budget for the week.
Those aren’t similar examples because you don’t have to portion out pills into a container every three hours or risk mastitis. You’re not on a time crunch processing bills from the ATM because a hungry baby is waiting.
Since there were definitely places she could have done all this (women’s lounge, her car, even a quiet corner), I feel it was not appropriate at the table. If she was someplace that there was no where she could do this then I would be okay with it.
I thought you were going to say she started breastfeeding the child at the table. Not sure how I would have felt about that.
Breastfeeding at the table is fine. The prosthetics would probably weird me out more? But if we want professional spaces to be more inclusive, we need to change what is considered appropriate.
Why do they pose “tailored” pants like this?
We call this the potty stance in our house.
Staaaaahhhhppp. These look nothing like a wardrobe workhorse.
Right?! Why she lying to us
If you click through and look at the pants, they seem like basic work trousers that could be a workhorse. It is the styling in the photo (and the lighting, which makes them look velvet or something), that is off.
This is a very low rise. Those days are over for this 40-something.
And the crop top. It’s giving waiting in line at the fraternity bathroom.
Yeah, the photos for the other colors make them look more like work pants, tho they still look mid-rise at best.
And the shoes could not be any uglier.
Does anyone have a reasonable dupe of these lovely boots, perhaps at a price without a comma in it?
https://www.gianvitorossi.com/us_en/woman/shoes/boots/glen/G80627.85RIC.C45TEXA.html?_gl=1*67erhz*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3aLHBhDTARIsAIRij5_1oqZCdPApptQcKhaArnVYYV_SF1Y7B-c51zcI6rxBhZGFl-kozcUaAhGBEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAAoR9z263l6LmxQkN38nZUdRUiQix8
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Anthropologie has some tall brown suede scrunch boots.
These look VERY close https://www.ralphlauren.com/women-footwear-shoes/artizan-suede-tall-boot/0077873156.html?utm_source=CSE&utm_medium=GooglePLA__20393770262_&utm_source=PMax&utm_medium=GooglePLA__20393770262_&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20388686049&gbraid=0AAAAADvCVODNlz-iY8h2iyydGpe1l_1Ru&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3aLHBhDTARIsAIRij5_EbwmqFOo2ROu9qm_P5jytq4PP5t-0bQeQ2_SS3tuGXa6aQgP7vhEaAkwHEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Similar look but slightly lighter tan
https://saintg.us/products/saint-priscilla-tan-suede-leather-knee-high-slouch-boots?variant=52429094486176&country=US¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&srsltid=AfmBOorUDQTI4nuuf-eJpm5dapL1aqEo-l7P6FKtWVWvfVXYziB4TneVoas&com_cvv=8fb3d522dc163aeadb66e08cd7450cbbdddc64c6cf2e8891f6d48747c6d56d2c
Happy Friday! Low stakes question, what’s your favorite daytime moisturizer that has SPF and works well under makeup. Everything I try seems to pill.
La Roche Posay. I layer the SPF moisturizer with Saie tinted SPF moisturizer. No pilling.
La Roche-Posay double repair SPF30 or Beauty of Joseon relief sun SPF50.
I bounce back and forth. No pilling ever, and both serve as a light primer under tinted moisturizer or foundation. I think the Joseon is a bit lighter, so I often choose it for the warm months.
Perricone Vitamin C Ester Photo-Brightening moisturizer. I tried a sample and rebought the full size; I really like it.
I use Cerave, let it sink in, and add isntree on top. Best solution for me so far, zero pilling.
Paula’s Choice Super-Light Wrinkle Defense SPF 30
Honestly, I love my Cetaphil with SPF 15.
I have started using an SPF serum (like Mad Hippie) as it goes on light and is great under makeup. I use my regular moisturizer than the serum. I have not been able to to find a good moisturizer with SPF that is good under makeup, so this seems to be a good solution for me.
Hi hive,
I posted yesterday afternoon and didn’t get any responses. I’m mid-40s and changing jobs for the first time in a decade because my work situation has become untenable. An ideal job for me was just posted yesterday and my mind’s a little scrambled bc of how urgently I need to change jobs.
– Are we allowed to use a bit of color on a resume, like writing our name or category headings in blue?
– Someone I worked with in 2018 now works for this target company. How do I politely cold contact them on LinkedIn to tell them I’m applying? This person and I had a particularly good working relationship, but 7 years is a long time.
– Do I mention in my cover letter that I know Person in Department? We’d work for the same overall division at the same level, like me a VP in east coast sales and him a VP in west coast sales.
– How much am I supposed to write about each job on my resume? Now that I have a 20 year work experience, a meaty paragraph of verb-started sentences feels like enough for each job, but in some ways it also feels like nowhere near enough.
If there’s anyone out there who regularly hires to know what’s current and wouldn’t mind taking a look at my resume and cover letter, I’d be eternally grateful. If you’ll post a burner, I’ll be in touch asap.
Def reach out to your old coworker and mention her in application. No question.
Yeah at least reach out. The company may have a referral program that she can put you in.
A few years ago, a former co-worker of mine messaged me on linkedin that she was looking at a job in my department at my new company (I had been there almost 2 years) and if I could take a look at her resume since we had done the same job at our previous company. I was thrilled she reached out and to help. She got the job at the new company and has been crushing it ever since.
Yes, just be clear about what you want when you reach out. See if she can give you a referral. Some companies offer referral bonuses so it might be a win-win. I wouldn’t ask for a call “for her perspective” as mentioned below unless that’s a genuine ask and not a roundabout way to get a referral. I asked three old colleagues for referrals at different companies in my last job search and they all eagerly replied yes. I think this is a common practice.
Very limited color like what you describe is fine but unnecessary. 99% of what I receive is all black. I’d actually just default to all black TBH.
Do not include this person’s name without contacting them first. Reach out on linkedin and ask to have a call. Don’t come at it like you’er looking to use her name – say you saw a posting and would appreciate her perspective, then, depending on the tone of the call you could eventually ask if you could include her name in the cover letter or as a referral if asked for one during the formal application process online.
I will die on this hill: your resume can be two pages. HOWEVER, you do not want “meaty paragraphs” or paragraphs at all. Bullets. 3-5 max per role depending on tenure in the role and relevance to the one you’re applying to. I’m 40, so 18 years in to my professional career and just switched jobs for the first time in a long time. My oldest roles were 1-2 bullets of 1 line of length a piece. My most recent company for which I had 13 years of tenure and 4 different jobs was 2/3 of my first page. My total resume was just shy of 1.5 pages.
As you move along in your career, it’s also okay to leave jobs off that are more than 15 years ago. You would probably never discuss them in an interview anyway. You can also leave off your graduation date if ageism is a concern.
To answer:
– Are we allowed to – NO
– Someone I worked – YES. 7 years is nothing. Definitely!
– Do I mention – Fine either way
– How much am I supposed – with 20 years, two pages, with more length for key jobs and less length for entry-level work
Unless you’re a lawyer color is fine and done well, is nice to see and can make a resume stand out. I hire lots of non-lawyers and many are doing this well. Agree you also need a plain text version for application systems but mostly you should be sending materials to your connections. A resume is a marketing document not a permanent file and needs to be one page. I don’t care how long you’ve worked, edit. And yes, get in touch with your former colleague, that’s how you get jobs.
Please get in touch with your colleague. Am I reading it right that it’s in government or just adjacent? If government look up some tips online about government hiring. It’s generally important to create some kind of linkage between each point and your qualifications. I would not point out gaps. Take more of the approach of answering the question you want to answer. ChatGPT is also really good at tailoring a resume to a job description but obviously you have to check it. With 20 years experience, two pages sounds right. Good luck!
Fine for a non-lawyer to use (tasteful, minimal) color on a resume but make sure that it reads well if printed in b&w, because somewhere along the way that will happen. Bullet points are easier to take in than sentences, and you don’t have to include all 20 years of experience. Edit out the early career stuff unless it’s impressive or relevant to what you’re looking at now. Also, always finalize your resume as a pdf so you don’t run into weird formatting stuff in other people’s systems.
Definitely reach out to your contact, over email if you have it, but LI is fine.
You’ve got this!!
OP here. Thanks all! Very helpful.
Re: my resume. It’s bullets, but presented in paragraph form, rather than an actual bulleted list, if that makes sense. So I have 8 bullets for my current job, “Manage XYZ. Organize 123. Oversee ABC.” presented like that instead of:
“Manage XYZ.
Organize 123.
Oversee ABC.”
I don’t know where I picked that up, but that seems to be the only style I’ve ever known ha. Should they be in a bulleted list specifically?
For a script for reaching out to my old colleague, I’m to go with something like, “Hi Colleague! It’s been years – how are you?! I live in City now (+a few more personal details to make it seem chatty?), and I just noticed that Company is hiring for Position and I’m looking to make a move. Do you know anything about it? How’s the team? Would love to catch up sometime! Anon”
I worked in a completely unrelated career field 15 years ago. Think something like firefighting vs being an art critic now. Rather than dredge up ancient bullets that have nothing to do with anything anymore, I’ve simply listed it at the very bottom of the resume as “Fire Company 14, Junior Firefighter, 2005-2010. Information available upon request”. Is that ok?
Chatty is fine. No need for info on request for unrelated jobs. You don’t even have to call them out specifically, you could edit everything down w a line that says “firefighter from 1990-2000, City X” – play with it with your real facts but listing the industry and years is fine.
You don’t have to include old jobs on your resume at all. Age discrimination in hiring is real, so it sometimes helps not to show your whole work history. In this case, I’d leave it off.
Thank you both!
I’m not sure I’m understanding the distinction you’re making for bullets in block v. paragraph. I think bullets-as-bullets is actually much more readable so I wouldn’t convert to paragraphs.
Make sure you’re using active/results oriented language in the bullets – try to describe your achievement versus scope. Think “managed litigation footprint across 12 divisions” to “achieved successful resolutions of litigation across 12 divisions”
Thanks!
I have a section at the bottom of my resume for “other work experience” that doesn’t include any bullets, just the title, location and start and end dates.
I also have a “key accomplishments” section at the very top where I’ve pulled three big wins from different roles. Things like “completed a project $X under budget” or “reduced operating costs by X%”
My work history is ~16 years and my resume is a page and a half. I limit myself to 5 bullets per role (and some have only 3).
Thank you! These are great ideas, both of them.
Seven years is nothing. I just got off of the phone with someone I worked with 15 years ago, so long ago that I’d forgotten, but she hadn’t. She is now at a different vendor but remembered our interaction positively.
slow claps to the people in the chicken costume and the frog costume in the Portland protests — I love how the absurdist costumes defeat the whole war-torn criminal craziness narrative.
example article:
https://www.lemonde.fr/en/international/article/2025/10/10/in-portland-activists-use-humor-to-counter-donald-trump-s-apocalyptic-portrayal-of-the-city_6746281_4.html
I loved this! And I saw a group of older ladies playing ukuleles and singing ‘this land is your land’
I feel like a 70s hippie vibe would be hard for Trump to counter.
Yes!
I totally agree.
Force the Fox News folks to have no other photos than ones like this.
Please help me shop– I am attending a bat mitzvah in mid-December near Philadelphia. Between having kids/Covid, I really do not have any winter occasion dresses. I am seeing some of this stuff in stores now, so I’m hoping now is an ok time to start shopping.
Requirements–
— Unfussy, I will have a toddler and 4 year old with me.
— Can be worn with flats or boots with a low heel.
— I still have a bit of a mom pooch and larger hips. Slightly pear shaped. Current size would be a medium or 6/8.
— Budget would be <$200.
My go-to dresses are dark florals silk midis – they’re easy to dress up and down. Nordstrom usually has a lot but your budget is a bit too low for anything but a lucky sale. A decent dress is closer to $500.
Silk is not forgiving on lumps and bumps.
You’d be very surprised – I’ve got plenty and they’re the most flattering dresses I own. You need a heavier weight and don’t skip a slip or buy too small. They’re amazing.
Silk is also typically not forgiving of kid messes.
Well, I can’t help you there other than to say you shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything to the motherhood.
Nordstrom Rack may have something within your budget. I have found nice dresses there.
Check out Tuckernuck and Boden.
Look at the Tilden velvet (washable!) midi dress at Boden.
Caveat that I’ve never been to a bat mitzvah – is this dressy enough? https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=813445001&vid=1#pdp-page-content
This one from Maggy London looks a touch more formal https://maggylondon.com/products/candice-g6290?variant=48991747408162
Is this for the service? The party? Both?
I think Ann taylor has quite a few nice dresses right now. The gathered satin middy dress in particular would look great with a kitten heel. I also like some of the hyacinth house dresses on tuckernuck.
Favorite foundation for 40-something skin? I’ve been wearing Clinique Even Better for years but it’s starting to settle weird on my face as I get older.
Bobbi Brown Intensive Serum Foundation is my go to.
44 and while I rarely wear foundation anymore, I’ve been happy with Bare Minerals, Laura Gellar Balance and Brighten, and a Merit stick foundation that Sephora once accidentally included in my order.
Try a silicone-based foundation, like Face Atelier ultra skin. They don’t settle into fine lines and wrinkles like water-based formulas.
I like Chantecaille but have also been interested in some of the reviews of Jones Day foundation. I didn’t care for the scent with the blushes (or the saturation) but maybe the foundation would be ok?
For reasons, I have recently gained weight and need to fill in some work wardrobe gaps. I am looking for size 16, full length trousers with a real inseam of at least 30″ and neither knit nor 5-pocket casual. This should be a one-season size fluctuation, so I prefer not to break the bank, but I also don’t want to go with Old Navy pants that stretch into diaper-saggy butt throughout a single day’s wear. Any ideas?
Glaring at the JCF Remy’s that advertised themselves as filling all of these wishes, but came in at 27.5″ instead of 30″ because apparently we are cool with rounding these days…
Aritzia, maybe? They’ve got a lot of work pant options. I forget which style I bought recently for work (new agency, maybe?) but it’s the (re)ssential fabric.
If you like the JCF Remy otherwise, order them in the tall version for a longer inseam.
I actually tried that first! The rise was built for extra long torsos, so the crotch hung down like penguin pants on me. For anyone truly tall (including in the torso, who isn’t just looking for a longer inseam) those would be a great option.
If pleated is okay, look at the 365 high rise pleated trouser at the Gap. The regular length has a 31.5″ inseam.
My in laws come over maybe once every other weekend. They always bring their own food. It’s been about 8 years now.
We always have meals and snacks that we offer them, but they are pizza and cheesesteak people and we eat healthier food. My FIL used to make downright rude comments about things like black bean burgers, though he has not said anything recently.
Sometimes they come to help with the kids, and I do feel a little weird not serving them anything. But when I do, they decline and instead either order takeout or eat food they brought.
Do I just keep the status quo? Do I start giving them pizza?
Are you vegan/vegetarian as a moral principle or just because it’s healthier. That changes the calculus
I’m not sure why you think we are vegetarian. We are not, though we don’t eat a lot of meat.
That’s mostly for financial and health reasons, though I personally didn’t ever really develop a taste for meat since we didn’t eat much meat in my family growing up.
Because you mentioned serving black bean burgers (which, btw, I love), when your guests don’t like them. Figure out what they’d like to eat, and make that. They probably eat things other than pizza, but that’s the easiest thing for them to bring over or order out. Honestly, I get that it sounds like they have very limited food preferences, but it’s rude to make things for guests (particularly family that are helping out with your kids) that they don’t like.
Keep the status quo. This does not sound like a food allergy issue, just that they are oddly dedicated to their own preferences (like, 8 years and they aren’t even curious enough to try a veggie burger once??). Let them continue to own that.
Maybe they know they are gross and overly processed? I would decline a veggie burger every time….
OP here and I make Sally’s Baking Addiction black bean burgers. I find them to be really good! I don’t find them gross and overly processed- give them a try!
Never. Beans cause violent stomach issues for me. They’re actually quite polarizing. Whether processed or made from scratch.
This seems like an intentionally obtuse take. Presumably OP isn’t serving only black bean burgers every two weeks without fail for 8 years running.
Why can’t you just have a pizza night every other weekend on the night when they come over? We have pizza night every Friday, and I think we are generally healthy eaters. I feel bad for your kids if they aren’t allowed “unhealthy” food even twice a month.
My kids eat chicken tenders and mac and cheese like 3 nights a week and my oldest, aged 3, categorically refuses vegetables, chill.
I’m talking about adult meals.
+1 if you think having pizza or cheesesteak twice a month is too unhealthy you’re being way too rigid.
My children are literal babies and toddlers and no I’m not giving my 6 month old cheesesteak twice a month. I guess you can feel bad for him if you want. This board is endlessly annoying with how we all have to spell out every detail in every initial post.
My question was how to handle the ADULTS being offered meals and declining in favor of takeout.
Not the OP, but this sounds like a suggestion for adults. Why not have pizza when they come over?
I have celiac disease and cannot eat pizza. In laws don’t like the texture of GF pizza so they refuse. I also don’t like the texture, so I don’t eat it either. Not sure why they can’t just eat something different once every two weeks especially when they’re bringing food they know I cannot eat, in my own home.
Your six-month-old’s preferences shouldn’t dominate anyone’s dinner menu.
The idea is find something everyone likes. They don’t like your bean dish. I sure you can find something else that everyone likes. It’s rather rude to never try to figure this out.
I mean it’s been 8 years. I’ve offered probably dozens of different meals to them and they’ve declined all of them. It’s not like I give them nothing but black bean burgers. Last week was a chicken pasta dish, the week before was baked chicken with a quinoa salad. Can’t remember all the others off the top of my head. They don’t come for dinner specifically, but are often here during a mealtime. After 8 years of them declining everything we offer, I’m kind of out of ideas.
Keep the status quo. My family would say rude things about black bean burgers, too. People’s food preferences are very personal, and they seem content to handle their own stuff.
But maybe keep drinks they like on hand.
My in laws do this too. I find it super odd and kind of rude, but it’s how they do things and I have decided to let it go.
It’s been 8 years. It ain’t broken; don’t fix it.
This depends so much on your in-laws. This would be the kind of thing my stuck in his ways 85 year old FIL would do, and I would simply let it go. He’s like that. He won’t change. Heck, he’d probably not even like it if I ordered pizza because it’s not from that exact place he has been going to for 47 years.
if this were my MIL or my dad or any normal family member, I’d talk to them and meet in the middle, making sure to serve food they like. My MIL might bring food over thinking she doesn’t want to be a burden- and that’s ok too.
Your in-laws are being rude. That said, after 8 years, just keep the status quo. You could let them know in advance (“Looking forward to seeing you — black bean burgers tonight!”) if you wanted to, I suppose.
This response would be even ruder. Don’t serve guests things you know they don’t want–it doesn’t matter if it is your house.
For real. I always have a conversation with people about what I’m thinking of making and at this point know preferences and accommodate “I just don’t like tomatoes” people as much as anything else. I can eat them another night. So rude to not think of guests in your home.
I’ve offered them a variety of meals for 8 years, they decline every single one, they bring food they know I cannot eat, and somehow I’m the rude one?
A slight tweak would make it friendly: I know you and PopPop like your cheesesteaks, but you are welcome to try one of Jimmy’s homemade black bean burgers tonight if you like. Looking forward to seeing you!
And I agree that this board seems hellbent on reading everything in the most stilted, obtuse interpretation possible.
+1 to your final paragraph. It’s actually absurd.
Honestly, the literalism of this board & the fixation on details rather than the actual issue is so stark. No one is suggesting that once the OP knows they don’t eat black bean burgers that she keep serving them, specifically.
There is no real solution here, since OP has offered a huge range of things and has dietary restrictions herself. You could keep the status quo. You could ask in advance (“We’re excited to see you — what can we make us all for dinner?”). You could have a heart-to-heart (I’m not recommending this, by the way).
This sounds like something to let go. It’s not really worth the frustration, though I can see why it’s frustrating.
I want my MIL to help and be present in my kids life as much as possible. And I’m very used to various family members who adhere to various diets and food preferences (some have CKD, some with T2D, one with autism who just eats about half of what many kids eat, but is predictable). If they are predictable, then, yes — ask what you can keep on hand at your house for visits. And don’t get offended when they bring — coffee drinkers get a pass on this when they are particular. I’d ignore comments (which don’t seem to be current) and include them on any planned meals: “Linda, what place do you get pizza from again?”
FWIW, my “healthier” would kill my CKD dad: lots of spinach and bananas. And my spaghetti would be bad for my T2D sister in law. They are healthy foods *for me.* And the most unhealthy food is the food you won’t eat. And people need fuel. It is what it is. Accommodate with grace. This is the life you are given.
Is there anything that you make that they like? My inlaws are similar. We make things that just don’t work for their palates– lots of beans, grains, and vegetables– but there are a couple things we make that they do like– 5 bean chili, hearty mac and cheese, or grilled chicken and veggies– and when they come, I lean into those recipes.
I dont think you need to make a change as it sounds like you’ve landed on something that works for everyone. But if you’d like to make a change you can try to find that intersection between what you like to make and what they like to eat. (So long as you are not judging them for being a rude guest, and they are not judging you for the being a rude host!)
My in laws sound like the have a similar palate but I try to accommodate. It’s not really an issue for me to grill a frozen burger next to a frozen veggie burger and server a side they’ll eat in addition to the sides they won’t, like salad. You could mention that you’re going to order pizza or whatever next time they come over – ask if they’d be interested so you can order enough.
How about once a month accommodate them? Ask your husband to carry the torch here, as I am sure there is something he grew up eating with his parents that he likes too and you can tolerate. And pizza once a month, for everyone, is a great compromise.
I’m actually shocked it took you 8 years to ask this questions.
And I agree with the other poster that black bean burgers and a lot of heavily processed vegan/vegetarian convenience foods are not as “healthy” as you might hope.
What a wild leap that home made black bean burgers are heavily processed.
Most people don’t make these from scratch, and someone else pointed out beans can cause digestion issues for people.
How is pizza once a month a good compromise for the OP who posted they cannot eat pizza due to celiac disease?
So the buns are gluten-free when she does the black bean burgers, and presumably for the pasta meals, etc.? I would skip as well.
Wow so focused on the black bean burgers! Perhaps they’re served with no buns. You’d fully refuse GF pasta? That’s silly and rude. Barilla makes a really good version.
Maybe something on the middle ground, I think bringing their own food is fine. If your feeling an urge to have something to offer is there a drink they like you can keep stocked?
My MIL comes over often to see my kids, usually unannounced, and always declines our food if we’re having a meal. But I do try to keep a can or two of Diet Coke in our fridge to offer her. Neither my husband or myself drink soda, but it’s pretty easy to keep some cans of it, it doesn’t really go bad any time soon, and it’s nice to have something I know she’ll always take me up on.
There’s a lot of daylight between cheesesteak and black bean burgers. Can you cook something that’s naturally gluten free and balanced but not food pretending to be other food? Think whole foods like roasted potatoes, sheet pan vegetables, and chicken with simple seasoning. Or rice, grilled vegetables, and a steak for them and grilled portobello for you. Make recognizable foods without exotic spices or sauces. Maybe they really only eat cheese-smothered beef, in which case they can keep bringing their own meal, but I suspect you’re not meeting them in the middle.
OP here and all of those meals have been offered. It’s not like we give them nothing but quinoa. We make all kinds of normal family meals, and they reject them every time.
They eat pizza literally daily.
Now I see your comment about chicken pasta and quinoa. When hosting people who aren’t adventurous it’s best to keep the components separate and simple. Think of it like feeding a picky kid. They won’t eat an assembled pasta dish but they’ll probably eat roast chicken with a side of vegetables and a bowl of penne marinara. If you used brown rice noodles or chickpea noodles of course they weren’t interested. Maybe you prefer quinoa but these are the type of people who want white rice.
If you’ve offered them multiple types of meals and they consistently refuse, then I wouldn’t do anything differently from this point on. Obviously you weren’t saying that you literally only serve black bean burgers every single time. Responders here need to seriously chill.
100% — this board’s focus on minor details that are used as examples is wild.
It’s an in-law situation:
1. What is your husband’s take on all this?
2. Why aren’t you just letting him handle (which seems like just continuing to do nothing and they bring food)?
If I were kind, I’d stock non-perishables that they seem to like. But if your diet is driven by having celiac + having young kids who already eat separately, I’m not surprised that they choose to bring in their food. Just leave it alone and keep the “we eat healthier” to yourself.
Have you never asked them what they like to eat? Or eaten at their house? What do they eat there? Would they be happy eating mac and cheese or chicken tenders with the kids? I don’t think you’re obligated to make or order food you can’t eat, but there has to be something you know they eat that isn’t too offensive to have around.
Any tips or favorite recipes for veggie lasagna? I’m making it for a meal train and don’t cook lasagna often. I plan to bake it in an aluminum pan and precut it after refrigerating.
Are you taking the whole pan? Don’t bother pre-cutting; that risks not only making the layers sloppy but also introduces the potential of poking through the foil pan and turning it into a reheating mess.
Vegetarian here and this is my FAVORITE lasagna recipe. Cookie and Kate is a great vegetarian food blog. The recipes are always winners.
https://cookieandkate.com/best-vegetable-lasagna-recipe/
In the fall I like the mushroom lasagna from Smitten Kitchen although I know not everyone likes mushrooms so YMMV.
The recipe doesn’t seem to be online anymore but I make lasagna with fresh spinach (sautéed before baking) and pesto and even non-vegetarians looove it.
I don’t have an online recipe, but I make a spinach lasagna with nutmeg that’s to die for. Basically one layer is tomato sauce, one layer shredded mozz, and one layer a mix of sauteed spinach, garlic, onion mixed with ricotta, nutmeg, and probably s&p.
Nutmeg in lasagna is the best!
New patient at a doctor’s office: “What insurance do you have?” “I have Behemoth Gold Advanced East.” “So, Behemoth West?” “No ma’am, we aren’t in the west, we’re in the east, so it’s Behemoth East – Gold Advanced specifically.”
This morning’s mail from doctor’s office: “Your insurance company – Behemoth West – did not cover your visit. Please pay $475.”
:headdesk:
I’m snarky so I would call them up and ask the billing department what actions they are taking to remediate the fact that they sent my PHI and PII to the wrong company, against my express direction to send to my own insurance company.
That’s not snarky. That’s just taking care of business.
I bulk bought some Betsey Johnson 30D bras that have all given up the ghost. It looks VS now has my size (formerly stopping at 34B, which I wore throughout college as the closest thing out there). What else is good now that is in a 30D? I prefer a light lining (not no lining; I get cold and have headlights). Underwire is OK IF the bra actually fits. I have narrow shoulders and strap slippage has been a problem on bras over the years, followed by squashing the girls (they are side-set, if that matters). It’s hard to fine in stores and I hate playing several rounds of mail-order roulette.
This will be a little industry dependent. I’m your age and regularly see resumes for same-age peers. They are ~2 pages of **relevant** experience. No color- just not necessary. Exception: if this is the norm in your field/industry (I have seen some creative resumes for marketing type roles).
For your peer- 100% without question reach out. Reconnect. It’s only as awkward as you think it is. I have people do this to me and I always think “so nice to catch up!” even though they clearly want something- which is fine! I like being useful! Tell them you are looking for a move, looking at XYZ role and do they have any thoughts or insights. Depending on what they say and how warm they are about it, ask if they can pass along your resume. Best case scenario it’s a good fit and she can put in a good word. Or it’s a snakepit and you get the heads up.
If you don’t connect with your former peer beforehand, I wouldn’t mention it in the cover letter. If you do, try and get Peer to forward your stuff directly. Especially if this is a saley/marketing type role this is very common and everyone will appreciate it (hiring manger wants good candidates and the role filled ASAP!).
Re: how much to write: keep it relevant. Unless you have a very industry specific reason for anything else, keep that resume <2 pages for sure. I'm probably not in your industry but I'd be happy to review the resume if you send it along with the job description. let me know!
was the table all women? 8 weeks PP with a toddler at home, maybe this was a cry for help? “LOOK HOW REDICULOUS MY LIFE IS! SOMEONE PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT IT”