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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Tie-Detail Sheath Dress

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A woman wearing a green dress and silver sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This sheath dress from London Times has a fun little tie detail that is just speaking to me. Maybe I’m feeling nostalgic for the early aughts when Carrie Bradshaw convinced us all that we needed a giant Chanel flower affixed to our tops?) 

This dress would be a great basic to have on hand if your office skews more formal, and it comes in a range of colors and prints. The pictured “shaded spruce” is my favorite of the bunch, but don’t miss out on the bright “cherries jubilee” or “high-risk red.” 

The dress is available at Amazon in sizes 4-24 for under $100. 

Sales of note for 5/19/25:

238 Comments

  1. Talk to me about buying a new car. I’m going to the dealer tomorrow to test drive a couple of models (Subaru Forester and Crosstrek). I’ve only ever bought used from friends/family before, so this is new to me. I plan to pay cash, and I’m transferring the approximate amount to my checking account and will bring a checkbook with me. What else do I need to consider? Thanks!

    1. my dad’s advice had been to pretend you are interested in financing since the dealer benefits from that and might give you a lower price, and then of course at the end you say “you know I was worried I would need financing but with this price I can pay cash.” (No idea if true…) Also that month end and quarter end (as you are here) helps you since they want to make their quotas.

      1. It’s increasingly less likely that you will get a deal. Inventory is low and most places are not doing better than MSRP (just bought new car last week). i would get a price, get a card, and then go home and call a few other dealers with the price and see if they can do better. For what it’s worth, I just did this with a honda and no one did better.

        1. ^this. At best you can negotiate on add ons (warranty, etc.) but not the overall price since inventory is so low. It is basically “we have car, do you want it”.

        2. I did this too when paying cash for a new car last year, and it was a seller’s market for sure. Low inventory meant prices didn’t budge, but I’m glad I made the effort because otherwise I would always be wondering if I could have found a better deal. There was no discount for financing and my dealership didn’t even blink when I wanted to pay cash. I would call in advance to find out if they accept personal checks (mine did, some did not).

      3. Don’t do this, you won’t get a better deal and you’ll just waste someone’s time doing a bunch of paperwork. They will react poorly, but not because they’make less money’ it will be because filling out the financing forms are a PITA and you made them do it for nothing based on an internet rumor. I used to be an automotive clerk so I literally did this paperwork as my job.

    3. Be prepared for the dealership to push back a LOT on paying cash. This has now happened to us twice. It’s ridiculous. In both cases, we ended up taking out a very very low interest loan to get a price break and then paid it off right away.

      1. And I agree with the above posters that there just isn’t much room for negotiation at the moment.

    4. I can’t recall if dealerships take personal checks — I’m pretty sure I had to pay with a cashiers check for one of my cars. You can also put a small amount on a cc, if you want the points

      2. One way to pay with a personal check is to pay now and pick up the car once the check clears. You might have to wait a few days for the dealership to ensure that the money won’t be clawed back for fraud, insufficient funds, etc.

        1. They use the “waiting period until the check clears” to pressure you to finance.

          1. No. That’s basic fraud protection. If you don’t like it, get a certified check, cashier’s check, or a money order.

      3. I think you can, but they will insist on running your credit in my experience. If you want to avoid that unncessary ding, the cashier’s check is the way to go.

    5. Be prepared that you may not walk of the lot with the car you want today. They might not have the exact trim model in stock and it might make sense to wait a few weeks for one to come in rather than sacrifice. I’ve had both a Forester and a Crosstrek. They are both great cars. Especially if you are short.

    6. Don’t be surprised if the dealer doesn’t accept check and only certified or cashier’s check (which needs to be timed based on banking hours for you to obtain the check and pass it on). I encountered that in September to my surprise.
      I know everyone is saying “inventory is low” and whatnot, but that wasn’t my recent experience nor the experiences of my close friends/family. In fact, I used the same strategy in September that I did 10 years ago and emailed all dealers and got them to negotiate and bring down the price via email communication, and then pitted them against each other before I even stepped foot in the door to test drive (new, Lexus). It’s worth trying.
      Remember that everything is negotiable. Visit a few dealers and be prepared to walk if you think you’ll get a better deal elsewhere, unless you have your heart set on a certain color or add-on feature that is only available on some trims.

      1. I did the same thing and emailed the dealers first to negotiate price before walking in but I knew exactly what car I wanted. Two months ago, got my Subaru WRX for $3500 off MSRP (and off their advertised price) plus 100,000 extended warranty for $50.

    7. Are you bringing a trade-in? In theory, you can sell the current car for more than the dealer will give you; however, that can be a hassle and private party sales are apparently rife with scams.

      Regarding calling other dealerships for a better price: be careful with this one. Some dealerships only sell to locals (it’s actually part of their dealer agreement with the company). Others have requirements that in order to keep your powertrain warranty, you need to get your oil changes etc done through them. So consider if you want to be driving 50 or 100 miles away every time you want an oil change so you don’t void your warranty.

      Talk to your insurance company about your current coverage and if it would include this new vehicle; the dealership needs to have your insurance information for this particular car before you drive off.

      1. I may not have gotten top dollar, but I have had several good experiences selling my trade-ins to Carmax.

    8. Act quickly if you are on the East Coast or central US. The port of Baltimore handles most auto imports for those regions. The collapse of the Key bridge has closed the port of Baltimore, and supply chain issues are expected, particularly in the automobile and heavy equipment sectors.

      1. Inventory is already low for cars and there’s very little room for negotiation. Baltimore is a huge ro-ro (roll on roll off) port and does large automotive volume, so if you’re looking at an imported car you need the act now. Cars built in Canada/mexico/us won’t be as impacted though there will likely be even more demand as imported cars become more rare and people opt for domestic instead

        1. This. A foreign car made here might not be impacted but if it is coming from elsewhere, this could be a huge deal. One parent works in logistics and spouse works in car industry.

    9. We bought a couple of years ago and test drove at a couple of places to get an idea of what we wanted. Subaru is easy because there are only a handful of trim levels, so if you want a specific feature (like leather seats) you’ll be able to zero in quickly on which model and trim you want. After we knew what we wanted, we emailed a few other local dealers to get their internet price for things. There wasn’t a ton of variation in price but we were able to use one of the quotes to negotiate down by about $1500. We also negotiated to get the full extended warranty added on. Basically, I said, I’m not interested in a back-and-forth, if you can hit X price and include this warranty, we have a deal.

      We were prepared to pay cash but the financing rate was so low that we ended up financing most, and have made a lot more by keeping the money in our HYSA. Do be sure to look at prepayment penalties or other fees that are rolled in to the loan, if you end up financing.

    10. I just purchased mine all-cash and was so glad to find the car I wanted a low-pressure dealer.

      I walked away from one dealer (literally, walked out while he chased me through the parking lot tossing numbers at me). Did enough research ahead of time to know what the going price was for the trim and options I wanted, and that first dealer was very cagey about everything. Kept trying to bait me into test driving a different model instead of the one I was there to see, tried to show me one with different options first, tried to talk monthly payment plan to make a higher price than my firm budget more palatable, played games by taking me to the lot but grabbed the wrong keys – why don’t I just try that one while he finds the right ones? I had enough and walked out.

      The dealer down the road had the exact model I wanted in stock for 3k less, no pressure, no weird games, just asked how I wanted to pay. They even threw in extra warranty coverage at no cost without me asking b/c the window sticker had the wrong box checked.

    11. I bought my new car a year ago and since I wanted a hybrid, there were huge dealer mark-ups. I really had to shop around because I refused to pay-them, and I was able to get the car I wanted w/o them. Other dealers tried to mark-up the price by adding features I didn’t want. Also keep separate any trade-in from a new car. I got a lot more from my old car from CarMax than the dealer would give me. Consider widening your search. I drove 100 miles to get a better price. My husband has a Subaru Forester and loves it. I would have bought a new Subaru but they’re sadly behind in hybrids.

    12. Just bought my first new car. The most useful internet advice I found was to find a slight downgrade competitor to the car you are intending to buy, know the exact MSRP, say you are deciding between the two, and work to get the dealer down to matching or near matching that competition to make the decision easy for you to pick their car.

    13. I’ve had great luck with checking online inventory for a few dealers, finding specific cars you like in inventory and then calling and asking for the internet sales rep for a price on that specific car- they can give a no-haggle price vs. trying to haggle with a regular sales rep.

    14. Research the models you want at kbb.com and edmunds.com and check for dealer stock in the color and trim level you want before you go. Then only go to the dealers that have what you want. You do not want, say, an orange car. You want the car you want. So make sure you’re going where they may have it.

      Know those prices.

      Bring a snack and water. The last time I bought a car (during covid proper), part of their sales tactic was the “let me go ask my manager” schtick and they’d be gone EVERY TIME for 20 mins. It was excruciating and the whole thing took nearly FIVE hours. But I knew they had the car I wanted, I knew the price, and I walked out with 0% financing (thank you Covid–that will not be on offer today at all.)

      Understand before you are sitting in the hot seat whether you want an extended warranty (may make sense if you drive cars to the ground or parts are very expensive for your brand), things like anti-scratch protection. These are common upsells, and if you don’t want them, hold firm.

      Remember that you don’t have to buy the day you test drive. You can walk out ANYTIME and there are other dealers nearish to you that will have similar cars. Do not feel like you’re too invested.

      Oh–and never give a number re “what are you looking to spend” because they will futz with the payment options to extend the term a long way to get to your number. Most cars in America now have 72 or 84 month financing, which is a very long time. Beware.

      You got this!

    15. I bought all cash a couple of months ago. Was not able to negotiate price, but was able to get free tire storage for a year, a discount on winter tires and times,and a gift card for service equal to expected first year costs.

  2. What are your favorite easy, healthyish shelf stable items for grief or low executive function? I’m going shopping later today for some grief groceries – a friend’s mom passed after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Her dad passed about a year ago. It’s just her and her husband… I don’t think her mom had a lot of family and her dad’s family has been shitty for a while. Her MIL and BIL will probably come but not sure whose they’d be hosting at home.

    Her mom was a great one – lady lawyer, practiced with her husband. Omnipresent red lipstick. Vivacious, funny, so so smart. RIP. (We’ve been friends since high school and I even vacationed with them for a week so I knew her fam well.)

    1. So sorry for her/your loss! Very kind of you to go shopping. Maybe dried fruits/nuts/trail mixes of some sort? Or good quality frozen items.

      1. Yup. When my mom died, a friend brought a whole home-cooked meal: homemade lasagne (ready to heat or freeze), a bagged salad and bottle of dressing, loaf of bread, dessert, and just left it on my doorstep. I still remember it with such gratitude.

    3. I’m sorry for your loss. Anything frozen that can just be tossed in the oven is a sure bet – chicken pot pie, mac & cheese, etc.

    4. I’m so sorry, that sounds really tough. Smitten kitchen has an entire section of ‘freezer friendly’ meals, so I’d likely try to bring one or two of those over plus some easy things to grab – granola bars, muffins, nuts, dried fruit, cheese sticks, crudite platter.
      It would also be kind if you’re local to make it a point to drop something off after the initial flurry of activity has died down.

    5. Coffee, creamer, sweetener, toilet paper, some paper plates, napkins, a baked good that can be sliced, frozen lasagna, chocolate.

    6. You’ve gotten great suggestions already- I might add some pre-cut fruit and veggies.

    7. I’m not personally a big fan of someone grocery shopping for me. For this situation I’ve sent soup and cookies via A Spoonful of Comfort to rave reviews.

    8. Uncrustables are a key comfort food for me. Just a box to stash in the freezer along with anything else you bring

      1. +1 – I love the idea of grief groceries generally but this is awesome. I’d love for someone to spoil me with a few cans of Amy’s for when I don’t want to cook but know I need to eat something at least somewhat healthy.

    10. Aw, this is so nice of you and I’m so sorry for your friend (and you). I would buy or put together a couple fruit and veggie trays, plus crackers and cheese, and a couple of dips. Easy food to nibble when you know you should eat but don’t want to heat up a huge pan of something. I might even assemble little snack packs/homemade lunchables in reusable containers to make it super easy. Just grab one out of the fridge and you’ve got cheese,crackers,hummus, and some cut up fruit and veg all in one container ready to eat.

      1. Maybe this is the time for one of those very appealing-looking food baskets from Harry and David.

        Might just be me – I’ve always wanted one of those food baskets.

    11. I love that you described her late mom in your post. That’s how people live on, through the people who knew them. I feel like I’ve met her now. Share your memories of her mom with your friend. That was the best thing for me when my mom passed away after a long illness that took away the vibrant person she had been. I missed the old version of my mom, so hearing stores about the real, pre-illness her was extremely healing for me.

      So, yes, a lasagna or a stew, but mostly your kind, sincere words.

      1. Also this – you painted a lovely and vivid picture of a wonderful woman. My condolences, and thank you for sharing her with us.

    12. I have no idea on the food, but please write down your lovely comments about her mom so your friend can read them. One of my friends sent a card after my mom died with similar memories about my mom and it meant a lot to me. And still does 8 years later – I saved it.

    13. In addition to a casserole or microwavable dinner, I’d throw in granola bars, cuties mandarins, sodas/gatorades, coffee cake and other shelf stable snacks that could be picked at when hunger strikes.

      I’d also throw in a pack of paper plates, paper cups and plastic cutlery so that dishes don’t have to be washed.

    14. Another comment but this time just on food. After a death in my family I received too much freezer or refrigerator stuff and some of it went bad. My freezer is already pretty crammed from day to day life.

      I was and am super grateful for what people did but then having it go to waste was another thing to feel bad about. So one vote for pantry / shelf stable food. Nothing wrong with an assortment of Pepperidge farms cookies and some carton soup.

      1. And literal bacon. The shelf stable precooked bacon is okay for a quick crumble over a salad or to add to a sandwich. In a pinch, heat it up and eat it with toast for supper.

        There is a German word that literally translates to “grief bacon.” It’s the idea that in times of crisis and stress, we should be eating things that feed us emotionally as well as physically.

          1. Kümmelspeck. I had to reach back in memory for that. I’m not completely sure why I remember it!

  3. Weight loss/ body

    Man I knew I was really overweight but i caught a look at my back today and am just horrified – I’m only 37 and I have so much hanging back fat skin. Right now I’m really not working out at all- I am going to start today with more walking and low impact exercise. Is there anything that can particularly help my back look better ? Or just over all weight loss?

    I hate how big I am but more than that I hate how my body feels – I don’t need (and don’t think I could be ) a size 4 but would like to go from a very soft size 16/18 to a fit , more in shape size 12. Any advice on where to start would be appreciated – I feel like I’ve ruined my body

    1. That Chinese proverb about “the second best time to plant a tree is now” applies to getting fit. Sure, maybe the best time was when you were in college, and the best move is to stay in shape throughout your 20s and 30s; the second best move is to get in shape now.

      Age 45 you will be profoundly grateful to age 37 you. Age 30 you is behind you and can’t change anything.

      Find exercise that you like. If it’s walking, OrangeTheory, spin class, pickleball – doesn’t matter, find something that you will do consistently.

      Build muscle, particularly in big muscle groups (glutes, quads). Of course, build muscle in your back if that part of your body bothers you. Muscle burns more energy at rest than fat does, so building muscle will help you lose weight. Also, do not underestimate how much of a total bada– you will feel like when you have strong, solid muscle.

      To that end, increase your lean protein consumption and make sure that you aren’t sabotaging your workout efforts in the kitchen.

      Be patient. A lot of people crash out because the magazines have trained people to believe that they can see big, sustainable gains within a couple of months. Maybe that’s true for some people; for most, it takes about a year to really see changes.

      That’s because most of the changes aren’t one for one calorie burn: you need to walk between 30 and 40 miles to lose a single pound. Those changes come from building muscle, modulating your hormones, and getting your body to direct energy from fat storage to muscles, etc.

      To that end, focus on “non scale victories,” such as lifting heavier weights, increasing your endurance, or feeling your body firm up. Know that most of the changes are invisible for a while, and be patient.

    2. First things first ~ easy does it~ as nothing good comes from harsh/awful self talk. I would begin with walking,
      then poke around on fitness blender to see what appeal to you and try it out. Begin to pay attention to the types of foods you are eating. For me, when I am stressed I go for sweets. If I move to heartier proteins and fats my mental state improves exponentially.
      Best of luck!

    3. 1. You haven’t ruined your body. Really. Don’t beat yourself up!
      2. Consider focusing on fitness to make your body feel stronger and better rather than size. It’s trite, but really, find something you like to do, even if it takes a bunch of trial and error. If you think you may like it but you feel incompetent (seriously, I am the LEAST coordinated person on the planet and I tend not to have fun until I practice a bit), give it a try or three before moving on. Walking is a great start. Classes if you’re social, something else if you’re not. Swimming, hiking, couch to 5K, etc. There are community centers near me that are relatively inexpensive and have gyms, so I could go there to see if I liked weight machines and use the treadmill so I could just walk then jog with loud music on the headphones. Got a buddy who might join you?
      3. Find a time that works for your body’s rhythm. I am not a morning person and work out best right after work. Sometimes it’s just for 10 minutes but that’s 10 mins more than I was doing before and yeah, my preferred hobby is still couch potato. I tried being That Person Who Works Out Before Work and was just miserable.

    4. I agree with the others that you shouldn’t spiral and feel you’ve ruined your body! Any incremental progress in the future will get you to a better place. You can do it!

    5. Walking and low impact exercise is great (I need very supportive shoes to keep it up). Getting in shape doesn’t always lead to weight loss (people can be very fit at many different sizes), but it can change appearance.

      If you want to make weight loss more of a goal, the place to start is usually going to be a (good) medical provider, so you can get a physical done and make sure that any physiological obstacles to weight loss are identified and addressed. I’d also want to consider taking advantage of any resources available to me through my insurance (whether that’s PT, coaching, a dietician, or anything more medical). If you have a therapist, you may want to work on that idea that anyone “ruined their body” (that’s a really hard feeling to go into this with!).

      1. +1 to taking advantage of any PT that is available to you. If you start doing more activity and your knees hurt, your back hurts, etc. – advocate for yourself for a PT evaluation. Chances are there are muscle groups that are weak/tight and they can help you get stronger. It’s essentially health insurance paid personal training.

        Also, if you feel up for it – sign up for a local 5k and convince your friends to do it. There will be lots of people just walking it, so don’t stress about running. Also, if you’ve never done one before, I like to tell people – the woman with kids in a joking stroller that look like they are almost in kindergarten – you will never beat her – it’s ok, she just passes everyone and we respect her. There is one at every race.

    6. YMMV but for me working out indoors is “a chore that needs to get done”; and working out outdoors (especially this time of year!) is a fun break. Try out different kinds/timing/styles of activity and do what you actually enjoy.

      In terms of feeling strong and good in my body, I am a huge proponent of doing some strength training! if you have the option, it is 100% worth paying for a few personal trainer sessions to have someone show you exercises, explain the machines, and correct your form (the rec center near me offers 1 or 3 session trainer packages that are perfect for this — you don’t need to commit to working with a trainer indefinitely)

    7. Lots of great suggestions. I feel like I’m in a similar boat currently. I had a baby last year and on my short frame, extra weight is really dramatic.
      Since I’m in a very busy season of life. My goals are very small but I thought they might be helpful.
      1) I’m focusing on hitting my daily step goal that my fitness watch is tracking. (I just recently starting wearing one again each day.)
      2) I’m prioritizing sleep. Sleep reduces cortisol. As you may know, high cortisol makes the body hold on to weight. So good sleep is critical to weight loss.
      3) I’m also tossing up free workout videos from YouTube, after work, on to my TV and following along. I’m trying to move my body for at least 25 minutes. It’s the most accessible way for me to workout with my kiddos around. I’ve liked GrowwithJo in the past and I’m trying other channels.

    8. Yikes. Give yourself a break. A size 16/18 is larger than you’d like, but it in no way makes you deserving of this negative self-talk. (Which, by the way, as someone in a larger body….is hard to read.)

      1. I agree. One thing that helped a friend who is a size 18 is following plus-size fitness influencers on Instagram. Unlike the rest of fitness instagram, these women show that you can do things like pull-ups, weightlifting, running, and even whitewater rafting in a larger body. There is SO much disinformation out there about how if you’re heavy, you “can’t do anything” and it’s just not true.

      2. I’m sorry – the negativity is really more about how my body is functioning than looking. I feel winded getting up stairs and am just not fit or physically active at all. I didn’t mean to be insulting in anyway- I truly believe in beauty in every size. But my weight gain has been sudden and it’s really my physical health I am worried about

        1. I understand you. There may be beauty in every size, but for some of us, there isn’t health at every size.

          I’ve put on the pounds over the past couple of years too and it definitely makes me feel… not great. I’ve been trying to watch what I eat (less snacking, smaller portions, but not ridiculously small) and trying to get a ~2 mile walk in most days. I also try to do 2-3 HIIT workouts a week, I like Heather Robertson’s workouts on YouTube.

        2. You don’t need to apologize. You’re allowed to want to feel better and be a smaller or more in shape person than you are now, which I think is something that has gotten lost in the otherwise important fat acceptance movement (I will refrain from my bigger rant on this!).

          My weight fluctuates but it wasn’t until my mid 30s I learned that exercise actually makes me feel amazing. It sounds wild since we are told that a lot but wow – it took that long for it to click for me.
          But also true? It doesn’t always feel amazing right away. It might take a few times or even weeks before you feel the post-workout mood and physical boost – I recently took a few weeks off due to covid and it’s taking some time of re-engaging in workouts to remember how good they feel, but it is getting there. It’s ok if you don’t love it at first. Keep trying.

          I agree starting with increasing your steps is important; I started light dumbbell workouts at home and can’t believe how much I love them. If you have access to sets of 5 or 10lb weights that is all you need. You can find good free videos on youtube – take it slow and focus on form.

          1. I found myself in a similar boat after a ton of work travel, eating at restaurants and not having time to exercise. I know the initial step is hard. I didn’t do anything radical but have tried to work out every day and eat a bit more mindfully. You will find your groove. I know 8 will never be the size I was in college or law school, but looking back I was borderline anorexic and never want to be in that place. I now focus a ton on fitness goals versus pounds/ size.

            I know I’m echoing what others have said but wanted to chime in with encouragement. Another thing that helped me was doing things to honor my body even though it wasn’t the size I wanted. Dry brushing, very nice body lotion, lovely perfume, prettyclothes that fit the size I was and not the one I used to be. Just little things that made me feel better overall.

    9. I want to give you a hug, because you’re being SO hard on yourself. FWIW, I had a similar moment around age 37. I slowly ramped up exercise and became much more mindful of my diet. I did cut calories, but in a very slow, sustainable way. Gradually, things improved. But it took a long time, and I had to be OK with that because I knew a crash diet or ramping up too quickly with exercise was probably not going to end well. A year after I started, I was quite happy with my body. But the real reward was that I felt so much better overall.

      Go easy on yourself. Go slow. You don’t have to solve this in the next three months. Just start making small changes and see how it goes.

    10. I’ll tell you my story — an hope it’s comforting. I had a chronic illness that was finally medically controlled when I was 54. I had spend a decade and half gaining weight and not exercising. I started with gentle walks and yoga. It literally changed my life. As I started to walk, I started to spend more of my day moving. I did not change my eating habits at all. I lost close to 80 lbs, going from a size 18 to an 8. I joined a gym so I would have a place to walk when it rained or was cold. I found myself drifting over to the circuit weight machines. I added more yoga. I took a class in how to use the weight machines but I didn’t use them regularly. I slowly added one or two moves with dumbbells to each visit to the gym. Then I slowly added the machines until I had a little routine built up. My body changed. I was still eating how I had been eating, but more of my day involved movement, so there was less time for snacking. I had a nice routine of lots of walks, 3 to 4 yoga classes a week, 1 to 2 weigh sessions. I toyed with hiring a personal trainer. Then Covid hit and the gyms closed. My son encouraged me to buy a set of resistance bands and a Gorilla Bow system. I continued to walk and I work out at home with dumbbells and the Gorilla Bow and some kettle bells. I’m 64, I do more exercise than many of my similar aged friends. I gained back 5 lbs of the original 80 weight loss, but that’s actually a good thing. I’m a decade in at this point. About 5 years ago I started adding protein and cutting fat, but I still eat much of what I was eating before. You can do this. Just take one baby step and see where it leads. If that’s to take a walk, then take a walk. Your body isn’t ruined, it’s just waiting for you to take the first step.

      2. Thank you so much for this – it’s incredibly inspiring. And thank you all for such compassion in your responses

    11. One thing I had to VERY grudgingly accept (as someone who was underweight until my mid-20s) was that it’s work and you have to make choices everyday, and I’m still working on that part. My parents were really strict on eating and I grew up in a very granola-crunchy house (no soda, no store-bought cookies type of place) so I didn’t really have to think about diet choices either for most of my childhood and early teen years.
      I would say try to set up “systems” if you can. Like pick a meal that you can make easily that hits your macros, and set up routines and processes that are seamless and work for you without pain. Don’t try to go all in hard core “75 Hard”, add to your life–add fresh leafy greens, add a gentle movement, add waking up earlier, add some veggies, add a protein shake, add a vitamin, add community and support, things like that. Don’t yank away all the treats and fun and joy in life out of punishment–that’s a recipe to fall off the wagon and bounce along the road all the way :)

    12. In the same boat and happy to be an accountability buddy or a workout/gym/walk buddy if you live in Atlanta! Post a burner email and I’ll reach out :)

    13. Just wanted to sympathize because I am the same age/size and in the same boat. I don’t recognize my body when I see pictures of myself. But losing weight feels so overwhelming and impossible. I’ve tried gyms and group exercise classes and I hated them, I felt so ugly in comparison to the other girls and too embarrassed to keep going. I want to try something like Ozempic but I know there are side effects and you have to take it forever…

    14. So would try out several different types of workouts until you actually find one that you enjoy. I mean truly enjoy and feel off if you miss a few days of workouts. I would try a personal trainer, light jogging, CrossFit, yoga, barre classes and even swimming if that’s your thing. If you don’t enjoy it, you won’t stick with it.

    15. Chiming in to say I was a squishy size 14 earlier this year and am now a more slimmed down 10/12 (depends if we are talking jeans or dresses). I did couch to 5k, and while my 5k isn’t for another few week I’ve been running 20-30 minutes at a time which was truly inconceivable in the fall. I also leaned hard into my skiing passion, which I loved as a kid then abandoned after being a poor grad student -> workaholic -> pregnant with many kids. On ski days I easily burn 800+ calories exercising and spend the whole day outside with my kids.

  4. TW: Animal neglect/injury

    We adopted a dog a couple of years ago who had been featured on Cuddly. For the unfamiliar, it’s a donation platform that features vetted animal and wildlife rescues, and the rescue posts often graphic photos of animals that have been anything from ill or emaciated to violently, purposely injured. Some of the rescues are in smaller towns and may not have a lot of donors. Many of the US rescues have international arms in foreign countries full of street dogs.

    It’s these that get me the most – some of the rescues have built sanctuaries and/or are trying to fly dogs out to the US, Canada, UK, etc. I have donated, but then I am presented with more and more rescues.

    I dread opening my email because there are so many messages and it’s just very draining, as well as the fact I have only so much disposable income. I know I could filter these messages, but then I feel guilty – there are people that do rescue full time, who can’t ignore the need, and how dare me not want to keep the need front of mind. I’m not doing enough, I feel.

    I don’t know – I guess you could extrapolate this to hopelessness around women’s reproductive rights, Israel/Gaza, MAGA, whatever moves you. There is a question here somewhere but I can’t articulate it. Maybe just how do you manage the …guilt? concern? constant worry? Thanks for listening.

    1. Unsubscribe. Set up an automatic donation with an amount that fits within your budget. Know that precisely because you can’t save the millions of animals out there, you have to draw hard boundaries.

    2. Just unsubscribe. Don’t fall into the trap of tearing yourself down about your inability to control things you have no control over. Your guilt and worry isn’t going to help those animals, or any of the other world crises at the moment. Donate if you can, volunteer if can, but reading traumatizing emails is not helpful for you or for these issues.

    3. Unsubscribe from the emails and do what you can do. I get it – I’ve lived in the rural south and done animal rescue, volunteered with groups that help the unsheltered, political campaigns and it’s a lot. It’s okay to unsubscribe and only work with individuals you know, or whatever you need to do.
      The world is a hard, hard place, and many people stay willfully ignorant and cocooned. You haven’t. Take the measures you need to stay involved at whatever level you’re able to while remaining sane. ie, volunteer weekly/monthly and turn off emails or set a recurring donation and leave it at that.

    4. I can’t tell if this anxiety is something you bring to the table, or whether the donation emails are designed to be very manipulative. The latter is not how an organization that respects and appreciates their donors operates.
      Practically, unsubscribe from the emails, or send them to a folder bypassing your inbox. I support my food bank monthly, and I make a few other donations throughout the year, usually around year end. I ignore most prompts to give during the year.

    5. Get off the email list. You already stepped up in an amazing way — you adopted a dog. You can’t adopt hundreds more. If you know a friend if looking for a pet, you can suggest they adopt through this organization, and your word of mouth is another way to help.

      As to your broader question, I have picked three organizations important to me and donate a small amount monthly. (I’ve heard this type of consistent support is better for planning rather than one time, year end bigger gifts.) I then recycle all the mail I get from them, usually without even opening it. If a major disaster happens, or we have friends running marathons for important events, I will give one-time gifts. But we can’t fix everything.

      2. This. I choose the charities that are most important to me, donate money, match via my company funds, and promote on my social channels.

    6. Unsubscribe.

      I do this with the news – I can read the news but if I watch it, it makes me upset/mad (so much misinformation! such annoying voices! so many terrible things!). So I don’t. It doesn’t stop me from caring or donating.

    7. “You can’t save all the worms.”

      When my sister was small she would rescue worms that had crawled onto the sidewalk after it rained. She’d go on walks with my grandmother and since my grandmother also walked slowly, no problem. When she walked with our much-faster father, it was an issue – hence, “you can’t save all the worms.” It became one of those funny family sayings but it applies to a lot of situations.

      You can’t save all the animals or all the people – no one person can. By expending emotional energy on these emails you’re actually reducing your ability to take meaningful action. Filter the emails, set up a small recurring donation to one shelter, and keep moving forward.

    8. Unsubscribe without a second thought. You are doing as much as you can and I promise that is enough. No reason for you to allow it to fill you with dread!

    9. Honestly, the international street dogs thing would turn me off. Flying dogs across the world does not seem a good use of resources, when there are plenty of local dogs to adopt (not that international dogs should be forgotten…but keep the money in country to house them, or else realize you can’t save every creature and need to be smart about the best use of money. Animals are also different than people in this regard; I wouldn’t necessarily advocate for prioritizing certain human lives in the same way.)

      1. i completely agree! my SIL just adopted a dog from Serbia. She lives in Boston. Like there aren’t any dogs available in the U.S.

    10. You’re doing what you can do already. Being wracked by guilt and worry and concern over all the rest of it has literally zero effect on these animals. All it’s doing is tormenting you. So, stop the onslaught. Unsubscribe to the emails, and stop following the organizations on social media.
      Look at it this way: you wouldn’t want the dog you adopted to stay huddled in a corner, quivering, out of guilt and concern over all the other dogs featured on Cuddly who DIDN’T get rescued. You’d be horrified if your dog was experiencing that and would do everything you could to try to help it heal. So, don’t force yourself to live that way.

    11. 100% agree to unsubscribe. And maybe therapy. This level of self-judgment about not doing enough is really extreme.

      1. I don’t agree with this at all. Please don’t pathologize empathy. The world would be a much better place if more people cared about more than themselves. Nothing is wrong with the OP.

        1. OP dreads opening her inbox and is unable to filter out these messages because she is wracked with guilt. This intensity of empathy doesn’t propel her to change things for the better (sounds like she is doing that to the extent of her ability) but it is instead shutting her down.

    12. Unsubscribe.

      FWIW there are A LOT of rescues in my area (Eastern Canada) where they focus on bringing up pitbull type dogs from shelters in the southern US (particularly Texas). There has been increasing recent discussion that some of these orgs are actually for profits businesses that scoop dogs for free from shelters and then resell for $700 ish as a ‘rescue fee’. And some questions about where the dogs are sourced – are they actually from city shelters or are they from backyard breeders who breed to ‘rescue’? It’s caused real danger for dogs already here due to heartworm which was basically non-existent here before.

      Do some dogs get saved? Yes. Would donor funds be better spent on spaying and neutering programs in the southern US ? Also yes.

      1. I’m from one of the areas in the south that tends to export dogs. The shelters are overflowing with bully breeds of all ages. Unless a rescue is only obtaining and adopting out 8 week old puppies, they are most likely legit.$700 is on the high side, but isn’t unrealistic for an all-in cost of transporting and vetting, especially for a medium to large breed adult dog with unknown health history. Cheap spay/neuter services are often heavily donor or veterinarian subsidized.

        1. There are definitely some legitimate ones but the way it has exploded has lead to unscrupulous people as well. There is no regulation. Anyone can call themselves a ‘rescue’ and start a FB page. I can’t help but think that a $700 donation to a shelter’s spay and neuter program would go further.

          But my point was more than there are already tons of dogs in the US, there is no need to be importing more.

          1. If the goal is rescue, there’s no need to import dogs from outside the USA.

            If the goal is to own a dog that is not a bully breed and that isn’t widely available in the USA, that’s fine, but is a different goal from rescue.

          2. I agree that a prospective adopter needs to do a lot of research & things are not always as they appear. In my city, that takes the form of a couple of rescues whose hearts are in the right place, but are teetering on the edge of a hoarding situation at any given time, or who are attempting to place dogs that are outside of their abilities to properly assess and care for (complicated health and/or behavioral situations). The FB ones here are obvious scam rescues unless your judgement is clouded by puppy fever. Nobody, but nobody has rescue 8 week old French Bulldog puppies or whatever.

    13. Unsubscribe!!!

      You cannot fix all the world’s problems. You just can’t. That has been the case forever. You cannot fix animal abuse and neglect, you cannot fix poverty, hunger, war, etc., etc. You can do something to help (and you did by adopting an animal in need). You can budget an amount to contribute toward a cause that matters to you. You can volunteer. But making yourself crazy and wallowing in existential dread and staying up nights crying and worrying, does absolutely nothing to help anyone and makes you miserable.

      Feeling bad about something is not helping to fix it. Do what you can do and then let it go. Anything else is pointless and self-indulgent.

    14. Hi, I struggle with this too. I am regularly overwhelmed by all of the suffering in the world and also have a very soft spot for animals. I can’t do a whole lot right now other than donate and care for our rescue dog, but I have a (very) longterm goal of launching/funding a sanctuary for rescue dogs at some point in my life. It brings me so much peace to think about these plans. Can you channel your energy into thinking of something a little more creative or impactful that you might want to do at a later point in your life? It might help to daydream about that.

      1. Also, just to clarify I do not mean to imply that you need to undertake some sort of significant or costly project or endeavor. It could be anything – volunteering, etc. My main point is that even if you don’t have the resources to do it now, thinking about something you might like do in the future could be immensely helpful.

  5. I’m going for a PCP visit for the first time in 2 years, new doctor for me. My insurance is solid (for once), so I don’t need to worry about out-of-pocket costs.

    What kinds of tests/labs would you recommend making sure are done, beyond the basics?

    In terms of concerns, I’m 40, healthy but have gained 20 pounds I can’t seem to lose despite healthy eating, my hair has become fine and thin over time, my periods have always been irregular, and lately I’m more tired than usual even when seemingly getting enough sleep. Probably have mild undiagnosed anxiety that emerges under high stress or low sleep.

    I’m thinking to request levels for iron, vitamin D, vitamin B12, and thyroid, and maybe a sleep study (bit worried I could have sleep apnea). Anything else to specify?

    3. Vitamin D in addition to the standard blood tests. Make sure they include thyroid/TSH.

    4. It’s time to look at your family history and see if there are things that run in your family (eg. cancer, rheumatologic, autoimmune disease, diabetes, heart disease) that often become more common as you transition to this age of life. Make sure your doctor knows about those.

  6. i had a zoom job interview yesterday. Have strong sense i’m being moved to next level. Do you email the person who interviewed you a thank you these days?

    1. Absolutely. The tiebreaker for me is always the person who seems the most enthusiastic about the role.

    2. Yes, a short email – 3 or 4 sentences does it. Thanks for your time, note what you especially appreciated based on the conversation, and express continued interest.

  7. Does anyone have a recommendation for non-custom orthotics that specialize in super arch support? I have very high arches and they could use some more support in some of my otherwise comfy loafers.

    1. Go to a running shoe store; they usually have a range of off the shelf products for a variety of arch heights.

      Consider going for custom insoles though; I also have super high arches and they are a godsend.

    2. Powerstep protech – I get them at the podiatrist but put them in all my shoes. They are not custom but I think you can only get the “protech” at the podiatrist

    3. Walk-Fit Platinum around $30-$40, avail on Amaz….
      I have had them (bought a few pairs over time) for a few years now and they have been great

    5. I have had good luck with the superfeet insoles in the past for my on my fallen arches that need lots of support.

    6. I also had success going to a running shoe store and using the Superfeet insole they recommended.

  8. What do you do to feel more s*xy? I grew up in a super repressed environment and am doing some exploration now in my 30s, and I’m struggling most with feeling at all s*xy and would like to change that.

      1. What brands are good for this that aren’t super expensive? I generally just wear super functional undergarmets so am not totally sure where to start.

        3. Lounge Intimates has beautiful and well constructed br @ underwear and garter belt sets for $150 or less. I have three sets from them that I just love

    2. I think this is very individual and subjective – what has made you feel s*xy in the past? How do you define it?
      I feel like s*exiness is just a facet of confidence.
      For me, I feel my best in a great outfit, but that’s not necessarily a revealing one. I know others that love putting effort into hair/nails/makeup. If you’re wanting to play around with less clothing coverage (is that what s*exy means to you?), what areas are you comfortable revealing? I like wearing lower-cut items, but hate short skirts.
      I think some experimentation is in order. :)

    3. Reading well-written spicy lit can get the motor running
      New experiences + a little bit of risk. As one example, years ago I met a man I was seeing at a hotel and while we were having a little pre-frisky moment drink we were on the balcony admiring the city. I was in a silk robe and l*ngerie and heels–things like that were there’s a tiny, pretty much not really, element of “risk”
      Dressing up (not…a costume, heh) but all the effort–shimmer lotion, fake lashes, full makeup, expensive perfume, expensive dainties, my favorite designer shoes + purse, ultra-flattering dress, etc. It almost makes me feel like a different person or frees me to play a role.

    4. For me it’s just wearing something I feel comfortable and look good in. It could be revealing, or not, but the key is that it has to be something where I don’t fidget to get the straps to stay, or to suck my stomach in, or worrying about a nip slip if I bend down etc. When you’re in something that you can move around confidently, then sexiness follows. Great hair days also do wonders for my feeling of sexiness.

    6. Makeup & good hair. Yes to lingerie but not the “hateful panties” as Leann Morgan says – it’s hard to be sexy when you’re uncomfortable.

    7. You can look into getting boudoir photos taken. A good boudoir photographer will help you pick out flattering lingerie and do flattering poses. You can also get hair/makeup done. Actually seeing yourself in that setting (complete with good lighting) can really help to change your internal self-image.

  9. Inspired by the scorekeeping discussion yesterday: how do I learn to be a tidier person? Are there Instagrams or blogs I can follow etc?

    I’m the messier partner and it’s probably the biggest source of contention in our relationship. Having a clean and tidy house is very important to my husband. It just doesn’t bother me if my clean clothes are in the hamper and the kids’ toys are on the floor. I pay for a cleaner and do the rest of the load so I’m not really worried about fairness. But, since this is clearly important to him, how do I do better?

    1. Not sure about SM accounts (I fall into the trap of scrolling endlessly so now I’ve watched a million reels of people cleaning their space and mine is still messy and it’s time for bed lol). The two things I try to do are: (1) stop myself when I’m about to put a thing down randomly or add to clutter mindlessly. Coming inside from walking the dog? Put my coat in the closet, not on the back of a kitchen chair. Entering the house w/ the mail? Review/recycle/trash it right away. And (2) set a 15 min timer on my phone a couple times a week to clear up accumulated clutter. I put it on my to do list and set alarms so I build it into my schedule and get a sense of accomplishment when I finish.
      Both of these assume you generally have a “home” for a lot of the random stuff that accumulates.

      1. I find it hard to sit at my desk all day, so a 15 minute power tidy session, with a fun podcast on, serves two purposes for me.

    2. if your clean clothes are in the hamper and the hamper is out of his sight that should be ok. BUT if it is stuff around the house that is left out etc. then i think it’s worth finding a compromise. in our house DH and I each have our own closets and our own offices, which we can each keep as we see fit, but we are trying to be better about putting things away in common areas by adopting the ‘touch it once’ mentality which i learned about here. i also want my kids to learn to put their stuff away and it seems hard to teach them that if we don’t do it ourselves

    3. Put your clothes away and pick up the kids’ toys. I think you’ve already identified what you need to do, so just start doing it.

      1. Are they not his children too? Why is it on her to pick up the kids toys or to teach the kids to pick up their toys?

        2. Presumably he, as the cleaner partner, is already doing this. FFS, not everything needs to turn into this discussion.

        3. It sounds like he already is, but she may need to work on it when she’s the one on duty.

    4. One trick I like is to use those few minutes of time while you’re doing other chores to get something quick done. Waiting for water to boil? Wipe the counter. Waiting for the timer to go off on the muffins? Quickly vacuum the entryway. Waiting on mute on a conference call for the client to join? Tidy your desk. You can get a surprising amount done this way and you won’t feel like you’re sacrificing free time to do it.

      1. This is my #1 tip as well. Setting arbitrary timers for myself is less fun, but racing the kettle will get me to do the thing, no question.

      2. Clutter is stuff that doesn’t have a home.

        Agree about looking at things that never get put away. Do those things not have a home?

    5. Never put something down – put it away. Either way you’re touching the “thing” so you might as well finish the job. Clean clothes are out of the dryer? Fold them and put them in drawers, not back in the hamper. Done with your plate? Carry it back to the kitchen and put it straight in the dishwasher rather than setting it to the side to deal with later.

      1. This, and start a quick daily tidying habit for things like toys. Maybe spend 5 minutes before bedtime having you and the kids race to see who can get their toys or clothes picked up first?

      2. Oh and help yourself out with storage that makes it easy to stay tidy. We live in a city rowhouse and never wear shoes indoors. If we hadn’t installed an Ikea shoe cabinet next to the door along with a good set of hooks for coats, totes, etc, our entry and living room would have been a sea of our frequently-used shoes and coats draped on chairs – no way would we carry them back to a closet all the time.

    6. I’ve probably posted this before but I was the messier partner for a long time because our entire house was organized around my husband’s habits and there wasn’t a place for my stuff where I could easily access them.

      Examples include:
      – I go to bed after my husband. My closet is in our bedroom. Sometimes I wear clothes I intend to rewear, but I couldn’t hang them back up without turning on the lights in our bedroom so I left them on the floor. I now have a small rack in our laundry room where I can hang them and grab them in the morning to throw in the closet.
      – I have 2-3 purses in rotation at any given time. There was no where for me to hang/store my purses near the door so I would drop them on the entryway table. We put a basket on one of the entryway table shelves and now I drop my purse in there when I come in.
      – We have a young toddler so it’s not that easy for me to run downstairs to put things in our lower level as needed. We added a decorative basket at the top of the stairs so that when I do go downstairs I can grab the basket.

      Basically, you should look at the stuff you are regularly not picking up/putting away, and figure out a place you can put it that’s easier than where it currently belongs.

      2. this is so helpful to me! I realize I’m that person (the messier one and also the one the house isn’t optimized for, and they feedback to each other….). thank you for posting!!

      3. Clutter is stuff that doesn’t have a place. Agree to look at what things never get put away. Is it because it doesn’t have a home?

    8. First of all, it’s great that you recognize that this is important to your husband, and therefore important to you. Kudos because that level of awareness is not common. As a formerly messy person who is now tidy, I would like to comment on the ‘it just doesn’t bother me’ piece. Do you ever have to scrounge for the right clothes because they aren’t properly folded and put away? Do you ever stub your toe or trip because of the kids’ toys? Do you waste time looking for stuff because it’s not in its place? That’s what bothers me. It introduces a level of chaos into my life that I don’t like. Also, I find it relaxing to be in a somewhat orderly space. With that said, I would start taking note of when that happens. You will notice it more and more. It may reframe the issue and your inclinations.

      As for practical tips – just take 15 minutes in a timeslot that works best for you and do 15 minutes of tidying. You will be amazed on how much you can accomplish.

    9. Have an assigned place for everything. And dedicated areas for the things that cause the mess. I’m a decently tidy person, but paperwork is always my downfall. I’ve gotten a bin for the side table in the living room and all the paperwork goes in there. When it’s full, I know I have to go through and clean out stuff. Before this, I always had paper all over the first floor – on the kitchen counters, dining room table, etc. no matter how much I try, I’ve never going to be someone who deals with all the mail and other paperwork immediately. So, I needed to find somewhere out of the way for them. Similarly, I have a big bin for my baby’s toys. It only takes me a few minutes to go put all the toys in there after bedtime, so they are not all over the house. But I’m not going to try to put them all back in specific spots when I know she is going to play with them again tomorrow

    10. Your DH should also be teaching the kids to pick up their own toys, if it bothers him!!!

    11. You just have to decide to care about it and be neater. That said, for toys and things that get out of control, big baskets where you can gather the things and hide them away help a lot. So does a major clean out where you make empty space in your closet. If your things have nowhere to go they get messy.

    12. I’m a messy person too and one thing thats worked for me recently is to clean up after every task, before I move on. Like make the bed before you leave the bedroom in the morning, clothes at least in a hamper (I have 2, one for dirty and one for less dirty). I WFH so all daytime coffee mugs, water glasses, lunch dishes have to go in the dishwasher (not sink) right when I finish work etc etc. I found that leaving small amounts of mess around just added up nd became difficult to deal with.

    13. Pick up throughout the day. Have your kids help clean up toys, clothes go right into the hamper, never leave dishes in the sink, etc. Social media or cute containers from the Container Store might help inspire you, but you kind of have to just start doing the boring part.

    14. Have times built into your week for a “reset”. Every Sunday afternoons, the kids do “room resets”, totally tidying their rooms, and I do the same as needed. And every night after kid bedtime my husband and I clean/tidy for about 30-45 min before sitting down to relax. Usually he is cleaning dishes and the kitchen, and I putter around and tidy up the rest of downstairs (or the bulk of the mess, if not everything). Maybe for your family it’s right before or after dinner, and the kids can help.

      As the “messier” partner myself, it’s an impossible standard to expect there to NEVER be a mess, or that you’ll deal with everything right away. So our compromise is these routines of resetting the order to the house on a regular basis.

      1. Great advice. We’ve also involved the kids in a Wednesday night reset. Random stuff gets picked up, trash gets taken out because Thursday morning is trash day, any laundry that’s been washed but still in baskets gets put away.

        I also have to echo that having less stuff is helpful. Hard, but it’s true. We’ve also set a ground rule that the kitchen table is NOT to be used as a dumping ground for anything. Pick it up when you’re done. The table is for eating and homework.

        If you have an open floor plan, it becomes even more important to be ruthless about picking up after yourself because otherwise it’s in your face all the time.

    15. blog/insta rec: Dana K White @ aslobcomesclean. She mainly does podcasts, but has a large blog archive if you prefer that

    16. Honestly…declutter! But think big–are there even pieces of furniture that can go, or things like artwork that get dusty, a garage full of sporting equipment that no one uses anymore, bookcases full of books no one is reading, rugs that have seen better days, and so on. I had a partner complain about things feeling cluttered and overwhelming and I went on a whirlwind cleaning mission to basically set it up that it was tough to even get cluttered. Sometimes tatty and worn out items can contribute to that “cluttered” or “untidy” feeling.
      Ask him about any areas that are key–is there a “line of sight” area (kitchen island, breakfast nook, dining table, entry hall table, etc) that could be your top priority and then other areas can be less important.

    17. I am a very tidy person. “A place for everything and everything in its place” is a cliche but it’s SO TRUE. For example:

      -I never have dirty clothes on the floor because that’s not the place for clothes. They go in the laundry basket.
      -Ditto with toys and the toy basket.
      -Shoes don’t go in a pile by the front door. I have a shoe rack. That’s the place for shoes.

    18. I am the messier one. One thing I do is identify his pain points and focus on those. So- he doesn’t like the kitchen counter in front of the coffee maker to be cluttered in the morning, so I make sure they are clear before I go to bed. The foyer is another of his pain points so I make sure that stays neat and organized.
      I mean all the tips and tricks and hacks for keeping our house tidy in general are fine, but since mess/clutter doesn’t bother me the way it bothers my Husband, for me the real point is to address where he most minds, rather than addressing the whole house or my own habits. Framing it as an act of love for him rather than a personal failing is helpful for me.
      Also- How to Keep House While Drowning is a great book, and has an idea that has helped me a lot- “Housework is morally neutral.” I think about that a lot when I start beating myself up about things.

  10. What things read instantly dated to you? I just saw a dress that would have been perfect for a work event coming up, but the sleeves were three-quarter with a flounce at the end. I can’t believe they’re still making something in that style.

    1. Cobalt blue and black together. Mint green/pale pink/light blue skinny jeans with the big logo ballet flats. Peplums are coming back but agree that the ruffles/flounces at the end of sleeves is very out. Pencil skirts to the knee are not ‘in’ but can still be classic in certain situations but the colored scuba fabric pencil skirts are definitely out.

      1. What can I wear with cobalt that reads as more current? I think it’s my best color…

        1. I have a cobalt blouse and a cobalt sweater that I wear with navy pants and it looks good.

        5. I think without color-blocking with black it’s just fine. It’s such a great color.

    2. The flowy blouse with skinny jeans look that was so popular for a long time. I think skinnies can still be done and look cute, but the top needs to be either more current or more classic.

      Heavy statement necklaces, though I hear those are coming back.

    3. I agree the flounce sleeves are very dated, but if you love the dress, the flounces could be removed and the sleeves hemmed or cuffed by a tailor, and it wouldn’t be a high cost alteration.

    4. Skirt suits seem very dated at the moment. Stripes too – I just discarded a black and white striped sweater because it didn’t look current at all.

      1. Stripes are dated? I feel like I still see tons of striped shirts, sweaters, etc. Feels like a classic to me.

        1. It might have been the thickness/thinness of the stripes that bothered me. I’m sure stripes are classic, but different variations may go in and out of style.

    5. You can’t believe they’re still making something in that style…and yet you thought it was perfect for a work event.

    6. Bell sleeves, Tory Burch ballet flats, peplum, almond toe heels, colored skinny denim, chunky costume jewelry, chevron, large stripes, cold shoulder tops, equestrian boots, black tights.

      Some of these are coming back but in new/different forms.

    7. Round toe shoes or peep toe shoes (this kills me because I have a fab pair of leopard print wedges that were my first designer pair of shoes and I love them but they feel SO 2013 that they just sit in my closet). Bedazzled tshirts or jeans.

    8. I work in a very outdated industry (insurance) so I see it all, including a wall of hair and rake bangs not so long ago.

      But the things I really notice are things that were a strong trend at another time. Pencil skirts are not something I’m wearing myself right now, but I don’t look twice at anyone wearing one. The thing I noticed recently was a couple of women in high heels at a conference. It just doesn’t seem current. I feel like more practical shoes are having a moment Bodycon and stilettos are for Real Housewives.

    9. Skinny jeans in a bright colour, blouse worn untucked, ballet flats, big bubble necklace.

  11. Habit stacking helped me and building routines. I am not naturally a tidy person (I was raised to be clean but not tidy) and have had to learn good habits as an adult.

    For me, I have my daily/weekly/monthly lists. So daily – dishes done, clothes in a place, bathroom tidy, 15 minutes going through a house with a laundry basket to get stuff to where it needs to live. Weekly – bathrooms, conquering doom piles, rehoming chaos.

    ADHD meds helped a lot, as do the actual calendar appointments I have set daily for this. I also make games and race myself. How much can I do before the coffee is made or before kid gets out of the shower?

  12. I’m interviewing for an in house position this week! Biglaw senior associate, moving into industry from a regulatory practice. What type of questions should I be thinking about / asking? I think metrics/KPIs is a question for me, since I’ve only ever worked in government or law firms.

    1. What does your typical day look like? How is work allocated among the team? Will I be cross trained to do other peoples jobs/ will they be crossed trained to do mine? What sorts of things result in all hands on deck? How frequent is that? Who will be my internal clients?

      1. these are good questions.

        I would not use the words metrics or KPIs – those are way too consultant-speak for many in house roles. My ‘metric’ is ‘do clients compliment me or complain about me to my manager’ not anything like supporting a specific number of things or working X hours.

    2. What does the org structure look like? What is the promotion pathway like/what opportunities for upskilling exist? One of the biggest frustrations for many in-house lawyers is that in some orgs, you can’t be promoted unless someone above you leaves. How did the position become available? This helps you understand the career options of those who leave (in parts of my org, we don’t have a ton of internal promotion opportunities, but we prove great options for people to build skills that make them attractive hires).

      1. This may be different in an in house legal situation but asking about promotion potential in an interview can come off as a red flag to me because it makes it seem like you are already looking to move out of the job we are hiring for. Asking about the average career path for someone in this role, and skill development opportunities gets at that but in a better way

        2. I agree with Joan on this. Asking about why the position is open, or career development in general, sure, but focusing on promotion potential in the interview is the wrong move. Also the word “upskilling” – gah – what’s wrong with learning new areas? Growth?

  13. Looking for help from Cleveland ‘rettes! We are spending eclipse weekend in Cleveland mostly bc DH and I have never been there. Looking for recs on food and activities (kids are 9 and 13).
    DH and the kids are 100% against museums of any sort (either bc lack of interest or “we have that here.” Thanks Smithsonian…). I do think we’ll spend some time in the science center / NASA center. DH is a drinker, I am not. We are not big shoppers but will happily spend an afternoon in little touristy shops esp if they are cute/unique and there are good snacks :-). I just looked on viator, was hoping to find some kind of haunted Cleveland tour or something, and either they do not exist or are all sold out. Little Italy sounds like an easy slam dunk but we are open to all cuisines and have no dietary restrictions. We’ll have a car and will be in an airbnb in the Tremont area.

    1. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is cool, and right by the science center. There’s also a nice aquarium (something they don’t have in DC, which I assume you’re from with the Smithsonian comment). Also so many local ice cream places — Mitchells is the big one, but there are lots.

      1. I recommend Honey Hut and Handels if you’re looking for other local ice cream options. My in-laws are from Cleveland and we are *big* ice cream fans.

    3. I think Jungle Jim’s is a fun stop for snacks. It’s just a grocery store, but it’s a very interesting one.

      1. I don’t think there’s a Jungle Jim’s in Cleveland – they have two locatoins nearer to Cincinnati.

    4. the Cuyahoga Valley National Park is right near Cleveland with lots of good hikes if you’re into that

      food – in Tremont I love Cloak & Dagger, but it’s very cocktail-focused so maybe not the best for kids. In the flats I like Alley Cat… the hot new restaurants here are Amba and jaja, but I haven’t been yet. The local chefs to follow include Zach Bruel (Alley Cat), Ben Bebenroth (Boom Pizza), Jill Vedaa (Salt+), Douglas Katz (Zhug, Amba). Little Italy is tasty but nothing amazing. Lots of nice breweries with open seating not far from Tremont/downtown. Local chains that would probably be good for kids: Aladdin’s (middle eastern), Barrio tacos, Heck’s (burgers), Melt (huuuge grilled cheese sandwiches), Winking Lizard (wings, burgers), Rockne’s (burgers).

      The Aquarium is really lovely if you like that; kids might also like the Hofbrauhaus.

      If you REALLY like roller coasters, try to take a day to go to Cedar Point – they hold world records in many different categories, but they’re pretty intense roller coasters with huge drops, loops, dangling seats, etc.

    6. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is really fun; I took my kid there at about age 13 or 14 and they loved it. Check out the public market (the name excapes me) in the Ohio City area.

    7. I think Daffodil Hill bloomed a little early this year but should still be going when you’re in town! It’s worth checking; it’s very Clevelandy.

      If they soften on museums, I think the Cleveland Museum of Art is still free and low commitment (maybe even just stop by the touristy shop!).

      Last time I was in town, artisan donuts were a thing. If you truly have no dietary restrictions, Mr. Hero’s Roman Burger with waffle fries is a classic.

      If you want to get out of the city, Huntington Beach is great for walking around and seeing the skyline from across the bay.

  14. Tip for a better LI group picture: Don’t let the photographer talk you into bending your knees and leaning forward like a cheerleader. You will never see a group of professional men pose like that. If they can’t figure out how to get folks in, then ask to pose on stairs. And the number of women who just do this sort of pose naturally is just astounding.

    And if you’re at an event, put down your glass of alcohol. I’m not a prude (heck, I’m the first to ask for a glass), but it looks tacky when someone later pairs those photos with serious content.

    1. On the other hand, I’m not a drinker but I don’t think holding a glass of wine in a photo is problematic. Unless you look obviously hammered, I really don’t get why it would be a big deal.

      1. I don’t think the issue is generally just being photographed with wine in hand. But when someone uses such a picture as their professional headshot, LinkedIn profile image, etc., it speaks quite loudly to that person’s lack of self awareness and overall judgement.

    2. I think the tacky part is the person who uses that photo for serious content, not the fact that people are holding drinks (appropriately – not like a sloppy drunk pic).

    3. Agree about the pose, but I think holding a drink is fine. Echoing your sentiment, I don’t think any professional men are frantically looking around for somewhere to stash their glass lest they be seen as ‘tacky’, and I don’t think you should either.

    4. My politician uncle taught me that the cardinal rule of photos is to never get caught holding a drink. I have tried to follow it, esp in professional settings.

    5. I don’t know what LI is (I even googled) but I so agree on the squatting. Nothing says “I’m the least important person in this photo” like being one of the women forced to squat in front of the men.

  15. This dress looks very similar to a JCrew dress I had years ago that I loved (origami dress, I think?) but no longer fits, so may have to try this one.

    1. Memory unlocked! Yes it does look very similar to that dress. I hope we’re getting back to an era of beautiful work clothes.

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