Thursday’s Workwear Report: Tie-Neck Cardigan
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’re looking for a cardigan with a little extra pizazz, look no further than this tie-neck sweater from CeCe. Does the detail serve any useful function? Not really, but it looks cute.
This cardigan comes in seven great colors, but I think the green one is going to be on its way to my house shortly.
The sweater is $69 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 8/12/25:
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your full price purchase, and $99 dresses and jackets — extra 60% off sale also
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- Dermstore – Anniversary sale, up to 25% off everything
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles & up to 60% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 60% off clearance
- Mejuri – Up to 25% off everything
- M.M.LaFleur – New August drop, and up to 70% off sale – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
- Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
- Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – Semi-annual red door sale! 50% off all markdowns + extra 20% off already marked-down items
Job offer advice??
I work in the public sector in Toronto, Canada as a lawyer. I’m 10 years out of school, spent the entire time at the same place, and have progressed from an articling student to Senior Counsel managing 5 other lawyers. I’m extremely respected in my org by “on the ground” folk, have developed significant expertise, etc. etc. Pay is competitive for my year of call in the public sector but certainly not above average, and it is unusual to be a manger at my career point. Extremely good benefits, even for public sector. The bad part – all the stuff I talked about in a previous post: https://corporette.com/the-colette-cropped-wide-leg-pants/#comment-4685902
In the interim, I have gotten myself a competing job offer, also in the broader public sector. Same title, but it doesn’t involve managing people. Pay is a bit more, vacation is a bit less, health benefits not quite as outrageously good. They are very committed to hybrid work (downsized office space), while my current employer is a bit wishy washy. Commute is identical – they are like a block away. I expect workload would probably be about the same, although maybe a bit slower. Pension the same. Basically, seems like a wash. I’ve tried to negotiate is this is where we’ve gotten to.
HOWEVER, the job would be serious pivot into a much more marketable area of expertise that is a clear growth area over my career timeline. There is more upward growth positions within that org, and there are equivalent positions in other orgs (private and public) that I would become an ideal candidate for over time. My current role is extremely extremely niche, and the idea of having a more obviously marketable skillset is appealing.
On the other other hand, there is significant potential for change in my current role (leader must change in 8 months), presumably my work load will get better once we complete hiring (we are currently down a legal manager so I’m doing double-ish work), and maybe working for a living just sucks and the grass is not greener. I could keep looking for jobs and stay put, obviously, although opportunities I’m even arguably qualified for are few and far between and I’ve been looking for a year plus (resulting in a handful of applications, 1 interview, 1 job offer.)
WWYD?
Take the new job! It sounds good, and you have a lot of complaints about your current job. Seems like a no brainer.
Wow. In this post you sound as if you kinda like your job, and in your previous post, you hated, hated, hated it and were counting the years until you could leave.
Was that just a terrible day and you were venting, or is that your lived reality, every day, for a long stretch of time now?
I mean…there are definitely more bad days than good ones. If I know that things were going to stay the way there are now forever I’d definitely leave.
But on paper, my job isn’t objectively bad and change (for better or worse) is coming. I don’t want to act rashly and regret it, which is a much more tangible fear when you actually have the option to leave.
You hate your job most days. You found a better job. Take it.
I accept that as a lawyer you have a personality wired to mitigate risk. But if you’ve been in a job for 10 years, and you’re 35, this must be your first (only?) full time job that you’ve had. If so, the thought of something new and unknown might seem doubly risky, because you’ve never had to go through this kind of choice and life transition before. And it’s true: you can’t predict the future, either at your current job or the other location.
But won’t you at some point want to stretch your wings and try something different? Or do you see yourself staying in this job for a very long time, if management were reasonable?
This is my only “career” job, although I did work professionally for a few years between undergrad and law school. However, my fear of the unknown is real.
I very very much do want to mitigate risk based on my own life experience growing up. And I did see myself here as a potential lifer, if it is bearable. Until recently, my bosses/mentors had both been here for 30+ years, and I definitely saw them enjoying the fruit of long-time loyalty and familiarity.
Personally I’d jump at either because private sector just isn’t for me and I prefer working towards the greater good. You should look carefully into the articles of incorporation if these are crown corps and various funding structures to assess stability. This sounds like TPA vs waterfront Toronto.
Hahaha, really good guesses, and it would be moving to a crown corp. Given its core function, I have full confidence of new org’s existence (or amalgamation, but still doing the function) forever – a “must have” service rather than “nice to have.” I’m currently working for a “nice to have” service with a long track record. Funding for both ahs political elements, for sure. Hard to avoid that in public sector lol
Congrats on already managing a team. The opportunity in 8 months is a factor for sure. How interested are you in that or how likely are you to be offered acting if you are there or do you think they will leave it unfilled? More broadly, with some fed cuts coming, I know DH has expressed concern about unfilled roles being cut.
Didn’t read your earlier post in terms of how much you like/hate your current role but if you’re in a permanent position where you are currently, I’d request a 1 year leave of absence to try out the other role. At least where I am in a provincial public service legal job, it’s pretty common for people to rotate into and out of jobs in other parts of the public service to diversify or build experience. If they like you, they’ll grant the leave rather than risk losing you.
You’re right to try and stay in the federal family, the extra health care benefits are second to none. Apparently a little known pieces is that it even covers services offered in one province but not another.
Sorry, my post was unclear. The opening in 8 months is for the head of the organization – a political appointee, not an opportunity for myself. The impact for me is that it could change our focus/direction/work culture.
Unfortunately it would almost certainly not possible to take a year leave of absence from my current role. I agree it is generally common in provincial public sector, but my current role is unique and I’ve never seen it done. If I could swap around roles for a year secondment that would be glorious.
My DH is a fed and maybe it varies by dept. (he’s in a science heavy one) but there’s always someone moving out or back from different jobs, esp. at the director/deputy director levels and between core govt and agencies. I find more movement than in provincial if only because there are more opportunities in federal and people will sometimes do a short stint in another province even if they don’t want a permanent move.
Even if it’s not in your org. culture, the year long level of absence entitlement is likely in your collective agreement. Good luck with your decision!
I’d take the new job. Change in your current org could be very disruptive in eight months so why not take control of the change that happens to you now. Also getting out of a niche area into one that has more options is always a better idea, especially early in your career (which you still are).
I know nothing about Canadian public sector work, so I can’t offer advice there. But I do know that terrible jobs don’t get better, and waiting for changes just delays you on your path to happiness. Make the jump. Beyond leaving a situation which makes you miserable, you will have better future opportunities.
Plus, if you leave on good terms, there is always a chance to return!I don’t think you need to be so doom and gloom about never being in your current role again.
Taking this here and CMoms: I need to babyproof the house soon. I have one challenge I cannot figure out: In our entryway, we have a sideboard-type piece of furniture, and upon it rests a huge, family heirloom mirror that rests against the floor-to-ceiling stone wall behind the furniture and mirror. It is, I realize, a total deathtrap. I’d love to keep the mirror in place for its sentimental value to our family, but is there any way to childproof this configuration without drilling into the stone? We want to avoid that at all costs. Any recommendations would be so helpful!
Put the mirror away for a few years if you won’t secure it to the wall.
Agreed this is the obvious solution. Wondering if there are any creative alternatives we haven’t thought of just yet. It will be sad to put the heirloom in the basement for storage; long story short, it holds a lot of sentimental value for me and my family.
Move the mirror to a different room where you can drill into the wall. A big decorative mirror might look nice in the dining room
You can go the old-fashioned route used by the Victorians and hang it by wires from the ceiling. They used picture rails, actually. But you’d need someone to drill into studs. Decorative wiring is still sold for this kind of thing.
Ceiling was my first thought as well. Could be gorgeous.
I like the ceiling wire idea.
There are mounting brackets you can add to the back of the mirror that are invisible and some will let you ‘lean’ the mirror while it’s still secured.
We secured the anti-tip anchors onto all of our dressers/bookshelves when we had our kids. I’d very glad we did as both of them attempted to scale the bookshelves at least once, as did other kids we have over.
What’s your objection to drilling into the stone?
Can you drill into the mortar (NOT the stone) then it’s easily repairable and no permanent damage.
To be honest, we just spent the money and had a childproofing handyman come out and do all our difficult to secure things all at once. If they say it can’t be secured, put it away. There was a recent news story of a child being fatally injured by a large mirror.
+1 – we paid a guy a fairly absurd amount of money to do this but he also custom rigged all of the baby gates to the weird, not-straight walls in our antique house. And it was all done in one day vs. my husband and I trying and failing to do it over multiple weekends.
This is the answer. They found problems and solutions I haven’t and wouldn’t have noticed.
Gently, once the baby gets here and gets mobile, you will wonder why you cared so much about the mirror/stone and you will wish you’d taken care of it before.
I don’t know an answer, but maybe search for earthquake proofing strategies beyond babyproofing. It sounds like you really don’t want to break this mirror even aside from safety considerations! I’m not sure how special the sideboard furniture is or whether there’s an option to secure the mirror to the furniture like a dresser mirror?
I understand why you don’t want to drill into the stone, but presumably you have other walls that aren’t stone (or do you live in a castle?). Would you be willing to move it to one of those walls?
Here’s my engineer answer: get one of those large, flexible baby gate play pens and put it around the sideboard (with good clearance between the playpen and the sideboard). They can be used to keep babies out of small areas just as well as they keep babies in small areas.
This is exactly what we did around our vintage sideboard.
Does the sideboard hide what’s behind it (like, it’s a cabinet down to the floor)? If so, maybe you could create some sort of sturdy wooden framing to sit behind all of it and hang the mirror from?
Can you find a local handyman who can assess the wall and mirror? He might be able to drill in a way that is unobtrusive.
Can the mirror be anchored to the ceiling or higher up in the wall where holes would be less visible?? (I’m thinking of something like fishing line, or maybe some sort of decorative line, from the ceiling to the mirror.)
Move the mirror and the sideboard table since you cannot anchor either to the wall.
Here in earthquake country I have two antique mirrors like this. One I anchored into the wall (basically going into the stone but we have plaster walls) and one is hanging from picture rails. I’d suggest anchoring into the stone – it’s relatively easy to repair such things if you move and take it with you.
Any advice for speaking to a friend who is definitely being a martyr but isn’t open to advice (and I’m not looking to offer it anyway)? I basically need a few responses that aren’t exactly validating her complaints that there is “nothing I can do” and “no way it will ever improve” when she’s very much in the “we’ve tried nothing but we’re all out of ideas” camp. I’ve already thrashed the last ounce of life out of “ugh that’s hard” and “I’m sorry” and “this too shall pass.” What I’d like to say is “if you’re not going to try anything to fix the situation, then stop complaining about it,” which obviously I’m not going to do. I see her all the time and the issue comes up in most conversations because it affects her daily life.
Following; nothing to add but when I’m on the phone at home I get all of the swiffering and dusting done. The quiet chores.
“If you’re not going to try anything to fix the situation, then stop complaining about it” is exactly what I said to a family member once, and you know what? He stopped complaining about it.
How many friends do you have if this is your approach?
My person stopped talking to me and switched to hostile texting after trying something in exasperation after years of it. A win? It’s family, so hard to escape.
+1. One of my friends said something like this to me (but more gently) when I kept complaining about my job, and it resonated with me. I didn’t realize how much my complaining was affecting my friend and our friendship. I stopped complaining and found a new job!
“are you just venting or can I offer advice?” can sometimes work to make the person realize they are getting tiresome on the topic.
Oh this is good phrasing and is unlikely to harm the relationship. I am going to borrow this one.
What about hang in there, hope it gets better, make sure you are taking care of yourself too, I am thinking about you?
Tried all of those. I just didn’t list them in my OP because I figured you all got the idea. I need something that isn’t super harsh or exasperated-sounding (I’m sure I would want compassion in her shoes too) but that signals enough is enough.
My go to is “good luck with all that”
This works if you want to be actively hostile I guess!
I would need something different for a friend.
“Oh no! Also, did you hear about…”
I’d absolutely say something and have in the past. If this is related to a specific topic: “You seem upset about X pretty often and I hate to see to it. But you haven’t done anything to address the situation/aren’t willing to try a different approach. That makes it frustrating for me to listen to the same complaint. I don’t think I’m the right person for you to talk to about X.” And if she brings it up again you just say “That sounds hard but you know how I feel about it.”
FWIW, many years later I’m still close with the friend I said this to.
This sounds fair. You do rely on your good friends to gently call you out sometimes. It sounds like this friend doesn’t want that but that doesn’t mean you have to doormat for them.
My recent success is that the friend with awful taste in guys, who I did this for for a long time, has finally internalized it and has improved her taste in guys (to the basics, like “gainfully employed or has the potential to be”.)
I think you can just repeat the same tired phrases and/or make sympathetic noises. It sounds like she wants to vent, so it probably doesn’t matter what you say. If she complains then you can just be honest.
I don’t know. I have a friend like this who has even considered therapy, but their objection is that therapy won’t change the circumstances/problems, etc., etc. But there are people in comparable but worse circumstances who are much happier! I think they have a negative view of therapy because of people in their life who went to therapy and appeared to learn to put a positive spin on destructive patterns instead of changing them or who just fall back on denial (“it is stressful for me to think about my credit card debt/leaking roof/the light on in my car/my rising A1C, so I just don’t! :)”).
But bad therapy doesn’t invalidate good therapy, and this is exactly what CBT is for.
Honestly, I’d say exactly what you’re thinking with the sharp edges barely rounded off. “Look, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. You are very capable, though, and I think you can figure out ways to improve this situation. I’m hearing a couple options in what you’ve said, but I bet you’d be able to come up with better ones. Let me know if you want to brainstorm.”
I have someone in my life who is like this on a specific issue. I do “Oh no. What have you tried so far?” It gets the message across that they own the solution from the inside, at least partially. This works in the workplace, too.
That’s a really good response. Supportive, and then through it back in their court.
Is something like Vanguard Personal Advisory Services worthwhile? We currently have most of our long term savings there (at the moment, about a million), and it’s invested by Vanguard in a mix of stocks and bonds, based on what we tell them are our savings goals and levels of risk. They charge a 0.3% fee, and the investments really haven’t changed much over the last several years. DH thinks we should manage the funds on our own, especially since Vanguard doesn’t seem to be doing much. I’m more conservative and not super familiar with financial markets (and don’t like dealing with them); he’s comfortable in managing them himself and keeping a similar blend of stocks/bonds, just without the fee.
For context, I don’t anticipate having to pull out funds anytime soon. Maybe in a few years if we move and want to eliminate our mortgage. We have a one year old, but don’t plan to use any of this until she goes to college (if then, as we have other accounts set up for education). Thoughts?
I don’t think that’s worth it. We have a similar amount of money and self-manage it. We have pretty much everything in target date funds that are a mix of stocks and bonds that automatically get more conservative as you get closer to the target date (i.e., basically doing automatically what your advisor is currently doing, like your DH said).
I agree with your DH. Why not take them out of the managed accounts but keep the same asset mix? The Vanguard index funds are good. Just anecdotally, I have a large (8 figures) client who manages their own $$ at Vanguard and tells me the mix they want for their kids’ trust funds and it’s VTRIX, VTWAX, VVIAX, easy ratio and it has done well over the years.
My husband and I used them for a couple years to help establish a plan. It worked because we weren’t on the same page regarding what assets to invest in and this naturalized that conversation.
After three ish years we stopped having them manage it and moved to self managing it.
It’s incredibly easy to re-engage them if needed so that is always an option for the future.
I’m 37 and I’ve been struggling with exhaustion and weakness before and during my period. These symptoms have ramped up over the past year. I know I’m not anemic. I will definitely be discussing this with my doctor at an upcoming visit, but I wanted to see if anyone here has experienced the same. Were you able to improve your symptoms without using hormonal birth control?
When you say you are not anemic, have you also looked at your ferritin level?
+1. Also had exactly this with normal CBC. Iron infusions changed my life.
Can I ask how low your ferritin was to make you decide to get iron infusions? In what ways did you feel better after the infusion? I also have low ferritin but normal cbc and am not noticing much of a difference after starting iron supplements. I’d like to stop needing naps after a regular work day if that’s possible!
Different commenter here. I learned this the hard way, but low stomach acid (whether from a medical condition or from taking a PPI) apparently makes it harder to absorb some forms of iron. I personally had to switch to a different formulation that was easier to absorb (for me that was heme iron polypeptides, but I discussed w/doctor and pharmacist) before benefiting.
Eventually I also needed B12 shots since low acid production is linked to low intrinsic factor production and that increased my energy more than the iron alone did.
It was definitely below 20 – maybe 10-15? Iron supplements did not change it after like 4 months of consistent supplementation (it actually went down!), and I planned to get pregnant. My doc said she’d rather have me start the pregnancy with normal iron stores than do iron infusions midway through, so she referred me to hematology, who ordered the infusions. I think they probably would’ve ordered them without the whole pregnancy thing, but that was part of why they did it then. (Iron infusions are safe in pregnancy, but I think I would’ve become anemic really quickly, and they wanted to be preventative).
There is no way in which my life did not improve. I am a runner, and I had been struggling with even easy runs for months. Struggled to walk up stairs. Needed naps regularly. The infusions changed all that.
Maybe TMI, but the supplements also caused profound constipation, which caused bleeding hemorrhoids, which can’t have been helping the situation!
This is part of why I liked the heme iron so much. There are probably pros and cons to different formulations, but it was the only oral iron I tried that didn’t cause any constipation.
Are you taking a multi-vitamin/mineral like Centrum or similar ? I take a prenatal daily even though I’m well above childbearing age and my bloodwork just came back great. I’m not a huge believe in supplements but a solid multivitamin and multi-mineral (so many gummies have no minerals) gives you a good baseline.
How’s your sleep? Can you try a sleep tracker? Exhaustion is often sleep related. You might be getting worse sleep than you realize.
Get bloodwork done and ask your doctor about a sleep study.
Has your flow seemed higher than normal? When I had this the issue was a cervical polyp. Does require a small outpatient surgery to remove, but not something scary.
I had the exhaustion component before my current baby (when I was also 37!) I could barely keep my eyes open. The sudden progesterone drop that happens just before your period can definitely lead to exhaustion and other symptoms. I’m pretty sure it was hormonal for me because it went away with pregnancy and hasn’t returned (yet?)
A daily prenatal vitamin with iron makes a noticeable difference for me.
Another suggestion you may want to explore with your doctor is endometriosis or adenomyosis. Both can cause anemia symptoms around your period. I ultimately had a hysterectomy to solve my problems.
To make my aging skin look better with makeup, I’m trying to use creamier products with more glow. My face does look a lot fresher and less tired when I use some illuminating products and minimal powder, but as a 90s teen, I can’t get over wondering if I look greasy instead of glowy, haha. I still have combination skin in my 40s so that might be part of my self-consciousness.
big fan of a little glow. do you have a teenage girl in your life? ask her if you look greasy and not glowy, they don’t hold back :)
I’m 38 and using the Missha Perfect Cover BB cream. It unfortunately has a very limited shade range.
I am an Old (60+) and have the aversion to full on shine too. If you don’t need the coverage of foundation, Juice Beauty’s primer offers some glow without it being a shine fest. I use concealer where I need it, one squirt of that primer, and then use a big fluffy brush to hit up my forehead, nose, and chin lightly with Fenty’s “Invisimat Instant Blotting and Setting Powder”. Recently at a social event some of my contemporaries cornered me and wanted to know what I was doing or using to glow without looking shiny, so I guess others also think that routine is working well for me.
I kind of know a beauty influencer who is like 60 and sells her own beauty line and she just looks so shiny
I got sucked into the Laura Geller palette for “older women” that is all powder, and I love it. I really do look younger in this makeup.
Try Hourglass ambient lighting powder. A finishing powder with a little bit of soft glow.
I use a foundation with silicone in it, Face Atelier ultra skin foundation. I did a makeup lesson with an established makeup artist and she recommended it for mature skin. It looks great on me.
Help me daydream here: What are some classic wardrobe items that are worth investing in? I’m thinking of something like a Burberry trench coat, and Max Mara wool coat, a Boss suit – specific designers. What’s on your list?
i have a burberry trench i got 20 years ago and the truth is that even it isn’t that timeless in that depending how big the clothes underneath are it doesn’t fit, and i bought it long when i used to wear skirt suits but now i wish it was shorter…. most things look dated even something like a chanel suit that seems to not change. more timeless are bags or shoes… a classic chanel or gucci loafers, ferragamos etc.
Clothing isn’t an investment it’s just spending money
Very much agreed. Buying quality items is nice but in no way an “investment.”
Oh come on. I don’t think OP or any other reasonably intelligent person thinks of clothing as an investment in the financial sense. It’s the case of spending more than you usually would because you’ll get your money’s worth out of it. As you well know. This place is getting to be like Reddit, where whatever someone posts is picked apart in any possibly way it can be misconstrued. Ugh.
Oh come on. That’s a common phrasing for “it’ll last a good long while”. I’m sure she’s not thinking about this like the Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
Agree. And it’s not even a good way to spend if the designer’s color, cut, and style don’t work for me.
Completely agree. For timeless things to wear, buy jewelry and watches.
Agree, to the extent that real “investments” are stocks are stocks and real estate. But still, I spend a not insignificant amount of money on clothing.
As I age and own my style, I’ve expanded the window of time I expect from pieces. I’m aiming for five years out of things rather than one or two. Given that timeline, im comfortable spending more. Those five year “investment” pieces tend to be beloved. I’ve found that when I pony up at least twice what im used to paying and promise myself I’ll keep it for half a decade im really picky about fit, quality and comfort. I buy stuff I really wear. So no, it’s not a 401 k but it is kind of lovely to look in your closet at the beginning of fall and feel little pressure to buy new stuff. Obviously, there are a million ways to build a wardrobe and this will not work if you love the latest trend or get bored quickly. But I’m less skeptical about wardrobe “investments” after this shift.
things wear, most things don’t last forever. not to say you should by cheap but a boss suit is going to look dated in a few years and that doesn’t take into account that most likely your shape will change. By what you love now. if you can afford a few beautiful and expensive pieces and will enjoy them go for it but don’t think they’re going to last longer or be more useful than, say, the rain coat from eddie bauer we were talking about earlier in the week.
I don’t think suits are worth $$$$ since styles change and they need to be tailored so well that they’re unforgiving of size changes (up, down, shifting). I got a knee-length Burberry about 15 years ago and still use it regularly – this year almost always worn open with the belt tied behind me, as more on-trend than buttoned-up and buckled as was the case when purchased!
Cream silk shirts from Theory, black leather moto jacket, black leather pants, Burberry quilted jacket (way more use for me than a trench), Gucci loafers
I would skip leather garment pieces like this; they don’t wear very well and are extremely expensive to have cleaned.
Agree with Gucci loafers. I spent several hundred bucks on some black lambskin leather leggings back in 2019. The skinny silhouette is mostly over but I styled them with sneakers last winter and felt great in them.
I have a pair of Gucci loafers going on 15 years now, and highly recommend them as a purchase. It’s the lady version of the brown Ferragamo dress shoes that guys have been getting resoled for decades.
I think well made pieces in good fabrics will last longer, but don’t think designer brands is the way to get that. The Stuart Weitzman level shoes last far longer than the Jimmy Choo level, which are made of fragile leather that won’t survive anything more rigorous than a car ride.
I agree with the other commenters that nothing is truly classic, especially clothing that isn’t forgiving of body changes. Be wary of any distinctive designer items (Chanel quilted purse, YSL flap bag, etc). The items I’ve loved the longest are all unique pieces that were never exactly “in style.” Like a purse in a unique fabric or with interesting hardware, a statement coat in a color that looks great with my complexion, heels with some type of embellishment, a necklace with an arrangement of stones I’ve never seen before.
Great point; I think the things with the most longevity have been either really good quality basics, or things I absolutely loved — not because they were trendy but because I am always drawn to certain colors or silhouettes.
I actually would invest in the distinctly designer items like a Chanel quilted purse and a YSL flap bag. If these are your aesthetic, they hold a lot of resale value (or passing it down) and really don’t seem to go out of style. I have both, in addition to the more “in style” unique bags (for me, I was obsessed with the Alexander McQueen jewel hobo bag at one point)– these I’m more likely to rotate or even resell at some point.
I think the more basic and utilitarian, the better. I’m second generation to wear a dove gray Balenciaga silk twill shell. It’s an absolute workhorse for me.
Bespoke shoes, or at least handmade Goodyear welted.
Vintage silk scarfs, hand-rolled hems.
Well-worn Barbour waxed jacket, and other items from the style «family inherited and well-worn practical clothes à la Queen Elizabeth at Balmoral.
National costumes or (your own) indigenous clothing.
I’m going to disagree with most posters here. Not for specific brands, but I have things like wool sweaters and coats that were my grandmother’s that I still wear. They haven’t always been trendy but a fisherman sweater made 40-50 years ago is definitely better quality than one made now. You have to take the very long view on clothes and probably assume their appeal isn’t going to cycle back for you.
I just find things like that frumpy and with limited closet space, I’m not saving ugly clothes for future generations. Only exception is a great mink jacket I still wear that I inherited.
Agreed. I have a wool sweater that belonged to my grandfather that still looks timeless. It’s too small for me (he was 120 lbs and I am…not), but saving it for my son!
This is such a fun topic! Here’s my dreams including accessories:
– Loro Piana sweaters and trousers;
– Various St. John’s skit suits and dresses;
– Various Tom Ford suits;
– Custom three-piece suit (I need them for work, realize now I’m including a lot of suiting!);
– Vintage Halston evening gown circa the late 1970s;
– Vintage Chanel blazer circa the early 1990s;
– Burberry trench;
– A full apres ski wardrobe from Gorsuch;
– Brunello Cucinelli sweaters;
– Barbour waxed jacket;
– Louboutin So Kates;
– Rolex lady datejust;
– Vintage Hermes scarves (newer designs bore me);
– Saddleback Leather briefcase;
– Louis Vuitton trunk to store it all in!
I have a crossbody purse with security features that is over 15 years old. It looks like it. I need to replace it. The company I bought it from is out of business, so I can’t go back to them.
I’m looking for suggestions for an affordable replacement. I like having the security wires in the strap and a mag-safe pocket.
i have no idea what this means. are you carrying gold boullion?
Nothing like that :) I carry it when riding motorcycles so the security strap helps keep it secured. The magnetic safety pocket prevents RFID card cloning when walking in a crowd.
This is my everyday purse. It’s been through trail rides, the washing machine and being soaked at multiple late fall football games.
Why? Are you often getting mugged?
She isn’t any more! Her purses used to be pro-theft. Now, they are against theft!
Baggalini has one and so does a company called Travelon. I assume any Amazon version with decent reviews would also work.
Check out the Travelon Anti-Theft Classic Essential Messenger; it seems to fit your requirements.
What’s the intended use case and how formal does it need to look? I think there’s a lot of companies making these, but they tend to be marketed for travel & look more casual
Check out Bagallini’s anti-theft line. I just have their regular bag, which does have RFID technology. It also has convenient pockets.
A word of warning about the reinforced straps — A poster here said her family member became disabled when someone tried to slash the strap of her bag and steal it — they grabbed the bag and she was dragged behind a motorcycle.
That is, she was dragged because the strap didn’t break.
This seems very extreme.
+1
Is Undaunted Courage the best non-fiction for Lewis and Clark or is there something better out there?
that’s the only one i read or know of
It’s a good start. Once youre through that, look at Donald Jackson’s Letters of the Lewis and Clark Expedition, with related documents, 1783-1854
We read the journals of Lewis and Clark in one of my college classes (an abridged version, I’m sure, though not sure which one). They were fascinating!
Not sure but I recently read this article in the Times and found it so interesting:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/23/magazine/sacagawea-biography-history.html
Are you looking for pop non-fiction or something more serious? Simon Winchester’s The Men Who United the States would also be a lighter read in the vein of Undaunted Courage. And while not what you asked, Ken Burns’ documentary on Lewis and Clark for PBS is well worth a watch if you haven’t seen it already.
I’ve been having post menopausal v bleeding, 4 episodes now in the past year. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week. If you’ve gone down this road, what’s it like? I’m guessing is that worst case is hysterectomy for uterine cancer (and I’ve read that the uterus can help support the bladder, so more worried about losing continence so early in life). All female relatives had hysterectomies, but for fibroids in their 40s (I’m 55), so no one I know has hit this problem but has had plenty of other ones. My GYN is maybe 40 and I’m wishing she was old enough to have much more lived experience and friends going through this vs one lecture in med school and maybe some experience with patients (the practice seems to skew younger and pregnant and ive been there 20 years; all of the older OBs have left over the years to move to further out suburbs).
I can’t speak to the post menopausal bleeding part, but I don’t know anyone who has had a hysterectomy for fibroids or endometriosis (and the irregular bleeding) that regretted it. And none of them have reported bladder issues.
I’ve had multiple instances of post-menopausal bleeding (with cramps) and waited about a year to get checked. I was terrified but prepared for the worst. Had to have a hysteroscopy where they found and removed a number of polyps which had been causing the bleeding. Hope you have a good outcome as well.
This is definitely a thing to check out, and probably earlier than 4 episodes in a year (after the first one – this isn’t normal post-meno). In one friend’s case, it was ovarian cancer – she passed after several years of treatment, and in another friend’s case, this was endometrial cancer and it doesn’t have a good prognosis. Not to scare you, but a hysterectomy isn’t really the worst case here.
Not sure if you’re interested in finding an alternative gyn. My HR dept recently hired a speaker to talk about menopause care and our benefits. The speaker suggested menopause.org as being a good reference for finding practitioners that are certified for menopause care. I was surprised to find the number of certified GYN’s in my metro city was a pretty small subset given how many OB/GYN practices there are around me.
Help me shop for some new zoom tops. I’ve been wearing my older blouses and shirts that are too pilled or stretched to wear in public. I want to treat myself with a few new tops – total budget $200 and am hoping to get at least 3-4 tops.
Loft is good at this price point.
i like color in a zoom top or a little pattern:
https://www.loft.com/clothing/tops/catl000011/dotted-bow-blouse/777881.html?priceSort=DES
https://factory.jcrew.com/m/womens/categories/clothing/shirts-and-tops/short-sleeve-shirts/printed-ruffle-placket-blouse/MF751?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=ivory-flamingo&colorProductCode=CN424
looking for wise counsel. I have mentioned before that i am interviewing for a role at my current employer that is not directly related to the job i currently do. things change but almost entirely sure that if my now direct boss were to leave i would want her job and not to stay in this new role. is that a wait and see when you get there situation or could i explore whether that would be looked at as a positive or a negative during the interview process?
No this is spinning and not something to discuss in an interview unless you don’t want to get the job. If your boss is leaving imminently, you might want to just stay put if you’re the natural successor. If not, you’re just trying to predict the future and that’s a fool’s errand.
Probably a know your boss… but within an org, I can’t see a reasonable manager holding someone back from a promotion, even if they changed jobs relatively recently. i.e. if I hired a manager laterally and 8 months later the director role came up in her old group [let’s say she spent 3 + years there], I would assume the org would want to consider her as a logical backfill. If you have line of site you your boss’ departure that might be different, but within a “good” org that opportunity should still be available to you. NOTE: I literally had this conversation with a mentee recently… you are waiting for your boss to leave, but he has been there for like 8 years and shows no interest in leaving: this is false hope career planning.
Don’t bring it up. Unless your current manager is actively planning her retirement party, I wouldn’t let it enter your calculus at all – too unpredictable. If your boss’ role becomes open at some point in the future, think about applying then. (Also! If this does happen sometime in the next 5 years, there’s something easier about coming in as a manager, rather than an in-team promotion fwiw)
But, you can reflect on what’s appealing about your current boss’ job, and use that to help clarify your goals, what kind of role makes sense for you, etc.
If your boss has signaled that they will leave soon or has folded you in to succession planning, or if surrounding leadership has begun cutting them out of key convos/looping you in, I’d say wait and see makes sense. Think also about your timetable — for how long are you comfortable waiting and seeing? Run that outcome against your boss’ departure timelines and decide what makes the most sense from there.
Just a vent – we’re renting a house at the beach for a month and my BIL/SIL and their kids came down to join us for a week. The home comes with blankets (quilts) for the beds but you bring your own sheets/towels. We advised them of this and the bed sizes when we finalized the dates, and I texted them the bed sizes again this week (in fairness I just sent the bed sizes, not ‘bring full and twin sheets’). I asked my husband yesterday – hey, should I remind them about linens and got a whole lecture about how I need to chill out and stop controlling things.
Guess who forgot sheets, towels, beach towels, and bathing suits for the kids? Yup. My husband was speechless when they went to bed at night and asked for the sheets. In his defense, he also apologized the attitude. Thank you amazon same day delivery…
did they acknowledge that it was their mistake? and also where did everyone sleep that night?
They slept on top of the quilts and had throw blankets as ‘blankets’, and borrowed towels/suits for the day. This is not unusual behavior for them which is why I asked about it (I am very type A, they are very type…B-).
That seems completely fine to me? Hard to see how this is an issue.
I have been both of these types of people at similar events and… I get it! It was annoying they forgot. You were right!
If they also forgot swim suits and beach towels, it sounds like they have packing packing problems that even a reminder about the linens would not have solved.
I say this completely sincerely – enjoy being right. You’ve earned it!
This sounds like it was a much bigger deal to you than it was to them on all levels.
+1
Unless they complained or inconvenienced OP by borrowing swimsuits.
I’m quite confident OP was capable of saying no if she would be put out.
I will never understand people like them. My brain is just wired so differently. Not packing a bathing suit for the trip! It is hilarious to me.
And yet it worked out just fine for them!
Insofar as it was embarrassing to look like people who are either incapable of elementary-level planning or totally willing to assume their family would ‘handle it all for them,’ yeah, I guess we can say it all “worked out.” LOL!
My advice is to not do this emotional labour. It’s your in-laws; your husband can text with instructions and bed sizes.
(I’m very much a believer that marriage is a partnership; the issue here is that things very rarely go well when one spouse outsources interactions with their family to the other spouse.)
In our family it does not work when the brothers try to handle logistics. It goes so much more smoothly when we, the wives, make things happen.
Accept some non-smoothness and do less work.
Yeah, texting bed sizes this week was definitely not a reminder about the sheets. But anyway, sounds like everyone ended up alright.
I don’t know how you forget bathing suits of all things for a beach vacation. Take your win, but in the future, pass on the info once and let them figure it out. I am also a planner so on vacations I tell people the plan and make it very clear upfront that if they mess it up that’s not a me problem. They are adults and they will figure their crap out. Enjoy your time instead.
You bring your own sheets/towels? Weird.
Because there aren’t sheets and towels . . . What would you do in this situation? Go without?
Vacation homes generally come with sheets and towels. It’s not a default assumption that you have to bring your own.
OP says she informed them that it was BYO sheets and towels.
False. For example, house rentals at the Jersey shore almost never come with sheets/towels. Even very high end rentals. You bring your own.
Did you . . . read the post?
I feel like FAFO is the only way some people will ever learn. Good for your spouse for apologizing.
I really don’t think there’s much to “learn” here. It’s
I’m confused — did they demand anything from you? If so, then that’s annoying. But if not, then this is just another judgy post about how organized you are. What is with people lately needing to get attention for being The Most Organized Person In the World?
Seriously. I’d so much rather be the people who think “eh, we’ll figure it out if we forget something” than the person who has other people’s towels on their mind this much before, during, and after a vacation.
what are things you read or do on computer when you are incredibly slow at work in mid august and have already organized your files and your inbox?
I leave work and just carry my phone for alerts.
I read books on my kindle, but I have my own office. If it needs to be on the computer, project Gutenberg has tons of free books and they just look like text on the screen, so not obvious what you’re looking at.
Teach myself new Google Sheets formulas and make an overly complex spreadsheet for incredibly mundane tasks, tbh.
I’m a lawyer so I read recent court opinions in my hypothetical free time. But I can’t honestly say I’m ever that slow at work
Marketing to drum up more work. Activities that will add value to your clients, personal brand, etc. Eg pick a topic you have deep expertise in, research areas of interest, and write about it. Circulate as appropriate.
Same poster…then go get ice creams for your office!
I want some soft, comfortable leggings with pockets for lounging around the house. Any recommendations?
Zella Studio Luxe High Waist Pocket 7/8 Leggings
I like the REI brand ones for comfy + pockets that I can put my phone in without dragging the waist down. Plus there’s often good sales on their store brands.
I know a lawyer who has t worked since having kids. One is in college and the others are 16, so old enough to drive. She was talking about dropping a mutual volunteering role (so leaving me holding the bag unless she finds her own replacement) because “my kids are in high school and I’m a busy mom.” What am I missing? I have slightly younger kids (not driving yet) AND I still work. Is this just how helicoptering is (ramping up when I think it would be ramping down)? I feel like I’m always half-assing everything as I juggle my load of tasks and work and yet as long as I’ve been a parent I’m still figuring out what is normal since I grew up in feral times in the 80s and 90s.
Not to downplay your annoyance but I have worked full time since having kids and HS is the only time I’ve ever seriously thought about quitting or going part time. You can outsource a LOT of little kid stuff in a way that you can’t outsource big kid stuff.
For example – the HS coursework is harder but they don’t teach executive management skills so we have to help keep them on top of deadlines/schedules. Extracurriculars are no longer optional for college, volunteer work is often required by the HS, and getting into college prep starts earlier then you’d think. Plus often they can’t yet drive OR you have to teach them to drive which is a whole other thing.
Yep. I stepped back to part-time consulting for a year late in my kid’s high school career because I was drowning with a high-stress, high-travel job plus parenting.
It could be something you don’t see like medical conditions that require a lot of appointments and coordination. It could also be she’s a helicopter martyr mom. It doesnt sound like you know her well enough to know for sure.
You’re annoyed she’s quitting a volunteer role, I get that. But this post has the same energy as the perfect Episcopalian yesterday. You don’t want an answer; you want us to tell you you are a Very Competent Person and she is a Very Incompetent Person.
Not your circus. Maybe she’s struggling with a health issue and has like 3 spoons these days, maybe she’s spending 80 hours a week calling the insurance company trying to get an emergency inpatient mental health care placement for one of those kids and she doesn’t want to tell anyone about it, or her partner is a total dud, maybe she is consumed with guilt over dropping the volunteer thing and feels like she needs an “excuse”. If it makes you feel better, maybe she’s a secret agent and the whole thing is her cover story.
(although yes, for the “figuring out what is normal”, I do think, for most people under most circumstances, the active parenting required for a 16 yr old and a college kid is…not an all-consuming thing)
Might this just be a polite way of saying she doesn’t want to fill the role anymore?
I had a role like this where I could not find a way to leave politely. I was so relieved when I moved across the country and could quit.
This.
Why do you think you’re missing something? This woman isn’t interested in this volunteer role at the moment. You don’t need to overanalyze her reasons for quitting and deem them good or bad. Honestly it sounds like you might want to consider quitting too if you’re struggling to juggle your life.
Yep, the projection here is wild.
You’re correct that you’re probably missing something. People have all kinds of pressures, challenges, and stresses that we will never know about unless they elect to share that information with us. Give her the benefit of the doubt, dig deep for some basic human empathy, and stay in your lane.
The question is why are you still volunteering if you are half-assing everything?
My thoughts exactly. But being a martyr sounds like the foundation of OP’s personality.
It’s perfectly fine to drop a volunteer role EVEN if other women find a way to make time for it. Maybe she has stuff going on that you don’t know about, or maybe she simply doesn’t want to spend the last years of her kids’ HS lives at home living at an intense pace, when it’s not required that she do so?
This is about her and not you. It’s just that simple.
Having more than one sixteen year old doesn’t sound easy to me. Everyone has a different level of busyness and chaos they they’re comfortable with. After watching older folks age, i don’t see a peaceful quiet life as a selfish choice.
It sounds like there is more to the volunteering thing. I don’t know what she signed up for. That said, I firmly believe that more people would volunteer if we could allow their commitment to ebb and flow with the rhythms of their lives. I’m sure this isn’t you op, but Ive seen people on insane power trips who truly didn’t understand that people aren’t obligated to dedicate their lives to organizations they’ve volunteered for. It’s truly the ugly side of service organizations. Most charities would do better if we met people where they’re at rather than expecting high levels of commitment from everyone.
Some of the worst behavior I’ve ever seen displayed by adults has been in volunteer organizations. Power trips, endless meetings, abuse that would have a paid employee careening towards HR. And with school/kid stuff, most men cheerfully ignore all of the requests, pleas, voluntold-ing, and get a parade if they show up for anything.
Very true. And most of these volunteer organizations don’t actually accomplish anything of value. I save my volunteering for high-functioning organizations where my contribution actually makes a difference.
People are allowed to quit volunteer roles and unfortunately it’s more socially acceptable to excuse this by “being a busy mom” than by saying she doesn’t want to do it anymore for reasons of her own. Plus like everyone else says, you don’t know what else is going on in her life- she’s dealing with a health issue, one of her kids is struggling, she has caregiving responsibilities for another family member. Life is complicated, better to give grace than to judge what you don’t know.
Yikes, if I had to volunteer with you I would quit too!
This is mean but also a point worth considering — if you’re judgmental, people will not want to work with you.
I’d find “my kids are in high school and I’m a busy mom” grating, especially if I was juggling what appeared to me more. I would prefer, “I’ve so enjoyed working with you, but it’s time for me to step down. I can continue helping until X day/through Y project.” It’s not your business (or mine) what else she has going on.
If the volunteer role will be too much for you, can you find a way to scale it back or get some extra help? Or wind it down if neither is possible?
You can quit the volunteering role, too. Sounds like you would like whole-assing things over your current approach, and you can do that if you quit some things like she is.
All of the other people may be right but also she just may not want to do anything. I have definitely been in volunteer roles with women who are largely spending their day at tennis, orange theory, spin class, going to lunch, and “volunteering.” Sure, some of them may have unknown expectations but some of them are also just married to wealthy men and that’s their life. Nothing wrong with that if you can get it.
I have a SAHM friend who quit some volunteer stuff because she was just done with it, which is a perfectly good reason unto itself, but tells people it’s because she wanted to have more time during her daughter’s senior year of high school and now to go visit her kids at college. She’s just trying to save face and look like a dedicated mom instead of being judged as a lazy quitter.
I applaud her and wish she didn’t feel like she had to make up a story to escape judgment. That said, I tend to tell people something sort of similar because the real reasons are the stuff of a terrible sitcom.
I wish people didn’t feel the need to give reasons at all! You don’t need to explain yourself, and even “it was just time to move on” is a perfectly valid reason.
Do you want a gold medal for martyrdom?
Yes — you’re missing the part where she’s allowed to manage her life & where your judgment of that is obnoxious.
I do think there are things with older kids that are hard to outsource – e.g., picking up the kid at whatever godawful time the band gets home from the away football game, helping them with college stuff, etc.
One thing I didn’t realize before my kids hit high school is that it’s often the time that the grandparents’ generation starts to have a lot of needs. If she’s staying home, she’s probably doing some share of that work as well, even if it’s just going to doctors, trying to make repairs so a house is safe for an elderly person who keeps falling, etc.
Also I tend to think that unless you are actually saving lives in a volunteer capacity, it’s 100% fine as the remaining volunteer to say, I can only do X, Y, and Z.