Coffee Break: Ella Print Tote

113 Comments

1. How’s the quality on Garnet Hill’s clothing? And for tall women, does it hang weird? (I’m 5’10)

   1. Good quality. Can’t speak to your second question.

   2. I’m 5′ 9” and the cashmere sweaters/socks are great; so cozy!

   3. They don’t put inseam lengths on their website so I’ve never ordered anything other than a sweater or socks.

   4. Love their cashmere scarves.

   5. I am 5’6″ and long-waisted with a straight figure. I’ve always found it to hang weirdly with a lot of excess fabric under the arms.

   6. Good quality. You will pay to have it shipped to you, and if you need to return you will pay to have it shipped back.

   7. Good quality, and Same height and all sweaters, dresses fit well.
      Except, pajamas were short. Order those from Gap or JCrew instead.

      1. Gap has Talls in PJs (need for tall daughter).

   8. I am tall and their quality is very excellent, especially for cashmere. But I tend not to buy long-sleeved things there.

      However, I would say that their clothes, in general, are cut for shorter women. If you’re a tall cusp, it’s not the place for you, and they tend to cut short in the arms and body. Their “higher end” of the size spectrum (they go to 16 or 18 in some clothes) are closer to 14s, in my experience. I can swim in a Gap, BR or JCrew 16, and then not even be able to zip the Garnet Hill 16 or 18, if that makes sense. Their dresses are cut quite short–if it looks mid-thigh on their model, it will be quite short on me.

      Also, they have a Sale of the Week (every week) and you can get really outstanding deals if you’re willing to check weekly.

      Their sheets/towels are also super-duper great quality. I had a percale duvet that I washed weekly for nearly 12 years before it gave out. Just really well made stuff. I buy nearly all of my linens from GH or Company Store. Both excellent.

      1. Thanks for this great info.

2. For those of you who have dresses from The Fold, how well is this likely to fit on a 5-4 woman who is pear-shaped? Maybe go with a structured fabric (like a twill) vs a knit? This dress ticks a lot of boxes for me. Link below.

   1. This is the dress:

      https://thefoldlondon.com/product/auletta-jersey-dress-black/

   2. I would say it depends on your proportions in height more than width.

      I’m taller than you but short-waisted, and on me the waist on these kinds of dresses from The Fold hits me far below my natural waist and is very unflattering. If you have a longer torso, you’ll do better with this than with a shorter. You’ll probably have to hem the dress unless you want it as a maxi, The Fold silhouette is tall. I don’t think their clothes are particularly busty, so you’ll be all right in terms of bust and hips. Arms will probably be need to be scrunched up a little.

      1. +1, I am a human corgi. I prefer buying their tops to their dresses.

3. Is a black suit one of those basic things I “should” replace when it wears out? I’m an academic and I wear suits 2 or 3 times a week; it’s not a requirement but I love wearing them. My workhorse black blazer is starting to pill at the shoulders. Should I get a new black suit? I have three suits in good condition in the classic suit category (if you will): navy, pinstriped, and gray (although this one doesn’t fit as well as it did before I had kids).

   (I have several other suits are that are perfectly professional but more on the fun end of the profession suit spectrum. Maybe another way of putting it–is it possible to veer too far in the fun suit direction?)

   1. Yes, I think.

      If you have anything somber, are your fun suits going to be up to the task? Or do you need a black one? Typing to you in the surprise purchase black funeral dress I bought in 2021 because I had comfort-fooded out of my prior one.

   2. I’d skip it. I think black professional suits are tough to do well, and you have other basic suits in your wardrobe should you need one.

      1. On me, after about age 30, a black suit read more as “banquet server” than “competent professional”. Your mileage may vary.

         1. I think you have found words for my feelings about a black suit, thank you! My black clothes generally get a lot of wear (color is good on me, it’s fast to put on, etc.) but lately I’ve been feeling that I don’t like the suit as much as I used to, so I’ve hesitated to replace it.

            1. There’s a Roger Stone quote about black suits being appropriate only for undertakers and chauffeurs, and since hearing it, black suits have always pushed those buttons for me. That said, since it’s only the jacket, you might be able to get a contrast jacket that works with the pants and still gives you the suit experience. I had a black sheath dress and white linen blazer that I wore for years and really read as a black and white suit. You do need to hunt to find exactly the right thing, but it’s possible.

         2. I agree with this. If not “banquet server,” then “funeral.”

   3. I use black blazers with gray or tweedy pants frequently but as a full suit, nah.

   4. Since you’re voluntarily wearing suits merely because you like them, not wearing them to meet a dresscode, I’d say you should only buy a black suit if you enjoy wearing a black suit more than some other color. Since all this is voluntary, veer in the direction of what you enjoy and like.

   5. In academia, you can generally wear what you please, so long as it’s clean and reasonably professional.

      Buy the new black suit if you enjoy it. Wear fun suits if you prefer those.

      My one word of warning is that you see your students 1-3 days per week. If there is a fun suit that you wear every third week, for example, it may be noticed if you wear it when you have the same students. The seminar meets once per week and Prof. Nutoqw has worn her flamingo pink suit twice in the last four meetings.

      1. Yeah- academia is usually pretty relaxed, though it depends on the uni/department.

         In math and engineering ‘clean and reasonably professional’ are perhaps aspirational instead of standards .

         1. I’m the one you’re responding to, and I have an engineering degree. At least at my university, most of the engineering professors wore slacks and a button down or polo. A few wore jackets and slacks.

      2. Haha… I do have a hot pink linen suit that I’m careful to wear once a semester for this exact reason. :) The weather lines up with my once a semester approach so it’s perfect.

   6. If you like wearing suits and wear then several times per week, then I think a black suit is a good investment and likely will get lots of use. The wear on your current black blazer supports that you like and wear black.

   7. If you wear your current one that much, sure!

      Black isn’t my best color so I don’t wear it that often, especially not as a top. Most of my suits are worn as separates these days anyhow, so I would be more likely to go for an interesting blazer than a full suit myself.

   8. If you like, look good in and get a lot of wear of a black suit, why not? But what about getting a black blazer or suit jacket in a fabric with an intersting texture with some debth? I think the banquet or funeral vibes comes from a shiny woven polyester finish more than the colour, in the same way that shiny navy polyester can sometimes look like an airline uniform.

      Some good textures for black includes hopsack weave, tweed, corduroy and boucle. Since you’re an academic you could definitely get away with a black corduroy suit!

   9. Get a black jacket with a slight texture. Then you can wear it with things other than the intended bottom. IMO, to mix blacks they need to be intentionally different materials.

4. For people who have gotten college counselors for their kids, talk to me about that. I have a junior and it seems that I’ve missed the boat locally for the “good” counseling outfit; their roster of juniors is already full. I think we have explored her areas of career interest and have visited some large, medium, and small colleges, along with taking the SAT already. I think she is really just looking at maybe 10 schools in our quadrant of the country that mostly in the 25%-75% admit rate range (maybe harder for programs like engineering, accounting, and nursing). I was thinking I was reaching out early for help with the actual application over the summer (so it is done the minute the common application opens up) and am really surprised that either we can’t find good local help (or zoom help @ 20K (I had been thinking it might be 5K)). I’d love not to hound my kid about her application, but not enough to outsource it for 5 figures. You can tell that I work mainly with guys (who are decades younger) and clearly don’t know or talk to enough local moms. I am thinking I can just wing it but I also have a younger kid and am feeling so not up to this. What do families actually do? Their school is so big and counselors there don’t even know the 100s of kids they are assigned.

   1. Is your daughter smart and self reliant? I’m in my 20s so recentish experience with this and I had no parental help or hired help I just looked it all up myself and wrote all the necessary applications/documents etc. It’s really not that hard for an independent junior to do themselves.

      1. Agreed. Maybe this is harsh but my kids will likely be auto-accepted to a state school based on their high school coursework, and my feeling is that if they care enough to want to go elsewhere, they should do the work of the application. If they can’t even be bothered to apply to college, why should I be paying upwards of $40k per year for them to attend?

   2. 25% vs 75% admit rate is wildly different. If the schools she’s interested in are mostly closer to the latter and her grades and SAT score are in range, the application is a formality and you definitely don’t need any paid help with it.

      1. I think if your range is 3×25% and 4×25%-50% and 3×50%-75%, then maybe just add a few more in the 25%-50% or try to refine those and have some safeties she’d truly be happy at and have her do her best.

      2. The same amount of nagging is required to finish the common app no matter where the kid is applying.

         1. No, not really. A certain degree of nagging is required (at least for some kids) no matter where you apply, but there’s a huge difference between trying to get something done vs trying to get it done well.

            If the schools you’re applying to have a 75% acceptance rate, and you have a solid GPA and SAT relative to their average, trust me, no one is going to do more than glance at the rest of the app. It might literally not be read. It has to be submitted but the quality truly does not matter. But obviously for more selective schools the quality of the overall application will matter a lot.

            1. That would be my worry. That of all of the girls in City X, your kid has the one that is sub-par, even if it might be competitive if polished up a bit.

               My kids don’t always get the difference between being done and done well. For the paper things they’ve done (just Eagle scout paperwork), I had them do a first draft on paper and it was a solid C-. I put stickies on parts to review/refine with fresh eyes (but didn’t mark in corrections), and we went through a few rounds of this, and I think it was important for them to do the work but know that all work can improve by proofreading and re-reading.

         2. I think that’s the core of the question – does this kid need nagging to finish the common app, and sign up for the SAT and other “project management stuff”? Certainly many college-ready 17 year olds can & should do this on their own – but OP knows their kid.

            The where-you’re-applying is relevant, because even a motivated & organized 17-year-old who eg. really, really wants to go to an Ivy would benefit from some professional advice about how to make that happen, and probably from someone with in-depth knowledge of schools who can help them identify what they love so much about that Ivy and how to seek out safety schools that will also be a good match for them.

            1. I feel that “safety schools that would be a good match” is a very important piece and one that I’ve tried to hammer home to my high-stats but fungible in her school and our city kid. If Flagship State U takes 40 kids from your class of 800, some kids hopefully won’t get their heart broken if they have other choices they’d also be happy to attend.

   3. I used one mainly because i didn’t want to have to hound my kid and it was worth it to me to outsource it. factors to consider: does your kid really need hounding? are you or her other parent in a position to edit and would she allow it? how familiar are you with the schools that she might apply to? Most people I know used one for the eldest but I live in NYC and kids were applying to the most competitive schools and, candidly, they could afford it. I do not intend to use it for my second because i didn’t actually think the advisor brought that much to the “picking schools” portion of it (not that she wasn’t helpful just me and my husband are very familiar) and i think my younger one will let me edit his work and we won’t kill each other. If this turns out to be a mistake I know there are people you can find who charge hourly for discrete tasks. All in, it was not the best money i ever spent.

      1. OP here and I think I’d rather just spend $ on touring actual schools and having someone do the hounding (I hate that, kid hates that, and I feel that I don’t understand the process (Naviance + common app + whatever else there is). I think I do have a decent understanding of the list-making process (maybe not for kid 2, who will likely be higher-stats and has some special interests she may want to pursue).

      2. Also, if you really just need “a non-parent to edit”, there may be a cheaper way to outsource that the 5-figure-counselor option — are there college kids acting as writing tutors around you? Setting up something like a few hours/month of reviewing drafts would also create a built-in schedule for your kid.

         My high school job was math tutoring, and it wasn’t because I was eg. better at math than most kids’ parents, or particularly pedagogically brilliant – I was just patient, good enough, and *not the parent*. Sounds like your kid might need the college/writing equivalent, more than a “professional math tutor”

   4. We hired one to supervise the Common App for around $600. She was a college counselor at one of the local private schools. It was a few hundred extra for her to advise on target schools and to provide feedback on the essays, which was not terribly useful, and to get my kid to believe that campus visits and engagement were actually important, which was useful because I could not get that message through. We found her through word of mouth. Just ask anyone you know with a kid between 12th grade and the middle of college. Health care providers who treat teens are surprisingly knowledgeable about these things too.

      Best money I ever spent. My kid gets extremely anxious about administrative tasks and figuring things out, and resists when I try to scaffold. I don’t believe she would have gotten it together to fill out the applications on her own, even though she was ranked third in her class and theoretically smart enough to do it on her own. She could barely handle the driver’s license application and the passport application, both of which were much simpler.

      1. This is what I’d like. I think we could do the rest (and would have to take the kid on campus tours anyway — IDK how you outsource that).

   5. This is not a response to OP, just a general question/observation: I applied to colleges 20 years ago and no one I knew had a counselor and my parents were not involved at all. I signed myself up for the SAT and used my part-time job earnings to buy an SAT prep book and pay for the application fees. I checked the college guide books out of the library, read them and came up with an application strategy (where to go early decision etc.) and hit the deadlines (sometimes at 11:59 pm…).

      I don’t think my parents knew when the deadlines were. They were loving, involved, supportive, college-educated parents; they just saw college as a thing that adults do and not really their business to interfere with.

      My oldest is only 12 but I was sort of thinking that she would manage her own college admission process? Is it much more complicated than 20 years ago? I know admissions in general are more competitive but there are many fine schools she could go to, many of which are not *that* selective. I guess I’m just not sure if I’m totally missing something that has fundamentally changed about the nature of college admissions in the last 2 decades.

      1. It’s not any more involved than 20 years ago. Parents are just more helicopter-y.

         1. And I don’t know that many want to be like this. I think all it takes is the sense that north of half of the kids who are all applying to, say, UVA are doing it for you to feel like now your kid likely at a disadvantage, especially if you already have issues with their school quality. Especially with suburban girls from any given city, their dream school won’t take all of them, even all of the really good ones. If you can get in-state tuition at the cost of a counselor, you’d rather err on the side of trying vs not (but that’s for 5K vs 20K+).
            It’s like if your kid is good at soccer, they can’t just be good at soccer but add in a strength coach and year-round travel soccer — it’s just raising the madness level to where you’re likely out of the game if you don’t also do it. I hate it, but it’s where my city is.

            1. I realize that college admissions is generally getting more competitive, but UVa in 2025 is still far less competitive than Harvard was in 2005, and I and a bunch of my peers applied to Ivies and other very selective private colleges without our parents doing our applications or hiring private college counselors. I mean, my parents were involved and supportive and they would have proofread an essay or something like that if I’d asked, but I was absolutely driving the process and they would have laughed in my face if I’d asked them to pay for a counselor.

               If your kid isn’t self-motivated to fill out applications, maybe they don’t go to a super selective college? UVA is one of the best public universities in the country, it’s not a disaster if your kid has to go to a worse school. There are plenty of other decent schools in Virginia and beyond.

            2. It feels like an arms race.

               I feel that my kid could be taught: this is what a good application looks like. But it is probably like other things (swimming lessons, math tutoring), where every single person was happier with a neutral third party taking the initial work on this, with me pitching in upon request. So maybe a bit of outsourcing, but I think with some initial coaching, kid could do a good job and doesn’t need 5 figures of help.

5. Which would you prefer in a partner: 1) someone who meets all your emotional and intellectual needs and is your best friend or 2) someone who is a billionaire and checks many superficial boxes, but is largely unfeeling?

   1. 1. Billionaires are gross I make enough money

   2. how’s the sex?

   3. Depends on whether the billionaire cares about me having a side piece. If I can have a fulfilling romantic relationship outside of billionaire husband and then I have access to his money…

   4. #1, no question! Maybe not “best friend” but certainly “a very, very good friend.” To quote my mom from long ago: “You can marry for money, but you still have to face the SOB at the breakfast table every morning.” Life is hard enough without knowingly marrying more trouble.

   5. I could see either working for me, assuming fidelity and good sex are present in either scenario, since sex is the one thing marriage (for me) precludes the spouses from seeking elsewhere. I hate the idea of likely having to apologize for my husband in scenario #2, but I think people would “get” the decision.

   6. Obviously 1. But I am a rich man myself so I don’t need to marry one.

      1. “Mom, I AM a rich man.”

   7. #2. I have no problem making friends and keeping myself interested. I’m sure I could win over a rich husband, but I can’t make a charming rouge anything but a cost center.

      This is never the choice though. #1 lives in his mother’s basement and doesn’t even help around her house; she still does his laundry or he’d never change the sheets, bless his heart. And no one is ever so well off that I’ve been motivated to compromise.

   8. #1, no question.
      I’m also not sure I’d want to date a literal billionaire even if I loved him. Hundred millionaire, sure, that would be nice to fly first class everywhere and stay in ultra luxury hotels or pied-a-terres in other cities, but billionaire level wealth means you’re going to be semi-famous and getting tabloid attention and that sounds horrible to me.

      1. I know a few billionaires and they are definitely not semi famous. Tabloid free.

         1. Literal billionaires? There are only about 900 of them in the entire United States, out of a population of 350 million. Famous is maybe a stretch, they’re definitely not all Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk, but they’re high profile individuals in a way that people with $100 million are not.

   9. How old is guy #2?

      Kidding, kidding.

   10. is this a hypothetical or a real life issue? or are you writing a hallmark movie?

   11. A billionaire is guaranteed to cheat on you and/or divorce you, so #1.

       1. Even better. I’d love to be Mackenzie Scott.

          1. Yeah divorce does not seem like a worst case scenario here assuming you have a decent prenup.

       2. +1

          Also I’ve been there and there’s nothing worse than being married to an unfeeling spouse.

          1. Well a poor unfeeling spouse is worse than a rich unfeeling spouse. Source: me and my ex-husband

          2. Agreed, but both are way worse than a good spouse or even than being alone.

   12. Is this a choice you are making? It sounds like the billionaire won’t do anything abusive in this scenario?

       This may sounds cynical, but it depends a lot on what standard of living I can provide on my own. If I can’t provide anything for myself and (1) means abject poverty, then (2). But if I can pick (1) and maintain a decent/secure standard of living (let’s say food, shelter, medical care, utilities, and a 5% savings rate) then (1). And the more I earn the more likely I am to have (1) as an option.

       1. If this is a choice you are making, I would like to know more about your life.

          1. I can’t tell whether you mean me or OP…it’s not a choice I’m making.

       2. And if you are asking for a Hallmark movie at anon 3:57 asked, may I suggest that your protagonist mulls (1) and (2) and dislikes them both, so she decides to invest in herself: she gets an economics Ph.D. focusing on intra-household bargaining, after which she meets (through her work) a zillionaire who is also her soulmate?

          1. Love this!!

          2. It’s already been made, it’s the plot of the materialists.

          3. This!

       3. OP here – it was a choice I sort of made when I was choosing my partner. I live in a very wealthy area and was seeing several sons of billionaires or hundred millionaires who were on track to make a tremendous amount of money themselves. I didn’t like them and instead dated the guy I liked the most. Now that we’re older, and everyone is partnered up, I’m seeing some women in our social circle who definitely chose closer to #2 (although those were maybe also the guys they liked the most!). I was just curious people’s thoughts! The movie “Materialists” also explored a similar theme and though I loved the ending it seemed like most people didn’t.

          1. I had a similar-ish choice and chose 1. Main issue wasn’t even the unfeeling-ness towards me but I wanted to have kids and didn’t want to do that with anyone who wouldn’t be 100% into the idea because they loved those kids vs. checking a box, etc. 15+ years later and very happy with my choice, quality of life and our family. The main thing I always tell my children is that you need to be self-sufficient and self-reliant because then you can be free to make the choices you really want.

          2. When you marry for money you pay for it every day of your life.

             Assuming this billionaire also doesn’t feel an emotional connection with you he’s intentionally choosing a trophy wife he doesn’t care about. How do you think this man will treat you, especially as your looks fade with age and your emotional needs grow (ex: wanting a present father for your kids, dealing with health issues)

   13. All the billionaires I have met are jerks. I would not want to live with one of them.

   14. Billionaire. Then I can quit work, donate a boatload to worthy causes and take up a paramour whose company I actually enjoy.

   15. I’m married for almost 20 years and #1 is a bad idea because that is too much pressure on one relationship. Your spouse is very important and often your best friend but it’s too much pressure to get all your fulfilment from one person .

       #2 – superficial criteria are met so I assume physical relationship is solid. Are they unfeeling in that they are a Trump supporter or in that they don’t care about widows and orphans but they are happy to let me manage the charity portfolio. I could do a lot of good with access to big money and that would bring fulfilment.

   16. Obviously number 1.

   17. I have had to make this decision before, and I picked #1.

   18. A very close friend is in the throes of divorce from a very, very wealthy man (I’m in Silicon Valley–it’s not a billionaire but several-hundred millionaire). During the marriage, he weaponized his wealth, and now that it’s after, he is weaponizing the wealth. In his value system, they could never be equal because “he brought so much more to the table.” This is a gross take (she’s a 10, looks-wise, and is super-smart). So…buyer beware. Not all super-rich guys are jerks, but many are. And they may not share the same values as the plebians.

6. A PSA for any ‘rettes who are struggeling to visualise sister sizes and UK bra sizes and how to get a well-fitting bra, I remember there’s been a few posts lately, including strapless searches.

   MM styling on youtube, who has done some excellent body shape masterclasses, has recently made a video about bra fitting, and it’s a good introduction to real bra fitting and a couple of good examples of shape differences, would recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgi8sZkO3P0

   (Obviously do not click if bra-fitting is NSFW for you, it’s a what you see is what you get video from thumbnail onwards.)

   1. Good post. I also like the Irish bra lady on instagram.

7. I have a college friend who staunchly posted on FB that he’d never turn his kids in, even if they killed someone. I was really taken aback. This person had been a minister (then left that, is very liberal). I don’t get it. I know this was in light of recent events, but my mind goes back to the Unibomber, where I think that the brother did the right thing (and maybe prevented even more people from dying; we will never know).

   Just loading b/c I can’t really say it among others. No one in his comments had anything but positive things to say (so I guess the internet really is just an echo chamber).

   1. I think a lot of people feel this way, even if most wouldn’t say it publicly. I would bet more likely than not if someone knew their child committed a crime of this sort that they wouldn’t turn them in.

      1. +1 this is super common. I genuinely don’t know a single parent who would turn against their kid. I know a few r@pists who have full parental support.

      2. My two thoughts are that if it were a cold case and I somehow found out later, maybe I wouldn’t volunteer (but I wouldn’t lie, either). But if it had just happened, I might want them not to keep on doing it, like in an attempted get-away, or accidentally hurt someone trying to escape and I wouldn’t want them to be killed by police in a shoot-out (vs brought in safely, which I am guessing was the goal here). There’s no upside left, just not making the downside worse.

   2. I think it would be very nearly impossible to know what you’d do in that kind of terrible situation, until you are in it.

      1. This

      2. Yes, this 100%

   3. Maybe some of the sentiment is coming from the obvious (and now, announced) fact that the state of Utah is going to seek the death penalty, if they even get to keep the case – my bet is that the feds take it just as they did Luigi Mangione’s case. Execution is much quicker in the federal system than the state system. I think some people may feel that by turning him in, this father effectively signed his son’s death warrant. And I can see why folks on either side of the spectrum (and perhaps, especially someone with strong religious values) might react negatively to that.

      1. Mangione’s case crossed state lines. I don’t know what jurisdiction feds would have here in this case. I don’t know much about the shooter, but I think he lived in UT too, right?

         1. Murder is still a federal crime under the United States Code even if it is prohibited under state statutes as well. But the feds usually leave the murders to the states unless they’re particularly interesting. Here, Robinson’s use of a firearm during a crime of violence, for one example, makes him eligible for the federal death penalty (18 USC 924(j)), which is the federal charge against Luigi Mangione making him eligible for the death sentence too.

   4. It’s such an incredibly unlikely and emotionally fraught situation that I can’t really judge what another person says (or thinks) they would do – I really doubt that anyone can put themselves in that situation unless it happened. I agree it was the right thing to do in both situations you reference (probably particularly in the ub’s, given he was a serial offender, though it seems likely that this fellow would have been sorely tempted to repeat if he were somehow able to get clean away), but man what a horrible situation to be in.
      On the echo chamber, I’m sure I would scroll on by, but I’d definitely be thinking “yeah, like you really know what you would do there.” There was a time in my life I liked the idea of having discussions like that on FB, but that time is long-gone for me.

   5. I would do whatever necessary to save innocent lives from future harm, but I don’t think I’d turn in my child for a past crime. I’ve seen enough of the so-called criminal justice system to think I owe less to it than to my child.

      1. This is how I feel as well, especially as a criminal defense lawyer.

   6. Well, we know from the weekend thread that at least one woman would turn in her kid for shooting Hitler, so…

      1. Maybe excepting that (which for many of us would likely be some sort of anticipatory self-defense / defense of third parties).

      2. And the Time Machine?

   7. In a scenario like the Kirk killing, or the killing of the UHC executive, I’d turn my kid in. First, I’d get the best lawyer and mental health professional I could, and I’d have them broker the process. I’d be very concerned that my child might otherwise be killed during an arrest, or someone would decide on vigilante justice.

      Fundamentally, if your child commits murder, how could you not? It’s okay to avoid justice because you love your child? That’s unacceptable. Get them all the help you can, but taking a life is the most serious of crimes. I believe that you would also be accountable as an accessory after the fact. Some people have no understanding of accountability.

      1. Agreed. Gabby Petito’s boyfriend’s parents come to mind.

      2. If your kid put you in a position to know, that’s on them. Law enforcement will catch on eventually so it makes sense to share w your kid the inevitability of their future.

         In the case of this past week, there were photos that made it obvious to at least a few people. The arrest was happening one way or other.

      3. If my kid killed someone evil I would not turn them in, but if my kid was a r@pist or murdered an inocent person I’d drive them to the station myself.

8. I offered to do a favor for a female acquaintance whom I have a secret crush on. It wasn’t a massive favor or anything, just something thoughtful that I knew she’d appreciate.

   She was delighted and in her email accepting my favor offer, referred to me as an “angel sent from above”

   I’m fairly certain that she a) doesn’t know I feel this way and b) doesn’t feel the same (I’ve gotten a slightly flirty vibe from her at times, but we’re both married to men and likely to stay that way) but still, that “angel sent from above” line is giving me butterflies. What’s the best way for me to respond?

   (Yes I am too old for this, and yes I am overthinking this.)

   1. I’m probably responding to you too late for you to see, but as a woman married to a man who is also crushing on another woman married to a man, and who is constantly trying to suss out whether this other woman is flirting with me or knows I am flirting with her, I just wanted to say hi from someone who gets it.

   2. In my everyday life, “you’re an angel!” means thank you for doing this small thing that made my day better, like making fresh coffee or stopping an annoying outside call. There would be zero flirting implied, just a nice phrase that means thank you. I would never use or interpret the use as flirty. Friendly and thankful, but not flirty.

      Do enjoy your crush! It’s lovely to be a little fluttery. I wouldn’t interpret this one phrase as flirting unless there is a lot more context, though.

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