Thursday’s Workwear Report: Tweed Knit Maxi Skirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I can’t say no to a tweed skirt in October. Maxi skirts for the office would have been unheard of early in my career, but this looks like a great option for a slightly more contemporary feel.
I would add a chocolate-brown sweater blazer and my favorite boots to complete the outfit.
The skirt is $99 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Want to get a jump on winter? If you're hunting for warm blazers in tweeds and other fabrics in 2025, check Uniqlo, Ann Taylor, Boden, Smythe, J.Crew, Veronica Beard, Tuckernuck, and L'Agence. Some recent ones we've featured:
Sales of note for 9/26/25
- Nordstrom – 7400+ new markdowns! Also: 6x points on beauty.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale, plus $20 style steals
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – Sale now up to 50% off PLUS an extra 10% off
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off sale styles, plus up to 50% off layers they love
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 20% off $125+
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 6 panties for $36 — readers love these no-VPL panties (and these PJs)
- Talbots – 40% off one item, plus 30% off everything else
- White House Black Market – 30% off all full-price dresses, and $50 off $200+ purchase
Chapter 13 here looking for advice. I am still waiting for my background check to come back for the Big4 company. It might take another 1-2 weeks, according to the recruiter. Yesterday, I received a second job offer from another company. They are not a Big4 so I would not be as concerned about passing that background. My Big4 offer is $175k and the second company offer is $120k, so I know I want to work for the Big4 (although the second company would be a great job as well).
The second company wants an answer on their offer by Friday. I don’t think my background check will have come back by then. But I want to keep this second company’s offer in my pocket as backup in case I do not pass the Big4 background check. How horrible would it be to accept the second company’s offer but then rescind it in 1-2 weeks when my Big4 background comes back clean? My friends say to do what’s best for me as any company would do the same, but I work in a small industry and I worry I’d be burning bridges.
Hmm that’s tough. I would ask for an extension for a week on offer 2, then immediately call offer 1 and ask for anything that can be done to expedite the background check. You can definitely be more transparent with the Big 4 that they are your preference but you need to take another option which is about to disappear if its not going to work out. Personally, I would not take option 2 as a hedge in the meantime, since that sounds like it may be damaging to future career prospects (what if you hate option 1 and want to follow up with option 2 in 6-12 months!).
This is what I would do too.
Have you already asked for more time to review the offer? I would start there. Ask for another week and see if the background check comes through.
A 1.5 business day turnaround on an offer is not typical or reasonable. Ask company 2 for more time to consider.
This. That’s not even a whole day and it’s Yom Kippur.
Friday is a pretty aggressive turnaround. Is there any point you want to negotiate or seek clarification about on the second company’s offer? More pay, bigger bonus, PTO, benefits, does the health insurance cover a particular provider, etc.? Just asking questions alone could push back the response timeline if they can’t answer them immediately.
If you do accept, what would the start date be? I would be inclined to accept it, and if Big 4 comes through graciously apologize to the second company that you cannot move forward after all because a dream offer came through, etc., etc. Even if it is after you start at the other, if you are only a week or two in it’s not as though you would have become indispensable to them in the meantime. While not ideal to quit right after starting, it’s also not the end of the world if you do.
+1 to asking reasonable but somewhat detailed questions about offer 2 in order to buy yourself some time. That’s a great strategy.
Same with negotiation, you literally do have an offer for a lot more money – so you could use that to see if Offer 2 can increase. Express interest in Offer 2 job but tell them that the Offer 1 salary is xx and see if they’ll come up. You don’t have to tell them why Offer 1 isn’t a done deal.
Both should buy you some time.
also yay! congratulations!
Lots of good advice here. I would do what many have suggested and ask for more time. If they say no, then I’d accept on Friday and negotiate an extended start date. Then, when the Big4 offer comes through, let them know you are withdrawing; dream job came through, etc. Not ideal and yes, I’d feel a bit guilty, but they are putting you in the position to have to do this in the first place. Agree with others – definite red flag.
Have you also looked at benefits packages? It’s been a while but when I was at the Big 4 they also offered pension plans and fairly generous PTO/firmwide shutdowns, and good health coverage. Those types of top-tier packages are rarer outside of big finance/consulting/FAANG companies in my experience and wind up making the salary gap wider.
I worry about a company that wants that fast of a turnaround on an acceptance of an offer. It is a subtle red flag; you should be given time to review the package, ask other companies for their decisions, etc.
Just on the principle of not winding up in a toxic environment, I would ask for more time to consider the job offer. If they don’t give you more time, keep applying like crazy for other roles.
Right? Many offices are closed today and even if you aren’t Jewish, many people are out of pocket on what is a beautiful fall day where I am.
It’s fall break in some parts of the country.
Also, stuff happens! For all they know, she is out of pocket for any number of reasons: long interviews with another company, travel (interviews in another city, conferences, pleasure), family obligations, doctor’s appointments, home renovations, moving apartments.
Any company that assumes that you’re at their beck and call is a red flag. This is doubly so in the interview stage, when they aren’t even paying you.
I don’t have anything to add to the good advice others have already given you (and I agree you should ask for more time to review the new offer, maybe make a counter as to salary or benefits if only to push back your deadline). But I’m commenting just to say that you have a bunch of strangers really engaged in your job search and wishing you good luck!
Are employment agreements common in your industry? Could you stall by asking for one from #2?
I might do this – ask for more time to consider, but the odds of speeding up the other offer are low, so I would stall, take the one you have and quit for the better job when that comes through. I think you need to hedge more in your situation and a lot of people do this. I’ve had candidates do it and it’s disappointing but also I don’t hold it against them. Careers are long and it’s not the bridge burning it’s made out to be. Just know you probably can’t rebound to that company right away.
Definitely ask for more time to review. Ask questions relating to the healthcare–this usually means HR will turn things to a benefits person, which eats some time. Ask questions about any language on a non-compete if appropriate–that usually will eat up state-level legal question and answer to drag a bit more. Then bring in that you have a higher offer but that you prefer the actual job they are presenting and try to negotaite to eat some more time. Try to negotiate a later start date–less burned bridges if no onboarding has been invested in you. In the meantime, I would see if anything with the background check can be expedited–concern over the bankruptcy or not, most people would not abandon their existing job or pass another opportunity until that was firmed up. (And fingers tightly crossed for you! What a wonderful position to be in!)
Asked a few days ago but late in the day, so asking again – Just curious if anyone in the Boston/nyc region can suggest anything better than canyon ranch Lenox? That’s 45 min away from my MIL and she’s turning 80 soon…
there is nothing better. it’s an excellent example of a true luxury good being.. luxurious.
I’ve heard Miraval is nicer than Canyon Ranch. I’d also look into the Mayflower Inn in CT, or the Opus in Westchester. If she is ok going into NYC the Aire location on the Upper East side is lovely. If Boston is closer, the new Raffles hotel is truly gorgeous and the service is impeccable.
+1 the richest person I know (actual real billionaire) went to Miraval and raved about it. if you really want to blow out the b-day celebrations
Twin Farms, Vermont.
Not sure if you’re looking for closer but if not, Blackberry Farm would be my pick.
I need family vacation inspiration for February break this year.
Ideal:
– warm weather
– nonstop or very manageable one stop flight from Boston (will take a direct flight from NYC if available)
– kids 7-13; we need at least 2 bedrooms. We are not a one hotel room family and prefer suites but can make 2 rooms work if everyone has a separate bed
– low planning required my part. We don’t need an all in live but I like the idea of everyone can do their own thing.
I looked at a couple of carribean options but want referrals on the good ones, and ones that are better for larger families without paying a million dollars for two suites. I’d consider a cruise but we’ve never done it and I feel like it would require more mental energy than I want to expend to choose a good one.
idk if direct from Boston but Aruba is beautiful that time of year.
All inclusive, book adjoining rooms, pick a resort with a kids club. Easy peasy.
Yes, but which one? Any recs?
The Grand Hyatt in the BahaMar has family suites that sound like they’d suit your needs – the ones we’ve rented have laundry, a kitchen, and you can request roll-away beds. Otherwise the most amazing all inclusive experience we’ve had was at Bluefields Bay Villas in Jamaica. All of their villas have multiple rooms and the service is outstanding, but it’s not a ‘resort’ so there aren’t big water parks, nightclubs, etc.
you can also rent timeshare condos at Atlantis – Harborside Resort (Marriott now). They’re definitely older than the BahaMar but will likewise be cheaper I think. I am a super-fan of Atlantis
unfortunately depending on the airline there could be a connection in NY? I’ve lost track of JetBlue’s offerings as they’re usually our best-tropical-bet
Start by looking at Google Flights. List Boston and NY as your airports, start by filtering for nonstop, and then browse destinations for your dates. The date map is super helpful in case an airline does fly nonstop, just not daily. JetBlue goes to a bunch of islands from Boston in particular.
In general the more low-brainer the destination, the more American it is, but if you want to just push the easy button, the Hyatt Ziva Cap Cana (DR) is one that friends found to be a decent price point and good quality for a family trip. Beaches Turks & Caicos is a popular one but $$$$ and it’s further north so not sure if the water would be as great in winter.
OP here, I was on google flights before I posted ;).
Turks and Caicos water is great in the winter. I think it’s more the Bahamas and points north that may be a concern — TCI is quite a bit farther south than the northernmost Bahamas.
We did our first cruise as a family last winter and it was the easiest family vacation. No planning necessary besides getting there. Tons of activities and shows, plenty of space to relax, childcare included, great family things, great adults-only things, island/beach time, and food was all inclusive. Adjoining rooms are an option.
We did a Disney cruise. Your kids don’t really need to care about Disney/Pixar/Marvel characters to have fun.
+1 to a Disney cruise. I was really surprised how much I enjoyed it, and I don’t consider myself a Disney person or much of a cruise person.
It was also my 7 year old’s favorite vacation ever, and we’ve taken her on a lot of awesome, kid-friendly trips (Disneyland, Beaches Turks & Caicos, other kid-friendly all-inclusive resorts, Legoland, Great Wolf Lodge, etc.)
The Grand Velas chain of all inclusives in Mexico is delightful – maybe take a look at those and see what works.
Check out the AllInclusiveResorts sub on R*ddit. There is a spreadsheet pinned where you can filter on your preferences.
I also like the website oyster dot com. They have “best of” lists that I find helpful to look through. Pretty sure I have seen ones for best family friendly.
So helpful, thank you!
I’m traveling to Portland, OR for work next week, just in time for Trump to deploy the National Guard in the city. Ugh. Is there anything I should do to prepare? Carry my passport? Should I avoid walking around in downtown Portland to shop? I am a person of color.
I’m so sorry. I would carry my passport.
I feel that this is overkill. Are you a citizen or green card holder with a REAL ID? That should be sufficient. I would only have passport + visa if you aren’t a citizen or green card holder.
And I’m happily blasting non-English music as I drive around. I am the sand in the gears.
On what basis are you saying that REAL ID is sufficient? I thought people were running into trouble precisely because no one will look at their ID that they’re carrying!
Because it is factually sufficient. And if no one will look at a license, no one will look at a passport presumably. I could carry around my birth certificate, but it is a piece of paper with no picture. I doubt that would work (even though it is conclusive). And I would be itching to file a Bivens suit.
Then no one’s going to look at your passport, either. And getting mugged or losing it are both far more likely of outcomes, and a passport is annoying to lose.
Ha. It isn’t necessarily sufficient, and it’s hard for people of color to take that chance since the consequences are so catastrophic. Not that you would understand that, given the unbelievably tone-deaf and unaware comment that blasting “non-English music” makes you somehow an ally, a resistor, etc.
This doesn’t have to do with the national guard but we are a Hispanic family (we are US citizens, even our great-grandparents were born here and further back on our Native side. My most recent family immigration is actually on the white side of my family from Germany.) Anyway, when we traveled through both the Southwest and the Midwest this summer, we carried our passports even though we also have REAL IDs.
Real ID is most certainly not sufficient. Read the news.
A REAL ID is available for various visa holders who aren’t citizens and LPRs. It doesn’t connote citizenship status.
Okay, so it’s not factually sufficient.
You assume the rules are being followed. That is not the reality we live in now.
If you carry your passport, is there a risk that it will be confiscated and you won’t be able to use it to prove citizenship?
It’s too late for now, but you can get a passport and passport card. The passport card is easy to carry as a second ID or proof of citizenship and you can leave your passport at home.
Remember the National Guard isn’t ICE. They aren’t looking for you or anyone. None of them signed up to harass people – they’re waiters and mechanics and students from your hometown who just got caught up in this nonsense.
Their orders (should, but heaven knows what Trump’s doing this time) limit them to protecting federal buildings, but I want to say Trump’s outright flouting that this time? I can’t recall and the Supreme Court needs to enforce posse comitatus like yesterday.
The Supreme Court isn’t coming to rescue this country on ANYTHING. it’s so sobering.
It’s literally 9 old people and a bunch are f kids on their first jobs. Literally, with what army?
Almost worse than no army, no desire or motivation.
That’s totally not how the supreme court works. It hears mandatory appeals (very few) and the ones presented to it that are ready procedurally that they vote to take. Sh*t that ain’t ripe procedurally is a hard pass regardless of issue/party. Learn a little before you complain. There is a bunch of what will be a future Trump Era Litigation seminar stuff already on the docket for this term.
I’m in DC and have been seeing National Guard everywhere. If you want to carry your passport because it would make you feel better, can’t hurt. But there is no reason to avoid the downtown area (and that will only hurt the shops down there!).
DH and I arrived in Washington DC the same day that the National Guard troops arrived. It was interesting but totally fine; our uber driver told us it was weirdly quiet – normally there was much more traffic.
I agree with the commenter that remember these are National Guard troops, not ICE. The National Guard troops do not want to harass people. It’s important we don’t conflate the two.
Born and raised in Oregon here, and actually am in town visiting family! I think things feel pretty calm. Sure, carry your passport if you want to, but TBH, I wouldn’t find that necessary unless you are already carrying your passport regularly in other places (there are a lot of ICE agents everywhere, and they seem perfectly willing to grab first, ask questions later – I’m not sure the natl guard really changes the risk assessment)
I know this administration is hardly trustworthy, but the governor has gotten the commander of the natl. guard to confirm they will not be involved in immigration enforcement (or law enforcement); they are really just supposed to be guarding the building. Check the news each morning to see if the situation changes.
If there are protests, keep a particular eye out for staying away from any counter-protestors. Oregon is pretty liberal of course but also has a persistent, well organized, white supremacist movement.
I would carry a passport and a Subway sandwich.
Only carry a sandwich if you want to get arrested for possession of a weapon. Firearms are ok though.
Honestly, I’d carry your passport and dress up. Lots of people have been doing that in LA and it’s not a failsafe but it seems to work.
This. It’s the airport upgrade theory of projecting a pleasant demeanor to strangers in public. Dressing up suggests you are a person of prominence, a professional, someone it would be risky to mess with, someone with resources. Sad, but true.
Welcome to Portland! Just a suggestion for a place to visit downtown–see a show at Portland Center Stage! The current show is Primary Trust, with a cast that includes Larry Owens (of Abbott Elementary and A Strange Loop fame). This is a Black-led show that feels like a warm hug in these tough times. And PCS is a safe and beautiful space for the community.
As for the National Guard, they haven’t shown up yet, so I agree with comments that say to keep an eye on the local news and Portland-based social accounts. I think iceoutofportland on insta is usually on top of things.
I am attending an entrepreneur forum hosted by a financial group next week. The forum is at a swanky private dining club in my city. I am not sure what to wear- any ideas? I am also looking for something more budget friendly.
In what capacity are you attending, and what time of day?
If this is a daytime forum and you are a general attendee, this sounds like normal professional business attire and not something you need to make a special purchase for (unless you don’t have business clothes in your wardrobe). If you are speaking, go up a notch.
does the club have any dress code rules? the tricky thing here is it could be full on tech-finance-bro fleece and tech pants or fancy jeans and sneakers, or could be stodgy suits, but if the club requires certain attire that will narrow it down.
The usual advice: look at photos from previous years’ events.
I feel like an old school dress and heels would be perfect here
Looking for ideas to devote time and energy to during government shutdown. What are some easy, low commitment and positive activities to put my energy towards?
The weather where I’m at is beautiful, so my local fed friends are all working in their yards and gardens.
Do you have a flowerbed or garden, whether yours or a friend’s, that you can weed?
Make a list of annoying house projects and knock them out (looking at you, pull the fridge out and vacuum the coils).
Go for long walks and bring a trash picker & bag with you.
Ask neighbors if they need help with any projects.
Not to threadjack, but is there a magic trick to pulling out the fridge in a way that doesn’t scratch the floor? I’m so scared I’ll ruin the floor doing it.
Tilt it enough to slide a piece of cardboard or something under the feet. I prefer cardboard over those plastic furniture slides for heavy things on hard floors, because dirt under furniture slides will scratch the floor, while carboard is more likely to give and cushion from the dirt.
I just asked about this at an appliance store. Our frig is from 2007, and they told me it’s not old enough to have coils that need to be vacuumed. Only very old frigs have exposed coils; the modern ones are designed to function fine without being pulled away from the wall.
Not sure where you are, but you can often find one-time volunteer opportunities, like sorting food at the foodbank, serving meals at a soup kitchen, cleaning up a park, and things of that nature. In NYC, check our New York Cares or the Food Bank for NYC.
Volunteer at an organization helping immigrants or women who need abortions.
Get outside each day for a walk or to run errands. If there is a state park near you, that will still be open.
Print physical copies of photos of friends and family. Will give you job, and then you have a non-computer backup.
Ive been doing this—I just made myself an old school photo album.
Move any contacts you want to keep from your government devices to your personal devices, e.g., email and phone contact information.
Set up lunch/coffee with other fellow feds, or friends who work from home, to ge a little more socializing into the schedule.
Set up a massage once a week.
Clean out your closets and drawers of clutter and bring the rejected clothing to a thrift store. Plus yes to annoying home projects, particularly deep-cleaning! Now is the time!
Today’s rant: I am so sick of my colleague who is supposed to be leading a project dropping the ball, forgetting things, thinking something has been done when she hasn’t done it, and just generally driving me crazy. I don’t understand how these people end up in leadership positions while I’m the lowly mid tier employee who has to pick up the slack.
People get promoted to their level of incompetence. I also know at my employer we will give good references to get rid of problem staff (which I don’t agree with but it’s easier than firing someone).
Solidarity from another mid-tier person who seems to be taking on tasks that leadership can’t/won’t do.
Isn’t it your job to pick up the slack to make the project go? I assume this is where your work/reputation will rise in fall in the estimation of your leadership team.
The job of a mid tier employee is to pick up the slack.
What an asinine comment. That is not true at all, and it’s certainly not true when higher-paid leadership is not leading & forcing lower-paid team members to do their planning, organizing, and communications.
I’m sorry that’s frustrating. I think the senior leader should assign out out the slack, or delegate, but not randomly assume a junior person will take it up
This. It’s not okay to assume someone else will just take care of it.
Depends on the team I suppose, but I do expect my team members to pick up slack without needing regular specific prompting.
Maybe I talk to too small of a sample size, but do those prednisone steriod bursts work for anyone? I’ve tried and quit twice after they made me feel signifigantly worse (very hot, like something in my abdomen was dangerously swollen). But it’s a commonly-prescribed med. They do work, for some people?
My understanding is they do work but stop working too after you do them, esp. if more than a few times. I would steer clear for that reason unless it’s a true last resort.
Lots of people can’t tolerate prednisone for lots of reasons. If it was prescribed to you, you can assume it probably works for someone, but how frequently it works really depends on what it was prescribed for.
One time it worked for me for a shoulder injury but the second time it did nothing, and my problem was solved by acupuncture. A relative developed Type 2 diabetes from long term use for another problem, so it is good to be mindful if you get a long term or frequent rxes.
When taking it for weeks or more, watch bones too. Most of the damage to bones happens earlier in the course of treatment, so it doesn’t even have to be months or years.
The prednisolone taper packs are miraculous for me. My PCP prescribes them for asthmatic bronchitis, and as a side effect they put another autoimmune condition I have into remission for several months to a year.
Sigh. Obviously some medications work for some things and people.
+sigh. My husband has a rare condition that is treated by a prednisone burst every year or two. Works great, no side effects, he doesn’t even notice he’s on it except that the bothersome symptoms from his condition go away for a year+.
Yes, prednisone works. Yes, the side effects are really awful. Some people call them the devil’s tic tacs. They give you hot flashes. Don’t stop taking meds just because you don’t like them. If you think there’s a dangerous side effect, call your doctor.
This is an odd question. Of course it works for some people for some medical problems at some doses, or why would it be one of the most commonly prescribed drugs in the world?
Prednisone bursts can be taken for hundreds of different reasons, at dozens of different doses, for different lengths of time and different speeds of taper.
So you can’t really ask such a vague question, and expect meaningful responses.
And as they are a very serious medicine, with lots of side effects, they should only be used when the risks outweigh the benefits.
My parents are going to Italy and they’ve asked me what I want for them to bring back for me. I have no idea what’s worth it to buy over there right now: any ideas? Budget is approximately $300.
Silk scarf or some other textile. Tell them your preferred colors.
Lovely idea.
I always ask for an accessory or tbh an edible like wine, pasta, coffee. Anything else is likely to gather dust.
we brought back allllll the food. like, and this will out me so going anon, we literally froze an entire Naples takeout pizza in our apartment freezer and flew it back (in slices) in a soft-sided cooler we had brought in our checked suitcase for this purpose. It was just marinara sauce and cheese so nothing customs cared about.
This is amazing!!!
I probably depends on where they are going, but I brought back limoncello, olive oil, and beautiful linen and paper items.
Leather goods? Wallet, eyeglass case, etc if not a bag.
Olive oil and various herbs and spices from a supermarket. The quality will be superior and at a way cheaper price than in the United States. Picked up a jar of a mixture of garlic and parsley in Spain, which had not been seen in the U.S. supermarket before, and it has become a “go-to” spice. Ask that the olive oil be certified PDO or PGI, to be sure it is not adulterated/counterfeit (admittedly, a lesser risk in Europe, but still a possibility). Enjoy!
If they are around Venice, there is also interesting glassmaker stuff. I have some earrings from there. (I also have two pairs of standard-issue Venice carnival mask earrings that I barely wear)
If they will be in Florence there is a tiny pottery store called on Google “Stone 985” that sells the most incredible hand painted, one of a kind pottery. We got a giant fruit bowl from there that’s our favorite souvenir. The owner/artist speaks very little English but will ship. Our dish arrived quickly and in great condition.
If the budget is higher, I highly recommend Pitti Mosaici also in Florence for stone mosaics — ours is incredible and gets tons of compliments from visitors.
Wow, Stone 985 looks amazing! I’m saving this recommendation. Another rec, if in Florence, Madova gloves are beautiful and feel so luxurious.
Great leather gloves
My city has shopping centers that rely on busy neighborhood streets that are getting choked with what looks like middle schoolers on ebikes. No helmets. No lights. Usually in dark clothes (not helpful now that it’s dark out earlier and in the mornings). I see them in groups, sometimes doing wheelies, and always going fast (be in on a sidewalk or in the street or parking lot). I can’t recall any accidents, but I get so nervous when I’m out driving with my learners’ permit kid that something will happen and she/we will get blamed for what is shockingly reckless behavior all around us.
My neighborhood has the same problem. It scares me so much. (I also have a new teen driver at home.) There have been multiple posts on the neighborhood FB page about it after near-misses between cars and e-bikes. My only guess is that parents are clueless about what their kids are up to and how reckless they’re being with these. They’re basically motorcycles for kids who are too young to have a license and know the rules of the road.
I feel like no matter what, parents who get a $$$ ebike for their barely teen kid are also likely to sue the pants off of the driver and car owner when the inevitable accident happens, no? I think I have good insurance, but that would be so traumatic to have happen (more to the kid, but also to the person driving). What about the tons of delivery service drivers — no doubt they are likely wrecked by something like this financially, even though it wouldn’t likely be their fault.
consider a dashcam
I try to model good riding when I’m out and about. If I’m driving, I slow way down. They’re out and about, learning about the world. If we want kids to go outside and get off their screens, it’s on us as adults to make a world that is safe to do so and also worth going out in.
I almost can’t react fast enough not to hit a kid in all black in darkness (recently this week) or a kid popping a wheelie on an e-bike on a busy 6-lane urban street (think Wisconsin Avenue), especially if they take a spill. I feel like these kids never mastered bikes and now have bikes with horsepower.
Yeah, there’s only so much a driver can do. I would avoid the streets where the e-bikers play, especially in the dark, and direct my new driver to stay far away from that area.
Many of the kids I see on these bikes are riding while looking at their phones.
I’m an experienced lawyer about into a year at my first in-house job. I thought this was my dream job, working for a well regarded company led by people with impressive credentials. As time goes on, I’m seeing a pattern the executive team picking strategies that are overly optimistic and impractical (and in my opinion predictably so), which then requires continual adjustments and changes. How common is this? I’m starting to question the company’s future under this leadership.
1000% normal. like did your law firm leadership always make perfect decisions?
I am in a similar situation to OP’s. At a certain level of experience you can distinguish between normal leadership and poor leadership. I am certain that my org’s issues will limit growth, and I’m working on an exit plan.
OP here. My prior employers didn’t make perfect decisions, but they did better than my current company. But it’s apples to oranges since my current company is not a professional services company. I know a certain level of risk-taking, re-evaluation, and pivoting is to be expected. My gut says this is a bit more than that, and I’m looking for feedback to test that perception.
Are the projects ultimately successful? There’s more long term risk to working for unsuccessful leadership than I realized early in my career; I wish someone had explained that to me
Incredibly common. Just remember that old adage that diverse teams make better decisions. Your caution is the counterweight to their optimism and vice versa. You need bits of both to see all sides of a decision.
I question how you experienced you are when you ask this question. Yes, completely normal.
Common in every organization in human history.
Very common and would only cause me concern if the people with impressive credentials are new and recently appointed by private equity ownership.
LOL welcome to the real world.
At what point did you realize you’re not a young person anymore and what made you feel that way? I’m early thirties and suddenly this month it hit me that I’m firmly a Grownup and a 22 year old would never consider me a peer.
In my case it’s a mix of the big things going on in my friends’ lives (buying houses, having kids), while fall shopping I can’t find anything I like from certain stores or brands I used to frequent, I have to actively consider whether my go-to outfits are dated, I can’t remember the last time I went to a bar after 9:00, I rarely walk down the street with a herd of friends, my 22 year old coworkers see their job as exciting while I see it as a necessary evil for health insurance… I’m curious what made you look in the mirror and realize you’re objectively an adult
I was grumpy and old at 27. I was a few years into my career and had checked off every major life milestone
I’m about to turn 37 and I don’t feel any different mentally from when I was 18. I’m still wearing some clothes from then too. I have a young mindset and never feel too old to try anything new, but I’m definitely stiffer and less energetic than I once was.
Also, I see adults in TV and movies, like the Home Alone mom, who look so, so much more adult in terms of fashion than I ever will.
Haha I’m the opposite though I’m wearing a lot of the same clothes too! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Physically I feel the same as I did at 18, but mentally now at 36 I feel older.
I have three young kids, a mortgage, a job, and feel very firmly like an adult.
In the ’90s, full-grown adults didn’t try to wear the same styles as the teens and 20-somethings. That’s changed a lot. (I tend to be more adult-like in style and sometimes feel bad about that.)
I’m poster who said I was grumpy and old at 27, I’m well into my 30s and covered in tattoos, I’m a corporate goth gal, it has nothing to do with style so much as lifestyle
Huh, I’m 51 and it hadn’t happened yet, will have to get back to you at some point in the future.
It wasn’t a light switch moment for me– I’m 39, have 3 kids and own a house, and generally consider myself an adult, although I do find myself thinking friends are “more adult” than I am. BUT I did have a bit of a wake up call recently when I walked through Anthro and felt too old for everything in there.
Oh this just gets so.much.worse. Examples from my life:
The first time Ia young person who was seated on a bench in a crowded area jumped up to offer me their seat.
The pharmacist who assumed I needed the senior version of the flu shot when I went in and send I needed one (I was not yet 65)
The people who have started referring to my husband and I (also silver-haired) as “such a cute couple.”
The assumption that I am retired, when I am not.
We were in NYC last weekend, headed to our hotel 9:30ish, walking like we do in NYC and elsewhere which is fast, and a woman stopped us to basically say : man, you two walk fast for a couple of oldies.
Not quite on point to your question, but so sobering. I am constantly reminded that how i view myself on the inside does not match up with how people see me on the outside.
As DINKs with a friend group plus or minus a decade in age, we missed some the kid related milestones to firmly put us in a certain age group. It really hit us the other year when we did the math and realized that if we had a kid way back during one of those university whoops scares, they’d now be in university.
-doctor started doing age-related tests (like getting baseline bloodwork)
-being promoted to management
-doing a major renovation and overhearing our GC say “oh I have to run that past the owners” and oh right, that’s us
-trends from when I was a teen resurfacing and kids thinking they’re the first ones to have worn whatever it is (not that I wasn’t guilty of this as a teen in the 90s thinking flares were totally a never-before-seen style of denim)
It hit me around 40, when it suddenly became very obvious that I wasn’t the young up-and-comer at work anymore. You go from being the bright, shiny thing to someone who is just expected to be a leader, workhorse, and culture-bearer. While simultaneously having way fewer chances and opportunities for advancement. It’s not nearly as fun as being the young professional whose career is growing.
Also, having a teenager will remind you VERY quickly that you are a full-on adult and not a kid at all.
I think I sprouted at least a dozen grey hairs when I was driving my teenager’s friends who enthusiastically told me ‘I love oldies, like Nirvana and The Smashing Pumpkins!’.
Kids now are writing essays about cultural trends in the “late 1900s” ☠️
I am deceased, as the kids say.
My son’s teacher explained to me who Green Day was…my sweet summer child. I was less offended than jealous that she got to go and I didn’t but it was a bit of a wake up call.
My students told me this week “Margaret Thatcher ruined my parents’ childhood…” and I realised I’m now old enough to be my uni students’ mum…
I was a returning student and one of my grad school professors referred to architecture once common on mainframes , “but Anon is probably the only one who has seen it in the wild”. /facepalm
Ha! I had 2 girls in their early 20s comment on my car yesterday and then ask if I had ever seen ‘Friends’, before making a Joey Tribbiani reference. My children, I am 56. I have seen ‘Friends.’
It made me smile.
37 and I was so unprepared for the transition from bright, shiny thing to workhorse. It’s not fun
Nope, it’s not. Somehow that’s made me feel older than getting married and having kids and a mortgage and all of that. Go figure.
I don’t think it was one moment, but I do remember when I saw the movie Ladybird and realized i identified more with the mom than the daughter – that was weird.
Rewatching old movies from adult perspective is extremely jarring. I discovered that ET and Home Alone are really horrifying if you think of the moms’ perspectives, something that never occurred to me the dozens of times I’d watched them in the past.
I once heard someone say a true mark of adulthood is when you realize Ferris Bueller is sort of a brat and the principal was right to go after him.
I heard this about Disney princesses – like when Ariel says “I’m 16 years old! I’m not a child anymore!” and I was like… uh yes you are 100% a child
Same but Gilmore Girls and identifying with Emily.
Like you, when I no longer liked most music, tv, movies, or fashion. These days things bring me comfort instead of bringing me joy, and they are bigger things like a home and family
My dad died when I was 29. I was his full time caregiver, alongside my mom, from barely after I turned 28 until I was 29. I never had the party years because that just wasn’t my scene or vibe but you really understand you’re an adult when you’re walking with your parent through end of life. No one my age understands caregiving. I have a lot more in common with Gen X than millennials.
Late 30s, when I got married and had a child.
I have much-younger siblings, so I always internally rolled my eyes when my parents treated me like a kid. “They will grow out of it,” I thought.
Then I hit my late 30s, was still being treated like a teenager, and suddenly knew how unacceptable it was. The juxtaposition between their treatment of me and where I was in life… wow. Like no, I’m NOT in college or fresh out of it, knock it off, this is actually insulting.
I spent my 20s in grad school, making very little money in a VHCOL area, living with roommates, wasn’t married or in a serious relationship, had no intention to have kids (and still don’t now), no prospect of settling down in one place or being able to buy a house at any point in the forseeable future… but because I was clearly in such a different place and focused on different things than the undergrads in the party hardy college town around me, I immediately felt like a grownup, even at 23 (I’d also worked for a year before going back to school, which probably reinforced this feeling).
Similarly, I felt the weight of adult responsibility when I went off to college at 17 and became fully financially responsible for myself. I felt more like an actual adult with freedom when I graduated at 21 and got a car and an apartment, though.
This was me. I struggled to help my parents make ends meet as a teenager and then went to college and had to support myself. I felt…. very old and adult. Now I’m 37 and wealthy and feel like I have so much more room for fun. I’m doing a lot of things these days that I wished I could do as a young adult (e.g., learn what fashion I like, go to concerts) and I do feel young.
I really felt a shift around 39 when I stopped enjoying drinking. I barely drink now.
I gained the intellectual knowledge around 42 and it happened in one week. I’d always thought of myself as close to my 20s. Then I read the definition of middle age began at 35 and my niece and her friends dressed up as the Breakfast Club for retro/oldies day. My mind hasn’t caught up and still puts me in the young woman category even though I’m menopausal.
Personally? When my dad died and I was forced to recognize that I will not have my mother forever.
Professionally? The first time I realized that I was now on the other side of some of the partner/associate interactions that I had found so annoying when I was the associate. (Yes – I really do need that document a week before it is due and yes – I do know how PDFs work, but my hourly rate is three times yours and I am not billing the client for that .)
I’m 42 and definitely feel like a grown-up. For me, I really noticed it when my mom had cancer. My parents are divorced and I am the oldest child and so all of the coordinating care was my responsibility. I remember after my mom came home from treatment but was not doing well, I was standing in her house looking around and trying to decide what I needed to do (how to arrange for more in-home healthcare, whether to move her someplace else, whether to take leave from my job to manage this, etc…) and I thought of that meme–“I need an adultier adult” and realized there was no “adultier” adult. It was just me. I had already been married, owned a home, worked as a lawyer, and had my own children–I was definitely an adult and had been for a long time but I really felt it in that moment.
My DH, an only child, had a very similar experience.
I don’t think I’m old and I don’t feel old, but the realization that others think I’m old and/or realizing that I am an adult:
A cusp gen-Z colleague being horrified that she might be a millennial and commenting, “OMG I’M NOT OLD!!!”. Listen, none of us think we’re old, either!
Kids in 5th-grade church choir asking me questions about gardening. Our church had a program for $3x and puberty, so they had just come from that, and of course I’m a trusted adult who knows all about those things.
Being asked to speak to university students about my successful career.
A high school teacher informing me a few years ago that 9/11 is now included in history books as a “historical event” that happened before these kids were born. SAY WHAT NOW!?!? I was in high school when 9/11 happened, and now it’s an event that is being taught to high schoolers!?!
I think when I was in Junior High, and my best friend was telling me that she was in love with George and they were going to get married.
“Jill, I’ve got news for you…”
Autism mom here of a teen with what was FKA Asperger’s, now ASD-1. What I have is a teen who is smart and funny but very quirky, to the point where I hope she finds some true friends in life at some point. She just has us. She goes to public school and does A/B work and is learning to drive. She has gone away to college “camps” to test the waters if this is for her and to show her she can do well apart from us. It has been fine. What I see though, is worrying. Every time we have tried to do a “social group,” we see nothing but parents who home-school or un-school their kids. Often the parents come alone, because the kid does not want to leave home. It seems to be on-line school + mom + a lot of gaming or living online. I really want more for my kid. And also to steer her away from just befriending fellow outcasts when those kids are often bringing some significant behavioral concerns with them (I know, not all outcasts!) that really have taken advantage of my kid being very kind and empathetic (and yet very naive; I fear that one day she meets the wrong crowd and winds up deep in a cult as an adult; I’ve talked to her about “bad people” and even she acknowledges that that could happen). At any rate, I worry more about her ASD peers who are shut in and the parents who could help them seem to be told not to push to hard but OMG these kids are not going to be able to live independently once their parents pass on (and in a world of so many only children, IDK what will become of them because group homes are scarce even for people who cannot care for themselves, not for people who have never been taught it).
Sounds like you need to stop bringing her to these (anti-)social groups and get out of the ASD parent echo chamber. If she does fine at camp, what’s the issue that you are trying to fix?
We have. We tried a few. I am now wondering with colleges, if it won’t be more of the same, especially with any with specific ASD supports or it it’s just a totally different crowd (people leaving the house who want to be part of a community).
There will be previously homeschooled teens in college. College is very unlike most K12 schools and in some ways more like homeschooling, so it can be a good fit for the same students who didn’t belong in high school. Straight up unschooling I would think is probably not so common at a four year school, since that is a harder transition to make all at once.
Will she really need an ASD group in college, or will individualized supports such as academic accommodations, tutoring, and the counseling center be more helpful? At least at student-centered smaller colleges, all of these individualized supports are available for a range of conditions and some are even available without a diagnosis.
Does she have activities or hobbies (dance, sports, music) where she’s meeting kids her age? Or does she have an afterschool job or volunteering? Those would be good to meet people.
+1
We found activities and clubs like music, dance, martial arts, dungeons & dragons, chess, track and more as super helpful for finding some really nice kids and friend groups.
It sounds like you are doing social groups with other ASD students rather than groups based on interests? Two people with ASD are likely to have less in common than two people without it, because they both diverge from the norm but in any number of directions. Socializing over shared interests is better odds than socializing over shared Dx.
The wrong public school can be unendurable for some ASD kids, so please save your concern trolling over online schools and online community. Maybe it’s a disaster situation, but these kinds of accommodations can also be a lifeline that gets people through to adulthood. There’s absolutely nothing new about people with ASD choosing to stay in and pursuing something for a living they can do from home, while making friends through D&D or collecting or keeping animals or whatever their thing is, even since before the internet made it easier. If they really won’t be able to learn to live independently, school attendance may not have gone so well either. And if they’re meeting with bad people online, they may have been at even higher risk to fall in with a bad crowd in person where the risks are more immediate.
There are also reasons they’ve been told not to push. Way too many accomplished AuDHD women lose abilities they had when they were younger after facing burnout; accommodations and support that look like the easy street now can actually set people up for more adult independence. It sounds like your daughter is doing fine and that is great, but I think it’s better to count blessings than to hand wring over the difficulties other people are facing if they have more limited options in life.
I would focus on groups based on her interests. Like our city has a choir that is non- ASD and ASD kids, the local climbing gym has an ASD hour with lower lights and music and fewer people. Etc.
Ok so stop going to the social groups.
As someone whose kid has a completely different condition with a strong on-line community, my experience has been that a lot of parents (and as a result their kids) make said condition their entire identities. It become the focus of their lives, the excuse for every failure, the reason not to try, and the commonality with all their friends. Our experience was that was incredibly toxic and limiting.
Your teen is smart and funny. She does well at college camps. She will be fine. Unless she wants to attend these groups, stop going. If she wants friends and more social outlets, encourage her to join groups focused on her interests whatever that might be.
We have friends with a kid with Down syndrome. From day 1, the goal has been independence. The kid is in my kid’s grade and we see them outside of school also. He is in special classes at a large city high school and volunteers at church. He won’t ever drive and is medium-affected among DS kids. It is just so different than the local ASD-1 moms I’ve met where they do t get any support for trying to help their kids be able to have any independence even though they are capable of much more than they get to do or even try. It’s like how we were over COVID, these kids will be forever. Maybe there is a huge social anxiety component, but they can’t even go to the store or feed themselves or do wash.
Maybe you are right about these kids. But these are common outcomes for kids whose parents push them to be independent, insist they attend school, etc. too. A lot of public environments are not accessible and inclusive for sensory defensive ASD. There are some communities that have managed to organize ASD inclusive hours (like quiet hours with dimmer lights at the grocery store so that people can shop). Going to the store is honestly one of the bigger hurdles even for employed ASD-1 adults who are sensory defensive since commotion is so draining and overwhelming, and most stores are all about being bright, loud, and crowded. Our zoo installed some sensory walks for kids who need to get away from the crowded main thoroughfares. I think ASD is hard because it’s so often not “are they technically capable” but “what price will they pay.” There are a lot of things people can do but the price for having done them can be high.
I feel like it is a very worthy endeavor to figure out HOW to do things (go early, go late, etc) that you either need to do or would want to do.
It is a worthy endeavor! Developmental timelines can really vary a lot too; not everyone gets there at the same time. Sometimes just hitting some of the life milestones at an older age or at a slower pace helps people get there in the end.
Camps with fellow weirdos and an actual job (kitchen/register) were what I did in high school in the old days.
What is your kid into? I was in all sorts of art, science, and music groups. I didn’t make any lifelong friends but I wasn’t alone. Now as an adult I work in a very niche field that’s almost exclusively neurodivergents, I finally found my pals who geek out over shared passions. My employer temporarily had a NT employee and it was a rough time.
I have a 12 year old boy that sounds a lot like your daughter and have the same fears you do. My kid desparately wants to not be different and is such a crowd follower. It’s the exact opposite of my older kid and my husband and me. For us, he does a recreational sport through our town, and though my kid is not a top player, it gives him the experience of working with a team. He has friendships at school, but not a ton of close relationships. He has a lot of empathy, and his more fulfilling friendships have been with other “high functioning” neurodiverse kids and the very kind and inclusive kids. He also has a special interest in music that helps him connect with other musicians. I recommend that she seek out kids that have similar interests to hers.
In addition to what others have said, make sure you have good information before you dismiss living online like it’s slowly and unworthy. Being online is not without risks, but it also is. portal to a much bigger pool of people so you can find like-minded individuals. Depending on personal circumstances, having this can be an important thing, can help you feel like you belong with a group, and can to some extent counterbalance the feeling of not fitting in, e.g. at school. This can also be a tight knit online gaming group. And finding friendships in this way doesn’t prevent you from becoming a functioning adult who has a job and all that adult stuff.
If you see these relationships being harmful, intervene of course, but just because they take place online, don’t take that as a reason alone to look down on them.
Fwiw, I don’t have ASD but am fairly socially awkward and shy and I had no friends until college. I think that’s not that unheard of for quirkier/nerdier people, especially girls. It’s hard to find your people in a small high school, much easier in a big college especially if you go to a more academically selective college where everyone is a bit nerdy. I wouldn’t despair as long as she’s on the path towards becoming a functional adult, which it sounds like she is.
The long thread about the wealthy groom family has me wondering about the current practice amoung the middle to upper class and professionals on this board. Is it still customary for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding and groom’s family to pay for the rehearsal? Is it still customary for the groom to spend a month salary on a ring? My 25 year old son has been dating the same woman for several years and it seems he will ask to marry her after she finishes grad school. Her family is skiing vacations, own horses and a boat wealthy. I expect they will want a a big Catholic wedding.
In my upper middle to upper class circle few couples pay for their own wedding. It’s a given that one or both sets of parents will fund it no matter how much money the couple makes. Yes, this is a privilege. But weddings have gotten so expensive and the parents want a big, traditional wedding with their friends and relatives invited.
Usually the couple talks to their parents separately, finds out how much they’re willing to contribute, and discusses any expectations about the guest list and events. Ideally it’s a negotiation managed by the couple. I used to be on the wedding planning subre-ddit and things went sideways when the groom’s family expected the bride’s parents to pay for the whole wedding on principle or the bride’s parents demanded the groom’s family host a lavish rehearsal. It works best if everyone contributes according to their financial situation and one set of parents “owns” an event or vendor, rather than putting the money in one bucket and dealing with two sets of opinions on every detail.
A ring that costs X months of his salary isn’t a thing anymore. He buys a ring they mutually agree they can afford. Lab grown diamonds are popular and you can get a gorgeous ring for less than $5k.
In that case, I hope they are so traditional that they plan on paying for that. Typically, when women married young and from their parents’ homes, wasn’t the bride’s mom offiially and factually throwing the reception party? It’s a bit of a fiction now when people marry older and can host their own parties.
I don’t think 26-27 starting out with new jobs is really considered older. Adolesence has been extended to age 25 at least. My husband and I were in our 30s when we got married and paid for a reception with full dinner and open bar for only 35 people.
That ring thing was just a longstanding De Beers advertising campaign.
What I’ve seen from recent weddings is that there are no current practices. Everyone is doing what works for them. Most of the newlyweds I know are older than your son, are established in careers, and are living together before they get married. In all cases, the couples have paid for their weddings, usually with help from parents. This also means that the couples have the weddings they want, not what their parents want.
Yes to all of that. The only variable is usually there is an heirloom ring or diamonds that her family will give her to take the pressure off the ring angle. Source – I grew up as you describe her. Very Lorelai Gillmore minus the teen pregnancy. My husband’s family could easily afford the rehearsal but if they couldn’t, my family would have figured out how to kindly host that too.
I grew up comfy not rich and my parents paid for the wedding and rehearsal for my sister, as her ILs were clergy and a SAHM clergy spouse, so no $.
My parents are very old school and are paying for 90 % of our wedding, most importantly for them the venue and catering, plus my dress and flowers. My fiance and I are paying for the photographer, DJ, and other smaller expenses. My in laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner.
I suspect this is highly variable. However, based off my, my friends, and siblings experience: affluent parents from New England expect to give equal amounts to sons and daughters (and tend to assume the default is that the other set of parents do the same, which can be an awkward assumption since it is clearly not true). Whether or not that covers the cost of the festivities depends on the family and the wedding in question and what the other parent set gives. In my family the money was offered for the occasion of our marriage and did not have to be used on a wedding, but I think that’s a bit of anomaly. My husband’s parents are from the mid Atlantic and still strongly adhered to bride’s parents pay. Of course he’d never say anything but my husband does get a little hurt by what he feels like it implies if he thinks about it much.
My rings were both family heirlooms.
In this case I think you can say to the couple that we have set aside $X to pay for your wedding. How you use it is up to you. I think that’s very fair and doesn’t leave you negotiating with your daughter’s in-laws. Then you have to back off and let the couple make decisions, even if it’s not what you would have done.
I’m 40 so my close friends and I mostly got married 5-15 years ago but yes the bride’s parents typically paid, with the groom’s parents usually either contributing or hosting a rehearsal/welcome dinner.
Major exception is if the groom’s family is super wealthy and then they might pay for everything. My husband just had a male cousin with insanely wealthy parents get married and it was clear the groom’s family had paid for the whole wedding weekend. I think they have a net worth over $50M so even though the wedding was insanely expensive it was a drop in the bucket for them.
The “3 months salary for the ring” was outdated when I got married almost 15 years ago. Agree with those saying the couple picks out the ring jointly and traditional (mined) diamonds are a bit outdated. I have a tiny diamond that cost less than $1k (we were in grad school when we got engaged). Several of my close friends have really lovely non-diamond stones. If I were getting engaged today I would 100% want a lab grown diamond for both cost and ethical reasons.
This shut down talk. Is it even worth the democratic party trying to message this when they do it so poorly? No one’s mind will be changed. I’d rather they just stopped talking about it than use their current messaging. Everyone knows why this is happening. If they genuinely don’t? The current messaging won’t resonate.
The Dems couldn’t message their way out of a paper bag if they were given a free Sharpie. It’s infuriating.
Pod Save America pointed out that the Dems are always reading the stage directions out loud, and now it’s all I can hear from the Dem leadership news conferences.
This is so accurate. I always wondered why they do this; are we just electing people with little emotional intelligence these days?
It’s infuriating watching them use federal workers as pawns (both sides) and the democrats doing this over a non-resonant issue is just beyond me.
Right. Do it because the administration is engaging in illegal activities that cannot be supported. Threaten trials for lawbreakers in the next administration. The tax credits are a big deal but this isn’t the avenue to fight for that. The elections are where that fight belongs.
Excuse me, non-resonant issue? Healthcare? People losing their health insurance? Are you insane or just insanely privileged?
Exactly! I am thrilled with the messaging consistency that I see from Dems about this.
Access to health insurance is a resonant issue! Premiums even without subsidies are increasing and for ACA policy holders, losing the subsidies for those who are eligible is as good as taking it away altogether.
But that is ~7% of people (who are getting subsidies), of whom ~40% are expected to lose their health insurance altogether! Of course it’s highly relevant for that 7% of people, but it’s not going to be top tier for the rest of the electorate. The overall state of healthcare affordability (including the large & growing share of insured people who avoid or delay care due to affordability; the low value where we pay more than other rich countries & get worse care) are generally resonant, but they aren’t fighting that fight!
The administration is fighting dirty, and the Dems look like they just…didn’t get their morning coffee? They seem totally incompetent. I can & do think the R’s are morally bankrupt for, uh, partnering with a racist dictator to gain power, but the D’s seem totally strategically bankrupt.
And no matter how they try to finesse it, letting a subsidy expire *that was always schedule to expire* actually seems like a reasonable course of action for a “clean” CR.
The messaging has been health care affordability. Subsidies were just top of mind because I used to be in that bucket and ran numbers to see what I’d be paying if I were still there.
I’m a fed and absolutely supportive of the shutdown. Perfection is the enemy of the good and snipping at the only folks who have, imperfectly,been on our side isn’t helpful.
If you have input and expertise on messaging, start volunteering now so a stronger message can be mounted for the next fight. Quit snipping at the current efforts and do something productive, because there will be more fights ahead.
Democrat messaging – I wish they would focus on affordability as a whole, not just health care. Like health care insurance affordability can be the thing they’re bargaining for in the budget negotiations, but the message is that Trump is making EVERYTHING more expensive for regular Americans.
Similar note – I’m mad that this is being framed as a thing the Democrats did. The Republicans are in power in the White House, House, and Senate. It should be on the majority Republicans to figure out how they can pass something and come to the Dems with things that they might pass. The Dems need to sit back and be like – we’re here, bring us something that we will consider, but you’re the party in charge so this is up to you. Instead, somehow this is getting framed as the Democrats big gamble (NYT) because they just don’t rubber stamp the garbage that the Republicans want them to.
So my real ideal message for the Dems would be: You wanted Republicans to rule? Here it is.
By all means take the meetings and negotiate, but the Dems are’t in power and we should stop framing it like it’s something they need to fix. The republicans need to fix it and they can by bring something to the Dems that the Dems will actually want to pass, not just what the Republicans want.
Can the R’s not just “fix it” by nuking the filibuster? I don’t get why they/Dems aren’t talking about that more. Let the Dems just get up every morning and say “you want to pass a CR, you go for it”.
Right? It seems so simple. The GOP has control of the government, employment is cratering, farmers are losing their access to foreign markets, people are being snatched off the streets, AND everyone’s health insurance is going to get measurably worse.
Also, the Supreme Court has said that Trump and Vought can do whatever they want with your tax dollars. Your representatives no longer have the ability to get dollars for rebuilding bridges, cleaning up after disasters. Whether or not your community gets money depends on how these two men feel about your community.
I don’t know why the Democrats are so terrible at messaging. In polls that just ask people about issues, without assigning a party to said issues, people overwhelmingly favor positions that Democrats have traditionally advocated for. I don’t know why they can’t seem to build on that.
Democrats are beholden to donors who overwhelmingly oppose what people overwhelmingly favor. Since Citizens United, they can’t really work for the people who vote for them anymore. That’s is how frustrated Democrats have explained it to me anyway!
The GOP has a bill that passed the House, can pass the Senate with 50% of votes plus JD Vance, and Trump would sign.
This isn’t 2009 where the Dems had a filibuster-proof majority.
Yes, the GOP does not have a bill that will pass the Senate. But they have the majority, so IMHO it’s still on the GOP to come up with a bill that can pass everywhere. They’re the majority, they’re in charge, it should be their responsibility to come up with a bill that the Dems will get on board with.
Kind of like how the Dems negotiate with Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins when they were in power and needed their votes. The GOP leadership certainly wasn’t trying to make those deals happen and taking responsibility.
Or, the GOP could promise the Democrats whatever they want with a free puppy, pass it with 60 votes; and then recission it back with just 50 votes. Fundamentally the 60 votes thing no longer makes any sense.
The fact that they’re not means they think they win in public opinion the longer the shutdown goes, and I think they’re right.
It’s Democrat-“ic,” not “Democrat,” please.
When everyone starts getting notified of their premiums increasing this month, during the shut down, and then starts losing their coverage entirely, are they going to assume it’s because of the shut down aka Republicans will say it is Schumer’s fault, and then the Democrats screw themselves again?
In theory I support the Democrats refusing to compromise and standing up in this area. But the Republicans are so good at steam rolling and blaming that part of me thinks the Democrats should let the pain kick in so there is no confusion who is causing it. I don’t see the Republicans rolling over on this, unless they get some really good spin out of it.
And big sigh, US public sentiment has so completely and forcefully turned away from Israel. If Biden et al had foreseen that and acted with more backbone sooner, I do believe we would not be in this orange taco mess.
Dems are so bad at messaging because they try to be inclusive and accurate and include all sorts of caveats that everything they say becomes too watered down or convoluted. Short, snappy dingers are what people are responding to. The Repubs have nailed this. Dems need like an 8-word slogan about this shutdown, not an AOC / Bernie video that is several minutes long. (I respect the heck out of Bernie, but it’s not working.)
Right. Win elections, then be inclusive. You don’t need to cram it all into your messaging.
I have an open position that I’m hiring for and the job market is clearly terrible based on the quantity of resumes we’re getting but I’m also so surprised at how awful some of these resumes are. In case any of you are applying to jobs and wondering if your resumes are the problem, here are some of the common problem areas I’m seeing:
– Literally nothing in the resume in response to the actual job requirements. That’s great that you’ve been practicing law for 20 years, but if I need you to have experience advising on painting teapots, please at least make one single reference to your ability to do this.
– I’ve gotten one cover letter in so far (we don’t require them) and it was clearly written by AI. In this case no cover letter is better than a clearly ChatGPT one.
– Resumes should be tailored to individual jobs (see first point) – it’s a lot of work to do this for every job, but when I was applying I had about 3 template resumes that I tweaked minorly for each job. AI can help here.
– I’m seeing a lot of weird formatting and spacing and unprofessional looking resumes. Someone had a 5 page resume because they had giant font and huge margins. Just Google “lawyer resume examples” (or whatever profession you’re in) and find some standard templates that you can mirror. No weird fonts, small margins, try to keep to 1-2 pages (or at least not 5!).
– I haven’t seen a ton of typos, but the ones I have seen tended to be for the folks who submitted Word resumes instead of PDF and Word was specifically highlighting the typo in spellcheck. Sometimes Word resumes get messed up when you submit through LinkedIn or Indeed, so PDF definitely comes across better. But you have got to check and doublecheck your resume for typos and spelling errors and you definitely can’t ignore the blue spellcheck lines if you’re going to submit in Word!
I hope this helps at least somebody. I know it’s a tough market out there and people are probably applying for everything they can find, but some of these folks might have been able to make it past the starting line if they’d put a little more effort in on the resume.
When I’m hiring, the number one thing that makes me set aside an application is if someone’s experience is in a different field and they have absolutely no explanation in the cover letter as to why they’re applying to my field. People make transitions all the time and some jobs are related in ways that the lay person might not realize, but if you don’t explain any of that, then I have no idea why you want to work for me.
+1 It always amazes me how people don’t realize a resume and cover letter is a pitch document and a piece of marketing. The number of times I see the advice to skip a CL baffles me too, a tailored one sent through a good contact is almost a guarantee of an interview and people skip the basics because it’s “hard.”
I don’t understand the hate for cover letters. We all know people apply to jobs to get paid but I also want to work with people who want to work for my employer for some reason other than “to get paid” because that makes for a terrible colleague.
Agreed. Also, please include the years that you graduated from law school and when you were admitted to the bar. After being burned, I *will* take the time to hunt this info down and if I learn that you failed the bar multiple times or there are large unexplained resume gaps, we will not move forward. Trying to hide this info isn’t a good look, and even if everything checks you, you’ll have annoyed me by making me dig for this info and connect the dots.
I hope you never get fired by Elon Musk/DOGE and find yourself having to remove your grad year from your resume (advised by career counselors) because no one hires career pivoters over the age of 40, or have to take time off to care for a sick relative and ca;’t put that on gap and explanation on your resume because again, it is “too personal for a CV” and should be explained in an interview. As someone who was senior in my field and is now pounding the pavement and working $22/hour while I hunt, this view is enraging.
OP here and I’m not sure the career counselors are giving good advice. I’ve seen some resumes where someone explained a career gap and I appreciated it. Rather than wondering what they were doing for five years in the middle of their career, they just explained it and I moved on in my review of the rest of their experience. If you’re trying to do a career pivot, that might be a great reason to write a sincere cover letter and explain how your skills and experience translate into the new role. Best of luck in this difficult environment and I hope you find something great soon!
Yeah this seems like terrible advice to me, at least in law. I can’t imagine passing over someone’s resume because of a gap they indicated was for caregiving, or based on age (which is of course illegal). I would never do that. I only said that I want this information upfront, and don’t appreciate when people omit relevant dates, and apparently, that makes me sexist and ageist.
This is exhibit A in the case for a well crafted cover letter.
Wow this is an absolutely abhorrent take.
Why does it matter when someone graduated? Why does it matter if someone took the bar more than once?
Career gaps disproportionately affect women because women take time off to caregive. This is just pure sexism and ageism. You clearly shouldn’t be making hiring decisions.
Good grief totally agree. anon at 11:49 you need to get over yourself.
Oh put down the pitch forks. You both are reading things into my comment so you can scream at someone. There is nothing in my comment that suggests sexism or ageism, and I cannot for the life of me understand how wanting a clear picture of a candidate’s qualifications and experience suggests I need to “get over myself.” Whatever happened to assuming good intentions? When someone graduated is relevant to their overall years of experience, which is relevant information when reviewing candidates. It is also relevant to confirming that I have a full picture of someone’s employment history. This is especially important for young lawyers, because working is how you develop as an attorney. This should not be controversial. Needing to take the bar more than once is not dispositive, but it is a data point. Last time we looked for a junior lawyer, everyone who left their bar admission year off their resume had failed it. One individual we brought in for an interview had failed three times, lied about it during the interview, and was wildly misrepresenting his experience.
I’m well aware that career gaps disproportionately affect women and actively consider this in my hiring/interviewing practices. I never ever said that I would not consider hiring someone because of a career gap, did I? I just want to know what those gaps are, and (whether at the resume or interview stage) what the reason was, and I don’t think anyone helps themselves by being evasive. Within the last year, we’ve extended offers to two women with resume gaps (and interviewed several others with gaps). One was very upfront that it was due to caregiving and wanting to see her kids grow up when they were little. I think that’s fantastic. We hired her. The other’s gaps were due to performance issues, and she was dishonest about it during hiring, which didn’t work out for anyone.
I completely agree with you, fwiw.
OP, I hope that you are living up to your end of the bargain as a hiring manager by reviewing and responding to every application. If not, maybe it doesn’t make sense for applicants to spend so much time on personalizing their application.
Hiring is an arms race these days, with automation and AI tools on both sides. Most job seekers feel that it’s a numbers game if they don’t have an inside connection to help them, and I can’t tell them that they’re wrong.
Spamming a job posting with your irrelevant resume and nothing else doesn’t merit a response.
I am absolutely personally reviewing every resume that meets basic criteria, but assuming that it’s a numbers game and you therefore shouldn’t put any time or effort into personalizing a resume is a mistake and will hurt job seekers. Sure, there are probably some companies who are exclusively using AI to vet resumes, but if someone can’t spend 5 minutes making sure their resume is relevant to a job posting, or at least highlights their relevant experience, they’re never going to find a job in this economy.
I tailored my resume and cover letter to every single job in a recent (successful) search. It is very competitive and you stand very little chance without doing that.
What OP and others are saying though is that’s a bad strategy. I’d listen if you’re in the market for a new job.
If I see one more “federal employee style resume” my eyeballs might dry up. The dense, multi-page, acronym-laden style requires revisions for applications for non-federal positions. An applicant can demonstrate that they are serious about the position by modifying their resume.
We are seeing this in academic applications (faculty, staff and adminstrative positions). Applicants are given a very detailed multi page description of the job requirements before-hand, so they have all the information they should need to reference when filling out their application, cover letter and related documentation. These are also highly educated people, of course. Yet so many of them just submit a very generic application that brags about how good they were at school and how their professors loved them. They don’t seem to realize, A) they need to tell us why they would be great DOING THE JOB, and B) tailor their information to reference what and how they’d be great at doing the specifics of the job, and C) any understanding that the JOB is to serve students in same way or form, not to offer employment as a reward for loving school or completing their masters or doctorate. There are so many people who don’t seem to realize that this is marketing documents and they need to sell their potential to an employer. Plus, due to the constraints of academic hiring, we only move a few of the plethora of candidates to an interview if they reference what experience or knowledge they have that matches the job description listed. Don’t tell us you know what it is and how to do it? Then no points for you and you’ll not be offered an interview. We can’t read minds, nor should you expect us to.
I have a heavy winter coat that’s about 5 years old and in great condition. Unfortunately, I’ve gained about 15-20 pounds since I purchased it. While I can technically wear it still, it’s not comfortable. I just need to donate this, right? I feel a stupid amount of shame around this because it was expensive AND I haven’t been able to lose the weight, so it feels like giving up.
Donate without guilt. Charities really need winter coats for their annual drives. Even people who are otherwise scraping by can’t afford a $200 coat
For one very nice coat? I’d wear open until it gets cold and keep in my car as an emegency blanket (or pack away).
Yes, donate and don’t think twice. 5 years is also an eternity for a winter coat, you’re due a new one regardless.
Really? 5 years is an eternity? I suppose perhaps I live in a milder climate and have several coats to rotate, but 5 years doesn’t seem THAT long.
I 100% disagree with 5 years being an eternity. Depends on how hard you are on the coat, I guess, but my puffer is about to experience its 11th winter, and still looks great. Only visible sign of wear is a few loose threads on the knit cuffs and a scuff or two on the snaps.
Depends on the coat, too. Nowadays 5 years is an eternity because “wool” coats contain a minority of wool and are mostly nylon and polyester and acrylic.
OMG this is insane. No it’s not.
I keep mine for about seven years. Maybe you buy cheap coats, but a wool coat in a flattering cut should not be replaced every 2 years.
Would you wear it tomorrow if it fit? Would you be exited to buy this exact style it again?
It’s okay to keep this that you would be exited to wear again. But don’t keep it in your regular closet. Pack it away. Your regular closet should only have items that are actual options to wear right nownow, that you feel good about.
It is also okay to donate a great coat! Somebody else will enjoy it, and you get more space for the items you do love to wear. There are loads of ways we end up with items we would rather not have bought, but don’t hang on to shame or regret for clothes. It’s only clothes, they are not worth it. It could just as easily have been wrong color, material, washability, noisy material or itchiness.
Id keep it. But i wear my coats to death. I also gain and lose 20 pounds regularly.
I also wear my coats to death. Unfortunately, I don’t see a 20-pound loss happening anytime soon!
Keep it. I kept my winter coats when I gained weight a few years ago. Now I’m back in shape and I am wearing those coats again. Winter coats don’t fall out of style like other categories of clothes.
A few years ago I would have said donate and buy a new coat if you lose weight. Now I am regretting donating a number of items from 15+ years ago that went out of style and would now be wearable again, because the quality of clothing has declined so much. I have started storing away my favorite high-quality unworn items in anticipation of bringing them back out when styles change. I would do the same for too-small items if there was even the smallest chance I might lose the weight.
I had to do this last year when I couldn’t squeeze into my park anymore. Giving up and buying a new one that fit me well was SO freeing mentally. Just get rid of it!
Personally I would donate it, because having clothes in my closet that no longer fit makes me depressed. But if you aren’t ready to let go of it just yet that’s perfectly fine too. I have a few things I don’t use anymore but aren’t ready to let go of yet. Do things in your own time.
If you could go on a solo vacation, where would you go? What would you most look forward to doing on the trip? Looking for inspo.
I actually want to do this as a family vacation when my son is old enough, but it would be great solo too – skiing in Portillo, Chile.
I would go to a beach and sit on a chair and read.
I went solo to Stockholm for a five day trip and it was amazing. I like restaurant and food or museum focused trips when I am solo, as I get bored on the beach without someone to talk to. Paris and London are also great solo.
I have been to Iceland solo twice and it’s so great. Blue Lagoon is absolutely wonderful and you can spend as much time as you want there. You can take tours into Iceland or go to cafes in Reykjavik and go to Perlan Museum and walk around Reykjavik. Love Iceland!!!! And I am fundamentally not a person that likes the outdoors, so not a necessity to love it!
I’d go to NYC and see All the Shows and eat All the Food.
Agree with this. Or Paris! My best solo trips have been to those two cities. I love my family but being able to spend my time the way I want without worrying about anyone else is amazing.
I like city solo vacations because I am unlikely to, say, take a jungle cruise, go snorkeling, or hike the ruins alone. I could do a short beach or cabin stay solo. The last long-ish solo trips I planned were to Barcelona and Valencia and to Vancouver. I didn’t end up going on either but would now if I had the opportunity.
Solo vacations I’ve done in the past few years have been to Berlin, Norway (Lillehammer and Oslo), and Palm Springs.
I’m going to Istanbul on the way back from a work trip. I love history and I’m looking forward to doing as much historical things as I want to without bothering any traveling companions.
Miraval Tucson, or another solo spa resort, is my favorite type of solo trip.
Or a nature trip. I’m going solo to Greenland next summer because I plan to spend a lot of time on boats and my husband and kid get seasick.
I personally do not really enjoy solo travel in cities, especially stereotypically romantic ones like Paris, but ymmv.
I do a solo trip to Alaska every summer. It’s my only break from solo parenting (it’s the week my child is with her father). I stay at a really nice Airbnb on a lake, with a hot tub and a kayak, and go ice climbing and hiking. I eat at the bar at all the really nice restaurants, sometimes two nights in a row at the same place because I feel like it. I drink coffee slowly in cozy cafes. I walk in the rainforest. I eat all the smoked fish. I schedule a few things but otherwise just do what I feel like. One day had torrential rain and I stayed in bed all morning drinking coffee, and then did a puzzle. Pure bliss.
This sounds AMAZING
Cities are great for solo vacations, particularly if you are a “culture vulture.” That’s where the museums and performing arts are, plus a variety of eating venues and the like. Enjoy!
I have a large pile of good condition work clothes to get rid of (either they don’t fit me well, or I am finally admitting the color is not good for me). Normally for one or two items I donate them to a local thrift shop. However, this is a significant number of items and I wouldn’t mind getting a little money back from them, but don’t have the patience to post them to Poshmark or the like. As long as I accept that they may just take them without giving me anything at all, is ThredUp still the best option for a payout that doesn’t require me to wait for an individual buyer?
Are we talking Boss, Veronica Beard, Theory, Brooks Brothers? Or Banana Republic, JCrew, and Ann Taylor? The former is worth consigning, the latter is not – you’ll get pennies on the dollar and more back and forth than you expect.
You won’t make any money unless they are sought after brands. This is why I don’t bother to sell anything. Just donate it.
A local consignment store may pay you cash for some items
Keep track of what you donate and take the tax deduction at least.
If they are designer, The Real Real
If they are mall brand, and you don’t mind donating them anyway, ThredUp – but ideally a Premium Kit with return assurance. Otherwise you are liable for half the bag not being accepted
If it’s MM LaFleur or another brand with a second hand marketplace, try their site. MM you can consign directly for a higher payout or just ship to them for a flat 15% or so in store credit
Or donating locally to a great cause
If you’re willing to donate and you are near a college, call Career Services and see if they have a student closet—where students can borrow or keep interview-, internship-, and job-appropriate clothes. This can be super helpful for students of all types. I helped a friend donate five boxes of work clothes to our local university for this and they were so grateful. Especially if you are in non-straight sizes either direction!
Public defender offices also tend to maintain clothes closets for clients’ court appearances.
And/or look for a local chapter of Dress for Success, which collects work clothing for women getting back into jobs after unemployment.
ThredUp does not pay you until/unless your items sell. It is only worth it if you like buying from there – using store credit – and you don’t really care what you make, as it often doesn’t make sense.
I feel overwhelmed about how often to buy new clothes and how long to keep them. I have a lot of pieces that are 8-12 years old and showing wear. I feel so guilty buying new clothes but I do feel like I need a few new pieces. Help!
Can you afford the purchase? That’s a long life for clothing. It’s less overwhelming if you just replace an item or two each season rather than everything all at once.
Clothing just doesn’t last that long anymore. Both in terms of wear and tear and style. I bet you’re wearing stuff that is faded, pilled, out of date. Time to move on and buy new stuff, especially if you have a professional role where you need to look good.
I might explore a little about why you feel guilty abt replacing worn clothes that are a decade old.
Sorry. that came out mean. I understand wanting to be conscientious about buying things – but guilt implies that you feel like you don’t deserve new (or new-to-you) clothes. And you do! 12 years is a LONG time to keep clothes.
You just hate shopping.
Check Poshmark for any pieces you have that you wish were newer and would happily keep wearing. Maybe some of them sat in someone’s closest for 10 years and you can replace at secondhand cost. 8-12 years is way longer than most modern clothes are designed to last, so nice work on taking careful care of your garments!
Is it just my industry or are passive aggressive and catty emails becoming more normal? I feel like folks get snippy over the tiniest miscommunications or are so quick to try to cast blame. I understand getting annoyed, but it takes a ton for me to feel the need to be stern with someone at work, and even then I couch it in professional language.
Southern California law here and absolutely (and not just emails and not just opposing counsel).
If you had unlimited time in the day, how much exercise would you be doing? Would you be doing something other than you normally do now?
I would go on much longer walks and do more dancing, pilates, and balance work if I had unlimited time I think.
Tbh if I had unlimited time I would not spend it exercising.
Yes, and you probably wouldn’t spend it cleaning or doing chores. Thank you for your contribution.
I would do some of the gorgeous long mountain bike rides that take 6 hours or so.
I am at a stage of life where I am very limited in my time to workout and I wish I had more time to devote to it. Currently, I lift weights 3-4 times a week for 30-45 minutes and try to squeeze in walks when I can. If I had more time I would do my usual lifting routine and add in more time for cardio. I also would love to add in more stretching and yoga to my routine!
Heh I do have unlimited time and I do long walks most days and a class a few days a week.
With unlimited time (and childcare to go with it!) I’d definitely be going on much longer and more frequent hikes, as well as more rock climbing. But gym time? I do not like indoor exercising much at all, I view it as a necessary evil.
I’d also being auditing classes at the local university or getting an EMT certification or something.
2-3 hours on average. I love physical activity
90 minutes of swimming 3-5 times per week and a couple pilates classes, if I had unlimited time and money.
Daily long walks (2-3 miles), reformer pilates 2-3x/week, and yoga at least once. I hate lifting weights and only do it to benefit aging well so probably no more than the 2x week I do it now.
I’d work some dance classes into a perfectly flexible schedule. Maybe go back to Pilates.
Running and hiking on my own time. I’d probably exercise 3-5 times per week.
I would go longer. Like a 2-3 hour bike ride instead of the 30-45 minute loop I have time for.
Oh I’d spend a couple of hours.
Ideal:
1 hr gym, mix of weights and tread
1 hr yoga
1 hr evening walk
The gym time would be so much more relaxed than the classes I will do now where you’re trying to get it all in in 20-30 min. The extra time just allows for more rest time, making it more enjoyable.
Assuming unlimited time and money and energy, I would do all of the following multiple times a week:
Adult ballet class
Reformer pilates
Yoga class
Weights/strength training
HIIT classes
Outdoor running
Figure skating
I would also ski frequently and take two or three surfing vacations a year.
I’d hike the AT or PCT, so … a lot.
I take regular staycations and like to go to the gym mid-morning, after the pro-bros have left for work. That lets me use any equipment I like (usually just one of the nicer treadmills for half an hour). If I time it right I can get a swim lane all to myself after the water aerobics class ends. That gives me another 30-45 minutes in the water before the retiree crowd starts to filter in for their lap swim and walking time.
I’m a young retiree, so I do have a lot of flexibility and also love being active. Most days, I do a 5-6 mile walk with my dogs and also either play tennis or do a gym workout. I will sometimes take the dogs for a hike in the mountains instead of the normal walk.
If I had the time:
1 to 1.5 hours week days, either yogo or gym/cardio
2-3 hours Walk/run Saturdays
Sundays off, unless I’m motivated for a long walk
A script or tips for outreach to fellow alumni (who I don’t know) on LinkedIn? I’m looking to pivot to an adjacent field, and I know many/most job offers in this niche field are internal referrals. I keep reading not to ask to pick their brain and to instead add value. I’m not sure how to proceed, and “add value” kind of makes me twitch.
The goal is to introduce myself so they know I’m looking and let me know of any potential positions.
I wouldn’t do this at all. If you don’t know them, I don’t think it will go over well. If their companies have any open jobs, they’ll be posted and you can find them yourself. If I were on the receiving end of a message like this, I’d either ignore it or just send a link to my company’s job postings.
I would be most receptive to helping with this if you just laid it all out just like this, without any bs about trying to get coffee or add value. I’m in a niche industry that people get into from knowing someone, and I would be happy to point anyone who approached me in several directions depending on what they were looking for. We just need more people in the industry, so recommendations for who to talk to are easy to provide.
Script below that needs to be cleaned up, but something like this is what I’d respond to:
“Hi I went to xx university. I see you did to. You’re in a field that I really want to get into because of xxx. My background is xxx, which I think will help me pivot well. If you have any recommendations for where/how I should be looking or advice at entering xxx field, I would really appreciate your time.”
FWIW I would not respond to anything with multiple paragraphs, white papers, etc. I have too much to read and do without reading completely random unsolicited messages and emails.
+1 – just be upfront.
+2 – so much better than the tee-hee dance around the reason.
and by ‘add value’ they usually mean come up with some g-dawful industry publication link and say ‘I came across this article that looked like it may be of interest to you!’ and whoever is giving this advice needs to stop, like, 10 years ago.
Are there any self-employed people or small business owners here? Have you found any good ways to get healthcare for cheaper? I’ve tried joining the ABA and other groups but it was always the same as what marketplace offered. Not sure if that’s one of the changes coming with health care or not. Should I look into SBA? Something else?
I had Kaiser through the exchange and they often reached out to suggest they could offer something mething better direct. I was too scatterbrain need to look into it, but if that system would work for you (great for some, not for others), you could try checking direct plans there.
No, sadly. Other than getting the cheapest high deductible plan + HSA (and max it out if you can as a great triple tax free savings vehicle) and pay for health expenses out of pocket if you can manage. Apparently all of the Bronze plans should qualify for HSA starting next year (one of the BB bill changes). That is my plan.
I have similarly looked about joining associations for my field, but no luck so far. If you are lucky enough to be in an industry where you can join a Union, that is sometimes an option.
What do you all think of the Early Decision antitrust case against colleges that use it? It seems like maximizing full-pay students and yield was the whole point of ED, to the point where I am shocked, shocked that people are just now complaining.
Reading up on it: it’s silly.
Most colleges need a certain number of full-pay students to keep the doors open, even elite schools with large endowments.
Very few schools are need blind and meet all demonstrated need. After the money runs out, they either accept only full-pay students or they don’t give appropriate financial aid to the non-full pay students.
So take away ED and you’ll just shift the rejections to RD. There just isn’t a world in which these students would get in with their costs covered.
Wait, people are complaining about that? It’s so obviously the trade off of applying ED — you’re done early with a slight admissions boost, and they’re charging you whatever need-based aid says they should. Why are people upset about that?
Okay, I read the intro of the complaint. Cohen Milstein is a great firm, but this seems like a real dog of a case to me as a non-antitrust lawyer. They acknowledge there are no enforceable contracts at issue here AND they include quotes from 2001 that they claim are damaging. I don’t know how long the SOL is for antitrust, but I’d imagine that it’s shorter than 24 years long!
But antitrust is weird, so would love to hear the thoughts of someone who actually does it for a living. Interesting topic!
As a middle-class parent, I think Early Decision is absolutely an unfair collusion among colleges against consumers. It’s all about gaming the rankings by maximizing yield rates. A student with the same stats is much more likely to be admitted through binding Early Decision than through regular decision. Parents don’t necessarily know up front how much need-based aid will be offered because the net price calculators generate wildly varying numbers and are not binding on the colleges. The results we got from the calculators varied from $35K to $90K+ EFC. At schools that give merit aid, students who apply Early Decision will receive less aid because the school doesn’t need to compete on price. For kids with a no-merit-aid dream school where they would like to apply early and a shot at merit aid at other schools, families may need to know all their options and the costs to make an informed decision. I simply couldn’t afford to roll the dice and tell my kid I would pay whatever one school said I should be able to pay, so she had to apply regular decision even to her first choice. We think she got about $20K/year more in merit aid that way than she would have if she’d applied early decision.
What are the second-order effects of doing away with early decision?
Schools would have to compete on price.
More economic diversity in the class.