Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Pleated Crepe Skirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Perhaps it’s the washed-up high school field hockey player in me, but I’m always going to love a pleated, knee-length skirt, and this one from Vince is a real winner.
It looks polished, but not too stuffy. The monochromatic look pictured here is gorgeous for fall, but come winter, I would love to see this with a black turtleneck and tights.
The skirt is $398 at Vince and comes in sizes 00-16; you can find it at Nordstrom, Vince, and Bloomingdale’s.
Sales of note for 8/8/25
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your full price purchase, and $99 dresses and jackets — extra 60% off sale also
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
- Evereve – Sale on sale (thru Sunday)
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles & up to 60% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – New August drop, and up to 70% off sale – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
- Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
- Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – Semi-annual red door sale! 50% off all markdowns + extra 20% off already marked-down items
Disclaimer being I know that this is a lot of money and I’m ok with anyone rolling eyes at trying to negotiate here. I got my start earning $50k/year, no bonus, almost 20 years ago and I used to really struggle with posts like this because I was barely getting by. I’m not asking to be greedy. I’m asking because I’m a business woman with a job offer, in a man’s world no less, and I have a desire to negotiate and be paid equitably.
Job offer negotiation help. Received a verbal offer Friday, written is coming today. They shared salary and bonus with me last week.
The comp is 275 base + 225 bonus, some portion (10-25% in RSUs, and percent fluctuates each year). The HR person told me the range was 500-550, “maybe 600k” a week ago. The hiring manager, when extending the verbal offer, told me the budgeted comp was 400-450, but he pushed hard to get me to the 500 all-in because I’m his “perfect hire” and they really want me on the team. FWIW, someone else I know who looked at this job was told it was more like mid 400s.
Did the HR person represent incorrectly? Market for the position is probably 500-650, but there are some substantial job perks that make this particular firm justifiably pay a bit less. WWYD or ask for?
Could the HR rep have been including RSUs for the all in number?
The comp IS 500, right? Not base comp but you have a ton of other money coming in. So yeah you’re at 500k as far as I’m concerned.
The comp is 275+225 – 275 base plus 225, which is a combination of cash and RSUs, split somewhere between 90/10 and 75/25.
I get it in writing today, so I will read it carefully, obviously, but that’s how it was explained to me twice separately, by hiring manager and HR person.
I can only imagine the moral corruption in a job that pays this high.
ma’am this is a wendy’s
lol
I know this view is popular on the internet, but it is such a dumb take. My husband makes more than this owning a blue collar company. No “moral corruption,” just a bunch of hard dirty work. The employees are paid well too.
+1.
Asking as a parent of a kid looking at a trade, would you share what line of business this is?
I wrote a long comment that disappeared!
Learn a trade/skill, own your own business, and scale is the path to really high blue collar income – but it takes many years. Learning a trade and being a great employee leads to a very stable, solid lifestyle in a LCOL or MCOL area. If I were to start a trade, I would choose electrician work because it is not as hard on the body. I have a cousin who does HVAC and he loves it.
🙄
If you’re worried about other people’s moral corruption, maybe start with people who don’t work for a living at all.
Right?
You mean the homeless and mentally ill?
You don’t want to know how much work is involved in being homeless and mentally ill.
I’m just tired of “eat the rich” being directed at people who earn a salary.
No I mean the oligarchs. Next question?
I make 75k and I hate that you felt the need to put a disclaimer here! No advice, just want to say I think you’re impressive, and I’m happy that you worked from 50k to where you’re at now. No snark, just being genuine on a Monday morning.
Seconding this. I make way less than you (by any calculation), so I don’t have advice. But I’m also really impressed and feel no snark or eye-rolling coming on. Just wanted to add to a chorus of genuine on a Monday morning. And I hope you get some good advice!
Oh my god the whole thing made me feel grosser than if she’d just jumped straight into her question.
Well someone rushed to call her morally corrupt on no evidence, so that is probably why.
It sounds like the HR person was telling you the total comp. Hiring manager may not be as familiar with components of total package. Right now, their offer is 500. Maybe try to negotiate a slight bump in the salary, since it’s accretive, but otherwise I don’t think anything was misrepresented to you. You’re in range.
I’d also make sure to get the details on the benefits package in writing, as well as any other details around the RSUs (do you have to hold them for a certain amount of time, is the firm able to shift your bonus to more RSUs without notice, etc.). There are lots of investment offices in the Bay Area who specialize in dealing with RSUs and have good advice/articles/blogs on big employers/what to look for – I was able to find pretty specific advice when I was evaluating an Amazon offer.
Thank you for this, and great point. I will definitely seek to understand this as it’s absolutely new for me. The company is a major, global firm in generally great standing that’s been around for about a century. So, it’s not a start up but any means but RSUs as comp is new territory for me.
HR will very very often throw out the ‘total comp’ number but not break it down. Aside from the RSU questions, having almost half our your annual cash compensation be bonus-based means you should also ask detailed questions about how and when it is calculated.
+1. I am a salaried employee who makes roughly 1/2 of my comp in bonuses as a senior level person. I would not have taken the position if I did not understand how that portion of my cash compensation was calculated, and what was guaranteed/not.
Also get details on the bonus plan/structure. Is it based on company performance in addition to personal performance? Any chance you can get any info on the % payout of target bonus amounts in prior years? I have a very high target % bonus but my industry has suffered in past 2 years (COVID correction) and we’ve been paid no bonus or a low % of target bonus.
Definitely get all the details on structure. For example, if sales, are their rules of engagement that will limit you? Will your comp ever have to split with someone else? What triggers pay–for example, sometimes it’s X days following implementation versus contract signing. How are goals determined? How are they adjusted each year? What percentage of folks in your role have hit target?
50k 20 years still sounds like a dream lol … thats what I was making 5 years ago in Philly
For real. 20 years ago, I was thrilled to get a raise to $11/hr
Same!
20 years of inflation is insane. 20 years ago 50k would have been enough to buy a nice house in my city and now that salary means sharing a room in a bug infested slum den.
what? you must live in a VLCOL area.
Nope, HCOL, major city over a million population. but in 2006 houses were about 30% as expensive as they are now.
To clarify 50k would not have been the house price, just the salary required to get a mortgage on a house.
That’s a big clarification. Thanks.
No need for a disclaimer girl. Good for you.
Yeah, I am delighted for you!
Idk. When I was hired at my company, I was only told the base salary + bonus and was told that our bonuses are normally paid out 50-70%. RSUs were not talked about by HR or my hiring manager– they were kind of a nice bonus when I started receiving them. That being said, our RSUs do not vest for three years, so I think it would have been a misrepresentation to include the RSUs as part of typical comp.
I would push for a better understanding on the certainty/variability of the bonus. I would ask what the bonus compensation was like during major bad years (e.g., great recession, covid) to understand what is actually guaranteed. My general rule is to negotiate for more base, since everything is normally keyed off of being a percentage of base.
agree with this. DH gets paid in a combo of base + cash bonus + company stock with a vesting schedule + carry. In our budgeting we treat the carry as non existent. We treated the stock as non existent too until it started vesting. he (and this comes from his company, not from him) is a top performer, so he has generally been satisfied with his bonus even in off years, though others not as much. since the base is the only true ‘guarantee’ (obviously nothing is truly a guarantee), i agree with trying to negotiate that. I will also say that as you get more senior in finance, the base seems more stagnant and the bonus/stock/other stuff seems to make up a larger percentage of total comp
A coworker asked me to introduce her to my husband’s single friend. I don’t mind doing it, but I’ve been out of the dating game for so long I am not sure how. None of us are close enough to stage a chance meeting. Can I just give her his Insta handle?
have the two of them been in the same place before, and have you asked husband’s friend if it’s ok with your connecting them?
I’m also an old married person, but I would definitely get his consent before sharing his info and when doing so ask how he wants her to contact him (insta, phone/text, etc.)
need more info. like is this a specific person who she is aware and of and, if so, how? or is it more general “please keep me in mind, i’m looking to meet single people”
Does he know her? I’d just ask him if he’s interested in getting to know her better and what contact he’s okay with passing along if he is.
Since people are asking for more info, she has asked me several times if I know any single guys. I usually don’t but I mentioned that one of husband’s hobby friends is single and she happens to share that hobby. She googled him and said she would like to meet him. Husband asked hobby friend if he was interested in being connected and he said yes. That’s where it was left.
Oops, I responded below at the same time. In this case, I would give your coworker the guy’s telephone number.
What’s the issue here? “Hey Joe – I wanted to introduce you to Allison. She’s a friend of mine at work and also loves to play golf. I think you guys might hit it off!”
No issue, I’m just a socially awkward elder millennial!
Relatable!
Can you organize a drink after work for all of you to go to? Or just introduce the two of them via text so they can set something up?
These would be my two suggestions.
Give her his phone number. Or, plan a group HH and invite them both (and tell each of them ahead of time that the other will be there). Or, have your husband invite her to the hobby group.
Great! Send her number to him and let them take it from here. I went on my first date with my husband this way!
I would definitely not just pass along the insta handle, especially if you haven’t given your husband’s friend a heads up. I would first have your husband ask his friend if he is interested. And if he is, then I would give your coworker his telephone number. Insta is weird way to connect for middle aged people IMO. If everyone involved is early 20s, then maybe I would feel differently.
I’m a middle aged single person, and IG is the number one way I connect with men. Odd, I know
I think you ask this guy if he is interested and then you share the handle or the phone number. i would certainly not share his phone number without his consent, the handle i feel less strongly about
are you good enough friends with her (and separately with the guy) that you could all 4 of you go out for drinks somewhere? it’s ok if it’s a setup. one married friend used to set me up with all the cute single doctors in her hospital whenever i came to visit, the 4 of us would go out and have a nice time even if nothing came of it.
I have no advice, but I love all this, i.e., that she is asking, that you are responding, that he’s up for it and that you’re willing to help them connect. I am old enough to remember when this was The Way. More of this, please!
I am too but honestly it never worked. I didn’t meet people I actually liked until the apps came out and I could sort for myself and wasn’t at the mercy of meeting someone’s friend where the only commonality was singleness.
Just wanted to say this is how I met my husband of 20+ years. A coworker wanted to set me up with a friend of her husband. I eventually relented (honestly, he probably did, too). And surprisingly, we hit it off from the get-go. After the first dates, we both vowed to leave coworker out of things. And she didn’t realize we had kept dating until I announced our engagement a few months later. I’ll forever be thankful that she matched us. The irony is that I don’t think either my husband or I would have “picked” each other without the nudge (I was always dating very artsy guys and he’s a straight-laced [though amazingly funny] attorney, I was into hanging out with friends while he spent most of his time at home co-parenting his son, I’m into nature he’s into the city, etc. etc. But we just work.
Can anyone point me to a book or video on how to organize and moderate a panel of speakers? I have been voluntold to do this at work and it is out of my comfort zone.
Do you have to find the speakers as well or just moderate a panel that they’ve already put together? Changes the approach slightly.
The latter.
This is the kind of thing you just do, there’s not an instruction guide to life out there. Talk to your colleagues and your boss – this stuff is company dependent. You might have a budget to pay speakers with, you might need to use people’s connections, you might not be the moderator but just the person to be in touch with people, etc. etc,
Wow this is harsh. I did talk to my boss who told me to do this. I was given no instructions and told to figure it out. There is no budget as this is an internal panel at a huge company.
Right, figure it out means talk to your colleagues, not go read a book.
Yeah, you don’t need a book for this!
Ask each speaker for a short bio in advance. Then during the panel, introduce each speaker (I like to do this all at once) and then sit back and let them do their thing.
When they’re done talking, thank the speakers and then turn to the audience for questions (if that’s what’s happening; not all panels do questions at the end). It’s your job to call on people in the audience. It’s also your job to have a question or two in your back pocket in case no one is asking anything.
Is it a panel where each member gives a presentation, or a moderated roundtable discussion where you ask questions and the panelists answer? If the latter, you need to find out what key points the organizers want made and write questions tailored to elicit those points. You can also ask the panelists what questions to ask. If the former, pay attention to the presentations and try to come up with a final wrap-up question you can ask all the panelists that connects all of their topics.
Thank you. This is very helpful. I think it’s meant to be a round table. Boss isn’t great with details and this is not part of my job so I didn’t even know what to ask.
I like 9:35’s advice. Other things to consider – are these all internal speakers (employees) or external? Is the topic already assigned or is it so vague like “innovation” or “AI” or whatever, that you need to help them focus on a few themes?
I like to have a mix of questions where I ask all panelists to weigh in and questions tailored to individual panelists’ expertise. For examples you can look at transcripts of roundtable discussions on the NYT website. These tend to be a bit more conversational because the moderator is often also sort of a participant who wants to weigh in, but they will show you how the follow-up can flow.
The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker has a few pages on conference introductions/panel management which I thought was really helpful.
So there IS a book!
I used to do this for a big conference… most people are excited to be asked to speak and the conversation is going to flow easily from “tell us about yourselves” to maybe 3-5 prepared questions and after that it should take off from there. the biggest thing to think about at this point is getting a diverse panel up there (not all white old guys) and finding a good moderator to ask questions. if it’s going to be you make sure you know the questions people want and you can even ask the speakers for sample questions they think would be interesting to discuss in their space.
This is great, thank you!
As a facilitator, I think most of my job with panels is being the backstop, ie. “make sure things don’t go wrong” instead of “make things go right”. The main ways things go wrong are:
-One person is talking too long (solution: call on individuals to answer each question)
-Everyone is giving really short answers/no one knows what to say next (solution: I prep a couple story-telling questions, eg. instead of “what do you think about XYZ”, I’ll ask “Tell us about the first time you used XYZ”)
– Someone (either a panelist or an audience member if you allow unmoderated questions) says something that’s politically awkward (I don’t mean something like a slur; more something like eg. if you’re moderating an AI-at-work panel, and it gets bogged down in a big “is this all a plot to lay us off” controversy). If you think that’s a risk with your panel and topic, the big ways to mitigate it are: pick people with good judgment for the panel (who have you seen navigate awkward situations diplomatically); moderate the questions (you can set up eg. a Google doc that people can add to live. Sometimes when I do this, I even seed the doc with some good questions that appear anonymous, which helps set the social norm that this isn’t a gripe-sesh); be willing to say “Because the time is short, and I want to make sure we have time to cover XYZ, we’re going to move on to the next question”).
I just googled it and there is a ton of stuff online. I’d be inclined to go to the Toastmasters link and see what they advise.
https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2023/june/panel-moderators
Good Monday morning! Hope everyone has a great day.
Had a great weekend! A mini-update for anyone who cares – I posted weeks ago about my father being a traffic-phobe and how it was affecting our plans for a little adventure we were planning to do together. It was this weekend and went off without a hitch. He had clearly decided (I could practically see the internal struggle) to deliberately not focus on traffic during our time together, including dropping all mention of the annoying “fixes” I had been complaining about in my original post. We were slowed down in a major accident involving a flaming semi-truck on the way there and he barely commented, which is unheard of, and he only briefly got anxious about traffic before heading home, but I blame that one on an idiot who was also on the trip who decided to talk about how “hellish” it would be instead of focusing on having fun. It did help (as several suggested) to do more of the driving myself – seemed like he didn’t care as much when he wasn’t the one behind the wheel. As a bonus, there was NO traffic on the way home, which was unusual and welcome after a long day!
As for the little adventure itself, he LOVED it. He went from slightly nervous at the start to “that was awesome,” “give me more,” and “where else do you guys run trips?” by the end. 10/10, would recommend.
I remember your post and I’m so happy to hear this!
+1 – this is wonderful! Thanks for reporting back.
Hope everyone has a good day today.
Such a great update — thank you!
Aww, so glad to hear it!
That’s wonderful! Good for him and yay for you!
I had a bit of a tough weekend — my younger son broke his arm. He’s okay, but he had to get surgery and it was really messy and took forever to get to the right place to get the pins put in. So we’re home and underslept and figuring how to navigate a big shoulder-to-wrist cast. And now he’s out of fall sports, which is a real bummer for him.
I’m writing this both just to vomit things out in the void but also to say that it really did brighten my morning just to see a cheery message like this. Thank you for that!
Aw, that sounds so stressful! Sending you best wishes for a blissfully uneventful week and some extra rest tonight.
lots of hugs
Broken arms are very stressful! There are all sorts of activities that seem one-handed but are not and it’s very tough on everyone. My son fractured his elbow last year and it was a huge PITA. My sympathies.
A mini-update for those who gave advice on how to help a friend who fractured his face in a bike accident: he’s recovering without any need for surgery and doing really well all things considered. We ended up making food and bringing some groceries, and my husband ran their kids around the yard to tire them out. A very tiring but fruitful weekend.
My weekend was terrible. My healthy older brother had a massive cardiac event on Wednesday and still hasn’t woken up. He was airlifted to a hospital near me. I love him dearly and am terrified. My role in my family is clutch performer, so I am keeping everyone engaged, meeting his doctor every day because my sister in law is too emotional to manage alone, being scared, pretending to work at my day job and seething with rage that no one in my family ever shows up for me but still expects me to handle all the things for them in crisis. Maybe I am so mad at them because that is easier to feel than to face the fear with knowing this is likely a life altering event for my brother. Adulthood is the worst hood. Zero stars.
Sending hugs from an internet stranger. This sounds so hard.
Oh, honey. I am very, very sorry.
I am so sorry. Hug.
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this.
I also play the “clutch performer” role in my family, so I relate completely to what you’re going through. Sending you empathy as well as tons of good thoughts.
Hugs, I am so very sorry. If it helps I bet your sister in law will never forget the support you offered her and your family.
Also you have my permission to do anything you can to make this time easier on you – phone it in at work, order all the takeout, call in your friends for venting, etc.
Oof! Big hugs to you!
Hi, my name is Anon, and I’ve reached my breaking point.
I’m ready for the east and west coasts to secede and leave the south and middle to the sky-is-green-grass-is-blue world they want to live in. No really, it was a good run while it lasted. I want good schools, public television, free healthcare, scientists, sound infrastructure, food stamps for the needy, a decent minimum wage…there’s so much more.
I’m just well and truly sick of it. And I think red Americans are sick enough of blue Americans that we could all agree to go our separate ways. Texas can be their new capital and they can have whatever backwards theocracy they want. We’ll be the new Korean Peninsula; it’ll be grand.
I’m Anon, and did I mention I’ve reached my breaking point?
It’s only going to get worse before it gets better. The next few years will be trying.
If you think the Civil War is the good old days, you need to go read some fucking history books and get off the internet.
For real.
I think she’s talking about a peaceful, mutually agreed split.
Perhaps reading about the Civil War would help her understand why that would never happen.
Perhaps you can tone down the snark and understand that it isn’t 1860.
You’re right. People have more powerful guns now!
Agree, let’s see how they do running a country when they have to open their own wallets vs the current situation where their hands are in our (blue) pockets.
I want to see those people put their money where their mouth is. No complaining about Medicaid when you’re on Medicaid, no complaining about food stamps when you receive food stamps, no shutting down of national parks when you vacation in them, etc. I can’t bear the ignorance and hypocrisy.
A few months ago I saw a map on IG of what this would look like (sort of a “C” shape turned on its side) so the Dems would also get some of the northern states that border Canada and are blue (Minnesota, Wisconsin, etc.) and I can’t stop thinking about it. I live in Texas and would abandon it in a heartbeat if I thought we could just divorce and each live out our respective values.
Wisconsin, Michigan, and Minnesota would be great as their own country.
Hello from Chicago. Guess the blue states in the middle are just screwed?
And I guess those of us that are blue individuals in the red middle states that are desperately trying to turn things around in our states are also screwed.
+1
This. In almost every county and municipality and precincts are people who are republican and people who are democrat and people who are in the middle and people are are “none”. This view is so incredibly unrealistic that it makes OP sound like the British Empire or Balfour – “all the Muslims in India, just go to Pakistan! All the Jews in Transjordan, just go to Israel!” – at best. Honestly it makes her sound like a MAGA
I thought of Partition too.
Yeah, I’m tired of being a blue dot in Michigan’s palm, watching the rest of my state complain that Flint’s water crisis was unacceptable, mining pollution ruining the UP, and Nestle literally draining our state drinking water, while also throwing a fit about regulation, taxes, and government interference. You can’t have it both ways, yo.
I’m in the middle of “Keep your government hands off my farm subsidies” country and agree. “Find out” is gonna hit hard if and when it comes to the boonies here.
I think that no one will want Illinois b/c of its massively underfunded state pension liabilities. I think that no one, red or blue, pays attention to when the math isn’t mathing, but IIRC Illinois is the biggest but by no means only offender on this.
Why would the federal government need to worry about state pensions?
Not the person you are responding to; the federal issues would be whether or not Illinois could declare bankruptcy and reconfigure its obligations, and whether the federal government (ie people in other, more solvent states) would be a backstop to unfulfilled pension obligations.
Expecting it would be like the EU, where you have to have your own house in order to join. No one wants a needy partner.
I’m in Philly, so a blue part of a purple state and you better include us with the blue states!!!
As disgusted as I am by the current state of our politics, I find it really counterproductive when we start thinking of big chunks of the country as solely red or blue and therefore worthy or unworthy, something both parties are guilty of. There was only one state where at least 30% of the voters didn’t vote for the other candidate in 2024, and even WY was close to that. Most states are considerably more evenly divided. I understand the frustration, but when you write off people in most of the country, it’s not surprising that they don’t think your party wants to help them! I say this from the perspective of a diehard liberal who has lived in the Midwest, NE, SE, and CA and works in an industry being targeted by the current administration, so I’m absolutely aware of how much damage is occurring.
Amen. This is much more of an urban/rural divide than a red vs. blue state one.
+1, I’m in a solid Republican state and we have so many people that are enraged and protesting, and even those that voted Republican have things they complain about.
this reminds me of the Jesusland map
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesusland_map
what’s more is that all the states in Jesusland are taking more from the feds than they’re putting in — they couldn’t make it without the blue states and the big cities.
my greatest fear is that the civil war already happened, and we lost. they have the power, the force (police and military), the money… it doesn’t seem to be especially great in any other country, either.
Except what about all of the blue state students going to ACC and SEC schools in red states because they are (rank as you prefer) affordable and fun?
I would love to see stats about this. I grew up in the upper Midwest and love in the NE now, and I don’t know anyone whose kids went to a ACC or SEC school. I know lots who went to the west coast or the NE from the Midwest, but none to the South.
I’m in an East coast, very blue state, and a tremendous number of kids of colleagues (D) have gone South for college.
Boston College is an ACC school. Weird, but I know because they made the switch while I was a student. So living in the NE, perhaps you do know kids who went there!
Adding (I’m the BC poster): lots of my NE family members are in college in the south. Tennessee, Alabama, Clemson, etc are all very hot. I do feel a certain way about that in this political climate, though, especially giving money to those state schools
And even if they didn’t leave for the SEUS as college students, much of the SEUS growth is from blue areas of the US that are too expensive, too highly taxed, and too stagnant economically. So they are blending people, but the fact that so many people vote with their feet to leave ought to be concerning. Rural NY is going to be just retirees at some point — IDK how they will find a doctor (or a ride to the doctor) or many other needed services, especially if their kids have already moved away.
I moved from IL to a purple state (Dem Governor, went for Trump this year) and agree with 11:59. A lot of blue states have become too expensive and despite all the talk Dems have about being pro family, are really too expensive, full of traffic, and have numerous issues with schools that make it hard to raise a family there. Then add the fact that Dems don’t get married and have kids at the same rates and it’s a recipe for blue states becoming less powerful overall.
People like you are the reason democrats keep losing. Signed, someone in “the middle” aka Minnesota where we have some of the best public schools (and healthcare – ever heard of Mayo) in the country
I feel like someone posted a while back about a forum or Reddit thread where you can share your full financial picture (savings, investments, expenses, etc) and get feedback. What was it? Bogleheads?
Yes – Bogelheads. Read the instruction post at the top of the 1st Forum to see how to organize your info.
+1 million
Cut the victim blaming.
+1 million from someone in a different Midwest state. My state is less progressive than Minnesota, but has elected Democrats in the not-so-distant past and there are a lot of us here fighting the good fight.
Haven’t you heard? We’re flyover country, we’re just uncultured, cornfed rubes.
I grew up in the Chicago suburbs. I absolutely cracked up when a classmate from the Boston suburbs assumed (when I was 23) that most of my friends from home were married already. I told her that I was pretty sure my upbringing was far more culturally similar to hers than it was to that of people from rural Illinois. She didn’t believe me 🙄
Yeah, I grew up in Minneapolis and went to an Ivy. I knew multiple suburban Boston kids who thought I must have lived on a farm, despite the fact that I had grown up in a more urban environment than they had. The amount of provincialism from people who think of themselves as worldly is shocking!
That’s so strange. My husband and I, who have never been there, were talking the other night about how Minneapolis comes across as extremely cosmopolitan. I feel like that’s a widespread idea? Like it’s this very sophisticated midsized midwestern city?
Well, Mayo is going down when Russ Vought cuts off NIH funding.
I get the frustration, but even with a peaceful, negotiated split “long border with a dumpster fire” has never been a stable situation for rich, peaceful, functioning countries.
I don’t know, it seems to be working ok for Canada
Many Canadians currently disagree. (Insert crying emoji)
It would be much closer to the division of India and Pakistan, which was horribly bloody. History doesn’t have any comforting news for us in the US if we don’t sort our sh*t out quickly.
Yes, this is why so many of us in Canada are concerned about what has happened to our southern neighbours.
There’s no chance this would happen peacefully. The bluest blue states are still ~40% Republican, and the reddest red states are 40% Democrats. What you’re describing assumes California is 100% Democrats and Texas is 100% Republican, which is very far from the truth.
This sort of absolutely crazy take (and all the agreements!) keeps me coming back here. Y’all are weirdos sometimes, for real.
This board is bonkers.
People are just letting off steam.
I just hope they are also making the calls, registering voters, donating what they can, and marching. Not enough folks are doing these things.
Because those things are useless feel good busywork.
Volunteer at direct service organizations that actually help actual people.
The Sam Edelman Loraine loafers didn’t work for my feet. Too narrow. Sizing up was too narrow + too long. What else might work for duck feet? I think I might like a lug or rubber sole just so they are less rigid and easier to break in (and more grippy in a wet climate).
Check out Paul Green. Expensive, but the high quality leather is key for fitting my duck feet.
I have the Lorraine loafers and found them a bit tight too, I used leather stretching spray on them and that really helped.
Vionic does wide sizes for loafers and I find them to be very comfortable. Naturalizer does too and has more style options (also very comfortable).
I’m not sure a lug sole will be less rigid; they tend to be thicker and thus more rigid.
That said, I like Born loafers and mine have a soft gum sole. They are not a wide fit but the standard width has more room than a lot of other women’s dress shoe brands that I have tried.
Naturalizer has a good selection of wide sizes.
FWIW, I have duck feet and in naturalized am a medium not a wide
Dolce Vita often works for me and fall in the style/pricepoint zone of Sam Edelman.
If Lorraine was too narrow, you need a truly “wide” shoe. Look for brands with “wide” designations.
I found that this didn’t work for me, but it’s because I have duck feet vs truly wide feet, so I can walk out of shoes that are too snug in the toe box, so going wider isn’t the fix, it’s mainly finding a wider toe box or moldable leather. It’s seems to be just a one-foot situation, which I think was because in my teens I likely broke a little toe that didn’t heal up properly.
Sam Edelman shoes just never work for my duck feet. The soles are too narrow at the ball, which sizing up doesn’t help. Look at Intentionally Blank for cute loafers in both lug and non-lug styles.
I can relate to this struggle. I’ve wanted a loafers for the last four years and my foot slides out of pretty much every pair I’ve tried. I have similar feet— narrow heel and need a wider toe box; wider pairs are too wide, but sizing up is too long for my foot. I must be foolishly optimistic because I keep trying to find a loafer that will fit. I think I will start search for a. T strap shoe type, or try the vionic ballet flat with a strap. If I find success I will report back. I now seem to wear new ecco soft runners or nb 327s, in summer fall, and a myriad of boots in winter.
Doctors and nurses spend so much time leaning general science and health care specific knowledge. They know a ton. And yet, we maybe talk for 5-10 minutes (half of which is spent verifying data entry). Is there a way to say “I’d like to book and pay for an hour of your time just to talk to me about some irregularities and testing in light of my family history, which went from vanilla to concerning over the past 5 years.” If so, how do I go about that? Is this what a concierge practice generalist does? In my 50s and all of the lady parts are in open revolt (aka cancer signs and concerning tests so waiting for more tests). Medicine does a great job educating providers and yet makes us and our family members the primary care givers and first responders (eg no one owns the when to go to hospice care discussion so oncology practices are scheduling bedbound incontinent terminal pancreatic cancer patients to come into an office via an ambulance — why???).
Yes, this is what a concierge doctor is for.
I have a concierge doctor and that is very much what I think she provides. I never feel rushed and she is on top of my details, include family history. I hate hate hate the system that creates this arrangement, but it feels necessary for getting the medical attention I need.
Agree that this is why you pay a concierge practice.
Yea you’re describing concierge Medicine.
Some follow-up questions:
1. If the lady parts are trying to kill you, is there such a thing as a concierge gyn? Or just an internal medicine doctor?
2. If you live in a city where most doctors seem to be in hospital owned practices (there are two big rival chains, almost like the cripps and the bloods), are concierge practices allowed within the universe of specialists? Are you penalized for being neither a blood nor a cripp for referrals, being able to see MyChart, etc.? Or do they actually play nicely in the sandbox? [I have a kid who sees a blood for Condition A but cripps for everything else; I only see cripps but spouse is a blood. Condition A is chronic but not problematic but if it were, I might try to line us up all on the same team because it seems like if it didn’t matter, these chains wouldn’t do it this way].
Omg maybe treat your anxiety instead? This is insane rambling. No doctor wants to listen to this kind of nonsense.
She’s not talking to a doctor in this comment; she’s talking to a patient about the problems that arise when neighboring healthcare systems won’t play nice with one another (it’s worse when insurance picks one and not the other to be in-network, which can also happen).
I’m genuinely worried about this poster’s mental health.
Trying to access medical care in the current US healthcare system is bad for anyone’s mental health.
There are definitely private gyns, or at least there are in my area (Philly). I’ve been told that it’s becoming more common because of how some gyn surgeries are reimbursed by insurance.
What?
What?
FWIW, I’m a doctor, and this makes complete sense to me. IYKYK.
I think of concierge as the spendy model and direct care as the essentials model, but in either case, a doctor who is relying less on insurance has freedom to be much better than what insurance will reimburse. Whether they use that freedom to become fabulous diagnosticians or to focus on cosmetic treatments or cater to vaccine skeptics or promote one-size-fits-all supplement regimens is up to them at that point, so there’s a little more vetting for you to do, but the only way I was diagnosed with two serious conditions that run in my family was by sitting down with my medical records for two hours with a direct care internist who was the first to sort out the patterns in my chart and family history. And specialties who brushed me off before were willing to do the appropriate testing to confirm Dx after primary care had done the correct work up beforehand (vs. me just showing up with a vague referral and symptoms and an anecdote about family history).
In your situation, I would wait on the results of your test. And focus on finding a very good PCP and GYN who is focused on women’s health/perimenopause (as opposed to pregnancy).
Yes, a concierge PCP can be nice. But they are ultimately just the quarterback, sending you to the appropriate specialist based on your issues.
There is one GYN in my city that is concierge and charges $2500 per year. She makes a ton of $ by owning her own bone density machines and following that closely in her patients.
If you have something complicated, undiagnosed or rare, you could try going to the Mayo clinic if you can get your doctor to send a referral, and they accept you. Very expensive, and they will order every test to try to find out what it is.
But sadly – no. You can’t just hire your doctor for an hour of time. However, if you go to a large academic hospital with a medical school, you may get closer to what you want. Often a resident doctor will see you first and spend a long time taking a detailed history. Then the senior doctor comes in, and you can hopefully get more attention then to just ask questions.
It is important that you be incredibly organized in telling your story/history, and being focused in your questions to get the best results.
Write it all down. I mean it!
I’ve found specialists and PCPs devote a lot more time to conversation if I recently went to the ER at the same health system.
I don’t know what state you are in, but Her MD might be worth looking into for a consult.
I’m going to try really hard to have a good week at work and not let the political and economic climate get to me. That is all.
I feel like I’ve been alternating between weeks when I closely follow the news and spiral and then block it all out and feel okay since the election. We all need a break!
Unfortunately, it has an impact on my job! I really wish I were better at compartmentalizing.
It does at mine too, but I feel like I get enough at my workplace and through professional publications that talk about policy.
I had a self imposed social media and news blackout on Saturday and think it did me some good. I intend to make this a weekly or biweekly thing.
Make it an every day thing.
Truly wish I could but can’t get past my belief that good citizens are informed.
You can be informed without being on social media or consuming digital news. You’d probably be better informed, in fact.
I’m looking at the news and just going WTF. I can’t believe this is real life.
How long before they call me or any of my tax friends to be IRS commissioner? It’s bound to happen sooner or later at this point.
I’ve been waiting for the call. If not now, perhaps in September with the next change. Or October. Or . . . .
I firmly believe a random draft that fills all of our elected roles would result in a much better run country with far fewer major issues than the administration we currently suffer to run things.
It’s your first date. You had met kind of randomly while both in line at a store the week before and exchanged numbers.
The other party says he loves you and has waited his whole life for someone like you. What do you do?
Run screaming in the opposite direction!
+1. Run run run.
This!
+1
Yes! This is love-bombing and it is a Very Big Red Flag.
assume he’s love bombing
but you don’t say how you feel about him? does it feel like it could be kismet? i say assume love bombing but my husband knew very quickly and told me so very quickly.
a second or third or fourth date don’t hurt as long as you’re aware that he might be love bombing.
+1.
“This is moving too fast for me, I don’t think we’re compatible.”
it depends. either he’s love-bombing or you actually had a spectacular first date. Which one do you think?
(personal experience- this was essentially what happened on our third date and I was nuts about him too. I married the guy, and happy 20+ years later.)
Was it a regular first date or one of those like 48h marathons where you just talk forever and it’s basically 10 dates in one? Because the former run, the latter is understandable.
back away slowly and block him
Ghost.
It’s giving Joe Goldberg
RUN. That’s love bombing.
Too much. I would only accept an “i love you” on the first date if we had otherwise known each for 20 years or something like that!
Seriously! Honestly it’s the I’ve been waiting my whole life comment that really skeeves me out. How could somebody possibly know you that well after one date? He’s not in love with you, he’s in love with an idea of you he’s created.
Are you European royalty in the 1800s or before? In which case, this is all fine, even preferred. Otherwise . . . if I haven’t yet gotten to the comfort level of pooping at your place (do you even know where his place is?), I am not ready for this.
In my experience, never talk to him again.
But we had just a normal first date, not one of the marathon 8 hour dates where you explore the depths of your childhood and past traumas and whatnot. When the dude said it to me, it was horrifying because he didn’t actually know me at all, other than what my face looks like and that I know how to make conversation.
“You realize how insane that sounds, right?” And read the reaction to determine how best to safely dump him and how stringently to avoid him moving forward. Assuming we’re in a public place where they couldn’t escalate too far if they didn’t take it well.
I think I’m generally pretty comfortable with moving fast in a relationship, as I myself had less than 9 months between first date and marrying the man (with great success), but if “I love you” comes up within a month of the first date I’m gonna tell you to run.
I know plenty of people who end up in happy marriages, and the guy says he knew from the very first date that he really wanted to marry this woman. None of them TOLD the woman that on the first date because they knew it would put a ridiculous amount of pressure on her. So either this guy is a) clueless and incapable of imagining another person’s emotional perspective; b) doesn’t have any good guy friends to give him good advice, or c) is a manipulative creep.
But you didn’t mention how you feel! Are you both circus performers who want to stay on the road, and also raise your kids’ speaking your native language of Welsh and you are mindboggled to have met someone looking for the same? If so, go on another date!
+1. A few dates in I was sure I wanted to marry now-DH. We’d known each other for many years. But I didn’t drop the L bomb because it’s freaking insane. There’s something very wrong with this guy. At best he’s emotionally clueless, at worst he’s laying the groundwork for abuse. Run.
I have a kid on the spectrum and can see the “emotionally clueless” easily. It may be true that they have been looking for someone forever, and imagine the relief and joy to find that the person of their dreams exists. Like how could you hold that very big feeling back? But if they have never felt that before, then they also likely don’t know that that is a big statement to make, that it may be feelings > reality, and that it’s just not what you say, even if that is what you feel. Speaking your truth comes at a cost in all sorts of situations and some people just don’t get that. [And people are not projects, and you aren’t obligated to take on dealing with someone’s unmodulated feelings; next week it might be “you don’t get how you are crushing me with not wanting to date,” which you could also easily get.]
Yeah, best case scenario is that they’re really out of the loop on how their words and actions affect other people. I’m not willing to take on that kind of project relationship, but it’s not the “this guy is an abuser trying to catch you” angle we’re all scared of here.
Maybe they did know after the first date. But also maybe this is how they rearranged the story in hindsight. “I knew the moment I saw her” sounds grand for a wedding toast, but for me it’s really a stretch of the imagination!
OP here and thanks all. To be clear, this is for a friend (really!) We discussed it and I told her I’d be super uncomfortable and would view it as a huge red flag. She, however, is really flattered and happy he’s not afraid to communicate his true thoughts.
I thought it was such a glaring red flag I was honestly really surprised that she liked it, so I wanted to gain some outside opinions to see if I was way off base.
maybe a fun thread: what (in recent memory) 1) was your best clothing purchase? 2) what was your most useful, most-worn purchase? 3) what purchase do you love but just doesn’t fit your life?
my answers – probably 1) a thrifted Max Mara blazer 2) a dorky gardening sun hat and 3) DvF velvet flare pants
My closet is chock full of #3. It is my flaw.
This is fun – best is hands down a waterproof silk Akris rain coat that I got on TRR for a fraction of retail. Most worn/useful purchase is always jeans and t-shirts. Third is anything with sequins and/or glitter.
Circa 2019, a pair of wool lined classically tailored brown pants from Anne Taylor, on a sale rack marked $29.99, but then an additional 60% off at the register.
My cambray shirt from Land’s End. It’s a shirt, it’s a beach coverup, it’s a jacket. It’s like the traveling pants, it fit me when I weighed 200 lbs and still fits at 125 lbs.
A crazy tulle midi skirt that I love but never have a place to wear but refuse to get rid of.
I bought a tulle midi skirt which I’ve worn exactly once for my anniversary — I love it so much, but it doesn’t fit my day-to-day! Hoping to pull it out for the holidays…
I think you should have a holiday party just to wear that skirt.
I wore my tulle midi skirt out to dinner over the weekend, with a graphic tee. Just wear it!
1) A very good puffer jacket I impulse purchased on sale 10 years ago that I wear at least 150 days out of the year, in addition to on actual hiking and backpacking trips, and is still going strong 2) see #1 3) a beautiful black wool knee length coat I coveted and pined over for years, which cost $650 back in ~2018, that I wear once a year because of #1 and #2 (and how casual everything seemed to get during and after covid).
On #1/#2: I bought the Athleta Endless High Rise Pant and wear them basically for every flight I take. The zippered pockets are clutch when travelling, and they’re professional enough (with a nicer top) to wear them on work travel!
These are travel MVPs for me too! I walked into a parked car (I know, I know) on my most recent trip and smashed one of the zippers and still can’t quite bear to throw them out
I wouldn’t toss them because of that. I wear mine without using the pockets all the time.
You can replace zippers!
I’ve replaced zippers on things where it’s flat, somehow doing it on a pocket sounds harder, but yeah, they are already relegated to “don’t need to look as put together” use, so I can’t make it worse by trying
It will be easy for the tailor.
1) A 99 cent, 100% cashmere, classic black Sofia cashmere coat, snagged at Nordstrom rack 2) black oiled leather Dansko clogs, worn regularly for over a decade 3) all the things in my closet that would look great on a tall, willowy version of myself who does not exist in reality. Note to self: purge closet of #3.
+1 to #3. The style I want does not work with the body I have or ever could have.
This summer I bought probably a dozen J Crew Factory tees and they’ve been workhorses in my wardrobe.
Fun! #1) A cool Hawaiian shirt (my go-to “fun Friday” shirt) from a thrift store on my last vacation. #2) Two pairs of linen shorts in my new size for the summer. #3) all of the summer date night dresses I’ve bought but only wear at max once a month :(. I look so cute! They’re not practical!
1) Best would probably be a vintage Dior wool jacket.
2) Most useful a very versatile pair of thrifted trousers in an interesting, not quite neutral colour.
3) Vintage 1940ies dress.
1) That tulle Anthro skirt everyone mentions here. It’s great for holidays and fancy dinners. 2) Every pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes I’ve bought. 3) A red gown. I don’t go to many black tie events.
1. Not a clothing purchase, but my Coach Empire 48 bag. 2. Probably leggings. 3. I’ve bought lots of great dresses recently that don’t fit my life because I WFH. And maybe I won’t get much wear out of them, but they gave me joy when I bought them.
The downside of WFH life is mostly only needing comfort clothes but still wanting fun clothes too.
1 and 2: Longchamp Roseau medium tote – the one with long handles. It was breathtakingly expensive for my budget, but has been an absolute workhorse for two years. It’s my default daily bag and I only switch for a reason. Despite being regularly overstuffed and dropped on the ground/floor daily, it still looks new.
3: Rufflepuff sundress in bright print. Fabulous dress, and as much as I like the look on others, it just isn’t me. I have yet to put it on and leave the closet in it.
1. My wedding gown. I was looking at all these sensible beige third-wedding dresses and then I saw this emerald green tulle ballgown at Nordstrom Rack and that sent the whole wedding spiraling out of control in the very best way possible.
2. Eddie Bauer navy travel blazer. It will not wrinkle, I can wad it up and jam it into a medium sized handbag, it doesn’t show the dirt, it has pockets, some with zippers, and I wear it constantly on every single trip.
3. YSL patent leather evening bag in a gorgeous rust color — it’s just the tiniest bit too small for my phone and my keys and my driving-at-night glasses.
1. LLBean magenta puffer from 1999
2. Lululemon mini flare align pants; the mini flare just works for my short stature
3. Expensive jeans. I don’t like wearing jeans, it turns out.
Looking to add a diamond ring to my wedding stack. I know what I want. It’s slightly unique but I’ve found versions of it online and I saw it in person at a local jeweler this weekend.
Beyond the “shop local” angle, are there any reasons to shop in person vs online? Are places like Blue Nile and Brilliant Earth legit? The ring is virtually identical online to the one I saw in person and the cost online is more than one third cheaper, which translates to four figures.
the last time I ordered from Blue Nile, the bracelet arrived with a stone that had fallen out, and it was a PITA to return.
Personally I’d go with either vintage stones, lab created or moissanite for ethical reasons. Typically in person it’s easier to verify you aren’t getting blood diamonds.
+1
+1
Brilliant Earth is known for horrible quality and even worse customer service. A local jeweler is typically better quality and cheaper than anything you’d buy online. Don’t be put off by the price tag you see in person- jewelers rarely charge sticker price.
I’m having the new guy I’m seeing over for dinner on Friday. What is an easy but good meal to make? I’m a decent cook and we don’t have any dietary restrictions. My mind is blank other than enchiladas. Help!
Is it still hot where you are? How adventurous of eaters are you, and do you have access to a grill?
By “still hot”, I mean abnormally hot for where you are after the heat wave that affected most of the US. I am aware we are in the middle of summer!
are you planning to cook together or want something low-fuss (like the enchiladas) where you can do most prep before you’re hosting?
Not something with a red sauce and long noodles — it will get on your cute outfit. And not something with too many herbs or they will get all in your teeth. Enchiladas sound great and are vanilla enough to not steal the show or send anyone running to the bathroom.
do you have a grill?
Prep the enchiladas ahead of time
Buy some corn chips
Make or buy pico de gallo
Do most of the prep work for the guacamole but ask him to mix it
Corona to drink
Have a Tex Mex or Mexican theme show or movie to watch
Ice cream for dessert
Is this for a dinner you will be fixing FOR him or WITH him?
OP here—we’re in the South so it’s still hot and humid here. No access to a grill other than a little George Foreman type. I had been planning on cooking for him but maybe doing a bit of cooking/assembling for a side together could be fun. I work from home so I can do a lot of prep and assembly during the day. I’d like something that’s fairly straightforward and hands-off. Maybe I’ll just keep it simple and do grilled chicken, roasted veggies and a starch or something.
My current easy but still feels festive summer dinner is Ina Garten’s gazpacho with good toasted sourdough with some cheese and charcuterie.
It’s summer. Pasta with freshly made pesto (get good ingredients). Corn on the cob from the Farmer’s market. A tomato and cucumber side salad. A good crusty bread and butter.
I can’t believe what I’m seeing on the news. This is exactly what Hitler did.
I can’t believe we’ve all said that so many times out loud and here we are still
It’s sad that this country is heading in this direction all because the party of family values refuses to hold Trump responsible for raping children.
Are we talking about this country?
Too many countries, even the democratic ones
We just going full on conspiracy theories now?
When do they become conspiracy facts?
The child rape is not a conspiracy
Please point to the criminal conviction you’re referencing. Otherwise, yes, it’s a conspiracy theory.
Are you seriously defending rapists?
What specifically? I’m out of the loop.
The major headline on every news source.
Which event, please? There are so very many running concurrently.
Check the main headline of literally any non-insane US news source. The National Guard is being ordered to take over the DC police force.
i had posted last week about interviewing for an internal job at my current office. the second interview was supposed to be today but the two people who were supposed to interview me decided to take the week off and now it’s zoom on friday morning. i am inclined to still wear a blazer even though i will be home and they are away. will this look like a bit much, or is that appropriate? my office normally is corporate casual leaning. i don’t wear jeans but i do wear cute sneakers, that sort of vibe….
Appropriate
Ditto. IME there’s much more risk of not taking internal interviews seriously enough versus the alternative, so blazer sounds great.
Appropriate. I always feel goofy wearing a blazer at home but it translates well over Zoom
yes blazer.
I’ll just give a counterpoint from externally interviewing via zoom. I don’t own a blazer and it felt like a bit much, so I wore a sleeveless black dress with small white accents on top for the initial interview. For the second set of interviews, I wore a long sleeve crew neck sweater with a simple necklace.
I wore clothes that make me look good because I need the confidence from wearing an attractive outfit, and I don’t feel attractive in a blazer (which is why I don’t own any).
For what it’s worth, I also do a lot of external zoom interviews where I am the hiring manager, and almost no one wears a blazer, nor would I expect them to.
But if you want to be sure that you don’t get rejected for your clothing, wear the blazer.
does anyone have any tips on how to yawn less. no matter how much sleep i get, when i am in my office i yawn a lot. interestingly, i primarily have this issue when i work in-person vs. wfh, though it can still be a problem there. i am in a very meeting heavy role and I often have to do a lot of the talking and it does not exactly give the best impression for me to be yawning all the time.
are you tired? is that why you are yawning or do you feel reasonably alert? i struggle with midday sleepiness and bring mints to meetings….
I’ve heard that yawning can be about temperature regulation in addition to sleepiness. Maybe try to adjust your office temperature, shed a layer, or sip on cool water.
Excessive yawning can be a symptom of anxiety- it might be something to think about.
I find myself yawning more when I struggle to take deep consistent breaths. Mindfullness and some light meditation at lunch have both helped me yawn less during the day.