Gift Idea: Snarky Tea Bouquet

Like Tuesday’s Punjammies, these Snarky Teas (which were featured on Shark Tank) are reader-recommended. I love all the labels on these — in terms of product packaging, they’re A+, as far as I’m concerned. Maybe not to keep on your desk at work, but if you know someone who appreciates snark and likes tea, this assortment would be a fun gift (or even for someone who doesn’t like tea but still might enjoy having tins that say “Get Your A** in Bed” or “Fierce Bitch”). The Snarky Tea Bouquet includes six tins of 15 tea bags each, and normally $78, it’s on sale for $69 at Snarky Teas. You can also get individual teas for $12.99, which is not bad for a good tea. Snarky Tea Bouquet

Psst: As for what to drink your tea from, I still love my Tervis mugs (yet another reader recommendation).

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Comments

  1. Anonymous :

    Has anyone had luck negotiating a hospital bill when you have insurance but haven’t met the deductible? I recently ended up with a $3,000 bill after I had a car accident and had to go to the ER. My health insurance is a high-deductible plan that doesn’t start paying anything until I have $5,000 in bills in a single year. I know if I were uninsured the hospital would be willing to negotiate a price much lower than $3k but I’m not sure about the situation where I have insurance but it hasn’t kicked in. (I’ve confirmed my car insurance won’t cover this at all.)

    • You can always try, but make sure to get any agreement in writing before making payments. Be prepared to consider offering a lump sum in order for the trade and make sure to clarify whether anything will be written on your credit so that you don’t get blindsided later.

    • Anonymous :

      Some hospitals offer prompt pay discounts, but are prohibited by law from advertising them. Ask the billing coordinator if this is a thing.

    • Flats Only :

      That $3K may be at your insurer’s negotiated rates, so they may not want to go any lower. On your own a couple of hours in the ER and some x-ray type tests can run $15k.

      • Anonymous :

        This. If you walked into a hospital and paid cash you’d actually be paying the full freight, which would include with the hospital portiob as well as your own portion so you may not be able to negotiate much

    • Many hospitals include patient responsibility after insurance in their charity care policy, so you should definitely ask about it. There should be a phone number on the statement you receive. Don’t be shy about calling it, this is what the people who answer the phone do all day.

      Since the healthcare costs are the result of a car accident, will auto insurance be involved? (Yours or someone else’s, depending on fault and state laws.) If so, that may change the equation so talk to your auto insurance about it.

    • taskrabbit :

      You should definitely asked because for this portion of the bill you are considered self-pay. Never hurts and +1 to NYNY’s recommendation to call the number on your statement.

    • AlexisFaye :

      Also check to see how they classified your care. My daughter got a strep test/flu test and they called it “Level 5” which was heart attacks. I objected, told them to reclassify it as Level 1. They did, and I only paid like $500.

      And you should ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS negotiate these. I have saved a ton of money by asking for discounts. I firmly believe they inflate them so that when insurance cuts it in half they still make money.

      But this goes for a bunch of services. They knocked an extra 2k of my foundation repair bill yesterday, because I said, “if it’s the slow season, can I get a discount for signing today instead of thinking about it?” And done.

      • anon a mouse :

        Yes. Everyone should read this article which goes into detail about how so many ER charges are inflated, and very few people understand them enough to challenge them.
        https://www.vox.com/health-care/2017/12/4/16679686/emergency-room-facility-fee-monopolies

    • Anonattorney :

      I’ve had luck negotiating an interest free payment plan. Maybe that’s an option?

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Yep. I have a high-deductible plan and got socked with an ER bill a couple years ago. Called and set up a payment plan – the rep I talked to sounded like she did this all the time.

    • Elegant Giraffe :

      I’m late on this reply – hope you will see it. I asked and got a significant discount with no trouble a few years ago. (My hospital bill was about 5x yours at the time.) I just called the number on the bill. They acted like it was totally normal to ask and even apologized they couldn’t offer a greater discount(!!). So yes, try!

  2. Gail the Goldfish :

    I was too late on this morning’s thread, so reposting here. Help me shop. I need to replace a coat that has gotten a little to small. It’s from Boden and a very similar style to this one in a lighter navy: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/womens-coats-jackets/coats/t0045-yel/womens-saffron-sofia-coat, except on my current version, the outer is 100% wool. Nothing Boden has now seems to be higher than 70-80% wool, which isn’t going to be as warm. Any suggestions where I can get something similar with a higher wool content?

    • KateMiddletown :

      I’m a big fan of the Lady Day coats from JC (w/ thinsulate lining.) They often pop up in fun colors on clearance. I’d also check the Factory store since they have more trendy coats too.

  3. Isabella the She-Wolf :

    Has anyone ever had genetic testing to help accurately prescribe anti-depressant and similar meds? I just had an intake appointment with a new psychiatrist, and in addition to a very thorough blood panel, he asked me to come in for a cheek swab. I was very skeptical at first, but he says there are genetic markers for the brain’s uptake ability on neurotransmitters, liver metabolism rates for the different meds, and several factors determining whether we can methylate folic acid and other vitamins so make them accessible to the brain…

    Anyway, just looking for anedata, reassurances that this is all real medicine not quackery? It sounds really promising, but I thought I was pretty well informed, and I’ve never heard of any of it before…

    • No direct experience but I’ve heard of it before. My impression is that it helps determine the initial dose of antidepressants. Since some folks don’t respond strongly to them these patients were started on the standard (low) dose and gradually increased. This test allows them to start at a higher, more appropriate, dose.

    • I’ve never heard of this and would looooove it.

      Signed,
      Been messing with my meds for 2 years

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        My psychiatrist brought it up as a thing we could try. I’ve been miserable as we fiddle with meds since July and at this point I’d say anyone should do it to avoid the “Depressed…depressed…depressed, WHOOPS SUICIDAL” sizing issues.

    • The drug metabolism genes are definitely legit- if you’re a slow or fast metabolizer for certain drugs, they might not work as well or be more likely to cause side effects and you’d want to dose accordingly. I know less about the the other genetic markers and I’m also not sure whether there’s good data on whether this ACTUALLY results in more effective choice of drugs (you should be able to google for studies), but it’s probably better than just guessing randomly what drug to put you on. My understanding is that most people will respond well (meaning they feel better and don’t have terrible side effects) to at least one antidepressant, but it’s kind of a crap shoot to figure out what that drug(s) is, especially since it takes weeks for them to really work, which is a long time when you feel lousy.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I don’t know about antidepressants, but my doc just did a genetic test on me about absorption of B vitamins. So I think I can vouch for the general concept.

    • It seems like you have found a wonderful psychiatrist who keeps up with new methods. Yes, you may have predisposition to better absorb and utilize certain types of medications and vice versa. I would go for it.

    • Its a real thing. My husband had this test done when it was clear his ADHD medication wasn’t the right one for him. He actually learned he doesn’t metabolize most of the drugs well that are generally used, but it helped his practitioner come up with a better strategy that has really helped. In his case, you could increase a dosage all you wanted, his body only metabolizes a few milligrams worth and burns it off quickly. So instead of a one a day that was good for half the morning, he now takes a much smaller dose more frequently during the day to great effect.

  4. BabyAssociate :

    I have these teas, they’re really good! I have learned that the canisters make great conversation pieces too.

  5. Help me pack. I’m going to Paris next week. It’s crazy to pack 2 winter coats right? I’m bringing the Girl on the Go coat in black – it’s reasonably warm and will survive the rain. I’m considering bringing a nicer coat for going out… or maybe an inherited fur shawl? But idk how I can fit it in my bag. Plus I’m staying in an AirBNB and I’ll need to carry my bag up at least one (possibly more) flight of stairs. Why does this feel so hard?

    • Anonymous :

      Don’t do it! You don’t need it. Travel is not the time to bring any potential option. No one is filming your trip for a rom com montage scene.

      • Ha!

        I’m on camp don’t take the coat. Take the one coat and pack more tops, sweaters, maybe shoes, etc. instead for the different activities you have planned. I’ve never regretted taking one coat – I’ve regretted not having an extra top or sweater to swear after a long day of sightseeing and I feel like taking a shower and changing.

      • Flats Only :

        But what about the instas?

    • When you go out you’ll take your coat off as soon as you get where you’re going. It doesn’t have to be pretty. Just take one coat.

    • Senior Attorney :

      If it were me I would totally bring the second coat. But then I’m a well-known over-packer and I absolutely try to conduct myself at all times as though I were in a rom com montage scene. Can you wear one on the plane?

      • +1 I always like to feel super fabulous when traveling. It adds to my experience for whatever reason.

      • +1 – take the extra coat – I’ve hated feeling out of place in glamorous cities (Paris qualifies) when I’ve brought only a practical coat & have fun, dressy, evening plans. I also second over-packing & feeling fabulous while traveling

      • Never too many shoes... :

        Yup – what good is travel without the tiny glimmer of hope that something fabulous will happen…and you need to be dressed for it. When I was young and poor, I took one trip with a backpack and never, ever again. I need choice. For me, travel is precisely the time for options.

    • Take them! You won’t want to look casual all the time. You’ll find it colder indoors as well. I would take the two coats and fewer sweaters/shirts. A big wool shawl is also handy to drape over your coat if extra chilly or when you’re indoors.

    • I would bring shamelessly the second coat as well. Or maybe just the fancier coat. It depends on whether you plan to do a lot of walking outside (and you can still wear extra layer below the coat if needed for warmth) or inside (museums, theatres, cafes). But I prefer to feel chic on city trips.

  6. Anonymous :

    How do you decide whether or not to sleep with a new guy? I think I want to, but wondering how others decide.

    • Married now, but “I think I want to” was usually enough for me (plus using protection). If it was someone I saw a longer-term thing with, I’d wait until I was more sure about the emotional connection. But if I knew it would never be anything other than casual, “I want to” was how I decided.

    • Are you not sure if you’re attracted to this guy? If you’re not sure about something like attraction, IME you’re just actually not.

    • I realize this is an old-fashioned answer, but when it’s meaningful and significant and I’m certain there’s going to be a serious, long-term relationship. Emotionally and mentally, I know I’m not a casual kind of woman, so I accept that.

    • Anonymous :

      IDK, “I think I want to” is a bit tepid, no?

      If a guy wants me, I prefer to elicit “OMG I want to YES YES YES” and not “IDK, maybe? if there’s not a game on?” as the feeling / rationale.

      “I think I want to” = defer to you certainly, definitely do.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Both of us wanting to was it for me. I was a first date gal for a while but, funnily, the night I met my now-husband, though I went to his place and we […] we didn’t […] for a whole week, even though we saw each other every day of that first week.

      I was able to have a good time and not get weird about it in my own brain, so why not?

    • I wait until I feel confident I’ll enjoy it. For me, that means:

      1. I know I’m attracted to him
      2. I know enough about him to feel fairly sure he’s not married or a serial killer (I know where he lives/works, probably met a friend of two of his)
      3. We’ve spent enough time together to be pretty sure he cares about others (and therefore will make effort to make the experience good)

      With my current SO, we went to bed after maybe 3-4 dates. We’d kissed on date 2, so I knew I was super attracted to him, and we’d had enough conversations and I’d watched him with servers/in traffic, etc to meet #s 2 and 3. And sure enough, even though he was super nervous and had trouble finishing, he was generous and fun to be with. Before I had the criteria I’d had some pretty crappy experiences.

      • +1

        Preferably, there will be some emotional connection. 9/10 when I’ve not met those criteria, it’s been meh, average s*x that really did almost nothing for me except add sheet washing to my to-do list. I often suffer from “eh I don’t know if I’m attracted to him but I guess he’s cute?” I try and try to psych myself up for some guys and it never happens. But on the rare occasion I find someone I’m really attracted to, it’s like night and day and there’s no question I want to sleep with them so long as he’s good people. That said, if your question is along the lines of “will he think I’m a s1ut” or a morality question, my answer doesn’t apply.

        • Mineallmine :

          I’m basically you anon. I try to avoid ‘meh’ now, I get nothing from it, certainly not finishing or the nice warm fuzzy cuddlies afterwards. I sometimes wish I was faster with the initial attraction, but for me it takes a while, which usually doesn’t work with the ‘must have s*x by date #3’ Tinder world.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Long married now, but I generally would just do it if I felt like I wanted to. Caveat, I do not think sleeping with someone is a big deal and have slept with men I knew for a few hours and felt great about the experience.

      This is the literal embodiment of a YMMV question.

      • Anonymous :

        Absolutely. I didn’t want to lay out all my thoughts because ultimately I need to make the decision. But seeing what everyone else does has been really useful for me in terms of different ways of thinking.

    • I decided before I went out with him. Basically that’s how I roll. No shame.

      • Flats Only :

        This. I don’t recall going on dates with people I didn’t want to sleep with! Then again, that was back before internet dating, so fewer dates were “blind” – you had generally met the person before going on an actual date with them.

  7. In search of recommendations — I lost one sterling silver earring and would love to have an exact match made. Anyone know of a good option in Philly (Center City preferably)?

    • I could be wrong, but that sounds prohibitively expensive to me – I use a jeweler to make stuff a lot, but they have to custom design/pour molds, etc (not in Philly, or I’d recommend for you). I’ve had luck finding earring matches on e-bay (in the form of a new pair & then I have 3 so there’s a spare) – maybe try there? Or just set a budget & look for a similar pair that’s new?

    • Ask Bario Neal in South Philly. They may be able to do it in-house (they made our wedding rings!), or they would at least be able to give you a good recommendation.

  8. tinkle razors :

    Watched a bunch of videos, tried it last night for the 1st time… felt like I was sunburnt the rest of the night. What did I do wrong??

    • Anonymous :

      What the heck are these? I’ve seen mention of them here before, but I don’t know actually what they do or why they would be useful.

      Yes, I know I can google, but humor me.

    • I am not gentle in general (hello, I’m Godzilla) but I am VERY CAREFUL with the tinkle razor. Moisturize after – you probably scraped off too much skin while trying to get a too-close shave.

    • Did you scrape too hard? You use them dry in the direction of hair growth, flat just on the surface of the skin. There is no way proper use should give you a sunburn feeling. Did you try to dermaplane with it? Not what it’s for.

  9. winter coat PSA :

    For those needing something to stay warm that’s only temporary (while losing weight or pregnant) or to not care about getting dirty, [email protected]@rt has puffer coats for about $20 and they have kids sizes too. Lots of sizes and a few colors, they keep super warm and are machine washable. I am not a fan of the store for political reasons but I thought this might be helpful to know!

  10. favorite documentaries? :

    What are your favorites?

    • Growing Up Coy and Prodigal Sons… both very interesting and gave new insight into worlds I hadn’t thought of before.

      That said, don’t read blurbs or reviews before starting or they’ll spoil the stories for each!

      • another anon :

        Wow! I actually have seen both and loved them. You are right though, reading anything about them online before watching really ruins the story and the experience!

    • I don’t know about favorite, but I watched There’s Something Wrong with Aunt Diane on HBO years ago and have never been able to get it out of my head.

    • Jiro Dreams of Sushi

      • Senior Attorney :

        +1

        I always wonder whether I would really be able to tell the difference between the regular just fine, thanks, sushi I get at home and the it-took-ten-years-to-learn-how-to-make-it sushi served at Jiro’s place.

        • We went to a restaurant owned by one of Jiro’s proteges in Tokyo. My take – it’s good, but it’s more of a show/experience than radically different sushi. That said, we’re pretty spoiled w/ a ton of authentic places in SF. It’s definitely the high-end kind, no rolls or anything like that. They do tell you every 5 seconds that you are not to use soy sauce (it would be impossible anyway unless I snuck it in in my purse), but they season the fish really mildly. If you like more zing, it’s probably not going to blow you away.

      • Another +1 ! I love this film!

    • Anonymous :

      13th, Into the Abyss, Making a Murderer, Curt Cobain: Montage of Heck. Those are the recent ones I have seen and liked. I can’t remember any older ones right now.

    • The Barkley Marathon

    • More of a mini series, but The Defiant Ones on Netflix.

    • Metallica :

      I Am Not Your Guru! It made me very cynical about motivational speakers. It’s about Tony Robbins and it’s a trip. There’s one scene where he is revving himself up for a performance and he’s sort of singing “NO NOOOOOOOOOO NONONO” again and again. I had no idea what he was doing and so I walked around the house singing the same thing to my husband whenever I didn’t want to do something :) A good friend just informed me they were vocal exercises and I had no idea–I was all “Really? I just thought he was exorcising his own negativity or something.”

      • Metallica :

        I forgot to add The Jinx (the Robert Durst story.) Chilling.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Oh and sort of along those lines, Kumare. About a guy who kinda sorta pretends to be a guru and people actually follow him as though he were a real holy man. Hard to explain but I loved it.

    • I Am Not Your Negro
      Kedi (I love cats sooo much)

    • Horse Crazy :

      Chef’s Table!

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Best in Show.

      Oh wait, that’s not actually a documentary. :)

    • Anonymous :

      Grizzly Man

    • Anonymous :

      I’ve liked Somm, which is about sommeliers.

      Also a big fan of F1 teaching documentaries… but it’s a personal interest.

  11. weight loss tips for holidays? :

    Trying to lose for the first time in my life and worried about being derailed over the holidays. Any tips?

    • Anonymous :

      Wait until after the holidays and then do Whole 30 in January. I’m kicking that around myself.

    • anonshmanon :

      For me, this is what works: Before indulging in the calorie-loaden goodies that to me are essential for Christmas, I make sure to get some fruit or vegetable in. That leaves less room for the other stuff. IF I happen to be very self-aware at that moment, I try to slowly indulge in a couple of cookies or whatever, and talk myself out of mindlessly munching by remembering: It’s fine, you won’t miss out on anything by not eating that extra cookie.
      Christmas is not really a time for weight-loss (unless you have super-human discipline). I aim for maintenance instead and cut myself some slack. The drill instructor spiel does not work on me, but YMMV.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yeah, I agree with just trying not to gain over the holidays. Then Whole30 in January!

  12. motivation during the cold weather :

    How do you find it and what do you do to survive the winter when you live in cold climate but don’t enjoy the cold?

    • Invest in good cold weather clothes. I’m naturally frugal and reluctant to spend a lot on clothes, but have found through uncomfortable experience that buying cheap winter clothing is a mistake. It wears out and doesn’t keep you as warm in the first place.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I moved. But before I moved, I bought the warmest coat, hat, socks, and gloves I could, even if it meant spending more than I really wanted to.

    • Anonymous :

      Wim Hof method.

    • Embracing the Danish concept of Hygge…cozy sweats, good tea, candles, good books, comfort food.

    • Baconpancakes :

      Long johns, cashmere, merino socks, hats, gloves. Space heaters and electric blankets. I love the cold, but I hate feeling cold.

    • Anonymous :

      Google “hygge”. It’s the Scandinavian idea of winter coziness, and is basically what I do: warm & comfy clothing, fires, hot beverages, blankets, warm comfort foods like soup, etc.

    • pugsnbourbon :

      I haaaaaaate winter. The cold, the snow, the inconvenience – it feels like such a hassle to just get out the door. So I give myself permission to stay in more, go to bed early, be a little lazy. And then in the spring I emerge from my cocoon.

  13. Anon for this one :

    For those of you who have a partner with anxiety (or other mental health issues), how do you best support him or her? For those of you who may be the sufferer, what behaviors in your partner are most helpful?

    • This is often very different depending on the individual and on the relationship/situation, so this is impossible to answer for your partner.

      Ask your partner what works for them and what helps them during a time when things are calm. Make a list together so you both know what to do when the moments occur. Offer to regularly review this as things change or have a plan for where to write or ask for what they need in the moment without triggering them. For example, some feel a need to shut down and not talk, so they might ask for what they need by text or leaving a note on the fridge asking to be left alone for an hour or asking to be hugged but no talking, etc.

      Yay for you for thinking about this and wanting to help, your partner is clearly loved!

    • My husband and I both have anxiety disorder among other mental health issues. We have a rule basically that one persons anxiety trumps the other’s desire/fun/etc.

      So, if we’re at a party and one person needs to leave due to anxiety, we leave. No questions asked. We don’t blame the other, no one is a party pooper.

      Writing it kind of sounds like we let our anxiety rule our life. But it’s kind of the opposite – we know that we can escape anxiety-causing situations if we need to, and therefore we feel less anxious.

      All this to say, recognize that anxiety can be crippling and never blame your SO for having it. I’ve had relationships where partners would be angry at me because of my anxiety. One of the main reasons I married my husband is because we share this and understand it deeply.

      • Anonymous :

        It sounds like it’s working for you but the traditional thought is that anxiety increases when you leave the situation because you weren’t dealing with it. something to consider if the strategy ever stops working. signed, a lifelong anxiety disorder suffer

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Things my husband did/does to help: unflinching acceptance of things I needed (weekly therapy to start, meds, more different meds, finding different providers, sticking with my good therapist even when insurance no longer covered her, etc. — never “are you sure you need to add medication?” or “really, again?” or “are you sure it’s worth it?”… just “yes”); making room for me to take care of myself (he took on the lions share of … basically everything except earning money when I just couldn’t; general lovingness.

      Things I wish he would have done: help me with the logistics of finding help, like researching a therapist who was taking new patients, would take my insurance but would *not* be all about Jesus (harder than you’d think!), finding a psychiatrist who wasn’t under investigation by the state (again!), etc.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I have a lot of anxiety and the very best thing my sweet husband does is not take it on. He doesn’t belittle it, but he also doesn’t try to problem-solve or fix it. He does have a standing offer to let me wake him up for cuddles if I’m sleepless in the middle of the night, and that helps even though most times I don’t take advantage of it. But basically? Not shaming me, not pathologizing me, trusting me.

    • I’m the partner with anxiety. I *know* I’m being irrationally anxious about things, so CBT-like questioning calms me. My anxiety is almost always performance-related, so this type of questioning, where it shows me that I don’t need to freak out, is the most effective thing for me. Examples if you aren’t familiar with CBT:

      “Hon, has your boss given you any reason to think you’re doing a bad job?” “No.” “What did he say when you told him the report would be late?” “That it was ok.” “Ok, so…” “I know you’re right, I just…” “Can you do anything to change this right now?” “No.” “What are your steps for fixing it tomorrow?” “[List.]” “Ok, then, let’s have a hug and forget about this tonight, ok?”

      If necessary, the line of questioning can be extended to worst-case scenarios. “What’s the worst that could happen?” “I’d get fired.” “And then what?” “And I’d let my boss/mentor down.” “And then what?” “I’d be embarrassed.””Ok. And then what?” “I guess I’d find another job. Maybe a lower stress one.” “Ok, so maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing?””Well, it wouldn’t be great, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

      For me, my husband is amazing at delivering this script in a soothing, non-judgmental way. He understands that my brain just doesn’t always interpret things well. He is incredibly calming and really views it as a medical condition rather than an emotional one, which is incredibly helpful because it’s true. I owe a deep debt of gratitude to his first wife who suffered from depression much worse than mine who was his comfort training ground for a decade.

    • Anonymous :

      I suffer from Complex PTSD due to childhood trauma, and anxiety/hypervigilence are the main symptoms I experience.

      On the whole, my spouse is very supportive. For us, this means encouraging words, encouraging me to see a doctor and a counselor during rough patches, adapting his own behavior to try to minimize things/situations that can act as triggers, and lots of hugs.

      What’s hardest for him is to not immediately go into “fix-it mode.” One of the ways I combat anxiety attacks is by stepping back to analyze my feelings, and talking through what I’m experiencing out loud can be helpful. During that process, solutions are beside the point–I have to understand what the underlying problem is first.

    • Anon for this one :

      Thank you everyone for your kind and helpful responses!

  14. I have a question about gmail addresses. My email address is januaryjones at the G o o g l e mail service. (Not my actual email address). There is someone out there who appears to use the email address january.jones at the G o o g l e mail service. I get a number of emails directed to the other January. Most recently I have been getting email from a contractor who seems to work with the other January, including emails confirming auto-payments. The confirmation emails contain the last four digits of a credit card number that is not mine, so I do think this is a case of mistaken, not stolen, identity.

    I just called the contractor to ask if he would update his records and he said if the other January’s email address is january.jones and my email address is januaryjones, there’s nothing they can do about the fact that I’m receiving her email. I thought gmail did not make a distinction whether there is a dot or not. Am I wrong?

    • Anonymous :

      I’m pretty sure gmail doesn’t recognize periods in email addresses, so the other January is basically just giving out your email address – but I don’t see how she’d have access to your account. I’d just delete the emails not intended for you and ignore it.

    • From what I understand, Gmail doesn’t make a distinction whether there is a dot or not, or whether there is a capital or not. This person likely has a similar email address, but with one letter different (maybe a zero instead of the letter O or something like that).

      • The detail that I didn’t add because the post was too long already is that I believe her last name is spelled one letter differently from mine (like, Joones instead of Jones). The customer service rep was not accepting that explanation. In any event, I forwarded the email from the contractor to what I think is her address (with one letter different) and she just responded and said that invoice was indeed for her and she will call the contractor. So, I think this problem has been solved. Thanks, all.

      • This happened to a friend of mine & SC is right, the period isn’t recognized. It’s most likely someone mistyping their email, or using what they think is a dummy account (who knows, maybe they don’t want more spam) & it’s going to you. My friend ran this up and down the flagpole at google & was assured that the other person didn’t have access to her email.

      • You learn something new every day! I had no clue I could stop putting the periods for my initials in my g mail address.

    • givemyregards :

      what?! those are two different e-mail addresses – I have no idea what’s he talking about. If google ignored the period in her e-mail address you would be getting all of her e-mail, which I think you would both notice. Have you tried e-mailing her to let her know about this? I know it would be kind of weird to e-mail a total stranger, but if you just forwarded one of the contractor e-mails with a little note like “Hi, I called this person to ask them to update their records and they wouldn’t – thought you might want to know.” Also, that’s really nice of you to call them.

      • givemyregards :

        I stand corrected! I just googled this and SC is correct. So I would agree with her that this person likely has an address that is otherwise very similar.

    • You can also move the period to wherever you want in your gmail address. This allows you to filter your mail, so you can sign up for newsletters or whatever with f.irstlast instead of first.last and sort them out. Things like that.

    • I have the same problem with an email twin. We have the same name, but she’s in the UK and evidently has a similar enough email address that she keeps signing up for things with my email. I finally seem to be getting a lot less after I started logging into her accounts (it’s easy to reset passwords when it’s your email address) and unsubscribing. Maybe this makes me a terrible person, but I didn’t want to keep getting her emails and didn’t know what else to do!

  15. October — kids both got lice
    November — kids traded being sick / feverish
    December — repeat of November, with EOY deadline pressure at work

    Can it just be 2018 already (and can I not be in BigLaw, where the work expectation is that you are a single person with no responsibilities to anyone else on the planet)?

    • Cornellian :

      I’d amend your paren to read: and can I not be in BigLaw, where the work expectation is that you are a single person with no responsibilities to anyone else on the planet, AND who has a stay at home spouse devoted to making your life run.

  16. what is the point? :

    Why bother posting if it’s stuck in mod til after people stop reading here? Why bother responding when you never know if your words will go to mod and not be seen? This mod thing has gotten ridiculous :(

    (I know this isn’t any one person’s fault, it just frustrates that the comment section is being hindered by this and most times we do not know why or that anything is stuck in mod to know to return later to check)

    • I agree. Between that and what seems to me an uptick in annoying ads, this place is getting a lot less appealing for me to visit.

    • Isabella the She-Wolf :

      I would hazard a guess that the recent publicity for this blog attracted a more serious class of troublemaker and antifeminist, hence the increased mod.
      +1 that the adds are annoying though.

      • Anonymous :

        Recent publicity? Did I miss something?

      • Anonymous :

        The afternoon thread barely gets a hundred posts now and I think it’s because people realize that posting at 4 means your post could show up at 7 when only west coast is reading and you’ll forget to check. And unlike the person below, my posts can take 2-3+ hours some days. As for troublemakers, unless I’m missing it, I feel like it’s one poster who doesn’t post every day or even every week. This seems like A LOT to deal with one poster that people can just ignore if they wish.

    • Anonymous :

      Is there a big problem with the amount of responses though? I am reading on west coast time, and I don’t have the impression that the comments fall silent that quickly. Stuff comes out of mod in less than an hour most times.

  17. Holiday Gifting Help :

    Help! I’m stumped as to what I should get my Mom’s significant other for Christmas. About him: He’s approx. 65 years old. He’s big into the outdoors (camping, fishing, etc.) but seems to have most of the gear he needs. Same goes for tools. In years past, I have purchased him food gifts (like an assortment of fancy bacon) and those were big hits but this year he is trying hard to lose some weight so food/drink gifts are out. I’ve combed a lot of the holiday gift guides online and so far nothing is standing out. Budget is roughly $100 or less. Any suggestions?

    • Anonymous :

      State parks membership? Great wool socks?

      • Yes, this! And the state parks sell cool, park specific t-shirts on their site, too.

      • Senior Attorney :

        REI gift card?

        Or I know I keep recommending this, but my husband is similar to what you describe and he loves his fancy weather station: https://www.amazon.com/AcuRite-Wireless-Weather-Station-Sensor/dp/B00N1XCA9M/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1513287500&sr=8-3&keywords=outdoor+weather+station It’s a teeny bit over your budget but not much.

        • Holiday Gifting Help :

          The funny thing is that he actually bought me and my significant other a weather station a couple years ago. The one we got is not nearly as elaborate as the one you linked to so it might still be a viable option. I’ll have to confer with my Mom about what he currently has.

        • My dad is also this guy but would rather be doing stuff than tinkering. So he’d never use this. But my FIL would!

      • Second the state parks membership! In Texas the pass is $70 and we have a ton of great parks.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        One can never have enough great wool socks (see my comment above about surviving the cold).

    • Fancy jerky? It’s pretty healthy and good when you’re camping and fishing.

    • Holiday Gifting Help :

      These are great suggestions, everyone! Thanks!

    • Have you flipped through an LL Bean catalog? My husband is super outdoorsy and would LOVE to get any of their outdoorsy shirts, socks, and little outdoorsy geegaws. Maybe a geegaw with an LL Bean gift card attached?

      • Yes, the fleece lined flannels. Every man in my family has and loves these. I think they’re ~$60

    • Wool socks & a yeti mug. A good fishing/outdoor hat. Fishing gloves (depends on the kind of fishing he does- my dad fishes off the boat when weather is chilly and loves these). Go to cabellas or Bass pro and wander.

      My dad also loves his stainless steel coffee mug- holds 16oz, and he uses is on the boat as well as at home.

  18. Blonde Lawyer :

    I’m loving the Forest recommendation from this morning. I’m using the Chrome extension and added it to my phone. Am I correct that I have to start the timer on both separately? I get that I can sync what I’ve earning but I don’t see a one button way to lock me out of both. Thanks.

  19. Help with a really dumb question?

    How do I style party attire with my glasses and not look like a frumpy mom? I permanently gave up contacts this year and embraced my black framed glasses, but I’m stumped as to how to wear these more dressed up!

    I’m planning to wear a blue lace fit and flare dress. I have long dark hair and these black framed glasses. Do I pull my hair back and play up the glasses? Just make sure my makeup is on point? Do a really bright lip?

    Is fit and flare with glasses a serious frump combo? Should I go for more of a c*cktail thing and make everything else more s*xy, since the glasses aren’t? BLERG!!!

    • I just go a bit heavier on the eye makeup, because my eyes are partially obscured by my glasses so I feel like they need a bit more definition to really pop like they would without them. I don’t really think glasses are frumpy as a rule though. There are frumpy _frames_ but if your frames are stylish I would not worry about this.

    • Anonymous :

      You just wear them like they are a part of your face. I wouldn’t pull your hair back but that not because of the glasses just cause I don’t think it’s cute.

    • Anonymous :

      Other than amping up your eye make up in case that is harder to see from behind your glasses, I wouldn’t do anything. Some people think dangly/non-stud earrings are a no-go with glasses, but really who cares. Also, glasses + dress =/= frump.

    • Anonymous :

      Like a Lisa Loeb look? I’m sure you will look great! Agree with heavier on the eye makeup.

    • I wear glasses every day. Before I go out after work I use some dark gray eyeshadow over my normally think upper lid liner, and bring the residue down under my lower lash line about 1/2 way across – from the corner of my eye to the midpoint more or less. I always wear a pinky red lip but I may do a more intense (but not bright) lip – more of a red trending toward wine color.

      I also have dark hair. I’m going for sort of a classic old Hollywood/Elizabeth Taylor look, but with glasses, because I need glasses. :)

  20. I have a high-deductible health plan — in your experience, do I need to do anything to get my insurance to recognize what I’ve paid directly to the doctor and count it toward my deductible? I mailed a check directly to my doctor and it has not shown up as counting toward my deductible when I check online. I will call them about this, just wondering if there’s an obvious answer I’m missing? Thanks!

    • You should still be receiving an explanation of benefits (EOB) from your insurer- did you not get one of those? The doctor doesn’t generally know who has what deductible. They bill the insurance, the insurance tells them how much to directly bill the patient (deductible, co-insurance, etc), then you get a bill from the doctor that you pay. I get notice of the EOBs before I get the doctor’s bill.

    • If your doctor did not bill insurance and you just paid directly, you have to submit a claim (can find the claim form on the insurer website) and then they will not pay you anything for it but issue an EOB and put it into the deductible pot.

  21. Looking for a great, luxurious skincare gift for my mom, who has dry aging skin. Thought about Sunday Riley, but those products are pretty hard core for her – she’s a soap and water kind of person. Any suggestions?

    • The Sunday Riley products have very strong scents – would that bother her? My mother is more of a night cream/serum person, so maybe you could direct your spending that way?

  22. I’m attending a funeral at an evangelical church in an affluent southern suburb. Will I be appropriately dressed in a black sheath dress, a muted cardigan, tights, and wedges? Evangelical churches tend to run toward casual dress. Southern suburbs toward more formal. The combination is kind of stumping me.

  23. palmtrees33 :

    I’m a 4th year BigLaw associate who lateraled to a new firm 3-4 months ago. What would be an appropriate (cash) holiday gift for my new assistant? I want to get off on the right foot, but don’t think the “100 per year your with your company” is quite right here. Thanks!

  24. thisperson1 :

    Someone referenced the Tall Boots debate, but I can’t find it in my search. Can someone give me the TL;DR version, or a link?

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