Weekend Open Thread

Halogen® Side Zip Long V-Neck Cardigan Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Now that cooler weather is finally coming our way (woo hoo!), I’m all about the long cardigans for weekends.  This Halogen one is a blend of merino and acrylic, has pockets, and comes in five great colors (pink, white, black, burgundy and teal).  It’s available in sizes XS-XL for $78. Halogen® Side Zip Long V-Neck Cardigan

Here’s a similar option in plus sizes (also in prints).

(L-4)

Comments

  1. Are long cardigans professional? I have several and like them, but worry about wearing them to work. I know they aren’t business formal, but I try to be on the nicer side of business casual. Right now my company has jeans days and I’m struggling with what to wear that looks right. I constantly think I just look like I’m going to school instead of work but that might be a recent grad problem.

    • And I just read that this is for the weekend. Feel free to ignore me here :)

    • Long cardis can be professional looking in a business casual setting. I pair them with nice shells rather than t-shirts (like a silk shell I’d wear with a suit) and I keep the colors/proportions more sleek and polished. I.e. skip the boyfriend jeans and faded tees

      Today I have on slim ankle pants with heels, a black and white print shell, and a long black cardigan and it looks very polished but is super comfy.

    • Wildkitten :

      I am wearing jeans and a long cardigan to work today. As long as I wear a professional shirt I find it works for denim days.

    • I like them for dressing down a more formal outfit when I want to be dressed “nicely” but not overdressed. I have this image in my head of people who always look polished even when you could technically get away with something more casual that I aim to emulate (with varying degrees of success) and black pants, blouse and long cardigan with flats is a go-to for me for this sort of thing. It’s hard to describe, but I think of work clothes + long cardis as the slightly more dressed up inverse of a blazer + jeans.

    • To me, they seem like the sort of thing that is probably *fine,* that is, no one is going to complain about them, but they don’t really project the image that I would want as a professional, if that makes sense. I feel the same way about, for example, the fit & flare type dresses that are all the rage now.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes. If you’re worried about it seeming too casual, include a tailored piece, like a button-down shirt or a pencil skirt.

    • cardigans :

      I have a hard time finding good quality long cardigans that look work appropriate. I always thought that Diane Lockhardt’s long cardigans on The Good Wife looked great, sleek and professional. Paired with the right colors/column of color and a perfect length relative to a nice pencil skirt is my dream. They seem like a warmer and comfortable alternative to blazers (which I hate because they require so many alterations to fit me properly). But I can’t seem to find these nice sweaters.

      I have the long cardigan from this post. It is ok, but definitely casual. The pocket gapes and looks stretched out even when it’s new, and the bottom hem is just too heavy/pulling to look polished.

      • WHBM has a really pretty one right now in a wide variety of colors that is well-made. Its the most professional looking one I’ve found.

    • lawsuited :

      I have several long cardigans without buttons that I wear to work with sheath dresses or ankle pants and silk shells on regular (but non-client) days and I think it looks professional. IMO, a long cardigan without buttons looks sleeker than a long v-neck button-up cardigan worn open. I sometimes wear a long v-neck button-up cardigan on casual Friday but then I wear it buttoned up with a tank or tee underneath it.

      I honestly don’t know why the buttons/without buttons thing is the mental divide for me – just adding a perspective.

  2. Anonymous :

    I’m getting really tired of the dating scene. I go on tons of first, second, third dates, and men do the slow fade. Or there’s no spark. Or they aren’t really looking for a relationship. Men today just seem like small children, or always looking for the next conquest or thinking the grass is greener.

    I don’t know, I just want throw myself a pity party and adopt 3 cats.

    • Wildkitten :

      Why don’t you throw a party party and adopt 3 cats?

      • Anonymous :

        Yes to this!

      • Brunette Elle Woods :

        Add me to the invite list :)

        I have another first date tonight. This is very common for women though. I read that there are now more highly educated, intelligent women than men so it makes it very, very difficult for women to find suitable partners. Men, on the other hand, have endless options. They tend to like it that way and don’t mind maintaining their status quo of bachelorhood.

    • Anonymous :

      Take a break where you give yourself permission not to date, or even look for dates.

      Move to (or just visit) a different city. The flavor/temperament changes between metropolitan areas, as do the demographics (more men vs more women) which can also drive some dating behaviors. (See recent WPost article on the best cities for dating, according to gender).

    • Yay! Weekend Open Thread’s! I love Weekend Open thread’s and long cardigans, but I wish it would get colder soon. I was all sweatey when I got into the OFFICE today b/c I had to walk to work. Dad knows my tuchus is still to big and he is makeing comments about my tuchus to Grandma Leyeh already, and I have not even seen her for a coupel of month’s! FOOEY! I am sure that Grandma Leyeh will NOT let me eat an extra matza ball after she look’s at my tuchus!

      As for the OP, welcome to the club. I have yet to meet a guy interested in me for my brain. It seem’s they get all interested and attentive, then once they’ve gotten what they want, they move on to the next person, kind of like a honey bee, polinating from flower to flower. I am very TIRED of men trying to polinate with me, then walkeing away, as I am sure you are. There should be a way for US NOT to waste our time with looser’s just interested in us giveing them what they want, then farting and walkeing away.

      If we could figure out the right formula, we could all get MARRIED already. That is what I will be praying for. A decent guy who will respect me for my intelectual ability, not just to grab at my boobie’s and grunt. Another Sheketovits is the last thing any of us profesional women need. FOOEY on them!!!!!

    • I don’t date much. And last time I did go on a date, I looked him up two days later and found out he was married. Men can be disgusting, and I have almost no desire to proactively seek them out. I’d rather focus on my job, friendships, and hobbies, and if I happen to meet someone I like I’ll try to explore things further.

      And yes to cats! If you can get a cat, get a cat. Cats are awesome.

      • Single and Happy :

        “I have almost no desire to proactively seek them out. I’d rather focus on my job, friendships, and hobbies, and if I happen to meet someone I like I’ll try to explore things further.”

        Same here.

    • Anonymous :

      Dating sucks. I did online dating off and on for about five years – I would go at it hard, date a bunch of people, then quit out of disgust. It really made me admit that my mom and all the older women I know are right – men are generally stupid. What worked best for me was the last time, I went out and found the hottest, smartest, nicest-sounding guys with the qualities I was looking for and started messaging them, like a few a week, crossing them off my list. Sure, I got rejected regularly, but one of those guys is now my boyfriend of more than a year.

      Seriously, give yourself breaks. Get that cat. Have a pity party on a regular basis. It’s fun eating junk food alone and watching s3x and the city with your cat. I think it counts as a hobby.

      • anonanonan :

        Which site(s) did you use? And how many guys did you email before it worked out? Glad it worked out for you!

        • Anonymous :

          Okcupid was the best, I think because everyone signs up for that since it’s free. I saw a lot of people on both okcupid and a paid site, which is what I did, too. I might have emailed only 10-15 the final time, I got lucky pretty quickly. Someone told me that dating was a numbers game and I really took it to heart.

        • Anonymous :

          Not the original poster – but i used match.com after getting fed up on OKCupid (OK Cupid seemed like a younger, less serious crowd – and i was 26 when i was looking). After a lot of EPIC bad first dates with some creeps and weirdos, i had a normal date with a really nice guy. That was three years ago – we got engaged on Wednesday.

          So – whatever you end up doing, just try to approach it lightly and w/o too much emotional investment. Drinks or coffee seem to be better first meeting options than full out meals. There’s a lot of frogs out there

      • Married My Match :

        This was my strategy. I wouldn’t have met my (now) husband if I hadn’t messaged him on match.

    • Senior Attorney :

      One of the things that really helped me when I was dipping my toes into dating a couple of years ago was something my therapist told me: “Most men are unsuitable.” For some reason I found that really comforting, maybe because it put the focus on the unsuitability of the guys rather than what I was always tempted to see as my own inadequacy.

      I’m sending you big hugs and I second the “3 cats plus pity party” suggestion! :)

    • Allergic to Cats, but I Take your Point :

      This. Plus the lack of any effort at all- I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gotten myself together to look great on a date, all ready to be charming, and he shows up late, looking like he’s just rolled out of bed. And they practically have a foot out the door, not to mention they only want to meet for coffee (because heaven forbid they have to be polite for more than 20 minutes if they aren’t immediately lovestruck).

      • I guess I think a 20 minute coffee would be ideal for you too? You’re not going to be particularly compatible with most people. And it’s generally obvious in 20 minutes whether you have the minimum of compatibility necessary for a more involved second date. If all your first dates were 2 hours long, you’d end up wasting an entire evening (and the cost of a dinner) every time you went out. In my mind, the 20 minute first date makes dating much more doable.

        • Allergic to Cats, but I Take your Point :

          I get why you think that, but I don’t agree. I’d rather do something- see an exhibit, engage in an activity. That way (1) it doesn’t have to take all day, if it isn’t a match, but it can let someone get past an initial impression; (2) we can actually learn something about each other; (3) it provides a topic for discussion or interaction; (4) if it isn’t a match, at least we did something interesting.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Have you put that in your profile? I found that it was helpful to be explicit about what you’re looking for.

          • +1 To put it in your profile. What you’ve described is not what everyone is after, so I can see how you’d not have a lot of luck without this prereq stated.

      • Anonymous :

        I only do the half hour coffee. Might as well find out straight up if you have an attraction or not. One time I did a 90 minute coffee which was just a waste of time with a guy I wasn’t feeling. It’s much easier to set up a second date than to continue through a dinner with somebody you’re not interested in.

      • espresso bean :

        I am curious how everyone makes the 30-minute first date coffee work. I love the idea in theory, but every time I meet a guy for coffee, I feel like the date is just getting started 20-30 minutes in (even if I don’t like him!) and I can’t think of a polite way to excuse myself. It always feels like he wants to stay longer and expects it to take at least an hour. Do you set expectations up front? Or do you just excuse yourself politely at 30 min in and say you have somewhere else to be?

        • I would guess you do the latter, but I agree – it feels rude or awkward to bail that quickly. I’ve had a couple of first dates that were so painfully awkward that I wondered if I could leave after about 20 minutes, but I’ve usually managed to make it to 45 minutes. I’d probably use the excuse that I had somewhere else to be if I really needed to get out of the date that fast.

    • Moonstone :

      Experience says the perfect number of cats is two. At least to start.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes, dating is hard across the board, but it can be helpful to approach it similarly to making friends. It’s okay if you don’t hit it off with someone. And it’s not just that men suck — there are lots of people, both women and men, who you are not compatible with, whose company you find undesirable for whatever reasons, whose values you don’t like, etc.

    • Dating is weird and awkward. And there are a lot of people who don’t do awkward well. (It’s not just guys. I currently have more single guy friends than girl friends, and the guys have plenty of bad date stories.) If dating is getting you down, I’d suggest doing a lot of non-dating things that are also social. You’re likely to be at your best and also at your most “you” when you’re with a bunch of friends having fun. That’s ideal for getting to know someone without it being all weird and datey.

    • Anonymous :

      I know you are probably kidding about the cats, but seriously get something furry if you already don’t. I’ve found that when a date doesn’t go well I’m not as disappointed because I still have something warm to cuddle with when I get home. It makes being alone less lonely, which also means that I’m wiling to compromise less on what I want. I am less desperate, so therefore I am more selective from the get go which means less terrible dates.

    • No advice–just commiseration. I’ve been having the same experience for about three years, regardless of the site, regardless of how or how little effort I put in, regardless of whether I meet the person through a dating site or in real life…men just have too many options and aren’t being held to standards that require them to act like adults. So many just don’t.

      Sending hugs and hoping we’re both right on the edge of finding the right partner!

    • I’m one of those women who tell their single friends, “It’s always when you stop looking that the right man comes along!” But that’s exactly what happened for me – I had a bad breakup, had immediately jumped into another casual relationship which then fell apart, and had decided to spend some time NOT worrying about dating, just doing things that I wanted to do. I met my husband when I went to a concert by myself – I discovered that when I went to things alone, I could do what I wanted to do and act exactly how I wanted to act without worrying about what someone else thought. This was so liberating to me! I had spent my whole life going to things and worrying about whether or not my boyfriend was enjoying it, or if I was acting appropriately. So, I got dolled up and was bopping around in the back of the concert, dancing by myself, for once in my life not worrying if I looked weird. When I went to get another drink, my someday-to-be husband came over and introduced himself, and told me how cute it was to see me having so much fun.

      The best part about this has turned out to be, he met me when I was being exactly myself, not trying to impress other people or fit into a mold. I think this is partially responsible for this being the relationship that worked. So, my advice would be very similar to those folks above – pursue some things you are interested in. It doesn’t even have to be a full-fledged hobby, my pursuits were all along the lines of concerts, museums, restaurants, just stuff you want to do. Then, worst case scenario is that you get to do a bunch of stuff you want to do! Best case, you meet someone who is interested in these same things.

      You can declare it “The Summer of Me” (or “The Autumn of Me” but that sounds like a movie about an older woman who finds herself–and love! while vacationing in France or something). So, be self-centered for a while! Get those cats (two is a perfect number), and throw yourself a pity party – but make it a fabulous pity party of indulging in fun stuff!

      • The caveat being that you need to go do stuff by yourself in public. When the things you’d rather do keep you at home doing them, it’s hard to meet people :)

      • Anonymous :

        Another caveat being that you need to be approached by a suitable single person. I do things by myself all the time. I have yet to be approached by a single guy with half a brain. For some reason my appearance attracts only uneducated men. Not that there’s anything wrong with not attending college/university. But it is not right for me. Online “dating” produces the same result. The only messages I seem to get are from guys who didn’t go to college and cannot read. Sigh.

        • Yeah, that’s a tough thing. The things I like to do tend to attract suitable / intelligent guys – I like to go to intellectual stuff like museum events and lectures; the concert where I met my husband was a somewhat eccentric jazz performance. I go to these things because I like them, not because I was looking for a guy, but I recognize that it’s tougher if you have interests that appeal to a broader variety of people or live in an area that doesn’t have these type of opportunities / events. Before moving to Los Angeles, I lived in a mid-sized city in the Midwest and felt like I met a lot fewer interesting guys.

    • Dating does suck, but organizing fun dates or dates doing something you’ve been wanting to do but not alone, really helping me out. For example, I went rock climbing at an indoor gym, to a concert, football game, and ice skating indoors on a hot day. So even if it’s a dud, you can say you did something fun?

      But the cat idea sounds rad! I got a dog when I was single and he was my best friend until I met my now husband. :)

  3. Sydney Bristow :

    I got offered the job I’ve been interviewing for! After doing temp legal work for years, the thought of having a stable job is incredible to me. I told my husband and my parents but don’t want to tell my friends until I start but I’m bursting and had to tell someone else!

  4. Vacation Rental Properties :

    Has anyone ever bought a vacation rental? I’ve had rental properties (has not been a lot of drama — good tenants and most usually stay longer than the lease term so the re-renting / maintenance aspect hasn’t been too bad). I might want to swap a current residential rental for a vacation rental, but it wouldn’t be in my city and I’d have to find good property management help and cleaners b/c that would be an on-going issue (as would emergency maintenance — toilet is stopped up, etc.).

    FWIW, I have a job that keeps me a little too busy as it is, but I can see how over the long run this might be something I’d wish I’d have done.

    • Meg Murry :

      My husband and I have regular (long term, not vacation) rentals where we live, and we have a good friend that has slowly converted her rental properties into VRBO rentals as leases come due. The thing about rental properties is that in most markets, the way you make money is buy doing things yourself – basic maintenance, leasing, etc or by having enough rental properties to be able to hire employees specifically to do what you are mentioning (cleaning, emergency maintenance etc). Hiring out most of the work typically means that you are just turning around and paying back out your profits to someone else. The only way this can really make sense if if you could afford to buy the property with cash, or have enough to put down that you could pay it off in a very short time frame (like 5-7 years of mortgage payments) so then it would be making a lot more money for you quickly. Or maybe if it was a nearby place (like an hour or two drive away) that you could drive to in order to deal with the big emergencies. Rentals work for us because my husband runs his own business so has a flexible schedule, and for my friends that run VRBOs that is their main job – they have a couple of side gigs, but no 9-5 “regular” jobs.

      Have you checked out VRBO or Air BnB listings for your area to see if it makes sense to dip your toes in by converting one of your current rentals to short term? We looked into it but decided against it, because it was everything we hate about rental properties (dealing with new tenants, answering their questions, collecting money from new people and cleaning up between tenants), and the additional money isn’t worth the headache to us right now, not to mention the fact that it would be fluctuating income between peak and slow times, instead of a steady tenant’s rent check each month.

      Unless your motivation is that you want a property in a vacation destination, but you want to rent it out for the times of the year you aren’t there (I’m thinking house in a ski or beach area), then you probably need to talk to some property management companies in that area – but I imagine those houses can be really expensive.

      • Anonymous :

        Thanks — that’s it: want to eventually have something that we will use some of the time that is close enough to us (2 hours) that we would use it and could keep an eye on it.

        Our city isn’t AirBNB territory in that it isn’t a destination for vacationers and there are usually enough hotels. So my old condo was as hands-off as landlording could be — find a good tenant once every few years and that’s it. A vacation house by a nearby lake would be a very different creature. I’m OK being a funding source even if expensive (but fear that asking more of me than being a funding source) might not be realistic. The rental income would probably cover costs since we’d be rolling over one rental’s equity into the new one. I agree that not have it over-leveraged is key to having these things be cash-positive.

        • Meg Murry :

          Don’t underestimate how much of a pain renters that aren’t long term can be. What is they trash the place? What if the roof leaks? What if they bring in pets even if you say no pets or smoke even if you say no smokers? However much you think you would pay in maintenance costs – double, triple or even quadruple that.

          I think having it be cash positive if you aren’t going to be doing the day-to-day work could be tricky – especially if you want to be able to use it too. I think you are probably better off looking at it as “what if we bought a lake house using the equity from the condo, and rented it out on occasion to cut some of the costs? Could we afford it even if we didn’t rent it out?” Otherwise, I suspect a property management company + cleaners would cost almost as much as you would make on renting it – and don’t forget you have to pay taxes on that income as well. And I imagine rates in the lake house area for cleaners and plumbers, etc are higher than outside that area.

          But of course you would have to do the real numbers on the final deal – how much to buy the property, how much you could rent it for in season (and/or out of season), utility costs and the cost to the property maintenance company, etc. In my experience, rental properties are a lot more work than most people plan on, but they can be a good long term investment if you are willing to put in the work.

    • We live in a touristy area and bought a house via short sale in late 2008 and made it a VRBO We did all the maintenance, cleaning, repairs, etc ourselves for the first 4 years bc it’s only 10 min from our house. Now, I take all the inquiries, and make reservations, but we hire those things done. It’s easier, but I I’m ready to sell. It makes money, but the amount of time I put into it relative to what my time is worth at my day job makes it feel like an anchor. The websites like VRBO have made the reservation process 1000X easier and less hands-on than when we started, but I still handle all the inquiries and process the reservations. And there is a nuisance/headache in the fact that although we don’t get many calls from guests, it ALEAYS happens at the most inopportune times, One night, we had dinner guests and the lady staying at the house called and CHEWED ME OUT because we were out of coffee filters. Most people are great, but the bad ones are real headaches.

    • No bi put I’m very tempted by the show Vacation House for Free. A friend has a rental in Key West that easily pays for itself. It seems like they key is to buy a place with big demand and be content with not using the place during the most popular times.

    • My parents have had traditional rentals (about 15 rentals) for decades and have had very few problems. But they got their first vacation rental a few years ago. They seem to find the vacation rental more draining financially than expected. I’m not entirely sure why other than there are slow months and it’s less dependable and predictable than having tenants on one year leases. I would consider it but I would be picky.

  5. Wondering what to wear :

    So my brother is getting married in October on a boat on one of the Great Lakes. What should I wear?

    I am petite and busty. I also don’t want to spend more than $200. Someone please shop for me?!

    • Anonymous :

      I’d try to find something on Rent the Runway

    • I would rent this dress from RTR: https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/zspokezacposen_dresses/lovefirstsightdress

      I wanted to wear it for a wedding in the spring, but the color was more autumn-appropriate. It seems like it would be very flattering. In any case, I would suggest a dress that isn’t too floaty, because it would blow around in the wind. You could throw a blazer or coat over it and maybe some tights, depending on the weather, and remove them for the reception.

      • Seriously, how do people do RTR? I also have a wedding in October (although not on a boat and not in the Great Lakes, thankfully). I went shopping last weekend and tried on probably 30 dresses (basically anything remotely suitable in Macy’s, Nordstrom, Ann Taylor, and Talbots) many in multiple sizes and found NOTHING. I only brought things into the dressing room that I thought could look good on me and not a single one did.

        For the people who love RTR, my question is, when you go shopping in general, do you find you need to bring half the store in with you to find something flattering, or can you just try on one or two things and be good? Because the only way I can think of this working is if you’re someone who can basically wear anything right off the rack. And I cannot. I will try on about 15-20 items for every one that I buy, especially for more structured things (i.e., anything that’s not a t-shirt or sweater — for those I try on probably 10 or 12 for every one that I buy).

        • I can only do it if I have a backup at home ready to go in case I hate the dress. The backup is a dress I could wear, but just don’t want because I’ve worn it too much or its not as stylish/special as I was hoping for. I also have to spend hours looking at the pictures of the dresses on other people and comparing my shape to the pictures. Sometimes my rents are a bust (return quickly for a refund), but sometimes I love them.

        • I always think the same thing, too. And even though I know my body pretty well, and know what types of things look best on me and which stores/brands typically fit me well, I am still consistently amazed by just how terrible something can look on me that, in theory, checks all my “good” boxes.

        • Anonymous :

          I think when I go shopping, I try on a bunch of things I don’t love because they’re there or because of the price. On RTR I can find a dress I like that I think would suit my body, see people who might look similar to me wearing it, and then I just get it. So far it’s worked out fine, especially because they send you two sizes, but I’ve heard they will overnight you a substitution if you hate it or it doesn’t fit.

        • My approach to RTR is that it’s not aspirational. I am very honest with myself about my body and my size (whereas when I’m shopping I’m more likely to try to find a unicorn). Only once has RTR failed me – something was way too short (as in, if I lifted my arms, everything is on display), and they replaced with a different dress within 24 hours in a different city from where the 1st was delivered. Their customer service is phenomenal. I would definitely try it, but I also, like Care above, always have a backup of something boring, etc.
          I started RTR when I gained some weight and didn’t want to commit to buying a dress in the new size. I absolutely love it and now use it for almost all weddings or big events.

          • See I find that what winds up looking good on me is often the thing I grabbed off the rack and said “ugh, this will never work” but tried it anyway. While the thing that should totally work — it’s the right length, cut, fabric — winds up pulling in exactly the wrong way, is shaped funny across the back, makes me look like a sack, etc. It’s a total [email protected]

        • I did RTR for the first time recently and thought it was so much fun. I think it worked for me because I know that a sheath dress is the most flattering on me. I only considered sheath dresses and I poured over the reviews and pictures that previous wearers had posted.

        • I’ll be 100% honest with anyone in saying, a lot of clothes will fit me generally between size 4-6 and if they don’t fit perfectly, they fit enough to roll with it. On RTR I ALWAYS get the second size as backup (for free!) as well as picking out a second discounted style as a 911-backup. By not getting a backup size, you’re really playing dumb and asking for a dress to fail last minute for your event.

          Also, I’m a HUGE comments reader in general, so the reviews that real women give on the dresses is crucial. I look to people who are built like me, 5’11. no boobs – to see comments on fit, etc. before taking the dive on an order.

          Also generally, I hate shopping for clothes. Rarely do it. So RTR is great, I don’t have extra clothes around my closet, I’m not spending all that money, I browse at other chicks wearing dresses and voila!

        • Marshmallow :

          I have used RTR successfully many times, and I am always careful to really read the reviews of women with similar figures before renting a dress. Look at the photos of other women who are around your size and shape, see how the dress looks on them, see what size they rented. I stick to classic silhouettes in brands with predictable sizing. And if you order with an extra day before your event, and something doesn’t fit, RTR can overnight you something else. Plus if you’re near one of their showrooms, you can try stuff on.

          • +1 always filtering reviews for women who are the same size and shape. For me that mostly matters for height (tall!) and bust size (small!) so just pick the filters that change clothes the most for you.

        • Anonymous :

          If you live in DC, NY, Chicago, or Vegas, you can visit RTR’s brick and mortar store and try on dresses there. I don’t think the stores carry all of the dresses available, but they have many options to choose from.

          I’ve done RTR many times and have on the whole been happy with the dresses. I’ve been very happy with RTR. In my mind, the key to RTR is knowing your measurements and sizes with different designers and reading the comments and viewing the pictures (as other commenters have pointed out above). I refrain from renting dresses that lack comments or photos unless I’ve worn the brand before and actually know my size.

    • Anonymous :

      A nice, warm coat.

      • Moonstone :

        I thought the same thing.

        • Meg Murry :

          Me too. And a crap ton of hairspray, because it will be super windy. I’m sure it will be beautiful, but probably cold and windy.

          Maybe skip the fancy dress and just get a floor length fur?

          Normally I prefer knee length dresses to long, but on the lake you probably want long so it doesn’t flip up in the breeze – even if the ceremony will be inside the boat, you still have boarding and disembarking to worry about windy wardrobe malfunctions.

          But sorry, no help on a specific dress.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          Yea, my first thought was “one of those coat dresses Kate Middleton always seems to be wearing, with a good pair of tights.”

  6. lucy stone :

    Asked yesterday but it was late in the thread – has anyone been to the IMLA Conference before?

  7. Thoughts on the rose gold iPhone? I kind of want one.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I think it’s awesome and if I were getting a new iPhone right now I would definitely get that color. But the problem is once you put a case on it (which you kind of need to do to protect it), the finish color only shows on the ring around the home button.

      • I’d suggest getting a clear case?

        • DC Restaurants :

          I have the gold 5s and this is what i did. it looks nice.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Well, there’s that. If one is smart enough to think of it! LOL

          I should get a clear case for my gold one…

          • Ha ha! My 17 year old nephew decided that on his 16th birthday, he wanted the gold iPhone because it was “classy.” He’s hilarious. He did end up getting a clear case for his classy gold phone and I still tease him about it. That kid…

          • Anonymous :

            Kate Spade has some cute clear cases with polka dots or stripes.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I want one too. My 4S is dying a slow, painful death. I’m planning to try out t-mobile’s non-contract plan before I buy one though. I really don’t want to renew my AT&T contract.

      I have a gold ipad and the color is really nice, but Senior Attorney is right that the color doesn’t really show once you put a cover on it.

      • AT&T has no-contract plans now. I have a clear case (made by Incipio) on my iPhone 6 and love it.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Oh thanks. I might do that then it looks like the T-Mobile one is a little cheaper but I know I get good service in the places I frequently go. That could be worth the price difference.

      • Congrats on the job! I also have a 4S, so there will be a new phone in my future, but I’m sure I’ll have to figure out the optimal pricing. The clear cases are a great suggestion.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Thanks! I think I’m going to get one with a clear case. Can’t believe I didn’t even think to look for those before.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m in love. Not ready for a new phone yet. You can get cases (even patterned ones, if you want) on a transparent/translucent background.

    • New Tampanian :

      Want so badly… might have to make it a reward for working out or something…

    • Senior Attorney :

      BTW I got a 6 Plus for my parents and I am now super wishing I’d gotten one for myself instead of the smaller one. It’s so nice and big!!

    • Marshmallow :

      I’ve always been a black/gray iPhone girl but I love the pink. I might branch out. Do we think it looks unprofessional, though? My iPhone is both my work and personal phone, so it’s out on the conference table at work constantly.

      • I guess this is sort of what is troubling me. Will I look like a teeny bopper? I hope not. But maybe I don’t care. :)

        • Anonymous :

          Yes, IMO it would look extremely unprofessional, at least in my world, YMMV

          • Anonymous :

            when I said this, I was referring to a pink case, I misread your post. I think the rose gold is perfectly professional and ordered it myself.

        • I don’t think it would look unprofessional at all. To me it’s not really “pink” or girly. Plenty of lawyers in my office have pink or purple or striped or giant plastic cases, and I think the rose gold phone is much more discreet than all of those. I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

        • I think it’s fine. I have a girly phone case (flower print) and feel like it is a place at work where it’s okay to show some personality.

    • Pretty Primadonna :

      I want it!

  8. TexasLawyer :

    Anyone out there in Denver Big Law (or Mid Law)? I am considering relocating (from Texas) but don’t have any personal knowledge of the Denver legal market beyond what I have been able to find online. I am in litigation and would be coming from an international Big Law firm (that unfortunately doesn’t have a Denver office). Suggestions/ general impressions of the major players would be welcome!

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I believe the commenter Kanye East is now somewhere near Denver. I don’t know if she ever reads the comment threads any more, but she’s on Tumblr if you want to find her. I’ll shoot her a message and tell her someone is asking.

    • Anonymous :

      I work in small/mid law in Denver. 10 years ago I worked in Biglaw here. I can’t say I still have my finger on the pulse of the Biglaw market, but if you have specific questions I might be able to answer. Generally, Biglaw here is like Biglaw everywhere – crazy hours and work-life balance struggles.

      • TexasLawyer :

        Thanks for the replies everyone! I have been doing some research, and it seems like most big law firms in Denver pay under NY market (in Texas, my firm and most peer firms at least start at NY market). My reasons for moving to Denver are related to hubby’s job, not mine, and obviously the prospect of working the same hours for less money is not attractive. Any recommendations for a smaller or mid-size firm that might pay less but has a reputation for having quality work and clients, as well as good WL balance?

  9. So I was ready to pull the trigger on buying knee high heeled boots from Duo to fit my muscular calves, and I was redirected to “Ted & Muffy fairytale fitters?” WTF?

    Looks like the same company, but 15% more expensive and 100% more twee. Ugh. Any other options for nice leather wide calf boots? Or do I have to hold my nose and deal?

    • Anonymous :

      Have you tried boots from Born? They typically aren’t as sleek as some other brands, and typically have stacked heels as opposed to stiletto, but I’ve never had an issue with calf size. Most styles I’ve tried have a built-in gusset at the top of the shaft to help accommodate larger widths.

    • AnotherLadyLawyer :

      UGH! I was just complaining about Ted & Muffy to a friend the other day. I am/was a Duo lover and got some strange email the other day welcoming me to fairytale-land or something insane. I think Duo jumped the shark and is going all Vogue/haute couture. I don’t know if I can get on board. Rant over. For your question, depends on how wide calf you need? Try David Tate, Type Z and Fitzwell. I was on a boot quest for years before Duo and the only real way to do it is to know your calf circumference and search wide/wide wide/extra wide calf options and scope out the measurements if provided (Zappos is pretty good about listing them).

      • I had really good luck with the Sam Edelman Penny in wide width. I had tried on soooo many pairs of boots looking for some that would fit over my calves with skinny jeans. For the longest time, I just dealt with having to scrunch them a little around the ankles and just not pull them up all the way, but then I tried the Pennys and it was like the clouds parted and the angels sang. After a season of wear, they maybe were even a little too wide (they are a VERY soft leather as well, so I think this may have had something to do with it.)

      • I walked by this shop today and thought “what on earth is ted and muffy?” I thought it was a new lingerie shop or something.

    • SuziStockbroker :

      La Canadienne have boots that fit my muscular calves.

    • Anonymous :

      For flat boots, the lands end riding boot was fantastic. They run wide AND come in wide. I have had no luck ever with my chunky calves but these are boots I own in 2 colors and have a back up pair because I’m terrified they’ll go out of stock!
      I will say mine stared to wear badly after 2 years of…daily…wear in fall and snow. Lands end replaced them at no charge. So they may not last forever but LE stands by them.

  10. Costa Rica! :

    Hi everyone, I’ll be traveling to Costa Rica in a couple of months for a week! Any suggestions for hotels? Must dos? We’re pretty open, looking for unique experiences (treehouse hotels, waterfall hikes, etc). Thanks in advance for any great recommendations!

    • I loved spending a few days in Tortuguero – a remote area on the caribbean side only reachable by plane or boat! We stayed here and it was relaxing and beautiful, the food delicious: http://www.tortugalodge.com/
      We also spent time in Arsenal and Monteverde.

      • Seconding Tortuguero, and suggesting you do the three-day trip with Riverboat Francesca. I JUST got back from Costa Rica and it was seriously one of the highlights of my trip. The married couple that runs it is awesome and knowledgeable, and they arrange for you to stay at Laguna Lodge, which I adored (hello, it has its own butterfly garden and tree frog walk!).

        I also loved the waterfall rappelling (with Desafio) and hanging bridges walk with a naturalist (Ecoterra tours) in Arenal. I also did ziplining and and loved it. I stayed at Hotel Campo Verde in Arenal in my own little bungalow, and that was great and inexpensive, though not posh (there are other less rustic options).

    • Anonymous :

      I loved Rancho Pacifico in the Central Pacific. So peaceful and it is running some great deals right now. We flew in to Quepos on a morning flight, spent the day at Manuel Antonio and then traveled to the hotel and spent the rest of our time doing a mixture of day trips or hikes on the hotel’s property (including a hike to a waterfall), going to the spa, etc. We stayed in one of the treehouses, which were amazing.

    • To what part of CR are you going?

    • Wildkitten :

      I went to CR by myself for a month during law school. It’s a great, very safe, friendly country.

  11. Anonymous Associate :

    Has anyone ever worked remotely for a law firm? If so, tell me about it! :)

    • Anonymous :

      I do and have for about 3 years. I started when I was a second year, because of my spouse’s job. I didn’t move out of state, so I didn’t have to deal with taking another bar exam, etc. I am about a 3 hour drive from my former office, and drive there for a day trip about once every month or two. Happy to answer any specific questions.

      • I want your life :

        My husband currently lives/works 1.5 hours from my job (same state), and I would kill to move back there with him–but I also love my firm. How long had you worked at the firm before you started to work remotely? How did you bring it up, how did they take it, and what kind of hiccups have you experienced? Do you have a separate office in your home city, or a home office? If you work from home, what’s the technology situation like? (Do you have to have fast enough internet / comprehensive phone service?).

        Sorry to hijack with so many questions! I think my firm is open to this type of arrangement, and I think my marriage may depend on it, so I’m trying to position myself carefully.

        • I asked after about 2.5 years of practicing. We had each had long commutes (collectively, 6 hours a day), and due to some developments in my personal life, I didn’t feel like the long commutes were doable anymore. I interviewed for jobs in the city where my husband works and had an offer I was willing to accept when I asked about working remotely. I also discussed it with a senior associate in my group first to get his ideas on how to pitch it. Basically, I had a conversation with the partner I work with the most and said that I couldn’t take the commuting any more and wanted to work remotely. He said that he was shocked I had stuck it out as long as I did and that he had no objection to me working remotely, but he would run it by our department chair. In terms of asking being so easy, I think it helped that I work in a small department (so less bureaucratic) and have a good relationship with the partners who make decisions.

          The firm subleases space for me in another law firm’s office. I think this is preferable to working at home because I have conference rooms available for depos and meetings, an office address for the rare occasions I need an attorney service to drop off or pick up papers (my practice is mostly in fed ct so I almost exclusively efile), standard office equipment that I don’t have to maintain (my firm provides my laptop but printer, fax etc belong to sublessor firm), and I am around other people (we don’t talk about cases, obviously). My assistant is in my former office so I am remote from her.

        • As to hiccups, one big one initially was technology. I finally convinced them to issue me a backup laptop after I had to fedex my computer to IT when it had a problem that the Helpdesk couldn’t fix remotely. Also, since I am not on the firm’s network, our document management system is painfully slow (think 5 minutes to open or save a document). So that is frustrating. From a work perspective, since I started working remotely I have started working more with people in my department in offices other than the one where I used to work, which I enjoy. It’s also been easier to develop business as I am not competing with my own colleagues for work in my city.

      • Anonymous Associate :

        Thanks for all of the comments. I am going back to my old law firm, and will be starting as a remote worker. I live in a different city (same state) as where the firm’s HQ is located, but there is no office in my city. I switched jobs to a firm with an office in my city, but I didn’t enjoy my work there nearly as much. I was beyond excited when my old firm actually said yes to my proposal to return and work remotely.

        My biggest concern is actually technology hiccups, which you mentioned below. I would love if my firm leased a small space for me, but I’ll likely be working from home. I have already looking at co-worked options and renting a work area for myself. My home internet is snail-like, so I think working from home will be terrible.

        Your comment about developing business is interesting, I was thinking the same thing. I am a fourth year, so I am starting to build my own book of business, and would like to continue that.

    • Anonymous :

      I go to my office 1 or 2 days per week (45 mins away) and otherwise work from home. I have a home office and an IT setup that lets me connect to my office network from home. For that I have the fastest “home” internet service Comcast offers and there has been no need to upgrade to a “business” level internet service. I use my home phone line for business calls during the day, but I don’t widely hand out that number. For non-scheduled calls, external people generally call my office number and leave messages, which I get immediately because they’re routed to my email, and I call them back. People I work with know they can reach me by email almost immediately most of the time and they call my home or cell number whenever they want to. I call in to many of our internal meetings, but they try to schedule those on days I’m going to be in the office. I’m in a busy litigation practice, and when there are court appearances and depos I have to travel more, which is exhausting and a PITA. This can be somewhat career-limiting (obviously) if you’re not willing to “show up” in person for all the court dates and depos. Two years ago one of our associates moved 2000 miles away and she now works part time for us writing briefs, drafting discovery, reviewing documents, preparing witness exams, analyzing discrete issues, etc. She’s not on partner track, but has kids and is happy with her setup.

  12. For anyone trying to kill the last 1-2 hours of this Friday afternoon, this is an interesting read:

    http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2015/09/harvard_yale_stanford_endowments_is_it_time_to_tax_them.html

  13. Vacation? :

    I know we’ve talked a lot about vacations lately, so feel free to skip over if you’re sick of this, but I’d love some ideas of where to vacation with my mom for a few days this winter/spring. Criteria: not too far away (on the East Coast and only want to be gone for 3-4 days), not crazy expensive (I’m not in law), warm (at least 70 degrees for the high), good shopping and things to do to relax (beach, cute cafés, that sort of thing). We like a little sightseeing but it’s not the major part of our vacations; we more want to decompress and relax, while having several options for activities available too. Thoughts?

  14. Anonymous :

    Any advice for small/medium-firm litigation associate going to an interview for a non-legal position at a software startup? *chatters teeth* It’s next week and, while I am well-versed in the intricacies of legal interviewing, I feel a bit scared.

    • …No actual advice, but that sounds gutsy! Congrats to you for snagging that interview, you obviously have something they’re interested in :)

    • Watermelon :

      They’re likely to ask you questions to see if you’re competent if you’re trying for an engineering job. So different from some law jobs, where competence seems to be assumed from pedigree.

  15. I don’t quite get how long cardigans are supposed to work on anyone who has a butt, which is most humans. Is there a trick to it?

    • Anonymama :

      You put it on, and it goes over your butt? They can sometimes have a widening effect but with slim, more fitted pants they can offer some coverage, as a tunic might.

      • Anonymous :

        Yup. It’s not hard.

      • Disagree that it’s not hard. I’m petite but I’ve got a fairly substantial butt for my size and long cardigans that drape over them make it stand out. When it stretches over your butt it loses that nice, drapey quality. I always feel disproportionate in an outfit like that.

    • I think this one looks good from behind on the model. Whether you find the look unflattering probably depends on your shape. I’m pretty straight-figured with minimal curves and I love long, drapey cardigans for weekends in fall and winter.

      • Wildkitten :

        I am apple shaped and like that they camouflage my middle.

      • I am pear-shaped but have broad shoulders so long cardigans fall straight down and don’t emphasize my hips/thighs. I love them! I only buy the open kind with no buttons though.

  16. For those of you that have ordered from Boden before – how is the quality in general? Does it compare to Kate Spade, DVF, etc (which would be magical because it is Sooo much cheaper)?

    • Can’t compare them to those brands, but I’ll say they’re comparable to ‘good-old-days’ BR, Ann Taylor, and JCrew; quality is terrific, particularly for the price point. I now get virtually all my work clothes from Boden. As long as you’re careful with washing (I only wash their stuff on cold, and air dry), dresses and shirts hold shape and color. I have 5-year-old Boden clothes that I’ve worn regularly that still look great.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I can’t compare to those either, but I agree that the quality is very good. You can tell from the moment you open the package just by the feel of the fabric. I highly recommend giving it a shot.

  17. Thinking about leaving a steady government gig for a two year temporary job and a small pay cut. If I don’t leave the govt gig I might be there forever as I am not getting younger. My idea is that this temporary job will give me exposure to many more people and increase my skill set, leading to a better opportunity in the future. If you did something similar, tell me! I am scared to stay, and scared to leave.

    • Wildkitten :

      Oh girl. Bounce. If it fails you can move on to your next adventure.

    • Brunette Elle Woods :

      It depends on your long term goals. If having kids is something you see yourself doing, a government job is great as far as hours and benefits go, or so I’ve heard. If you are sure you don’t want to be in government, then take the opportunity, knowing some places have a policy that if you leave you will not be able to come back.

      • Anonymous :

        Actually, my son will graduate from high school in two years. One of the reasons I stay with the govt, is for the health insurance and benefits. BUt with him out of the house, I can take more risks. But then I’ll be in my 50s.

  18. What do you do after a first interview when waiting on the next steps? Clearly I’m not going to stalk the company yet, it’s not even been a week but what can I do to be productive and take some of the anxiety out of the wait.

    • Wildkitten :

      Set up a google alert for the people at the company so if they do something noteworthy you can congratulate them. Apply for other jobs. Go to the gym. Marie Kondo your life.

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