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Anon
Give me your thoughts on this interaction. My boyfriend and I were supposed to meet with his female friend for dinner tonight. She has been very, very eager about this dinner, in large part because her ex-boyfriend (my boyfriend’s friend) is visiting the city we live in for a few weeks. She had asked my boyfriend, “Is Chris visiting? I saw something on his social media.” To which my boyfriend responded, “Yes. Will tell you in person.”
She had to cancel the plans tonight because she has a date, but asked him “By the way, are you going to see Chris while he’s here? And what were you going to tell me in person about him? So much suspense lol.”
I feel bad since it feels like maybe she thought my BF was going to tell her something huge and important, or maybe even that Chris is still in love with her. In reality, my BF thinks Chris has become incredibly slimy and doesn’t want to associate with him anymore. Chris made a comment during their last dinner that “being single is a lot better than being in a relationship, as you get to see many boobies as opposed to one pair of boobies.” Ick.
Does my boyfriend’s comment about ‘will tell you in person’ seem like it was setting her up for a big reveal, or do you think she read into it more than she needed to? I don’t want him causing unnecessary hurt feelings…
anon
I think you are expending unnecessary emotional energy here. I don’t read her text as necessarily thinking some big revelation is at hand.
anon
Same. You are reading way too much into this.
Anonymous
It doesn’t seem she’s looking for a big revelation. I think she’s just interested in the gossip, which him being gross is definitely good gossip lMO.
Senior Attorney
Agree.
Anonymous
Girl. He’s an adult man. Let him manage his relationships
Anon
Yep. Have no idea why OP is inserting herself into this situation, unless she’s insecure about her boyfriend’s friendship with this woman. And if that’s the case, this is not the way to deal with those feelings. This is a bad look.
anon
I agree you’re spending too much energy on this, but if I were her I’d feel as she does. Can your bf just call her and share his views on chris?
Cat
your bf is being weird with the drama, but Friend is also being weirdly eager to keep up to date with Ex.
Anon
I don’t think it’s really that weird, as in unusual. A lot of people would feel that way in this situation.
Anon
I think she just wants to know what she was going to be told. My husband and I were emailing during the workday yesterday about something going on at his office, and he said, “I’ll tell you more tonight,” and so when he got home I wanted to hear the rest! It turns out it was just one more sentence and he could have just typed that sentence instead of “I’ll tell you more tonight,” but I still wanted to hear it!
And I think it’s totally normal to want to hear more about an ex, good, bad or indifferent.
anon
I agree with this. if ex is really that slimy it would be good for her to know. maybe it’ll be easier for her to move on to someone better.
Anne-on
See my comment below about my Tradwick college ex. Do I usually spend any time thinking about him? Nope, but I’m definitely still petty enough to be gratified that others agree he’s kind of a jerk.
Anon
I will confess to a strange sense of nosiness and satisfaction to find that people who were slimy to me (or just struck me that way) are in fact slimy people.
Anne-on
+1 – I met up with a high school friend when I was in her city a few months ago and we spent some time gossiping about our respective ex’s that the other had been in touch with. I’d chatted with her college ex recently as we’re in the same industry and run into each other at conferences, she’s in the same city as my college ex and runs into him now and again. It was mostly a ‘your ex is still a nice enough guy with adorable kids/wife, my ex is still a smug ex-LAX Tradwick with a wife who’s too good for him’. Have either of us spent any time before or since talking about these guys? Nope, but it was a fun gossipy conversation in a ‘where are they now’ kind of way since we’re also old enough that most of our circle isn’t on social media or only shares kid-related photos.
HFB
For sure! Literally anytime someone says they’ll fill me on later on something, especially if they imply it’s something best shared in person rather than I writing, my curiosity is piqued! Sadly this often results in disappointing work meetings,lol. ( I work in government so there’s always a chance that the in person meeting will contain juicy gossip… but it usually turns out to be something that was just too tedious or uncertain for the other person to type out).
anon
BF should call her and tell her and then everyone move past this guy.
Anon
OP here – thank you all for saying there’s nothing to worry about. I think I was just overthinking it since the female friend wants to get back together, and Chris will periodically text her in a way that is kind of stringing her on. Meanwhile, the reason he broke up with her is to play the field and he isn’t really thinking about her at all. The ‘boobies’ comment just made me feel very sad for her, since it’s so degrading and kind of a devaluation of her as a person. I just really don’t want my boyfriend to be contributing to her holding out hope, and wish I could telepathically communicate to her that Chris is a sleaze and she’s better off without him. But not my monkey, not my circus – thank you all for the reminder.
Anon
Yes, what the ex said is degrading and will make her feel bad. Your boyfriend will hurt her by revealing the exact words. But it is helpful for her to hear that he is in generally a womanizing/sexist/mysoginistic/whatever douchebag and that she is lucky to be free of him.
Anon
+1. Maybe you can relay the info in a positive way? Something like, “It’s so good that you broke up with Chris. Husband said Chris has been really sleazy lately, playing the field and being jerky to women. You’re so much better without him.”
Anon
This is the way to go if you actually consider her a friend and are not trying to stir up even more drama than your BF did with his original weirdly suspenseful statement.
I’m honestly giving your BF a lot of side eye here, because it sounds like he is either stirring the pot intentionally or is carelessly oblivious to the impact his message had on his friend.
Vicky Austin
She probably just thought there was gossip – which there sort of is. I don’t mind hearing about how exes have fallen from grace because I am a sinful mortal.
Anne-on
Not sinful – I’d file this under ‘stuff she’d already know if we all lived in the same small town we grew up in’. This is 100% the type of news (gossip) my mom and her sisters talk about whenever my mom goes back to her very small hometown. I also STILL get updates on my parents neighbor’s kid’s job/marriage/kids/etc. when I call home.
TBH I am also confused when my husband talks to his college friends and has NO gossip/news to report, like, wth do you all talk about for an hour?!?
Anonymous
I mean, I only read like the first letter of every other word of your post after “will tell you in person” because I was d a m n curious what it was!!! She wants to know the gossip, and I think that’s totally natural.
Ellen
I wonder if sometimes having a boyfreind is even worth it? Life gets so complicated when these silly men kow tow to us just so that we will sleep with them. I say it is just not worth it because after you do stuff with men, they gaslight us and move on for the next woman. FOOEY!
Anon
I just finished listening to The Daily podcast, today’s episode about biodiversity. It’s not really my area but I learned a lot. Highly recommend.
Anon
Do we know what has happened with emotional abuse / too tight pants to church ‘rette? Have been thinking of her over the holidays.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Presumably she is living her life and doing the best she can and if she wants to update us she will.
BeenThatGuy
Or maybe this post will let her know that a few random internet strangers are thinking about her and want to know how she’s doing. Kindness is free.
HFB
Yes. If the church pants poster is reading please know this Internet stranger has been thinking of you and wishing you well.
Anon
+1
anon
Can someone talk me into or out of buying this top? https://mmlafleur.archiveresale.co/product/mmlafleur_4633
thanks.
Anon
I cannot. That is gorgeous.
Senior Attorney
I vote “into!”
Anon
I think it looks cheap for that price point. Forever 21 had a period in the 2010s of cheap chiffon-like polka dot shirts that this reminds me of. For $130, I’d invest in a higher quality fabric in a neutral color.
Anon
+1. It’s 100% polyester and used. You can get a new 100% silk top for that price at Banana Republic.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah, I assume the MMLF re-sale is like a “certified pre-owned” car, but the pits might still be funky. It’s pretty, and if you like it you should get it, but it’s not a showstopper to me.
Thanksgiving anxiety
Oh I didn’t realize it was used…so someone else was sweating in it first…h to the no
Used clothes, particularly those of unknown origin, should be free or like 90% off
Anon
yeah, I do NOT think it looks worth the money
Anon
Yea I wouldn’t spend $130 for that shirt.
Anon
$130 for a used 100% polyster blouse? Less expensive, maybe. Silk, maybe. But that combination is an easy no for me.
Anon
I’ve tried it on in the past and didn’t like the neckline. Unbuttoned did not look good on me.
go for it
no can do, it is divine!
thanksgiving anxiety
I like the shape a lot but I would hate to be in high neck, long sleeved polyester sweatbox. You can find silk for that price. Even a rayon/viscose blend would be better IMO
Anon
This feels like an emperor’s new clothes situation to me. It’s not *that* great? Especially for polyester, especially used, especially at that price. But it’s not divine, it’s just okay. Maybe on the higher end of okay, but doesn’t reach great territory to me.
Anon
Re Prince Harry, I am getting the feeling like he is maybe the JFK Jr. (flunked the NY Bar exam how many times?) of the UK, but dimmer and less charming. Like I get the feeling that while he was in the military, maaaaybe he was sort of tolerated in it, kept out of harm’s way, and maybe the guy who would always be the co-pilot and not fit to really fly. Also, the Taliban is making fun of him now. I can’t imagine that this doesn’t sting worse than the British press, but I have a feeling that he’s just a bit oblivious or very, very Trad (like the Nazi uniform was all Will and Kate’s fault) in that he has gotten where he is by the ultimate white guy privilege but whining all the way and nothing bad can be blamed on him because it is always someone else’s fault.
Anon
Harry is definitely very dim. I’m not sure Americans fully realize how dumb he is because his Nazi antics and now the Meghan stuff has dominated his press over here, but he couldn’t advance in the military because he couldn’t pass his exams despite trying again and again.
Anon
I’m Jewish. The Nazi antics and trying to place blame on William and Kate for wearing the costume are unforgivable.
Anon
Yeah, this week has been sort of a trainwreck. I realize we’re seeing the most tabloid-ready parts of the books (and realistically I’ll probably still read the book), but I’m still puzzled by the things he wrote about. The first story that leaked about Will’s physical attack I sort of figured was an anecdote that fit into a broader theme, but after a few more leaked anecdotes it just seems like a hot mess of highly attention-seeking stories?
I found the documentary bland but whatever. I am generally supportive of / interested in all of Will, Kate, Harry, Meghan. The past month or so makes Will look pretty bad, but also makes Harry look super vindictive. We’ll see what the rest of the books reveals…
Anon
Like with all of this, I’m glad that Harry was born second.
Vicky Austin
W&K laughing at/encouraging the Nazi uniform is a bad look, and I don’t want to underplay that.
However, what oh what is the point of airing that now? It doesn’t make Harry look ANY better. It makes him look like a finger-pointing non-responsibility-taking brat. In fact, I swear this whole thing is not all that different from some fights I had with my sisters as children. One of them once cast up to me something I had done before she was born! (It was relevant to the fight, and the subject of a much-told family anecdote, but still!)
Anon
If Harry’s take on the Nazi thing is that he was 20ish and stupid, then that applies to Will and Kate also, no?
But he is now late 30s and it doesn’t look like his judgment has improved — spare me the frostbitten weenie and being ridden like a stallion. Cringe.
Anon
The way he wrote about it made it sound like Will was 10 years older and acting as his parent figure, when he’s actually only 2 years older. It was very weird.
Ghost Writing
If he is as dim as they say, how much of what’s in his memoir, either the facts or their descriptions, can we trust to be accurate?
Anonymous
They’ve lied about so much stuff that I’m not even sure the W/K comments happened like that. Like maybe there was a call and they laughed in a FFS you can’t be thinking of actually doing that’ kind of way and Harry took it as encouragement? Or the whole thing is made up? Was Kate even reported as being at this party previous?
Kate took flack for her Jewish roots and a BBC presenter said ‘her mom’s people did well in business’ so this new story feels like a dig at Kate in particular. Esp. given her work with Holocaust survivors over the last couple years. Plus there was that Holocaust survivor who said when she spoke at Eton that Harry DGAF about the presentation but William seemed interested and asked questions.
Anon
I don’t believe it happened exactly how Harry said it happened, but I do believe they were all going to a “native and colonial” party which is…yikes. I think Harry and Meghan seem like deranged narcissists and Kate and William are probably nicer people to have as friends, but let’s not beat around the bush, the whole family has a history of being racist and culturally insensitive.
Anonymous
Apparently Kate and Will were broken up when the party happened. So the whole anecdote seems shady and that explains why there was never a story about her costume. William went as a lion I think? The whole theme is gross but not exactly uncommon 20 years ago – my high school was still doing spirit week ‘slave auction’ fundraisers which is just insanity in hindsight
Anon
*Kate and William are probably nicer people to have as friends if you’re white, British, upper crust
Anon
Wow the slave auction is crazy to me. I graduated high school 20 years ago in a red state and can’t imagine something like that happening, even in the more rural, hick areas of my state. I did read that Kate and Will were broken up at the time, so it’s possible she wasn’t involved at all (yet another instance of Kate getting dragged into the mud unfairly…)
Anne-on
I was also confused about how people are making Kate out to be this huge villian for….not wanting to lend her lipgloss to her sister in law? For being married for 8 years with 2 kids and having accumulated nice furniture in that time? For not appreciating being told she’s hormonal? A lot of the stories he’s sharing seem like a mismatch between someone more formal/reserved (you know, like British royalty) and someone more relaxed/casual (American actress from CA).
anon
This is spot on. I’m genuinely confused how H&M couldn’t see the mismatch between who Meghan is, and who the Royal Family is (and that’s unlikely to change). H&M seem well suited for each other and seem to really be in love, which is lovely, but it’s hard to argue that it was ever going to be a natural fit. Meghan is California casual, and the Royal Family lives and dies by protocol.
Vicky Austin
This! It’s a really weird thing to think that by continuing to Tell Their Side of the Story, H&M can get the RF to…change? That’s not really what royal families are known for, but okay.
Anonymous
Yup. Like Harry should have told Meghan “look it’s weird but this family is a business first. Will and Kate are our more senior coworkers.”
Anonymous
This. Marrying non- royals is pretty common. Both Princess Anne’s kids married regular people but they also had non-working Royal lives. If you get the financial benefits of the business end (free housing, wardrobe, travel) then you need to treat it like a job.
Anon
And calling someone hormonal when they just had a baby is OMFG clueless. You just don’t say that. And it looks like Kate was doing a lot of wedding work for Harr’s wedding when she had had a baby a month before. I know I was still bleeding until week 6 or so post party and my noons were leaking all over. And these are Kate’s in-laws! Not her actual family! Why is Kate getting so thrown under the bus?!
Anon
+1 to this. I think the stories that have been leaked really do show how toxic the institution AND family are, which isn’t shocking but just confirms a lot.
I also once was super interested in Harry and Meghan but I do think they are tone-deaf and too precious (likely comes with the territory of the firm, Hollywood, etc.). I suspected Will had a lot to do with them wanting to peace out, and this just confirms it. I do find the quandary interesting – Harry clearly supports the idea of a monarchy, but is also reading his own family to filth. I wonder what the end game is, or is it just the money? Because as much as the Sussexes talk about charity work, their platform…right now it seems like their focus is dishing royal tea (which I am sipping gleefully).
I think being weird about being greeted with a hug, and making a big deal of being told “oh you have baby brain, no worries” – it doesn’t paint the Walses in the best light…
Anonymous
I don’t agree that William wanted them out. The plan was always for Harry to help carry the work until William’s kids were older so they could have a somewhat normalish early childhood. And given how close he is with the Phillips kids, I imagine he would have wanted that kind of closeness for cousins with his own kids.
The problem was Harry and Meghan wanted the top tier jobs which are for the heir. There’s a lot of unglamorous cutting the ribbon at a new hospital type work to be done. Princess Anne carries a lot of that now but she is getting older.
When Harry are stooped to releasing info about William’s private parts or Kate’s postpartum moods, I don’t see how he can also pretend that he wants to reconcile.
Anon
Also, she did lend the lip gloss! He says she “grimaced” while doing it and then constructed an entire reality about how it meant Kate was jealous of having to compete with Meghan because Meghan was so perfect and its like…the woman was six months pregnant, maybe she grimaced because in utero Louis kicked her organs or something? Every excerpt seems like so much projection. The one about meeting up with Charles and William after Philip’s memorial and they were “serious” and “looked like they were going to war” and he prayed for strength from Diana?? Like, dude, they are coming from the memorial service for their father/grandfather, they aren’t going to be giggling while walking up to you.
Anne-on
I have a LOT of sympathy for Kate because I also had hyperemesis and worked/traveled full time. The amount of times I felt like death/like I was going to puke on someone were super high and nobody was taking tabloid photos of me! I’m fully prepared to give her ALL the passes for doing anything public while pregnant and dealing with that.
Anon
Honestly one of the reasons I’m convinced Will and Kate weren’t the ones leaking negative stories about Harry and Meghan is that if they were they would emphasize the fact that the whole time H&M were complaining Will and Kate weren’t welcoming Meghan enough she was 1) pregnant 2) with HG 3) had two toddlers and 4) her family was trying to get help for her suicidal brother.
Anonymous
This. Kate gets shit on for not supporting Meghan’s mental health during the exact period that she was literally driving her brother to therapy weekly and had three small kids. It wasn’t t her job. Harry should have stepped up.
Vicky Austin
With as much compassion for his traumatic loss as I can muster, “prayed for strength from Diana” weirds me out.
eertmeert
I am so grossed out by sharing lip products that even hearing someone else did it makes me grimace. If you borrow my gloss, please keep it after. That is now my gift to you.
Anon
I’m reluctant to share lip gloss with anyone. I’ll share chap stick with my bf and that’s about it, especially after covid.
Anon
To be clear I’m slightly more team H&M than I am W&K, but I think the press is the villian, including the institution’s involvement in the press. Not really W&K, unless it’s true that W had his office go after H&M in the press.
Anon
I don’t even think it’s an American vs British divide! I’m American and I don’t like hugging strangers and would be annoyed if my SIL called me hormonal.
HFB
I’m not really following this story but I wouldn’t want to share lipgloss with my full blood sister, never mind a double in law! Was this during Covid? And/or when Kate was pregnant or had small children at home?
Vicky Austin
It was all pre-COVID for sure – the Sussexit didn’t occur until Jan/Feb 2020.
Anonymous
At the first public event they did together while Kate was heavily pregnant.
Anon
Who shares lip gloss?!
okay
Seriously….
I wouldn’t even in 7th grade.
Anon
Seriously….
I wouldn’t even in 7th grade.
Anon
I get it though. Had he been homely and middle class and from flyover land, he would be Dwight Schrute. Now he is a bitter guy tallying up all the chips on his shoulder.
Anonymous
Well he did cheat on his exams at school. There were articles about it at the time. He’s generally an idiot but seemed harmless enough, and a lot of people felt huge anger towards his family for making him walk after his mothers coffin. He really was treated like a prop which was very unfair. However there is no excuse for what he’s doing now. I think the Hope was that he and his wife would fade into obscurity, but that seems highly unlikely as it seems they have made some lucrative media deals and so will be trundled out every now and then.
Anon
I don’t think any of of the royals are super smart to be fair. Diana was a pretty poor student. The vibe I get is that Charles is a bad father and mixing business and family is pretty toxic. I think some of the stories are meant to show that and don’t do the greatest job. There’s a weird sibling rivalry where Harry gets some crap thrown at him while William gets off. Some of it like the Nazi costume is dumb drama, yes he was encouraged but it was ultimately still his fault. Some of the other things like his own press office planting negative stories about him seem like a huge betrayal. I am willing to bet that it got much worse for him after his son was born and he compared his experience being a parent to the way he was parented. He seems like he wanted love and the royal family is not very loving. In any case I’m surprised his memoir is so juicy. Love it.
Cat
idk, if you watch the way the other royals in that generation get along (like how Will & Kate & kids hang out with Zara & fam) you can see the kids clearly play with each other and it’s all casual and natural and warm. While prior generations might have suffered a colder parent / sibling / cousin relationship, I don’t see an issue with the younger crew.
Anon
He says that his dad didn’t even hug him when Diana died. That seems so bizarre.
Anon
His dad is definitely very cold to him. I don’t think it’s a normal family. But I’m also not sure what the benefit of re-litigating all this in the press decades later is.
Anon
Like, Charles didn’t give him a hug when he was first announcing to the boys that Diana had died right after it had happened? To be fair, I was 5 when my dad died and my mom has NO recollection that she invented an entire story about how he died (heart attack of fright) to spare me from the grisly truth (industrial accident). I believed until my late 20s that he died of a heart attack! It wasn’t until we were riding in the car one day and I mentioned dad’s heart attack and mom was like, “What? He didn’t die of a heart attack. What are you talking about?” “What are YOU talking about?” I nearly had to pull off the road, I was so astounded by what she was telling me. So anyways, my point is that Charles – admittedly not dad of the year, and neither was my flaky, flighty mom – could have been so caught up in his own shock that hugging his boys didn’t come naturally to him.
Anon
I think we’ve established over and over and over since 1981 that Charles is a piece of shit.
Anonymous
William has spent a lot of time with the Middleton family in the last 20 years and they seem pretty warm.
Charles seems to have soften up in his old age as well. Tons of pictures of him hugging grandkids/nieces/nephews.
Philip had like zero parents like alone warm ones so not shocking he was cold with Charles.
Even the greetings at the Christmas carol service were all
hugs and kisses and the grandkids didn’t seemed shocked or anything.
Anon
I kind of think he’s depressed and feels unloved so he’s going nuclear. Like if they reconcile after this it means his family actually loves him – but do they? He’s like a child acting out. The whole thing about William being more important is true but so toxic. I can’t imagine raising my kids like that.
Anonymous
He also said he likes to go biking with Archie because he never did with his dad and then one of the British papers published a bunch of pictures of Charles biking with him over the years. He literally says in his book that his truth is just as valid as the ‘objective facts’.
Anon
I don’t think any of them are Einstein but Will is clearly a lot smarter than Harry. He had no problem with the pilot tests Harry failed again and again.
Anon
I posted this in the previous thread but I’m going to move it here because I need to discuss all of the things I never needed to know about Prince Harry:
I was GLUED to my phone last night. Each tidbit crazier than the last.
-Harry’s frostbitten privates at Will and Kate’s wedding.
-“Mounting” the woman who took his innocence in a field behind a pub.
-Everything Diana-related: Meghan putting the positive pregnancy test on a lock of her hair, Meghan asking for a private moment at Diana’s grave when they were dating to commune with her, Harry asking psychics to speak with her and them telling him she was laughing when Archie broke a Christmas ornament of the Queen.
– Him admitting so many tabloid stories were true: actually Kate did cry (as did toddler Charlotte!), actually they did announce their pregnancy at Eugenie’s wedding, actually the staff were complaining that Meghan bullied them.
– The horrible things Will and Kate did to alienate them included: Will saying he couldn’t sleep over at Harry’s the night before his wedding because he had a three week old and two additional toddlers at home and he didn’t want to leave his newly postpartum wife alone the night before she had to be up and in front of cameras for a billion people the next day (a betrayal Harry compares to Meghan’s dad not showing up to the wedding at all!), Kate giving Meghan her lip gloss when Meghan asked but not enthusiastically enough, Will defending Kate when she told Meghan “we’re not close enough for you to talk about my hormones” when Meghan tried to say newly postpartum Kate had “baby brain.”
– The way overly attached way Harry talks about Kate (“I loved to make her laugh, I don’t remember anything about Will and Kate’s wedding other than she looked beautiful.”) Very guy in love with Keira Knightley in Love Actually of him.
– Harry deciding Meghan was “magic” because she sang at seals and telling Will “Diana sent her to me” and then getting offended when Will was like “uh, maybe chill.”
– The absolutely crazy sentence about Will losing his hair and Harry being thrilled it made him look less like Diana in some weird attempt to make Harry Diana’s #1 son.
– Him yelling at Charles while Charles was literally at his dying mother’s bedside because Charles said Meghan couldn’t come to Balmoral (neither did Kate, neither did any other grandchild besides William).
He has zero issues being ranked above literally anyone else in the family, he just hates with his whole heart not being equal to William, without every acknowledging that perhaps that brought him more freedom (and certainly will as he retires with his millions into the California sunshine at a normal age and William is a public figure until literally the second he dies because the Brits don’t do abdications.) A full on trainwreck.
Anon
This is all so messy, my God. And usually I am all Marie Kondo, “I love mess!” but in this family, with these boys who have already been through so much, it’s just sad. I guess I was under the illusion that they’d grown up okay and they got over the tragedy and for the most part they’re fine, but there’s so much about Harry where it’s like…clearly he is not fine. I understand people needing to “speak their truth” but I think he has spoken his and maybe needs to try ACTUALLY living a private life for awhile.
I also don’t see the relationship with Meghan lasting, sorry. It seems more like two damaged people latching on to each other and reinforcing each other’s twisted ideas about the universe than a healthy relationship. I’m gonna give it another 3 years – maybe 5 – and it’ll be done. No idea what they’ll do with themselves at that point – probably do another round of tell-all shows/books/articles, etc.
anon
Wait, put the positive pregnancy test on his dead mother’s hair????? WHAT?
Vicky Austin
Apparently Harry and William each have a blue box with a lock of Diana’s hair in it. Harry keeps his on his nightstand. While waiting for Meghan to finish taking the home pregnancy tests, he FELL ASLEEP (?!??! it takes five minutes dude what even) and she left them on top of the blue box for him to find when he woke up.
IDK either.
Anon
This is 100% made up.
anon
Ok, this is a lot better (still weird, but less so) than what I pictured when I first read that, which is that she went and specifically sought out a lock of Diana’s hair from somewhere and idk… like held them out together to him.
just WTF all around
Anon
Harry’s book is going on sale next week but Spanish stores started selling it yesterday, and all the newspapers got copies and started translating. (Other than the Guardian, who got a copy leaked from Meghan and Harry or their publisher and posted the story about the Harry/Will fight the night before the Spanish copy went on sale. But of course only the royal family plays the leaking game, not M+H.) Maybe things are lost in translation but everything being published supposedly comes straight from Harry(‘s ghostwriter).
Vicky Austin
It may be made up, but not by me! It’s been part of the leaked bits from the Spanish edition that went on sale a couple days ago.
Anon
Oh sorry Vicky I wasn’t saying you made this up or even that the press made it up. I was saying this anecdote is 100% made up by Harry and Meghan! They do that a lot, invent stories after the fact that they think make them seem sentimental and sweet.
Cat
I don’t know what’s actually worse- if (1) the story about the pregnancy test and the hair is true, or (2) it’s false and H&M think it makes them seem loving, meaningful, etc in any way.
AIMS
So she took a stick that she peed on and put it on top of a box containing his dead mother’s hair?
Anon
If it makes you feel better, most of them come with a cap so the peed-upon part is enclosed and you just see the test window.
anon
I used to be sympathetic towards H&M but the more I hear from them the less I like them.
Harry seems to resent that Will and Kate are ranked above him. Maybe because of Diana’s legacy H thought that he and W weren’t caught up in royal life like the rest of the family. But they’re not kids anymore once W&K had children it demoted Harry even further. I think H would’ve eventually had a rift from the family even if Meghan weren’t in the picture.
I have little sympathy for H at this point. He doesn’t get to be mad at the royal treatment his family receives when he’s benefitted from it his whole life, and continues to benefit from it. The only attention and money he gets is from talking about the royal family he allegedly wants distance from.
Anon
Preach!
JD
To be fair, the British press alleged for years that Diana had an affair resulting in Harry, and that he wasn’t Charles’s biological son. That along with the whole spare/heir dynamic is probably pretty rough. A few hundred years ago, and the brothers might be launching armies at each other.
I think a bunch of stuff (the royal family in general, the press, his mother’s death, being the spare, his parents having one of the messy divorces of the 20th century) really messed him up. We’re getting to see someone who is having to struggle through his mental health publicly. Still, usually the quiet ones in the situation come off the more dignified in the long run.
anon
I mean, I feel like “ultimate white guy privilege” is basically a good descriptor of MANY members of the European royal families. But in general, my main reaction to all of this: what do you gain from making all of this public? What positive comes from it? You can’t pretend that this kind of tell-all is a high-minded attempt at Reforming the Institution; you don’t have to do this in order to do that (in fact, doing this essentially guarantees that you’ll be kept so far from the institution that you absolutely will have no ability to impact it). It’s not about bringing about a reconciliation with your family, because who will reconcile with you after this? I guess it’s about Speaking Your Truth or whatever, but there is nothing inherently good about Speaking Your Truth. Sure, everyone will know his side of the story now, but it’s sad to me to be a person for whom it is that important that evveryone on earth know your side of a messy family quarrel.
Anon
Add in that Harry has said that all he really wants is to repair the relationship with his dad and brother…but then he goes and writes this dump-your-purse-out tell-all with all these grimy details and it’s like…given that your dad and brother have expressed that they feel the need to be reserved, dignified people who keep a lot of their lives private, I do not think this is the move. Like could y’all have gone to family therapy or something? Probably a better place to work out your familial issues than multiple broadcast shows/interviews and a spill-all bestselling book.
anon
Honestly, that whole family is a dumpster fire. I was interested in Will & Kate and then in Harry & Meaghan because of the love stories/younger crowd relatability at first, but the more you find out about that family, the more you realized they’re all dumb, self-absorbed, spoiled brats, including QEII & Philip.
I almost wonder if Harry is out to destroy the monarchy …. while there are isolated example where he/his wife or someone else in the RF is in the right or wrong, overall, the picture painted in my head from all this gossip and briefing against each other is that these people are Kardashian-like and that doesn’t merit public funding.
Anonymous
I admittedly don’t follow the royal family closely, but aren’t Anne and Edward and their kids pretty normal? The rest of them, eh…
anon
They’re probably the closest to normal, ha
With Edward, his wife has had multiple scandals (taped talking about the queen to who she thought was a prospective client when she had her own PR firm, nude photos) and he himself (absolute wash out and didn’t last long at all in the marines, tried to have his own TV company or something and couldn’t get it successful even with tacit royal backing). I won’t say anything about their kids because haven’t heard anything and even if I had heard, wouldn’t feel great about posting because they’re minors.
With Anne, there’s rumors of her having had an affair with a member of her security team. She’s called the workhouse of the RF, but even her engagements (especially when you remember it’s frequent to do multiple in a day and they rarely last more than an hour) don’t even add up to a part-time job equivalent of “work.” Her son has been accused of using royal connections to make money (ie appearing in a milk commercial in China or something with a castle as a backdrop), and both of Anne’s kids got caught up in some tax evasion thing a while back, but I don’t remember the details.
come from.
God, I can’t believe I know all that.
Anonymous
Anne was an Olympian. Her daughter was an Olympic medalist. They are not slackers but they are not flashy about it.
Meghan did 72 events in 18 months and spent over a million on clothes. Anne at age 70+, has been reusing wardrobes basics for years and did 214 events in 2022. Her charities regularly report she does lots of behind the scenes work as well. The royal family is cr@p for lots of reasons but Anne being work shy is not one of them.
Anonymous
Anne’s been married to Tim Laurence for over thirty years.
Anonymous
Anne’s kids are normal. Andrew’s seem to be which is shocking given the parentage. Edward’s are teens but also seem normal (one worked at a garden centre for the summer).
It sounds like Harry was coddled a lot after Diana’s death. Failing upwards through high school and the military with no real consequences for drugs or other problems. He was always going to get bumped down the succession line and he seems to be handling it poorly. It’s like he loves being ranked ahead of the 7 other grandkids and his uncles/aunt but can’t stand being behind William.
Anonymous
Not so sure about both of Andrew’s kids being tame and normal—Beatrice did cut Ed Sheeran’s face with an antique sword a few years ago.
Also, her husband gives off some major doosh vibes with the timing of his divorce / age of first kid and remarriage.
Anonymous
The way they are clinging to titles, they are not anti-monarchist. They just want William to get the boot and Harry to take his place. Which is nuts because George, Charlotte and Louis are all ahead of him.
Anon
Honestly? At this point I think Will and Kate should have a few more kids just to ensure Harry doesn’t get any closer to the big chair than he already is.
Monday
LOLOL if Kate got pregnant again (and it was triplets), H+M could speak their truth that she and Will did it out of spite. Let’s just go for broke on this reality TV thing!
Anonymous
JFK jr wasn’t as into drugs though was he? Harry writes about using mushrooms 5-6 years ago and was alleged allowed off base in Afghanistan when the other soldiers were subject to random drug tests.
Anon
I don’t like Harry but I wouldn’t say he’s “into drugs.” He experimented in his 20s like a lot of people. I’m sure JFK did too, he just kept it out of the press.
Anonymous
He literally wrote in his memoir about doing drugs from 17 to 31. That’s not just a 14 year experiment.
Anon
OK? A lot of people do drugs. This is the least scandalous part of the book IMO (and I don’t do drugs fwiw).
Anonymous
I know like zero people who are doing mushrooms and cocaine into their early thirties. But maybe I run with an overly sober crowd IDK.
FWIW I’m in Canada where marijuana is legal so I’m not counting that.
Anon
He was never allowed to fly alone. Always the Co pilot.
Anonymous
This. He repeatedly failed the pilot test, William even went after an interviewer who asked about it. And I saw a recent article which quoted a military magazine article from back in 2005 that said H initially failed the basic training electronics/data part too.
Anon
Happy to report I signed an apartment for my move to Rotterdam (NL)! This was also my first visit of the city and I quite like it. Which is good. Given I just signed up to live there for another 12 months :)
Now waiting to board my flight back home and start the dreaded packing & sorting.
pugsnbourbon
Woohoo! I’m glad you found a place.
Anon
Thanks! It was my main stressor as everything else depends on having an apartment.
Anonymous
awesome!! what an adventure.
Curious
Where are you going to be living? How far from city center? I envy you the Saturday markets. Make sure to get a bike!
Anon
I will be in the city center, close to Leuvehaven metro station, in a quiet street between a church and a chanel. 9min walk to the office.
In the end, I was lucky to be there during holiday period as there were not many viewers and I didn’t have much competition. So I chose apartment on day 1, owner confirmed on day 2 and I had 1.5 day sightseeing just for myself.
I am looking forward to exploring the city as a local :)
Curious
Oh, that’s just a lovely area! Near Erasmus. You’ll want scarves and hats because of the wind off the harbor (Rotterdam is so windy, and worse closer to the water), but you’re near a lot of options for food and entertainment without being too noisy. I lived just north of Hofplein when I was there, so a less nice but still fine area (we were in subsidized student housing that may no longer exist). Enjoy. I really loved my time there. I have particularly fond memories of the market and of Kranlingse Park, as well as taking the train to Delft.
Anon
I have walked 40km in 1.5 days, I have a feeling I have seen 3/4 of the city. I actually liked the area to the right of the Townhall – lots of cool buildings. Great to hear you had a nice time there! I had a good feeling while visiting and definitely plan to explore the country once I settle a bit.
Delft – one of my life’s aspirations is to have a proper tall tulipiere, but as they are crazy expensive, it may be on my list for a few years :)
I was wondering: did you learn Dutch while there? I wonder if I should make the effort, but I have just started re-learning Spanish and want to focus on that. I have a feeling I’ll be just fine with English there.
Paging Smelly Laundry
It occurred to me as I was doing laundry this weekend that maybe you are overloading your machine? There’s a fine balance between wanting to stuff as much in as possible to reduce number of loads and leaving enough room in the machine for it to properly do its job. My brother also puts too much into the machine and his clothes never smell very clean or fresh. A service person once showed me where the maximum clothes level was for a super sized load and for a top load washer it was about 3/4 the way up the bucket.
Anon
I think that was me! My husband does all the laundry so I will talk to him about it.
After all the advice here, I had my daughter smell the inside of the washer and the inside of the dryer and asked her if either smelled objectionable to her and she said no. (Based on the suggestion that perhaps it was a mildew smell.) Then I asked her to show me laundered things that she thought smelled bad and she couldn’t pinpoint one thing.
She then said maybe her perception of clean laundry is a scented dryer sheet smell and since our laundry doesn’t have that, it doesn’t smell clean to her. We are going to continue to talk about it, especially since she’s moving back home for a year of grad school!
Anonymous
If she was complaining that her sheets smell bad, try washing her pillows.
Anon
I live with roommates. I currently have the flu, and my city is in the midst of a Category 5 storm. I ran out of toothpaste, and would normally just go to the store to buy some more. But because of the flu/storm combo, I instead texted my roommate who’s visiting family to ask if I could buy one of her stockpile tubes off of her (she currently has three). She asked how many she had and when I told her said, “Aw, sorry, no. I like to have backup.”
Is it reasonable of me to find this a bit weird? I feel like it’s the kind of thing I’ve done without thinking twice about for roommates in the past, and can’t imagine wanting to stockpile extra toothpastes more than helping out a friend who’s sick and doesn’t want to brave a storm. It’s such a small thing, but I’m feeling a loss of warmth to her and like I may not be as good of a friend going forward.
Vicky Austin
Yes, that is weird of her.
Anon
Either your roommate is a complete a-hole or you’ve mooched off her so much that she’s sick of it and drawing boundaries. Only you know.
Did you offer to replace the backup toothpaste the minute you are better?
Vicky Austin
OP offered to basically buy the backup tube from her roommate; I don’t think she needs to also offer to replace it.
Anon
In roomate’s shoes I’d want the replacement rather than the cash.
Vicky Austin
In which case OP offering to buy one from you is a natural segue to “No, just go ahead and take a tube and you can replace it when you can go out again!”
Anon
No, she expressed a week ago that I’m the most loving friend she’s ever had. I also tend to be the over-giving, people-pleasing type (someone once said they felt like if they poked me with a pin I’d cheerfully say ‘aw it’s fine, I like to be poked with pins’ rather than make anyone else feel put out).
I offered to pay for the toothpaste when I first asked, but didn’t think to offer to replace it since she already has three and I figured it would be an easy ‘yes.’ Obviously I would have been down to replace it since that’s an easy purchase on Amazon, but didn’t want to hard sell after she said no and the whole thing felt weird.
Anon
I have been that person in friendships before and the other half often didn’t like reciprocating, or a change in dynamic where I needed help rather than providing help. It was good information to have about them.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah this is so weird that I feel like something else is going on. Is her toothpaste inordinately expensive or something?
Anon
No it’s just Colgate. She had one in use and two backups.
anon
is she being sarcastic? this is odd.
Anon
That’s totally weird of your roommate! Toothpaste lasts forever, you could use her backup backup tube for 3 days and you’d hardly make a dent! Also that’s a weirdly obsessive amount of backup toothpaste to keep on hand. I’m with you that your roommate is behaving weirdly if not downright unfriendly and I would also feel differently after this interaction.
Anonymous
Incredibly weird.
Anonymous
I don’t think she is the one being weird here. Why did you wait until you were completely out of toothpaste before realizing you needed more? Toothpaste is one of those things that you should always keep in stock at home. Your roommate knows this, and wants you to learn this lesson. So now she has to go out and buy more toothpaste because you ran out? A better offer would have been to buy her a tube of toothpaste later to replace the one you wanted to use.
Vicky Austin
“to ask if I could buy one of her stockpile tubes off of her”
Anon
“Wants you to learn this lesson” while OP has a flu and is in the middle of a storm? I feel like you and this roommate have a very weird set of priorities. People run out of toothpaste – if this is the first time it’s happened I don’t think it is a moral failing of OP’s to have not noticed she was running low.
ANON
lol. Is Anon at 2:58 The Roomate?
AIMS
I also want to know this.
Anonymous
You and OP’s roommate are why I stopped spinning the roommate wheel as soon as I could. I never landed on “complete B” but wondered when it would happen. I did not need a roommate to “teach me lessons”, esp. ones based on their own misplaced priorities and selfishness. I’m good with my being human, kind, caring, and generous.
Auburn
This is such a weird response. OP has the flu. When friends are ill is not a time to “teach them lessons” it’s a time to ask “hey, do you need anything?” or “how can I help?”
lifer
I find this whole thread amusing. 2 very different personality types are roommates. Gotta love it.
My first thought was… OP – why didn’t order/buy a tube of toothpaste a week(s) ago when you were running out? Or why didn’t you just order one on line today? It’s not like this is a hard problem. LIke why the heck do you wait until you literally have zero toothpaste to buy toothpaste? Yes, yes, yes… end of the world storm… so so sick… yes yes…
Do you typically rely upon your roommate to be on top of things (as she sounds like she us ultra-prepared Type A)? Do you use her stuff a lot? “Borrow” some of her milk for your coffee in the mornings etc…? Maybe she’s a little tired of it?
Sure she’s extreme, but are you?
Anonymous
Ugh – that sucks. Do you have baking soda? That works in a pinch.
lifer
good idea! I bet the baking soda is her roommates tho…
Nesprin
I would have just used my roommate/friend’s open toothpaste for a few days under the doctrine of ‘I don’t touch your stuff unless its an emergency, and if emergency, I pay you back and don’t use it all up’… for her not to want to sell you an unopened one when she has multiple backups is weird af.
Colorado
Same. And now knowing this about her, I’d be looking to move/find a new roommate.
Gigi
Another vote for super weird.
Anonymous
This is bizarre. Backup is 1 tube, 3 is I forgot I already had toothpaste (or order it from Amazon and they only send 3 packs). But people are weird.
What???
That’s totally bizarre and would definitely make me not want to be friendly with her going forward.
Team weird
I can’t imagine someone reaching out to me in these circumstances and saying anything other than, of course, just use some of mine, it’s no big deal.
Does she know you have the flu? Is she aware of the storm?
Either she’s a jerk or a weirdo toothpaste-hoarder.
Anonymous
I’m one of those people that thinks keeping a stockpile is just prudent, and even I think not letting you buy one of three tubes is weird.
To solve your immediate problem, you can brush with baking soda, or mouthwash (wet your brush with mouthwash and brush as normal), you can also effectively clean your teeth by just wetting your bush with water.
Ses
This is weird behaviour, but maybe she’s intentionally trying to change the dynamic? I’m not a person who reads much into most things, but I would take this as someone wanting to put me at arms length, or change our relationship from a friendship (help each other out) to just roommates (more transactional, no obligations of care).
Anon
See if you have a travel size stashed somewhere
anon
She doesn’t have a square to spare!
I thought we all learned during covid that you should have backup toilet paper, soap, shampoo, etc. once your stock gets low in case you get sick (or have a busy workweek or whatever). If you’re low enough on toothpaste that you can’t make it three days then it’s poor planning. Do you have a mini tube in your travel toiletry kit you can use?
BUT despite the poor planning it would be the nice thing to do if she gave you her extra tube and you bring her a new one next week. I wouldn’t want money, I’d want a replacement. Otherwise you’re creating an errand for her.
Anon
Oh my god, sometimes people run out of things! There is truly no need to lecture OP. She ran out of toothpaste, that is not a moral failing or a character flaw.
Anon
Exactly! I’m a little shocked that anyone is moralizing toward OP for running out of toothpaste. Have these people never forgotten to buy a household item before their current one runs out?
anon
My reaction is specifically because it’s toothpaste. By the time it gets noticeably low you can still squeeze at least of week out of it. To run out completely you need to ignore it for quite a bit of time. If this were something like a pump bottle of conditioner where you have no visual indication until it’s gone then sure it happens to the best of us.
Ultimately the roommate should give OP toothpaste since she has no alternatives but it really is bad adulting. I’m not trying to make OP feel worse, the situation is what it is, but I understand why the roommate would be annoyed.
Anon
Just came to say I love the reference!
Ses
This is weird behaviour, but maybe she’s intentionally trying to change the dynamic? I’m not a person who reads much into most things, but I would take this as someone wanting to put me at arms length, or change our relationship from a friendship (help each other out) to just roommates (more tr*nsactional, no obligations of care).
Sorry for double-post, used a nono word
Anon
This is beyond weird to me. I am slightly obsessive about having a back up, and I would have just given you the third tube of toothpaste. This isn’t even her back up! It’s the back up to the back up! Assuming she’s halfway through her current tube, she wouldn’t get around to this one for, what, 4 months or so?? I would argue this doesn’t even create another errand for her because surely she’ll be at a store with toothpaste within the next 4 months.
Anyway, this would make me want to not be around this person anymore. It’s so cold and uncaring.
Anon
Maybe IATA…
It sounds like your roommate is not home and her spare toothpaste is. I would not even bother asking to borrow or buy one off her, but would just use it now and order her an exact replacement without saying anything at all.
Anon
^this
Anon
I keep stock of everything, but this is the purpose of me keeping stock: so that I never run out (1pcs back-up) and I could help out someone in case of an emergency (the 2nd pcs).
Your roommate is being weird and inconsiderate.
As an emergency solution, I would suggest cutting the tube open, there is usually plenty paste sticking to the walls or brush without TP and use mouthwash after brushing.
Personally, if her specific TP is available widely in stores, I would ignore her text and just take one tube and replace it with a new one before she’s back.
potatoes are nice
I realize I am exhausted with the post-holiday first few days back and a cold but work is making me irrationally annoyed right now. It’s just all check boxes to me.
I think I’m having pancakes for dinner ugh I shoulda just gone to nursing school or joined the NSA
Anon
If it’s any consolation, I’m not in the NSA but I do work in intelligence and I am miserable at my current job. Grass isn’t always greener :)
ANON
I could never, ever be a nurse. Seems to me like THE HARDEST job ever. It takes brains, compassion, organization, physical stamina, and the ability to deal with horrible patients, horrible admin, and horrible doctors.
Anonymous
Hahahahhaha omg you think nursing would be easier? But always yes to pancakes
potatoes are nice
It was on the list before life went else where. I could be long out of bedside by now.
anon
That’s sad…. I never met a nurse who started to just get OUT of nursing. That would be a terrible miscalculation.
Anon
This is such a dumb response. Obviously different jobs are difficult in different ways and nowhere does OP say she thinks nursing is easy.
Anon
Joined the NSA? Ha…I tried to get into intelligence for many years and never made it so…it’s not exactly something you “join.”
Anonymous
Really? I had no idea it was so hard to get in, maybe just hard to advance past an entry level. But no real knowledge.
Anon
It’s pretty hard. My mom is a math professor and has had a couple of her PhD grads join the NSA. Many people have an advanced hard science background (or another niche background, like multiple foreign languages), and of course they vet your personal life extensively too so they’re sure there’s nothing that would leave you susceptible to blackmail. Definitely not easy to join!
Anon
+1 one of my former roommates applied when she was a grad student in math & physics. The security clearance people called me for a reference and they were super focused on whether she was a lesbian. At the time, she was dating the man she would eventually marry, and she has now been married to him for decades, but she didn’t get the NSA job.
Vicky Austin
I will come sit by you. But not too close, because I also have a cold. Counting down until I can get my hands on the takeout spicy noodle soup that’s already been ordered.
Anonymous
Decided if I win the megamillions tonight, I’m quitting my job and focusing on my hobby as a wildlife photographer. What’s everyone else’s plans for your winnings? (yes, I’m bored on a Friday).
Mmmmmmmhhhh
Quitting my job and then taking a week in Paris by myself. Kids still have school and DH can take a trip later, but Paris with limitless budget and no negotiating anything sounds awesome right now, even if the weather there is terrible. Then DH and I would likely take a tropical vacation. Eventually then I’d hire someone to organize my basement stuff. Maybe I’d sit in a chair with wine while the organizer unboxed everything in bins and I’d give an emperor’s thumbs up, down, or sideways for keep, trash, give away….
JTM
Def quitting my job & starting a children’s clothing company where the pants use men’s sizing (waist measurement & then length). This idea occurred to me when talking to other mom friends & we all complained that we can’t find pants that fit our kids!
Anon
Could you remake the entire clothing universe? No matter what the consumer research says, I genuinely don’t care what the number on the tag is, I just want something that fits!
Anon
I have been absolutely miserable at my job this week, so if I win, I am also quitting ASAP. I’d then look for a job I’d like better with excellent work-life balance or transfer to an in-person grad school and go full time (currently attend online and part time).
I’m also booking a flight to Florida for a family vacation this weekend and warming up a bit.
Otherwise, I’d do the usual: buy a condo or row home in my city (with parking!), buy a beach house nearby, upgrade my car (it’s a 2008 Honda Civic), donate a ton to charity and my family. I’d still have a pretty normal life, but it’d be much nicer.
Anon
Special education teacher during summer months (field trips and maybe start sleep-away camps for kids that don’t normally get to participate in that kind of thing?) and during the other 9 months of the year, ALL the travel.
Anon
Given that I haven’t bought a ticket, my odds of winning are only slightly less than those who have.
I’d wind down my small business and buy a second home and travel, but I think I’d look seriously into whether I could swing private air travel.
Anonymous
Quitting my job and taking woodworking/furniture building/cabinet making classes. Also having a personal masseuse to come weekly to my house and my current hairdresser to come do blowouts multiple times a week.
Anon
$1B-ish, niiiice. Ok, We’re buying our forever house and a house for my mom with a walk-in tub (she wants one of those tubs you see on tv so badly), and then I’m giving hundreds of millions of dollars to charity. Do you know what I’d really like to do? Help everyday people with everyday expenses that they can’t afford. The retail worker who desperately needs a root canal; the elderly couple who need a new roof; the single mom who needs a reliable used car. That would bring me SO much joy.
Anonymous
I don’t buy lottery tickets, but just for fun…
I’d buy a farm and start a horse boarding business.
Anon
Ha, i would buy a farm and absolutely not let anyone board their horses there, because boarders are a PITA (I am one, trying to be a good one though). I would have lots of my own horses and full time caretakers and a full time dressage trainer. And I would spend all my days at the barn. So much fun.
Anonymous
I think you have the better idea, haha.
Full time staff, a personal trainer, and all day at the barn would be the ideal life.
Gail the Goldfish
Hah, I was going to say the same thing. I might take *select* boarders, like my friends, but definitely not the general boarding public. There’s always that one PITA boarder.
Anon
I’m anon at 5.33 and this is the better idea. The barn is a huge part of my social life. We do apres-ride happy hours, potlucks, and overall hang out and like each other. So yes, my friends can move in with their horses. Nobody else though. I would be at the barn all day with this setup. Clearly have to build a nice indoor/outdoor lounge area there, maybe with a bbq.
Those of you here who are dreaming of your own barns, have you checked out Blackburn Architects? Those are some aspirational barns…
Anon
I would buy many many properties, so that me & my family/close friends can travel & meet.
Create a foundation and fund projects I find important.
I would step down from my current job so that I could focus on my foundation.
Fyi: there is also a gap in men garments market for T-shirts and shirts that would cover the whole (bigger) belly. I can’t when I see a grown man whose T-shirt shows pot belly bc nobody thouht to make the front longer.
Anon
Those men should just buy a larger size, no?
Curious
then it is too big in the shoulder.
Anonymous
Late to this and this will out me (lol!), but if I had bought a ticket this round and won, I would have invested in a starting a small chain of very affordable but high quality afternoon teas around the US, so even people with less income or inability to travel abroad could enjoy. It would absolutely lose all the money I put into it, but I would get enjoyment out of providing enjoyment for other people as long as it lasts.
(realistically though, i’d definitely quit my job, keep some of the winnings to fund my life, and use the rest for the afternoon tea idea)
Anonymous
i feel like all of my stores are fuddy dud stores – if you’re in your early 30s or up on trends, where are you shopping for weekend stuff? (i’m 51.)
Anon
I like Banana Republic Factory for casual clothes. Everlane is good quality as well. Madewell also but might be too trendy.
Anonymous
Reset, athleta, lululemon
Anonymous
I am wearing things from Farm Rio, Me+Em, Faherty, Marine Layer, All Saints, Rails, Splendid, Modern Citizen, Everlane, Evereve (very very selectively), BR (regular).
(I am 49 and also decided I wanted to de-frumpify)
Saint + Sofia?
Any feedback about Saint + Sofia? I am thinking about this jacket:
https://saintandsofia.com/collections/womens-jackets-coats/products/cotton-biker-jacket-black
Anonymous
I don’t but have been intrigued myself. If you buy, ease report back!
Anon
WHBM
startup lawyer
COS
Anon
Rag & Bone
Cat
Late 30’s but it’s a mix of lulu & athleta, rag & bone, Vince, some JCrew or madewell. Street sneakers mostly like Vejas or Cole Haan grand pros. In summer, Nap Dresses and neutral colors of vineyard vines – I love their linen.
AIMS
I was in Aritzia recently and wanted to buy up half the store. Great sweaters.
Anon
Aritzia and Cos. If I could afford it I’d also shop at Rachel Comey, Mara Hoffman, Kallmeyer, and Tibi.
DC Anon
30 but slow to adopt trends here! Lately my weekend wear has been fitted plain tees (or turtleneck sweaters) tucked into straight leg jeans, paired with booties or white New Balance sneakers. Add on simple pearl or diamond studs, maybe a small pendant necklace too depending on the top. Might swap in fleece-lined joggers if I’m not going out. Tops are mostly from BR Factory or Loft, bottoms/coats/coatigans from J.Crew, joggers or nicer-looking athleisure pants from Athleta. And I do a ton of Nordstrom for other miscellaneous things (coats, shoes, dresses).
Girls weekend recs?
Reposting from this morning because I was late — seeking recommendations for a resort/hotel this winter or early spring to celebrate a milestone birthday with a college bestie, likely for an extended weekend. Leaning towards Mexico for a variety of reasons, but I have never been there and don’t know where to start. I wouldn’t say money is no object, but would say we are willing to splurge to celebrate ourselves and many years of friendship. Thanks for any recommendations!
Anon
If you’re on the West Coast, flights to Hawaii are very cheap. I love the Hapuna resort on the Big Island.
For Mexico, I’d go with a boutique hotel in Tulum.
Anon
I’d also do Hawaii but for a girls trip I’d probably do Honolulu or Maui/Kaanapali beach area because there’s more nightlife.
startup lawyer
Esencia in Mexico
NYCer
My west coast friends like Cabo for this type of trip. Punta Mita would be another option.
Wegovy or the like
How hard is it to get a dr to prescribe such for weight loss? I am 5’1 and 41. I’m curvy rather than “obese” in appearance if being observed, but I am about 60 lbs over what I was in college. I don’t know if I want to be that small again but even 40lbs over is too much in general and especially on my small frame. I am covid-very cautious due to having someone in my home with cancer. As a result, going to gyms is no longer possible and I cannot afford a private trainer. I want to get the weight off and decided I’m willing to begin one of these drugs so I don’t end up with diabetes or other issues. How hard is it to get a dr. to prescribe? Are there key words to use or something? New insurance via ACA so I’ll need to go to a new dr or urgent care or something to see a dr anyway, no PCP or anything to talk with.
Thanks!
Anonymous
I can’t answer because I decided not to ask, but want to note that I recently saw a study that suggests those using the drugs will lose weight but will also regain it when they stop using the drugs, much like other weight loss plans/products. That was enough for me to look elsewhere, given the cost of the medication and potential issues with long-term use. YMMV.
anon
Please don’t. There are serious shortages for people who actually need it. At-home workouts exist.
anon
Agree. Peloton app or something similar.
Anon
Wegovy is only approved for weight loss, it is not a treatment for T2 diabetes. I can see the argument for not taking something off label that is having shortages, but a doc wouldn’t prescribe Wegovy to a T2 diabetic and insurance wouldn’t cover it because it’s not approved for diabetes, they would prescribe Ozempic.
Anon
I’m 5’7, 220, and my doctor chuckled and wouldn’t even entertain it. And this was last fall before it got insanely hot.
Anon
Are you obese by BMI? Are you diabetic or prediabetic? That’s how you qualify.
OP
I qualify as obese by about 40 lbs according to BMI and I have diabetes in my family. I’m not trying to sc@m the system, I’m trying to get access to a medication that fits my needs but I worry that it’s become so common that I worry it’s like when people are labeled drug seekers or something.
I know many regain due to getting their sense of hunger back, but my weight came from depression so my mental health provider thinks it won’t come back now that depression is under control. While at home works, it’s a high right for me as my medical situation makes me prone to injuries so home workouts are riskier for me. I’m also on a higher apartment floor, so anything involving dropping or jumping or whatnot would be a problem and there is no money to buy peloton equipment.
Thanks to those who gave advice rather than assuming bad things and judging!
Anon
You’re obese. You qualify. The OP doesn’t make clear whether she’s obese or just heavier than she was in college. If you’re not obese you need to be diabetic or at least significantly overweight with other weight related conditions. I wasn’t being judgmental.
Anon
Sorry, just realized you are OP, reading fail!
Anonymous
Pilates is a great option that is low impact and does not require jumping. Tons of free videos online.
If it takes a very high caloric volume to maintain obesity. Even if few simple changes like increasing water intake or ‘closing the kitchen’ at 8pm, might help you feel better.
Anon
You’re way too focused on exercise being your only option for losing weight. What you eat is far more important. You can lose weight without access to a gym or without the ability to do home workouts.
Anonymous
Have you tried weight watchers or intermittent fasting?
Anonymous
Unless you medically *need* this medication it’s doubtful any dr will give it to you.
Your best bet is to do workouts at home (there are so many available on youtube), or buy a bicycle (if you don’t already own one) or get out and walk or jog every day.
Anon
FWIW, if Wegovy is hard to get, I tried GoLo (yes, the one advertised on TV), and it seems to actually work. Suddenly my efforts to eat right and exercise seemed to actually work, and what was a steady, pesky weight gain over several years became a steady loss. I didn’t drastically alter my diet during that time, but I did get better about consistent exercise, mainly just walks around the neighborhood and office, so nothing super intense or time consuming.
Anon
You should be able to google the prior authorization process for your insurance plan which will give the criteria. It’s a hassle to deal with the paperwork and requires ongoing documentation, so it’s not something an urgent care will do.
Anon
I am on Wegovy for weight loss, qualified due to BMI (BMI over 30 if no weight related issues, 27 or higher if you have a comorbidity) and it has been life changing. I used Plush Healthcare’s app, I see the same doc via telehealth every couple months, it wasn’t difficult to get, they helped with the prior authorization for insurance and ran bloodwork to make sure everything was ok first, and I’m down 30 lbs in about 4 months.
anon
Thanks for sharing.
Can I ask, are there other specialists you see while on it…. nutritionist or anything…. and do they recommend dietary changes prior to starting / education and/or starting exercise? Or is just just…. add it on to your current situation, PCP can order, see how it goes?
Anon
My doc recommended I keep calorie counting and focus on getting plenty of protein, which I had done on and off for a long time and was comfortable with/knew how to do, but I basically felt like I was starving all the time until I started Wegovy, so staying within my calorie goals is a lot easier because I’m full at 1400ish calories- like actually full, and cravings are reduced. I had been exercising 6x a week for a year before I started, so I’ve kept that up, too. I think I would have asked for a referral to a nutritionist if I hadn’t worked with one before, but for me at least, it was a hunger issue, not a knowing-what-to-do issue.
Anon
This is so helpful. Thank you for sharing.
Good luck!
Anonymous
Gently, you don’t seem to know anything about Wegovy and Ozempic. As others have mentioned below, there are real shortages of both drugs so they are not prescribed unless you meet the medical criteria (which are stringent). They also cost about $1500 per month so your ACA plan and/or your work insurance is very likely not going to pay for it. I’m in a similar position to you weight gain wise, so I’m not being smug about this. I’ve just accepted that weight loss is not going to happen for me that way. I’m following some high protein/lower carb influencers on Instagram as I do think that you don’t have to starve yourself thin if you are eating the right foods. Unfortunately for me, those foods are not pretzels and cake, so I do need to make some real changes to my diet.
Anon
Diet is much, much more important for weight loss than exercise.
Anonymous
All of you folks telling OP to just exercise more are so far out of touch with the actual science around obesity. Exercise is great for many reasons. It feels good, it can be fun, it makes you stronger, it helps your mental clarity. But it does not make you lose weight.
Signed, someone who exercised vigorously for years without losing a pound AND has read the science
Anon
+1
Wegovy user
I’ve had great success being first on saxenda, and then on wegovy. I went to a weight loss specialist, and with a bmi of 30, high blood pressure, osteoarthritis, and high cholesterol, I qualified. Saxenda worked for me, and I was on that for a year, then when wegovy was approved by the FDA I switched to that. I have lost 40 pounds, my bmi is now 25, and I wear a size 8 or 10. I am so so so glad I used these drugs. After decades of trying to lose weight, in all the ways, I decided to try the last frontier: drugs or surgery. I did not qualify for surgery. The side effects are no joke: various GI difficulties, for me, constipation, some nausea, etc. I was highly motivated, and found ways to manage the side effects. My appetite was way lower, and it was possible to do 1200 calories a day and be satiated. My doctor was great, and emphasized getting off of sugar, white flour, etc. There is a wegovy shortage, so I do not know how difficult it will be to get started. As a side note, as I could not get a low dose of wegovy in the USA, I started purchasing Ozempic in Canada via Canada Drugs Direct (also, Marks Marine Pharmacy.) Ozempic and Wegovy are the same medication. Wegovy is not approved in Canada yet. I am now on a low maintenance dose, and it is possible that I will be on it forever. Obesity is common in my family, and as I really want to be a normal weight (I am by no means skinny) for lifestyle reasons with my active family, I am willing to stay on it if that is what it takes. I went off of it for a while, and my hunger went way up. The prices for these drugs are ridiculous. My doctor reports that some patients fly to Canada and bring home 6 months worth of meds as the plane fare plus the cost is less than buying them locally. One of her patients goes home to Bangladesh once or twice a year, and buys her meds at home. I buy two months of Ozempic for $740 in Canada…in the USA it would be $1800 for two months–not sure how much my insurance would pay, as I have not used it in a while. I will stick with Canada. As far as “taking the meds from others”– some of the shortage is artificial. Wegovy had the meds, but not an effective pen, which is nonsense as there are many pen injectors on the market. Ozempic has an effective pen. I’ve written a short novel, but to the OP, investigate this for yourself, and weight loss is about food, not about exercise, and depression/carb cravings/hormones are a tangled web that is not easy to wave a wand and decipher. Hugs to you, and good luck.
Anonymous
I’m super embarrassed – I just bounced a check. I have enough money to cover it, it’s just in too many places and I have lost track of what goes where. I have about $30,000 in cash and savings, $25,000 in retirement, a car loan, and yet everything seems too hard and overwhelming. I guess I’m just venting but I’m worried I’m never going to get ahead.
Anon
You have $30,000 in savings and still feel behind? That’s a LOT more than I have if it makes you feel any better.
Anonymous
You have $30K in savings and so little knowledge of where your money is that you bounced a check? Sounds like you really need to speak to a financial advisor.
Anon
Ah jeez this is harsh! I have a $1M net worth and have bounced a check. It happens! It’s not ideal but it doesn’t make OP some incompetent bozo. People make mistakes.
Anonymous
I agree that people make mistakes.
That said, OP stated “I have enough money to cover it, it’s just in too many places and I have lost track of what goes where”. That’s more poor planning than mistake, and why I pointed out the need to speak to a financial advisor.
Anon
Okay, but did OP run out of toothpaste, because that’s the real litmus test of whether you’ve got your shit together.
Curious
*snort*
Ses
It sounds like maybe at some point you over-complicated your financial life, if you don’t have a simple checking account + savings with overdraft feature that pulls funds from savings for cases like this.
I used to chase new account features and sign-up bonuses and over-optimise savings, which resulted in way too many “buckets” for savings, and I found that it just created a lot of obsessing and maintaining, and the occasional overdraft fee or bounced check because I hadn’t timed things correctly.
I’ve worked to consolidate things over the last couple years and am happier with a simpler setup. I have a very simple spreadsheet where I track the balances of different “buckets” in my savings account (car repairs, house repairs, travel) and if I change a goal (every year or 2) I just update the spreadsheet.
Anon
What kind of mistake was it?
– Transfer meant to be X>Y accounts and made it Y>X? Whoops, be more careful in the future.
– Thought you had $3X in savings so could transfer $2X out? Whoops again, but you can fix it by double checking things in the future
– Something bigger/structural, like you don’t remember where your money is or bills exceed what cash you have? Take some time to look at the causes and try to fix to avoid the issues.
None of the solutions involve beating yourself up… just figure out how you make things better in the future. Good luck!
DC Anon
I’d try to spend some time this month consolidating your accounts! If you’re splitting between too many banks/accounts it can be really tough to keep track of everything. Otherwise, even if you had some sort of spreadsheet that you updated every week with how much money is in what account (or whatever other system you find that works for you), that might help you keep track of things.
I can share what works for me if that helps with inspiration at all.
-I have an account at a brick-and-mortar bank (B of A) with my only checking account and a $10k emergency savings fund, for money I could access the same day if something went horribly wrong. (They’re linked with overdraft protection so that would have helped in your situation if you wrote a check before you’d transferred enough money to checking to cover it.) My non-retirement investments are at their partner Merrill so that I can see all of this in one online portal.
-The rest of my savings is in a high-yield account at Discover, and I have a few CDs with them too – same theory on having it all in one online portal so that I can easily see everything.
Anonymous
How do you bite your tongue, or what do you say, when a friend complains about something in their life that you have to deal with on a regular basis? In my case, a friend who is a stay at home mom is often comparing that her husband has to work sometimes after the kids go to bed or work on weekends. His job is two down from the C-Suite at fortune 50 company. I empathize with her, as logging back on at night or working weekends is not ideal. I know this isn’t great personally because I’m in biglaw… so this is my norm and not the exception. I just… don’t know how to respond when she complains. I also think that, based on what I know about his work schedule, working nights or weekends is an occasional thing, rather than a consistent thing (this is from him directly when we’ve been out on double dates or similar and talked about work). I think it’s unfortunately part of having a high paying job that is very visible to senior leadership at a big company. That’s along the lines of what I’ve said in the past but wondering what I should say differently in the future.
Seventh Sister
Not quite the exact thing, but I have a few old friends who complain constantly about things that they could resolve if they wanted to change the situation. For instance, one has a bunch of kids that attend separate $$$$ private schools and she personally drives each to their school each day, both ways. Their local public school district is probably one of the best in the nation and has bus service. I try to just empathize and move the conversation in a different direction.
If your friend’s spouse is anything like the guys I know in that position (big job, little kids), he may expect her to do pretty much everything related to the kids AND has a very high standard for how those things should be done (no chicken fingers and organic wool pajamas).
Explorette
Given you have already explained the situation to her, I’d probably push back and ask her what the alternative is. Husband has a demanding job that allows her the luxury of being a stay at home mom. If she doesn’t want him to have the demanding job, does she need to go back to work to make that happen? But, my approach is probably going to lead to the end of the friendship. I have very little patience for people who expect the bread winner to have the big job, plus be present in the relationship, plus attend every sporting event and school function, etc….
Anon
“But, my approach is probably going to lead to the end of the friendship.”
Uhhh, yeah, definitely.
theguvnah
Most of my friends and I have a strong enough relationship that this kind of directness works really well.
I’m not a fan of friendships where you can’t say what you feel, but I realize from reading this board for years that many, many women seem unable to do so. That’s a shame.
Anon
You must be one of those people who is a jerk under the guise of “just being honest.”
Anonymous
That’s a big assumption that she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Maybe it’s a sacrifice she’s making while the children need a primary parent. Helpful suggestions might include get an occasional meal kit service, hire a cleaner/gardener, hire an occasional nanny, go to the gym and have the children at the play center while your friend works out, use a grocery delivery service (saves so much time with lists and actual shopping), etc.
Anon
“Husband has a demanding job that allows her the luxury of being a stay at home mom. If she doesn’t want him to have the demanding job, does she need to go back to work to make that happen?”
You’re vastly oversimplifying the economics. There are many situations in which it is financially beneficial for the family for one parent to stay home. In fact, if they have two or more kids and the mom doesn’t have an advanced degree or an engineering degree, there’s a very good chance childcare would cost more than she could reasonably earn. Acting like he’s giving her some kind of “luxury” lifestyle by letting her stay home is kind of messed up when it might actually be the other way around, that her staying home is a net financial benefit for the family. I live in a LCOL area, but the majority of SAHMs I know left the workforce because their salary didn’t cover childcare.
Anon
You’re getting a lot of pushback but I agree with you. Most high paying jobs require work beyond 9-5. (Other jobs do too, and unicorn jobs exist, but we are talking high paying jobs.)
I would probably say something like, that’s my life every day, I work 60-80 hours per week. Or tell her to change her viewpoint: plenty of people in America work long, varied, and unpredictable hours for a LOT less than her husband is pulling down.
The harsh reality is that if she doesn’t get her head out of her butt, she’s going to damage her marriage. I work longer hours than my husband; I make a lot more than he does. He supports this and doesn’t act like I should be pulling down big bucks for 9-5 with six weeks vacation.
Anon
Sometimes just being honest and genuine is the way to go. If you say “I actually have to work nights and weekends all the time, and that’s my norm not my exception, so I probably am not the best person to assess the situation as this seems normal to me. I sympathize with your husband and how challenging it can be to balance a job and family. I’m grateful my husband is supportive of me throughout it.”
It may not be tailoring your response to what she wants to hear, but it will communicate to her that you are in the same boat as him and give perspective. Don’t lay yourself over the coals to make someone else comfortable. It’s also your genuine insight which is what she is theoretically asking for since she’s complaining to you.
Monday
+1 for being honest. In a real friendship, it’s a gift and a sign of trust.
I did this one time to a friend who was talking about a type of job that was so terrible, that she would never stoop to applying for. I reminded her that I’d applied for this category of job, and gotten rejected. It’s fair to let people know the impact they’re having sometimes.
Anon
You be mature and express sympathy/commiseration to your friends. I had a severely disabled sibling (who died) and that experience has put me in a position where I frequently think people are complaining about non-issues and/or the hard parts of their life were an easy Tuesday in my family. I wouldn’t have any friends if I constantly compared people to that experience, and I don’t think it’s healthy to do so anyway.
anon
I admire your growth.
My experience caring for a disabled family member for years has really isolated me from people. It shocks me that people are so self-centered/selfish and ignorant. Most people have no idea how lucky they are. But you are totally right…. it’s not healthy for me, and having this realization is likely why my friendships are so unsatisfying.
But OP – I would absolutely sympathize with her AND educate her by describing your perspective.
Anonymous
Op here – thank you. I needed this reminder.
ANON
Sometimes we need to vent even though we know we have first world problems.
Anon
The mistake is assuming it is the same thing. Perhaps you and your husband got together at a point where busy after hours was just part of the deal so you’re used to it. Her her, maybe it’s new. Maybe it’s different hours that cause other impacts. Maybe she misses him. When you make it all about you, you miss the chance to understand what’s going on with your friend and I’m guessing she’s feeling less inclined to even talk to you. I’m dealing with a situation that is new to me, and actually quite different from what one of my friends has gone through and she’s just shut down conversation with a snarky “welcome to my life” comment. Well, that just makes me ice her out and she’s baffled about why I don’t want to get together more often and tells me she misses the friendship, etc. The TL/DR is try listening and not all situations are actually the same.
Anonymous
Ask her if she just needs to vent or if she is looking for advice for a specific problem.
If she complains about the same things over and over, gently point out that she has in fact complained about the same things over and over and you’re wondering whether she might need some advice or help working through the problem.
Being a SAHM is harder than it looks from the outside -I was one for a while- and sometimes having a friend to vent to about things she would possibly understand can help.
Anon
For the poster looking for plant based meals, I just made the simplest mushroom pasta from smitten kitchen.
I did use a little cream to finish it, but if I hadn’t had cream, I’d have skipped it and it still would have been delicious.
I added some sliced leek to the mushrooms after they browned, along with the garlic, and a little thyme.
https://smittenkitchen.com/2022/04/simplest-mushroom-pasta/
Anon
My depression and anxiety are raging against each other, with the anxiety causing totally sleepless nights of insomnia followed by days of depression sleep. Tell me how you get work done during times like these.
Anon
You don’t. Take some FMLA leave until you’re back on track.
Anne-on
+1 – take a few days off. Prioritize sleep, fresh air, and speaking to friends/family who will be supportive and can help you get in to see a doctor/therapist. I’d take melatonin and then actively try to put yourself to bed – bath, stretching, sleepytime tea with the melatonin, etc. Everything feels better once you get some good rest.
I would also call your doctor ASAP and ask for a prescription for meds for your depression. There is no shame in medication and no award for ‘toughing it out’ on your own – you’d get a broken leg treated, there is no reason not to treat this as an emergency and treat it accordingly. Once you’re feeling a bit better I’d make an appointment with a therapist to help identify what got you into this pattern and to set up good self-care habits. Also, you’re allowed to stop the meds, they’re not something you have to take forever but they can be amazing for getting you over a bad period.
anon
+1
This is great advice.
Hang in there OP. Give your doctor a call. Telemedicine is a godsend too.
Anon
You don’t. You talk to a doctor and get meds. Hugs. Been there.
2L
No real suggestions but hugs. That totally sucks but things will get better
Anon
NJ – pump my gas but don’t touch my trash!
love it.
signed,
Jersey girl
Anon
Love it! From a fellow Jersey girl!
Anon
Why are we celebrating this? The Idaho killer may have gotten away with it if they had lived in NJ. There wouldn’t have been the DNA link.
Anon
Let’s definitely give up all of our civil liberties because of one crime. That’s a great idea.
Anon
+1. It shouldn’t be easy to obtain someone’s genetic material in order to prosecute.
Anon
How is trash an important civil liberty? Please.
Anom
Has anyone used therapy to be a better parent? My relationship with my 10 yr old daughter is very full of friction. She’s a neurotypical kid, bright and energetic. But I get frustrated with having to ask her to do anything 10x, her refusal to comply with her physical therapy instructions for an ongoing medical issue, etc. I have a lot more patience with her younger sister. I hate this bad loop I’m in with her bc it’s exhausting and not fair to either of us. Curious if anyone has successfully gotten themselves help to improve your parenting? And if so, what you’d recommend?
Anon
I have an almost 10 year old girl, and WHOOO. The puberty is strong. My 12 year old son was also really difficult at 10-11 (easier now).
You could try therapy for yourself, if you think it’s your reaction that are the problem? My kid was in therapy but we parents also got a lot of help from the therapist about how to have positive interactions with my kid and avoid big blowups. It obviously didn’t solve everything, but I think put us on better footing so that the inevitable conflicts of tweenhood and eventually teenhood could be approached better.
Anon
Do you make consequences for when she doesn’t do her chores? I also had PT exercises that I did for a bit but then dropped. The PT benefited no one but me, and no one tried to follow up on it. Chores, on the other hand, were non-negotiable. Privileges were very much contingent on getting chores done.
I used to babysit a *lot* and I saw so many parents who could never get their kids to do anything because –well, what was the punishment if they didn’t? Nothing. The kids could do whatever they wanted whether they did their chores or not (and the parents ended up picking up all the slack).
Anonymous
My kid was in therapy for anxiety and we went together with him, and it really helped all of us – me and spouse as parents, and kid as well. Totally recommended. It also gave us some common language to use so that when kid is about to lose it, we can refer back to what we worked on in therapy.
I also think that at 10, you can really put natural consequences into effect.
anon
Great advice here
and just FYI – NO ONE does their physical therapy exercises. Adults are way worse than kids.
Anon
That’s all developmentally appropriate for a 10 yr old. You are an adult frustrated with her for being a neurotypical 10 year old. You need therapy and guidance for your treatment of her, she needs therapy for enduring being mistreated for nothing within her control. Plus she is watching her younger sibling be treated significantly better and kinder. Get it together using professionals immediately or she’ll need a lifetime of therapy to fix the damage you are causing her.
Anon
Good grief this is so unkind to OP. Yes it’s normal for a 10 year old to act this way but it’s also normal for an adult to find it frustrating. This child is not being abused, nor is OP a bad mom. On the contrary the fact that she is thinking about this and wants to proactively go to therapy to address this makes me think she’s a great mom.
Anon
Seriously. I knew there was going to be a response like this, there always is. Some people can’t pass up an opportunity to be holier than thou.
Trish
Anon, at 12:24. Nowhere in her request for assistance is any suggestion that she is being abusive. It is also normal for parents to have difficulty learning to deal with their pre-teens. If you are going to be so mean, then at least post under your real name. Own it. Why bully anonymously?
To the OP, it is helpful to remember that it the way they leave the nest is by pushing us away and rebelling and that this behavior is actually healthy. I read the Age of Opportunity by Lawrence Steinberg and it was SO helpful in raising my son. And, if you do explode, don’t beat yourself up.
Anon
Oh FFS, this is ridiculous. OP is already showing a ton of EQ by even thinking of therapy and understanding her impact. This is just ridiculous. SMH.
Anon
One of my best friends had real problems with her son around that age; he would not listen, she was getting frustrated; and it generally just made things stressful and was starting to make their relationship toxic and give her a ton of Mom guilt. They did family therapy – him and the two parents (I think they left younger brother out of it). She has told me a few times it was a true game changer. Honestly I was shocked when she first told me about it after the fact (i lived in a different city at the time and we had temporarily lost touch) because their family has such a good dynamic.
2L
Every list of essential women’s work clothes includes a button down white shirt, but I look TERRIBLE in them. A suit with a neutral blouse is sufficiently formal right? I don’t need the button down white dress shirt?
AIMS
You do not! In fact, an ill fitting button down is one of the most common wardrobe mistakes I see at interviews – I always blame those lists that say it’s an “essential.”
Cat
nooooo def not. Blouses and shells of all colors and patterns and materials – knit, silk, cotton, I mean, not like lace or satin – are perfectly good – in fact better. Even for summer associate interviews.
Anon
That list also includes a “classic” tan trench. I have neither that nor the white shirt because they both look awful on me. You do you! Pretty much any blouse you like under a suit will be fine. I lean toward a jewel neck shell like the favorite Calvin Klein one.
Anon
Same here! Those two items always baffle me. They’re hardly wardrobe essentials, they just look good in photo collages because they bring in light, negative space in a picture.
2L
oh good. Because I look terrible in tan and trench coats too
Anonymous
Those lists of ‘essentials’ are what is considered essential to the writer of the list, nothing more.
While I really like button downs personally, I don’t own any white ones -or white anything at all- because white makes me look washed out.
There are dozens of options for formal that are not a button down, white or otherwise.
Anon
I think for Women’s suits a shell usually looks better. And I’m in the same boat. White button downs look wrinkled or ill fitting or get armpit stains way too fast. I do like a nice white silk blouse but they don’t have the structure you want for a collared shirt under a suit imo. All that to say…shells rock.
Anon
You definitely do not. I worked in a Big Law firm for five years and never wore a button down shirt. They don’t look right on me.
Anon
Y’all, I did *the thing* – in this case, admitting to myself that my taxes have exceeded my ability and actually contacting the person recommended to me to advise and do this task for me. Sending the email took all of 10 seconds, and while I know that it will take much more effort to actually figure out and do this properly…I feel much better having taken this first step!