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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: The Colette Cropped Wide-Leg Pant, “Magic Fabric” Edition

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A woman wearing light gray sneakers, dark olive pants, and a gray cardigan

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The Anthropologie Colette Pant is an old favorite of mine,  so I’m intrigued by this new “magic fabric” being advertised. The brand says that the fabric “sculpts, stretches, and recovers.” With 3% elastane, I’m hoping this means they won’t end up baggy at the end of the day like some of the other Colletes currently hanging in my closet.

The color selection is fantastic, but I’m particularly loving this “holly” color for an almost-neutral that pairs with anything. 

The pants are $120 at Anthropologie and come in sizes 23-34, 23T-24T, 23P-34P, and 16W-26W. (A+ to Anthropologie for the extended size range, but I’m subtracting points for making the sizing confusing, with waist sizes for standard, tall, and petite, and not for plus!) 

Sales of note for 5/13/25:

  • Nordstrom Rack – Looking for a deal on a Dyson hairdryer? The Rack has several refurbished ones for $199-$240 (instead of $400+) — but they're final sale only.
  • Ann Taylor – Suit Yourself! 30% off suiting (and 25% off your full price purchase, and 40% off sale)
  • Talbots – 40% off entire site, plus free shipping no minimum!
  • Nordstrom – Beauty Deals up to 25% off (ends 5/17)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – 10% off new women's styles with code
  • Eloquii – $25+ select styles + extra 45% off all sale
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off must-have styles + extra 50% off select sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + extra 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Lots of twill suiting on sale! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles + gift cards give $100, get $20
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off

286 Comments

  1. This has been harder to find than I thought. I’m looking for a short sleeve blouse to wear under suits. Almost no v necks work on me- I’m bigger and even ones that look modest show cleavage. I also cannot deal with a high neck – even a crew neck. So I’m looking for a modest scoop neck blouse, in size 16-18. The quince shirt in xl almost works, but looks too clingy without a blazer. Any suggestions?

    1. The form tee at everlane in the clearance section. I hate this neckline on me so much, but it sounds like what you might me looking for. They’re a bit short on my body, but not cropped.

    2. I had a washable silk Eileen Fisher t shirt years ago that fit this description precisely. Someone spilled red wine on me at a networking event and it didn’t come out. I’ve been looking for the same shirt for years with no luck, but I always keep an eye out for her stuff. If I find it again I’m buying 5 of them!

    4. I have a cowl-neck silk blouse from BR Factory that seems to hit what you’re looking for.

    7. I like the Ann Taylor mock neck popover and their scoop neck elbow sleeve tee. They have a bunch of other options too.

    9. Ann Taylor mixed media top
      Ava top at Boden
      Antonia top at MMLF
      look for the Amour Vert silk blouses on Poshmark
      Universal Standard has a lot like that also

  2. Now that I’m solidly on Team Flats, has anyone found some really comfortable or really cute flats this spring? [Note: I’m not on Team Loafers because the ones I’ve tried are either too stiff or too flimsy; not on Team Brogues because my feet can’t be that confined and seem to require socks in them, which muddies the look.]

    1. I know you said no loafers, but have you tried the Sam Edelman Loraine loafer? It’s real leather so it’s not stiff, and it’s comfortable.

      1. I did and was disappointed. The leather got scuffed up on day 1 and the heel is too loose to fit really well (even though my feet aren’t narrow elsewhere). I kept them but they are a B- / C+.

    2. Rockport’s Tessa Total Motion flats look cute if you like neutrals in leather/suede. Rothy’s and Vivaia are cute and have significantly more color options in eco-friendly weave.

      1. Ok, maybe I’m not one to talk since I’m wearing these exact pants today and commenters think they’re ugly, but … this is the frumpiest shoe I have seen in a very long time. It is not cute, unless you are an 85-year-old woman in the workplace.

      1. What are you wearing boat shoes with in 2025? To work or no? (flashing back many decades)

    4. Cole Haan generally has one or two nice pairs a season. The rest can be a bit odd. They work best if your foot is on the narrow side of medium.

  3. I’m looking to do a second bachelors degree at a local university as a way of retooling for a job change given the state of my field. If it is what would be called an “impacted major” for new undergrads, how would that affect me? And could my age be a factor in whether I’d get accepted? I really need to do it where I currently live and work, so I dint have the option of looking at other schools.

    1. Oof a whole nother bachelors sounds daunting. Can you double count some of your prior credits so you’re only taking core courses? I transferred a lot in undergrad and I had better luck with state schools in getting credits to transfer, private schools didn’t want to count anything. If you’re open to a community college, they’ll have a much bigger age range for students.

    2. This is specific to each university and major, but in general, it means it will be harder to be admitted to that major and difficult or impossible to switch to that major if you get admitted to that university as a different major. It might also mean that there are higher standards to stay in the major or that it’s hard to get classes and graduate in a timely fashion, though the main reason for restricting enrollment in those majors is to make that less of a problem.

    3. I would rethink this strategy for a job change, an undergrad degree is rarely something you’re hired because of what you studied. You already have one plus work experience, which is enough to enable a job change. If you need specific skills, take some classes in that or consider a graduate degree, but be very cautious there because there’s not much ROI outside of law, medicine or an MBA.

      1. What about going from an accounting minor to finish it up as a major and then sit for the CPA?

        1. Have you looked into whether you could just get a masters in accounting? I don’t think in need a bachelor’s in accounting to get the masters

          1. I’ve often wondered this. I have zero accounting classes but work with taxes to the point where more background would be helpful. Or at least round out my education if I needed to change jobs so that my studies more closely matched my work.

          2. I had a bachelors in econ and got my masters in accounting. You just have to have taken the pre-requisite classes.

          3. +1 usually masters coursework is more straightforward + shorter than a BA degree- less gen ed requirements, fewer classes overall etc.

        2. There are programs specifically for this. A lot of schools offer the ability to just take the classes you need for the CPA outside of a degree program, and others have masters programs to cover this.

      2. Yeah, I was trying to think of scenarios where an entire second bachelors made sense vs a grad degree or some community college or post bac classes. I won’t say there aren’t any, but I’m having a hard time thinking of any.

          1. But don’t they have accelerated programs designed for students who already have a degree? You don’t have to go back for an entire new four year degree?

          2. Exactly. At most, you need something like 24 credits or whatever the major requires that you don’t already have. Nursing is maybe 12-18 months if you have a BA already? IDK if age factors in -/ it typically is very impacted and competitive.

          3. Even with nursing, I would still explore options. When the real estate markets crashed, my friend who was a business undergrad working at a loan company decided to pursue a master’s in nursing. The schooling required complete commitment. But she has loved the job change and went on to earn well doing really meaningful work.

        3. For hard sciences and engineering you’d need to go back. STEM programs generally pay for themselves with government grants, so I could see those being impacted as well, as colleges/universities try not to pick up paying for those professors, staff, and lab expenses.

          1. Go back for a whole 4 year degree, and not just take some prereqs for a post bacc?

          2. You might need to go back for a whole new bachelor’s if you didn’t do STEM at all, but if you’re just trying to change fields within STEM you can normally do post-bac or even go straight into a master’s program.

          3. Lots of students just take post bac classes and then apply to grad programs. I’m a STEM prof, so I have lots of them in my classes and have written lots of rec letters. They’re often some of my top students and have done fairly well getting into graduate and professional programs. This probably wouldn’t work if you wanted to be an engineer, but it’s pretty common for people applying to health related programs because you don’t actually have to take that many classes to apply to those and even grad programs in a lot of the sciences can be fairly flexible for students with some experience.

          4. OP here — just add classes to complete a major. Not do a whole new 4 years / 120 credits (I can’t imagine any school would require that if you have a US degree; I’m not Rodney Dangerfield). So maybe 24 if they require that I take all classes in a major there (undergrad was elsewhere), which I guess some schools do. I figure, over the rest of my life, Field A seems to be more in-demand / flexible than Field B (anyone with a BA could probably do, if not do well, plus feds are flooding the non-specified office work job market right now, so a good time probably to try).

          5. OP why don’t you say what you’re trying to pivot from and to, people here might have good suggestions for you that are less onerous.

          6. OP why don’t you say what you’re trying to pivot from and to, people here might have good suggestions for you that are less onerous.

          7. Most colleges don’t let you get a degree from them after just a few classes. You can normally only transfer up to 60 credits, and many won’t let you even do that. I wouldn’t assume you will just have to earn 24 credits at the new school.

          8. You may be able to tr@nsfer up to 60 credits. But I don’t know of any colleges that will grant you a degree unless you complete at least 60 credits with them. And depending on how long ago you got the BA, they may not accept any of your prior classes for credit

          9. I guess if the limit of transferring 60 credits is a thing, maybe a master’s program makes more sense? Or see if your original institution might have distance learning options to complete missing degree parts with them?

            Being an adult learner firmly planted in a new city is a challenge because you are stuck in a location and often working FT and trying to go to school PT over a longer window (I did a 24 credit masters degree like that). It was exhausting and I worked hard for those B+s. Summer school was the worst because time is compressed and everyone will get married before your final and never after.

  4. what even is this bizarre pose? I get that they’re trying to show the rise and waistband, but it looks like she’s hoiking her pants.

    2. Yet another pair of wildly unflattering ankle pants. Is there any way to style these so they don’t look ridiculous?

      1. I wear these pants all the time with sweaters, t-shirts, and blouses and I look super cute.

        1. I think both things are true. These pants are terrible, but can be styled to look cute. I’d wear them.

          1. I agree that they could be styled to look cute on some people… but they would be absurd on me as a 40 year old tall, long-waisted pear, no matter the styling.

      2. Having lived through multiple fashion cycles, it seems to me that “ridiculous” is very much in the eye of the beholder. I wore boot cuts; I wore skinnies; I wore capris and crops and ankle pants; I wore pants that almost dragged on the floor and had to be carefully hemmed for the exact pair of shoes they were intended for. And do not even get me started on skirt lengths and shapes. And as each silhouette cycled out, people had strong opinions about how they were ridiculous and they could not believe the older generation ever wore such a thing. Worse is when a style you previously dismissed as unflattering cycles back in.

        So yes – there is a way to style these that does not look ridiculous in 2025. Just be aware that you will look at photographs of yourself in a decade and wonder why you ever wore those. Worse yet, people who are now in elementary school will probably come to this very place to call them frumpy.

        1. Idk, I think a lot of us are just confidently skipping this trend because we think it is ridiculous/frumpy!

        2. I agree. I thought skinnies were awful when they first came on the scene… and then proceeded to wear them for many years.

          I like the pants above, but I think wearing that kind of pants with gym shoes is tricky. I would do a somewhat chunky sandal, or boots where the shaft went under the hem. Or some flats that aren’t super chunky but not too delicate.

          What can I say, I kind of like the look of busting out of my clothes. I like cropped pants and I like bracelet length sleeves (I am 5’3” and usually a size 6 or so).

          1. YES! Also 5’3″ (and usually a size 2), wearing these pants today with a fitted boatneck sweater with cuffs turned up to show some wrist. I’ve got Louboutin pointy-toed flats on, and I think it all looks cute.

        3. I have also lived through many fashion trends. I think some trends are meant to flatter or look elegant (twinsets, skinny or bootcut jeans depending on body type, pencil skirts. And some are just designed to look ridiculous. We happen to be in an era of ridiculous, and I’m going to sit out the cropped flood pants, barrel jeans, and everything else that might look quirky or fun on a young person but is not even attempting to be flattering.

          1. I think you have an idea of what is flattering but it’s based on your body type. I dreaded the years when everything was skinny, they looked perfectly dreadful on me. I have been thrilled to have pants with volume that are flattering. And that don’t need much tailoring. So back off, just say they aren’t for you and move on.

          3. Yeah I agree with 11:41, I get a lot of compliments in barrel jeans, but I’m really curvy at baseline. Skinny jeans weren’t hiding my hips but at least barrel jeans are highlighting my waist, I guess?

          4. Anon at 11:29 gets to have her opinion and you get to have yours. You do not get to attempt to silence her. Not good.

          5. Nobody attempted to silence 11:29. But some people’s idea of what is flattering is more attainable with certain body types.

            Barrel jeans are basically denim harem pants and are going to suit people with less “elegant” proportions.

          6. Literal lol that a responsive comment on a fashion blog was an attempt to “silence” someone. That is a real thing that happens in real life, and this ain’t it.

          8. Coming back late (probably too late for anyone to read) to say that there is a difference in my mind between saying “this is not a good look for me” vs. “this is an objectively ridiculous look”, particularly when the look in question is widespread. I will not wear pleated pants (been there, done that, have unfortunately photographic evidence) or super high waisted pants (I already have a short torso). That is because they do not look good on me (or in some cases trend too young for my 50+ year old self), not because I think other people cannot look good/fashionable/attractive in them.

  5. What is on your bucket list of things you want most/want to do in life? I’m building mine and could use inspiration

    1. I want to go through the Panama Canal. We studied it in middle school and I still think that (and Walter Reed / yellow fever) is fascinating.

    2. I don’t really have one outside of travel. Not that I don’t care about anything that’s not travel, it’s just that that’s the easiest thing for me to control. Like I’d love to be a grandparent some day, but it’s not in my control so it seems silly to put it on a bucket list.

    3. My bucket list has changed over the years. Used to be to get married and have kids. That didn’t work out so well for me so in my early 30s it shifted to other, um, more casual, varied experiences. Developed a travel bucket list: diving the Great Barrier Reef and going on a safari are at the top. Then I met a guy and now we have a baby on the way so my next bucket list thing is having a healthy baby. Hopefully he likes to swim!

    4. Getting published/speaking for the association that serves my field
      Adopting a dog
      Camping solo (I’m very much not outdoors-y by nature)
      Physical goals (run a 5K, etc.)

    5. – travel to India and China
      – climb Kilimanjaro
      – complete a spirit triathlon
      – stay healthy enough to do a team sprint triathlon with my kids in 10 years
      – stay healthy enough to do yoga with my daughter when I’m a grandma (my BFF and her 70+ mom still go to a weekly class together)
      – get better at my non-English languages
      – try pottery
      – get better at swimming (probably need to list this ahead of the sprint triathlon lol)

        1. My 7 year old would be all about a spirit triathlon! She has like 14 sets of pom-poms.

    6. Pay off all outstanding debts (mortgage, student loans).
      Fully fund and then enjoy my retirement.

    1. Expand on the details and you will find this in the description:

      “Adaptive:

      Non-Seated:
      Decorative front fly
      Adjustable, hidden elastic at back waistband
      Side-seam zippers with loop pulls

      Seated:
      Decorative front fly
      Adjustable, hidden elastic at back waistband for fit adjustments
      Zipper on inseam
      Zippers on both side seams with loop pulls
      Patch pocket on thigh for easy access”

    2. They spell it out:

      Adaptive:

      Non-Seated:
      Decorative front fly
      Adjustable, hidden elastic at back waistband
      Side-seam zippers with loop pulls
      Seated:
      Decorative front fly
      Adjustable, hidden elastic at back waistband for fit adjustments
      Zipper on inseam
      Zippers on both side seams with loop pulls
      Patch pocket on thigh for easy access

    3. doesn’t that mean they have added features to make them comfortable for people with disabilities? Like flatlock seams, access for ports, not uncomfortable for sitting in a wheelchair all day, etc?

    4. Extra features to make the garment more accessible for some people with disabilities.

  7. I got a promotion with a nice raise and recently paid off my student loans and now I can level up my life quite a bit while still being able to sock away a ton in savings.

    What upgrades (either single items, services, or subscriptions – really anything) have been worth the level up for you?

    I know a cleaning service js popular here, but that’s actually something I’m not interested in. No pets or kids and I’m in a 1BR so cleaning is quick and painless for me. I also know people love art, but I’m looking more at the day to day stuff not one off major purchases right now.

    I’m very used to the Old Navy, Aldi, Spirit airlines life so I’m excited to inject some luxury into my life! One of the few luxury purchases I have made was a Shark Flexstyle which I’ve LOVED!

    1. Also – if it matters. 30, in Philly, single but dating, no kids or pets. I have lots of hobbies, love fitness and the outdoors among other things, very active social life. I travel a good bit for work (usually a handful of long trips (4ish weeks) rather than lots of short ones) and some for pleasure.

      I’m finally done with school and finally am making good money and feel like I can actually start living for me! I hope that I’m tied down with a spouse, kids, and pets in the future but that’s not yet! Time to live my aspirational life for myself now!

      1. Are there any friends of or young professionals type groups you’ve had your eye on? The art museum and the Barnes (I think) both have clubs for young professionals. Or a whiskey or diners club?

        Wardrobe is a nice place to slowly invest some cash. Think about what quality pieces you want to focus on. I’d start with comfortable and stylish shoes personally — and don’t forget things like athletic or hiking shoes. It’s a nice feeling to be able to take your time and get pieces you really love.

        1. The dinner club thing made me think that maybe you consider getting on the mailing list for your favorite restaurant or bar. These places sometimes have events that can be really fun to go to – multi course dinner with paired wines and some slight lecturing about the wines, sometimes bars have special cocktail events.

    2. I’ve loved upgrading to All Clad and Le Creuset for my daily cookware. Great knives is next on my list.

    3. Congrats!
      I know it’s not for you, but just answering the question about what’s been worth it for me, cleaning service is my #1 – we’d give up just about every luxury in our lives to maintain that. We also recently outsourced our regular lawn mowing and that was a nice weight off our shoulders.
      After that, traveling more and traveling in a more luxury fashion. I’d love to be able to fly business class on all my international trips (we currently do it maybe 20% of the time when we can use miles or get a good deal and it’s soooo much better than economy) and to stay in luxury hotels and hire private guides for touring.
      In terms of smaller things, fancy coffees, lunch out, more Doordash, more money spent on entertainment like theatre and arts, more fancy workout classes.
      I don’t really give a crap about cars and clothes and would probably drive a Toyota and wear J Crew even if I was a billionaire.

    4. I would just upgrade little things. I wouldn’t hesitate to get takeout or go to a restaurant alone. When it comes to traveling, I would take an uber instead of the metro or take a more expensive direct flight. Upgrade things that matter to you but you don’t have to completely overhaul your life. You can also save for a down payment, retirement or a bucket list vacation.

    6. I have a pet but otherwise am much like you. Unfortunately I’m the queen of lifestyle upgrades. I’d suggest looking at what you use every day and start there. Here are my favorites:
      – Matouk extremely fancy down pillow – life changing
      – New bedding overall
      – Upgraded shower head – even in a rental this is easy to swap
      – Maldon flake salt – silly upgrade that I love
      – Perfume I love (You or Someone Like You by Etat Libre d’Orange)
      – Moccamaster coffeemaker – so pretty and brings me joy
      – Dr. Dennis Gross peel pads – pricey daily skincare that is very much worth the price IMO.
      – Upgraded modem and router – internet never drops and I get internet speeds that are actually faster than what I pay for
      – Meditation app subscription
      – Clearspace subscription (screentime app)

      1. This list is really great, better than mine below. :) 100% agree so much about Dr. Dennis Gross peel pads, the meditation app subscription (Insight Timer is my fav), upgraded wifi modem/router, and bedding.

    7. My experience is that lifestyle creep will happen easily enough without actively looking for it. That said, some of the “treats” that have made me happier through the years: splurging on a really nice bag, sunglasses and coat(s). Ordering dinner or a movie whenever I feel like it. Car washes whenever I feel like it. Catering holiday meals. Nice luggage. I’d say a nice vacation once a year, but that’s been harder and harder to pull off with my constantly shifting work demands so usually end up with several small domestic trips (but nice hotels). Writing it out, I guess I don’t dream all that big.

    8. Upgrades my wife and I made when we got our attending salaries (we have 2 kids so cleaning was a big one):
      – flying Delta direct at a time that is convenient rather than the absolute cheapest flight
      – buying the “buy it for life” quality tools for the house, garden, kitchen
      – for clothing, I have actually not spent a lot more. What I did do was realize that second hand Eileen Fisher is a gift to creation.
      – not fighting about or worrying about money

    9. Regular manicures – I typically go every 3 weeks. I could never do my nails nicely myself and was terrible at home manicures, and my natural nails just are not very nice. I resisted for a long time because I didn’t love the regular appointments, but gave in a couple of years ago and nice nails really make me feel so much more put together. I tried a whole bunch of different nail salons and found a tech who is fantastic, and am very loyal to her now.

      If you are not sensitive to scents, some kind of home scent. I tried Pura for a while and I did like it, but I prefer diffusing essential oils (and a little bit of incense once a day just brings me a ridiculous amount of joy). I experimented with a lot of different essential oils before settling on my favorite and basically that’s our home smell 99% of the time.

      Similar to above – really nice perfume in a pretty bottle. I love my bottle of SOL Cheirosa ’62. I don’t apply it often or heavily, especially after reading here some comments about how much scents affect others. However I really love when I get a whiff of it.

      Good coffee, and a Nespresso Aeroccino Milk Frother. I’ve had that frother for years and love it a lot.

    10. I had all of these ideas of fancy things I would get for myself once I paid off my student loans, but when it actually happened, I realized those things weren’t actually terribly appealing to me in reality v. theory! But one thing I really enjoyed doing was upgrading my skincare. I went from Cetaphil/Neutrogena to Drunk Elephant/Ole Henriksen/etc. I also gave started buying clothes I liked even when they weren’t on sale instead of waiting, which used to be my MO. I’m not actually a big shopper at all, so this did not result in spending a lot of money, but it was a little thrill each one!

    12. I’m at a similar stage as you – early 30s, single, 1b city life.

      Ive come to terms with my place being a comfortable levep of chaos from all my craft and art hobbies. My living room floor is my craft room and having a cleaning service I have to tidy up for would disrupt the creative flow (iykyk).

      I have all debt, recurring bills, and savings covered comfortably, so my luxuries are:
      eating out and ordering delivery 1-3x a week. my office is overly generious with food so I dont spend money on lunch or snacks most of the week. my grocery store bill is mostly breakfast foods and coffee.

      art classes 1x week

      1-2 hobby related subscriptions

    13. I received a big raise a couple years ago, and my big (and only) splurge was personal training and Pilates. I spend about $1,000 per month on these services, and I regret nothing. I feel great both physically and mentally which cascades into all aspects of my life.

    15. I would try a couple of things in a low commitment way and see what makes you happier and which don’t really move the dial. E.g., I don’t like bougie candles, masks, bath salts or most spa treatments. Or designer clothes and accessories. I do really like interesting boutique hotels when I travel. And fun restaurant picks. And a good stock of rose for summer.

    16. I fully admit to being a gigantic princess, but I only fly business class these days and OMG it’s SO MUCH BETTER. Not just the real estate on the plane, but faster check-in, lounge access, and earlier boarding.

      1. You’re living my dream life :) I posted above, but we do it once in a while when we can use miles or get a great deal, and it’s amazing. If we got a substantial real dollar raise (unlikely to happen because we’re in higher ed and our raises barely keep pace with inflation) I would definitely love to do it more.

        1. We started doing it when my husband started having to do mandatory minimum 401(k) withdrawals.

    17. One rule I like is: if you break it, buy a fancier version. If you lose it, buy a cheaper version.
      Things that you touch everyday that don’t work the way you want them to are great places to upgrade.

    18. Do you like coffee? If you do and are not there already, level up to really good beans, ground at home in a burr grinder, and a good coffee maker. My recommendation on the paraphernalia is MoccaMaster for both the grinder and the coffee maker.

    19. I’m a big fan of finding the pain points in your life and throwing money at the problem.

      For me that’s meal kit delivery every week so I don’t have to meal plan.

      My husband hates flying/airport days so now we park in the airport garage (ugh, so much money), pay for the most convenient flight etc.

      If you’re long term financially stable, upgrading to a new home can be really nice. Outdoor space, big windows and in unit washer dryer were the big ones for us rather than more space.

      A pet will eat up tons of money if you want one!

      I’ll spend money on fitness (fancy work out classes, new running shoes, whatever home gear I want at that moment).

    20. Fitness!! For me that meant buying nice, comfortable running shoes – not the cheapest good enough option. We pay for a gym that’s a splurge but makes working out way easier, more enjoyable, etc. So worth it but also on the list of things we could easily cut if financials changed

    21. Fly first class and hire a town car for to/from the airport. The extra cost is worth it to me because it makes such a huge difference in my stress level from travel. When I’m traveling for work, it’s especially worth it because I’m more effective once I arrive wherever I’m going and I need to be “on.” Since you travel a lot for work, you could pay the difference to get first class and it might be deductible as an unreimbursed business expense (check on that because IANAA). I first used a town car when I injured my leg and still had to fly somewhere for work, and now I’m a convert both for work and for leisure travel.

  8. My dad is in his mid-80s. He is good for his age, but doesn’t like to go out into the world of chaos, like the DMV. He moved to my state this year, but no longer drives. His old state license will expire at some point. His passport is too long expired to renew online and would need an appointment. He isn’t likely to need to fly anywhere and definitely doesn’t want to (one sibling and set of grandkids live a day of travel away and I think he couldn’t handle that any more). Before his old state license expires, I want to make sure I am thinking right about any risk of just letting it expire and having ID that is just expired (but valid when issued). I guess he couldn’t go (or couldn’t easily go) to any graduations of grandchildren or their weddings, but that’s sort of abstract / theoretical. When settling my mom’s estate I have fresh copies of birth certificates, marriage licenses, etc.

    1. You can get a non-driving state ID. If he’s local to you, I don’t know why you wouldn’t take him into the DMV so he can renew his state ID as necessary. I think having no valid ID is risky, even for white citizens, in this current era, and is not something I’d do unless he was truly homebound, which doesn’t seem to be the case.

      1. This is what I would do. It’s good to have a valid photo ID because you never know when you’ll need to have something notarized. (Although in my state, at least, you can have witnesses attest to his identity to the notary, but that’s a pretty big hassle.)

        1. Also you should be able to get an appointment at the DMV to make it easier.

    2. Would he have no photo id then? I tend think that it’s a good practice to have at least one valid photo id available even if he doesn’t carry it with him or anything.

      1. Meant to add – what does his bank require? Financial situations is a common one where it may be necessary to have identification. Like if he was a victim of a scammer or identify theft, a valid photo id might be useful.

        1. I’d be interested in this across banks. Like at some point, it may be a problem because our banks have no branches. I think we just mail and use the internet? And my people have local banks with branches in State A but are now in assisted living in State B and so much was automated with their pension / social security / required minimum distributions, that I didn’t disturb that. I could get on a plane if I needed to, and I have a POA for them and the bank knows me (and I keep an account there), but IDK how this would really play out.

    3. He won’t be able to efile taxes, he may not be able to log on to the social security website (last time I did this, I needed my license), he may not be able to register to vote or be allowed to vote in person or by mail. That’s just the first few things I thought of. I think it’s actually quite dangerous to not have a current id right now, and you don’t want to risk it.

      1. My mother in law is in assisted living and doesn’t have a current ID but my husband e-files her taxes every year. I get the general concern but OP, we can’t conceptualize a situation where she’d need one. We also handle all her finances, so the bank concerns don’t come into play either.

    4. My state requires a valid photo id to vote, so that’s one reason to make sure it’s current.

    5. If it is an option, take him to the DMV at a small town near you. Depending on the area, you may be able to call and ask around about when their dead times are to minimize the adventure. Speaking from experience, this goes extra well if you can find a small town with a dinner that has good pie. Take your dad and get him a state issued ID, rather than a DL. This will still allow him to vote and travel, if he needs to.

      1. This is a good point. My state just went to Real ID (or attempted to, for what seems to be the millionth time), so the lines are hours long (which is hours of standing on concrete, often outside, often bowing to the whims of weather). Our DMV is underfunded and our state population seemed to skyrocket with COVID, so I’d fear that the process would be our undoing.

        1. Flip side: Mine recently went to appointments (live in Chicago suburb). I got a Real ID stare ID and a Real ID drivers license in separate visits and was in and out both times in minutes. But I still would have waited. IDs are used for a lot of financial things. What happens if he needs medical treatment and needs to fly there? Storage facility requires ID? You just never know and it’s almost impossible to get new IDs without a valid ID.

          1. I live in California (and in a major city in California at that) and was in and out for my Real ID in 30 minutes, including parking. Particularly if you can go during the week and live in a place with appointments, it might not be the horror you are anticipating. You can also call and ask if they have accommodations for the elderly and/or disabled. I know California does.

            The circumstances under which you need a valid ID are limited but they definitely exist and when you need it, you need it now so I would hesitate to not have one.

          2. Same here, and even if your state doesn’t do appointments, I’d be surprised if they didn’t make accommodations for an elderly/disabled person in every state.

      2. Not OP but I read this and thought ‘i wish someone would take me for pie after annoying stressful errands’ and then I realized that I am in fact an adult who can reward myself with pie for stressful errands. Very helpful light bulb moment.

    6. What state are you in? The NY DMV now has an appointment system that makes it way less chaotic to get your ID. I would think that he needs a non-driver ID that complies with real ID requirements.

      2. NC, on the other hand, is currently a clusterf*ck even with appointments. I echo what someone said about finding a DMV in a smaller town/county.

        1. I live in a small rural county in NC and our DMV is just as busy as more populated areas. Thankfully I did RealID a couple years ago when I needed to renew my DL anyway.

    7. I get that it seems a hassle now, but if you handle it now, it’s a relatively quick errand, won’t take more than a few hours at worst. I’d you wait until it become a problem, it could be much much more difficult. You know your own risk tolerance, but my risk tolerance says to just get the ID.

    8. We went through this with my father-in-law when we moved him across the country to live with us. He really did not want to get an ID. We said fine. He is an adult. However, within weeks of his expiring, he needed a VALID photo ID for emergent situations — and there was simply no time to get one. It made life very hard until we were able to take him for a new ID. If you don’t have one, you will be surprised how often you need VALID photo ID.

    9. Get a state-issued picture ID as soon as you can. We needed one frequently for my mom for medical procedures when she intended to use her federal pension insurance to pay for said procedures. She’d have a lovely, normal doctor-patient relationship and then the doctor would submit to her insurance. Denial. Resubmit with request for more information and backup of diagnosis, etc. Denial pending proof that patient was actually insured person (doctor required to affirm that their records included a copy of her official photo ID and her insurance card and that the names and addresses matched).
      I’ve rarely (if ever) had to show picture ID myself at any doctor, whether or not I’m using insurance.
      It will not get easier in the future to get the ID – get it now while his driver’s license is valid, he is competent, and moves under his own power. The older he gets the more difficult it will be for both of you.

    10. Our local healthcare facility now requires a valid ID every appointment. They are concerned about fraud. I would not let his ID lapse like this. And if he is on Medicare or Social Security and needs to visit their offices to fix or change something he will also need an ID.

      1. I’m just curious: how is an expired passport not a valid ID? Or an expired license? If it was valid when issued, for things where a passport or REAL ID isnt’ required by statute, why wouldn’t it still validly identify a person? It’s not like a 16YO kid could try to drink with a senior citizen’s ID.

        1. Because rules, laws, and regulations often don’t make a lot of sense, and I don’t want someone to have any “valid” reason to deny me or my loved ones the right to vote or the ability to use their services.

        2. I don’t get why this is a question. Valid and expired are almost diametrically opposed in my understanding of the words. An expired license, permit or authorization ceases to allow the action that was allowed under it. Of course you still are a person when your ID expires but there are perfectly good reasons to have to renew this document every now and then. It should of course be straightforward to do.

          1. This is not the moment to defend stuff like this; the reasons to have to renew the documents are not good enough.

          2. Valid meaning not expired has been a thing long before the current craziness. This is not a hill I’m willing to die on at this point.

          3. Valid means unexpired. A license is for a purpose and a duration. If it’s expired, it is not valid. It’s not fake but it is not a valid license for the purpose it was issued for.

          4. They could allow expired photo IDs for purposes like voting if they wanted to. They did allow grace periods for a while during COVID and it was fine.

            The risks of being excluded from healthcare, from voting (from deportation?) are greater than whatever the risks of an expired ID are supposed to be.

          5. In my state, you can vote with an expired ID if it expired after the last general election. So an expired ID works as a short term solution, but not long term.

          6. Anon @ 1:20- Right. There are certainly reasons that the expired DL should be fine. But at the end of the day, it has been the case for a long time that expired= not valid and that’s not necessarily related to tyranny. I personally and saving my “Fs” for other issues, but by all means, write your legislators!

          7. This is a very normal thing in a lot of countries, including democratic ones. In my understanding, it’s actually a peculiarity of the US that more leniency is given for things like valid ID for voting, because of the r@cist legacy that meant obtaining an ID had ridiculous barriers.

          8. It’s a thing in many countries, but it’s still pretty dystopian.

            I’m not sure if you’re suggesting that some point that legacy stopped (!).

          9. I’m not suggesting the legacy is not there anymore. In a modern country with a functioning bureaucracy, everyone should be able to get a government issued ID without much difficulty. If that were the case, it wouldn’t be a big deal to require a valid photo ID. Obviously that’s a big if.

  9. Allergies are killing me – my under eye circles are very pronounced, dark and puffy. Favorite products to make me look less like death?

    1. I started straight up putting Aquaphor on my face and it was the only thing that helped this situation.

      1. Pataday is a lifesaver! I’ve also been using the drmtlgy undereye corrector and I think it helps some.

    4. Thanks – I’m good on the allergy management side (I’m on 2 antihistamines, eye drops, and Flonase).

      Just looking on advice fot the eye circles

      1. Then I would probably look for a good concealer and see if an ice mask/ice roller helps.

      2. I would try an undereye corrector instead of (or as well as) a concealer… the sephora house brand has one, as does Bobbi Brown and most major makeup lines (just naming the ones I’ve used). Usually it’s pinkish if you’re pale, orange-y for tanner skin, and going to red for darker skin (I’ve also seen tips online about using red lipstick to color correct undereyes on darker skin, but have never tried so can’t vouch for that!)

      3. I do recommend some basic lymphatic facial massage- folks on tiktok and insta get a little nuts but it can help with this I think!

  10. What do you wear casually in the summer? I’m in my late 30s with a toddler and I’m pretty stylish in the cool weather months but am totally at a loss in the summer. I’m thinking about just running errands, going to the park, casual daytime outings, etc.

    2. Elevated interesting blouse/t shirt that is usually sleeveless tucked into a flowy midi skirt with a bit of fullness. Usually with birkenstocks, which are obviously divisive. I also wear a lot of sundresses.

      That said, I much prefer dresses/skirts even in winter, and the joy is compounded in summer.

      1. I was team skirts in the summer before I had a kid, but I found them tough for weekend wear with a young child – you are always crawling around on the ground or on playground equipment, and there is no good way to do most of this without flashing people. I just moved on to shorts, but I can’t claim to be particularly stylish.

        1. I just wear little shirt shorts under shorter skirts and dresses and assume if people are looking they like the view.

        2. Stretch, lightweight boy shorts under the dresses. Can help with chub-rub, too.

          1. Fitness!! For me that meant buying nice, comfortable running shoes – not the cheapest good enough option. We pay for a gym that’s a splurge but makes working out way easier, more enjoyable, etc. So worth it but also on the list of things we could easily cut if financials changed

          2. One of my faves from there is a linen top that’s super comfy in the summer. You just have to be careful what you buy.

    4. When my kid was younger I wore Old Navy skorts and t-shirts since I had to do a lot of chasing around, but it didn’t make me feel stylish in any way. Now that I’m not being called to squat down and pick up small children, I’ve been moving towards linen pants, midi skirts, and dresses. Wider silhouette on the bottom, and more fitted on the top is my preference.

    5. For chasing a toddler, I think the only “style” that really works is sporty/outdoorsy. Full range of motion, it’s okay if something is a little rumpled, and you can often get fabrics that aren’t prone to stain.

    6. No toddler; casual dresses, flowy skirts and long shorts. In cotton mostly, I don’t like linen.

    7. A lot of linen. A lot of nap dresses. Today I have on a Gap double weight linen midi dress with a denim shirt over it and tied at the waist with white, leather Keds. I love the ankle length Gap Strider jeans. I wore the heck out of the Gap gauze mini dresses last year and expect I will this year. I bought a BR two piece poplin outfit in black. I have never not worn skirts or dresses notwithstanding having five kids.

    8. Chino shorts in every color with classic linen blouses in every color. So, navy shorts with a light blue linen shirt; green shorts with a white shirt; etc, etc. It’s 100% a summer uniform for me – I have enough to mix and match for about 8-9 days.

    11. Tennis dresses/exercise dresses! I love my AF traveler dress and my Addison bay active dress.

    12. With my kids, I’m wearing Vuori Halo pants or other athleisure on the bottom, with a t-shirt or cotton blouse.

    13. Errands and time with kids: athleisure dresses with built in shorts.
      Outings and fun: midi sundresses.

      Birkenstocks all summer long!

    14. I’m also late 30s and my uniform this year seems to be high-ish waisted short shorts and a crop tee or crop tank. Sandals or cute sneakers

    15. Maxi dresses from Chicos. (You have to select carefully, because they offer some hideous clothing, but some nice clothing, too.). Also, black cotton-linen blend pull-on wide-leg pants are a workhorse. Talbots often has some cute athleisure stretch track-suit style pants. Enjoy!

  11. How do you find peace in an infuriating job? Like, I make decent money, the hours are good, it is “mission driven”, etc. I’m 10 years in and lots of it was good, but right now the day-to-day is so grating. My actions are micromanaged (by a broad series of higher ups, my direct boss is okay), lots of gas lighting, corporate BS, I can’t write an email without getting conflicting line edits from 4 sources despite being an expert, ad nauseum.

    The leader of the org is an appointed position that must change next April. Theoretically a lot can/will evolve at that point. I’m in Canada, not the US, so not directly impacted by the crap in the US. I’m literally counting my pensionable years over and over right now to back away from the ledge. It feels too early to do this at 35, but also every other job seems to suck more or differently. Do other people just feel less invested in their work? Like how do all the commuters I see put up with this nonsense and live their lives?

    FWIW I have a very active social and hobby life, but all I dream about right now is a job where I call the shots.

    2. You say Canada and mission driven, can you switch to federal or provincial government? I did the hop from NGO to government and it was heaven, good pay, limited micromanaging (still lots of approvals but no one doing line edits). The only down side of government is it’s very competitive and slow hiring process with thousands applying for each job.

      1. + 1 to switching to provincial govt esp if you are in a smaller province. We’re staffed to thinly to micromanage. Lots of early responsibility. Federal govt pay is better but there are more layers of bureaucracy but depending on the area, also more opportunities for highly specialized work.

      2. I’m in broader public sector – people think it is government, but it doesn’t qualify me to apply for union restricted jobs. In multiple years of looking, I have seen zero legal jobs (in the GTA) that are open to people who don’t have their step/aren’t already in the union. :((((

        My partner is a Crown Prosecutor, so I know their system inside and out. Obviously if I fully understood how I would be restricting my job options in future, I would have taken the articling positions I was offered in the OPS!

        1. If you want to stay in Toronto your other option would be to go over to something non mission driven. But if I were you I’d look into moving to Ottawa, much better jobs and lower COL. (Plus Supreme Court, parliament, etc means really important work!)

        2. Have you thought of switching to a policy director role? Those are pretty common held by JD/MBA /MPA staff in my govt. Prosecutor jobs can be more rigid than core govt jobs for lock step movement but we’re not unionized on civil side so not sure how that works in OPS. Could you lateral to another Crown agency? Ontario is going to be more like the federal govt in terms of bureaucracy/less responsibility at lower levels but at least more opportunities for specialized work.

          1. Are you in Canada? Policy director is not a legal preferred job in Government. Federally you actually have one of a specific list of degrees (none of which are legal).

          2. Yes – Canadian provincial govt. Very common for us to pick up JDs from private practice as policy directors, especially if they have worked in that area and also have an MPA. Smaller province so our policy directors are pretty hands on when reviewing and instructing on drafting new legislation so JD is seen as helpful.

        3. If you’re open to leaving the GTA, the prairies are looking for prosecutors AND housing is affordable.

        1. Most legal jobs in federal government are what is called ‘indeterminate’ which means you can’t be fired during cut backs.

          1. That’s not what that means. If your position is eliminated, then you can move into another position via bumping but that position may be less desirable or lower level even if you are red circled on pay. Indeterminate just means you are not determinate as in you don’t have a specified end date. The bigger issue for OP is that there has been a bit of an unofficial hiring freeze for the last year or so unless it’s essential staff. DH has had the worst time trying to get position posted to be staffed. Thinks they are leaving positions empty in case they need to cut them.

    3. I just felt what you are feeling so hard at an even younger age. I came to peace with the fact that I’m not the best version of myself when I’m stressed about work and a stressful career just isn’t for me. I’m not overachieving at least in this sense. Some people manage it better. My husband worked at a big law firm for a partner who routinely made associates cry. It ran off my husband’s back like nothing and it would have crushed me. And while I’ll never be terribly powerful and my job is a bit boring I seem to have figured out how to make a living without feeling stressed out all the time.

      I had found what I thought was a unicorn job but it just got worse and worse and I thought all jobs would be equally bad or worse. Then I left. All jobs are not equally bad. This new one is great for me for now. And when it gets to be too much, I’ll move on. You should to.

    4. Start thinking like an entrepreneur… is there a way you could disrupt the field? Failing that, could you go on your own, like a contractor?

      1. LOL this is possibly the most unhinged advice since unprofessional water bottles, congrats.

    5. I made a FIRE spreadsheet and updated it daily until I hit my “fuck you money” number. And then I quit for a lower paying job that was saner!

      Don’t do pension jobs. They’re just golden handcuffs painted…not golden. Save aggressively on your own.

    6. I have no advice but just want to say I thought I had written this and forgotten. I’m your age, in the BPS in Canada, just dying under micromanagement even though I’m an SME in what I do here. I wake up every morning and just remind myself that they pay me well to work in relative comfort while I build a pension – that almost works to get through most days :)

      1. The Scandinavian countries have the welfare state, benefitting the young, the sick and the old. This only works because people while working pay high taxes. Please do not give your working and taxpaying years to the US and then come here afterwards

    7. I feel similarly about my job and I am aggressively looking for a new job. I have been at my job for 10 years and it has progressively gotten worse. For a while I tried to look at the bright side and tolerate it but now I am so over it.

  12. About to do a phone screen for a new job within my org. I know that I’m qualified, but my stomach isn’t so sure right now. Please send vibes.

  13. For those of you who have aging grandparents that live very far from you (think 20+ hour flight), how often do you see them in person? Growing up, I sporadically spent time with my grandparents but due to the distance, they did not play a significant role during most of my life. Understanding everyone’s situation is very individual, I’m trying to get a sense of how often I should try to visit. I saw them last year, and am feeling guilty that I may not be able to make a trip this coming winter, mostly due to a combination of lack of PTO, concerns revolving around current US policies towards the country and my job in fed gov’t, but also honestly because the trip is a lot! But I know they’d love to see me and though they are relatively healthy, probably do not have too many good years left (late 80s and early 90s).

    2. I imagine if they live 20 hours away (in Asia?) there are probably cultural issues in play. But to answer your question, I saw my maternal grandmother pretty much annually until she moved into an assisted living near my aunt, but that was mainly because she lived in a vacation destination and my family had a tradition of going there every summer (we still go to this place every summer, even though both my grandparents are dead now). I think I only visited her in the assisted living once but she was only there a couple of years.
      I basically never visited my paternal grandmother, but she was a horrible person and we didn’t have a good relationship. I saw her I think once in college and then she was at my wedding when I was 27. She died when I was 34 and I hadn’t seen her since the wedding, but we were basically estranged at that point because of her behavior at the wedding.
      They both lived to early-mid 90s and were both a domestic plane flight away.

    3. It seems reasonable to not go every year but I would probably try for every second year and maybe mail some care packages in between. Older people love to get mail.

      For when you do go, because you mentioned the long journey, don’t rely on google flights or similar for routings and options. My BIL is coming to visit us this year from Europe and their flight combo to Canada is not found on google flights or the airline websites. It was bookable as one ticket through a travel agent when I told him what flights to take. Same thing with points seats. The results show you what makes airlines the most money, not all combos that are technically valid under airline alliance agreements.

    4. How wonderful that you have relatively healthy grandparents who would love to see you! I recommend that you prioritize a visit this coming winter, or sooner if possible, even if it’s an exhausting trip and you don’t have enough days to stay for a really long visit. Life can be fragile and circumstances can change quickly for people your grandparents’ age. Full disclosure: I lost my second parent (age late 80s) last month. Fortunately, we enjoyed a good visit six months ago, before their final series of health crises began two months later.

    5. I have a bunch of friends with elderly grandparents in India or Pakistan. Generally they visit every 3-5 years or when there’s a special event (usually a wedding) or health scare. They spend about 3 weeks there.

      None of them are visiting this year or maybe for the duration of this administration. Even my American-born friends are afraid they won’t be allowed back in the country. It’s a very sad situation for a lot of people.

    6. I went about every six to eighteen months as an adult. I only had a 7 hour flight that I could swing with red-eyes. But, yeah, it is a lot when you a burning a good chunk of your PTO and travel money, just to fly home.

  14. DH and I are making our summer plans, and considering going to Hilton Head. We’ve never been, and I’d love to hear people’s experience with it. We have a baby and toddler. How nice is the beach? Is the island walkable or do you have to drive from the hotels/resorts to the different towns (even if they’re close)? Any recommendations on where to stay? Is it worth it to spend any time in Savannah on the way in/out?

    1. How do you do with heat and humidity? It’s unbearably hot, especially in July and August.

    2. I loved Hilton Head in the summer. It was hot, but we were staying right on the ocean so it wasn’t unbearable. The beach is beautiful. We did have to drive, but lots of people were on bikes.

    3. You can make it walkable. We stayed with family and some toddlers near Coligny Beach–we could walk to the beach and restaurants. We stayed in a 3-bedroom condo, and it was very nice. I actually enlisted my in-laws on this vacation because I was having a hard time finding a one-bedroom condo that worked for us. Generally, there are a few areas of the island that are walkable and a large additional area that is bikable from those areas. There are more restaurants, etc., than I am used to having at the beach (Gulf Coast) because people actually live in Hilton Head/Bluffton year-round. I.e., there are options for food other than the typical beach fare.

      I don’t think hotels were walkable, but I also didn’t look too much at that– we wanted a washing machine.

      Savannah is wonderful if you haven’t been, but it is soo hot in the summer. It’s a very walkable city, but it’s basically on a swamp. I have been to Savannah several times, and we did not go the last time I was in Hilton Head– the main things I saw to do there that would have worked for my kid were outside, so it wasn’t even a good activity for a rainy day on that particular trip.

  15. Just signed the offer for my new job!!! I have to give notice ASAP. I’m so excited for this new opportunity, but having a lot of guilt/conflicted feelings over leaving where I am now, because I’m literally the only person who handles certain stuff. But my current job refused to give me more money or recognition so…

    2. Hi, I was you 6 months ago. My advice is to move on and not feel bad. Don’t burn bridges, obviously, but sometimes you just have to go and let them figure it out. TBH I worked my last day until 7pm and stopped only when my access was turned off because I wanted to complete as much as I could, but you know what? They took everything over and it was probably fine. My manager and colleagues loved how hard I worked until the day I left and I see them frequently on projects (my field is fairly small) so it’s nice to have those friends and friendly acquaintances, and I know that if something happens they’d love to have me back on their side.

      Congratulations on your new role!

    3. Don’t feel guilty. They wouldn’t think twice if they had to lay you off. You deserve a better job where you are appreciated.

    4. As someone who has been in your shoes twice, it’s totally natural to feel that way, but realize those feelings will pass. Quickly. Once you’re out of there, you will not look back and you won’t be worried. They had their chance.

    5. Ah, well. You showed them data, statistics, and performance. You used your words. Now you are using your feet.

    6. They made a business decision not to pay you more, you made a business decision to work somewhere else.

      Don’t feel bad.

    7. I take the cynical belief that the people above you in the org chart are paid good money to handle reassignment of work and backfilling of positions when someone leaves. It is wholly unnecessary to twist in the wind and take on guilt for what is ultimately a problem that someone else is generously compensated for handling.

    8. Don’t feel bad. I was you. Also… without knowing more– the reason you did not receive more money/recognition at your current job may be because you were the only one handling certain things. First, no one actually knows what you are doing. Second, what you are doing may have a certain assigned valuation. It could be too expensive to them to let you train someone to take over, and you may not have had time to do work which would have paid you more money because you were the only one handling something else.

      1. Those are really good points, thank you. It’s true, not even my manager grasps how to do certain tasks/projects I work on.

  16. Help me dream for a bit. I am planning to retire at 50 in a few years – single, no kids, currently live in Texas. I love traveling and assumed that once I wasn’t tied to a desk I would slow travel and find a place to call home where I could have good but less expensive healthcare, the ability to be and stay active, and have options to meet other expats/young retirees. I have budgeted enough to stay in the US and pay for healthcare if I wanted/needed to (although would not stay in TX), but with the current political climate and my concern for the future here, I don’t anticipate staying. I’ve been an expat before, so I’m also familiar with what it’s like to live in another country as opposed to just visiting.

    The easy places to move to overseas as an American that I would consider (I don’t have any citizenship by descent options) are Costa Rica, Greece, Spain, Portugal, Malta, and Italy. I’ve spent time in all of these countries (except Malta) and just haven’t fallen in love the same way I have with countries in eastern or northern Europe, where it seems it would be harder to gain residency as a retiree and not as a job seeker (or could be very expensive, like northern Europe). But being a tourist is very different than living somewhere, so I don’t want to rule out a place because of my tourist experiences. If I could narrow down this list, I’d spend the next few years learning the language, visiting often to try to narrow down a location, and perhaps buying a property while I still have a regular salary, but at the moment am just feeling stuck and not sure how I could best be using my time right now to plan for the future.

    I know some of you have looked into leaving the US – have you found any other good options other than citizenship by descent? Otherwise, does anyone have experience with relocating to one of these countries and what the expat experience is like, pros or cons?

    1. There is a regular poster on the moms page- CB- whose parents moved from California to Portugal.

        1. Ooh, yes, please! It’s retteburner1 @ gmail. I’d love to hear how your parents narrowed down where to live in Portugal or how difficult the visa process was. Thank you!

    2. Where in Italy have you been? The northern part of the country is culturally very different than the south, and would probably appeal to you a lot more if you like northern Europe.

    4. Monteverde, Costa Rica is gorgeous and a really cozy community if you haven’t been. My brother lives in Italy and totally loves it. I had a friend living in Granada who couldn’t say enough good things about. I’d rule out Malta – a lot of corruption. Read the New Yorker article on the Maltese journalist who was targeted to get a sense of the political climate.

      1. Malta also has some of the strictest abortion laws in the world (worse than US red states). I guess it’s less of an issue if you’re a post-menopausal women and are unable to become pregnant, but I’m not sure it’s a place I’d willingly move even then.

    5. I work with our Italian market so I know a lot of US expats in Italy, although I’m not one myself despite having spent a fair amount of time there as both a student and a professional. Immigrating is not the easiest process, but there’s a well-trodden path in Italy and strong expat networks throughout most of the country. Finding English-speaking healthcare providers does not seem to be a concern as long as you’re in reasonable proximity to a good-sized city.

      Northern Italy will feel more like the parts of Europe you say you like the most than any of the other options on your list. Assuming you haven’t already done this, I’d spend some time around Turin, Milan, Bolzano, and Trieste, and see if something in those areas strikes your fancy more than the typical tourist hotspots.

      1. Thank you, this is really helpful. I’ve only spent time in Florence, so it sounds like further exploration of the north might be a good idea. I’ve been to southern Italy multiple times and really haven’t loved it, so I think that’s partially why I’m biased against the country.

        1. It’s night and day from the south, and very different even from Florence. Regardless of whether it’s in Northern Italy or elsewhere, I hope you find someplace that resonates with you!

    6. If you are looking at Golden Visa situations, the list is quite a bit longer. TBH, once you are 65, might you come back here? I can’t imagine dealing with Medicare from abroad or qualifying for social insurance as a transplant who never worked there (and IDK if a Golden Visa situation would qualify for that). My main experience is US military people who often rely on Tricare and can retire much earlier than civilians (and may have some citizenship by descent or a citizen spouse from that country).

    7. New Zealand has a golden investor via for $5 million NZD, which works out to about $3 million US. I don’t have $3 million to invest in NZ, but if I did, I’d seriously consider it.

      1. Same. I’ll have $3M by the time I retire, but the threshold probably will have gone up by then to keep up with inflation. I wish I were rich enough for it.

    8. Assuming the current president doesn’t destroy the foreign service, I’m considering applying for a specialist position when I retire (hopefully around 55).

    9. Costa Rica has become more expensive in recent years, but is a shorter flight back to the continental United States. Due to climate change, Spain, Italy, Malta, and Greece are desertifying and unbearable in August, and also probably during most of July, due to heat and wildfires. But Spain has a decent retiree visa, and is relatively low-cost still. If you move to Italy, you are unlikely to develop deep and strong friendships with native Italians, who tend to stick with family and life-long friends, but knowing that, you can focus on making friends among the expat community. Good luck!

  17. Real talk – what is everyone doing to resist the threat to democracy right now? My elected officials are Republicans so calling them doesn’t feel useful. I give monthly to Democracy Forward and CREW.

    1. Calling resisters to indicate support whether you’re a Harvard alum and can set up a monthly donations or able to send business to the law firms that have stood up to this administration.

      Buying products from countries which have been targeted by the administration.

      And keep calling politicians. They need to know the resistance is not going away. It’s not about left or right. It’s about Con Law 101 and due process and balance of power between Congress and Executive and Courts.

    2. Republicans are the ones with all the power right now. Keep complaining to them, the fastest way to change is to convince them to stand up for the things they claim to believe in- the Constitution, free speech, the rule of law, economic growth- that Trump is gleefully destroying.

      1. This. Oh my goodness, this. Rs have power. Ds have none. Call your Rs every dang day if you need to.

      2. Agree with this. Would also add that I was talking to a Dem Chief of Staff, and he was saying many members on both sides particularly notice if their constituents engage (in a thoughtful, respectful way) on their social media pages, like facebook. It’s visible to their community and easy for them to check in a way that answering phones or reading official emails isn’t.

    3. Show up at protests. The bigger the crowd, the more impact. Shop with your wallet – don’t buy Teslas. If you’re in a leadership role at a law firm or other business that can kowtow to Trump or not, make the case for not. Take the stand and stick your neck out and others may follow.

    4. I think we at a tipping point with some of the red Senators need to hear from their constituents. We have had folks break with the pack on the SecDef, and on tariffs.

    5. – Contacting my (very, very) Republican senators daily with the issues I think they’re sway-able on (the economic harm the tariffs are doing to our state, not offering due process etc).
      – Contacting my professional organizations about issues that are relevant to our field and letting them know I expect them to speak out against this.
      – Same with my alma mater.
      – Monthly donation to the ACLU.

      1. Right? People only talk about things on here that have no relation to what they do in real life. No one has an actual job that they talk about on a fashion blog or issues in relationships or travel plans. /s

    7. I’m in Canada and voting with my dollars, which means not buying anything American or going to the US (sorry, American friends!). And obviously casting my actual ballot right now.

    8. I’m calling my members of congress at least a couple times a week using the 5 calls app. And showing up for protests every other weekend. I left twitter for bluesky, stopped shopping at Target and Whole Foods, and was never going to buy a Tesla. I’m donating a little each week to various causes and campaigns, and I’m volunteering in my community, doing things like working at a food bank and handing out red cards for the immigrant community.

    9. I am focusing on doing everything I can to protect voting. I also donate to ACLU, Democracy Forward, Southern Poverty Law Center and am donating more to legal efforts against Trump’s illegal actions.

      I trained to be a Deputy Registrar in my State, and can register folks. I recently trained to be a Voting Judge, and oversaw our last state election. The League of Women Voters sends out good reminders of ongoing issues, and now I follow their lead and do my calls to our useless Reps every Friday. You can call Reps/Senators who are not your own…

      Voting is our only chance. And am I doing what I can to help the lawyers/courts slow Trump down.

    10. Call your reps, especially since they’re Republicans. Call your local and state reps, too. Show up at protests. Give money if you can to the ACLU & Southern Poverty Law Center.

  18. San Francisco and LA tips?
    Thanks everyone who gave me Chicago recs, I referenced them a lot and had a great time.
    Now I’m in San Francisco for 3 days, staying near Union square. Is Muir Woods worth it?
    We are driving down the coast, through Big Sur, to San Diego, and than up, for three full days in LA.
    Best affordable food recs? Anything to be mindful of after the fires?

    1. LA is HUGE. You need to pick an area where you want to stay and then we can help.

      Also I’d definitely make a stop in the Central Coast. Hearst Castle is definitely worth a visit and the neighboring town, Cambria, is great for an overnight. Be sure to stop at Linn’s Fruit Bin for breakfast or lunch and pick up some olallieberry jam!

    2. I’d skip Muir Woods – underwhelming. Stop in Pescadero for artichoke soup at Duarte’s or Mexican from the gas station across the street.

      1. I love Muir woods but I generally love trees. It’s annoyingly crowded on weekends but nice on weekdays. If you want to go definitely check online – you may need a reservation.

        1. I agree. Muir woods is striking.

          The drive up was a little unsettling for me though!

    3. As an SF native, my ideal day would be an urban hike through all of these neighborhoods: Chinatown, North Beach, Fisherman’s Wharf area, Palace of Fine Arts, Pacific Heights / billionaire’s row, Baker’s beach, Alamo Square / Lower Haight, and Haight Ashbury, up through Cole Valley. The neighborhoods are what make SF truly special as a city so seeing as many as you can is such a treat!

      For nature, go to the Presidio, Golden Gate Park, and/or Ocean Beach. Skip Muir Woods – is a day trip from the city and underwhelming unless you just want to say you’ve seen Redwoods.

      1. Presidio Tunneltops park is breathtaking, and there is good food in the Presidio.

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