Suit of the Week: Boss

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1. Where are we getting cute lingerie? Nothing too intense, but something that’s a step up from my regular t-shirt bras. Size 8, D cup.

   1. I’ve liked some of the cheap AdoreMe ones I got from Nordstrom recently (although I think they’ve got their own return policy, so watch out).

   2. Bravissimo

   3. Cosabella

   4. Thistle & Spire

   5. Journelle.

2. Is it legal for an employer to make you use your accrued PTO to fill 8 hours on a slow day? Federal contractor here and we bill to clients (similar to law firms) or to overhead for corporate activities. We’re expected to bill 8 to clients per day but work is slow for obvious reasons and it was suggested to “just use your PTO” to fill in gaps.

   1. I know this happens at some consulting firms (I think maybe Deloitte? can’t remember), but it was after a certain threshold of unstaffed time was met.

   2. If they want you to use PTO for time spent at work, that is mischarging.

   3. Also a contractor – we were told that for a while, but not for time sitting at your desk. It was more like: “if you know you don’t have any work to do tomorrow, take the time off as PTO”. Now that message is changing and some wonder if it’s because it wasn’t good advice before.

      1. What is it changing to?

   4. If you’re charging PTO, you should be able to leave the building and do whatever you want.

      1. I could for sure but I don’t want to take PTO on some random Wednesday. I barely have enough to cover a basic vacation and kid illness as it is.

         1. Legally, there’s a big difference between forced PTO where you’re not expected to be at the office, and being forced to burn PTO while sitting at your desk.
            Practically, it sucks either way and I sympathize.

            1. Yep, at my former job we got acquired by a company that forced us to take PTO between Christmas and New Years. It’s legal even though it effectively reduces your PTO days

         2. are you the OP? you wrote it is “suggested”? also, if you’re working for a federal contractor it is likely things are not that stable at the moment. the less unused PTO an employer has on the books, the better for accounting purposes. They might be doing this to help prevent layoffs?

            1. Yes, I’m the OP. Things aren’t stable. Doesn’t mean I want my benefits cut.

   5. I would bill to overhead. I would not use up my PTO for time spent at work.

      To answer your question: it is legal for them to tell you they don’t need you for the rest of the day and you can take that time off, and if you want to get paid for that time then you need to put in PTO. It is not legal for them to require you to take PTO for time you are required to sit at your desk.

3. This pick is so pretty!

4. I’m in an airport right now in a sweatsuit, a look I really never thought I’d chose for myself, but I’ve been having a lot of stomach issues lately that cause really bad bloating and this is just so much comfier than anything else in my closet. I do feel a little like I’ve given up, and I’m 37 so I feel at least a decade too old for this trend. (Felt very millennial when I tried leggings with a baggy sweatshirt first, but looser fitting sweats won out because of comfort and the leggings silhouette looked so dated.) But I’m just so comfortable.

   1. Ugh nesting fail:

      Lands end starfish pants. They’re just fancy sweatpants. I like the pintuck and Palazzo varieties.

   2. There are nice matching sweatsuits that are basically the style now. I find a jogger looks better and makes me feel more put together. Check out Gap and Athleta

      1. That’s the kind of thing I’m wearing, but I think it really only works on 20 year olds!

         1. I have a Spanx one that I think works, but I feel like a Real Housewife in it.

5. Any recs for a psychic in Sedona?

   1. Sedona? Throw a stick and you’ll hit one.

   2. Yes. Psychic Center of Sedona, 251 Hwy 179. Accurately predicted my husband.

6. White House back again with another surrender to Russia plan disguised as a ceasefire. How is he not embarrassed that his solution is just caving to Russia?

   1. I don’t think he was ever not on their side, so what’s there to be embarrassed about?

      1. +1 he’s working for Putin

   2. It’s been suspected that Trump was a Russian asset for years — Tulsi, Flynn, Jill Stein… so many others. How were these people allowed to become appointed and elected (or run for office). Seems like a real failure to address in the next democracy.

7. Lands end starfish pants. They’re just fancy sweatpants. I like the pintuck and Palazzo varieties.

8. On the thread the other day there were a lot of people saying they wouldn’t have chosen their husband if they could do it again. Why not? Were the signs there all along, did he change, or did you?

   1. I understood it as though they wouldn’t have gotten married at all, not necessarily shade on their partner, but maybe I’m wrong…

      1. That’s how I read it, too.

   2. I am first to say let’s shoot all men into the sun, but I would choose to get married every time. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31 and I spent many years before that crushingly lonely and desperate to love and be loved. I wouldn’t choose to go back to that.

      1. Different details, but same sentiment.

      2. I got to the other side of that crushing loneliness before I met DH. I was fine being alone most of the time. I traveled alone, went to restaurants by myself, had some great spontaneous meals at fancy places because it’s easy to grab a seat at the bar. Alone time has been hard to give up. I miss it. If I didn’t want kids, I would’ve happily stayed single forever.

   3. I commented on that earlier thread and agree with the poster above: not shade on my partner, just instead would like to be more independent. If I could do it all over, I would probably have some form of long term romantic relationship, but would live by myself and probably go through seasons together or apart from my romantic partner. I think I would also have more time and energy to focus on long term non-romantic relationships and would be able to more fully dedicate myself to my own personal activities and habits. Given my actual life commitments, some of those are impossible to maintain at the level my alternate timeline self would like to pursue.

      1. I became single again in my 50’s and I have to say I really like being able to go all in my personal activities, self-development, and non-romantic relationships. When I first became single I thought I would get back out there after I healed but I decided I love being single so much I have zero desire to date.

      2. This would definitely have been better for my career.

         1. Dating while having a career was much harder for me than being married with a demanding career. A first date is not going to give you another chance if you cancel at the last minute because of a work emergency. They’re going to think you’re not interested. And it’s not just first dates, every date in the early months feels high stakes. It’s really hard to show up for someone when there’s such a limited window of time when you can do it. Something always crops up at work at exactly the wrong moment. I could have 4 early evenings in a row but the one evening I have a date planned, the sky is falling.

            My husband knows I show up fiercely whenever I possibly can. Those 4 evenings are probably spent with him, if I have to cancel the fifth evening then it’s nbd. Even for big events, if I cancel because of work, he knows it’s an actual emergency. And he gets to enjoy the financial benefits that come with having a biglaw gig, so there is some upside to the annoyance factor.

         2. My husband has been the best thing for my career, among other things, obviously, but his support to enable my career has been invaluable.

   4. I’m honestly just not interested in sacrificing for others anymore. I was obviously socialized to be helpful and kind as an AFAB, but that’s a losing proposition. I want to be alone in a perfect apartment taking care of no one but myself and maybe a pair of loving kitties. Science continually shows women get the short end of the stick and I truly just want to put myself first, be the top priority.

      1. As a woman.

         1. Ugh, really?

         2. That is not my identity, I did not mistype.

         3. Why do you care so much about how this one person identifies 😭 It’s not about you at all. Live and let live my friend

   5. Whoa when was this? How did I miss it?

      1. it was buried in the comments about s different topic.

   6. Sometimes you wish you could have your cake and eat it too – have a stable romantic partner, but not ties that prevent you from taking a cool overseas job or something. Not really possible, but enjoyable in fantasy land. It’s less about the man and more about the freedoms you give up when you get married.
      (I do regularly fantasize about my no-family life where I’m alternating between stable employment and backpacking/rock climbing full time. But honestly, if I was doing that is be fantasizing about having a husband and kids.)

      1. Isn’t this what actresses and like the old writers/poets do? This has always been my dream too but yeah not realistic

   7. I’m getting divorced and yes, the signs were there. Some of them were subtle (he felt comfortable and my family is dysfunctional AF; I am learning what the right type of discomfort is). Some were not (I almost called off the wedding because he was being cruel for no purpose other than to satisfy his own ego).

   8. I don’t regret getting married because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have my kids. And I really like having a partner to share the highs and lows of parenting with and bounce parenting decisions off of. I think single parenting would feel very lonely (better than a bad marriage for sure, and no judgment to anyone who’s left a bad marriage — but I don’t consider mine a bad marriage). But I’ve often had the thought that I’d rather be single in my empty nester years. Partly because I’m just really independent and when I’m not tied down by school age kids I’d like to have more freedom to do whatever I want. But also partly because of some diverging interests/lifestyle preferences that didn’t become apparent until after we were married.

      1. As a single mom by choice, I can confirm that parenting alone is very lonely. My daughter is only 20 months, so maybe that will change as she gets older. But this has probably been the most lonely time of my life (except for the early COVID days), and I have a lot of family and friend support. Having said that, I love her with all my heart and wouldn’t give her up for anything.

   9. Where was this thread? I must have missed it!

      I would definitely marry my spouse again, 15 years in. Exceeds expectations.

9. Any recommendations for places to have dinner during an upcoming work trip to San Diego? Good seafood and Mexican are particularly interesting. Can’t be super $$$$.

   And thanks to whoever recommended Wilder when I was in Philly last month–it was lovely and exactly what I was looking for.

   1. Two favorites of mine are Mabel’s Gone Fishing in North Park (https://www.mabelsgonefishing.com/) and Ironside in Little Italy (https://ironsidefishandoyster.com/). Both are excellent for seafood.

      For Mexican, most of my faves are very cheap. If you want great Mexican seafood and are okay with something very casual, hit up one of the various locations of Oscar’s (https://oscarsmexicanseafood.com/).

      Also, in case you didn’t already know, be prepped to deal with May Gray (https://sandiegohumor.com/may-gray-june-gloom-unraveling-san-diegos-cloudy-mysteries/).

   2. What part of San Diego? Will you have a car? If you are staying in Del Mar you won’t want to drive to Downtown and vice versa.

10. If you “eat the rainbow,” what are you getting for your colors? I feel like I’m boring and missing out
    – green – spinach, kale, broccoli, avocado
    – white – cauliflower, white beans
    – red – red beans, berries, apples
    – orange – mangoes
    – blue – blueberries

    1. Snap peas and snow peas
       Variety carrots – yellow and purple (my favorites) as well as orange
       Summer squash
       Winter squash – acorn, butternut, etc. TJ’s has pre-cut butternut, which is a game-changer
       Sweet potatoes and yams

    2. In addition to what you wrote:
       -green: arugula, bok choi, cabbage (also red, I guess), cucumbers, zucchini, asparagus , green beans, okra.
       -white: does onion count?
       -red: tomatoes, peppers (also green)
       -purple: acai, blackberries, beets, eggplant
       -orange: carrots, sweet potatoes
       -yellow: bananas, squash, pineapple

       This reminds me that we haven’t had beets, zucchini, or squash in a while.
       Obviously some of these are less frequent than others – i.e., beets, pineapple, bok choi, eggplant

    3. I really like adding different types of sweet potatoes and purple potatoes. There are several types/variations, and some are quite different in texture/flavor, so it takes a little experimentation to see which preparations you like the best. I also like carrots/squashes for my yellow/orange. Oranges of course!

       1. And my doc never recommended a white category. The recs were green, red/purple, and yellow/orange. Ideally one from each color with each meal, but at least hitting all 3 groups each day.

    4. Red: tomatoes, peppers, onions, beets, watermelon
       Yellow/Orange: carrots, sweet potatoes, oranges, peppers, pumpkin, peaches, bananas, corn
       Green: spinach, kale, broccoli, cabbage, peppers, arugula, green onions, parsley, cilantro, dill, avocado, peas
       Blue/Purple: blueberries, plums, eggplant, black beans
       White: cauliflower, onions, garlic, potatoes

       The fruits are seasonal (except apples, bananas and frozen berries), but the vegetables I generally do year round, a mix of fresh and frozen.

    5. These are some of the the ones I eat throughout the year. I don’t know where to put rhubarb or pears, green?

       Green – peas, kale spinach, apples, broccoli, cucumber, celery, avocado, dill, lovage, parsley, coriander, mint, basil, lettice, cabbage, ruccola, scallions, kiwi, ochra, squash, green beans, tomatillos, green chili pepper, green grapes, green bell pepper, brussel sprouts, jalapenos, sprouts and lime.

       Yellow and orange – lemon, orange, ginger, split peas, yellow and orange peppers, butternut squash, pumpkin, grapefruit, mango, passion fruit, sweet potato, yellow beets, yellow squash, yellow tomatoes, carrots, kohlrabi, red lentils, psyllium, mandarins, yellow kiwi, apples, pineapple and cloudberries.

       Red – radishes, pinto beans, adzuki beans, red bell peppers, red chili peppers, tomatoes, raspberries, strawberries, water melon, cranberries, polka beets, pomegranate, red currants, cherries, apples and red grapes.

       Blue and purple – blueberries, blue potatoes, blackberries, black currants and blue corn, aubergines, beets, black beans, black lentils, red onion, purple cabbage, black cabbage, mangold, dark cherries, olives and purple carrots.

       White – potatoes, white onion, cauliflower, leek, lentils, chickpeas, canneloni beans, navy beans, turnips, radishes, garlic, parsnips, celery root, horseradish, artichokes, butter beans, water chestnuts and mushrooms.

    6. If you expand the varietals, you can get red, yellow and green apples or peppers. Red, yellow or purple potatoes. Weird orange cauliflower. Two colors of cabbage. Two varieties of corn, yellow and variegated. Farmers markets are great places to learn about new to you options to keep an eye out for.

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