Splurge Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Iana Blazer
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Summer is officially here, sartorially speaking, so it’s time to look for a white blazer to wear for the season. I always struggle with finding something that doesn’t make me feel like a doctor or a Miami Vice extra, and I think finding the perfect cut is key.
This sculpted jacked from Alice + Olivia is just right. The slightly flared-out, cropped style will look gorgeous layered over summer dresses or with high-waisted pants.
The blazer is $595 at Nordstrom and Saks and comes in sizes 0-14.
As of April 2025, some of our favorite stylish white blazers for work include options from J.Crew Factory, and Ann Taylor, and Amazon (Cicy Bell, The Drop). If you're looking to splurge, try Smythe or L'Agence.
Sales of note for 5/27/25:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has begun! See our full roundup here. Lots of markdowns on AGL (50%!), Weitzman, Tumi, Frank & Eileen, Zella, Natori, Cole Haan, Boss, Theory, Reiss (coats), Vince, Eileen Fisher, Spanx, and Frame (denim and silk blouses)
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+) + Father's Day gifts up to 60% off
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Memorial Day Event: 50-70% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 15% off new women's styles
- Eloquii – $25+ select styles + extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – Summer kickoff event, up to 50% off 1000s of styles+ extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Memorial Day Sale: extra 20% off with code + try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Rothy's – Up to 30% off everything
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – $29.50+ must-haves + extra 50% off all sale styles
Does anyone have a recommendation for a reliable portable air conditioner or alternatively, a window unit that can fit a horizontal sliding window? We’ve tried two portables so far and one was so deathly loud we had to return it, while the other seems to have a flaw in recognizing the room temp. This is for a small child’s room.
Whatever Costco sells is going to be the best of the bunch. For various reasons, we’ve bought quite a number of window and portable ACs in the past few years, and we found Costco’s models had extra features or more reliability or a better value than those available elsewhere.
Unfortunately it’s the Costco one struggling with temp control. We even tried a second one (same model) in case the first was a lemon but it’s a consistent issue – it keeps blasting wayyyy beyond when the target temp is reached.
FWIW, our central air does this too. We solve it by setting the desired temp very high so it doesn’t turn the house into a freezer.
I have a hisense one from home depot and it works fine.
We got so frustrated with ours that we spring for a ductless mini split. No regrets.
I think I saw a Wirecutter review of these recently.
Holiday postcard from perimenopause: those clothes that you tried on when you got them out of the storage bin? The ones that fit in early April? You really should have tried them on again before deciding what to pack for a weekend away from your closet. What fit at Easter aint necessarily fitting now.
Another perimenopause question: what have you ladies been using for sleep supplements? Lately I’ve been waking up too early, coupled with having trouble getting to sleep. (Maycember anxiety list time!)
I like the Beauty Pie magnesium, but I also take a baby dose of amitriptalyne for my lupus.
A lose does of amitriptalyne really helped me when I was having a rough time with sleep.
I use the beauty pie magnesium too! And also sometimes half of an edible targeted for sleep (THC + CBD + CBN). I’m in California.
In addition to magnesium I take a melatonin gummy most nights, 3mg. I know it isn’t great long term but I tip into serious depression when I’m not sleeping well. My sanity is more important than forming a slight dependence at this point in my life.
I have PCOS so my doctor is actually okay with me taking it long term (I don’t but maybe I should).
Magnesium nightly and when I still can’t sleep, hydroxizine. It’s a first-gen antihistamine but doesn’t have the dementia association that benadryl has.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but hydroxyzine’s dementia association is the same as diphenhydramine (Benadryl). The dementia association is related to the anticholinergic effect of first-generation antihistamines. Here’s a JAMA article describing the association. The list of implicated medications is in the ‘Supplements’ link within the article, and hydroxyzine is on the list.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2091745
Well farts.
Oh, wow. Are you a pharmacist? I don’t know how I’m supposed to know this (history major), but am at the point in life where meds for me and managing meds for aging parents is a thing I suspect I’m not aware of as much as I should be.
Pharmacists are a good resource. PCPs should be, but often aren’t given the demands on their time, or they are loathe to adjust meds that start to pile up – needed or not after the passage of time – from other specialists.
You may want to consider a geriatric specialist/PCP and pharmacist combo who can help you navigate polypharmacy (too many drugs), deprescribing (removing unneeded meds), and how meds impact older adults (different than younger ones).
We absolutely had to keep track of contraindicated medications for my MIL as she got older. She saw so many doctors and no one was bothering to check the drug interactions so she ended up with internal bleeding due to blood thinning after a fall.
I’m the poster who linked the JAMA article above. I’m a physician (internal medicine), not a pharmacist. I agree with what another poster wrote about having a pharmacist review your entire med list, including over-the-counter meds. Any decent PCP should know that hydroxyzine’s anticholinergic effects are associated with dementia, but it is notoriously challenging to get accurate medication lists, especially if there are any specialists involved or if you get your care from outside of a single health network.
Hydroxyzine is actually nowhere near as anti-cholinergic as Benadryl, so the risk, while not zero, is much lower. See e.g., https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15627436
I’m not a doctor but I’ve seen multiple endocrinologists and neurologists – actual experts in this field, unlike internal medicine doctors – who’ve all told me hydroxyzine is significantly better than benadryl from this perspective. The fact that it was included on a list of drugs potentially linked to dementia doesn’t tell you anything about relative risk compared to other drugs on the list, and it’s pretty irresponsible to suggest that every drug on the list is equally bad.
A lot of women don’t get enough dietary choline according to every study on the topic, so I always wonder if the harm of anticholinergics has ever been measured relative to choline intake (is it possible some people are more susceptible to harm than others?).
Though if someone isn’t sleeping well because of low brain acetylcholine, I’m not sure that lowering it further is the best approach.
Everything is dangerous. Antihistamines, alcohol, diet soda. Just live your life. News flash : you are still going to die.
This is a silly take. Why would I work this hard to be part of civilization and not choose to benefit from a scientific understanding of the world? Why would I choose a sleep aid that increases dementia risk when I could choose one that decreases it? It’s okay to apply risk/reward, cost/benefit analyses to choices.
Well that’s bad advice.
You need to be knowledgeable about medicines you (and your elderly parents) take. Always bring a complete list of your meds to every doctor appointment. You need to review them with your primary care doctor and pharmacist when new ones are added. You should use a drug interactions tool online and reassess all your meds everytime a new one is added.
And yes – Over the counter meds, vitamins and supplements all need to be on the list and checked.
I feel like this is where sleep and gyn doctors would pipe up and say that sleep quality declines with time, women in their 40s often have life situations weighing on them that can iterfere with sleep, needing to pee more overnight can mean you wake more, so it can be hit or miss with getting back to sleep, and then hot flashes (which are more easily medically treatable). It may be age and stage related vs perimenopause related. Talk to all the legit doctors b/c social media just tries to sell you stuff.
Yeah, I see nothing wrong with melatonin and magnesium as a first-line but if those aren’t cutting it then you need actual medical guidance.
I agree; it’s best to start with a doctor. Sleep quality declining with time is sometimes exactly what we’re asking for help with. If we’re sleeping poorly and feeling anxious because progesterone declines with time, that’s at least as treatable as hot flashes. Needing to pee overnight can be from poor blood glucose control, which is relevant to 1/3 US adults, so let’s make sure we’re on top of that. If we’ve gained weight, we may need to make sure we didn’t also develop sleep apnea. So it’s definitely doctor worthy vs. just assuming it’s stress or aging not mediated by any medical changes.
I’ve actually been fairly impressed with my doctors. I assumed my irregular heartbeat/racing heart was perimenopause, ditto with my poor sleep.
My obgyn referred me for an EKG and a holter monitor and I have a sleep study referral. Turns out the heart stuff/exhaustion was related to POTS which I’ve now got under much better control.
I really believe sleep issues are worth seeing a doctor over if basic sleep hygiene hasn’t cut it. Medicine in 2025 has a lot to offer in terms of answers and treatments (many of which have fewer downsides than treatments used in the past).
I hope they’ll also do the work up to identify what could be causing the POTS (there are a lot of different conditions that can cause it).
I take a CBD gummy to help with sleep. I get mine from CBD MD.
Not a supplement but I find listening to yoga nidra meditations helps me get to sleep. You can find a bunch of these on Youtube.
I take magnesium glycinate (has to be glycinate type of mag), 10 mgs of melatonin, and sometimes 1/4 of a Tylenol PM. This combo works really well for my sleep.
Cannabis gummies, microdosed. Prefer Wyld, cut into halves or fourths.
The 200 mg of progesterone made a difference for me if you haven’t tried the higher dose.
I very occasionally will take a melatonin, but for the most part I just get my favorite comfort read audiobook from the library and listen to it very quietly. You can set sleep timers in the Libby app as well as Spotify.
When should I start getting concerned about perimenopause? I just turned 40. I don’t feel any different, my periods are the same (although I’m on the pill so that may be a factor). What should I be looking out for?
Wow, we’re all having feelings about perimenopause this morning!
The perimenopause hype is unreal. My 35-year-old SIL is convinced she’s in perimenopause.
I mean, mine kicked off at 36 but I only have one ovary.
Mine started at 36-37 also and I have two ovaries.
Yes, I started thinking this had gone too far when my 40-year-old pregnant self went to a dinner party with younger women who were all complaining about perimenopause symptoms.
Nothing about that is inconsistent though? Some 40 year olds are pregnant, some are in perimenopause. Different bodies are different. And actually you can be both at the same time — perimenopause doesn’t mean you’re infertile. That happens when you go through actual menopause, e.g., an entire year without a period, and that often doesn’t happen until 10+ years from the point you begin early perimenopause. I don’t get the point of this anecdote.
right – peri starts 15 years before actual menopause. So late 30s would be an average time for symptoms to start.
I’m 41 and pregnant and half convinced I’m in perimenopause!
My OB says no. The hot flashes are because of pregnancy not menopause.
I was pregnant at 40 and then started peri at 44, and found many of the peri symptoms to be the same as pregnancy (e.g. hot flashes).
I experienced night sweats in my third trimester, which subsided shortly after I gave birth. (I’m also not immune to suspecting I’m in peri now, haha).
I honestly think some people are mixing up the effects of past COVID infection with perimenopause at this point. We know that the Omicron variants can cause a lot of the same symptoms in people unlucky enough not to make a full recovery.
That’s a very interesting hypothesis. Not doubting it or confirming it, but it seems like something that should be looked into, but of course won’t be, at least not in the US.
Yeah, maybe not now. It was getting looked into in the before times.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/womens-health/menopause-and-long-covid-whats-the-connection
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0167482X.2024.2305899
My best friend went through menopause at 35. It was really rough physically and emotionally. She’s 60 now and her doctor was no help at all.
It’s super trendy on social media – a few menopause doctors need to line their pockets by shilling their vitamin lines.
I’m starting to feel like the word perimenopause in conversation between women (rather than patient to doctor) has outlived its moment. Everyone is convincing each other to dread it and it’s gonna be so horrible and it’s probably not that bad for most. I noticed the same thing in pregnancy – a lot of the “inevitable” stuff I was warned would be “killer” never happened. Complications I had never heard of did.
Perimenopause is the trendy new scapegoat that allows doctors to avoid taking women’s concerns seriously and gives them another excuse to prescribe hormonal BC. Headaches? Trouble sleeping? Metabolic problems? Fatigue? It must be perimenopause, so hormonal BC (that will just make you even more fat and depressed) is the only answer.
Lo-dose BCPs were actually very helpful for me and I adore my gyn (female, slightly older than I am). I feel that this is where good doctors shine. She also had a plan for when to switch to HRT and when to go off. It was a discussion, which a good doctor will have with you.
FWIW, no woman in my family had gone through natural menopause. They all had horrible fibroids and hysterectomies with ovary removals in their late 40s, so I was on alert for that early, didn’t have it, and had to figure out what was next for me.
Same, I’m 50 and literally nothing has happened. Stay on the pill, that’s been the magic solution for me and anyone who does well on it per my doc. I think it’s an overused punchline and a way to sell more stuff.
I’m hoping to stay on the pill as long as possible!
I went back on the pill and after experimenting with a few formulations almost all of my symptoms resolved. My OB suggested staying on it till at least 55 for the hormonal benefits. I was not on hormonal BC before this and really noticed the symptoms quite a lot around 41.
On one hand, I’m glad we’re talking about it. On the other, there are a LOT of social media grifters who are trying to make a buck off selling solutions that may or may not do anything. At 44, I feel like I’m inundated with this content and I’m sort of over it already!
I’m 47 and still on the pill. Sweating more at night has been the only symptom I’ve seen so far.
And yet I was advised to get off the pill around 35, or at least sometime before 40, because of the increased risk of blood clots.
counterpoint: before 3-5 years ago i never, ever heard the word perimenopause. I would have had no idea what that was. Menopause was something that happened to old ladies, so you didn’t see a lot of actresses or other media figures talking about it. I don’t mind that women are being more vocal and sharing more details on it now, it’s great to destigmatize women’s aging any way we can.
Don’t borrow trouble! If you start having problems, then it’s worth thinking about as a potential cause, but there are so many things in this world to worry about, I can’t imagine taking on another one until I had to.
this
There’s a huge window for when it can hit, but I didn’t start noticing anything until around 43. Mine started with poor sleep, night sweats and weight gain.
I didn’t have perimenopausal symptoms until my late 40s, but I have a friend who was in full-on menopause at age 44. You really can’t predict it. But I was having the occasional hot flash for at least a year before I realized what it was. I have sensitive skin, and I just thought I was experiencing facial redness from that. I even went to a dermatologist about it, but since it didn’t happen during my visit, she couldn’t diagnose me. So it’s worth it to read up on symptoms so if/when they happen to you, you know what they are.
45 for me; 45-50 was OK on low-dose BCPs. 50-55 coincided with COVID, extended lockdown and schools closing down, so going up 2 sizes was likely all of hormones, no time, not working out enough, age-related muscle loss, and loving delicious food. Not just menopause. Staying on some sort of hormones has meant that weight gain has been my only complaint, which I guess is good.
Yeah, there’s a really big window. I don’t like doctors dismissing every symptom women have as perimenopause, but I also really hate when people tell 30-somethings and early 40-somethings that we can’t be in perimenopause. It’s totally possible. Perimenopause can last 10 years or more, so being in early peri in your early 40s tracks with actual menopause in your early 50s, which is actually very much average.
FWIW I had very noticeable changes to my menstrual cycle in my late 30s, and my doctor said that’s typically the earliest perimenopause “symptom” but it’s one that many people miss (due to birth control pills, pregnancy and breastfeeding, etc.) I’m 41 and still don’t really have symptoms other than the cycle changes, although I tend to run a bit hotter than I did before.
Don’t get concerned until you need to! I’m in my mid-forties, and my symptoms (sleep issues, night sweats) tend to come and go. Honestly, if you’re on the pill, you may not notice much!
Don’t borrow trouble – you’ll know when you start feeling symptoms. At 40, I was convinced that I would sail through perimenopause bc I have an IUD and I wasn’t feeling any symptoms. It hit me like a ton of bricks at age 45 – all of a sudden I couldn’t sleep, my anxiety ratcheted up, I rapidly gained 10 lbs (on a small frame when I’ve been a steady weight for years), I became super irritable, any alcohol destroyed my sleep, and I developed brain fog. No need to worry until you start noticing changes.
I’m 51 and just this past year started to get irregular periods. Other than that, I don’t feel different. Sleeping normal, no hot flashes, etc. Only putting that out there because I don’t think it has to be a radical thing necessarily.
I do have some brain fog but I think that’s more a function of too much multi-tasking and burnout–came with a miserable job and is just now getting better with a different job where I’m not on as tough of an hour to hour schedule (billing clients vs. not with a project manager who had no idea how much time a lot of tasks take).
The same here and Im 51 too.
No problems at all during my 40s, only last year my period started to be more unpredictable and long and I have started to sleep 30 minutes less (Around 7.30 hours now).
The Menopause Manifesto by Dr Jen Gunter has been recommended here if you’re looking for general information.
I would talk to the female members of your family to see when they went through menopause. My mom was in her 40s and I started experiencing symptoms in my early 40s. Is it the cause of everything? No, but I wish more doctors talked about it.
I couldn’t sleep, had temp changes, and dryness that impacted my enjoyment of gardening. That’s just what I knew. Now that I’m on HRT, the sleep is better, the body temp is better, the brain fog is gone, the joint aches are gone. Ironically, the dryness isn’t resolved. I get the concerns, but also I don’t want to be offered another anxiety medicine or antidepressant because my hormones are declining. That’s not a solution either.
Are you using topical vag estrogen? That can be very helpful, in addition to HRT.
Tried them all except the ring because my insurance won’t approve it.
If you are on the pill then you aren’t having menstrual cycles, so that’s a large part of it. You need to ovulate to have a period, and most pills suppress ovulation. The bleeding is a withdrawal bleed, not menses.
Plus, it’s basically like a low-dose HRT, which ameliorates menopause symptoms
I experienced no symptoms while on the pill. Only after I quit (after age 50).
I swear it’s exaggerated and made into compulsory corporate training (in Uk at least, in 2 companies I’ve worked at) in part to tarnish the perception of women’s capacity to work in responsible senior positions. Maybe that’s just the menopause rage speaking?
What, if anything, do you take off of your plate in the summer? Between the insane social calendar, my kids being in camp and not school and the amount of work that maintenance of my small yard and patio takes, I am already spent. I hired a babysitter to bridge some of the camp gap but the logistics still kill me. Something’s gotta give around here. Any ideas?
If you can afford it, it sounds like you could outsource the yard and patio maintenance. Or are the kids old enough to start learning a chore like mowing, weeding, or watering?
Thanks yeah. I did hire someone and I’m having a sprinkler system put in. Even the 15 minutes a day that it takes to remember to water and go around doing it and wrangling the hose just…. it’s not my thing. That and wrangling the patio cushions are the bare minimum to have a yard I’m ok with. But feel like I need to acknowledge it’s more work than other seasons and give myself a break somewhere else.
Get rid of the patio cushions!
But if you actually want to use your outdoor space and enjoy it, the patio cushions are worth the effort?
We got tired of nasty patio cushions so we just took them off our wood patio furniture. It’s so much nicer now.
They are 100% worth the effort. My solution is toss a light towel on top of them when not in use – way easier than a cover and they can double as something to wipe them off with.
Good I idea but my husband might actually murder me. I spent thousands on the patio furniture just a few years ago so they do have to stay. I’m toying with keeping the covers on until we affirmatively decide to sit there.
It’s all about choices. Do you value patio cushions more than free time?
I’ve never had an insane social calendar.
I am pretty social but June is hugely overscheduled – all fun stuff, but there’s not a clear weekend coming up.
Yup! Not complaining but I have to acknowledge that there’s just less white space in my life right now.
June is almost as bad as May – we have a pretty quiet family/social calendar and still have 2 graduation parties, 2 birthdays, Father’s Day, and my two kids have end of year ceremonies (awards/sports.etc.).
Why we can’t move Mother’s Day and Father’s Day to a quiet month like February/March/April or even August is beyond me…
agreed. mothers and fathers day are at the worst possible times.
If I ever meet the person who decided teacher appreciation week should be the week before Mother’s Day, we’re going to have words…
I’m taking a big chunk of time off this summer as I have annual leave that won’t roll over past August, and taking every Friday in June off (while my son still has school). TBC on whether I’ll manage to do it with writing deadlines but hoping it feels slightly more chill.
My husband has finally convinced me to hire someone to deal with the weeds, get the mulch down. We have a big garden, more plants than lawn, and I feel like I can’t enjoy it because it just feels like a massive to do list.
I’m also recommiting to making enough dinner to have leftovers – just have to convince my family that a full second portion is no longer a thing.
Food! Do takeout, easy meals like snack plates or grilled cheese, meal kits, etc.
I lower my standards for housework and meal planning. My garden is spectacular. My kitchen floor? Not so much.
But also, give yourself a lot of grace and leeway, because summer logistics are a lot, and there’s not always a great solution.
I pay for as much childcare/camp as I can manage over the summer. I also grill and do super simple dinners (grilled main/raw or grilled veggie/fresh bread or rice). I’m planning on ripping out a flower bed this summer and mulching it. I realized I hate gardening and I’m only willing to do the front of the house – the side garden beds get destroyed by my kids/pets in the summer anyway so this will be one less chore going forward.
Can you have your babysitter do camp pickups/drop offs? I’d also have the sitter run a load of kid laundry and supervise them doing chores (depending on age I’d also have the kids pack their lunches/repack camp bags for the next day).
Asking the babysitter to do house work is more nanny work and should come with the commensurate pay increase
The average babysitter (students on summer break) makes $20+ per hour. They’ll be fine.
when i think back to being a kid, i honestly dont understand how my mom did it. (she passed away or i’d ask her). but other than cleaners every other week and the lawn being mowed every other week, nothing was outsourced. i do recall my mom putting out the sprinkler in the morning and switching where it was, planting and watering flowers, etc. when we bought our house it fortunately came with automatic sprinklers. i don’t plant flowers. and we have a nanny (DH works 50+ hours a week and travels a ton). in theory i have time for some of these things, but i have no interest in anything related to home maintenance. maybe i’m just lazy?
Outsourcing house cleaning and lawn mowing is how she did it! We normal people have to do all that stuff ourselves.
I’m not sure about your family but we have a larger home (and more property) and my standards for cleaning/cooking are higher than my parents. The other part is that my mom kind of just let us do our own thing past age 11 or so. We told our parents where we were going and when we’d be back but enough moms stayed home that the kids ran in packs and someone’s house would have lunch/snacks or you’d head home and then meet up again afterwards.
i’m the anon you’re responding to and my parents’ standards were definitely higher, my mom most certainly did not let us do our own thing like that. i think the bigger difference is likely the amount of solo parenting i do compared to what my mom did. my dad traveled for work maybe once a year and was generally home in the evenings and took us to school most days. he had a much more regular schedule than my DH does, in which the most regular thing about his work schedule is that it is not at all regular, so we can’t really share the stuff that has to be done physically at home
No you’re not lazy! my yard is (promise) a real wreck plant wise. I’m trying to keep five potted petunias and some shade plants alive this year as a baby step and it’s… work. I’m trying to acknowledge that rather than tell myself I stink and a better person would just handle it without thinking about it. My parents happily toil away in their yard and always have so I have a tendency to feel lazy and judged. It’s ok if it’s not your thing. I’m just doing what I can handle for a season but I have to acknowledge that the time and effort I put in has to come from another place.
Nothing, I lean into it and have fun, it’s a busy season. There’s other, slow times of the year.
To me, it’s the good kind of busy. Vacations, quality time with friends and family, lots of time in my garden, and the best season for most of my hobbies. I acknowledge, though, that camp schedules and the logistics of summer can make me very grumpy at times. It’s both things!
Good for you! If it didn’t stress me out I wouldn’t be asking!
I get it, it’s just a reframing. I do agree with the suggestions on food – keep that as easy as possible.
I limit our social calendar to things that we really want to do or things that are important family events (and even then…) We also lower our standards for cleaning and yard work and hire some of it out. Now that my kids are a little older I enjoy summer even more than before. I like that I don’t have to worry about making sure they are up on time for school and doing homework after school. It is a slower pace.
For the people who like plants but hate gardening, make sure you’re planting native plants or plants that thrive in your zone. That will cut down on some of the upkeep. Also, buy a rain gauge. Many plants only need an inch of water a week so you may not even need to water unless you’re just not getting any rain at all.
Are you kids old enough to do it? I’m not sure how this happened, but my kids like doing chores, completely unprompted. I have a small electric leafblower and the kids go wild cleaning up the patio with it. You also might not need to do as much as you’re doing now – unless you live somewhere dry, you probably don’t need to water every day. I only water my garden if there’s a drought. Let those roots grow deep.
Would you buy a house that’s 3.5x your current annual household income? We’re in our early 30s (33 and 35) with no other debts other than a car payment that will be done in 4 years. Currently have a kid in daycare which will also be done in 4 years.
Yes and I’d think I was lucky to find something that cheap
God, same.
I would look at the monthly budget, not the total cost of the house v. total income. A household that grosses $200-250K is going to have a much larger fraction of its gross income eaten up by taxes, retirement plan contributions, health insurance premiums, HSA contributions, etc. than a household that makes $400-500K.
This!
And OP, I wish someone had told me from the start to factor in annual maintenance and upkeep costs of 2%-4% of the home’s value to my budget, on top of the mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc.
Is there a good resource to find a list of these “hidden” expenses? Like landscaping, security or alarm system, regular exterminator visits, etc. I know there will be property taxes and the utilities will increase but as an apartment dweller I feel like I’m missing so many expenses
Ask your friends who own homes. But the biggest expenses are repairing or replacing things that fail–HVAC, appliances, roof, paint, siding, deck, plumbing, electircal, etc.–and that varies a lot.
I had an idea based on the cadence of repairs and replacement my parents did in my growing-up house (which was similar in age, structure, and internals to the house we ultimately bought). But other than that, just assuming you will need to put money into something and building up that cushion is so, so helpful. Some years, you may just need to do basic maintenance like replacing a faucet or repairing an appliance. Other years, the water heater goes out, the roof needs redone, and the old electric panel gives up the ghost all in one season. The longer you live in a house the more sense you have for when these things will be needed.
Personally, I consider routine landscaping costs more akin to a utility bill and would not pull that out of my house maintenance/repair budget. But I live in a rural area and our landscaping schedule basically involves mowing the lawn ourselves every two weeks in the summer and snowthrowing the driveway in the winter as-needed. I don’t have a security or alarm system, and have never needed an exterminator. But I do need to get the septic pumped every 3 years, have gravel spread on the driveway periodically, and replace certain parts on my appliances every few years (furnace ignitor, dryer fuse, water heater anode).
God yes. We just moved from a condo to a house and I wish I had a clearer picture of all the additional expenses…
I think the rule of thumb is that 3x should be the upper limit, but I don’t think it’s crazy to stretch to 3.5 if:
-you have a good emergency fund (6 months’ expenses)
-it’s a HCOL area
-you can get a good mortgage rate (helps to have a good credit score)
-your mortgage costs will leave enough room for your current (or desired) lifestyle, including a buffer.
The running costs of owning a home are often higher than you may expect so you want to factor that in
The rule of thumb is 2.5x, but any rule based on income and purchase price is not a good rule.
Given the facts you laid out, I think you’d be fine.
I’m on my third house, the comparison of your annual income versus home price is really not the issue. It’s your monthly take home versus the payment.
Also: get a thorough home inspection by someone not in the pocket of your real estate agent. This person should just work for you. Knowing that all of the mechanical systems work, the appliances are good, the roof is solid, etc. may help you sense if you will likely walk into project after project that is need-to-have level may help get you comfortable.
I need to reside my vinyl house because rats are getting in from dodgy sheathing and they no longer make matching siding because ours is so old. So the HardiPlank is pricey, but the scratching in the walls, stench of death, and perpetually having traps in the basement is getting OLD.
1000%. My old house needed a LOT of structural work but we knew that going in and we bought less than we could afford to account for the large structural projects we needed to do ASAP (lower roof, structural repair to basement, repair of sump pump/french drains).
I mean in my market that rule is extremely unrealistic and we feel very comfortable at a much higher ratio. I guess it also depends about the money in issue. Higher incomes mean more left over in any event.
Other factors like taxes (incomes and property) and lifestyle factors make more of an impact. I’d run your own budget…
+1. The overall price is not the issue. The real issue is the monthly payment. Principal, interest, mortgage insurance premium if needed, and the taxes. For example, a $450,000 house in Location A with low taxes may be the same monthly payment as a house for $250,000 with high taxes in Location B.
Yes, but we did it with the understanding our earnings would be rising. When we bought our house our HHI was 160 to a purchase price of 550, but our HHI has since increased to 230. DINKs, with one car loan, house needed a LOT of renovations to be habitable.
Without any other info, I think so. But you really need to look at what your monthly payments would be and compare that to your current rent. What’s the difference, and do you have room in your budget to absorb that.
A lot of this depends on the security of your jobs, ability to get another job within commuting distance if need be, school system (will you be paying for private school when your child is out of daycare?), potential salary growth, etc.
One of the big factors is exactly how much you’re talking about. At lower incomes, people spend a higher portion of their income on car payments, food, utilities, etc. Sure, a higher income means a nicer ride, better food, different entertainment, etc., but it doesn’t really scale: there is just more money left over at the end.
So my advice is different if you’re earning $150k and want a $500k house versus earning $500k and wanting a $1.7M house.
These rules of thumb never made sense to me. It depends on the house and your monthly expenses. Even if you could pay cash for the house, you can’t buy a 100 year old historic falling apart house if you can’t afford the maintenance/repairs. No one can answer this question for you in the abstract, you just have to look at your expenses and what the house will cost you.
Don’t underestimate the on-going cost of childcare after daycare is over, especially if you need childcare to cover “normal” working hours year-round. While you may not be paying the huge amount year-round, there are new costs that truly add up: before/after care because school only runs 8:30-2:30, care for random professional development days, all the breaks, and the cost of summer camp can be truly astronomical. Our local rec program is only 300 per week for 8-3, but you can tack on early and late care for an additional 100, and that is the cheapest option – by far – in my area. It is much more typical to spend 500 per week plus costs for before and after care.
I spent more per year on after-school care + summer day camp than I did on full-time day care.
+1. We had to add in paying for a private pre-k (no public option in our state), plus an au pair, plus summer camp/holiday camps to take care of the school holidays/school day ending at 2:30 in elementary school.
Daycare hours are a dream for working parents, the wheels fall off the bus for so many of us in elementary school.
Co-sign times a million for your last sentence. And, I hate to say it, they fall off worse until your youngest kid is a competent driver. I’m not there yet (in the throes of trying to get a DMV appointment for yet another graduated license and a learner’s permit test). The kid who can drive is very scared to drive and doesn’t yet have a parking spot at school, but there’s no way to the other side except to keep going through it.
I was surprised to find out how daycare is geared towards two parents with full-time, year-round jobs, while school schedules assume a SAHP, teacher parent, or parent who works part-time.
Summer camps can be the worst. 9 am to 1 pm!
We were lucky to get one that’s 7:30 am to 5:30 pm, with flexible drop off and pickup times.
I don’t think it’s fair to say the school schedule assumes a SAHP or teacher parent. The school schedule is based on many factors…the point of school (education, and kids have a natural shut off point when they need to be done); the workload expected of teachers (who have to get in earlier and work later); budget, as school employees are more expensive than daycare, etc. School has always been a shorter day. There is aftercare and before the bell many places to fill in gaps.
Of course daycare is designed for working parents — that’s its reason for existing
If I were considering it as a percentage of take home, what feels like a reasonable percentage? We’re currently maxing our 401ks and HSAs, which we could also pull back on temporarily. HHI closer to $250k considering an $850k house (well, a $795k list price but the market is crazy here in the good school districts. tbh not even sure we’d get it if we offer $850k). It just *sounds* so expensive but I also know houses in these neighborhoods will only get more expensive over time.
Again, it’s not about the percentage but about the actual dollar amount. At $250K, day care, car payments, groceries, and utilities are much higher percentage of your take-home pay than they would be at $500K. FWIW, we make very close to what you make, max 401Ks and HSA, have no non-mortgage debt, and are extremely frugal–we pay for modest cars in cash and drive them 200K+ miles, no travel, no home renovations, still have crummy grad school furniture, no streaming services or cable TV–and we would struggle with a mortgage payment much over $3,000 per month because we wouldn’t be able to save enough outside of our 401Ks for big expenses like absolutely necessary home repairs, replacement cars, college, etc. I would strongly consider moving to a cheaper location if the only decent homes are $850K unless you have a massive down payment.
Go to the Zillow listing for the house you want and use the payment calculator to determine what your monthly payment will be. You can adjust the numbers in the calculator based on your anticipated down payment and interest rate. Look at the monthly payment. How well does it fit into your overall monthly budget? If you don’t need to buy immediately, try living on a budget with the anticipated house payment for a few months and see how it feels.
I would talk to your mortgage person to a look at potential payments– depending on how much you put down, you may be looking at a jumbo mortgage, which will affect the rate.
Do you currently own property? If so, factor in whether you would be able to pay two mortgages for a few months.
Try to be realistic about the amount of work the house needs– our friend bought a new-ish house and maxed out his budget. The house has needed some minor repairs since he moved in. (Appliances broken and out of warranty, etc.) He has struggled to find the cash to pay for them because the majority of his income is paying his mortgage.
Also try to be realistic about the cash you need to make the move– get an idea of closing and moving costs. Do you need to buy blinds or furniture for the new house? Would you need to paint before moving in? This all affects how much cash you have for a down payment.
If you are in a HCOL area, that’s basically what things cost. Stretching for a house and pulling back in other areas was worth it for us, because we wanted our every day environment to fit our needs. We aren’t even in a particularly great district, but thank goodness we scrimped and bought 2.5 years ago because the prices have continued to skyrocket.
We are in the outer NYC burbs and with an income of $180K and a hefty downpayment we bought a house for $750K (2200 sq ft, original 1960s rooms, no AC — so not extravagant, but good bones). We had strong indicators income would increase, and it has. It’s still a stretch, and we don’t max out anything but do contribute up to match for 401k and some amount to all the other savings vehicles.
The advice to be honest about your monthly payment, and to have cash reserves because THINGS WILL COME UP, is key. We’ve spent about $25-50K each year on repairs and necessary upgrades. Some were known (replacing the 1960s boiler) some were not (tree falling on deck, bats in attic). And we are about to gut reno the two main bathrooms because the plumbing is shot (well water and copper pipes). There will definitely be “start up costs”, so to speak. But still – this is our home, and we would rather put money here than elsewhere. We’ll be here long term
We have a slightly higher HHI, and I think the payment on a 700k mortgage would be uncomfortably tight.
3.5x the household income, absolutely. I should be so lucky to find such a cheap house. I’d never take out a mortgage for that amount, though, tbh. I think you need to focus on what your monthly payment would be instead. That’s going to vary wildly. Would your taxes would be $7k or $37k per year? Would you have other regular fees like HOA? You could buy an $800k house that has a lower monthly payment than a $600k house.
Yes but that would be about my limit. When we were house-hunting, our max budget was just over 3x our annual income, but we were in a LCOL area and I totally understand that in other areas you’re going to need to stretch it a little.
Completely depends on the size of down payment and mortgage. We bought 4.5x our take home income but we put 60% down, so our mortgage is 1.75x our take home income. Finances are still pretty tight with property taxes, insurance, utilities and 3 kids in daycare/paid preK.
I’d pay that for a great neighborhood with other families/kids/influences which will be beneficial to family life. Sometimes that means a McMansion is necessary, but I’d try to find something that’s manageable both in terms of money and time. Don’t underestimate how long maintenance takes, even if you outsource it you need to check and be there sometimes.
I am thinking a lot about what it means to be accountable to my colleagues, friends and family generally, as well as myself. Does anyone have any thoughts on same?
“Accountability” is a BS pop psychology buzzword. Just do what you should do because it is the right thing to do, not because you are “accountable” to anyone.
Are you Blance DuBois? Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter? What are you running around and doing where this is an issue? If you are a person who never RSVPs or RSVPs yes and then is a no-show, don’t be that person.
Accountability as a concept is as old as the Bible.
To me, the same principle applies across all my relationships. I am reliable. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it on time and to the best of my ability. Be true to your word.
Nope.
“Accountability” is something you try to impose on an employee on a PIP, a kid who refuses to turn in homework, or someone else who is failing. It’s a negative concept that’s usually aimed at ensuring, documenting, and punishing failure.
That’s so interesting that you see it so negatively. I guess I find the absence of accountability more negative – talking the talk but not walking the walk. Although the importance is definitely different in professional vs personal life. Missing a work deadline is more immediately serious than missing a workout. But on the other hand, constantly deprioritizing personal goals and relationships has pretty bad long term consequences. There is more flex in my personal life (not true for caregivers I’m sure), but when I think of accountability, I think about not letting it become less important than work.
Don’t, other people won’t provide you the same level of consideration
I think admitting when you did wrong and taking responsibility for it is what I think of when I think of accountability. Anyone can take credit when things go right. But saying, “that was my fault, I’m working to fix it now and later we can talk about why it happened and maybe try and prevent it again” to me is where maturity meets integrity and makes accountability
I think most of the stuff I feel bad for in relationships is the kind of thing where it would just burden the other person to bring it up again now?
Or I feel bad because I wish I could have been there for people in a way that I wasn’t able to because of limitations that aren’t going to change, so I’m not sure what it would mean to bring it up.
Sounds like a bunch of meaningless self help speak to me
To thine own self be true . . .
Integrity is far more important to me than accountability. Integrity speaks to character when no one is watching; accountability as referenced in your post implies that someone isn’t disciplined enough to behave unless they know someone else will call them out on it.
Agreed. Integrity is something you are for yourself. Accountability is something you do because someone else is watching or judging you.
No. Like the other commenters, do what you say you’ll do or explain why. Otherwise I’d give this no thought whatsoever. The way we use this word in the modern sense gives me the willies.
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about “character” and “integrity” and how those seem to be old-fashioned values nowadays. Accountability is so much more external and about metrics, I don’t care for it.
This right here. Integrity and character are what we should value, but those are out of fashion. What’s in fashion is “accountability” that can be measured and monetized for the benefit of the billionaire class.
Don’t flake on plans. Be excited for other people’s accomplishments and good news. Don’t let your own personal problems consistently overshadow being there for family and friends.
When the term “accountability” enters the conversation, the relationship is doomed. You will be fired or pushed out of your job, you will divorce or break up, the friendship will end.
The people who really need to think about basic interpersonal accountability are the ones who never do. I think if you’re a fairly responsible person, you’re ok just have to have flexibility and understanding because life happens.
Wow, I’m surprised at how much shit you’re getting for this question. I really like Oliver Burkeman’s perspective on this in Meditations for Mortals, which I won’t presume to summarize here.
I think about accountability to my husband and now that I’m pregnant my future kid. I have a tendency to unwittingly steamroll DH, I’m just a decisive, get it done kind of person. He’s an agreeable guy so he just goes along with what I want 95% of the time, but sometimes he’d prefer to do something else, and he often has better ideas than I do! I want him to speak up when he has a better way of doing something than whatever I said! I’m working on being more welcoming to and appreciative of his input.
With the baby coming, I’m so afraid of being like my mom. She snaps at the drop of a hat and never apologizes for anything. She’ll just act like nothing happened. I’ve done a lot of work in therapy to make sure I’m not like that. But it’s almost go time and I’m nervous!
My first reaction was to eyeroll, accountability is kind of a buzz word. But then I remember times of extreme stress like law school finals and how I would write long lists in my diary of things I was concerned about, like “doing right by [random friend of a friend].” So I would say that if you’re thinking about this a lot, be kind to yourself — I think it’s a stress reaction. In general be a kind, reliable person, and recognize any worry above and beyond it as a sign of stress in your life.
I saw an ad for the Omni in Asheville, and it looks amazing. Has anyone been? Would it be good for a girls weekend (early 40s)?
You mean the Grove Park Inn? Absolute classic. My mom took me for my 13th birthday as a grown-up experience. It’s perfect for girls’ weekends, etc.
So yes– but it’s the Grove Park Inn. (Omni currently operates it– but it’s a historic hotel, so no one’s going to know what you’re talking about if you say the Omni.)
It’s beautiful– lots to do at the hotel. The spa is supposed to be amazing. Restaurants are good. You can also go into Asheville, which is also great. My understanding is the damage from the floods last fall was limited to certain neighborhoods, so the majority of the city, at least the touristy areas, are fine. They also very much want tourists right now.
It’s nice — make sure you want a room in the original / historic part if that’s your vibe. Also recommend the Grand Bohemian in Biltmore Village (I liked that more). BV was devastated, so they really need visitors. It is in the same general area as the Grove Park Inn, near but not in downtown Asheville.
The spa is my favorite spa in the country. If you go, make sure to make that part of your trip. The treatments are pricey, even in comparison to other very nice spas, but worth it. The last time I went, spa day passes weren’t available on the weekend, but club-level rooms came with access to the spa facilities even when day passes were not available. Again, worth it.
We stopped there on a road trip and it’s a pretty typical Omni. Dark wood decor, nothing special.
That fireplace is nothing special?
Most downtown Omnis (Richmond, Charlotte, Charlottesvile) are fine. No sense of place. Grove Park is not that sort of place.
I can’t imagine anyone describing it as “typical Omni,” but OP, stay in the historic section if you really want a special experience.
Aren’t most Omni locations historic hotels? The ones I’ve stayed in have all been.
It’s fine. I didn’t really think it was anything special, honestly. But I’m also just not a huge fan of Asheville the city, which I know is an unpopular opinion.
What are your favorite travel sandals? I love Birks for everyday wear, but they aren’t my favorite when I’m doing a lot of walking. I don’t care if they’re particularly fashionable, btw. Support and some cushioning are key for my long, skinny duck feet.
i have long narrow feet too and wear birks because i can buckle them in. 20 years ago i was able to buy narrows from catalogs etc but places have largely stopped offering them. this isn’t help, just commiseration.
Oh yeah, being able to adjust the straps is key. I agree that narrow sandals have all but disappeared!
DSW often has them. Lucky sizes and colors.
An old pair of chunky Merrell hiking sandals with a think, cushioned platform make my feet happy for long days of walking. But I spent a lot of time trying on and returning many, many pair of sandals until I found that one. Other brands just didn’t play well with my foot shape, even though others raved about them.
*thick, not think
Two years ago I bought a pair of Ecco sandals for a trip to Italy and they were great with lots of walking on uneven terrain but still looked nice. I still like to wear them for a lot of walking.
Teva or Naot sandals. Both of these brands have sandals with adjustable Velcro straps and thick soles.
I love my Chacos. My feet are so narrow that they can slip off the front of Tevas, but the toe loop on Chacos keeps them firmly in place.
Alas, I have a pair and haaaate them. The footbed is so uncomfortable and hard.
I have narrow feet and high arches and the toe loop inevitably tightens and strangles my big toe.
I have worn my Naots over 5 years including trips all across Europe walking miles per day and they still look like new. They’re really comfortable and more stylish than most.
i know people don’t like words like dated and on trend anymore but this jacket looks very dated to me.
It looks just close enough to a physician’s white coat to be a no for me.
Same.
I love it! When I saw it posted I was recalling a thread here where people were saying fitted and shrunken blazers were no longer “current” (the stupidest word) and I was pleased to see that this was no longer the case. I love a fitted white blazer. I hated the whole oversized/long blazer trend.
why is current a stupid word? can’t something be true and also not a moral issue?
I don’t think this looks current and why is that a stupid word? All clothing and styling dates, why buy something that looks dated off the rack?
Because it implies a universal understanding that doesn’t exist. I don’t think this looks dated, I think it looks classic and crisp. Your use of the word “current” is trying to impose your opinion as something more universal. You’re allowed to have your opinion, but the word loses meaning when used this way.
you are disagreeing with the assessment. the person using the word means what they said.
Or that the word has no meaning.
Gently no. What is current, like all fashion actually hinges on a shared understanding of what is actually going on in the fashion and retail world. Generally, we’ve moved away from cuts like this and toward the boxier styles. Objectively, on the whole, we see less of this and more of another style whereas 10 years ago we saw more of this. When it was current.
Wear what you like, I doubt people will run screaming from your fitted jacket. But you can’t pretend it’s current any more than you can separate any trend in pop culture or art from the context in which it arose or the trends of the past from their specific moments. The stylish woman is free to accept or reject any current style and remain stylish. But when someone fails to acknowledge that trends have changed and deems clothing she bought and owns to be “classic” thus failing to acknowledge that it too emerged from and existed in its own context and moment in time she ceases to be stylish.
Standing ovation to Anon at 11:12.
is this ok?! A fitted blazer?! Fitted in the waist?! Curves over the hips?? Can me and my fitted blazer come out of hiding now? Is the oversized-80s look over and done now or are we in anything-goes territory?
Or does this choice look extremely dated and even fuddy or frumpy and my fitted blazers have at least another season or 2 at the back of the closet?
it’s not clear to me if this is a joke and in response to the post above or a real question. You can wear anything you want. You can wear what you feel comfortable in. However, if current and on trend are a priority than no, i wouldn’t buy this jacket.
Ha! I just responded more or less the same way in the comment above. I agree with you–fitted blazers suit some (like mine) figures better than what we’ve had for the past few years.
I firmly believe you can wear anything from any era as long as your entire look isn’t from that same era. You need to add at least one modern cut to the whole look, but then you can get away with anything.
Yeah, I think the oversized blazer is dead. Look on the Veronica Beard site for ideas.
any opinions on pet hair removing devices that go in the washing machine? there are gobs of hair on our clothes and our bedding and it seems that all i’m doing is washing the hair, not removing it. there are a bunch of sponge/ ball like things you can put in the machine that are suppose to help trap it but hard to tell if they work– any real like experience? thanks.
Also interested in this answer. If nothing exists, I’ll direct you to the tried and true lint roller.
op here- do you lint roll before putting bedding in machine? i am debating this.
Or vacuum depending on how flat it is (not if it’s going to get sucked into the vacuum cleaner.)
I just work around it. We keep a cat friendly thick wool (think old school Pendleton) over the comforter and wash it once a month. I can just vacuum on top of it but sometimes I’ll use the lint roller on it.
For clothes I’m more likely to use the lint roller after washing and drying.
I do this for a heavily shedding dog. Highly recommend the Chom Chom roller for bedding and furniture if you don’t have one.
I find that the wool balls in the dryer (not the washer) help a lot.
Maybe you’d already done this, but if these are clothes that go through the dryer, also make sure that your dryer vent is not clogged up (which is a fire hazard beyond preventing the dryer from delinting clothes the way it should).
I use those rubbery round things, and I put them in both the washer and the dryer. I find they don’t take it all off in the washer, but about 98% of hair comes off in the dryer. I have 2 cats and 2 large very hairy golden retrievers.
Can you shake the items outdoors or give them a brief tumble through the dryer (no heat) before washing? Does your washing machine have a filter? If so, clean that out.
My husband has a horribly clingy cheap polyester workout shirt that gathers EVERY speck of fuzz and fur when it goes through the wash. I have been tempted to sacrifice it by cutting it into squares to use precisely to collect all the hair.
Maytag Pets washer and dryer. I have the front load pair, and they remove cat hair well. We don’t have a dog, so can’t comment on that.
The last week has been really rough. A week ago, DH was admitted to the hospital for a gallbladder issue. He had been in serious pain for almost two days at that point. The surgery was supposed to take 45 minutes, but it ended up being 4 hours. The surgeon told me that we were almost too late getting him in and that it ranked as among the top five most difficult he had done.
He’s home, and now he’s trying to recover. He doesn’t really know how close he was to spending time in the ICU, at the doctor’s discretion. He’s on major pain medications, so he’s spending a lot of time sleeping or zoning out
If you or your loved one has severe pain in the right upper quadrant of your abdomen, get it checked out. Gall bladders can go septic in a very short time.
In addition, my gallbladder pain radiated up into my right shoulder. Dr said it was a gallbladder symptom, but not as common.
Thank you for the reminder to get symptoms checked out. We had a rough week too and wonder if outcomes might have different if we’d sought medical care sooner. I really hope recovery goes smoothly from here on out.
That sounds rough and I’m glad he got medical attention in time.
Did your husband have any GI symptoms before that? DH has had issues that he’s avoided seeing a doctor over, but eating a greasy meal sends him to the bathroom for various explosive episodes. It’s gotten so bad we basically can’t travel and our kids and I very much want to take a trip abroad next spring. Dealing with his issues normally is disruptive but I didn’t imagine anything like this (but now I do and do think he should see a doctor and not just make jokes about it).
Just reaffirming that he should see a doctor. There are a lot of GI conditions that a GI doc can test for with just a few tests. I’m mortified that my husband’s serious but treatable diagnosis was delayed as long as it was because we were too accommodating of his symptoms and too accepting of the general idea of “IBS.”
He has had GI issues for years. Mostly related to indigestion, but nothing like this. I have chronic diverticulitis, so I am always aware of my own pain and changes to how I am feeling. He hadn’t had anything close to this before.
Make an appointment for him or drag him to urgent care. The trip to urgent care started the journey to getting him care. Once the gall bladder goes septic or the bowel starts dying, the clock is ticking on how long someone has before they are critically ill.
I’ve been ignoring likely gallbladder pain for a while because it’s just not that bad (i.e. I never went and got it scanned when referred). So this is a little scary. Thanks for the heads up.
OK — this is really resonating with me today. To get checked out, is this where you go to a GP for a “new problem visit” [even though it’s not new; it’s chronic and on-going)? Or to a GI doctor? Would rather go on our own timeline than wait until it’s not a choice and you go to urgent care or the ER. [And it’s not for me, but for my partner, who thinks that this is is his funny party trick but it’s limiting his/our ability to travel and enjoy life and this now seems like a sign to escalate it vs kicking the can down the road.]
I think typically it would be a new problem visit where the expectation is to get a referral to a GI doctor. I don’t know how many GI doctors take self-referrals even when insurance allows it.
New problem means it’s new to the doctor, not new to you, and in comparison to a follow up for a condition that they’ve already evaluated. They’ll most likely refer you, but may also order some initial labwork or imaging to help rule things out and have it ready for the specialist.
They can also be an emergency without pain. I thought I had the flu hours before needing emergency gallbladder surgery. Never had an issue until then.
Has anyone done the global executive MBA that Georgetown runs? It is one where you and your group go to various places all over the world. I have two friends who have done it. One has one kid. One has two and a nanny. I feel that I can’t even get to the gym (two kids). [I don’t really want another degree, but I wanted to try to do something like a German Marshall Fund fellow like a couple friends have done and I just feel like it’s a now or never proposition and likely to be never.] Wait until the kids are in college and try as a novelty older participant? I feel like I’d get passed over due to age and that these programs all really target people right below Peak Career or a big career accelleration.
Aren’t executive MBAs just a cash grab?
I have not done that specific program but general advice is do it! it is likely not a particularly good investment by the time your kids are going to college. I used to feel like i had no time for anything. I still feel that way but a year later I am getting an MBA and go to orangetheory three times a week. if you have something to schedule around, you will. good luck!
You don’t want another degree and you’re already short on time. It sounds like the only reason you’re considering this is that you want to keep up with the Joneses.
IDK — I don’t know that you need it, but the people I know who have done these are so energized by them. They love the travel and the meeting people like them and it really seems to give them a second wind. I suspect that their programs are funded or heavily subsidized. Others who have done an EMBA locally (various satellites of UNC, Duke, other schools) seem to just grind the degree out but maybe those cost a lot less and are at least local. But the travel people just RAVE.
German Marshal Fund fellowships are just travel IIRC, not schooling, and not $$$ like a name-brand MBA.
This sounds like the educational form of a crash diet. Work on getting your life with your two kids into enough of an equilibrium that you can go to the gym and take an extra vacation or two with them to international destinations. Does that mean you are spending more on childcare and on family vacations? Probably, but years of incorporating these things into your budget will still put you ahead of what the global executive MBA costs.
Examine why you think this is a now or never situation. Based on the happiness curve, you are only going to have more time and money to do things like this in the future. Why the sudden urge?
I think I’m staring down the barrel of when the kids get out of the house, any free time will be taken up by trading off on two sets of distant eldercare (and then maybe doing pleasant things at college for parents, all of which will require parents to divide and conquer because they will all be schedule at the same time).
What is your best email away message for vacation that provides zero expectation of a response from you while away.
I am on vacation and will not be checking emails at all. If you require an immediate response for something that is urgent please contact X.
“I am out of the office without access to email. I will respond to your message on ____.”
Add an alternate contact if you need to, but you don’t need a whole story about where you’re going and how you’ll check if you can but you probably can’t and thank you for your patience etc etc. Less is more.
Also, this just reminded of a fond memory – we had a nightmare client who asked for a Frankensteined report indulging her pet interests instead of the normal, sensible report that was in the scope of work. I dumped that monstrosity in her inbox at 4:55 pm on a Friday and then went completely off the grid into the wilderness for two weeks with the exact OOO I pasted above. Very satisfying.
My standard out of office just says I won’t have access to email while I’m out, lists a contact for emergencies, and says otherwise I’ll respond when I return.
I am out of office until x/x and look forward to responding to your message when I return.
If you have questions on x, please contact x.
The general gist is: I’m out of the office until DATE, and will respond to you upon my return. If you need immediate assistance, please contact POC at CONTACT info.
For domestic vacations, I only bring my work phone with me (no computer) and I only respond if it’s truly life or death. My work friends and my entire team have my personal number to call me to tell me to check the work phone. Otherwise, I’ll see it when I return.
For international trips, I’m not allowed to take any work stuff with me :)
The VAST majority of my PTO is used visiting friends in nearby cities or at my family’s shore house, which is 90 mins from where I live and work but I still treat it like I’m totally out of pocket. Ome time it was truly urgent and I left the beach and drove straight to the office, but that was a truly wild circumstance.
Please, please normalize unplugging from work when taking PTO. If I ever have to deal with work stuff while on leave I always make sure to charge the hours and do should you.
The best one implies that I will be back in the office a day or two later than I really am, so not everyone is expecting a response by 8 AM on my return date.
People apparently have trouble understanding what away means, so I have different messages for different levels of away.
Standard message: I am currently out of the office and will return on DATE. In my absence, please contact PERSON if you need immediate assistance.
With the above, people still think I’m available and get angry when I don’t respond. So for days that I am traveling and I absolutely cannot respond, I use this:
Really serious message: I am currently out of the office with no access to email, phone, computer, or carrier pigeon. I will be completely unreachable during this time. I will return to the office on DATE. If you need assistance before that date, please contact PERSON.
As an outdoorsy person, I can believably level up “no access to email” to “no access to Internet or cell service.” Sometimes this is a true statement, sometimes it isn’t, but my coworkers don’t have any way to verify whether I’m at home or in the backcountry.
“I will be out of the office until DATE and will not be checking email during this time. If you need immediate assistance, please contact attorney X at [email address] or assistant Y at [email address].” This says I *could* check email, but I’m not gonna, baby!