Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Tailored Midi Skirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
For those of us bemoaning the lack of fully-lined skirts available for purchase these days, here’s one for a steal from Banana Republic Factory. The below-the-knee length is very modern, but the tailored silhouette is a classic.
Grab this gorgeous pink color if you’re looking for something a little bit different, but it also comes in black if you need something more traditional.
The skirt is $40 at Banana Republic Factory and comes in sizes 00-18, petite sizes 00-16, and tall sizes 4-16.
Sales of note for 8/28/25 (I'm bolding the ones I'm checking out first):
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started!
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your full price purchase, $99 dresses, jackets and shoes, and 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off everything
- Dermstore – Anniversary Edit of 16 Favorites, $629 value for $150 (also, NB you can make FSA purchases there!)
- Eloquii – 100s of styles starting at $25
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off 100s of styles (readers love this blazer, these pants, these sneakers, this suiting, and their sweater blazers and winter coats in general. Also note that they've expanded their size range up to 3X/24! See our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew.)
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything and extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 70% Labor Day Weekend – Take an additional 20% off already-discounted items
- Neiman Marcus – Extra 15% off beauty including options from DIOR, Nars, Chantecaille, Victoria Beckham, SK-II, and La Mer
- Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
- Spanx – End of summer sale, extra 30% off sale styles with code – reader favorites include these pants in regular, petite, and tall sizes all up to 3X (the very rare option for a plus-size petite!); Nordstrom also has a big collection!)
- Talbots – 70% off markdowns final sale
- Tuckernuck – Prices up to 70% off! (Including lots of this bestselling work dress marked to under $75)
I found the length of this to be stumpifying on me, but it comes in petite, which helped immensely. Huzzah! There is a jacket and pants also.
was thinking the same thing. a skirt this length with a flat mule would make me look totally dumpy.
My problem is that I always need petite, so there’s no option to size down to a shorter range. This skirt would absolutely stumpify me.
Word of warning to anyone with significant hips or booty, this skirt is cut very straight from waist to hips. I ordered it a few weeks ago and sent it right back.
I find banana / gap and factory/ skirts tend to be cut straight across the board. I’m fine if there is a level of stretch in them, but even in a line shapes, the waist is gapping and hips stretched. I am an hourglass size 8 / 10, but size up in skirts and alter them myself.
I really don’t like this length on anyone, except maybe a woman who is ridiculously tall and also wearing very high heels. It’s OK in a fuller skirt, but in a straight skirt, it’s unflattering and also gives me “my religion doesn’t allow women to wear pants or show their knees” vibes.
Yeah, it’s one of those styles (along with prairie dresses) that looks cute and ironic on model-type people but makes me look like I’ve wandered away from the 12-passenger van and the rest of my sister wives.
I like the skirt and the length but find that I only like how it looks on me when I am wearing sky-high heels – which is not something my feet want to do anymore!
I’m 5’3” and actually like this length on me. I wear my skirt that’s similar to this with shoes or sandals with a bit of a heel, under 2 inches. I think my legs are kind of long relative to my height, so maybe that helps?
I didn’t wear skirts for years and years (I did and do wear dresses), but am finding myself drawn to them lately. I think the proliferation of shorter tops helps – I always hated trying to tuck the longer tops into a skirt, and leaving them untucked looked not great.
I made something like this in home ec when I was in middle school.
It’s styled terribly in the pic but as a Tall, this would be a great length on me.
I think the proportions of this skirt would require lots of trial and error in terms of shoe type, heel height, how the blouse is worn, etc… It’s the kind of length where shortening by mere inches or wearing a slight heel can make or break the look.
I could maybe pull off this length at 5’4 with flat boots, or a slight heel, but it would not be as flattering as a bit past the knee cap, or a few inches above the knee on me. I do love the colour though.
Frump city! Plus the weirdly sized bag and wrinkled shirt. Ugh!
Yeah agree…it is so frumpy!!!!
What is the difference between some family offices and the higher $ tier of account available at big banks? I came across something the other day where it looked like a suite of family-office like options available on a mass basis, and became curious.
I am not a family-office-level person, but I now have POA over a family member’s accounts, which are mainly a paid-out pension and retirement accounts and receipts from selling a paid-off house. I tend to sprinkle accounts around personally (so no more than the FDIC limit in any one account) and use multiple financial institutions due to live moves, etc. For family member, there are 20+ accounts, so I’d like to consolidate a bit but really not used to this amount of $ (family member needs basic liquidity, so I’m not looking to diverge from that, but just curious).
What services do you need? I’m super happy with my well-run credit union that doesn’t have tiers for wealth beyond having income/assets that would be consistent with income a few years out of college.
I’m generally skeptical of solicitations that offer someone to personally do a lot of stuff for you because I assume that it’s financially worthwhile for the institution because they’re making more money off of me in fees or otherwise. I’d rather save my money.
What?! Girl. If you’d already know how family offices work you are too poor to concern yourself with them.
Indeed! I assume we’re talking wealth in the nine figure range, or at least the high eight figure range, before we’re talking family office. I don’t say that haughtily – my wealth will never be greater than low seven figures, and I’m delighted to have that.
Yeah, I snickered at the question.
This. We’re very comfortable but ‘family office’ wealth is entirely different. If you don’t have generational wealth (think Rockefeller levels) or hundreds of millions of dollars or more you can’t afford and don’t need a family office.
What if you are a 7-figure person — I assume it’s just to with a big bank and don’t let them sell you too much stuff you didn’t already want.
This is the ‘wealth management’ team at your preferred institution (UBS, Morgan Stanley, BofA, etc.). Even there the teams have various levels of services. Ages ago the ‘entry level’ wealth managers at Northern Trust started at $1-5MM in investable assets (NOT total net worth) but the best teams were reserved for $15MM and up in investable assets.
For us doors.. what is a family office?
A financial advisor who is actually employed by you to manage your money. You are their full time job.
If you’re wealthy enough you may have multiple legal entities (one for investments, one for charitable donations, one for managing your households, etc.). I highly doubt OP has enough money for a family office. The people who need it are billionaires or close to it.
Lol, that’s just one department in a family office. Others will deal with your planes, boats, and other vehicles, make sure your properties are maintained and ready whenever you decide to visit, pay your bills, handle all of your insurance, run your charitable wings, hire your nannies, fly your chef to your events, schedule your speaking engagements and appearances, you name it your family office will do it.
What is a door?
Poor
You might just need wealth management which can either be part of a bigger financial institution (varying levels from some guy who calls you from fidelity and has 200 people on his list based on your assets there to a dedicated wealth strategist who you are paying a fee to) or stand alone. You want to make sure they are a Fiduciary. A family office generally works for you (and they are often doing day to day engagement with financial institution (s). Sometimes have lawyers and people making investment decisions . Super high level but in general. You could start with someone thru your asset manager or look at private wealth mgmt.
Family office services depend on the institution but it can range from simple bill pay to household management (so hiring house staff or handling payroll or arranging for home repair services) to making sure the jet is fueled, staffed and ready to fly the family to the house in France from the house in the Bahamas.
You would probably need more of a wealth manager than a family office.
TW: infant loss, cults.
The leader of The Freebirth Society, which advocates for women to go through pregnancy and childbirth with zero medical care or “interventions” and to give birth at home solo, just had a stillbirth herself. Apparently it’s the 10th or so stillbirth this year among the relatively small group of online participants in the FBS paid online offerings.
I’m sorry for her baby who never had a chance and I’m sorry for the women who have been duped by this fraud into their own tragedies and I’m also wondering why it isn’t illegal for a non-clinician to dispense such life or death medical advice. I’ve seen this woman tell someone afraid of Twin-to-Twin-Transfusion syndrome that “the most dangerous place for your babies is the hospital” and to tell countless others that there is “no reason” to seek medical care even if there are warning signs. How is that possible for someone to do that with no legal action?
Because if you’re taking medical advice from a non medical professional you are assuming the obvious risk that comes with that. You can’t criminalize every bad idea.
It’s insane. And one lady who pops up on TikTok often for me shared her story of how she was convinced home birth was best and then her baby died and wouldn’t have in the hospital. And I think that’s a really hard thing to share and so worth it of her to do.
It’s a very hard thing to admit. Most women in her position (and sadly, there are now a lot) won’t admit it and instead say things like “death is natural” and “my birth was so powerful.”
Calling it “my birth” is always pretty telling IMO. It’s actually their baby’s birth. But the baby is always just a prop in the scene.
Normally people around here are going on about how medical professionals focus too much on the baby! But I agree with you. Mothers should be treated with dignity, but the baby’s safety is paramount
The safety of both is paramount, not just the baby. Women deserve more than just being treated with dignity. There should be no “but” after that sentence.
Agree. WTH.
Yes, I should have specified mother’s safety is also paramount. But there’s a fine line between honoring preferences and being unsafe, and I think we expect too much of medical professionals when they have to make that call in a split second.
I’ve had four med-free hospital births. I was pretty perturbed to be given an episiotomy with my second (which led to it being necessary for my third, too) without being consulted (among other things that happened in that birth.) But baby had to get out, and it’s easy to second guess when you’re past the danger.
Clearly there are much bigger issues of true malpractice out there, but I think even these stories of “the doctor didn’t honor my birth plan” can spook some women…for me, it goes back to safety being paramount.
I kind of think the concept of a “birth plan” is a fairly bad one in general – it sets up the expectation that this is an experience that should go a certain way, and anything that deviates reads as a failure. Obviously, everyone involved should be treated as well as possible under the circumstances, but ultimately, it’s a medical procedure, and the success of that is the goal.
(FWIW, I had two planned c-sections, and found the experiences quite nice all things considered, but I’m sure my cases were easier than many.) (Also FWIW, I work in the hospital industry, and we definitely see complaints from people (not maternity-related) who seem to think they are in a hotel. I think our people generally try to treat people very well, but obviously things aren’t going to always be pleasant.)
Re birth plan: people plan and g-d laughs.
I thought up one for my first birth and realized that it was a fool’s errand for the second.
I’m not advocating for lambasting medical professionals dealing with tough situations where patient’s desires conflict with medical recommendations. It is tough, but systemic problems with the delivery of medical care are partly responsible for why these conflicts are so difficult to resolve. And the solution needs to be deeper. It doesn’t do any good to just say “oh well physicians should make the calls necessary to protect baby when there’s a conflict because baby is important than a birth plan.” Even this idea that medical professionals get to make “calls” and perform procedures on conscious women without their consent is problematic. Women aren’t just containers that providers can do things to, and the word “preference” obscures the real issue, which is patient autonomy and consent. No one should be given an episiotomy without their consent. Yes, it can be very, very difficult to get patient consent quickly in some cases (especially when women don’t trust their providers or the medical establishment) but expecting them to get consent isn’t expecting too much.
I’m the episiotomy poster, and I realize we’re getting in the weeds here, but I still believe ideals about consent can conflict with providing the best or needed care in the moment.
For my third, I had a midwife in the hospital and as baby crowned she performed the episiotomy. There was literally no time for her to ask a question, nor was I in the position to hear or speak. She saw the skin blanching because of the previous one, and could tell the tear would be worse and deeper than if she assisted. She explained everything that happened to me afterwards and I’m glad she did what she did.
There’s definitely an element of choosing a provider we trust, and then we have to put some things in their hands.
What’s really key here is trusting providers. That was my original point – deterioration of women’s faith in the medical profession to respect their autonomy, not disregard their consent and wellbeing in favor of baby/convenience, or not outright injure them is part of what drives women to seek alternatives that may be unsafe. I would rather see providers discuss potentialities like episiotomies with women beforehand – that way when the “split second decision” point arises ideally patient and doctor are aligned. People do have the right to decline procedures even if those procedures are the “best” or “needed” care. When medical professionals treat consent as irrelevant or act like whatever is “best” should always trump consent, you get massive patient trust issues (and, at the extreme end, traumatized and harmed women).
Uhh, no, baby’s safety is not paramount. WTF.
I really think that if we focus efforts on making hospitals safer, more accessible, and less misogynistic, there will be much, much less interest in these kinds of risky sour grapes movements.
Eh, there’s a rebellious, conspiratorial streak baked into American culture. See: the vaccine debacle. Childhood vaccines could hardly be safer.
Yes, but there are also a lot of women – and people more broadly – who have objectively bad medical experiences. When you discount that reality, you aid the conditions that make these “alternatives” more appealing.
Yes, this. I used to litigate birth injury cases (defense side) and saw this over and over again in both women and practitioners’ decisions. This is what pushes lots of women to consider much riskier alternative approaches that they otherwise wouldn’t, including women who don’t fit that mold of rebellious, conspiratorial and are generally inclined to trust science and modern medicine.
This! I know these people. And they know exactly how dangerous their practice are; they just figure it will be other kids that suffer.
Additionally, we’ve got to stop looking at unmediated childbirth as an accomplishment. It’s just stigmatizing necessary and life saving medical treatment as the aesthetics of perforative “natural” health continue to spread their ugly tentacles from the wellness (but really weight loss) sphere into every aspect of aspirational American womanhood.
Totally. It’s not an accomplishment at all, no more than having 20/20 vision without glasses is.
The problem is that FBS is convincing women who had no prior bad experiences that they will be unsafe at the hospital and definitely emerge with trauma. People are highly suggestible and it really messes with your decision-making. I’ve been told so many times that a C-section was the worst possible outcome. Nope, my unplanned C-section was fine. And so was my baby.
I agree with this. My hospital was very respectful and professional; in fact, it was so good, one of my friends joked about having another baby just to give birth there.
If that were the norm, women would be a lot less susceptible to the lunatics.
She probably isn’t worth the cost of suing. How she promulgates her message though — deep pockets. Maybe if they get sued enough they will police this nonsense?
TBH I didn’t want a lot of interventions when I was pregnant, but I wasn’t surrounded by lunatics (or well meaning useful idiot types). It is easy how easy it is now to get trapped in the wrong bubble.
I’m just a history major by colonial-era America was full of stepfamilies formed by a dad who had lost a prior wife/wives in childbirth or to childbed fever, leaving prior children and him behind.
Yeah, there’s a reason why probate/equity court in a number of states was originally named (and is still called) Orphans Court.
Telling people false or misleading information, even if it relates to health, is not illegal. That would be a First Amendment infringement. Holding yourself out as a medical professional when you aren’t is generally speaking not legal, and IME this is typically addressed by rules/and regulatory bodies that license and regulate various healthcare professions. But if you’re not doing that (and the line can be fuzzy)….. you can say whatever insane crap you want. See e.g., your local insane anti-vaxxer FB group.
This.
Not illegal but quite possibly against platform policies. FB can get twitchy about anything that looks like health advice, despite their enforcement being lacking (their enforcement is notoriously lacking even when it comes to stuff that is illegal though).
Here’s the Massachusetts law (where I live and have an active law license):
“The Practice of Medicine means the following conduct, the purpose or reasonably foreseeable effect of which is to encourage the reliance of another person upon an individual’s knowledge or skill in the maintenance of human health by the prevention, alleviation, or cure of disease, and involving or reasonably thought to involve an assumption of responsibility for the other person’s physical or mental well being: diagnosis, treatment, use of instruments or other devices, or the prescribing, administering, dispensing or distributing of drugs for the relief of diseases or adverse physical or mental conditions.”
See, https://www.law.cornell.edu/regulations/massachusetts/243-CMR-2-01
Penalty for unlicensed practice of medicine? $100 to $1,000, up to one year in jail: https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartI/TitleXVI/Chapter112/Section6
So the answer is that no one is going to get all that wound up over a slap on the wrist. The police and prosecutors don’t have much of an incentive to handle these cases.
Ugh. Depressing. I do think this woman crossed the line to providing medical advice in many cases. If someone posts on a forum “I haven’t felt my baby move and I have a headache” and the founder says “stay home and stay strong mama, your body knows what to do!”, that qualifies as medical advice to me.
I don’t know anything about this situation but just reading this comment, why would that qualify as medical advice? Unless this woman/founder has said she’s a medical professional, she can say whatever she wants. It’s on you if you believe some idiot on the internet and consider their comments as medical advice.
Because women come to her and message her with medical questions and she provides them with advice.
I am not the Massachusetts lawyer above, but I am a lawyer who commented on state regs upthread, and unfortunately, it’s just not that simple. Laws and regulations governing the unauthorized practice of medicine are generally much more specific than just giving advice in response to a question that has to do with health, wellness, the body, or medicine, however that is defined. The Mass reg posted above is pretty specific in the conduct it prohibits: “diagnosis, treatment, use of instruments or other devices, or the prescribing, administering, dispensing or distributing of drugs for the relief of diseases or adverse physical or mental conditions.” Is answering questions “treatment” ? Is it a “diagnosis”? Then there’s the whole question of reliance and assumption of responsibility, which her wall of disclaimers is designed to address.
I think her advice is *terrible advice* but lots of people post here and get medical suggestions along the lines of “get XYZ medical treatment”, try this drug, get this test, get a COVID vaccine even if you have to lie about eligibility, etc. Is that fundamentally different?
Well, people are allowed to be stupid. Obstetrics is one of the most often sued specialties. But these people are not claiming to be an Ob.
there are so many people who think women should be able to white-knuckle it through childbirth because that’s what women have done for millennia — but didn’t 1/3 of women die in childbirth, historically?
Hah. People used to white knuckle it through amputations too. And cancer. And death.
Here’s a stick to bite on!
my employer just added free doula support as a benefit. too late for me but I was lucky enough to pay for my own. the best money we’ve ever spent. Please stop making fun of birth plans and calling women who choose natural child birth stupid. Have respect for women who make different choices than you. Respect that they may have real fears and experiences that led them there. A birth plan is really just a list of preferences, thinking about these things in advance is a wonderful idea, and really empowers women. Birth is really the only hospitalization that you can actually prepare for and plan in advance, so why wouldn’t you? My plan- lights dim, no counting during pushing, intermittent monitoring, mirror, warm compress to the perineum, dad announces gender, delayed cord clamping, please don’t offer epidural…
Does anyone have the flannel-lined Adirondack barn coat from LL Bean? Any reviews to share? Size 12, petite. I’d love a nice barn coat but Barbour doesn’t really work for me, sadly.
I find LL Bean to run consistently large for both men and women. What about Barbour doesn’t work for you?
Barbour’s Beadnell jackets (imho) are pretty narrow. I can see them not working for someone who’s very busty with wide hips. I had to size up to an 8 to be able to layer a sweater underneath mine and I’m normally a UK 6 in everything else (I’m a 32 D but otherwise pretty narrow in my shoulders/hips).
Agree that Barbour runs narrow in the bust and shoulders – I can’t wear their coats, either.
Not OP, but I frequently turn to LL Bean because they sell outerwear in petite sizes and not many other places do. I don’t think Barbour does.
Precisely – plus I find the Beadnell too heavy on the shoulders.
My experience with LLBean clothing across the board is to use the size chart for the item and then go down one size. I have gotten items using the size chart and ordering what it said that were anywhere from decidedly large to comically large.
I do – I’m also petite, and normally a size 4-6. I would not say it is super flattering, but I use it extensively in my actual barn in Virginia. It’s a great coat for shoulder season. The cozy quilted jacket is a little more flattering, but isn’t as warm.
Thank you! I like the look of some of the other coats, but don’t love the feel of stand-up collars. I’ll take my chances on unflattering :)
Does anyone have an electric razor (for legs and underarms) they like? I am the worst with a regular razor.
What issues are you having? I switched to the men’s Gillette skinguard to deal with ingrown hairs. You may want to get an ipl like the Braun instead of an electric razor though.
any tips on whether the IPL works on lighter colored hair (light brown)?
the braun IPL has a chart on the box, that’s probably as good as you’re going to get. Most of my hair is medium brown so I don’t think I can really be super helpful for you, but I will say that it’s totally worth giving it a try. I’m maybe halfway done with all the treatments and super happy with the results. Try to buy one used to save money in case it doesn’t work.
Haven’t tried it but considering the women’s Wahl razor
Yes. I posted on here about it before. I can’t see my legs well enough to shave them without my glasses in she shower so I got the Panasonic electric razor and have been very happy with it.
Panasonic Electric Razor for… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D3HV1NCR?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I like that it has a clipper too, which I use for hair I want to keep shorter but not shaved if you know what I mean. :)
My Philips body groomer series 5000 works fine, but each head lasts about a year, so you need to buy spare ones (easily found online).
We’re buying a house and it’s turning into a bit of a nightmare; the inspection has turned up so many issues. We have until Saturday to pull out if the owners don’t agree to credits or lowering the purchase price to take care of some of the more immediate concerns. On the one hand, I think this is just what we’ve turned up, who knows what other terrible surprises are waiting for us? They clearly have performed little to zero home maintenance in the seven years they have lived there. On the other, it’s a hot market and we’re lucky we even got a house with an inspection contingency; the next time we buy we might have to waive it and end up in the same position. Stock is all old houses (think Northeast city suburbs- DC, Boston, Philly) and new builds are out of our price range. We would still have a pretty healthy amount saved that we could potentially use for issues, but we have a lot of other moving parts of our budget so would of course love to not have to do that. Interested in thoughts, advice, from other people that have been there!
Is the house priced accordingly? Old houses always have issues–if the owners were going to fix/pay for them, they would have.
How old is the house and what are the issues that are turning up?
What are the ‘issues’ I’m an old house buff and there’s a lot of inspectors who know nothing about old houses and have wild ideas. My home inspector insisted I needed new windows…. nope, they need to be reglazed, I’m not putting plastic in my house. My home inspector also insisted the foundation needed sealing when all it needed was repointing, sealing old stones is actually a great way to destroy the structural integrity.
Good point. I sold a 1950s house with a tile roof and the inspector was clearly unfamiliar with them. He flagged several things that would be standard for shingled roofs, but not for our style of tile. When we tried to convey this and said we wouldn’t be fixing it (because it would actually be damaging) the buyer got spooked about “what else we were hiding” and walked
Yeah we have a 1926 bungalow with the original sash windows with awesome swap out screens/storms that you can install from the inside, and they are very tight and weatherproof. If we sell I’d love to make it a condition that they can’t touch the windows!
That would be such a selling point for me. Old windows are so good.
Can you give us an idea of some of the issues? IME home inspectors turn up every little possible thing so you can try to get credited. About half the stuff is not strictly necessary, or can be put off.
If something is a true urgent safety issue, I expect the sellers to cover – eg, our house had high radon in the basement so the sellers put in and paid for the remediation system. The boiler was 60 years old and leaking oil, but for that we accepted a 30% credit and replaced it ourselves. We also had a cracked chimney crown, but didn’t ask anything of the sellers and fixed it down the road (as a few examples).
+1. The answer definitely depends on the type of issues IMO.
OP here. Inspector did get some things wrong, but he flagged the rotting posts under the 20 year old deck and the chimney. House is from 1940s. Owners said “we use both all the time and they’re great!” Structural engineer was like, yea these posts need to be fixed before your deck sinks. Chimney sweep said, oh yea this chimney needs a liner and is not safe to use- lots of cracks in the mortar. I asked the owners if they use the chimney all the time, how often have they had it cleaned and inspected? Answer was, hmmm maybe when we moved in. So basically never, in 7 years. I consider myself pretty meh at home maintenance and even in my current house I was like, yea we have to get our chimney checked before we start burning wood fires!
If the house itself is solid, I think I would just pay to fix the deck (or seal it off until you can). And my inspector told me it’s very common for older chimneys to need a liner; he was surprised that ours didn’t, but if it had we would have handled it ourselves along with the chimney cap (and we scheduled a sweep to be done the day we moved in).
In our house, in addition to the boiler needing replaced stat, the washing machine flooded the hall the first time I used it and we found both upstairs bathrooms had leaking pipes within weeks of move in. I have to imagine the sellers knew. But, the roof, driveway and foundation are in great shape, and the basement was waterproofed, so you win some and you lose some. With an older home I would definitely make sure to have at least $50K on hand for all the unexpected repairs that will come up right away…and it will probably be much more. That’s just how it goes.
We feel fortunate we were able to snag this “dated” house in a hot market, and the upside of doing all this work is we are sure it’s being done correctly and get to make it ours!
Same. We had to replace the wood burning stove and add a liner as soon as we moved in.
Our washing machine broke the first time we used it, because the computer “rejected the hard water.”
I will chime in on the chimney thing. Mine isn’t safe either for a fire. It is safe for gas so I had mine converted to gas for a few hundred dollars. I could have also put in a wood burning stove. Mine had been boarded up with random wood when I bought so I could have left it closed off.
This is minor stuff, OP. Get a landscape designer out after you buy to take advantage of the opportunity to redesign the deck and garden!
+1 they probably feel like big issues but they aren’t in the grand scheme of a house.
These are 100% minor issues. You don’t have to use the fireplace initially..
Chimney issues are unfortunately really common. Our chimney didn’t have a liner and was leaking into the roof. Previous owner had put on a new roof but not identified the chimney issue– which a roofing company also didn’t identify for us. Turns out the chimneys were built incorrectly in most houses in our 35 year old subdivision, and for whatever reason, our neighbors have all been figuring it out now. We ended up rebuilding a new chimney for about $10k.
Leaks are also common. Our house had a master shower that had been installed without waterproofing and a leaking toilet. Neither showed up on inspection. We had been planning to redo the master bathroom anyway. Toilet issue was pretty easy to fix by replacing the toilet and drywall. I think this is just part of owning a house unfortunately.
Honestly these are pretty minor. You’ll need to repair the deck if you want to use it and the only immediate fix is to either get a chimney liner or keep it as a decorative feature only. If you do get a liner expect something in the $10k and up range – we got a similar quote and elected to keep it as a decorative, not functional fireplace.
I have zero appetite for projects, but I wouldn’t be spooked by a chimney that needs a liner/converting to gas and a deck that needs structural repair (unless it’s some kind of super special deck where repair is very complicated).
Both of those seem like things you could move in and handle in due course. I have a fireplace and use it never. Presumably, a contractor can work on deck repair without access to your house when you’re at work.
No house is perfect and this applies tenfold to old houses. Are the issues safety issues, or immediate need roof, foundation, electrical, plumbing issues, or simply issues that you cannot live with? If not, I’d ask for a price adjustment and move forward.
Agree. In other circumstances I’d say this house is going to feel like a pita to you, so you should move on. But if the issues aren’t structural, and you feel like the cost to fix issues is reasonably reflected in the price (considering the hot market), and you like the house, then this sounds like it might be the best option for you in a difficult market.
How much do you like the house? We bought an old house with a few issues. We had a good inspector though, so mostly, the issues we have had were the ones that were flagged on inspection and we knew what to expect. You will definitely need to budget for maintenance, but I love our house and have no regrets on going forward (the owners did agree to a minor credit after inspection, though not as much as we would have wanted).
Are either of you handy at all? Or have the time/energy/knowledge to deal with contractors? If you do, it might be worth it. If not, take a hard look at the new to-do list. DH loves home reno projects and has done some real estate investment, and most of the time the only way you get a “good deal” is if there is some work to be done because many people just want turn-key. I wouldn’t hestitate if the price was right, but that’s because DH is very handy and has the energy to vet and work with contractors so they stay to the schedule. It is about being honest with yourselves about the number of projects you can and want to handle.
This is a good point. My parents built/repaired houses and my grandparents/extended family are in construction/architecture so I was very confident in what was an immediate ‘need to fix now’ vs. what could be put off. I was also comfortable speaking with contractors and keeping on top of them. If you do not have that knowledge base (my husband can barely re-caulk tile) then this is a lot more time and effort.
I bought a house in a hot market with a ton of deferred maintenance. It was our 4th house. Honestly, if the foundation is solid, I would likely go for it and recognize that every house will need new roofs, will have leaks at some point, and will have random issues pop up that you could never expect. If you otherwise are happy with the house, I’d be fine with it. We haven’t had any more or different issues with this one than the first 3 with “cleaner” inspections.
I’d take a closer look at the issues – immediate/urgent fixes I’d ask for credit on (radon, gas or electric issues). I have an antique house and it needed a fair amount of work to fix some structural issues in our first few years, and we put in new windows/insulation almost immediately so we wouldn’t be freezing all winter. Otherwise a lot of things we were able to do more slowly over time (sump pump/french drains, basement de-humidifier, roofs, etc.).
I wouldn’t say new builds are free from issues either. There are a lot of bad contractors who cut corners. What specifically are the issues? My house is 100 years old and there were a couple of issues on the inspection, but not many. My issue is actually the opposite — people who bought an old house and put in cheap “improvements” that I will eventually have to undo. The doors, the trim, terrible paint on the brick fireplace, etc are just horrible if you love old houses.
What can you live with now? What is critically important? If it’s major structural issues, I would probably walk away.
Yes, I want to echo this about new builds and a lot of people don’t opt to get them inspected. I bought a new build 7 years ago and some of the stories I heard from my neighbors about issues with roofs, HVAC, electric and so on were really frustrating. I had a few issues but they were minor and I had a good inspector that I worked with. No house is perfect, it’s about how much risk you are willing to assume and how much time, money and expertise you have to manage issues.
I have a 200 year old house and the previous owners definitely did a lot of cheap renovations. Fixing it slowly.
You are not buying a new house; there are going to be issues, and it is the home inspector’s job to point out every single little thing. Most of them way over-hype their findings as a CYA tactic. Your agent should be talking you off this ledge.
This. You should always expect issues.
I think you’ve gotten good advice so far. For context, I have two friends that walked after inspection for (what I think) were reasonable things. One house had a brown recluse infestation in the basement, and they didn’t feel like they’d be comfortable in the house even with remediation. The second house was priced top of the market as a 120 year old house that had been flipped, and it had holes in the roof where animals were living, and the owners refused to fix it.
We bought a 100 year old house recently in a city similar to the examples listed. Most of the homes in our town are 70-130 years old. We knew the roof and siding were old and would be a major project in a few years. We knew the first floor windows were all original and need replacing. We knew the hot water tank was nearing expiration. We knew 1 HVAC system was old. And you know what: we have had to fix all or most of these things in the first 2 years (hot water tank went, HVAC went, animals getting into attic via holes in the old roof/siding). So, go in with eyes open and make sure you have plenty of budget (in our case an additional $200k) to fix everything that may require maintenance/replacement in the short term.
It’s impossible to say without knowing what issues the inspection turned up.
assume you will find 1-2 major issues ($5k+ fixes) in the first 12 months and decide accordingly. We moved into a home that was lived in for 30 years. The inspector found somethings, and we discovered a few more once we moved in. All in, we are still glad we did it but in hindsight would have wanted to knock another 10k off the price.
Looking for advice and experience on post menopausal weight loss (I’m 59 and well and truely through the menopause with minimal symptons). I’ve put on about 30 pounds in the last year and a half. I know exactly why – a monumentally stressful time causing comfort eating, more wine than I should, and more time spent watching Netflix on the sofa than in the past.
Some of my stressors are still in my life (elderly parents) but other things have evened out and I am ready to tackle this.
I’ve started seeing a personal trainer, and I am consciously meal planning and trying to eat better, but it all seems like a mountain to climb (and in the background I am lamenting that my usual stress response of not eating did not kick in).
For those who have been through this what worked? How did you kick the relax with a glass of wine habit? I’m not sure that weight loss drugs are what I want – I’m not a big food noise person.
Guess I am scared of the hard work it will be, so need motivation and ideas
Good luck! No time like the present is always my motto when I know things will take a lifetime to see results (like my 3 year invisalign adventure.)
Weight loss drugs address more than food noise–they cause the stomach to stay full longer, so you’ll eat less over time. All good if you don’t want to (same way I won’t touch botox but will take weight loss drugs, we all have our things.) It will take work, doing things/eating things you don’t want to. You’ve got this!
I had some of the same issues. I’m post menopausal and started at class 2 obese. I was insulin resistant and also have an unrelentingly high stress job and near constant high stress elder care issues. I could previously diet at 1200-1300 calories per day and the scale would hardly budge.
The glp1 drugs address more than just food noise. There is also some sort of adjustment to your body chemistry. Also I’ve simply lost my taste for fried or rich foods, and for alcohol. Even though I’m a slow loser, likely due to not dieting hard and having health issues preventing serious exercise, it’s been a miracle for me. I watch what I eat, and walk a mile, stretch and do some simple exercises or a short yoga routine most days. I’ve dropped 50 lbs in a year with zero misery.
No advice but I’m on this same journey. My closet ranges from a 4 to a 12 and I’m short. Just coming out of two years of stage 4 cancer and a hospital stay and a move for elder care responsibilities and trying to get back into my activities, like tennis. Let’s check in with each other — maybe we can cheer each other on?
I am your age and had the precise same issue. Post-menopause + pandemic bad habits, which mostly consisted of a glass of wine (or 2) per night + a very stressful job situation that ended with my employer going bankrupt and laying off their entire workforce = 40 pounds. More exercise helped with the stress and changing my food habits stopped the weight gain, but I could not lose what I had gained and my lab work was concerning so I went with GLP-1s in the end. That said one of my friends was going through something similar and she met with a dietician specializing in weight loss who put her on a high protein diet that helped a lot and she has lost 25 pounds. So maybe try that? Exercise is great for a lot of reasons, but it is hard to exercise enough to lose weight unless you have hours per day to dedicate to it.
I made a rule that I do not drink at home and started going for a walk with a podcast as soon as I logged off (if WFH) or got home (if driving), which filled the time I used to spend drinking. I also just stopped buying wine to keep at home! I was using wine to divide my work day from the evening so I needed something else to help make that transition.
I’ve been drinking Recess beverages in a big wine glass at night and enjoying it. They are magnesium and some other stuff, but not a THC drink. You can just get them on Amazon. I wouldn’t drink one during the day and the big glass helps make it seem special.
Think about what works for you to make lasting changes, because everyone is different. My husband has to swap in a new habit, so that might mean drinking a flavored seltzer while watching tv, or switching over to reading a book instead of screen time. I’m a moderator, so I make the decision that I’ll have wine, but just one glass, or I’ll watch tv, but only one show per night. Knowing what works for you helps set you up for success.
Working up to walking 7 miles a day helped my mom lose 30 lbs when she retired at 65. No other changes, just a ton of walking. Well, I mean, when you’re walking two hours a day, that’s less time to eat, but the only conscious choice was walking.
I love this. In my ideal world I’d wake up at 9, read the paper, drink my coffee, and start my walking by 11 a.m.
Been there, and did it. Weight training is a great first step, but I’d also look for something exercise-related that you can do on a daily basis, and ideally do it at the times your bad habits kick in. I have a treadmill and it’s easy to get on for a ten minute walk instead of a snack during the day (wfh), or when I was in office take a quick walk outside. I’ll also get in the treadmill while watching something on the tv instead of having a glass of wine or snacking on the sofa. Find something that is both a stress relief and a habit-replacement. Taking up cycling has been huge for me as part of the next stage of get more fit while really enjoying my rides (we have an awesome system of bike trails).
Same age, same issues. I ended up taking a GLP1 to lose 50 lbs. I did the dosing increases very slowly and it took 1.5 years to lose which I am fine with since I couldn’t even lose 1 lb for years. This was with eating healthy/high protein and exercising (walking).
I also decided to only drink on “special occasions” as I call it. This means not drinking alone at night at home, and only drinking when I am out to dinner, at a party, etc. I do think the GLP1 helped curb the desire for alcohol, so I think that helped too.
I am down a size and have kept it off for several years. I hate diets, just thinking about weighing my food makes me want to rage binge. My doctor recommended the Mediterranean Diet, and it worked well for me. My cholesterol is down as well. Just download the list of foods to eat each week and slowly swap things out until you are compliant. Don’t download the dreary nutritionist created recipes; they are horrible. BBC Good Food, Eating Well, and The Mediterranean Dish all have fun recipes that fit well with the food targets. We also drinking during the week and just have some wine on the weekends. I like the Free AF Rose as a non alcoholic drink.
I just saw a dietician for this very reason. 45, gained 15-20ish pounds over 2-3 years. Between the pandemic isolation, two layoffs in 18 months, and some fibroid-related health issues that led to a hysterectomy, it was an awful time and I fully admit that I turned to food for comfort. However, once my life stabilized and I got back to my usual level of activity and stopped the emotional comfort eating, I lost… like a pound. I expected the weight to fall off. I’m super active (strength training, jogging, spinning, cardio dance, yoga, 7-12K steps a day) and it made no difference.
The dietician had some good recommendations. Take what you will:
Are you drinking enough water? She pointed out that I might be dehydrated from all my activity. I barely drink 24 oz a day, and she said I should be aiming for 3-4 times that. That alone has helped my satiety.
How are your portion sizes? You could be eating all the right things, but too much of them (well, not vegetables — no such thing as too many vegetables!). She recommended thinking of my plate with one half non-starchy vegetables, any kind, and then the other half divided into quarters with meat/protein and starchy vegetables or carbs (rice, potatoes, peas, corn). That shift alone has changed how I eat, and it feels like adding more to my life (which vegetables will I pick for this week?) rather than subtracting.
Are you eating often enough? It seems counterintuitive, but I’ve noticed I get hangry if I wait too long to eat. She recommended planning healthy snacks in so you don’t wait more than 3-4 hours without eating.
Re: wine, I don’t drink, but I turned to ice cream, chocolate, and chips in the same way many turn to wine so I can understand the temptation. I just don’t have those things in my house anymore. I can still enjoy them, but I must go out to get them and make it an event. I don’t need pints of ice cream of bags of chips in my house, but if chips come with my sandwich at a cafe, I’ll eat them. That’s a controlled portion. I just do better if I don’t have high-cal processed foods around that I can eat out of a bag or box.
Good luck!
I lost about 35 pounds in the past 18 months. First, I got a tracking app. I chose My Dash Diet, but there are other good apps. The app has you set a target for weight, and then calculates how much sodium, fat, protein you eat each day. I rarely look at the calorie target, and started tracking sodium. I found that some of my food choices were high sodium, and there were other options available that I like just as much with less sodium. Then, I started monitoring calcium to try to get between 800 – 1200 mg a day. I started slowly but steadily losing weight, and it’s because of the tracking, and measuring portions to enable the tracking.
My last blood tests said I was “pre” pre-diabetes. Though I have a little skepticism about this, I wore a Lingo Continuous Glucose Monitor for a month. This showed me that some foods did cause blood sugar spikes, and I made some changes. For example, I ate an all-natural, high fiber cereal every morning, and that was spiking. I switched to chia seed pudding instead. I don’t believe the monitor is 100% numerically accurate, but the trend information is helpful.
I have ran and lifted weights for a long time, but I probably do Pilates reformer more often. Pilates didn’t really help me lose weight, but it made positive changes in my body.
This all sounds tedious, but I found I repeat a lot of the same meals, so once they are added to the app, it’s pretty easy. Though I’m happy with the weight loss, the fact that I feel better most days is the real benefit.
What do you mean “pre” pre-diabetes? What was your doctor testing and why?
What do you mean by pre-pre diabetes? What was your doctor checking / why? Tx.
Trying to incorporate more oats into my diet, and I hate the texture of overnight oatmeal. Suggestions? I’d prefer savory recipes.
Two suggestions: Oatcakes, which are dry and like a cookie, and oatmeal pancakes. Good luck!
Is the issue that you don’t have time to cook oatmeal in the morning? I find that oatmeal heats up really well in the microwave – you can make a batch on the weekend, and heat it up during the week.
Steel-cut oats made with milk in the rice cooker reheat very well. I also like baked oatmeal.
There are a lot of recipes that use oat flour, which is just dry oatmeal that is sent through a food processor.
I love savory oatmeal; i eat it congee style, cooked with more water than usual and topped with soy sauce, sesame oil, ginger, scallions, and a soft cooked egg.
This is the only way I will touch oats.
Nature’s Path has a great instant oatmeal with flax seeds.
Steel-cut oats are a game-changer, texture-wise. You can cook a batch and reheat portions all week. They pair well with savory toppings like eggs and greens, and can also make the base for a grain bowl.
Seconded steel cut oats; or even try oat groats (basically whole kernels, like barley size). They just take a lot longer to cook though, so you probably want to make a pot once and microwave each morning
Maybe try baked oatmeal recipes and use savory ingredients instead of sweet ones. Or muffins?
I also typically do not like overnight oats or really yogurt for that matter. But I’ve been making a ‘pumpkin spice overnight oats’ variation and blending the whole mixture in a blender first. It’s been a go to. There are bunch of recipes online for essentially the same thing.
Steel cut oats in the instant pot, frozen in muffin tins and microwaved on demand. I also like the McCann’s Quick oatmeal that you can make in five minutes (not instant). I love savory oatmeal recipes and my favorite is making quick oatmeal with chicken or vegetable broth instead of water, a pinch of oregano and black pepper, and then adding feta and Kalamata olives when done. Topping with a fried egg and a little bit of sautéd pancetta is also good and quick, and this wouldn’t be everyone’s jam but I also top with smoked salmon or grilled sardines. Most basic is just topping with TJ’s Everything but the Bagel or furikake flakes. If I’d put in on rice, I’ll try it on oatmeal.
I have never liked the texture of oatmeal, but have been eating “overnight” oats for a few years now. I just mix everything up ahead of time and add the milk or whatever liquid you want about 10 minutes before I eat it. That way is soaks up the liquid, but doesn’t get mushy.
this is my favorite savory oats recipe; I try to make it with steel cut oats and do 4 servings at once
– make steel cut oats according to package
– near end of cook add bacon bits, veggies like spinach or broccoli slaw, and/or cannelini beans — season with everything but the bagel, onion powder, garlic powder, and the mushroom/umami seasoning from trader joe’s
– portion as needed; i like to freeze at least 2 portions in souper cubes for later
before eating, make an egg over hard or sunny side up; i like it jammy but not too runny. reheat the savory oats while the eggs are cooking; you can add an ice cube to give it a bit of moisture while it’s cooking like you do with rice. sprinkle cheese on top, then add eggs to dish, then add more cheese on top. i use the spatula i was cooking with to break the eggs up so i can just eat it with a fork.
I used to just make it with bacon bits but I don’t mind the veg/beans so I’ve been adding those in also. It’s a pretty quick and easy lunch or breakfast.
I like the many variations of superhero muffins. In the Rise and Run cookbook there are savory versions in addition to the sweet ones, though I stick to the sweet ones (they’re not that sweet). I think I like the lemon blueberry chia and pumpkin spice ones best, but there are a lot of good ones depending on what you’re in the mood for.
Martha Stewart has a savory oatmeal with egg recipe we like.
Steel cut oats are the best texture, in my opinion. You can also make them ahead and reheat and the texture is still good. Work well with savory toppings – cheese, ham, etc.
I use them instead of breadcrumbs in meatballs and meatloaf. Works just as well.
Finally found the snakeskin almond-toe flats I’ve been looking for …and they’re a tiny bit too narrow in the toe box and loose at the heel. Worth trying to stretch the toe box?
Is it a high quality leather shoe? If so, yes. I wouldn’t bother if it’s a plastic upper.
No. Stretching the toe box won’t fix the loose heel problem.
You have triangular feet like me. It’s a common foot shape, and while my foot overall looks slender I have difficulty with many pointy toes and some almond toe flats. Yes, I have sometimes stretched them, but ultimately wind up stuffing the shoe with the various shoe cushions you can buy to optimize fit in the sides/back. It never feels great.
Would someone who’s a size 6 please buy this gorgeous set? I can’t justify it but man is it pretty!
https://www.brooksbrothers.com/cotton-blend-boucle-sheath-dress-%26-jacket-set/WX00883.html?dwvar_WX00883_Color=BLKM&
Gorgeous. Also available in size 12.
BEAUTIFUL! But it would be ruined by cat claws in an instant.
Also love it. Thanks for sharing.
No one commented on Kat’s post yesterday about limiting your information diet, and I’d love to ask about that, either here, or on the post itself. This is something I am trying so hard to do, especially as it pertains to tragedies or sad events, esp those with children (Texas floods, MN shooter, etc.) and politics. I don’t really read gossip sites, although I do enjoy following a few influencers who regularly comment on celebrity gossip. But my primary focus is on trying to pull myself from the news back into real life because I know that I need that for my mental health. I struggle with that because I think we have an obligation not to look away, but at same time, humans are not meant to know every tragedy that befalls the human race, which the internet has made accessible to us, so where is the balance?
I listen to one US politics podcast, and a UK podcast per day. And I let myself have 1 or 2 Guardian checks. I work in politics and I can’t absorb too much of it.
I think looking at hot topic tragedies that aren’t in our community distracts us from focusing on the slower moving tragedies that are happening in our area. They are sexy and splashy and make it easy to ignore the rates of child hunger or abse in your area.
There will always be people focused on national issues. Let them handle that. Focusing locally and doing things in your community is equally as important and generally better for your mental health.
My boyfriend suffers from anxiety. He’s retired, and got into the habit of having CNN on all day in the background. It was aggravating an already bad situation.
What’s working for him is to cut his news consumption down to reading WaPo in the morning and just tuning in to the local 6:00 news at the end of the day. He gets the national highlights, big local stories, weather and sports in that half-hour news dose.
I don’t watch news, ever – I only read it. That helps a lot because it’s less overstimulating. I hate that many major newspapers have autoplay videos on their homepages now, including for deeply horrific scenes, and I don’t think it’s good journalism to spring death videos on people like that.
I sometimes get very interested in a particular event or tragedy, but not often. The Texas flooding, especially at Camp Mystic, is one of those cases. Without outing myself, I have a professional interest in several of the issues at play in that tragedy and I’ve spent quite some time delving into specifics most people aren’t ever going to be interested in. You can’t do this for every tragedy or you’d go insane, but if there’s something that affects you or that you want to know more about, I think it’s OK to read deeply now and then. I’ve learned a LOT as a result and feel better poised to speak on some of the issues now – and I think the families advocating for improved camp safety are going to save future lives.
Otherwise, I don’t follow true crime or clickbait tragedies that try to get you in for a surface look and no more. That’s all downside.
I don’t think much can be gained from keeping up with daily news. Knowing or not knowing about the latest shooting won’t impact my thoughts on guns, just for example. Scrolling through all the stuff and being in a constant cortisol high is not conducive to reflecting, connecting information with context, remembering details and ultimately forming strong opinions. It’s more a stream that washes over me, but doesn’t accomplish anything.
As for actually limiting my scrolling practically, I need to intentionally replace the habit and let myself be pulled towards other things. Reading a great book, or joining a volunteer effort, or hanging out with friends work well for me.
With kids tragedies and the like, I remind myself that it’s news because it’s not common. I also limit my consumption and don’t read multiple accounts of the same thing or the comments section (especially that, as nothing will make you want to give up on humanity faster).
I look at the wsj, bloomberg and my cities largest newroom maybe once a week, once every couple weeks if Im busy with life.
I flip through the daily financial market updates from my company about once a week.
Everything else I only get if it passes across my desk passively. So when scrolling reddit or shorts, glancing at the tv in the break room etc.
for context, my father was a talk radio every day all day guy growing up. my grandparents have been fox news addicts my entire life. I can’t stand watching or hearing the news. my mom would read the business, world, and market sections of FT and WSJ.
I dont think you need to consume news media everyday. you can be informed and aware of the happenings in the world without a daily dose. There are very very few stories where substantive updates and changes happen every day that are critical to stay on top of.
The world hasn’t ended yet, and it’s been ending every day. You could fill your cup everyday with the heartbreak of the world and there will still be an ocean more.
I’m a reformed news junkie. I get my local paper in print daily. I read that, which is nice because I get the very local news from my county and my midsize suburb and it gets the AP and other national and international headlines that are important. I even read the advice columns and the comics so there’s some “fun” in there. Print means there are no comments section full of Doomers or crazy people to rile me up. I listen to NPR during my 15 minute commute a few times per week (and Wait Wait and Hidden Brain). My husband watches PBS News Hour most nights, so I occasionally watch with him. And that’s about it. I feel 1,000 times better than I did when I would read endless articles online.
I am now concerned that I have amnesia and forgot I wrote this comment, because I do exactly the same things and am also much happier as a result.
I was just thinking about this. I have taken on a very 1980s/90s approach to the news. No scrolling, no notifications, no 24/7 TV news channels, no social media. I only read longform articles, and I read them on my timeline, which is once or twice a week when I can focus on them. I am still aware and appropriately horrified by many developments. But my mental health and sanity are also preserved so I can take care of myself, which means I can then take care of others and do the necessary work to make a better world. Human beings were not meant to process this onslaught of nonstop (mostly bad/sensationalized/provocative) information, and I think many people are so immersed in the doomscrolling that they’re unable to just… live in the offline present.
I feel it’s a radical act to not let “them” into my head whenever they want to. Look, our president got there in large part because he was able to dominate the news cycle by saying increasingly provocative and awful things. I refuse to let him and his people get inside my head. What is there to gain from hearing about his daily rantings? Absolutely nothing. And there’s a lot to gain from reclaiming my headspace so I can care for myself, my loved ones, and my community. That clear headspace helps me do important volunteer work, plan my donations to good causes, and fundraise for organizations I believe in.
I’ve been turning to the works of Rebecca Solnit a lot during this time. She reminds us that awful things and wonderful things have always been happening, often simultaneously, and stepping outside of the daily onslaught helps gives us some perspective on history and where this moment sits in the greater story of human existence.
I view limiting my news consumption as part of my commitment to action. If I spend too much time consuming or talking about news, I’ll be sad and overwhelmed.
I pair limiting news with a commitment to figuring out how I can help make things better and then doing what I can do to help. What little I can do isn’t a ton, but all of us doing a little to help is significant.
Just sharing a random shaving tip for those who shave: I don’t shave my legs daily, but I used to get those red pores (??) in many areas — I’ve seen it called “strawberry legs,” but I don’t know if what I had qualifies — but I found a partial solution. Before shaving in the shower, I wet an exfoliating pad (like this: https://www.ulta.com/p/exfoliating-cleansing-body-buffer-pimprod2033772?sku=2598280) and lightly scrub my legs with it. After shaving, there are a lot fewer red spots! I also have an African net sponge (this one: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1135331218/sapo-sponge-african-mesh-washcloth-ghana). (Not that I invented this, obviously, but I never considered it before in my 30 years of shaving!)
Good to know on the red spots!
I also use the African net sponge to scrub/exfoliate my underarms to get off old deodorant and deodorant build up.
I have keratosis pilarsis and the biggest game changer for me has been using a salux cloth. The name brand ones are the best imho, and they’re much more effective than anything else I’ve tried. Don’t rub too hard at first until you’re used to it!
KP and the red pores are different issues. Sometimes you have both but what I think OP is referencing is not a KP issue. My derm explained as a matter of your hair follicles and your skin type. She said electrolysis/permanently zapping the hair helps but not much else to be done. I do find exfoliating first helps at the margins because you get a closer shave.
Today, I need to drop something off to a friend who is going through a really rough time – she just had surgery to remove some cancer, and has had to go back to the ER a few times since because of reactions to drugs. I’d like to bring her something nice – I was thinking flowers, but does anyone have other suggestions? I’ll just be leaving it on her porch.
If there’s a farm stand near you, some fresh local fruit might be appreciated.
Do you know if she has a preferred soda or other non-alcoholic beverage? The kind of thing that is a splurge but one might drink when their stomach feels rough? I’m thinking of Mexican Coke or something like that. I would drop off six bottles with a card. It won’t spoil and it might help her feel better.
Ginger beer comes to mind, Bundaberg and Fever tree are pretty ubiquitous here.
Do you know her hobbies? I also had surgery recently and I appreciated things to keep me entertained. Food can be tricky because she may not want it. I would have enjoyed flowers too though.
A physical book, if you know what she likes to read, for escapism.
When I’m convalescing, I love reading magazines, anything from gossipy Us Weekly stuff to meatier New Yorker, Economist, Harper’s, to the latest Vogue or Elle. Would she enjoy any of those?
Hey, I hope it’s ok to come here for advice – I’m staying with my Aunt and she told me about this place.
I work in a very male dominated culture. I’m about 8 years into my career and was assigned to mentor a new employee about six months ago when she started.
We bonded over being two women on a team of almost all guys. So in addition to the mentor-mentee relationship we have become friends outside of work.
We work 3 days remote and 2 in the office. We have arranged our schedules to we are in office the same days. We often get a group together for a drink after work on one of the days we are in the office.
It turns out another office next door has the same drink after work tradition on the same day of the week. So we ended up having drinks with these guys regularly – it’s like 75% guys, some women. A few months ago my mentee started dating one of these guys.
I should add that the company we work for does business with the guy’s company in kind of a vendor relationship. So no one is dating anyone’s boss but our bosses all know each other.
As her friend, not necessarily her mentor, I was supportive of her dating this guy. He seemed nice and fun and his coworkers are also fun. Also she was lonely and had just moved to this area and didn’t know other people. So their relationship was how she started having a local friend group, mainly Drew and a few of his coworkers.
So earlier this week I was with my mentee and opened my Facebook app (which I mainly have because my mother is on it all the time!) and it suggested a new connection to me. I showed my mentee the pic and I said look at this woman’s husband, doesn’t he look like Drew? (the guy she is dating, I changed the name).
And I feel terrible about this but it only took a few steps to see lots of pictures of this woman with Drew, and yes it is him. He’s married and has little kids. And also he lied to my friend about his age.
I feel terrible about this because I encouraged this relationship to my mentee/friend, and after she confronted Drew and screamed at him it has now become the Tea for both of our offices. So my friend is embarrassed, feels like everyone thinks she knew she was the side piece, which she didn’t, and she KNOWS everyone is talking about this constantly. And they are.
So where I need advice is in how to support my friend/mentee through this mess and apologize. I don’t want her to quit. Financially she can’t because she has a 12 month lease anyway and doesn’t come from like a rich family or anything. But how do you move through something like this and keep a good reputation at work?
Btw Drew and wife are not poly. Confirmed by one of my friends who is his friend. He was just cheating. That friend said his wife thought he was traveling for work all the nights he spent at mentee’s apartment.
I don’t think you should feel too guilty about the mistress thing. The guy’s coworkers (who presumably knew about his wife and didn’t say anything) are crappy people. But you had no way of knowing he’s married. You encouraged her to date someone who works at a different company whose position doesn’t violate any policies. I don’t see a problem with that. If your coworkers saw her confront him about his marriage then don’t they know she was unaware the whole time?
Perhaps as a friend you should’ve warned her not to build her social life around a guy she just met. In a new city that’s always a bad idea. It was easy to predict that she’d be left with no one when they break up, and she was making herself too dependent on him.
I don’t think you have anything to apologize for her, he was the cruddy person, not you. I would also hugely side eye the guys friends who presumably knew about the wife/kids and chose not to say a word.
I agree that this sucks for her, but at the end of the day it’s not a reflection on her conduct, this is all on him. I’d continue to support her and encourage her to ignore the office gossip – anyone with half a braincell will see him as the villian here.
Yeah, I’m having second thoughts about being part of this friend group at all. The screaming happened in front of the bar at happy hour at our usual meet up (sorry I didn’t close the loop on that) and some of the guys I thought were cool were kind of laughing, while my heart was breaking for my friend.
I’m not sure there is better advice than for her to just hold her head high, knowing that there is nothing shameful about being conned by a cheater. It will eventually blow over.
My advice to her would be to just avoid dating anyone work-related for a while. She just doesn’t need her personal life to be fodder for office gossip again, even if it’s a great match. Some sleazy men might hit on her, too, thinking that she’s okay being the side piece. Best way to handle that is to just firmly turn down anything resembling an overture.
Low stakes Friday question. Does anyone have a travel hair dryer they like? I have mid length straight hair and can’t deal with the uncertainty of hotel hair dryers!
I got the job! Waiting for background check to clear before giving notice but verrrry unmotivated right now.
hang tight and congrats!
The recruiter who rejected me, now wants to talk after all! Trying not to read too much into it and just be well prepared for the conversation.
Congratulations!!!!
(If there’s one day on which you’re totally allowed to slack off, it’s the Friday before a long weekend, when you’ve just accepted an offer for a new job. Slack off with impunity!)
This board always has such wise advice. Consider it done:)
I have an antique wood dining room table. I have kids and and a husband who isn’t delicate. How can I have a pretty table that we also won’t wreck with use? Table cloth? Place mats? Both? I want it to look good after getting this piece from my beloved aunt. And we will use it. Hopefully for a long time.
You can either use a tablecloth (ideally with something under for added protection in case of spills or get a protective glass top cut to fit. Neither is ideal if you want the visual look of a wood table. I gave up and just will refinish our nice real wood table at some point. A friend just coated theirs with very shiny wood sealant (?) like what they use in restaurants. If it’s real wood you can always change later.
If this is in a formal dining room, I would get a custom table pad and use it under a tablecloth when you are eating off the table, and leave the table bare between dining occasions with strict instructions that no one is to touch it. If it’s for daily use, I would go with a glass top.
Glass top!
A pretty tablecloth with a waterproof base underneath, during the kids’ years. Mine is felt with a plastic top. My grandparents had glass on top of theirs, and it never looked right to me (also sounds expensive if you need it custom cut).
It’s a lot cheaper than you might think.
Think about a clear vinyl table cover? I bought one from Amazon. My husband hates ours because it reminds him of how grandparents in the 70’s used to cover furniture in plastic. But since neither he nor our children can be bothered to wipe down our wood kitchen table and the kids do their hw at the table, I find it to be a necessity to preserve the finish and avoid pen marks. Allows me to enjoy the look of the wood while knowing it’s protected.
Travel ideas:
My kids have a 5 day weekend in mid October (we can stretch to 6-7 days) and I would like to take them on an international trip from DC. They have never been out of the country but are very good travelers and ready to see the world (ages 8 and 11). I’m overwhelmed by the options and not sure where to start. Any suggestions or recommendations for destinations that time of year? I am thinking somewhere in Europe bc 5 days isn’t enough for Asia and have a strong preference for nonstop flights.
Lisbon, Paris, Madrid, London all would be great for kids that age.
YMMV but my 7 year old is a very experienced traveler who’s been to Europe many times, as well as Asia and Africa, and I would not take her to Europe for 5 days. I barely want to go myself on that timeframe, but might do it for a couples trip if it was the only time we had to get away. But with a kid – especially a kid going to Europe for the first time – it just doesn’t make sense, imo. I’d go for at least 8-9 days over a winter, spring or summer break (July and August are pretty crowded and hot in most of Europe, but late May and June are lovely).
But if you do want to do it, I don’t think you can go wrong anywhere you can get a non-stop flight. The weather in Europe is gorgeous that time of year.
Spain or Portugal? Should be good weather; and staying to the western edge keeps the flight closer to seven hours
Ireland might be fun! And it’s probably the shortest flight time in Europe from dc, comparable to California.
I’d do 2-3 days in Dublin and then drive over to Galway maybe?
my kids loved Ireland. great suggestion
I recommend playing around on google flights to see where you can find reasonable non stop flights out of the DC area. I think Spain, Italy, London, or Ireland would be fun.
This is so exciting for you! In your shoes, as a first international trip, I think London, Paris, or Rome are great places to start. Do they have any particular interests?
I think a week in Portugal is great, Split between Lisbon and Porto with a day trip to see castles and the sea (Sintra or Nazare and Obidos). Or Paris or London (I think London is probably cooler at that age).
Maybe Austria?
London was my first overseas trip and is perfect for that time frame. There isn’t a language barrier and things like riding the double decker buses, the tube, seeing the changing of the guard, and some of the museums would be fun. But you also could go to Canada — Montreal or Toronto.
London or Lisbon. Keep the flight as short as possible
I would make the most of the long weekend and go to Montreal.
Perhaps Iceland. Has the added advantage of being relatively low-cost for a family holiday. Enjoy!
what color shoes would you wear with a dark olive suit? talbots is showing black which i don’t love but not sure what shade of brown would work?
Oxblood would be my personal choice. Otherwise a rich brown would also work.
navy
It would depend on how warm or cool the shade of olive is, since that can go either way. But I’d try: grey suede, leopard print, chocolate brown, oxblood, snakeskin, cognac, or possibly navy.
black, dark brown, gray, navy, purple ;)
black, orange, fuschia, oxblood, bone
I am here to say that a tortoise print shoe looks great with most any suit.
What an ugly skirt.
Agree.
Here here.
A bulky midline front zipper? Really? Is that flattering on anyone?
It makes the model look like she had a pooch, I can’t imagine what it would do to my non perfect body