Thursday’s Workwear Report: Lightweight CashSoft Tailored Vest
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The Gap CashSoft collection is back again this season with some really lovely, well-priced pieces. My favorite thing I bought from last year was the baby T-shirt (size up!), but this year I’m really liking this little tailored vest. I’m still trying to gather up the courage to lean into the vest trend, but this might be my gateway.
I would probably lean into the '90s look and wear it over a turtleneck or collared shirt, but I’m very interested to hear if folks have better ideas.
The vest is $59.95 full price — take 40% off at checkout — at the Gap and comes in sizes XXS-XXL, ST-XXLT, and XSP-LP. It also comes in terra brown.
Sales of note for 10/9
- Ann Taylor – 40% off must-have styles, and 30% off your full price purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- The Fold – Up to 25% off with their Workwear Mix and Match offer
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Fall style event! 25% off $500+, 30% off $750+ — try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Nordstrom – 1000+ new markdowns!
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Soma -$25 off when you spend $110+, also get a free bra when you buy two
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $150+
What is your best method for taking notes to yourself? I do some of my best thinking in the car, but am still a “pen and paper” notetaker in my daily life and can’t do that while driving. By the time I am home and parked, all those great ideas are gone. Do you send a text to yourself? Record a voice note? For some reason, a really good way to capture those thoughts before they escape is…escaping me.
I used to leave myself voicemails on my work phone.
Can you use Siri to send an email to yourself so you aren’t texting and driving.
“Hey siri, remind me in one hour that I had a great idea about how to double widget production by feeding them lead-filled protein powder”
I bake it into a reminder because by the time I get to my destination, not only has my brain deleted the idea but I’ve forgotten I needed to do anything about it.
=1 hey Siri
I keep a pad and a sharpie in the car. If it’s just a sentence, phone number or couple of words, I just write it down and the sharpie is thick enough that it’s legible even if I’m not looking at the pad.
this is what I do
There is a fantastic anecdote about Roald Dahl. Dahl was driving and suddenly came up with a brilliant idea for a book. He had nothing to write with (odd for a writer, but whatever), he stopped the car, got out, and wrote the word “elevator” in the dust on the boot (trunk) of his car. That was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
“Hey Google, remind me……”
I have an Android phone.
What is the coolest or most bad@sa thing you’ve done?
Write an international convention (a legally binding one, not a political theater one).
OMG SO COOL which one!!?
I’m training for a 50k trail run!
Got a c-suite jerk fired.
This is an awesome question! I made a list about two years ago when I was going through a career transition, dealing with perimenopause, and generally needed a reminder that I can do hard and/or scary things.
Bad-@ss things I’ve done: summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, snowboarded from Switzerland into Italy and back again on the same day, cuddled 300lb tigers, jumped out of a helicopter in flight without a parachute (over water), swam with 200lb sharks without a cage, roasted marshmallows over lava on an active volcano, was a stagehand for a Hard-Core music festival, was decorated for valor during military combat action, bareback rode and cared for an adolescent elephant, was a wrestling coach for two seasons, completed a 100km ultra-marathon while drinking beer, traveled to 13 foreign countries while pregnant with my kiddo.
Some of these things are travel adventures and I realize I am very fortunate to have had the opportunity. It’s nice to have a list of bad-@ss things you’re proud of when life slows down or when you’re feeling insecure.
Good for you, but more than adventures they look like quite stupid adrenaline junkie stuff.
Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?
well, they are bad-ass, just not the typical ones
Anon @9:44 here. We may have different definitions for “adventures” and “adrenaline junkie.” Either way, I do love this thread and how it’s celebrating bad-@ssery among the Corporette readers. It really perked me up after a frustrating morning meeting.
Professionally, wrote the entire research brief that was submitted as an exhibit in a human rights case before a country’s Supreme Court. We won.
Personally, maybe skiing Alta Chutes and Expert Chutes at Jackson Hole when I was 13-14 or cat skiing in the backcountry around that age. Skiing is my number one way to feel fast, powerful, and like an unencumbered version of myself.
Gave a brief presentation to a committee that included a Nobel Prize winner with a reputation for curmudgeonliness. It went very well, my boss burbled to me afterwards about how pleased he was.
Started my career as an admin for a team in my industry and worked my way up, eventually making Managing Director and earning over $1m in my best year in a man’s world. Took 16 years. I can’t tell a lot of people about the full scope of my trajectory – I don’t like to flaunt my income at all. But I’m damn proud of it.
Tell us more!!
Designed a rescue plan for a friend who was enmeshed in a bad relationship with an abusive criminal. When I presented it to her, it made it clear that I, and many of our mutual friends, were completely committed to her safety, even if it meant we would potentially cross a lot of legal boundaries. It woke her up to her relationship issues, and she ended up leaving. It took several months before she was completely free, and years later I would still get occasional visits from his employees making threats. Still totally worth it.
Got a manager demoted and eventually let go.
I love this one so much.
You should write a book!
Joined the OA along with 8 of my girl BSA / Scouting America scouts. Scouting led me, committed office worker and couch sitter, to what is becoming a second / weekend career in wilderness first aid.
I’m curious and a quick Google search didn’t reveal anything obvious. What does OA stand for?
Some pretty cool (to me) athletic endeavors (trail races and triathlons and cool hikes) and solo travel.
I also wrote my city’s COVID reopening guidance.
I also wrote guidance for COVID! (but it was law where I live).
Had a baby
😂
But truly. I’m not a better or more actualized human being for being a parent or having given birth, but I have also never felt like more of a bad @ss than in the moments after I did so.
Other things: Rebuilt my life after a devastating divorce. Made equity partner at my law firm (and lots of incremental steps to get there that were statistically improbable for a woman from a decidedly working class background).
A biological function (which is often an accident) is not an accomplishment.
Love all this!
Anonymous at 12:52, would you say the same thing to someone who said they survived a difficult health diagnosis? You might be literally correct, but pregnancy and childbirth can be difficult to dangerous or even deadly.
Getting through pregnancy and childbirth can certainly be an accomplishment, especially when there are more challenges (like when the pregnancy was an accident). It’s certainly something I don’t feel up to doing… because it is hard.
I feel like a bad**s when I use my body to do challenging, impressive things, like climbing a mountain. Yep, the chemical reactions that turn food and stored fuel into ATP molecules into muscle movements are natural biological functions; and it’s still pretty freakin’ awesome that my body can do them – I can imagine growing and birthing a human could feel pretty bad**s in the the same way.
Anonymous at 12:52, the ask was for the coolest or most bad-@ss thing you’ve done. For some of us, giving birth (and the physically challenging months leading up to it) was our proudest, bad-@ss memory. By your comment, I’m guessing you’ve never grown, carried, and birthed a person.
This was one for me. I eloped with a guy that swore he would get clean and sober if we married. You can guess how well that went. Had a honeymoon pregnancy that is now a mid-career electrical engineer in CO. I learned so much about the world raising that kid as a divorced single parent. Including that kids remember things like when their male “parent” says _in front of them_ I told you to have an abortion…
Not a path for everyone, and I am solidly pro-choice.
My children are from pregnancies 2 and 4. 1 and 3 were miscarriages. I would completely understand a woman just noping out of future pregnancies if your first outing goes sideways and ends with no baby.
I cared for two loved ones during their final days and sat with each of them without turning away. I made sure they were loved, cared for, and given what dignity death allows.
I have done this for several relatives and NEVER regretted it. It’s so important.
Did this with my sister. My therapist told me it is an honor to be with someone in their final moments and I love thinking of it this way.
I love this! You, and anyone strong enough to truly be there for love ones during their final moments, are wonderful!!!
It would out time to explain in any detail (at least to those who know me), but there is one particular athletic achievement that I still cannot believe I pulled off.
Traveled to Antarctica
Moved to this country at 21 with $200 in my pocket. Today I am worth several millions, have multiple degrees and am about to change jobs for a promotion. It’s easy to forget how far I’ve made it!
You GO girl. Proud of you.
I loved my Antarctica trip but I don’t think it’s really “badass” to go as a tourist. The actual experience is very cushy, you’re on a luxury cruise ship! I’ve been on many trips that were rougher or more rustic.
That said, I know a scientist who overwintered at the South Pole research station and that’s definitely badass.
A BASE jump off the New River Gorge bridge. Glad I did it, decided base jumping wasn’t for me.
Competitive rower – collegiate level.
Me too!
Got an international canyoneering guide certification.
developed and patented a literal new cure for cancer.
shame I can’t find more funding in the current chaos.
you win
srsly
which cancer, btw?
Played D1 waterpolo. Have won multiple national championships.
Did four rounds of IVF while in biglaw–seriously, IVF is HAAAAAARD.
Many crazy deals at work that pushed my limits physically, mentally, and cross-functionally. It’s fun to see your deal in the WSJ!
Have moved across the world on super-short notice more than once.
Coolest: Played in a professional training orchestra during college. Got paid and got to perform in a famous hall. Gave up music for a long time, took up singing as an adult, sang in my first opera chorus last year.
Most bad@$$: Quit my toxic job with nothing lined up. Got an offer for a job created for me through my network the same day.
Second most bad@$$: Made law review and graduated at the top of my law school class while commuting 2 hours a day, working part-time in a real adult job, and having a baby, including 9 months of hyperemesis.
I want to say it’s being lowered into an unknown glacial couloir called “Gates of Hell” and ice climbing my way out of it, but really it’s probably the more mundane thing of raising a young child all alone with zero help or contribution (money or otherwise) from my ex while holding down a big demanding job.
Did the polar plunge in Antarctica.
Also I’m the only person I know who’s ever had a motion for judgment notwithstanding the verdict granted.
Created the option to retire by age 36 using only my money (not my husband’s, not my parents’).
Ran for office!
I didn’t try to diminish anyone else’s accomplishments in this thread! That seems pretty cool!
I’ll join this one. I don’t feel particularly badass but I like my life. I loved reading all these thoughts and how they were such different takes, each amazing.
I’ve seen Garnet Hill recommended here and now I’m eyeing a dress there. How is the quality and how does the sizing run? I’ve been trying to buy fewer, more classic and better quality pieces so would like this to last several seasons.
I think the sizing runs a little small/classic. I’ve only bought their merino cardigans and one dress. For the cardigans, while I would take a small in Loft or Banana Factory, a medium was better from GH. For dresses, I’m usually a 4-6 in those brands, but needed and 8, or maybe even a 10 from GH (I bought their lace dress that is kind of a mild a-line shape. The 8 fit, but a 10 might also have worked).
Also curious, but I suspect the sizing isn’t going to quite work for me (taller and longer-limbed than average).
I am tall and long-limbed, and their sleeves are generally not long enough. I also need 1-2 sizes higher than what I wear at other brands/they cut small or not long enough for me. I buy a lot of bedding there, and they have great short sleeve shirts. I love their linen shirts.
It’s good quality but you are going to pay to have it shipped to you and you are going to pay for returns.
I am tall and slim, wear a Medium most of the time at GH for sweaters, tops and dresses. PJ pants were short on me.
The fit is odd. Very baggy in the chest and armpit area and just frumpy all over. I gave up on the brand after returning several items.
I only buy their cashmere, and I love it. Scarves/throws/cardigans. Very good quality for the price point.
What’s your favorite way to brush up or start learning a language before travel?
This summer I’ll be on a hiking trip in France, Austria, and Italy. Since I’ll be in more rural areas, I don’t think that English will be as prevalent as it is in major cities, nor will I have great connectivity to look up language.
I took French from middle school through college (I minored in it), but was never fluent. I’ve done Duolingo and Rosetta Stone intermittently since college (10 years ago) but I’m definitely rusty. I’m better at reading/writing than I am at speaking and listening.
I’d LOVE to become conversational in French again.
I also want to learn some basic Italian and German to get by.
I’ve mentioned it here before, but I’m a big fan of Pimsleur. The focus is on speaking and pronunciation, and the concept is that you listen to one lesson per day, which involves listening and speaking. In my experience the focus is on much more useful words/phrases than duolingo. It’s also easier for me to fit in because i’ll listen to it when I’m cooking or driving.
+1
Watch TV in the language! For French, I would watch Dix pour Cent or L’Agence. You can do subtitles, ideally in the language but in English at first.
And for a kids’ show, Miraculous: les aventures de Ladybug et Chat Noir
Aw, I used to watch this when babysitting and got somewhat invested in the plot eventually!
This really helps me get acclimated to the pace, as well as casual language use. The Count of Monte Cristo was remade recently as a French film with English subtitles.
Astrid is another good French murder mystery.
As a supplement to what you learn in the interim, you can download languages for offline use in Google Tr-slate (for free).
Pimsleur is perfect for this. Focus on speaking and listening, and the types of phrases you need for travel. I’ll also say, as someone who lives in a German speaking country, and started with Pimsleur – I was much better at speaking that most of my classmates who started with Duolingo or just classes.
Stream news in those languages. My spouse does this and there are several languages that I have started to pick up just by overhearing them regularly.
There used to be a site called “slow news in French” or “news in slow French” so that someone learning French could listen better. Not sure if this is still a thing or what other languages they have or if it is now an app or what
Also re-learning French and I like news in slow French! I also like “Languatalk slow French: learn French with Gaëlle”
Duolingo is not ideal (would prefer more emphasis on listening to longer exchanges and proper pronunciation), but it has been helpful for reminding me of little grammatical things I knew from HS French and forgot
RFI publishes Le Journal en Francais Facile, a 10-min daily news podcast. It’s excellent for current news vocab. Follow French influencers on Insta for more casual vibes – Ophelie is a good one
The News in Slow French is great. There are several levels and for each, there’s a free and a premium version.
Listen to music and sing along for help with pronounciation
My go to is a couple bottles of wine and a weekend with French movies on netflix. Wine helps with being less annoyed at the subtitle decisions. Also, I’d just focus on French as between English and French, you should be fine getting by.
I like Coffee Break French which has tons of seasons & they do other languages. I just found Inner French from this board as well. Both are podcasts.
I’ve been using Coffee Break Spanish to brush up and it’s been great. I actually started in season 2 because I didn’t need the basics in season 1 and it worked out very well.
Not directly responsive to your question, but just to your point about being in rural areas without good connectivity: if you download the Google Translate app, you can download certain languages so you can use them offline. I’ve done that before with success.
For traveling, I like the key phrases to know in the back of Rick Steves’ travel books. I would just look for a list of basic phrases tourists should know, or maybe watch some Youtube videos on the topic to help with pronunciation?
Watching tv is great for this. You can switch the language on tons of shows on Netflix/ Apple TV and Disney Plus to something other than English and then put on the subtitles in your target language. Watch movies or shows you’ve seen before so you know what they are talking about in English and you know the characters.
Kid shows can be a good source of short episodes with simple language. Bluey episodes are pretty short and kinda hilarious. Reality cooking shows are also a great one for this in advance of travel because there’s lots of food related language.
For those with a birthday near christmas, how did you celebrate as a child and what do you think your parents did right or wrong? I have a christmas-adjacent birthday child and trying to not breed resentment…
Things we have done:
-celebrated a half birthday instead (this was a disaster as by the time her birthday rolled around 6 months later, the memory of the half-birthday party had faded).
– delayed decorating the house for christmas until after her birthday (a lot of work and maybe unnecessary?)
– Had a slightly later or earlier party (this one seems necessary because there are so many holiday activities happening in December half her friends are booked).
– never combined a birthday and chirstmas present (this from my own experience as a january baby)
Other thoughts?
I’m 3 days before Christmas so decorations were up which I quite liked. I normally had my party the first week of December, so it wouldn’t get lost in the holiday shuffle but I definitely felt like baby Jesus stole my thunder as a kid. Although sometimes my uncle would dress up as Santa and come to my parties? But I got a lot of combination presents, forgotten birthdays. Also, my parents were generally rubbish birthday people. The most incredible loving parents, but this is their one failing (which feels minor now!).
As an adult, I now have a birthday formula – sushi lunch, trip to the bookshop, vegan chocolate cake with my husband and son in mid-December. We typically head to my parents’ on the 20th or so every year and just do a cake there.
There’s nothing you can do about breeding resentment. They’ll (me!) always be upset that they can never have a pool party and most of their friends are away.
My birthday is between Christmas and NYE, so my experience is different than that of your child, but putting up Christmas decorations is probably fine. But yes, maybe do the birthday party a bit earlier in December and then celebrate her real birthday with a nice dinner and cake (invite her friends over casually if they are around for cake and icecream.)
For what it’s worth, I never bother celebrating my birthday anymore, and neither does anyone else I know with birthdays in this timeframe. Probably just a cost of being a Sag/Capricorn.
As a summer birthday I could have had a pool party, but EVERYONE was always away so I had to do early or belated parties too
This makes me want to celebrate the real birthday with a nice dinner and cake and also with a pool party when friends are in town.
I don’t celebrate my birthday anymore and I’m a summer baby! I think that’s just adulthood.
My birthday is in December and my daughter’s birthday is a week after mine so I’m very sensitive to this. To complicate matters, my husband is Jewish and DD’s birthday often overlaps with Hanukkah. I’m interested in the suggestions because I felt like my birthday was glossed over as a kid (too busy for a birthday party, gifts combined with Christmas) and as an adult have compensated by going on vacations over my bday. I’m also trying to make sure DD’s birthdays are special.
What I’ve done for her:
-Separate birthday and Christmas gifts (and Hanukkah gifts from the in laws)
-Birthday celebration that day or next weekend
As she gets older we can evaluate an earlier or later party. In high school and college mine was tough bc it always fell around finals so no one really wanted to hang out for long.
I’m not going to delay putting up Christmas decorations. I prefer to do that right after Thanksgiving and leave them up until close to New Years. I’ve thought about the half birthday concept and some of our friends with December babies do that, but I think that will just make her want two parties.
I’m a late December baby and we have 3 family birthdays between 12/24 and 12/31.
– always use birthday wrapping paper on birthday presents
– celebrate the fact that you never need to work or go to school on your birthday! (Amazing if applicable).
– always have a birthday cake, even if your house is already full of a million Christmas cookies and now also 3 birthday cakes
– make a birthday a big deal! Do something special for your birthday, going to a fun place, do this activity, whatever. Not like, ‘we are hanging at grandmas house this week so that’s what your birthday is’ or ‘we always ski this week’. Make the day stand out from season. – If you have to wait until January for a friend birthday I think that’s fine, as long as the birthday day itself is also special.
+1 to all of this as a new years baby. My friends were usually out of town over winter break so my official birthday party was the first weekend after school restarted.
Plan your kid’s actual birthday as if it weren’t around the holidays. I resented that for years my parents hosted an open house on my birthday with a lot of extended family I barely knew. They claimed it was fun and festive. As a kid I had zero interest in spending my birthday with whatever great aunt or second cousin they felt obligated to invite.
We had three Christmas week birthdays in our immediate family, and this is what we did.
Agree with all of this (week before xmas bday here). The idea of having a half birthday party instead or pushing the party really early makes me kind of sad. We want to be celebrated on our actual bday! Even if not all of our friends can make it due to holiday festivities. Totally fine having holiday decorations up, they are festive and fun!
My son’s (approaching 13!) has a birthday a week before Christmas, and he’s always said it’s not an issue. We don’t delay Christmas stuff at all, but we have always tried to make sure to carve out time for his birthday specifically. We don’t combine presents, but in recent years as he’s been more interested in big things, he’s suggested combining so he can get a big thing he really wants.
Long story short, it doesn’t seem a bit of a problem to him, but it is a continuous pain for us, since it makes December a bit more hairy to plan things, and it would be nicer to spread out the big present times. We’re past the party era now, but it was hard when he was younger to find a weekend that worked well, though, again, it always worked out somehow.
Hot take – if you’ve made a good faith effort and done some of the great suggestions from this thread and resentment continues, it’s time for a lesson in gratitude and not even more effort.
The resentment has nothing to do with parental efforts. It’s just a part of your life you know is different than what other people experience. Chill.
No – it often has very much to do with parental efforts. The people who complain the most about it today typically had parents who gave one gift to cover both holidays, never made it special, etc. But for the parents who are making those efforts, the child needs to learn that that’s enough. My birthday falls on Thanksgiving every couple of years and I could either stew about it or just move on with my life.
Thanks for saying this. My son has a Thanksgiving birthday, and we try very hard to make it feel special and different from the rest of the holiday. But yeah, we often have both birthday cake AND pie at our Turkey Day celebration, and it’s near-impossible to do something with friends on the day. I often feel guilty about it, but WHY? I can’t do anything about when he was born! My best efforts are gonna have to be enough.
On the flip side, our son has a birthday near (and sometimes on) Thanksgiving and he LOVES it! We make a big deal about how fun it is that he gets to celebrate his birthday and a holiday together. His favorite dessert is pie so we make him a homemade pumpkin pie and put candles in it and sing happy birthday. He gets to open birthday presents and see all his cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles on Thanksgiving and it makes him feel special to have a big family gathering that celebrates both his birthday and the holiday. We host and make a big family event out of it . Usually a week or two before or afterwards we have a friend birthday party with a small group of friends.
Maybe it helps that his brother’s birthday is often on/near Easter and we do something similar (big family gathering on Easter with birthday cake a presents) and friend birthday party separately.
Each of them loves “his” special holiday party.
I disagree. One of the best things you can ever do in life is to understand when people are making good-faith efforts and when they are not. (It works both ways.)
If you’re resentful of your life being different in a minor way, that is in fact a failure of your parents to teach resiliency.
Do you ordinarily decorate for birthdays in your family? if so, I’d go ahead and do whatever normal decorations you usually do for birthdays for whatever time frame you decorate for other family members (a day? a week?), and do your normal Christmas decorations for the whole season. Her birthday is an important family day, I wouldn’t turn it into a whole season in itself (unless you celebrate a whole season of birthday events for the rest of the family).
I have a friend whose birthday is 12/26. To make matters worse, he is a twin!
There’s no good time to have a birthday. Mine is in the summer and when I was a kid, everyone was gone so parties were hard to have any guests. My husband’s always falls on the Jewish high holy days. Just celebrate as close as you can to the real day and make it a thing of its own that day.
One kid’s birthday is in late October and unless we move it earlier, something is always a problem until mid-January. Other kid has a summer birthday and parties are now just a 4-top at a restaurant with just the 2-3 kids around for that.
Yeah, my husband’s birthday is in late October and it’s hard to plan his celebration around Halloween parties!
My mother’s solution to this problem was to make my birthday party a Halloween party. I actually enjoyed it.
My eldests birthday is NYE, it hasn’t been an issue yet, but she’s only 5. We do Christmas at my parents, and her birthday at home which gives a good divide, and she gets two sets of presents. We tend to do her birthday party in mid-January, just because of all the travel. As she gets older we’ll just follow her lead, but we don’t combine celebrations.
I have a different holiday, but same problem.
It’s nice to have different locations, so if all the Christmas stuff is at home, do something birthday specific out of the house on the day. No Christmassy food or cake overlap. No present overlap. Have an all-family tradition that everybody gets on their birthday, whatever time of year, like cinnamon roll breakfast in bed, full control over music/tv/streaming, and most importantly- ask them for input! Don’t do things that are nice winter things just beacuse it’s the season. My holiday is in the barbecue season, and I don’t enjoy bbq food, so I always appreciated the chance to say no thank you, I don’t want a garden bbq birthday dinner, I would prefer coffee and pastries inside, please.
Dec 22. Bday presents were always wrapped in bday paper, always got a bday card, always got a bday cake.
My most memorable bday party was when Annie was touring at the local performing arts theater and my little friends and I got dressed up and went to see. Mom drove and it was maybe 3 other little girls (dictated by seatbelts in her car, I bet). Simple and memorable. I do recall that it was early December and not my bday proper.
I have a now-adult niece who was born 2 days after Christmas. Her mother always asked that birthday gifts be separate from Christmas (easy). They also took advantage of the school break to hold a big slumber party. And, they made it a point to do something that was special that would only be available during the holiday season (ice skating, carriage rides for holiday light tours, etc).
My son’s birthday is between Christmas and New Year’s. We also always travel back to the Midwest from the Mid-Atlantic for Christmas.
My best friend’s birthday is the same as his so she’s been helpful in identifying some pain points.
Friend birthday parties are scheduled for the weekend after the first week back at school. It’s too hard to get it in during December. It also sets it up as normal to celebrate a bit later for when he’s older and not so tied to the actual day.
Day of, he wakes up to a dining room/kitchen filled with birthday decorations, whether it’s at my parents’ or my mother-in-laws. We just ship the birthday decorations to wherever we’ll be that day. He gets to pick the meals for the day and what we do. We invite all extended family who’s around to join us but don’t worry if it doesn’t work for some people.
Usually end the day with pizza, birthday cake, and presents.
He’s only 8 so who knows how it will evolve but for now this works.
AI makes me so ragey, I have a lot of colleagues who use it and every time I get an email they clearly didn’t write themselves I feel compelled to ignore it. AI often gets the details wrong in our highly technical field, but it’s okay the formatting is nice and there are em dashes 🙄
When I see em dashes I automatically know the content is more likely to be wrong than right. I brace myself and cringe knowing how much time I will have to spend dealing with the misguided and ignorant take.
I’m a prolific em dash user. And I don’t care if people assume my stuff is written with AI, because the em dash is a top tier punctuation mark.
I knew all these colleagues before AI and they do not have any sort of command over punctuation.
This always baffles me. I know you suddnely didn’t gain 30 IQ points overnight people. A junior colleague recently sent something that sounded impressive but was technical word salad. We had a chat after that about how AI is acceptable internally (within limits) but the expectation is to review it, not just send blindly.
Agree– I use them all the time!
Did AI write this comment?
(Kidding, but I’ll fight you on the best and worst punctuation marks. Exclamation points are the worst.)
same! and now I’m worried people think I’m using AI to write everything!
LOLOL–I see what you did there.
Same! I did not know this was a thing until a colleague received a disgruntled email reply in which they were accused of using ChatGPT to draft their initial message due to the punctuation.
Start using an en dash just to show you’re human.
I’m in-house counsel in a highly regulated industry and questions from the field increasingly include “I ran my question through chatGPT and this is what it said!”
I despair.
shrug, I like em dashes! But there is a very specific generic words-blur-together “uncanny valley” vibe to AI-assisted emails.
Agreed: we’re not here impugning em-dash-die hards.
We’re just saying it’s the words around them that instantly signal sloppy use of GPTs. At my company, it’s always the same culprits. People who don’t even know what an em-dash is and who are too stupid to read what the AI wrote so they can back up their word salad later.
I’ve been using em dashes for decades at this point, and now I worry that people will think I used chatgpt to write stuff. Le sigh.
ME TOO!!
Same. It was my signature punctuation mark!
Whether AI contributes causes more problems than it’s worth or not feels like a pretty good litmus test of whether a job is a BS job right now.
We have a subcontractor who has always used so many em-dashes to indulge many tangents that once ChatGPT became widely used, another colleague started running all her emails through it and saying “please spit out the key points.” It usually reduced the length from about 600 words to 50.
I don’t understand the em-dash being a telltale sign of AI. Doesn’t Microsoft word/outlook change all dashes to em-dashes? I’m often writing emails proposing ranges of times for meetings, and whenever I type a dash (e,g. I’m available at 3:00 – 4:00 pm) the program autocorrects the dash to an em-dash. Starting to worry that people with think I’m using AI due to dashes in my normal way of writing.
no – it depends on the spaces used. And it’s not that use case that makes people think AI. It’s often sentence structures like “this campaign isn’t just a new launch – it’s a revolution”. (‘not just blank – it’s BLANK’). the blah blah blah PAUSE emphasis.
Help finding inexpensive but custom sized book shelves or other storage? We have a ton of board games. They’ve outgrown DH’s old trunk where they used to live. The trunk is in a nook behind/next to the fireplace. I’d like to get a bookshelf (or something else?) to fit that space. I’ve looked online for something with the dimensions I need (50x28x48) but I haven’t found anything deep enough. I’m willing to spend like $500 for something that works, but I have a hard time justifying spending more for a piece that’s mostly hidden. Any suggestions?
Do you want help justifying it? I mean, it’s hidden now but the jumble of board games will draw the eye and will look better and I am assuming it is a movable bookcase, not a built-in so you can move it to a more prominent visible place later.
Or do an IKEA Billy in the wood color you want or paint it.
FB Marketplace, scroll through all the antiques.
If you are handy, you could build your own shelves to fit the nook.
Oh we did this for a nook behind the door. Our DIY solution was to order wood cut in the exact right size and use those triangle shelf brackets. I painted them in fun colours and they work really well.
I found someone on Etsy who created fairly custom shelves for us (free standing bookcases which we then attached to the walls). Check out JTIndustrial Designs. If you don’t see what you need on their site, message them – they are really responsive. Might also think about Thumbtack or Nextdoor to get a carpenter who could do built in shelves that are strong enough to withstand the weight of the games.
Can you find open shelves with half the debth and fasten two together with brackets?
Shopping help please! I need to wear a “single strand pearl necklace” with a black formal dress for a concert. My go-to dress has a low v neck, which doesn’t work with my choker pearl necklace.
No help, but hello fellow chorister!
Hiiii!
Can you shorten it so it’s a high neck choker?
Or lengthen the choker you have with an extender, as it sounds like the problem is that it’s too short.
Sure! A high neck choker, like 14 inches, is a different look altogether—like you see w velvet collars.
Online – pearl paradise or Costco. In person – my local estate jeweler is flooded with pearls, the antique ones they have are larger/cheaper than what I could buy new.
If you have long hair and a pearl necklace you already like, you could consider a necklace extender. There are a ton of options online and are pretty inexpensive.
+1 to this if you already have a strand. Even a silk or velvet ribbon could look nice for this.
OP here – that’s a good idea! I’ll play around with a ribbon or extender.
You’re wanting to buy a new dress, or a new necklace?
Necklace
I mean do you want it to be high quality or just appear compliant when viewed from the audience? Because JCrew Factory has one for $22.
Yeah just do this.
+1 you can get a “pearl” necklaces at any price point.
Yeah, for the stage I’d get fake unless you also plan to wear it in real life.
I’d look for a 20-22″ pearl necklace. I find that length tends to work best for me with v-necks.
Not meaning to threadjack but would love advice on buying a good quality pearl necklace. I am open to buying pre-loved from an estate jeweler, but don’t even know where to start. Do they have a rating system for pearl quality the way they do for diamond?
The Pearl Paradise and Costco recs are good. Macy’s also has pearls.
I would go in-person to Macys or Costco to understand what mm size you like, and whether you like a more white-cast or more yellow-cast to your pearls.
Length-wise, 16-20 inches is the right length unless you want longer “flapper-style” super-long pearls. See how long some of your favorite gold chain necklaces fall, and think about which necklines you would wear with the pearls.
Macy’s pearls are now almost always freshwater pearls “bred” to look like saltwater. If you want better quality, go for eBay, estate sales or independent jewelers.
Good morning! Has anyone had any experience with Boardsi? A friend was asking me about it and I’d never heard of it. I did some searching and it seems like a little bit of a scam, but wanted to see if anyone had some experience with it?
It’s a scam.
This came up on a listserv than I belong to and was definitely a scam.
What temperature do you set the thermostat in your house and how do you feel about it? Are you cold? Warm? Comfortable?
It is 50 degrees outside and ours is set at 68. I’m very cold but we never really set it higher and I like keeping our electric bill low. It might be time to give in.
Ideally, it’s 74 inside year round. I can easily deal with it being much warmer inside (fans), but I chill easily, especially if not moving around. It’s like I’m a stealth hypothyroid person.
Same, except for 68-70 at night in the winter and 70-72 for summer nights.
We keep ours at 68 as well. I have an older home and have accepted that I’m going to be cold from November-April in New England. I wear lots of vests, slippers, we keep blankets on all couches/beds, and my sons/husband are generally baffled as to why I’m freezing.
Are you one missed paycheck away from being evicted? Why can’t you heat your house so you are more comfortable for that many months of the year? You don’t need to “accept” being “freezing.”
It sounds like there’s a whole household of people who are comfortable now and would be too warm if the house were hotter? There are only so many layers it’s possible to remove vs. add.
If you live in an old NE house, they’re drafty, and you get a lot of heat loss through windows. Sometimes turning the thermostat doesn’t help in certain rooms. And heating more can mean hundreds of dollars a month–there’s just a limit to how warm you can get an old house!
Sure, there’s a limit, but we’re talking about people setting their thermostats at a low level that makes them uncomfortable every single day. Why live like that if you aren’t forced to by destitution?
I like it to be cold. It’s currently on 68 because newborn but it’s 50 here so usually my heat would be off. But I feel strongly that people shouldn’t feel they have to be miserable and cold! If you’re wearing pants, socks, slippers, a long sleeve shirt, and a sweater. And you’re still ice cold? Turn it up a degree or two!
Seriously. I don’t know why people are so stingy with their comfort. I absolutely love skiing and various sports that are uncomfortable, but my home, the place where I spend the most time, absolutely does need to be comfortable.
Same. This is why I work. I am fine being cold when camping, but I will not feel like I’m camping in my house.
I don’t believe in suffering. But sometimes I can tell that I’m feeling cold because I’ve been sitting inactive too long? If getting up to toss some dishes in the dishwasher solves the problem, I think that’s better for me than cranking up the heat and being even more inactive. Or if doing my work out/PT warms me up for the day, then feeling a little cold beforehand is just more motivation. Maybe that means I do believe in a little suffering, since I truly loathe doing my PT. But I know it does result in less suffering overall!
I do a planks when I have a chill. That’ll warm you up pretty quickly :)
winter, 64, but our thermostat is located in a cooler corner than our home offices are, so we’d be overheating ourselves with it any higher; in practice it’s probably 68.
Similar here. Our thermostat is on the lowest floor of our tri-level. We keep it at 63 in winter but due to the configuration of our rooms and how heat rises, that means our main living areas and bedrooms are usually in the mid 70s.
62 at night, usually 66-68 during the day (different zones and depends on what we’re doing, so right now most of the house is 64 but one room is 70 because that’s the room we have the heat pump on in). 100 year old house with a heat pump for the shoulder seasons and a boiler for the very cold winters. I run pretty cold, but I dress warmly and stay comfortable at that temperature without spending a small fortune on heat.
Similar situation. Our house is 200 years old with an oil furnace. We keep it at 65° during the day and 63° at night. I layer up and use gas logs in the family room where we spend most of our waking hours.
I honestly love feeling covy under my massive feather duvet in a fairly cool room.
cozy*
This is why I don’t worry about my em dashes!
Summer: 72 during the day, 70 at night. I’m a hot sleeper and would love it colder but my utility bills are too high.
Winter: 65-67 during the day. I like bundling up in sweaters and sitting under a blanket. Plus I tell myself it evens out my summer AC usage. I turn it up to 68 or 69 when having company so guests are comfortable in whatever they’re wearing. At night I turn the thermostat down to 62 but my top floor apartment often is warmer than that.
We keep ours at 64 during the day and 58 at night. We supplement in our offices during the day with the heatpump (I set mine to 68, not sure what my husband has his set to). At night we use a heated mattress pad as well. Around the house we wear cardigans.
I know it’s much colder than most people are used to, but we like it! With the heat pump, I don’t think it makes much of a difference to our electric bill (it’s very efficient overall) but we’re both comfortable in this range. Just have to remember to turn up the heat when we’re having guests over.
70ish, but 74 in the bathrooms.
68 is as high as I’m willing to go. If I dress appropriately, I can do a lot colder.
I am a hypothyroid person, so if I’m chilled despite being dressed for the weather, I get my thyroid levels checked (and check for relevant med recalls since sometimes that has been the issue).
It’s not worth it to me to suffer every moment in my house (either too hot or cold) or make my cat, who can’t bundle up in extra fleece, cold either. It’s worth it to pay to have a comfortable house. I’m not rich and it’s worth it.
For me it’s more about not suffering when I step outside. I like to spend time outside, dress for the weather, and acclimatize.
My cat did have a heated bed though.
+1
62. I’m not made of money. Electric blanket on the bed, sweaters, warm dog and lots of tea get me through our long winters.
Good lord, turn it up!
Perimenopause is changing this for me but it used to be above 70. I also have an old house that runs on gas heat so my heating bill is high, but I’m not going to be uncomfortable in my own house. I do have a heated mattress pad and space heater for my office, wear layers inside to help some with warmth, but we’re talking maybe 2 degrees of comfort not 10.
People always talk about the money, but I actually like to keep it cooler in the winter (66-68) and warmer in the summer (74-76) so that way it’s not such a shock to the system when I spend a lot of time outside and I can dress for the weather without being uncomfortable when inside. I hate putting on a sweater in December and walking into a 74 degree house. Or wearing summer clothes and someone is blasting the AC so I freeze while inside.
This and I like getting some fresh air too (houses can get so stuffy).
73. If it is 60 degrees outside at night, I will turn on the heat to 73. If the next day, its 85 out, I will turn on the AC to 73.
Our thermostat is set at 68 in winter and 73 in summer. I’m more comfortable in winter, though, when it’s closer to 71 while I WFH because I have Reynaud’s and generally poor circulation. But I also think it depends on your climate and humidity. I live in a humid area near water in the upper midwest, and high humidity tends to feel colder.
If it’s colder than 69 or 70 in the house, I’m not a very happy camper, though perimenopause is changing that somewhat!
AC – 68 at night, 72 during the day. Heat 66-68. I’d keep it colder but we don’t stay cold consistently and cannot deal with the cat growing and shedding his winter coat repeatedly.
I always say that I make too much money to be uncomfortable in my own condo.
I usually have it set at 72, but definitely adjust as needed.
In the winter, 67 during the day and 65 at night.
In the summer, 75 during the day and 72-73 at night. I need to be cold to sleep!
A/C season: 72 during the day, 70 at night. I would really prefer 68 at night.
Heating season: 68 during the day, 65 at night.
For me 72 is shorts and a t-shirt. 68 is long pants and a lightweight sweater.
I hate being cold in the a/c so it’s 74/75 in the daytime in the summer. At night we turn it off unless it’s super hot because the noise bothers me more than the heat.
In the winter it’s set between 70 and 72, depending on how cold I am feeling on a particular day.
We have two zones in the house and normally we only have the HVAC turned on in the zone we are in.
i like it at 68 too, but I like being a little cool and leaning into a cozy sweatshirt or robe and a mug of hot tea..
My Husband is firmly in the camp of “The heat does not come on before November.” So there’s that too…
I always resist switching from A/C to heat as long as possible because it involves changing the damper and all the vents, and then inevitably there’s a random 78-degree day that requires switching everything back to A/C mode.
70 in fall/winter. I live in an old, drafty house.
In the summer it is usually around 74 with AC.
I love that I don’t feel guilty anymore about keeping the house comfortable for me. My hands and feet are so freezing in cold weather and I already wear warm socks and very warm slippers and fingerless gloves daily in my house! Some of us have different bodies/different tolerances.
Honestly, house temperature affects me every minute of every day that I am home. What could be more important to spend money on? My food, my healthcare, and my bed come next…
2025 fashion question: what would you wear to a rock concert in an NBA arena if you are sitting in a company’s box? Is the answer always going to be jeans, boots, and a black tee or sweater? I do like the band, but have no prior concert tees from them (plus it is chilly here, so may be on Team Black Sweater).
Do you have a leather/denim jacket?
I go to concerts all of the time — very few people are wearing band merch. And unless you’re seeing someone whose audience is very on theme like Beyoncé, I would say the standard jeans, a nice top, and honestly even good sneakers (or boots) are fine. You also don’t have to wear black if you don’t usually wear black.
Maybe you go to pop concerts? Rock concerts have a lot of merch, not necessarily of the bands playing though.
I go to concerts of almost every genre in small venues and large, from floor seats to nosebleeds to fields for festivals. There are some people who wear merch, but I wouldn’t even say half do. I see many more people at rock concerts in all black, particularly “leather”. But she’s less likely to see that in a corporate box where people might not even be fans. A nice going out jeans outfit is probably going to feel more comfortable.
I would wear a tulle skirt, boots, a plain tee/sweater, and a leather or denim jacket.
I would get a little dressed up since I rarely get to do cool stuff like that. I’d go with your outfit + a cool jacket and earrings, or a dress (maybe something vaguely sexy, although is it YOUR company’s box?) and jacket. I prefer sneakers like nike air jordans or something if I’m walking far, but maybe you have preferred parking?
Jeans, boots, plain tee, leather jacket. I wear band tees in real life but somehow it seems odd to wear one to a concert, unless you are a superfan who is wearing a shirt from a previous tour by the same band. And I wouldn’t want to come across as a superfan at a work event.
If I wanted to buy a pair of classic tall brown boots, where should I look? I do not want anything that’s overly trendy or will be dated in a year or two; this is something that goes with my overall style and I’d like to have for a while to wear with skirts and dresses. (Today, I’m wearing tall black boots with a shirt dress. These boots are literally older than my teen child and still look surprisingly great. That’s what I want.)
Aquatalia makes great boots that are elegant, durable, and weatherproof. I have several pairs that are going strong after years.
Not the OP but in a similar boat. How do they run in the ball of foot and do you size up at all (to allow for the thickness of tights or a sock)? I swear you used to be able to try on shoes and now even all of the fancy stores are loaded down with sneakers and other shoes for teens/youth and what I think of as prom shoes.
I find they work well for my feet that have a slightly wide toe box, but not enough for wide widths to work. I take the larger of my two half-sizes to accommodate a heel insert and normal trouser socks – extra cushiness, plus I swear the distance from the floor to my Achilles is below average, so it puts the bend of my heel in the place where the boot’s heel area curves in.
Dubarry? Depends on your aesthetic.
Blondo makes really great boots. Nordstrom also lets you filter boots really closely–heel, color, shaft width, material, so poke around there.
Boots will go on sale right around Christmas and after, so unless you want them right now, hang tight!
Actually great sales will be black friday week next month too!
Sarah Flint.
Mary Orton just launched a line with Sarah Flint that has great boots.
Suggestions welcome: A family member will defend her PhD thesis soon, and I’d like to mark the occasion with a present. Budget is around $300. Thank you!
Jewelry or a tote bag, or a nice dinner for her and her research group.
If you can be there, or have someone you know at her defense, take a few pictures after. Everyone I know who has defended is so overwhelmed during the defense and prep leading up to it, they really don’t remember the day.
Something that’d youd get her as like a really nice Christmas gift. So, if she likes cooking an all clad pot or pan. If she’s into wine, I’d do a collection of nice bottles.
My friend just defended hers. Her parents got everyone who’s been cheering her on all of these years to record a short video congratulating her. She watched the video on the way to her celebratory lunch! She loved it, and it was fun to make and see the video!
My parents gifted me a pair of pearl earrings after my successful PhD defense. I still wear them regularly!
I got my family member a custom hanger with Dr. Lastname on it – she was going into academia and would likely be wearing the robe several times a year as faculty, or more.
This is so cute!
Football is so dangeous (TBIs, physical injuries). Why are parents letting their children play it? I judge parents harshly who put their (especially elementary age!) sons in it…
Because most parenting is selfish, they want a mini-me to live vicariously through. The best interest of the child isn’t even a consideration.
TBH I read that soccer has a higher concussion risk. I fear gymnastics and acrobatic cheer.
Oh my god, gymnastics/acrobatics…
My friend who did semi-professional ballet in high school destroyed her feet/joints.
Everybody’s risk tolerance is different. There are a lot of ways to get injured that have very few upsides. At least football has some upsides. Children are exposed to all kinds of dangers and risks because it’s deemed worth it for someone somewhere.
I’m anti-football, but I generally agree with this take that things that have serious risk often also have serious upside. I whitewater raft and ski fast and introduce my son to both. I focus the most on reducing risk for things that have no upside – seatbelt safety, dedicated lifeguard duty when swimming, etc. There’s no benefit to skimping on those things.
I think my comment got eaten, sorry if this posts twice. I have major problems with college sports. These kids are out in harms way for no money and with no safety net, yet their work makes sooo much money for the school.
But it’s a different sport with kids. You see bad injuries when 200+ lbs comes at your knee at speed. Just like if a baseball hits your face at 100 mph. It doesn’t matter how great an athlete you are, knees and faces aren’t meant to withstand that. But that’s not an issue in kids sports because they’re just not big enough or fast enough to create that kind of danger.
They don’t know about the risks. Either because they weren’t told or because they don’t trust the sources saying that it’s really really dangerous. (And I vacillate between sympathy and rage about the state of public health communication in the US. I understand why we’re like this but OMG Why Are We Like This.)
Yes, this goes way beyond football. More parents than not are ignoring some public health recommendation for their kids.
I think it’s more than not knowing about the risks. It’s a cavalier macho attitude–I know the risks and don’t care!
I think this is a pretty common attitude since the pandemic made everyone stop and take stock of what’s worth it to them. (And how many school kids are up to date on their vaccines in 2025?)
I’m from a huge football state. Parents definitely know the risks. They just don’t care because they think their kid will be the one in a million who makes it to the NFL and the associated money and glory.
I don’t know, but from DH’s rural relatives, I’m guessing it goes something like, “You can get a TBI from heading a soccer ball, and this is tradition, so let’s play this.”
I judge skinny parents of obese children. Lower than the dirt beneath my shoe. Football parents…dumb, but not criminal.
Great, so delighted this thread is going this direction today. We all need to spread more judgment around.
I mean, I judge all parents who let their kids eat garbage, no matter their size. Just because they whine a lot and you are too lazy to enforce good food habits does not make it “ok.”
Yes, people like you definitely do judge everything related to food very harshly. It’s so easy to armchair parent.
Eating is complicated for a lot of people. Skinny parents in particular may not understand why eating the exact same way they always did isn’t working out for their kids. A lot of parents and healthcare providers are very aware that eating disorders can be more dangerous than obesity. Healthcare isn’t always great with obesity (I was overweight as a kid and it took YEARS to be diagnosed with the condition that was the reason why because pediatricians downplayed every concern or didn’t know what they didn’t know). It’s complicated, and I think parents are often doing their best.
I reserve more judgment for people with obese dogs and cats who are just ignoring their vets on this (though even then if I haven’t watched them overfeed their animals and celebrate their “chonk” I am not going to judge what could be an endocrine condition or an animal who was already obese when rescued and whose health has only been improving since!). That’s partially just because obesity is so much physically worse for household pets than it is for humans and is somehow nevertheless more normalized.
The “lower than the dirt beneath my shoe” comment is a really weird thing to say.
You sound like a terrible, smug person.
I’m sorry, how am I being lower than dirt by not being able to control my child’s weight? I do not feed him an unlimited diet of junk food. He is 13 and has tried soda perhaps one time. It’s true, I don’t force him to eat only fruits and vegetables, nor do I tell him he has to stop eating things like scrambled eggs and unsweetened peanut butter, which he probably overeats, because I don’t want him to get an eating disorder. And you know, he is 13 and old enough to decide when he is hungry or not. It is so comforting to know that whatever food issues he has now or in the future are DEFINITELY my fault, and that I will DEFINITELY be judged for them. (And my husband most likely won’t, just me, because I am the mom and should be able to fix everything by my ovarian magic I guess).
Is your child medically obese? Not chubby, but actually medically obese? Does he exercise enough – is he getting an hour of sweat-inducing exercise a minimum of 5 days per week? Because if your child is obese, you’re setting him up for a lifetime of severe health consequences, and it is serious – as serious as a heart attack.
Please don’t assume that medical obesity is just some kind of exercise deficiency. For all you know a kid has a heart condition or asthma that’s not been diagnosed or treated yet (or type 2 or a thyroid condition, etc.). There are reasons why medical work up is recommended before initiating a new exercise regimen.
Do you think the poster is going to read your comment and take their glasses off in amazing at this brand new information that you’ve deigned to share with them? Do you really think that nobody in the world knows that there are health impacts related to being overweight? Here is a hint: nobody is going to take you seriously because you come off as a mean and judgemental person who lacks social skills. We get it, you hate fat people and/or being fat yourself. There is no need to spew that onto other people.
Tell me you don’t like your mother and your body without telling me you don’t like your mother and your body.
Sometimes, there are commenters here who are working out their own issues by trying to make other women feel miserable. This is one of those people having one of those days. You can ignore them.
I’m not blaming you, and in my mind a 13 year old who is a bit overweight may be just be gearing up for their next growth spurt. But if you’re saying your minor child is unhealthily obese despite eating an ordinary diet, I am going to wonder whether his dietitian or his pediatrician or his endocrinologist dropped a ball somewhere.
What if you wondered that to yourself instead of voicing it obnoxiously and without provocation?
The provocation is someone saying that their kid eats fine and is nevertheless struggling with his weight. When the kid was me, that was a medical issue that I needed help with.
Nope, sorry. This post isn’t about you, and there’s no “provocation” just because you had an issue when you were younger. And even if you felt the need to jump in, re-read your comment. It’s judgy and unkind, offers no advice, and focuses on yourself.
But! Since you play fast and loose with provocation, I’m feeling provoked to tell you that it’s time to learn what should be kept as an inside thought.
I have several coworkers who grew up playing football and don’t want their sons to follow that same path due to the outsized injury potential compared to other sports.
They have signed their kids up for so many alternative sports and activities that the kids don’t have time to play football. They are also intentional not to glorify the sport themselves (i.e., they don’t religiously follow their college or NFL teams, and they avoid prioritizing game day watching at home). For some, they are personally huge fans so this has been a very difficult decision for them to commit to. I have a lot of respect for the discipline that takes.
I personally wouldn’t want my kid to play tackle (touch would be fine) until high school. But there are risks with any sport (concussions aren’t limited to football; early specialization risks overuse injuries in many sports; mental health & eating disorders in sports with weight divisions, body image in sports like dance, gymnastics, running, climbing; peer pressure and bad risk decision making in outdoor sports like skiing, snowboarding, mountaineering, rafting); and we ALSO know there are serious & significant risks to a kid NOT being involved in sports and other community activities (again, both physical and mental).
Yeah, it’s not a choice I would make but people make a lot of choices I wouldn’t make for my own kids. It’s not illegal.
I do judge people who refuse to vaccinate their children. It’s a harm to the child, harm to their family, and harm to the broader community.
So are guns and cars driven by teenagers and ATVs and prescription medicines and and and and and…
At least there is some benefit to teens’ driving cars.
There’s some benefit to all of those things, otherwise no one would do them.
This. At least there are inherent benefits to sports vs. the auto industry having to plan cities around cars just to make them necessary!
There is no inherent benefit to football. It doesn’t even get kids in shape!
I judge parents who put their kids in cheerleading even more harshly.
I’m in Texas, and I agree completely with you. The culture around the sport is mind blowing. My son (8) does not, and will never play. Luckily he is small for his age, and doesn’t seem to have any desire to play; he prefers to focus on baseball, which his dad plays. We let him play rec flag football with his friends and he’s happy with that. I don’t think he has any desire to get pummeled by the larger boys in his grade.
None of this is relevant or responsive though…what I came here to say is that in spite of agreeing with you that the risks are not worth it, I’d note that the elementary boys are really not hitting each other very hard. The chance of true injury at that age is very low. AGAIN…not low enough for me, but still low, and I understand why parents are okay with it. Problem being, of course, that once you’re in it, if your boy is talented, it’s hard to get out.
Do you know elementary age kids playing tackle football?? Everyone in our area plays flag football, which seems way less risky.
Tackle starts in second grade in my area. Huge football state.
The answer is peer pressure. I have girls that don’t care about football but in my town tackle wasn’t until 7th grade so all the boys played flag and fell in love. Well…then 7th because “or if you were are an old 6th grader you can play up” and then they let the 5th/6th league move to tackle. Last year they started doing “pre tackle” in 4th. Which…looks like tackle to me but I think there are some modification.
The boy moms I’m friends with have had to make the tricky choice of letting them play tackle, pushing them into a different sport, or hoping they hate tackle and quit. Most parents are allowing it but pushing another sport to the point where there are too many conflicts to also play football.
Even before the public cared about the TBI risks, there was no rational reason to play or watch football. It has always been associated with toxic masculinity and anti-intellectualism. It’s also boring and pointless.
Sorry you hate fun.
Yup. This right here.
No, I like fun! I do not like sitting in a stadium for 4 hours watching large men run for 5 seconds and then stand around for 3 minutes.
lol, what exactly is fun about watching other people play football? It’s mind numbing at best.
Only if your mind is numbable.
I’ve never liked it either (and dislike most things described as “fun” too), but I’m sure there are plenty of people who play and love football who are smarter than me (and probably than you if you can’t find anything interesting in football?).
Look I do not like watching football (or most sports) but am capable of recognizing that my tastes are not shared by everyone on the planet. Millions of people like watching football. This is right up there with “ugh – who likes Taylor Swift”?
Some of y’all have major “not like other girls” energy.
+1000000. Just because it’s not your idea of fun doesn’t make it objectively not-fun.
I hate listening to live music. Does that make live music inherently bad? Obviously not. Do I want to listen to others explain to me why my tastes are wrong? Also no!
I refuse to put my son in it! The elementary age flag teams might be fine but… what does that lead to? If your kid likes it then he’s just going to want to keep doing it, and CTE has been linked to high school football.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/11/16/us/cte-youth-football.html?rsrc=flt&smid=url-share
I’ve heard of coaches encouraging kids to take harder and harder hits, even at a young age – it’s not like the coaches are trying to make it safer.
Do you have a kid? Have you seen peewee or middle school football? My small eighth grader decided he wanted to play this year. Their team practices only 4 times a season full contact. They are all still a bit small to make really hard contact. I don’t love it, but the contact is much harder in lacrosse (which he’s played for 8 years) and hurling himself down the ski mountain which he does with a lot less reserve. Why waste your energy judging other parents, Karen? (Especially enough such that you make a post on a fashion site about it?)
It’s less popular than it used to be. Our local youth football group was unable to find enough kids for some age brackets. I know this because they were desperately trying to recruit more kids before cancelling.
Because they want to show off that they don’t care about the risks to their own kids or to other people. Same reason why they keep unlocked firearms in the house and don’t teach their kids the safety rules. Same reason why they don’t vaccinate their kids. Same reason why they let their 16-year-old drive a giant pickup truck.
I come from a small southern town and a family where at least three generations of men have played football (for the same high school team; my grandmother and sister were both cheerleaders). My BIL went to college on a football scholarship, and my brother probably would have except that track was his better sport. My nephew is the quarterback of his high school team and lives for football season (and my BIL made it very clear to him that it was completely his decision on whether he played and did not let him play tackle until high school).
I do not understand it personally but even with injuries (and both my dad and BIL had them) they all think it was worth it and love the sport. I suspect that the possibility of serious head injury seems pretty hypothetical to them since they know so many people who played and who were fine.
Nobody thinks those kids are playing in the NFL! My sister and BIL do not even think my nephew will get a college scholarship anywhere he wants to attend (and unlike my BIL’s family they can afford to send him wherever he wants to go).
I had a girl who was the least athletic person imaginable (just like her mom!) so I did not have to worry about any of this.
I’m sorry, how am I being “lower than dirt” by not being able to control my child’s weight? I do not feed him an unlimited diet of junk food. We don’t keep it in the house. I packed him a sandwich this morning made with homemade frigging bread. Our freezer is full of the homemade turkey meatballs I prepared so we would always have a healthy protein on hand that he likes. It’s true, I don’t force him to eat only fruits and vegetables, nor do I tell him he has to stop eating things like scrambled eggs and unsweetened peanut butter, which he probably overeats, because I don’t want him to get an eating disorder. And you know, he is 13 and old enough to decide when he is hungry or not. It is so comforting to know that whatever food issues he has now or in the future are DEFINITELY my fault, and that I will DEFINITELY be judged for them. (And my husband most likely won’t, just me, because I am the mom and should be able to fix everything by my ovarian magic, I guess). When did this board become so full of assholes?
You’re not a failure – the person who posted that is just miserable and lonely.
That person is terrible. Try to ignore them.
Seriously. Also, a lot of perfectly healthy girls gain weight as they go through puberty and look a little chubby until their height catches up. This is biological!
Yes, it’s energy they need to grow!
Yup