Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Grain de Poudre Skirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Years ago, I had a skirt in this color that I bought on a lark and ended up wearing it much more frequently than I would have expected. It paired beautifully with neutrals like ivory and gray, but it also looked great with burgundy, navy, and more prints than I would have expected.
While pencil skirts aren’t going to make anyone’s trend boards for 2025, they’re never out of style in a formal business setting, and this one from Saint Laurent would be a timeless addition to any closet.
The skirt is $2,700 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in French sizes 34-42. It also comes in black and red.
Sales of note for 10/27:
- Nordstrom – End of season sale, 10,000+ new markdowns
- Ann Taylor – Flash sale, 50% off everything, online only.
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything + take 25% off (if you don't have StyleCash to spend)
- Boden – 25% off everything (Sunday-Thurs), 15% off (Fri-Sat), 10% Sunday
- The Fold – Up to 25% off with their Workwear Mix and Match offer
- J.Crew – 30% off your purchase with J.Crew Passport
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 15% off $100+ and extra 20% off 125+ — and take an extra 60% off clearance with code
- M.M.LaFleur – Fall style event! 25% off $500+, 30% off $750+ — try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Nordstrom Rack – Up to 70% off new markdowns, including Boss, L'Agence, Reiss, Spnx, and Veronica Beard
- Soma -Friends & Family Event, 25% off Entire Purchase – readers love Cool Nights PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 50% off one item (regular price) and 30% off everything else
is there a point to paying for linked in? it would be nice to see who looks at my profile but if that’s the only tangible benefit than i probably wouldn’t bother. I am not actively job searching but definitely keep my eye out for opportunities and have been attempting to be a little more active on the site (like was at a conference last week and posted it, that sort of thing)
I use LinkedIn a lot and do not pay for it. I do a lot of bus dev, go to a lot of conferences, etc., and a lot of my client base uses LI. I can do everything I want to do without paying for it. Every once in a while it will offer a month of Premium for free, have you tried that? I always opt in, but cancel before I get charged because while it’s fun to see who looked at me, it’s not particularly helpful to me.
I pay for LinkedIn and really the main benefit is if you use LinkedIn learning (and I guess if you’re a content producer).
If you’re not job hunting, I don’t see the point. If you are searching, it’s nice to be able to send in mail messages to people who you’re not connected with. Last time I was searching, I think Premium got you 10 messages per month.
What is the new Lean In or NGDGtCO? Both feel outdated now although I liked them when I was younger.
Someone else here mentioned What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, and I found it a helpful reset.
I just read How Women Rise, which is co-authored by the same person who wrote What Got You Here(…) and I thought it was insightful. I recognized pretty much all of the behaviors/thought patterns in myself. I also read Likeable Badass recently and enjoyed it. Currently reading Smart Collaboration.
I think it must be How Women Rise, because I’ve seen multiple work-related book clubs read it.
I have a 12+ hour flight coming up that numerous clients and contacts will also be on. Suggestions on what to wear that is comfortable but looks decent? Footwear? I don’t want to wear athletic type clothing, but also am nervous about being uncomfortable or overheated and something more formal.
I actually find a long dress or skirt with elastic waist and sweater comfortable to fly in, make sure it’s long enough to cover your legs on the seat. you can wear on to the plane whatever shoes look good and them slide them off and put knee socks on if its cold. That said i really think unless you are flying with my mother in law (who is both old and a snob) i think anyone who is currently working thinks it’s ok to fly in casual clothes so long as they are neat. they also sell lots of different pants that look like real pants but are really jersey or knit. i always fly in socks but you could wear sneakers, boots, loafers, whatever you want to have on the other end.
There’s a lot of suiting in ponte/stretch fabric, also seems to be the golden age of sweater blazers too. Would something like that work? As far as footwear, what shoes do you find comfortable? I have no problem with long flights in loafers, but a lot of people would consider them uncomfortable.
I usually feel like I’m wearing a costume when in a suit, but I just bought these pants with matching blazer in ponte, and am comfortable and not self conscious for the first time
https://liverpoolstyle.com/products/kelsey-trouser-325?variant=52023166730607
Ponte trousers, knee socks, loafers, a blouse that isn’t fussy, and a sweater blazer. Perhaps a big, lightweight scarf that you can use as a blanket if you get chilled on the flight.
Good luck; that is a long flight.
FWIW, I have a c-suite role, fly with others after events from time to time and no one dresses up for these. It’s not when I’d reach for my fattier things, but I’m wearing normal plane clothes. And sneakers.
I agree. I regularly fly on 12+hr flights with colleagues (not clients though), and people would find it very odd if you came dressed up. Most women wear sport/lounge clothes (e.g. ponte pants, something like spanks air essentials), but make sure they are clean and well-kept, or occasionally jeans and a sweater.
My experience too. I just took a longer flight with colleagues and contacts after a morning of meetings last week, and we all changed into more comfortable clothes for the plane.
+1. For long haul flights I like an all black athleisure outfit. Short sleeve shirt, cardigan or light jacket with pockets, and joggers (fitted at the ankle so the hem doesn’t drag on the bathroom floor). As long as your clothes are in good condition they don’t need to be business casual.
*Rattier things
Talbots has a couple lines for this. Scroll past the nursing home leisurewear to the Passport collection and then on further down. You could just search for “travel” or “passport” too. None of it wrinkles.
https://www.talbots.com/clothing/collections/travel-capsules?start=0&sz=72
Spanx Air Essentials – don’t be turned off by Spanx; they aren’t constrictive.
I agree, the Air Essentials line is great.
I’m in this situation fairly often and people wear nice, appropriate athleisure or travel clothes. But we know its a long flight, no one wants to interact on this flight. As long as its clean and in good condition that’s enough.
The Saint & Sofia motorcycle sweatshirt that was featured a couple weeks ago, so cozy but reads as having some structure and interest. Big zipper pockets in the sides for Kleenex, ear buds, lip balm etc that you want on a long flight.
Plus wide leg pants, or jeans.
I am the client in this scenario and the only judgment I will have about what you wear for a 12+ hour flight would be if you wore something impractical. (I mean don’t wear clothes with holes, visible stains, or obnoxious slogans but within reason). I am going to be wearing “soft” black pants with an elastic waistband, a cotton t-shirt and (weather in destination appropriate) cardigan, compression socks, low profile sneakers and either wearing or carrying a big scarf to use as a blanket on the flight.
I have a wide-legged trouser and blazer pair from Rhone which is super stretchy and non-wrinkling. It’s on the casual side, and I would no way ever wear it as a business suit, but it’s a cute outfit for traveling with my work colleagues/clients.
I’ve recently had a lot of luck buying work clothes at TJ Maxx or Marshalls. It’s definitely more of a gamble because they won’t have all sizes etc but you also do get to see more brands. Probably equivalent to shopping at a Macys but weirdly the one near me doesn’t have a good work clothes equivalent anymore. And the prices are great compared to mall stores for what seems like better quality.
nice to hear. i used to get a lot of stuff at both and the last few times i went in they were almost entirely “gifts” and “housewares” and virtually no clothes and what they had looked wildly picked over. in the past i used to get great stuff there (thinking of you theory fall jacket and vince cashmere sweater) as well as no name but functional work clothes.
I am an unabashed Maxxinista, and agree that the store inventory has been lacking lately. I’m sure it’s an economic indicator of some kind. I usually shop TJMaxx and Nordstrom Rack online – easier to filter and sort.
True, it varies a lot. I got an Anne Klein blazer, Cristiano Siriano pants (I didn’t know they made work-ish pants?), and a no-name-but-claims-its-Italian lady jacket.
I shop these brands online.
I’ve always found TJ Maxx to have wildly different inventory in a good way. The one close-ish to my house is more geared towards casual clothes and live/laugh/love type housewares, while the one in the next town over is more makeup, more work-type clothing, and better shoes.
Are there any places that can take old-timey pictures that are on sticky-sheet picture books and scan them in so you can have copies to give to siblings? Can they duplicate the book format or just do as pictures? Not sure what is good or even possible IRL.
You lost me at sticky-sheet picture books. Picture books like the kind from Snapfish, check. Old-fashioned photo albums, check. But no idea what a sticky-sheet picture book is, unless you mean you want a sheet of stickers, like the Avery office labels?
See if you find an old-timey picture place that gives you the digital file. Then you can print it up however you want.
Not the OP, but I assume they mean the grippy-page photo albums where you press the pictures to the semi-sticky page, then cover with a clear film to hold in the photos.
OH. She’s asking about *antique* photos in photo albums that she wants duplicated. Good night. I thought she wanted to dress her family up like cowboys for their Christmas card – that’s the only thing “old-timey” means to me.
OP here and thank you for helping clarify. Yes, these are the old-style ones where pictures may have binded permanently to the sticky backing (so you can’t even really confirm that that is Great-Uncle Phil and your Great-Grands on a covered wagon, etc.) IDK the best way to try to copy these and distribute out. It could just be spending a week at Kinko’s trying to make color copies of old photos.
I wouldn’t call these antique photos, just old. I had a photo album like this when I was a kid in the 80s, and, given the state of technology involved, I doubt they existed much before (or after) that. It’s definitely not ideal for preserving photos.
Don’t feel too badly, Anon at 9:29. I thought the same thing, too.
I had the same thought. She’s talking about albums that were common in the 80s and 90s. I just take photos of the photos on my iPhone.
You can still get these photo albums on Etsy, I just got a few because they’re my preferred type for different picture sizes.
For the stuck photos, if you let them sit a few years longer the sticky binding may very well just crumble to dust and you will be able to read the backs again.
Well, I didn’t know my photos from the 90s (and into the early aughts) count as “old-timey”.
This 1982 millennial is hiding now so no one can see my grey hair…
If you have access to a good scanner you can scan the pics in yourself, upload to any of the photo book platforms that are ubiquitous these days, and arrange however you like.
I have also had success taking physical photos to a decent print shop near me and having them do all of this for me. The print shop waived their usual set-up fee since I send a lot of jobs to them for work; otherwise the up front cost would have been somewhat prohibitive for such a small project. The quality was fantastic, though.
This is a good idea. Can maybe just copy the excellent ones.
I was utterly baffled by this comment and reread it several times wondering what kinds of photos you wanted to have taken. But I wonder if you mean that you have family photos that have been put into an album, the kind with sticky pages (this seems irrelevant, unless you’re saying that trying to remove them from the album would damage them). And you want to scan the photos and make more photos to give to your siblings?
If so, yes, there are places. Or you can buy a scanner. Or take photos of the photos with your phone and have those printed.
^Not the OP but having done this, the plastic sheet makes a lot of glare in many regular scanners, which is why this is relevant info!
You just pull the plastic sheet back.
I have inherited some really old albums that the plastic sheet has yellowed and is really stuck on..if you try to pull it back i think it will rip the pictures.
Then it becomes hard to use any sort of scanner thought. It’s like you need a scalpel to extract each photo from the sticky backing surrounding it.
Soak them off in water – photo paper is designed to get wet
In older books (1980’s not 1930’s or anything), I found the plastic itself started ripping and shattering when I tried to pull it back. I wanted to keep the original books in good shape, so I just scanned with the plastic still on.
I’ve looked into this before and the company i considered was everpresent. I have not done it though, so can’t attest to quality.
I think it should exists, because it’s technically feasible – ~5 years ago there was phone software (I used android photoscan) that takes multiple pictures of a photo from different angles, then edits them together to remove the glare. It worked pretty well, although I had to try some of the ones that I couldn’t take out of the plastic a few times, and was slow. If it existed as a consumer app then, I’m sure professional services that do the same can exist.
Heads up that these sticky albums will damage your photos long term. If you want to keep the originals, you may want to use some elbow grease and get them out of the albums. Then you can also read the backs and identify people. Gently use pencil to number them as you remove them so you can preserve the original citation when you create the sharing albums.
There are services that will bulk scan them for you and give you digital copies. From there, use Snapfish or the like to create coffee table books as albums.
For removal: if the glue is still robust, you may need to use the dental floss removal method. Get thin but strong floss and floss between the photo and the page to release the glue. Dampening the back of the page (on the other side from the photo) can help with especially difficult ones. Peel the page away while leaving the photo flat.
Typo: “citation” -> I meant curation
omg it’s like The Skirt only it’s $2500! memories…
Same! I’ve started wearing skirts again and even have a lined wool pencil skirt (sized up so I can eat lunch in it though). Nostalgia!
Haha, that’s what I thought. My 2010 brain would LOVE this. My 2025 brain would prefer a chair in that colour.
I immediately thought of The Skirt.
Old Skool c r e t t es unite! We were here for v1 of The Skirt. In mustard too!
This one is missing the seams though!
I had The Skirt in that color (or close to it) and I wore it constantly. Good times.
The Skirt, after inflation!
$2500 for a viscose skirt is just wild!
Cross-post. Just a PSA to not brush off suspicious lumps in your breast just because you’re pregnant, postpartum, and/or breastfeeding. I had one myself that fortunately did turn out to be nothing on biopsy, but I just watched the professional snowboarder Kimmy Fasani’s documentary and she had stage III inflammatory breast cancer that she brushed off as a clogged duct since she was 37, breastfeeding her second son, and living a healthy lifestyle. Now she advocates for self-exams (and not going into denial because of lifestyle) because that’s how she eventually realized something was abnormal. Just thought I’d pass it on. It’s also a good documentary – it’s more about the transition to becoming a mother than cancer.
This myth that living a “healthy” lifestyle protects you from cancer needs to die. Newsflash – it doesn’t keep it from happening. It does increase your chances of a successful surgery and an easier recovery.
That’s exactly what she says her doctor told her too.
There’s robust scientific evidence that “lifestyle” factors do absolutely protect you from several forms cancer, in that incidence rates are higher/lower over population-level samples — it’s not *just* that it increases ability to tolerate treatment.
The myth is that “healthy lifestyle = a protective factor” translates to “If you do X, you will *never* get cancer” or “if you got cancer, it *must* be because of Y”. Protective factors don’t work that way.
Yes, the fact that we can do everything right and still get cancer doesn’t mean we should all start smoking (!).
No one is saying that, but the point is that this professional snowboarder delayed getting care for over six months because she thought it couldn’t happen to her even though she noticed something suspicious.
Aside from healthism/just world fallacy thinking, I think people need to know how many risk factors aren’t within their control at all (pollution, air quality, all the environmental risk factors we need regulations for).
Yeah, that’s definitely what people were saying.
+1.
It can though. The WHO estimates that 30-50% of cancers are preventable through lifestyle modifications. A healthy lifestyle does not eliminate your risk of cancer, but it certainly does decrease your overall risk.
This. People always accept that not smoking reduces your lung cancer risk but are loathe to accept the evidence on reducing risk via other lifestyle factors like weight, exercise, and alcohol. None of it eliminates risk that that’s why it is so important not to overlook symptoms.
Gah. No one is saying don’t do that. What I’m saying above is is that it does not actually PREVENT. It reduces risk. Do you know how victim-blamey it sounds to tell people that if I had weighed 135 instead of a 140 pounds and had one more kale salad I wouldn’t have gotten cancer in my 30s?
Literally no one who is familiar with the public health recommendations on cancer and lifestyle factors would say that. That is not how lifestyle factors work.
You don’t use the word ‘prevent’ above. You said ‘protect’. Lifestyle factors are protective. Same way a bike helmet or seatbelt is protective. Doesn’t guarantee you’ll never have an injury but measurably reduces the chances.
IDK. My mother had an impeccable diet and no risk factors. Any abdominal cancer, like pancreatic cancer, is hard to screen for and can be found when it’s too late to do much about. If you think about how we’re always making new cells, once something goes wrong, it can go really wrong. It just goes wrong more often and sooner if you through enough time and risk factors at your life.
Is it true that bedroom sets are not really done any more? We want to invest in a nice wood bed. But then what do we do for bedside tables and bureau? I’ll admit that when I see the full bedroom sets it does look a little off… like a hotel room kind of. I know how to mix and match if the bed is upholstered, but can’t figure out what materials the other items should be if the bed is wood. Any tips? Only furniture in the room is bed, night stands, and dresser, room is roughly 12×12 so the furniture will all be adjacent visually.
Wood in complementary tones or colors (like, your bed is gray stained? nightstands are ivory), or mix in metal, stone, or glass finishes. A designer at wherever you’re shopping should be able to help with “coordinated but not matchy.”
It can all still be wood. You can use different color woods for the nightstands, or painted, or with accents like rattan, metal, etc. I’d go to a site like houzz and just start looking at photos of bedrooms, paying attention to what the nightstands and dressers look like, which ones match, which ones don’t. You’ll start training your eye to notice how you can put them together.
Furniture sets for any room aren’t done anymore. You could do painted or a different wood tone or a different style. Or depending on your style, you could do a skirted table (popular with a certain preppy set). Try to decide on something to pull your pieces together – shape, color, etc.
For example, our room has a modern (as in 2020s) wood canopy bed, skirted side tables, and our two dressers are antique. Everything in the room is roughly midtone, so visually they go, but one of the dressers is from 1720 and the other is from 1800 and like I said, a 2020s bed.
We have a bed with integrated bedside tables so they are low (annoyingly so) and unobtrusive. We have those umbra invisible bookshelves and anglepoise wall lamps by each side so they don’t need to hold much beyond a cup of tea.
But if I was getting a new bed, I’d go vintage for tables, and not worry about them matching. My new life policy is no new furniture (except for Billy bookcases b/c nothing can match that storage and functionality).
I don’t have matched sets of furniture anywhere else in my house, but we did do a real wood matched set in the master bedroom. Folks rarely see our bedroom, and it looks pretty classic to my eye. No regrets 4 years in.
I have a walnut headboard and my night tables are a very dark green. I also looked at metal nightstands, like the metalwork ones from west elm. My dresser is a vintage walnut wood dresser. I also have a lacquered desk I use as a vanity.
So we have a walnut bed from Article, vintage MCM nightstands and a large walnut dresser with white drawers that I got from a refinisher on marketplace. It all matches without being too matchy, and although I know that some people hate painted wood the white helps break down the mass of dark wood. I thought of mixing wood tones but couldn’t get it to look right (for my space – other people do it well!).
We have a mission style bureau and somewhat worn mission style nightstand from an old matchy-matchy set, with a bed that’s a similar wood tone but not matched, a painted wood nightstand on the other side of the bed, and an upholstered love seat w/ gold legs. The whole thing works pretty well.
Definitely no matching sets. My bed is upholstered, my nightstands are a creamy white. I don’t have a dresser but a bench at the end of my bed is white oak & rattan.
I’m impressed you don’t have a dresser. Where do you store you none hanging clothing?
Not on trend, but I have a matching set of solid wood furniture. It will last my husband and I the rest of our lives. It is also a simple back drop to whatever decorating style I want.
I grew up going to church and because I have a ne’er-do-well sibling, always struggled with the story of the Prodigal Son. I’m still struggling with it, but this wrinkle is different: the parent who bailed out sibling has died and the other parent (who was in the dark the whole time) is struggling with this now. IDK if there is anything out there good / helpful on this topic, much less talking about it from the parent perspective (from the sibling perspective, I still struggle to do well, but I’m here to try to support my remaining parent and recognize that sibling is 50 and is continuing to make her own bad choices and just focusing on just keeping my life with job-teens-eldercare from running off the rails).
What really helped me with this was some of the Al-Anon stuff. I feel like I always have had some level of guilt/shouldered some blame that somehow if I had done things differently, I would have gotten different outcomes? Or that if I were a better X or better at Y, it would be ‘better’.
Somebody gave me an AlAnon book when I was in my early 20’s and it just helped me realize that nothing I was doing or not doing was going to ‘fix it’.
When I was dealing with someone with BPD, I found the book ‘Stop Walking on Eggshells’ helpful.
You have my sympathy. It’s something I discuss with my therapist as I’m angry at both my enabling parent (who gave my my sibling close to $800k over the last few years) and my sibling for happily taking the funds despite having a good job (sibling thinks the world owes them fancy cars/jewelry/clothing/etc and outspends their salary). On good days I end up with the ‘I wouldn’t want siblings life and I’m glad I can stand on my own two feet’. On bad days I vent to my therapist/friends who are similarly baffled at the situation.
I also have a very distant/cold relationship with sibling/enabling parent, both of whom ‘don’t understand’ why we aren’t closer.
My spouse has a sibling who was supported for far too long by one of their parents (behind the back of the other). When that other parent died, the remaining parent suddenly realized they did not have the means to support their own self and their adult child, and the adult child had to fend for herself for the first time. It was a rough year, but she actually came out just fine on the other end.
What helped the remaining parent the most was having to face reality about their own finances, and hearing in no uncertain terms that my spouse was not going to bail out the parent if they chose to spend their entire retirement on the sibling.
I don’t think that parable is useful here, because it’s such a different scenario. The parable was meant to highlight the loving generosity of the father toward BOTH of the sons. Plus, the entitled son who demanded his inheritance before the father had died came home in full awareness of what he had done.
Your family’s situation is different. You’re full of resentment over your sister. Your dad is likely coming to an awareness of the secret-keeping in his marriage, of how his wife was doing things behind his back, and of how a loved daughter was using them. Different scenario to the parable.
Your dad is on his own journey related to his grief, his marriage, and his daughter. Peer-level help would be best for him, if he wants it. He could see if there are any resources or support groups at his assisted-living center.
For you, I second the recommendation on co-dependency info.
Exactly. A main point of the parable is that the father also loves the “dutiful” son and not just the prodigal. Henri Nouwen also argues persuasively that we should shift our focus from identifying with one of the sons and seek instead to emulate the father.
Henri Nouwen’s book on this is so thoughtful and insightful. Loved it.
The fact that the prodigal son came home in rags and asking to be treated as a servant is the key part: those who convert to faith are not second in line to those who are faithful from the start. It does, however, require a turning away from the wild days of the son before his change of heart.
As a fellow Christian two things:
(1) God forgives any sin. God’s mercy and love are endless. You are not God and are not called upon to be an endless victim. And also, forgiving and forgetting are not the same thing. I was badly injured by a drunk driver. I have forgiven him. I genuinely wish him the best, hope he gets the help he needs, and that his life is full and joyful. I would never, ever get in a car with him.
(2) When your sister comes on her (metaphorical) knees begging for forgiveness and prepared to do whatever she need to do to make it right, then you can have a conversation with yourself about whether you will forgive her (which will include whether she has demonstrated that she actually means it and is not just being manipulative). Until then that parable is not relevant to your situation.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
I used to do taxes, so I knew the amounts a couple could give to a person (and also kind-of give for that person’s kids), to the tune of 60-100K a year for a family of an adult and 3 kids. I thought my mom was always asking to make sure what it was each year because she didn’t way to pay gift taxes on $$$ she gave my sister, but it was really (I think back now) that she didn’t want my dad to know how much she was giving her and if he had had to sign a gift tax return, he’d have become aware. I am just dumbfounded that sibling thought that the money train would continue on autopilot after she died. Dad is maybe guilty of some willful blindness but sibling has always been horrible to him and has only maintained a relationship now for the checks she wants. And she goes from crisis to crisis and is very good at using her kids to get bailed out time and again.
Agree that the prodigal son realized that he’d screwed up, which does not seem to be the case here. I have a ne’er-do-well sibling who was on the dole from my parents until the last parent died, but I made it very clear that The Bank of Mom and Dad was closed at that point (after what remained had been distributed) and so far, several years later, he hasn’t bothered me. I have no need to have any relationship with him going forward.
I need some new YouTubers to follow. I focus on interesting lifestylers (Chelsea Callan), cleaning/organizing (Spacemaker Method), and good entertainment. Would love more follows on any of these, books in general or mysteries in particular, great cooking, and royal family gossip. Please send your recs my way. Starting to think about getting through the long cold winter and need some entertainment!
Dana K White – decluttering
i realize this is not your question…but find another source of entertainment!
Why? There’s nothing wrong with watching YouTube. I often put it on the background while I’m working or cleaning.
TF? Why? We watch a ton of YouTube – particularly PBS shows.
Could we just stop with the policing of other women’s choices? Sheesh.
I also follow Chelsea and these are other NYC lifestyle channels I follow:
Alexis Eldredge
Elle Garenne
Gail Schulman
Tisha Shrestha
These are some non-US people I follow. I feel like they have very cozy vlogs:
Cecilia Blomdahl
Sara B. Holt
Jeanne here
Ellen Miller
I also follow people with jobs/lives completely different than my corporate 9-5. Jordan Bauth and Brianna Marie work on cruise ships. Shealagh works as a showgirl in Vegas. The Crew Chef is a fun look at what it’s like to work on a fancy yacht.
Caroline Winkler mostly does interior design, but she’s fun to watch even if you’re not really into that.
Cecilia Blomdahl lives in svalbard and has nice videos I put on a lot as background. Off with their headlines is my favorite royal related podcast. I watch her more on tiktok, but wishbone has some older videos on youtube that are lifestyle/cooking. Cozy K has some cute cleaning/decorating/hobby type vlogs.
I like homeworthy – all about interior design and home tours.
I am not a big sportsball watcher, but the Nick Mangold story somehow makes me so sad. He was only 41 and died of kidney disease. I had two friends (politically, polar opposites but both deeply religious in their own ways) be living kidney donors. I had kids very late, so mine are still at home, but if I am able to do this later, it is definitely on my list of things I’d like to do.
Any favorite butternut squash recipes? I have 5 (!) and haven’t cooked them much before other than roasted. Maybe a good thick soup recipe?
look on Jessica in the Kitchen. Her recipes have been great
YES. My go-to butternut squash soup recipe is super easy.
Cube your squash. Put it in a pan with enough stock (veggie or chicken) to cover the squash. Cook until slightly overdone/very soft. Take off the heat and blend until smooth (an immersion blender is great here). Add a can of coconut milk and a good curry powder/spice blend or garam masala.
Variations on this are pretty endless. You can add apples and do cream and warming spices or turn the pureed base into a pasta sauce with parmesan and chili flakes.
Butternut squash chili is great. I don’t use a specific recipe but I’m sure Cookie and Kate has one.
This recipe is fantastic: https://www.seriouseats.com/roasted-butternut-squash-and-red-onion-with-t
I like butternut squash in kale salads in the Fall.
Roast cubes then mix with pesto pasta. Add to risotto. Make a salad with mixed greens, apple slices, pecans, roasted squash, and apple cider vinaigrette.
There’s a Smitten Kitchen recipe for a baked pasta dish with squash and spinach that is amaaaazing. I also love roasting a big batch and using it in salads. My favorite combo is arugula, roasted squash, toasted pecans, pickled red onions, dried cranberries, and either feta or blue cheese.
Butternut squash and chili soup.
Butternut squash and chevre galette pie.
Butternut squash hash with poached eggs, halloumi and green veg for brunch.
Butternut squash lasagna and ravioli.
Butternut squash ans black bean taco.
Butternut squash and white bean hummus.
This skiing newbie has a question – this is our second time skiing, the first time (SO amazing, we are totally hooked) our family of four rented pants and jackets. I want to buy pants and jackets this time, ideally second hand for our elementary age kids. We live in Texas so do not otherwise need to own this kind of gear.
The question: do I need to buy gear specifically made for skiing? If the kids already have a big puffer jacket, can I just buy ski pants? Or do they need ski jackets too? And how does one determine whether a jacket is a ski jacket? It seems some level of waterproof might be needed? Maybe extra pockets, or cinchy things at the arms?
What do others who will ski a couple of times a year and have no other need for this gear do? Tips? Places to buy? THANK YOU, from a new skier who at 40 is completely thrilled to have this fun new hobby and wants to learn everything but has no family who do it.
Yes, you need ski specific stuff for the waterproofing when you’re new and fall down.
I’d want some kind of waterproofing but wouldn’t consider “ski-specific” essential for occasional usage esp. with kids growing. Anything that says “goretex” on the tag :)
Yay, I absolutely love hearing about new skiers in their 40s! Good for you! My baby just turned 1 and I can’t wait to get him on skis when the time comes (again, I should say – he was technically “on board” on my last day on skis before I had him).
I do recommend specific ski pants and jackets for skiing; you *can* wear a puffer jacket on good-weather days, but it’s just best (IMO) to have dedicated gear that isn’t pulling double duty. Then you can save the puffer for walking around town after, etc. Ski jackets also have better pockets for holding passes, gloves, and snacks, in addition to details like powder skirts and helmet-friendly hoods.
One thing you might not be aware of is that toxic PFAS chemicals (used for waterproofing) are being phased out of most outdoor brands; some are further along in this process than others. For kids’ gear, I highly recommend choosing PFAS-free, and it’s so widely available now. Reima is one highly recommended brand that doesn’t use it; Patagonia has also (mostly) phased it out, while LL Bean has generally not. You might still get lucky and find some PFAS-free options secondhand. If you plan to ski super occasionally, like 1-2 days a year, you might not find it worth the effort to track it down, but if you plan to make this a regular vacation and your kids will wear their gear for at least a few years, I’d make the effort. Maybe try Patagonia and REI’s used gear pages?
we also live in Texas, and i have 2nd grader twins. we ski once a year in March. since we have to fly and honestly, they have been fine with Target pants and jacket. since they grow each year and need new ones. and while last year they did need them for a day in Houston, otherwise they are literally worn ONCE. They have good ski socks, the smartwool brand. i have a good pair of ski pants that i’ve had for a while and a ski jacket that i’ve had since high school (maybe from LLBean) that I wear once a year.
Hehe, I’m glad you asked here, and not on eg. “skiing reddit” where you will get much more doctrinal answers :)
Start with their existing puffer (assuming it’s some kind of synthetic) & snow pants. If they are getting wet because of a lot of falling, get them a waterproof shell or a snow jacket, but it can be the regular “whatever kids in new england wear walking to school” kind (I wouldn’t worry about whether it’s a “ski specific” jacket at this level of usage). All the ski-jacket-specific stuff (cinch-ey thing, pass pocket, etc are nice-to-haves and not necessary for this level of usage). If it makes your kid able to zip/unzip their own jacket without taking off gloves, add a big chunky pull to the zipper.
If you end up with gear that’s not waterproof enough (waterproofing can wear off of secondhand garments), you can buy an off-the-shelf waterproofing treatment – much cheaper than new gear.
The only *critical* thing I’d add to the list is base layers. Synthetic is fine.
Agree on second hand; although that’s probably a little hard to find in Texas. The end-of-season REI sale might have some good discounted options though?
For the puffer it’s not just falling though, even just skiing when it is actively snowing will fast become miserable. I vote not puffer.
Agreed. I think a ski specific jacket (or at least a waterproof shell) makes a big difference.
If you live in Houston, look in the Heights and other inner loop FB buy/sell/trade groups. There is always good amount of kids winter clothes for the once a year trip. Look for equivalent groups in the other big cities.
My advice: all kids ski pants must be black, to coordinate with all jackets and avoid gender stereotypes. My siblings and I followed this rule and it made it so easy to swap outgrown items back and forth. Same on snowboots.
Also because pretty pastel ski pants get grungy quickly and no amount of stain remover will fix it.
We ski and have 3 kids. Waterproof is key. Dry kids are happy kids. To keep the budget non-insane, I like Columbia. Decathlon or Mountain Warehouse are excellent for inexpensive but good quality kids long underwear and ski socks. At least two sets of long underwear and socks so you can rotate.
Adventure Ride Snow bib pants in black or navy so you can use them multiple seasons. You should be able to get at least two season out of them and then another one or two for the next kid. They go on sale frequently. If you’re still at the potty training ages, get an extra pair so an accident doesn’t ruin the day.
I like Columbia coats as well. Which one will depend on where you are skiing and how cold it is likely to be. Puffer or not puffer doesn’t give you any info about how warm it is. Read the description of the temperature rating. Windproof also makes a huge difference. Columbia also makes one pieces suits which my kids loved but I know not all kids do.
Costco often has excellent deals on kids ski mitt/gloves – I like Head for myself and DH. Kombi has super cute kid mittens as well.
The North Face Warm Storm jacket is another favorite I forgot to mention. Waterproof and windproof and could be layers over a thin puffer or thick fleece for warmth when skiing but more versatile outside of ski season.
And Poshmark can be a great source for used or NWT ski gear. I’ve re-poshed stuff that I bought and the kids never wore because they had a growth spurt before ski season. And a great place to get rid of the stuff when your kids outgrow it.
Yep this ^^. Also the Columbia Outlet store is a great spot to find deals on kids ski jackets, pants, gloves, etc. that you know they will grow out of.
Thank you everyone for all the tips!! I am so appreciative!!
does anyone have a rec for a kid friendly brunch/lunch place in Tarrytown, NY? ideally walking distance from the train.
rivermarket is noisy and big and right there. otherwise it’s a walk up the hill and there are loads of places…. lefteris is greek and not fancy and also loud. there’s a proper diner if you want breakfasty lunch called bellas. there are a lot of choices… mexican, italian, also if you get off at irvington (one stop earlier) there is MP taverna and red hat and sambal which are right by the train and all good options. if you provide more specifics will provide more opinions.
we are staying at the tarrytown house estates for a wedding (we’ve stayed there before) and will be meeting other family who live in NYC for a meal (they’ll be taking a train in). we don’t want to drive far from the hotel. will we need to make reservations?
i would do rivermarket which is right by the train and make a reservation.
thanks! now i’m trying to recall whether last time we were tehre we actually went into tarrytown or irvington. we went to a fairly nice playground, i think near the water
they open at noon on sundays, which is fine, but will also need a place to grab a much earlier breakfast with the kids beforehand – any recs for that?
if you want breakfast earlier there is a diner called bellas.
and yes rivermarket is a whole park you’re right by the water and there is a playground and scooter/ bike path…
That’s my neck of the woods. You are directly between Tarrytown and Irvington at that location.
Red Hat is great but NOT kid friendly. In Irvington, there’s also MP Taverna or Sambal in the same complex and super easy parking. You can also walk to Matthiesen Park which has a playground and it’s at the train station.
There’s also an Eileen Fischer in the complex with sample store items and second hand clothes.
I haven’t eaten at Rivertown but it’s well located for the train and park/playground in Tarrytown
Enjoy!
Favorite photo book source these days? I want to make a photo album for my kids and feel overwhelmed by options.
the photobooks app by FreePrints (iphone app)…very easy and the books are great.
Artifact Uprising
Artifact Uprising is for wedding albums, but definitely not in the family photo album price range. At least for me.
+1. I’ve used them for years . The layouts favor more white space on the page than other options. Think more formal and purposeful. I normally do an annual book with my favorite 20 to 40 pictures from the year in a clothbound book with the year on the spine. If you are on a tight deadline, their customer service is normally helpful with telling you which of the many options will print the fastest.
Printique
I still just use Shutterfly for everything except my wedding photo album
For those of you with kids, when did immediate family (parents, siblings) meet your first? Did proximity (whether they could drive vs. fly) play a factor? Seasonality (cold / flu season)?
Had an interesting discussion with a friend this weekend whose parents commented that “people these days just do everything differently” in reference to not inviting family members to the hospital.
When I was born, hospitals kept you for a week! And my grandmother few up to stay with my in advance of when my mom was due with my younger sister. Now, you are maybe in the hospital 48 hours, so if you aren’t a planned induction or scheduled C-section, IDK how likely non-local people can get there.
My parents came over (16 hour flight) 3 weeks after his due date. My MIL came up for a day (4 hour train) a week after he was born, and then came for a longer visit with her partner a few weeks later. FIL came 6 weeks after. In hindsight, I should have pushed for longer considering we were in a 2 bed, 1 bath flat – my FIL had said he’d stay in a hotel but then declared the hotel “too ghastly” and asked to stay at ours. And I ran to the neighbours sobbing because my mother-in-law were taking a leisurely bath in our one bathroom and I desperately needed the loo (giant headed baby, stiches, etc). Yes, I should have used my words but I think that postpartum state is such a weird, vulnerable time, and I didn’t have the energy to stand up to these people I barely knew?
First babies are a really unpredictable situation, TBH. It’s all new to everyone and lots to navigate.
My friend regrets letting her IL’s stay with them after getting home from the hospital. Some complications arose but went unnoticed longer than they should have because she and her husband were so overwhelmed playing host. She ended up in the ER when they finally realized something was wrong.
I know someone who made their parents wait ten days to meet the baby after getting home from an international trip. Yes, the grandparents knowingly booked an exotic vacation right before the due date. The grandparents grumbled about the quarantine but the new parents felt zero guilt.
Grandparents came to the hospital, everyone else came to the house after babies were home. Everyone was within 60-90 minutes time.
people also spend A LOT less time in the hospital than they used to after giving birth to a child. sometimes people are literally there for one night that there isn’t even time for people to come in from out of town to meet a new baby in the hospital
+1 We were only in the hospital for <36 hours total, and the only people who came there were the grandparents who lived about five minutes away. When my SIL gave birth, the baby needed a little monitoring so they were in the hospital for ~5 days and that was where family saw them first. That was also pre-covid though.
parents – feeling well, and up to date on recommended vaccines for their age – at hospital
siblings – local, at some point in the first month, feeling well. one rescheduled because they had a cough, which was 1000% the right thing to do! flying distance, at the next natural point (TG) which was when baby was 2 mos. would probably have picked a convenient weekend sometime in the first 3-4 months had it not been a fall baby with holidays coming up.
oh by ‘local’ here I mean 1-2 hours’ drive, not 10 minutes.
all of our family is flying distance away. my parents came to hospital (they flew out the morning after i gave birth) and my in-laws came once I was home, so like 5 days after bith, but one baby was still in the NICU (twins)
In the first week he came home from a two-week NICU stay for grandparents. Brothers, 5-6 months (their choice).
My parents met the kids at the hospital (for the first I wanted my mom, for the second they were watching my first and brought her with them). My inlaws met my first at the hospital but the second at home (scheduled c-section, I needed more time to recover). My sibling met the kids within the first week as they were DINKS and didn’t have their own kids to coordinate around yet. My husband’s siblings had their own kids and met our children after the first set of vaccinations in an effort not to transmit all the daycare/school germs. They also said they’d wait if the kids weren’t healthy as my niece gave me the flu when I was pregnant and my SIL still felt terribly about it!
Post covid it’s a whole new ballgame – we quarantined for 10 days to meet my newest niece in the summer of 2020 (pre-vaccinations). We’d also test before meeting any newborns and cancel if there are colds/sniffles/fevers.
Mine are teens now. Local grandma did come to the hospital with the first birth and met baby on the birthday. She stayed with that kid a few years later when younger sibling was born, and brought #1 to hospital when baby was ~24 hrs old. Other grandparents were a plane ride away and booked flights to visit ~1 week after birth to align with my husband’s 1 week of maternity leave, staying for 10-14 days.
For extended family in the area, I think we brought baby to local celebrations/parties after 1-2 months? This was pre-covid so people may be more conservative now.
Don’t forget the rule on this page – if you want your local family to visit you your newborn, you’re just a selfish diva princess.
My sister and brother in law and local bestie came to the hospital. My father (only grandparent) met baby a week later at home, getting to the hospital was beyond his capacity due to health issues. In the first four weeks he has also met 5 local friends, my sister’s in laws, and my long distance bestie. I have a tiny family! But I’ve been fine with anyone coming to meet him as long as they aren’t sick and wash their hands.
My mom was at the hospital with me (labor and delivery nurse so I also appreciated her professional experience). My dad visited us at the hospital afterwards and his calm patient presence was helpful.
MIL came to visit 6 weeks later on the first and 4 weeks later on the second. Her visit involves a long plane flight and she can be opinionated and difficult so I needed some space and drew a firm boundary on that with DH. He did facetime almost daily with his family in the first week. Including from the hospital room.
People who lament not being able to visit in hospital likely remember years ago with babies in nurseries and moms resting in private or semi-private rooms. These days, it’s more likely to be rooming in, nursing (which is tricky initially and requires privacy for many), and multi-family rooms in some hospitals.
Local grandparents met both kids the day we came home from hospital. Regional / long drive grandparents came the first full weekend home from the hospital with both kids (local grandparents politely made themselves scarce during those weekends, since they knew they’d get more time in the long run). We never offered and no one ever asked about coming to the hospital.
Due to proximity and needing to fly to visit, we didn’t get family visits with our first until she was about a week old. We had our second in Feb 2020 and luckily my Mom was able to be there, but no other family met our second daughter until she was a year old.
The grandparents came to meet my baby in the hospital. DH, DD, and I live in Center City Philly and all grandparents are in the burbs.
All 4 grandparents and the 2 local siblings (all within ~45 mins) came to the hospital to meet the baby within a few hours.
Non local sibling came like 2 weeks later.
Friends were invited within a few days of us getting home.
I feel like back when more people had >1 baby, you often needed some family there in advance to tend to the other kid/s. And siblings in school are not germ-free, so people were just getting through a complicated day together. A granny who knows to fear a post-partum fever may be invaluable in a way that the couple doesn’t know yet to appreciate. Also, another set of hands to hold the baby or run to the store or do wash.
I took the view that unless you were there for the conception or you’re a medical professional, you don’t belong in the hospital. (Power to others who wanted differently.) I personally would have found it to be invasive and stressful.
Grandparents came about two weeks after I gave birth.
Local family and a whole lot of friends came to the hospital and that was very much the norm at the time in our circle of acquaintances at that time. Non-local family didn’t make any special trips, it just happened at the next holiday get-together.
I am rather surprised at how many new parents have very strong feelings against anyone at all visiting in the hospital. I can respect that things are different now, but do believe those parents really should communicate that plan ahead of time and not have the hospital spring it on granny when she shows up at the nurse’s station looking to meet the baby only to be told she is not on the allowed visitors list. That is not the way that message should be conveyed.
In my experience, 95% of the time or more, grandma was told ‘we won’t have any visitors’ or there is something that changed a tentative ‘if I’m feeling up to it’ to a ‘oh absolutely not’. I don’t know anyone who didn’t either communicate it ahead of time or had something change.
A dear friend of mine had birthing complications after a long labor that just left her in absolutely a state where she was absolutely exhausted and in pain and not able to wear clothing. MIL had not been invited to the hospital, had said ‘of course I’m coming,’ husband directly called her and said, ‘Hey mom. No visitors. We’ll let you know as soon as we’re up for it. MIL ignored this… Her MIL threw such a fit at the hospital info desk that I think police were threatened to be called.
My sibling is the guilty party. They came from a family where hospital visits were very much the norm, were very open about medical details and timing and hospital locations throughout the entire – second – pregnancy, but yet never bothered to tell ANYONE that they wanted no visitors in the hospital and would not be speaking to anyone, responding to texts, telling anyone the gender, the name, whether mom and baby made it through okay, nothing at all, until they went home three days later. They did not communicate a peep of this plan before they headed to the hospital (on the due date, it was not early). We picked up their eldest from school b/c the school didn’t know what to do with the kid. We thought there was a death during delivery because they went radio silent and ordered the hospital staff not to provide any information at all to anyone, friends or family. Thankfully the OB spotted us all crying in the waiting room 24 hours after they went in and quietly told us what was going on, HIPAA be damned.
Longer reply in holding, but my family is that other 5%. It was horrible and caused a huge rift. Choosing not to have hospital visitors is fine, but tell people your plan.
The assumption is no visitors unless you are expressly invited. If you find out from hospital staff it means you did not call in advance to arrange a good time so mom is not sleeping or nursing. If you didn’t call and prearrange, why would you think you are allowed?
Every time I’ve seen a version of ‘they didn’t tell us’ it was someone who was 100% told and did not want to be told no and they thought hospital staff would not enforce it.
My ILs (local) were there like 2 hours after birth. I like them but in hindsight it was too soon and they stayed too long. If we have a second I will enforce slightly better boundaries – wait 3-4 hours, don’t stay more than 30 minutes. I was exhausted and once the adrenaline wore off I just really needed to sleep. Appreciate that everyone was excited about the baby but has underestimated how brutal the recovery was.
Adding another data point: Mother (nurse) and step/adoptive father were in the room when my daughter was born. And to be clear, this was my preference. Neither was inserting themselves where they were not wanted. Mom spent the first few nights at home with me and then came every day.
Sister flew in from across the country at week 3 when she got out of college for the summer, stayed for a month and was endlessly helpful. She did laundry, cleaned, cooked, changed diapers, did the shopping. It was amazing. Dad and teen brother showed up from across the country at week six and were useless but at least stayed in a hotel and figured out pretty quickly that I was not going to entertain them. (I suspect my sister had words with Dad, who despite having three children was clueless.)
I guess I’m an extreme outlier here, but we waited over a month. I think we hosted MIL overnight at about 2 months, and then flew to visit my parents at 4 months.
I’m happy with our decision to wait because even hosting at 2 months sucked and I was tired and still getting the hang of things.
My baby got the flu within days of travel. It was nightmare having a sick infant and I was grateful that I wasn’t dealing with a sick 1-month-old, because at 4 months they’re a hell of a lot bigger and more robust.
I know a couple who just had their first and are insisting on 3 months. The wife’s parents are going out of their minds and the husband’s only slightly less because they’re sure the couple will soften.
I think a key thing is that you come to help — moral support, fetching snacks, doing laundry, no matter where/when you show up. It’s not really a social visit. It’s coming to serve, gawk at the baby, take other littles to the park for a break, etc.
I have three kids–all teens now. My parents and my MIL all came to visit at the hospital sometime later that morning. My brother and SIL came to visit at some point while we were at the hospital. My sister had little kids and so she waited to come until we were at home, but came probably the second day we were home. My best friend always came to visit me in the hospital and so did one of my cousins, but she was a nurse at the same hospital so would just pop in when she could. When my sister had her kids, I was with her at the hospital (her husband passes out at the sight of blood…) and also went to visit with my kids once they were home. With food of course!
All grandparents lived 30-60 minutes away and MIL visited the hospital but my parents didn’t because they were still working and baby was born on a weekday. (I would have liked to have had them there, but it didn’t work out and was not a huge deal.) They came the first weekend, which was a day or two after we came home from the hospital. This was almost 40 years ago.
I honestly have no opinions on it. My in laws came to the hospital because they were Very Excited and only an hour away. My parents were recovering from colds and lived 2.5 hours away so it was a couple of weeks before they made the trip. If they are poor guests I will ask them to leave, if they make anything weird I’ll return weirdness to sender. But I’m pretty low-key and my family is very considerate of each other so it wasn’t a problem.
We had a few hospital visitors that came for maybe 15-30 minutes circa 2008, which was a nice change from the random medical folks that arrived every 20-odd minutes to check something or ask about something re: one of us (couplet care my Aunt Fanny).
My in-laws came to our house maybe six days after my first was born, and stayed for about 90 minutes, which was fine. My MIL is a huge baby so she needs allllll the attention and I had an actual baby who needed to eat and sleep and stuff. They live about an hour away from us. My BILs came over somewhere in the same time frame, but on a different day.
My mom came out a couple weeks after my first was born. She was there to help and was helpful. While she’s in healthcare, I did not want her in the hospital with us during the birthing process because she has that very 1950s “standard medical advice is NEVER wrong” approach.
It was spring, so pleasant weather and not flu season.
Two more things – my mom was on the opposite coast, my in-laws live about an hour away from us.
Also we took the kid out for walks and church and coffee pretty early, it was NBD back then.
Ok, this sounds very old-fashioned, but I uploaded all my favourite photos to Snapfish, printed them as square photos and double-sided taped them into an album. I’d never managed to make a yearly album – it felt like it would trigger all my perfectionist tendencies and it meant more time sitting at a computer.
Obviously for AIMS above.
Thanks! I think you have identified my problem because I am definitely letting perfect be the enemy of the good here but I am determined to just do it for the holidays this year.
It was actually delightful. I sat and watched a movie and stuck the pictures in, smiling at the memories. I also made matching albums for T and his best friend (they are histrionic about the prospect of us moving/being separated) with extra pages “for many more adventures…” as a reminder that we’re only going 45 minutes away.
It was so much fun, it might have inspired me to stick my wedding photos in an album. Only 11 years late…
This might be my solution, too… What type of album did you put them in? I also waited double digit years to make my wedding album!!
I just got nice cloth bound albums from TJMaxx with thick paper and a layer of archival tissue paper between pages. And I got rolls of archival tape at the local framer / scrapbooking store. I needed more than I expected to and had to go back and buy more but the owner was very impressed by my commitment.
Can I not get Ann Taylor Factory online?
I bought a simple shirt from an ATF store a few weeks ago, would like to buy another one or two since it’s super versatile and comfy. When I go to the ATF page, it gets me to browse only the real AT stuff, but I can’t find anything ATF. I also found a page called Ann Taylor Outlet but that looks totally different and doesn’t have the shirt I got. Does ATF not have an online store or am I just not finding it?
Ann Taylor Factory went bricks and mortar only in mid 2020. Seemed a dubious choice.
thanks for confirming. How strange!
Fashion’s in such a weird place these days. Many women wouldn’t wear this outfit to the office, let alone being a cabinet secretary.
https://www.politico.com/news/2025/10/27/like-eggs-part-two-trump-administration-scrambles-to-bring-down-beef-prices-00622680
That is such an odd dress. And just not formal enough at all
Agree, this bodycon look is not for the office.
Also, that belt is ruining it completely for me. Why would you want cover all the draping?
It looks like she is the winner of the county Dairy Queen pageant, not the secretary of agriculture.
I don’t think that’s fashion as much as it is catering to Trump’s preferences.
+1.
My first thought exactly.
Yup.
That belt is a crime against fashion, period.
The women in this administration dress like the heroine’s office rival in an early 2000s romcom.
I wouldn’t say that dress is representative of “fashion” in any way though.
That outfit has been jarring to me every time I see it on Politico. But I also think most people dress badly in some way or other.
I was hoping someone else noticed that. Pretty sure I had that belt in 2009 and it looked just as cheap back then.
It’s a Maralago office look. I believe women working in this administration have instructions to dress a certain way due to their boss’s, uh, proclivities.
I remember when the republicans wouldn’t shut up about Michelle Obama’s belts, so this is funny to see. I guess it takes a about 15 years for trends to trickle down to these “people.”
And her bare arms in her official portrait!
Oh god, the belt looks like that heat-melt twine banding that holds appliance boxes together. And besides being significantly too small, the dress’s shape makes her look like the aforementioned appliance box.
What is your company policy on comp time for work travel? I travel internationally, and if there are events on Monday morning, have to travel on Sundays. I try to make it at least Monday afternoon, but that doesn’t always work. And I refuse to travel on Saturdays.
But in any case – do you get a day off to comp if you are traveling the whole Sunday? This can be 12+ hr flights.
Not the same issue, but related. I’m headed to a conference on the west coast and I’m staying an extra night (with permission from the expense team) to avoid the redeye. I’ll basically be traveling the whole day of my return flight. I’m wondering if I have to take PTO – if I ask my manager he’ll probably say I do. Right now I plan to wing it (no pun intended).
I would neither ask nor take PTO. Bring something work related to read for part of the flight and don’t think twice.
What? No. You are flying for work. Try to work the whole flight since it’s during work hours to help with any anxiety about it, but no.
yea dont ask
Why would you take PTO for business travel? It’s not personal time, it’s work time. Also, most orgs have travel policies that include not forcing employees to take flights at inconvenient hours like redeyes. Nobody is doing you a favor by letting you avoid the redeye – it’s how corporate travel works.
Nooooooo! It’s work! Travel! Do not take PTO! Do not ask your manager (he can get stuffed)!
I wouldn’t even ask – this is so far from being PTO!!
Adding to the chorus… Do not ask. This is not a PTO situation!
Officially we don’t get any comp time. Unofficially people log off early Friday the week they return. If it happens multiple times on a single project (or it’s something noteworthy, like an international trip or travel on a holiday) someone higher up arranges for us to bill a planned day off.
I usually do the “unofficially” part but this is getting into multiple times/noteworthy territory so I’m wondering if I should ask. Or just do it tbh.
If we have to travel outside of our normal working hours, we get comp time. So if I traveled for 5 hours on Sunday but then flew home at 9 am on Thursday, I would only get comp time for the 5 hours on Sunday. We also get a choice between traveling home after the event and getting in late or staying until the next day and traveling then. I usually like to get home right away and so will pick the late flight and then work from home the next day after sleeping in a little.
I thought if you were salaried there was no such thing as comp time because you can always be expected to work weekends. I’ve never had any time off for work travel.
At least you’re not having to fly on Saturday. My husband often has to leave on Saturday afternoon/evening to get to a European conference location by Monday morning.
eh, this is meant more loosely — like you leave Sunday afternoon for Europe, you don’t have to deduct PTO for taking Friday afternoon off.
No official comp policy but it was very normal to take the day after a long flight “almost off” but no one would blink if you took a WFH day and mostly did laundry / took a jetlag nap
This is how my company operates. It’s very normal to leave early the Friday before a weekend flight so you can see your family, and to “round up” when it comes to the return flight (so, if you land at noon on Tuesday, you don’t come back until Wednesday morning). Or if you do come in immediately after a long trip or heavy flights, you take off early the next day. As long as we get our work done and are accessible enough when necessary, no one is counting time in seats.
The last time I was flying that long the company didn’t have a comp time policy, but I typically balanced it out with additional time in the place as a vacation.
My boyfriend brought up engagement timelines over the weekend which is very exciting. I’ve never been engaged and tbh I haven’t been in a relationship where engagement was even a thought. I’m mid-30s and he is early 40s, so we are at the age where the baby clock is ticking.
I told him I’d like to be dating 9 months to a year before getting engaged…does that sound reasonable? I truly have no clue on what “works” as far as a timeline…he and I are incredibly compatible and he’s my best friend and I’d be happy to marry him at any point, but I also don’t want to rush into anything! Thoughts??
How long have you been dating? Would you need to do another 9 months before getting engaged? Are you on the same page about having kids? What kind of wedding do you want (big fancy venues often book up a year in advance)? I’d say if you are best friends and definitely want to get married, there’s no need to artificially wait longer to get engaged, especially if you want to plan a fancier/bigger wedding.
what is reasonable for one person may or may not be for another. depends on what feels right for you. i generally agree with the idea of you should date someone for at least a year before getting engaged, especially if this person was a stranger before then (like not a friend you started dating or something like that), but I am also probably not the best person to give advice bc DH and I were young when we met, and were together for 4.5 years when we got engaged and 6 by the time we got married.
The timeline gets shorter the older you are. But try thinking of it in milestones, not months. Have you lived together, spent extended time with each other’s families, gotten to know each other’s friends, traveled together, argued in a healthy way, gotten through a difficult event together, had explicit discussions about kids, finances, religion, where you want to live, and general lifestyle… You can do all that in 9 months if you make an effort to.
This list is an excellent start. Agree that as you know yourself better, you can know more quickly that you’re ready for marriage.
+1
I agree with basing the decision on milestones but would still date for at least a year. Then you can elope or have a short engagement if you are in a hurry to get married.
I also wouldn’t move in with a romantic partner without at least being engaged with a firm wedding date set within the next few months. A primary purpose of dating is to evaluate potential spouses, which implies that you will end the dating relationship if the person is not a match. Moving in before that evaluation is complete makes it exponentially more difficult to end the relationship if it’s not a match. You can evaluate “living together” compatibility with much less risk by spending a lot of time together in each other’s spaces and by doing mundane tasks together. My now-husband and I used to go grocery shopping, cook, and do laundry together every weekend while we were dating even though we maintained separate apartments.
If you know you know, don’t worry about arbitrary time frames – unless you’ve only been dating for a month or something crazy short.
I got married a month after meeting my husband. Been 15 years now. Don’t knock it until you try it.
Cool. I want to try it. How did you do it? Like arrange your own marriage essentially?
I think I got engaged 7 months in. We were married 11 months in. We’ve been married 13 years now.
I was never into a long engagement, but I didn’t want a complicated wedding. I think if you both are thinking marriage, just start pre-marital counseling right now. We did pre-marital counseling, my friends and family loved him, and we got hitched!
Yeah, 7 months in, married after 18 months. We had a big talk 6 months in, where we made sure we were on the same page re. getting married, having a kid, willingness to move for my job (academic) etc. And then just mutually agreed we would get married. I was 28, he was 32. Married for 11 years, 1 gorgeous 8 year old, and a very happy life.
How long have you been together? I agree that how well you know each other far more important than any artificial timeline, but if you just met two weeks ago that is way different than if you have been dating for five years.
OP has been dating less than 9 months at least, since she says she wants to have dated for 9 months prior to getting engaged. But people are more mature in their 30s and can know sooner.
Since you’re older and want a baby, I think you get to create your own timeline! If you want a big wedding, your engagement could be a year, which is another year of getting to know each other before getting married. If you want to elope, you don’t have to worry about budgeting time for an engagement before marriage and can maybe wait a little longer. But 9 months to a year seems great.
I will say – make sure you have a good prenup since you are going to have a relatively short courtship. That will make the stakes of getting married a lot lower and give you freedom to change your mind if it winds up not being right for you.
how much less than 9 months have you been dating? and do you think he means this? some men just talk…
I think the men who don’t mean it don’t bring it up and usually try to shut down this kind of talk.
Not necessarily… love bombing is totally a thing.
We met when I was early 20s and DH mid 20s so our timeline was slower. We’d have a more compressed timeline if we met in our 30s. We married on the earlier end of our friends but waited to have kids.
The biggest thing is to have milestones and key conversations, or even premarital counselling before the wedding. Where do you want to live, kids/no kids, if kids then how many and in what ways (like one and done or all measures for multiple, adopt or no?). What role/involvement for family? Either in terms of kids or generally (does your future MIL expect to live with you)? Any cultural/religious issues that you need to sort out? Finances are a big one that many people fail to discuss thoroughly enough.
After an engagement all the conversations tend to shift towards wedding planning. Make sure you have time for important pre-marital discussions both pre and post engagement. And congrats! It can be so exciting to have discussions with your best friend about your future.
+1 that you should have most of your discussions on values and where you see life taking you, kids, religion, etc. before getting engaged. Get this stuff sorted out and then the timeline doesn’t really matter. (And look at what they do, not just what they say. That’s where time might matter. So I guess I’m actually team short engagement?)
I was 25 when I met my DH, and I knew after less than a year that I would happily marry him. He needed more time (and to finish graduate school), so we married when I was 29.
If you want kids, I’d talk about that a LOT. Who will take parental leave? Daycare or nanny? What will you do differently from your parents? What will you do the same? Will you expect dinner at home together every night? Where will you celebrate holidays? Has he ever babysat or changed diapers? Have you? How will you navigate whose career takes precedence if there’s a family issue that requires one person to be available? The point is not to figure out the answers, but to identify areas of agreement and disagreement and unknowns. Division of household responsibilities is a huge source of marital stress for people with kids. I’d want to know my partner’s expectations before agreeing to have a kid together. Compatibility as adults does not mean compatibility with a kid.
How long have you known each other + been dating? To me, “I’d be happy to marry him at any point” honestly sounds like you’re ready to be having concrete compatibility conversations, like “how would we handle finances? parenting?” [Some people think of engagement as the time for those conversations; some people think of it as a pre-engagment thing with really only wedding planning happening during the engagement period; I think either model “works” as long as you and partner are on the same page onwhat you’re doing!]
I’m definitely team “don’t give yourself artificially imposed barriers to getting married.” Like, why does being in a relationship for 9 months matter to you? I like to see people’s seasonal hobbies, so all 4 seasons was important to me. (Also are you a pain in the butt about going outside when it’s cold/snowy or when it’s hot out.) I also thought that planning a trip together was important, see what that reveals in a relationship. I moved “fast” and have never regretted it. Officially dating in January, engaged in May, married in August. 7 years and counting.
Along with your 4 seasons policy – I think it’s good to go through a holiday cycle together (whatever is most important culturally). You learn a lot about how someone spends money, communicates with their families, travels, etc.
If you know, you know, and I would have been tempted to respond with, “Are you free Tuesday?”
Even if you want a big wedding, don’t feel like you need a year-long engagement to get that. An acceptable venue will have an open date, a florist will be available, a beautiful dress will be hanging on a rack waiting for you. You can absolutely pull everything together in a few months, and it will be amazing.
Replying to some questions here: we’ve been dating just over 2 months at this point. He has been married before and has an elementary school child. He does not want to rush into anything and have a second divorce, which I am totally on board with as I do not want a divorce either. He brought timelines up and I hadn’t even thought about it, so it’s something that he’s at least thinking about! I’d be shocked if this was him “love bombing” or anything like that. We’ve talked about parenting and a lot of the logistical parts of marriage/family already.
I own a condo and he rents—I would not move in together anywhere unless we were engaged because my place is too small for 2 people and a child half of the time, so we won’t be living together.
We are doing the holidays with each other’s families, so that will be good to see his family’s dynamic and all of that.
Thank you for your input—definitely keep the input and anecdata coming!
This is something I feel like I should have figured out earlier in my career but…
What do I need to know about working with 3rd party recruiters? I had one reach out to me for a job that I’d be really interested in; they want me to give them “RTR” (right to represent, maybe?) and I am suddenly realizing I have no idea how to evaluate whether this is a good idea or not.
i’m not an expert but this feels suspicious. i get a fair amount of outreach and have never been asked to give them RTR.
Also not in my personal experience, but no way am I giving a headhunter who initiated contact any rights to my job search. They can negotiate whatever they like with the firms they represent.