Suit of the Week: Reiss

97 Comments

1. I thought you might be pleased/interested/amused/vindicated to know that I am going through my holiday card list and changing all the “Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Theirlast” entries to either “Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst and Herfirst Theirlast” or “The Theirlast Family.” Largely in response to this: https://wapo.st/4471u2n (gift link). First the singular “they,” now this. Things change, man…

   1. “Buffy and Len Cardigan” or “The Cardigans” — brevity, yo, brevity

      I do write “The Buttermen” instead of “The Buttermans” or “The Butterman Family”

   2. Wow. I’m all in favor of calling people what they want to be called, and my grandmother certainly was very insistent that this was this how she wanted to be addressed… but she was in her 90s when she died more than 20 years ago! I find it pretty shocking that this is would be the routine way of addressing anyone under the age of 80 (that’s the beginning of the baby boom and my parents’ age- my mom and most of her similar age friends kept their names, so it would be laughable to address them this way).

      1. agreed! good on you but also surprised it has taken this long for you to update! (also, you don’t have to do the man’s name first… I usually do whoever I’m closer to! or default to the woman in a heterosexual couple since mostly it seems like women are the driving force behind sending cards, rather than men…)

         1. Well, I already had “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” in the database so the easiest thing was to add “and Susie” after “John.” And yes, now that I’ve done it I’m sort of horrified that it took me this long.

            And let me hasten to add that this only applies to couples with the same last name. OF COURSE I have always addressed people by their actual names: “Mr. John Smith and Ms. Susie Jones” for couples with different names.

            1. Using Mr. and Mrs. at all is unusual for me. As a kid that’s how I was taught to address thank-you notes, but in middle aged holiday card world it’s definitely “the Lastname Family” or “First & First Lastname” that prevail!

            2. As someone who never had a different “married name” – thank you for the last bit! I kept my birth name for both inertia and principled reasons (and was glad I did when I got divorced!). I wasn’t ever offended to have someone send me a card with his last name, but it always made me happy when someone got it right.

            3. Thank you so much for this! I have been married for over 10 years, never expressed interest in changing my name, and members of my family and DH’s family still address stuff that’s just to me as My-First-Name His-Last-Name. Our names are both listed on our return address labels and I have been consistently sending holiday cards to both families.

         2. I no longer send holiday cards but when I did I defaulted to the woman first.

   3. Merci! It drives me bonkers how my last name is wrong on every single holiday card.

      1. I take a small pleasure in addressing every holiday card either to the preferred family name ‘The Smith Family’ or to the woman’s last name only “Jones Family” vs. “John Smith and Suzy Jones”.

         1. I address my holiday cards just to my friends because I don’t care about their husbands. (The message on the insides of the cards are addressed to the whole family.)

            1. Wow. That’s cold. My spouse is the biggest part of my life besides just me. I’d hope my friends care about him too.

      2. We combined our names and both changed when we got married and still get cards addressed to Mr and Mrs A Husband Surname. Nothing is right about them.

   4. (side note but I HATE the way the WaPo does their gift links. i don’t want to sign in, that’s the entire point.)

   5. Cool. And annual PSA. Do not use an apostrophe for plurals! It is possessive and does not make a plural. Drives me batty to see something addressed to “The Smith’s”.

      1. Agreed, especially for otherwise beautiful cards!

      2. Amen!!

      3. When I was married to my second husband, our last name ended with a z. Amazing how many people were utterly flummoxed by that. Of course, the correct pluralization was “the Blitzes.” Not that hard.

   6. Lame.

   7. My husband was shocked to see that his parents addressed my birthday card to Mrs. Hisfirst Last. They’ve been doing this for 23 years and he just noticed. They truly think they are acknowledging my status as a married woman in a respectful way.

      Yet his mother kept her own last name.

2. Just a quick PSA as there was a discussion this morning about Dubai travel: the UAE is directly funding a genocide in Sudan currently. The RSF (the perpetrators who are UAE-backed) evolved from the same group that committed the genocide 20 years ago, and it’s the worst human rights catastrophe facing the world today.

   Most people I know who are aware of what’s happening are not traveling to Dubai and are side-eying public figures who do. (Emirates is the best airline to fly to my home country, and Dubai is a major layover, so this is more top of mind as a result).

   1. Thank you for the PSA.
      Side note, if your home country is somewhere in Asia, Turkish Airlines might be an option? I don’t think it’s considered as posh as the Middle Eastern airlines but we loved it when we flew it (to Turkey) and Istanbul is a great city for a layover mini-vacation. Their business class is incredibly affordable too (relative to other airlines).

      1. OP here – thank you for this PSA! Looks like their routes are super efficient too.

   2. that was me and thank you for this. turns out DH was wrong and he is going to Abu Dhabi. So while I need to repost asking if Abu Dhabi is worth visiting, with this additional information (I am aware of the Sudan genocide, but was not knowledgeable about who is funding it) and I will now strongly reconsider visiting. DH is not a public figure. He works for a global firm that rotates where they hold an annual meeting and I’m not sure he has a choice about attendance, but I do have a choice and should put my money where my mouth is.

      1. From a tourism standpoint they’re basically the same place. They’re only about an hour apart by car.

      2. Yes! If you’d be paying for your flight anyway yourself, perhaps you can put the money toward a fun trip with DH later on.

         I know it probably doesn’t matter either way on an individual basis, but I just wish there was a mass boycott or at least more attention to what the UAE is doing.

         Here is a super insightful analysis of the conflict and UAE’s role: https://www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a/how-the-conflict-in-sudan-became-a-humanitarian-catastrophe

   3. Also a quick PSA that the United States is currently sending immigrants to private prisons in Ecuador to be tortured and where most will never leave.

      1. What’s the point of this? We know this and it’s horrible but it doesn’t make sending drones into mosques full of women and children and using them to open fire any less horrible. The OP was not consider in a trip to Ecuador and currently lives in the US.

         1. Yeah can’t tell if she is saying since the U.S. is bad we should look past other countries committing terrible acts. I’m a U.S. citizen doing everything I can locally, but I don’t travel to countries committing unthinkable human rights violations and war crimes when my tourism there will directly benefit the country’s government.

         2. The point is to remember you that USA is violating international law everyday or supporting the ones doing it. But, you know, is rulled by a white man and it is the biggest democracy in the world.

      2. Yes I’m boycotting travel to both why US and UAE (amongst others). Got any more logical fallacies?

      3. OP – yes, it’s horrible. Not just Ecuador, but El Salvador and Africa as well. The cruelty is unthinkable.

   4. I thought Dubai was also essentially built on slave labor. I’m also Jewish so a lot of middle eastern countries are out of the question for me.

3. What do you think is the optimal size of house, in your opinion? Factoring in quality of life as well as maintenance headaches and costs.

   There are some gorgeous 7,000+ sq foot houses in my area with tennis courts and sprawling gardens, but I wonder if it’s a liability to have that much house to maintain.

   1. I feel like if you can buy a 7,000 sq ft house but not afford to maintain it, you can’t buy a house that big. You should have the size house you can maintain. Single, it was 1100 sq ft. with no help including yard help. Married with kids and a dog: OMFG need cleaners every other week (but need all the space) and yard guys (but I am just too damn busy; take out the kids and my time would expand (kids aren’t messy per se, but the dust, THE DUST and the fur tumbleweeds).

   2. It depends on the size of your family and how you will use it and whether you are okay hiring people to maintain things. I think some households need staff, which is a part-time job in itself to manage.

   3. on the OFF chance you really want one, i would only consider buying a house that big if they had multiple heating/cooling units so you can close off parts of the house that you’re not using. (that’s the advice i got from one of the super rich partners I worked with, at least.)

      I think it depends on how many people you have, how often you entertain, etc. I might say that 750sq feet per person is the perfect size.

   4. A liability? No. PITA? Money pit? Sure. I have a 1960s home in the northeast that’s weirdly designed – added on to several times over the years. So, suffice to say it’s not my ideal layout but I think it’s our ideal home size. It’s right around 3k SF, including usable finished basement. 5 BR, 3 BA. 5 BR sounds like a lot, I know, but one BR is teenyy (about to convert it to my office) and one BR is off the master so it’s our (DH’s) office but has a closet, window and a dedicated access point off the hallway, so it counts as a BR. As a family of four we would have been plenty happy with a 4 BR home (one office), but 2.5 baths was a must have item when house hunting.

      I wish I had more usable land vs home square footage. We have about an acre but a bunch of it is wooded and we abut conservation land so what we can do with it is somewhat limited. That’s what I wish I had put more thought in to when we purchased TBH.

   5. We have a 1200sf rowhome and find it perfect. Yeah would it be nice to have a big home gym space rather than working out in the basement? A bigger home office? Sure. But does it work fine? Yes. Do I want to need to maintain, furnish, clean, more rooms? No.

      1. Around the same amount of space for a family of 4 and it’s great. I could find use for more space, but this amount is plenty. I do live in a particularly lovely place where I can walk to parks and restaurants, go for a short walk and chat with the neighbors, etc. I might feel differently if I had to get in a car to do anything.

         1. oh yeah, important detail, we live downtown and can easily go a month without using our car.

   6. 1500 for 2 people is good for us. 2 bathrooms so we never have to deal with waiting, 3 bedrooms so we share one then each have an office, then livingroom and formal dining room. Plus we gave a full unfinished basement we don’t count as square footage that is a woodshop/paint studio.

      1. 1400sf here and I concur. I like my current 3br size but another 100sf would perfectly accommodate a second bathroom.

   7. 7,000 feet is utterly insane to me. Even with all the money in the world I’d never want a house that big.
      We have 2,300 sq feet (+ another ~1,000 sq feet in a finished basement) with 5 bedrooms and 2.5 baths and before the pandemic and WFH it felt pretty much perfect, maybe even bordering on slightly too much house for our family of 2 adults + 1 kid. With two adults primarily WFH it feels less comfortable, although I think it’s the open floor plan more than the total size of the house.
      We have a small (by Midwest standards) yard but I honestly wish we had zero yard. Our kid has never used it and I haaaate maintaining it. We pay people to mow and

      1. My next door neighbor built a 7000 sf foot house (it’s totally disproportional to the lot size) and many, many service professionals and others who visit the neighborhood think it’s a house of worship or some other communal/commercial building. The exterior doesn’t even have a homey look.

         1. A beautiful old New England coastal home that used to belong to my family was torn down and a massive McMansion that looks like a club was put in its place. Such a bummer. It’s way too large for the lot and somehow infringes upon its oceanfront beauty.

   8. our house is 4800 sq feet which is way bigger than what we were looking for but just what we ended up with. there are many things i would change about the layout and size of certain rooms (some are unnecessarily large, while others too small for our family’s needs), but we do use most of the rooms (except the dining room and guest room, which will ultimately become a kid’s room – they currently share) on a daily basis (unless DH is traveling for work and then he doesn’t use his office). i am very glad that currently DH and I each have our own offices, we have a designated playroom and PLENTY of storage space (we’ve lived here almost 4 years and still have some closets and cabinets that are basically empty)

      1. responding to myself but we live in an area without basements and both DH and I grew up with finished basements – I really really really really miss basements. My children are noisy and i’d love to be able to send them down to the basement to play

         1. I would kill for a finished basement. We have a stone foundation that impossible to seal without mold risks due to the stone ‘breathing’. It’s a huge pain to not be able to have a designated ‘kid’ area.

   9. It’s less about square footage and more about the floorplan and sufficient storage. We just visited my SIL in her ~600 sqft apartment, and it was really functional and so nice.

      That said 7k sqft is enormous and I’m getting tired just thinking about the vacuuming.

      1. +100. We’ve lived in several houses as a family of four, ranging between 2,000-2,800 square feet. They all worked well for us.
         A few years ago we bought our long-term home, which is 5,000 square feet (including a large finished basement). It’s a big house for sure, but the space is weirdly allocated: we have a relatively small kitchen and living room due to a giant first-floor alternative primary suite (waste of space for us); very large secondary bedrooms, one of which is my home office that could easily be halved; no laundry room (just a closet); and small his-and-her closets. It’s all fine, but I’m low key annoyed by having to do things like hang-dry my laundry in the upstairs hallway in a house this size!

      2. Agree the layout and storage space is super important. I’ve seen plenty of houses with large square footage that are just terribly laid out and wasted space. Ideally for my husband and I, I want 3 bedrooms (we sleep in separate rooms so 2 for us + a guest room), 3 full baths, 2 home offices (I work from home full time and husband does sometimes), living room, kitchen, a bonus room or finished basement large enough to fit some piece of workout equipment and a tv, and plenty of easily accessible storage. That’s probably in the 2500-3000 square foot range. I currently have 2000 sq ft and could use one more room and another full bathroom.

         1. Oh, and add a dedicated laundry room (or laundry closet) to that list. Our laundry is currently in our garage and it’s kind of annoying

   10. Personally, around 4,000 sq feet was great for our family of 5 when the kids were all still at home. While I have sometimes thought it would be great to have a larger house, I have never actually wanted to deal with having more space to maintain.
       Now that we are on the verge of being empty nesters, we are getting restless to have a smaller house. This one is a lot to take care of now that much of the space isn’t used as frequently. However, the housing market and interest rates mean that we would likely end up spending more per month on a smaller house, so we haven’t pulled the trigger yet. Plus we need time (and money, which is currently in short supply with two kids in college) to get this house in shape to sell.

   11. For me it completely depends on whether there is a garage available. We live in a 1100 sq ft apartment and could be fine with that size if we didn’t have to store all the things that should be in a garage in our living space. Some of the things, like our bikes, are used daily or weekly and therefore can’t just be moved to a storage unit.

   12. Whenever I see houses like that online I wonder how much space is actually being used. When primary bedrooms are so big they have a whole dang sitting room attached, is anyone actually using it? Is anyone actually using a “theater room” instead of just watching TV in the living room like a normal person?

       1. Ok, theater rooms are legit amazing and worth while, in my very biased opinion. We don’t have a huge house, but there’s an extra bedroom in the basement that we converted to a small theater space. It’s nice not to have the TV as the focal point in the main living space.

       2. I wouldn’t want a huge house because I wouldn’t want the time and expense of maintaining it, but I would 100% use a theater room if I had one. I think they’re awesome.

       3. I spent a lot of time in my friend’s theater room during high school. Even when they weren’t hosting the family used it plenty.

   13. 1200-1500 sq ft is my ideal.

       1. +1

          And with a large garden

   14. 2,400 is my ideal (about 1/3 larger than my current home). I like my family! I want them nearby so don’t want a huge house, but also could use a little less nearby than we currently experience.

   15. So, I will gingerly wander in to this conversation: our house is 8000 sq ft. We live in an area / neighborhood where this is not out of place – wealthy suburb in the Southeast. We have a family of five and host very often, including one side of the family who lives outside of the US and one side of the family who lives in another part of the country. We use most of the house. We each have our own bedrooms and bathrooms, have a guest room, an office, a formal dining room, a kids playroom, and a living room attached to our large kitchen. We designed the house with an architect to our own specs and truly expect to live there for the rest of our lives, and built it to age in place. It’s not a super formal house, which I like. I love hosting and being able to host overnight guests, and the space helps to make that happen. We don’t have a tennis court but do have a large pool. In all honesty, it is a dream come true, and I feel lucky that we are able to have this. I married into an immigrant family and it was important to them to have our family have a large home that represented their hard work and success. I think absent that, my dream house would be half the size.

       1. Sounds beautiful! How much did it cost to build? I reached out for quotes for building in California and it seemed like the range was $500-1,000 per square foot for a nice home.

       2. My parents built a 6,000 sqft McMansion when I was young, they now live in it alone, it was designed to age in place, but it’s sort of weird there is an entirely unused second floor.

       3. Where do you put the rest of the guests with one guest room? Office?

          1. We have a guest apartment in our finished basement, with a gym and movie theater too! The office also has a sleeper sofa, and when we have a very full house, we combine kids into one room and that opens up two more queen size beds.

       4. This sounds rad. Sign me up.

   16. My family of 3 lives in a 2700 sq ft house, and I like this size for us! With an optimized layout, I’d be OK with about 200 square feet less, and there are times when I’d appreciate another 300-400 square feet. But overall, our house is a great size for us.

       When we were house shopping, we toured a 5000-6000 sq ft house because it was on the same street as a house we were interested in and figured we’d see what it was like. It kept going, room after room, and all I could think of was how much work it would be to keep it clean.

   17. We have a 2400 sq. ft. 3 bd/3.5 bath with 2 kids, and it’s just about right. It would be great to have a designated office space and a laundry room, but our layout is very functional and there’s plenty of room for everyone.

   18. 2400 square feet if you have 2 kids and a dog.

   19. I’m personally team “small house, big yard” and don’t think I’d want to go over 2000 ft for my house, even with kids. I do want a shop/garage for our hobby equipment and a nice big pavilion for hosting, which means the house itself can be small and tidy and not take ages to clean.

   20. My house is ~3100 sf plus a large unfinished basement which we use for laundry and exercise (~1000 sf) and a large accessible storage attic (at least 600 sf). I have 6 kids though (some out of the house now).

   21. 3200-3500: we have 2800 which is small for our neighborhood and general area and income. 5 bed (one is an office), 3.5 bath, living, family, and another office. recently remodeled to use the space better. But would love a few rooms to be bigger and one more living space as kids get older.

   22. I would not buy a 7k sqft house with tennis courts and extensive gardens unless I also had a budget for staff.

       My current house is 3/2 ~2k sqft including the finished basement and attic. It’s cozy for a family of 5 with middle school age kids, but was fine when they were little and will be perfect when DH and I are empty nesters. I think layout is more important than sqft, but I wouldn’t look at anything over 4k sqft unless I had daily housekeeping help.

       My dream house for right this minute would definitely have 4 bedrooms, 2.5-3 baths including an en suite in my bedroom, a mudroom, a small office/den, and a separate living room and family room, and a big screened porch. Butler’s pantry + formal dining room in addition to a breakfast nook/casual dining space open to the kitchen would be nice to haves. I know from my periodic obsession with redfin and floorplans dot com that I could easily get all of that around 3500-4k

   23. I grew up in a huge home, about 25,000+. 3 families and staff lived in the home.

       I absolutely hated the house itself. I was always cold. The bathrooms never worked properly. My family was always fixing something or always saving to fix something. Replacing the roof was a major undertaking.

       My father didn’t particularly love it either and split it into apartments about a week after my grandmother, his mother, died. We moved to a much smaller home, about 10,000 sqft and it was manageable.

       Today I live in 1250sqft with 3 children and the actual living space is about 1000sqft. It’s smaller than I would like but it’s what I can afford. Ideal would be 1250sqft of usable space. I struggle with storage as I have one tiny closet and one regular sized closet which is 4ft wide.

       The flow of the space is ok. I’ve not finished working on storage solutions, using container store elfa where possible, for fabric (clothing, linen etc) storage and I’m exploring other storage options which is closed for books and other stuff that I want kept behind doors so I’m not constantly cleaning.

       I live in a very urban area and I have a back yard. It’s absolutely amazing to have that space available in the summer. When the children move out in 10 years it will feel too big for me!

4. Random question but I think we have a fair number of NYC posters here. Will be in town just for one night. Is there a good pizza or Italian restaurant that you like on the east side in the 40s or 50s near 2nd Av? Not looking for super fancy as I’d like do takeout but something nicer than a corner pizza slice shop.

   1. there’s a Smith at 51st and 2nd – i’ve always liked their meals. not italian per se but they probably do a decent pasta.

      1. I like The Smith too although I don’t think of them for pasta.

   2. Norma on Second Ave near 50th street is good, especially their pasta. If I recall correctly, there’s a great bar area if you want to eat there. I think they do takeout as well.

   3. Right on 42nd St between 2nd and 3rd Ave is Osteria Laguna- great salads, pastas and pizzas. The bar is lovely and I have gone several times to dine alone and I have never felt uncomfortable.
      Normas is on 2nd Ave between 49th and 50th St. The pasta dishes are very good and I have enjoyed the appetizers as well as the pizza. The seating in the front is comfortable for solo dining while the booths in the back are too big.
      My go to is often Osteria Laguna when dining alone and Norma’s with a crowd.

   4. For pizza:

      La Vera on 2nd and 49th. It’s basic but good pizza. They have slices and a good selection of them.

      La pizza Italia on 2nd and 51st is also excellent.

      I know you didn’t ask for this but my favorite restaurant is crave (fish) on the same block as La pizza Italia.

      I don’t eat pasta in that neighborhood so don’t want to recommend anywhere my colleagues go to. They are a bunch of guys who don’t have taste buds.

      The other good place I enjoy is poulette rotisserie chicken. It’s on 49th and 2nd. Again, not what you asked for but their mac and cheese is loved by my children who are very picky eaters.

5. A few weeks (months?) ago, someone recommended a good affordable cleansing oil, and I can’t find the post. Does anyone remember or have a rec? I found a great balm on clearance but it’s expensive otherwise.

   1. If you’re double cleansing, the best thing I’ve found is Ponds followed by Vanicream cleanser. Literally have used a bunch of expensive and fancy things and this is the magic combo for me—stumbled on it by accident when spending the night somewhere without my night bag.

   2. If you’re talking about an oil specifically was it the KOSE Softymo Speedy Cleansing Oil? My whole family uses it and it doesn’t irritate my eyes.

   3. I love the Numbuzin cleansing balm. It’s like $12 on K-beauty sites.

   4. I use whatever Asian option is cheap and available: Kose, DHC, used to use Hada Labo but their prices shot up. I stay away from American ones because they’ve don’t seem to clean as well and so many are very strongly fragranced. I think there are more options now like Cerave. But I’d still go with a Korean or Japanese brand.

6. OOoh, this suit is gorgeous. I don’t have anywhere to wear it, but I wish I did.

   1. Oh, I thought it was suede!

      I had a suede suit like this many years ago. It was – heavy.

7. Talk to me about silver polish, silver cloths, and how to store. I’m new to this and have some pieces (some sterling and some silver plated) from my gran that I’d love to use for the holidays (or just breakfast, as a daily treat to me).

   1. Store your silver in either bags (for things like pitchers/bowls) or under a silver cloth for flatware. Means you hardly ever actually need to polish. And then use cloth gloves and a cloth to polish as needed.

      You definitely should not polish plated more often that absolutely necessary. You can polish the plating right off.

      1. This

   2. I just went through this and ordered a few different products based on reviews for an old tarnished tea set. I liked goddard’s silver polish foam and wrights silver cream. I also tried woman’s instant tarnish remover but it was liquidy and hard to manage

   3. This is what Google is for.

   4. Wright’s silver cream is all I use – it’s all my grandmother used.

      Definitely get bags for storage. Buying ready-made bags can be prohibitively expensive, so you can buy silver cloth online by the yard and just hot glue it into sacks the right size if you don’t sew.

   5. I just do the tinfoil, baking soda and boiling water trick. Google that for how to, but it’s so easy and polishes everything up in under 10 minutes.

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