ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Stack Starter No. 2

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woman wears two rings, stacked together -- the rings look more like necklace chains than regular rings

I love these minimal rings from Catbird, where they're bestsellers — maybe I've just missed it, but I hvaen't seen the “necklace chain as ring” before, and never as delicately done as it is here. Lovely.

The set contains two rings: their Hundred Summers Ring (top, the one that looks more like a chain) and “Threadbare Ring, Yellow Gold” (bottom, the super thin gold ring). Both are made with 100% recycled 14K gold.

The set was $136, but is now marked to $115.6.

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119 Comments

  1. I’m someone who has been essentially single my entire adult life. I’ll admit that I wasn’t actively looking til date til I was about 27, but the last 5 years have been quite unsuccessful. The vast majority of my friends are coupled and people are starting to have kids, move to the burbs, and move on in their lives. It’s absolutely gut wrenching. I’m so afraid of being single forever. I appear to do things “right” (putting myself out there in a variety of ways), I’m in therapy, I have lots of friends and I’m close to my family, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I just want to love and be loved. I want to have a partner to rely on when things get tough. I want to have a family and not feel like a failure.

    I can’t fake another smile and genuine congrats to friends who are taking those steps I so want to take. I don’t know what to do.

    1. As someone in my late 40s, who has a mix of friends that got married, and never did despite wanting to, here’s what seems like it worked:
      – Keep up with the therapy, change therapists if you’re not getting to some core things
      – Find a spiritual practice be it religious, yoga, hiking, rock climbing, art whatever
      – Keep putting yourself out there
      – Don’t spend much time in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere/wouldn’t be a long term partnership.
      – If something is real and lasting, be willing to make some big compromises. Move to that crappy city, put your career on a slower track, agree to have only one kid etc. Few long-term relationships lack BIG compromises as part of what makes them work.

        1. Co-sign. I compromised and had a very bitter and protracted divorce with children, which has massively negatively impacted my and my children’s lives. Do not compromise.

          1. I think this may be one of those things where “compromise” can mean different things to different people. Figure out what your non-negotiables are and what doesn’t really matter that much and compromise on those for the right person. My partner probably wouldnt be living where we live except that I really wanted to live here and being with me was more important to him, I have compromised on other things that weren’t that important to me. We are happy with those decisions. It’s not bad advice that being in a serious relationship requires some give and take. Obviously that does not mean you give up on what you really care about or that you turn a blind eye to red flags. But “compromise” isn’t inherently the problem with that.

          2. This may be a semantics issue. Any relationship requires compromise, whether it’s with a partner, a friend or a family member. You won’t always want the same things and adjustments have to be made. The trick is figuring out which things you can compromise on and which are truly dealbreakers.

          3. Agree with AIMS. You can’t have a relationship (romantic or otherwise) without compromise! Unless you are planning on finding and marrying a clone of yourself, being couples involves compromise. Figure out what matters more than the right person and those are your deal breakers. Everything else is negotiable. I also like the advice of the bar for finding a partner as being am I happier with them than my life alone. For some people, compromising on one kid would be a deal breaker. For others, it’s not. Anecdotally I know more couples who did not want the same number of kids so someone in all these seemingly happy marriages compromised on what’s a relatively big decision! And I also know plenty of people who knew they wanted a specific number of kids until they had kids and that number changed. Or infertility made the decision for them. Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. Compromise isn’t a bad thing.

          4. Compromise is fine if you don’t care that much, but OP is talking about having kids when you don’t want to and f-ing your career. That is not compromise, that is subjugation.

    3. Are you on the apps? This is a pure numbers game and it’s the rare person with a big enough social circle on their own to make a relationship happen these days. It just takes one but you’ve got to sort through many.

      1. This. It truly is a numbers game and you’re best positioned by putting yourself in front of people who are also looking to be coupled.

        I know it’s hard, but don’t blame yourself. I’m a big believer in therapy. Take from it whatever good you can. But sometimes things truly are as simple as not meeting the right one yet.

      2. This is what it took for me.

        Context: I am freshly engaged at 40, and I met him on an app five years ago. I was on the apps with not great success for about 2 years prior to him, and when we went on our first date, I was about to take a break for a few months, because I was feeling dejected and, frankly, desparate to not end up alone. I remember that feeling so well, and it’s absolutely valid.

        Sending you all the happiness dust that I can from the other side of the screen.

      4. I have been on the apps for 5 years! It’s been hard to find someone who isn’t a complete dud on the apps. Some months I have no app success, other months I have a fair amount of matches/conversations/dates.

      5. My advice may be outdated since I met my husband 13 years ago, but I cosign on the apps and it being a numbers game (though I’ve heard the apps have gotten way worse since I was using them). I generally erred on the side of keeping app and phone conversations as short as possible and just meeting up in real life as quickly as possible. I spent a ton of time dating. I also agree with not wasting time on relationships that aren’t going to go anywhere. If you want marriage or a long term partnership there’s no point wasting time dating people that won’t lead to that.

    4. Untraditional advice but consider expanding your friend group to people that are a bit older, and still living in the city. Not suggesting dating older, but as friends. Your early thirties are a tough stage for friendship as so many people are focused myopically on the kids/suburbs/socializing with the other moms phase. It can be lonely when you are on the outside. As determined to stay DINKs in the SEUS, we had a great group of 40-somethings that got us through those years and teach us that there were so many paths in life.

      2. Did this too, now in a relationship. Do people build friendships anymore, or just date on apps?

      3. I feel like my ~10 years older friends are busier than the ones my age! My age friends with kids have babies so we can meet up for a walk or a drink with the baby. My friends in their 40s all have kids with all-weekend soccer tournaments!

        I have a few work friends turned real friends who are older and childfree, but they don’t like to do much on weekends.

    5. I could have written this 15 years ago. When I was in my early 30s, all my friends were coupling up, having kids, and moving to the suburbs. I felt like I was on a hamster wheel not making any progress towards the milestones that society tells you that you ought to achieve. Eventually, I got sick of it and decided that I should be living my life and not waiting around for life to happen to me. I bought a cute little house in a fun neighborhood downtown and started traveling on my own since I no longer had single friends to travel with. I date and I’ve had a few long-term boyfriends since then, but I’ve reached a point in my life where I am happy with the way things are and I haven’t (yet) met anyone who is worth forsaking my own happiness / standards / dreams for. All by way of saying that – notwithstanding how bleak things may look now – they can and will get better. The answer may not be marriage and kids, and that’s okay! Prioritize your own happiness and the rest will fall into place. Signed, Happily Single at 45.

      1. Yeah – I do have a great life on my own. A large circle of friends, fun hobbies and interests I can dedicate time and effort to pursuing, solo travel. A job I like. Not enough money to buy anything in my market, but such is life.

        But I’ve had a great life for several years now. I’ve never been looking for a partner to complete me. But, dang I want a partner too!!! I can and I do a lot of things solo, but I don’t want to do things solo all of the time. I just went through a family emergency and it sucked not having a partner to maneuver that with. I want someone to hold me and tell me its going to be okay. I see romantic or fun date ideas and I have no one to do them with. I don’t want to have to ask a friend or my mom to come help me move furniture or do another 2 person job. Heck, I want someone else to cook dinner or take out the trash for once.

        1. OP, you sound exactly like my younger self, and I am sending you, and her, so much love! I eventually did meet my now-husband at 38, and we got married just after I turned 40. Zora Neale Hurston wrote “there are years that ask questions and years that answer,” and I don’t think anything sums up my experience better. I had a very quiet decade and then a lot happened for me, all at once. Like you, I was doing all of the “right” things all along, it’s just that we didn’t meet until we did. It is really one of the great mysteries of life. Sara Eckel’s book “It’s Not You” was very helpful to me during this time – she writes more about getting comfortable with uncertainty than about “fixing” your dating life, and in my experience she is more right about it all than anyone else.

        2. Every three months a very similar post is made. I say this to you as a reminder that this is not a problem unique to you and in fact is very connected to broader societal and cultural headwinds that frankly no one knows how to solve.

          I actually think there is comfort in that so I am offering it here.

    6. I’m 36 and just got engaged a few days ago – two years ago I hadn’t had a relationship last longer than 6 months, never had anyone say I love you, been on the apps on and off for pretty much my entire adult life. It was exhausting and lonely and sad, even when the rest of my life was great. I relate so hard to feeling the pain of not having a partner to rely on in hard times, especially as I was feeling the effects of my parents aging.

      For me, eventually the apps just…worked. I met my fiance about a month after he moved to my area, and we just clicked. It was a bad time for me personally and I was really just swiping to keep my mind off of other things, and to this day I can’t believe I had the energy at that time to go on the first date. But I did, and it was pretty good. And then a few weeks later when things had calmed down, we went on a second date and it was great. And its continued to be the most solid, comfortable, happy relationship of my life. It still doesn’t feel real that I get the wedding and partner after so many years of feeling like it was never going to be a part of my story.

      A couple of things I did that made this one different: 1) I didn’t run at the first sign of issues like I did in my 20s. There were things we had to work through, and minor personality clashes that are just a part of our relationship. He has always been willing to communicate, compromise and adjust – I am definitely not advocating staying in an uncomfortable or unhealthy relationship for the sake of being partnered. But I did have to talk myself down from the instinct to avoid the uncomfortable conversations when I had become used to being able to just deal with my own emotions. 2) I had to move, and that one was/is hard. I had bought a condo in my ideal neighborhood in my beloved city, but his job is in person and an hour minimum, 2 hours on a bad traffic day, from where I lived. We now live in what I consider to be suburban hell, which is still a half hour closer to the city than his office (compromise!). It is worth it for me, but it was more difficult than I expected. (Commenters on this board were also fairly uniformly against me moving when I posted about my dilemma here fairly maybe a year ago, which actually solidified my opinion that it would be worth it to move for this man because the reaction the other way seemed so over the top to me.)

      I don’t know if this is helpful, but I do know hearing stories of women on this board who had met their partners in their mid-late 30s helped me have a bit of hope when I was in the trenches. It also was crucial for me to maintain friendships with women who were single, or at least had not found their partners in high school/college/early 20s. Most of my best friends were all coupled early and there’s just things they find hard to understand. Keep living your life and taking joy in your friends and family, and go on that date even if just to get a good story out of it. And my hope for you is someone great for you is planning a move to within your app radius as we speak.

    7. I met my husband at 37. Things that worked in my favor, I didn’t care how tall he was or that he made less than me (he didn’t have a weird complex about these things either) and that he wasn’t my race. To be clear, none of this felt like settling to me. He’s an awesome guy and I’m so happy to be his partner, but I know a ton of women who would have considered these dealbreakers. I’m not encouraging you to settle or compromise your values but it’s worth examining if you have any dealbreakers that are really just things you think should matter because society says so or women around you care about them.

    8. Whatever you do, take the time when you meet someone to verify that they are the person they are presenting to you. For example, if they keep their bathroom is awful condition then you know that’s their standard. Notice who their friends are and how they met. Controversial, but I am advising my children to mutually disclose financial situations before getting married, because nothing shows someone’s values more clearly than 3 months of bank and credit card statements!

      Also definitely get a pre nup.

      1. 100% get a prenup. I think it’s insane to get married these days without a prenups and if he refuses to sign one, don’t get married.

  2. I’m off to a Kiehl’s store for the first time in decades. I used to love “Creme Groom with Silk” and a few other discontinued products. I’m hoping that the groom works to help pat down my gray hairs, which can stick out as a bit wire-y. What else is a go-to these days? Oily skin. I don’t need anything but it’s such a nostalgia treat (even though they got sold to Loreal a while back).

    1. they stopped making my favorite lip balm and now it’s only the glossy tube. i still like their Magic Elixir which can be hard to find elsewhere. their avocado eye cream is pretty good too.

    2. I love their Magic Elixir for hair – I think it helps with frizzy or gray hair texture and helps keep my hair look nice and growing strong.

    4. Yes, love their Amino Acid Shampoo and Conditioner. And the Rare Earth Mask. And the Evening Primrose oil.

  3. Does anyone have any of the “jeans” that are just denim-printed terry? I love the idea (and have a picky teen), but they are really expensive. Is there a dup for Rag & Bone or just bite the bullet since even though it is a splurge, it might be a very cool present for someone who has a birthday coming up.

    1. I want them but will wait for the knockoffs (which I haven’t seen yet – the R&B ones are relatively new still).

      2. halara has a pretty good knockoff and the $49 price point is far better for something that is really loungewear.

      3. This has been an unsightly product marketed to grandmas for many, many years. (Source: it’s me.)

    2. Yeah they are currently in a pile to return. My friends have them and they’re fine but for the money I’d rather have actual high end jeans. I also don’t find jeans particularly uncomfortable so I wasn’t sure what problem they were solving.

      1. I want to be a believer but the Talls don’t run small enough. Looking for more of a 4 and LE isn’t known for running small.

    4. A friend wore Halara Flex High Waisted Pockets Baggy Wide Leg Washed Casual Jeans and looked very cute. She said they were amazingly comfortable.

        1. To me, the elastic all around is a no. I’d rather have something with just a narrow back-only elastic (or just overall stretch). The cuff can look a bit like maternity pants to me unless I’m wearing something not tucked in.

    5. Not sure if they are still in stock, but Gap had a version over the holidays. I bought a pair and like them well enough.

  4. As someone in my late 40s, who has a mix of friends that got married, and never did despite wanting to, here’s what seems like it worked:
    – Keep up with the therapy, change therapists if you’re not getting to some core things
    – Find a spiritual practice be it religious, yoga, hiking, rock climbing, art whatever
    – Keep putting yourself out there
    – Don’t spend much time in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere/wouldn’t be a long term partnership.
    – If something is real and lasting, be willing to make some big compromises. Move to that crappy city, put your career on a slower track, agree to have only one kid etc. Few long-term relationships lack BIG compromises as part of what makes them work.

  5. Are we still wearing headbands in 2026? I thought the trend had passed but maybe I’m wrong?

    2. I’ve never learned not to make impulsive decisions with bangs, so trendy or not, they are essential every couple years.

      1. i was wondering if she was influencing things!! i never saw her appeal in the 90s but I must say her looks have aged perfectly

    4. I think the fabric ones from a few years back look dated but the tortoiseshell ones (think JCrew in the 1990s) seem to be going strong.

  6. I’ve followed this blog because I have historically really struggled with fashion and dressing professionally. I think it’s time to ask for some specific recs because I continue to struggle.
    I work in tech, so the dress codes have always been all over the map and I’m one of like 5 women in the building. I’ve been trying to put together a work wardrobe that I find comfortable – doesn’t limit my range of motion, fabric that would handle a couple hours of tame walking outside without messing up my temperature regulation or snagging on things. I also like to have things with a bit of color and personality, but not too much because I don’t want to be too out of place in the sea of khakis and polos. I hate wearing black, enjoy earth tones, browns and greens and blues. Where should I shop, and what outfits would you prioritize?

    1. What’s your overall vibe/style inspiration? I’m petite and work in finance so my overall style for work is tailored, formal, and classic, but with lots of color. So for me I like the Fold/Brooks Brothers for suiting, dresses, and dressy sweaters. All of my sweaters are washable and cotton/merino breathes well. The fold clever crepe line is also washable and comfortable for all day wear. I find athletic fit (stretchy) dressy pants at Lilly Pulitzer, Vuori, or Jcrew. Boden and Tuckernuck for maxi dresses/fun tops/accessories.
      If you are taller, edgier, plus-size, etc. the advice changes.

      1. Left to my own devices, I’m a very casual and outdoorsy dresser. Hiking pants from an outdoor clothing company, t shirts, plenty of wrinkled linen. Sometimes a whimsical/cartoony touch in a cute pair of earrings. Any time I dress for work I’m either uncomfortable in the outfit or it seems too casual.

        1. Look at Athleta’s trouser type pants. The ones with the buttons/zipper in front.

          However, agree with the below posters – I would never hike or take a long outside walk in clothes I wore to work. I always change after work, and then workout or go to yoga or hike. Or even just hang out on the couch. All different outfits.

          Hopefully if you can embrace that you do have to change, that will actually free you up and give you some creative sparks for your work clothes! I can see how if you are trying to make one out fit fit your entire day, that’s going to be difficult to feel fashionable. It’s not that you can’t feel fashionable all the time, but work fashionable is going to be way different than hike fashionable.

        2. I am maybe similar to you, more comfortable in hiking clothes, in stem, and honestly I’m interested in figuring out work clothes “tactically”, ie I want to wear whatever I need to to get people to listen to my expertise, I’m not interested in fashion for its own sake (no shade to those who are)

          So anyway, my work formula is: non denim pants in a modern cut, and I am a ok with non natural fabrics or blends because I don’t want to look wrinkly. I have had luck with Old Navy, everlane, even target. T shirt (honestly my workhorses are all Target), in a few staple colors I look good in. And for me, a statement-ish necklace, enough to act as a 3rd piece, and non sneaker shoes

          Then, a big upgrade was getting a couple casual blazers/elevated jackets that I can wear with any of these outfits – honestly, mine came from Amazon. Instant upgrade for more important meetings/being warmer if needed.

          If I’m running at lunch, I obviously change but tbh for just walking at lunch, I’ll change into sneakers, leave the blazer at the office & just go. Will change into a different shirt if it’s summer and I’m going to sweat a lot but don’t bother in winter. It works for me.

    2. I personally would stop seeking office athleisure and just change when you take a walk or workout. This is an odd list of requests that I think would be hard to find anywhere.

      1. I definitely agree that it’s hard to find… It just would improve my life a ton if I could feel genuinely comfortable in what I wear to work and not have to figure out when in my routine I can fit in changing clothes that meet the needs in the rest of my life. Do other people just not go outside or move? Are they changing clothes multiple times a day every day?

        1. I have work clothes, life clothes, gym clothes and PJs. Even more casual guys don’t normally walk the dog in their “good” khaki pants.

          1. At a minimum, I change shoes. I walk the dog in something with a rubber sole, generally a sneaker or some low boots.

            Why do you need to walk so much in what you wore to work? If it is a walking commute, your clothes may be fine but not your footwear.

        3. I change my clothes multiple times per day, yes.

          I’m just not envisioning a world where I have work clothes that take me through an 8+ hr work day and also need to sustain “several hours” of walking outdoors. Like, you leave the office then go on a 3 hour walk? Why not change in to more walking-friendly clothes at that time?

        4. I am someone who is comfortable in my work clothes and also loves to be outside and I would not walk for hours in my work clothes (and I generally wear fashion sneakers to work). I change clothes for different things, yes.

        5. Yes, most people change clothes. Straight out of college I worked for a tech company and got away with the same clothes at the office and personal time. But once I wanted to look professional I realized I needed a dedicated work wardrobe. There might be certain pieces that overlap but frankly no, polished officewear isn’t going to be comfortable for a long walk.

        6. You can find professional clothing that is comfortable enough for normal office activities, including walking out to lunch or general errands. If the clothes you choose don’t allow for that type of basic movement, you may not be selecting the right size. But if you think you should be able to do yoga unhindered or go for an after work exercise class, the attire you choose isn’t going to look professional in the office.

          Your office norms might be casual enough that you can wear, say, a nice pair of hiking pants and a fleece vest as your daily work uniform. If you like that look and it’s acceptable in your office then lean in to it. Just don’t convince yourself that it’s a professional business outfit.

    3. I worked in tech and hear you! Try Aritzia or Nordstrom. A few women did the dark denim + plain tee shirt + cute jacket combo which can have a scarf/pashmina for temperature regulation . It’s an outfit that can work for boots, sneakers or regular shoes.

      1. Not head-to-toe, but check out some options at Eileen Fisher. Most of their clothes are comfortable but more elevated casual, so maybe look at their linen shirts, unstructured jackets, or various pants to mix with what you already have.

        (Also a woman in STEM, so I get it! Seconding dark denim+tee+jacket with low-heeled chunky shoes/boots that are lab-appropriate.)

    4. I think modern chinos and cotton button front shirts hit the same formality level as the guys. Tommy Bahama fits you, they have some modern looking chinos. And some good solid and striped button front shirts. Of course, ignore the tropical stuff! If Banana Republic fits you, you can find similar pieces there. Those can be worn with sneakers or loafers.

  7. Cringe or cute? Birthday invite for fiance’s 30th that markets him like a new product rollout. New “Jessica Integration” that keeps him home on Friday nights instead of wild partying, helps him with emotional regulation and “low panic latency,” and makes sure he gets enough sleep and eats enough calories. Deprecated features include crazy partying, fear of settling down, and not sleeping enough. In development: Marriage 1.0 and Child Pack (We are getting married this year and planning for kids next year).

    2. I. . . don’t even know what to say. This is a no. It’s not about him at all. It’s all about “Jessica” and how she “fixed” him.

    3. Oof! Not my favorite. Also, are you sure you want to take on all that motherly responsibility for him? I suspect it will get old, especially once the kids come along.

      1. She is and she’ll be really tired of being the only adult in the room as soon as they have a baby. Single parenting two.

      2. Or she’s marrying a meh but fine guy but treating him like an improvement project. Hard to say.

      1. If you’re inviting only your friends. If you’re inviting anyone else, I vote no.

        1. If you’re inviting only friends and also if the birthday boy works in software, I vote cute. It is kinda cringe, regardless, but in a forgivable rather than obnoxious way as long as the audience is right.

    8. This feels cringe to me. It also
      paints you as mommying him, which I doubt is your goal (and hopefully is also not your IRL dynamic!).

    9. Deeply, deeply cringe. He exists outside of his relationship with you. Celebrate him, not him being engaged to you!

    10. Cringe, to be honest. There is so much fault-finding expressed or implied here. While a little bit of “hey, you’re an old guy who’s leaving his carefree 20s behind” is appropriate and fun for a 30th birthday, this makes him sound like someone you’re planning to do a tear-down remodel on.

    13. I vote no – I think this is super weird tbh. Just say you are having a party to celebrate his his 30th bday and leave it at that.

    14. This is so bad I couldn’t even read the whole thing. Setting aside how insulting this is to him, why would you make his birthday invitation all about yourself?

    15. This is embarrassing on so many levels. It’s insulting to him and who he is. Why are you portraying yourself as someone who is “fixing” him because he’s not good enough for you as is? Marriage 1.0?? Are you planning on divorcing?

      Honestly reads like you don’t respect him at all.

      Are you watching Love Is Blind? This feels like something Bri would write about Connor!

    16. I strongly dislike this. Mainly because I am not techy so this is really confusing to me and doesn’t read like a birthday invitation in the slightest. I’d err on the side of simple and to the point, nobody will care about the invite as much as you do.

      1. Yeah, it’s confusing. Where is the birthday in all of this? It sounds like a weird cringey engagement announcement roast mixed with a bachelor party invitation (sent by the girlfriend?). I’m horrified that OP isn’t embarrassed by this.

    17. So cringey, and definitely setting up a pattern of you mothering him. Even if you don’t, you’re speaking it into existence. Don’t do that. Presumably he has a mom.

        1. Because of how condescending, disrespectful, and immature this proposed party invitation wording is.

    21. This is awful. It’s demeaning under the guise of “cute,” and it keeps up the stupid sexism of wives as ersatz mommies.

    22. Wow, this makes him sound like a toddler and you don’t come off looking so great either. I’d ditch this entire concept (and if your entire relationship is based on you mommying him I’d seriously reconsider the marriage or at least get therapy).

    23. I feel very strongly that he needs to leave this relationship. This is really gross.

    24. I agree with everyone on the NO and also – do NOT tell people you planning for kids or thinking about having kids.

      Then they picture you making babies, or ask you about how it’s going.

      And if it’s not going well, do you want them to know that? Could be personal. And if it does go well, do you want them to know that?

      And if you want them to know that, do you want them to know that you’re like that?

    25. Please no. How embarrassing for him. This is Smother Mother territory.

      If I received this for a friend’s invite I would be so embarrassed for him. And worried about his decision making, but not for the reasons you list.

    26. Beyond cringe on many levels to me. In addition to what others said about the focus on yourself and treating him like an improvement project, “Marriage 1.0” strongly implies there will be a second marriage.

    28. “We invite you to the launch of Jessica’s fourth decade! With the installation of Aaron she comes complete with features like filing her taxes on time, reduced spending at Sephora, and the check engine light on her car is finally off! Deprecated features include arriving at work hungover and gardening with inappropriate men on the second date.”

      I mean….

    29. From the invitation to the very end of the birthday festivities, please center him and take a giant step back.

  8. IDK who else here is a lawyer admitted in NJ but OMG each year their CLE reporting and dues payment system is the absolute worst.

    1. I resigned for this reason. If you don’t live and/or practice in NJ, I highly recommend it.

      1. I have one thin tie left there and one matter not put to bed and after that may consider it. The live CLE is just so crazy and they could not be less user friendly. Do better, Garden State. I love you, but not this.

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