Weekend Open Thread
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I was helping a friend look for dresses to wear as a wedding guest recently, and I fell in love with this one from Aidan Mattox by Adrianna Papell.
Of course, it's always dicey wearing anything close to white or ivory for a wedding — but I think here it would be impossible to confuse the wearer with the bride.
I loooove that it has pockets, and is bra frindly, and I love the way it looks kind of abstract and intricate all at once.
The dress is $395 at Nordstrom.
(Looking for something similar but affordable, and maybe more acceptable for everyday wear? I really like these J.Crew Factory dresses.)
Sales of note for 4/24:
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off your purchase PLUS $50 off $100! Readers love this popover blouse, and their suiting is also in the sale.
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
- Evereve – Now through Sunday: up to 70% off! Markdowns include Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
- Express – $39+ Summer Styles
- J.Crew – Friends & Family Event, 30% off your purchase! Good deals on blazers and boots
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything, extra 50% off clearance, and extra 20% off $125+
- Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
- Loft – Friends & Family event, 40% off entire purchase + extra 15% off + free shipping
- M.M.LaFleur – This weekend only, save 25% on dresses. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Nordstrom – 1500+ new women's markdowns
- Sephora – Up to 50% off hair deals today only – includes Shark Beauty tools! (See our recent discussion on how to upgrade the Revlon brush.)
- Talbots – Friends & Family event, 30% off entire purchase – today only, free shipping, no minimum
- TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
- Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!
Continued from the end of Friday’s thread …
Not a big update, but I asked what to wear to a company box minor league baseball game earlier this week. I wore a nice tee, casual blazer, ankle slacks, and loafers. It was fine, but I actually felt overdressed -the (few) other women wore jeans, the men either jeans or khakis with polos or button downs. But I looked nice and had a really great time too.
This dress has a very late 1950s/early 1960s c-tail vibe.
It’s pretty, though. We talk a bit about whether things can be “objectively” flattering, and I would say that this shape is one that, whether it’s trendy or throwback or whatever, is just objectively flattering on most women.
It is very pretty and not so retro that it looks like a costume. The neckline and armholes would not be flattering on me, though, even though the fit and flare silhouette would be.
Yes, I love it. No where to wear it to, but it instantly caught my eye.
The shape reminds me of the dress Isa Briones is wearing in all the clips I’ve seen of her portraying Connie Francis.
Speaking of dresses, what kind of dresses would you buy for a European city vacation with lots of walking? I realized I missed out last year walking around Paris and realizing all the tourist moms had much cuter clothes on than I did.
i don’t like dresses for travel because (on me) they require no chafe shorts and also I sweat and don’t want to wear them more than once. But, putting that aside, i think any cotton summer dress that you already own probably is fine. i try not to buy things only for travel.
+1 to all of this
Stacie Flinner has a lovely inspirational blog post on this topic today.
her ads are all over my fB feed.
I wore casual cotton midi-length dresses a few days in Paris last summer. I wore nice leather sneakers with them. Old Navy / Gap are full of those type of dresses if you don’t want to drop $$$.
Whatever linen or cotton dress I impulsively buy at a local store when I discovery I packed poorly.
That’s a win in my book — a practical souvenir!
A midi or maxi dress in linen or gauze that can be worn with some wrinkles. Definitely not poplin, which looks terrible wrinkled and is a lint magnet. Black or navy to hide dirt. I have a black linen Z Supply Bayside dress from last season that fits the bill perfectly. It has a smocked bodice, which seems to be trending, but instead of being cut straight across like most are the bodice comes up a little higher in front for a more flattering line.
I love my Sue Sartor cotton midi dresses for this. They hold up well to lots of wear and look great in photos.
Marine Layer has a few very simple dresses that I’d bring — they can be casual with sandals/sneakers, and more fancy with scarves and accessories. I also like linen/easy maxi skirts with tank tops (scarves if you need to cover shoulders).
Our local news announced that they arrested 8 men last week in a sting based on sex crimes involving minors and human trafficking. One of the men lives on my street. He (allegedly, of course), believed he was meeting a 14 year old (!!!) at a seedy hotel for $200.
I don’t know the family, but he has a wife and kids around my kids’ ages (which is well-past old enough for them to understand most of this and hear about it from their friends). He used to work for a youth sports org, too, so the news understandably put some extra focus on him over the others. I just … ugh, I can’t imagine what this must mean for their lives. I’m just so disgusted and horrified.
That’s so awful. I don’t know how well you know the wife and kids, but be kind when you see them (obviously).
Commiseration. We have an acquaintance who was arrested for and then plead guilty to possession of child pornography. The criminal’s mom and my FIL were in the same class in the 60s, he and my husband went to school together in the early 00s, and our kids were in the same class. We hadn’t interacted with the guy since we were in college, but he and my husband have a mutual friend in common, and we’d recently hung out in a group that included his brother a few times. It was very shocking and disgusting, and we feel terrible for his wife and son.
Geez. I’m in the youth sports world, and I think I know who you are talking about. Freaking horrible. Watch your kids, stay vigilant, even (especially) with trusted coaches.
this was my uncle about 15 years ago but without the publicity. my aunt (the one we’re related to by blood) wanted to believe he was innocent but her lawyer told her to divorce him to protect her half of their retirement. she later had the whole marriage annulled by the catholic church despite being married for 40+ years and 2 girls (who I’d been very close with my entire childhood.)
He apparently got into it around the time his youngest was in high school. Disgusting. Served time, then violated parole (caught again) and went back to prison. Got out, then died a few years ago in one of those circumstances where no one realized he was gone for 2 weeks.
on the pro side of things now that he’s dead my aunt gets his social security because it was higher than hers.
It’s no accident that he would have worked for a youth sports organization. Men will go to GREAT lengths to prey on their victims and gain access to spaces where victims can be found.
Two unbelievable stories from my time at the gym this morning: first one woman was doing leg exercises with 400 lbs added. (90% sure those were 50 lb weights.) Then another woman was telling a guy how they don’t have wifi in the house (just an ethernet connection) and she refuses to have a smart phone. It was like that SNL skit with Jack Black and the eagle (except they weren’t one-upping each other).
Anything you want to get off your chest? Confess it here.
**Judgement-free zone**
My best friend is running away to London soon and I so badly want to go with them. I hate my life and I have enough of a nest egg that I could, but I love my dog and that’s pretty much the only thing keeping my life together atm. Though I guess doggie could come with me?
Yes. Please buy your dog a Union Jack top hat 🇬🇧 🎩 .
You could take your dog! You could even take them by boat if, like me, you are nervous about the dangers of flying dogs in cargo holds; the Queen Mary II has kennels on board.
Flying/airline mistreatment is one of my concerns. I’d never forgive myself if doggie died. Good to know we can take a boat!
You can fly with doggie! Break it into several smaller trips. My mom is moving to Ireland from San Francisco so she’s taking pup on a 6 hour flight to Boston, staying for a bit, and then flying from Boston to Dublin in another 7 hour flight. Pup can stay under her seat both legs of the trip.
Realized after I posted that some countries may limit this / depends on dog weight, so definitely research separately if an option to keep the dog in the cabin with you.
But another option would be to take a boat like the Queen Mary.
I had my annual PCP appointment today and the doc I’ve been with for 14 years raised the idea of going on a GLP-1 to give it a try. My weight has yo-yo’d 50+ pounds in the years I’ve been with her, and since my late 20’s my BMI has been in the overweight to obese categories. I know that isn’t great. She’s suggesting I give it a try to curb food noise, which led to me confessing my emotional eating habits that have been in place since childhood. I guess you’re supposed to tell the truth at the doctor’s office, and I did, but woof, I know feel so embarrassed for sharing what I shared. I may try the GLP-1 – she wrote me a script and I’m going to think about it this weekend.
If you want to lose the weight, try the GLP-1. I take a microdose injection, and it curbs hunger/food noise just enough that I can eat what I plan to eat, and not eat my feelings when I’m stressed out. I can still eat normal meals, although often I’ll split a restaurant entree in two and bring part of it home. I’ve had a tiny bit of nausea and constipation, but nothing I couldn’t deal with easily. I’ve lost 10 lbs so far and am very pleased with it.
FWIW, it is the most amazing, life changing thing I’ve ever done. I’m back to the weight I was when I got married, I feel great and haven’t had to go up from the lowest dose so no side effects. Quite the oppos*te actually, it makes me feel fantastic and did from day one. 10/10 highly recommend. Food still tastes great, you just don’t need or want as much of it.
OG anon here and these replies are super helpful. Thank you!
I worry that because I’m funny people don’t take me seriously.
I’ve discovered that I can give 50% effort (at best) at my job and still be regarded as a high performer. No one was holding a higher standard for me than I was holding for myself.
Why would a major corporation keep deleting and re-advertising the same job opening for six months? Do I apply for a THIRD time?
Job: community relations for a power company, in a more rural area of the state. (Be on hand to answer town council questions when power goes out with big storms, go to Earth Day parties at local schools, etc.) Me: years of relations experience. I’D BE SO GOOD AT THIS.
Just this hour, I see on LinkedIn that they’ve listed the job for (at least) the third time since last fall when I applied a first time. The application is just uploading your resume to their site, so no effort on my part. (My resume has allll the keywords.) Is applying again lame? Should I not apply again because not getting it the first two times were the universe telling me it’s not the job for me? I’m out of work and desperate.
If it is really the same position, not the same type of job in three different locations or something like that, they are not successfully hiring. I don’t see the harm in reapplying, but I would try to figure out why your resume seems to be getting screened out by ATS and revise accordingly.
Of course apply again!
You need a job, and you want THIS job, so . . . go ask for it!
Can you tell if they actually hired someone the first two times? It could be that there was a hiring freeze, or a new manager came in and wanted to look things over. I think there’s no harm applying again. If they actually are on the third person in role in 6 months, that’s a different sort of red flag, but no way to tell until you interview.
Do you have any connections there in your network?
If so, apply again and also reach out to the connection and let them know you applied.
This is happening everywhere in the market. In some cases they really think they are going to get a unicorn for a bargain basement salary (and they may). In other cases it’s a ghost job or an effort to collect resumes. And sometimes I think it’s their LinkedIn recruiter auto renewing a post they haven’t been managing.
Have you reached out to the hiring manager or HR directly?
I keep getting texts from someone claiming to be DHL telling me I have to pay import taxes on a package to receive it. I can’t think of anything I ordered internationally. I’d assume it was a scam (and I haven’t clicked the ‘pay here’ link in the texts!) except for the fact that it’s originating from the same number that DHL has used before to text me about legitimate packages coming from abroad, and the link appears to be the exact same type of link to the DHL page. I’m assuming I should just ignore this, but I’m really confused because it seems like it’s actually linking to DHL not a third party. Who would be behind a scam like this and how would they benefit? How does me paying DHL, who in turn pays the government and delivers the package, benefit a scammer?
If the text has a package id number in it, go to DHL’s website yourself and type it in.
I’d assume either error at DHL or scammer spoofing it so def would not click directly.
It’s possible it could be spoofed, but that’s more sophisticated than your average text scam. I’d contact DHL directly and ask if they have a package tracking for delivery to your address. If there’s a tracking number in the text, you could type DHL into your browser on your own and search for it there rather than clicking the link.
99.9% it’s a scam. I would ignore.
Is there a way for you to contact DHL customer support directly? I’m embarrassed to admit that I almost fell for a scam this week. I received a call from a guy claiming to be a customer rep at a bank, alerting me that someone was attempting to use my personal information to transfer funds out of my account to theirs. The number he called me from showed up on a search engine as the landline for a bank branch in my community. As he went on and on, I began to put two and two together and realized it was all a bunch of baloney. But he, and the guy he transferred me to as his “case manager” had the choreography down pat, and the phone number threw me for a loop. All I can say is: exercise diligence. I hung up the call, called my bank, and put an alert on my account. I hate this stuff, and it is pervasive.
google dhl and import taxes scams and compare what you learn to the kind of text you’re getting.
I would call DHL.
Unfortunately even my bank and investment institutions send me texts that look like fishing and I never click the links. I always call, as I have made mistakes before – both by clicking things I shouldn’t and by ignoring things that were real.
This, OP. Always confirm with the real company independently from the message you are getting.
It’s a scam. I get these regularly.
I get these but they’ve been legitimate.
PS – they usually come from the same number with your delivery info and of course, only if you ordered something internationally.
I just got one that was legit, but I also was having something shipped internationally. I agree to go to the website directly or to call.
That, my friend, is a scam. If you want to double check, call DHS or go to their website with the tracking number. But it is certainly a scam.
PSA. I tried the j crew factory dress linked. Fabric looked good for the price. Don’t bother if you’re busty. I am and couldn’t even zip it up in the size larger than my usual size.
how did you decide (or not) to have kids if it wasn’t something you were always sure about? My husband and I both feel like we could see full, joyous lives either way. It feels like something you shouldn’t do unless you’re 200% sure.
I feel like most people in my life grew up wanting to be parents OR have known since teenage years that they’d be childfree. Personally, I had always loosely seen myself as adopting someday – but that was when it seems like adoption was widely viewed as a positive whereas know there is so much more talk of the negative aspects. (though the people I know who were adopted all have very good relationships with their parents).
We decided to have one child after years of hemming and hawing. I’m so glad we did it and my husband is still adjusting. I would say that if you have a partner who is prone to anxiety or highly neurotic, it’s more of an uphill battle. But I love being a mom.
My husband and I married both assuming we’d want kids someday (we were young – early 20s). But 10 years went by and neither of us got the itch. In our mid-30s we decided to have one, though even then we weren’t “omg baby fever” and see if we wanted to stop there, but encountered unexplained infertility. After IUI was unsuccessful, neither of us want to proceed to IVF, and so we made our peace with our unexpected decision and are settled and happy with it.
Picture your life 25 years from now and what you want that to look like. I say this as someone who didn’t want and didn’t have kids but has a little regret about that. Neither my husband or I had the patience for the child rearing years so we opted out. As we get older, it would be nice to have adult kids. I didn’t think of that in my 20s/30s.
But PS also, we’re very happy without them too and often feel more relief that we didn’t. I used to think it was an all in or out idea and now I really think you can be happy either way.
I once read that people who don’t have children are happier than those with youngsters, but later on people who have adult children are happier than those who don’t have children at all. I wonder if that holds true. Maybe your happiness just comes at different times?
Yeah I can see that. We have a really happy life but enjoy our friends adult kids so much that it’s made me rethink my original stance. That said, we’ve got nieces and nephews and dogs of our own (not the same thing but so much joy) so I don’t feel like we’re missing out too much either. I guess my point is more it felt like a decision with a right answer when I was younger and I just don’t think there is one. There’s also no guarantee you get the life you imagined either so the risk adverse side of me says pick what’s truer to you.
I never gave kids much thought either way. When I was faced with the actual option of having children (I was dating someone in my 20s who wanted to marry me and have kids) I found the prospect of children viscerally repellent. I happily married someone else and we’ve been successfully child free for decades, and I have never once thought I made a mistake.
I don’t think kids necessarily make your life joyful, and I wouldn’t go into parenting thinking it will make you happier. Kids give your life meaning and fulfillment outside of yourself. And you’ll have experiences and connections in the community you’d never have otherwise.
I disagree that it’s something you shouldn’t do unless you’re 200% sure.
The great majority of people who have children are glad they had them. And lots of people who don’t have children are also glad they didn’t have them!
So it doesn’t feel like something you have to be that sure about – if you have children, probably you will be glad you did. And if you try, but can’t, probably you will have a good and happy life anyway.
I agree. It’s always a leap of faith to an extent. And you have to rise to the occasion. You won’t know what it fully entails until you are in it.
+1. I’m the first response (who hemmed and hawed for years and then had one) and I wasn’t 200% sure. I could see being happy either way. Most people who have children do not regret it.
I posted above and completely agree with this. I think the 200%, hell yes or it’s a no, analysis is for your choice of spouse. Kids or no kids, you can be happy either way. But a bad spouse and especially if you have kids with a bad choice, nightmare city.
I had kids because I want to live life to the fullest, and to me, that includes having a family. My partner was excited to have children. I also think life is empty when you focus on yourself, your career, and your own self-care, like today’s culture often emphasizes, all very individualistic and self-actualization oriented. To me, that stuff gets boring and lonely and leaves me with the feeling “What else is there?”
I got married and assumed we’d have kids, but I never actually felt the desire. I know some folks say to picture your future self, but that didn’t help me. I work in big law, made partner…. life was great, work was busy, and I didn’t think anything was missing–if anything it was all too much and I was not looking to add anything new to my life. Ultimately, my husband decided that he wanted kids and it all happened rather quickly while I was still uncertain if I’m being honest.
But now I am so glad we decided to have a kid– by far the best decision I’ve ever made! We love being parents and our family is my favorite. I really love seeing this side of my husband too. My life is a lot more complicated, but it’s completely worth it.
I don’t think all people are 200% certain that they want to be a parent beforehand. Your life probably would be great either way, just in different ways. Some things are a bit of a leap, and I think the question may be whether you and your partner want to go on the parenting journey together. If you found out you were pregnant, would you both shift and get excited about that chapter?
I just went through a breakup. Not really planned. I am sad. We were together mostly on, some off, the last 7 years. I told him today I can’t stay with him anymore. It was face-to-face, we hugged and cried, he didn’t fight me on it. We’re not a good fit long-term. He wants a very different life than I do, on everything other than kids. Our families hate each other due to extremely different cultural practices, but we’re more “Americanized/atheist” so have been OK but it’s hard not to have family support of the relationship. We moved in together for a while but then moved to very different parts of the city 3 years ago because we couldn’t handle the commute differences and neither of us wanted to leave our very big jobs we love. At least I don’t need to pack this weekend.
I feel tired and like it’s way too late in my life to do this. I’m 38. I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to tell my friends yet – some love him, some think he’s too demanding. I am a little ashamed I didn’t do this 5 years ago but also wishing we would be together the next 30 years. Deep down, I know it’s the right decision. I don’t want to go back. I am better off not trying so hard to spend time, working at schedules and avoiding family overlap. I could use any words of support. I don’t want to be a mess next week at work if I can have any suggestions to keep it together.
I’m sorry, it’s hard today. If you need a story, I ended that relationship at 39 and met my fantastic husband at 40. Life has a way of surprising you when you open the door to a better possibility.
Well said.
Oh, I am so sorry. Give yourself some time, space, and grace. And don’t wallow in the shame. I stayed in relationships way too long, and it’s just how I was able to deal and process.
This weekend, be very gentle, whatever that means to you. Walks, yoga, naps. If it were me, I’d want alone time, but you may want friends around. You’ll be okay, and truly, if this wasn’t right, then you’ve made space for the right thing. It’s on its way.
There is apparently a genetic test that can predict Alzheimer’s with 90% accuracy. Would you want to know?
yes. then you can be on the lookout and treat aggressively as treatments become available.
Tips for staying productive in a job while also interviewing elsewhere? Asking for a friend. :-)