Coffee Break: Marcie Flat
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These trendy Sam Edelman shoes look great and are winning rave reviews for comfort.
I think these would be great in a casual office (or on a casual day). There are a lot of great user-submitted photos of reviewers wearing the shoes with dresses, and while I'm not usually on Team Flats with Dresses, these are flats that even I can get behind.
The shoes are $140 at Nordstrom, Shopbop, and other department stores; Nordstrom has them in 5 colors.
Sales of note for 6/2:
- Nordstrom – Designer clearance up to 40% off!
- Ann Taylor – 30% off dresses, jackets, and shoes
- AYR – Ooh, good sale section — but lots on final sale. Readers love these comfy work pants and these jeans.
- Boden – 15% off new women's wear styles with code
- Express – Today only (6/2): all clearance up to 85% off when you take an extra 20-50% off
- J.Crew – 20% off $200, including new styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + 40-60% off everything else
- Loft – 60% off sale styles
- M.M.LaFleur– Up to 70% off, plus new styles added! (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off)
- Nordstrom Rack – Clear the Rack! Nice selection of Vince, Veronica Beard, Reiss and Rag & Bone, a ton of affordable work basics from Calvin Klein and dresses from Maggy London, Eliza J, and Donna Morgan
- Talbots – Buy one, get one 50% off everything!
We have an open door office and also can come and go whenever we want. I have a next door office neighbor who almost always has her door shut and never says anything to me when she comes and goes. When I come in, I try to say “hello” to everyone as I pass them by – we are a tiny boutique law firm with 6 partners and we all work together well. She and I are the only women partners. I should just chalk it up to her wanting a lot of alone time, right? I feel weird that she doesn’t ever say hi to me unless I say hi first. My office has been next to hers for a few years now so I know this will not change. Time for me to just let it go, right? I don’t know why it annoys me but it does.
Sincere question: If it’s been a few years now, what is happening this week or today that is especially annoying about this?
Yes. This is your neurosis. You don’t need to chalk it up to anything; this is just how she works and how she passes people in the hall. It doesn’t mean anything.
Agree
That’s rude and wouldn’t fly in certain European offices (it’s considered rude not to greet people in elevators and doctor waiting rooms in Germany, FFS). It’s definitely annoying but what can you do.
It sounded like she was reciprocating greetings. Agree it would be rude to ignore a “hi.”
soooooooo saying hi to me and expecting a response daily would annoy the bejesus out of me. i’m adhd and get into my little workflows and that would yank me right out and then i’d need like 15 minutes playing my dumb phone game to try to recover.
Social norms exist so we can all rub along in the world together. If you don’t say hi in a small office, fine, but be prepared to take a hit for that.
But this social norm is making it harder to rub along in the world together? If you say hi to everyone you pass and expect a greeting, be prepared to take a hit for being needy and annoying.
lol no that’s literally the opposite of what most people think. Greetings are by very definition supposed to be reciprocal. I know that we’re all supposed to be leaning hard into our diagnoses but come on.
In Germany it’s rude not to greet people in elevators. In Russia it’s rude to greet the same person more than once in a day. Educated people can handle some diversity of norms.
Not the OP, but the vibe is not what I think of when it comes to “boutique.” To me, that is more of a warm team, not just a statement of size. Like people function as one, maybe because they talk to each other?
Do you ever as part of a bigger group talk shop, go over cases, talk about new laws or caselaw? I feel that frost at a smaller firm is just not great. But clearly we can live this way.
I’m in a bit of a silo at BigLaw and hate it. But I’d hate the frost at a smaller shop because it would feel more personal.
Maybe ask if she wants to grab lunch sometime. “I’d love to know more about what you work on; maybe we could work together on some opportunities.” In work, it’s not all business or social, but you can’t move the business forward when you don’t have a baseline relationship with a person and a handle on would you even want to bring them on to a project. Selfishly, coldly, she should know this and move it forward or say politely something making it clear it’s not you “I’d love to, but I have twins in the NICU and an elder on hospice and when I come up for air, let’s catch up.”
If you’re a partner, you need to be the change you want to have be the vibe of your firm.
I assumed based on “we all work together well” that nothing was amiss in terms of baseline relationship. Did I misinterpret OP?
I wouldn’t invite someone to lunch just because you are miffed they don’t say hi to you every day.
I am in a similar situation but in a three attorney firm. When I started here, the other female attorney in my office told me, unprompted, that she isn’t friends with her coworkers. She also keeps her door closed and on the off chance I need something from her, it is a toss up whether it will be a pleasant experience or not.
I used to work in a firm that was on the smaller side, and we had an open-door culture. I worked between the reception desk and the kitchen. I developed blinders on who was coming and going, and people had to actively say hello to me for me to look up from my computer. Even then, I rarely returned more than a cursory “good morning” unless someone stopped at my office and initiated a conversation. It was truly the only way to stay in any type of workflow.
I was actually quite happy to chat if someone came and started a conversation with me, but I wasn’t going to interrupt my work multiple times per day just to exchange pleasantries. It’s so hard to get back to work once I’m interrupted!
This was my interpretation; if she keeps the door closed, it sounds like she is the kind of person who benefits from uninterrupted focus, and she’s probably not saying “hi” because she’s still in that headspace until interrupted. It’s not a slight or a personal thing or frosty in this scenario.
I agree with this. It’s great to be the warm, friendly person, but if someone else wants to focus on their work and isn’t going out of their way to greet you every day, just let them do their thing.
I would keep saying hello, being as warm and pleasant to her as everybody else, and other than that let it go.
As for why it annoys you, who knows? Maybe it’s because it’s next door, maybe it’s because you would have loved to have a female ally as partner and feel sad about the loss, maybe it’s a light form of internalised expectation that a woman should be friendly, maybe it sets of a tiny insecurity, maybe you’re conflict avoidant and it feels like rejection, maybe you’re an excellent networker and extrovert and genuinely feel puzzled by why anybody might not want to chat!
She’s not a golden retriever; she doesn’t owe you a cheerful daily greeting. It was absolutely not the norm at my last firm to say hello to everyone every morning. We’re all adults and we all have work to do.
Does she arrive before you? Personally I say hi when I arrive and that’s it. Late comers don’t get a hi because I’m focused on work.
Yes, let it go.
And why do you expect to be close because she’s a woman?
OP didn’t say she was expecting to be close.
how comfortable are you with apps where your financial institutions connect to something like Simplifi or Monarch? my friend was saying he hates those and doesn’t trust htme.
We opt out.
+1
No thank you, will definitely not use.
I don’t know what either of those are, but I opt out of and shut off all connectors that are not mandatory for a task I am doing. That data sharing and access isn’t altruistic.
I opt out and won’t even leave Venmo connected to my bank account after a transaction goes through.
Getting a new car question: What is the upside of a hatchback vs. a sedan? I’ve never had a hatchback.
You can fit more stuff back there with easy seat lie-down. They’re much more practical for outdoorsy lifestyles. There’s also usually better headroom for the rear seat passengers.
Would you ever want to carry large things in your trunk? I.e. dogs, bicycles, tools/materials, camping kit, groceries for 6 mos, etc? If so, get a hatchback.
Passenger row = A
Rear trunk = B
In sedan, you get A and B for storage, but often only a small pass through for the length of A+B, possibly for something narrow like skis, but not something bigger, like many rubbermaid tubs or a cooler.
In a hatchback, you can put down the seatback and get the full length of A+B for larger items, like a kitchen table with the legs taken off.
Cargo space and versatility
Much more flexible use of the interior space than in a sedan.
I am old enough to remember when 60/40 split folding rear seats came into play and that was amazing for being able to lug stuff around without borrowing a pickup truck. Hatchbacks take that optionality up another notch.
Another point to keep in mind: items in the hatchback are visible to other passengers and to people peeping in off the street. Sneaking presents home from work gets a lot harder.
My almost 11 year old has underarm hair. She’s very fair with black hair. She hasn’t said anything about it, but i don’t want her to get teased. Do I stay silent until she approaches me? Or do I teach her to shave it? Anyone have experience with this?
You stay silent until she approaches you. Don’t give her something to be self-conscious about. Society will do enough of that.
idk, when I was that age I didn’t want to ask my mom and tried using tweezers to pull the hairs out…
I would recommend putting it out there as an option – “Hey, when I was around your age I wanted to start shaving my armpits, let me know if/when you want to as well. And it’s fine if you decide you never want to, but I just wanted to make sure I could get you the stuff you need if/when you do want to.”
do you have the american girl books the care and keeping of you? they have some pages on hair growth and options.
Would stay silent for now.
If you have somewhere that you keep extra toiletries (that she knows where is) stock some extra pads and tampons of differnt sizes, razors, shower gel, shampoo, deodorant, toilet paper etc. for the whole family. Open any multipacks and remove plastic as routine. If she wants to experiment, there’s some easily available to sneak, and if she asks you, there’s some easily available for you to give.
When I was that age, I snuck into my parent’s bathroom and shaved with their razor. I was too embarrassed to talk about it with my parents but felt ashamed about my hair. I would have been relieved if my mom had said, “Here’s a razor and shaving cream you can use if you want. I’m happy to explain if you’re interested.”
This.
Co-sign
Let her know she can come to you if she ever has questions about her body or how to take care of it, whether it’s hair, periods, acne, bras, hips, whatever.
My own kid had dark underarm hair that she preferred to keep natural (and she is now an adult). Her peer group wasn’t in to shaving the way my peer group was at that age.
I would just ask her if she would like to remove it, while assuring her either option is fine. I don’t understand the hesitation on this board to broach the subject. The reality is that female underarm hair is not the beauty norm in American society, and it’s a disservice to wait for the daughter to get teased or embarrassed before discussing the topic with her.
Does she shave her legs/have you offered to teach her to shave more generally?
I get the concern about making her self conscious, but fwiw, I remember being that age and just… not realizing most women shaved their armpits and all of a sudden mine needed it too. Fortunately I had slightly older cousins to point it out! But it truly wasn’t an “oh, I don’t want to shave my pits and am opting out” thing; it was a “I’ve heard about shaving your legs and I said yes when my mom offered to buy me razors and show me, but I didn’t know armpits were a thing”. So I’d say something, and let it go if she’s not interested.
Stay silent until she approaches you.
is anyone else seriously concerned that by the time we retire in 10 years there’s going to be societal collapse/WWIII and no matter how much you have saved you’re still going to be hurting? i can’t tell if it’s normal retirement fear or just hysteria about this moment in time.
I’m definitely concerned. 10 years ago when we first got a financial advisor, I told him not to factor Social Security into our retirement planning. It’s going to get worse than that IMO.
Can someone who understands meds and pharmacy benefit managers tell me if I can ever fill a 90-day ADHD Rx for Ritalin? Or by mail? Or if it has to be 30-day in person and show an ID (so no delivery option)?
Ditto for sleep meds (zolpidem).
Trying to manage meds for a kid and an elder.
I’ve seen a 90 day Concerta (Ritalin, but extended release) Rx but believe it required special insurance company authorization and was for specific circumstances (a long distance move, covering the time to get set up with a new doctor in the new location).
I wonder if it was still three separate thirty day prescriptions.
Last I checked, controlled substances are every 30 days in-person show an ID.
Call the insurers and ask their policies. They may allow 90 days by mail when they only allow 30 days in person. Every plan is frustratingly different.
I thought this was federal DEA policy, not insurer policy.
Ugh stopppppp
On the subject of zolpidem refills, it shouldn’t be coming up more than once since it’s only approved for short term use (max around six weeks).
The answers are going to depend on a combination of federal and state law, and insurance provider policies. And possibly on the prescribing doctor’s willingness to issue and document the need for the 90-day supply.
There is no one overarching rule that applies to all drugs in all states under all insurance policies.
What do I make with pisco? I was just given a bottle by a lovely neighbor. Help!
Pisco sour is the obvious choice.
Anything where you’d use a great tequila might work.
Pisco sour, very cold pisco sour
a super easy option is pisco mixed with coca cola with ice. Tastes like a jack and coke and a mainstay everyday drink in Chile. you could also do a pisco sour if you want to get fancy and if want to have fun, you could compare between Peruvian or Chilean versions.
why do I draw such a blank on things like this? I need to name a leader I admire and wish I could have a conversation with and its like everything evaporated from my head
Think about history, and movements that spoke to you. That’ll help.
Elizabeth I
I can’t really share with anyone in real life but with the recent market gains, I hit $1 million in my retirement accounts for the first time!