Coffee Break: Wool Coat

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1. On the morning thread someone mentioned reading Brittney Griner’s memoir. Would you recommend it?

   1. I’m only about a third of the way through, but yes, I would recommend it. It so far not only details her experience being arrested and imprisoned in Russia (interesting enough), but also has flashbacks to her childhood where she was victimized for being gay, Black, tall, and just different all around. There is one scene she describes where her father found out she was gay. It was heartbreaking to read.

      1. OP here. Thanks. I will check it out.

2. Hi all, am a recent (3 year old) immigrant to US on a work visa and while i love my job, am learning that i have been leaving a lot of “perks” that seems obvious to other people on the table: examples include not knowing about HSA/FSA or that i could essentially “reimburse” for sunscreens or nutritionists? I have a very small (1 person) HR and work in a small company, so open to tips or other obvious things I may be missing. I admit that I have found it very hard to navigate what is covered and what isnt by my insurance and haven thad the time to keep calling them. If it helps, my key purpose here is to not leave $$ unutilized just because I dont know something, as my compensation is not very high. All thoughts/tips and resources helpful!

   1. if you have a very small office you may not have a lot of the bigger perks that people talk about here like HSA/FSA — and those would probably be something you opt into in November for the New Year.

   2. HSA = health savings account offered in connection with high deductible health plans; biggest tax advantage as it doesn’t expire and can grow tax-free
      FSA = savings account offered in connection with other health plans; this is an annual “use or lose” bucket

      your employer may also offer other tax-advantage accounts like dependent care, tr-nsportation, or other – you’d need to look through your benefits to see what’s offered.

      I am not sure if 401k retirement accounts are available to you, but some companies will match contributions to that – contributing less than the maximum ‘match’ value is leaving money on the table.

   3. HR usually has some kind of list/documentation of benefits, like your company offers health insurance + 401k + tuition reimbursement + HSA + that random gym membership subsidy they forgot about, etc, that should give you the big picture of what all is available

      Unfortunately, fighting out what is actually covered by your health insurance is… impossible (and not HR’s job). As a first step, ask for the plan documentation. But that is going to be a lot of calling the health insurance, reading medical bills when they come in, calling doctor’s offices, etc. It is a lot, sorry

   4. I find that Nerdwallet has good overview articles about various financial concepts and products, including insurance. I’ve linked to their page on HSAs and FSAs. And even for Americans, navigating health insurance can be labyrinthine and frustrating!

      https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/health/employer-offers-hsa-fsa-whats-difference

   5. US insurance is a labyrinth. I’m a 15 year immigrant and still can barely manage and feel every year like I leave money on the table. My company has a zillion benefits and I feel like I don’t take advantage of them all because it’s a lot of work like a part time job.
      Ask your HR or someone else to walk you through the benefits. HSAs are great and much better than FSAs to deal with since the money doesn’t expire.

      1. Honestly, as a lifelong resident with two parents in the insurance industry and a best friend who is specifically a benefits administrator….it’s still a labyrinth. It’s not really a system, per se, but a set of multiple overlapping and conflicting systems.

         My best advice is not only to ask lots of questions, but to check back from year to year. Packages change and rules change, and often they’re not very well communicated.

   6. Please talk to your HR first. Benefits vary by job, so it’s always the right place to start. Many small companies do not offer HSAs or FSAs. Also, cost-sharing with insurance and what is and isn’t covered will depend on how your company contracted for coverage and may depend on whether the physician or hospital is in the network that participates with the plan. HR can often steer you to a health plan rep who can help explain how the insurance works.

      Big companies tend to offer more benefits (things like pet insurance, parking reimbursement, or education reimbursement). But how any of these benefits work will depend on how the company set up the program. (So asking a neighbor how much her employer reimburses for parking is meaningless. And one person may get a parking reimbursement while another won’t.)

      Some employers offer pensions or to match some of your money in a 401K retirement account. Other companies won’t offer any sort of retirement plan.

3. When do you think being mid-day tired is a problem? i’ve noticed I’m just exhausted by 3pm most days. I could take a full on nap right now.

   1. How’s your sleep, protein intake, and any recent bloodwork?

      Any chance of pregnancy? (I assume you’d know, but that comes with a 100% chance of 3 pm naps for me!)

   2. Can you get outside for a walk in the early afternoon? Are you eating too much or too little for lunch? Generally just not getting enough sleep?

   3. Dehydration always makes me exhausted. Can you try upping your water intake?

   4. My metabolism tanks around 2pm-3pm every day. It has done this for as much of my life as I can remember. Eating a well-balanced, healthy lunch (instead of a heavy, greasy meal), going for a short walk to breathe some fresh air or refill my water, and getting regular exercise help mitigate this for me.

      1. Generally, most people’s rhythms tank about 8 hours after they get up, hence the mid-afternoon slump.

      2. My former secretary used to laugh at me because I came out of my office every single day complaining about being tired, always within 5 minutes of 3 pm. I usually didn’t even realize what time it was. I would take a walk around the office and grab a snack and diet coke. Then I’d do some low energy work, and I’d get a second wind by 4.

   5. just had bloodwork and all fine. some days i definitely notice i’m exhausted and then remember i haven’t eaten much (tirzepatide). i usually have had at least 32 oz of water by this time, ideally more like 64. i eat high protein — today’s lunch was a pasta dish with beans and meat and like 45 grams protein.

      1. That’s something I’ve thought about with the weight loss drugs – how can you get in enough calories for energy if you’re feeling full really quickly or not getting hunger signals? I eat a lot (and am overweight), but I feel like I need it to be active every day.

         1. I think food should go a little farther if it’s being used for energy and not getting stored as fat (which is what happens when we’re losing weight). We should actually feel more energy when burning fat because we have plenty of it vs. relying entirely on meals!

            But any low calorie diet can make it harder to get micronutrients, so hopefully it’s possible to work with a dietician to ensure nutritional adequacy? Otherwise I’d start to feel off from needing essential nutrients.

            1. That doesn’t make any sense. When you reduce caloric intake your body tries to conserve energy to avoid raiding fat stores, your metabolism slows, and you have less energy. Even if you have plenty of fat, your body is programmed to hang onto it.

            2. 3:52 PM, that’s the kind of starvation diet that leads to weight loss that’s difficult to achieve and difficult to maintain. The body doesn’t always try to conserve energy. This is one reason why calorie cutting can be an unsustainable approach, especially if it’s low fat.

               I always feel incredible when I’m losing weight because I honestly only lose weight when my metabolism is up and I’m burning fat. Otherwise my metabolism just slows down and I don’t actually lose any weight assuming I’m eating enough to function as a person at all.

            3. To the poster who feels incredible when losing weight, I think that’s great, but it isn’t the norm. A lot of people have weight loss as a goal and fall off the wagon as soon as they feel discomfort. This is fine, listening to one’s body is great, but feeling sluggish during weight loss can be incredibly normal, so want to be sure people understand that there’s a full spectrum of experience if that’s something they are trying to pursue.

               I lost 50 pounds last year and it did not feel incredible when going through it. But having maintained the weight loss, it feels great *now*.

         2. There’s usually a loss of energy during weight loss for just this reason. Losing weight, generally, feels crappy. If it’s a focus you just have to power through and accept that you will feel “meh.”

   6. For me, that midday exhaustion is often triggered to what I eat. Too much sugar, caffeine, carbs in the first half of the day makes me crash around 3:00. I do better if I limit breakfast and lunch to protein and fiber – so for me, eggs for breakfast and salad with protein for lunch.

   7. I am always tired at 2:30pm. Always. I walk outside if the weather is okay, get a snack, chit chat, and feel better by 3pm.

   8. It’s a reaction to lunch, for me. Digesting lunch makes me feel like a nap. I’ve been this way my entire adult life and haven’t died yet.

   9. The perk of working from home is I can take snooze when it hits. Then I get a cup of coffee or green tea and I am ready to go again until dinner.

4. Aritzia also has a fabulous selection of very nice winter coats, if you are on the hunt.

5. Now that we’re 2/3 of the way through the year: Best book you’ve read in 2024? Best movie/tv show you’ve consumed? (Doesn’t have to have been made this year, just looking for what you’ve consumed and loved so far this year).

   1. Best book is James by Percival Everett by a mile!

   2. Best book – The Ministry of Time.

      Best show – The Bear, The Last of Us, Fellow Travelers.

      1. I liked the Ministry of Time but didn’t feel like it lived up to all of the hype. I read a lot of scifi and this struck me as a watered down literary version of scifi for people who don’t like scifi. I probably would have liked it better if it was more of a pure literary fiction novel and the impetus of ‘a stranger comes to town’ was different.

         1. I don’t like sci-fi and that’s exactly why I liked it, lol.

            1. That’s fair! I would have liked WAY more information on the ministry itself and the other timey-wimey shenanigans.

   3. For books, a tie between The Idiot and Margo’s Got Money Troubles.

      1. I’m really interested in seeing the TV adaptation of Margot’s got Money Troubles!

   4. Best book is probably a tie between Tom Lake and Happiness Falls. Tom Lake was an easier and more ‘fun’ read, Happiness Falls resonated deeply with me as a mom with a kiddo on the spectrum.
      Best TV is probably the Olympics. I don’t watch a ton of TV (prefer to read in the evenings). Most fun film for me was probably The Fall Guy. I haven’t had a chance to see Inside Out 2 or Twisters yet, saving those for a rainy summer weekend day.

      1. Happiness Falls was heartbreaking but very good. I’ve thought about it a lot since I read it last year. The same author has another good book, Miracle Creek. Also with a focus on special needs children.

   5. Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez, Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier, and a very niche book written by my great-great aunt.

   6. Best books I read this year (and my count so far is 54) are the Rachel incident, Funny Story and Excavations!

      1. I just commented below but The Rachel Incident was my favorite book this year and Funny Story was great too. Will have to check out Excavations. Any other recs?

   7. Best books: Burma Sahib by Paul Theroux, Anita de Monte Laughs Last by Xochitl Gonzalez
      Best tv: Fellow Travelers, Slow Horses, Hacks, The Sympathizer, House of the Dragon, the Olympics and the Tour de France
      Best movies: I haven’t seen much that’s come out this year yet, so just a bunch of last year’s movies like Past Lives, Zone of Interest, and American Fiction

      1. Loved Zone of Interest. I need to remember to watch American Fiction. Have to bring myself to watch Past Lives, which I know I will like but think I might relate to a bit too much.

      2. I love Hacks!!! So good. I saw someone tweet “the only Vance I support” with a photo of Jean Smart as Deborah 😂

   8. “Best” book was probably James.
      But I’m a maximalist, so I had to choose one for each genre (and 2 mysteries).
      Best Contemporary Fiction: The Husbands by Holly Gramazio
      Best Romance: You Are Here by David Nichols
      Best Mystery: The Appeal by Janice Hallett, The Hunter by Tana French,
      Best Historical Fiction: The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon
      Best Sci Fi: A Rover’s Story by Jasmine Warga
      Best Fantasy: The Jasad Heir by Sara Hashem
      Best Nonfiction: Managing Expectations by Minnie Driver

      1. I *loved* The Appeal, and I haven’t seen anyone else talking about it! It’s a great book.

         1. Just put it on hold. Thanks both of you.

         2. As soon as I finished The Appeal, I started over and read the whole book again. I’ve never done that with any other book! I rarely re-read books even years later when I’ve completely forgotten what happened.

      2. Love everything by Tana French. The Hunter was very good, even if I do wish she’d return to the Dublin Murder Squad.

   9. Best TV this year is Interview with the Vampire. It’s coming to US Netflix later this year.

      1. Ooh, I’ll look forward to that! I’ve heard good things but I refuse to get another streaming service.

   10. Best book: The Rachel Incident.
       It’s been a really blah reading year for me so far. I’ve read 60 books and that’s the only one I gave five stars to. Usually I have 10-15 five star books per year.

       I don’t really watch TV unless reruns of Veep and Friends count. For movies I liked the Sydney Sweeney/Glen Powell rom com. I know it got critically panned but I thought it was cute!

       1. I feel the same way about books this year. A lot of the books I had high hopes for were only okay, and I’ve read a number of books I really didn’t like much at all, which has led to me reading less than I normally do as I slogged through books I didn’t hate quite enough to quit but didn’t really want to read all the time either. I’ve finished 70 for the year so far and only a handful have really stuck with me in a good way- I think there are more that I remember for how disappointed I was with them, which is not normal for me!

   11. I’m watching Lost You Forever right now and hoping it will live up to its first season. We also had a lot of fun going back and finally watching Person of Interest.

       I’m kind of sad that I think I haven’t liked any of the books I’ve read this year so far? Time to visit the library again I guess!

   12. I tend to read books for entertainment, so my choices are fluffier than others. Favorites so far this year are:
       “The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy” by Megan Bannen and sequel “The Undermining of Twyla and Frank”
       “The Paris Novel” by Ruth Reichl
       “Bride” by Ali Hazelwood
       “Mindful of Murder” by Susan Juby

   13. We’re not, but we will be in 30 days.

       1. Oh, thank god you corrected my math. It was critical to this question.

   14. Best TV show: Baby Reindeer (Netflix), although it’s very dark and trigger warnings abound.

       Lighter fare: Somebody Somewhere, a super-warm, snuggly, cozy, feel-good show about the Mid-west that is not sugary or cheesy in the least. I *love* this show. (HBO Max)

       Best Book: Horror and very much not for everyone: Those Across the River by Christopher Buehlman. I was rolling around on the floor agonized at how good this writing was. It was painfully beautiful. As one example, the main character is researching his inherited plantation which is called “La Boudeuse” or “The Pouting House”. That name is so sticky, perfect, and unusual, and that’s just *one* aspect of the writing.

       Lighter fare: (kind of) Wolf at the Table by Adam Rapp. This is an incredible work. It’s both literal and allegorical, about “The American Experience” -it follows one day per chapter over decades for a large family and their encounters with the darker side of American nature and society, mixed with incredible beauty and charm and just the joy of day to day living. How this author got me to care about his characters in just a few sentences…it’s magical.

   15. Best book was the non-fiction “Challenger” by Adam Higginbotham. Super interesting rendition of the Challenger disaster, which I remember from when I was in college.

6. What skincare products or treatments do you use, and why? I always use Vitamin C serum but realized I don’t know why.

   I like Good Genes for the acid exfoliation but don’t do much other than trentinoin. Never had a facial or Botox.

   1. Daily I use Vitamin C and sunblock in the AM (with a moisturizer in the winter). Evening I double cleanse, use a retinol (differin), a serum (NIOD Copper Amino Isolate) and then a heavier moisturizer (varies – Vanicream, Cosrx or Elemis depending on my skin’s needs).
      Treatments – Botox 3x/year, trying lasers and liking the results so far.

   2. I’m 50 and the only thing I regularly use is on my face is Stridex pads and Clearasil. I tried expensive wipes with glycolic acid earlier this year and ended up burning my skin, so I’ve also been using a mask and serum with vitamin C to try to clear up dark marks that resulted, and I am finally seeing some results, whether from the products or just the passage of time. I have also started to use Retin A and a vitamin C lotion on my hands because I have some sun damage from never using sunscreen. That’s it.

   3. I just use a basic cleanser and moisturizer with hyaluronic acid. I use an spf for day time. I got some cute hats that I wear now that I’m 40 and am getting serious about sun.
      I have had several facials and find they’re not worth the money. I’ve had botox and it was great but expensive, and the thought of going from plumped up to much more wrinkled bothers me so I’ve decided to age gracefully. I may get an eyelid lift soon though because my lids are quite droopy.

   4. AM: splash water on my face; vitamin c serum (to brighten skin & fix/prevent dark spots); moisturizer with spf

      PM: wash face with a simple cleanser (I like Cerave); retinol serum (for wrinkles; I use Roc); hyaluronic acid moisturizer.

      Never had Botox; have had a facial or two in my life for bridal party spa days. I’m 48 & my skin is pretty hood, mostly for having started regular spf in my 20s

   5. I use which ever Olay cleanser and moisturizer are on sale. Right now my cleanser is something with vitamins on the label and the moisturizer has a blue label and peptides. I use Elta MD sunblock on my face, neck,chest, and hands because it’s the only one I’ve found that doesn’t make my skin crawl.

   6. I highly recommend Fenty Skin Instant Reset Brightening Overnight Recovery Gel-Cream with Niacinamide + Kalahari Melon Oil (what a name!) I’ve tried other things and they just don’t compare. I live in a super dry high desert climate and my skin is mature, sensitive, and oily/prone to breakouts. This really does what it says–gives bouncy, fluffed up skin. It also comes in a refillable container although the process of getting just a refill seems to be a tad confusing.
      I also love the body “Butta Drop” body cream, it’s luxe and reminds me of the Body Shop Nut Butters from back in the day.

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